Conversations Are Like Baking Bread w/ John-Michael Bond

Comedian John-Michael Bond joins Brandon to share multiple messy stories after a game of smash or pass. Then, Brandon and John-Michael delve into growing up bisexual in the South, being in a hetero-presenting relationship, and talking about polyamory with parents. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Think it's important to say. The reason I'm telling you

(00:01):
this is because I love you. I don't want those
secrets from you, and I would rather, in the short term,
have there be this pain and this disconnect because that pain,
in this disconnect is a roadway to a broader conversation.
It's gonna help us both understand each other better.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
You know what. This is a safe space to talk
about relationships, love and sex. Now, let me tell you
something messy. So there is a little different messy thing,
which is that McDonald's has a hash brown mcflurry secret
menu item that's going viral. Have you heard about this?
It's like the photo that I'm staring at is disturbing

(00:42):
and also intriguing. It's two hash browns and in between
it's like an oreo mcflurry, like like just scooped up
in the middle of it. And I guess what I'd
like to say is, will somebody try it for me?
Because my guts are gurgling looking at this photo. And

(01:03):
as you famously know me and McDonald's, we do not
we listen. I love the McDonald's fries. It's one of
my favorite french fries. Of the McDonald fries but I
can't fuck with anything McDonald's because it makes my stomach gurgle,
so I'll never be able to endorse them. But this
hash brown mcflurry secret menu, I don't know if it's
just stay a secret or if it like if it
maybe will slap like what is the feeling of potatoes

(01:25):
with like ice cream and oreo? Well, I guess it's
similar to like Wendy's. Y'all ever do the thing? Do
y'all still do this? I don't know because I haven't
been in forever. Like Wendy's makes a frosty and then
you dip it with the French fry. That used to
be a vibe. I would only do with the chocolate frosty.
And I'm not even a chocolate gurly, but the Wendy's
chocolate frosty I could fuck with a little bit more
than just a regular chocolate. But I've never thought about

(01:46):
like these hash browns. Y'all know the McDonald's hash browns.
They're thick, and I can't imagine that a sandwich because
they hash browns are also breakfast. So for you to
start your morning with two hash browns wedged with some
mcflurry in between ice cream. That's a crazy breakfast, but
it also might be a perfect breakfast. I can't tell

(02:07):
if I like this or I hate this, you know,
can I also say this? I don't know if they
still make it. Y'all have to tell me. McDonald's makes
some of the best Mozzarelli sticks. There was this one
McDonald's downtown. Maybe I've told you about this because I
love it so much, Downtown New York because I used
to live in when I was going to the dorms,
lived in the dorms a water street, and so after
a late night we would go me and my room
would go to McDonald's and they were the only McDonald's

(02:30):
that I knew that had the mozzarella sticks. And they
were tiny. They were like they were like little chodes,
so they were like shortened fat baby them. Monzareli sticks
would hit some McDonald's do. I don't know if they
still do this, because again I haven't been forever. Would
have like like vegetarian menu options, like they had a
garden burger, the mcgarden. Am I making this up? They

(02:50):
had a mcgarden burger, I think, which if I remember correctly,
also slapt because there was a period in my life
where I was a vegetarian. It was from ages like
eight to like eleven or something. But my doctor said
I had to eat meat because I wasn't getting a
protein intake. Because it turns out I'm giving too much
information for here, it is I'm allergic to beans, soy
and seafood. So just like the vegetarian thing wasn't working

(03:12):
for me. Uh and I would not be my six
one self if my doctor hadn't stuffed done. I guess
I don't know, But back to this, what is this opening?
But I just, I just I want you to look
up the McDonald's hash brown mcflurry and tell me if
you think that this is something that you would try.

