February 10, 2021 • 32 mins
In our very first episode, host Will McFadden serves up three tasty tales about terrible first dates... just in time for Valentines Day! First up, YouTube’s CultureCrash kicks things off with a story about a mini-golf first date that was a total bogey. Next, Drea Okeke (AKA “DreaKnowsBest”) talks to us about the hiking date that left her in the dust. Finally, Alex Meyers shares the nightmare experience he had on his first and last Tinder date. This episode is sure to have you either swiping right to find your Mr. Wrong or deleting your dating apps for good.
Featured Storytellers:
CultureCrash
YouTube - youtube.com/c/CultureCrash
Second YouTube Channel - youtube.com/c/Scriptease
DreaKnowsBest (Drea Okeke)
YouTube - youtube.com/channel/UCZC1lhDdEETggbP1m5f5r1Q
TikTok - @dreaknowsbest
Instagram - @drea_knowsbest
Podcast - Do It 4 The Content Podcast
Alex Meyers
YouTube - youtube.com/alexmeyersvids
Podcast - Doin’ the Devil's Tango Podcast
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to
let you all know that we are doing a giveaway.
Each week, we will be selecting one lucky listener and
sending them a fifty dollar Amazon gift card and a
story Time t shirt. All you have to do is
rate and review the podcast. Follow Storytime dot Pod on
Instagram and leave a comment on the latest post that
says I'm an official fable baby. That's it. Also, if
(00:24):
you have a damn good story to tell and you
want to hear it on an upcoming listener episode tivity,
type that thing up and email it or send an
audio file of you telling your story to story Time
at collab dot Inc. Can't wait to hear him. Welcome
(00:58):
to story Time, the podcast us to where I bring
you the best stories from around the Internet, produced by
I Heart Radio and Collab. I am your fearless host,
Will Handsome McFadden, but you can just call me Will Cookie.
What are you doing in here? Oh? Sorry? Sorry? Are
you doing one of those mom Get out of here?
(01:19):
I told you I needed the office for a few
hours every Wednesday. Okay, okay, can you please stop calling
me Cookie? I'm almost forty years old. I'm a grown man.
I have a podcast. Sorry, I'm going You want a
glass milk? Yes? I do, Thank you? Please close the door.
Sorry about that interruption. That was just my super hot girlfriend,
(01:40):
you know, trying to give me another BackRub. Anyway, where
was I? The Internet is a deep and dark dumpster
full of stories, and I fearlessly dive in head first,
sift through the flaming trash, and bring you nothing but
absolute treasures. Everyone loves a good story, whether it's fact
(02:01):
or fiction, comedy or tragedy, rags to riches or a
fall from fortune. Our ability to share our stories is
something that makes us uniquely human. I mean, mere cats
don't sit around a fire telling each other's spooky stories.
At least I don't think they do. But if you're
listening to this and you're a mere cat that attends
fireside storytelling parties, please please please send me an invite.
(02:23):
I love you guys, you're super cute. I will bring snacks.
Where was I? We use stories to pass on our history,
to share our experiences, to relate to one another and
feel a little less alone in this world. Storytelling at
its core, is about belonging. Today, I'm bringing you three
stories from three YouTubers looking for love and connection but
instead finding cringe and deception. And what a better way
(02:47):
to kick off this podcast than with something we can
all pretty much relate to awkward first dates. And trust me,
I am an expert on this subject. If I had
a beanie baby for every terrible first date I've been on,
well let's just say I'd have a pile of beanie babies.
I may even have one of those super rare Princess
(03:07):
Diana bears. Anyway, I have been on a few second
dates in my life, although the last second date I
went on ended three years later in divorce. But it's fine,
you know, it's cool. I've I've got a new super
hot girlfriend that I mentioned earlier who was definitely real,
and love's backrubs and everything's fine. You know, everything's fine.
I definitely still don't cry about Sheila in the shower.
(03:28):
I don't, I swear, I don't. Pro tip of the day,
if anyone comes across a Sheila on Tinder or Bumble
or Bramble or any dating app, just swipe left. Your
heart can't take it. Trust me. And speaking of swiping,
I've been swiping through stories all week, and this one
is definitely a match. So let's kick off this podcast
(03:50):
with a story by a fantastic creator that goes by
the name culture Crash. I'd like to take this story
time to tell of my experiences on Tinder and of
dates in general, in the hopes that you might glean
some element of my character from these tales and learn
not to make the same mistakes. No, hey, maybe you'll
just get to laugh at my misfortune. Either way, Let's
(04:11):
begin with a story I like to call the Mini
Golf Mongoose and her hypocritical hijinks. This story begins in
the early days of Bumble and app essentially identical to Tinder,
except the girl always gets the message first. This prevents
girls getting spammed with creepy messages from strangers who they
drunkenly swiped right on the night before while having a
laugh with their girlfriends. And no, before you start making jokes,
(04:32):
I wasn't un bumbled because that exhausted every option on Tinder.
I just reached my cap on swiping for the day
and didn't want to buy whatever the Tinder premium thing
is called gold. I think Tinder gold, Tinder platinum. Why
am I asking when no one can answer anyway, downloading
another app seemed the fastest way to solve my problem.
I started swiping and immediately noticed that I was finding
a lot of genuinely attractive girls. Now I knew why
(04:55):
it was called bumble, because it was full of honeys.
Oh God, I hate myself of that joke. Can we
just we just forget? I said that great, I'd I'd
rather not be remembered as a creepy uncle. Within a
few minutes, I had matched with a girl and she
looked super cute. I honestly couldn't believe we had matched.
I thought for sure it must be a bot or something,
but no, she was real and she messaged me that night.
(05:15):
We had a bit of playful banter back and forth.
She seems confident and intelligent and had a good sense
of humor. I was ready to ask her out on
a date, and I've been mulling over the idea of
minigolf as a first date activity. It has a few advantages.
It gives you a chance to chat unlike a movie,
a bit of competitive spirit to get the conversation going,
and not too long, so if the date is going badly,
you have an exit plan. Little did I realize that
(05:36):
I was going to need that last advantage the most.
The day of the date arrives and I've got the
usual pre date jitters, but mostly because I'm excited to
meet this girl in person. Let's call this girl Penelope. Actually, no,
that's two nights of a name for this girl. Let's
call a Time Oister. I step inside the minigolf lobby
and see that there's only one person in the whole place.
She doesn't look at all like Time Oister, so that
couldn't possibly be her. As I look more closely, though,
(05:59):
the truth dawns on me. It is Time Oister. She
sees me and smiles. She looks nothing like her picture
on Bumble. I forced a smile back. My mind is
rotating through the pictures on her profiles, tripping away at
the filters and accounting for how she posed herself to
try and explain the disparity between the girl I saw
on Tinder and the girl in front of me. But
in the next instant, I realized how stupid I'm being.
(06:19):
What does it matter if she doesn't look exactly like
her pictures. She's still cute and we got along really
well when we talked online. I resolved to give the
data fair shot and see if we connected on a
deeper level, as you can guess by the nickname Time Moister,
though this was a foolish endeavor. The first issue was
she was clearly very shy, like incredibly shy. Not like
it's cute that she blushes when I compliment her shy,
(06:40):
but more like so shy that she can't bring herself
to hold a conversation with another person and withdraws as
a defense mechanism shy. I'm not holding it against her.
I get a bit shy when meeting new people too,
but it's impossible to have an engaging conversation with someone
who kills every topic with a simple yes or no
or maybe or I don't know. I think it felt
especially egregious at the time because it was so different
(07:01):
to how she spoke on Bumble. It was jarring, But
at this point I just felt a little uncomfortable and
a little sorry for her, So I wanted to do
my best to let her relax into the situation and
maybe open up a bit more. If you're feeling sorry
for her at this point in the story, just the
way we begin playing and I'm trying desperately to make
small talk about anything. I'm getting smiles and nods of acknowledgment,
(07:22):
but no real responses, no back and forth. I'm formulating
a game plan to wrap this up as quickly as
possible and get out of it. Then she takes her
part and the ball comes within millimeters of going in,
and she gets all puffed up about it and taps
it in any way, saying we're not counting that one.
