November 3, 2025 • 40 mins
Ninety-three years. No electricity growing up. Raising a family. Adapting through every wave of change, from outhouses to iPhones to AI. Loving a husband whose memory now slips like sand through fingers. And still waking up every morning determined to learn something new and squeeze joy out of the day.
Margaret shares the life lessons only time can teach: why regret is useless, why change is necessary, how to age with humor, how to stay curious, and how to love someone through memory loss. A masterclass in living well, loving deeply, and staying present in the one life we get.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Thanks personally.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
With Morgan fuels Man, I'm bringing back the Amesgarden Residence series.
This week you're going to hear from Margaret. She's ninety
three years old and has so much life and wisdom
to share. And the next week you're going to hear
from Backsei. You guys love this series last time, so
we brought it back for another round and hopefully many
more in the future. So for now, let's get to it. Everybody,
(00:38):
meet Margaret. I'm really excited to be joined by Margaret
this week. Hey Margaret, Hey, how are you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm doing well.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I hear what we pulled you from your favorite game ever,
Majong to do this interview.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
That's exactly right, and I head almost I liked one towel.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh, so you're not happy with me right now? Are you?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Now? Someone else Majon before I did? Okay, and that
can happen.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And so I hear you were in a league once
upon a time? Is that true?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
That's true?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
What were you just like this great Majong player?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Not exactly, but I was better than I am.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Now okay, how did you get into to Majong? Where
did that love for Majeong start?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Probably in the late fifties.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Okay, somebody introduced it to you, that's right. Was it
a family member or no, it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Was a friend. She was having a class on Majen
and asked me if I would like to join, and
I said yes. And there was four of us that
had never played before, and she was teaching us how
to play.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Wow, and now you still play to this day.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
And if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Margaret?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I'm ninety three? What in June? I was ninety three?
This next June? If I still kicking? Yeah, I am
ninety four.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Do you see you? You look amazing?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I need the secret you're ninety three years old?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I'm ninety three?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
How like? What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I just forget that I'm living?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What exactly does forget that you're living? Mean?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I just go on and don't think about it.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Okay, we just live. You just do what you're gonna do,
regardless's right.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I just get up and start.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Okay. And what does that normal day look like for
you now?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, since I retired the third time, I just get
up and sometimes I read the paper and have a
cup of coffee before I get dressed. And then I
go get dressed and off with whatever comes in front
of me.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Well, Margaret, we're gonna walk this way back. Okay, I
want to hear your life story. If you were to
make your story into a movie or a book, what
would you be telling. What would that story look like?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Well, I grew up in the country on a farm.
We had no electricity. There was no running water except
in the river that ran down the hill from us,
so we had lamps for light at night, so most
(03:39):
everybody went to bed early as soon as the sun
went down because there was not enough light to do
anything from a lamp. There was no roads, only the
wagon roads that went through, and most of the way
we traveled was on foot in a path we cut
(04:01):
through everybody's property.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, you were very country living to get to where
we were going quickly.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
When I was five years old, my grandmother, my mother's mother,
had a stroke and we moved in with her to
take care of her because she was paralyzed from her
neck down, and my other grandmother lived by herself and
(04:32):
my sister that's just older than me. She used to
come and get us to cut her wood for her
to burn through the winter because we didn't have electric
heat or anything. We burnt wood for heat and we
cooked with wood. We had a wooden stove that my
mother cooked on. And she didn't have anybody to cut
(04:58):
her wood for her, so she would come. She would
walk over to our house to get us to come
to her house to cut her wood for her for
the winter. And she had me to help her saw.
It was a long saw with a handle on each end,
(05:19):
and she had my sister to sit on the log
to hold it because they had a rack like this
that they put the log through so it wouldn't roll.
Because my sister didn't pull her weight on the saw,
so my grandmother said it wore her out pulling my
(05:41):
sister across the saw when she was sawing the wood.
So she had me because I pulled a saw.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Okay, So what age were you when you started to
have running, you know, electricity and water in the hull?
When did that happen in your life?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I had already left home. I was fourteen.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
You left home at fourteen? Is there was there a
particular reason?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Well, there was ten children and that was one less
mouth to feed. So I got a job. My sister
took me to this ice cream place called kat Nanny's
ice Cream cat Nannies. It was on Third and Gay Street,
(06:33):
and they hired me and I went to work that day. Wow,
and I had been working there. I went to work
in May, and it was about July. I heard this
woman in the ice cream department. My job was sacking popsicles.
(06:55):
You had these little sacks paper thing and you opened
it with your finger and you put the popsicle in there,
and you picked them up and put the popsicle in there.
They brought the popsicles out of the freezer where they
had gotten solid, and they opened this thing up and
(07:17):
all these popsicles came out. So there was about six
of us around the table that sacked the popsicles. So
I heard this lady telling this guy that they closed.
They were going to close the plant in about a month,
and by the time school started at that time. The
(07:41):
school here started on Tuesday, after Labor Day. So I thought, uh, oh,
I'm not going to have a job, so I need
to find another job. So I went in the office
and I told the guy that owned the place that
my grandmother was coming in from Washington, d c. And
(08:07):
she was coming into the train station at that time,
we had trains that come through Nashville and passenger trains,
and that I had to meet her and take her
to the bus station so she could go home. Of
course that wasn't true, so he said, okay, So I
(08:28):
left and I went up on Fifth Avenue and there
was three dime stores. There was what Woolworth, McClellan's, and Cressey's.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
In Dame store meaning what's a dime store?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Dime store meant that you could get things for a
nickel or dime. Okay, you know, they had things that
was more expensive, but it was called a dime store
because they had certain items that was ten cents.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Okay, so kind of like we have dollar stores today.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, right, And so I went in and I interviewed
with this lady and she told me I could start
to work next day. Well, being young and never having
a job before, I didn't know that I needed to
let them know I wasn't coming back in.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Okay, yeah, you're proteen.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I go home that night and I get up
and I go to my new job the next morning
and I work there until I worked behind the launch counter,
and they moved me during Christmas down to the toy department.
(09:47):
And I think everyone sometime in their life should work
in the toy department.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Okay, was it a very stressful situation?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Well, people came in with their children and turned them
a loose in the toy department, and you had to
pick these toys up everywhere all over the store that
they had taken and played with. And anyway, somebody came
through and they saw me. Came through from my hometown,
(10:22):
and they saw me, and they knew that I wasn't
sixteen at the time. You had to be sixteen. They
kept moving the date you had to be sixteen at
the time to work. So the lady that had hired
me came around and told me that someone had come
(10:43):
through and saw me working and knew I was in sixteen.
