"Man Caves" w/ Stavros Halkias RE-RELEASE

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Okay. Podcast starts.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Now, Wow, I have something to say, which is okay.
So we just got back from Chicago correct, fact check true, true,
and I you know there, I basically had a cold, okay, okay,
And my my question is what are the current ethics
of being sick in public? Because I don't it makes

(00:41):
me feel crazy.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
No, You're you're like, what is the what now? If
you ever cold, you're a modern day if you're.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Literally like in the movie Contagion, you're Gwyneth Paltrow dying
on the like in the middle of the street. And
it's like, I just have a cold. You know why,
because I'm a woman about town and I do things.
And when when you do things you get exposed to viruses.
It doesn't mean you're gonna kill everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
No, of course, I don't know what to tell you, though.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
No, it's like it's and then guess what. I've been
on the other side of things. I'm next to someone
on the subway. They're coughing. I say, arrest them.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
I saw a man coughing today and I said, I
think I'm allowed to hurt you. It's true, literally, there
was violence allowed.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
I was, uh shooting something and on the on the
bus ride. One of the people that was on the bus,
I'll say it not talent, was was like coughing and
sneezing the entire time and would fall asleep on the
bus and then like wake herself up by coughing, and
the way I felt empowered to do the like turn

(01:38):
around god like for the entire forty five minutes with
the bus ride to the set.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
I think it's I think we're in a fun place
with it. I think it's fun to blame people who
are sick, and it's fun to be like this is
your fault, right and you're a bad person.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Totally.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I think that's always really healthy and I think we
should keep doing it.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
It's the biggest it's a big question is like do
you blame the individual or do you blame society?

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well, and it's like what are you supposed to do?
Like you're already in Chicago, what are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Right? Leave? Then I met the whole plane sick.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
What are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
I'm doing that tomorrow. I specifically I was I had,
you know, I was working in my hotel room because
I was like I want to be as you know,
I was like to me more in the substance. I
was like, I'm not leaving this house lest anyone see
how disgusting I am. And I'm not as hot as
the young sue, of course, And so I was in
my hotel room. But then I had to check out,

(02:32):
and I had a three hour period between hotel and airport,
and I was like, well, I have to go to
an all de cafe in order to grain Bowl. When
am I a caveman?

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Of course?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
But then of course the grain bowl crowd is especially
they're getting vaccinated for sport. They're waking up every day
and getting vaccinating themselves, like to me more in the substance,
and then they're seeing me, they're like, who is this guy?
Is he a swing state voter?

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah, you should have gone to some sort of fast
food restaurant, non judged.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
That's true anyway, Wow, that's so that's where I'm at.
And by the way, I showed up twenty minutes late
today for the third time in a row.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
I do think it's actually extremely bold for you to
show up twenty minutes late and be like, and I
have an intro planned.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Well guess what, Because I was like, I was like,
I can't handle another failure today. Like I was like,
when we hit record, I have.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
To be ready to go, of course, and you nailed it.
They really powered through that.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, so anyway, go vote.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Seriously, you guys, get out there. We got one shot
at this.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, that's right. It's the most important election.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Democracy is at risk.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
Democracy is at steak steak. So it's been at risk,
but now it's at steak officially. You've been hearing that
it's at steak it is. Do you think? Okay, here's
a question one of the foundations. Sorry, I know you
came in so hot in a way where I'm like, well,
it's the adrenaline from being late.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
I wish I had you know why. I wish I
had an ounce.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
I wanted I was looking around. I was like, who
can I blame for me being stuck on this subway?
It's like Kathy Hokeel, she's not here.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
I mean, you're a bouske get political. So it seems
like you might get into that.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
No, here's my question, and then we'll bring in our guest,
because I actually think we need a third opinion, all.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Right, even a second giving one.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
No, no, well, I'm not letting you well yeah, I
would say since like twenty sixteen. To me, one of
the funnier sort of jokes is to make fun of
the like it's to basically make fun of the idea
of voting as a cure. All okay, sure we do that.
It's conny. It's like a political inspired art. We're not
actually like endorsing or not endorsing anything. It's just like

(04:36):
a funny thing. And we're making fun of, like, you know,
the sort of a woman you know in the Upper
West Side, like shaking on her way to film for
him because she thinks democracy is dying. Okay, all right,
So that has nothing to do obviously, we're voting for
Kamala Harris. Has nothing to do with our political.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
We're sort of chapel rone.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
N good. My question is, at what point is that, like,
has it been long enough it actually is harmful to
make that joke? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Oh, you mean like with an actual election coming up?
Like it's is it like it's fine to make that
joke when there's like when you're like two years out,
but when you're three months out.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, I'm just like, okay, so when does this happen.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
If the election I want to say I would love
a summer election, like that would be fun.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Because I have been struggling with this is like because
we don't.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
No, it's literally chop our own code because I want
to be critical, but it's like, but not right now.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
And also I'm not we're not political, Like, we're not
political commentators, so we're not actually going to comment on
on politics. So all we do is make fun of
people who care. And so then it's like, is that
our opinion? No, we also care, We're just not publicly
stating that.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah, well you just did. But I guess I'm like,
I do think needs to be let it. Okay, let's
just sing.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
The moaning.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
I'm a very expressive guest.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
Okay for me, please welcome my Greek brother, thank you.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
And let me just say one of the greekest entrances
I've ever since, you know, twenty minutes late to deflect
on what a piece of shit he is, like, oh
but I have these things are troubling me. I have
to tell you it's classic. I've seen it every baptism.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Greeks driver, Yeah, I saw, you know. I follow upwards
of seventeen Greek meme pages and recently I saw. I
mean that was like that was like, you know, I'm
gonna butcher, but it was like you know, every expert
from like an elite university like blah blah blah. And
then it's like Greek taxi driver being like, let me
tell you something, and it's like the archetype of the
Greek taxi drivers, like you enter, you haven't even said hello,

(06:37):
and he's like, and here's the deal with, here's the
deal with all this voting crap. Absolutely like and especially
during the Greek financial crisis, it would be like, I mean,
opinions you hadn't even.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
Heard of for sure, just completely off the wall.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
You wouldn't know if they were right wing or left wing. No,
you really wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, but it is Greek supremacist totally. Always like, well,
you know, Greek people are the most like the culture
is number one, even though we've been in decline since
literally ant like we have we have no like, I mean,
we won the euro in two thousand and four. That
was huge, and that's pretty much what we're hanging our
hat on.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
I literally the other day was on eBay looking up
Euro two thousand and four jerseys and I was like this,
I could actually make this gay, like with a little
cutoff shorts and what's the.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Like.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
Zagaka was like the team leader was he was a
good player and I think he scored one of the
winning goals. Anyway, I was like, oh, I'm going to
get my Greek Euro two thousand and four jersey for
summer twenty twenty five. It's so hot.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
That'd be a great look thinking ahead in fall, you're
thinking summer.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Okay. This happened when we were on sours podcast too,
is like the two of us teaching you about yeah, right.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
And I just want to sit here. Yeah, you know,
before we recording, I will started talking to someone who
works here. Instantly I was like, had you guys met before?
Like they started talking about football New York Jets. That
was like no, there was no hello. It was just like,
oh do you hear this? And someone's like yeah, I
heard this, and this it's.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
Sort of like a think of it as a conversation
steam room, you know what I mean. Yeah, you guys
will just jack each other off. It's sort of how
we are with Storge.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
I literally was like the manager of the bathhouse being like,
you guys.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Seriously, stop it.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
A gay podcast.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Some just want to sweat it out.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, but yes, I appreciate the the deflecting of being
late with like complaints transportation, seeing that I've seen that driver.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Do you mean like how like the New York Times
always goes for like swing state voter and a diner,
or like the.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Literal literal taxi drivers in Greece. When I mean I
used to be, I used to literally be like I'll
fucking walk on the freeway, yeah, like you just never
know what you're gonna get. And in the language barrier
doesn't stop them either. They will speak to you in
broken English about how like coasovars are the reason of

(09:08):
the economy actually tanked, you know what I mean? Like that,
they'll do some weird fno, so they'll just they'll they'll
be racist to a group you didn't even know existed,
you know what I mean, And in a language they'll
do it in Italian.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
If they know five words, they will figure it out.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
It's tough because once Uber started, I would always pretend
to you know, I look very American, like no one
thinks I'm so. I would like I would like dodge
all those annoying conversations by like just being you know,
a fat American. Usually when I was in Greece, but
uber and now stopped, you know, Stavros pregas name. They

(09:43):
assume I'm Greek and then they're just they're going, you know,
they were like congratulating. You know, they would be like
you should bring a girl here. They were like, you know,
they'll be they'll be thrilled by Greece. She'll become your wife.
But don't leave them around the other Greek. It's like,
it's like, we will try and fuck your hypothetical girl
for just the shit these guys say about And they
do think Greece is like a magic elixir that like

(10:05):
solves all your problems. And in some ways they are
right because they are happier. I've thought about this. You
don't like no one has like any money, but my
you know, everyone has having a much better time. They're
all hanging out, they're going to the beach, the food's better.
Who gives a no.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
It's incredible. Every time I go I'm like, what the
hell am I doing? Trying to be a stand up comedian.
It sucks in the United States.

