The Politics of Men, Women, Money and Marriage

A full panel discussion about the politics of men, women, money and marriage 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of
Charlamagne to God.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
And guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at
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Speaker 1 (00:19):
We got the Woman of All.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts, we got Good Mom's Bad Choices.
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And of course it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the
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(00:43):
Com Flash Podcast Festival.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Ye say, don't want to ask you a question?

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Real good, Let's just keep a real straight shot with
no chase. So I'm gonna get a little bit rough.
I'm here for it. Those who really believed in the
American process, all of us Street shot, no chase, set,
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(01:18):
I am here with Marcellus, and I have opened up
the chat. I have opened up the chat because it
looks like we need to have a quick little chat.
But I want to get to the posts about marriage.
The other day when white women was telling y'all the
only reason why I posted because y'all love saying only
black women think like this. Only black people talk like this,
only black black black black black. And I'm trying to

(01:39):
let y'all know white women also across the board are
saying they would rather just be single. Across the board. Marcellus,
one of the Passport bros, came in and said, Uh, well,
they ain't talking like that overseas. Oh actually they are.
Actually we covered I think with Marcel's on Front page
News or one of the stories we pulled about China
having record low they are forcing but have babies now

(02:00):
because the women are single and saying, get somebody else
to do it. So I want to put this out
here that a guy just got upset and told me
just be a lesbian if I hate men and all
of that. And I didn't know what is all this
coming from. So let me just be clear what you guys.
I am pro marriage. I did not have a child
at a wedlock. I got married. I had my child

(02:23):
seven years while we were married, before I had Jada.
I am very I am my ex husband's biggest fan.
You guys have seen me go live many times with
him in the background. Marcella's You've been around to see it.
I speak nothing but high things of him. My mother
was a married woman who had me in wedlock, not

(02:45):
no shotgun either had me several years after she was married.
My grandparents, maternal and paternal on both sides, were married
for over forty years and had all of their children
in wedlock with their husband. And so ain't nothing. Ain't
nobody mad over here about nothing, you know. So let's
be clear about that. Every black woman that has a

(03:08):
different opinion on marriage is not always coming from a
place that you need healing and you upset. And that's
all I've ever seen in my family. Marcella's Okay, my
two closest friends are married women, and I was married
fifteen years. I don't want to be married again, but
I was married fifteen years. So I need y'all to
know that not everybody is coming from a place of

(03:28):
anger and heard and all of that because somebody is
deciding to be single. There are many, many reasons why
people are deciding to be single or have companionship without
being legally married. Right, Okay, And we're going to get
into that, and we're gonna do some shows about that.
We're gonna do some live debates about that as well
on Revolt. But we have to take this everybody mad

(03:50):
Black women gonna die loan and all that. We got
to take that out. I know the podcast bros Ran
with that for a minute, but I'm just simply giving
you the data that the reality is is women are
more than likely gonna die alone anyway, because y'all die first.
So my grandmother was married for fifty years, she's ninety three,
her husband passed away in his seventies, and she's been

(04:10):
alone for fifteen years. So we're going to literally die
alone anyway. Yeah, if we're literally talking about like if
you're gonna die being married with your partner. That's just
a fact. So podcast Bros, I think y'all should come
up with something else that lands better, Like maybe you're
gonna live life the majority of your life alone or

(04:31):
you're gonna be miserable, Like, find something else besides just
die alone. Because the data, just based on the data,
shows that we outlive you. So if you're only marrying
because you want somebody to help you wipe your ass,
and you're thinking that's gonna be your husband, it just
doesn't land that way for women. But women are more
likely to be their husband's caretaker. This is also based

(04:52):
on data. Because y'all die first and typically are in
worse health than us. This is based on data ourselves.
I'm just giving the data and y'all can do what
y'all want to do with it. But I also want
y'all to know that when y'all coming at women who
decide to be single and want to be single, and
y'all give all of y'all advice on marriage, I do
need y'all to know that we single women are unmarried women,

(05:16):
divorced women. We have all seen examples of marriage. Somebody
put a five in the chat We've all seen examples
of marriage, Marcellus, and based upon the examples that they saw,
whether that's been good, bad, or indifferent, they have decided
to say, get somebody else to do it.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
To do it, yeah, get somebody.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Else to do it. And it don't. And that go
for men too. Y'all act like we ain't seen friends
be miserable as hell married. Y'all act like we ain't
been married ourselves. Y'all act like we ain't seen like
what it looked like. You know, somebody asked me the
other day, well, if your grandmother could marry him all

(05:59):
over again, would she absolutely absolutely? Let me tell you
about Thomas Taylor. I want to say even I want
to say, even a unicorn, if you will, God fearing
man never heard him say a cuss word. Led us
in prayer every Sunday before we walked at the church,

(06:20):
before we after we ate our eating an old meal
and our four ounces of juice. Because that's all you
got was four inns of juice. Was none of that.
Marcella's going back and forth and refrigerator all day, was
none of that. Myself, You're gonna drink four ounces of juice,
and that's that. After that, we held hands. We prayed.
That man drove us the church. Never saw my grandmother
open a door in her life, walked us in church.

(06:44):
He was the elder, he was the deacon, He was
over the ershebar was, was a mechanic, owned his own shop.
Some of y'all wouldn't know what the transmission looked like
if it be ass He was the man that had
a garden in the back of his shop. I've never

(07:07):
seen a better example outside of him and my grandfather
figure out of manhood. Never once heard him raise his
voice in the house period at my grandmother or the children.
Never once, never saw one gossiping on the phone. Never
saw him took a phone called Marcella's. Ever I've never

(07:30):
even saw my grandfather on the phone, like literally on
the phone, you know what I'm saying. Never he come in.
He drink his coffee from earlier that day because they
believe in conservatives. So when he would drink make his
coffee for the day Marcella's, he would put it in
the oven and come back at home and heat the
old coffee. That's how my grandfather got down. Was a hunter,

(07:59):
brought rabbit, brought home deer that he went and shot
and brought home. You know what I'm saying, nobody, there's
not a better example of manhood. That was the grandfather
that I knew that I was raised on. But the
man that my grandmother married before him and had her

(08:23):
children with, blacked her eyes, broke her arm, broke her nose,
took a gun and shot at her head, and if
my mother hadn't jumped on his back, she would be

(08:44):
dead today. Now that's not what I saw, but it's
what happened. And the only grandfather that I knew, there
was a knight that was to me the night and
Shinde and Arborn came and gave my grandmother, who is
literally Jesus' cousin, the one that's ninety three years old

(09:06):
right now, never a cuss word, never a harsh word,
never raising her voice, always spoken, always in skirts, church
secretary beautician, was almost murdered by her first husband, as feminine,

(09:31):
fit and submissive as you could get. And my real grandfather,
first black bricklayer. He was a millionaire in Oklahoma. And
the reason why my grandmother took her so long to
leave is because she did not want to break up

(09:54):
what y'all sitting for talking about the family, right, And
at that time, in the fifties, black people couldn't get houses,
much less a divorce black woman. And she got that
house on sixteenth Street, and guests who owned that house
today me, I bought it from a you know where,

(10:16):
I bought it from a guy's because now it is
a place where when women are going through abusive relationships,
it is a hideaway house.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, I remember you said that a while ago. That's right.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
So ain't nobody confused on what a good marriage can
be and what a bad marriage can be? And I
say that to say, Marcella's that a lot of people
that want to tell people to stay in bad marriages
are the same Christians that had my grandmother thinking that
she should just continue to have broken arms and broken legs, right,

(10:56):
that she should continue to just dodge bullets, literally dodge brothers, right, right.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
They believe in that, they don't believe in a lot
of Christians don't believe in divorces and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
That's right. And a lot of these and a lot
of these podcast bros who ain't Christians are promoting this
because of their abusive, emotional, financial abusive ways that they
put on women. Yep, thank you, PhD twenty twenty two.

(11:33):
The one thing my mother and my grandmother told me,
always have a roof over your head. Have a roof
over Yet my grandmother brought that bought that house, guys,
for seventy five hundred dollars down she went, and she said,
I just needed a porch teslam where I could do
her and I got to record it, guys, and I'll
upload that to my podcast because I interviewed her and

(12:00):
I wanted to get the story. So I interviewed her
and I got the story. I need to upload that.
And my grandmother, you know, she said, I tell them
I just needed a porch so I could continue to
do hair. She did pressing curls two dollars three dollars
you know at the time. And she said, well, she
brought my mother and her brother in the house and

(12:22):
they said, Mom, I'm just so glad that I'm somewhere
you know that's safe now, she says. She broke down
crime Marcellez. She said, cause the whole time she was
staying in her marriage things, she was doing it for
the children and it was never for them. They never
wanted that. They never wanted to live like that. So
when I see these people that are pushing marriage instead

(12:45):
of the independent, are even asking why did you say that, sister?
To get some understanding, I wonder what kind of abusing
you are at home for you to automatically be in
the comments and be abusive to me to say, I
don't care what you do, just become becausin a lesbian.
I know how you're talking to that woman at home,

(13:06):
and I know how your daddy are your baby dad
or whatever, I know what you're seeing in your house,
because why would that be your initial response to me
when all I said is I'm just telling you what
the data says is right. So guys, be mindful of that,
and then we can get into the many, many things
that I want to roll out on this. We're gonna

(13:27):
do it on the Debate show Marcello's though. I want.
I want y'all to know why women are saying get
somebody else to do it. There's a whole another And
it ain't because oh we just want men. They got
degrees too, No, because even when we don't date men
with degrees, y'all find ways to resent. Y'all find ways
to be jealous, You find ways to be envious, you
find ways to put a woman down. There was a

(13:52):
guy on the dating app the other day. I'll send
it to you, the screenshaw will send to me Marcello's
and he talks about all the things he's looking for,
and at the end he say, don't tell me about
your degrees. That what is that gonna do for me?

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Now?

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Who put that on a date? Now? You you that
mad about a degree? I said, this is deep, marcellis,
and we gotta really get into it. And another thing
for y'all, I married a mechanic who didn't have no degree.
So all this, whatever y'all think I am, I'm not

(14:24):
what you think I am. But I absolutely understand why
women choose men with share values. And if education is
a priority on that woman's list, Marcellus, it's not that
somebody that don't have a degree don't think that is,
you know, important. But if that's a priority for her,
there's nothing wrong with her wanting to have that in

(14:45):
common with a man. Why are y'all so mad about that?

Speaker 4 (14:49):
Right?

Speaker 3 (14:53):
It's truly on some you feel rejected or something. When
I'm not trying to choose you and you ain't trying
to choose me. I'm just telling you what the data say. Yeah,
so guys, you know, I do want to talk about
that more. I want to talk about this myth that

(15:13):
you know again women don't date outside of they circle.
I want to talk to you about why women are saying,
you know what, just get somebody else to do it,
and men are saying get somebody else to do it.
Like there's plenty of men that's saying I don't want
to be married. For me, it doesn't make any sense
because I've already been married. Twenty five people that were
at my wedding have passed away. You know my daughter

(15:35):
is you may be eighteen. You know she's going to college.
I love companionship. I'm all about a promised ceremony. We
can stand up and promise really really hard marsellas.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
We really can't.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
We really can't. We can get a ring, we can
do all that, but can bind in my paperwork. In
the era of these men that's looking for alimony, girl
gets somebody else. I ain't gonna be able to do
with marselves because when I got married, I knew why
he married me. I didn't you know what I'm saying,
but just a woman with a good job and young
and no kids, and you know, came out the military

(16:11):
and I worked at gut Code. Now I don't know
what these ig baddies want. I don't know. If you
want money, I don't know. If you want access, cookie,
I will killer Mike Charlomagne like for I don't know
what that is because I've always had long term relationships.
I've had three from twenty one to my big age
now in my forties, So I don't know what it

(16:32):
is to like date and be out. You know what
I'm saying, y'all. So I don't know. I don't know
what y'all are because these these honey, these these new
ig these modern men, y'all looking for alimony checks, y'all
look for it ain't just about just want just no
tax money. Marcello's. They trying to lock down and whatever
they think I have, whatever they think, you know, perceive

(16:54):
what I have. I don't know what they own, Marcellas,
So I what since would it be for me to
combine assets at this stage of the game.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
You know what's funny, I'm about to get everybody in
my business.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
So when you say they want a five to show y'all,
y'all want Marcella's business.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
If it's really gonna be my mom. But I don't
care sister business.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Y'all know Marcella. If y'all listen to podcast, I want
y'all notice Marcella is real good about telling his mama business,
his business, his brother bi. But we don't never hear
about myself business.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
But go ahead.

Speaker 5 (17:35):
Now, like to this day, me, me and my mom,
and we used to be really really like really really close,
right and well now we ain't talking, and I just
I just remember my mom being like real strong. She
never let a man walk all over her. I don't

(17:55):
know what it is, but now shaw got older, Now
a man can do whatever.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
She's married.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
Now, Oh we get tired. I tell you that we're
just tired. But why called?

Speaker 1 (18:05):
This is the thing.

Speaker 5 (18:06):
Why you called me and tell me everything he doing
and he cheating all this? Then I said, okay, well
then then you're gonna leave or what? Well I can't
leave because I can't be paying these bills by myself.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
Well that's what it is.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Though.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
Women don't leave. And she's calling just to bench. She
don't need you to tell her no solution. And I
know men, y'all love solutions, and some women are like
that too, like we all, well, well you just needed
this to that. She just want a bench, just want
you to be quiet, saying I understand, I got it.
Nobody needs the HR suggestion boxes closed. Somebody is trying

(18:42):
to tell you something. They just want to tell you.
You know what I'm saying, And that is a reason
why women stay financially. That's what she's saying. I can't
leave because I don't want to pay the bill. She's
flat out telling.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, I said, you do realize you have three sons
and we all got to move in the same house.
Then we'll make it happen.

Speaker 3 (18:57):
You already said you didn't want no roommate, So what you.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
Now?

Speaker 3 (19:02):
Did y'all hear that? Y'all? Did y'all hear that?

Speaker 1 (19:07):
Now?

Speaker 3 (19:08):
Now, now we're about to because the family is listening,
and I know what regular is in it now. Cliff
is in here. Now, Cliff, maybe we need to send
cliffs on cliffs on because did Carcellis say and we're
recording the podcast, by the way, so this is all
going on the podcast. But didn't Marcella Sayliff they said

(19:29):
they heard it. Chocolate, who heard Marcella say he didn't
want no roommate? Because I know I heard it, and
I know Cliff heard it. And now you say, well,
we all got to live together. How can we trust that,
Marcella when you already said when it comes to a roommate,
so apparently it ain't a lot of security when it
comes to what we all can live together. Well, they

(19:51):
are PhD twenty two say she heard it officially a
bare and I know they ain't lining because I see
them all the time. They heard it, Chocolate, Diamond heard it,
a rich girl. Ran heard it real Jack, they heard
it because I know these are regular Peece. I love
my regular y'all, I really do.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
That's different.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
That's not Now you're saying it's different. Okay, so now
we got clip on it. Let's let's bring Cliff on it.
Y'all gotta start coming.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
My mom and my brothers are not they're not roommates.
That's different.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
Oh, it ain't different because you said you don't want
to live nobody.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
Period.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Remember you did your face, you talked the bathroom share
in the bathroom, So Cliff, what say you recover? Remind
me because I'm confused.

Speaker 6 (20:31):
Oh yeah, because see let me let me from my
cant drive. But I still got there this camera on Marcellis. Look,
Marcellis was taking up back.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
He was shocked in. Um, that's right, mate, that's the
way I recall it.

Speaker 3 (20:47):
That's the way I recall it. That's that way I
recalled and was taken aback by. I like the way Cliff.
I like the way Cliff framed it. He was shot
a pall and taking a back. I would somebody sharing
the bathroom with him. And now this is how they
do it. If your own people do you like this,
then that? But well, you know you gonna stall on me.