She says, when will you six be sixteen? And I
said next.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Week you weren't.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So she said, well, you go ahead and take the
rest of the day off and come back next week
and start from there. So I said, okay, So I
got my purse and I left and I went down
the street to Cressy's and I applied for a job.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
You're a working woman, and.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
They were getting ready to open the lunch counter, and
they wanted me to work in the lunch counter, so
I told them that I would, and they had a
week's training. So I went in the next week for
my week's training. They trained us on the cash register
and different things and let us work in the store
(11:45):
for a week before the lunch counter opened. And the
lunch counter was only open for lunch. And anyway, I
was working behind the lunch counter. So somebody came through
that saw me working and knew I was in sixteen,
(12:09):
so I had worked about almost two years, and so
they made me go back to school. So this was
like in the end of March. School was out first
to my I don't know why they didn't leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You're like, I just want to work. Why is this
so hard? Where were you living at the time and
all this because you had left home.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Well, they used to have boarding houses and you would rent.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
A room, okay, and that's where you were renting from.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I moved from boarding house to boarding house, just like
I moved from job to chop.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
How okay, by the time you were twenty one, how
many jobs had you had had?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Oh, by the time I was twenty one, I had
worked at cat nannies. I had worked at Woolworth, I
had worked at Crasses and then I went to work
for Worthing Industries.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Okay, so you went back to school. Did you end
up graduating high school?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I did?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Did you go?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Because they wouldn't let me go to high school until
I was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You couldn't go to high school until you're eighteen.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
That's right, because it was an adult high school and
if you were under eighteen you needed to be in
regular school. I needed to work.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And did you ever do college? Was college?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I went to night college?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Okay? And when did you finish?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
TEA had a Nashville branch like Chattanooga Brants or UT
from UT and it's now Tennessee State.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Okay, So you go to night school? When did you
finish night school? Night college?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I didn't finish. I had thirty some than credits and
I got married, so I didn't get to finish.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Okay, So you did you meet your husband in night school? Okay?
In night school?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Tell me I was going to night school as well.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
And tell me about this husband. Are you guys still together?
What's the situation we are?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, we're still married, but he has dementia and he's
in the Veteran's Administration in Manchester, not Manchester Murphy's Bar.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Okay, So when did you guys, cause you're here at Apecarten. Now,
when did you guys go into different places? When did
that happen? Were you guys?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
He was there two years the sixteenth of September. Okay,
So so resale and broke his help and had to
go into rehab.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, that recently happened to my grandma, and I know
how difficult that is, especially recovery wise. So you guys
have been married then, for gosh, if you met in
night school? How many years have you been married?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Sixty five?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Wow? What's the key to that? You're hanging out with
a boy for sixty five years? How did you do that?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Well? I just liked him a little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, just a little bit. Was it positively love at
first sight at night school? No?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Not really, not really. He was in one of my
classes and I don't know, I was late for class
one night and the only seat that was available was
next to him. So I set out and I started
talking to him.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
And so, how fast was your guys's first date? After
that meeting?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We probably didn't have a date for two or three months.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Okay, so just kind of friendly.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, we just was friends.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
And then it just kind of morphed into more.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
All right. Did you guys end up having any cares
or anything like your sons? Were you a stay at
home mom or did you work?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
I was when I left Worthing Industries. My husband was
working for Cave Jewelers and they moved him to Columbus. O'hiwe.
So I had to leave my job, and I was pregnant.
I had to leave when I was six months pregnant. Anyway,
So I moved to Columbus, ohiwe and both of the
(16:26):
boys was born in Columbusa, howe. And then they moved
him to Huntington, West Virginia. They used him as when
they were having problems at a store he was he
would go and straighten out what was going on.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Okay, So because he worked at CA Jewelers, do you
have a very extensive jewelry collection now?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Not anymore. I gave it to the grandchildren and the
daughter in laws.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Okay, well that's a cool thing to pass down. Would
he just come home from work and just have a
new saying for you? Often?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Sometimes sometimes?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Or was it when he owed you an apology and
you bring one.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
How that happened to.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Like, this is my apology bracelet. I got apology ear rings.
That's cool. What was your favorite thing that he gifted you?
It doesn't have to be from kas, but if that's
one of them.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
No, I don't know that I have anything from K's.
It was most most of everything was after he purchased
the store. He owned a store in an arcade.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Wow, a jewelry store.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, that's cool. And then he opened up another store
in Brentwood.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Wow. Okay, So yeah, you were rolling in the jewelry, right.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I had a few nice pieces.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah, but now I see you and you don't. You
really don't have much on not anymore. No.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I have arthritis in my hands and it causes my
fingers to each the weight of it.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So the joy of getting older.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's part of your golden years.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
No more wearing golden things, right, that's what it is. Okay?
So wait, that's marriage, And did you learn anything about yourself?
And in this long years of marriage, did you learn
anything about marriage? Maybe marriage advice you could give us
young people that aren't married yet.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Well, everything's supposed to be fifty to fifty, but it's
not okay, it's more like nine e ten Okay most
of the time. I don't know. You just can't take
too much.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Seriously, did you guys have a lot of laughter?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We had a lot of laughter and a lot of
tough times too.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
You look at your life now and you look at
those tough moments that you guys went through, how did
you find your way through it? Like, what was your
experience like that? Maybe if somebody is going to be
facing that, because they inevitably will, how would you tell
them to manage and get through those situations.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, my husband, when he got angry about something, he
wouldn't talk to you. That was his way of punishing you.
To me, that was a great moment of silence.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So he thought he was punishing you. You took it.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
As a gift, yes, yes, So you just have to
take the gifts when you get them.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, that's a good one. What about as a mom,
what did you learn about yourself as being a mom?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well? I tried to be a good mom a lot
of times. Whenever you have small children and there's a
lot to be done, sometimes you get stressed out. So
I probably did some things that I shouldn't have done,
or not that I shouldn't have done, but maybe I
(20:05):
should have done it in a different way. So I
learned how to do that because at that time, everybody thought,
you know, spanking was what you were supposed to do.
