Ep. 39; Imposter Syndrome, Rejection, Doing It All, & Relationships

This week, Morgan discusses a variety of topics from her followers. They wrote in to share their experiences, pieces of their stories, and things they're currently struggling with which ranged from chronic illnesses, imposter syndrome, societal pressure to balancing all the things, dating & relationships, and mental illnesses. Morgan offered up some moments in her life that could provide useful as these followers continue to navigate their struggles. She also empathized with many people who are going through struggles not much different than some of her own. 

Follow Morgan: @webgirlmorgan

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Personal Duelsman. This is an episode I like to do.
It is all based on feedback. The whole reason I
started this podcast was to make sure other people felt
less alone and the things that they were dealing with. Well,
the only way to truly know that I'm helping people
do that is feedback and reaching out to you guys

(00:36):
on social media and saying what should we talk about?
So I did an episode like this background the holidays
when everybody was really struggling with all kinds of things,
very specifically to the holidays. But now we're kind of
just in real life. It's into April, we're starting to
get into summertime, and I wanted to check in and

(00:58):
see how everybody was doing and share the things that
they've been struggling with right now. So we're doing the
similar aspect in hopes that maybe even more people are
getting reached because I know the episodes I do are
on very specific topics and we really dive deep into
those things. So this is more broadened and it can
hit so many different levels, and I'll offer advice where

(01:19):
I can, or just an open space for you to
feel heard. Maybe it's something that you submitted, or maybe
it's something somebody else submitted and you're like, dang, I'm
not alone. Those are the goals that we want to
accomplish in this episode kicking things off, we've got a
societal pressure on women after turning thirty. I don't know

(01:42):
if you guys heard my episode with my parents, and
I know the microphones were a little off and it
was kind of funky, But I'm really lucky that I've
always had parents who never pushed the whole marriage kids
thing on me. They kind of knew I was going
to do my own thing, as were all of their
and they wanted us to be happy. That was the
most important thing they wanted over us hitting some landmark

(02:07):
goal of marriage, kids, a home, all that stuff. So
I did grow up very lucky in that sense. Now,
as a society, people believe that women the only thing
they're supposed to accomplish is being a mother and having
a ring on their hand and the woman to take

(02:28):
care of their man. That's a very big belief still
amongst a lot of people, and I love that for
some people, if those are things that they truly want.
But I learned really early that that wasn't going to
be a path for me. I mean as a kid,
I grew up, you know, white picket fence. I wanted
four kids, the husband and all the things. And I
still want those things, but it's certainly evolved in a

(02:51):
lot of different ways. And what I thought would be
marriage at twenty one and you know, my career and
all of these things. No, I mean we're a decade later.
I'm thirty one years old, I'm not married. I have
a dog and a cat. I foster animals, and I
do have my dream job, and I do own a house,

(03:11):
but I don't have a husband. And if you looked
at me and old societal standards, I'm a failure for that.
But I don't think that I am. I think I'm
a huge success actually, So when I start to think
about societal pressure, I kind of think of it in
funny terms, and I'm like, can you just imagine now,

(03:35):
once upon a time they thought someone like me was
not a success story because I didn't worth kids yet
and I didn't say vows to somebody at an altar.
Those are the two things we're determining of a success
of a woman in her thirties. Jokes on them, because

(03:55):
I actually think there's so many more incredible things you
can accomplish in your lifetime than just that those things
are incredible. Getting married and having a baby are so exciting,
and I've made it really important to me and some
of my friends to celebrate more than just that. We
celebrated when I released this podcast. We celebrated when one

(04:18):
of my friends got accepted to move into an apartment.
We celebrated when somebody adopted two dogs. We celebrate more
than just those moments in my friendships. Focusing on those
things has really blurred the lines of societal pressure for me.
So if you're feeling that way, start celebrating the really

(04:42):
cool things in your life in the big moments when
they come and when they happen. Don't wait for those
moments of the baby shower and the wedding shower. Celebrate
everything that you're successful at, and it kind of takes
the power away from what society has taught us. Struggling
with losing a job after ten years and starting over,

(05:03):
rejection and all the things, gosh, I can't imagine. I
know a lot of people are going through this. I've
seen so many people in recent years losing jobs they've
had for decades or years, and they're having to start
over and figure things out. And it is always kind

(05:24):
of that cheesy saying of rejection is redirection, and I
do believe it in a way, but I also just
think that's kind of a cop out to tell somebody
when they're really struggling. Like, first, we need to recognize
that this is a person who is now in a
really uncomfortable, vulnerable position. They don't have a job, and

(05:45):
job security is everything. It can change the course of
your life. So I want to recognize to this person
who wrote this in that that sucks. Losing a job
absolutely sucks, and you didn't deserve it. But I do
know that there will be a better outcome because of this,

(06:08):
and you are the only one that can determine that.
Can there be a worse outcome? Sure, could you be
unemployed for a long time, yeah, absolutely, but I also
believe that you can find a better job. And maybe
this is a moment in your life where you were
scared to get a little uncomfortable, because comfortability is amazing.

(06:29):
You know how many times I've never wanted to get uncomfortable.
I'm like, oh gosh, don't put me through that. I
just let me keep doing my monotonous things every day
because it's just easier. But maybe this is the universe screaming, hey,
let's find something new for you that you really love
and that you're really passionate about. And I do like
to think that some moment like this will set you

(06:50):
on a path that's going to be better. And mindset
is everything. If you believe that for yourself, then that's
what's going to happen. Never going to take away the
fact that this sucks and you feeling rejection is very real,
but it's not you. Losing a job doesn't have to

(07:12):
do with you. Of course, in moments it does. Is
there something that could have happened or you could have done? Sure,
but people lose their jobs every day and being rejected
from that does suck. However, being rejected from something is
a way of saying, hey, this wasn't right for you.