(03:33):
Is it appealing or is it just straight up nasty?
It might be so nasty that it's appealing. Do you
know what I'm talking about? Do you know when things
look just so nasty that you're like, but it actually
is tasty. I'm coming up short on what I'm what
what examples of that are? Oh you know what it
might be. It's not for me. But my grandmother used

(03:55):
to love a fish head, and I've heard that fish
head is delicious, you know, even with the eyeballs, they'd
be like sucking like. People love that shit, right, It's
very cultural. You know, I'm Caribbean and they used to
love it. To me as an American born, I looked
at it and said, that's crazy grammar. You can't eat
nemo like that, that's insane. But she loved it, and

(04:15):
people love it. It's a delicacy.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
So I'm not.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Comparing fish head to McDonald's hash brown because at least,
you know, a fish head feels like it's real food.
These hash browns with the macflurry. Now, it's going on
for too long, but I stay with me. Stay with me,
and we'll get into the show. Do they call it
a macflurry because they can't legally call it ice cream?
I have questions because what is the mcflurry if not?

(04:40):
I like, like a frosty, it's frosty. It's not ice cream, right,
it's just a frosty. Is it mcflurry not ice cream?
But it's just it's like, legally they can't call it
ice cream because it doesn't have ice cream products in it.
Or is it just their fancy name for it? Because
as I'm talking about this and I'm looking at this photo.
I really want to go to the bathroom like I
can feel a booboo coming. Okay, I'm so sorry. By

(05:02):
the way, welcome to the show. This is tell me something.
See that was an unhinged, messy opening. I am your host,
Brandon cah Goodmans. Some people call me messy mom, but
you could call me mcmom Oh, come on, mcmommy. That's crazy.
Please don't call me that, although that would be a
cool you know Rick, Rona McDonald and mcmommy. Wow, Wow, listen.

(05:27):
I may not be able to endorse McDonald's, but that
would be a dope if I could, that would be
a dope endorsement. Me meet mcmommy and Ronald McDonald together.
I don't sorry, I can't date no clowns. I have though.
Shout out to the clowns up dated who may listen
to this podcast. I'm so sorry. Actually, before even bring

(05:51):
the bell, we did a little research. Vincent, my producer,
did a little research. It turns out that a mcflurry
soft serve. Okay, so like I scream truck vibes work,
but a frosty baby they just said it's a dairy product. Hey,
that makes meur is what you mean? It's just a

(06:12):
dairy product. Tell me more. So, all I'm saying is
in the ice cream doesn't mean that dipping fries and
it doesn't still slap. But this I'm sorry, I'm still
looking at this hashbrow. It looks y'all google McDonald's hashbrow
mcflury secret menu item. Okay, and then you tell me
does it look even with the oriole I don't mean
to be too graphic, but the picture is like an

(06:33):
oreo mcflurry and the oreo bits is looking like what
will be in your toilet. Okay, that's all I'm saying.
That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
It looks like how you're it just okay?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
Now ring the bell? Now, ring the bell? Maybe you
know what that means. It is time for our guess
Now while they get situated and before we get our
MESSI Kiki started, let me remind you that we are
trying to get to two hundred and sixty ratings and
reviews by the end of the month. So jimmy favor
and rate review and subscribe to this podcast wherever you
get your podcast. It really helps the show. And you know,

(07:05):
when you write your review it don't have to be long.
It could just be I love the show, I love
Brandon MESSI his life, whatever it is, and give us
this five star review. Honey, Okay, it really really really
does help the show out. Okay. Now for our home manifesto,
Grant me the serendity to unpack my shame, the courage
to heal, the wisdom to know that sex is not

(07:25):
about penetration, the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries.
The strength to not call my ex that fuck boy,
fuck girl, or fuck they. For it is better to
masturbabe by myself in peace than to let someone play
in my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity say ho helujah.
I am so excited to have John Michael Bond on

(07:48):
the show. Originally from Chattanooga, Tennessee, John Michael Bond is
a comedian, writer, and photographer who specializes in finding light
in dark times. His first album, in Special Cry Uncle,
was released in twenty twenty four, hitting the top of
the iTunes charts and getting sixty thousand views in its
first month. He's featured for Sam Talent, Brandy Posey, Louis Kats,