Speaker 4 (10:25):
Yeah, no, I'm ready to I'm gonna work hard for
five more years.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah, for real, there's a true plan, and I want
to hit I want to live in Greece for four
months out of the year, and that's the plan. And
then like come here, maybe tour for three months, make
all the money I need to Greece, come back to
New York in the fall. It's very charming in the fall,
you know what I mean. And then back to fuck,
I want to fucking I'm on the I'm on the islands. Baby.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
My grandmother lives in a one bedroom apartment in Athens,
and at some point it was implied to me that
when she passes, which I hope does not happen anytime soon,
I would potentially heard it. And at first I.

Speaker 4 (11:01):
Was like, I had to be on the record. You
don't want to dead when it At.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
First I was like it is even At some point
at someone I started like talking about it more and more,
and then my boyfriend was like, you need to stop
constantly talking about her when you're she she's in her
she's actually doing she's doing Okay, yeah, how old she's like.

Speaker 3 (11:24):
In her mid eighties okay, yeah, but all listen. Once
that nine yeah shows up. Allowed to start taking measurements like,
you know, she just start looking at curtains.

Speaker 2 (11:32):
She like helped raise me, and it's like she's not like,
you know, a distant grandmother that you know, I only
talked to once a year. So it is especially like I.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Do not want her, not anytime. So maybe spring twenty
twenty five.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
When that Jersey comes in. Well, I'm on the opposite
where it's like I love my grandmother. She helped raise
me too, but she's ninety two now and she is
begging for death. She just wants it over, and I
don't blame her. Every day will be worse than lash. Yeah,
like there's just no positives to.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Be that my other grandmother, so one of my grandmothers
the most positive, like bubbly, Like we like facetimed her
into the wedding I just got married. We faced into
the wedding and she was like crying and clapping whatever.
The other one you call her, she says hello, starts
crying and then it's like I love you, and then
hangs up and it's like she but then she's always

(12:23):
complaining about how we don't call her, but then when
you do call her, she literally just starts crying and
hangs up on your classic class it's so and then
when you're removed from that, you're like, these people are insane.
And then when you go to Greece, realize every old
woman is exactly.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
Like every old man. I mean, my father's like that.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, my dad complains about no calls and it's like
you call him and he's just talking about how everything's bad,
and you know how you never call him.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
It's like this, it's happening.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
It's happening right now, we are doing the thing you complain,
isn't happening.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
Wow, to have a dad that complains about not calling,
that's such a foreign concept to me.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Guilt, Greek guilt is a fuck is huge, and I
do think that's one other thing. It's like every I
would say, like eighty percent of ethnic groups are exactly
the same, and everybody pretends like everyone's like, oh, we're
always late, we eat a lot, we have and it's
like that is everyone, but wasp, Like that's.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Literally this is quite literally the last third of my
current hour is like, yeah, that is that, Like everyone
is the same because everyone and everyone says they value
family and food and they think they invented family. We're
just like to get together, and it's it's not just
family actually, it's relatives.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Like yeah yeah, and then what we actually call our
you know, a guy I thought was my uncle wasn't
even related to me. It's like, yeah, most people are
like that.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
People are like, you know, we call her an auntie.
I'm like, I'm familiar.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
I do think that is probably just how how much
like WASP culture is like dominant in but it's like
that's they are the outlier. Literally everyone else on earth
behaves the exact same way.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
I think that's happening in media is you have to
have a woody alan for every ethnic group, and the
one that actually needs it is wasps. There has to
be like someone making an Italian show, someone making an
Indian show, so someone making a Jewish show. It's like
I want someone I want like the Philip.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Roth of wah Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a completely
foreign world to me.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
I don't know how those people behave.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
It's like the country clubs and like you know, I
have like a whole thing about like adult men wearing
like salmon colored pants, and that's like not gay, it's tradition.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, yeah, for sure in this culture before right, true
you're our closest representative.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
I'm not a perfect but you're not.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
You are Midwest rather than North.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Right, Yeah, but you know, like even southern the southern
when it was like.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Midwest too though that is also like it is just
different types of American white people, is what we're talking about.
They're the only different They're the only like different ones
from the rest of the world. And then probably like
like China, feel like everyone's like there seems to be
a different vibe going on there.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (14:59):
Oh, culture culturally, like you know what I mean, like
Asians probably like we don't know as much, but I'm
talking like Europe, Middle East, Africa, Like.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
This is the clip by the way, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
Yeah, we rank parts of the world's.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Level of civilization.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Which types of people care about family but yeah, and which.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Text care about education? Yeah, that's what we all problem
these days.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Well, I will say that's where Greeks definitely drop off.
We do not like there's like in theory we give
a fuck about education, but it's more like you should
go to school. But it's not like, you know, my
parents wanted me to be a lawyer. Just cousins felt
like that's the thing you were supposed to want your
kid to do.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
It feels like there's an aesthetic of like studying that
seems really Greek and cool. Like it reminds me of
my approach to being in college. I was like, but
how amazing that I could read a poem?

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah. I mean this was a big thing where my
parents would be like, would look down on Greek Americans.
They'd be like, well Greek Americans, you know, yeah, second generation,
Like you need to study engineering. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
One time my mom heard that someone studied like some
program that was called like Russian Studies or something, and
she thought it was a joke. She was like, so
they paid to get a great that it's not an
engineering And then she kept being like it was like
a cautionary tale where whenever when anyone got like a
B plus, she'd be like, you're gonna end up doing
Russian Studies.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Oh yeah, okay, so maybe you do have more of
a maybe. I'm just I always forget that my family's trash.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
No, no, it's not bad. You know, it is like this,
and I think it's not just with Greek people. I
think it's with other cultures too. The difference between first
generation and second generation where like or even like my
parents would be so judgmental of like Greek families whose
kids didn't speak Greek.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
They'd be like that we do that, we did get
but the educated because I was for a generation to
but yeah, my family was just like even in Greece
they were doing, we're just a very vulgar. I'm realizing
how vulgar my whole family was. And like, cause I
met like, you know, even your families like going engine,
you know, tell you about going to engineering and like
were proper. And then I met other friends families and
I was like, wait, everybody's not like calling each other

(17:09):
slurs and and just grabbing their tits and be like, ah,
looks like you're got fat as shit. You know all
those American hot dogs a little buddy, Like that's how
they would greet me off the.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Plane, you know.

Speaker 4 (17:18):
And then I'm like, oh, maybe it's my family great people.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
The way people love calling someone fat.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Oh it's like just another international Yeah, I think that's
other commenting on body.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
And then you hear someone who's like it was really
traumatic for me because my mom would always comment on
my parents. I'm like, spend one hour with my aunts.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Go visit your relatives and grease for what you thought
was gonna be the funnest vacation of your life, and
it's you getting bullied over the whole time.

Speaker 4 (17:45):
But they would still feed you.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
It's I mean, that's it's at odds with the food culture.
We love you so much.

Speaker 4 (17:51):
And they were fat as shit too, by the way,
suh on death's door.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Yeah, yeah, no, my uncle has had diabetes so extremely
for thirty years.

Speaker 4 (18:01):
He should be studied. He's just he has not It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
No, he hasn't really suffered any adverse effects, but shout
out to him.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
Well, you know the Mediterranean diet.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
Yeah, just pork skewers every day. Anyway, this will become
a Greek podcectahorry No, no, I mean will steamroll you.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
See you trying to see.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
I'm trying to do to be like and how do
I insert myself because I'm like, yeah, I'm sure you
know all families fat shame.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Well, the funny the sort of sitcom thing would be
if you finally got the courage to say something but
it was so racist. You're like, yeah, and they're also dumber, right,
you should we do our first segment.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Sure was our first segments called straight shooters. And in
the summit, we're going to ask you a series of
rapid fire questions, basically this thing or this other thing.
And the only rule is you can't ask any follo
up questions or will scream at you.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Love that, dude, I'm good at that kind of stuff.
I don't need to think deeply. I just I just
go off my brainstand that's.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
You're speaking our language. Okay, stop, do not disturb or
smoke pot the herb.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Currently do not disturb. Wow, big, big departure for me. Yeah,
I'm doing a sober year.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
Whoapen on that?

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Okay? Wedge salad or wedge sandal.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Salad?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
No show socks or oh show cock.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
Probably no show socks. I'm wearing them right now.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
And my cock's not. I don't have a show off cock.
You can't just see my cock out of context. It's
not going to do anything for you.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
Context is everything. Especially speaking of Agatha all along or
Kamala the step bomb.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
Oh, this is a tough one.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
I guess I'll go Agatha. Although although I will say
that her step son listened to cometown that that was
who steps on is like somebody like posted that, like
back in the day, they were like like that kid.