(07:35):
And I've had a lot of lessons in rejection, so
I can tell you that Unfortunately, every time rejection has
been correct, there was a reason that that didn't work
out for me. So I do like to believe that
there is better things coming for you, and I'm not
going to tell you though. Redirection rejection is redirection been

(07:59):
quite down since Christmas, and I can't shake it words
of advice or something. I mean, gosh, I hate this
for you. Seasonal depression is also a very real thing,
and just depression in general is a really real thing.
I think you start got to get out of your
comfort zone to shake this and my moments of depression,

(08:23):
one of the hardest things that I ever wanted to
do was leave my house and just even go for
a walk, be outside. Even in my life now, when
I get so caught up in everything that's happening, I
stop taking care of myself. I literally stop showering and
eating good meals and taking my dog on a walk
because I have so many other things I have to
do and that's not good for me. I've realized it.

(08:46):
I mean, you're hearing my voice right now, and I'm
a little bit sick. And it's because I've ran my
body so ragged. And when I was in depressive episodes,
I would notice something similar happen where I wasn't taking
care of myself. So plan a day where you can
set aside and focus on things that you really love

(09:08):
to do, I mean really love. It. Could be doing
a puzzle, It could go on a hike. It could
be watching your favorite movie. Spend an entire day doing
things that only fill up your cup. Forget all of
the adult responsibilities for the day. The laundry can wait,
Vacuuming the house can wait. Your job can be set

(09:29):
aside for a day a week, and whenever you have
off and focus your energy solely on bringing joy back
into your life. And it's gonna be hard when you
feel off because it's the last thing you want to do,
is like bring joy and serotonin. But the only person
who can do that for you is you. So take

(09:50):
that time. Set up a day only things you enjoy.
I'm not kidding. Cancel everything else, block out a whole day,
go get a massage, listen to music on repeat. What
whatever it is. It could be all the free things.
It could be spending a lot of money on yourself.
Whatever you need to do, but find your way to
bring joy back into your life. Whenever I focused and

(10:12):
did that, I felt myself turned corners And I do
hope that helps for you. Leadership support when you live
with a chronic illness. I was messaging somebody on Instagram
about this. This was the person who sent it in
And this is really tough, right. We are in a time.

(10:33):
You guys have heard a few episodes now with a
few different experts and people talking about chronic illnesses and
things that people are experiencing right now, and it's tough.
Everybody's going through so many things and finding jobs and
managers and gosh, even people who you rent from to
understand what you're experiencing, because chronic illness affects so much

(10:57):
more than just your body. It also affects your job,
the people in your life, et cetera, et cetera, So
having support from people above you is hard. I think
some of that comes from lack of understanding. There's lack
of empathy for sure, too, and you know you can't
make people empathize. But one thing that we can do

(11:22):
is be honest and open about the things that we're experiencing.
Too often we're afraid to have those conversations and be
honest about it and really be honest about how bad
it is. So but do it in a way that
like you're not jeopardizing your job. Right, You don't go
and say, oh my gosh, I can't do X, Y
and Z. But I do think we go to our

(11:43):
leadership and have a one on one conversation with them
and just say, hey, I'm really struggling with this, and
I know there's going to be times that this may
impact me, but I promise that I'm going to do
everything in my power to complete the job. And I
just want to know that we're on the same page
and we're working for the same team here because I

(12:06):
don't want this to impact my job, I don't want
it to impact you, but I also am going to
have moments where this is going to happen. It's really
easy for us to just expect, you know, people to
understand and empathize and have compassion, but we're sorely lacking
that in a lot of ways. We get really caught

(12:27):
up in our own I even do it like I
caught up in my own life and gosh, all the
things that are happening in mind that I can kind
of forget that. Oh yeah, other people are experiencing a
crap ton of things too, saying goes for managers and
bosses and management, they're not thinking about this, especially in
the ways that you are. So you're gonna have to

(12:49):
kind of full frontal say the entire plan and kind
of lay it out in order for you just start
to find some sort of support in relief. And like
I said, that could be difficult given a boss or
a manager if they're not open or willing to have
these conversations or they see it as a problem. So

(13:12):
definitely like plan and have the things you want to
say out, but do it in a way that's supportive
to you, not like putting you in a bad light,
because having chronic illness is not your fault and you
shouldn't be punished for that. So really meticulously pay attention
to how and what you're going to say. But I

(13:34):
do think conversations are so important on the topic of
chronic illness. I got a message from Brittany who wrote
into me saying she would love to talk about being
a mom to kids with chronic health conditions, and I
really wanted to give her the space to share this
because I think there's many moms, parents, dads out there
who can relate to what she is sharing and wants

(13:55):
to make sure other parents feel seen and understood on
this level.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Hi, my name's Brittany and I'm a mom to three daughters.
I have an eight year old, a five year old
and a three year old, and my eight year old
and five year old both suffer from a chronic health condition.
My five year old has food allergies and my eight
year old was diagnosed in September of twenty four with
type one diabetes. And as a parent, when your child

(14:21):
is given a diagnosis that is life changing and life altering,
it's very scary. There's a lot of fear of the unknown,
and you really have to more in the life that
you thought you were going to have. My five year
old she'll eventually outgrow her food allergies, but my eight
year old, she won't grow out of type one diabetes.

(14:46):
And when she was diagnosed, it was super scary and
it felt like our world got flipped upside down. I
went from knowing how to take care of my child
to learning how to give insulin shots and count carbs
so that we could properly dose her insulin. And while

(15:07):
they do the best they can to teach you in
the hospital, it's a crash course and it doesn't make
it easy to feel confident in what you're doing. We've
been doing this now for about seven months, and I'm
only just now feeling confident in us going out to

(15:32):
eat or going to a birthday party and having an
idea of how to accurately dose her insulin without having
a scale to measure the amount of food. It's been
challenging as a parent to know that at the end

(15:52):
of the day, I'm doing the best that I can
and that's all I can do as a mom. I
know the it feels like the weight of the world
is on our shoulders. But it's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to feel sad that your life looks different

(16:16):
than what you thought it was.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Going to look like.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
And it's okay that your life is different than your
siblings and your cousins or your friends. It doesn't make
it any less rewarding to be a parent if your
child has a health condition. If anything, it teaches us

(16:43):
how to be flexible and be adaptable to the changes
in life. And while I miss what our life used
to look like, I wouldn't trade anything. I love my
daughter more than anything. I love all three of my
girls more than anything. But it's it has been a