(21:07):
I don't know if I trust that myselling. You switch
it up too much for me because I've been talking
about it, and everybody listen to this podcast. No, I've
been talking about this for at least six weeks.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
You out of the group chat. We ain't messing if
the family was in the group tech.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
Because I've been talking about this on stretch Shot No
Chasing for damn near month.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
You put me in the group chap, putting me to
sell it all lies.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
That's right, that's right, Virginia Designer said a month at least.
At best. Oh, that's at best. But the deal is,
though she made an interesting point, and you know, I'm

(21:52):
glad you shared it. She may, I don't want you
sharing it, but I am glad you shared it because
it really does hone into Yes, women stay for financial reasons, Cliff,
And that's what a lot of these men have problems
with women that make money, because if I make money,
that means I don't have to put up with your shit.

Speaker 6 (22:11):
That's it, especially if you make more than me. You know,
men not even about to be with a woman who
make more than them.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
Absolutely, y'all heard Corey Halkom say it, and I appreciate
the honesty. I appreciate him saying I like this to women.
I like women that don't that don't that don't got it.
I'm yes, he said, oh yes, he's very proud of it.
He said, I like women that struggle because if you struggle,
you need me. But ever, he said, he ain't got

(22:38):
no business with nobody that got He's definitely say he
don't want nobody in radio. He don't. He don't. Oh yeah,
he's he's very proud about this. He said, he don't,
he don't need no woman that got anything, because then
what is he for? And a lot of men feel
that way. They're just not literally gonna say it, you
know verbato.

Speaker 6 (22:55):
Yeah, you know what, that's a degree of that with
me with me too, But it's not a monetary thing
for me.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
I just want to know that I offer you something.
I want to know.

Speaker 6 (23:04):
I want to be very sure, very clear about my
role in your life. And it doesn't have to be
you know, I'm not Uh, I don't mind nobody making
more money than me. You know that's I'm gonna hold
mine down anyway. That don't mean I can't pay for nothing, you.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
Know, right both. Yeah, See, he's saying he's saying he
does not want a woman. He wants to flatter out
destitute women. You're not saying destitute, No, You're just saying
you don't mind if I may wane, but you know,
I'm gonna keep it real and I love the ladies
in the chat.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
We need to.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
If y'all want to join the conversation of Marcello's I
can't get out of my I G life, But put
the zoom chat in your bio all quickly, and if
y'all want to come join the chat. Y'all, come on
in and let's and go to Marcello's's. Uh. I'll tap
put a comment at the end so I can tag

(23:57):
you on the I G Live so they can know
to go to your if any women want to come in.
If not, no problem, I'll hold it down follow us.
You know, I'm just gonna be real with you, Cliff
from a woman's standpoint, y'all, y'all don't have no problem. No,
we're not on YouTube. We on zone. But this is
recording for the Straight Shot No Chase of podcast. You know,
they say they don't have no problem, but they really do. Cliff.

(24:19):
It comes up one way or the other. And I'm
just give an example, like the fact that I make
more and I want to be let's first kind of
frame what make more means? Because there's levels to making more.
I'm not talking about somebody make eighteen an hour and

(24:41):
she makes twenty five an hour. I'm not talking about
maybe even ten thousand more a year. When I'm saying
make more, I'm talking about a substantial amount more, a
very obvious I'm putting the link at the bike, you guys,
if y'all want to come down, if y'all want to

(25:02):
get on the show, come on in a be a designer.
It's on Marcellus's bio and you can come in on
the zoone. By the way, this is recorded for the podcast,
so be aware of that that your business will be
on a podcast. When I say make more, I'm talking
about a substantial amount more that actually makes a difference

(25:23):
in our lifestyle. And a lot of men, even though
they say they don't mind, they mind, they feel away.
It eventually comes up. It can come through resentment. It
can come through, you know, trying to be competitive with me,
like if I get a trip, now you feel like
you got to get a trip. You feel like you
can't keep up. Even about saying no, baby, it's no problem,

(25:45):
it's no money's no problem, it's no this is no
that da da da, it still kind of becomes a problem.
His manhood somewhere down the line shows up somewhere for
most men, not everybody, but it shows up somewhere. And
what I have found in my data gathering is is
either a man way on one side that is flat

(26:06):
out using a woman, flat out sugar mama, opportunists, hustler
using me, or it's the goud way at the other
end of the spectrum, it's like, I just can't handle
not having complete control and I need to make substantially
more than her, and I need to make every decision.
You don't find a lot in the middle. You don't

(26:28):
find it.

Speaker 6 (26:30):
So what's the reverse side of that, though? How do
women give us a real life diagnosis or analysis of
how women feel about being with men that when they're
the primary bread on is a woman who earn more
than men, like significant amount.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
I have no problem with it. I'll give you my person.
I have no problem with it. The problem has been
for the men, even if you if you make more,
if you give, if you a's like for example. A
lot of women don't agree with this, But I'm just
gonna tell y'all like I will even if we're going
if dinner's on me, because I y'all also know I
I deal with a certain type of guy that probably

(27:10):
what y'all would call toxic men masculinity, you know, very alpha,
very much kind of probably chauvinistic in a lot of ways.
I'm just being honest, and people don't believe that because
I'm so strong. They would think, why would you do
something you know, but that's just what it is. But
because of the type of guys I deal with, I'll
even if I'm paying for a meal before I go

(27:32):
into I'll give you the credit card so that you
can take it out. Because some men that even bothers them.
A lot of men to be like, that's crazy, that's insecurity.
Does she want to buy it? And let her buy it?
What's the big deal to that? But there's some men
that that actually bothers. I don't have a problem with that.
So it's a lot of women don't have a problem
with it. Clip the way they try to make it
seem like they do on social media, Oh I ain't

(27:53):
gonna do it. If he can't do this, don't this,
and that they lying. Most women Black women are nurturers
by nature, most, not all, not the majority. When I
say most, I'm just talking about, you know, a good
sum of women. We don't typically have a problem with
helping out. Now there's a big difference between everybody use somebody.

(28:14):
The question is misuse me though. That's where it becomes
to problem, you know, a problem entitlement, not grateful, don't
appreciate pimping. Basically that that's a big looking at me
as a cash cow is a big difference from me
helping you out every now and then. So I would
say most women don't have a problem with that, but

(28:36):
men do. They really really do, and I don't know
what to do to correct it. Like I said, it's
a insecurity. It's if it's where you are in life,
especially if you're talking met men in their forties. And
that's another thing. We got to talk about age too,
because that applies because in their forties are already just
like I'm in my forties. All of us in our
forties are those of us in our forty all of

(28:59):
us because y'all not, but all people in our forties
are all Okay, so you're in your forties, so people
in your forties early mid or even late. It may vary,
but for the most part, we're trying to figure out
we're not at the fourth quarter of life, but we're
at the third quarter of life. The reason why I
say not the fourth quarter because if you live to eighty,

(29:21):
you still have another forty years. That's why I walk
at the bright side that if you haven't accomplished everything
you want to accomplish, I don't care what it is
if it's go back to school, if it start a business,
if it's wrong for office, if it's we have whatever
it did, you still have forty years. Think about that,
from the moment you were born to being forty. That's
how if you live to eighty. If I lived as

(29:41):
August my grandmother at ninety three, I still have timeew
of their forties, don't look at it that way because
of the societal norms. Are anybody going to join the conversation.
Go to Marcellus's bio. We'll add you to the zoom.
You can take your camera off if you want it.
We'll love to have this conversation because of what society

(30:01):
says all day old old auntie, Auntie, this, this that.
So a lot of people feel like they've ran out
of time. They feel that whatever they haven't accomplished by
this age, it's just not going to be accomplished. And
what I have found is depression and anxiety is a
bitch at this age and running into men platonic or romantic.

(30:25):
Really struggle with that clip, and it shows up. It
shows up and how they managed their relationships. It shows
up in a sex life, It shows up partnership and
it's a real thing, and especially if they're dealing with
a woman that they feel has already achieved what they believe,
you know, deem as success. It's a real issue.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
What you're saying is so pervasive too.

Speaker 6 (30:44):
I recall I don't know how old I was, but
I'm sure I was a pre teen or in my teens,
and I was at the fair and I remember seeing
this cup or maybe I was. We was riding a
bumper cars and it was two seated, you know, a
two sea the bumper car, and the dude had one
of the guys had his old lady. His old lady
was driving a bumper car and they saw one of
their homeboys. And it was a joke, but it was

(31:05):
he was also very SERI He was like, man, what
I told you ain't never supposed to let no no
woman drive you?

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Boy?

Speaker 6 (31:09):
How you got your woman in a driver seat? And
I just that that has stood out to me for
so long. It's, you know, especially as black men in
this country, we're taught, and honestly, I think a lot
of it has that I'm a look conscious, but I
think a lot of it has to do with slavery.
I think that especially not having been in a position
to be able to.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Protect our women during that time.

Speaker 6 (31:29):
I think that attitude has come down now that we're
in a little bit with freer freer right and we
have a little bit more control over our lives than
we did at the time, and so we have to
I think that the mindset is that we have to
re establish, reassert dominance and becoming.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
And I don't think that there's anything wrong with what
you should.

Speaker 6 (31:49):
I think a man should be a protect and should
be responsible for his family. But uh, but little things
like that, I feel like it's an overcompensation now. But
that's that stays with me to this day. That man
told him he's supposed to let no woman drive you.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Now, I'll give you. I'll give you. Can I give
you something? Though I hear exactly what you're saying in
the larger conversation and what it means. And it's also
because black men are not leading as men in America.
They're understill white man. So you gotta get me run something.
So they got to do it. But I will tell you,
as a strong woman, I'm not gonna lie to you

(32:25):
whatever it is. Sometimes I say I'm a strong black man,
non binary at best. But I actually like men driving
me and open because we don't get it all the time.
I'm gonna be honest with you. I love when my
risk can be broke around a man. Oh my god,
I have a friend. He's platonic. We're not dating anything
like that, and I'm telling you it knocks my socks

(32:45):
off when we go to eat. When you say little
things like that, I just want to take you from
my perspective, like how that means so much to me.
When we go eat and it's time to get a
to gold box and he takes my box, he puts
my off food in the box. That sound real simple
to y'all because a lot of y'all sit back and
just let the woman put up foot. And I'm telling you,

(33:06):
it blows my mind. So I do want to say
that because that dump has been established. I'm letting in
three people in right now, so we're about to get
it in. It's gonna be By the way, this is
all recorded on straight shoting no chase. You can turn
your camera own her off. I will tell you guys though,
uh and I agree one hundred percent of what you're saying.
Of over compensation, I agree with that, Cliff. But I

(33:28):
just want to tell you women, especially those of us
that's bossing, I appreciate those things. Drive me, baby, let
me or.

Speaker 6 (33:38):
Leave me in the restaurant, you like the what it got,
order your food like you if y'all discuss what you want.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
And because that's me, I'm like, I'm like, oh, she's
gonna have this this, that's.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Yes, romance order me baby, yes. Even because the perception
is that I don't want those things.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
The perception is.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
That women, strong black women, if you will, that we
don't appropreciate those things, and we do. All we're saying
is don't beat us down emotionally, beat us down. You
don't have to, but yes, we actually like, believe it
or not, we actually like being treated in the feminine
posture like a lady. Now, if you're saying, oh, she

(34:16):
don't know what she want, I get it da da
da dad? You know, do you saying, baby, what you
I want tonight? You want the salva da da da?
And then the way it comes over and you're like, okay,
she'll take a salmon da. Oh yes, kay, we'll say
you we got k on the line.

Speaker 7 (34:31):
Hey, how y'all doing. I'm from I'm at Texas. Okay,
I ain't know where I want to come in on
the conversation it I ain't really HEARDing nothing that I wanted.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
So you just jumped in and k just said, let
me ask you this. Do you like it when a man,
if he orders your food? Is that offensive to you?

Speaker 8 (34:51):
Like?

Speaker 3 (34:51):
Is it how it's done? Do you do you like
when men drive you around? Do you prefer to drive?

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Like?

Speaker 3 (34:57):
What's your thoughts on those little things that Clint was
saying that he thinks it's overcompensating, you know, because the
men are trying to assert themselves.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Do you like is all of it?

Speaker 6 (35:09):
I just think that some some things can be overcompensated.
I think all of those things are fine. But just
cla Claire.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Fox, Okay, I my own food. I don't like order
your food if he asked you first. But I'm saying,
if you if we're sitting at the restaurant and you
look at the menu and the waiter hasn't came over yet,
and he said, well, what do you want? Okay, I
want gumbo da da da, And then the waiter comes
over and he can't order your food, then even if yeah,
if he wants to. That's not a big that's not

(35:37):
a like a big deal for real. Does it make
you feel special? Does it give you the phelliesn it
gives me the feelings, y'all. I love, I love, but
I like the dominance of it. I like take control.
But okay, then, bet it's not that you didn't.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
You didn't you like the small things.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
I love the small thing. That's my love language. So
my love language is words of affirmation, physical touch, those
small things. Because again, when we're talking about income and
all of that, because of typically the type of guys
I like, I probably do make more just because of
what I do for a living, you know what I mean.
I don't date the public speaker that can go get

(36:23):
fifteen thousand for thirty minutes speaking. I'm not saying I
always get those kind of rays too, but you know
what I'm saying, I'm a different the type of guy
date the regular working guy, you know. So he has
to have somewhere, you know, in the mix. When you
were talking about like what you can bring to the relationship,
clip like, there has to be something you can give me,

(36:44):
because if monetary is your only way of thinking, you
can contribute to me, we're gonna make it because more
than likely you might can do some things for me,
but you probably can't overdo. I probably will have more,
and you know I would love to not have more.
I'm just keeping it real. You know what, when it
has been so there has to be something that you have.
But that's just naturally, like who I am. We have

(37:14):
some on the line. You want to chime in, I'm
you're just sitting there listening to got iPhone. I don't
know your name.

Speaker 4 (37:21):
Design really long.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
This is my real name is Sylvia. But first of all,
thank you for being in the comments here also the
Dame of jamal Brian podcast comments. I appreciate you being
one of my top supporters. Please make sure you connect
with Marcella's. I love to sing you a coffee monk.
Thank you. I just want to say what you said
today on with with the Reverend to day. It was

(37:46):
the pastor, it was it was on point, and I
wish y'all would have went a little bit longer, but
I know an hour for some people stretching it. But anyway,
on this conversation, I actually dated a guy and I
didn't realize till we were like a year in that
he finally admitted to me that he had a problem.
And this is the crazy part. He said he had

(38:07):
a problem because I made more money than him. And
I never even told him how much money I made.
He just assumed from my fly because I had a
master's degree, I had been on my job. You know
what I'm saying. He just automatically assumed, you know, she
had a nice carhouse, blah blah, blah blah blah. And
I told him, I said, I don't. We ain't never

(38:29):
even talked about money. He knew, he definitely knew you
made more of him. I mean I say that now.
He knew that because he knew that if he could
get whatever he saw you having, he knew he couldn't
get it. So moving how you operate him. So he
knew that he was right. You made more to him.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
You know.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
The question was why did he Why do you think
it bothered him? And he finally told me like cause,
I mean like he.

Speaker 9 (38:51):
But the thing about it was it didn't bother me
because that he made less money because he you know,
he paid for us to go on trips.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
You know, he always showed up, you know, when it
was my birthday, Mother's Day. If we went out on dates,
he paid, so I didn't. For me, I didn't think
about it, But for him he had in his mind
when we did finally talk about it, that he said
that most men who were with women who made more
money than them, the women controlled the relationship. So I said, well,

(39:25):
you get some issues with you need to go handle that.
Ain't got nothing to do with me. You know what
I'm saying, like, that's the personal It's a fact, though
I mean it is. I know we don't want to
really say it, but it is women like Marcella's example. Women,
Because see when they're talking about control the relationship, let's
just lay this out. I want to make it real plain.
They talking about who can leave and who gotta stay? Yes, okay,

(39:49):
they talking about, you know, if we decide this dad,
where we gonna need to dinner and all that. No, No,
they're talking about who has to stay in the relationship
by obligation. Who's going to be more patient? More apt
to state that thing. If a woman is taking care
of a man, who is going to have the financial

(40:09):
resources to leave the relationship or do you stay and
put up with all the bullshit? Because you can't leave
big difference. But I would say when it does apply
to decision making, because there is space for that too.
I'm making more and we're saying, hey, we want to
purchase this house or go into this business venture and whatever,

(40:32):
and it's the majority of my money. You do have more,
more control, more safe. You do, just like you would
at any stockholder. If you put in if Marcelle's put
in twenty five dollars of stock at Walmart, you got
twenty five dollars of worth of opinion. In twenty five
hundred dollars of stop, I got twenty five hundred dollars
of opinion. It's always not monetary. It also can be

(40:56):
just so we're having a larger conversation. It also can
be sweat equity into something. Y'all know Marcella's number one
push line pusher, Cliff, number one line pusher, Jay number
one line push it. But as Cliff asked, Jay asked Cliff,
if we had to break it all down on who
really the number one number one Cliff gonna say, I mean,

(41:18):
Marcella said, I know you lying because I was here before.