I'm like, okay, she's trying to be playful and keep
it light. That's good. I mean, she's a cheater, but
at least she's a cheater who's showing some personality. Now
(07:42):
I laugh and say, all right, all right, and we
move on to the next top. This one's got a
water hazard and time wasted to waste, no time in
smacking her ball right into the water. She plucks it out.
That one doesn't count either. I laugh again, even though
her turn was more serious that time. She's getting frustrated,
I can tell. So now we've gone from no personality
to frustrate it fantastic. The game proceeds in this way
(08:02):
for a while, cycling through silence, frustration, and attempts at
small talk. She decides to break up this repetition with
a new element, bragging. She's bragging because she's beating me.
How surprising the person who's able to retract any dud
shots she makes is winning. What a flattering quality in
a person, someone who brags about such small victories. And no,
she wasn't doing it in a cute way. It was
(08:23):
aggressive bragging, rubbing it in my face. She genuinely thought
she was better than me. I don't think I'm a
prideful person, but this state's certainly tested my patience on
the matter. As she stripped away in every shred of
my manhood. I'm trying to figure out how to get
across just how awful this really was. Imagine if you've
got a pet mongoose because they looked cuddly in pictures.
You bring it home, and the whole way home it's
(08:44):
completely silent. You think it's just nervous. Then you go
to play with it and it doesn't engage with you
at all. When you try to feed it to show
it some degree of affection, it lashes out and scratches
your hand. You tried desperately to have fun with this mongoose.
And it gives you nothing in return. Then, to add
insult to injury, the mongoose finds your pet snake and
kills it. Timewister is the aggressive mongoose ripping the snake
(09:05):
my manhood to pieces. Now, it's not think too long
about the symbolic ramifications of a snake representing manhood, and
you know what I'll say it. She had a face
a bit like a mongoose, too small features, with a
pointy chin and sharp teeth. I thought I was above
commenting on her appearance, but apparently not. I think it
adds something to my growing dislike for her that every
time she was bragging or getting mad at her awful
(09:27):
parts or pouting, that I had to look at her
little mongoosey face. We proceed to one of those holes
where you hit the ball up a slope at the
very start. If you miss, the ball hits the opposite
wall and rolls back down. Of course, mongoose herself stuffs
it up about three times and resets every time. When
the ball rolls back down, my eyes roll along with it.
She finally hits the ball in after signing super loudly,
(09:47):
and it's my turn. I take a shot. A miss
and it rolls back down jokingly. I say, like, you're
not counting those ones, and she says, yes, we are.
I think she's kidding, of course, but a deadpan expression
says otherwise. I'm like, you got to take your us back,
and Mongoose says, and I quote, yeah, but you're a guy.
My mind is blown. What is this reverse sexism? Bs?
Am I alone in thinking that we should be playing
(10:09):
by the same rules. Can you imagine if I said
to a girl that I would give myself a handicap
because I'm a guy and therefore I'm better than her
at minigolf? I mean, seriously, it's mini golf. I can't
stress enough how much she was not kidding either. She
wasn't being playful or cute or anything. She just straight
up thought that she should get to take back her
shots and I shouldn't. And not only that she would
get mad if I tried to take back a shot.
(10:29):
Mongoose is a complete hypocrite, and hypocrites are something that
I just cannot stand. I let it go. We only
had a few holes left. After all. The bragging not
only continued but escalated. Other people at the minigolf park
were looking at her because she was making that much noise.
My only play was to awkwardly laugh it off when
she got too excited about it. On the hole in
front of us was a couple who'd obviously been together
(10:50):
for a while. They were the picture of perfection. No, actually,
you know what, that's unfair. I hated mongoose. Hate is
a strong word, but in that moment, I really did it.
If I were a more assertive person back then that
I would have just walked out. But I resigned myself
to finishing the game. I knew there was only one
way to bring back some shred of dignity and salvage
the horrendous adding that this had turned out to be,
(11:11):
I had to win. I dug deep and played the
best I could. Her ball got stuck in one of
the rocks that had a PVC pipe through it. I
laughed in my head. I laughed so hard in my
head that I laughed out loud. She got angry, but
I didn't care. I got a hole in one on
the same hole, and it felt so good when I
turned to see mongoose stunned in disbelief. But alas it
was too late. I was trailing by two strokes on
(11:33):
the final hole and was unable to beat her. She
rubbed it in. The couple in front of us, who
had just finished furied their browsing confusion, and I stood
there and just had to cover it on the chin.
I fumbled my way through the goodbyes and lied, saying
a message her. In fairness, she didn't seem like she
wanted to meet up again either. I took the scorecard
from that game with me and kept it in my
car as a reminder of a few things. Firstly, be
(11:55):
careful about pictures, check those angles and the filters. Secondly,
be more a cerative. If your date is awful, you
don't need to humor them and stick it out just
to be polite. Lastly, don't do mini golf is the
first date. Anything competitive really is just about to bring
out the worst of people. In recent times, my view
on that last rule has changed. I think mini golf
can work, but the scar runs so deep for me
(12:16):
that it's hard to forget. Mongoose ruined mini golf for me,
a crime that I can never forgive. Sure I'll still play,
but as the breeze turns the tiny windmill, I can
still hear her mocking laughter. It was a small price
to pay for a lesson. Well, let an hour of
my life and sixteen bucks. Wow, Wow, what a cheater?
(12:38):
Are you sure her name wasn't Sheila? Because Sheila used
to cheat on everything board games tests me. For more stories,
explainer VIDs and awesome animation, make sure to subscribe to
culture Crash on YouTube. And now it's time for a
little baby story about a service or a product, also
known as an ad. Welcome back our next terrible, horrible,
(13:01):
no good, very bad Tinder tragedy is told by Drea
Okak also known as Drea Knows Best, and on this date,
instead of eating a nice meal, she ends up eating
her dates dust take it Away and Drea. I met
this guy online. His name was I'm not gonna give better.
Her name name was Sean. Let's make of her name
(13:22):
called Sean Sean Sono a good guy's name. Um, so
I met. I was swiping through when I saw Sean,
and let me describe my Sean looks like so y'all
can really like visualize it as I'm talking. So Sean
was his fine chocolate looking man. He was tall six
three and y'all know I'm six too. So when I
saw six three, I said, I swiped right and we matched.
(13:47):
So within like the first three days of talking, We're vibing,
chatting consistently, and I'm like, this guy is really cool.
I'm really bobing with this guy, like I would love
to finally like seeing him in person. And guess what
Sean was interested to up? He was like, what day
you free? All love to take you out? Yes, that's
what I'm talking about, a man that knows what he was.
(14:07):
I killed you not when you're all like when you're
dating period or like talking with a guy, it takes
some Some guys just take forever to ask you out.
And it's like when it comes to picking out anything,
I'm very incisive. So Sean did really good by, you know,
giving me two options and where we want to go
to would you like for me to take you to
like the spend the day, spend it even at the beach.
(14:27):
We will be able to get there an evening time
and just write in time to watch the sunset in
Venice it looks really really beautiful. Or would you rather
us you know, go up to the hill um and
be able to watch the sunset and overlook the city
and it's very, very beautiful. So here's the thing with
those two options, right, he gave me the option of
the beach and the overlooking the city. Now, the problem
(14:50):
with the beach is that it was wintertime. Honey, my
body was not hot girl, summer ready. My body was.
