March 22, 2023 • 22 mins
Who's thirsty for some milk? This week on the pod, TikTok's Fever Dream Queen Savanah Moss shares a tale from the literal wilderness of the desert and the metaphorical wilderness of the dating world. It's crazy out there, fable babies.
Please take a moment to leave us a nice review and share #Storytime with your friends, and go check out more from Savanah on TikTok and Instagram!
NOTE: This was not written by a chatbot. A real human with flesh and bones is typing this out, but we do love A.I. so maybe next week we'll let them take the description for a spin.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm picturing a liger or like a griffin or something.
I think so really, yeah, they're bread for speed and power.
How do you know that? Look, I'm a big love.
I have a liger tattooed on my back. Oh my gosh.
(00:38):
Have you ever had a dream where you keep waking
up in the middle of it and you think it's over,
but it turns out you're still in a dream? You know?
It kind of feels like you're trying to beat a
level in a video game and you keep dying and
and and respawning, you know, and there's like a bunch
of teddy bears and clowns and random Starbucks employees violently
spinning around flinging milk with reckless abandon Or is that
(00:59):
just me? Maybe I need to pump the brakes on
the melotone and gummies, or probably need to stop watching
Savannah Moss's TikTok's Before Bed Now. Savannah is a twenty
two year old content creator from Phoenix, Arizona, who exploded
on TikTok a few years ago with her trippy fever
dream style content. She's got over ten and a half
million followers on the platform now. Savannah and I sat
down at VidCon last summer and she told me a
(01:21):
harrowing tale about wandering in the desert one night. I'm
Will Milk Spins McFadden, and this is hashtag Storytime, brought
to you by iHeartRadio. Okay, so the story takes place
in Arizona. Of course, that's where I'm from. Scary already,
I know, it's very scary. And this one was about
five years ago. Okay. So it was me and my
(01:42):
three friends and it was about midnight. Just for context, okay, yeah,
set the scene, paint the pictures. Okay. So super dark midnight,
Arizona in the summer. It's pretty hot, but not too
hot at night. Okay. So we decide to get my
friend's car and go kind of like explore wearing in
the desert ish area. There's lots of that in Arizona.
(02:04):
Sounds like a great idea already, Oh yes, just way.
So we drive to like this big open plane area
where there's like nothing right. Basically there's a big drop
off like a cliff yes, if you will, if you will,
a small cliff rum and it was like behind a Walmart,
(02:24):
but like it goes back really far, like you can
you can't even see the end of it. Yeah. Um,
so we decided to go like walk around, you know,
which is going on? Walk about? Yeah, with our flashlights,
you know, just just the four of us. So we
go out there and everything was fine. We made it
to the cliff, okay, and we're like looking at the
moon like everything was so awesome. Yeah, I bet it
(02:45):
was beautiful. Oh yeah, with the Walmart and the background
and then the moon and the plane. Yeah, well the
Walmart was kind of far. Yeah, and a little part
I missed was the do not enter signs? Oh yet
the front the whole trespassing right right right? Yeah, I
usually ignore those two, right, Yeah, I just didn't see them.
(03:06):
Sure that, Yeah, that's why do you tell the cops.
I didn't know that. I couldn't be here. I can't read. Yeah,
I am very dyslexic. Yeah. I thought it said come in,
please come in, you're well walk around food over there. Yeah.
But yeah, so when we made it to the cliff, um,
we it was kind of getting late. I mean it
(03:28):
was already late, but were we talking like it's midnight
or is this like two in the morning or where? No,
it's about like twelve thirty. Now all right, we weren't
out there for two twitching hour. Yes, um, So we
were out there and we wanted to head back, and
one of my friends was like, you know, let's turn
off our flashlights and try to make it back. Bold choice.
I think it would be a really good idea, right,
(03:50):
Let's make this harder and more dangerous. Yeah. So we did,
and it was pitch black except for like the moonlight,
of course, but you can't really see anything, right. So
we're walking back and all of a sudden, all of
us stop in our tracks, like because we heard a noise. Okay,
And when I tell you, this noise is these gariest
(04:12):
noise I've ever heard in my life. Okay, I'm not joking.
It was like like a dragon mixed with a lion.
I wish I could have recorded it, Honestly, I don't
even know how to describe it very well. But I
heard this noise. It was a beast of some sort, Yes,
a beast, a mythical or real beast? Like was this? No?
(04:34):
It was real? It was a real animal. Yeah, okay, cool, No,
you'll find out which animal it was, Okay, great, because
I'm picturing like, yeah, I'm picturing a liger or like
a griffin or something. Or liger is real, I think,
so really Yeah, they're bread for speed and power. How
do you know that? Look, I'm a big I love.
(04:58):
I have a liger tattooed on my back. Oh my gosh. Yeah,
they breathed lions and tigers together. I think bread for
speed and power. Yeah right, yeah, I want to get
that as a good tattoo anyway, I would be honored. Yes.