Speaker 5 (41:21):
Jay.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
You know what I'm saying, and that is monetary Cliff
may have more to give me. He may have more money,
he may have more time, he may have that. But
even in an equity standpoint, Marcella's can still it is
not always your monetary And that's the problem own some here.
That's the problem. Men don't know how to if you
can't give me financial equity and you can give me

(41:44):
sweat equity. I said a word, I'm with you. Somebody
put a five in the chat, and men don't recognize
sweat equity. Let me explain to you what that means
for somebody like me, the money we got. That don't
be straight between me you. If you down, I'm up.

(42:06):
If I'm down you, we're gonna be straight. That ain't
the issue. You're gonna have to learn how to put
some sweat equity in with me. And so sweat equal
with me is my love language, literally words of affirmation.
Are you picking me up? Do you make it easy
for me to go grind, go hustle? Do you make
it eat? And I'm using my example, I'm dealing with
trolls in real time. Y'all looking at trolls in real time?

(42:30):
Can you be that man to be like baby? You
did that? You did that on that interview that you
did that? Come on, drink love whatever can you? Can
you do that? Can you lift me up? I don't
care how many men tell me I looked good in
the comments? Did you definitely need you to say it,
or everybody else saying it, But this is what they
be doing, cliar, everybody else saying I don't need to
say it. I need you need I don't need it.
But I'm telling these men an envious cliff a lot

(42:51):
of ways what everybody needs to do, what you need
because I need you to say. Well, I ain't gonna
be saying I'm not one of your little fans. That's
what they say, not just one of my fans, but
my biggest fan. So you a man. They can't do that.
You don't care. Sweat equity second thing, physical, touch, touch me,
love on me, every thing, quality time. We ask to

(43:12):
each other all the time. But when I do see
you make it quality. Are we beefing? Are we arguing?
Are we tripping?

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Are you?

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Are you trying to take me down a notch? These
men Clinton only they want to take me down a notche.
They won't take me down like four five notches. It's
a real thing, yes, my very and then after that
services couldn't bring me something like that. But that's my fourth.
The fifth one is gifts. I care less about gifts.
I care materiity. I mean that when I say I

(43:39):
go to Ross shin fashion them. I don't spend money
on shit. I trick on my baby. I spend money
on everybody else won't come to meun spending. So you
never impressed me with money. But because somebody think that,
because somebody has it, are successful, and you see me
having access to money or resources, you think that's what
I value. And that's not what I value. And so
if I tell a man that, if I show a

(44:00):
man that I'm literally showing you I'm a humanitarian, I'm
literally showing you I'm an activist. But because so many
activists are in it for money, because so many activists
have done it for the wrong reason, I can't even
use that as an excuse, you know what I'm saying,
because they say, well, what about the other activists on
the private plane, So I can't even use that. You know,
it's credibility to show that I'm not impressed by money.

(44:23):
So it's real hard cliff. So yeah, when he's saying
control of the relationship. He's right, you do have more
control when you have money, you do, but you know
what when And it's crazy because I grew up, you know,
with my mom and dad. I'm the youngest. I'm the
youngest of five. My dad was the man, you know

(44:44):
what I mean. He was military, he took care of everything. Well,
my dad said when my mom and dad didn't do
nothing to argue. But by the both of my parents
died before they were fifty and I was young. So
for me and my mind, I'm thinking grown going up. Well,
you know, I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna get
my degree. I'm gonna be married so I can help

(45:06):
my husband, so my husband is not in a financial burden.
That was my idea. I never I mean, I always
thought like, well, once I got my degree and I
got my career, I always felt like, well, I ain't
gonna marry no white collar black man because it ain't
that many of them, you know what I mean. So
I always figured, well, I'm gonna be with a blue

(45:27):
collar man. And that's okay because like you said, we
putting all the money in one bucket, you know what
I mean. And I know how to take a cord
and make a dollar. We put it all together, but
it's like you feel in some type of way and
you in competition with me? How the hell you in
competition with me?

Speaker 1 (45:43):
Moth?

Speaker 3 (45:44):
You know when we're supposed to be doing this together.
So you know what the insecurity was? Just too much?
It's like, where where did that come from?

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Now you're tapping into something. I'm gonna tell you where
it comes from.

Speaker 6 (45:55):
Because we, especially as black men in this country, have
been condition to believe that we should be the one.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
In charge, we should be dominant off.

Speaker 6 (46:05):
I mean, we should be the ones in charge simply
because we have a penis and not thinking about what
does it like, what is it going to take, what
is it what's required of you to even make a
woman want to like submit, you know, to want to
be in that posture. So we think that, not not me,
but I just know the way we think. We think

(46:27):
simply because we have a penis, that we should be
the one making a rule. So then we end up
getting threatened with somebody who don't have when come and
you're making all the money, So then all openions is
getting a bunch. It's a big ego problem because of
the way we've been conditioned and trained to believe.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
Now the voice of DFW, if you want to join
the show, Marcella's when you hate link in the bio.
Retype it that for me, please and put joint the show.
Click link in bio. Uh. He says here that control
is the divisive word more money or not. If you
look at it like that, it starts competition. Well, no, brother,
I'm not looking at it like anything. That's the word.
I mean, you know that, that's literally the word. I mean,

(47:03):
it's not we can say that. Don't say that it's
the vice. I mean, call it what you want to
call it. When when the brother told her that's the
person that has control, it means the person that is uh,
that has more leverage, that has more say, that has
more authority. You can call it h divisive or not,
but that's just what it is. When we're when we're

(47:24):
literally talking about uh, monetary, wearing the pants or whatever
words y'all need to hear to feel better, that's what
it is. And that's why it turns a lot of
men off because and we're talking about from the man's perspective,
it turns a lot of men off because they know
the woman has more control, more leverage, she has more access,

(47:49):
she can do more, and a lot of men don't
like that. And a lot of men and I've learned
this too, they have had women and I'm so grateful
that I learned because I asked for my mail friend.
They have had women that have used it as control,
just like y'are saying women use it as control with
child support or women you I'm not gonna let you

(48:09):
see my kids, and you know all that kind of stuff.
There have been women who have made more who did
use it as a form of control. So then I
hear I come along that just happened to make more
and because his past experience, you know, showed him otherwise,
he's like, eh, I don't really know if I'm really
with that. So to the brother that said that's a

(48:30):
the devisive word, that's just the word. Like, that's just
what it is, you know what I mean, brother, That's
just what it is.

Speaker 4 (48:38):
Mm hm.

Speaker 6 (48:39):
That's gonna that that dynamic exists in every relationship. Someone's
always want to have a level of control control, Someone's
always going to have uh leverage, And it may be
in one other you know, you could be he could
be getting that. Okay, relationships, they need to be partnerships, sure,
but even in the partnerships, that's delegation.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
That's gonna be something that you're gonna do that I
can't do.

Speaker 6 (49:01):
And somebody's got to kind of make those shots to
decide what the team is gonna do collectively.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
So that's the person who's got a little bit more levered.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
And I can put it up. I can flip it.
With women. Women control with sex, we don't. We absolutely
use sex as a mechanism of control. The women don't
want to say nothing.

Speaker 4 (49:24):
But we do.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Okay, let me ask you this test. Do you think
what we're talking about? Do you think this happens more
with black men and women versus white men and women.
Because I work with the lady who is like way up,
I know she may more on her I don't even
think her husband work. But you know what she told me.

(49:46):
She said, even though I'm the bread winner, she said,
when I go home, i'm wife and my mother. I'm
not director Platz the director slash c f FO. You
know what I'm saying. She's like, when I home with
my husband, I'm the wife and I'm the mother. She
was like, all of this boss stuff that I do

(50:07):
at work, I leave it at work. So I love
that question. So I love that question. A couple of
different things you want to unpack here. If y'all want
to join the show, click this is we're recording live
for straight shot and no Chase of podcast. Click the
link in Marcellus's bio. I love that. Let's unpack this
step by step. Number one, white men run the world.
Let's first get that straight. So even if the woman,

(50:30):
even if the woman is the boss at work, it
don't matter. He's the boss in society. So when they
don't have to compete with who runs shit. And when
I was saying, when it does make a difference when
it comes to race and black men are already having
to compete for their manhood in a white man's world,
and then he has to come home and still feel
like he has to compete for his manhood. Yeah, you're

(50:51):
gonna be a little bit more irritable, a little bit more.
I understand it when he's dealing in a different dynamic.
So a lot of times we can't when not compare.
What we're doing is contrasting. Yes, contrasting the two. We're
not comparing. We're contrasting. Number one, white men started patriarchy.
So let's get that straight. They run their period, they
run their women period, point end discussion. So she can
sit up and say at home, I ain't the boss.

(51:12):
I know you ain't because ain't no white man gonna
happen no other way. She ain't proven nothing to us
because white men said, uh, they are. They are the leaders, period.
This is why they vote the way they do. This
is why they're White women align themselves with them. When
y'all was saying white women voted against their interests, no, no, no,

(51:33):
they aligned themselves with the white men's interests. Because as
long as they align themselves with white supremacy, they're gonna
be That's right. Their households are gonna be fine, their
kids are gonna be fine. That's why it drives me
up the wall when y'all when I hear them say,
white women vote against y'all interests. Notis black women are
the ones that are voting community, individual and community. White

(51:54):
women are absolutely voting dead center with white supremacy as
they should. Did you hear what I said?

Speaker 1 (52:01):
As they should?

Speaker 3 (52:02):
Why should they look out for me when they supposed
to be looking out for them, pop asking them to
look out for me, they looking after them, just cause
black women looking out for everybody and putting the plate
to the side and the fall and all of that.
They're looking out for them. So they're voting exactly, which
is why when black men, when they were gonna give
them the right to vote, white women said, what hold up,
I know you lying. You ain't fasi to give him

(52:24):
no right to vote over us because we are white first. Yeah,
oh number one. They created patriarchy, so white men are
always in charge. It don't matter if she met the
bread winner not the bread winner. He knows that his
white maleness is always going to be in position over her.
So but I'm sorry, but I will say this. White

(52:48):
men are absolutely chauvinisticks. They absolutely want women to stay
in their place. They absolutely don't want don't women to
get too ahead of their damn bridges, which is why
they did not vote phil Clinton as a female president.
So no, it's not different between races. But I did
wanted to bring out the contrast between the two that
were dealing with different types of trauma. So that's why

(53:11):
you it's louder with us, then it's not we white people. Well,
go ahead, do you think that's where we went wrong
in as black men and women taking on the ideology
of the white race. Well, the reason why, the reason
why I tell you we didn't go wrong, it was
put on to us. We didn't have a choice. So

(53:32):
a lot of times when we had that conversation and
we'd be like, was that what we went wrong? Went
wrong by when when we was getting them lashes, when
we were taking over from you know what I mean.
Christianity was pushed on to us. Patriarchy was pushed on
to us. It wasn't like we could raise our hands
and say, hey, we ain't we don't want to take
this on. It was put onto us. And so now
what we're trying to do is trauma. Like it's not

(53:57):
like we can't sit back and say, well, that's where
y'all went wrong. What four hundred years ago, that they
didn't have a choice. Yeah, But now that we're trying
to undo the trauma, you know, it's like telling a
child who was born where you went wrong by picking
your parents. I didn't have a choice in the matter.
What we do now is try to understand the trauma

(54:20):
and let me see this. Okay, we can't undo white patriarchy.
We cannot undo white supremacy. We can't. It's here to stay.
They're letting you know right now, you're gonna get your
uppity black ass back in place. Black people, y'all don't
got way too many degrees, way too much money, way
too much access to capital, way too much access to education.
We are here as a white community collective and white

(54:43):
adjacent We are here to put you back in your place.
So it's not about us getting rid of that. What
we're supposed to do now is understand what we're dealing
with now, and how do we build community now moving
forward and recognizing each other's trauma, And how do we
work with that without you abusing me, without me being

(55:05):
your crash dummy, without you taking taking me for granted,
without you misusing me, use me, yes, but not misuse me.
What boundaries do I set up? How do I do that?
Or do we just keep sitting around talking about how
we don't need each other, don't want each other, and
we just gonna keep going overseas. That's that's where we
at with it.

Speaker 6 (55:24):
In my opinion, Yeah, I'm absolutely right there with you.
It's a lot of unlearning. We're starting to wake up,
but then many of us are not. You know, it's
the same way we're culturally as a people.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Prior to having been all of that.

Speaker 6 (55:43):
Let me start off by saying this, I don't think
we really fully understand how we got to where we are.
We know slavery, but one of the things. So I
practiced African spirituality right. I was born and raised in church,
God in Christ. I'm a coach boy, the church boy.
Ain't me, ain't gonna never go nowhere. But today I
practice African spirituality. And it wasn't until I started to

(56:03):
really dissect and understand how this happened. So we came
over here with our spiritual practices and because they knew,
because the enemy knew.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
Just how powerful and how strong our spiritual practices were.
What do they do?

Speaker 6 (56:18):
They demonize it and say it's a satanic is demonic,
is evil. And today we still believe that so much,
to the point when I tell people my spiritual practices,
a lot of times people don't want to be bothered
with me. They've done the same thing with our money.
I mean, they've done the same thing with the idea
of money. They've made us love is so like you
see that stuff with with Soldier Boy, you know when

(56:38):
they were talking about the you know, human coming, Well
what you Collin.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
Ain't putting no money, no money in my pocket Trumpelman.

Speaker 6 (56:44):
They've made us idolize the things that they idolized. And
it's a slow unraveling, but I think we're starting to,
like say it says, come up out of a little bit,
but it's just feels so much more. We got to
do so to bring it back to the point of
everything that we do, because it has been imposed on us,
and we believe that we bought into the madness and

(57:05):
we've aspoused it.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
We are more like them sometimes than we even realized
we are. We're more like them than we realize we are.

Speaker 6 (57:13):
We go for the ones who do I know, and
I know this from experience, a lot of people who
even they want to return to Africa, they want to
go to all these places, especially now that all this
stuff is happening. They get over there and then we
start telling them how everything about that coach is wrong.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
Now where we get that from? We learn that from them.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
We got the voice of ds W thank you for
joining us. He made a comment about control being a
divisive words. So welcome to the show. Straight shot, no chaser.
What's going on? Let us know your thoughts.

