Episode 10: I'm Survivin' & Training the People

This Episode:

Gaining the training for the "allegiance to love" and healing with CSSJ lead David Guizar, LAURA e.d. Adela Barajas and former Black Panther, and current national PCITI founder & trainer, Aquil Basheer.

About Oya:

Oya L Sherrills is a survivor, a lived experience leader in her field, an advocate, and an organizer. Author of "Musings of a Rascal", she works to create a culture where healing practices are centered and valued. Oya likes to pave paths that connect past and future ancestors in efforts to prioritize peace and community-driven solutions that break cycles of violence and address trauma. She's creative, she's a mama, and she's for the trees.

Links: 

https://www.instagram.com/david.guizar9/

http://www.laurala.org/

https://pciti.net/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Content mornings. This episode will discuss a lot of heavy
topics such as homicide and addiction. Please be kind to yourself,
prepare yourself with before and or after care, and remember
if you are a loved one is going through it,
you can call the National Addiction Helpline at one eight

(00:25):
four four to eight nine zero eight seven nine, or
dial eight for the Crisis Lifeline. Thank you. Join us
to explore the stories, policies, practices, and idea. I saw

(00:49):
the survivors. This is Survive is hand with your host,
Oh yah yah held Welcome, Welcome, good people. This is
episode ten of the Survivor's Hill podcast and I'm your host.
Oh yeah, el charells. This conversation is one for the

(01:11):
change makers. I am joined by three giants in the
movement as we discuss what it takes to get the
work done. Take a listen. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, good people.
I am sitting in the room with so much greatness
right now. Yeah. I don't even understand, y'all. Don't even

(01:34):
understand who's in the room right now with me. Okay,
these are the pioneers the I mean the royalty. I'm
gonna say in my humble perspective. This is the royalty
of what I call the new Survivor's movement. And I
would like each person to introduce yourselves though, and um
say what organization you work with and your position in

(01:58):
the organization. We can move from our left because that's
our heart center. Alright, alright, get deep with it off
the top. But hey, everyone high, it is I David
Guissard g U I Z A R. I worked with
Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice, founding member of c
S s J, and currently I hold the role that

(02:21):
seat of responsibility as a chapter engagement and training manager.
This up, Hello, good morning. My name is La Barajas,
and I am the founder of LAUDA Life after un
Civil Ruthless Acts and also part of c S s
JSE somehow, I am a co founder of c S

(02:44):
s J and going to the left. Greetings everybody, I'm
a Kilba Year. I'm the founder of p C I
t I inter National the Build Program California l A
Peace Village Collective and part of c S s J.
A member and honored to be here. Well, thank you
all so much for joining me on this very fine

(03:08):
Sunday afternoon. So I want to just kind of jump
right in and asked that you all share just as
organically as you can, just with a spirit of openness.
But also we don't necessarily have to go in any
particular order or structure. What brought you to do work

(03:31):
in the Survivor's movement. What brought me to this movement
was loud As Sanchez. My sister in law was murdered
March eighteen, two seven, nine years prior to her being murdered,
her mom was murdered, so both of them being innocent
bystandards of dry by shootings in south central Los Angeles,

(03:53):
the youth and our family wanted something to be done.
So they looked at me and said, we need to
do some thing. This cannot just keep going. At the time,
there was a lot of talk about, you know, black
and brown going at each other in our community. So
I guess that's a family member as a I don't

(04:13):
want to say community leader at the time, but had
been involved as a young person and in young politics.
I said, okay, So I gave them a task. I said,
you go find out who are the politicians in this
area right now, and then we'll do something. At that time,
UM News reporter was there. He's like, do you guys

(04:35):
want to say something like no? And she's like, you know,
just to let you know. There's only an opening when
the news are here, and that's your window of opportunity.
If you want to say something, do it now because
we will be gone in a week and that will
be all. So, UM, we did. That was the reason

(04:56):
how we started to work. And what is it that
has allowed you to stay passionate about doing the work? Um?
The lack of Latino representation. So I started doing the work.
Then started going to a lot of meetings and having

(05:16):
the four kids that she had and going to their
schools and seeing the lack of respect from the school
administration towards the kids, or letting them know that their
mother had been killed and the lack of emotion involved,
or the empathy that they had towards a mother going

(05:38):
or an aunt going there, the administration, you know, addressing
me like I'll be their mom when I had my
my niece next to me, or knowing the differences that
my nephew being in Wilson High, whether the principle came
and addressed me because they are I had already called
prior to them picking up homework with them. When I

(05:59):
went to the local schools from Jefferson High School and
I wanted to speak to the counselor and she said,
I'll be there mom twice, and then I said, once
I got into her office and I said, you know,
you keep addressing me as her mom. She's my niece,
and I'm here because her mother has been murdered. And

(06:20):
she's like, oh, I'm sorry, I understand my mom just died,
and she still didn't get it. So, you know, little
things like this just made me realize there's a avoid
that needs to be filled. And you know, dealing with
the funeral homes and the cemeteries and seeing how they

(06:43):
are more of business than assistance for families. That was
another thing. Or people when they saw the news playing
over and over again. Once I did go publicly with
the news, people taking advantage and coming and saying, oh,
you know we're from this office, so we're from that office,

(07:04):
just trying taking advantage of the pain to get their
own story out there. That this is what made me
get involved. Thank you with Tella. I mean, definitely, I
feel like there has been this theme in this movement
of the lack of just care and gentleness that a

(07:28):
lot of the institutions have with our communities, especially in
the in the wake of grief. But you've also been
at the forefront of changing that. That's right. So David,
you want to jump in here. Yep, yep, for sure.
I thank your Della and UM definitely an honor to
be in this space, you know, with with a kiel

(07:49):
in yourself and a della you know that conversation around UM.
What brings me to the work is the unfortunate tragedies
of you know, within my family. It's stuff. You know,
my brother Oscar was murdered in three and and I
don't think that you know that the trauma or even
us as a family recognized, you know, what was happening,

(08:12):
you know, like day to day right uh. For me personally,
just just being in in like in a silo and
dealing with my own experience of losing my brother was
was something that that I UM dealt with, but not
really pinpointing and even understanding what was happening right like
like it was life, you know. And it was until

(08:34):
about two thousand and twelve when Whenequila you know, was
a part of UM what is now crime survirus for
safety and justice and never forming a leadership group to
participate in and really igniting a conversation and you know,
moving forward with possible like policies and things like that,
right that that would support survivors victims of crime. And

(09:00):
at the time it was my brother oscar story and
it and it really brought it front and center, you know,
because most of the time in my previous years being
involved in in like you know, community service and think
it would come up like oh, I'm moving away from
from the street life and this and that I lost
a brother and this is kind of like one of
the things that I don't want, you know, to repeat.

