December 22, 2022 • 57 mins
We're STILL in between seasons, but we have another bonus banger for ya! Will, Daniela, and Jason hop on the mic to share some of Reddit's cringiest holiday tales. What a Christmahanukwanzakkah gift.
We'll be back with another amazing season in the new year, so give us a call us at (323) 741-1873 to share your stories!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Oh, hello fable babies, and welcome to a very special
holiday episode of Hashtag Storytime. I'm your host, will Figgy
Pudding mc fadden. Now, I don't know if you've noticed,
but everyone has gone AI crazy. I mean, my entire
Instagram feed has been nothing but computer generated headshots for
the past two weeks, and I thought maybe we could
(00:43):
get in on the action, so I let chat GPT
write the intro for this episode. Now, chat g BT
is a It's a text based artificial intelligence tool was
released by open Ai, and I asked it to write
me a quirky, sassy intro for the holiday episode of
a podcast. And here's what the robot chat out. Well, well, well,
(01:03):
it's that time of year again, folks. The holiday season
is upon us, and we just couldn't resist the opportunity
to wish all of our fabulous fans a very sassy
and joyful holiday. We hope you're all feeling the holiday
spirit and getting into the sassy holiday mood, whether you're
celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or any other winter holiday. We
(01:26):
hope that this time is filled with love, laughter, and
just the right amount of sass for you and your
loved ones. So go ahead and break out those sparkly
holiday outfits and let your sass shine bright. Here's to
us sassy and fabulous holiday season. Not bad Robot, although
(01:47):
I think it could have been sass here and now
enjoy some quality holiday Reddit stories with me, Jason and Daniela.
Happy holidays, Fable babies, and welcome to a special holiday
edition of hashtag Storytime. I'm back with the Fable family.
We've got Jason and Dan Yella, and we're going to
(02:07):
share some some some hot We're gonna dive deep into
some holiday trauma. Are you guys ready to unpack that? Yes?
Let's go all right first, before we dive into the
reddit stories. Uh, I just I just want to know
a little bit about your guys holiday traditions. Jason, you're Jewish? Guilty?
(02:33):
What is uh? Okay, let's restart. Jason, You're Jewish? Jewish?
Just so everyone knows Jason's Jewish. So I'm gonna have
to Yeah, I guess I'm talking about Christmas so much.
I love it. Okay, I got good Christmas? Well, Jason,
(02:55):
didn't you? I mean you you might have to do
a whole separate Storytime episode but did your dad own Christmas, uh,
like decoration stores or Christmas? He did. Yeah, so Christmas
as a as a Jewish boy, in a Jewish man,
Christmas has had a large presence in my life, and
(03:17):
so I've always really wanted to celebrate Christmas, but it
was the family business. So all of my Christmas memories
are really at stores in the Midwest setting up Christmas decorations.
I set up like not only the Nativity scene, but
the whole city of Bethlehem and all these figurines. So
(03:42):
it was a unique experience where not only did I
not get to celebrate, I had to plan the party
for everyone else basically, and then you didn't get to
reap the benefits. Yeah, because Honikah Hankah is great, but
Hanikah is just like the celebration of like a military operation.
It's it's kind of like a lesser Fourth of July,
(04:04):
where you know, a group of of militants took a
took a stand. So it's cool, but it's not really
like a gift giving type of thing. It's just it's
just that it lines up at the same time as Christmas.
So it's been kind of commercialized in in a similar
(04:25):
way exactly. So Christmas has a big place in my heart.
I hope to one day celebrate it non religiously but culturally. Danielle,
do you have any weird Christmas traditions, weird family, honest
traditions around the holidays. I like, when I used to
(04:47):
be in Catholic school, we would go to church. Um,
me go to Mass and my dad is a Buddhist. Yeah, weird,
this is my corkiest one. My dad's a Buddhist. So
we would go and then he would be in the
back and like not take the Eucharist and like we
were so ashamed when we were young. I'm like, Dan,
you're making me look weird. Dad to eat the body
(05:09):
of Christ. Dad with the far Yeah, I was like
drink the blood that he turned from wine to water.
And he was he was just there for the music,
he would say, and he would just be like, everyone's
a great singer. I'm like, that is the radio but
yeah it uh, I don't know he used to go
to church. I guess now we just like travel to
(05:31):
see family. So there were no Mad's of the Nativity set.
I guess I should also probably do a spoiler alert
if there are any children listening to this, parents, you
probably should take them away or to put them to
put them to bed, because there might be Santa spoilers
in here. Um so like his real identity yes, Tim
(05:55):
Allen and his location no, I will now that the
children aren't listening. I was going to ask, when when
did you find out that Santa was not real? About
thirty seconds ago? That hurt you made it twenty three
(06:17):
years believing. I think there's a new Netflix holiday rom
com that's about this woman who's dating a full grown
man who still believes in Santa genius. They'll make anything,
they will, and I will watch anything. Okay, I don't
really remember what age. I just remember that the same
(06:39):
wrapping that Santa had under the tree was in my bathroom,
Like my mom was getting sloppy about it. Yes, she
was getting a little messy. Um and that was rude
because you need to keep it in order. But it
definitely was elementary school. So maybe like second third, that's
(06:59):
all world, that's it's It's that I have nephews that
I write around that age, and I'm like, I gotta
be careful. Yeah, Jason, when did you what did you
think of Santa? And you know, did you believe? Yea,
what was your When I was in first grade, I
do remember coming back from school around you know, December,
(07:24):
before the holidays, and and just talking to my mom
about Santa and what all the kids believed because we
had already, you know, had the Christmas stores I've been
going to those. Santa was a huge figure. Um. I
don't remember ever wondering if he was real or not,
but I do remember in first grade coming back and
being like, all my friends believe in Santa, Like what
(07:47):
do I do? And I think my mom was like,
this is going to be our little secret, and don't
spoil it for everyone else, you know, something that they
don't know. And so I think for a kind of
the duration of my friends believing in Santa Claus, I
was always kind of like, yes, yeah, totally, that guy
(08:09):
did give you gifts, just kind of smirking to myself,
knowing that I had a little yeah, I had a
little secret with mommy about the non existence of Santa.
I love the idea of just like third grader Jason
being like, sure, oh yeah, I'm sure that fat man
(08:31):
peased down your chimney and brought you brought you presents
it may have created a whole personality. Yeah, it may
have created a whole personality. Um, I think I think
for me, I was I don't know how old I was.
I was in elementary school, but I remember parents got sloppy.
I remember getting a present and on the tag it
(08:52):
said from Santa, but the tag was a Toys r
Us tag and I like looked at it and was like,
Santa opposite toys r Us. And I think my older
brother James was like, Santa isn't real. Will figure it out.
The workshop ran out of toy trot to stop at Yeah,
(09:14):
he could have played it off. You could have been like, yeah,
he's just you know, sometimes he needs to pick up
some things and you know. But yeah, James just came
in with the cold heart truth. Was like brutal. You
needed Jason as an older brother like him. That's what
he does. Wank wank. We all have. We all have
(09:38):
very strong youngest sibling personalities. So that's true energy. Yeah, yeah,
we bring that that baby energy, that baby in the family.
Literally like at twenty far making my mom carry me
still if she could, she probably would. Um. Now, now
(09:59):
I want to ask the question of if you could
have anything, anything for for Christmas, for Hannukah this year?
What's the what's the one thing on the top of
the list for you? Danielle, what's what do you want
for Christmas? Um? A free nose job? Okay? Any surgeons
(10:21):
listening that want to do a sponsored deal? Danielle was
looking for hashtag story time for off about it, TikTok,
I will I will post and tag you um to
maybe get some hate comments. But no, Yeah, what would
I want? I don't know now, It's like not toys
(10:43):
and stuff. Maybe like a camera, a newer camera, or
a cat. What am I saying? I would like a kid? Okay,
kitty cat? There we go, kitty cat knows job kid?
Jeff Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's a good list. That's
a good list. All right. Jason, what about you? What
do you what do you want for the holidays? Truthfully?
(11:07):
I want to trip to Cabo Huh. That would be nice,
just four days all inclusive on the beach, drinking mescal.
I want that. And I also want like an oh
Led television that would be right, one of one of
(11:28):
the curved oh Led and that's a good one. Lastly,
I think I would like a belt, like a really
nice belt. Sometimes it's the simple things, you know, like nice. Yeah,
people hate on socks, but like if you gave me
(11:49):
some Bombas, some Bomba socks, it's amazing, Like love the
Bombas quality socks, you know, or like people are like,
don't get me underwear, but like a nice little pair
of thieves, I'm down. Thank you, m M. And anyone
else that will sponsor us para thieves or or or
what is the moisture wicking one me undy's the formal
(12:12):
version my underwear. My yes, um yeah, we'll take any sponsorship. Um, okay,
what let's see. What do I want? What I want
for Christmas? The thing you want is for the women
of Iran to have freedom. M that's a joke to
you that yeah, just kidding, just kidding. I want I
(12:34):
want a Bissell. Uh you know, I want a Bistle
carpet and upholstery vacuum cleaner. So Bissell. If you're listening,
that one's more doable Bissle and you're listening, suck. Um,
I'm gonna put a fat on us. Is that one thing? Still? Yeah?
(12:58):
People still to us? I mean sadly he did get
stabbed this year. Oh Yeah, that's right, that's right here
he's got the fot twel Um, this is a really
fun Christmas I don't know how we ended up on fotus. Okay, great,
(13:19):
let's jump into some Reddit stories I've got. I'm going
to kick it off with a classic am I the Asshole?
So I'm gonna read the story and then we shall vote.
(13:42):
We shall share our thoughts of whether or not the
original poster of this is an asshole or not. We
are kind of judge jury and asshole kuener. Alright, so
this is uh, this was posted. This is from this month,
so it's it's it's recent, supposed to by user four
(14:02):
and uh. The title of it is, am I the asshole?
For calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending
Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample. Um,
everybody's probably wondering what's a cookie sample? And why was
it rejected by her mother? Let me tell you why. Okay,
(14:24):
So the poster I'm assuming the poster is is a
is a male, but we shall see so for context.