Speaker 7 (57:50):
Y'all think that there's a way for us to build
men and woman black man and women without marriage. I mean,
I so, and I know the church don't like this,
you know, like when I started off saying this for
me because of I'm just giving my personal opinion. I

(58:13):
was already married fifteen years, you know, so my personal opinion,
I've already had my child. I waited seven years in
our marriage before I had her. She turns eighteen in June.
She's going off to college. Everybody that was at my wedding,
included my parents, have passed on the need for I

(58:34):
love companionship. I've had three relationships all of my adult life,
so I stay in relationship very long ten years plus.
I believe I grew up like I said, parents always
always knew my mother to be married, both maternal and paternal.
I believe in marriage, but for me personally, on what

(58:54):
I look at now, in the position I'm in now
and how marriage is being looked at old raw me
and my big age, it wouldn't make any sense for
me to combine assets because unfortunately, the way people are
looking at marriage now, it's contractual, you know, contractual money,
this and that. And because of the position that I'm in,

(59:15):
which is nothing, I'm a nobody to me, but how
I may be perceived to some men on what they
think I may have, what they think I may have
access to with they whatever meant. My female peers are
all concerned about paying alimony like me, and are like
men that have access to capitol and access ref they
concerned about paying alimon. So for me, combining assets at

(59:37):
this stage of the game, for me doesn't make sense.
But companionship, yes, but that doesn't mean we can't do
something together. That we couldn't start something together, a business
venture or something like that. But actually combining assets that
if we divorce, we have to split up.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
You know, I got a friend that's been married thirty
years and he deserved everything go because they were married
thirty years. But she's an alimony so at her age
now at fifty two fifty three, combining her you know,
assets just doesn't make since she doesn't want to be
married again. So I think it depends on the woman
in there and you know their outlook. But the voice
of DFW got his face all turned up. So let's see,

(01:00:15):
uh wood, would he on what type time you own?
Because I'm on, what f type time you own?

Speaker 4 (01:00:20):
You gotta forgive me. I thought that was a smile work.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Looking like whatever it was, it was, it was given whatever,
But okay.

Speaker 4 (01:00:32):
I would just face. Oh well, I definitely appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
But by the way, I bought my first house in Frisco,
Texas one one four ten Promenade Road. My second house
fifty three Blazing Star Road. So both my houses I
bought them Texas shout out to Dallas, I.

Speaker 4 (01:00:50):
Think, both in Frisco.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
Both in Frisco.

Speaker 10 (01:00:53):
Oh man, Okay, well, look, I stay away from the
far north. I try to be around the people that
that that won't want me around that, you know. Not
not a knock to anybody else, but uh.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
I to nobody. Yeah, not built what the property tax was.
But I will find people. Cliff, you can find me.
This is back in the day though I lived in
Dallas and the early two thousands, so will find me.
Was in old Cliff where you me is you might
be my hood. Yeah, I was around when they recorded

(01:01:24):
that song by the way with't you no yeah already yeah, already?
I know you Dallas When you say already, so club,
I'm an original Cliff Club alumnus.

Speaker 4 (01:01:32):
Uh club you got around?

Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
Yeah, Coach's Corner. Met my husband at Dallas a Dreams
on Wednesday, ladies night. Ye know, talking about you sin
to be around. I am the whisper. Don't get it
twisted and get you. We want to run the hood down.
We run that down. The other thirty my husband from
the thirties on over there on Ferguson. Yeah, let's we

(01:01:56):
can run it down. So yeah, but I else where
I got good property value. You better believe it.

Speaker 10 (01:02:03):
No, I got you, you know. So getting back to
the point that I was talking about about, you know,
whoever makes more money and all of that. I'm currently
in a position where my wife she makes more than
I do, right, But I think it just it takes
a certain individual, you know, as a man, to be

(01:02:23):
okay with that. Because I think the brother said it earlier.
Society teaches toxicity when it comes to men, and it's
continued to be pushed out here and there are not
enough examples of what authentic man manhood should look like.

(01:02:45):
And so there are a lot of men out there,
you know, look for the right answers, they just don't
know where to go find them. And so, you know,
I don't necessarily, I don't really speak too much into
you know, into the the root cause and stuff like that,
because I like to whenever I see issues, I like

(01:03:06):
to think about what the root cause is. But a
lot of people don't like to talk about what causes it.
They only want to talk about the effects. So going
back to it, and so the reason why I say,
you got to be careful, you know, in my opinion,
and of course this is my opinion. Everyone has their
own experiences, but you got to be careful when it
comes to assigning. And I wasn't speaking directly to you,
but the word control was used. And so the way

(01:03:28):
that I look at it, when you use control, you
have to understand that that is that's a that's almost
like a combative statement, right, because when you when you
look at control, that's competition, and competition and relationships is
one of the driving factors that puts us, you know,
against each other and you know, makes us go on

(01:03:48):
our separate ways. And so when I said, you know,
I try not to use control because that's the visible
that sometimes yes, because when you address issues of money
by who makes the most, as opposed to addressing it
by the collaborative element of desires, then it's always going

(01:04:11):
to be unbalanced. And the key with marriage is to
try to find bal.

Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
And I think and I think, and this is what's important.
And while I was talking about this, and thank you
so much for your comment, while I was trying to
bring this well well, I pointed out in the beginning,
we're all big age people, you know, so uhuh real
big age. Yeah, real big age. So when we're talking
about marriage, I want people to take into perspective that

(01:04:38):
we're also talking about what we've experienced, most of us.
We're not looking as twenty year olds on this is
what you should look for a marriage, and this is
how it should be, and you should because I think
that is a different conversation. So when I was saying,
when I was referencing the control and the relationship and
how a woman use it as control, I was you,
I was referring to my friend, and also she was

(01:05:01):
talking about her, you know position. I was talking about
my friend, and I think he's in the comments. I
won't give his name, but he's forty five years old
and he was married, you know, for a long time,
and his wife did use it as control. She did
so to me changing up the word and framing it.
So there's always two things. And with these podcast conversations

(01:05:22):
like where you're talking about the larger the contexts, the this,
and then there's the I'm telling you know, the experience,
and then there's barbershop talk, which is what I hate.
That's where people just throwing anything out, saying anything, but
I'm not necessarily talking about. Okay, using the word is
going to change because using that word's not going to
change his experience. His experience is at his big age

(01:05:44):
that a woman use it as control, the experience that
my grandmother had of not wanting to leave, or Marcellus
that his example that he gave with his mom, I
would leave, but I can't because he controls the money
and I'm not making the money. So us framing it
differently and saying a gentler software word doesn't change the

(01:06:05):
fact of the matter is that the person with the
major who made the income used it as a control,
like Isa was saying that the women they didn't want
to get into that, but I'm gonna get I'm gonna
be balanced here. Women can use sex as control even
if she's withdrawing from her husband. And we can use
a friendly word or have it y'all want, I ain't
in the mood, or I'm mad at here, whatever you

(01:06:26):
want you but it is still a form of control, manipulation.
I don't even think manipulation is always a bad word,
because manipulation means like, if I'm turning this falset and
I wanted to be just a little warm and turned
a little bit to the right, a little bit to left,
I'm manipulated to do what I wanted to do. So
I hear what you're saying, brother, and I hear what
you're saying, but I think that's a you know, if
we're gonna pick words, let's pick good words. What I'm

(01:06:48):
saying is the reality of it is may not in
your case, but the reality it is a lot of
people's experience has been that money tends to give more leverage,
more athority, more safe, or control more whatever that it's
typically been that way or men, So when it's flipped
or women, men still carry that over as she and

(01:07:12):
it may not even be control of the relationship. It's
more so, if you really want to know the truth,
control to lead the relationship. What women like me find
is men ain't always triven about if I'm gonna control, like, oh,
we're gonna get this or get that or no. His
mindset is I don't have to tolerate because I have.

(01:07:32):
I'm in control of myself. I mean control. If I
move out, I mean control. If I get a card,
I mean control. If I can get an apartment, I
mean control, if I can get a lease in my name.
That's a very real thing, brother, And I'm telling you
that from a woman's standpoint, that tends to make substantially
more than a man, because there's left again making more,
absolutely making more ten thy, fifteen, maybe even twenty or thirty.

(01:07:58):
If you take thirty thousand, divide that into twelve months,
you're talking about a couple thousand more months, a couple
thousand more month, maybe something you can put away in
a savings or you know, maybe y'all can go from Dallas,
y'all go to Miami for a weekend. That's not substantial difference,
but I'll say substantially more. I'm literally talking about maybe

(01:08:21):
seventy eighty one hundred thousand more. That is a hey,
you know what, you can have all of this. I'm
getting ready to go move to you know such and
such tomorrow. You got it, And I don't need your
child support. I don't need you that I got it.
That is a different level of let's just take the work.
Control that authority, influence power that a lot of men

(01:08:45):
can't handle because society has taught that men control by
their pocketbook and women control by the p uss y.
I don't want to be offensive, but that is the typical,
the typical, you know thing. I can control by my beauty,
I control by my sex, I control by my bit.
Men control by their money. So a lot of men,

(01:09:06):
that's all they've ever had, either their money, their pocketbook,
or their physical you know, their aggression, their power. So
if you don't have that as a man, a lot
of men feel lost. I'm just telling you this truth.

Speaker 4 (01:09:21):
Yeah, I mean to your point. You know, Chris Rock
said it.

Speaker 10 (01:09:24):
You know, men are you know, the only species around
that are love based upon their value, right, Because it's like,
if you don't have any money and you don't have
any you know, attributes to get out and go do
physical things. Then nobody's gonna love you. However, you can
take a woman that doesn't have anything and still bring

(01:09:46):
her along, right, And so to your point, yeah, so
to your point, you're.

Speaker 3 (01:09:51):
Throw it off. Women like me throw off the bat,
We throw off the pH poalance, like we literally throw
it up to some in their mind, it throws it
off because now you literally don't know what to do
with me.

Speaker 10 (01:10:01):
So and at the end of the day, here's here's
the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that society has
put us against each other. And the fact of the
matter is we are all broken to some degree from
something that has happened in the past, whether it's been
something that's happened directly to us or the ramification of

(01:10:22):
this slavery thing. Right, because at the end of the day,
we don't get a chance to heal. Every other every
other culture out there gets an opportunity to heal with us.
We have to take on the brunt of all of
the pain, all of the issues, all of the the
you know, the the baggage, and then we still have
to move forward. And so, at the end of the day,

(01:10:43):
that comes through society, as you know, it comes through
the music, right. You know, there's nothing but pain in
our music. There is no love anymore in our music
today is nothing. There's nothing happy about our music. Everything
is about struggle, right, And so you got the three topics,
drug sets, you know, violence, and uh it's one one

(01:11:06):
more out there. But it's it's the reason why it
keeps yeah, money, right, it's the reason why it keeps
regurgitating out here because at the end of the day,
that's all that they want. They want us to stay
in that particular cycle, right, And so because of that cycle,
then we're trying to take that into these relationships when
we didn't have good figures you know from the get go, right,

(01:11:26):
even you know our grandparents everybody's talking about, Yeah, they
stayed together. They weren't happy back then. I mean there
was a good possibility, you know, Granddaddy was he had
a family on the other side of town, you know,
and Grandmama was just putting up with everything. She didn't
leave because you know, at that time, she wasn't working,
so she was not able to leave. So that power
that you were talking about, yeah, it was. It was

(01:11:48):
different back then. But now that women have the opportunity
to change that narrative and you know, create some of
the power that they did not have back in the day.
We still were never able to come together to redefine
what family looked like for black folks. It was just like, hey,
we knew what family was then. It wasn't you know,
it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (01:12:09):
It was Some men just want to do what they
want to do. I mean. And that's why again I
and I'm just gonna say this, I talk about open relationships.
I talk about because some meners want to do what
they want to do. And and and the bottom line
is women because now they can financially. If it is
a woman that believes in monogamy and she's in bottom line,
you cheating on her, she has the financial resources to lead.

(01:12:31):
That's the difference. And when you say defining family and
what that means, I hear, I hear all of that.
I believe that my grand my grandparents actually were happy.
But I understand what you're saying. For the most part.
You know, a lot of people are I got friends
now that are not happy. But like somebody told me,
yes in the comments, marriage is not about being happy.
And I get that for people too, but for me,

(01:12:51):
that's why I don't want to be married again. So
for me, so companionship for me is happiness. It absolutely
needs to be happiness. Happiness. So if that means that
doesn't come with marriage and being bonded and locked in,
and I don't, I don't feel free honestly in that way.
I like to know that you're here because you want
to be here, and I'm gonna be here because I

(01:13:12):
want to be here. And I don't want to second
guess your yeah, that's right, and your agenda because that's
what I run into now. But also again, I will
single in my twenties, totally different in viporty, totally different things.
And so I just think it is what it is
and what I tell women and men because I hear

(01:13:36):
you and all the things you're saying, and I hear men,
Oh no, I don't have no problem. But I can
just tell you most of my friends who do well
when they date men that say they don't have no problem,
it usually kind of shows up one way or the other.
Even if it shows up silently, it definitely comes up.
It's definitely an issue just because of the male female dynamic.
I don't know if it's something will ever totally unlearn

(01:13:59):
you know, all of us will unlearned.

Speaker 10 (01:14:01):
Just like I said, we weren't able to heal from
any of this past trauma. All of this is based
on trauma. At some point, there's trauma in it.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
Us.

Speaker 10 (01:14:13):
Living is just a traumatic existence. And the fact that
we don't put enough emphasis on mental health. We don't
we don't heal from wounds that we have gathered. It's
just like you said, experiences, right, we a lot of us.

Speaker 3 (01:14:29):
If I'm healed and you ain't healed, then now I'm
in self preservation. So I can't becauseee even though a
man will come and say, oh yeah, I'm in heal,
I mean I don't know that. I got to go
back with, you know, like preserve myself, you know, preserve like.

Speaker 10 (01:14:46):
Self preservation has been has been, you know, uh an
element because people have been broken in the past and
they don't want to be broken anymore. And I completely
understand that. And that's fair. Don't get me wrong. I
didn't say any of this was, you know, wrong or right.
You know, I'm just stating, you know, this is where
we are, and the reason why we are where we
are is just because of the fact that we have

(01:15:07):
not had the opportunity to heal because we have to
keep pushing forward. Nobody is able to just take the
time because number one, we always have to make sure
that we have something, you know, putting the roof over
our heads, putting clothes in our backs. Right, So it's conflicting,
you're conflicting priorities. Do you heal or do you eat?
Because it's hard to do both, you know what I'm saying.

(01:15:28):
And that's what a lot of single Black women they
don't have time to heal because they got to go
get this money. They got to make sure that they're
taking care of their preservation.

Speaker 3 (01:15:36):
Right. But my post the other day is all all
women across the board, not just Black women, when we
do deal with a level of trauma, but all women
across the board are simply saying, get somebody else to
do it. The white women are saying it. They are
spies women are saying it. The spatting women are saying it.
We do have our own trauma. But I'm just saying
a lot the percentage of women wanting to be single

(01:15:59):
and operated in the DECE is an all across the
board thing, and that don't hene to do with itavory
none else. Women are bottom line saying, get somebody else
to do it. They've seen the apples, they've seen the data.
They tried it themselves. They see their friends, and they
just operate. And the data shows, honestly, I'm just gonna
be rial. The data shows that women health wise do

(01:16:22):
better single. Now, y'all can say you're gonna die along,
you're gonna die with the dogs, say it, don't too.
But men, if a woman is operating in her true
want wife, then she is a caretaker of sorts too
a man. You guys do better married. Typically you spend
less because you're not dating all the holes. That's the
bottom line. You may spend on your wife, but you're
not spending single. You tend to make better decisions. You're

(01:16:44):
not as risky with your money or how you move around.
You tend to be a little bit more settled. These
are this is the overall data. Your wife tends to
stay on you about your health more. Did you go
to the doctor? Did you get this check in? If
she's a good wife, she's taking care of you more so. Men,
based on the data, live longer than women when they
are married. That is a fact women women don't because

(01:17:07):
when we give good women, we give you everything, we
put you first. That's according biblically to the word the
virtual woman is literally talking about putting her husband and
her children first, you don't be nothing in that passage
about her. So if you are operating in true biblical
principle of marriage, which is why kay I say get

(01:17:28):
somebody else to do it at this age because I
operated in true biblical women wife operating mold. And if
you are doing that, then yes, you are absolutely putting
your husband first, and he is the primary beneficiary first.
And that's why a lot of women say, I don't.
I'm not attracted to that. That's not appealing, And we

(01:17:50):
got to stop shaming that. If they don't, if they're
not attracted to it, they're just not attracted to it.

Speaker 4 (01:17:54):
Sure, fair enough.

Speaker 10 (01:17:55):
But now that's also why they say, you got to
find somebody that's equally yoked, because the way it's supposed
to work, when a man finds a woman that is
that is willing to submit, right, and you know, everybody
has a different definition of what that word submit means.
But when a real man finds a woman that's willing
to submit, that his job is supposed to be to

(01:18:17):
step up and ensure that he's that protector.