I was about to be off their show when you
roll on our first date. Not so obviously, I picked
overlook the city. Plus, I mean, l A is really pretty,
and um, I like the sound of this, Like, you know,
(15:11):
the sun is about to set, You're looking at the view,
you know you and him are together, and it's like
it just it just sounds very romantic. So I'm like,
all right, let's do that romantic and safe love it
Right before he picked me up, and to make sure
I look cute, you know, I put on my makeup.
I look real cute. Not too much makeup is enough
to look popping. I had a really nice green sun
(15:31):
dress on and sandals because you know, we're about to
go look at the sunset. He comes to pick me up,
he looks really good, he smells really good, and it
just I'm just like, wow, thank god he didn't look
like a completely different person in your picture. Because that
would have been trash from the start. So before he
started driving, he just he does something weird. He decided
(15:52):
to take off his shoes. Um and more was weird
about it that he wasn't wearing any socks. His toes
look crusty. But that wasn't even the point. I mean,
first of all, mad I crushed the toes. I was
not even showing on a date. But I mean, it's
it's all good. It's all good, you know, it was fine. Um.
I asked him, why do you tick off your shoes?
He was like, okay, I guess you're just taking it
(16:16):
literally when they say put your foot on the pedal,
He's like, literally, my feet on the pedal. Got it?
Not judging, I'm not just metal person. We're going and
then we get to the to the location finally. Um.
Until we get there, I was a little confused, you know.
I was confused. Well I was confused is because it
(16:38):
didn't look I wasn't seeing the city. I was still
we were still flat on the ground, and I was like,
where's the view. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna
get there. The view is, Um, it's right up there.
I turned and I look y'all, y'all tell me why
(17:01):
homeboy has brought me to a hiking spot. We have
to hike, oh the way up the hill just to
get to the city overlooking location to look at the view.
When I tell you, I was like confused, wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait, what do you mean.
(17:21):
He's like, you know what I'm saying. So are you ready? Yeah? Yeah? Sure?
So we start. I mean at first, I mean at first,
like maybe it's not that bad, that's why, you know.
Maybe it's like it's a shortcut, you know, that's why
he's like, oh, we gotta walk that way. Maybe it's
a short cut, like a little escalator is gonna take
us up. Child. We go, I see people like I
see people like jogging clothes and everything in like hiking shoes. Oh,
(17:45):
people actually out here working out. Please God, please stop,
please God, let there be a short cut. Let that
be in shots. Can remember, guys, I worked out this morning,
so my body's ready sore, and then we got to
climb the hill. Let me let me be positive. Maybe
this is actually a really cute walk. You know, as
you're walking and see like some you know, music playing
(18:06):
or something or some cute stuff. Let's see. Um we
start going. He's moving fast, so he's like one step,
one step, one step. I'm like one step, one step,
one step, like literally it was a struggle. And then
on we're walking. First, we're going to same pace, right first,
we're want the same page. We're walking and we're talking
(18:26):
and talking, so I'm trying to be catching. I'm trying
not to think too hard about how much this hurts
my legs. So I'm just like, okay, yeah, you know.
I'm like, oh yeah, so do you like working out?
And he's like we all working on every day and
day you know, and everything. And I'm like, oh, cool, cool,
And then he starts like I realized that he's getting
faster and I'm slowing down. So what is going? Why
aren't we not the same speed? He looks he's walking there,
(18:49):
looks back and he's like oh he waits, and I
catch up. I'm like, uh sorry sorry. He's like, oh,
I'm not It's cool. It's cool anyways, and keep on chatting.
And he keeps on going. Like his leg to a
long too, so he's like boom, poom poom boom, my
legs are long, but my legs a sor five minutes
into the walk. We haven't even gotten anywhere close today,
(19:10):
up to the view, you can still tell we still
have a long way to go. I'm like a blood
of Jesus. If he does not, what are we doing?
Where is the shortcut? Why didn't we just drive to
the top. He looks back and he's like, Yo, you're
taking too much time. I'm gonna have I'm gonna be
(19:30):
the top. You're gonna make me out the wear at
the what at the bottom? At the rock? At that?
You better stop at the wear at the top? How
he guys? I kid you not. Oh boy left me.
He left me and and and the oh gosh, y'all
(19:51):
the trauma is coming back. No I'm not crying though,
because he's trashed with it. He's clearly a trash. He
left me. He just he just nearly rent up the stairs.
A real man would have carried me up the stairs.
That's what a real man would have done. He would
have carried me. But that man was not a real man.
Get I was. I was so shook. I was like,
what the heck? So we get to the top. Homeboy
(20:15):
had the audacity. Finally we finally I get to the
top right and let me, saying he got to the
top way sooner than I did. I get to the top.
I'm looking at the view and this is this view
is not even worth it. I've gone back again to
this Hobor City stairs view and I'm like, it looks
it's beautiful. But at that moment, I was so mad.
I'm like this people was not worth it. Hope boy,
you left me. I let get. I did not stop
(20:35):
at him. I still smiled, I still spout and I
was like, you know, I worked up this morning, That's
why I was so slow. He's like, oh, it's fine.
I got stuffing for us. He pulls out of his
bag a bottle of wine and two red cups. What
you want me to do with a wine? Hmm? Come what?
(20:59):
Here's how the way you know the guys, the way
you know what I'm saying. We have a picture. This
date was we were gonna drive up, We'll park the car,
We'll get a blanket laying on the floor, sit down together.
He probably has a little sandwich path for us to eat,
because I was God knows, I was huging at that
moment because I haven't eaten dinner yet. I thought he
(21:19):
would have dinner ready or like a snap or something
for us, right sit down there, you know, lay down
talking with one another, chatting, you know, looking at the views,
sipping our wine together. We got to the top, we're
just standing there. There was a hell of people all around,
families with their dog. It was crowded with people. It
wasn't anything private, it wasn't anything intimate. It was just
(21:42):
like it was man wet and he left me. I
was just like this is this That was like the
biggest job and any of you to hord the wine
in the cup and it was just cheap, like six
dollar wine. It was the type of wine that red
wine to take that stains your your lips. So it
was cheap wine on the date that he didn't have
to pay for all. He probably spent with money on
(22:04):
gas and he didn't feed me. I left their tired.
I left there hungry. I left their upsets, but I
still you know, kept the classy on. It was like, yeah,
thanks you for the whine, you know, and he was like, yeah,
this is really nice. You know. You shoot a view
(22:24):
and get this y'all women up there and the sun
wasn't even setting yet. It was still like riding in
the day. It was hot, I was sweating. It was
not it was it was nearly one of the worst
days I've been on. There's he still left me again
going down, Um he didn't walk near me. I don't
know if I don't opened up why he was so
excited to get up in the first place. Anyways, but
going down he left me still. He kept on walking
(22:46):
and it would stop at the platform, look back, and
then keep on going. You know, like a little kid
when they're doing something bad, that they're funny, and they
keep on looking back to make sure that they're you know,
you're they're not gonna get smack, and they keep on
going out. That was him, childish childish A So I
wasn't dressed for they patients. So I feel like even
if I did do some research to see where we're going,
(23:08):
I would have been dressed in jim clothes, which is
still in correct mecom. He wasn't dressed in jim clothes.
He was dressed in jeans, Jordan's and like a black
T shirt. I don't know. I don't know. Tip trash,
never get wow, Dreya, you deserve so much better than that.
(23:31):
You should have told that guy to take a hike
like another hike by himself. If you want more Drea
in your life, make sure to follow her on YouTube, TikTok,
and Instagram at Drane's Best and check out our new
podcast Do it for the content. And now it's time
for another little branded story, all right. The next and
(23:51):
final harrowing tale is told by YouTuber Alex Myers. Alex
chairs with us the nightmare experience he had on his
first and last tender date. Now, this story happened a
couple of years ago, back when I was young and
full of dreams. I tried some online dating here and there,
but nothing really you know. Clicked. Tender had been around
(24:12):
for a little bit at this point, but it wasn't
quite as ubiquitous as it is now. I thought, why
not give it a shot? I mean, what's the worst
second happening? Right, guys? After about I want to say,
like a week or so, I'm asked with this girl
who was well, let's just say that she was my type,
like really really my type. I mean I was like
or something. I really hope I didn't make that noise anyway.