(08:11):
Kate Willett, and Doug Stanhope. Bond is also the former
co host of the Who's Your God podcast alongside Amy
Miller and Steve hernandez y'all please help me. Welcome to
the show, John Michael, Well Bond, Hi, John Michael, Hello,
thank you so much for having welcome to the show.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
That you're here.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
This is a real, real, absolute treat. So listen. It's
always a treat to be talking about nasty things.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I mean, for me, it's just a nice pay and
change the pace because I usually get like people are like,
can you talk about a movie on my podcast? Oh?

Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah? And I'm like, yeah, I visibly can talk about it.
Like you look at me.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
You know, what's your movie? Do you talk about?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
You've got I usually go with that thing you do.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Wait, that thing you do.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
It's a Tom Hanks movie about like a nineteen sixties
rock band that like blows up.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Oh one song and you will love it.

Speaker 2 (08:59):
Okay, that thing you do.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Absolutely one of the most wonderful romantic comedies ever.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Oh my god. My choice is always sister Ic Too obviously,
oh incredible or First Wives Club. I love to talk
about this two movies a lot. I recently was asked
to talk about Legally Blonde, which was very exciting to
revisit that movie, which I think they're making a TV show. Yeah,
that's why I'm.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
It's like a prequel.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
I could be lying, but I'm pretty sure it could
be fully lying, but I'm pretty sure they are. Hold on,
before we get started, here are our messy mandates. Things
get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have
the right to evolve, shift or change today, tomorrow, ten
years from now. And if during the kiki something feels
too personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe for foosball,
which gives us a chance to pause and address or

(09:42):
pivot accordingly.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
Okayod I absolutely agreed all that.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yes, gorgeous. Okay. Shall we start with a lou breaker
love it. We're gonna play a game of smash or pass. Okay,
I'll give you a prompt. You'll tell me if you'll
smash it or your pass. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna start
very easy. Smash your pass, Sex on the beach, not
to drink the actual thing.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Yeah, pass pass.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Here's foreplay on the beach. Absolutely, head on the beach
incredible for either person, It's not. It depends I think that,
like I think head on the beach is better if
you have a dog, if you're if you're working with
the vagina.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
I think that that just there's just too much.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
There's a lot of you don't I.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Don't think anyone wants texture and oral like that's not
there's a reason we say no teeth. And then the ocean,
like the beach is just a million teeth all looking
to cling, you know, and it's so good. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
And also just like I mean, I I yeah, you've
got yeah, So.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Why does that work? Because are you under a towel?

Speaker 1 (10:38):
Like?

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Or is it a beach where that is allowed?

Speaker 3 (10:41):
I mean, I don't think there's a beach where it's allowed,
but there are I need to be. I'm not.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
I've not been invited to the cool beach, but I've
I grew up at the South where your parents were
always home, so if you wanted to to screw around,
you were doing it in a car by the lake.
A certain point, you just learned that if no one's around,
that's permission, you know, Like did I smoke pot behind
my school?

Speaker 3 (11:05):
Did you see me?

Speaker 2 (11:06):
No?

Speaker 3 (11:06):
I didn't. The same is true for head on the Beach.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
Logic, logic, Yeah, yeah, work. Okay, somebody's putting it on
a T shirt. Okay, So sex on the beach, we're smashed.
We're not smashing head on the beach. Okay. I'm gonna
also pass on sex on the beach because it's just
too much. I don't love elements like that. There are
too many elements. But I do love a makeout on
the beach. It's the best, the best of the beach.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
So like you're you're you're making out, you're close to
the water. The tide comes in, it splashes, you.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Know, you get that little mermaid when that when this,
when the water comes up behind the cliffs. Absolutely incredible,
smasher pass being dombed.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
Oh smash absolutely yeah. Oh that's the best thing in
the entire I'm on five eleven, which is uh. A
lot of people think five eleven is not tall. Five
eleven is very tall if you're attracted to people who
are five six and blow so just be around shorties.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
But like I'm a big burly dude.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
I grew up very Baptist in the South, and my
entire life I've been asked very much to be protected
or like protector, to like walk people to their car. True,
be the bigger man is the thing that you hear
a lot, and like there aren't a lot of opportunities
where you get to be small, and like being in
a place where you're safe enough and free enough to
just be little is the fucking hottest thing in the