(09:22):
So I was, you know, I was kind of like
dancing around what what really happened and what was missing
for me and my family, right and but not really
knowing how to pinpoint it. You know, there were people
that they were beginning to talk about like post traumatic
stress disorder and how you know, what we were living
at the street level was like really like warlike conditions

(09:43):
and things like that, so that the conversation was kind
of like surfacing, but no one really had you know,
the quantitative qualitative measures around it, and it was like
to a lot of people like it's just people killing
each other's gangbanging? Is this? Is that right? But not
really looking at the bigger pictures. So when I made
that commitment or be a part of that first retreat um,

(10:05):
I think it was like during the summer, and in
the beginning of summer, and within like ninety days or
something like that, I got this phone call from my
brother Gilbert's wife, and you know, my brother had been shot,
my brother Gilbert, and he didn't make it. And and
that was kind of like just like wow, you know,
it was really heartbreaking. And you know, for a lot

(10:27):
of years I ran from the trauma of losing my
brother Oscar and just using a lot of drugs and
alcohol and you know, being homeless at one point, like
from the drug addiction and and all of that stuff,
and and then perpetrating violence on two others to like,
you know, for a period of time until I realized
I was repeating that psycho violence. So six years into

(10:48):
my sobriety is when my brother Gilbert was murdered. And
I think because the gratitude that I have to creator
for allowing me to think a little bit clearer about
what had happened to my brother, I could meeting myself
to finding a solution, right Like, the solution was immediate,
and my mom wanted someone arrested, you know for what
happened to my brother. That was that was kind of

(11:10):
like the thing that did not happen when my brother
oscar where there was an arrest or that type of closure.
Right So there was like these basic things right like
that that are oftentimes left out of the narrative, and
and so it was really it's really my motivation to
this day is you know, a call to real health access,
right Like, trauma is not just like mental health, Like

(11:32):
this bad memory or this bad thought that sneaks up
is also the how it impacts our health. Like I
saw my mom's health just go you know, and and
all the way to her last breath. It was really
heartbreaking to to know that a lot of it was
related to losing her two sons. You know. The call
for trauma recovery that that we do have that element,

(11:55):
you know, for for people to be able to have
a space to talk about the sending to work through
what's you know appropriate for that individual, right substance abuse treatment.
It's also a critical calling that I that is very
personal to me, you know now being sixteen years sober,
you know, ten years in the aftermath of losing my

(12:16):
brother Gilbert, I've been able to maintain you know, that
level of UM at least integrity within that right didn't
working through a whole lot of other elements that came
up in this journey. So it's it's a day to
day thing, you know, having access to affordable housing, you know,
quality education, like these are all things that that in
one way or another, I've touched through my journey of

(12:38):
first losing my brother Oscar to then losing my brother Gilbert,
and day, day to day, you know, these things sneak up,
you know, the trauma. So just having access UM it's
a lifelong journey. Uh. That that I know is going
to be required on my part, you know absolutely, And
I think we're gonna get more into, like, UM, some
of those key resources that you touched on and talked

(13:01):
about that can lead to people taking that that helium journey. Commander,
it's on you. So again, what brought you to the
movement for survivors and UM, what keeps you passionate. We'll
let me out of the room in the three generals
in the room. Do I have your permission to speak? UM?

(13:25):
I wish I could say it was one thing that
brought me into this work. I've always been a radical advocate,
revolutionary in terms of my thinking process, understanding, my value, etcetera.
But there was an accumulation of situations both in my
personal family as well as outside in the circles that

(13:48):
I ran in. UM A lot of blood on my
hands from a whole lot of engagements, etcetera. If I
would say what was the main motivator, it was my
own tri in the inability to have the systems and
processes in place to know how to navigate what I
was going through UH, as opposed to UH the ability

(14:09):
to help anybody else. So, because I had to navigate
my own traumas, which were extremely comprehensive and deep UH
knowing what it took me to find some degree of balance,
I thought about the other people, and at that time
I was clearly in a movement of serving. I said,

(14:29):
how can we truly serve the people if the story
that they have bought into in their normalities create no hope?
You know, we got to remember at the end of
the day, what hope really is um. Hope is and
expected in hope means that people have an expectation that
there would be an end point of something that they're

(14:51):
hoping for. Uh. So dealing with those traumas, uh, not
having the capacity to engage, I didn't want the will
to feel the pain that I knew I was feeling
at that time. Each time I had one of these
traumas come up and side whacked me, etcetera. Uh, that
moved on into something more important uh not uh externally

(15:17):
UH knowing that you create temporary stability in the moment,
but you have to anchor people. So with that being said,
hence the bird for the movement. UH. We had to
create the kind of road maps to kind of infrastructure
that gave people the ability not only to deal with
where they were at in the moment, but to be
able to create a degree of wellness and then to

(15:38):
be able to go out front beforehand, thinking and see
what those triggers were that caused them to be uh
in the situation they were in, etcetera. Moving through that,
that still wasn't enough. I could balance you individually, but
if I don't create the capacity to deal with the
systemic injustices that are part of the internal environ and

(16:00):
our external environment that that individual is in. What have
I truly done If I can't deal with the geographical
nexus that the person operates from, if I can't deal
with the psychological redirection, if I can't deal with the
capacity for those individuals to economically survive, etcetera. Uh, I
can heal you all I want in the moment, but

(16:20):
you're gonna go back to that reciprocal psychle because we
have not dealt with those fundamental root causes. So hence,
one of the things that has kept me in the
movement for so long is making sure that my reasons
have been strong enough to keep me in the game.
And my reasons for getting in the game was to
create the type of foundational network or structure which was

(16:43):
going to give the capacity of our to give capacity
of those individuals to heal themselves. And we have not
arrived there yet. So because we haven't arrived, because we
haven't given that foundation, my reasons are pushing me to
stay in the work and at the end of the day,
creating and leaving. It's me and Dave we're talking about earlier.