For every holiday, my mother would ask the women in
the family my sister's sister in law, my wife, my
female cousins to send samples of the desserts they plan
to bring to the celebration for testing and to see
(14:46):
if these desserts could make it to the food menu.
My wife has been complaining about my mother deliberately rejecting
every dessert sample she sent so many times. My mother
has told her that she's being honest and keeping the
guests best int at heart. Yet my wife still thought
that my mother is deliberately excluding her since two of
her dessert samples were rejected before. Okay, for this year's Christmas,
(15:12):
my mother is doing the same thing, but this time
she told every woman who's participating to make a cookie
sample and send it to her for testing. My wife
took it as a challenge, and to be honest, she
worked really hard to make a good sample and send
it to my mother days ago, and the results just
came in yesterday. I came home from work and found
my wife upset. I asked what's wrong, and she told
(15:32):
me that my mother rejected the sample she sent and
decided to exclude her baking from the Foodless menu for
Christmas this year. I didn't know what to say, but
she told me that she was backing out of the
invitation to attend Christmas with the family. I was stunned
when I heard her make this statement. I tried to
talk her out, but she said it was done. I
called her unreasonable to decide to bail on the whole
(15:52):
family over some cookie sample. That's just freaking crazy and
quite unreasonable. We had a full on argument about it. Later.
I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking
is amazing and people have preferences, that's all. Am I
the asshole for insisting that her decision was unreasonable? Wow? Yeah,
so a lot to unpack their um thoughts is first thoughts,
(16:17):
is uh the mom Mary Barry from The Great British
Bake Off? I was gonna say, is his mom Gordon Ramsey?
What the fun? Yeah? Yeah? What is high stakes? Is it?
Cake episode? Um? That's not I could see this being
a fun thing if it was treated lightheartedly and not
(16:40):
so cutthroat. But it sounds uh like mom's psychical. But
also you could just say, you know, they're good, to
keep them on the side. Maybe don't make a couple
of dozen, you know, I don't think you can tell
someone to stop their passionate aking, you know, for the holidays,
(17:03):
like the holidays, they're they're all about It's all about
like inclusivity and like being together, and like this is
the exhaust opposite of that. Yeah, to make it into
some fucking cutthroat ship and of like and and I
am the judge jury of the cookie samples, like and
(17:27):
also why is it only the women? Why don't the
men make any I love making cookies. Yeah, what the fuck?
What happened to her? Do you think as a kid,
because this is a childhood trauma that is playing out
in holiday drenched him. I think at some point she
(17:47):
must have hosted a party and everybody brought stuff and
then somebody was like this is bad. This is all
this stuff is bad. And then she was like mortified
and be like I'll never have an unsampled party before
ever again. Geez, she's acting like this is like a wedding,
you know, when you have like cake testing before, Like
(18:10):
this is just mom paw around the fireplace, Like I
don't think anyone would be that offended if the snicker
doodle was bad. Like, also, can you really mess up
a cookie? Yeah? I mean yeah, if you use salt
instead of sugar, you can. Okay, Well, but I'm sure
like she spent a lot of time working on this recipe.
(18:31):
I'm sure she got it down and it tasted good. Yeah.
Well then part two, do you think that's unreasonable? Like
I think I would be like, all right, you don't
like the cookie, haha, make a joke about it, but
I'll see you at Christmas dinner. For her to just
pull out completely. Do you think that's unreasonable? I might say, yes,
(18:52):
that's a bit drastic. I you know, I have two suggestions.
One is the mom is an asshole, and that she
should instead of taste like testing everybody, everybody should bring
whatever cookies they want, and then she can have a
gold star or a blue ribbon for the best one
(19:14):
if she still wants to have this kind of like
weird competition part of it, but be like everyone brings
and then yeah, and we can vote. We can also
like people have different you know, preferences. Some people like
a soft, gooey some people like a crispy cookie. You know, like,
don't decide my cookie preference for me. Let go on
my cookie journey. Maybe the more the merrier. Yeah, you
(19:38):
never know who likes the weird ones or I don't know.
There's no need to completely remove a cookie that sounds
like a crime. And then my second suggestion for the
mom was, well, this is more for the sorry for
the wife is is still go, but bring some ross
(20:00):
asked cookies, some disaster cookies in a secret compartment and
replace the cookies that are out there that the mom made,
replace them with some just crusty, gross, salty ass. I
don't know what honestly tastes like pure putting telling tellers,
(20:25):
I would then to make a mockery of it. Um,
I would like show up every year to this cookie
contest competition with the worst sour dough, ol'tmeal, strawberry cookie,
upside down loafer cake, you know, to really scare them all. Yeah,
(20:46):
that sounds good to me. Also, though I do before
we vote, I just wanted to say that the wife
probably needs to have a little bit of thicker skin.
I'm so sorry mom was mean to you, But to
just like not go because you're scared, Yeah, you just
(21:12):
got to grow up a little bit. Yeah. Also, she's
taking it to a new level, like now there's now
there's war with with mother in law. Also, just don't
just don't play the game, like, don't play mom's game. Yes,
good one. Don't. She's she's you know, she is participating, right,
(21:34):
she is. She's willingly participating in this hunger games. Uh
you know that the mother is is m Is Flavious
Corbin Neu Tella Johnson of Districts five ive. But just
(21:56):
be just. I would just not participate, and then I
would show up and I would just I would shoot
on all of her cookies and I'd be like, these
are this, Yeah, these are too soft, too dry, be
a little Goldilocks with all the cookies. You're you're right,
But I wouldn't play her game. No, I'm like, if
she wants to be dramatic like that, then do it
(22:16):
the opposite way. Go to Christmas, get a marsk capone cookie.
Bite it. It's so dry you faint and cough and
you need time like remover, you know, like really commit
to the bit that you know she's just pulling out
too fast and it's a bit, it's a bit dramatic.
I will have an allergic reaction and an EpiPen episode
(22:38):
and the EpiPen exactly that'll show her. Just commit. Okay,
So there's an update at the bottom here and says
the guy. Original poster says, great. So I just got
off the phone with my brother and he told me
that his wife is doing the same thing as my
wife and that she has decided to back out of
the invitation to spend Christmas with the family as well.
(22:59):
Turns out, my wife I must have told her about
her decision and she decided to follow the lead. My
brother's pissed, saying, my wife is encouraging his wife to
do this. I see that the problem has gotten bigger now.
Who knows my younger sister might not join and has
decided to not go as well. I don't know how
this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll
have try to have a discussion with my mother about
(23:20):
this soon and see how it goes. So there was
a There was a follow up question to where somebody
asked which other cookies were denied, and the guy said,
my wife wasn't the only sample who has rejected. We
have sister in law, brother's wife and younger sister were
also rejected. From her own daughter. She rejected her own
(23:45):
This is now yeah, this is now just good enough,
Jessica turning into a sketch where Will Forte and Will
Arnett walk in with turtlenecks and say, mother, you've offended
my wife. You've offended my wife, and my wife won't
come and sister won't come either, and you need to
do something about this. Mother. Yes, mother, I would like
(24:09):
to suckle from the nipple though first before these boys
need this whole thing. Reeks of the mom being like,
no one's good enough for my beliefs. Yeah, mommy, that's insane. Also,
who passed the test then, mommy? Clearly without the whole family.
(24:33):
I think she picked her own and then maybe some
a cousin or two. Oh will I actually just got
an update on this story. Uh, the rehditor is Mike Pence.
Mike Pence was the redditor. Ah that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, wow,
it's all clear. Okay, let's vote original poster. Is the
(24:54):
original poster an asshole in this situation? Um, Danielle, what
do you think like the wife or you're saying him
not the wife, the husband, the man is the husband
saying that she's honestly, now that we've discussed it, yeah,
I think that he is being the asshole because his
(25:17):
mother and he's on understanding. It's just a weird setup
and I don't like it. There's just there's no need
for this. I will say he is he's being an asshole.
He is being an asshole. Jason, what do you think? Yeah,
I think he's being an asshole. I think his wife
should go. But I also think he should just speak
(25:40):
with his mother, let her know how unreasonable she's being.
And then I think his wife should get a little
thicker skin and just go and be the bigger person,
and he should not be so afraid of mother. To
two votes for asshole, I'm going to I'm gonna make
(26:01):
it unanimous that this guy is an asshole, although I
will say mom is the supreme asshole in this story.
But original poster yes, also an asshole for calling his
wife unreasonable and also just like making her participate in
this weird family hunger games uh and not finding a
way to to talk to his mom and and smooth
(26:26):
things out between the whole or just not just tell
her to stop this ceaseless criticizing and high you know,
steaks for everyone's desserts and just we just all get
together and eat some freaking cookies. Wow, I can't imagine
(26:47):
the process that goes into it. For like the main
entree apparently she only does it for the desserts though,
but so like, you can bring whatever you know Christy wants,
not the scones. Yeah, Jesus, that's so she draws the line.
I mean, as a sweet tooth lover, I might be
(27:09):
siding with the mother. Suddenly, Um, I got a story
actually that is. It's not an am I the asshole,
but it definitely involves an asshole that I would love
to share that. Let's take a quick break, and when
we come back, Jason is going to share a story
about a real holiday asshole. All right, we're back, all right, Jason,
(27:44):
I'm all yours. So this is also a holiday asshole? Uh?
The redditor is split Ender. This was twelve years ago. Also,
so different times. I really want an update. Yeah, at
different time. I mean Avatar had just come out. Avatar
too was just a twinkle in Jim Cameron's eyes. But
(28:06):
so split Ender says, how about one of my earliest
childhood memories waking up early Christmas morning and running downstairs
to find my parents passed out naked on the living
room floor, where they apparently had decided to have sex
after we all got back from a drunken Christmas Eve
at Grandma's house. I was horrified and crept back upstairs
(28:28):
to lay awake in my bed until I heard noises downstairs.