(24:35):
So we get to talking and chatting about this and that,
and things are going pretty well. Now. She seems cool
and definitely not like someone who's gonna well, you know,
I won't ruin it. Just sit back, grab some popcorn, kids,
sit back, you're in for a ride. Finally, after a
couple of days, we decided we should meet, and I
was thinking, Okay, my first tender date seemed like a
cool girl. All those tender horror stories aren't true. People
(24:56):
just lying for attention. Who even does that? You know,
just lie on the internet. Who would do such a thing.
So the day comes and I'm excited and anxious and
all that kind of stuff. I mean, whenever you meet
anyone from online, it's always kind of a crapshoot of like, well,
they might be normal, or they might try to skin
me alive. We meet at a cafe, you know, somewhere
brightly lit, public with more than one exit tip for
(25:18):
your kids. On the way, I was looking at a
profile pictures and I was like, oh man, first spin,
I hit the jack box. And so I walk in
and I tried to find it and I see her.
Now I'm not really sure how to describe this, Like
it wasn't like a catfish or anything, because it was
her just like okay, you know, like when you see
pictures of food at McDonald's and then you order it
and it kind that looks like the picture, like you
(25:41):
can tell that you got what you ordered, but like
the picture looks like this, but in real life it
looks like this. You know, like all the parts are
they're just not quite as advertised. This is really weird analogy.
She like didn't quite look like what I always led
to believe she would look like. And no, before you
say no, it wasn't just makeup or wasn't like go
manipulation or whatever. It was like if you've ever looked
(26:02):
for an apartment or something and you see pictures that
looks really awesome, then you go to check it out
and you're like, oh, but you know, I don't want
to be like a shallow jerk, you know, the one
who's like no, So I thought, well, I'm already here,
she's already here. Let's just have some dinner, nice conversation.
You know, I'll just keep an open mind. But like
you know, when you consciously try to act normal, but
(26:23):
you just come across like way too overly enthusiastic about
everything out of the ordinary. Hair, No, sir, no, ma'am,
you like marbles. So we sit and I remember the
conversation being nice. I guess I don't even remember what
it is we talked about specifically, because I was too
busy trying not to look like what I probably looked like.
I do remember when we talked about our jobs, and
remember she said I do photoshop and I was like,
(26:47):
you don't say now. Immediately, like she could read my mind,
she said, oh, but don't worry, I didn't photoshop any
of my profile pictures and I was like yeah. So
after a while she said, do you want to come
over to my place for some to sert? I didn't
want to do that. I wanted to go home. That's
the thing about me. I'll let you guys in not
a little secret here, Okay, if you ask me what
(27:09):
I want to do, the answer is I'd like to
stay home, please, like nine out of eight times. But again,
I didn't want to be rude. I mean, she knew
that she wasn't quite the girl in the profile picture,
and I knew, and now she knew that I knew,
but I didn't want to make her feel bad, you know,
because I'm such a nice guy, so I say yes,
(27:29):
which is a dumb idea, but well, here we are.
We get to her apartment and I remember the building
itself was like super pink, which is weird. I mean
it's weird anywhere, but especially in Tokyo, where every building
is gray or brown, it really stood out. Yeah. I
probably mentioned for those of you new people here, I've
been living in pain for like eleven years. Now, you know,
I don't expect you all to go through my entire backlog.
In fact, probably not a good idea. Anyway, we get
(27:51):
to her door. She turns to me and says, just
so you know, I really like Disney's Rapunzel. Now this
is a really random thing to say. I mean, it's
it all right movie, It's like a Seven Nights and
I guess it's fine. But anyway, we go inside, and
oh boy, I was not ready for the level of
Rapunzel in this apartment. Literally everything was Rapunzel or some
(28:13):
shade of purple and gold. Everything, every cup, every plate, everything,
and taking this all in, the only thing I could
say was huh it was. Then I also learned, due
to a variety of sensations, that she had a cat.
And here's another pro tip, kids, if you have a
cat and you invite someone over, you should probably tell
them you have a cat. Okay, now, I have no
problem with cats, but I also learned that night that
(28:35):
she doesn't clean the litter box at all. Literally, I
watched her do this. She just sprays for breeze around
aimlessly and calls it. Today there was a door in
the back of the room and I pointed to it
and I asked, what's in there. She gave this weird
like giggle laugh thing and said, it's just storage, and
then paused for a few seconds. You want to see.
(28:55):
At this point, I was thinking to myself, how much
worse could this possibly get? Here's a pro tip, kids,
don't ever ask that question. She opens the door and
we walk in. Now you won't believe what I'm about
to tell you. You're gonna sit there watching your screen
or your phone. You're gonna think to yourself, Okay, this
is some BS right here, but I swear to you
this is real. We go inside and there are two
(29:16):
shelves against the wall. On the lower shelf is every
rapunzel doll you could ever imagine, all lined up. I mean, like, really,
every single type probably in existence. But then on the
top shelf above these dolls were all of the doll
heads of the dolls on the lower shelves. She I
assumed ripped the heads off of each doll and put
(29:36):
them on a separate shelf. As you can probably imagine,
I was a little put off by this. I wanted
to be like, Okay, that's enough for me, see later,
I'm out of here. But all I could say in
that moment was can I use your bathroom? So I
sat there trying to come up with some like double
oh seven James Bond way of like trying to sneak
out a window, or I don't know, there's some air
ducks or something. But then again, I didn't want to
(29:57):
stay in the bathroom too long or oh, she might
think I'm taking up poop, which is infinitely more embarrassing. Okay,
so I get out of the bathroom and I hear
her talking I assumed to someone, or maybe like on
the phone or something. Right, But then on her coffee table,
which has this most like obnoxiously large ropunzo face on it,
I see her phone. Well, maybe she's talking, you know,
to the cat. Maybe she's being like, oh, who's the
(30:17):
cutest little boy or whatever it is that cat people do.
But then, right as I thought that almost on cute,
the cat rubbed past my leg. It flipped up its tail,
it looked at me like we all float down here.
I then noticed that her voice was coming from the
storage room. I sneak up because you know, I don't
want to interrupt her nightly blood letting voodoo ritual or whatever.
Now peeking in, I realized that she is talking to
(30:41):
the dollheads. O can'y time to get out of here.
I run to the table, I grab my coat, grab
my phone, I delete Tinder off my phone, and just
one continuous motion like I was Neil escaping from the matrix.
Luckily I caught the second to last train home and
somehouse of I have to tell you all this story now,
(31:01):
the more of the story. Kids don't use dating apps,
just hang out and meeting new people at your local
library or literally anywhere else. Sounds like he really got
tangled up in an awkward situation there. Maybe he needed
to just relax and let his hair down. She sounded
(31:22):
like a real doll to me. Okay, I'll stop if
you want to hear more of Alex's stories and check
out his awesome animation. Make sure to subscribe to his
YouTube channel Alex Myers, and he's got a new podcast
out called Doing the Devil's Tango. Well, there you have it.
That concludes the first episode of the story Time Podcast.
(31:45):
Huge shout out to all of our tail spinners, Culture Crash,
Drea nos Best, and Alex Myers. Make sure to check
them out and give them a follow on all of
their platforms. I'll see all you little Fable babies next week. Mom, Mom,
where is my milk? Have you ever been on a
terrible date? We'd love to hear about it. Type up
(32:05):
your story or send an audio file to story Time
at Collab dot Inc. And maybe we'll share our favorites
on an upcoming episode. If you enjoyed this episode, please
take a moment and give us a five star rating
and leave a review. It really helps us out a lot.
Story Time is a production of I Heart Radio and
Collab executive producers Eric Jack's Song Kang and Will McFadden.
(32:26):
Hosted by Will McFadden, Produced by Jessica Eccles, Jason Shapiro,
Jenny Elmer, and Danielle Mora. Written by Jenny Almer, with
additional writing by Will McFadden, sound designed by Tony Maddock's
original score by Scott Simons, cover art by John Kusagaya,
and animation by Bella Bushap
Before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to
let you all know that we are doing a giveaway.
Each week, we will be selecting one lucky listener and
sending them a fifty dollar Amazon gift card and a
story Time t shirt. All you have to do is
rate and review the podcast. Follow Storytime dot Pod on
Instagram and leave a comment on the latest post that
says I'm an official fable baby. That's it. Also, if
(00:24):
you have a damn good story to tell and you
want to hear it on an upcoming listener episode tivity,
type that thing up and email it or send an
audio file of you telling your story to story Time
at collab dot Inc. Can't wait to hear him. Welcome
(00:58):
to story Time, the podcast us to where I bring
you the best stories from around the Internet, produced by
I Heart Radio and Collab. I am your fearless host,
Will Handsome McFadden, but you can just call me Will Cookie.
What are you doing in here? Oh? Sorry? Sorry? Are
you doing one of those mom Get out of here?
(01:19):
I told you I needed the office for a few
hours every Wednesday. Okay, okay, can you please stop calling
me Cookie? I'm almost forty years old. I'm a grown man.
I have a podcast. Sorry, I'm going You want a
glass milk? Yes? I do, Thank you? Please close the door.
Sorry about that interruption. That was just my super hot girlfriend,
(01:40):
you know, trying to give me another BackRub. Anyway, where
was I? The Internet is a deep and dark dumpster
full of stories, and I fearlessly dive in head first,
sift through the flaming trash, and bring you nothing but
absolute treasures. Everyone loves a good story, whether it's fact
(02:01):
or fiction, comedy or tragedy, rags to riches or a
fall from fortune. Our ability to share our stories is
something that makes us uniquely human. I mean, mere cats
don't sit around a fire telling each other's spooky stories.
At least I don't think they do. But if you're
listening to this and you're a mere cat that attends
fireside storytelling parties, please please please send me an invite.
(02:23):
I love you guys, you're super cute. I will bring snacks.
Where was I? We use stories to pass on our history,
to share our experiences, to relate to one another and
feel a little less alone in this world. Storytelling at
its core, is about belonging. Today, I'm bringing you three
stories from three YouTubers looking for love and connection but
instead finding cringe and deception. And what a better way
(02:47):
to kick off this podcast than with something we can
all pretty much relate to awkward first dates. And trust me,
I am an expert on this subject. If I had
a beanie baby for every terrible first date I've been on,
well let's just say I'd have a pile of beanie babies.
I may even have one of those super rare Princess
(03:07):
Diana bears. Anyway, I have been on a few second
dates in my life, although the last second date I
went on ended three years later in divorce. But it's fine,
you know, it's cool. I've I've got a new super
hot girlfriend that I mentioned earlier who was definitely real,
and love's backrubs and everything's fine. You know, everything's fine.
I definitely still don't cry about Sheila in the shower.
(03:28):
I don't, I swear, I don't. Pro tip of the day,
if anyone comes across a Sheila on Tinder or Bumble
or Bramble or any dating app, just swipe left. Your
heart can't take it. Trust me. And speaking of swiping,
I've been swiping through stories all week, and this one
is definitely a match. So let's kick off this podcast
(03:50):
with a story by a fantastic creator that goes by
the name culture Crash. I'd like to take this story
time to tell of my experiences on Tinder and of
dates in general, in the hopes that you might glean
some element of my character from these tales and learn
not to make the same mistakes. No, hey, maybe you'll
just get to laugh at my misfortune. Either way, Let's
(04:11):
begin with a story I like to call the Mini
Golf Mongoose and her hypocritical hijinks. This story begins in
the early days of Bumble and app essentially identical to Tinder,
except the girl always gets the message first. This prevents
girls getting spammed with creepy messages from strangers who they
drunkenly swiped right on the night before while having a
laugh with their girlfriends. And no, before you start making jokes,
(04:32):
I wasn't un bumbled because that exhausted every option on Tinder.
I just reached my cap on swiping for the day
and didn't want to buy whatever the Tinder premium thing
is called gold. I think Tinder gold, Tinder platinum. Why
am I asking when no one can answer anyway, downloading
another app seemed the fastest way to solve my problem.
I started swiping and immediately noticed that I was finding
a lot of genuinely attractive girls. Now I knew why
(04:55):
it was called bumble, because it was full of honeys.
Oh God, I hate myself of that joke. Can we
just we just forget? I said that great, I'd I'd
rather not be remembered as a creepy uncle. Within a
few minutes, I had matched with a girl and she
looked super cute. I honestly couldn't believe we had matched.
I thought for sure it must be a bot or something,
but no, she was real and she messaged me that night.
(05:15):
We had a bit of playful banter back and forth.
She seems confident and intelligent and had a good sense
of humor. I was ready to ask her out on
a date, and I've been mulling over the idea of
minigolf as a first date activity. It has a few advantages.
It gives you a chance to chat unlike a movie,
a bit of competitive spirit to get the conversation going,
and not too long, so if the date is going badly,
you have an exit plan. Little did I realize that
(05:36):
I was going to need that last advantage the most.
The day of the date arrives and I've got the
usual pre date jitters, but mostly because I'm excited to
meet this girl in person. Let's call this girl Penelope. Actually, no,
that's two nights of a name for this girl. Let's
call a Time Oister. I step inside the minigolf lobby
and see that there's only one person in the whole place.
She doesn't look at all like Time Oister, so that
couldn't possibly be her. As I look more closely, though,
(05:59):
the truth dawns on me. It is Time Oister. She
sees me and smiles. She looks nothing like her picture
on Bumble. I forced a smile back. My mind is
rotating through the pictures on her profiles, tripping away at
the filters and accounting for how she posed herself to
try and explain the disparity between the girl I saw
on Tinder and the girl in front of me. But
in the next instant, I realized how stupid I'm being.
(06:19):
What does it matter if she doesn't look exactly like
her pictures. She's still cute and we got along really
well when we talked online. I resolved to give the
data fair shot and see if we connected on a
deeper level, as you can guess by the nickname Time Moister,
though this was a foolish endeavor. The first issue was
she was clearly very shy, like incredibly shy. Not like
it's cute that she blushes when I compliment her shy,
(06:40):
but more like so shy that she can't bring herself
to hold a conversation with another person and withdraws as
a defense mechanism shy. I'm not holding it against her.
I get a bit shy when meeting new people too,
but it's impossible to have an engaging conversation with someone
who kills every topic with a simple yes or no
or maybe or I don't know. I think it felt
especially egregious at the time because it was so different
(07:01):
to how she spoke on Bumble. It was jarring, But
at this point I just felt a little uncomfortable and
a little sorry for her, So I wanted to do
my best to let her relax into the situation and
maybe open up a bit more. If you're feeling sorry
for her at this point in the story, just the
way we begin playing and I'm trying desperately to make
small talk about anything. I'm getting smiles and nods of acknowledgment,
(07:22):
but no real responses, no back and forth. I'm formulating
a game plan to wrap this up as quickly as
possible and get out of it. Then she takes her
part and the ball comes within millimeters of going in,
and she gets all puffed up about it and taps
it in any way, saying we're not counting that one.
I'm like, okay, she's trying to be playful and keep
it light. That's good. I mean, she's a cheater, but
at least she's a cheater who's showing some personality. Now
(07:42):
I laugh and say, all right, all right, and we
move on to the next top. This one's got a
water hazard and time wasted to waste, no time in
smacking her ball right into the water. She plucks it out.