(17:07):
change for us that, while difficult, has brought us all
closer together. And while like I said, I miss our
old life, I wouldn't change any of it. If anybody's
out there dealing with a chronic health condition with their
kids and it's new and it's scary, just know it
gets better and it won't be scary once it's not

(17:29):
new anymore. Anything new is scary because we don't know
what to expect. But allow yourself to feel sad, allow
yourself to more in the life you thought you were
going to have, but embrace the life you were given
and just love your kids and know it gets better.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Green flag and red flag you notice right away. Green
flags I notice are for sure consistency and people, especially
as I've gotten deeper into relationships and the more that
I've experien I can pick up within two, three, four
dates if a guy is going to show up consistently,

(18:08):
like are his words and actions aligning? Is he making
me feel like I have this gut feeling now that's
so wild. I had kind of started seeing a guy
and I think we were about to kind of have
our fourth date, and the first few days were so great,
but then he started to just back off, and I

(18:29):
was like, I don't know where I stand with that guy.
And when you don't know where you stand with somebody.
It's a bad thing, even in the early stages, because
it's so easy for someone to say, Hey, I like you,
I want to see you. Hey I don't like you.
This is not working out for me. Those two things
are actually easy to say if you have a heart. Unfortunately,

(18:51):
so if anybody ever makes you feel like you don't
know where you stand with him, it's a red flag,
and it's gonna to tell you a lot more about
a person very quickly. Then. I think a lot of
us want to give credit to and our guts are
always spot on about that we kind of just shove
them away, you know. He started to like somebody get excited.
It's fun to be excited about somebody. I was excited

(19:13):
about that guy for a brief second, and then I realized,
I don't want to be with somebody where I have
to question how I feel and what he feels. That's
not fun for me. So that's not a good thing.
So consistency kind of falls in a red green flag
in a way, like I'm paying attention to this and

(19:34):
it's either going to turn into a red flag or
a green flag. I did an episode about my abusive relationship,
which was really one of the first times I've talked
about that. So this is in These next two questions
are in relation to that, after getting out of a
narcissistic and abuse relationship, how to feel safe in a
new one, how to stop all the overthinking and reading
way too much into every little thing. I'm currently with

(19:54):
an amazing guy about to get married in October, but
I have days where I'm thinking, when is this going
to blow up?

Speaker 2 (20:00):
Up?

Speaker 1 (20:01):
Oh? Man, girlfriend, I haven't reached that point yet. You
know where I'm about to be married, so I can't
tell you that it ever goes away, and I don't
think it really does. You know, in the new healthy
stage that I'm in currently right now with somebody, I

(20:21):
am questioning this every day. When's the shoe going to drop?
What's gonna happen? What bad flag are you going to
show me? Who are you? This isn't real? And it
teeters on this fact that I have to allow this
person to not be responsible for the things that I've
been through, but also hold this person accountable that I

(20:44):
don't experience the same things that I've already experienced. And
that's really hard to teeter because this other person deserves
respect and your genuine heart and giving them the opportunity,
especially this person send for you who has proposed to
you and you're about to get married to, giving them

(21:04):
the opportunity to show you that not all people are
like that. But there is a protection level, and I
don't think protection ever goes away. I think you learn
to cope with it, and I think you learn to
understand it and move through it. And at the end

(21:25):
of the day, something that I'm really fighting hard to
teach myself is that the other shoe could always drop.
But am I really going to keep living my life
in new relationships and new friendships and new anything like
the shoe is always going to drop? Do I deserve that?

(21:48):
Do I deserve to sit there and always be anxious?
Or do I deserve to dive in and allow good
things to happen to me? Because I deserve good things
to happen to me. And I think you're probably in
that similar place. But clearly, this is a person that
you are with who you do feel safe with, and

(22:09):
you feel good enough to be engaged to him, and
there is always always the possibility that the shoe will drop,
But you have to trust yourself enough to know to
get out when the shoe does drop, and to pick
yourself back up when that shoe does drop. You have

(22:32):
to put the trust back in who you are. It
took a lot of time for me to understand trusting
in myself and trusting that I was making the right
choices for myself and relationships after that one. So a
lot of what you're experiencing in this shoe drop, and
I can only tell you this because I know the
feeling and I'm currently experiencing it, is that you have

(22:56):
to trust that you've healed and done the work and
that you made the right choice until they prove you otherwise.
You can only base your data off of the information
that you've been given and the information that you've been
given so far. As this is a person who is
amazing and wants to marry you. But the minute that

(23:17):
ever changes, you know what to do. You know you'll
get out, you know you'll do better. So why you
and me, girlfriend, are we sitting here and being like,
dang the other she's gonna drop sometime soon. Huh, Let's
stop doing that both of us, girlfriend, because I got
to too. Okay, I do. I'm in this with you.

(23:40):
If you have a friend family member in a toxic relationship,
What are the right things to say to help them
see what's happening, And how can we truly help someone
see what's going on and how it looks from the outside.
I was having a conversation with somebody about this today
and that person who is experiencing something with one of
their kids. It's who was like kind of having an

(24:03):
experience that I was having, and he wanted a kid's
perspective when he's a parent. And I think the best
thing that we can offer people when they are in
relationships that we don't support is our support. And I'm
not saying that you have to be there all the time.