So we heard the noise and I thought it was
coming from someone's phone, right, I thought it was just
like a video or something. So I was like, stop
(05:19):
watching them, stop watching those liger videos. Come on. And
we're all like, no, like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me.
How to be you? Right? And then um, we turn
on our flashlights of course, and we're like looking around,
like scanning the area. There's like little sparse bushes here
and there. Yeah, and we didn't really see anything, but
the noise was coming from like right in front of us.
(05:40):
So one of my friends threw a rock at the bush.
Why I have no idea, right, but the animal started
to come out right and we saw its eyes. It
was a mountain lion. Oh god, it was a mountain lion.
And I didn't even know what animal that was at first,
Like I didn't, I didn't even know what it's like.
(06:00):
So I to look it up after I thought, you're
gonna say, so, I looked it up. Hold on, mountain lion,
what are you be? Still for a moment? Hey, Siri?
What is this sandimal? You know? I asked it its name,
and it just like what it starts talking, Hey, what
are you? I'm a mountain line. My name is Terry.
Terry dragons sound oh my gosh. But yeah, basically we
(06:25):
just started running back. I was going to ask, what
are you supposed to do? Because like certain animals, you're
like you're supposed to make yourself really big or like
bang on pots and pans. I think a bear you're
supposed to be, like whoa bear? Or you you play dead?
I saw a TikTok video this I don't even know what. Yeah, okay,
so grizzly bears apparently you go fetal position and just
(06:49):
play dead and just pray, just pray to whatever god
you believe it. That's only grizzly bears, not like other bears.
Mistake one and you're just like in a fetal position,
like I'm a black are, so you're doing it wrong.
Oh my gosh, you idiot. Yeah. I think cougars you're
probably like I feel like you're supposed to make yourself big.
(07:11):
I heard that too. Yeah, but mountain minds, I have
no idea. I mean, I think you're supposed to just
like not run cougars. You're supposed to buy them a
shot of tequila. And then, oh, I get it, I do.
I thought you were talking about real cougars. At first
I was, and then I was like, wait a second,
there's a there's a there's a double entendre here. I'm
(07:33):
gonna go for it. But yes, mountain lions. Sure, is
there a difference between a cougar and the mountain lion? Same?
Is it the same thing? We have Mason our our
wildlife expert. Yeah, he's like, if you run into an armadillo,
also just don't step on them. Okay, okay, So you
(07:55):
see the cougar, yes, the mountain lion, right, and you
guys all run in different directions or to you know, Honestly,
I wasn't even looking at them. I just kind of yeah,
you're like you're on your own, went for it, ran
as fast as I could in the direction I feel
like you're pretty fast too. Yeah, I would say I'm
speed red for speed and power, red for speed and comedy. Right,
(08:21):
I feel like I would be screwed because I feel
like you if I were in your group of friends.
And I mean it would be weird if like I
was walking around in the desert with teenage girls, So
it would be weird if I was there. But I
feel like you would all outpace me and I would
be last, like wait please and the go go god
without me. Oh god, it's it's staring me to pieces.
(08:46):
I bought her a shot of tequila. It's not working.
Oh no, that was the end of will. But yeah, basically,
we just ran as fast as we could back to
the cars, got in and we're like, what the heck
was that? And then we looked it up after the fact,
like on our phone, like that noises too, like on
(09:07):
YouTube the sound of sound effects. That is the exact
sound exactly they're like on YouTube, it's labeled. It's like
the sound of mountain lion makes before devouring its prey, right,
sounds like a dragon liger griffin combo, Like, wow, that's close. Yeah.
I'm also picturing you guys like running through the desert
(09:27):
in the night and there's just a Walmart that you're like,
gotta get back to the wall, gotta get back to
the walmart. The walmart. Safe, Yeah, safe, all the all
the oxen free at the walmart. Oh my god, that's crazy.
I'm glad you guys lived. Yeah. Are they like will
they eat you? I think so? Really? Yeah. I think
they're pretty. They're very dangerous. Oh yeah, well that's yeah,
(09:52):
so moral the story. Moral story. Kids don't wander in
the desert without flashlights. Yeah, in the night, not behind
a walmart. Yeah, that's where they all hang out, is
hanging out. Yeah, you're like, we got our coup lots
and they're like, now we're gonna go hiding the bushes
(10:13):
and yeah, wait for the kids to come out. Maybe
it was a cougar in a cougar costume. Oh my god.
You know this sounds like a like one of your
videos where you're like here we are and you're like,
oh my god, it's a cougar. And then it's just
like a like an attractive older woman and she's like, hey,
(10:34):
do like the sound effect of like the cougar, and
then you like turn over and it's just like the
woman and she's like she's like hey young man, hello
young man. Oh yeah, yeah, perfect, I want to buy
me a drink. You're like level level past level completed. Yeah,
I would that sounds like a good video. You have
(10:55):
to write that down after this. Okay, we're making content, right, Um,
what would you say the moral of the story? I
would do What did you learn in that moment? Um?