Slowly I went back downstairs. My mother was putting presents
under the tree. Thankfully, she put a rope back on.
In a raspy, hungover voice, she told me go back upstairs.
Santa hasn't finished yet. Sadly, that was not the last
time I saw my mother naked on Christmas. I think
(28:52):
Santa did finish. Yeah, that sounds like they were all
done there. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, split ender. Yeah,
that's went from Christmas to Halloween real quick. Um, that's
(29:12):
really spooky. I mean, I feel speechless just the trauma
that that kid. Because when you're coming down the stairs
Christmas morning, the amount of like joy anticipation, Yeah, it's
like that is the greatest feeling of That's like you're
(29:33):
about to jump out of a plane level of like
anticipation and excitement, you know what I mean. And then
to run downstairs and to see your parents just in
a sex puddle, sweaty, passed out, crusty sex. The word
of the episode is gonna be crusty, but it really
is crusty Christmas. The last thing that you want to
(29:57):
see on Christmas morning is, yeah, is your parents post coital?
Oh my god. And then going back upstairs and then
laying in bed and just staring at the clock and waiting.
(30:17):
That just ruins Christmas for the whole day. I think
I couldn't open a gift and be like looking at
whatever the same, like I would have to sit. Yeah,
I mean the holidays just ruined forever now, you know.
And also what the hell is going on? Like what's
going on at this Grandma's Christmas party? That everyone was
getting blast to me like non not probably took her
(30:40):
dentures out, like it's just Christmas eat, you know, like this,
uh sounds like a party. I wish I was invited to. Yeah,
this is like the drunken, crusty version of I saw
a mom kissing his Anta Claus. Yeah I was. I
was going through the you know, like probably what happened
with the parents? You know, it's like all right, like
(31:04):
Kevin's asleep, we should probably put the should probably put
the presents, grab the presents, put the presents under the tree.
But Mrs Claws is have you been working out? Oh
my god? I'm sure you can find the whole scene
(31:25):
on porn hub that's probably exists. And since since you
said Kevin, I'm now realizing this is the exact inverse
of Home Alone. This is home not alone, the nightmare
nightmare inverse of Yeah. Also another quality title for this
(31:47):
is Nightmare before Christmas. Yeah, there we go. Absolutely, Oh
my god, go back upstairs. Honey hasn't come yet. Oh
my goodness, Literally and figuratively, I would just take my
(32:08):
stocking and go to the neighbor's house. Calidday get adopted
like it would be over. Yeah. Yeah, Christmas is not
like traditionally a sexual holiday. It doesn't seem like. But
at the same time, I was thinking when I was
reading this, how everyone's like sexually attracted to the Grinch
(32:29):
now and this is like the story manifestation of that. Yeah,
like the this is the Grinch in different form. Yeah,
I mean, look when nothing gets the juices flowing, like,
you know, like a bottle of egg nog and some
figgy pudding. Yeah, did they even bite the cookies and
(32:52):
like take a chomp of the carrots? For the cookies
were everywhere? You know, stockings. Mom was wearing Santa loves
him so much. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know
about that. I would be deeply, deeply unwell, yeah, traumatized.
I guess that also revealed that Santa is his mother, correct,
(33:16):
like he the mom like killed two dreams in one.
Oh yeah, that's also probably how they found out how
Santa wasn't. What a brutal way to deliver that truth bomb. Yeah,
this poor kid. But it's noon. It's a New Year's Eve. Mother, Um,
(33:45):
that is insane. Yeahs um, alright, great. I actually have
one more very quick am I the Asshole that kind
of relates to this one? Uh if I could share
before we jumped to Danielle. So I'm gonna thro all
this one in there really quick because I was such great.
It's just such a great quick story. Okay, So this one,
(34:08):
this am I the Asshole, is from a supposted by
user oh mom uh, and they wrote, my husband's family
likes to drink. Every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine
slash cocktails. I hate drinking. I've never drank. My father
was an alcoholic. I think it's childish and if you
(34:29):
can't have fun without drinking. This year, I'm hosting Christmas
for a change, and I decided, since it's at my house,
no alcohol allowed. We are all getting older and it's
time to grow up. My husband's sister called to ask
what she could bring. She saw a recipe for Christmas
martini that she wanted to bring. I told her about
my no alcohol rule. She didn't say much, but must
(34:51):
have told the rest of the family. Some of them
started texting me, asking if I was serious and saying
that is lame, but I'm not budging. Now. It turns
out my husband sister is hosting an alternate gathering, but
almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. It's so disrespectful,
all because they would they would have to spend one
day sober. My husband told me he talked to a
(35:12):
sister and we are invited to her gathering. She said
we should go and stop causing an issue, but I won't.
It's so rude. Now my husband is mad because I'm
making him stay home and spend Christmas with me. But
it was my turn to host, and I chose to
have a no alcohol day so they could have dealt
with it for one year. Wow. I think she's taking
(35:37):
it a little too far. I don't think you could
do it it's not even drying January, like it's the holidays.
If you don't want people to get that toasted, you know,
I don't know, make it only be beer. And also
if her family is getting like crazy wasted and slamming
through pong tables, like you know, that's another problem within itself.
(36:00):
Like and someone else is hosting and no one's going
to yours. That's just horrible. And the husband probably hates
his life. So oh my god, she is. Yes, the
bamboozling the party is so funny. The sister being like,
I'm just gonna throw my own party. Everybody's invited, and
everybody going, I'm going to that one. It's a little
(36:21):
it's pretty childish. I mean, I think it's fine to
host a party and just be like, hey, I'm not
providing alcohol, like I want to keep it a little
classier this year or whatever. Um, but feel free to
you know, bring anything you want to drink. That's fine.
But to say it's no alcohol party, you're you've been
(36:43):
a little much. This is the most both humble scrooge
Christmas I've ever heard of. Yeah, don't ruin it for
everybody else. Do you want to get a little tipsy.
Also this lady, it sounds like I need to drinks
to just hang out with this lady. Oh yeah, yeah,
maybe that's why no one wants to be sober around you. Look,
(37:06):
I understand that she's just realizing that her father was
an alcoholic and that runs in the family, and there's
you know, if she chooses not to drink, that's her choice,
Like totally, that's great. But to be so judgmental and
be like, you're all a bunch of children. You can't
be sober for one day? Cheese? Yeah too much? Yeah, hater, hater. Yeah,
(37:27):
I don't. I don't even know if we need a
vote on this one. I think it's pretty clear that yeah,
like good convictions. I respect it, but don't yeah, don't
hold others to your standards. It's pretty funny. In the comments,
there's some great ones of people just changing Christmas carols
to like boozy things like I'm dreaming of a what
(37:50):
Russian or all I want for Christmas is boom as
m Rudolph the Red Nose drunkard at a very hotty pot.
People only to go with caroling at her door with this. Seriously,
(38:13):
let's take a quick little break and won't come back,
and then Danielle is going to hit us with some
unpopular opinions around the holidays. All right, welcome back, all right, Daniella.
(38:35):
I am fired up for these unpopular opinions. I'm ready
to debate. So let's go alrighty, what is your most
unpopular Christmas opinion? Anonymous asked, let's start off with the
first one. In my opinion, the Snowman is creepy as
fuck and only understandable as a public service film about
(38:59):
strained your danger and I will not be told otherwise.
So Frosty, specifically Frosty Frosty, Yeah, Frosty. I think the
thing that you're bringing a lot of baggage. The thing
that's creepiest to me about Frosty is the is Frosty's mortality.
(39:20):
Like usually we don't are like our holiday characters don't
don't have like a built in death sentence. Yeah, born
and died like it has his expiration date. And yeah,
I think he's a little odd in the movie. He's definitely,
(39:41):
you know, a sore subject to look at, but it's
not not not the prettiest. Yeah, but I mean, hey,
he has Christmas charm um. Yeah, he's he's definitely like
just the most fragile of all of the holiday uh
you know character where it's just like, oh, you're you're
gonna die at any moment. Yeah, yeah, get out of
(40:05):
the sun or the movie ends early like that's we
want to eat your Yeah. Also he's a smoker. Why
why you know he's got his his pipe like and
no wonder he's melting. Yeah, he's a little stoner to die. Yeah,
(40:26):
what's that? What's that, Frosty? What are you smoking? Yeah?
Why are your eyes like that? Um? What's he? What
does what does he want? What is Frosty looking for? Like?
What's his goals? I don't just to not die? That
the whole thing, it's rough. That is a sad life. Yeah, alright.
(40:50):
Number two. Someone said Elf on the Shelf the worst
thing to ever be created. I don't know if it's
the worst thing. I I just I don't. I don't really.
Do you think it's like pointless? Did you ever? Well?
I feel like elphan the Shelf is relatively new, or
like I didn't have it as a kid, So it's
(41:11):
like parents spying on their kids, or like an elf
is spying and when the kids do good things. What happens, Well,
I don't know if it's like good bad. It's more
so like a game of hide and seek. So like
you have this felt, little wooden elf and then every
night the parent or people take turns and then you
(41:32):
hide it and make it do different things. So it's
like in the blender for sugar cookies, or I've seen
someone that it's like in a pile of snow and
like you know, elephant crazy last night, or you know
you can take it kind of anything. Yeah, it seems
like parents giving themselves a hard job every night just
(41:56):
for what reason. The joy of your children, ye, great reason,
but like get not worth it. Yeah, I definitely missed
the elf on the shelf years and it seems like,
I don't know, it's weird when they're new, uh, customs
added to holidays, Like I feel like on St. Patrick's
(42:21):
Day now kids make traps for lepri Cons like I
never was trying to trap apricas. Yeah, whoa, I think
that's like a new thing where it's like like you
build a leprechn trap on St. Patrick's Day? Perps? When
did that start? But it's all just commercialism, it's all
(42:42):
just trying to sell more ship. You know, I'm surprised
that Elf and the Shelf doesn't have a horror movie yet.