(17:03):
The type of successionary componentry. Uh, that's going to give
those people coming behind us the capacity to do better
than what we've did with this work. Those of us
that are healers, those of us that are movers, those
of us that are are temporary leaders have to realize
if we're not putting in pace foundationally those tools, those

(17:25):
individuals that are going to replace us, we have done
a disservice to the work, to ourselves and to what
we say, uh the movement is and who we're trying
to serve. So I'll leave it at that. Yeah, just
speaking true, Okay, I'm already tired. Just gave us a

(17:46):
lot of home works, right for real, just like laid
off the whole blue print. Like if you are thinking
about getting into this work, into this movement, ain't no game,
and there is there are things that you have to
understand about one preparing for the next generation, but also

(18:07):
like being clear all the way through about what your
reasons are and hold that thought will be right back
after a word from our sponsors. So I'm one of

(18:37):
the things that UM. I also wanted to kind of
touch on our training opportunities, right, So, like UM, a
lot of people who are thinking a lot of young
people who are touched by the kind of work that
we do. They want to know, like how do they
get started? Like what trainings are available? I know that
there's like now, there's a National Fit for Victims of

(19:01):
Crime and they have a training and technical Assistance Center
and they do things like an Effective Management series and
they have a National Victim Assistance Academy, and so they
offer a lot of different kinds of trainings for people
who are just beginning to serve survivors of crime to

(19:21):
get into this work. But there's a lot of training
that is available and that's very specific to serving communities
like ours, black and brown communities, urban communities, communities that
have to deal with like the intersections you know, of
different kinds of violence, not just the violence, not just

(19:42):
the personal violence, but the institutional violence and the systemic violence.
So I was just wondering, because I know I have
I'm um, you guys, I'm I'm sitting in a room
full of trainers, Okay, So I was just wondering, what
trainings do you guys feel like our are the most important,
and so what's necessary for people who are looking to

(20:06):
get into this movement and what's necessary for training but
also like, what are the elements in the trainings that
make it necessary. I would like the trainer to speak
on the training. Well, when you talk about training, I
think we get confused. There. There are some outstanding components. Uh.

(20:28):
Some of those components are individuals who are at this table.
But I think we confuse training with education time and
time again. Education gives us broader concepts, gives us broader vision,
and gives us information. Trainings are situationally specific. They give
us rus and twols. They give us the capacity to

(20:48):
engage and change behavior. When you look at behavior modification,
probably the most major component that moves are the calculus
of true behavioral traines. Training. Now what type of training?
Far too often trainers will come in with their perspective, Uh,
those individuals who truly trained. No, they have to establish

(21:12):
the need of the people they're attempting to move. So
that type of training UM takes number one, Uh, landscape analysis.
What are your people up against, what are they going through?
What are they engage with? And you've got to get
that from them. They've got to be inclusionary in the
voice process. Secondly, you build out a system based on need,

(21:34):
not your need and not your perception, but the needs
of those people that you are trying to take somewhere.
You cannot teach survival training and teach people how to
deal with their own grief. A good trainer knows that
he or she is going to create tools for those
individuals to make the best judgment calls and to move

(21:57):
themselves forward. If you're leaning on to take you where
you need to go, you're really going to be at
a deficit. You have to control that narrative. One of
the first things I do when I come into a
room where I'm training, and I have trained thousands, uh,
they are going to draft the road map that I'm
going to follow. I make sure that they are clear

(22:19):
that I am here to assist them to get them
where they want to go. They have to know what
that target is. They have to know what they're where
they're trying to go. Our trainings are holistic. We know
it takes scenario training, it takes a board training, it
takes live training. You've got to hit all those fronts
because you don't know where you're going to touch the

(22:41):
trier of the individual. So you want to bring all
those dynamics to the table in terms of what you're
trying to do. And then, UM, I've got to say
this because most of your trainers who know what they
do and realize is most trainers teach what they need
the most. This is how effective training comes into play.

(23:03):
You say, well, okay, I can you explain that, Yes,
I can. Um, when we train, if we need what
we're training to give to other people, we're going to
search for the best that we can find. So when
we deliver what we're delivering, it's going to be the
best that we have to offer. You know, I know
my role and why I'm one of the best data

(23:24):
when it comes to saving lives, violence, etcetera. There's some
other things that I don't do too well, but those
things I do extremely well. So because I'm dealing with
my own trauma, because I haven't had all the answers.
As I alluded to earlier, what I'm attempting to do
is to create a self mastery where each time I train,

(23:44):
I'm bettering myself in my situation as I serve the people.
So this is what's going to make me give the
people the best that I got And as I listened
to the people, they are going to help me to
devise other systems that I have to create, our need
to create because remember, I'm trying to hear myself while
I'm trying to train them. And that's one of the

(24:05):
things that makes a real train or effective is the
people know that you understand their normality. They know that
not necessarily understanding where they're at. I'm talking about truly
understanding their normality and the mindset. Then two other quick things, um,
when we look at training, one of the things if
I'm dealing with fractured people, I am trying to interrupt

(24:27):
the story that they have bought into that causes them
to be handicapped because of their trauma. See, I'm looking
to give them the capacity to reinterpret, to change that story, uh,
to where at the end of the day they can
create a different result. At the end of the day,
I'm looking for them to take ownership. I'm looking for
the tools that I bring to the table to be

(24:48):
augments and implements of motivation to get them to take
control of where they're trying to go. And then lastly, um,
again back to my earlier point, I want my training
to anchor the people and give them some viable templates
that if these situations that have triggered them come up again.