(12:24):
entire universe.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Yeah, downside of it, most people don't know how to spank,
and see, well, what is the right way to spank?

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Do you think? Do you know?

Speaker 1 (12:33):
It's practice? You know, it's like, uh, it's it's like
clapping on rhythm to a song.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
You have to learn.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
And sometimes the first time you go for a spank,
h I think we've all experienced it where you just
hit someone.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah, there's a difference.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
You hit the bone too, Yeah, you don't hit the meat.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
You got to come in a slight angle. You gotta
leave some air.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, Like it's you know, a flat handing it.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
I'm a flat hander. Yeah, but I also have like
a I had a little intention in my palms, so
like there's.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
A little there's a little cup, yeah, natural cup.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
And then God gave me a little curve, so come on,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Got I got to praise him as absolutely I agree.
I love being dumbed because I'm six' one and so
always usually got to be the, bigger you, know, person
and SO i really like when somebody wants to just
tell me what to do and put the. PLACE i
think also just like in, life you, know you're a,
comedian you're like your business is run by, you and

(13:29):
so a lot you're in charge a, lot And i'm
in charge a, lot and SO i love WHEN i
don't have to be in. Charge it's the it's the.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
Hottest well THEN i also like been in a long
term relationship AND i had more experience going in so
like for a lot of, IT i was very much, like,
hey this is how we let's talk through, this let's
read this, book let's do this. Guy AND i was
like very much a leader in. It and being in
a place WHERE i didn't have to do that was just,
like oh my, god this is, heaven absolutely the, best
and like it was it was the first TIME i.
Did my wife never downed, me uh.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
Did she had no fucking idea what she was, doing
and it hurt so.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Bad but also it was kind of like there's something
romantic about watching someone enthusiastically do something, poorly and you,
know and like they, learn they, learn and then you're they're,
like wait a, minute why are you supposed to have
crop marks on you like?

Speaker 3 (14:14):
That And you're, like, no, No i'm.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
Not but we're exploring.

Speaker 1 (14:16):
Together but now there's a visual cue of when to,
stop And i'm. Not you, KNOW i could take it,
whatever let's go break me.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
DOWN i love.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
IT i love. It, okay smash your pass ballplay.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Ballplay, absolutely, smash, yes but it requires so much. CONSIDERATION
i want to know an advance ALMOST i. Don't i've
never how DO i?

Speaker 3 (14:39):
Say ballplay doesn't come up enough in a boring.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Day so like the time someone wants to play with your,
balls you've been, dancing you've been, out And i'm just,
like CAN i have ten minutes with some wet wipes or?

Speaker 2 (14:50):
Something, YEAH i JUST i.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
DON'T i want to present a fresh.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Ball you, Know I'M i like a musky, ball not
a musty yeah key musky. Ball yeah. Yeah SO i
like a. DANCE i like a ball that's been in
some underwear. Dancing, absolutely you.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Don't want like a ball that's been to the office. Already, no, no, no, yeah, no,
no you want to date the dance floor fresh and. Clean,
yes and then you want yeah, no absolutely.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Absolutely, agreed agreed that before you went, out you've been
out all, day then you went to the dance. WORD
i don't want those.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
Balls, yeah that's a very. Important, yeah, yeah there's a
this is very.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Gross BUT i think the rule for me technically would
be IF i have farted at least once SINCE i
got out of the.