That one doesn't count either. I laugh again, even though
her turn was more serious that time. She's getting frustrated,
I can tell. So now we've gone from no personality
to frustrate it fantastic. The game proceeds in this way
(08:02):
for a while, cycling through silence, frustration, and attempts at
small talk. She decides to break up this repetition with
a new element, bragging. She's bragging because she's beating me.
How surprising the person who's able to retract any dud
shots she makes is winning. What a flattering quality in
a person, someone who brags about such small victories. And no,
she wasn't doing it in a cute way. It was
(08:23):
aggressive bragging, rubbing it in my face. She genuinely thought
she was better than me. I don't think I'm a
prideful person, but this state's certainly tested my patience on
the matter. As she stripped away in every shred of
my manhood. I'm trying to figure out how to get
across just how awful this really was. Imagine if you've
got a pet mongoose because they looked cuddly in pictures.
You bring it home, and the whole way home it's
(08:44):
completely silent. You think it's just nervous. Then you go
to play with it and it doesn't engage with you
at all. When you try to feed it to show
it some degree of affection, it lashes out and scratches
your hand. You tried desperately to have fun with this mongoose.
And it gives you nothing in return. Then, to add
insult to injury, the mongoose finds your pet snake and
kills it. Timewister is the aggressive mongoose ripping the snake
(09:05):
my manhood to pieces. Now, it's not think too long
about the symbolic ramifications of a snake representing manhood, and
you know what I'll say it. She had a face
a bit like a mongoose, too small features, with a
pointy chin and sharp teeth. I thought I was above
commenting on her appearance, but apparently not. I think it
adds something to my growing dislike for her that every
time she was bragging or getting mad at her awful
(09:27):
parts or pouting, that I had to look at her
little mongoosey face. We proceed to one of those holes
where you hit the ball up a slope at the
very start. If you miss, the ball hits the opposite
wall and rolls back down. Of course, mongoose herself stuffs
it up about three times and resets every time. When
the ball rolls back down, my eyes roll along with it.
She finally hits the ball in after signing super loudly,
(09:47):
and it's my turn. I take a shot. A miss
and it rolls back down jokingly. I say, like, you're
not counting those ones, and she says, yes, we are.
I think she's kidding, of course, but a deadpan expression
says otherwise. I'm like, you got to take your us back,
and Mongoose says, and I quote, yeah, but you're a guy.
My mind is blown. What is this reverse sexism? Bs?
Am I alone in thinking that we should be playing
(10:09):
by the same rules. Can you imagine if I said
to a girl that I would give myself a handicap
because I'm a guy and therefore I'm better than her
at minigolf? I mean, seriously, it's mini golf. I can't
stress enough how much she was not kidding either. She
wasn't being playful or cute or anything. She just straight
up thought that she should get to take back her
shots and I shouldn't. And not only that she would
get mad if I tried to take back a shot.
(10:29):
Mongoose is a complete hypocrite, and hypocrites are something that
I just cannot stand. I let it go. We only
had a few holes left. After all. The bragging not
only continued but escalated. Other people at the minigolf park
were looking at her because she was making that much noise.
My only play was to awkwardly laugh it off when
she got too excited about it. On the hole in
front of us was a couple who'd obviously been together
(10:50):
for a while. They were the picture of perfection. No, actually,
you know what, that's unfair. I hated mongoose. Hate is
a strong word, but in that moment, I really did it.
If I were a more assertive person back then that
I would have just walked out. But I resigned myself
to finishing the game. I knew there was only one
way to bring back some shred of dignity and salvage
the horrendous adding that this had turned out to be,
(11:11):
I had to win. I dug deep and played the
best I could. Her ball got stuck in one of
the rocks that had a PVC pipe through it. I
laughed in my head. I laughed so hard in my
head that I laughed out loud. She got angry, but
I didn't care. I got a hole in one on
the same hole, and it felt so good when I
turned to see mongoose stunned in disbelief. But alas it
was too late. I was trailing by two strokes on
(11:33):
the final hole and was unable to beat her. She
rubbed it in. The couple in front of us, who
had just finished furied their browsing confusion, and I stood
there and just had to cover it on the chin.
I fumbled my way through the goodbyes and lied, saying
a message her. In fairness, she didn't seem like she
wanted to meet up again either. I took the scorecard
from that game with me and kept it in my
car as a reminder of a few things. Firstly, be
(11:55):
careful about pictures, check those angles and the filters. Secondly,
be more a cerative. If your date is awful, you
don't need to humor them and stick it out just
to be polite. Lastly, don't do mini golf is the
first date. Anything competitive really is just about to bring
out the worst of people. In recent times, my view
on that last rule has changed. I think mini golf
can work, but the scar runs so deep for me
(12:16):
that it's hard to forget. Mongoose ruined mini golf for me,
a crime that I can never forgive. Sure I'll still play,
but as the breeze turns the tiny windmill, I can
still hear her mocking laughter. It was a small price
to pay for a lesson. Well, let an hour of
my life and sixteen bucks. Wow, Wow, what a cheater?
(12:38):
Are you sure her name wasn't Sheila? Because Sheila used
to cheat on everything board games tests me. For more stories,
explainer VIDs and awesome animation, make sure to subscribe to
culture Crash on YouTube. And now it's time for a
little baby story about a service or a product, also
known as an ad. Welcome back our next terrible, horrible,
(13:01):
no good, very bad Tinder tragedy is told by Drea
Okak also known as Drea Knows Best, and on this date,
instead of eating a nice meal, she ends up eating
her dates dust take it Away and Drea. I met
this guy online. His name was I'm not gonna give better.
Her name name was Sean. Let's make of her name
(13:22):
called Sean Sean Sono a good guy's name. Um, so
I met. I was swiping through when I saw Sean,
and let me describe my Sean looks like so y'all
can really like visualize it as I'm talking. So Sean
was his fine chocolate looking man. He was tall six
three and y'all know I'm six too. So when I
saw six three, I said, I swiped right and we matched.
(13:47):
So within like the first three days of talking, We're vibing,
chatting consistently, and I'm like, this guy is really cool.
I'm really bobing with this guy, like I would love
to finally like seeing him in person. And guess what
Sean was interested to up? He was like, what day
you free? All love to take you out? Yes, that's
what I'm talking about, a man that knows what he was.
(14:07):
I killed you not when you're all like when you're
dating period or like talking with a guy, it takes
some Some guys just take forever to ask you out.
And it's like when it comes to picking out anything,
I'm very incisive. So Sean did really good by, you know,
giving me two options and where we want to go
to would you like for me to take you to
like the spend the day, spend it even at the beach.
(14:27):
We will be able to get there an evening time
and just write in time to watch the sunset in
Venice it looks really really beautiful. Or would you rather
us you know, go up to the hill um and
be able to watch the sunset and overlook the city
and it's very, very beautiful. So here's the thing with
those two options, right, he gave me the option of
the beach and the overlooking the city. Now, the problem
(14:50):
with the beach is that it was wintertime. Honey, my
body was not hot girl, summer ready. My body was.
I was about to be off their show when you
roll on our first date. Not so obviously, I picked
overlook the city. Plus, I mean, l A is really pretty,
and um, I like the sound of this, Like, you know,
(15:11):
the sun is about to set, You're looking at the view,
you know you and him are together, and it's like
it just it just sounds very romantic. So I'm like,
all right, let's do that romantic and safe love it
Right before he picked me up, and to make sure
I look cute, you know, I put on my makeup.