(25:09):
They have the capacity to look and have protocol, have
operational structure in which they can look to and operate
from and move the process forward. So at the end
of the day, I'm trying to fill their tool box
with as many tools as possible. I'm trying to give
them the capacity with those twols to end up making
the best decision and judgment calls on their own so

(25:30):
they can take ownership up of process and know they
can heal themselves and more importantly, know that they have
the capacity to heal others and let those other people
be able to heal others in the process. I'll leave
it at that. It's beautiful, Thank you. Um David. Do
you want to add in here regarding like what is um,

(25:52):
what kind of trainings are necessary and what makes them necessary? Well,
you know the training that I work on, you know
something and that has given me, you know, awareness right
in my own lived experience. So the landscape analysis that
that a Que brought up is in relationship to to
working with survivors is centered around victim services, right, So

(26:15):
victim services and how it integrates systems. So when we
talk about the education, school district. Did the school district
respond to my needs or the needs of my family
within the incident? Right? Um? Immigration, Right, we have immigration,
there's like u vvisas and things of that nature, Like
did that system? So if I'm sitting in the room

(26:37):
and we're going through it, we're basically discussing how these
systems supported you or not supported you. Did they even
inform you that you have the right within the quote
unquote experience of of of having just experienced harm. Right,
the district attorney's office, law enforcement, whether it's the sheriff
or local police department or whatever. You know, they have

(26:59):
a lot of the times these resources sit within these systems,
these offices, right, and and so in the context of
being a survivor, this is the landscape analysis that we
have engaged with with survivors to bring about one what
it felt like. Oftentimes people understand clearly that there is

(27:19):
a victim compensation that equates to a monetary amount, right,
But most of the time people have walked away said,
if I would have just been treated with dignity, right,
if I would have just been treated or respect, That's
what has translated so much deeper to me, to understand
where people have come from, but we do understand that

(27:43):
in order to shift the access to these services, we
have to also analyze the budgets within these cities, within
these counties, within the states, which primarily go to law enforcement.
They go to you know, tough on crime policies and
things of that nature. So in order to properly respond

(28:06):
and support the members of our communities, and and each
community is different, uh, and its makeup and what it's experiencing,
the type of harm that is experiencing, right, and not
everyone's going to deal with immigration, right because I know
everyone's in that Kamona thing. Not everyone has a child
in school or anything like that. And you know the
ones I like to use as me like being ten

(28:29):
years old, but my brother was murdered, Like I didn't
see anything within the school that I felt I could
go to. But then here I am asked to perform, right,
Like I had to memorize like the states within our
country and alphabetter all these different things while I'm dealing
with my oldest brother just being murdered. And if we

(28:50):
have the high um, you know, the the ones that
we hear about like Parkling, Parkland shooting in Florida, so unfortunate.
I recall the new conferences where they had the governor,
they had so and so, but they had victim services administrator,
the state being there saying, hey, their services available to you.

(29:11):
When look at when we see evolved it where we
have a high population of immigrant families, we see all
of the things that have come up away, they the
way they even responded to the incident. Post incident, we
have not heard the states, you know, victim administrator offering
you know, we heard a lot of people doing car

(29:32):
washes and the stuff that words so used to in
our communities. Why we started advocating for the compensation so
many times being disqualified. So it's really boils down to
to that element of feeling good. Right. So that's one
of the things that I've also learned in being a
trainer is that out of these discussions we could actually

(29:53):
walk away with a policy idea that then translates to
a policy victory and we have been able to develop
more funding for like trauma recovery centers across the country.
Now within our state of California. But in my research
of school shootings, there's a shooting that you probably remember

(30:13):
forty nine Street Elementary School when there was a sniper
type shooter shooting at little kids, and there was no
response of that sort. Right, there was a shooting, Let's
get the kids out, And then a couple of years,
I think it was either before or after, there was
a young kid in the fifth grade that was so
afraid of his parents punishing him for getting bad grades

(30:37):
that when he got dropped at the school, he shot himself,
you know. And the thing is that where's the emergency response,
because we understand now that it's not only us directly
impacted as family members, but there's all those people that
saw in witness what just happened, and for it to
just be wiped under the rug. Swept under the rug,

(30:59):
I mean, is where the devastation of the intergenerational trauma
has occurred. And to Accull, Commander acculls a point the
intergenerational sustainable approach that we need and because I mean,
we're talking about decades and years and years that we
have to wipe away, or not wipe away, but remedy, right,

(31:22):
like bring solutions to So that's kind of like my
perspective on training and what I've learned from it, right
to like really be sensitive to what people say and
here and how we're able to support them and in
advancing their experience to something that we could actually change
within the system of how they they're they're responded to.
They might not get that impact anymore, but they're there

(31:45):
for a reason. They become leaders out of their crime
for support, you know, like Vick would say, get involved
by by choice, not by force. Wow, this is so
powerful to be here is powerful by YouTube, gentlemen, and
oh yeah, this morning I was thinking like now I'm

(32:06):
not gonna go. I just there's too much, you know,
there's too much family having fun and you know. But
then something inside of me said, you know, I cannot
say no, go ahead, send me the uver, you know.
As he's talking about the professionalism and training, which is
very powerful, and to hear him, and then I go

(32:27):
back to the trainings that I do and how I
do them and why I do them. It just comes
together all the trainings that I do, I do with
youth and I do with community, and they're based on
my family experience, which you know, my mama had a kids,
and it's just lots of aunts and uncles and a
lot of youth and I learned from the youth, and

(32:49):
you know that training goes right back into a community.
You know, listening to your professionalism and then you know,
listening to David and the Latino community, the needs from
the Latino community. We could get into the professionalism, but
it would be like speaking in another language and not
just like playing English or just playing Spanish. It's like,
you know, any other language but their own. Because when

(33:13):
you talk about being healed and healing at the same
time of training, you know, a lot of people when
we go back to the question the passion, where that
passion comes from, That's where it comes from. You know,
when I talk about you know, doing the victim services,
that's where it comes from. You know where you see
I speak English, but the resources I didn't know about

(33:34):
them when Laura's mother was killed, so we weren't able
to help her that way. I mean, that's a big family.
We came together and you know paid for all that needed.
But with Laura, you know, the mental resources or just
get the counseling, you know, that was a struggle. I mean, yeah,
we could pay for it, but you know, other families
when you start thinking about other families or right, you know,

(33:55):
the families that came right after Laura, and to navigate
the services and to navigate the systems to get the
services for them. That was hard. And that's you know,
that's how Lauda kept growing, you know, joining California Society Injustice.
That was another you know, your father kept saying, Adela,
you need to come. I'm like, I'm not going. You know,

(34:16):
you need to come. I said, I don't even know
what you're talking about. And then Vicky, you know, he
brings up VICKI a Dallas like you're going no, are
you no? And then a Killa will colors you two
need to come, Like Vicause like I don't fly. I said, well,
I don't care if I have to drive you. But
that was part of the training, you know, that's accepting
the training. When you're in a community, you know, you're

(34:38):
you're doing the workdown, you know, And I said, okay,
you know we're gonna go. But you know, you talk
about the landscape and then analyzing the landscape. You know,
he talks about you visas and it's even about that,
you know, training the community. Say you know, I understand
your son, you know, was killed, but do you know
that you know your son is bringing you a blessing.