Don't turn off your flashlights if you're exploring the dark. Yeah, yes,
I always keep your flashlights on. I like that message.
Always keep your flashlights on. Kids. I feel like in
(11:17):
the movies they always run out of batteries the perfect
time and then they're like hitting the flashlights like come
on please, and then as soon as it turns back on,
it like shows the jump scare. Yeah, these are their formulaic,
these movies. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Okay, cool, that's a
great story. I want to play a quick game with you.
(11:42):
Um we call it first, last, best, worst, okay, and
we pick a category and then we hear you're the
first time that happened, the last time that happened, The
best time in the worst time. All right, Um, we
just did jobs with DeMarcus. But I am intrigued to
know all about what you've had, right, Yeah, but um,
(12:03):
we did concerts, So what about would you? What about dates?
Is that the best one would be kind of hard
to pick honestly, because there's not been a lot of
good ones. Okay, let's do dates? Is that? Okay? Sure? Okay?
So what was the first date you ever went on? Um? Hmm, okay,
(12:27):
I think it was. I don't really know if this
is considered a date. But it was in high school, okay,
And it was with my like first crush, Like we
had a thing going on, I guess is what people
call it. But we went to one of the high
school football games together and then we went on to
eat afterward. Yeah that's a date. I mean, I'm sure
(12:49):
he thought it was a date. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah,
But yeah, it was fun. Um, I don't really remember
much of it, so I don't know if it was
the best did Where where did he take you to? Did?
I don't even know. I can't even remember Walmart parking,
probably the back of Walter in one of the trucks
we just opened it up and got whatever food was it? Yeah,
(13:10):
so it was. It was a pretty forgettable date, the
first date. Okay, this poor boy is probably listening like,
oh no, I blew it. He's the one that ended
it with me. What a fool? So yeah, yeah, okay,
so that was your first date. What about what's the
last date that you've been on the most recent date?
The most recent date? Um was to Top Golf? Actually cool,
(13:32):
you guys know? Yeah yeah, Top Golf. It's a it's
a golf bar. Yeah yeah, so it was fun. It's
super hot though outside, but there's like the misters and stuff.
I am not the best at golf. Okay, so it
was funny to watch, Yeah for sure, Um, did you
pick that location or did they? Did you want to
(13:53):
go to Top Golf? I'm going to Top Golf anyway,
So if you want to come with, just call it
a date as basically how it went. Guys, if you're listening, uh,
I mean, unless the person you're going on a date
with is into golf, maybe don't pick Top Golf. Yeah
maybe not for the first yeah date. It's like, but
(14:14):
you want to go hunting for a first date? Cougar
hunting cougar hunting. Sure, I guess trying to think of
what a terrible date ideas? I mean, top golf. It's
fun for like I don't know. Yeah, yeah, it was fun.
You see. It seems like you made the most of it. Yeah, okay,
(14:35):
all right, what about what about the best date you've
ever been on? Okay? Um, the best date was actually
like it was at his house, was the date? Okay,
But so I had no idea. This was a surprise. Um,
just like invited me over, said we're going to have dinner,
blah blah blah. Like you can dress fancy if you want,
just like do whatever you want. Yeah. So it's like, okay, cool.
(14:59):
Like I showed up as doctor Strange exactly the mustache
and everything. You said, whatever he wants. I would be
literally hilarious. I need to try that on the next day.
Like I showed up dressed as a mountain lion. Look
it was you gave me options, so you're going to
take it. Oh my gosh. Um. Yeah. So I walk
(15:19):
in and there's like the classic rose petals like laid
out in like the candles. Wow. I thought that only
happened in like CW shows. So did I so that's
why I was very shocked. Is the real life thing.
I know it was done that for me, not yet, Okay,
one day, one day, I'm gonna get home today and
(15:40):
my girlfriend's gonna be like, yes, today's the day. Okay.
So he had candles, he had rose petals. Was there
like shod a playing or like some saxophone music. He
playing saxophone at the like the end of the rose petals,
he was in the corner playing the keyboard. Actually, oh
my god, okay, I was gonna say I was clothes no, um,
(16:02):
but yeah. Then he made like an Italian um like
pasta dish outside and then we had some wine and
like it was it was just it was really cute.
That's beautiful, I know, right see because there's effort. Ye,
there's thought put into it. Yes, did he What kind
of pasta did he make? Um? Two types? Actually, one
was I know, overachiever. Yeah, it's on the comet down um.
(16:28):
One was chicken alfredo and the other was like a
red sauce like Marin. He was like, take a your pig.
I'm just assuming he's Italian. No, he's like you. And
we even had the bread on the side too. Wow.
He did he make the bread. I highly doubt that. Yeah,
like the flower. Yeah, he's like, I handmade the pasta today.