Speaker 4 (20:14):
Followed us or I bet you probably followed Mullen.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
I think I think he was a nick a nick
head and uh and then.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Before they.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
And I just thought that was that's really funny that
it's possible that the child of the president listened to
come town. So and I don't know, I think I
just saw somebody tag this is years ago when she
first was running, because we we uh definitely made fun
of Kamala and I still whatever, but you know, anyway,
but I will go. I'm not a big comp not

(20:48):
a big comic, more of an RF no kidding, kidding,
uh uh, And so I guess I'll go Agatha because
you know, she's cool. They got they got a nice
cast on that great castle, you know what I mean, Uh,
Aubrey Plaza.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
She's the best. So yeah, he's really having a great year.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
I will I will reluctantly even though I'm not a
big Marvel guy. There's enough hot ladies that are funny.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
Oh man, dude, I.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
Was a little kid. There's just nothing but lapone posters
on my fucking bedroom.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
It's the character of like still doesn't know he's game.
It's like I fucking Bernadette Peters, those two, you know, like.

Speaker 3 (21:38):
You thought dead Peters was hot from from Blazing Saddles.

Speaker 4 (21:44):
I literally may have beat off to that scene.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
So I think I am in a very interesting place
where I can even gay ship. I can beat off
to it, you know what I mean? Because gay guys
love hot ladies in the same way that if you're
dumb enough, you're like, yeah, I like them too. I
just want to fund them. I don't respect their artistry.
I just love the devise.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
But being so dumb, you don't know that it's because
you're gay. Oh, I guess I want to.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
Well, this is like literally how I feel about like
Lady Gaga, where I'm like, is anyone attracted like I don't.
I only know gay guys that are just standing her
that I can't imagine someone thinking of.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
This is also how I feel about who's so like
Regal No, she's gorgeous.

Speaker 4 (22:27):
Lady Gaga comparison is a little truer.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Obviously is beautiful, but there's something everyone like built her
up to be this deity that it's so funny to
imagine some like random guy being like I would suck her.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
That's hysterical. You guys think that again, I mean not
to expose myself too much, but I grew in you.
I grew up in the era of just beating off
to music videos.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Sure you know what I mean. So it's like I just.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
You know, oh three Bonnie and Clyve pretty good in that.
I guess that was before she became the true I
was there. She's essentially like a senator.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
Now true, I had not you know, senators, yeah to
say Bonnie and Clyde and three to have like the
gay guy and cyclopetic knowledge of when things come out.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
But for the yeah, that is I do think why
I get along with the gay guys for real?

Speaker 2 (23:16):
Because I do.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
It is like an interesting like I am stupid enough,
but I do also appreciate. I appreciate appreciate women on
like I respect them and.

Speaker 4 (23:24):
Want to fuck them. Wow, it's kind of you know,
I'm a special guy.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
That's amazing.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
Okay, stop, this is an honor of our friend Julio
the woke mind virus or the joke is that the
fondest Papyrus I'm jugging.

Speaker 4 (23:36):
That the fondest papyrus okay.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
A psychopath or a cycling path.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
Cycling path, being addicted to your phone, being evicted from
your home, or being afflicted with a syndrome.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Oh I guess phone okay, And an ingrown toenail or
an outgoing voicemail outgoing voicemail.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
That's good. Wow. So you know, we rank our guests
performance on a scale of zero to one thousand doves
named that for a Lady Gaga song one thousand dollars.

Speaker 4 (24:06):
See that's where my knowledge.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
That was a deep cutting that already unpopular album.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Okay, it was very popular.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Have you seen Joker too?

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Not yet?

Speaker 4 (24:16):
I am pumped at how much people hate it.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
It's crazy. Yeah, we were just talking about this in Chicago,
like we didn't expect for it to just not go anywhere.
Like we thought either it would be really good or something,
or like at least really critically claimed like Joker Wedding
or such a flop that it would be funny. But
it's sort of just like, oh no, where is it?
That's what? See?

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Okay, this is how much I love I love shit
that sucks so much that I actually it's a fucked
up because it's fucked up. That the fact that it's
not for most people it's not so bad it's good
means that it's so actually bad that to me it's
so bad it's good, Like I love I can't wait.
I can't wait to see it now in a way

(24:58):
that I wasn't feeling before, because I want to be
like mm, I want to like I want to feel
forty minutes of nothing.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
That's how we felt about Madam Webb.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah, we love well, but Madam web was funny.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
That got this so bad.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
It's like, this won't get this is like boring.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
But there's something yet, there's something. I've warped my brain
so much too ironically love shit. No, it's even Madam
Webb was good, but it's surface level bad. It's like
there's like levels of being a hit esoteric hater.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
This is also you being a gig gun. No, you're
looking for the camp element. You're like, this is not
bad enough? Yeah, yeah yeah, Why isn't her wig worst? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
I found myself last night reminiscing about because I love
things that suck, and especially bars. When a bar is bad,
I'm in heaven and I used to love his bar
called love Gun that was started by Anderson Cooper's husband,
and it was.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
In named after a kiss song. That's a kiss song,
love Gun.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
Was he married? Did get divorced?

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Did they get divorced? I don't know.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
I just think of him as a single dad. That's
why he's so inspirational to it.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
There's a single dead that just descended from the Vanderbilts.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
This was like ten years ago, okay, and truly they
like williams Wig was not ready for like a dancy
place yet, and they shipped gay guys in from Hell's Kitchen.

Speaker 3 (26:14):
The first shuttle, and everyone.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
That actually lived around the bar was like, well, I
will never go to this.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
So two weeks later, completely empty, and I was like,
this is my fucking split.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
Does sound awesome? Yeah, it's a gay dance bar that flopped.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Truly, zero people attendance. The bartenders changed the price of
drinks every day because no one's there.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
They terrible bar. And also it's the best for having
like a birthday party or something like take over. Yeah,
it's heaven, it's my stage.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah. I was genuinely sad when it closed, but it
was like, of course it closed. Yeah, I can't have
a private club. Yeah yeah, yeah, but it was nice
for last of course, got I miss it.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
So we rank from zero to one thousand doves. I
think your performance was incredible.

Speaker 3 (26:55):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
I actually really liked that. At some you were being
like fast, fast fast. At some point you got really
you started like analyzing the sides.

Speaker 4 (27:05):
But could we couldn't go overboard. We couldn't go over
Some people go lightning around.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
We had to get a lightning The lighting round is
part of it too. Of course, sometimes you have to
eat it.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
And you did it. Like right in the middle you
were like, it's time for intermission. I thank you.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Guys, that feels really good.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
So wait, tell us about your sober year. When did
it start?

Speaker 4 (27:29):
I turned thirty five in February.

Speaker 3 (27:31):
Okay, So I mean I'm about eight months in sober
from everything everything pretty much.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
I mean like just boo yeah, booze pill.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
I mean I was just getting really fucked up and
being very unhealthy for the last before this year, the
last I guess three years, I just had like kind
of a never ending Once the pandemic ended, it was
just a bender. Yeah, and I got so fucked up
and so like I just felt so horrible and it
was like my life was going better like that was

(28:00):
fucked up things like I was not feeling any consequences
except my health and then and I could have kept going,
like they would have let me keep touring until I died.
But I was like, you know what, I I don't
want to like, I don't I wouldn't want to be
like scared, you know what I mean, Like because I'm
just eating so much, and it was like my blood

(28:20):
was just always like pork, fat, dick pills, edibles.

Speaker 4 (28:24):
Like it, you know what I mean. I was like,
I gotta fucking chill.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
Out and you do cold turkey, all of.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
That pretty much.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
And the weed was the hardest thing because I was
so that was my main I mean, food was the
hardest and it's still is still the hardest, but that's
kind of a you gotta eat unfortunately in a very
fucked up way. I would love to be able to
take fucking soilent pills.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
I have to do.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
That's all I want.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
But yeah, literally the only joy in life, this order,
that's all I want. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, this is
one of our biggest differences. Restaurants and you do not
give a shit about it.

Speaker 3 (28:56):
You know you don't like restaurants.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
I mean I like them, but I'm like, I don't
want to have to go to them all time.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
My book in Your Perfect World, how many times a
week are you at a restaurant?

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Well, so it's funny you asked that. My partner is
a restaurant critic. Oh so he literally his job is
going constantly, and I had to like put my I
was like, I have to go once a week otherwise
it'll lose its magic.