(34:59):
You know, there there's u VSA you could receive and
the there's benefits, there's resources, just like we were able
to help you with the funeral service. You know, we
there is trainings that we have to give these parents
to accept the help um the youth. You know, training
the youth is say, you know, you live in this neighborhood,
but that does not mean that we cannot make changes

(35:20):
in this neighborhood, you know, and training them, you know,
step by step, you know, come on in, come into
the park. And these are the small changes, small victories,
but they are their trainings that you know, make them
accept that you can be a trainer, you can make
changes in your community. And this is how it starts.
So the trainings that Lauda does, they're really small or

(35:43):
they start small and then they become a movement of
their own. But to do that, I always call it,
you have to disarm your mind. Because our our minds
are are programmed to say we're going to fail if
we live in South l A. We are armed to
learn that we're gonna fail, We're gonna end up dead,
or we're gonna end up in prison. So The first

(36:04):
thing that we do when we have our youth is
we're gonna disarm your brain. You know, we're going to
disarm your mind to stop thinking that you cannot succeed.
Once we disarmed that, I go, we're gonna arm it
with positive beliefs. You're gonna you're we're gonna take you
out places where you think you cannot go. You know,
I remember Jerry, which you know, rest in peace. But

(36:24):
when we took him to the trainings that you would
see and he's like, wow, if I was driving by here,
they probably chased me out or you know what with
the home, Well, it depends on what you're doing. But
just to know that he was in that training, he
was missed. You think I could come here? I go, Yes,
you can, you know, if that's what your dream is, yes,
you know, go back to school. You know we can

(36:45):
help you. And you know that was one of his
goals is to go back, you know. And when he
got caught up in something, he was in prison, and
when he came out, you know, he was shod um
like I want to say, a month after, but just
to know that you train, just to believe that he
could be there, you know, and he kept going to
the youth group. You know that right there is just

(37:06):
all possibilities for them, you know, but you train his
mind to be disarmed, to stop believing that you're going
to be dead or you're not gonna make it to
where you want to go. That's part of the trainings
that we do for the parents. You know, you could
be an immigrant, but that does not mean that you
cannot make changes. Back in two thousand and twelve, going back,

(37:27):
you know, we signed up so many people for the
senses that the numbers changed and their resources started coming there.
You know, we have sidewalks where there was no sidewalks.
We have um handicapped ramps where there was no handicap raps.
I mean, we have a park that looked like an
abandoned park, and now it's like the park board goes

(37:48):
and have their meetings there because there's no graffiti at
our park. The restrooms are clean, and the kids take
pride and joy at that park. So these are all
changes that an immigrant community did, you know, And and
a lot of takes pride of it. And I mean
there's a lot of changes that that community alone has made.

(38:09):
And you know, there's a lot of other things that
you know, we have trying the community or you know,
I want to say the trainings can have a lot
of different names, and they come in a lot of
different forms. And you know, we have done a little
bit of everything in a small community. But yet you know,
we have influenced from the south to the north and

(38:30):
you know, being part of you know, Crime Survivors for
Safety Injustice, the community has gotten to Sacramento and made
a big impact. Man, thank you for that. I mean,
I feel like you already started to touch on one
of the next questions, which is what has been something
during the course of your work that has warmed your heart?

(38:54):
So when you think about working with survivors, like, have
there been any moments that stand to you that really
warms your heart? Mm hmm yeah, I think I'll do that. Um.
For first, I want to bring closure to the last
question for me because you know, I think that another
important point that Commander Kill brought up us just creating capacity, right,

(39:15):
and that's one of the reasons that we rolled out,
you know, the building a network of leaders to win
new safety priorities. Is that training that has that landscape
analysis and Robert Rooks, our director at the time when
he was like, look, we'll only have funding for five years.
If there's anything that we could leave behind is capacity.

(39:36):
So we have to roll out this training right like
for people to think through and participate in their civic engagement.
So I think that one of the things that has
warmed my heart is is the actual tragedy of losing
my brother and and being able to reflect on what
I wasn't able to do, like the being um, you know,

(39:57):
in a way handicap right emotionally, spiritually and and in
so many ways when I lost my brother Oscar, not
knowing what to do that with my brother Gilbert, I
kind of knew how to navigate a little bit and
I learned through the process. But I think that it's
an allegiance to love, you know, um is to say

(40:18):
that this is where I will be, this is where
I will care, and this is where I will learn
to try to allow people to care for me too.
And I would have to look at my immediate family,
you know, you know, calling on their support, you know,
their permission to use those experiences the names of my

(40:41):
brother Oscar, my brother Gilbert in the process, and you
Adela are the one that encourage me to call them
by their names not just brothers, you know. And and
from there I've remember to keep that in practice, right
to to elevate their names and and then their spirit
the transforms so much, you know, they've transformed, they've brought

(41:03):
about these policy changes, like they're alive, you know. And
my imagination tells me that their children, at least for Gilbert,
that they're very proud of my brother, you know. I
can even though my mom passed a couple of years ago,
she unwillingly and then willing me like allowed herself to

(41:27):
be photographed for like a piece that we had did
that was circulated and opinion, and then another one later
in um in another big newsprint. And so these are
the things that have manifested in that allegiance of love
right there, we can find a way to get to
the other side of that tragedy and try to support

(41:48):
other people, I mean, all the outside stuff and the public,
uh you know, being able to be a part of
this podcast, these are all just overpaid, you know, like
these are things that they're just overpaid me, you know,
even but to see the focus inside the houses is
really um what has been important to me because I

(42:13):
do not want to neglect my family, you know, in
the process of doing this work, you know. So to me,
that's what works my heart. M hm, I appreciate that,
Mr Ajela. What warms my heart. Family having Brian, which
was allowed us four year old baby, which is my
baby now about to graduate from UM you see San Diego,

(42:38):
having a lowed as babies call me Grandma, and UM
having my community allowed us community still going and being
able to be there for them, being that source that continues,
you know, feeling the community and being able to take
that bus to see us as Jake conference every year.

(43:02):
It's like taking the moms on the small, short little
vacation and um being able to go on that stage
and yell out in Spanish, you know, be that Spanish
voice that you know it just warms their hearts. So
that warms my heart. You know, just continue being the

(43:23):
Latino voice and the face that is not going to
give up for them, and you know it keeps bringing
them hope, you know, being that hope for them, not
giving up. That warms my heart. It's so necessary. Thank
you good stuff. You know. With me is look, there's

(43:43):
a big difference between an elder and an older and uh,
fortunately I can wear the title of elder because it
was given to me by so many that I serve.
But watching this work when it was a moment become
a movement to now becoming an institution, That's what warms

(44:03):
my heart. Because, um, especially in marginalized communities, we are
so people driven, and what happens time and time again
we get a leader that inspires us with his or
her perception, direction, et cetera. We buy into that, we
build momentum, and then when that leader is removed from

(44:24):
the process for whatever reason, the system dies. So watching
an understanding that so many other people that are in
this work now of survival, uh, victims and I don't. Uh.
The only time I will say that I was a
victim is a reminder of now that I'm a victor. Okay. See,

(44:46):
I build the capacity to be a victor from the
fact that I was a victim. We learned very little
from success, but so much from failure, and most of
us that were victims, U we have harnessed, we have
used that victimhood to become effective victors in terms of

(45:07):
moving the process forward. You know, victors, they don't make
settlements in life. They make declarations. A declaration means that
you are demanded of yourself to make sure that you
do whatever is necessary to make certain things happen. And
to see our communities understand self determination, self reliance and
start to truly control the narrative of our own trauma

(45:30):
needs once, etcetera. That is truly a joy to me.
A personal joy is to see how my children, my
grown children, have seriously understood what the components of the
sacrifice that I have put in for over fifty years
uh was is and what is about. And to see

(45:52):
them embrace the concept of the value of people, the
value of life, and take some of the fundamental some
of the continuums that I have put in place and
work those continuums as they engage people in their own sphere.
That couldn't be a better high for me. UH To

(46:13):
hear them articulate of the rationale and the need to
assist and to help others, to watch them to be
able to deal with their own trauma based on some
of the twols that I was fortunate to be able
to bring to the table. And to know more importantly
that at the end of the day, that there is
going to be a foundation. Look, you don't choose leadership.

(46:35):
Leadership chooses you and what you do with that leadership
at the end of the day is going to leave
a continuum of work in place. We forget time and
time again everything matters. We are all at this table
for a reason. There is no consequence. I would say consequences.
God's way is staying anonymous. He put us at this
table for a reason. And when we leave this table,

(46:58):
all of us are gonna have grown because we would
have benefited from each other's expertise, knowledge, wisdom and understanding.
And so if we can impart that and seeing that imparted,
seeing the diligence of all three of you as an elder,
seeing the type of momentum, the type of wherewithal that
you and others like you are putting into moving this

(47:21):
process forward, it gives uh, individuals like myself hope that
at the end of the day that we can hit
that target, that we can get those needs met and
we can you know, put those um templates in place. Lastly,
I'm in on this. You know, in our communities, uh,
we die hard in the backyard. And the rationale to

(47:43):
that is is we usually die in our pain and
our trauma and not being able to deal with this.
I finally see some resiliency that's being created to where
our people don't have to go like that. Our people
can understand the trauma and and uh engage the trauma
to hopefully we can negate that trauma to some of

(48:04):
those coming behind us when we pass. Uh So at
the end of the day. Uh yeah, that's that's the pain. Uh,
the pain an adulte, I should say, the hope an
adulte from me and why I feel so good about
what I see in terms of what's going on out there.
Shake because that sounded like a prayer. We say a

(48:26):
few of those two. I mean, we see we we
you know, we've been talking about like intergenerational healing, and
we kind of begin to understand what it feels like,
right like you being you know, a key lesser else,
you know, daughter and carrying that towards you know, you

(48:46):
gave a great example yourself, and I know I have
like a nephew and you know and others. Yeah, Louise, right,
and then we see the unfortunate, you know, elements when
that doesn't happened. You know, we saw the rest of
you know, the people that are being accused of that rapper, right,
it was like a dad, a son, a stepmother. Right.

(49:09):
We saw the shooting in the in and Empire where
it's like again a step mama, a son, a daughter, right,
and it's like a manda. I mean, we could go
on and note. So there's not enough of us out
there yet, you know. So that's why I love you know,
accups response around intergenerational healing and making this work you know, sustainable, right,

(49:32):
And we have a tough road ahead of us. But
I'm glad I'm on this team. You know, I'm definitely
glad on Yeah, I definitely feel it's a blessing um
to you know, just even you know, have the honor
of sitting at this table because I have learned so
much from each one of you, like in my path

(49:53):
and my journey, and it's like it's been a gift
of guidance, you know, in different ways from each one
of you. So, you know, but I gotta jump in
there real quick, and I know Adela wants to jump in.
But to your point of what you're saying or uh,
you know, you've been blessed. Your father is a general
that we all love me and Aquila go back decades,

(50:15):
and we always say we're like that to hip, but
that brother has been instrumental in laying so many foundational
pillars for so many to stand on. And as I
talked about my daughter, I looked to you. When I
see a killer, I see your uncle brother da Wu.
I know your grandmother personally. I love her to death.

(50:37):
And so this is what I think all of us
And Dave said it so well when he's talking about
the intergenerational component not only of the trauma, but the
intergenerational lifting of the momentum leadership. Uh, this is our standing.
So you know, I just want to solute your father
and your family because you've been fortunate and blessed, and

(50:58):
I think we're the extended family. Uh. You know, you're
never too old to learn and you're never too young
to teach. And so if I look at you, I'm
expecting I can learn from you, just like you learned
from me. And I think I can speak for a Della.
I think I can speak for David that capacity. And
that's why we've stayed in the game as long as
we have. You know, we're in a constant state. As

(51:19):
I said earlier of perfection. We're trying to create self mastery.
I'll say we'll never reach perfection, but the road to
perfection is excellence. And so if we can leave here
with putting those templates in place, uh, you know, we've
done our job because the only thing we're gonna leave
is our signature. The only thing we're gonna leave We're

(51:42):
gonna take a short break to hear from our sponsors. So, David,

(52:06):
you had said that the spirit of our loved ones
have been there every step of the way for the
policy changes. Before we get out of here, I wanted
to know if there are any particular policies that have
changed that y'all want to lift up yea to start with,

(52:28):
I mean the trauma recovery centers and you know, um,
I want to give a shout out to Miracle Center.
You know it's so hard and once again, you know,
I'm going to uplift the Latino community because they have
been left out so much. And you know when I
say that God put me in this place or you know,

(52:51):
in this role because I need to continue on the
mission for the Latino community. You know, I tried to
move away because you know, healthishes or whatever it may be,
but for some reason, I keep getting pulled back in
a s B five a D put in the trauma
recovery centers all over well, not only California now they're
all over another eight states, I believe, or something like that.