Speaker 2 (01:18:19):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:18:20):
Let me pause right there, brother, because I want you
here exactly what I said a minute ago. O women,
this ain't about so when I said some unless you're
some practice man, when I said some women are just
choosing to be single because they're just not attracted to that.
The answer for them is not, well, that's why you
just need to find a man that's equally yo No. No, no.
They literally don't want to be a man's caretake, even
if he's equally yoak. There's a lot of women that

(01:18:42):
simply don't want that. And that's okay, hold on, let
me finish. If she is operating as a wife equally
yoke or not, you being a protector or not, I
am still a virtuous woman putting you first, whether you're
whether we're equally yoke or not, whether you're a protector

(01:19:02):
or not, you could be the best man.

Speaker 1 (01:19:03):
Ever.

Speaker 3 (01:19:04):
There are still some women that are still choosing to
say I don't want that type of partnership. The answer
is not, well, that's why you just need an equally
yok or that's why No, they're just sippy saying I
don't want to do that. They're selfish, and it's okay
if they want to be self but it may not
be how I'm built. But if they're saying I want
to be said, I just want to take care of me.

(01:19:25):
I want to provide for me. I want to take
care of me. I want to do my own stuff.
I'm alright with Donald Long. I'm all right with making
my money. I want to pour myself into my work.
Perfect example, David Banner. Everybody got mad at him because
they were saying, well, he said, people got mad. I
don't think people really got mad, but that's what he said.
They got mad at him because he decided to get
married older. He said, everything I've heard a woman want

(01:19:46):
from a man is time money. This that he said,
I've been building my career. I didn't have time. Valid point.
I've been building. I've been successful. I didn't want to
have babies all over the place, but now I'm ready.
There are women that actually want to be in front
of their laptop all day, that actually want to put
themselves into their career, that actually just want degrees, who

(01:20:07):
get very rewarded that way, want companionship. They don't want
a day to day interaction with a man, not because
they didn't find somebody equally, yoak. They just are not
attracted to that. And they may have companionship and a
boyfriend or a different type of relationship. Women know how
to have buckets of relationships just like y'all do. Just
like they. Y'all got female friends that y'all just talk

(01:20:27):
to and a wife over here, or maybe men got
multiple women girlfriends, and one is like this, and one
is like that. Women have found ways to be rewarded
in ways that doesn't necessarily align with marriage. And that's okay.
And the answers I know just don't get a better
man are equally yo. No, they just don't. They just

(01:20:48):
are literally telling you get somebody else to do it.

Speaker 10 (01:20:51):
So fair enough, all right. My point was not that
anything was wrong with a woman that truly genuinely wants
to be alone and with their self. That is an option.

Speaker 3 (01:21:05):
And again I clarify that it's not alone, just not married.

Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
Okay, here is the reason we gotta get back to
my mon I got one more question.

Speaker 3 (01:21:16):
Yeah, because I want to be clear that this is
not about alone, this is about marriage. I think a
lot of people think that not being married somehow is
alone and it doesn't at all. Loneliness is totally different
than being married. I don't marry people who are alone,

(01:21:36):
who feel alone, who experience loneliness. So I want to
be clear when I say women who are decided not
to be married, it doesn't mean they want to be alone.
It means they just don't want married. But go ahead,
Mary said, it's your question, and then I'm gonna wrap
this up because I've been taking y'all way too long.
It's supposed to be thirty minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:21:54):
Okay. So I remember you said, if you if you
have the if you have money, you kind of have control, right.

Speaker 3 (01:22:03):
Well, you have you have more, you have more access,
you have more leverage, you have more options because we
can sit around and talk about what they did in
Africa all day, like Cliff talking about but the nd
day you need money to move around. You need money
to So I'm just saying, when you have more money,
using an example you gave us, she said I would leave,
but I can't afford the bills on my own. She

(01:22:24):
gave you a very clear, flat answer that a lot
of women say all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:22:29):
Okay, So that brings me back to this. So my
thing with that is what happens if I mean, he
don't bring no money in the house, so she's.

Speaker 3 (01:22:40):
Doing it the whole. Now, well, well she told you
I don't make enough, so he's bringing something.

Speaker 1 (01:22:47):
Nah, I ain't bringing no money.

Speaker 3 (01:22:49):
No, when you say no money, zero are not enough.

Speaker 1 (01:22:52):
He's losing. He got his own business, so he not
he not he losing money, but he.

Speaker 3 (01:22:57):
Done brought something. I mean, let's be fair of ourselves. Oh,
she's shocked because it ain't been a lot. But he's
bringing something.

Speaker 1 (01:23:05):
Nah, she showed, she showed the papers and everything like
everything has been a loss.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
Well, just so you know my business, most business owners
always want our stuff to show a loss, just so
you know. No, seria, that's the way to get by.
We're not paying taxes. What I'm saying is that man
brought twenty dollars on fifty dollars on I'm not talking
them at the paperwork to show he ain't making nothing.
So just so you know, most businesses, we look for
ways to show a loss. So you can't go by
the paperwork, honestly you can't. That's how we don't have

(01:23:32):
to pay so many taxes. So looking at a business. Ain't.
What I'm saying is if she's telling you I can't
afford to live on my own, whatever it is, that
he's bringing the two hundred to three hundred to four
hundred whatever little bit, even if it's not that month
but the next month or something, she's literally telling you
I need whatever that is now. If he literally don't

(01:23:55):
nothing meaning zero, I'm not talking about the paperwork. If
he literally hasn't brought down nothing for years and years
that she wants his companionship, she wants I was just
gonna say that too, because I don't believe to pick it.
I don't believe in the whole notion of a man
picking a woman for nothing she can have nothing, or

(01:24:19):
a woman picking a man for nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:24:21):
That's not. I don't believe in it.

Speaker 3 (01:24:24):
Here's why. Here's why I say that. Here's why I
say that. I don't believe in it. Everybody something. Some
women probably need words of encourage me after you know,
I thought you were talking about money because they show
him picking them whatever or need just walk up somebody
in their bed to make them feel like whatever it is,
but it is, Yeah, but he was talking about money.

(01:24:48):
He's not talking about if you got something in lieu
of that. He's talking about money like literal meaning he
brings nothing meaning money.

Speaker 1 (01:24:55):
Well, I was talking.

Speaker 7 (01:24:56):
I also know the voice of df W also stated
that a man will pick a woman that has nothing.
That's I don't I don't believe that. But he's talking
about financial we had something that he wants.

Speaker 3 (01:25:09):
I don't knowfy, let's clarify what he was talking about,
and I know the joke he's talking about. What Chris
Rock was saying. He was talking about overall, when we're
only talking about money, when they're only talking about money,
meaning that a man gets judged on his value based
on money, but a woman is not judged on her
value based on money, which is true. He's not saying

(01:25:31):
that you don't pick that there's something she offers in
lieu of money, meaning sex, looks, how she takes care
of him, how you rub her back. That wasn't what
he was saying. Chris Rock was saying that men are
typically judged on their monetary value, and a woman you
can bring her along even if she's broke, which is
true because women typically when we talk about male female

(01:25:57):
if you talk about even in the jungle the male
species is the protector, and the female species he's drawn
to her female or her ability to pro create. So
just from a mammal standpoint, what Chris Rock was saying
is women are not judged by that. And in society,

(01:26:19):
money is kind of synonymous with protection for a lot
of women. I look at protection as can you go
beat him up? A lot of women also put in
security and protection as a provider as well. I had
this conversation with my girlfriend all the time. You know,
she looks at all of that as one like, you

(01:26:39):
can't be a protector of me if we don't have
shelter over our head. I look at protecting as will
you go beat him up? Like literally protect, you know,
physical protection I would wreck because to me, the roof
over the head. We're gonna figure that out, you know,
either way, whether it's me or him or us combined.
But I like to know if somebody come in this

(01:27:00):
house at night, can you fight? You know, can you
beat them? Particularly me and my situation because I got
a mouth, so I liked it. So if we somewhere
in a troll come up and say, hey, what did
you say on the internet or what it is? Can
my boyfriend beat you up. So protection for a lot
of women, sometimes they throw that provider thing under there,
and that's where the financial component comes in.

Speaker 1 (01:27:23):
Okay, real quickly. So when you said what she calls
like a lot of y'all do and just one event.

Speaker 5 (01:27:32):
So why why y'all don't like when when the man
respond like and tell you like, not based off emotions
to be like, all right, so what you're gonna do, Well.

Speaker 3 (01:27:41):
It's not about us not liking it. It's about a
need that we have on how we operate versus men.
Men typically are solution driven, but that's not always men.
When I'm leaning to my masculinity, Like my girlfriends know
not to call me because you're gonna get the real
deal answer. So it's really it's not always all women,
but it is a masculine feminine posture. Also, my girlfriend Aisha,

(01:28:04):
I handle her with kid gloves. I don't give her
the same answers I give Michelle. Michelle even said why
you don't be like that Mecause you say you want
to be a multimediaire, you say you want to be
a bossor beach. You say you want to be this
to that, So I'm gonna handle you just like that.
I'm gonna handle you in a masculine posture where Aisha
is not that. She's a school teacher. She's the sweetest

(01:28:25):
person I've ever known. She operates different. You've been married
for twenty some years. I handle her. Well, that's okay, girl,
I hear you. I just listen. I don't give her
that straight shot all the time because that's not how
she doesn't function in that So the kids, Marcellus, whoever
is calling you for advice, men have to learn you
got to deal with people in the capacity and how

(01:28:46):
they function. And a lot of times men typically are logical.
They want to give answers and solutions, and sometimes we
just want to come to you just to cry. We
just want somebody. Pastor Brian talked about this and I
love it. You call it empathy deficit disorder. He talked
about a story about a little girl that was crying
on the steps because her she lost her doll, and
another little girl came out and sat on the steps

(01:29:08):
and cried with her. The mother came out and said,
why are you crying. You didn't lose your dolls. She said,
I want to cry with her. I don't want her
to cry by herself. So what women typically are looking for,
we just want you to cry with us. We don't
necessarily need an answer, We don't need a solution, We
don't need a but what you need to do is
da da da da da da. Sometimes we just just

(01:29:29):
need you just to be in the listening posture instead
of always trying to fix it. That goes from women
fixers like myself too. My natural answer is.

Speaker 4 (01:29:37):
Well did you do that's the heart.

Speaker 3 (01:29:41):
Yeah, and everybody and men don't want that, by the way,
let me flip it. Men sometimes just want to tell
you about such and such, such and such, And the
woman in me who is a solution driven person because
using my solutions work, so my natural is possitive. Well baby,
did you think about doing da da da da da?
But sometimes he don't want you to do that. Sometimes
just want to be able to just say that and

(01:30:02):
be like, oh man, that's fucked up you want I'm working.
I'm working on my ability with that with to just
have someone to come to me invent.

Speaker 7 (01:30:12):
I tell my kids all the time when they come
to me with a situation, tell me what you want first,
Like do you wanna do you want to just vent?
Or do you want my opinion because me personally, if
you I would give you a solution.

Speaker 3 (01:30:27):
I don't want to sit here and here you cry,
you want you, I don't want you. Gotth definit disorder
you got together. I don't like that because see, okay,
so since let's give to it, then let's go to
a very protective spirit. So like let's just the dog
the dog situation.

Speaker 7 (01:30:46):
You said at the pastor game, I be figuring out
a way and let's go find a little dog.

Speaker 3 (01:30:50):
I'm not gonna cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got We're
about to unpack this though. We're about this gonna cry
behind the dog. Let's go let's see the Okay, hold
on a ways says, let's let's go about to get in.
Let's get into the sister talk because see, oh yeah,
were about to do this.

Speaker 2 (01:31:05):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:31:05):
Hey, I was about to end this. We're about to go.
We about to get in. So see then what we
call empathy deficity disorder. See you know, you know a
couple of words and just hear me out. Let me
make the case. The couple of things you said is
see I don't want to hear that. See I I'm
not the no hold on, I'm not about to cry
over no dog. I a gonna get up. Everything you

(01:31:28):
said was about you. And so when you are talking
about empathy, that this is the work I do activism.
See if I see the difference between me and a
lot of other people party, See if I do it
based on what I would do, I wouldn't have the
empathy for the least of these because I could easily

(01:31:48):
sit back and say, well, I ain't gonna be on
that job. Well, I wouldn't be doing that. Well, I
wouldn't have never did that. And what to jail, Well
I wouldn't never did. See my empathy. Empathy allows you
to step in somebody else's sho you see a snip
about you and what you wouldn't do. And Croyd for
no doll, Thank God for tell me and Aisha, who
have cried with me on every step of the way.

(01:32:10):
When I went to when and this is real time
talk we talked about this is why I got thirty
year relationships from the fifth grade all the way down
to my big age. And when I and when dal
Bell broke up with me, when I had to break
you know, I like to tell y'all the stories When
I had to break up with Tyrone when I was twelve,
I guess thirteen, and Allama told me that Tyro.

Speaker 1 (01:32:32):
Before you finished the I g saying they lost the sound.
They said it's too good. They need to hear.

Speaker 3 (01:32:37):
Oh they said they lost it. Oh yeah, it's somebody
called let me get back in. Let me go back
in because now because now we're gonna get to the
story times, we're gonna get to I'm another when I
get to give as system good cist talk. Now, y'all
insist talk, y'all listening to how I talk to my
sisters now now because it's it's it's always good to

(01:32:57):
to get these hypotheticals and all that, but we're gonna
give you vice. Real example when Tyrone Boy, when I
had to break up with Tyrone Boy and my mama
said you can't break I said, I'm gonna kill myself.
I went and got me some bleach in the cup.
I called Aisha. I said, I ain't gonna be able
to make it. She made me the breakup with Tyrone

(01:33:19):
my mother, who was not an empathetic person. Because I'm
gonna get to that everything you said, okay, because I'm
a mama too. My mother, who was not an empathetic person,
came in said she ain't got time to be doing
all that. I ain't gonna be crying over no boy.
You ain't gonna be crying over no boy. In fact,
she brought she was trying to meet a deadline with
her business with Creative Type and Services, and she said, Uh,

(01:33:43):
if you gonna die, we gonna die too. Pour the
bleach in. Let's let's toss it up because I ain't
got time for this. I gotta move on to the
next job. I gotta move on to the next day.
Let me be clear, k I am the woman that
I am because of my mother. I am not upset, mad,
herd whatever. But I'm giving it to you for real
that I am glad that I had the balance of

(01:34:04):
having Aisha who was there to cry with me. I
am grateful that when Dale Bell when I had to
break up, when he broke my heart, I went over
Tammy's house, these same people y'all see in the comments
to this day, and I laid in her lap in
her church slip and she sat there and saying, your
loves not you, Your loves not you. Back day nineties,

(01:34:25):
aw she sat there and sang with me. I am
glad when I went to the military and I had
a two minute phone call. Guess who I called first.
I did not call my mother. I called Tandy because
in that moment, Kay, I needed somebody to cry with me.
So I know where you're going with this sis, and
I get it. And just let yourself speak to you
for a moment, because I do tell my daughter do

(01:34:48):
you want me? Is this a listening or do you
want a solution? And I also even when she say listen,
and I know I got to step in and be
a parent. There's also some way that I do that too,
where I say, baby, I'm listening to you. But I
so it's my responsibility to raise you. So can I
offer you this advice because I need you that it
is a way that I handle it. It's a way

(01:35:08):
that I do give it. If you are the type
of person that saying, well, I ain't gonna be crying
over this, well see, I ain't gonna be this, and
I ain't gonna be that, and I'm gonna find a slut.
You are talking about you and not them, And so
what I would ask is when somebody is coming just
consider when God has given them the discernment and the

(01:35:33):
and giving you the gift of soolute, because that's a gift.
If people are coming to you with problems, it's a gift.
But you also want to be mindful that people know
they can come to you, because when you are a
strong person like me, people are ashamed to present their
weakness to you. Those same two very best friends, one

(01:35:54):
of them, I know all of her vulnerable moments, and
the reason why is because she has seen me vulnerable
herself the live ending. I don't know why she has
seen me vulnerable herself, so she knows that I'm not
judging her. My other best friend doesn't tell me everything
because a lot of times, since people are embarrassed by
what they're going through, you don't want to talk to you.