Speaker 4 (29:19):
Sure for me, I get that.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
I know everyone at home is like, wow, he's so brave. Yeah,
but anyway, I mean that that has only been going
on for like six months. He was that wasn't always
a job. But before that, Like, yeah, I would say,
a really nice restaurant meal once a week keeps me.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
I'm with you.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
Yeah, I like that, And I like cooking. I don't
want I'm not one of these people that like every
night wants to order a different kind of take. Yeah.
Like I enjoy cooking. I like the bait, like I
like great food. I like home cooked food. But like,
I mean, I'm going to a restaurant ordering mat then
ordering appetizers possibly.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
I mean it's fun, especially as I've gotten older, I'm
starting to appreciate it more.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
Well as you've gotten older, replaces getting fucked up with
you know what I mean. Like now it's like, let's
actually catch up. We don't see each other right, like,
and you don't want to be hungover anymore. Like that
was another brutal. That's probably why I went more weed
than booze. Yeah, it's like the hangovers were getting brutal,
especially when you're unhealthy. And uh and yeah, it's just
a fun I'm with you, I like in a perfect

(30:18):
world once a week and you get to see friends
totally is incredible. But there is something to I'm trying
to get. So the Soviet has been fine and then
like I'm trying to get like I'm just eating regular,
just in a routine. But we were talking a little bit.
You know, we had some time before the podcast started,
me saying minutes whatever.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
If I hadn't been late, we wouldn't have gotten that
amazing intro. What would you guys have talked.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
About schedule today?

Speaker 2 (30:46):
You know?

Speaker 3 (30:48):
But I was my process. I was saying that now
because I was I was basically just hanging out. I
also like took touring off, so I didn't turtle and
I just I acted in a couple things, but there
was not My schedule was pretty much just wake up,
go for like nice little long walks, go to the
fucking farmers market, cook, you know, grill out. Like I

(31:09):
was having such a healthy, incredible and I was like
dropping weight and feeling good and like feeling creative. And
then I came back and I was like all right,
and I started doing stand up again three weeks ago,
and my life has instantly fallen apart instant. I mean
it's not just that, it's like we're we're shooting tires.
I have a indie movie. Let's start a cult coming

(31:31):
out which people please come, you know, please, yes.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
Thank you for promoting, thank you sing time here.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
I did actually get this information and forgot to say no.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
I forgot too. We were into the zone.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
I would prefer talking about fucking Patty Lapone over promoting
as well. But uh yeah, and so I have to
I just did I either, I'm a man of extremes,
is what I'm realizing. And like I went from doing
nothing to doing four things and there's no and I
could stay so I haven't, even though I've wanted.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
To get fucked up.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
When I feel the stressed.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
That's been fine, But the first thing that goes is
eating like a fucking like and it hasn't gotten too bad.
I'm still in that phrase phase where you're still trying
to create something unhealthy out of your healthy ingredients. So
I'm like putting like mashing like protein bars into halo
top and you know what I mean, like pretending it's
a deq blizzard, you know, and putting a little bit

(32:23):
of peanut butter. But my demons are doing push ups
getting ready for that first seamless order.

Speaker 4 (32:28):
You know what I mean, They're getting ready.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Crazy how easy it is for good habits to just
so fast so fast.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
I worked hard as fuck for like six months, and
it took two weeks of like just being sort of
stressed out and and like just not even just having
to have a schedule.

Speaker 4 (32:45):
Yeah, I was like, fuck, I got it.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
Ye.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
That thing is like when you develop good habits when
you're unemployed. This happened to me too, because I like
was unemployed for an extended period of time and then
got a job. I was like, oh, so it wasn't
that I was like becoming a better person. It was
that like the only way to not be suicidal to
go to the gym because my career was in the trash.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
Yeah. Yeah, well that's the Greek mindset. We're not meant
to work, no meant we're meant to fucking philosophy.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
And you're doing that thing where you're saying this is
a cultural thing.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
No, no, no, no, you wouldn't be able to hang
out the way we could hang out. I promise that's
the thing. I could do nothing forever and I would
be fine, but not just nothing.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
The more the more we do nothing, the more entitled
we feel to be prescriptive of everyone else's behavior. It's
like we gain power through lethargy, Like we're just like
having having Like it's like you're sitting at a cafe.
You're having coffee in the morning uzo and four hour coffee.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
By four hour coffee, you would start shaking it two
and a half hours.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
I'm just getting started two and a half.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
They're also bumping themselves up with caffee, and you're like,
how are all?

Speaker 3 (33:49):
And maybe then you take a nap, you drink coffee
for four hours, do nothing all day, and then you're like,
the sun's out, the sun's at his highest point.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Time to nap, and then they get up and fucking
have dinner at eleven p m.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Wake up after that two sub black yat Yeah, then
go to the beach, but the beach.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
From from like six fifteen to six forty five, just
to get the salt in. You know what I mean,
the sun's going down. They got it all during that
half hour.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Like god. Greece is the most beautiful country in the world.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yeah, I wish man one day, one day, I'll get there.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
I do think I like not working, of course, but
I don't like I actually do get very annoyed when
a country has a relaxed service industry.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah, oh you got that.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
I can't I go buck. I get like mad in
a way that is like unnatural.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
That you got got to solve that.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
I get upset when America has a bad like true
because because when I'm in America, I'm like, Okay, so
we're not having fun here, like we're expected to literally
kill ourselves to you know, have health care.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
So I'm gonna get that latte fans time, yes, Yeah,
Like in Greece, I'm like, all right, there's a given
take like we're all chilling.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Yeah, I'm that's fully how I feel. Yeah, and that's yeah,
you're just chilling. That's you have to you know, yes,
the meal ends. Put another forty minutes until you get
the bill minimum.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
My favorite is, especially growing up, like we've done it again,
by the way, yeah.

Speaker 5 (35:10):
Of course one and then like no, no, So let's
say go to a restaurant, okay, and you're like, how
you know when's the next table for six is gonna
be available?

Speaker 2 (35:22):
The waitress will be like, well, you know, they just
finished dessert, so you know they're gonna have want to
have a cigarette, So probably forty five minutes. Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
All right, speaking of chilling, Speaking of chilling, should we
get into the Yeah, let's do it, and yeah, please
tell us what your topic is and what is straight
about it to you?

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Well, I my topic is the man cave. The concept
of the man cave, which isn't incredible. It is one
of the it's one of these things that I do
in theory think is awesome. Sure, but it also is
like proof and how much so many straight couples just
hate each other, you know what I mean? It's like
it's like one of the most clear like, oh, you

(36:03):
need a completely separate space that your wife is not
allowed to ever go into to have a good time,
which is so it's like, but the elements of the
man cave are incredible, big ass TV, comfortable fucking chairs,
a little mini fridge, you know what I mean, with.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
The redliest decor you could ever imagine.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
I see my man cave is more of a woodsy feel.
Oh you know my entire decor style, but you know
what I mean, like that like kind of feels like
the den or like.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
This taste your room, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Yeah, And so I love I love every element of
the man Cave. So that's why I just thought it
was a very interesting topic for as a straight topic,
because it's good I think in theory, but it also
just shows how much, like you know, just so many
couples in America HATI truly despine.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
I do think there's something like the despising is a
very smart point. And I even think like culturally, I'm like, oh,
I think I see I'm you saying that. I'm like,
I see the value in it right this second. Because
straight couples can't have conversations really like they can't be
like they can't be like, hey, I need some space tonight. Yeah,
so you have to be like I have have to

(37:13):
build a new house.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
So much this so many traditions are like or it's
like the woman will have girls' night and she's like,
well it's sacred. Once a month we go and get trashed, maita.
It's like and if I don't do that, I'll go ahead.
They each like the language of marriage is so prison like.
It's like we need If she doesn't get her break,
she'll snap, and if he doesn't get his break, he'll snap.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
And one like does need a break, One does need
like alone time to feel some autonomy. But there's also
like you could just you don't have to have it
be like I have to do my girl's night.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
It's this organic thing, like the perfect relationship. It's just
like everyone's sort of nose like, oh, I see what
I'm watching something my show in the living room, which
he doesn't like, and I know that we have slightly
different tastes. So he's just sort of like quietly going
to go to the bedroom beyond his laptop and that's
not a big deal.

Speaker 3 (38:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or even like just
go outside and go for a while, go for a
drink with a friend or whatever.

Speaker 4 (38:12):
Exactly, Yes, in a perfect world.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
But yeah, you can't have you can't play it by ear.
It has to almost be written into the constitution of
the marriage. It's like you.

Speaker 4 (38:22):
Are not allowed in here, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yeah, very not improv based.

Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yeah, yeah, but I do. Having said that, I love
I do want a huge TV sure, and a fucking
like comfy ass ergonomic chair and a mini fridge and
like just that stuff to me is important. And so
it's like I've tried to just kind of sprinkle it

(38:46):
into just the core of a regular house, yeah, to
just make it so it's like, yeah, this there are
there are things to learn from the man cave, you
know what I mean, the comfort, the apps comfort above
all else.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Well, I and this is part of what's straight about
it too, is it. It's like a little boy's dream
of what his house is. And it's like, you know,
women have to grow up whereas.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Well, that's one between men and women. As as what's
her name? Said Dua Lipa said boys will be boys,
but girls will be women. So well, the other thing
is you know, part of decor is expressing yourself to
the world. It's where you welcome guests, it's where it's
how people see like, oh, this is what this couple
is all about. But the thing about a man cave

(39:28):
is like it's the man's biggest dream because you don't
have to show it. Like it's like my little secret.
Like I don't have to put a little throw If
I spill beer on the couch, I'm leaving it there.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Interesting.