(16:50):
I needed the dough. This guy. I want to date
this guy. Okay, so that's the best date. That's hard
to top. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Um it isn't. Actually, no, there's something worse. Um So,
(17:13):
I don't even know if I would consider this a
date as well, but I'm still gonna share it anyway. Yeah. So,
um so, I was driving to go meet this guy
for our like maybe it was like a second date
or something, Okay, and um he called me when I
was on my way. I was like, hey, can you
(17:35):
pick up some food? I'm like yeah, sure, you know
I'm I'm a super nice person, like I like love
to make people happy. And I'm like I'm hungry too,
so yeah, sure I'll get this food. So it's like
pick up one hundred tacos literally and some gallons of
milk on the side. That's three gallons of milk, one
hundred tacos. Okay, sure I guess. Um So, I think
(17:58):
I just picked up some sushi. I think is where
I got all right for us that I show up
and has he has his like gaming headphones on at
like playing a video game and like did the classic
like one ear off, like hey, yeah, yeah, you can
just come on in. And I was like, oh great, cool, cool.
So I sit on the bed. It's like I'm in
(18:20):
the middle of a like really heated Call of Duty
match right now. Like I don't even know what game
he was playing, to be honest, some like like Crossing
Roads or you know, it's like Animal Crossing. I'm really
busy right now building this house and we're crossing or
like Minecraft. Yeah, I don't even know. Um. Basically I
ended up eating the food by myself, okay, while he
(18:42):
just plays the game. And then I ended up leaving.
Did he even notice like when you left or did
you like tap him on the shoulder You're like, hey,
I'm I'm this is terrible. I think I did do
the tap on the shoulders. Things just go. That was
his idea of a date, right, And then you know
what I did, which I wish I wouldn't have. I
left the sushi. Oh yeah, you should have taken that
the one that I bought. Yeah, you should have absolutely
(19:04):
been like and I'm taking the caliph the spicy tuna
red rock with the Hellepeno on me. It was really
good too. Yeah, but yeah, so that was Yeah, I'm
glad you left. I'm glad you walked out on that. Yeah.
And then there was never another date after that, right, okay? Good? Yeah?
Yeah that guy, that guy sucks. Yeah. Yeah. If you're
(19:27):
listening right now wherever you are, he's probably playing games.
It probably I wonder if he thought like, like, I'll
just be like, it'll be cool if I'm like not
really paying attention to her, and then she'll be like
super into me, because I guy's brains are dumb sometimes,
you know. Yeah, I don't. I don't know what he
was thinking about. I don't think, yeah, what an idiot.
(19:51):
But yeah, so I'm sorry. I feel bad though, Like
I don't know, guys are just so dumb. Well that's
a great place to end. Guys are dumb. Don't be
a dumb guy. That's the moral of the story, right,
and then maybe like what I mean, you had the
best date is I was gonna say, like, what would
your dream date be? Ooh, that's a good question other
(20:16):
than the rose petal Italian food, because that does seem
pretty dreamy, right, yes. Um, that's a really good question.
I would say not not seeing a movie. Okay, like
doing something active, yeah, for like, um, like a first
date is a super cool Yeah, because real like adventure
(20:37):
kind of like go on an adventure. I would love
to go on an adventure and for it to end
in like seeing the stars at night. Okay, something would
be super cool adventure. You heard it here first, Yes,
So like, get some flashlights, you know, to keep them on. Yes,
find a Walmart and just go explore the desert. I'm
(20:59):
glad you guys didn't into like somebody cooking meth out there.
You know, you could have just been like, oh, there's
a Winnebago out here, like, let's see who's inside. Knock,
it's just somebody's knocking on that. We didn't have the
do not disturb sign enough. You're like the signs I
thought they said, come on in. I'm dyslexic. I don't
(21:20):
know how to read. I'm sorry. What a good date? Yeah? Great? Well,
thank you so much for being on the podcast. Just
so much fun. Thank you for having me anytime. Until
next time. Until next time. Well that about does it
for this week's episode of Hashtag Storytime, A huge shout
out again to Savannah Moss. Make sure to check out
(21:41):
those hot links in the description. Also take a second
to hit the subscribe button if you haven't done that yet,
so you don't miss next week's episode. We've got friend
of the pod, Lonnie Martz, and I'm like, Okay, this
is we're gonna do. Man. You are gonna go over
to where all those tired, anxious moms are who are
drinking their wine, and you're gonna start picking up their
wine glasses and you're gonna take one of those trays
and you're gonna start collecting and say, hey, can I
(22:03):
get you anything else? Can I help you with that?
Start cleaning off those tables? Okay, He's like, why am
I doing them? Like? Trust me? Also, give us a
call at the Storytime hotline three two three, seven four
one eighteen seventy three and tell us your story to
be featured on an upcoming Listener Tales episode. And if
you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review. It
helps us out a lot and I literally read every
single one of them. Hashtag Storytime is produced by iHeartRadio
(22:25):
and Curativity Productions. Hosted by Will McFadden Sound designed by
Tony Maddox, Written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro, Produced
by Jason Shapiro, Daniel Lama, and Jordan Elijah Michael. Theme
song by Scott Simons.