(01:36:16):
They're gonna feel judged. They gonna feel like, well, damn,
I told her this. She told me, No, we're gonna
go get a new dog now, girl, Fuck that, We're
gonna go get a new man a girl. You ain't
got to deal with that. And what they're doing is
they're feeling judged and you're not a soft landing for them. Now,
say it's okay. First, let's go back a little bit. Okay,
and my.

Speaker 7 (01:36:35):
Matter, and it's your statement was that's something that I
have to get better with. Yeah, that was my first
thing that I said. Now my second thing, My second
point is that you don't from the outside looking in
at you, You don't give off the energy of you
like some cri baby like you sent around you crying

(01:36:56):
about everything that you experience a deal with in life.
You know what I'm saying, Like I understand that we
do have vulnerable moments.

Speaker 3 (01:37:06):
Yes we do.

Speaker 7 (01:37:08):
Everybody got vulnerable moments, but me personally, he is going
back to you personally, I'm not kidding right, and that
I'm working on it. That's why you need to work
on its coming to you because what I'm telling you
is it's not about you. See like when you said,
well tells you don't give that off.

Speaker 3 (01:37:28):
No, I don't. I don't for me. But I also
on the Jamal podcast today, he asked me how do
I ground myself? And I said, sometimes I ground myself
through grieving. I'll cry for hours, So I do cry
about things out everything. But that's the key that I
want to hone in on. When somebody's coming to me,
when I'm speaking for those. For the least of these,
I am completely removing myself. I'm not talking about me

(01:37:49):
and what I do and how I do it, and
how I this and how I that I repove myself
from the situation. I don't say Marcel's aboutways you. I'll
be this this that marcell I look at him as
a little brother, even though he in his thirties. I
give him advice out of love, marcell I'm telling y'all
heard me do it on the lot. Marcelle, you need
to get that. Okay, Well, I'm telling you you get that, roommate,

(01:38:10):
you need this, you need that. But I still make
it okay for him to even feel like he can
tell his big sister it's a problem that he's hurting,
that he's struggling, that he do have an issue that
he's doing. And if I shut him down a medle
with myself, I wouldn't be putting over that because I'm
that that I wouldn't be talking. He ain't me and
I ain't him. So I still need to be in
a in a space that he can have a pillow

(01:38:33):
to cry on. And so what you asked the question,
how can I help you what what what is it
that you need? I don't want you to help me though?
What about hr suggestion?

Speaker 1 (01:38:44):
Boss?

Speaker 3 (01:38:44):
You wanted not hear? That's a help if you just
wanted to be What about it? I don't know how
to do that? But what about if you since you
know that's something you need to work on? What about
if I don't know what to tell you that? I
just want you to left. Think you need to No, no,
no no, you need to figure out what you no
that you need so you can properly communicate that. Okay,

(01:39:05):
you hard on them? Oh girl you ooh you hard
on them?

Speaker 6 (01:39:09):
I hard?

Speaker 1 (01:39:14):
What about it?

Speaker 3 (01:39:14):
If he don't know what to communicate to you, it
ain't about he, it's to him.

Speaker 1 (01:39:18):
Are one a woman or men?

Speaker 3 (01:39:20):
I'm just using Marcella's as an example. Okay, right now?
What if marcellas don't know listen when a kid hold on,
wait a minute says, when my child is coming to me,
she don't know if she need advice or just a listening. Ear,
it's my job as the solution says, we're so good
on solutions. You need to know does this require a listening?

(01:39:40):
Or this require advice? Do I know how to read?
The room. Do I ain gonna lie my kid a
little dead? Her?

Speaker 7 (01:39:47):
Because she tells she don't want who checked me? She
don't want who check? She said, Mama, I don't want it.
I don't want you to say anything.

Speaker 3 (01:39:53):
I just want you to listen and I'll be like,
you know better. You do need to say? So she
tell you I need you to listen and the parenting,
and you know you need to give her advice?

Speaker 6 (01:40:02):
Do you not give it to her?

Speaker 3 (01:40:04):
You know I give it to Okay, then ding ding dan.
Did y'all hear what I said?

Speaker 2 (01:40:10):
Boy?

Speaker 1 (01:40:10):
Step something?

Speaker 3 (01:40:12):
Y'all hear what I said? Priscilla did y'all hear what
I said? So it came down to her discernment. Correct, Yep,
it came down It still came down to you knowing
regardless of what she said, regardless of her saying I
don't want your advice. You know, if you needed to
step in and give it to, you gonna give it
to So that came down to you, the solution driver.
So even if she's saying I don't want your advice,

(01:40:34):
I just want you to listen. If I know you're
about to jump off the clip, I'm gonna give it
to Hey, baby, I know, So that means it came
on you, k So you're the responsible one. It's not
on them to know their needs. It's on you that
God has sent them to you to know how to
read the room, especially if you know you got a
problem with it. It's up to you to have the

(01:40:57):
responsibility to know what you to know how to operate.
And if you know that you don't know how to operate,
that then when somebody come to you, you need to say,
I don't that ain't my ministry. Go tell somebody else. Yeah,
you while you're telling them, they need to know they
need you need to know that you ain't the one
they need to be coming to. So maybe you should
tell them, Hey, that ain't my ministry. I don't, Hey,

(01:41:19):
go tell somebody else, because all I'm gonna know how
to do is give you solutions, right yeah, yeah, uh
huh yeah. Don't you can't come fit me without solutions. Well,
I just hope, well down, I hope. I ain't never
gonna care you. It's like annoying to me, it really is.

Speaker 1 (01:41:37):
But somebody had that passire for you.

Speaker 8 (01:41:41):
What you mean, Yeah, if you have been to people before,
are they trying to be saying Yeah, I.

Speaker 10 (01:41:51):
Think I think all of this, you know, stands around
the fact that you have to understand that it's all
about effect communication.

Speaker 8 (01:42:00):
Right.

Speaker 10 (01:42:00):
So if someone comes to you, they may especially as
a child, right, they may or they may not necessarily
know what it is that they're needing from you. But
as you know, she said, if you have the discernment
of being able to identify what it is that they need,
you have to be willing to communicate it to them

(01:42:21):
in a manner in which they will receiving.

Speaker 4 (01:42:24):
Right.

Speaker 10 (01:42:24):
So it's like people talk about, hey, I'm gonna get
that harsh truth, Well, what is your intent when you're
giving them the truth? Are you trying to give them
the truth to benefit them or are you trying to
give them the truth to make yourself feel some kind
of way. So when you address those situations, you got
to be mindful of why am I saying what it

(01:42:46):
is that I'm going to say, And is what I'm
going to say going to be said in a manner
in which they'll will receive.

Speaker 4 (01:42:55):
So that's just you know, my take on it.

Speaker 3 (01:43:00):
If you don't sit back, yeah, I just think k
hard on them at the where they say, damn.

Speaker 1 (01:43:11):
You are on the beach.

Speaker 3 (01:43:13):
Do do that sense for rest? You are on me?

Speaker 8 (01:43:15):
Y'all?

Speaker 3 (01:43:16):
Hope, I ain't never know this. I definitely ain't gonna
call you. And you just need to tell people that
ain't my ministry. And that's all right, just say that
my minute, yes above me for me. But I also
I don't have a bunch of girlfriends. I only have
two literally, you know, I got well, I would say four,
but two, like maybe three. Even Michelle, she's like a

(01:43:39):
babysitter's more like a mentee, but she calls and she's
asking for advice. So when she's calling me, she's literally
asking for advice. But we don't talk about men. We
don't talk about matters of the heart. We don't talk
about any you know, she's talking about just business and
business alon matters of the heart. I only talk to
three girlfriends about that. And I am I try to
be listening soundboard and I read the room for you know,

(01:44:01):
if this is a moment of when to shut up
or a moment when to just be quiet. And I
actually listen more than I talk. And that's another point.
K when he's like, you don't really give that, Well,
that's because this is how y'all see me. You haven't
been my girlfriend, you know, for thirty years, you know
what I mean. So a lot of what how people
I am teslain, I am who I am, But my

(01:44:22):
vulnerability areas I don't get. That's not for everybody to get,
you know. That's these are social media things. People think
it's a real relationship, but it's not. It's social media,
you know. So you're always gonna see me in the
the uh, the activist fighting posture because that I'm here
to fight, I'm online to fight, I'm here to educate.
I'm here to show up. This is the bus stop

(01:44:44):
to me. But even then, if you pay close attention
and you look at what I'm fighting for. If I
had the attitude of tells you ain't the type that
really that's going for that, I wouldn't be doing anything
that I'm doing because I'm okay personally. I am fighting
for those that don't have a voice. I'm fighting for
those that can't speak up. I'm fighting for the poor

(01:45:06):
in the middle class. If I had the attitude of
you just need to shut up and deal with it,
and I ain't gonna be crying over no baby, and
we need to go get another baby. That's actually a
very conservative, right wing attitude, which is pull yourself up
by the bootstraps. Stop crying about it, stop bitch, and
stop complaining. What's your problem. You shouldn't have chose this,
you shouldn't have had So.

Speaker 1 (01:45:26):
I'm not that.

Speaker 3 (01:45:28):
To me, that is very cruel and it's no compassion,
and it's no empathy at all. It is a lack
of empathy. In fact, Elon Musk said that America's number
one problem is empathy. He said, America's number one problem
is feeling sorry for others. So actually I do give that.

(01:45:49):
You just see me in a strong position that all
empathy doesn't look weak. All empathy is not crying. Actually,
the greatest empathy of all is justice. The greatest empathy
of all is standing up for somebody in a strong position.
The greatest empathy, I tell my grandmother all the time,

(01:46:10):
the greatest empathy of all is fighting back. It's not
crying in the corner, it's turning over the tables. That
is true empathy. Truly putting yourself on somebody else's shoes,
saying I'm straight, but these federal workers ain't straight. Oh,
It's not always a line with crying or weakness or

(01:46:30):
you know, crying about it all day long. No, I
do cry about it. I do talks and turn about it.
I just it's what you call empathy compassion, which means
compelled to take action. And if you look up empathy,
I'm so glad I learned it this week. Empathy deficit disorder.
It also talks about different levels of empathy where some
people will just sit and just cry. Some people will
cry and then find a solution. I will cry with

(01:46:52):
you and find a solution. It sounds like you're saying
you ain't even gonna cry with them.

Speaker 4 (01:46:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:46:58):
Yeah, it depends because I don't really cry a lot,
to be honest, Uh, to be honest with you, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:47:04):
Really cry a lot. But you know, it really depends
on the situation. Like, uh, like I watched your interview
with the.

Speaker 7 (01:47:16):
Vision with the pastor, and you know, to see you
get emotional talking about your experience as far as and
with your mom and how she did everything, uh.

Speaker 3 (01:47:27):
On her own and you know, just the her whole
your whole experience.

Speaker 7 (01:47:32):
Like to see you get emotional, deb does you know
it brings I have empathy you know, I feel what
you said when you say that or when I see
like other because I do see you as like this
strong woman, so like to see.

Speaker 3 (01:47:50):
You know, you expressing your lighter your lighter side. You
know of what you're going to to the world that
that for me, it's not her friend. And do you
do cry? He said, Oh, I guess men cried all
because he called me a man and I told him,
I said, yeah, that was a motherless child. You were
hearing from right and about my mother.

Speaker 7 (01:48:11):
Sized with that though, you know when you did that,
when you did Joe recap my revolt, before you even
did that, you know, you had the same thing, and like,
I really didn't.

Speaker 3 (01:48:23):
Really feel that HP And but see that's see and
see that's what it is supposed to make. You're literally
supposed to feel it. See I. I so maybe you
ain't a sorry cause you think you are because you
were literally feeling it. So and again let's so the
anointing does that too, Just so you know when you're talking.
That's why I run for my ministry. Gifted prophetic people,
people that are called make you feel it. Even people

(01:48:46):
that say I don't feel it, I don't feel it.
They kicking and screaming. I refuse the feeling. Yeah, you
feeling it because it's called the anointing. That's why they
say the anointing destroys the yolk. And that's why my
words can make you literally feel it in your bones.
So I even went on revolt. I was not talking
about so when I talk about mother, I'm talking about
my mother. But when I was talking about Tammy, when
I was talking about my Unclehen, I was talking about

(01:49:07):
these workers, I was talking about. What I was doing,
what you were watching was my empathy for others. I
was taking. I was taking their story, putting it inside
of me, and then communicating that out. And that is
the work of ministry. And when I communicate that out,
it's supposed to hit Kay, even Kay who's in the
audience that say, I don't be doing all of that feeling. Yeah,

(01:49:29):
you don't feel it, because that's how the Lord touches
you in that moment, and and and hopefully it starts
breaking down some of those because you with this, I
ain't crime come from somewhere.

Speaker 7 (01:49:41):
You know, I don't see I gotta always necessarily cry,
like you said, like I can feel, And.

Speaker 3 (01:49:47):
Let's come up with a solution.

Speaker 2 (01:49:49):
I ain't.

Speaker 3 (01:49:49):
I don't want to see him feel with you the
whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:49:52):
I really just don't.

Speaker 3 (01:49:53):
That's coming from somewhere, though, Just so you know, that's
definitely coming from somewhere. There's there's something about a lot of.

Speaker 7 (01:49:59):
Why people she teas for nothing for Lily, I mean,
I mean, use it again, and like use it. You
know some women I ain't gonna say all women, but
some women just break our crime and knowing damn well
they did wrong. Like I'm gonna give you an example
of what I mean when I say that my grandmother,

(01:50:20):
she on my dad's side, she would take money from
my dad, and when he confirmed her about it, like Mama,
what's up with this? What happened to my money or whatever? Whatever,
She'll break out fucking crying.

Speaker 3 (01:50:36):
What you crying for? So? So?

Speaker 1 (01:50:39):
So what?

Speaker 9 (01:50:39):
Why?

Speaker 3 (01:50:40):
What's what I mean when I said? That's what I
meant when I said it is coming from somewhere to
your own trauma?

Speaker 10 (01:50:46):
What you saw?

Speaker 3 (01:50:47):
You associate that with everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:50:48):
Everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:50:50):
Everybody ain't manipulating everybody. And let me let me be clear,
I know people used to. First of all, I'm not
big on crime. Marcel's and them know that, and I
give you do it on TV, I talked to shut
the bottom, so I'm I'm I'm not a proud baby
of that source. I also have taught women how you
need to learn how to articulate without breaking down a tears,
So we're the same with that. But you basically just

(01:51:10):
show when I said it's coming from somewhere, you just
told U where it's coming from. Because you watched somebody
manipulate sympathy or tears as a way of being a
manipulator doesn't mean that applied to everybody and it do.

Speaker 7 (01:51:24):
I know, But I can't think this a pattern like
in my like what is this person always coming to
me crying, crying with no solution, or is this like
you know, this person right now is really just down
and they just need to hear, Like what is it
like I pay attention to, I observe over a period
of time. The first time somebody comes to me crying,

(01:51:45):
I'm not gonna be like girl and I don't want
to hit this sheet or you know, let's go find
you another dollar.

Speaker 3 (01:51:51):
I'm not gonna do that.

Speaker 7 (01:51:52):
But if I see that this is a continuous pattery
that you could you do each and every time.

Speaker 3 (01:51:58):
Oh no, we not know, we're not gonna do that. Yeah,
and see again, that's what I'm saying you, And that's fine.
It just ain't your ministry says. And that's fine because
it's about It's about You're very clear about that. It's
about you. It's about how you want to give the information,
receive information, your limited capacity to hear what they're saying.