Speaker 4 (39:41):
Yeah, wow, isn't it isn't it?

Speaker 2 (39:43):
See? But then you have your boys.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Is the bull?

Speaker 2 (39:46):
It's for the bull.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
It's like being like, dude, check this out, and you
might not even like some of the I'm with you.
That actually is the true platonic ideal of the man
cave is no one gets.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
To see it.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
You get to actually live as you are. But even
the man cave is subject to the whims of the boys.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
You know.

Speaker 4 (40:04):
Yeah, there is no actual which is it's no.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
That's interesting. It's like you think you're escaping you know,
social criticism and stuff, but in fact it's just the
male version of a woman being like, well, I got
the expensive dress and I hope everyone notices.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Yeah, I mean, I feel this way with like gay
decor a lot too, where it's like we think we're
like transcending all norms, and it's like, no, we're just
creating the new gain.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Norm like which will become the new straight norms and
approximate because.

Speaker 1 (40:35):
All of our houses are like quirky in the same ways,
and like we always give me some examples here so
I can steal.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
So canna be ahead of the straight curve and just
kind of steal immediately.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Let's see. Well, you know, a big thing is vintage
versus new. I feel like vintage finds is a huge
part of gay.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
And that's big pieces. You want big vintage pieces or
do you want to like accent I.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Would say, I would say couch. Well, we got a
vintage couch once and it was stunning, but it was
so uncomfortable we had to return it.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's an issue, and I definitely
think that's where I draw the line. I can't the couch,
although that's having become a chair for me guy, right,
because I bought I bought a chair because I was
like watching so much. One time I threw my back
out because I watched television for ten straight hours, and
I was like, I need a special chair for this.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
I like that is the conclusion, Like, wait a minute,
I need a special chair.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Sometimes you're gonna want to watch four movies, George, you
know that, And it was movie.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
It was moving that I respect. Yeah, I think more
people should be watching four movies rather than spending ten
hours watching Love is Blind.

Speaker 3 (41:42):
Oh enough judgment. And obviously sports is the other one.
I can really crank a sports day. But a sports
day to me includes grilling. It includes getting up, getting
a fucking little bevy. You're actually moving a little bit,
You're tense if it's your team, I'm you know, I'm
fucking pacing around.

Speaker 4 (41:59):
So it actually is movies. To me, that's the biggest.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
I can just sit in front of the TV for
ten hours kind of thing. But anyway, because I got
I have a I've just become an expensive chair for me. Guy,
I think I could maybe go couch more for for
the eye. But still, I just because comfort is such
a core value of mine, I want my guests to
also be incredibly comfortable. So I don't think I could

(42:24):
do like a fun you know, green couch or some
ship that feels bad on your back the delivery of
that couch, or.

Speaker 4 (42:36):
I've seen a couple of green couches.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yeah, I think that's the biggest. Sometimes I'm like, I'm
not a real gay guy because my couch is comfortable.
It would be like every every time guys come over,
I'm like.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Sorry, sorry, sorry to provide lumbar support.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
What color is your couch currently?

Speaker 1 (42:58):
I just got like a new well a second hand couch,
of course, but it's like brown leather.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Okay, is your couch It's like a gray exactly. So
one of the big things is I feel like the
one color a couch, a gay couch camp be is graying,
specifically a darker gray. There's something you could do with
a more like not silver, what's the word I'm looking for,
Like a more like a light gray that's almost in

(43:23):
jeweled like, but all straight men gravitate towards dark gray couches. Interesting,
and there's something so like dorm and teen.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
Well that's what's so what my couch is is. So
I've been in the same apartment for ten years now.
I moved to Queen's with I moved into a three
bedroom with three.

Speaker 4 (43:42):
Of my friends.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
So there's four of us and Our first couch was
I was subletting a place and my bed was a
gray Ikea couch that there was a pull out, and
I was like, hey, guys, they said I could have
the couch. Should this be our couch? And so we
just all got used to a gray couch in that corner,
and then now I got and then you know, year

(44:04):
ten years later, it's just me right. So it's like
everything is just a much better version of the Ikea
stuff I had, Like it is expensive, it is nice,
like it actually does look nice, but it is the
best version of that Ikea catch like a I don't know,
room and board or some shit, and it's like, but
it is a gray, big ass sectional for having all

(44:27):
like all my it's such a big ass couch. Me
and like my four best friends who are huge men
can all fit into it. It's comfortable, but again above
all else.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
So by the way, we have a room boards sexual
so we can find there.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
We're great and you know what, you know what, I
just realize I have in Baltimore. So in being New York,
I have a great couch, but Baltimore, I have a place.
And we wanted to feel like a vacation home, so
I do have it's kind of it is actually maybe
I was sending shots to myself. It is kind of green.
It's like more blue. It's like an Aqua Marie. But
it was but the idea was like, you know, vacation

(45:03):
home in Baltimore kind of thing.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
So but I guess I was thinking vintage high back,
weird shape green.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
I do think that like for straight men they think
neutral is gray, and for gay men they think neutral
is the beige brown like spectrum. Like it's it's like
absolutely and I think I think is kind of a
choice exactly. Both of them want the same thing, which

(45:32):
is like neutrals. So that then on top of it,
you can have a fun poster, you can have a
fun frame thing, you can have a fun pillow, and
so the goal is the same. But this is, you know,
their mind works in different ways, where straight men are
just like, all right, so like a sort of T
shirt material dark gray.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yep, this is maybe now that there's a straight guy
on the podcast, Yeah, I'm like questioning judgment.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
Let's chat.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
But there is something where I'm like, I sometimes think
straight men's decor is informed by like this is a
placeholder until wife gets here because wife will do everything.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
Yeah see I guess I mean, yes, I just am
not that like I who know, the wife is not
on the horizon. I've I'm I have had. I'm a
more of a Peter Pan straight guy. They can't even
fathom like having a family and responsibilities.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
So I do aga, I'm gay coated yeah yeah, yeah,
a little bit.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yeah yeah. And so I and I just want to
be the kind of person who has some taste, you
know what I mean, Like I want to, I don't
want I want when a woman comes into my life,
I want there to be like an argument over how
things look. I don't want to.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
But that's like the classic bachelor mentality is like, and
that's what that's where, you know, the sort of more
sophisticated version of man cave, which is bachelor path. Yeah yeah,
a man that has decided I'm gonna have taste.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
Okay, because that's what I'm working on right now.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
I'm like, I got Rugs were a big thing that
I got into, like because my mom also grew up.
When I was growing up, my mom was repairing like
Persian oriental rugs. That was her gig. She's awaits at
a Greek restaurant and she would repair rugs. So I
spent a lot of my time as a little kid
just like running around this like antique rug store. So
I really do like those aesthetics. And I bought a

(47:20):
bunch of nice rugs for my place. And now I'm
trying to get into fucking art, but it's like I
don't know where to buy hard, you know what I mean,
Like where do I do it?

Speaker 1 (47:29):
Well? One thing that this is made me think of
is that, like you know, like peacocking, Like when like
peacocks like have the big feathers to attract mates, like
two straight men that want a wife actively not developed
taste to show that they're open to a partner.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
Reverse peacock, because you guys are right, I know you
said that, And I know a few guys that it's
like their wife will come in when they find one
and just absolutely everything is just the nicest thing they
sell at Target is what their house looks like, and
they're just ready for a woman to just tell them
how to fucking no.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
The placeholder thing really is so real.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, reverse peacock, because there is I have.
Are there definitely certain things that I like my big
ass chair. That's and then maybe to come back around
to the man cave situation, I don't want to live,
you know, when I find a relationship, I don't want
to be sequestered to the man cave. So I'm trying
to figure out a way to sort of make man

(48:26):
cave the necessary man cave elements. I'm trying to fold
them into a reasonable living room.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
So that's the bachelor pad. Then, okay, don't you think
maybe I sort of think like when you like a
man cave is for a bachelor pad, is making a
man cave presentable and sheep and hospitable.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
To it's suburban man cave is way more like suburban excerbs,
like you know what I mean. Whereas like like for example,
instead of a big ass recliner, it is an expensive,
like fucking Norwegian chair chair, yeah, something like that, but
that is is just as comfortable. And instead of a
huge TV, I have a fucking projector all of a
sudden projector it's like we're in a movie theater. It's

(49:09):
still just one hundred inch television. Yeah I still watch,
you know, but you know, it's like a woman sees
like a frame and it's like what's that? And then
you fucking a projector starts up and it's like, wow,
this guy's fucking he's a film. He's a fucking you know,
a cinephon file. You know, I'm usually watching sports on it.
But that's nobody needs to know.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
That, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
I'm watching Found it Down movies in a row and
that's once a month. Yeah, because my back is still
kind of fucked up from it. But but yeah, anyway,
so that's but I the bachelor anyway, the I didn't
think about the bachelor pad as a maybe And maybe
I say this now because I am a bachelor, but
maybe inevitably I will just end up with a man cave.