But I learned that you could talk to someone and
get the same results.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
That's good advice. And were there a lot of things
that you look back on now and realize it was
just what you were being taught how to handle things,
or you were being this is what everybody was doing,
So this is what you did.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, and there's no book on what you're supposed to do.
It's all learn learn as you go.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I often say whenever I have conversations with my mom
or I look back on like our life and me
growing up, as I see my mom now as someone
who is it's also her first time living too. She's
trying to figure it out just as much as I am. Yes,
even though you know we often call the adults in
our lives, I call my mom a premium adult. I'm
(21:06):
an adult, but she's a premium an adult because she's
had more experience, she has the more wisdom. But still
it's both of our first time living right, and it's
each age is the first time you're going to be
there that's right. So you don't know how to handle
it right until it's there, And so very much of
what you're saying aligns with that. Did you have any
(21:28):
regrets over like you you look at this point, I mean,
you are, gosh, you've lived ninety three incredible years. Is
there anything you look back in your life and you
regret or you wish did it happen or anything along
those lines.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Oh? Sure there are things that you know, I would
have liked to been different, but I wouldn't have been
who I am if it had been different.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Is that Does it help when you look at things
now and you feel that way, to have that perspective
that you're glad it worked out how it needed to
work out.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, I mean, you know, you can't change you can't
change anything that's happened. And at the time what you
did you thought was right. But you look back on
it and you think, you know, I could have handled
this differently, or I could have done something differently, But
you can't go back and redo it. It's a one
(22:25):
time thing that you go life is a one time
thing you go through. So it's not something that I
dwell on because I know I can't change anything. So
I do think about things from time to time, but
I can't change it, so I just have to go on.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Is there stuff that do you ever ride a bucket
list or do you have a bucket list or things
that you've wanted to do now?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Well, not now, but I did, and most everything was
done that I really wanted to do. Uh, there's a
lot of things that was not on my bucket list
that I had that happened.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, what are some of those things that were not
on there that did happen?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, when I fell and hurt my back. Oh, we're
talking niggai if that was not on my bucket list,
and so there's a few things that wasn't on my
bucket list but I had to go through.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You were telling me a story about how you had
fallen and you had to go to the hospital. Yeah,
can you tell me that story a little bit again.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Well, when I fell, I was on concrete and I
was putting some stuff in the recycle bin and I
forgot that it was empty. So I had this big
box of stuff that I was going to put in
the recycle bin. So I put the the box, the
(23:50):
other end of the box on the recycle bin, and
I was gonna dump it over in there, and the
recycle bin moved with me, and the stuff that I
was gonna dump come back on me, and I lost
my balance and fell, and I had my glasses on,
so my glasses was embedded up under my eyebone and
(24:16):
cut all the way across my eyelid.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Gosh, you can't tell now.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
No, she did a great job. And I wish she
had a done a.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Tuck trying to show everything away.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, I mean if she just, you know, pulled up
some stuff and cut it off and stitched it up,
it would have been the same thing. I still had
black and blue all over my face. And I asked
her when she was gonna do the stitching if she couldn't,
you know, do some little tucks here and there, and
(24:52):
she said she wasn't qualified.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
You tried, though, I did. You're like, I'm gonna be
stuck here, Please make it worth it.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That's right. I might as well get as much as
I can out of it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
This is not what I asked for, but dang it,
I'm gonna get something out of it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yeah, I mean I needed my insurance to pay for it. No,
we all.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Oh man, you have gotten older. So what is the
moments in your life when you look at you're like, dang,
what's the best part about getting older and what's the
worst part about getting older?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Well, the best part about getting older, I guess is
just racking up the age. The worst part about getting
older is everything goes and everything meaning well your body
just gravity pulls it towards the crown.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
And this is where you were talking about that you've
lost inches in your height.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yes, and I feel like my shoulders is on my waist.
I mean I feel like I looked like SpongeBob here.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
That's never not gonna be funny. You don't look like
SpongeBob by.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
The way, Well, I feel like I'm look like SpongeBob.
I feel like a square blob.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
You don't look it. You look amazing. But it's something
you probably aren't prepared for either. As it starts to happen,
your body starts to change and things are happening, you're like,
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
And then you're just there and now there's nothing you
can do about it.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I mean, like all your muscles go like under my arms.
I just tell everybody I'm growing my wings.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Because you're an angel.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
That's right, I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Yeah, Oh my goodness. Talking just about your life and
all the things that you've learned. What are some lessons
you've learned over the course of your life.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I guess the best lesson that I learned was not
to gives half away. When somebody says something, just ignore it.
Or if somebody says something negative, just leave that with them.
It's not on you. Just don't give them your spirit
(27:13):
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
It's not worth the time.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
No, no, because it doesn't change anything about you. But
whatever somebody else thinks about you, it doesn't change anything.
So you know, whatever they think is their thinking, not
your thinking.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
And Margaret, you strike me as someone who is quite
sassy when you were younger. Would that be correct?
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Probably? But I didn't think.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
That I hear this beginning of your life story. What
about looking at the world today. You came from a
family of ten kids. You guys didn't have running water,
you didn't have electricity to now and now we got
these like little crazy phones that have everything in them.
We've got all kinds of camera technology and stuff like
what is your perspective on the world as you look
(28:04):
at it and everything that you've seen and all the
changes that have happened.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I just move when the time moves. I want to
know all of the stuff that's going on. I mean,
when I was at Vanderbilt, I was the first one
to get a computer. I didn't know how to use
the computer, but you better believe I was in there
trying to learn if that was going to be what
the world was going to be, I had to join it.
(28:32):
I know a lot of people that were afraid to
try things, but I figure, if you don't try, you fail.
Before anything happens, you've already failed. So I'm going to
get in there and give it a try.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
So you were always very much changing with what was happening.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
You have to you have to just think of what
we're on the edge of I and just think what
the world is going to change with its artificial intelligence.
And of course probably the kids now that's growing up
(29:14):
will be a part of that. But for my age,
I don't know if I will live long enough to
understand that much about it or be able to learn
that much from it. But if I am, I want
to be in there learning about it, just like everybody else,
because otherwise you stand still, you don't grow.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
It's a very cool perspective to hear from you, because
there's a lot of people that are very afraid of change. Yeah,
and the world is constantly changing, especially now.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Yes, we have.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Technology of all kinds. As someone who has seen it all,
and you've what we often call the good old days
before all of this, do you often feel well that way?
Are you like, Wow, it's really cool. What's happening. What's
your kind of perspective on that?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Well, I think it's cool that the stuff is happening.
I mean, just think of the people that's going to
outer space and they say that they're going to have
people living on Mars. If I had been younger, I'd say,
I want to be the first one up there.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Send me to Mars.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
You'd have been fourteen when you were supposed to be eighteen,
and they would have said, okay, well we're gonna send
you too late to send you back.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
What about your other like these different phases of your life,
one where you were a young kid and you were
working to then being you know, in your twenties and
you get married, and then you have kids, and you
have all these different phases of your life. Is there
anything in those phases that you wish you would have
(31:01):
done differently? Or are you happy with the things that
you chose?
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I could have done some of the things different, but
as I said, you can't change. I mean, even though
if you look back and say you wish you had
done something, it doesn't make it any different.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Because you hear a lot of people talk about how
if I took this route, then this would have been
my life, or if I did this, then this is
what would have turned out. And I think you have
a lot of people who just live with this idea
of what if.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yeah, and you can't because you can't live in the past.
You gotta live for tomorrow. You gotta figure out what
I'm gonna do tomorrow rather than what did that do yesterday?
Because yesterday's gone?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah it is. You got to live very much in
the present moment. What's happening now? And what about you today?
We've learned about young Margaret in your twenties and you're working.
What about you now? What is the things that you're
doing in your life now? As a ninety three year
old woman that maybe look different or maybe can showcase
(32:08):
what life can look like as you get older.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Well, I try to live each day and do something it.
I mean, life doesn't start because you get ninety three.
You wake up tomorrow and you try to make the best.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Of it, which includes mahjong, includes majon.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
We have meetings, we have the goodies new sale, and
I've been making fruitcakes for the sale, and you just
try to do something productive.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
If we could leave anybody with something, it can be
a piece of advice, It could be motivation, It can
be a story maybe that we didn't get too that
you really want to share. What's something you would want
people to know that are listening to this.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Well, to get old, you lose a lot of your
ability to make decisions. It gets very hard to make
decisions because you know that you don't have many years
(33:25):
to change anything that you've made a decision for, so
you want to make the right decision, and it's difficult
to decide that this is this and that's that you
lose your a lot of your patients. Things that used
(33:46):
to never bother me. I never give it two thoughts.
You just don't have the ability to blow things off
like you did when you were younger. It gets to you.
I mean, it gets harder to take care of things,
take care of your own business. I still do all
(34:08):
of my check writing and paying bills and all of that,
and it gets harder to do all of that. As
you get older, you don't move as fast, you don't
get as much done. And a lot of times at night,
I think back what I did during the day, and
(34:29):
I didn't accomplish all the things I wanted to do.
A lot of times I make a list of what
I want to do during the day, and I mark
them off so that I feel that I have accomplished something.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Nothing feels as good as checking something off a list.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yes, you're absolutely right, and I don't have any difficulty
in doing that.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
That part's easier. I wish I could just do that.
Do I have to do the task? No, just let
me mark it off. That's what I would like to
do every day.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Okay, Well that was a really good thing. And what
about a piece of advice for anybody who's listening. Maybe
they're my age, maybe they're your age, maybe they're anywhere
in between. Something that you just think would be important
for them to hear.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Well, what I learned was that most people worry about
the wrong thing. They let things. That is, you worry
about things that may happen, could happen. You have to
let that go. If it happens, it happens, and you
(35:39):
deal with it when it happens. You can't worry about
it before because you're losing a lot of time and
a lot of effort that you could be spending somewhere else.
We get bogged down with a lot of things that
is not that important. At the time, it seems important,
(36:00):
but later you realize it was not important. The most
important thing is spending time with your family and friends
and doing good things for people that need help, and
that sort of thing, because there's always someone that's not
as well off as you.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Those are very meaningful things and things I think we
all know, but is always a good reminder to have. Yeah,
and I don't want to leave this without asking you to,
because you had mentioned now that you and your husband
are in separate places. What's that been like for you?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Well, it was very difficult, and at times I have
it's difficult to try to go visit him because he
doesn't remember anything except sometimes he remembers things that happened
when he was a child. At times he doesn't remember me.
(37:00):
He remembers Margaret, but sometimes he doesn't realize I'm Margaret.
He knows he was married to Margaret, but he sometimes
doesn't fit all of that in and he has a
hard time with finding words that you know, that he
wants to use, and sometimes his words are just jumble.
(37:25):
And it's really cruel what the disease does to people.
I mean, like I still have my memories of the
children when they were kids and growing up. I still
have memories of my childhood, but he doesn't have that,
(37:46):
so it's hard.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Well, I just want to give you a big hug
right now, because I can only imagine that separation of
somebody that you've been with your entire life, and you
shared a very full life with him, and it's one
you hope that they can always remember.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Well, it hurts. I mean, he may not know that
he's going through it, but I know.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
And to witness and to see it is a different
pain all in itself. Yeah, it's different types of grief
and it's you know, I never want people to have
to talk about it. But it is something that it's
just so common that I wish more people would see
that other people are going through it, and it makes
it maybe easier for you guys who are having to
(38:49):
face that reality. It's something I wish didn't exist. That's
the reality for me.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Well, I think at this point it's harder on me
than it is on him. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, again, you're the witness, right, and you can't do anything.
You just have to be there and love them and
show up however you can.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Right, And I tried to be wherever he is when
we visit. I tried to you know, that's what we
talk about and that's what we do.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Yeah. Well, Margaret, you are a beautiful human being. You
don't look a day over fifty. I'm not sure how
the heck you're ninety three years old and you shared
so much wisdom and vulnerability with us, And I'm internally
grateful for that because I know your message, your story
is important, and I just love all that you've embodied
(39:43):
in your life and I appreciate you taking us through it.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Abes Garden Community is a local treasure here in Nashville,
doing amazing work caring for and engaging people living with
memory loss. Much like you just heard Margaret talking about
not just her husband Balsa for herself. They're expanding to
help even more families and they rely on support from
people like us. We all have aging brains, so supporting
Abe's Garden benefits us all. And if you're interested in
learning more on how to help, you can do so
(40:09):
at Abesgarden dot org. That wraps for this week, and
I'm excited to bring you guys Backsey's story next week,
so make sure you subscribe so you do not miss it,
and of course follow the podcast on Instagram at take
this Personally, I'm so happy that you're here. I'll talk
to you guys next week. Bye,
Thanks personally.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
With Morgan fuels Man, I'm bringing back the Amesgarden Residence series.
This week you're going to hear from Margaret. She's ninety
three years old and has so much life and wisdom
to share. And the next week you're going to hear
from Backsei. You guys love this series last time, so
we brought it back for another round and hopefully many
more in the future. So for now, let's get to it. Everybody,
(00:38):
meet Margaret. I'm really excited to be joined by Margaret
this week. Hey Margaret, Hey, how are you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm doing well.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I hear what we pulled you from your favorite game ever,
Majong to do this interview.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
That's exactly right, and I head almost I liked one towel.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh, so you're not happy with me right now? Are you?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Now? Someone else Majon before I did? Okay, and that
can happen.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And so I hear you were in a league once
upon a time? Is that true?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
That's true?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
What were you just like this great Majong player?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Not exactly, but I was better than I am.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Now okay, how did you get into to Majong? Where
did that love for Majeong start?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Probably in the late fifties.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Okay, somebody introduced it to you, that's right. Was it
a family member or no, it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Was a friend. She was having a class on Majen
and asked me if I would like to join, and
I said yes. And there was four of us that
had never played before, and she was teaching us how
to play.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Wow, and now you still play to this day.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
And if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Margaret?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I'm ninety three? What in June? I was ninety three?
This next June? If I still kicking? Yeah, I am
ninety four.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Do you see you? You look amazing?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I need the secret you're ninety three years old?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
I'm ninety three?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
How like? What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I just forget that I'm living?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What exactly does forget that you're living? Mean?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I just go on and don't think about it.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Okay, we just live. You just do what you're gonna do,
regardless's right.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I just get up and start.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Okay. And what does that normal day look like for
you now?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well, since I retired the third time, I just get
up and sometimes I read the paper and have a
cup of coffee before I get dressed. And then I
go get dressed and off with whatever comes in front
of me.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Well, Margaret, we're gonna walk this way back. Okay, I
want to hear your life story. If you were to
make your story into a movie or a book, what
would you be telling. What would that story look like?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Well, I grew up in the country on a farm.
We had no electricity. There was no running water except
in the river that ran down the hill from us,
so we had lamps for light at night, so most
(03:39):
everybody went to bed early as soon as the sun
went down because there was not enough light to do
anything from a lamp. There was no roads, only the
wagon roads that went through, and most of the way
we traveled was on foot in a path we cut
(04:01):
through everybody's property.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, you were very country living to get to where
we were going quickly.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
When I was five years old, my grandmother, my mother's mother,
had a stroke and we moved in with her to
take care of her because she was paralyzed from her
neck down, and my other grandmother lived by herself and
(04:32):
my sister that's just older than me. She used to
come and get us to cut her wood for her
to burn through the winter because we didn't have electric
heat or anything. We burnt wood for heat and we
cooked with wood. We had a wooden stove that my
mother cooked on. And she didn't have anybody to cut
(04:58):
her wood for her, so she would come. She would
walk over to our house to get us to come
to her house to cut her wood for her for
the winter. And she had me to help her saw.
It was a long saw with a handle on each end,
(05:19):
and she had my sister to sit on the log
to hold it because they had a rack like this
that they put the log through so it wouldn't roll.
Because my sister didn't pull her weight on the saw,
so my grandmother said it wore her out pulling my
(05:41):
sister across the saw when she was sawing the wood.
So she had me because I pulled a saw.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Okay, So what age were you when you started to
have running, you know, electricity and water in the hull?
When did that happen in your life?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I had already left home. I was fourteen.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
You left home at fourteen? Is there was there a
particular reason?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Well, there was ten children and that was one less
mouth to feed. So I got a job. My sister
took me to this ice cream place called kat Nanny's
ice Cream cat Nannies. It was on Third and Gay Street,
(06:33):
and they hired me and I went to work that day. Wow,
and I had been working there. I went to work
in May, and it was about July. I heard this
woman in the ice cream department. My job was sacking popsicles.
(06:55):
You had these little sacks paper thing and you opened
it with your finger and you put the popsicle in there,
and you picked them up and put the popsicle in there.
They brought the popsicles out of the freezer where they
had gotten solid, and they opened this thing up and
(07:17):
all these popsicles came out. So there was about six
of us around the table that sacked the popsicles. So
I heard this lady telling this guy that they closed.
They were going to close the plant in about a month,
and by the time school started at that time. The
(07:41):
school here started on Tuesday, after Labor Day. So I thought, uh, oh,
I'm not going to have a job, so I need
to find another job. So I went in the office
and I told the guy that owned the place that
my grandmother was coming in from Washington, d c. And
(08:07):
she was coming into the train station at that time,
we had trains that come through Nashville and passenger trains,
and that I had to meet her and take her
to the bus station so she could go home. Of
course that wasn't true, so he said, okay, So I
(08:28):
left and I went up on Fifth Avenue and there
was three dime stores. There was what Woolworth, McClellan's, and Cressey's.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
In Dame store meaning what's a dime store?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Dime store meant that you could get things for a
nickel or dime. Okay, you know, they had things that
was more expensive, but it was called a dime store
because they had certain items that was ten cents.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Okay, so kind of like we have dollar stores today.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Okay, right, And so I went in and I interviewed
with this lady and she told me I could start
to work next day. Well, being young and never having
a job before, I didn't know that I needed to
let them know I wasn't coming back in.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Okay, yeah, you're proteen.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I go home that night and I get up
and I go to my new job the next morning
and I work there until I worked behind the launch counter,
and they moved me during Christmas down to the toy department.
(09:47):
And I think everyone sometime in their life should work
in the toy department.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Okay, was it a very stressful situation?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Well, people came in with their children and turned them
a loose in the toy department, and you had to
pick these toys up everywhere all over the store that
they had taken and played with. And anyway, somebody came
through and they saw me. Came through from my hometown,
(10:22):
and they saw me, and they knew that I wasn't
sixteen at the time. You had to be sixteen. They
kept moving the date you had to be sixteen at
the time to work. So the lady that had hired
me came around and told me that someone had come
(10:43):
through and saw me working and knew I was in sixteen.
She says, when will you six be sixteen? And I
said next.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Week you weren't.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So she said, well, you go ahead and take the
rest of the day off and come back next week
and start from there. So I said, okay, So I
got my purse and I left and I went down
the street to Cressy's and I applied for a job.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
You're a working woman, and.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
They were getting ready to open the lunch counter, and
they wanted me to work in the lunch counter, so
I told them that I would, and they had a
week's training. So I went in the next week for
my week's training. They trained us on the cash register
and different things and let us work in the store
(11:45):
for a week before the lunch counter opened. And the
lunch counter was only open for lunch. And anyway, I
was working behind the lunch counter. So somebody came through
that saw me working and knew I was in sixteen,
(12:09):
so I had worked about almost two years, and so
they made me go back to school. So this was
like in the end of March. School was out first
to my I don't know why they didn't leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You're like, I just want to work. Why is this
so hard? Where were you living at the time and
all this because you had left home.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Well, they used to have boarding houses and you would rent.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
A room, okay, and that's where you were renting from.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I moved from boarding house to boarding house, just like
I moved from job to chop.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
How okay, by the time you were twenty one, how
many jobs had you had had?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Oh, by the time I was twenty one, I had
worked at cat nannies. I had worked at Woolworth, I
had worked at Crasses and then I went to work
for Worthing Industries.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Okay, so you went back to school. Did you end
up graduating high school?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I did?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Did you go?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Because they wouldn't let me go to high school until
I was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You couldn't go to high school until you're eighteen.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
That's right, because it was an adult high school and
if you were under eighteen you needed to be in
regular school. I needed to work.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And did you ever do college? Was college?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I went to night college?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Okay? And when did you finish?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
TEA had a Nashville branch like Chattanooga Brants or UT
from UT and it's now Tennessee State.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Okay, So you go to night school? When did you
finish night school? Night college?
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I didn't finish. I had thirty some than credits and
I got married, so I didn't get to finish.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Okay, So you did you meet your husband in night school? Okay?
In night school?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Tell me I was going to night school as well.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
And tell me about this husband. Are you guys still together?
What's the situation we are?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, we're still married, but he has dementia and he's
in the Veteran's Administration in Manchester, not Manchester Murphy's Bar.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Okay, So when did you guys, cause you're here at Apecarten. Now,
when did you guys go into different places? When did
that happen? Were you guys?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
He was there two years the sixteenth of September. Okay,
So so resale and broke his help and had to
go into rehab.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, that recently happened to my grandma, and I know
how difficult that is, especially recovery wise. So you guys
have been married then, for gosh, if you met in
night school? How many years have you been married?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Sixty five?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Wow? What's the key to that? You're hanging out with
a boy for sixty five years? How did you do that?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Well? I just liked him a little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, just a little bit. Was it positively love at
first sight at night school? No?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Not really, not really. He was in one of my
classes and I don't know, I was late for class
one night and the only seat that was available was
next to him. So I set out and I started
talking to him.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
And so, how fast was your guys's first date? After
that meeting?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We probably didn't have a date for two or three months.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Okay, so just kind of friendly.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, we just was friends.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
And then it just kind of morphed into more.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
All right. Did you guys end up having any cares
or anything like your sons? Were you a stay at
home mom or did you work?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
I was when I left Worthing Industries. My husband was
working for Cave Jewelers and they moved him to Columbus. O'hiwe.
So I had to leave my job, and I was pregnant.
I had to leave when I was six months pregnant. Anyway,
So I moved to Columbus, ohiwe and both of the
(16:26):
boys was born in Columbusa, howe. And then they moved
him to Huntington, West Virginia. They used him as when
they were having problems at a store he was he
would go and straighten out what was going on.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Okay, So because he worked at CA Jewelers, do you
have a very extensive jewelry collection now?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Not anymore. I gave it to the grandchildren and the
daughter in laws.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Okay, well that's a cool thing to pass down. Would
he just come home from work and just have a
new saying for you? Often?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Sometimes sometimes?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Or was it when he owed you an apology and
you bring one.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
How that happened to.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Like, this is my apology bracelet. I got apology ear rings.
That's cool. What was your favorite thing that he gifted you?
It doesn't have to be from kas, but if that's
one of them.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
No, I don't know that I have anything from K's.
It was most most of everything was after he purchased
the store. He owned a store in an arcade.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Wow, a jewelry store.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, that's cool. And then he opened up another store
in Brentwood.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Wow. Okay, So yeah, you were rolling in the jewelry, right.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I had a few nice pieces.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah, but now I see you and you don't. You
really don't have much on not anymore. No.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I have arthritis in my hands and it causes my
fingers to each the weight of it.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So the joy of getting older.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's part of your golden years.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
No more wearing golden things, right, that's what it is. Okay?
So wait, that's marriage, And did you learn anything about yourself?
And in this long years of marriage, did you learn
anything about marriage? Maybe marriage advice you could give us
young people that aren't married yet.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Well, everything's supposed to be fifty to fifty, but it's
not okay, it's more like nine e ten Okay most
of the time. I don't know. You just can't take
too much.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Seriously, did you guys have a lot of laughter?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We had a lot of laughter and a lot of
tough times too.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
You look at your life now and you look at
those tough moments that you guys went through, how did
you find your way through it? Like, what was your
experience like that? Maybe if somebody is going to be
facing that, because they inevitably will, how would you tell
them to manage and get through those situations.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Well, my husband, when he got angry about something, he
wouldn't talk to you. That was his way of punishing you.
To me, that was a great moment of silence.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So he thought he was punishing you. You took it.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
As a gift, yes, yes, So you just have to
take the gifts when you get them.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, that's a good one. What about as a mom,
what did you learn about yourself as being a mom?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well? I tried to be a good mom a lot
of times. Whenever you have small children and there's a
lot to be done, sometimes you get stressed out. So
I probably did some things that I shouldn't have done,
or not that I shouldn't have done, but maybe I
(20:05):
should have done it in a different way. So I
learned how to do that because at that time, everybody thought,
you know, spanking was what you were supposed to do.
But I learned that you could talk to someone and
get the same results.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
That's good advice. And were there a lot of things
that you look back on now and realize it was
just what you were being taught how to handle things,
or you were being this is what everybody was doing,
So this is what you did.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, and there's no book on what you're supposed to do.
It's all learn learn as you go.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I often say whenever I have conversations with my mom
or I look back on like our life and me
growing up, as I see my mom now as someone
who is it's also her first time living too. She's
trying to figure it out just as much as I am. Yes,
even though you know we often call the adults in
our lives, I call my mom a premium adult. I'm
(21:06):
an adult, but she's a premium an adult because she's
had more experience, she has the more wisdom. But still
it's both of our first time living right, and it's
each age is the first time you're going to be
there that's right. So you don't know how to handle
it right until it's there, And so very much of
what you're saying aligns with that. Did you have any
(21:28):
regrets over like you you look at this point, I mean,
you are, gosh, you've lived ninety three incredible years. Is
there anything you look back in your life and you
regret or you wish did it happen or anything along
those lines.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Oh? Sure there are things that you know, I would
have liked to been different, but I wouldn't have been
who I am if it had been different.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Is that Does it help when you look at things
now and you feel that way, to have that perspective
that you're glad it worked out how it needed to
work out.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, I mean, you know, you can't change you can't
change anything that's happened. And at the time what you
did you thought was right. But you look back on
it and you think, you know, I could have handled
this differently, or I could have done something differently, But
you can't go back and redo it. It's a one
(22:25):
time thing that you go life is a one time
thing you go through. So it's not something that I
dwell on because I know I can't change anything. So
I do think about things from time to time, but
I can't change it, so I just have to go on.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Is there stuff that do you ever ride a bucket
list or do you have a bucket list or things
that you've wanted to do now?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Well, not now, but I did, and most everything was
done that I really wanted to do. Uh, there's a
lot of things that was not on my bucket list
that I had that happened.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, what are some of those things that were not
on there that did happen?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, when I fell and hurt my back. Oh, we're
talking niggai if that was not on my bucket list,
and so there's a few things that wasn't on my
bucket list but I had to go through.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You were telling me a story about how you had
fallen and you had to go to the hospital. Yeah,
can you tell me that story a little bit again.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Well, when I fell, I was on concrete and I
was putting some stuff in the recycle bin and I
forgot that it was empty. So I had this big
box of stuff that I was going to put in
the recycle bin. So I put the the box, the
(23:50):
other end of the box on the recycle bin, and
I was gonna dump it over in there, and the
recycle bin moved with me, and the stuff that I
was gonna dump come back on me, and I lost
my balance and fell, and I had my glasses on,
so my glasses was embedded up under my eyebone and
(24:16):
cut all the way across my eyelid.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Gosh, you can't tell now.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
No, she did a great job. And I wish she
had a done a.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Tuck trying to show everything away.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, I mean if she just, you know, pulled up
some stuff and cut it off and stitched it up,
it would have been the same thing. I still had
black and blue all over my face. And I asked
her when she was gonna do the stitching if she couldn't,
you know, do some little tucks here and there, and
(24:52):
she said she wasn't qualified.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
You tried, though, I did. You're like, I'm gonna be
stuck here, Please make it worth it.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That's right. I might as well get as much as
I can out of it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
This is not what I asked for, but dang it,
I'm gonna get something out of it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yeah, I mean I needed my insurance to pay for it. No,
we all.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Oh man, you have gotten older. So what is the
moments in your life when you look at you're like, dang,
what's the best part about getting older and what's the
worst part about getting older?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Well, the best part about getting older, I guess is
just racking up the age. The worst part about getting
older is everything goes and everything meaning well your body
just gravity pulls it towards the crown.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
And this is where you were talking about that you've
lost inches in your height.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yes, and I feel like my shoulders is on my waist.
I mean I feel like I looked like SpongeBob here.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
That's never not gonna be funny. You don't look like
SpongeBob by.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
The way, Well, I feel like I'm look like SpongeBob.
I feel like a square blob.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
You don't look it. You look amazing. But it's something
you probably aren't prepared for either. As it starts to happen,
your body starts to change and things are happening, you're like,
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
And then you're just there and now there's nothing you
can do about it.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I mean, like all your muscles go like under my arms.
I just tell everybody I'm growing my wings.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Because you're an angel.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
That's right, I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Yeah, Oh my goodness. Talking just about your life and
all the things that you've learned. What are some lessons
you've learned over the course of your life.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I guess the best lesson that I learned was not
to gives half away. When somebody says something, just ignore it.
Or if somebody says something negative, just leave that with them.
It's not on you. Just don't give them your spirit
(27:13):
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
It's not worth the time.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
No, no, because it doesn't change anything about you. But
whatever somebody else thinks about you, it doesn't change anything.
So you know, whatever they think is their thinking, not
your thinking.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
And Margaret, you strike me as someone who is quite
sassy when you were younger. Would that be correct?
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Probably? But I didn't think.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
That I hear this beginning of your life story. What
about looking at the world today. You came from a
family of ten kids. You guys didn't have running water,
you didn't have electricity to now and now we got
these like little crazy phones that have everything in them.
We've got all kinds of camera technology and stuff like
what is your perspective on the world as you look
(28:04):
at it and everything that you've seen and all the
changes that have happened.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I just move when the time moves. I want to
know all of the stuff that's going on. I mean,
when I was at Vanderbilt, I was the first one
to get a computer. I didn't know how to use
the computer, but you better believe I was in there
trying to learn if that was going to be what
the world was going to be, I had to join it.
(28:32):
I know a lot of people that were afraid to
try things, but I figure, if you don't try, you fail.
Before anything happens, you've already failed. So I'm going to
get in there and give it a try.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
So you were always very much changing with what was happening.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
You have to you have to just think of what
we're on the edge of I and just think what
the world is going to change with its artificial intelligence.
And of course probably the kids now that's growing up
(29:14):
will be a part of that. But for my age,
I don't know if I will live long enough to
understand that much about it or be able to learn
that much from it. But if I am, I want
to be in there learning about it, just like everybody else,
because otherwise you stand still, you don't grow.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
It's a very cool perspective to hear from you, because
there's a lot of people that are very afraid of change. Yeah,
and the world is constantly changing, especially now.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Yes, we have.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Technology of all kinds. As someone who has seen it all,
and you've what we often call the good old days
before all of this, do you often feel well that way?
Are you like, Wow, it's really cool. What's happening. What's
your kind of perspective on that?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Well, I think it's cool that the stuff is happening.
I mean, just think of the people that's going to
outer space and they say that they're going to have
people living on Mars. If I had been younger, I'd say,
I want to be the first one up there.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Send me to Mars.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
You'd have been fourteen when you were supposed to be eighteen,
and they would have said, okay, well we're gonna send
you too late to send you back.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
What about your other like these different phases of your life,
one where you were a young kid and you were
working to then being you know, in your twenties and
you get married, and then you have kids, and you
have all these different phases of your life. Is there
anything in those phases that you wish you would have
(31:01):
done differently? Or are you happy with the things that
you chose?
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I could have done some of the things different, but
as I said, you can't change. I mean, even though
if you look back and say you wish you had
done something, it doesn't make it any different.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Because you hear a lot of people talk about how
if I took this route, then this would have been
my life, or if I did this, then this is
what would have turned out. And I think you have
a lot of people who just live with this idea
of what if.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yeah, and you can't because you can't live in the past.
You gotta live for tomorrow. You gotta figure out what
I'm gonna do tomorrow rather than what did that do yesterday?
Because yesterday's gone?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah it is. You got to live very much in
the present moment. What's happening now? And what about you today?
We've learned about young Margaret in your twenties and you're working.
What about you now? What is the things that you're
doing in your life now? As a ninety three year
old woman that maybe look different or maybe can showcase
(32:08):
what life can look like as you get older.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Well, I try to live each day and do something it.
I mean, life doesn't start because you get ninety three.
You wake up tomorrow and you try to make the best.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Of it, which includes mahjong, includes majon.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
We have meetings, we have the goodies new sale, and
I've been making fruitcakes for the sale, and you just
try to do something productive.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
If we could leave anybody with something, it can be
a piece of advice, It could be motivation, It can
be a story maybe that we didn't get too that
you really want to share. What's something you would want
people to know that are listening to this.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Well, to get old, you lose a lot of your
ability to make decisions. It gets very hard to make
decisions because you know that you don't have many years
(33:25):
to change anything that you've made a decision for, so
you want to make the right decision, and it's difficult
to decide that this is this and that's that you
lose your a lot of your patients. Things that used
(33:46):
to never bother me. I never give it two thoughts.
You just don't have the ability to blow things off
like you did when you were younger. It gets to you.
I mean, it gets harder to take care of things,
take care of your own business. I still do all
(34:08):
of my check writing and paying bills and all of that,
and it gets harder to do all of that. As
you get older, you don't move as fast, you don't
get as much done. And a lot of times at night,
I think back what I did during the day, and
(34:29):
I didn't accomplish all the things I wanted to do.
A lot of times I make a list of what
I want to do during the day, and I mark
them off so that I feel that I have accomplished something.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Nothing feels as good as checking something off a list.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yes, you're absolutely right, and I don't have any difficulty
in doing that.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
That part's easier. I wish I could just do that.
Do I have to do the task? No, just let
me mark it off. That's what I would like to
do every day.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Okay, Well that was a really good thing. And what
about a piece of advice for anybody who's listening. Maybe
they're my age, maybe they're your age, maybe they're anywhere
in between. Something that you just think would be important
for them to hear.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Well, what I learned was that most people worry about
the wrong thing. They let things. That is, you worry
about things that may happen, could happen. You have to
let that go. If it happens, it happens, and you
(35:39):
deal with it when it happens. You can't worry about
it before because you're losing a lot of time and
a lot of effort that you could be spending somewhere else.
We get bogged down with a lot of things that
is not that important. At the time, it seems important,
(36:00):
but later you realize it was not important. The most
important thing is spending time with your family and friends
and doing good things for people that need help, and
that sort of thing, because there's always someone that's not
as well off as you.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Those are very meaningful things and things I think we
all know, but is always a good reminder to have. Yeah,
and I don't want to leave this without asking you to,
because you had mentioned now that you and your husband
are in separate places. What's that been like for you?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Well, it was very difficult, and at times I have
it's difficult to try to go visit him because he
doesn't remember anything except sometimes he remembers things that happened
when he was a child. At times he doesn't remember me.
(37:00):
He remembers Margaret, but sometimes he doesn't realize I'm Margaret.
He knows he was married to Margaret, but he sometimes
doesn't fit all of that in and he has a
hard time with finding words that you know, that he
wants to use, and sometimes his words are just jumble.
(37:25):
And it's really cruel what the disease does to people.
I mean, like I still have my memories of the
children when they were kids and growing up. I still
have memories of my childhood, but he doesn't have that,
(37:46):
so it's hard.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Well, I just want to give you a big hug
right now, because I can only imagine that separation of
somebody that you've been with your entire life, and you
shared a very full life with him, and it's one
you hope that they can always remember.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Well, it hurts. I mean, he may not know that
he's going through it, but I know.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
And to witness and to see it is a different
pain all in itself. Yeah, it's different types of grief
and it's you know, I never want people to have
to talk about it. But it is something that it's
just so common that I wish more people would see
that other people are going through it, and it makes
it maybe easier for you guys who are having to
(38:49):
face that reality. It's something I wish didn't exist. That's
the reality for me.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Well, I think at this point it's harder on me
than it is on him. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, again, you're the witness, right, and you can't do anything.
You just have to be there and love them and
show up however you can.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Right, And I tried to be wherever he is when
we visit. I tried to you know, that's what we
talk about and that's what we do.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Yeah. Well, Margaret, you are a beautiful human being. You
don't look a day over fifty. I'm not sure how
the heck you're ninety three years old and you shared
so much wisdom and vulnerability with us, And I'm internally
grateful for that because I know your message, your story
is important, and I just love all that you've embodied
(39:43):
in your life and I appreciate you taking us through it.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Abes Garden Community is a local treasure here in Nashville,
doing amazing work caring for and engaging people living with
memory loss. Much like you just heard Margaret talking about
not just her husband Balsa for herself. They're expanding to
help even more families and they rely on support from
people like us. We all have aging brains, so supporting
Abe's Garden benefits us all. And if you're interested in
learning more on how to help, you can do so
(40:09):
at Abesgarden dot org. That wraps for this week, and
I'm excited to bring you guys Backsey's story next week,
so make sure you subscribe so you do not miss it,
and of course follow the podcast on Instagram at take
this Personally, I'm so happy that you're here. I'll talk
to you guys next week. Bye,
Host
Morgan Huelsman
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