(53:14):
But here in California it's challenging when you try to
find them. For the Spanish community Milagro or Miracle Center,
they have actually been taking the people that have been
challenging to find a mental health place, and they don't
really ask questions, you know, as long as you have
been a victim, you know, whatever it may be. I

(53:35):
refer their name, and they're put together with someone that
speaks Spanish and they have counseling, and you know, they
don't care if you're you know, the family member of
the person that you know was a victim, if you
witnessed it, they take them on. So and that's something hard.
If you're you know, part of the police shooting or

(53:57):
whatever it may be, they take them on. So to me,
that's you know, they're actually a trauma recovery center where
no questions asked about documentation or anything. They're helping people,
which is what we need. I will always be grateful
to be part of five e d And you know
there's other bills. Of course I been there, but I'm

(54:18):
just going to give them time. That is my bill
that I'm always going to be grateful to have been
active and take a roller. Yeah, for me, it's definitely
UM SB five eight. You know, UM the history behind
SB five eight was when we were doing a landscape
analysis back then in two thousand and twelve, you know,
a Quila and and and the k and and DLA

(54:40):
and myself and others in the in the room, and
you know, we describe what is a trauma recovery center now,
like what we need right like we need we need
a navigator, we need help right now, we need somebody
to walk us through, help us with a lot. You
know that all the challenges that was just centered around
accessing were constructed into the space and then a space

(55:01):
where you could go and feel safe, right And and
there was this bill is B five eighty that had
already lived and been vetoed by then Governor Socialeger, and
it was alive because the Senator was still in office
uh Leno out of San Francisco at the time. And
the thing was that California was in the deficit except

(55:24):
for victims compensation. We had a surplus. So bill as
B five ay took like two million or dollars or
so and proposed to be able to fund three charuma
recovery centers that we have like over nineteen in the
state of California, right and and uh including some in
l A and and Miracles is one of the ones

(55:45):
that you're talking about over in the Harbor area. But
it also services you know, communities in South Central and
others and stuff like that. But yeah, just you know,
just to be able to do that kind of stuff,
and and to know that so much has unfolded from
that that there's a lot of other extensions that have
been added, you know, like housing protection for DV survivors

(56:09):
and and and and people of gun violence. You know.
I mean there's like so many pieces that have been
linked to to that seed, you know, so that definitely
has to be one of the proudest ones. And you know,
I mean there's like ten that just got signed into
law this that's Friday, you know, by the Governor Newsom. Yes,
that's what's up because stuff, Yeah, is definitely been one

(56:36):
that we've supported. Uh, but from our work, uh, We're
working and have been for years on the development of
the municipal structure with a lot of organizations. Currently, we're
working with every town and Mom's Demand Action legislative giants.
In terms of gun violence, we've created to ongoing trauma

(56:59):
resil and UH training courses with Blue Shield of Southern California.
We work with USC on a variety of fronts UH
in inducing the trauma component out of that school, as
well as the Chicago School of Professional Psychology where we
train their grad students UH and they're doing work internally.

(57:21):
And you know, one of our big movers and shakers
New York, Washington, d C, Milwaukee, UH, Seattle. We've been
able to establish regional safety hubs, which augment the wellness centers.
Is the same thing, the same concept, but the safety
hubs specifically deal for the perspective of public safety and

(57:43):
dealing with the four g S gun gang group and
ghost violence, et cetera. We're trying to get UH those
saturated UH in terms of the municipal structure, but we're
just happy to get them up and running, and we
know the municipal of building for these things is coming
in the past, So being that I'm a practitioner on

(58:04):
the ground is a little different in terms of how
we navigate. UH, but I support all the uh the
major push of the major laws that have been pushed
in place, and you know, our support of our whole team,
our whole network or national network as always on board.
Thank you for that. So that there's stuff that's happening

(58:25):
that has been happening on the local level, like city level,
the state level, and then nationally. And so if you're
looking to get into this movement, you're gonna have to
get into the know, you know, because there's so many
things that are changing and that need to change. So

(58:46):
I was going to give this statement, and I wanted to,
um see if you guys would tell me if it's
true or false? And then what comments supporting survivors of
crime and urban communities can lead to in the hood?
Is that true? False? Or what comments do you I
got it's obvious, I mean, you know, the it's true.

(59:11):
I mean the allegiance to love that I shared it is,
um is evidence of that. You know. I I grew
up in the hood. I mean when my brother Gilbert
was murdered, UM, you know, I remember speaking to the
detective and he knew me from my days running around
in the streets, and I remember looking at him and
be like, Hey, if you can help me find this person,

(59:31):
I'm gonna help you, you know. And that was my
allegiance to justice, but also my allegiance to love, because
I didn't want another family to go through what I
knew my mom. And this is before me even telling
my mom what had happened to my brother. This is
like in the early morning, and so yeah, it does,
you know, because I didn't retaliate. You know, my family

(59:53):
did not retaliate. Like just like we talked about intergenerational
healing and and I mean that was a beautiful conversation
we were just having about how we are all kind
of interconnected in one way to another too, to that
allegiance of love, of not looking for that violence, and
and how that can grow and we could influence each other.
I know, within my home at least from you know,

(01:00:16):
reaching out that people don't deal with the trauma and
in those hard moments that's different, right, but that we're
out there retaliating that I definitely know that it didn't
have to escalate beyond us working closely with law enforced
me to make sure that was an arrest, you know.
So it's true from my experience. You know, as Vicky

(01:00:43):
would say, the mother has a power to stopping someone
from retaliation. But in general, a victim could you know,
control a lot of the violence that goes in our
community because you know, victims touching their heart and um,
if you touch your heart, you won't retaliate retaliation. A

(01:01:05):
lot comes from the anger. Anger is connected to your heart,
but it's more of an emotion that is a reaction
and not when you're really touching your heart and thinking
about what the action is going to react or what
you know that domino effect is going to cost. So
I think it's true because if you know, if you
see the pain that is causing your family, like David says,

(01:01:27):
then you're not gonna want that pain for other families.
But if you react, then that initial is I want
another family to feel the pain on feeling. But if
you really touch your heart and see what that it is,
you know, and I think it goes with if we
have more trainings like um the commander here does, then
you're gonna you know, be more of your emotion and

(01:01:51):
know that the reaction is not gonna stop it, but
it's only going to cost more pain. Yeah, I agree
with both a Della and Dave one thousand percent. Let
me give you the rationale. From my thinking point, we
have to be clear and understand that violence is an action.

(01:02:14):
Violence is an action that is usually taken to meet
a need or want. Now, if my need or one,
as a Dulla says, is to eradicate that pain. Why
I usually choose violence because usually I have no other options. Okay,
my external circle has always gotten results from violence, and

(01:02:37):
violence get immediate attention. Lastly, I'm usually if I haven't
left that community, I'm usually saturated with the mechanics of violence.
So I'm gonna use that action to usually meet a
need and to eradicate some type of pain that I'm
going through. Okay. So, now, if I have these healing centators,

(01:03:00):
if I have individuals who are versed UH in victim
services trauma recovery, that can get me to the root
cause of why I chose to use the violence, which
was the inability to eradicate my pain. And they have
the tools. We have the tools as victim analysis, victim

(01:03:22):
service engagers, etcetera. UH to ease that pain, it's going
to ease the violence. It's going to make me consider
taking other actions because the pain is not so great.
Violence usually comes when I'm at the wall and don't
have any other option to be able to use. And
then when I use that violence, I'm gonna be extremely

(01:03:44):
fierce with that violence. I'm gonna bring it. I'm gonna
bring the beast to that violence to the table because
I want to be heard. Nobody has helped me to
relieve this pain, and I have no other option at
that point. So if we can get to that root
cause change, that's the or. But as we move the process,
and this is where it's so important to have systems

(01:04:05):
and no one discipline thinking that controls the narrative, it's
going to be a process. Once I ease that pain,
I have to stabilize that. I have to make sure
that that pain is not going to come back. Hence
retaliatorial violence engagement, because I stopped it in the moment,
but I didn't create the ability for that individual, that community,

(01:04:26):
that family to really anchor that stabilization. So I'm gonna
go back to what worked for me, which is the violence.
I've got to break that repetitive cycle with something and
hence wellness recovery. Uh, the eradication of that pain is
going to hopefully break that circle. And I've seen it

(01:04:47):
happen thousands of times, disarming your mind and then arming
it back with positives and tools. I know that this
is so good. Yeah, this is like food for the
soul and so um. You know, just to close, David,

(01:05:09):
you gave us the allegiance to love. How do people
find you and support your work? Yeah? Well, you know
I've worked with crime survivors for Safety Injustice. So um.
Our website is uh css J dot org. Right, but
oftentimes you have to just kind of like write it down.
But you know you can find me that way, you
know you could. I don't have like David dot geeza

(01:05:33):
hard Instagram. Right, You'll find me in the neighborhood near you.
You know. Yes, Adela, You've you've brought us the need,
the necessity of centering the healing for Latino communities. How
do people find you in support your work? Information at

(01:05:56):
Lauda dot org. That's where you find Lauda. Vote at
Laura l a dot org. Got it, got it? And
to all all our listeners out there, one of the
first steps, Um, that we always create at the Revenge
Project to ensure that there's a proper introduction to supporting

(01:06:20):
survivors of crime is to make sure that our youth
read the book Piece in the Hood, which is co
authored by a Kilba Shore and Christina Hogue. Okay, so
make sure you get that book. Make sure you order
it right now. It's on Amazon okay, and it's it's

(01:06:41):
not pricey either, so you know. But commander Um, how
do people find you and support your work? I'm in
a neighborhood near you in Spanish, but good idea real quickly.
We're really easy to get to build program that are

(01:07:05):
one word b U, I l d program that arc
and we're looking to bring peace in the Hood to
very soon in Spanish too. So Hi, So thank you
guys so much for joining us. Any final words of peace,
any final words of healing to leave the people love,

(01:07:30):
and thank you so much for allowing us to share
our ideas, visions and knowledge. Mm hmm, yeah, I mean
survivors hell. You know, I love it, you know, and
thank you for having me on here, and and you know,
I love to just remind people that it's through campaigns
that we shift the narrative rights of running right now

(01:07:52):
is hashtag just safe. And it continues to call for
the same stuff you know again around sustainability, trauma, recovery,
substance abuse treatment, affordable housing, quality, education, intervention and prevention,
and health access right. And that's the one that is
going to grow really quick, uh, within the state of

(01:08:12):
CALLI Kelli Gold. So you know, hashtag just safe, you know,
and I think that it will continue to envelop everything
that we've been doing for ten years now, right ten years,
you know, I mean, of course more, but within the
victim conversation of how we've been able to integrate you know,
the elements that come with And that was an amazing

(01:08:34):
question you brought up. It's like, you know, what was
the last question she asked around Uh, yeah, that was
a great question though it prompted like, uh, you know,
the true falls around uh, intervention and and just the
line of questions have been amazing too to prompt um
you know what we've been talking about, and you know,

(01:08:55):
and the reason I brought up just safe is because
it's a calling right of what we need. We need resources,
we need sustainable resources. We don't need a one year,
two year ground. We need we need investment, you know,
like right now, you know so, thank you, thank you. Um,
I'll leave the listeners on this. If services below you,

(01:09:18):
then leadership is beyond you. Done. Thank you for your
outstanding hosting, Sister Queen, thank you that we're good. We're
done with that. That's so beautiful. You've been listening to
the Survivor's Hill podcast. Join us next time as we

(01:09:42):
talk with two ladies of faith, one a survivor of
poly victimization and the other social worker, administrator and leader
who has seen it all. Disclaimer. My views, beliefs, and

(01:10:03):
opinions on my own and do not necessarily reflect the
views of my guest, resource organizations or sources shared. Last
thing every day we survive is a new chance to

(01:10:24):
see killing piece to your journey. Good people a share