Speaker 4 (49:53):
Maybe I'm fighting, I'm fighting.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
I wonder.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
I mean, we'll see hopefully, you know, when you when
you find the one, maybe you're your perfect Uh, the
esthetics will match.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
I recently realized that when people want to get married,
they are not thinking of a bad marriage. Like I
couldn't understand why, you know what I mean? Like I
until this year, I was like, I don't get it.
Everybody want that. Everybody's parents that I knew hated each
other got divorced, cheated on each other. And then I realized, wait,

(50:31):
they're not imagining that. They're just imagining I want to
be with the person who loves me the most and
cares for me. It's like, oh wait, yeah, that would
be fucking awesome if you find someone that's perfect for you.

Speaker 4 (50:42):
I think it's a little naive.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
It's the biggest denial of reality.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
That's yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Well it's so it's truly like one of the last
remaining like uh, magical thinking things we have, Like everyone
has become so cynical, and yet somehow people still believe,
miraculously after so much of into the contrary that marriage
will work. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Yeah, And to me literally feels like like you have
to like, hey, do your hours, Like yeah, I really
felt like like taking my driver's test or something where
it's like I need to get like seventy two hours
before I can like really take this test. And it
felt like like I was like, I don't want to
get married till we've been together for so long that
it's boring interesting that I'm not like thinking about it

(51:23):
in like a magical way, right, Yeah, it just.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
Makes sense at the point, which is true, Like sometimes
you just see couple like I remember, I would just
you just see couples that you're like, that's never gonna work.
And then just by the fact that they stay together,
you inevitably get closer. Yeah, and then maybe you figure
maybe like over time, it's like huh, I get like
they took something that had not as much natural compatibility,

(51:47):
but over time they did actually work on it like
adults and not tr And I was like, so that's also,
and it's just taking me this long I'm thirty five
to even consider that it might be possible.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
I actually think often people who are sort of find
themselves in a position to get married and do it
by default have a happier marriage than those who like
fall deeply in love because it becomes more of like
a business partner.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
It's almost like the new arranged marriage. Yeah, self arranged.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
I mean when I I one time asked my grandmother like,
how did you and grab me? And she said, you know,
in that day, boys would whistle outside your window, and
he was good at whistling and then married a month later.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
Yeah, your parents, She was like yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
She was literally like I was.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
He had the most incredible mating dance, and I mean
it literally is mating.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
That's incredible, said the boys would whistle, and he was
good at whistling. Oh, like, my god, And now you've
been married for like seven years and have two children and.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
Well now I know she's crying on the phone all
the time.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
Yeah no, but they like me. It was like stop,
she built a relationship on a whistle. It is true, though,
It's like the more the way, like why are we depressed,
because like you're not just in a like scavenging berries
and trying to survive. It's the same thing of like
why why why aren't relationships fulfilling? It's like because you know,
they're not like those old relationships, like well you just

(53:13):
do get married. It's something that happens and you just
like make It's like you know, you just make the
best of it.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
We have too much choice, way too much choice.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
But and that's and when you were saying do your
hours in a relationship, I was thinking of it the
other way because I feel like I've done my hours
in like being single, where I'm like, I know this sucks.

Speaker 4 (53:32):
I know this is fucking horrible.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
I know that like I've been destroyed any like idea
of true love or like the people that I've I've
really loved, it's like, oh, that didn't fucking work. And
so it's like, well, you know, let's open up knowing
how horrible this is. It's like, is marriage going to
be bad worse than this? Probably not, honestly, even if
I'm not, even if I'm not super compatible with someone,

(53:55):
and I also know not to expect that level of like.

Speaker 4 (53:58):
Yeah, but then at the same time, there's a party
that's like.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
But maybe you know what I mean, but maybe there
is no Actually.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
I have a really really similar perspective on life in general,
like optimism through pessimism.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
Yeah, but it's just like when things are you're like,
well everything is horrible, yeah, so maybe things will be better.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
If it sucks, that's okay because everything.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
So you guys are literally being the kid in American
Beauty who thinks the plastic bag is beautiful to be there.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
I do think a plastic bag is beautiful your health,
that's probably Urgan tell her so true.

Speaker 4 (54:34):
But anyway, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
Okay, Well, what we haven't talked about yet, which of
course is the other side of this binary, is the
she shed.

Speaker 2 (54:43):
Okay, can I say I've never heard that trim in
my life. Really is that a thing that people say.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
I have heard it, but it feels like one of
those really forced like when people say jilling off, it's
like no one says so I just say a girl
jacked off, you know what I mean, Like that's what
it like. It just feels like one of those like
there's equivalence or everything. It's like, no, there isn't there's
no you know. But but having said that, I think
there's nothing I so I actually do think there's something

(55:09):
cool about the idea of people having separate bedrooms and
then just choosing to sleep at like same house, separate bedroom.
So it's like she shed you know, that's a horrible
term that doesn't really exist. But I do think like
in a maybe in a healthy place, like everyone does
have their own little zone and it's maybe less of
a thing. It's just like you just happen to get

(55:30):
a house where like, hey, I'm in the garage more
and you get to your office is like your essential place,
and it's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Maybe that's maybe that's the biggest problem is all these
labels on these on these rooms.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
In your house issue was branding issues.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
Branding. I mean, I am sort of it right now.
I'm thinking about like, okay, wait, is this only an
invention because Low's one day was like, we gotta sell
all these stupid.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
Developed back to like when was man cave invented?

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Literally when was it?

Speaker 3 (56:04):
You're right, because all of these things, it probably is
a marketing thing because they're.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Just like, we just have to sell all this stupid
and it's and by the way, it's brilliant. Well, because
they're losing. You know, straight people would get married and
then men would not have I would not be able
to buy all the things they wanted. Woman was in
charge of the decor. You get a whole nother living
exactly like Okay, So first of all, it's fueling the
real estate markets that.

Speaker 4 (56:24):
They need one more bedroom of course, and sign the.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
Way to get the economy back on track is to
invent a new room that everyone has to have in
their house. What could it be? And it can be
queer inclusive.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
To Okay, hmmm, this is tough.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
Is a per person the poly Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
That's what you said inclusive? That is where my mind went.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
I need sex.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
Actually everyone does need a sex like, imagine there was
a room to have sex in and then it would
be like okay fun. And also then when you didn't
have sex and the sex room, you'd be like, we're crazy.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
Right right right?

Speaker 4 (57:00):
Isn't that your bedroom?

Speaker 1 (57:01):
I guess you have the bedroom so like not sexy.
It's like the bed is like where you sleep.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
Like, yeah, do.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
You feel do you relate to the like trope of
uh winding to have sex in many different rooms in
your house?

Speaker 1 (57:22):
I feel like that's actually do Okay, I think it's
like I do as well. Yeah, it's a little especially
living room fine.

Speaker 4 (57:28):
Getting sucked off in the kitchen, like what the hell
is going on here?

Speaker 1 (57:31):
It's no, it's crazy.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
Yeah yeah, like this.

Speaker 1 (57:34):
Doesn't cancel dinner plans.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
Give it a whirl.

Speaker 4 (57:43):
Yeah, I think it is anything that's like a little
you know.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
That's also why I feel like people are more like
maybe there's again a straight thing, but I feel like
more adventurous. On vacation, you'll do some some freaky.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Ship on vacation. Life is all about escape. Yeah yeah yeah,
do I scaped to my man cave? Do I escape?
On vacation? You get a honeymoon, Like it's like if
you sit still for more than two seconds, you're like
oh god, oh god, oh god.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
Yeah, yeah, which I get gay people escape too. It's
just like through other partners, like.

Speaker 3 (58:12):
Yeah, you're absolutely you guys haven't figured out you guys,
it's like shape people don't haven't developed.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
Everything's oral tradition. There's no written language. You guys should
figured out.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
The rules, you know what I mean, Like open getting
the instead of cheating. It's like, well, it's not technically cheating.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
We talk about this all the time where we have
to remind ourselves that cheating is a big deal. Like
when someone, you know, when like a you know woman friend, right,
he cheated, you have to be like, oh right, oh god,
kill him.

Speaker 4 (58:43):
That is awesome. I respect that so much.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
It's almost like condescending gay thing when someone's like I've
been cheated on to be like, well, have you guys
considered openings.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
The zone?

Speaker 4 (58:54):
Yeah, that's fing awesome.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
It's like just have a conversation about it.

Speaker 4 (58:58):
Yeah yeah, yeah, who cares. You's just got a nut
off and then everything else is fine.

Speaker 1 (59:02):
I'm sure he doesn't care about that girl.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
Yeah, it's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing. You guys got
going on over there is confusing.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
It's confusing too because it is one of the things
that really does disconnect us from straight culture because like
it'll be like a topic of conversation when you're with
see people like who's likely to cheat? Like yeah, yeah, oh,
who's like a morally bad person? And it's like like
I don't know how to hop into those conversations.