(24:23):
If you've gosh, it's gotten so toxic and you're just
like in it, and you're like, I cannot keep offering
this person my undenying support every single time they call
or text me. That's fine, and I understand that, but
letting them know like, hey, I love you, and I

(24:45):
don't agree with this decision and I don't agree with
this relationship, but I am always going to have your
back and I'm always going to support you. And when
the time comes that this does or doesn't happen, I'm
here no matter what allows people who are in those
relationships to feel safe enough. It like plants a seed

(25:11):
that when they finally realize for themselves, they don't feel
scared getting out of it. I was talking to my
dad the other day after he listened to my podcast
episode on the abusive relationship. But my parents knew after
everything happened, and he still like kind of beats himself

(25:35):
up because he was like, I wish we could have
done more, And I had told him, you guys did you?
Guys supported me, You loved me, you trusted me to
make decisions for myself, and you helped me as soon
as I was ready. Truth be told, we can't make
people make a decision until they're ready in anything, not

(25:56):
just relationships, but in things that they're dealing with in
their own lives. Until somebody is ready to accept what's
going on in their life and make a change, we
can't change that for them. So the best thing that
we can do is offer them love and support and
kindness in those scenarios however you are able to. Again,

(26:18):
this does not mean you need to be so close
to somebody that like you're there for them at their
beck and call for the years that they want to
keep talking about something. I know that as someone who's
in this, nobody had that obligation to me. They shouldn't have.
And I did lose friends and stuff over but the
moment that I was ready to get out, I knew

(26:38):
that I was still loved and supported, so I knew
that I could go to them. And that's where it
becomes really important to just allow people to make their
own mistakes and decisions. And truthfully, you can only tell
them one time, like hey, I don't support this, and
I don't think this is going to be something that's

(27:01):
beneficial for your life, but I love and support you
like that conversation can really only happen one time, because
if you keep pushing that like I don't see this,
I don't understand, all you're going to do is push
them further and further away into the opposite direction. So
say it once, say where you stand, like very proud

(27:22):
and definitive, and know with like your deepest depth to
them that like you love them and support them. And
I do think in the bigger picture that's your more
beneficial situation in my experiences, and I know that that's
really hard for some people even for me. I want
to help people get out of stuff. I'm a challenger.
I'm going to push you to do better things for

(27:44):
your life. So I had to learn this also because
I put myself in this situation. So now being in it,
I can understand when it's not my role to play,
it's somebody else's role to play in our own life.
Living in a busy job life, how do you nurture

(28:04):
your friendships as well as alone time? I mean you
did just hear me. I don't do well with the
lone time. Clearly. I haven't taken a lot of time
to shower, or eat or clean my house recently because gosh, guys,
life is smacking me in the face. I feel like
I have not had any time and that's just the reality.
Like I'm gonna give you some moments here of stuff

(28:25):
that's really important to me and how I try and
focus energy in different places. But I'm gonna tell you
right now like I'm drowning. Honest to god, I am
struggling in a lot of ways to find my balance
with this new podcast, in my life, with having a
full time job, with maintaining friends, with trying to date,
with trying to foster animals, which is really important to me,

(28:48):
with Remy and I doing therapy work with staying healthy
and focused on my health, which is really struggling right now,
like I am drowning. Honestly, there's days I come on
from work and all I want to do is sleep,
and I don't have the time to sleep. So I
do really well a lot of the time. But then

(29:09):
there's moments like this where holy crap, I'm barely hanging
on for dear life and I don't suggest it. Honestly,
I really don't. Like I feel successful and I feel proud,
and this podcast is so important to me, and all
the things that are in my life are so important
to me, and that's why I keep pushing through it.

(29:30):
But I think it's really important to have balance. And
when I'm really busy like this, I try really really hard.
Even if I can't show up physically, like I'm texting
my friends, I will call them. I will send them
food or buy them coffee, like send Venmo and buy

(29:51):
them buy them some coffee. Like if I can't show
up physically, I always try and show up in another way,
or or I try and make up for the time
that I'm not there physically, because so much of friendship
is wanting to be seen and heard and loved, And

(30:12):
if I want people to do that for me in
my life and show up for me, then I have
to make the time to do that for other people.
It's just like it's a requirement. But there are moments
in my friendships where like I text them, I'm like, you,
guys are not going to see me for like three weeks,
I'm dead, leave me alone, And they get it because
we've established such good basis when I am in a

(30:35):
healthy space and I do have the time, even like
in dating, like very early on in relationships, I'm like, no, no, no,
it is important and imperative to me that I spend
time with my friends without you. I still want you
involved and I still want you there, and there's gonna
be a lot of time we're all together. But I
also need to continue to nurture my friendships like I

(30:56):
have made that such an important requirement because I was
in relationships before where I lost friendships and I will
never let that happen again. So I just really put
it high on the totem pole because the most important
thing about our lives is connection and community. Like everything

(31:16):
else be damned. Connection and community is genuinely what keeps
us alive and living, and you have to foster that.
You have to make time for that and make time
for it in the ways that you can. If you
have kids, bring the kid along. I don't know how
many times I've told my friends, I'm like, I don't care,
bring the kid. I just want to see you. I
want to hang out with you. Or let me show

(31:36):
up to your house and we'll watch a movie with
the kid. Like but if you also don't have those friends,
it's telling of those friendships. Find the friends that will
do that stuff with you. There's been times where I'm
so busy and I have Rimmy and I'm like, guys,
I can't leave Remy. Like I've been so busy, I
have not paid attention to her. I need to spend
time with her, and they're like, cool, bring her, or

(31:57):
let's go to a patio where she can come. Understanding
your friendships and how busy everybody is is really important,
and that's how you're gonna nurture it and alone time. Man,
if you guys figured that one out, let me know,
because I'm also still working on that I'll try and
schedule myself some like random massages and that's kind of
where it comes. Or I'll go on a walk with

(32:17):
Y and those are kind of where I recharge. But
true alone time and stuff, I don't think I've gotten
there yet. We're still working on that. Grief depression and
its toll on relationships. You know, at one point in
my relationships, I dated a guy who was bipolar, and

(32:41):
it really did pay a heavy toll on our relationship
because so much of his experiences would blur the lines
in our relationship, Like if he was having episodes, you
would have like good swings and bad swings kind of
to go along with what was hap happening with him.