It feels like an episode of Chucky, like a holiday
episode where it's like Elf on the Shelf, like Chucky's
spirit goes into an Elf on the shelf. Someone commented
on then and said, I think Alf on the Shelf
is a creepy little bastard, and I think it is
just about social media. I hate him. And yeah, he's
(43:08):
kind of a stalker. He's a little crazy. Yeah, he's
a peeping tom. There's there's also one for he's a
peeping out. Yeah, he's on a men on the bench
on the bench. That's what it is. Yes, And that's
just it's anti semitic. I don't know how. I just
(43:32):
know that it is. It's just target semitic in some way.
They're like, it's got a rhyme. I don't know, put
him on a bench, okay. Um. Someone else says Christmas
carols are way better than Christmas songs. Try to prove
me wrong. Oh what is it? So we're going we're
(43:58):
saying silent night. I'm like, hard how the bell sweet
silver bells all seem to say through cares away that
that song is a bop. That's yeah, but she's claiming
this person is claiming that the carols so are silent
night are Um. I don't know which. I'm jolly jolly,
(44:28):
I know now it's better than the like Mariah Carey,
the Melancoli maka um. I don't know. I kind of
I kind of fun with some some carols me too,
now that we've really distinguished what's the carol or not?
(44:51):
I might be team Caroling. But also it's beginning the
look Chris's so job absolute banger. Yeah, I agree. Um, alright,
someone says this one is I'm not really sure because
I can see it being a good one or not.
I hate the movie The Polar Express. It is so boring.
(45:14):
I always fall asleep and what is the plot? Creepy
Eyes that was like early CG. That was like the
first one of the first, if not the first, fully
CG movies, and everybody just has dead eyes. It's just
the birth of the Uncanny Valley. They always referenced that
(45:35):
film with Uncanny Valley. I I think that it is
really long. It is a little snoozy, but it's just
like a good Christmas feel. But the c G I
is a little creepy. Everyone looks like they have a
(45:56):
lazy eye. Um. But it's like a comfort film for me. Yeah.
I mean I'll listen to Tom Hanks v O all
day long. Um. Someone said, kind of becoming a try
hard after he got COVID. He's active. He just how
(46:19):
many accents? Yeah? How many accents do we need to post? Elvis?
You're saying, yeah, and Geppetto and Pinocchio, and now he's
playing this grumpy guy named Auto. It's like, alright, Forrest Gump.
It worked because it's the South. All your other weird accents.
Take a break, Tom, I just want Tom to be
(46:42):
Tom again. Yeah you know, Um, let us get back
to Let's do Big two, right, Yeah Hanks's kid. Yeah,
call it little little, big little t um. Someone said,
(47:05):
let's settle this debate. Is die Hard a Christmas movie?
I think it is the most boring film ever. Whenever
someone brings it up, I just know that they've downloaded
their personality from Facebook or read it. What are you
having never seen die Hard? Die Hard is fantastic. It's
(47:26):
a fantastic action film, great performances all around. Yes, there's
Chris it takes place during Christmas. It is Christmas Eve.
There's uh ho now I have a machine gun? Ho
ho ho. That's the one of the lines in there.
I mean, Alan Rickman. Hans Gruber is one of the
greatest villains in an action movie of all time. Um,
(47:49):
so I didn't download my personality from Facebook. I appreciate
good quality action cinema. Yeah, I'm a behind you will.
I think though this this person brings up a good
point of people who are obsessed with that question. Is
it a Christmas movie? Is a little bit. It gives
(48:13):
me like coal from season three of Love is Blind energy,
where it's like on a date, I'm gonna be like,
what is your favorite dinosaur? Everyone must have a favorite dinosaur.
And it's like, Bro, if you are worrying about this
on a date or making this a big part of
your personality, something is wrong with you. You have a
(48:34):
hole in your in your in your life that girlfriend
is not going to fill. It's the same as people
who are like moist is my least favorite word. It's like, okay, yeah,
and did you really lose sleep over that? Yeah? Like that,
No vocab should be making you grow back hair Like
it's not true, But I mean, die Hard is a
(48:58):
fantastic film, Daniel, you should watch it this holiday season.
Half of the movie because Bruce willis just talking to
himself like this. He's just going like, way to go, John,
Like come out to California, John, It'll be fun, John. Yeah,
why have a good time? Why if you left? John?
Come on, John, what are you gonna do? It's just
him like talking to himself. Uh, it's fantastic. I can't
(49:20):
go around and what I'm gonna do next time? Though?
Someone asks me if I think Diehards a Christmas movie, though,
I'm gonna walk up to that person. I'm gonna give
them a hug, and I'm gonna say I notice you.
I notice you. You're being noticed. I see you are
special regardless. Yeah, you're enough. Just tell me about yourself.
(49:48):
That good I think everyone from now on, if anybody
gets it, there springs up the die Hard argument. Just
go embrace that person and let him know. Yeah, there's
no need I don't. Yes, Yes, it's a Christmas alright.
(50:08):
One more popular last one, how does your family do it?
Is Christmas? Gifts opened on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
We do Christmas Eve? Wait, was that the reheator saying
we do Christmas Eve or you Danielle, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(50:30):
The reheator said that, Okay, what do you do like
family gifts? It would be Eve and then if Santa
previously was more coming through, it would be day. But
we do more Eve now than day. Nonsense, total nonsense. Okay,
(50:54):
Christmas Day, Christmas Morning is where the presents. That's when
Santa comes on Christmas Eve in the night. You wake
up and you open all the presents. That stand to
Braun and I went to my girlfriend's house in South
Dakota a couple of years ago for their holidays and
Christmas Eve. They were like, let's open all the presents.
And I was like, why, what what are you guys doing.
(51:18):
You're doing it wrong. And they were just like, this
is how we do it. We open all presents on
Christmas Eve. And I was like, this is madness. This
is madness. Okay, not all, but majority I think e
like you know, from ants or grandparents and then like
my mom or my sister. I'll be like give it
(51:38):
to me Christmas Day so I can feel like a
kid again. Yeah, it's all about coming downstairs or whatever,
waking up and getting in your pj's and going to
the tree and then like just tearing open presents and
then having all day to play with them. And it's
all that waking up and downstairs finding your parents naked
(51:59):
next to the tree in a cuddle puddle of post
coital bliss, and being scarred for life and then hating
Christmas forever. Well, I would also bet that it says
a lot about the impulse control of your family, because
I would say families that open on Christmas Eve probably
(52:21):
are having a boozier Christmas, and families that can wait
are probably having a little bit more of a sober,
meaningful time. That's just my judgment I'm putting. Interesting, that's
my read. Fascinating, I know. I mean when I was
a kid, my parents would be like, we're not opening
presents until eight am. And I would wake up at
(52:46):
am and I would sit there and I would stare
at the clock and I would watch the minutes go
by until eight o'clock. Run into my parents room. Yeah
it's time. I have a type. I'd be first up,
wake up my sister, then the family, and then my sister.
(53:07):
Like even recently, not recently, but maybe less than six
years seven, like I still will be waking up pretty
early because it's just how it's done. And she often
was like chill or not like young like that anymore.
We don't have to be up at six like you
clearly have let the Christmas fear die. Yeah, we were,
(53:31):
you know. I used to obviously live at my parents
house when I was a child and also sometimes as
an adult. But now we have Christmas Eve dinner and
then we all go back to our respective homes and
then Christmas morning we drive back to our parents house
and I'll have Christmas together. Weird, weird. I forgot to
mention this earlier, and my weird family customs. My mom
(53:53):
always makes corned beef hash and poached eggs on Christmas
Morning and it's wonderful. And now I just that sounds like,
let me some corn corn be fashion poch eggs. I'm
excited for that meal on Christmas Day. But I feel
bad for for my nephews now because they got to
like sit in a car ride and wait. And also
I don't know how they're Like Santa goes to like
(54:16):
Miami and pep Yeah, so how does he know? I
don't know. He's a tricksy one that Santa Claus Well,
I think we I think we covered a lot of
ground here. Um, I think we we've drawn some lines
in the sand in terms of some popular opinions. We've
(54:37):
we've we've learned about some asshole parents and uh, you know,
booze grinches. Um. I feel crusty. This is a real
crusty episode. UM, I don't what did we learn? What
did we learn this episode? What's one one takeaway that
we can share with the audience? Um, now her have
(55:01):
a cookie contest. Um, no matter how low or die
hard movie fanatic you are, there's no need to put
people's taste buds at steak for that. Um, And don't
get too drunk, or if you do, at least make
it upstairs. Yeah, Jason, want to do that. I learned
(55:23):
that just people need help. People need to just like
hash stuff out. So I would say, like on December
or out as far in advance as you need before Christmas,
like call up your family members and just kind of
talk to them and let them know you're all on
(55:46):
the same page and you just want to spend time
together because that can probably save a lot of heartache. Yeah. Yeah,
My main takeaway is if you're going to bone under
the tree on Christmas and set an alarm and get
your ship together before the kids come downstairs, you filthy animals. Well,
(56:13):
happy holidays everyone, Marry Chris Mahana Kwansica. I hope you
all have a wonderful new year. We'll be back next
year with a brand new season of hashtag Storytime, so
make sure to like subscribe and leave us a review. Also,
if you want to call in and tell us one
of your holiday nightmare stories, you can do that. Jason
(56:35):
hit him with the phone number that would be three
to three hang on and yeah, it's called the called
the Storytime Hotline. We love hearing your guys stories. Um,
thank you so much for listening, and have a happy holidays.
(57:00):
M thanks for listening to Hashtag Storytime Season four. We'll
be coming at you early next year, and we've got
some really top notch guests like Adam Pally Right or
Strong and Lucky Yates. So make sure you subscribe so
you don't miss a single episode. If you love Reddit
stories like these, make sure you follow us on I
G and TikTok links in the description. Finally, I'd just
(57:20):
like to say how grateful. I am for each and
every one of you Fable babies out there listening and sharing.
I hope you all have a magical holiday season filled
with love, laughter, and his few interactions with assholes as possible.