I look real cute. Not too much makeup is enough
to look popping. I had a really nice green sun
(15:31):
dress on and sandals because you know, we're about to
go look at the sunset. He comes to pick me up,
he looks really good, he smells really good, and it
just I'm just like, wow, thank god he didn't look
like a completely different person in your picture. Because that
would have been trash from the start. So before he
started driving, he just he does something weird. He decided
(15:52):
to take off his shoes. Um and more was weird
about it that he wasn't wearing any socks. His toes
look crusty. But that wasn't even the point. I mean,
first of all, mad I crushed the toes. I was
not even showing on a date. But I mean, it's
it's all good. It's all good, you know, it was fine. Um.
I asked him, why do you tick off your shoes?
He was like, okay, I guess you're just taking it
(16:16):
literally when they say put your foot on the pedal,
He's like, literally, my feet on the pedal. Got it?
Not judging, I'm not just metal person. We're going and
then we get to the to the location finally. Um.
Until we get there, I was a little confused, you know.
I was confused. Well I was confused is because it
(16:38):
didn't look I wasn't seeing the city. I was still
we were still flat on the ground, and I was like,
where's the view. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna
get there. The view is, Um, it's right up there.
I turned and I look y'all, y'all tell me why
(17:01):
homeboy has brought me to a hiking spot. We have
to hike, oh the way up the hill just to
get to the city overlooking location to look at the view.
When I tell you, I was like confused, wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait, what do you mean.
(17:21):
He's like, you know what I'm saying. So are you ready? Yeah? Yeah? Sure?
So we start. I mean at first, I mean at first,
like maybe it's not that bad, that's why, you know.
Maybe it's like it's a shortcut, you know, that's why
he's like, oh, we gotta walk that way. Maybe it's
a short cut, like a little escalator is gonna take
us up. Child. We go, I see people like I
see people like jogging clothes and everything in like hiking shoes. Oh,
(17:45):
people actually out here working out. Please God, please stop,
please God, let there be a short cut. Let that
be in shots. Can remember, guys, I worked out this morning,
so my body's ready sore, and then we got to
climb the hill. Let me let me be positive. Maybe
this is actually a really cute walk. You know, as
you're walking and see like some you know, music playing
(18:06):
or something or some cute stuff. Let's see. Um we
start going. He's moving fast, so he's like one step,
one step, one step. I'm like one step, one step,
one step, like literally it was a struggle. And then
on we're walking. First, we're going to same pace, right first,
we're want the same page. We're walking and we're talking
(18:26):
and talking, so I'm trying to be catching. I'm trying
not to think too hard about how much this hurts
my legs. So I'm just like, okay, yeah, you know.
I'm like, oh yeah, so do you like working out?
And he's like we all working on every day and
day you know, and everything. And I'm like, oh, cool, cool,
And then he starts like I realized that he's getting
faster and I'm slowing down. So what is going? Why
aren't we not the same speed? He looks he's walking there,
(18:49):
looks back and he's like oh he waits, and I
catch up. I'm like, uh sorry sorry. He's like, oh,
I'm not It's cool. It's cool anyways, and keep on chatting.
And he keeps on going. Like his leg to a
long too, so he's like boom, poom poom boom, my
legs are long, but my legs a sor five minutes
into the walk. We haven't even gotten anywhere close today,
(19:10):
up to the view, you can still tell we still
have a long way to go. I'm like a blood
of Jesus. If he does not, what are we doing?
Where is the shortcut? Why didn't we just drive to
the top. He looks back and he's like, Yo, you're
taking too much time. I'm gonna have I'm gonna be
(19:30):
the top. You're gonna make me out the wear at
the what at the bottom? At the rock? At that?
You better stop at the wear at the top? How
he guys? I kid you not. Oh boy left me.
He left me and and and the oh gosh, y'all
(19:51):
the trauma is coming back. No I'm not crying though,
because he's trashed with it. He's clearly a trash. He
left me. He just he just nearly rent up the stairs.
A real man would have carried me up the stairs.
That's what a real man would have done. He would
have carried me. But that man was not a real man.
Get I was. I was so shook. I was like,
what the heck? So we get to the top. Homeboy
(20:15):
had the audacity. Finally we finally I get to the
top right and let me, saying he got to the
top way sooner than I did. I get to the top.
I'm looking at the view and this is this view
is not even worth it. I've gone back again to
this Hobor City stairs view and I'm like, it looks
it's beautiful. But at that moment, I was so mad.
I'm like this people was not worth it. Hope boy,
you left me. I let get. I did not stop
(20:35):
at him. I still smiled, I still spout and I
was like, you know, I worked up this morning, That's
why I was so slow. He's like, oh, it's fine.
I got stuffing for us. He pulls out of his
bag a bottle of wine and two red cups. What
you want me to do with a wine? Hmm? Come what?
(20:59):
Here's how the way you know the guys, the way
you know what I'm saying. We have a picture. This
date was we were gonna drive up, We'll park the car,
We'll get a blanket laying on the floor, sit down together.
He probably has a little sandwich path for us to eat,
because I was God knows, I was huging at that
moment because I haven't eaten dinner yet. I thought he
(21:19):
would have dinner ready or like a snap or something
for us, right sit down there, you know, lay down
talking with one another, chatting, you know, looking at the views,
sipping our wine together. We got to the top, we're
just standing there. There was a hell of people all around,
families with their dog. It was crowded with people. It
wasn't anything private, it wasn't anything intimate. It was just
(21:42):
like it was man wet and he left me. I
was just like this is this That was like the
biggest job and any of you to hord the wine
in the cup and it was just cheap, like six
dollar wine. It was the type of wine that red
wine to take that stains your your lips. So it
was cheap wine on the date that he didn't have
to pay for all. He probably spent with money on
(22:04):
gas and he didn't feed me. I left their tired.
I left there hungry. I left their upsets, but I
still you know, kept the classy on. It was like, yeah,
thanks you for the whine, you know, and he was like, yeah,
this is really nice. You know. You shoot a view
(22:24):
and get this y'all women up there and the sun
wasn't even setting yet. It was still like riding in
the day. It was hot, I was sweating. It was
not it was it was nearly one of the worst
days I've been on. There's he still left me again
going down, Um he didn't walk near me. I don't
know if I don't opened up why he was so
excited to get up in the first place. Anyways, but
going down he left me still. He kept on walking
(22:46):
and it would stop at the platform, look back, and
then keep on going. You know, like a little kid
when they're doing something bad, that they're funny, and they
keep on looking back to make sure that they're you know,
you're they're not gonna get smack, and they keep on
going out. That was him, childish childish A So I
wasn't dressed for they patients. So I feel like even
if I did do some research to see where we're going,
(23:08):
I would have been dressed in jim clothes, which is
still in correct mecom. He wasn't dressed in jim clothes.
He was dressed in jeans, Jordan's and like a black
T shirt. I don't know. I don't know. Tip trash,
never get wow, Dreya, you deserve so much better than that.
(23:31):
You should have told that guy to take a hike
like another hike by himself. If you want more Drea
in your life, make sure to follow her on YouTube, TikTok,
and Instagram at Drane's Best and check out our new
podcast Do it for the content. And now it's time
for another little branded story, all right. The next and
(23:51):
final harrowing tale is told by YouTuber Alex Myers. Alex
chairs with us the nightmare experience he had on his
first and last tender date. Now, this story happened a
couple of years ago, back when I was young and
full of dreams. I tried some online dating here and there,
but nothing really you know. Clicked. Tender had been around
(24:12):
for a little bit at this point, but it wasn't
quite as ubiquitous as it is now. I thought, why
not give it a shot? I mean, what's the worst
second happening? Right, guys? After about I want to say,
like a week or so, I'm asked with this girl
who was well, let's just say that she was my type,
like really really my type. I mean I was like
or something. I really hope I didn't make that noise anyway.