Speaker 3 (15:28):
Shower, YEAH i don't want to share those balls with.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
YOU i love.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
THAT i think it's just a.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Consideration that's.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Consideration think about like you, know if you're, bottoming you
think about your, diet you think about the things that you,
consume and like part of that is goes into like
whether you're going to do ball.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
Stuff you're, like all, right it WAS i considerate enough
today to ask you to do? That DID i? Groom
are you going to halfway through throw up because you've
got a hair stuck in your?

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Throat and like we've all been, There but does it
is it harder to keep the romance in that moment
just a tiny?

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Bit so, like HAVE i been considered enough to deserve the?

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Balls? Yes but in your most divine, situation absolutely. SMASHED
i would smash. Too it's new to. ME i remember
years AGO i was in a steam room and somebody
was sucking my dick and then he tapped my balls
and it was the most interesting sensation BECAUSE i was,
LIKE i thought it was supposed to be more painful
BECAUSE i missed the, balls but it was actually quite.
Pleasurable the pain of it was slightly. Pleasurable was it

(16:24):
a side or a?

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Bottom it was a bottoms yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
Aside oh, yeah that's. Interesting, yeah that feels like it'd
be a little more, tender but the underneath very delicious
and son, recently my partner AND i have started to
play with, that like, pulling, tugging, tapping and it's been.
Lovely i'm really gonna smell.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
IT i, mean, LIKE i think part of it depends
on your partner's ability to uh like pat their stomach
and their head at the same. Time, yes like it's
there's A i don't feel like everyone has ambidextrays in
the same. Way AND i think that sometimes people are
stressed about it because they're, like, Well i'm gonna forget
to stroke If i'm pulling, down or like it's it's
like playing bop it and you just don't want to

(17:04):
hit it on the.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Head you know you hear the? Buzzer, yeah, yeah you
don't want to heard him.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
Accidentally, yeah, yeah you gotta Be, yeah you gotta be
gentle it robbe some, communication yeah for. Sure well you
won the, game by the.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Way oh hell, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
You already you are going you, know you, know you,
know bring my unconditional. Love. Yeah if you have messy,
prompts you can email tell me something messy at gmail dot.
Com speaking of, Which John, michael can you tell me something? Messy?

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Uh, YEAH i racked my brain, because, uh, MESSINESS i
think takes many different.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Forms for.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
ME a lot of it was just being like sad in,
public and that's no. Good my wife AND i have
been together for twenty two, years and when we moved
To la it was the first time we lived in
a city where everyone didn't know.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
Us which is so.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
Nice you grow up in The, south grew up a very, small,
found very insular. Community we were everyone's mom and. Dad,
yes so, like we never got a chance to be
like slutty and fun because it would just have been
the topic of conversation and that's no. Fun it's fun
to be gossiped about small it's not fun to they're
in the, town the whole.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Town, no, no.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
No so when we moved, here we had a little
bit of a slutty phase and we were on tender
for the first time and trying to like find people
to hook up. With and we made this incredible friend
who still is a friend to this, day who's probably
the person we hooked up with the.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Most just an.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
Absolutely stunningly Beautiful African american woman with incredible taste in,
gothrock just the just the sort of PERSON i dreamed
about while listening To Marilyn manson as a, kid and
like we looked up a bunch and like just became
genuinely beautiful. Friends and one night she was, Like, hey
do you want to go see The Smith's fits with?
Us Smith's fits is A Misfits smith's cover. Band the