(01:52:19):
Because see, when somebody coming to me with a problem,
I don't look at it as we ain't about to
do that. It has nothing to do with me. I
can literally listen to whatever you're going through and not
take it on personally. I don't feel slighted or my
time is wasted, or I ain't got time of it.
She ain't gonna listen to me, no way. I don't
feel like I gotta control the outcome of their situation.
I know how to literally just listen to somebody and
take nothing personal by it at all. That's that's operating

(01:52:45):
in true empathy. I don't have to feel I have
to control the narrative of how that turns out because
you wasted my time to come tell me. A lot
of women do that. Don't come tell me about them.
You ain't gonna change it no way, so could stop
telling me. And then when this woman's slit the wrists
and jump off the bridge or do whatever, she has
no place to land because everybody around her has made
it about them and not about her. And that's how

(01:53:06):
most people think, by the way, Yeah, most people think
about how, what, how it would make you feel, not
about what I'm give me some tips, give me. It
ain't no ministreet.

Speaker 1 (01:53:18):
When somebody want something, what you.

Speaker 6 (01:53:20):
Would probably say, here's one of the things that you
can do. You just simply say, how can I support you?

Speaker 3 (01:53:34):
No? What is you know? No support? You ain't been
listening the whole time, and only need to be get
somebody else to do. Already told you if you don't
want a solution, she ain't got time for about saying
she ain't got time for She don't know want to
support them because support listen, kay. One and only tip

(01:53:57):
is get somebody else else, old friends who she got,
a parent she can tell I wouldn't let her take
a chance with that, but anybody else, that's all he
needs to do. Want them.

Speaker 7 (01:54:12):
I don't want them to I don't want to say,
get somebody else. To do it, and when they get
out the phone me they slip like.

Speaker 3 (01:54:18):
I mean, I don't know what to tell them.

Speaker 1 (01:54:25):
At least you aren't encouraging them to do it, and
you should be as long as you'll tell.

Speaker 3 (01:54:29):
Them do it because I'm gonnabout it. It definitely ain't
your ministry there. Don't want them to want to talk
to you about it, and you take your cut out
all their crime. We need to go get a dog,
and then they feel judged and they feel shamed and
they can't know it's too important. So just say you
know what, baby, I this how you do it. I'm
not working I am working on how better sports system

(01:54:52):
and in this moment, I'm not that.

Speaker 1 (01:54:56):
You know, and I.

Speaker 7 (01:54:58):
Can agree like for real, that is something like just
tapping into my emotional I'm somebody that think my way
through things instead of feeling my way through things, and
that is something that I'm working to, uh, you.

Speaker 3 (01:55:14):
Know, and see cominize. The whole thing that I want
you to get is it ain't about you. So that's
what you keep talking about you see you? And if
I if I can't do it for me, then I
can't do it for other people. You don't even you
missing a case. I don't need you doing it for nobody.
This is where you keep missing it. You keep thinking
you're supposed to be solving a problem. No, if I'm
coming to you, it ain't for you to be doing

(01:55:34):
it for nobody.

Speaker 7 (01:55:35):
No, right, So what I'm saying says what I'm saying
is that if I don't have this like big empathy
for my for my own feelings and what I like
if I'm crying, I cannot have this big empathy for
somebody else that I can't do it myself. So that's
why I said, I need to work on having showing

(01:55:56):
on empathy and capassions towards myself and I can give
it too, so I can help out with.

Speaker 3 (01:56:02):
Okay, right, that's what I'll say. Because somebody along the way,
you didn't just pop up this way we said a
minute ago, a little white when we were saying, well
where do we go wrong? No? No, no, right, you
went wrong. Somebody as a child way told you cut
out all their crime, told you stand up what you're
crying for. Somebody did that. Like I said, my mother

(01:56:26):
was not well, my grandma passed or when her my
mother's best friend passed away and I was crying and
she was like, what are you doing all that for?
Because I was I'm very emotional when it comes to that,
and she's like, what doing Because my mother was not
a big crier, which is why the empathy that I
showed now with the federal workers when I heard my
mother have weakness because she was not a crier. So

(01:56:46):
when she was like, I don't feel like why am
I still living? That was very shocking to me because
She's always been in a position of strength, you know,
I've never seen any weakness. So it has me even
have more empathy now because watching her go through that,
I can only imagine how many other people are going
through that but don't have nobody to call because every
time they call, K tell them cut out all that

(01:57:09):
damn crying and you go get to a solution and
you needed this. So I emphasized with him because of
that people my mother was the same way. But I
am grateful that I had balance somebody that did cry
with me. Yeah, and even though Aisha was teased for
crying all the time her husband, I had to work
with Icehua like twenty years of finally get her to

(01:57:29):
stop crying because she was one of the ones. She's
very emotional, you know when she gets upset. You know
how people say when I get upset, I cried, And
I was like, no, you got to work on that.
You got to learn how to especially when you're talking
to men, you have to learn how to articulate your
thoughts without breaking down crying because they see it as
a weakness, even though it's lotet that way. So sometime
and she even say this day, she's like, do I
thank you for like teaching me how to you know,
get through conversation without crying. But it took a decade

(01:57:54):
to get her to that. I wasn't coming. She still
had to be comfortable enough to come to me in
the tears. Yeah, with her, to have the patience, because
patience is love and kind and gentle and understanding and
it's not wrap, it's not anger. It takes time to
get you to that. And so I can't ever get
her to that if she immediately all the g because

(01:58:17):
she's still gonna cry with without me. The question is,
are you're gonna be the soft space that she knows
she can and and like you said, like you've admitted,
which I think is awesome, Like that that's not where
I'm at with it right now.

Speaker 7 (01:58:28):
Yeah, and I'm the oldest child too, so you know,
I always had to protect like protext period, like be
the one that's my self my younger siblings come to
or whatever. And I ain't never really had nobody advocate
for me, so I always got it.

Speaker 3 (01:58:49):
I'm the only child, so welcome to the club. So
I'm only older standing of no younger standing of no nothing,
nothing whatever. So end of the day, I've always been
the one fight I've ever had has been on somebody
like that. I literally I haven't had anybody one time
Carla Cooper in the sixth grade. Other than that, every
single fight that I've always had has always been for
my friends always. So I'm gonna pull a k on k.

(01:59:13):
I don't want to hear that.

Speaker 1 (01:59:15):
I don't hear that.

Speaker 3 (01:59:16):
That's yeah, No, that's k Yeah, I don't care sad
song about being No, I'm pulling you on you. I
don't want to hear no sad song about you being
the oldest anybody helping me either case. So you didn't
want to cry about it, you cry about it. But
if you didn't want to cry about I'll let you
cry about it. I ain't about it because it do.

(01:59:42):
It is fucked up when people it do hurt to
know that. Okay, so you don't know if I'm dead
or alive.

Speaker 1 (01:59:49):
You don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:59:50):
Got a burden I'm taking on. You don't know what's
going on. That's why when people when you're asking what
do you do the ground yourself ship, I don't know.
I literally don't have an answer because I not only
do I take on the burden for my family, I
take on what I feel the burden for the community.
And more people are pulling from me than pouring into me. Yeah,
don't worry about I cry enough for me and you.

(02:00:10):
It's still hurt. It still don't mean I don't have
a solution. It's still I'm gonna get up the next
day and still fight. It don't make me weak, but
I am acknowledging. That's why I said I would write
a book on how to love a revolutionary because people
don't know you partner with me, love me, be a
friend to me, of course my friend. You know, AI
shan't tammy do overall. You literally don't know what to

(02:00:30):
do with me. You don't know what to do with
a revolutionary because you just assumed, like you said, tis
you don't really give that. No, I don't, but damn
my break too too. That shit hurt me too. That's
why the post y'all saw I did with Jesselariy's the
other day, jess ain't did nampost. I did that because
that was just the right thing to do. I see,

(02:00:52):
I don't set myself based on well, what somebody else
would do. Jesselarious follows six people on Instagram and all
of them are hurt. All of them are her brand.
So me stepping out and saying, Jess, I want you
to know that you're not by yourself. She wouldn't have
did that publicly with me, but that's called righteousness when

(02:01:13):
you own somebody hurting. And I know what our private
conversations have been. She has called on me personally to
check on me. So righteousness tells me that when somebody's
standing by themselves crying on the air and Charlotta magney
en be laughing, yeah, as strong as Jesse. It's just

(02:01:34):
damn show, don't give off, crybaby. But I know what
she been through, so my empathy allows me to step
in and say, hey girl, you ain't crying by yourself today.
Even if she don't acknowledge it, even if she don't
say nothing about it, even if I know she can't
click like or share it or added to her page.
Righteousness true empathy. And when I say righteousness doesn't mean perfect,

(02:01:55):
it means standing in a rightful position of justice, what
is right and what is wrong. That is the greatest
empathy of all. It is the empathy that Christ gave us.
If you will believe, if you believe, he died on
the cross, it's the greatest empathy of all, giving up yourself.
Not what you would do, how you would do it.
He was already gonna make it up in a sin
to his father. He didn't have to die for us.

(02:02:18):
So true empathy has nothing to do with self, nothing
at all.

Speaker 1 (02:02:25):
That's my message.

Speaker 3 (02:02:28):
But y'all, this was wonderful. This is why the Sunday
show gonna be so live. I appreciate everybody for coming
on DFW. If you're still here, don't think he's here.
I think he has a podcast, so y'all go follow him.
He had his background with the podcast. Man, I love you,
k I love this. This is good, good, good good stuff.
I'll be talking y'all in the comments all time, so

(02:02:49):
it's always cool. We ain't talking one on one. We're
gonna start on Sunday nights. I was behind this week.
We're doing two shows every week. Sunday is where we're
doing this, where we can you know, people can come
in on the zone and talk about it because this
was good stuff. I appreciate you k and your vulnerability
or transparency like sharing yourself. And also it's always good

(02:03:09):
when people can hear women, especially black women, have a
conversation of workshopping and trying to you know, speak it
out Black men as well. I'm glad Cliff and Marcella's
and DVD. I'm glad y'all was on the call too.
But I especially get happy when, especially too strong women,
when they can hear that because they got to see that, because,
like Cliff said, a lot of this is the undoing.

Speaker 1 (02:03:33):
We know.

Speaker 3 (02:03:34):
Oh black women can't get no women talk. They all
know everything now. Really we just want support with each other. Really,
we just want to be heard. Even the strong ones
want to be just okay, you want to know you
have voice. Let me give you this to that before
we get out of here. Oh the Lord just gave
me this when y'all put a five in the chat

(02:03:54):
even though the chat ain't open. I remember when Kay said,
when they come to me, they need to already know
y'all mean when Kate said that she did look at
Marcella he loved. If one thing Marsella gonna do, he
gonna remind you what you said.

Speaker 1 (02:04:12):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:04:13):
Let me tell you something, Kay, this is what the
Lord want me to tell you. Okay, when you and
I and you have acknowledged that you want to work
on it. So I'm not telling you that you have
not made that knowledge, but I want to tell you
or just told me to tell you. When you came
on this Live and I said, Kay, what do you
want to talk about? And you said, I don't know

(02:04:33):
what if I operated? And you operated and said, Kay,
if you don't know why you clicked live, if you
don't know why you came on the zoom, when I
clearly said, if you got something to say, come on
the zoom. If you don't know why you're here, I'm
gonna drop you off the call. Because they actually put
that on some of the Twitter spaces. They say, if
you ain't got none to say, they drop you your voice,

(02:04:55):
even when you had nothing to say, Praise God. Even
when you didn't know what you have to say, your
voice was important enough for me to leave you on
his zoom. You said, I'm a sit her, and I'm
gonna think about it. When I have something to say,
I'm gonna say. See, empathy doesn't put restrictions in guidelines

(02:05:16):
and rules. It said that Kay is important enough because
God had it for her to click the lives. She
came in the room saying, tells them I got something
to say, but I don't know yet what it is.
But see, God tells me that if she's here, she's
here for a reason. Tells them, let us sit there
in the corner til she get her thoughts together. Let
us sit there in the corner till she know what

(02:05:37):
it is. Let us sit there in the corner. She
may not have none at all to say. But if
this woman clicked this with three hundred people listening, and
you clicked it, he must have wanted you in the
room for a reason. So consider that. Consider that when
somebody's coming to you, they're coming you for a reason.
They may not know if they want your help or
if they just want to listen. They may not know,

(02:05:58):
O kay, just like you didn't know, but you were
valuable enough to me for me to just sit there
and look at your beautiful face. That's how we have
to allow. When we say make space for each other,
that's what mean, literally make space. You didn't have it.
You didn't take the camera. I told everybody you can
turn the camera off. You don't want a camera. You

(02:06:19):
got the camera sitting up there with literally nothing to say.
But you were that important baby, and whoever made you
feel that you were not That's what that is. When
we grow up and somebody say, when my grandfather said
to me, be quiet, you talking too much? Da da
da da quit out there crying to that that as
little girls, somebody told us that we that how we

(02:06:39):
felt in the moment wasn't important enough, and they shut
us down. And that's why I act. That's why I
do the activism that I do because a friend now
that they said, well, when you were growing up, people
was praying for you, and people was in rooms that
you didn't know, and they were saying, let us talk.
I said, no, no, no, black that was never it.
You don't know what you're talking about. It was always

(02:07:00):
somebody telling me to shut up. That's why I'm so passionate.
It wasn't people cheering me on. It wasn't somebody saying,
on leave law, she's a dope person. Oh no, no, no,
the clip up. I told Black that might be what
you thought it was, but it actually was the opposite.
And that's why I operate the way I do. That's
why I have k just sit on here with nothing
to say. That's why Charlott Mane, who don't have no

(02:07:22):
empathy will say let's discuss in the comments, but never
talking the comments. I validate people all the time, even
if I'm cussing somebody out. You're gonna get validated today,
just ain't in a way. I'm definitely gonna notice your
I'm definitely I'm definitely gonna give you space. That's why
I don't care about millions of followers and whole bunch

(02:07:43):
of people and all that. I don't care about that
because I want to be able to touch you and
feel you and hear you and all of that. Marcella's
came from the comments. I hared Marcella's from the comments
because he was an active commenter, and I was like,
first time I get a chance to hire him do something.
I'm gonna bring him me. I didn't say, well, you
need to be have produced experience. Marcella's was doing overeats.

(02:08:06):
He helps me produce all my shows. I didn't tell him, well,
you need to have produce experience, and you need to
learn how to edit. You need to learn how to
make clips, I said, Marcel, you can still teach people. Marcella's, Hey,
you need to learn how to step it up. I'm learning.
I'm figuring it out.

Speaker 1 (02:08:21):
He figured out.

Speaker 3 (02:08:22):
Okay, I may not know how to use software, but
I know how to screenshot it. I can screen, I
can screen record and give you this clip. Hey, I
may I may not know how to be a producer,
but I know how to find these stories. I may
not know how to do everything, but I know you
can depend on me to be at that door. That's
how we undo, how we find value in each other.

(02:08:45):
Boodhis is a good one. It may not buy money,
like when you said, it's something they have to offer. Yeah,
so that's all, baby, When somebody's coming to you, think
about this day. Let me just kind of sit back
and let let if God brought them to you, let

(02:09:05):
him use you, and he operates in a way that
is not always through because that's sometime through chastisement and
they really might need you in that moment, but until
you get there, which I appreciate you knowledge acknowledging, I
would let them know I'm not always the best with
being a good listening ear. I do offer solutions. So

(02:09:26):
if you tell me something, just no, I'm gonna give
you solutions because I got to learn how to not
do that. And by that alone, it's gonna open up
a door. You know you're gonna touch on something, because
that's really at the end of day. One of my
girlfriends one of the strongest women I know and I
won't say her name this personal business. And she's a

(02:09:47):
colleague of mine, strongest, prettiest, most educated, very misunderstood in
the media. If people knew her life, the abuse, the
physical abuse that this beautiful woman had to tolerate. I've
been the only soft space for her. She doesn't show

(02:10:10):
her vulnerability to anybody because it's looked at as a weakness.
And when she said tesling, all I ever wanted somebody
to do was stand up for me. Why did nobody
stand up for me? So when we were shot down

(02:10:30):
as little girls. I'm grateful Grandma figure out stood up
for me. Only had eleven years of my life. Oh
my mama said, go home and eat and figure it out.
You just need to figure it out. Grandma figure oes
even she was tough too, but she said no. She
was a bus driver. I'm gonna drive a bus and
after I go park the bus, I'm gonna come over

(02:10:52):
to your bus stop across town and I'm gonna give
you a cheeseburger. You ain't got to figure it out today.
I'm gonna figure it out for you. That balance. But
I'm not dissing my mama for beating us because you
better believe ass that I am. I wouldn't take that
back from nothing in the world. So with my daughter gay,

(02:11:13):
I try to, you know, balance that because that hard,
not life that figure it out that all of that.
That's also why when I had problems, I didn't go
to my mother.