(24:35):
So we get to talking and chatting about this and that,
and things are going pretty well. Now. She seems cool
and definitely not like someone who's gonna well, you know,
I won't ruin it. Just sit back, grab some popcorn, kids,
sit back, you're in for a ride. Finally, after a
couple of days, we decided we should meet, and I
was thinking, Okay, my first tender date seemed like a
cool girl. All those tender horror stories aren't true. People
(24:56):
just lying for attention. Who even does that? You know,
just lie on the internet. Who would do such a thing.
So the day comes and I'm excited and anxious and
all that kind of stuff. I mean, whenever you meet
anyone from online, it's always kind of a crapshoot of like, well,
they might be normal, or they might try to skin
me alive. We meet at a cafe, you know, somewhere
brightly lit, public with more than one exit tip for
(25:18):
your kids. On the way, I was looking at a
profile pictures and I was like, oh man, first spin,
I hit the jack box. And so I walk in
and I tried to find it and I see her.
Now I'm not really sure how to describe this, Like
it wasn't like a catfish or anything, because it was
her just like okay, you know, like when you see
pictures of food at McDonald's and then you order it
and it kind that looks like the picture, like you
(25:41):
can tell that you got what you ordered, but like
the picture looks like this, but in real life it
looks like this. You know, like all the parts are
they're just not quite as advertised. This is really weird analogy.
She like didn't quite look like what I always led
to believe she would look like. And no, before you
say no, it wasn't just makeup or wasn't like go
manipulation or whatever. It was like if you've ever looked
(26:02):
for an apartment or something and you see pictures that
looks really awesome, then you go to check it out
and you're like, oh, but you know, I don't want
to be like a shallow jerk, you know, the one
who's like no, So I thought, well, I'm already here,
she's already here. Let's just have some dinner, nice conversation.
You know, I'll just keep an open mind. But like
you know, when you consciously try to act normal, but
(26:23):
you just come across like way too overly enthusiastic about
everything out of the ordinary. Hair, No, sir, no, ma'am,
you like marbles. So we sit and I remember the
conversation being nice. I guess I don't even remember what
it is we talked about specifically, because I was too
busy trying not to look like what I probably looked like.
I do remember when we talked about our jobs, and
remember she said I do photoshop and I was like,
(26:47):
you don't say now. Immediately, like she could read my mind,
she said, oh, but don't worry, I didn't photoshop any
of my profile pictures and I was like yeah. So
after a while she said, do you want to come
over to my place for some to sert? I didn't
want to do that. I wanted to go home. That's
the thing about me. I'll let you guys in not
a little secret here, Okay, if you ask me what
(27:09):
I want to do, the answer is I'd like to
stay home, please, like nine out of eight times. But again,
I didn't want to be rude. I mean, she knew
that she wasn't quite the girl in the profile picture,
and I knew, and now she knew that I knew,
but I didn't want to make her feel bad, you know,
because I'm such a nice guy, so I say yes,
(27:29):
which is a dumb idea, but well, here we are.
We get to her apartment and I remember the building
itself was like super pink, which is weird. I mean
it's weird anywhere, but especially in Tokyo, where every building
is gray or brown, it really stood out. Yeah. I
probably mentioned for those of you new people here, I've
been living in pain for like eleven years. Now, you know,
I don't expect you all to go through my entire backlog.
In fact, probably not a good idea. Anyway, we get
(27:51):
to her door. She turns to me and says, just
so you know, I really like Disney's Rapunzel. Now this
is a really random thing to say. I mean, it's
it all right movie, It's like a Seven Nights and
I guess it's fine. But anyway, we go inside, and
oh boy, I was not ready for the level of
Rapunzel in this apartment. Literally everything was Rapunzel or some
(28:13):
shade of purple and gold. Everything, every cup, every plate, everything,
and taking this all in, the only thing I could
say was huh it was. Then I also learned, due
to a variety of sensations, that she had a cat.
And here's another pro tip, kids, if you have a
cat and you invite someone over, you should probably tell
them you have a cat. Okay, now, I have no
problem with cats, but I also learned that night that
(28:35):
she doesn't clean the litter box at all. Literally, I
watched her do this. She just sprays for breeze around
aimlessly and calls it. Today there was a door in
the back of the room and I pointed to it
and I asked, what's in there. She gave this weird
like giggle laugh thing and said, it's just storage, and
then paused for a few seconds. You want to see.
(28:55):
At this point, I was thinking to myself, how much
worse could this possibly get? Here's a pro tip, kids,
don't ever ask that question. She opens the door and
we walk in. Now you won't believe what I'm about
to tell you. You're gonna sit there watching your screen
or your phone. You're gonna think to yourself, Okay, this
is some BS right here, but I swear to you
this is real. We go inside and there are two
(29:16):
shelves against the wall. On the lower shelf is every
rapunzel doll you could ever imagine, all lined up. I mean, like, really,
every single type probably in existence. But then on the
top shelf above these dolls were all of the doll
heads of the dolls on the lower shelves. She I
assumed ripped the heads off of each doll and put
(29:36):
them on a separate shelf. As you can probably imagine,
I was a little put off by this. I wanted
to be like, Okay, that's enough for me, see later,
I'm out of here. But all I could say in
that moment was can I use your bathroom? So I
sat there trying to come up with some like double
oh seven James Bond way of like trying to sneak
out a window, or I don't know, there's some air
ducks or something. But then again, I didn't want to
(29:57):
stay in the bathroom too long or oh, she might
think I'm taking up poop, which is infinitely more embarrassing. Okay,
so I get out of the bathroom and I hear
her talking I assumed to someone, or maybe like on
the phone or something. Right, But then on her coffee table,
which has this most like obnoxiously large ropunzo face on it,
I see her phone. Well, maybe she's talking, you know,
to the cat. Maybe she's being like, oh, who's the
(30:17):
cutest little boy or whatever it is that cat people do.
But then, right as I thought that almost on cute,
the cat rubbed past my leg. It flipped up its tail,
it looked at me like we all float down here.
I then noticed that her voice was coming from the
storage room. I sneak up because you know, I don't
want to interrupt her nightly blood letting voodoo ritual or whatever.
Now peeking in, I realized that she is talking to
(30:41):
the dollheads. O can'y time to get out of here.
I run to the table, I grab my coat, grab
my phone, I delete Tinder off my phone, and just
one continuous motion like I was Neil escaping from the matrix.
Luckily I caught the second to last train home and
somehouse of I have to tell you all this story now,
(31:01):
the more of the story. Kids don't use dating apps,
just hang out and meeting new people at your local
library or literally anywhere else. Sounds like he really got
tangled up in an awkward situation there. Maybe he needed
to just relax and let his hair down. She sounded
(31:22):
like a real doll to me. Okay, I'll stop if
you want to hear more of Alex's stories and check
out his awesome animation. Make sure to subscribe to his
YouTube channel Alex Myers, and he's got a new podcast
out called Doing the Devil's Tango. Well, there you have it.
That concludes the first episode of the story Time Podcast.
(31:45):
Huge shout out to all of our tail spinners, Culture Crash,
Drea nos Best, and Alex Myers. Make sure to check
them out and give them a follow on all of
their platforms. I'll see all you little Fable babies next week. Mom, Mom,
where is my milk? Have you ever been on a
terrible date? We'd love to hear about it. Type up
(32:05):
your story or send an audio file to story Time
at Collab dot Inc. And maybe we'll share our favorites
on an upcoming episode. If you enjoyed this episode, please
take a moment and give us a five star rating
and leave a review. It really helps us out a lot.
Story Time is a production of I Heart Radio and
Collab executive producers Eric Jack's Song Kang and Will McFadden.
(32:26):
Hosted by Will McFadden, Produced by Jessica Eccles, Jason Shapiro,
Jenny Elmer, and Danielle Mora. Written by Jenny Almer, with
additional writing by Will McFadden, sound designed by Tony Maddock's
original score by Scott Simons, cover art by John Kusagaya,
and animation by Bella Bushap
Host
Will McFadden
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