(33:01):
And that relationship ended up ending because like all he
wanted to do was push me away because he didn't
want me to also experience those things, and so much
of that relationship And now having experienced like a partner
like that, and also myself having gone through multiple moments

(33:23):
of grief and depression, I can tell you that the
best thing you can ever do is have an open
line of communication. I wish so many times that he
would have just talked to me, and I know that
in the moments where I was so depressed that I
wish someone would have allowed me to talk to them,

(33:44):
or that I would have felt comfortable enough to have conversations.
When we feel deep sadness, deep grief, deep depression, the
last thing we really want to do is open up.
But it's actually the one thing that can help us
through it. And again, I know that's so hard, and

(34:10):
there's gonna be moments of those bouts and those experiences
where you're not gonna want to talk to people. But
even just saying hey, I'm struggling with this, I don't
want to talk about it, but this is what's happening
in my life right now is so important. Doesn't mean
you have to sit there and say, hey, I want
to have an hour long conversation about the depression that's
going on in my head. Like you can just say, hey,

(34:33):
I'm really depressed right now and I don't know what
I need and I don't know what's happening to me,
but I really need your support. That communication alone can
be the difference between this not taking a toll on
your relationship. So much has to do with communication, and

(34:53):
it's not the end all be all fixed, because trust me,
there's gonna be more battles than just that communication. But
I think being able to communicate your needs and what's
happening to you and if it's you and everyone around you,
and that's a really good place to start. And also

(35:15):
giving yourself grace that you're experiencing these things because no
one should have to, and making sure that you choose
a partner that does have empathy and compassion. That's such
an important tool. I remember telling one of my girlfriends

(35:38):
when they were in town, I really need to find
a partner who has the same level of empathy that
I do, because not only do I have so many
like mental health struggles, but I had so much empathy
for other people that when I kept dating these people

(35:58):
who really lacked, we were always butting heads because it
just didn't make sense. We were never on the same page.
So I think when you're someone who struggles with these things,
you need to find someone who has compassion and empathy.
But also on that same level, you cannot take advantage

(36:19):
of someone with compassion and empathy because you have these struggles,
which is something that I faced in one of those
ex situations with the guy who is bipolar. I felt
like I was kind of taken advantage of because of
my empathy and understanding, which is how I got cheated on.

(36:40):
But that's story for a different day. Would your twelve
year old self be proud of you? Now, this was
a thing that we talked about on the Bobby Bone Show,
and I really thought about this question. I think my
twelve year old self would be so so proud of
where come. I think she would be in shock that

(37:04):
I have CMA awards and ACM awards sitting on my walls,
and she'd be shocked that I'm helping people. But I
also think she would be concerned for the things that
we went through, the bullying, the suicide thoughts, the abusive relationship,

(37:28):
not being married yet a lot of those things. I
think she'd be like, what the freak happened? Are we okay?
And sometimes he answer to that is no, but most
of the time yes. So I do think overall she
would be so proud. And this is a cool check
in to do, like if you're just going through it
or you've had some really big years recently, like do

(37:51):
a check in with yourself and be like, would my
twelve year old self be proud? And like honestly reflect
on that, not because you have done anything wrong and
say you took eighty million different turns that you never
thought you would. But I believe that recognizing our younger
selves is a really important part of the growing process

(38:17):
to understanding who we are and our needs once, dreams, desires.
I was recently put on anxiety meds. I grew up
in an era where meds were not the answer, So
I'm having a hard time accepting these will help me
and that it's okay to use them. You know, this
is super tough because when I was going through the

(38:39):
bullying situation and I was having depression suicidal thoughts, I
was on depression medicine and I really felt numb during
that part of my life. Whether it was the meds
or the things that I was experiencing, probably a combination
of both. But every time I would open up that
medicine and it, I was so disappointing in myself. I

(39:05):
was so sad that I had reached a point where
I needed help that to that extent. But I look
back on that now and I'm mad at myself for
getting mad at myself, because it's like if you break
your arm and you go to the doctor and you're like,

(39:25):
I broke my arm and they're like, okay, let's put
a sling on or you need to have surgery, let's
fix this, and you get it fixed. That same thing
is what's happening when you have a mental health problem.
You're getting medication because you're struggling with something. You're dealing

(39:47):
with a physical issue and situation that's happening in your body,
and you're trying to heal it, whether that's with medicine
or all kinds of other things. But recognizing that just
because it's mental health, does it make it any less
serious and more important to heal or take medicine than

(40:10):
if you were to have a physical injury. And I
wish someone would have told me that correlation, because I
really focus on the fact that what I was experiencing
was invisible to everybody else, even though it was very
real to me. But because it was invisible to everybody else,

(40:31):
taking the medication made me feel like I was doing
something wrong, and you're not. You're literally trying to heal
and take care of your body. Everybody has different body
composition and genes and things that are happening in their
brain and all you were doing is taking steps to
heal yourself. That's it, end of story. So I don't

(40:57):
want you to ever feel bad about that, and hopeful
utilizing that correlation will allow you to not feel bad
about what's happening. Not on topic for your crowd, but
I'm struggling with aging. I do actually think this is
super odd topic. I have a lot of people, Gosh,

(41:17):
my dad listens to this podcast. Sorry Dad, I'm not
saying you're aging. You look great, You're amazing. But there's
so many people who listen to this podcast, and there's
people who follow me who struggle with this. I can't
personally relate at this moment in my life to true,
true aging. I'm not old enough yet, but gosh, I

(41:38):
hope I have the privilege to be. But I know
that that's a struggle because with aging comes old age
and retirement and a lot of people dying and understanding
what's happening to your body and the changes you're going through.
There's so much that comes with aging, so struggling that

(42:00):
is so real, and I think there's a lot of
people out there that need to hear that, because you know,
it is one of those things where even I just
did it in that moment where it was like, gosh,
it's a privilege to age. But I can sit here
and say that because I'm thirty one, I haven't hit
that point yet. I can't imagine what that's like, sixty

(42:20):
seventy eighty ninety years old, and you're like, I'm really
struggling with this fact. I can't I can't put myself
in those shoes yet. But I can sit here and
say that I see you, and I hope you know
that you're not alone in that experience, and I hope
you're getting to do all the things in your life

(42:41):
that you want to and checking off all the boxes,
because that's what life is truly about. Please share your
experience moving to Nashville and buying your own home. No
man needed. So I loved moving to Nashville. But and
I didn't have a man during any of those experiences. Now,