Speaker 3 (59:30):
Yeah, it's like the currentcy It's like there's so much
sex inflation in with gay guys.

Speaker 4 (59:34):
Yeah, where the currency is crazy. Yeah, it's like everything calls.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
It's like when you, like you go to Argentina or whatever,
there was like twenty thousand dollars for a loaf of bread.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
It's like one dollar of cheating and straight culture will
ruin you.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
But it's like a dollar of cheating a fuck you
have to really, you have to cheat so much. It
is a gay guy for to fucking register, you have
to fuck like one thousand guys like ignore, ignore you're
a husband's calls for two years and then it's like
the equivalent of getting ahead and at a bar one
night from the straight couple and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
That person's out with his girls and it's like, do
you guys think it's weird that I haven't seen him
in two years and he just got married to a
different person in Nantucket and they're like sweedy, that is
not okay, And then he's like, you guys are lame.
It's fine.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Sometimes when you're like trying to talk to someone about
a relationship, it does like and unfortunately it does have
to be like a gay guy because you're like, only
you will understand that this is what's normal and what's not.

Speaker 4 (01:00:34):
Right, right right, yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
Because I guess I had like a queer friendly like
therapist or something. They're like so wait, yeah, yeah yeah,
and you're like no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
I was talking about this. We were talking to this
on the patron But after I got married, I was like, okay,
you know how classic straight guy getting married is, like
is attracted other women. But he's like, no, dude, like
you got to make this rook, like don't yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, succumb to it. I was having the opposite
thing where I was like, you know, because it was
like to Lovely Week and everything. I was just like
I only cared about my husband. But I kept being

(01:01:06):
like no, like you're gay, you have to like other
times like I was like, I was like not attracted
to other people, and I was like, what the fuck,
Like you have to like fuck someone now?

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Yeah, that's tough, man. Everyone's culture is a prison anyway
you look at it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Now, It's true.

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
You can't just be you can't just be a romantic
for you know, three months. I have thought about that
because I like, I've dated people in open relationships and
I'm like, when they get married, is there like a
two month period where I'm not allowed to fuck them? Well,
I'm thinking, you know what I mean, like, should I
not hit her upt because because I see your ig
he set her bachelor part Bachelorett. I mean, it does

(01:01:46):
feel like there should be a small window.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
I literally have just experienced this, and it's very funny
to see in real time. We're like, okay, nobody move. Yeah,
everyone's last message you with like something explicit, but the
next one is like CONGRATU. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
Is there an out of office gay married email where
it's like, well, for the next four months, I won't
be getting sucked off by any of you guys, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Four months, come on, I only have one.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Line in the Midwest.

Speaker 4 (01:02:18):
Yeah, that is that is beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
It's honestly my approach to, like my thinking of sobriety.
Sometimes I'm like, you know, it'd be amazing to be
sober for like one month, Yeah, yeah, the whole year.
I'm like, damn it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
It's purely like almost to prove to myself I can
do it. It's a kind of like a will power
challenge of because I've wanted to get fucked up so bad,
especially especially the more stressed out. I'm like, it's gotten
pretty like I'm like, it would be so nice to
just turn your brain off. That's what most of it
it is for me, is like just silence all the

(01:02:54):
worry or whatever. But I've stuck to it. And then
I don't know. I mean, I'll probably who knows what
happens in that year. I'm hoping to not get as
fucked up, but I can't. I don't see myself ever
being a totally sober person. Like the thing that's gonna
kill me is not getting high at ship. The week
between Christmas and New Year's that fake week that doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
When I tell you, I was literally thinking about how
much I'm looking forward to that week. Yesterday I was
just like.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
It's the best time and that's that's a fucking four movies.

Speaker 4 (01:03:25):
A day week, right there.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
Yeah, that's a fucking Christmas break. So good.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Literally the time I can be happy.

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
On my eating left though, is watching movies, ordering out
some bad ship too when you're done. I love it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:39):
So many desserts, so many different types of pie and cake.

Speaker 1 (01:03:43):
Damn awesome.

Speaker 4 (01:03:44):
And I'm gonna be not high for that. And I'm
not gonna eat that many desserts.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
Do you take a break that week?

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Sam, You're being such a bad.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
I have to prove it to myself, don't do it. Yeah,
one week.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
I have to prove it to myself that I can't
love it, and then I'm back.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
I have I'm really impressed.

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
Thank you, fellows.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
But here's a question. Yeah, and then we have to close.
Oh yeah, but here's the question coming. How has your
dating life been since you got sober?

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
That's a great question and so interview. Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
That's a good I to be honest with you. It's
like the easiest thing in the world is to go
for drinks or whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:04:22):
But I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
My life's been weird in general, where it's like I
don't have much of a social life, and so most
of my dates have been like, you know, come over,
Like I come over, I'll grill something because I'm trying
to be healthy too, so I'm not trying to eat out.
I'm not trying to drink out. So it's like, so
sometimes I meet somebody, if it's a complete stranger, you're
not just inviting them to your fucking home, but you'll

(01:04:44):
just you know, go get a drink whatever, see what's up.
Other times I have invited people directly into my home,
you know, like.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
I I guess I haven't been doing gig.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
I haven't been.

Speaker 3 (01:04:54):
Kind Of when you get like when you get Internet famous,
it is kind of like living like a gay guy.

Speaker 4 (01:04:59):
Su a lot of like mentally ill women on the Internet.

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
Who also behave like gay guys to just sort of
come over, be like hey, send you nudes, and it's like.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
A lot of the Internet makes gay guys out of
all of us.

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
Yeah that's really interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
Yeah. So honestly, my dating life has been kind of like, uh,
it's been it's been very very like, uh, even even
people I've seen multiple times, it's like, hey, look I
have I haven't lived in one city between Baltimore and
New York.

Speaker 4 (01:05:29):
I've been on the road.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
I've been shooting a couple of things in different cities.
I'm about to go on tour, so it's like everything
is very in flux. So it's like, you know, my
dating life is just hey, if we hit it off,
come over, let's hang out. I'll grill up some marinated
flank steak and some shashido peppers one of my go
to one of my go to meals, little veggie, little
fucking proteins. Uh and and then you know, I'll have

(01:05:51):
I'll have. I want to be a good host, so
I have like wine or like cocktails or whatever the fuck.
But yeah, I honestly it's been kind of nice. I
get to live like a gay Like I get to
see just a little fraction of how you guys live.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
You know, my whole questions do gay guys hit you up?

Speaker 4 (01:06:06):
Not as much anymore?

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
Okay, before I would say, before I was famous or
I'm not famous, I.

Speaker 1 (01:06:12):
Remember when you were listened on, like by comedian.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like out, did like
a fucking listical on my Instagram, like and they were
like or like before I had any kind of like
anything going on, and it was just about my body,
like not about my like you know, successes or anything. Yeah,
purely the gay community was hitting me up and like,
you know, three three women. And now it's like it's

(01:06:38):
a little more you know, you know, I think just
the more people find out about you.

Speaker 4 (01:06:42):
The more they're gonna come.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
And I've also talked about I guess yeah a fucking
women and not and people just assumed I was gay.
I guess before when I was just nude on the internet.
This is there's like ten years ago though, right, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
You're really like, you know that the in Sexland City
when Samantha is representing that actor whose name I'm forgetting, yeah,
Smith Jarrett, and she's like, first you get because he
was like, why am I holding like gay vodka? And
she was like, well, honey, first you get the gays,
then you get the girls.

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:07:07):
Now you're literally like yeah, literally not into that truly
on TV.

Speaker 1 (01:07:13):
Yeah, Yeah, it's like if you guys are obsessed with someone,
it's like in ten years.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
That is kind of what happened, because I was I
had not like that was before come down, that was
before like any I was just a feature comedian ten
years ago.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
But you would post with Matteo fully constantly.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
Yeah, and you know, I would have to say, for
the record, I did him first. Okay, I would just
like to say I brought Mateyo into the nude world.
There's a big argument. He's one of my best friends.
I love him with has a big argument. Of course,
he's so sexy as hell carved out of marble. He's
gonna take off. By the way, my account got banned
because I was naked on it, and his he got like,
you know, a million followers the next day. Little body,

(01:07:54):
little little fat phobia in Zuckerberg's uh you know, in
metas fuck algorithm, that's you know, that society whatever. But yeah,
I would It's not like I don't understand why people
thought I was gay. I was. I was like naked
on the internet, and then I did that for a
year and I was like, my hottest gay friend, why
don't you fucking come over show those abs and you know,

(01:08:16):
flop that dick around in my living room. So yeah,
I think it's safe to assume I wasn't. I was
a gay guy also, but you know whatever, you know,
that's what happens, and I'm I'm happy, like and if
anybody wants to beat off to me. No matter who
you are, feel free. You have my you have my
blanket permission to jack off to me.

Speaker 2 (01:08:34):
That's really empowering for a straight guy to call you
as a gay guy. For a straight guy, a straight
friend to call you and be like, hey, want to
come to a nude photo shoot in my apartment? That
is like the plot of a porn Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
I don't think I would be the one.

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
Thing all the straight guys. It's like, at this point
I'm old enough to not like fantasize about my straight friends.
But it's like, what if suddenly, as an adult, they
were like, hey, come over and let's get Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
I don't fantasize to an extent like inviting the fantasy.

Speaker 3 (01:09:03):
Sure, sure, sure, yeah I get that if I mean
just to flip it around. If like any woman was
like do you want to be even if I didn't
really want to fuck them, I'd be.

Speaker 4 (01:09:11):
Like, yeah, interesting, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:09:15):
But I don't know. I think we have a nice
to have a good I don't think I missed type.
I think he likes more just he's a chisel. He's
more of a chiseled on chiseled guys, you know, so
I think that was part of it. And yeah, he's
got too masculine for me too, you know. Yeah, of
course not not gonna work. So we were just there
was no real sexual chemistry there just just too too bad,
perfect bodies. Just just respect for our perfect bodies next

(01:09:40):
to each other. So it was yeah, but it was great.
I missed those days, those early days of just being
a nude slut on the internet. No one really knew
I was a comedian even literally, really.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Pretty wild.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
I got the nude calendar, the twenty twenty five calendar coming.
I don't calendar every year, so there's out there Instagram.
Instagram will like take them down now, so I just
I just sell the calendar.

Speaker 4 (01:10:05):
So yeah, I am. I'll send you guys a couple
of lease.

Speaker 2 (01:10:07):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
Yeah, that'd be awesome. I'll put in the bathroom, please.

Speaker 2 (01:10:10):
I'll her in my man case. Yeah. Should we do
our final table?

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Yes? So our final segment is called shout outs in
the Grand Straight tradition love, we give a radio shout
out to anything that we are enjoying. Imagine it's two
thousand and one, you're at TRL shouting out to your
squad back home. But about anything that you like, and
I have one.

Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
Okay, go what's up freak solusions and perverts around the globe?

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
I want to give a huge shout out to a
good night's sleep. I have had a sleepless weekend, and
in a way that was crazy because I started out
really hungover and I said, damn, I'm gonna get a
good night sleep tonight. Didn't slept for about four hours.
Then the next night I was like, Okay, I've never
been so tired in my life. I'm not to get
a good night's sleep. Didn't another four hours? What is wrong?
What is wrong? Yesterday? I thought I might die? And

(01:10:59):
then I went and I slept at my friend Nick
and Claire's apartment, and better believe, I felt so cozy
that I slept right until eight thirty in the morning.
And it was that type of sleep where you're like, oh,
I'm like dizzy now, like it like kind of hurt
to wake up. And I really feel that today I
have a new lease on life and I can't wait
to see what amazing business deals transpire with the rest

(01:11:20):
of my afternoon shouts.

Speaker 5 (01:11:22):
Good night's sleep, Whooo, what's up crazy kids out there?

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
I want to give a shout out to Okay. I
was on a flight. First of all, I've been watching
the most amazing movies on flights. Recently. I watched the
film Thelma. Have you seen this?

Speaker 4 (01:11:36):
I was going to watch it, and then I didn't.
I watch RoboCop instead.

Speaker 2 (01:11:40):
Oh my god, I love Yeah, I was.

Speaker 3 (01:11:43):
I was in London and they were showing it. I
wanted to go see a movie in theaters and they
were showing Thelma. But then I saw like, oh, they're
also showing robot comp in the theater. So I saw RoboCop,
but I want.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
To show it. Where is he? By the way, what
was his last movie?

Speaker 3 (01:11:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:11:56):
Didn't you do something recently?

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
You like l It is so good. I haven't seen
Oh my god, I'll see it. Ella is so okay,
I'll watch it. I'll watch o. Thelma was incredible. But
last night, when I was coming back from Chicago, I
hit play on Freaky Friday It's plastic, and I was like,
I feel like at this point it's so cliche to
be nostalgic for like early odd stuff, and I was like,
there's a reason it hits. This girl is a star.

Speaker 4 (01:12:20):
Yeah, well it hits because that was when you were young.

Speaker 3 (01:12:22):
Yeah, no, it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
I did have a moment where I was like, yeah,
we're movies ever this or it's like yeah, if I
was like two years older, it would be a different thing. Yeah. Anyway,
the point is I want to give a shout out
to Lindsay Lohan. Whatever, comedic great. Absolutely, you know, I'm
not going to be ashamed to like you because it's
because oh it's mainstream now to reclaim Lindsay Lohan. She
is a great actress. She's an incredible musician, dancer, dancer,

(01:12:48):
hair legend. And you know, I'm just happy she seems
to be doing well and you. Our childhoods would not
have been the same without you. Freaky Friday is a
great film. You know, I'm happy they're making a terrible
We'll good for them, Like maybe they'll make some money
on Max dot com. Yeah, so shout out to Lindsay.

Speaker 4 (01:13:05):
Shout out to Lindsay.

Speaker 3 (01:13:06):
I mean, I know you want to talk about where
the ven diagram of stuff gay guys like and stuff
straight guys like. Lindsay Lohan.

Speaker 1 (01:13:12):
Yeah, my she was my like high school like celebrity crush.

Speaker 3 (01:13:16):
I'm straight got yeah yeah again I know, I remember
a couple of photo shoots that that very problematic in
hindsight SNL get, but I was a fan at the time.

Speaker 4 (01:13:28):
I must say I didn't mind it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
I remember being like, well, this is just comedically.

Speaker 3 (01:13:38):
Yeah, shout out.

Speaker 4 (01:13:39):
Just I'm gonna follow up on your Lindsay low head
shout out for.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
Sure, and then I'm just gonna say, shout out the
interesting disodas.

Speaker 4 (01:13:45):
You know, the Coke zero Oreo limited edition collab.

Speaker 3 (01:13:49):
I'm all over it. A and W zero Sugar Root Deer,
big fan of that. So that's been a big sobriety thing.
Is like whenever I want to like smoke a joint
or knock back a cold one, like, let's get a
weird diet soda in the mix. So I'm just that's
really helping me out a lot. I guess Halo top
ice cream sort of methadone, Ben and Jerry's to me,

(01:14:10):
I'm going a little over more on both of those
right now, but I'm gonna reel it back in. Yeah,
that's shout out to that man. Shout out to diet,
the tastier diet foods than you know, our four fat
fathers ever got to enjoy.

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
You're always putting the one straight thing in one gay thing,
you know, either Seak and Shishiedo peppers or like disgusting
soda then halo.

Speaker 1 (01:14:33):
No, it's it's it's really interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:14:35):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:14:36):
No, I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:37):
Keep us guessing. Yeah, yeah, well, Stov, this has been
an absolute to like. But let's tell the folks at
home once again, what projects you have come?

Speaker 3 (01:14:46):
Yeah, let's start a cult in theaters. It's ten twenty five.
It's a very stupid cult. Like it's a ninety minute
dumb comedy. Right, It's like, I just want to make
the stupidest movies of all time. It's just fun. I
really wrote it with Wes Haney, Ben kit Nick. We
have a lot a lot of friends, maybe people who

(01:15:07):
have been on the show Hurricanes Claracanees in its in it.

Speaker 4 (01:15:14):
We have some great past guests.

Speaker 3 (01:15:17):
And yeah, it's in I assume this is this podcast
is in only major cities, so that's where the movie
is playing. It's playing like perfect, It's playing in like
seven major cities, so please go see it, and yeah,
look out for that. Stobby's World is my podcast, and
I'll be on tour next year. I'm going to announce
the tour uh in a couple of weeks soon. So

(01:15:37):
if you if you liked me, you want to come
see me live, keep an eye for that.

Speaker 4 (01:15:40):
But yeah, mainly the movie. I hope people see it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:42):
Yeah, yeah, the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:15:44):
Well thanks for doing the pod of course.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
And I've been waiting to you know, I've been gone.
We had so much fun on my podcast. Oh I
gotta get it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
I got it.

Speaker 4 (01:15:52):
We got to come back, come back, come back please?

Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:56):
Well dream bye podcast and now want more more? Subscribe
to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month, discord
access and more by heading to patreon dot com. Slash
Stradio Lab.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
And for all our visual earners, free full length video
episodes are available on.

Speaker 2 (01:16:13):
Our YouTube now Get back to Work.

Speaker 1 (01:16:15):
Stradia Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (01:16:19):
Created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart.

Speaker 1 (01:16:22):
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sony and Olivia Aguilar.

Speaker 2 (01:16:26):
Co produced by by Wang, edited.

Speaker 1 (01:16:28):
And engineered by Adam Avalos.

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
Artwork by Michael Failes and Matt Grove. Theme music by
Ben Kling

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