I'm picturing a liger or like a griffin or something.
I think so really, yeah, they're bread for speed and power.
How do you know that? Look, I'm a big love.
I have a liger tattooed on my back. Oh my gosh.
(00:38):
Have you ever had a dream where you keep waking
up in the middle of it and you think it's over,
but it turns out you're still in a dream? You know?
It kind of feels like you're trying to beat a
level in a video game and you keep dying and
and and respawning, you know, and there's like a bunch
of teddy bears and clowns and random Starbucks employees violently
spinning around flinging milk with reckless abandon Or is that
(00:59):
just me? Maybe I need to pump the brakes on
the melotone and gummies, or probably need to stop watching
Savannah Moss's TikTok's Before Bed Now. Savannah is a twenty
two year old content creator from Phoenix, Arizona, who exploded
on TikTok a few years ago with her trippy fever
dream style content. She's got over ten and a half
million followers on the platform now. Savannah and I sat
down at VidCon last summer and she told me a
(01:21):
harrowing tale about wandering in the desert one night. I'm
Will Milk Spins McFadden, and this is hashtag Storytime, brought
to you by iHeartRadio. Okay, so the story takes place
in Arizona. Of course, that's where I'm from. Scary already,
I know, it's very scary. And this one was about
five years ago. Okay. So it was me and my
(01:42):
three friends and it was about midnight. Just for context, okay, yeah,
set the scene, paint the pictures. Okay. So super dark midnight,
Arizona in the summer. It's pretty hot, but not too
hot at night. Okay. So we decide to get my
friend's car and go kind of like explore wearing in
the desert ish area. There's lots of that in Arizona.
(02:04):
Sounds like a great idea already, Oh yes, just way.
So we drive to like this big open plane area
where there's like nothing right. Basically there's a big drop
off like a cliff yes, if you will, if you will,
a small cliff rum and it was like behind a Walmart,
(02:24):
but like it goes back really far, like you can
you can't even see the end of it. Yeah. Um,
so we decided to go like walk around, you know,
which is going on? Walk about? Yeah, with our flashlights,
you know, just just the four of us. So we
go out there and everything was fine. We made it
to the cliff, okay, and we're like looking at the
moon like everything was so awesome. Yeah, I bet it
(02:45):
was beautiful. Oh yeah, with the Walmart and the background
and then the moon and the plane. Yeah, well the
Walmart was kind of far. Yeah, and a little part
I missed was the do not enter signs? Oh yet
the front the whole trespassing right right right? Yeah, I
usually ignore those two, right, Yeah, I just didn't see them.
(03:06):
Sure that, Yeah, that's why do you tell the cops.
I didn't know that. I couldn't be here. I can't read. Yeah,
I am very dyslexic. Yeah. I thought it said come in,
please come in, you're well walk around food over there. Yeah.
But yeah, so when we made it to the cliff, um,
we it was kind of getting late. I mean it
(03:28):
was already late, but were we talking like it's midnight
or is this like two in the morning or where? No,
it's about like twelve thirty. Now all right, we weren't
out there for two twitching hour. Yes, um, So we
were out there and we wanted to head back, and
one of my friends was like, you know, let's turn
off our flashlights and try to make it back. Bold choice.
I think it would be a really good idea, right,
(03:50):
Let's make this harder and more dangerous. Yeah. So we did,
and it was pitch black except for like the moonlight,
of course, but you can't really see anything, right. So
we're walking back and all of a sudden, all of
us stop in our tracks, like because we heard a noise. Okay,
And when I tell you, this noise is these gariest
(04:12):
noise I've ever heard in my life. Okay, I'm not joking.
It was like like a dragon mixed with a lion.
I wish I could have recorded it, Honestly, I don't
even know how to describe it very well. But I
heard this noise. It was a beast of some sort, Yes,
a beast, a mythical or real beast? Like was this? No?
(04:34):
It was real? It was a real animal. Yeah, okay, cool, No,
you'll find out which animal it was, Okay, great, because
I'm picturing like, yeah, I'm picturing a liger or like
a griffin or something. Or liger is real, I think,
so really Yeah, they're bread for speed and power. How
do you know that? Look, I'm a big I love.
(04:58):
I have a liger tattooed on my back. Oh my gosh. Yeah,
they breathed lions and tigers together. I think bread for
speed and power. Yeah right, yeah, I want to get
that as a good tattoo anyway, I would be honored. Yes.
So we heard the noise and I thought it was
coming from someone's phone, right, I thought it was just
like a video or something. So I was like, stop
(05:19):
watching them, stop watching those liger videos. Come on. And
we're all like, no, like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me.