(43:03):
when I moved to Nashville, now, when I lived here
at first, not when I bought my house, but I
did have my family, and I think that support system
was so huge to do all of the things that
I was doing, and incredibly supportive parents who really helped
me understand a lot of things, and educate me and

(43:26):
give me space to do so much stuff that I can't.
You say, just because I didn't have a man, I
didn't have help, I did have my parents, But I
did move here by myself. I moved here without knowing anybody.
And I did buy my home without having a partner.
And those things are accomplishments in themselves. And to anybody

(43:51):
who's thinking about making a big move and moving away
from everything they've ever known, do it. Do it because
you will never regret it. And do it because you
can always move back home. You can always move back
to the place that's comfortable. But what you can never
do is get an opportunity to move. Those things don't
come back again. So if you ever get a chance

(44:14):
to make a fun change, do it. Is it uncomfortable? Yes?
Are you gonna have to make new friends? Yeah, You're
gonna have to do all kinds of things. So you
never thought you could possibly do it, Yes, but do
it anyway. And if you are in the position to
buy a home but you're waiting for a partner, don't.

(44:36):
I love living by myself. I love that I have
a dog and cat who are my own. I love
that I get to choose that I gotta have both
of them and did not have to consult somebody else.
I love that I can choose anytime I want to
bring another animal in and foster it. I love that
this space is entirely mine. I love that I get

(44:57):
to go out on the backyard and mow my own
yard and say yeah, I did that, or my house projects,
or all the things that I've accomplished, I did that.
It's very empowering. So if you are in a position,
which I know is an incredibly difficult market right now,
but if you are in a position to do so

(45:18):
and buy your own home and the only thing that
you think you are waiting for as a partner, don't
because you don't need one man or a woman. You
do not need one like go for it. Do it.
I believe it's one of the coolest things that will
happen in your life. Tips on getting through trauma when
it's left you stuck in life with no purpose. This

(45:44):
is really tough because I see in this message that
you feel you have no purpose because of whatever you've experienced,
and I hate that you feel this way. I hate
it for you because you never just to feel that way,
whatever it was, whatever this trauma was that you experienced.

(46:05):
But let me make something so clear. You have a purpose,
and your purpose is you being you beyond anything else.
If you don't go after a dream job, if you
don't have a partner, if you don't have friendships, if
you don't have anything, you being you is a purpose.

(46:25):
That's the only foundation that you need to start over.
Which is what it sounds like you're kind of at
is this starting over point. But you being you and
you having you is the only thing you need to
start over and build the life that you've always wanted.

(46:46):
You were actually in the best place to create the
life that you've always wanted. A clean slate is something
that everybody wants. And I'm not saying you technically have one,
because you do have trauma and you had experience that
has left you feeling this way. But if you can
rewrite that narrative in your head that this is something

(47:10):
that created a clean slate for you to start a
new journey for yourself, I think you'll start to find
your purpose and also take care of you. I don't
have a lot of context, but take care of you,
because that's going to be important part of this process too,

(47:31):
how do you handle what other people think. I say
one wrong thing and dwell on it for months, it
gets to me. Honestly, I still don't handle it well.
There's sometimes people come at me. I'm like, I, guys,
there was one time, I'll be super honest with you, guys.
I went down and Reddit thread one time and it
was not a cool experience for me. I had to
go straight into therapy. I was like, this is a

(47:53):
horrible place and people hate me, and I don't know
what I did wrong. There were so many people out
there that had so many a pinions of me, and
a lot of people who were acting like they really
knew me, and they had so many story lines and
things about me wrong, and I just had to like
let it happen, and I spiraled. I was so not

(48:15):
well for a few days. So I need to make
sure it is known that, like, things do get to me.
I'm really good a lot of the time about dealing
with trolls on social media, but things do still get
to me. It still hurts. It's still like augh, like
a little shot might be a little pinch, like okay, cool,

(48:36):
didn't need to take that one, but then you pinch
me one hundred times. Yeah, I'm gonna start to feel that.
But at the end of the day, I did learn
from my my bullying situation in high school that I
can't make everybody like me. Much to my dismay, I
would love to make everybody like me. Heck, I'm pretty

(48:57):
sure that was like one of my goals for the
first twenty years of my life was that I just
want everybody to like me. And I had a really
harsh lesson in that bullying when that bully looked at
me and said, I just don't like you, and I
couldn't do anything about it. But she taught me a

(49:18):
very important lesson that it wasn't my job to make
everybody like me. It was my job for me to
like me. And I freaking love me. I'm so proud
of myself in so many ways. And when you start
to really focus on your inner self and pour everything

(49:43):
into you, everything outside of that feels so small. And again,
there will be moments when it doesn't. I still do.
I still feel the arrows in my back, little stab,
little knife pain. Majority of the time I can look
at that and say, I can't make you like me,

(50:04):
and that's okay because I like me, so a lot
of that comes from your inner person. And also I
say stupid crap all the time, Like, no, really, I
the things that come out of my mouth sometimes shouldn't.
So if anybody should be concerned about things that I say,

(50:28):
and I should probably take it back. It's for sure me.
I word vomit all the time, so most people do.
If you feel like you say something and you're like, oh, dang,
I shouldn't have said that, most people word vomit. Heck,
most of the time, all of us are like literally
just allowing things to come out of our mouth. That's
me right now. Things are literally just word vomiting this

(50:48):
entire episode. So try not to dwell and sit on
things that you've said. I promise you're the only person
that's dwelling on that thing now, unless you like said
some really hateful stuff, then you might need to have
a conversation. But I don't think that's what you're doing.
So just remember that nobody else is doing that to

(51:11):
your words, only you. We got to start looking inward,
find that confidence in you and love you for who
you are and all your quirks and your word vomiting
like I'm doing right now, the personal drive to do better.
You share so many good and bad things. What keeps
you going? Oh? Man, I got you know, that's a

(51:36):
tough question because, like I said, like, there's moments, guys
where I don't and there's moments where my depression and
suicidal and anxiety and all of these things that are
relatively situational for me will come creeping back in, and
I'm just like, I like, this week has been so