Speaker 1 (02:11:25):
I went to the hood.

Speaker 3 (02:11:26):
That's a dangerous thing. That's why y'all hear me talk
about Spud a lot. When my car was wrecked and
all of that, I went to Spug. But see, Spud
just happened to be a good friend. That didn't take
advantage of me. It don't work out like that with women.
A lot of women get raped and beat and used
for sex and prostitution and all of that because they're
going to places that they can't come home to because

(02:11:48):
they don't want to be judged, chastised all of that,
so they just go and find it in other ways.
A lot of two what our men. But I'm just
talking about my personal experience. Most of the women that
I know in the strip club that was the house
mahum back then, I know the streets for real. I'm
not one of these ones. Just be talking. I know
the whole game. And most of the women that were
there did not have soft places to land because they

(02:12:12):
were told suck it up, figure it out. Nothing wrong
being told suck it up and figure it out. But
there still has to be a place, you know that
some softness can be there. And Black women we struggle
with that because we have not been allowed to be soft.
Yeah yeah, like our men not been allowed to be soft.

Speaker 1 (02:12:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:12:33):
So that's why. And when I say we got to
keep working on the guys, I'm not talking about forty
six million of us. I'm talking about in your own individuals. Yeah,
five people, ten people you know in your own circle,
because right now we are coming into a place where
micro organized saitis I really am going to close micro organizing.

(02:12:53):
We need each other and again not we not forty
six million, like just literally your four or five people
in your life, or go find a new tribe. It
may not be the family may be so broken and
so trauma that they can't be that for you and
you can't get them to be that for you. But
finding some type of tribe, even if it's this some
type of pouring into you, if it's straight shot, no check. Okay,

(02:13:16):
you watch all the reality show, but damn, y'all know,
I'm gonna give it to you straight. I'm gonna table
to it. But I'm alway in with some inspiration. I'm
gonna inspire you some kind of way. I ain't just
always going hard. They've been hard on us enough, right.
They don't mean I ain't gonna tell you the truth.
You damn sure don't get the straight But I don't
think you're not here because I don't inspire. You ain't

(02:13:38):
here looking for abuse. You're like tell us, no, you're
gonna tell like it is you don't look like the
type of crime you solution. Yeah, but you stick around
for that other part too, the other part that say no, sis,
you got it cause and then the day that's really
what we're all craving. Yeah, the end of the day,
that's that's all we And that's why I try to
have balanced conversation. For clip to you believe to say, well,

(02:14:01):
you know you can tell them. Then I say, noll, Cliff, okay,
go by what I say, which get somebody else to do.
But I like, I like the balance like that because
you need to hear a cliff say that. You know
what I mean. You need that, like we need we
got a compartment, like we need all these different things.
You know, a good meal is not just the entree.

Speaker 1 (02:14:20):
You know, you need a little bit.

Speaker 3 (02:14:21):
It's a little bit of that, a little bit. And
that's what push the line is all about. Different people
that give different perspectives what test.

Speaker 7 (02:14:30):
And Marcellers, I do appreciate y'all for all of the
work and all of the work that y'all do into
the community tests. I also appreciate you for foreign into
me on today. I'm definitely gonna take your advice, you know,
I know it ain't gonna happen over knife, but I'm.

Speaker 3 (02:14:50):
Definitely gonna work, honey.

Speaker 7 (02:14:52):
And I really really appreciate like you your platform and
everything you do for us. Everything, I really really appreciate it.
I literally I got a daughter right now that is
a teen. She's went to go take her pre adsvents
today because.

Speaker 3 (02:15:11):
Going to the military.

Speaker 7 (02:15:12):
And I was listening to your uh interview with with
Jamal pastor Jamal today and I still got the little
hard core part in me, but the part that when
you were saying you was in basic training and military
break you down, the military break you down, and I

(02:15:33):
and what I was trying, and I ain't gonna go
into the whole thing because I know we're trying to close.

Speaker 4 (02:15:37):
Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (02:15:38):
Well, well you know I was telling her that I
listened to her.

Speaker 7 (02:15:44):
I stopped it. She went thud way, I stopped it.
I said, wait, I'm a positis until she comes back
into the car, because I wanted her to hear what
you said. But I didn't want her to just take
it for the military point of view. I just wanted
her to take it for life.

Speaker 3 (02:15:57):
People.

Speaker 7 (02:15:57):
It's gonna be people around you trying gonna tear you down,
break you down, just like how you said your sergeant
was running the back besides you telling you to stop,
telling you to stop, you ain't gonna you ain't gonna finish.
But she kept going no matter what he said. He
was in your ear saying to you. You built up
in your mind that oh nah, I got this. I'm
gonna you know, I'm gonna keep going. It ain't nothing

(02:16:19):
you can say to me. And so that's something that
I wanted because my my oldest shell, she's not it's
she she's such a love of girl. She's such she
just down.

Speaker 3 (02:16:30):
That's good. I'm glad to know that that that means
you ain't been too hard on. I'm glad to know
because you got toughness down.

Speaker 1 (02:16:36):
So that's good.

Speaker 3 (02:16:36):
I'm glad. She's a love of girl. And she'll tell
Harrys I think. But like I told you a military Also,
that one call I got, even though I did push through,
even though whatever, I'm still glad I had a Tammy
I could call right. So it's like that back because
I called my mama, asked Tammy, I calls.

Speaker 9 (02:16:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:16:57):
I was like, oo, girl, this ship just got real
and I just Sai had two minutes and I've minutes
to cry. Then after that I called my mama and
gave up breed. You know, I'm doing good.

Speaker 1 (02:17:06):
Da da da da da.

Speaker 3 (02:17:08):
But my mother just wasn't always that salt. She was
the business, She was the you know, okay, so get
to it. It's not like I never cried to her
right bush and base in that way. She wasn't a
cool woman. But I'm just saying it didn't just that
just wasn't her. But I'm glad if I call Tammy
and cry right now, she's gonna cry with me. She
just literally is just always gonna cry with me. My

(02:17:29):
my two best girlfriends are nothing like me. They're the
tole opposite of me. But tell your daughter, yes it
is like that. But I want to make this point though,
even though when you say it's through life. Yes, that's
why I love The Matrix is my favorite movie because
I think about I look at that as the enemy.
You know, the enemy is the principalities are always trying
to push you down that. But what we also have

(02:17:52):
to be mindful of, Like with my daughter, yes, life
is like that, but as mothers, we ain't life. We're
preparing them for life. But what happened with us is
our mothers or whatever was literally being life. What they
thought in those generations that in other in order to

(02:18:13):
prepare you for that, they need to be like that.
We don't have to do that, We don't. I can
still teach you how to manage life and never give
up without being hard on you and cruel on you.
There's balance, though there's some people to overcompensate. They kids can't,

(02:18:34):
couldn't manage nothing. If they got dropped off, they wouldn't
know how to do shit. So anything, I know, there's
a lot of overcompensation too, but trying to find balance
and knowing the difference between I don't you don't have
to struggle to know how to manage struggle. You don't
have to be to starve to know how to manage starvation,

(02:18:54):
you know. And so we from generations where they thought
the only way to teach you is to go through. Yeah,
And so what that did was that remove the empathy,
It added more trauma, It didn't get the you know,
it left us cold in a lot of ways. And
so when we're talking about military, yes that's through life citys,

(02:19:14):
but also the military is teaching you how to go
kill a man, so that analogy don't apply. It shouldn't
apply to everything, because that is soldier work. That is
teaching you how to be a soldier. And everybody ain't
meant to be a soldier. And that's what these activists
are finding out. That's why they want to harry up
and get you out of basic training. It don't mean
you're not a good person, It don't mean you whatever.

(02:19:36):
It just means this ain't for you. So we're gonna
push you to a level that gets you out. And
that's why I run my political training very close to
boot camp. Marcel's' gonna tell you, I don't run it
like the other one was running. It started at six thirty.
I wish one of y'all would come in here late.
Oh dang, you should want everybody to be a part
of it. No, I don't. I'm trying to run you
out because that's the problem. That's why you don't. That's

(02:19:57):
why everybody's sitting around looking where's our leaders? Where's our leaders?
We don't have none, y'all. Quoting one person Jazmine Crockett,
how much yazz? And can y'all do yazz?

Speaker 6 (02:20:05):
Girl?

Speaker 2 (02:20:06):
Who?

Speaker 3 (02:20:06):
Where is everybody else. It's because nobody was trained to
get out. Everybody was trained to come in. Let everybody serve,
let everybody come in. Elect anybody look at them because
they got a resume because of this, and that, you
ain't rep You ain't electing people based on who got heart,
who got carter, because if you was, you would who
else have we referring to you? Literally have nobody we're

(02:20:28):
still quoting Martin Luther Key to Malcolm X. It was
in the sixties. Yeah, we ain't quoting nobody. Y'all think
that's that's a flex that we quoting somebody from the sixties.
Nobody had a good quote since the sixties. That's a
real problem. So when I talk about activism and that
vein in the podcast, when I talk about that's soldier mentality.

(02:20:53):
To me, it ain't for everybody. Hey, y'all have to
do what I do. You want to come in social
media these anonymous names and keep no job. Go to
your job. I tell myselves all the time, stop trying
to push the line like me. He'll tell I don't
even respond back when he be trying to cause all
these problems.

Speaker 5 (02:21:07):
On the job.

Speaker 3 (02:21:08):
Hey man, I need you on the job because I
can't afford to hire you right now. Now, I don't
tell him, go do whatever you're gonna do, Marcellas. But
he'd been trying to drag me. Hey man, I'm not
condoning that. I ain't condoning all they crash out shit
because you need your job now again. You wanna crash out,
crash out, but you better get you a roommate and
your ass. Bet you can't. Can't be both. You can't

(02:21:29):
and on on you. You know what I'm saying you.
If you're gonna crash out, then you still gotta your
ass gonna be evicted, run around here crashing out on
every job on justice. I wasn't crashing out at his age,
you know. And if I was, then I was willing
to die for the cause. I didn't mind getting no room.
I had Miss rub Be come live with me for
six months. It wasn't above me like it was above Marcellis.

(02:21:49):
So you're gonna need to break somewhere, you know what
I mean. You can't do both. You have to make
the sacrifice somewhere. So, yes, it's like that in life. No,
you don't ever give up. But she's going to learn
how to be a soldier. And guess what if she
don't make it, then that means she don't need to
be a soldier. It doesn't mean that she let them.
Oh I kept, I kept pushing through. I wasn't gonna

(02:22:10):
give up. I wasn't gonna you know, no, everybody meant
to be no soldier. That's why a lot of time
people go through be basic training. Then when it's time
to go to war with nine to eleven, go look
at them out of the people be like, oh man, wait, Minue,
I didn't sign up for this. What the fuck would
you sign up for just the benefits? You thought it
was a game. You were supposed to sign up to
go to war. You just wanted to anticipate in no war?
Then when now when it's time to go to war?
And looking crazy like on the podcast Jamal Bryant, I

(02:22:33):
don't think we need to be at their protest to
get hurt. Well, why was y'all protesting three years ago?
Y'all want to think that I was thinking back that
when I was staying on the stage three years ago,
y'all want to think about that? Then? Oh okay, then
so we didn't need y'all protesting three three years ago,
because that's exactly what I was thinking about when I
was on the stage on the Netflix documentary said I
was wanting to die for the calls. That's exactly what

(02:22:54):
I was thinking about. It's why I got armed security
strapped up coming on Sunday patting y'all ass down at
the town hall. Who they patting us down?

Speaker 1 (02:23:03):
You better believe it.

Speaker 3 (02:23:04):
If they pat your ass down the club, you're gonna
get pasted down there because I don't know who comes here.
Got a problem with me. Yeah, I'm willing to die
for the car, but I don't want to die today
with no defense or nothing. And well, yeah, we strapped
up up in there. Try it if you walk to it.
I ain't bullshit when I say it online, and I
don't care who feel a way about it, because I
know I can trigger somebody. So you you want to

(02:23:26):
be reincarnated Sunday, it's gonna be your chance. I'm gonna
die on March twenty ninth, the day before this event.
I'm ready to see again, but not yet. I still
got a dog. I'm trying to marry off and see.
So you want to come there playing with me, don't worry.
We got two on the inside that's visibly. I got
two more that you don't know that you can't see,

(02:23:46):
and we got a few outside. So play with it
if you want to. And it ain't just no arm security.
I got some ones willing to lay it down. It's
gonna go this, gonna skip the protocol. So so I
believe in all of you don't see it. So I
just like people being with they supposed to be. I
wish her all the luck. I think all kids, even

(02:24:06):
if they stay in the military or not, everybody could
benefit from basic training. Everybody. I'm a big believer in that.
I really do it. Really you want to talk about
push the bitch out of you, the military will absolutely
do it. And I just think it's good to have.
I don't think the military is for everybody long term.

Speaker 1 (02:24:22):
It wasn't for me.

Speaker 3 (02:24:23):
Yeah, I do think people can get out and you know,
you know, go from there. You know, well, your work
does not go and I don't.

Speaker 7 (02:24:35):
I'm not the one who always come in in the
comments section, and I just don't do that, but lately
I did just come in on one of your posts.

Speaker 3 (02:24:45):
But I listen. I tell all my friends all the
people around me.

Speaker 7 (02:24:49):
If you ain't got time to be in politics and
all of it, follow this lady here, she's gonna keep
you up on game like pointh plank.

Speaker 1 (02:24:55):
Period.

Speaker 7 (02:24:56):
It ain't no excuse, you know what I'm saying, Like,
listen to what she's saying, because listen.

Speaker 3 (02:25:01):
I just really I really love you, I really really
love you, and I definitely would love to be, you know,
on Morris Zones and stuff. Hey, every every let me
close this out because it's getting Just stop the recording,
stay right here. So guys, you heard it. This was

(02:25:24):
supposed to be thirty minutes. We went on and on
and on and on, which is why we really should
have been doing this live on YouTube, which we are
going to start doing. By the way, Marcelli's is gonna
stay on me to make sure I keep up with
the discipline to do with Marcella's and clip certainly Marcella's
Sundays at seven o'clock. I travel a lot. But this

(02:25:44):
is why this is so helpful as we move forward
with the three things that I keep saying we need
to do, which is say, stack and secure. These are
the type of conversations that come out of this. How
do we find resources, how do we protect piece, how
do we tighten up? How do we stop crying? How
do we find solutions? This is what all these conversations

(02:26:05):
are for, and I always want you guys to be
a part of it because I do get real intel
and real information, and we got real therapy sessions even
though we're not life and therapists when we get a
chance to, you know, really talk about it. And you
guys are always welcome, you know, on my podcast. So guys,
make sure you subscribe, share with somebody, because again, this

(02:26:27):
may be the only tribe you have in your life.
And I'm not saying that being funny. I'm being dead ass,
like you may not really have a place that you
can get a little bit of everything. I can't provide
it all, but I hope to be one of those
things for you guys. So make sure you subscribe. Every
week we get content. But again we're trying to add
this live show every week as well. Thank you guys,

(02:26:49):
Thank you for everybody for joining me, and we will
speak next time. Peace. If you like what you heard
on Straight Shot No Chaser, please subscribe and trump a
five star review. Tell a friend straight Shot No Chaser
is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network in
iHeartRadio on Teslin figure Out, and I like to thank
our producer editor mixer Dwayne Crawford and our executive producer

(02:27:10):
Charlottmagne da God. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts