June 30, 2025 • 51 mins
Morgan sits down with three extraordinary residents of Abe’s Garden — Dave, Sandra, and Carol — whose life stories are rich with love, loss, resilience, and reinvention. Dave reflects on his 24 years in the Navy, the serendipitous moment he met his wife, and his candid thoughts on the state of the world. Sandra shares how she became a first-time published author at 83, and why getting divorced was one of the best things that ever happened to her. And Carol opens up about her 56-year marriage, raising five children, and the quiet strength it takes to face life’s twists and turns. These heartfelt conversations are full of humor, wisdom, and timeless reminders that it’s never too late to grow, dream, and keep writing your story.
Abe's Garden: www.abesgarden.org
Sandra's book: Sweet Adversity: A Southern Writer Finds Stories—and Good—in Everything
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Thanks, old man.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The as Garden residents are joining us this week and next.
I'm so excited for you to hear their stories. All
of them are eighty years old and plus, and we
have stories from their lives that I'm really honored that
they're letting me share with you. This week we have Sandra, Dave,
and Carol all joining the show. So sit back and
(00:38):
enjoy some very beautiful story times. Miss Sandra joins me
right now. I am so excited to chat with you.
We have a published author in our midst. How are you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm good, I'm happy.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, excited to talk all about some fun stuff of
your life in your book. Yes, so, miss Ander, we
start with this. How old are you?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I am eighty? Well, I'll be eighty four in just
a couple of days.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Oh, happy early birthday. Yeah, very exciting. But you either
just mentioned or a published author. Is this your one book?
Are you writing another book? What's happening.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I'm writing another book right now and I have space
and time to do it here at Abe's Garden, and
it is wonderful and I have a lot of support
in doing it. But this is the book I have published.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay, and it's called Sweet Adversity Sweat Adversity. Read the
subtitle A Southern writer finds stories and good in everything.
Tell me about this, Tell me why you wrote this book.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Well, I've worked for thirty four years, and I was
so busy with taking raising children, and then I had
both the care both my parents for about five years.
And I've always written, but I've never been able to
get my book done. So when I came to Abes Garden,
I started on my book. I've been here two years
and it was published on my eighty third birthday last year. Wow,
(02:02):
May the thirty first.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Did you always want to be a writer?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I have always written. I have a journalism degree, and
I've always written, and I've taught writing. I've taught creative
writing at a community college, and this is just my thing.
I don't play cards, I don't smoke or drink or
do anything we could. I just write.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Do you also like to read too?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I love to read. I think you have to read
to be a writer. If you don't read, it's very
difficult to write.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
What made you get into journalism and creative writing in
the first place.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Well, I took journalism in high school even and I
worked on the school paper. But the big honor of
my life when I was eighteen was I was selected
to write the teen Talk topics column for the local paper.
I'm from Oakridge, Tennessee, and I went to Oakridge High School.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
What were you writing about? Teen talk? Oh?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
My goodness. I did two columns a week for the
local newspaper about teen activities. So anything that young people
were doing in town, I would write about it. And
one of the best things about this I got invited
to every party. I got invited to every dance. I
got invited to things where I wondered why did they
(03:14):
invite me? And then I remembered they want their name in.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
The paper, So you're writing all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And I did, and I covered not just the popular people.
I covered everybody. So people still remember that. I wrote
teen Talk column, the teen Talk Topics column, and I
got two dollars a column, so I made four dollars
a week writing that book write in the column.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Was that really exciting? When you first got that job,
You're like, this is what I've wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
It was. I was thrilled.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, and then you go on to be I went.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
To journal them school at the University of Georgia, and
I love that and worked on the Red and Black,
and I've done some work at the University of Tennessee,
worked on the Beacon.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Did you always plan that education was going to be
in that path?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh yes, oh yes, so in the.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Course of this also being an author, did you ever
get married?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I did get married. And pardon me for saying this,
but I'm very happily divorced.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Happily divorced. Tell me about that. Very happy.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I met somebody at college. And when you're dating somebody
and then after you marry him, they could be quite different.
And back in my day, you know, and I will
be eighty four on Saturday. Back in my day, if
I had lived with him, my parents would have killed me.
(04:41):
My grandparents would have died. My grandmother and my mother
would have spent hours on the phone crying. We just
didn't live with your boyfriend back then. My three pardon
me for talking about this.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But you can talk about whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
My three grandchildren have lived with their significant others that
boyfriends or girlfriends. And the good news is that my
grandson lived with his girlfriend and she's a wonderful woman
and they're now married. And my middle granddaughter doesn't exactly
live with him, but they spend a lot of time together.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
If you get my drift.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yeah, and then my oldest granddaughter lived with her boyfriend
and decided this is not gonna work. If I had
lived with the person I married, I would have known
not to marry in first week.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I knew.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
But that's what are under the bridge.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So how long did you guys end up being married for?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I hate to tell you this, it's very embarrassing. Thirty
nine years.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
And you knew in the first week of living with
him that you should not be married.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I did, But you know, back in those days everything's
different now. Back in those days, what happened is you
try to make the best of it. You know, nice
girls don't get divorced. Divorce was very.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Rare, okay, But what did he do that this is
coming to your mind in that first week. Well, if
you want to share.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, he just was acted sort of crazy that he
was bipolar, oh goodness, undiagnosed by polar and he wouldn't
take his medication and it was just very difficult. But
in the meantime, I had two children, and you know,
I was a woman of my time, so I thought, well,
(06:29):
I'm going to make the best of it. If he
can't manage, I will. So he did make me stronger.
He did make me very successful at work because he
couldn't keep a job.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I did so. And you were raising two kids.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I raised two kids and they're really, really nice people.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
What was that like for you? You're going through this and
you're realizing this is not my person, but I'm I'm
making things work. I'm holding a job, I have two kids.
Most women of my era did that, and why do
you feel like that was? That was just the.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Norm back then? Divorce was something that nice women didn't do,
or if they did, it was very rare.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And then the moment finally happens where you do get divorced. Yeah,
well what happened? Why did you finally decide this is it?
I'm done.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You got a girlfriend while you were married.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I was so thrilled. I thought, hot dog.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
This is out, this is my card, this is it.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I wouldn't have divorced him for anything but adultery, but
that that took care of it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Wow. And so you signed the papers and then you're like, Okay,
this is a new life. Did you feel like you
had just a entire life, still litle.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Never been happier in my adult life. It's really been
really nice.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Did you ever have the desire to get married again?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You make it the joke.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
If that's I'm gonna take that asn't know. I love
this for you. You're focused on your books and you're writing.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
You focus on my writing. And I've just had a
wonderful time. I've traveled a lot, and I have many
many friends, and I've just had such a good life.
And I've been able to manage my own money and
I made some and I've been able to pick up
my own clothes and pick up my own furniture, and
I didn't have to ask anybody. And I just love that.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
If you could go back and do it again, would
you not get married?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I would probably get married, but I think i'd wait
a while and maybe kind of test the waters a
little bit before getting married. That's exactly right.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
But it did bring you your kids, So is that
where the how the strength comes from?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I have wonderful kids, I really do. My son has
a marketing and public relations business Atlanta, and he also
does stand up comedy and he's just started out intending
just to do stand up comedy when one gig a
month and now he's getting something like almost all the time,
and he goes to the different comedy clubs in and
(09:08):
around Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Do you think he's funny, he's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well, for one thing, he had a crazy father and
he had a mother I won't describe myself. And he
had my parents who were hilarious, and he had grandparents
on the other side who were hilarious. So he tells
wonderful stories. I mean, he's got plenty of material, and so.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Do I, which is why you wrote a book. Yes,
So when you're talking in this book, are you talking
about this kind of new lease on life and things
that changed over the course of time for you?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Well, this book has a variety of stories in it.
I've got a couple of Vietnam stories in it.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Okay, that era, Vietnam War era? Yeah, yeah, what was
that like?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
It was scary, you know, it really was, because there
are people here in this country opposed to it, and
then there are people, people's sons dying over there. And
I was just thinking, I'm so glad my son is young,
or he would have been drafted. I mean, they were
drafting everybody. So I wrote a story about a young couple.
(10:18):
My story. There's a story called Blue Bronco in here.
And one of the things I like about this story
is a person who is a writer read the story.
He was fancy. He's read my whole book and he
was very complimentary about it. And he's a writer at
Swanee and he's read that book. He read the story
the Blue Bronco and he said, I'd like to know
(10:41):
more about those characters.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Well, what they.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Are is young people in high school in Sneadville, Tennessee,
and they're seniors in high school. The girl really really
wants to get married just as soon as they graduate. Well,
the war was raging, and the young man knew that
if he didn't join the army or some branch of
the service, he was going to get drafted. And she said, oh, no,
(11:05):
you won't get drafted. And he said, well, I'm afraid
I will. I think I better join up because I
think i'd have a better chance of not getting sent
to Vietnam. And so this story goes back and forth
with her putting the pressure on him and him saying.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I love you but I don't know. And then at
the end, when I graduate from high school, I think
he deliberately has a breakup with her, and then he says,
pardon me for giving away the end of the story.
The day after he graduates from high school, he cleans
the mud off his blue Bronco and drivets to Knoxville
(11:41):
and joins the army, and he says the last word
of the story is war is hell, but getting married
is worse.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
So I feel like there was some inspiration there, something there, yeah,
something a little bit. I love that you wrote about
this and you share how much of your story when
you do look at your life and we talk a
little bit about regrets. What's like your favorite moment from
your story, because we did talk about your marriage, but
I know there was a lot of highlights for you.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Well, my brother and I are eighteen months apart, and
there's quite a few stories in here about things that
my brother and I did when we were young, because
we were like twins. And so the first story, Sweet Adversity,
is a story about me and my brother, and it's
thinly disguised as fiction, but it's really a true story
(12:34):
with some fictional touches.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Is it related to a big adventure you guys had.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Oh it is, yes, okay. My mother was a great
giver of Tony Home permanence, and that's something you probably
have never heard of.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
They were very much the fad in the early fifties.
Everybody wanted a Tony Home permanent. My mother was the
queen of giving Tony Home permanence. They had little plastic
rollers and and and the solution smelled horrible. It was
just terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
What is a Tony Home.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It's a permanent?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Well you a.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
No, no, no, it's like beauty shops used to give permanence.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Oh perms.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeahm yes, it's a perm Okay, pardon me for not
using it.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
No, it's okay, now, it's okay, now I know.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
But you'd buy the Tony Home Permanent at the at
the drug store, and everybody in the neighborhood wanted one. Well,
my mother gave all the Tony Home permanence, and she
had to get me and my brother out of the
house when this was going on because she had to
follow a schedule that went to neutralize it and all
(13:43):
this kind of stuff. So she was given a perm
to my cousin my older cousin. So she told us
to go outside, and she told us not to go
across the street and play with the children across the
street because they were not our kind of people.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Did you go play with the kids across the street?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Of course we did. I mean that's like saying, I mean,
tell me not to do something, that's what I'm going
to do. Particularly when I was young.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It sounds like a lot of your personality throughout your life.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, So we went across the street and we played
with those kids, and a couple of things happened, and
their mother got mad, and she came over and she
and my mother got into a little a little spat
about their mother accused us of misbehavior. My mother accused
(14:36):
them of misbehavior. And so you were a wild child, well,
not well wild in terms of the era what young
people do now, I wouldn't even have thought of.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Oh that's fair. Yeah, things were a little bit different.
You're a wild child for your time.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I see.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And my brother was was very compliant, very quiet, and
I could get him to do whatever I wanted him
to do.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Are you a troublemaker? Now?
Speaker 1 (15:07):
You?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
You looked at some people in the room, which made
me think that you definitely are well. No, I want
to know. This is something that I asked towards the
end of this. When you look at your life and
all the things that have happened in it, what's a
piece of advice or motivation or inspiration that you'd want
other people to hear from you.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Well, one thing, the first bit of advice I would
give is like, this book means a lot to me,
and I'm writing another one. And I think older people,
just because you get old doesn't mean you can't do
something you've always wanted to do. If you want to
travel somewhere, get a ticket, if you want to knit
(15:53):
a bedspread or whatever, do it. Whatever you want to do,
it's possible to do it. You might have to temper
it a little bit based on your age and infirmity,
but you don't have to sit and moan and say, oh,
I'm getting old. You can you can do there's something
you can do.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
That's a really good reminder.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And those who live at Apes Garden can do any
number of things. I mean, there's a chorus, there's trips,
there's outings, there's card games, there's bingo, there's everything. There's
there's no excuse for not doing anything.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
What's something that you wish that you knew about getting older?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Well, I've been very surprised at some of the physical
things that happen, and I blessedly still have my mind
and that may go tomorrow, and I realize that. But
your hair gets thinner, your skin gets thinner, you put
on weight in places that you don't want weight. They're
(16:58):
just things that happened. I mean, I have age spots
on my hand, just like my grandmother did. And you
wear here in age wear glasses. You just can't win.
But it's all worth it to grow older and to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
That's a really good part of that.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And let me give my commercial bat Ape's Garden too.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay, bring it to me, Sandra.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I am very very happy here. And one reason I'm
happy here is because it was my decision to come.
I have neuropathy in both of my legs, my lower
legs and feet, and I don't walk very well, and
so I was a fall risk. And a couple of
times I lived in a condo down the street here
and a couple of times I fell and I thought,
(17:44):
you know, I don't need to be here. By myself
in this two bedroom, two bathroom condo. I need to
go somewhere where I'm safe. And I visited different places
around town, and I walked in the door here and
it felt happy. This is a place. Nobody said anything
right away, but it just felt good, and it is good.
(18:05):
It's very happy.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Did you have a misconception of senior living facilities before?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Well, other people do. I have so many friends who say, oh,
I want to stay in my own home, and my
thought and what I usually say, well, isn't it rather lonely?
You're in your own home by yourself, isn't it lonely?
Or you're in your house with a husband and you're
kind of tired of each other, you know, or me,
it's just really nice to live in community.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I have to ask you this because you've been so
honest and so kind. Uh oh, If people are thinking
of getting married, would you tell them to still get
married despite things that you went through, or you're like,
maybe second guess that.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I would advise people to check out the product as
best they can, get to know the person as best
they can, get to know their family, get to know
some history, take your time.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
That's a really good reminder, I think for a lot
of people. So thank you so much, Sander for sharing
so much and being so open with your whole story,
and just thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I shudder to think what my daughter and son will
say when they see this.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I think they're gonna love it. You think so I do.
You're awesome, You have so much good spirit, and you'll
thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
This has been fun.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Davis joining me. Dave, how are you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
How you feeling just fine? For a walk in the
courtyard earlier today and it was very pleasant out there.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I love your outfit too. Can you tell me a
little bit about this hat, this shirt, what we got
going on.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
It's just one of these things that I put on
for Veterans Day holiday and the Memorial Day and things
like that, to remind me of my twenty four year
career in the Navy.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Twenty four years in the Navy, is that always what
you wanted to do?
Speaker 4 (19:49):
It was one of the things that I had an
early introduction. My dad was in the Navy as an
enlisted sailor right at the end of World War One.
I was fortunate to have a Navy HOROTC. Sky at
the University of Michigan, which got me through college with
minimal expense on my part and my family's part. And
I went into the Navy for six years of active
(20:10):
duty and stayed, loved it.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And daved tell everybody how old you are? Eighty Look
at you, mister eighty eight? You were cracking a joke.
What's your nickname?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
A planic man?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Why is that?
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Because I've got scars on my knees for two knee replacements,
scars on my hips for two hip replacements, and a
bovying a bovine not a poor scene, Heartfelves.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Is this from all your time in the Navy? Are
you just you're going so hard serving your country.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I can't chuck it up to that. No, it's just life.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Life, okay. And why'd you decide to stay in the Navy?
You served for six years and then he decided to stay.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Why the Navy continued to send me the neat places
in the world, jobs of greater responsibility? And I felt
like I was serving my country and you.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Served in the Vietnam War. Is that why you have
that hat?
Speaker 4 (21:04):
That's why I have that head?
Speaker 2 (21:05):
What was the Vietnam War?
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Like?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I wasn't born until nineteen ninety three. So I have
zero experience knowledge of anything besides what they taught us
in history class. So what was that like living through
that and serving.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I was one of the fortunate ones. I didn't live
in Vietnam on a long term basis. I was assigned
to a Navy patrol squadron based in Hawaii. We were
temporarily deployed to Okinawa in the Pacific for six months,
and we rotated cruse of flight crews reconnaissance flight cruise
(21:40):
into Cameron Bay in Vietnam flying patrols in the Tonkin Gulf.
So we would go in there for a couple weeks
at a time and that we'd be replaced by another crew.
And our function was to report to South Vietnam authorities
the attempted intrusion by North via Nam by boat into
(22:03):
the South so that they could intercept and stop them
from landing in South Vietnam. And that was our mission,
plus that we were protecting any of our aircraft carriers
that were working in the Tonkin Gulf at that time.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Did you witness things there that were just stuff that
you wish you never had seen.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I did not personally know. We were our operation did
not involve going out in direct contact with the enemy.
The closest we came was we were raised out of
the barracks one night. The North Vietnamese were trying to
come through the fence, and they put us into a
underground bunker, sandbag bunker until the area could be cleared.
(22:47):
So I was, like I say, I was very fortunate
that we were not in the direct line of fire
like many of our troops were on the ground.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Did you have a lot of friends that also served
at the time, quite a few.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yes. I lost to several in the fighting in Vietnam,
and that was tragic. I cannot I don't know whether
you've ever had a chance to visit the Vietnam Wall
exhibit in Washington, d c. The Black Wall, where they
have all fifty eight thousand names of people who lost
(23:20):
their lives, Americans who lost their lives in that war.
But you can't help see that but be very emotionally
moved by how many good people were lost.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And for you as a human outside of being in
the Navy, what was it like living in a world
at that time where that was all going on?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I was part of your daily routine. Basically, it's sad
to say, but it was a day by day job.
You got up not knowing what to expect. You knew
you were going to fly a patrol to do certain things,
and you knew hopefully that the landing strip would.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Be there when you got and you were married. Did
you get married before you started serving?
Speaker 4 (24:04):
No, I got married after I'd been in the Navy
for about five years.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Okay, how did you guys meet?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Oh? I don't know whether we have enough time in
the interview for that.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Oh, bring it, I'm ready for it.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
An early squadron mate of mine was stationed with the
Air America Group CIA Group in Cambodia at the time,
and he was bringing a gift jacket, red knit jacket
back from Hong Kong for a buddy of his who
was my wife, Judy's roommate living in Vallejo, California at
(24:39):
the time. So I provided transportation to get the code
up there, and we appeared on the doorstep unannounced with
this coat draped over our arm, and we met. This
was in November of nineteen sixty three. I proposed in
February of sixty four. We were married in August of
sixty four, and we've been married for sixty almost sixty
(25:01):
one years.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So when you arrived on the porch, where you like,
I'm in love with this woman.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
No, but after we had a couple of dates. We
had our first date dinner in San Francisco. Our second
date was on the Veterans Day weekend in Lahole. We
went to the Napa Valley and drank wine all afternoon.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Did you get a little wild? This is where she
saw your wild side?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
So this is it's been a quite a story.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
How did you ask her when you're on that doorstep?
What sequence of events? There's a stranger standing on her doorstep?
How did you ask her out on a date?
Speaker 3 (25:34):
What happened?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
She didn't even notice the fact that we were naval officers.
She just hollered to her roommate. She said, Ellen, your
redknit code is here.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
And that was it.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
So that was it and the rest is history. Anyway,
we have a son and a daughter grown living here
in Nashville, so we're very fortunate in that regard.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And what's the secret to sixty years together? What did
you guys do that made that so awesome? In work
for that long?
Speaker 4 (26:05):
If I knew I would bottle it. Yeah, And make
a fortune.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You did something right me the right people.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I guess we traveled a lot, We spent some time apart,
which may have helped.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
What is that hard on you guys because you were
still serving? Is that hard for you guys' relationship?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
And I was very fortunate because the longest we were
ever separated for a straight period of time was probably
four or five months. Nothing like some of these sailors
they go out for a six month deployment, they get
it extended for nine months, and they've lost a year
of their lives with their families. I've been blessed.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
And when you first started dating her and you were
going on all these first date what were the qualities
that you saw on her and you were just like, Yeah,
this is going to be my bride.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
She was a Midwestern girl, farm raised in Iowa, up
in the big city of Detroit. She was down to earth,
great sense of humor, beautiful blue eyes. One of those
things it just happened.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
What did you guys spend a lot of time doing
together in those sixty years that you had said, you
guys traveled a lot. What were your guys as hoppies.
What were the things you guys enjoyed together.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
We played golf together. We played tennis, not together, but
both played tennis. We both enjoyed riding our bicycles, enjoyed
going to movies. We enjoyed a lot of the same foods.
She was a good cook. I'm a good eater.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
What was your favorite dish that she made for you?
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Oh, it was probably corn on the cob Iowa.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Style, Sara and Iowa style that I'm from Kansas and
we had great corn on the cob.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I'm sure you did.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
What is the Iowa style that I'm unfamiliar with?
Speaker 4 (27:58):
It was cooked bile, beautiful lady from Iowa.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I see, this is like the engagement chicken. I don't
know if you've heard of this, but apparently there's this
engagement chicken that if you would like your man to
propose to you, the woman makes this engagement chicken and
it's supposed to make the process happen quicker happened. So
it was the Iowa style corn on the cob your ticket.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
I didn't think about it at the time, but maybe
it was.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
That was the reason. How long were you guys together
before you had proposed.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Let's see, she was living in Valley Hill, with her
friend from Iowa who was a teacher at that time.
And I was living in Mountain View Station at Moffatt
Field in California, near San Francisco. And like I say,
we met in November, I proposed in February. We got
married in May Island Naval Shipyard Chapel in August of
(28:52):
nineteen sixty four.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So all within one year your life changed. Is that
crazy to think about?
Speaker 4 (29:00):
And very blessed in that way. Everything just fell in place,
not just from that marriage but from my life in general.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Were you guys communicating via letters when you were stationed
apartment letters.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
And we sent periodic and magnetic tape recordings back and
forth so I could talk to the kids on magnetic
tape when I was a board ship and undeployments.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Do you still have those today?
Speaker 4 (29:26):
I still have a lot of them. As a matter
of fact, A lot of that is stuff that's in
our apartment waiting to be reread and cleansed.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Saving for the kids to see one day. Right when
you look back on your life and you did the Navy,
and you got married, and all of this sounds so beautiful.
Was there any regrets that you had over the course
of time when you look back.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
No regrets at all, No regrets at all. I think
life is what you make it. Don't think you're guaranteed anything,
not even life itself. Just go forward as it's there.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Live very in the present moment. Is this a Navy term?
Speaker 4 (30:10):
That's four years of Spanish I took in high school.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
What does it mean?
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Whatever it will be will be.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I like it. This is a good life motto that
we lived. Your life by those very small years of Spanish.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Boy scouts, be prepared, you have to be.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Were you also a boy scout very briefly? Okay, you
do seem like you got the boy scout mentality in there.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
I was a boy scout for sure, the tenderfoot rating.
And then in Detroit I had to go out in
the wintertime. We're on a camping trip overnight, and we
had to go out in a snowfall and find dry
enough wood that we could build a fire to cook
a steak. And that steak was terrible. It was cold.
(30:59):
I gave up scouting and went to softball instead.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
The fair change. I understand when you're looking at your
life in those stories, First, what's one of your favorite moments?
What is your favorite memory that you wish you could
live over and over again.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
There are so many. I feel very blessed at having
so many. Some things that still create great emotion for me,
as being in the presence of the United States Marine
Corps band when they play our national anthem.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
I bet that sounds really cool.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Something that's here and it always will be.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Does it remind you of the time you were serving?
What's that emotion?
Speaker 4 (31:48):
A very blessed life. You can't look around the world
today and see what's going on and not feel very blessed.
Even in the midst of a fire drill. Things happen
backlog on Interviewees.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You are so funny certain days.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Oh, but you look at what the people in Gaza
and Ukraine are going through right now. They have nothing.
Everything they've lived and worked for, in cases died for
is laying out.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
There's rubble in the streets, watching things and just events
as they've happened. With everything that you've experienced and all
that you've done, what's your takeaway as you look at
the world today.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
There we need to do better mankind, not just us.
Mankind needs to do better about looking out for.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Mankind people, looking out for people a.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Little bit better, exactly exactly. This is one of the
one of the things that I appreciate about being here
at Abes. It's the fact that I'm ancient along with
all the other the residents here here. Not ancient, but
I'm so blessed in terms of physical and mental health
(33:07):
that I have that I can be of assistance to
many of those here who don't have all of it.
If I can do that's a plus. Shooting got a
very nice certificate signed by the Secretary of the Navy
thanking her for her service as a Navy spouse.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
What did you feel like when she got that?
Speaker 4 (33:30):
I was very greatly rewarded. Because the spouse very often
got left at that time, mostly male but now male
or female, is ordered to go someplace else for duty.
They get left with cleaning up the house, getting the
(33:50):
kids packed, and making the move, and they don't get
thanked for that very often. And I think that it's
important that somebody the higher echelons there understand what they
have to go through every time we made a move.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
You saying this, Dave, makes me want to ask you,
there's so many guys out there, and a lot of
people who are trying to day learning what it means
to be a partner. What advice would you give guys
that you feel like they might be missing to have
a marriage and a success that you've had.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
The biggest thing I would say would be to recognize
that when you make that proposal, recognize the fact that
you are asking her to participate in a life of
the two of you together. I have a nephew, for example,
who was married many years ago. They was married for
(34:46):
six months, and what it evolved was the fact that
they got married for marriage sake, but neither one of
them gave up their sa relationships. He did his things
with his buds, She continued to do her things with
(35:07):
her buds, and they didn't form any relationships involving the
both of them. And I don't think you can do
it that way. You gotta. It's an all or nothing thing.
Not to say you can't maintain those relationships, but not
that let them take priority for the relationships you build
(35:28):
between the two of you.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
See, you have so much wisdom to share, lived a
lot of life.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
Not the gray hair is surprise you.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
They're not surprising me at all. I would like you
to share one more piece of advice if you will,
Maybe it's two people out there who are your age,
maybe younger, or just anything that you think is important
to share that you've learned over the course of your life.
Speaker 4 (35:54):
Enjoy it for as long as you have it, use it,
or lose it. Philosop be about exercise.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Kind of like the knees.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yeah, go out and walk every day, go out and
ride the bike and the gym down there. Do something
to keep active as active as you can, and eventually
it's going to catch up. The old body just doesn't
hold up the way it used to.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Something about you, though, tells me that you're still living
just like you used to.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
I don't play golf anymore or tennis because I'm afraid
that if I swing a club two yard, I'm gonna
fall down on the t box and that's kind of embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
So I don't feel like anything would be embarrassing for you.
I think you'd make a really good joke out of it.
Try were you a prankster in your family? Would you
prank with the kids?
Speaker 4 (36:42):
And No, it was a very straight laced guy. As
I recall, my memory is deteriorated now.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
You just make jokes all the time. Oh, Dave, thank
you for being here with me sharing your story, and.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Thank you for being so kind.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
You're always welcome. Carol joins me right now. Hi, Carol,
thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Oh, thank you for asking me.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
I'm excited to hear your story. Can you share with
everyone how old you are?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I'm eighty five, eighty.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Five, very young, eighty five. You look wonderful.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You feel wonderful.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
I do. I'm not every day, but most of the time.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Hey, well take that. That's better than most. Right. And
what did you spend a lot of your life doing, Carol?
Occupation wise?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Oh? Well, I was mostly a mother of five children
and a wife to my husband. And we moved to
Florida in nineteen seventy eight because my husband had heart problems,
so we went so we had the warm weather and
we ended up living there forty years.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
How long were you and your husband married for?
Speaker 3 (37:56):
If he was alive today, it would have been sixty
six years. It was fifty six years when he died
that we've been together.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Were you high school sweethearts? Or how to tell me?
Speaker 4 (38:06):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I met him in college.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Was it fun love at first sight? You knew? No?
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Because I was coming. I was on the stairs and
I was coming in the door to the classroom and
he was coming the other way and knocked me down.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
He knocks you down, and you still said he did?
You'll take him?
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yes? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Was that the first moment and you guys started dating
after that?
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Well?
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Because I didn't know him before then. He was a
year ahead of me, And no, I didn't really know him.
I might have seen him in the halls or something.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
What were you studying in college?
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Teach to be a teacher?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
So did you end up doing any teaching?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Or I had children instead?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Okay, and became a stay at home mom.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
I taught my children. I hope, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Were they homeschool or they.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Would know they are. But I hope that we set
a good example for and made rules that you know,
they abided by.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
It's a lot of kiddos. Was that always the plan?
Speaker 3 (39:06):
No, My mother had nine and I knew that I
didn't want nine, and I didn't even really think about five.
I really four was the idea because I had two
boys and two girls, and I thought, well, that's the
perfect family. But then when we moved to Florida, probably
(39:27):
because maybe a little homesick or whatever. I got pregnant
with the fifth one.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Is there a big age gap between the four and
that one?
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Uh? Well, yeah, there's I see Mary Beth who works here.
She was eight years old when Jennifer was born. It
was like an eight year but I had a sixteen
year old daughter and she it was almost like it
was her child.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Really.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah, we'd go out and like to the pool or whatever,
because she always was with her and looking at her,
and they all thought I was a grandmother and she
was the mother.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
You're like, no, that is my child.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Yeah it is. I mean, if you want to take over.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
And now, do your kids all have grandkids for you?
Speaker 3 (40:16):
Yes? I have eleven grandchildren and I have two great
grandchildren and one on the way.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Oh yeah, what's that been like for you to get
to see the different generations? Now?
Speaker 3 (40:29):
It's good. I really enjoyed the great grandchildren, especially they're
small now they're five and three, but it's so much nicer.
They're not yours, and you don't have to well you
do worry, but you don't have that responsibility, so you
sort of enjoy a more.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yeah, you'd have a little bit more fun. They're not
technically yours to worry about exactly. Do you like the
title more now of grandma or mom? Which one feels
more meaningful to you? Because I know they both are.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yeah, I guess mom still means the most. You know.
Some of my children call me mom and some call
me mother mother. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Is that when you're you're doing something bad and their mother?
Speaker 3 (41:14):
That's my daughter, Mary Beth, the one that works there,
She calls me mother.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
It might just be a younger thing. I know sometimes
we call people mother. That's a very young term to use. Yeah.
What was that like for you? Being a stay at
home mom? Is that something that you're so happy you did?
Or did you have any ever?
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Graduated?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
I enjoyed it. I did go to work when my
last one, Jennifers, when she was two. My neighbor next
door was watching kids like a little in the house nursery.
And I went to work part time for Macy's in
their cash return office, and then I from there I
went to banking, and then from there I went to
(41:56):
a health center where I did data entry for people
that made God false fell and felt like the residents
when they fall. You had to write this whole, you know, paper,
and I put it in the computer.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Do you feel like you had kind of a second
life when you started working again.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Yeah, I did. I did.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Was that always the plan or did it just kind of.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Fall in my whole life? Nothing was planned. My husband
had heart trouble. He was at twenty eighty at his
first heart attack, and we didn't realize what was happening
until they found you know, they told us he had
a heart attack. He had to stay in bed. Back then,
they didn't have as much knowledge as they have now.
(42:42):
They have to stay in bed for six weeks. And
so then four years later he had a bypass surgery
where they took care of the bad artery. And then
twenty years later he had open heart surgery. Wow, he
got someone's heart and then from there he lived twenty years.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Those are not things you're anticipating national find.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
Someone, But we got through it.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Yeah, were those hard, especially that first one he was so.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Yeah, it was hard because for one thing, we weren't
living at home. We were living in Kentucky at the
time because he had been in the Service, and when
he got out of the Service, we had made so
many good friends we just decided to stay and so
there wasn't anybody really around to help.
Speaker 4 (43:33):
You know.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I had my oldest daughter and my oldest son were
babies then, so yeah, it wasn't easy then, but we
made it.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
And you were also a military spouse.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, what was that? He was just a lab check
at Port Hawks and he never was sent anywhere there
was dangerous or anything. He just worked on animals and
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Well, I'm happy he didn't have to experience that too, And.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Then he goes, yeah, no, I'm happy to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
And when you lost him, what was that experience like
for you? Because after being together for so many years,
that's all you know.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
What was that like when he passed?
Speaker 3 (44:18):
And when he passed, well, my friend passed, my husband passed.
I still have to regret that he's not around where
I can confide any you know, tell him things that
I'm excited about. When I was in Franklin, I did
eucharistic minister and I took communion to people in the
(44:41):
hospital and I took it to this one lady and
she was somebody we had known when we were in college.
And I just couldn't and in my mind, I couldn't
wait to get home to tell Larry and he wasn't there.
I mean, he wasn't there anymore, and that hurt. So
I regret that he's gone for that, but I know
(45:02):
he's in a better place.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
And his name was Larry, Yeah, Larry. What was your
favorite memory that you had with Larry?
Speaker 3 (45:10):
With Larry, Well, we went fishing in a secluded pond
on this farm friend of his, and I was pregnant
with my first child, so I was out to hear
and she I got chiggers all over my stomach. I
(45:32):
mean it was ugly looking all over. And always blame
him for that. He's the one that took me.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
That's his fault.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Did he take the blame for.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
That, Yeah, he did. There's a lot of moments with
him too, like when he came out of surgery, you know,
getting the new heart and seeing him there and he
was hooked up to so many machines, you know, so
the heart would not reject him. And those were really
happy moments. We had a lot of good moments.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
What was your favorite quality about Larry that really made
it like this is going to be my husband?
Speaker 3 (46:17):
Okay? He was very gentle, very gentle, soft spoken, very gentle.
I'm not that way. I mean, I can be gentle,
but I'm not soft spoken, and it would be his
his honesty and patience.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, and those are really important quality traits. When your
kids were looking for partners, yes, were you like they
have to be like Larry. Larry's a great example.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I hoped, but I didn't put any preference for them.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
If you just look back on your life that you
didn't do, or maybe you did do and you wish you.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Didn't, I'm trying to think. I mean, it was a
big void and my life although I still had the
five kids that kept me busy. I mean they were grown,
going to school when some were married. But it's just
avoid when you spend that much time with somebody, and
it's hard to get used to it. But it does
(47:15):
with time.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Do you feel like it did? Over time? Start to
feel better.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
It'll be He's been deceased for ten years now, so yeah,
it is much easier. But I still, you know, think
of him and things will come in my head, just
like this person I met that we both knew. I
wanted to go home tell him about it because I
knew he'd be excited that she was in town.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
So did it help you to ever? Still share those
stories with him, like do you have a photo of him?
Speaker 3 (47:49):
And oh I have? You know, I have two photos
in my apartment.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
I mean, and telling those stories does that help?
Speaker 3 (47:55):
You know? I did tell him the one about her
seeing her in the hospital and how I wish he
had been there.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
What's things that you do now activity wise or maybe
other things that help you remember that life you guys
had together bring you joy?
Speaker 3 (48:13):
Well, I really don't do a lot of things that
I used to do when when he was alive. We
played golf every Sunday with this souther couple and he
taught me to play golf, even then when I wasn't
reacting very well to his teaching, like comy lessons from
somebody else. But he was a good golfer. So we'd
(48:35):
play golf every Sunday. And you know, I don't do
that anymore. I didn't even do that when I was
before I you know, fell and all that good stuff.
But yeah, there's a lot of things like getting together
with the kids for dinner or going out. You know,
you're miss him.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
What about you when you look back at your happiest
moments of your life and you're thinking of half time,
what was that one moment that kind of takes you back.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
I think the happiest moment would be when he was
told that a heart was available for him. Because we
had come back from Indiana on vacation and he had
an appointment at Gainesville at the hospital there and for
a checkup, and when they checked him, the muscle in
(49:26):
his heart was just rodding away because of all the
problems he had. His muscle wasn't good anymore, and they
put him in the hospital right away. He didn't even
go home with me. I went home by myself, and
four weeks later they had a heart for him.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
You had so many different experiences of your life, and
I feel like so much knowledge to share from a
lot of these. If you could give anybody, whether they're
your age or younger, or at any point in their life,
a piece of advice or motivation or inspiration, what do
you think you would share?
Speaker 3 (50:05):
Oh, God, there's so much you can.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Share, as much as you want to.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
I do know that I never thought that I'd be
spending my golden years by myself and not with my husband.
You know, even though he had heart problems, I knew
that he'd probably leaves this earth before I did, but
I just never never thought of it that way, And
so I think people they need to think more about
(50:33):
when they get old and be prepared physically, mentally, and financially,
because when you're alone like that, you have no one
you can depend on, so you've got to start preparing
ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
Yeah, it's a really good piece of advice. And I
just thank you so much for sharing your story.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
In parts of your life with us. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
I'm glad to do it. I love talking about him.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I love hearing you talk about him. It was so lovely.
Thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
If you love this week as much as I did,
get ready for next week because we have even more
residents from Abes Garden joining to share their stories. Larry,
Brenda Ward, and Shirley all will be on next week
with more stories from their lives and experiences. So get
subscribed so you don't miss a single thing, and follow
the Instagram page at take this personally so you can
(51:30):
see photos and videos of all of the residents this
week and next, and of course all the other posts
and everything that's all up there. It's a huge support.
When you guys go and follow those. Thank you and
thank you for being here. As always, I love you.
Have a very safe and happy Fourth of July weekend.
We'll talk next week.
Thanks, old man.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The as Garden residents are joining us this week and next.
I'm so excited for you to hear their stories. All
of them are eighty years old and plus, and we
have stories from their lives that I'm really honored that
they're letting me share with you. This week we have Sandra, Dave,
and Carol all joining the show. So sit back and
(00:38):
enjoy some very beautiful story times. Miss Sandra joins me
right now. I am so excited to chat with you.
We have a published author in our midst. How are you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm good, I'm happy.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, excited to talk all about some fun stuff of
your life in your book. Yes, so, miss Ander, we
start with this. How old are you?
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I am eighty? Well, I'll be eighty four in just
a couple of days.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Oh, happy early birthday. Yeah, very exciting. But you either
just mentioned or a published author. Is this your one book?
Are you writing another book? What's happening.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I'm writing another book right now and I have space
and time to do it here at Abe's Garden, and
it is wonderful and I have a lot of support
in doing it. But this is the book I have published.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay, and it's called Sweet Adversity Sweat Adversity. Read the
subtitle A Southern writer finds stories and good in everything.
Tell me about this, Tell me why you wrote this book.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Well, I've worked for thirty four years, and I was
so busy with taking raising children, and then I had
both the care both my parents for about five years.
And I've always written, but I've never been able to
get my book done. So when I came to Abes Garden,
I started on my book. I've been here two years
and it was published on my eighty third birthday last year. Wow,
(02:02):
May the thirty first.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Did you always want to be a writer?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I have always written. I have a journalism degree, and
I've always written, and I've taught writing. I've taught creative
writing at a community college, and this is just my thing.
I don't play cards, I don't smoke or drink or
do anything we could. I just write.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Do you also like to read too?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I love to read. I think you have to read
to be a writer. If you don't read, it's very
difficult to write.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
What made you get into journalism and creative writing in
the first place.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Well, I took journalism in high school even and I
worked on the school paper. But the big honor of
my life when I was eighteen was I was selected
to write the teen Talk topics column for the local paper.
I'm from Oakridge, Tennessee, and I went to Oakridge High School.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
What were you writing about? Teen talk? Oh?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
My goodness. I did two columns a week for the
local newspaper about teen activities. So anything that young people
were doing in town, I would write about it. And
one of the best things about this I got invited
to every party. I got invited to every dance. I
got invited to things where I wondered why did they
(03:14):
invite me? And then I remembered they want their name in.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
The paper, So you're writing all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And I did, and I covered not just the popular people.
I covered everybody. So people still remember that. I wrote
teen Talk column, the teen Talk Topics column, and I
got two dollars a column, so I made four dollars
a week writing that book write in the column.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Was that really exciting? When you first got that job,
You're like, this is what I've wanted to do.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
It was. I was thrilled.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, and then you go on to be I went.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
To journal them school at the University of Georgia, and
I love that and worked on the Red and Black,
and I've done some work at the University of Tennessee,
worked on the Beacon.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Did you always plan that education was going to be
in that path?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh yes, oh yes, so in the.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Course of this also being an author, did you ever
get married?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I did get married. And pardon me for saying this,
but I'm very happily divorced.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Happily divorced. Tell me about that. Very happy.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I met somebody at college. And when you're dating somebody
and then after you marry him, they could be quite different.
And back in my day, you know, and I will
be eighty four on Saturday. Back in my day, if
I had lived with him, my parents would have killed me.
(04:41):
My grandparents would have died. My grandmother and my mother
would have spent hours on the phone crying. We just
didn't live with your boyfriend back then. My three pardon
me for talking about this.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
But you can talk about whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
My three grandchildren have lived with their significant others that
boyfriends or girlfriends. And the good news is that my
grandson lived with his girlfriend and she's a wonderful woman
and they're now married. And my middle granddaughter doesn't exactly
live with him, but they spend a lot of time together.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
If you get my drift.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yeah, and then my oldest granddaughter lived with her boyfriend
and decided this is not gonna work. If I had
lived with the person I married, I would have known
not to marry in first week.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I knew.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
But that's what are under the bridge.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So how long did you guys end up being married for?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I hate to tell you this, it's very embarrassing. Thirty
nine years.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
And you knew in the first week of living with
him that you should not be married.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I did, But you know, back in those days everything's
different now. Back in those days, what happened is you
try to make the best of it. You know, nice
girls don't get divorced. Divorce was very.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Rare, okay, But what did he do that this is
coming to your mind in that first week. Well, if
you want to share.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, he just was acted sort of crazy that he
was bipolar, oh goodness, undiagnosed by polar and he wouldn't
take his medication and it was just very difficult. But
in the meantime, I had two children, and you know,
I was a woman of my time, so I thought, well,
(06:29):
I'm going to make the best of it. If he
can't manage, I will. So he did make me stronger.
He did make me very successful at work because he
couldn't keep a job.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I did so. And you were raising two kids.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I raised two kids and they're really, really nice people.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
What was that like for you? You're going through this and
you're realizing this is not my person, but I'm I'm
making things work. I'm holding a job, I have two kids.
Most women of my era did that, and why do
you feel like that was? That was just the.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Norm back then? Divorce was something that nice women didn't do,
or if they did, it was very rare.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And then the moment finally happens where you do get divorced. Yeah,
well what happened? Why did you finally decide this is it?
I'm done.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You got a girlfriend while you were married.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I was so thrilled. I thought, hot dog.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
This is out, this is my card, this is it.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I wouldn't have divorced him for anything but adultery, but
that that took care of it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Wow. And so you signed the papers and then you're like, Okay,
this is a new life. Did you feel like you
had just a entire life, still litle.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Never been happier in my adult life. It's really been
really nice.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Did you ever have the desire to get married again?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You make it the joke.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
If that's I'm gonna take that asn't know. I love
this for you. You're focused on your books and you're writing.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
You focus on my writing. And I've just had a
wonderful time. I've traveled a lot, and I have many
many friends, and I've just had such a good life.
And I've been able to manage my own money and
I made some and I've been able to pick up
my own clothes and pick up my own furniture, and
I didn't have to ask anybody. And I just love that.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
If you could go back and do it again, would
you not get married?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I would probably get married, but I think i'd wait
a while and maybe kind of test the waters a
little bit before getting married. That's exactly right.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
But it did bring you your kids, So is that
where the how the strength comes from?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I have wonderful kids, I really do. My son has
a marketing and public relations business Atlanta, and he also
does stand up comedy and he's just started out intending
just to do stand up comedy when one gig a
month and now he's getting something like almost all the time,
and he goes to the different comedy clubs in and
(09:08):
around Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Do you think he's funny, he's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well, for one thing, he had a crazy father and
he had a mother I won't describe myself. And he
had my parents who were hilarious, and he had grandparents
on the other side who were hilarious. So he tells
wonderful stories. I mean, he's got plenty of material, and so.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Do I, which is why you wrote a book. Yes,
So when you're talking in this book, are you talking
about this kind of new lease on life and things
that changed over the course of time for you?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Well, this book has a variety of stories in it.
I've got a couple of Vietnam stories in it.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Okay, that era, Vietnam War era? Yeah, yeah, what was
that like?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
It was scary, you know, it really was, because there
are people here in this country opposed to it, and
then there are people, people's sons dying over there. And
I was just thinking, I'm so glad my son is young,
or he would have been drafted. I mean, they were
drafting everybody. So I wrote a story about a young couple.
(10:18):
My story. There's a story called Blue Bronco in here.
And one of the things I like about this story
is a person who is a writer read the story.
He was fancy. He's read my whole book and he
was very complimentary about it. And he's a writer at
Swanee and he's read that book. He read the story
the Blue Bronco and he said, I'd like to know
(10:41):
more about those characters.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Well, what they.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Are is young people in high school in Sneadville, Tennessee,
and they're seniors in high school. The girl really really
wants to get married just as soon as they graduate. Well,
the war was raging, and the young man knew that
if he didn't join the army or some branch of
the service, he was going to get drafted. And she said, oh, no,
(11:05):
you won't get drafted. And he said, well, I'm afraid
I will. I think I better join up because I
think i'd have a better chance of not getting sent
to Vietnam. And so this story goes back and forth
with her putting the pressure on him and him saying.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I love you but I don't know. And then at
the end, when I graduate from high school, I think
he deliberately has a breakup with her, and then he says,
pardon me for giving away the end of the story.
The day after he graduates from high school, he cleans
the mud off his blue Bronco and drivets to Knoxville
(11:41):
and joins the army, and he says the last word
of the story is war is hell, but getting married
is worse.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
So I feel like there was some inspiration there, something there, yeah,
something a little bit. I love that you wrote about
this and you share how much of your story when
you do look at your life and we talk a
little bit about regrets. What's like your favorite moment from
your story, because we did talk about your marriage, but
I know there was a lot of highlights for you.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Well, my brother and I are eighteen months apart, and
there's quite a few stories in here about things that
my brother and I did when we were young, because
we were like twins. And so the first story, Sweet Adversity,
is a story about me and my brother, and it's
thinly disguised as fiction, but it's really a true story
(12:34):
with some fictional touches.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Is it related to a big adventure you guys had.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Oh it is, yes, okay. My mother was a great
giver of Tony Home permanence, and that's something you probably
have never heard of.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
They were very much the fad in the early fifties.
Everybody wanted a Tony Home permanent. My mother was the
queen of giving Tony Home permanence. They had little plastic
rollers and and and the solution smelled horrible. It was
just terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
What is a Tony Home.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It's a permanent?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Well you a.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
No, no, no, it's like beauty shops used to give permanence.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Oh perms.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeahm yes, it's a perm Okay, pardon me for not
using it.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
No, it's okay, now, it's okay, now I know.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
But you'd buy the Tony Home Permanent at the at
the drug store, and everybody in the neighborhood wanted one. Well,
my mother gave all the Tony Home permanence, and she
had to get me and my brother out of the
house when this was going on because she had to
follow a schedule that went to neutralize it and all
(13:43):
this kind of stuff. So she was given a perm
to my cousin my older cousin. So she told us
to go outside, and she told us not to go
across the street and play with the children across the
street because they were not our kind of people.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Did you go play with the kids across the street?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Of course we did. I mean that's like saying, I mean,
tell me not to do something, that's what I'm going
to do. Particularly when I was young.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It sounds like a lot of your personality throughout your life.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, So we went across the street and we played
with those kids, and a couple of things happened, and
their mother got mad, and she came over and she
and my mother got into a little a little spat
about their mother accused us of misbehavior. My mother accused
(14:36):
them of misbehavior. And so you were a wild child, well,
not well wild in terms of the era what young
people do now, I wouldn't even have thought of.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Oh that's fair. Yeah, things were a little bit different.
You're a wild child for your time.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
That's exactly right.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I see.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
And my brother was was very compliant, very quiet, and
I could get him to do whatever I wanted him
to do.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Are you a troublemaker? Now?
Speaker 1 (15:07):
You?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
You looked at some people in the room, which made
me think that you definitely are well. No, I want
to know. This is something that I asked towards the
end of this. When you look at your life and
all the things that have happened in it, what's a
piece of advice or motivation or inspiration that you'd want
other people to hear from you.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Well, one thing, the first bit of advice I would
give is like, this book means a lot to me,
and I'm writing another one. And I think older people,
just because you get old doesn't mean you can't do
something you've always wanted to do. If you want to
travel somewhere, get a ticket, if you want to knit
(15:53):
a bedspread or whatever, do it. Whatever you want to do,
it's possible to do it. You might have to temper
it a little bit based on your age and infirmity,
but you don't have to sit and moan and say, oh,
I'm getting old. You can you can do there's something
you can do.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
That's a really good reminder.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And those who live at Apes Garden can do any
number of things. I mean, there's a chorus, there's trips,
there's outings, there's card games, there's bingo, there's everything. There's
there's no excuse for not doing anything.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
What's something that you wish that you knew about getting older?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Well, I've been very surprised at some of the physical
things that happen, and I blessedly still have my mind
and that may go tomorrow, and I realize that. But
your hair gets thinner, your skin gets thinner, you put
on weight in places that you don't want weight. They're
(16:58):
just things that happened. I mean, I have age spots
on my hand, just like my grandmother did. And you
wear here in age wear glasses. You just can't win.
But it's all worth it to grow older and to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
That's a really good part of that.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And let me give my commercial bat Ape's Garden too.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay, bring it to me, Sandra.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I am very very happy here. And one reason I'm
happy here is because it was my decision to come.
I have neuropathy in both of my legs, my lower
legs and feet, and I don't walk very well, and
so I was a fall risk. And a couple of
times I lived in a condo down the street here
and a couple of times I fell and I thought,
(17:44):
you know, I don't need to be here. By myself
in this two bedroom, two bathroom condo. I need to
go somewhere where I'm safe. And I visited different places
around town, and I walked in the door here and
it felt happy. This is a place. Nobody said anything
right away, but it just felt good, and it is good.
(18:05):
It's very happy.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Did you have a misconception of senior living facilities before?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Well, other people do. I have so many friends who say, oh,
I want to stay in my own home, and my
thought and what I usually say, well, isn't it rather lonely?
You're in your own home by yourself, isn't it lonely?
Or you're in your house with a husband and you're
kind of tired of each other, you know, or me,
it's just really nice to live in community.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I have to ask you this because you've been so
honest and so kind. Uh oh, If people are thinking
of getting married, would you tell them to still get
married despite things that you went through, or you're like,
maybe second guess that.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I would advise people to check out the product as
best they can, get to know the person as best
they can, get to know their family, get to know
some history, take your time.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
That's a really good reminder, I think for a lot
of people. So thank you so much, Sander for sharing
so much and being so open with your whole story,
and just thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I shudder to think what my daughter and son will
say when they see this.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I think they're gonna love it. You think so I do.
You're awesome, You have so much good spirit, and you'll
thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
This has been fun.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Davis joining me. Dave, how are you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
How you feeling just fine? For a walk in the
courtyard earlier today and it was very pleasant out there.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I love your outfit too. Can you tell me a
little bit about this hat, this shirt, what we got
going on.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
It's just one of these things that I put on
for Veterans Day holiday and the Memorial Day and things
like that, to remind me of my twenty four year
career in the Navy.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Twenty four years in the Navy, is that always what
you wanted to do?
Speaker 4 (19:49):
It was one of the things that I had an
early introduction. My dad was in the Navy as an
enlisted sailor right at the end of World War One.
I was fortunate to have a Navy HOROTC. Sky at
the University of Michigan, which got me through college with
minimal expense on my part and my family's part. And
I went into the Navy for six years of active
(20:10):
duty and stayed, loved it.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And daved tell everybody how old you are? Eighty Look
at you, mister eighty eight? You were cracking a joke.
What's your nickname?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
A planic man?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Why is that?
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Because I've got scars on my knees for two knee replacements,
scars on my hips for two hip replacements, and a
bovying a bovine not a poor scene, Heartfelves.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Is this from all your time in the Navy? Are
you just you're going so hard serving your country.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I can't chuck it up to that. No, it's just life.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Life, okay. And why'd you decide to stay in the Navy?
You served for six years and then he decided to stay.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Why the Navy continued to send me the neat places
in the world, jobs of greater responsibility? And I felt
like I was serving my country and you.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Served in the Vietnam War. Is that why you have
that hat?
Speaker 4 (21:04):
That's why I have that head?
Speaker 2 (21:05):
What was the Vietnam War?
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Like?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I wasn't born until nineteen ninety three. So I have
zero experience knowledge of anything besides what they taught us
in history class. So what was that like living through
that and serving.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I was one of the fortunate ones. I didn't live
in Vietnam on a long term basis. I was assigned
to a Navy patrol squadron based in Hawaii. We were
temporarily deployed to Okinawa in the Pacific for six months,
and we rotated cruse of flight crews reconnaissance flight cruise
(21:40):
into Cameron Bay in Vietnam flying patrols in the Tonkin Gulf.
So we would go in there for a couple weeks
at a time and that we'd be replaced by another crew.
And our function was to report to South Vietnam authorities
the attempted intrusion by North via Nam by boat into
(22:03):
the South so that they could intercept and stop them
from landing in South Vietnam. And that was our mission,
plus that we were protecting any of our aircraft carriers
that were working in the Tonkin Gulf at that time.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Did you witness things there that were just stuff that
you wish you never had seen.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I did not personally know. We were our operation did
not involve going out in direct contact with the enemy.
The closest we came was we were raised out of
the barracks one night. The North Vietnamese were trying to
come through the fence, and they put us into a
underground bunker, sandbag bunker until the area could be cleared.
(22:47):
So I was, like I say, I was very fortunate
that we were not in the direct line of fire
like many of our troops were on the ground.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Did you have a lot of friends that also served
at the time, quite a few.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yes. I lost to several in the fighting in Vietnam,
and that was tragic. I cannot I don't know whether
you've ever had a chance to visit the Vietnam Wall
exhibit in Washington, d c. The Black Wall, where they
have all fifty eight thousand names of people who lost
(23:20):
their lives, Americans who lost their lives in that war.
But you can't help see that but be very emotionally
moved by how many good people were lost.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
And for you as a human outside of being in
the Navy, what was it like living in a world
at that time where that was all going on?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I was part of your daily routine. Basically, it's sad
to say, but it was a day by day job.
You got up not knowing what to expect. You knew
you were going to fly a patrol to do certain things,
and you knew hopefully that the landing strip would.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Be there when you got and you were married. Did
you get married before you started serving?
Speaker 4 (24:04):
No, I got married after I'd been in the Navy
for about five years.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Okay, how did you guys meet?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Oh? I don't know whether we have enough time in
the interview for that.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Oh, bring it, I'm ready for it.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
An early squadron mate of mine was stationed with the
Air America Group CIA Group in Cambodia at the time,
and he was bringing a gift jacket, red knit jacket
back from Hong Kong for a buddy of his who
was my wife, Judy's roommate living in Vallejo, California at
(24:39):
the time. So I provided transportation to get the code
up there, and we appeared on the doorstep unannounced with
this coat draped over our arm, and we met. This
was in November of nineteen sixty three. I proposed in
February of sixty four. We were married in August of
sixty four, and we've been married for sixty almost sixty
(25:01):
one years.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So when you arrived on the porch, where you like,
I'm in love with this woman.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
No, but after we had a couple of dates. We
had our first date dinner in San Francisco. Our second
date was on the Veterans Day weekend in Lahole. We
went to the Napa Valley and drank wine all afternoon.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Did you get a little wild? This is where she
saw your wild side?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
So this is it's been a quite a story.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
How did you ask her when you're on that doorstep?
What sequence of events? There's a stranger standing on her doorstep?
How did you ask her out on a date?
Speaker 3 (25:34):
What happened?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
She didn't even notice the fact that we were naval officers.
She just hollered to her roommate. She said, Ellen, your
redknit code is here.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
And that was it.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
So that was it and the rest is history. Anyway,
we have a son and a daughter grown living here
in Nashville, so we're very fortunate in that regard.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And what's the secret to sixty years together? What did
you guys do that made that so awesome? In work
for that long?
Speaker 4 (26:05):
If I knew I would bottle it. Yeah, And make
a fortune.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You did something right me the right people.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I guess we traveled a lot, We spent some time apart,
which may have helped.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
What is that hard on you guys because you were
still serving? Is that hard for you guys' relationship?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
And I was very fortunate because the longest we were
ever separated for a straight period of time was probably
four or five months. Nothing like some of these sailors
they go out for a six month deployment, they get
it extended for nine months, and they've lost a year
of their lives with their families. I've been blessed.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
And when you first started dating her and you were
going on all these first date what were the qualities
that you saw on her and you were just like, Yeah,
this is going to be my bride.
Speaker 4 (26:55):
She was a Midwestern girl, farm raised in Iowa, up
in the big city of Detroit. She was down to earth,
great sense of humor, beautiful blue eyes. One of those
things it just happened.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
What did you guys spend a lot of time doing
together in those sixty years that you had said, you
guys traveled a lot. What were your guys as hoppies.
What were the things you guys enjoyed together.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
We played golf together. We played tennis, not together, but
both played tennis. We both enjoyed riding our bicycles, enjoyed
going to movies. We enjoyed a lot of the same foods.
She was a good cook. I'm a good eater.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
What was your favorite dish that she made for you?
Speaker 4 (27:44):
Oh, it was probably corn on the cob Iowa.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Style, Sara and Iowa style that I'm from Kansas and
we had great corn on the cob.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I'm sure you did.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
What is the Iowa style that I'm unfamiliar with?
Speaker 4 (27:58):
It was cooked bile, beautiful lady from Iowa.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I see, this is like the engagement chicken. I don't
know if you've heard of this, but apparently there's this
engagement chicken that if you would like your man to
propose to you, the woman makes this engagement chicken and
it's supposed to make the process happen quicker happened. So
it was the Iowa style corn on the cob your ticket.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
I didn't think about it at the time, but maybe
it was.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
That was the reason. How long were you guys together
before you had proposed.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Let's see, she was living in Valley Hill, with her
friend from Iowa who was a teacher at that time.
And I was living in Mountain View Station at Moffatt
Field in California, near San Francisco. And like I say,
we met in November, I proposed in February. We got
married in May Island Naval Shipyard Chapel in August of
(28:52):
nineteen sixty four.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
So all within one year your life changed. Is that
crazy to think about?
Speaker 4 (29:00):
And very blessed in that way. Everything just fell in place,
not just from that marriage but from my life in general.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Were you guys communicating via letters when you were stationed
apartment letters.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
And we sent periodic and magnetic tape recordings back and
forth so I could talk to the kids on magnetic
tape when I was a board ship and undeployments.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Do you still have those today?
Speaker 4 (29:26):
I still have a lot of them. As a matter
of fact, A lot of that is stuff that's in
our apartment waiting to be reread and cleansed.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Saving for the kids to see one day. Right when
you look back on your life and you did the Navy,
and you got married, and all of this sounds so beautiful.
Was there any regrets that you had over the course
of time when you look back.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
No regrets at all, No regrets at all. I think
life is what you make it. Don't think you're guaranteed anything,
not even life itself. Just go forward as it's there.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Live very in the present moment. Is this a Navy term?
Speaker 4 (30:10):
That's four years of Spanish I took in high school.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
What does it mean?
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Whatever it will be will be.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I like it. This is a good life motto that
we lived. Your life by those very small years of Spanish.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Boy scouts, be prepared, you have to be.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Were you also a boy scout very briefly? Okay, you
do seem like you got the boy scout mentality in there.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
I was a boy scout for sure, the tenderfoot rating.
And then in Detroit I had to go out in
the wintertime. We're on a camping trip overnight, and we
had to go out in a snowfall and find dry
enough wood that we could build a fire to cook
a steak. And that steak was terrible. It was cold.
(30:59):
I gave up scouting and went to softball instead.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
The fair change. I understand when you're looking at your
life in those stories, First, what's one of your favorite moments?
What is your favorite memory that you wish you could
live over and over again.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
There are so many. I feel very blessed at having
so many. Some things that still create great emotion for me,
as being in the presence of the United States Marine
Corps band when they play our national anthem.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
I bet that sounds really cool.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Something that's here and it always will be.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Does it remind you of the time you were serving?
What's that emotion?
Speaker 4 (31:48):
A very blessed life. You can't look around the world
today and see what's going on and not feel very blessed.
Even in the midst of a fire drill. Things happen
backlog on Interviewees.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You are so funny certain days.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Oh, but you look at what the people in Gaza
and Ukraine are going through right now. They have nothing.
Everything they've lived and worked for, in cases died for
is laying out.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
There's rubble in the streets, watching things and just events
as they've happened. With everything that you've experienced and all
that you've done, what's your takeaway as you look at
the world today.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
There we need to do better mankind, not just us.
Mankind needs to do better about looking out for.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Mankind people, looking out for people a.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
Little bit better, exactly exactly. This is one of the
one of the things that I appreciate about being here
at Abes. It's the fact that I'm ancient along with
all the other the residents here here. Not ancient, but
I'm so blessed in terms of physical and mental health
(33:07):
that I have that I can be of assistance to
many of those here who don't have all of it.
If I can do that's a plus. Shooting got a
very nice certificate signed by the Secretary of the Navy
thanking her for her service as a Navy spouse.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
What did you feel like when she got that?
Speaker 4 (33:30):
I was very greatly rewarded. Because the spouse very often
got left at that time, mostly male but now male
or female, is ordered to go someplace else for duty.
They get left with cleaning up the house, getting the
(33:50):
kids packed, and making the move, and they don't get
thanked for that very often. And I think that it's
important that somebody the higher echelons there understand what they
have to go through every time we made a move.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
You saying this, Dave, makes me want to ask you,
there's so many guys out there, and a lot of
people who are trying to day learning what it means
to be a partner. What advice would you give guys
that you feel like they might be missing to have
a marriage and a success that you've had.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
The biggest thing I would say would be to recognize
that when you make that proposal, recognize the fact that
you are asking her to participate in a life of
the two of you together. I have a nephew, for example,
who was married many years ago. They was married for
(34:46):
six months, and what it evolved was the fact that
they got married for marriage sake, but neither one of
them gave up their sa relationships. He did his things
with his buds, She continued to do her things with
(35:07):
her buds, and they didn't form any relationships involving the
both of them. And I don't think you can do
it that way. You gotta. It's an all or nothing thing.
Not to say you can't maintain those relationships, but not
that let them take priority for the relationships you build
(35:28):
between the two of you.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
See, you have so much wisdom to share, lived a
lot of life.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
Not the gray hair is surprise you.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
They're not surprising me at all. I would like you
to share one more piece of advice if you will,
Maybe it's two people out there who are your age,
maybe younger, or just anything that you think is important
to share that you've learned over the course of your life.
Speaker 4 (35:54):
Enjoy it for as long as you have it, use it,
or lose it. Philosop be about exercise.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Kind of like the knees.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yeah, go out and walk every day, go out and
ride the bike and the gym down there. Do something
to keep active as active as you can, and eventually
it's going to catch up. The old body just doesn't
hold up the way it used to.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Something about you, though, tells me that you're still living
just like you used to.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
I don't play golf anymore or tennis because I'm afraid
that if I swing a club two yard, I'm gonna
fall down on the t box and that's kind of embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
So I don't feel like anything would be embarrassing for you.
I think you'd make a really good joke out of it.
Try were you a prankster in your family? Would you
prank with the kids?
Speaker 4 (36:42):
And No, it was a very straight laced guy. As
I recall, my memory is deteriorated now.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
You just make jokes all the time. Oh, Dave, thank
you for being here with me sharing your story, and.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Thank you for being so kind.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
You're always welcome. Carol joins me right now. Hi, Carol,
thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Oh, thank you for asking me.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
I'm excited to hear your story. Can you share with
everyone how old you are?
Speaker 3 (37:15):
I'm eighty five, eighty.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Five, very young, eighty five. You look wonderful.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You feel wonderful.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
I do. I'm not every day, but most of the time.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Hey, well take that. That's better than most. Right. And
what did you spend a lot of your life doing, Carol?
Occupation wise?
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Oh? Well, I was mostly a mother of five children
and a wife to my husband. And we moved to
Florida in nineteen seventy eight because my husband had heart problems,
so we went so we had the warm weather and
we ended up living there forty years.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
How long were you and your husband married for?
Speaker 3 (37:56):
If he was alive today, it would have been sixty
six years. It was fifty six years when he died
that we've been together.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Were you high school sweethearts? Or how to tell me?
Speaker 4 (38:06):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I met him in college.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Was it fun love at first sight? You knew? No?
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Because I was coming. I was on the stairs and
I was coming in the door to the classroom and
he was coming the other way and knocked me down.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
He knocks you down, and you still said he did?
You'll take him?
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yes? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Was that the first moment and you guys started dating
after that?
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Well?
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Because I didn't know him before then. He was a
year ahead of me, And no, I didn't really know him.
I might have seen him in the halls or something.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
What were you studying in college?
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Teach to be a teacher?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
So did you end up doing any teaching?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Or I had children instead?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Okay, and became a stay at home mom.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
I taught my children. I hope, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Were they homeschool or they.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Would know they are. But I hope that we set
a good example for and made rules that you know,
they abided by.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
It's a lot of kiddos. Was that always the plan?
Speaker 3 (39:06):
No, My mother had nine and I knew that I
didn't want nine, and I didn't even really think about five.
I really four was the idea because I had two
boys and two girls, and I thought, well, that's the
perfect family. But then when we moved to Florida, probably
(39:27):
because maybe a little homesick or whatever. I got pregnant
with the fifth one.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Is there a big age gap between the four and
that one?
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Uh? Well, yeah, there's I see Mary Beth who works here.
She was eight years old when Jennifer was born. It
was like an eight year but I had a sixteen
year old daughter and she it was almost like it
was her child.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Really.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
Yeah, we'd go out and like to the pool or whatever,
because she always was with her and looking at her,
and they all thought I was a grandmother and she
was the mother.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
You're like, no, that is my child.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Yeah it is. I mean, if you want to take over.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
And now, do your kids all have grandkids for you?
Speaker 3 (40:16):
Yes? I have eleven grandchildren and I have two great
grandchildren and one on the way.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Oh yeah, what's that been like for you to get
to see the different generations? Now?
Speaker 3 (40:29):
It's good. I really enjoyed the great grandchildren, especially they're
small now they're five and three, but it's so much nicer.
They're not yours, and you don't have to well you
do worry, but you don't have that responsibility, so you
sort of enjoy a more.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yeah, you'd have a little bit more fun. They're not
technically yours to worry about exactly. Do you like the
title more now of grandma or mom? Which one feels
more meaningful to you? Because I know they both are.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yeah, I guess mom still means the most. You know.
Some of my children call me mom and some call
me mother mother. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Is that when you're you're doing something bad and their mother?
Speaker 3 (41:14):
That's my daughter, Mary Beth, the one that works there,
She calls me mother.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
It might just be a younger thing. I know sometimes
we call people mother. That's a very young term to use. Yeah.
What was that like for you? Being a stay at
home mom? Is that something that you're so happy you did?
Or did you have any ever?
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Graduated?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
I enjoyed it. I did go to work when my
last one, Jennifers, when she was two. My neighbor next
door was watching kids like a little in the house nursery.
And I went to work part time for Macy's in
their cash return office, and then I from there I
went to banking, and then from there I went to
(41:56):
a health center where I did data entry for people
that made God false fell and felt like the residents
when they fall. You had to write this whole, you know, paper,
and I put it in the computer.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Do you feel like you had kind of a second
life when you started working again.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Yeah, I did. I did.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Was that always the plan or did it just kind of.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Fall in my whole life? Nothing was planned. My husband
had heart trouble. He was at twenty eighty at his
first heart attack, and we didn't realize what was happening
until they found you know, they told us he had
a heart attack. He had to stay in bed. Back then,
they didn't have as much knowledge as they have now.
(42:42):
They have to stay in bed for six weeks. And
so then four years later he had a bypass surgery
where they took care of the bad artery. And then
twenty years later he had open heart surgery. Wow, he
got someone's heart and then from there he lived twenty years.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Those are not things you're anticipating national find.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
Someone, But we got through it.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Yeah, were those hard, especially that first one he was so.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Yeah, it was hard because for one thing, we weren't
living at home. We were living in Kentucky at the
time because he had been in the Service, and when
he got out of the Service, we had made so
many good friends we just decided to stay and so
there wasn't anybody really around to help.
Speaker 4 (43:33):
You know.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
I had my oldest daughter and my oldest son were
babies then, so yeah, it wasn't easy then, but we
made it.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
And you were also a military spouse.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, what was that? He was just a lab check
at Port Hawks and he never was sent anywhere there
was dangerous or anything. He just worked on animals and
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Well, I'm happy he didn't have to experience that too, And.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Then he goes, yeah, no, I'm happy to Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
And when you lost him, what was that experience like
for you? Because after being together for so many years,
that's all you know.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
What was that like when he passed?
Speaker 3 (44:18):
And when he passed, well, my friend passed, my husband passed.
I still have to regret that he's not around where
I can confide any you know, tell him things that
I'm excited about. When I was in Franklin, I did
eucharistic minister and I took communion to people in the
(44:41):
hospital and I took it to this one lady and
she was somebody we had known when we were in college.
And I just couldn't and in my mind, I couldn't
wait to get home to tell Larry and he wasn't there.
I mean, he wasn't there anymore, and that hurt. So
I regret that he's gone for that, but I know
(45:02):
he's in a better place.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
And his name was Larry, Yeah, Larry. What was your
favorite memory that you had with Larry?
Speaker 3 (45:10):
With Larry, Well, we went fishing in a secluded pond
on this farm friend of his, and I was pregnant
with my first child, so I was out to hear
and she I got chiggers all over my stomach. I
(45:32):
mean it was ugly looking all over. And always blame
him for that. He's the one that took me.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
That's his fault.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Did he take the blame for.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
That, Yeah, he did. There's a lot of moments with
him too, like when he came out of surgery, you know,
getting the new heart and seeing him there and he
was hooked up to so many machines, you know, so
the heart would not reject him. And those were really
happy moments. We had a lot of good moments.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
What was your favorite quality about Larry that really made
it like this is going to be my husband?
Speaker 3 (46:17):
Okay? He was very gentle, very gentle, soft spoken, very gentle.
I'm not that way. I mean, I can be gentle,
but I'm not soft spoken, and it would be his
his honesty and patience.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, and those are really important quality traits. When your
kids were looking for partners, yes, were you like they
have to be like Larry. Larry's a great example.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I hoped, but I didn't put any preference for them.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
If you just look back on your life that you
didn't do, or maybe you did do and you wish you.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Didn't, I'm trying to think. I mean, it was a
big void and my life although I still had the
five kids that kept me busy. I mean they were grown,
going to school when some were married. But it's just
avoid when you spend that much time with somebody, and
it's hard to get used to it. But it does
(47:15):
with time.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Do you feel like it did? Over time? Start to
feel better.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
It'll be He's been deceased for ten years now, so yeah,
it is much easier. But I still, you know, think
of him and things will come in my head, just
like this person I met that we both knew. I
wanted to go home tell him about it because I
knew he'd be excited that she was in town.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
So did it help you to ever? Still share those
stories with him, like do you have a photo of him?
Speaker 3 (47:49):
And oh I have? You know, I have two photos
in my apartment.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
I mean, and telling those stories does that help?
Speaker 3 (47:55):
You know? I did tell him the one about her
seeing her in the hospital and how I wish he
had been there.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
What's things that you do now activity wise or maybe
other things that help you remember that life you guys
had together bring you joy?
Speaker 3 (48:13):
Well, I really don't do a lot of things that
I used to do when when he was alive. We
played golf every Sunday with this souther couple and he
taught me to play golf, even then when I wasn't
reacting very well to his teaching, like comy lessons from
somebody else. But he was a good golfer. So we'd
(48:35):
play golf every Sunday. And you know, I don't do
that anymore. I didn't even do that when I was
before I you know, fell and all that good stuff.
But yeah, there's a lot of things like getting together
with the kids for dinner or going out. You know,
you're miss him.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
What about you when you look back at your happiest
moments of your life and you're thinking of half time,
what was that one moment that kind of takes you back.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
I think the happiest moment would be when he was
told that a heart was available for him. Because we
had come back from Indiana on vacation and he had
an appointment at Gainesville at the hospital there and for
a checkup, and when they checked him, the muscle in
(49:26):
his heart was just rodding away because of all the
problems he had. His muscle wasn't good anymore, and they
put him in the hospital right away. He didn't even
go home with me. I went home by myself, and
four weeks later they had a heart for him.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
You had so many different experiences of your life, and
I feel like so much knowledge to share from a
lot of these. If you could give anybody, whether they're
your age or younger, or at any point in their life,
a piece of advice or motivation or inspiration, what do
you think you would share?
Speaker 3 (50:05):
Oh, God, there's so much you can.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
Share, as much as you want to.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
I do know that I never thought that I'd be
spending my golden years by myself and not with my husband.
You know, even though he had heart problems, I knew
that he'd probably leaves this earth before I did, but
I just never never thought of it that way, And
so I think people they need to think more about
(50:33):
when they get old and be prepared physically, mentally, and financially,
because when you're alone like that, you have no one
you can depend on, so you've got to start preparing
ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
Yeah, it's a really good piece of advice. And I
just thank you so much for sharing your story.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
In parts of your life with us. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
I'm glad to do it. I love talking about him.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I love hearing you talk about him. It was so lovely.
Thank you for being here.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
If you love this week as much as I did,
get ready for next week because we have even more
residents from Abes Garden joining to share their stories. Larry,
Brenda Ward, and Shirley all will be on next week
with more stories from their lives and experiences. So get
subscribed so you don't miss a single thing, and follow
the Instagram page at take this personally so you can
(51:30):
see photos and videos of all of the residents this
week and next, and of course all the other posts
and everything that's all up there. It's a huge support.
When you guys go and follow those. Thank you and
thank you for being here. As always, I love you.
Have a very safe and happy Fourth of July weekend.
We'll talk next week.
Host
Morgan Huelsman
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