(51:56):
hard to meet, especially with all the health problems that
I've been having lately, and I have so much on
my plate. There have been moments where I like, I
just don't want to do it, Like I literally want
to crawl in a hole and not come back out.
But there's something really important to me that I accomplish

(52:19):
the things that I set out on this earth to accomplish,
even if it comes with bad moments. Like some of
my goals in my life at this point. Now, I'm
going to save as many animals as I can or
be a part of animals journeys. I really want to
write a book for Remy, and I want it to

(52:42):
be like a series about Remy and me rescuing her,
her becoming a therapy p up, her helping with foster
animals like a children's book series. That's something I really
want to do, not that I have any of the
time for. I want this podcast to continue growing and
keep finding incredible interviews and people to come on and

(53:04):
topics to have conversations about. And I really, I really
want to change the world. You know that it's a
big and hefty goal that I have, but I really
want to leave a mark on this world. And that
means that I'm gonna have to fight through some really
hard moments to make sure that I can continue accomplishing

(53:26):
all these all of these goals. So so much of
my drive really comes from this desire to just make
things happen for myself. For twelve year old me that
we were talking about, like, I know, she deserves me

(53:46):
to keep fighting. The young girl who is so driven
and what chase streams like nobody's business. She's the one
that I keep fighting for. She's what I do this for.
And I want her to look at seventy five eighty
year old me so many years later and be like, yeah,

(54:07):
we did all that, look at the life that we had.
I don't ever want to look back on my life
right now, twenty years from now, or when I'm on
my deathbed. I don't ever want to look back and
say I should have done something. And I think that
is the end all, be all drive for me. I

(54:27):
don't ever ever want to leave things on the table.
It's just not worth it to me. It's not worth
the feeling that I'll have if I do journey getting
remy therapy trained. Want to try and don't know where
to start. So I actually just did an article I'm

(54:48):
going to be in an issue coming out in June
for in Focus. I got nominated as a fresh Face
of philanthropy from Apes Garden, where Remy and I volunteer,
which is just incredible. I genuinely feel so honored. But
we were doing the interview process of it and they
asked how this kind of started, and I was looking

(55:09):
back at my life and I've always been such a
massive volunteer, like that was always a huge part of
who I was. In middle school, I was the Kay's
was it middle school? Was that freshman year high school? Gosh,
I don't know. My timeline is so kind of foggy now,

(55:31):
but I was the case Area president which was an
organization that really helped organize volunteer events. Volunteers charity organization
drives all kinds of stuff, and I loved it so
much that I became the area president for it, an
area president meaning like of a significant portion of Kansas.
And I even went to a camp and there was

(55:52):
case camp and we did all this volunteer stuff and
I like spoke at it. I had a big speech
that I had to do and it was one of
the coolest times of my life. And that kind of
kick started me then doing leadership studies in some of
my classes in middle school and high school, to then
minor in leadership studies in college. And I know, leadership

(56:13):
studies like everybody's like, ah, those are the your easy classes. Yeah. No,
as you got into them, you were having the most
difficult conversations you've probably ever had in your life. But
leadership studies, in a combination of doing so much volunteer
stuff really then kickstarted me to then continue volunteering and

(56:34):
doing leadership work outside of my life as like a
young kid and into my adult life. And I always
loved animals. The portion of that happened in college when
my girlfriends and I when we lived in a house
together our junior year of college, we fostered like twenty
seven animals over the course of one year together. One

(56:56):
of my friends like started that, and that sent me
on this journey, which is when I'm still on gosh,
helping the rescue community and shelters and all kinds of
things like that. So that's where that started. And then
the two combined when I started volunteering at Kansas Humane
and Remy came in as a puppy and I was

(57:16):
training get my parents to adopt her, and when they
came to meet her, they're like, oh, my gosh, Morgan,
this dog has bonded to you. That is your dog.
And they allowed me to get her because I was
living with my parents at the time, and honestly, I
was at a position that I probably shouldn't have gotten
a dog. I just started a new job, I was
living with my parents, which is not the time, but

(57:36):
we were meant to be together, and so I adopted
her and it's been this crazy journey ever since. But
when we moved to Nashville before COVID, I actually started
looking for volunteer work for stuff for us to do.
COVID kind of like really took that on a turn.
But after COVID I kind of started that process up again.
And when I was trying to find things that I

(57:57):
could do with Remy and volunteer because I didn't want
to take a way my time with her because time
is so precious, I found therapy work. I was like, dang,
Remy would be so good at this. We did a
lot of training together when I first got her as
a puppy, and she was so well trained already, but
she loved people. She loves people more than she likes
other animals, which we have learned. It's always a process.

(58:21):
But we found Therapy ARC, which is the organization that
we are certified through, and we basically did a preliminary
exam with them and they're like, okay, is this even
a potential therapy animal. She passed that with Flying Colors.
We went through six weeks of training with them, and
then after we did the training, we had to take

(58:44):
the official exam and her and I both had to
pass because we're a therapy animal team. So like, not
only does Remy have to be like the best schools
dog ever, but I also had to be a good
human partner. To her like, can I hold conversations with people?
Do I want to interact in my empathetic do I
have compassion? There was so many kind of levels to this,
but we took that test and we passed so great.

(59:08):
We had a moment there where Remy really wanted to
go after some treats, but we still passed. And that
is now where we are today. And she is just
the most special dog and she has saved me in
so many ways, and she is for sure my soul,
my heart dog. And Hazel, I love Hazel's my cat.

(59:31):
She's beautiful and incredible. But at this moment in time,
Reomy and I have just been through so many things
that we have such a crazy special bond. Hazel and
I are getting there. We've been together for like two
years now, and it's it's so cool. I think animals
are one of the greatest things that we have in
our lifetime. All Right, we're nearing the end here or

(59:55):
we're getting there. How are you planning financially for the
future from this point in your life? So again, I
have really awesome parents who really instilled the importance of
saving money to me really really early on. When I
was working at Buffalo wild Wings. At sixteen, I was
setting aside so much money. It was really important for
me to save a lot of what I was getting

(01:00:17):
at that time in my life for what I could save,
and that started me on a really important journey that
I've always been good at paying myself first. I've always saved,
Like every time I get a paycheck, I'm like, Okay,
how much can go on my savings account? How much
could go here? And now I have investment accounts. Now
I invest in stocks, and I've been investing in my

(01:00:40):
four oh one case since I was twenty five years old.
So it was always really instilled in me at a
really early age, and I'm very, very lucky and thankful
for that. I know a lot of people don't have
that same experience. So the best thing I can say
in this direction is start now. Like you can never
start too late, right, I mean you can, you can

(01:01:02):
meet like some of my coworkers and you don't have
four o one k's, but you can never like be
too late to start, is what I should say. You
can always start saving now. In that saving like when
I was paying myself first, it looked like twenty five dollars.
It was twenty five bucks of my Buffalo wild Wings
or my serving money went to my savings. It wasn't

(01:01:25):
a lot dead but freakin' gosh, twenty well, my mouth sucks.
But I don't know ten years from that, like, I've
only increased that amount that I paid myself first every time,
and now my savings is so awesome. So that was
an important easy start for me to do, and I

(01:01:49):
really try and suggest it to people. I've also only
ever had one credit card. I've never opened up. That's
not that's not true. I did open up a pottery
barn when I about my house because I needed some deals.
But beyond that bottery barn, which I really don't use anymore,
I really just bought when I did my house. But
I only have one credit card, one debit card, and

(01:02:13):
I don't carry a lot of cash. Sometimes I do,
but I really don't. So like I have gotten some
financial things and still really early, and I wholeheartedly know
that I'm very lucky for that, so very exciting. But
if there's one thing that you're looking for to start
saving as the first place, heck, it can even be

(01:02:34):
five to ten dollars, like just start. Don't think like,
I can't start. I can't do this, it's too overwhelming.
Just start. Just start paying yourself first every time you
get a paycheck, and that will start to build up
over time. It's a habit. You create a habit. How
should normal guys approach to women at a bar these
days without being creepy? We talked about this a little

(01:02:54):
bit on the Bobby Bone Show recently, and I think
your best bet is genuinely to like find very natural approaches.
Like if you see a cute girl at the grocery
store and she's looking at a specific item, just like
kind of like gently walk by. I don't like you
rush up to her and just be like, hey, I've
tried that before. It's really awesome. Like, as a normal

(01:03:16):
human being, think of connection instead of flirting, Like, think
of the fact that you just want to connect with
this human being. I did an episode with a flirt coach, Benjamin,
and it was cool to talk to him because so
much of what he thinks the flirt is is just
connecting with human beings. If we start to look at
things as just connecting and having human interaction, it takes

(01:03:40):
some of that pressure off that this has to be
a connection. It can just be a fun moment in time.
So do things just naturally, like how you would if
you saw a friend, or if a girl's at the
drink or at the drink at the bar buying a drink,
then ask her what she's drinking, like, hey, what is that?

(01:04:01):
I need a new drink? Or hey, like you guys
are taking jobs, what are you celebrating tonight? I know
these sound like kind of corny and stuff, but natural
integration to your life is what's gonna have the most
success and not be creepy, because you know, if you
just go up be like hey you're hot, Yeah, that's
gonna be creepy, or like hey can I get y'all number?

(01:04:21):
Or uh what show snapchat? Yeah, none of those things
are gonna work. So natural integration. Just think of human
interaction rather than hey, I'm gonna go flirt with that
hot girl. That's the best way you're gonna go. And
our very last one imposter syndrome as a thirty year
old woman engineer in a male dominated field, let me

(01:04:45):
say this, you deserve to be there. You got that
job regardless of being a thirty year old woman. You
got that job, and all you have to do is
own that shit. Own it, like so often with imposter syndrome,
because I get it. I get it often. I'm kidding

(01:05:06):
you right now sitting here on this podcast, like why
is anybody listening to this? Why would anybody want to
hear anything that I have to say? You know why?
Because also the comments tell me that they're like, why
would anybody want to listen to you? You're not smart,
you don't need it, you don't need to share information,
you don't have a successful life, YadA, YadA, YadA. No,
you know what we're gonna do. We're gonna own that
shit because we deserve to take up space. We deserve

(01:05:29):
to have the jobs that we did do. We deserve
to be in the spaces that we're in. We worked
hard for that. You worked hard for that. Do not
allow anybody to make you feel like you don't deserve
to be there for any moment in time in your life.
You deserve to take up space. You deserve to get

(01:05:52):
the life that you've always dreamed of and to be
someone is who is doing something different like you are.
Hell yeah, you are paving a way for people. You
are changing a narrative, You are changing a path, and
that's so cool and so important, and do not ever

(01:06:13):
invalidate that experience for you. Are you gonna have moments
where you're like, dang, I shouldn't be here. Yes, you will.
I still have those moments every day. But then I
look myself in the mirror and I say, no, no, no,
look at me. We did this. We got here, We
worked hard, we put in the time, we put in
the effort, and we deserve to be here. And I
think that's probably what you needed to hear more than

(01:06:34):
my take on imposter syndrome. So I hope you heard
it loud and clear, and anybody else who's listening to
this episode, I'm so happy you're here. And you also
deserve to be here. And whatever space you're in in
your life right now, you deserve to be in. You
deserve to take up this space. So do it be
who you have always wanted to be, chase the dreams

(01:06:57):
that you always want to chase, and go on after it.
We do at the end of the day. So much
of my drive as a human being is that we
only have one life to live and I am not
gonna take a single moment of that for granted. And
you shouldn't either, So go out there, live your life.

(01:07:21):
I hope you got something out of this episode. Maybe
I just weren't vomited all over you, and maybe you
gave up halfway through and you're not even hearing the
ending of this, and that's okay too. But along the way,
I hope you did get something that helped you and
made you feel seen and heard and less alone, because
that is the whole purpose of this podcast. It isn't
me to sit here on a mic and blabber and

(01:07:43):
share advice or have interviews. It's really for you guys,
to feel like you are being connected to That's what
we're doing here. So I hope you felt it again.
I'm happy you're here. Thank you for being here. I
love you. Stay safe and we'll talk soon.