Hashtag Storytime is produced by I Heart Radio and Curativity,
hosted by Will McFadden. Produced by Jason Shapiro, Jordan Elijah Michael,
Daniel La Mora, and Will McFadden. Original music by Scott Simmons.
Oh, hello fable babies, and welcome to a very special
holiday episode of Hashtag Storytime. I'm your host, will Figgy
Pudding mc fadden. Now, I don't know if you've noticed,
but everyone has gone AI crazy. I mean, my entire
Instagram feed has been nothing but computer generated headshots for
the past two weeks, and I thought maybe we could
(00:43):
get in on the action, so I let chat GPT
write the intro for this episode. Now, chat g BT
is a It's a text based artificial intelligence tool was
released by open Ai, and I asked it to write
me a quirky, sassy intro for the holiday episode of
a podcast. And here's what the robot chat out. Well, well, well,
(01:03):
it's that time of year again, folks. The holiday season
is upon us, and we just couldn't resist the opportunity
to wish all of our fabulous fans a very sassy
and joyful holiday. We hope you're all feeling the holiday
spirit and getting into the sassy holiday mood, whether you're
celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or any other winter holiday. We
(01:26):
hope that this time is filled with love, laughter, and
just the right amount of sass for you and your
loved ones. So go ahead and break out those sparkly
holiday outfits and let your sass shine bright. Here's to
us sassy and fabulous holiday season. Not bad Robot, although
(01:47):
I think it could have been sass here and now
enjoy some quality holiday Reddit stories with me, Jason and Daniela.
Happy holidays, Fable babies, and welcome to a special holiday
edition of hashtag Storytime. I'm back with the Fable family.
We've got Jason and Dan Yella, and we're going to
(02:07):
share some some some hot We're gonna dive deep into
some holiday trauma. Are you guys ready to unpack that? Yes?
Let's go all right first, before we dive into the
reddit stories. Uh, I just I just want to know
a little bit about your guys holiday traditions. Jason, you're Jewish? Guilty?
(02:33):
What is uh? Okay, let's restart. Jason, You're Jewish? Jewish?
Just so everyone knows Jason's Jewish. So I'm gonna have
to Yeah, I guess I'm talking about Christmas so much.
I love it. Okay, I got good Christmas? Well, Jason,
(02:55):
didn't you? I mean you you might have to do
a whole separate Storytime episode but did your dad own Christmas, uh,
like decoration stores or Christmas? He did. Yeah, so Christmas
as a as a Jewish boy, in a Jewish man,
Christmas has had a large presence in my life, and
(03:17):
so I've always really wanted to celebrate Christmas, but it
was the family business. So all of my Christmas memories
are really at stores in the Midwest setting up Christmas decorations.
I set up like not only the Nativity scene, but
the whole city of Bethlehem and all these figurines. So
(03:42):
it was a unique experience where not only did I
not get to celebrate, I had to plan the party
for everyone else basically, and then you didn't get to
reap the benefits. Yeah, because Honikah Hankah is great, but
Hanikah is just like the celebration of like a military operation.
It's it's kind of like a lesser Fourth of July,
(04:04):
where you know, a group of of militants took a
took a stand. So it's cool, but it's not really
like a gift giving type of thing. It's just it's
just that it lines up at the same time as Christmas.
So it's been kind of commercialized in in a similar
(04:25):
way exactly. So Christmas has a big place in my heart.
I hope to one day celebrate it non religiously but culturally. Danielle,
do you have any weird Christmas traditions, weird family, honest
traditions around the holidays. I like, when I used to
(04:47):
be in Catholic school, we would go to church. Um,
me go to Mass and my dad is a Buddhist. Yeah, weird,
this is my corkiest one. My dad's a Buddhist. So
we would go and then he would be in the
back and like not take the Eucharist and like we
were so ashamed when we were young. I'm like, Dan,
you're making me look weird. Dad to eat the body
(05:09):
of Christ. Dad with the far Yeah, I was like
drink the blood that he turned from wine to water.
And he was he was just there for the music,
he would say, and he would just be like, everyone's
a great singer. I'm like, that is the radio but
yeah it uh, I don't know he used to go
to church. I guess now we just like travel to
(05:31):
see family. So there were no Mad's of the Nativity set.
I guess I should also probably do a spoiler alert
if there are any children listening to this, parents, you
probably should take them away or to put them to
put them to bed, because there might be Santa spoilers
in here. Um so like his real identity yes, Tim
(05:55):
Allen and his location no, I will now that the
children aren't listening. I was going to ask, when when
did you find out that Santa was not real? About
thirty seconds ago? That hurt you made it twenty three
(06:17):
years believing. I think there's a new Netflix holiday rom
com that's about this woman who's dating a full grown
man who still believes in Santa genius. They'll make anything,
they will, and I will watch anything. Okay, I don't
really remember what age. I just remember that the same
(06:39):
wrapping that Santa had under the tree was in my bathroom,
Like my mom was getting sloppy about it. Yes, she
was getting a little messy. Um and that was rude
because you need to keep it in order. But it
definitely was elementary school. So maybe like second third, that's
(06:59):
all world, that's it's It's that I have nephews that
I write around that age, and I'm like, I gotta
be careful. Yeah, Jason, when did you what did you
think of Santa? And you know, did you believe? Yea,
what was your When I was in first grade, I
do remember coming back from school around you know, December,
(07:24):
before the holidays, and and just talking to my mom
about Santa and what all the kids believed because we
had already, you know, had the Christmas stores I've been
going to those. Santa was a huge figure. Um. I
don't remember ever wondering if he was real or not,
but I do remember in first grade coming back and
being like, all my friends believe in Santa, Like what
(07:47):
do I do? And I think my mom was like,
this is going to be our little secret, and don't
spoil it for everyone else, you know, something that they
don't know. And so I think for a kind of
the duration of my friends believing in Santa Claus, I
was always kind of like, yes, yeah, totally, that guy
(08:09):
did give you gifts, just kind of smirking to myself,
knowing that I had a little yeah, I had a
little secret with mommy about the non existence of Santa.
I love the idea of just like third grader Jason
being like, sure, oh yeah, I'm sure that fat man
(08:31):
peased down your chimney and brought you brought you presents
it may have created a whole personality. Yeah, it may
have created a whole personality. Um, I think I think
for me, I was I don't know how old I was.
I was in elementary school, but I remember parents got sloppy.
I remember getting a present and on the tag it
(08:52):
said from Santa, but the tag was a Toys r
Us tag and I like looked at it and was like,
Santa opposite toys r Us. And I think my older
brother James was like, Santa isn't real. Will figure it out.
The workshop ran out of toy trot to stop at Yeah,
(09:14):
he could have played it off. You could have been like, yeah,
he's just you know, sometimes he needs to pick up
some things and you know. But yeah, James just came
in with the cold heart truth. Was like brutal. You
needed Jason as an older brother like him. That's what
he does. Wank wank. We all have. We all have
(09:38):
very strong youngest sibling personalities. So that's true energy. Yeah, yeah,
we bring that that baby energy, that baby in the family.
Literally like at twenty far making my mom carry me
still if she could, she probably would. Um. Now, now
(09:59):
I want to ask the question of if you could
have anything, anything for for Christmas, for Hannukah this year?
What's the what's the one thing on the top of
the list for you? Danielle, what's what do you want
for Christmas? Um? A free nose job? Okay? Any surgeons
(10:21):
listening that want to do a sponsored deal? Danielle was
looking for hashtag story time for off about it, TikTok,
I will I will post and tag you um to
maybe get some hate comments. But no, Yeah, what would
I want? I don't know now, It's like not toys
(10:43):
and stuff. Maybe like a camera, a newer camera, or
a cat. What am I saying? I would like a kid? Okay,
kitty cat? There we go, kitty cat knows job kid?
Jeff Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's a good list. That's
a good list. All right. Jason, what about you? What
do you what do you want for the holidays? Truthfully?
(11:07):
I want to trip to Cabo Huh. That would be nice,
just four days all inclusive on the beach, drinking mescal.
I want that. And I also want like an oh
Led television that would be right, one of one of
(11:28):
the curved oh Led and that's a good one. Lastly,
I think I would like a belt, like a really
nice belt. Sometimes it's the simple things, you know, like nice. Yeah,
people hate on socks, but like if you gave me
(11:49):
some Bombas, some Bomba socks, it's amazing, Like love the
Bombas quality socks, you know, or like people are like,
don't get me underwear, but like a nice little pair
of thieves, I'm down. Thank you, m M. And anyone
else that will sponsor us para thieves or or or
what is the moisture wicking one me undy's the formal
(12:12):
version my underwear. My yes, um yeah, we'll take any sponsorship. Um, okay,
what let's see. What do I want? What I want
for Christmas? The thing you want is for the women
of Iran to have freedom. M that's a joke to
you that yeah, just kidding, just kidding. I want I
(12:34):
want a Bissell. Uh you know, I want a Bistle
carpet and upholstery vacuum cleaner. So Bissell. If you're listening,
that one's more doable Bissle and you're listening, suck. Um,
I'm gonna put a fat on us. Is that one thing? Still? Yeah?
(12:58):
People still to us? I mean sadly he did get
stabbed this year. Oh Yeah, that's right, that's right here
he's got the fot twel Um, this is a really
fun Christmas I don't know how we ended up on fotus. Okay, great,
(13:19):
let's jump into some Reddit stories I've got. I'm going
to kick it off with a classic am I the Asshole?
So I'm gonna read the story and then we shall vote.
(13:42):
We shall share our thoughts of whether or not the
original poster of this is an asshole or not. We
are kind of judge jury and asshole kuener. Alright, so
this is uh, this was posted. This is from this month,
so it's it's it's recent, supposed to by user four
(14:02):
and uh. The title of it is, am I the asshole?
For calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending
Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample. Um,
everybody's probably wondering what's a cookie sample? And why was
it rejected by her mother? Let me tell you why. Okay,
(14:24):
So the poster I'm assuming the poster is is a
is a male, but we shall see so for context.
For every holiday, my mother would ask the women in
the family my sister's sister in law, my wife, my
female cousins to send samples of the desserts they plan
to bring to the celebration for testing and to see
(14:46):
if these desserts could make it to the food menu.
My wife has been complaining about my mother deliberately rejecting
every dessert sample she sent so many times. My mother
has told her that she's being honest and keeping the
guests best int at heart. Yet my wife still thought
that my mother is deliberately excluding her since two of
her dessert samples were rejected before. Okay, for this year's Christmas,
(15:12):
my mother is doing the same thing, but this time
she told every woman who's participating to make a cookie
sample and send it to her for testing. My wife
took it as a challenge, and to be honest, she
worked really hard to make a good sample and send
it to my mother days ago, and the results just
came in yesterday. I came home from work and found
my wife upset. I asked what's wrong, and she told
(15:32):
me that my mother rejected the sample she sent and
decided to exclude her baking from the Foodless menu for
Christmas this year. I didn't know what to say, but
she told me that she was backing out of the
invitation to attend Christmas with the family. I was stunned
when I heard her make this statement. I tried to
talk her out, but she said it was done. I
called her unreasonable to decide to bail on the whole
(15:52):
family over some cookie sample. That's just freaking crazy and
quite unreasonable. We had a full on argument about it. Later.
I heard her cry despite telling her that her baking
is amazing and people have preferences, that's all. Am I
the asshole for insisting that her decision was unreasonable? Wow? Yeah,
so a lot to unpack their um thoughts is first thoughts,
(16:17):
is uh the mom Mary Barry from The Great British
Bake Off? I was gonna say, is his mom Gordon Ramsey?
What the fun? Yeah? Yeah? What is high stakes? Is it?
Cake episode? Um? That's not I could see this being
a fun thing if it was treated lightheartedly and not
(16:40):
so cutthroat. But it sounds uh like mom's psychical. But
also you could just say, you know, they're good, to
keep them on the side. Maybe don't make a couple
of dozen, you know, I don't think you can tell
someone to stop their passionate aking, you know, for the holidays,
(17:03):
like the holidays, they're they're all about It's all about
like inclusivity and like being together, and like this is
the exhaust opposite of that. Yeah, to make it into
some fucking cutthroat ship and of like and and I
am the judge jury of the cookie samples, like and
(17:27):
also why is it only the women? Why don't the
men make any I love making cookies. Yeah, what the fuck?
What happened to her? Do you think as a kid,
because this is a childhood trauma that is playing out
in holiday drenched him. I think at some point she
(17:47):
must have hosted a party and everybody brought stuff and
then somebody was like this is bad. This is all
this stuff is bad. And then she was like mortified
and be like I'll never have an unsampled party before
ever again. Geez, she's acting like this is like a wedding,
you know, when you have like cake testing before, Like
(18:10):
this is just mom paw around the fireplace, Like I
don't think anyone would be that offended if the snicker
doodle was bad. Like, also, can you really mess up
a cookie? Yeah? I mean yeah, if you use salt
instead of sugar, you can. Okay, Well, but I'm sure
like she spent a lot of time working on this recipe.
(18:31):
I'm sure she got it down and it tasted good. Yeah.
Well then part two, do you think that's unreasonable? Like
I think I would be like, all right, you don't
like the cookie, haha, make a joke about it, but
I'll see you at Christmas dinner. For her to just
pull out completely. Do you think that's unreasonable? I might say, yes,
(18:52):
that's a bit drastic. I you know, I have two suggestions.
One is the mom is an asshole, and that she
should instead of taste like testing everybody, everybody should bring
whatever cookies they want, and then she can have a
gold star or a blue ribbon for the best one
(19:14):
if she still wants to have this kind of like
weird competition part of it, but be like everyone brings
and then yeah, and we can vote. We can also
like people have different you know, preferences. Some people like
a soft, gooey some people like a crispy cookie. You know, like,
don't decide my cookie preference for me. Let go on
my cookie journey. Maybe the more the merrier. Yeah, you
(19:38):
never know who likes the weird ones or I don't know.
There's no need to completely remove a cookie that sounds
like a crime. And then my second suggestion for the
mom was, well, this is more for the sorry for
the wife is is still go, but bring some ross
(20:00):
asked cookies, some disaster cookies in a secret compartment and
replace the cookies that are out there that the mom made,
replace them with some just crusty, gross, salty ass. I
don't know what honestly tastes like pure putting telling tellers,
(20:25):
I would then to make a mockery of it. Um,
I would like show up every year to this cookie
contest competition with the worst sour dough, ol'tmeal, strawberry cookie,
upside down loafer cake, you know, to really scare them all. Yeah,
(20:46):
that sounds good to me. Also, though I do before
we vote, I just wanted to say that the wife
probably needs to have a little bit of thicker skin.
I'm so sorry mom was mean to you, But to
just like not go because you're scared, Yeah, you just
(21:12):
got to grow up a little bit. Yeah. Also, she's
taking it to a new level, like now there's now
there's war with with mother in law. Also, just don't
just don't play the game, like, don't play mom's game. Yes,
good one. Don't. She's she's you know, she is participating, right,
(21:34):
she is. She's willingly participating in this hunger games. Uh
you know that the mother is is m Is Flavious
Corbin Neu Tella Johnson of Districts five ive. But just
(21:56):
be just. I would just not participate, and then I
would show up and I would just I would shoot
on all of her cookies and I'd be like, these
are this, Yeah, these are too soft, too dry, be
a little Goldilocks with all the cookies. You're you're right,
But I wouldn't play her game. No, I'm like, if
she wants to be dramatic like that, then do it
(22:16):
the opposite way. Go to Christmas, get a marsk capone cookie.
Bite it. It's so dry you faint and cough and
you need time like remover, you know, like really commit
to the bit that you know she's just pulling out
too fast and it's a bit, it's a bit dramatic.
I will have an allergic reaction and an EpiPen episode
(22:38):
and the EpiPen exactly that'll show her. Just commit. Okay,
So there's an update at the bottom here and says
the guy. Original poster says, great. So I just got
off the phone with my brother and he told me
that his wife is doing the same thing as my
wife and that she has decided to back out of
the invitation to spend Christmas with the family as well.
(22:59):
Turns out, my wife I must have told her about
her decision and she decided to follow the lead. My
brother's pissed, saying, my wife is encouraging his wife to
do this. I see that the problem has gotten bigger now.
Who knows my younger sister might not join and has
decided to not go as well. I don't know how
this got out of control so quickly. I guess we'll
have try to have a discussion with my mother about
(23:20):
this soon and see how it goes. So there was
a There was a follow up question to where somebody
asked which other cookies were denied, and the guy said,
my wife wasn't the only sample who has rejected. We
have sister in law, brother's wife and younger sister were
also rejected. From her own daughter. She rejected her own
(23:45):
This is now yeah, this is now just good enough,
Jessica turning into a sketch where Will Forte and Will
Arnett walk in with turtlenecks and say, mother, you've offended
my wife. You've offended my wife, and my wife won't
come and sister won't come either, and you need to
do something about this. Mother. Yes, mother, I would like
(24:09):
to suckle from the nipple though first before these boys
need this whole thing. Reeks of the mom being like,
no one's good enough for my beliefs. Yeah, mommy, that's insane. Also,
who passed the test then, mommy? Clearly without the whole family.
(24:33):
I think she picked her own and then maybe some
a cousin or two. Oh will I actually just got
an update on this story. Uh, the rehditor is Mike Pence.
Mike Pence was the redditor. Ah that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, wow,
it's all clear. Okay, let's vote original poster. Is the
(24:54):
original poster an asshole in this situation? Um, Danielle, what
do you think like the wife or you're saying him
not the wife, the husband, the man is the husband
saying that she's honestly, now that we've discussed it, yeah,
I think that he is being the asshole because his
(25:17):
mother and he's on understanding. It's just a weird setup
and I don't like it. There's just there's no need
for this. I will say he is he's being an asshole.
He is being an asshole. Jason, what do you think? Yeah,
I think he's being an asshole. I think his wife
should go. But I also think he should just speak
(25:40):
with his mother, let her know how unreasonable she's being.
And then I think his wife should get a little
thicker skin and just go and be the bigger person,
and he should not be so afraid of mother. To
two votes for asshole, I'm going to I'm gonna make
(26:01):
it unanimous that this guy is an asshole, although I
will say mom is the supreme asshole in this story.
But original poster yes, also an asshole for calling his
wife unreasonable and also just like making her participate in
this weird family hunger games uh and not finding a
way to to talk to his mom and and smooth
(26:26):
things out between the whole or just not just tell
her to stop this ceaseless criticizing and high you know,
steaks for everyone's desserts and just we just all get
together and eat some freaking cookies. Wow, I can't imagine
(26:47):
the process that goes into it. For like the main
entree apparently she only does it for the desserts though,
but so like, you can bring whatever you know Christy wants,
not the scones. Yeah, Jesus, that's so she draws the line.
I mean, as a sweet tooth lover, I might be
(27:09):
siding with the mother. Suddenly, Um, I got a story
actually that is. It's not an am I the asshole,
but it definitely involves an asshole that I would love
to share that. Let's take a quick break, and when
we come back, Jason is going to share a story
about a real holiday asshole. All right, we're back, all right, Jason,
(27:44):
I'm all yours. So this is also a holiday asshole? Uh?
The redditor is split Ender. This was twelve years ago. Also,
so different times. I really want an update. Yeah, at
different time. I mean Avatar had just come out. Avatar
too was just a twinkle in Jim Cameron's eyes. But
(28:06):
so split Ender says, how about one of my earliest
childhood memories waking up early Christmas morning and running downstairs
to find my parents passed out naked on the living
room floor, where they apparently had decided to have sex
after we all got back from a drunken Christmas Eve
at Grandma's house. I was horrified and crept back upstairs
(28:28):
to lay awake in my bed until I heard noises downstairs.
Slowly I went back downstairs. My mother was putting presents
under the tree. Thankfully, she put a rope back on.
In a raspy, hungover voice, she told me go back upstairs.
Santa hasn't finished yet. Sadly, that was not the last
time I saw my mother naked on Christmas. I think
(28:52):
Santa did finish. Yeah, that sounds like they were all
done there. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, split ender. Yeah,
that's went from Christmas to Halloween real quick. Um, that's
(29:12):
really spooky. I mean, I feel speechless just the trauma
that that kid. Because when you're coming down the stairs
Christmas morning, the amount of like joy anticipation, Yeah, it's
like that is the greatest feeling of That's like you're
(29:33):
about to jump out of a plane level of like
anticipation and excitement, you know what I mean. And then
to run downstairs and to see your parents just in
a sex puddle, sweaty, passed out, crusty sex. The word
of the episode is gonna be crusty, but it really
is crusty Christmas. The last thing that you want to
(29:57):
see on Christmas morning is, yeah, is your parents post coital?
Oh my god. And then going back upstairs and then
laying in bed and just staring at the clock and waiting.
(30:17):
That just ruins Christmas for the whole day. I think
I couldn't open a gift and be like looking at
whatever the same, like I would have to sit. Yeah,
I mean the holidays just ruined forever now, you know.
And also what the hell is going on? Like what's
going on at this Grandma's Christmas party? That everyone was
getting blast to me like non not probably took her
(30:40):
dentures out, like it's just Christmas eat, you know, like this,
uh sounds like a party. I wish I was invited to. Yeah,
this is like the drunken, crusty version of I saw
a mom kissing his Anta Claus. Yeah I was. I
was going through the you know, like probably what happened
with the parents? You know, it's like all right, like
(31:04):
Kevin's asleep, we should probably put the should probably put
the presents, grab the presents, put the presents under the tree.
But Mrs Claws is have you been working out? Oh
my god? I'm sure you can find the whole scene
(31:25):
on porn hub that's probably exists. And since since you
said Kevin, I'm now realizing this is the exact inverse
of Home Alone. This is home not alone, the nightmare
nightmare inverse of Yeah. Also another quality title for this
(31:47):
is Nightmare before Christmas. Yeah, there we go. Absolutely, Oh
my god, go back upstairs. Honey hasn't come yet. Oh
my goodness, Literally and figuratively, I would just take my
(32:08):
stocking and go to the neighbor's house. Calidday get adopted
like it would be over. Yeah. Yeah, Christmas is not
like traditionally a sexual holiday. It doesn't seem like. But
at the same time, I was thinking when I was
reading this, how everyone's like sexually attracted to the Grinch
(32:29):
now and this is like the story manifestation of that. Yeah,
like the this is the Grinch in different form. Yeah,
I mean, look when nothing gets the juices flowing, like,
you know, like a bottle of egg nog and some
figgy pudding. Yeah, did they even bite the cookies and
(32:52):
like take a chomp of the carrots? For the cookies
were everywhere? You know, stockings. Mom was wearing Santa loves
him so much. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know
about that. I would be deeply, deeply unwell, yeah, traumatized.
I guess that also revealed that Santa is his mother, correct,
(33:16):
like he the mom like killed two dreams in one.
Oh yeah, that's also probably how they found out how
Santa wasn't. What a brutal way to deliver that truth bomb. Yeah,
this poor kid. But it's noon. It's a New Year's Eve. Mother, Um,
(33:45):
that is insane. Yeahs um, alright, great. I actually have
one more very quick am I the Asshole that kind
of relates to this one? Uh if I could share
before we jumped to Danielle. So I'm gonna thro all
this one in there really quick because I was such great.
It's just such a great quick story. Okay, So this one,
(34:08):
this am I the Asshole, is from a supposted by
user oh mom uh, and they wrote, my husband's family
likes to drink. Every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine
slash cocktails. I hate drinking. I've never drank. My father
was an alcoholic. I think it's childish and if you
(34:29):
can't have fun without drinking. This year, I'm hosting Christmas
for a change, and I decided, since it's at my house,
no alcohol allowed. We are all getting older and it's
time to grow up. My husband's sister called to ask
what she could bring. She saw a recipe for Christmas
martini that she wanted to bring. I told her about
my no alcohol rule. She didn't say much, but must
(34:51):
have told the rest of the family. Some of them
started texting me, asking if I was serious and saying
that is lame, but I'm not budging. Now. It turns
out my husband sister is hosting an alternate gathering, but
almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. It's so disrespectful,
all because they would they would have to spend one
day sober. My husband told me he talked to a
(35:12):
sister and we are invited to her gathering. She said
we should go and stop causing an issue, but I won't.
It's so rude. Now my husband is mad because I'm
making him stay home and spend Christmas with me. But
it was my turn to host, and I chose to
have a no alcohol day so they could have dealt
with it for one year. Wow. I think she's taking
(35:37):
it a little too far. I don't think you could
do it it's not even drying January, like it's the holidays.
If you don't want people to get that toasted, you know,
I don't know, make it only be beer. And also
if her family is getting like crazy wasted and slamming
through pong tables, like you know, that's another problem within itself.
(36:00):
Like and someone else is hosting and no one's going
to yours. That's just horrible. And the husband probably hates
his life. So oh my god, she is. Yes, the
bamboozling the party is so funny. The sister being like,
I'm just gonna throw my own party. Everybody's invited, and
everybody going, I'm going to that one. It's a little
(36:21):
it's pretty childish. I mean, I think it's fine to
host a party and just be like, hey, I'm not
providing alcohol, like I want to keep it a little
classier this year or whatever. Um, but feel free to
you know, bring anything you want to drink. That's fine.
But to say it's no alcohol party, you're you've been
(36:43):
a little much. This is the most both humble scrooge
Christmas I've ever heard of. Yeah, don't ruin it for
everybody else. Do you want to get a little tipsy.
Also this lady, it sounds like I need to drinks
to just hang out with this lady. Oh yeah, yeah,
maybe that's why no one wants to be sober around you. Look,
(37:06):
I understand that she's just realizing that her father was
an alcoholic and that runs in the family, and there's
you know, if she chooses not to drink, that's her choice,
Like totally, that's great. But to be so judgmental and
be like, you're all a bunch of children. You can't
be sober for one day? Cheese? Yeah too much? Yeah, hater, hater. Yeah,
(37:27):
I don't. I don't even know if we need a
vote on this one. I think it's pretty clear that yeah,
like good convictions. I respect it, but don't yeah, don't
hold others to your standards. It's pretty funny. In the comments,
there's some great ones of people just changing Christmas carols
to like boozy things like I'm dreaming of a what
(37:50):
Russian or all I want for Christmas is boom as
m Rudolph the Red Nose drunkard at a very hotty pot.
People only to go with caroling at her door with this. Seriously,
(38:13):
let's take a quick little break and won't come back,
and then Danielle is going to hit us with some
unpopular opinions around the holidays. All right, welcome back, all right, Daniella.
(38:35):
I am fired up for these unpopular opinions. I'm ready
to debate. So let's go alrighty, what is your most
unpopular Christmas opinion? Anonymous asked, let's start off with the
first one. In my opinion, the Snowman is creepy as
fuck and only understandable as a public service film about
(38:59):
strained your danger and I will not be told otherwise.
So Frosty, specifically Frosty Frosty, Yeah, Frosty. I think the
thing that you're bringing a lot of baggage. The thing
that's creepiest to me about Frosty is the is Frosty's mortality.
(39:20):
Like usually we don't are like our holiday characters don't
don't have like a built in death sentence. Yeah, born
and died like it has his expiration date. And yeah,
I think he's a little odd in the movie. He's definitely,
(39:41):
you know, a sore subject to look at, but it's
not not not the prettiest. Yeah, but I mean, hey,
he has Christmas charm um. Yeah, he's he's definitely like
just the most fragile of all of the holiday uh
you know character where it's just like, oh, you're you're
gonna die at any moment. Yeah, yeah, get out of
(40:05):
the sun or the movie ends early like that's we
want to eat your Yeah. Also he's a smoker. Why
why you know he's got his his pipe like and
no wonder he's melting. Yeah, he's a little stoner to die. Yeah,
(40:26):
what's that? What's that, Frosty? What are you smoking? Yeah?
Why are your eyes like that? Um? What's he? What
does what does he want? What is Frosty looking for? Like?
What's his goals? I don't just to not die? That
the whole thing, it's rough. That is a sad life. Yeah, alright.
(40:50):
Number two. Someone said Elf on the Shelf the worst
thing to ever be created. I don't know if it's
the worst thing. I I just I don't. I don't really.
Do you think it's like pointless? Did you ever? Well?
I feel like elphan the Shelf is relatively new, or
like I didn't have it as a kid, So it's
(41:11):
like parents spying on their kids, or like an elf
is spying and when the kids do good things. What happens, Well,
I don't know if it's like good bad. It's more
so like a game of hide and seek. So like
you have this felt, little wooden elf and then every
night the parent or people take turns and then you
(41:32):
hide it and make it do different things. So it's
like in the blender for sugar cookies, or I've seen
someone that it's like in a pile of snow and
like you know, elephant crazy last night, or you know
you can take it kind of anything. Yeah, it seems
like parents giving themselves a hard job every night just
(41:56):
for what reason. The joy of your children, ye, great reason,
but like get not worth it. Yeah, I definitely missed
the elf on the shelf years and it seems like,
I don't know, it's weird when they're new, uh, customs
added to holidays, Like I feel like on St. Patrick's
(42:21):
Day now kids make traps for lepri Cons like I
never was trying to trap apricas. Yeah, whoa, I think
that's like a new thing where it's like like you
build a leprechn trap on St. Patrick's Day? Perps? When
did that start? But it's all just commercialism, it's all
(42:42):
just trying to sell more ship. You know, I'm surprised
that Elf and the Shelf doesn't have a horror movie yet.