How to be you? Right? And then um, we turn
on our flashlights of course, and we're like looking around,
like scanning the area. There's like little sparse bushes here
and there. Yeah, and we didn't really see anything, but
the noise was coming from like right in front of us.
(05:40):
So one of my friends threw a rock at the bush.
Why I have no idea, right, but the animal started
to come out right and we saw its eyes. It
was a mountain lion. Oh god, it was a mountain lion.
And I didn't even know what animal that was at first,
Like I didn't, I didn't even know what it's like.
(06:00):
So I to look it up after I thought, you're
gonna say, so, I looked it up. Hold on, mountain lion,
what are you be? Still for a moment? Hey, Siri?
What is this sandimal? You know? I asked it its name,
and it just like what it starts talking, Hey, what
are you? I'm a mountain line. My name is Terry.
Terry dragons sound oh my gosh. But yeah, basically we
(06:25):
just started running back. I was going to ask, what
are you supposed to do? Because like certain animals, you're
like you're supposed to make yourself really big or like
bang on pots and pans. I think a bear you're
supposed to be, like whoa bear? Or you you play dead?
I saw a TikTok video this I don't even know what. Yeah, okay,
so grizzly bears apparently you go fetal position and just
(06:49):
play dead and just pray, just pray to whatever god
you believe it. That's only grizzly bears, not like other bears.
Mistake one and you're just like in a fetal position,
like I'm a black are, so you're doing it wrong.
Oh my gosh, you idiot. Yeah. I think cougars you're
probably like I feel like you're supposed to make yourself big.
(07:11):
I heard that too. Yeah, but mountain minds, I have
no idea. I mean, I think you're supposed to just
like not run cougars. You're supposed to buy them a
shot of tequila. And then, oh, I get it, I do.
I thought you were talking about real cougars. At first
I was, and then I was like, wait a second,
there's a there's a there's a double entendre here. I'm
(07:33):
gonna go for it. But yes, mountain lions. Sure, is
there a difference between a cougar and the mountain lion? Same?
Is it the same thing? We have Mason our our
wildlife expert. Yeah, he's like, if you run into an armadillo,
also just don't step on them. Okay, okay, So you
(07:55):
see the cougar, yes, the mountain lion, right, and you
guys all run in different directions or to you know, Honestly,
I wasn't even looking at them. I just kind of yeah,
you're like you're on your own, went for it, ran
as fast as I could in the direction I feel
like you're pretty fast too. Yeah, I would say I'm
speed red for speed and power, red for speed and comedy. Right,
(08:21):
I feel like I would be screwed because I feel
like you if I were in your group of friends.
And I mean it would be weird if like I
was walking around in the desert with teenage girls, So
it would be weird if I was there. But I
feel like you would all outpace me and I would
be last, like wait please and the go go god
without me. Oh god, it's it's staring me to pieces.
(08:46):
I bought her a shot of tequila. It's not working.
Oh no, that was the end of will. But yeah, basically,
we just ran as fast as we could back to
the cars, got in and we're like, what the heck
was that? And then we looked it up after the fact,
like on our phone, like that noises too, like on
(09:07):
YouTube the sound of sound effects. That is the exact
sound exactly they're like on YouTube, it's labeled. It's like
the sound of mountain lion makes before devouring its prey, right,
sounds like a dragon liger griffin combo, Like, wow, that's close. Yeah.
I'm also picturing you guys like running through the desert
(09:27):
in the night and there's just a Walmart that you're like,
gotta get back to the wall, gotta get back to
the walmart. The walmart. Safe, Yeah, safe, all the all
the oxen free at the walmart. Oh my god, that's crazy.
I'm glad you guys lived. Yeah. Are they like will
they eat you? I think so? Really? Yeah. I think
they're pretty. They're very dangerous. Oh yeah, well that's yeah,
(09:52):
so moral the story. Moral story. Kids don't wander in
the desert without flashlights. Yeah, in the night, not behind
a walmart. Yeah, that's where they all hang out, is
hanging out. Yeah, you're like, we got our coup lots
and they're like, now we're gonna go hiding the bushes
(10:13):
and yeah, wait for the kids to come out. Maybe
it was a cougar in a cougar costume. Oh my god.
You know this sounds like a like one of your
videos where you're like here we are and you're like,
oh my god, it's a cougar. And then it's just
like a like an attractive older woman and she's like, hey,
(10:34):
do like the sound effect of like the cougar, and
then you like turn over and it's just like the
woman and she's like she's like hey young man, hello
young man. Oh yeah, yeah, perfect, I want to buy
me a drink. You're like level level past level completed. Yeah,
I would that sounds like a good video. You have
(10:55):
to write that down after this. Okay, we're making content, right, Um,
what would you say the moral of the story? I
would do What did you learn in that moment? Um?
Don't turn off your flashlights if you're exploring the dark. Yeah, yes,
I always keep your flashlights on. I like that message.
Always keep your flashlights on. Kids. I feel like in
(11:17):
the movies they always run out of batteries the perfect
time and then they're like hitting the flashlights like come
on please, and then as soon as it turns back on,
it like shows the jump scare. Yeah, these are their formulaic,
these movies. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Okay, cool, that's a
great story. I want to play a quick game with you.
(11:42):
Um we call it first, last, best, worst, okay, and
we pick a category and then we hear you're the
first time that happened, the last time that happened, The
best time in the worst time. All right, Um, we
just did jobs with DeMarcus. But I am intrigued to
know all about what you've had, right, Yeah, but um,
(12:03):
we did concerts, So what about would you? What about dates?
Is that the best one would be kind of hard
to pick honestly, because there's not been a lot of
good ones. Okay, let's do dates? Is that? Okay? Sure? Okay?
So what was the first date you ever went on? Um? Hmm, okay,
(12:27):
I think it was. I don't really know if this
is considered a date. But it was in high school, okay,
And it was with my like first crush, Like we
had a thing going on, I guess is what people
call it. But we went to one of the high
school football games together and then we went on to
eat afterward. Yeah that's a date. I mean, I'm sure
(12:49):
he thought it was a date. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah,
But yeah, it was fun. Um, I don't really remember
much of it, so I don't know if it was
the best did Where where did he take you to? Did?
I don't even know. I can't even remember Walmart parking,
probably the back of Walter in one of the trucks
we just opened it up and got whatever food was it? Yeah,
(13:10):
so it was. It was a pretty forgettable date, the
first date. Okay, this poor boy is probably listening like,
oh no, I blew it. He's the one that ended
it with me. What a fool? So yeah, yeah, okay,
so that was your first date. What about what's the
last date that you've been on the most recent date?
The most recent date? Um was to Top Golf? Actually cool,
(13:32):
you guys know? Yeah yeah, Top Golf. It's a it's
a golf bar. Yeah yeah, so it was fun. It's
super hot though outside, but there's like the misters and stuff.
I am not the best at golf. Okay, so it
was funny to watch, Yeah for sure, Um, did you
pick that location or did they? Did you want to
(13:53):
go to Top Golf? I'm going to Top Golf anyway,
So if you want to come with, just call it
a date as basically how it went. Guys, if you're listening, uh,
I mean, unless the person you're going on a date
with is into golf, maybe don't pick Top Golf. Yeah
maybe not for the first yeah date. It's like, but
(14:14):
you want to go hunting for a first date? Cougar
hunting cougar hunting. Sure, I guess trying to think of
what a terrible date ideas? I mean, top golf. It's
fun for like I don't know. Yeah, yeah, it was fun.
You see. It seems like you made the most of it. Yeah, okay,
(14:35):
all right, what about what about the best date you've
ever been on? Okay? Um, the best date was actually
like it was at his house, was the date? Okay,
But so I had no idea. This was a surprise. Um,
just like invited me over, said we're going to have dinner,
blah blah blah. Like you can dress fancy if you want,
just like do whatever you want. Yeah. So it's like, okay, cool.
(14:59):
Like I showed up as doctor Strange exactly the mustache
and everything. You said, whatever he wants. I would be
literally hilarious. I need to try that on the next day.
Like I showed up dressed as a mountain lion. Look
it was you gave me options, so you're going to
take it. Oh my gosh. Um. Yeah. So I walk
(15:19):
in and there's like the classic rose petals like laid
out in like the candles. Wow. I thought that only
happened in like CW shows. So did I so that's
why I was very shocked. Is the real life thing.
I know it was done that for me, not yet, Okay,
one day, one day, I'm gonna get home today and
(15:40):
my girlfriend's gonna be like, yes, today's the day. Okay.
So he had candles, he had rose petals. Was there
like shod a playing or like some saxophone music. He
playing saxophone at the like the end of the rose petals,
he was in the corner playing the keyboard. Actually, oh
my god, okay, I was gonna say I was clothes no, um,
(16:02):
but yeah. Then he made like an Italian um like
pasta dish outside and then we had some wine and
like it was it was just it was really cute.
That's beautiful, I know, right see because there's effort. Ye,
there's thought put into it. Yes, did he What kind
of pasta did he make? Um? Two types? Actually, one
was I know, overachiever. Yeah, it's on the comet down um.
(16:28):
One was chicken alfredo and the other was like a
red sauce like Marin. He was like, take a your pig.
I'm just assuming he's Italian. No, he's like you. And
we even had the bread on the side too. Wow.
He did he make the bread. I highly doubt that. Yeah,
like the flower. Yeah, he's like, I handmade the pasta today.
(16:50):
I needed the dough. This guy. I want to date
this guy. Okay, so that's the best date. That's hard
to top. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Um it isn't. Actually, no, there's something worse. Um So,
(17:13):
I don't even know if I would consider this a
date as well, but I'm still gonna share it anyway. Yeah. So,
um so, I was driving to go meet this guy
for our like maybe it was like a second date
or something, Okay, and um he called me when I
was on my way. I was like, hey, can you
(17:35):
pick up some food? I'm like yeah, sure, you know
I'm I'm a super nice person, like I like love
to make people happy. And I'm like I'm hungry too,
so yeah, sure I'll get this food. So it's like
pick up one hundred tacos literally and some gallons of
milk on the side. That's three gallons of milk, one
hundred tacos. Okay, sure I guess. Um So, I think
(17:58):
I just picked up some sushi. I think is where
I got all right for us that I show up
and has he has his like gaming headphones on at
like playing a video game and like did the classic
like one ear off, like hey, yeah, yeah, you can
just come on in. And I was like, oh great, cool, cool.
So I sit on the bed. It's like I'm in
(18:20):
the middle of a like really heated Call of Duty
match right now. Like I don't even know what game
he was playing, to be honest, some like like Crossing
Roads or you know, it's like Animal Crossing. I'm really
busy right now building this house and we're crossing or
like Minecraft. Yeah, I don't even know. Um. Basically I
ended up eating the food by myself, okay, while he
(18:42):
just plays the game. And then I ended up leaving.
Did he even notice like when you left or did
you like tap him on the shoulder You're like, hey,
I'm I'm this is terrible. I think I did do
the tap on the shoulders. Things just go. That was
his idea of a date, right, And then you know
what I did, which I wish I wouldn't have. I
left the sushi. Oh yeah, you should have taken that
the one that I bought. Yeah, you should have absolutely
(19:04):
been like and I'm taking the caliph the spicy tuna
red rock with the Hellepeno on me. It was really
good too. Yeah, but yeah, so that was Yeah, I'm
glad you left. I'm glad you walked out on that. Yeah.
And then there was never another date after that, right, okay? Good? Yeah?
Yeah that guy, that guy sucks. Yeah. Yeah. If you're
(19:27):
listening right now wherever you are, he's probably playing games.
It probably I wonder if he thought like, like, I'll
just be like, it'll be cool if I'm like not
really paying attention to her, and then she'll be like
super into me, because I guy's brains are dumb sometimes,
you know. Yeah, I don't. I don't know what he
was thinking about. I don't think, yeah, what an idiot.
(19:51):
But yeah, so I'm sorry. I feel bad though, Like
I don't know, guys are just so dumb. Well that's
a great place to end. Guys are dumb. Don't be
a dumb guy. That's the moral of the story, right,
and then maybe like what I mean, you had the
best date is I was gonna say, like, what would
your dream date be? Ooh, that's a good question other
(20:16):
than the rose petal Italian food, because that does seem
pretty dreamy, right, yes. Um, that's a really good question.
I would say not not seeing a movie. Okay, like
doing something active, yeah, for like, um, like a first
date is a super cool Yeah, because real like adventure
(20:37):
kind of like go on an adventure. I would love
to go on an adventure and for it to end
in like seeing the stars at night. Okay, something would
be super cool adventure. You heard it here first, Yes,
So like, get some flashlights, you know, to keep them on. Yes,
find a Walmart and just go explore the desert. I'm
(20:59):
glad you guys didn't into like somebody cooking meth out there.
You know, you could have just been like, oh, there's
a Winnebago out here, like, let's see who's inside. Knock,
it's just somebody's knocking on that. We didn't have the
do not disturb sign enough. You're like the signs I
thought they said, come on in. I'm dyslexic. I don't
(21:20):
know how to read. I'm sorry. What a good date? Yeah? Great? Well,
thank you so much for being on the podcast. Just
so much fun. Thank you for having me anytime. Until
next time. Until next time. Well that about does it
for this week's episode of Hashtag Storytime, A huge shout
out again to Savannah Moss. Make sure to check out
(21:41):
those hot links in the description. Also take a second
to hit the subscribe button if you haven't done that yet,
so you don't miss next week's episode. We've got friend
of the pod, Lonnie Martz, and I'm like, Okay, this
is we're gonna do. Man. You are gonna go over
to where all those tired, anxious moms are who are
drinking their wine, and you're gonna start picking up their
wine glasses and you're gonna take one of those trays
and you're gonna start collecting and say, hey, can I
(22:03):
get you anything else? Can I help you with that?
Start cleaning off those tables? Okay, He's like, why am
I doing them? Like? Trust me? Also, give us a
call at the Storytime hotline three two three, seven four
one eighteen seventy three and tell us your story to
be featured on an upcoming Listener Tales episode. And if
you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review. It
helps us out a lot and I literally read every
single one of them. Hashtag Storytime is produced by iHeartRadio
(22:25):
and Curativity Productions. Hosted by Will McFadden Sound designed by
Tony Maddox, Written by Will McFadden and Jason Shapiro, Produced
by Jason Shapiro, Daniel Lama, and Jordan Elijah Michael. Theme
song by Scott Simons.
Host
Will McFadden
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