It feels like an episode of Chucky, like a holiday
episode where it's like Elf on the Shelf, like Chucky's
spirit goes into an Elf on the shelf. Someone commented
on then and said, I think Alf on the Shelf
is a creepy little bastard, and I think it is
just about social media. I hate him. And yeah, he's
(43:08):
kind of a stalker. He's a little crazy. Yeah, he's
a peeping tom. There's there's also one for he's a
peeping out. Yeah, he's on a men on the bench
on the bench. That's what it is. Yes, And that's
just it's anti semitic. I don't know how. I just
(43:32):
know that it is. It's just target semitic in some way.
They're like, it's got a rhyme. I don't know, put
him on a bench, okay. Um. Someone else says Christmas
carols are way better than Christmas songs. Try to prove
me wrong. Oh what is it? So we're going we're
(43:58):
saying silent night. I'm like, hard how the bell sweet
silver bells all seem to say through cares away that
that song is a bop. That's yeah, but she's claiming
this person is claiming that the carols so are silent
night are Um. I don't know which. I'm jolly jolly,
(44:28):
I know now it's better than the like Mariah Carey,
the Melancoli maka um. I don't know. I kind of
I kind of fun with some some carols me too,
now that we've really distinguished what's the carol or not?
(44:51):
I might be team Caroling. But also it's beginning the
look Chris's so job absolute banger. Yeah, I agree. Um, alright,
someone says this one is I'm not really sure because
I can see it being a good one or not.
I hate the movie The Polar Express. It is so boring.
(45:14):
I always fall asleep and what is the plot? Creepy
Eyes that was like early CG. That was like the
first one of the first, if not the first, fully
CG movies, and everybody just has dead eyes. It's just
the birth of the Uncanny Valley. They always referenced that
(45:35):
film with Uncanny Valley. I I think that it is
really long. It is a little snoozy, but it's just
like a good Christmas feel. But the c G I
is a little creepy. Everyone looks like they have a
(45:56):
lazy eye. Um. But it's like a comfort film for me. Yeah.
I mean I'll listen to Tom Hanks v O all
day long. Um. Someone said, kind of becoming a try
hard after he got COVID. He's active. He just how
(46:19):
many accents? Yeah? How many accents do we need to post? Elvis?
You're saying, yeah, and Geppetto and Pinocchio, and now he's
playing this grumpy guy named Auto. It's like, alright, Forrest Gump.
It worked because it's the South. All your other weird accents.
Take a break, Tom, I just want Tom to be
(46:42):
Tom again. Yeah you know, Um, let us get back
to Let's do Big two, right, Yeah Hanks's kid. Yeah,
call it little little, big little t um. Someone said,
(47:05):
let's settle this debate. Is die Hard a Christmas movie?
I think it is the most boring film ever. Whenever
someone brings it up, I just know that they've downloaded
their personality from Facebook or read it. What are you
having never seen die Hard? Die Hard is fantastic. It's
(47:26):
a fantastic action film, great performances all around. Yes, there's
Chris it takes place during Christmas. It is Christmas Eve.
There's uh ho now I have a machine gun? Ho
ho ho. That's the one of the lines in there.
I mean, Alan Rickman. Hans Gruber is one of the
greatest villains in an action movie of all time. Um,
(47:49):
so I didn't download my personality from Facebook. I appreciate
good quality action cinema. Yeah, I'm a behind you will.
I think though this this person brings up a good
point of people who are obsessed with that question. Is
it a Christmas movie? Is a little bit. It gives
(48:13):
me like coal from season three of Love is Blind energy,
where it's like on a date, I'm gonna be like,
what is your favorite dinosaur? Everyone must have a favorite dinosaur.
And it's like, Bro, if you are worrying about this
on a date or making this a big part of
your personality, something is wrong with you. You have a
(48:34):
hole in your in your in your life that girlfriend
is not going to fill. It's the same as people
who are like moist is my least favorite word. It's like, okay, yeah,
and did you really lose sleep over that? Yeah? Like that,
No vocab should be making you grow back hair Like
it's not true, But I mean, die Hard is a
(48:58):
fantastic film, Daniel, you should watch it this holiday season.
Half of the movie because Bruce willis just talking to
himself like this. He's just going like, way to go, John,
Like come out to California, John, It'll be fun, John. Yeah,
why have a good time? Why if you left? John?
Come on, John, what are you gonna do? It's just
him like talking to himself. Uh, it's fantastic. I can't
(49:20):
go around and what I'm gonna do next time? Though?
Someone asks me if I think Diehards a Christmas movie, though,
I'm gonna walk up to that person. I'm gonna give
them a hug, and I'm gonna say I notice you.
I notice you. You're being noticed. I see you are
special regardless. Yeah, you're enough. Just tell me about yourself.
(49:48):
That good I think everyone from now on, if anybody
gets it, there springs up the die Hard argument. Just
go embrace that person and let him know. Yeah, there's
no need I don't. Yes, Yes, it's a Christmas alright.
(50:08):
One more popular last one, how does your family do it?
Is Christmas? Gifts opened on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
We do Christmas Eve? Wait, was that the reheator saying
we do Christmas Eve or you Danielle, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(50:30):
The reheator said that, Okay, what do you do like
family gifts? It would be Eve and then if Santa
previously was more coming through, it would be day. But
we do more Eve now than day. Nonsense, total nonsense. Okay,
(50:54):
Christmas Day, Christmas Morning is where the presents. That's when
Santa comes on Christmas Eve in the night. You wake
up and you open all the presents. That stand to
Braun and I went to my girlfriend's house in South
Dakota a couple of years ago for their holidays and
Christmas Eve. They were like, let's open all the presents.
And I was like, why, what what are you guys doing.
(51:18):
You're doing it wrong. And they were just like, this
is how we do it. We open all presents on
Christmas Eve. And I was like, this is madness. This
is madness. Okay, not all, but majority I think e
like you know, from ants or grandparents and then like
my mom or my sister. I'll be like give it
(51:38):
to me Christmas Day so I can feel like a
kid again. Yeah, it's all about coming downstairs or whatever,
waking up and getting in your pj's and going to
the tree and then like just tearing open presents and
then having all day to play with them. And it's
all that waking up and downstairs finding your parents naked
(51:59):
next to the tree in a cuddle puddle of post
coital bliss, and being scarred for life and then hating
Christmas forever. Well, I would also bet that it says
a lot about the impulse control of your family, because
I would say families that open on Christmas Eve probably
(52:21):
are having a boozier Christmas, and families that can wait
are probably having a little bit more of a sober,
meaningful time. That's just my judgment I'm putting. Interesting, that's
my read. Fascinating, I know. I mean when I was
a kid, my parents would be like, we're not opening
presents until eight am. And I would wake up at
(52:46):
am and I would sit there and I would stare
at the clock and I would watch the minutes go
by until eight o'clock. Run into my parents room. Yeah
it's time. I have a type. I'd be first up,
wake up my sister, then the family, and then my sister.
(53:07):
Like even recently, not recently, but maybe less than six
years seven, like I still will be waking up pretty
early because it's just how it's done. And she often
was like chill or not like young like that anymore.
We don't have to be up at six like you
clearly have let the Christmas fear die. Yeah, we were,
(53:31):
you know. I used to obviously live at my parents
house when I was a child and also sometimes as
an adult. But now we have Christmas Eve dinner and
then we all go back to our respective homes and
then Christmas morning we drive back to our parents house
and I'll have Christmas together. Weird, weird. I forgot to
mention this earlier, and my weird family customs. My mom
(53:53):
always makes corned beef hash and poached eggs on Christmas
Morning and it's wonderful. And now I just that sounds like,
let me some corn corn be fashion poch eggs. I'm
excited for that meal on Christmas Day. But I feel
bad for for my nephews now because they got to
like sit in a car ride and wait. And also
I don't know how they're Like Santa goes to like
(54:16):
Miami and pep Yeah, so how does he know? I
don't know. He's a tricksy one that Santa Claus Well,
I think we I think we covered a lot of
ground here. Um, I think we we've drawn some lines
in the sand in terms of some popular opinions. We've
(54:37):
we've we've learned about some asshole parents and uh, you know,
booze grinches. Um. I feel crusty. This is a real
crusty episode. UM, I don't what did we learn? What
did we learn this episode? What's one one takeaway that
we can share with the audience? Um, now her have
(55:01):
a cookie contest. Um, no matter how low or die
hard movie fanatic you are, there's no need to put
people's taste buds at steak for that. Um, And don't
get too drunk, or if you do, at least make
it upstairs. Yeah, Jason, want to do that. I learned
(55:23):
that just people need help. People need to just like
hash stuff out. So I would say, like on December
or out as far in advance as you need before Christmas,
like call up your family members and just kind of
talk to them and let them know you're all on
(55:46):
the same page and you just want to spend time
together because that can probably save a lot of heartache. Yeah. Yeah,
My main takeaway is if you're going to bone under
the tree on Christmas and set an alarm and get
your ship together before the kids come downstairs, you filthy animals. Well,
(56:13):
happy holidays everyone, Marry Chris Mahana Kwansica. I hope you
all have a wonderful new year. We'll be back next
year with a brand new season of hashtag Storytime, so
make sure to like subscribe and leave us a review. Also,
if you want to call in and tell us one
of your holiday nightmare stories, you can do that. Jason
(56:35):
hit him with the phone number that would be three
to three hang on and yeah, it's called the called
the Storytime Hotline. We love hearing your guys stories. Um,
thank you so much for listening, and have a happy holidays.
(57:00):
M thanks for listening to Hashtag Storytime Season four. We'll
be coming at you early next year, and we've got
some really top notch guests like Adam Pally Right or
Strong and Lucky Yates. So make sure you subscribe so
you don't miss a single episode. If you love Reddit
stories like these, make sure you follow us on I
G and TikTok links in the description. Finally, I'd just
(57:20):
like to say how grateful. I am for each and
every one of you Fable babies out there listening and sharing.
I hope you all have a magical holiday season filled
with love, laughter, and his few interactions with assholes as possible.
Hashtag Storytime is produced by I Heart Radio and Curativity,
hosted by Will McFadden. Produced by Jason Shapiro, Jordan Elijah Michael,
Daniel La Mora, and Will McFadden. Original music by Scott Simmons.
Host
Will McFadden
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