(18:50):
singer dress is half As Glen danzig and half As.
Morrissy this sounds like cut down the.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
Middle it was.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Incredible she was, Like, hey my Sugar daddy is taking
us out. Tonight he's gonna buy our other, Drinks he's
getting us tickets to the. Show AND i was, Like
i've never been treated.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
As a beautiful.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Woman this is. Incredible you KNOW i would have live
vicariously through someone else's.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Beauty, Yeah and we went and her, boy her sugar,
daddy was like this Like russian cryptoi or millionaire who
was just a dick the entire.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
TIME i don't know how you have money and you're an.
Asshole it really does make. Sense but that Night doge was.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Crashing he was being punished by a bad, dog and
he was losing shit tons of, money and he was
being rude to. Everybody and she just kind of looked
us and was, LIKE i Think i'm gonna break up with.
Them do you guys want to go and? Fuck AND
i was, like, ABSOLUTELY i think we.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
DO i find my.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
Wife we got in the car he paid for and drove,
home had a fabulous, evening, Incredible like we never got
to be like the. Fund you never had those experiences
in college where you're, like, oh, NO i hooked up
with this person and now it's gonna set my friend
group on, fire WHICH i don't, recommend but it's sort of.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
NICE i think to have, those just to have the.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Life, Yeah and in that one, MOMENT i was, like,
MAN i got to do this and stick it to
a millionaire at the same.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
Time Fucking i'm. Poor how often do you get to
cock a.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Rich guy that?

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Rules that's. INCREDIBLE i WISH i had facetimeed, him just
be like. Here it was. Great we left while they
played The smith Song How Soon Is? Now it was
very PO i love.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
THAT i Think i'm gonna breakup with. Him do you
want to go? Fun that's just the.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
POWER i have a peanut butter and jelly. Dick it
is what you want when you want something, reliable but
it's not. GOURMET a peanut butter and jelly dick is.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Wild it's.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Reliable you, know you can do special things with it
if you. Want you, KNOW i love peanut butter and
dress it. Up, yeah but it's always. Good it's always.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Good you, know it's always gonna? Wow is? It is
it a crunchy peanut? Butter is that a smooth peanut? Butter?

Speaker 1 (20:38):
No?

Speaker 3 (20:38):
NO i bathe.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Pull my mic. Out, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful oh my,
god thank you so.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
Much, okay hopefully my mom's already turned off this.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
Episode i'm sending her a private, Like, okay shall we
do some messy mail? Please it's. Beautiful that means it's
time for messy. Mail let's do. This. Okay so the
first one, said, oh by the, way all your submissions remain.
Anonymous feel LIKE i always have to say. That this one,
says had sex for the first time in over two
thousand days this. Weekend mostly just felt. Relief what is

(21:16):
the long your? Face two thousand? Days? YEAH i didn't
even know what that is in? Math how? Many how
many years is? That that has to be a couple of, years, right.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
Three season five seven, four that's like four or five?

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Years four years is fourteen sixty five? Years?

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Eight oh my, god there's a cellivent for so long?

Speaker 2 (21:38):
Years? Wow what's as long as you've going without?

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Sex sixteen? Years well wait UNTIL i turned?

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Sixteen, okay, sorry since you started having, sex what's the
LONGEST i was, like, damn three? Years three?

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Years three.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
YEARS i had sex in high school with a girlfriend
and then with the guy, friend and THEN i started
dating my wife and she was not ready to have.
Sex so for the first three years we, dated we
did not have. Sex we did sex sexual. Thing, yeah
got to we cleared third a bunch of, times but
never really like got to that that like specific, place which,

(22:17):
honestly like being together for twenty two years and like
having that period is really useful BECAUSE i think you
have you learn a lot about like what how to
bring pleasure to each other sure otherwise and then also
you get to have these really beautiful moments where like
you you've been building to this like beautiful thing and
you finally have sex for the first time and it's, hilarious.

(22:40):
Hilarious she, okay, COOL i have.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
Permission my mother in law is a very Insane christian.
WOMAN i say that with.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Love and she told her that my wife had a
doubly thick i'mon and if we ever had, sex she
would know because of how bad it would. Be she
was very worried about her him and Bringing, yeah and
when it, broke it made an audible pop, wow like
like like it was and then like there's just a
lot of. Blood it's just LIKE i Think i'm going to.
Die AND i was, Like you're not gonna, die Because

(23:10):
i'm to.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Die AND i was LIKE i will.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Check and So i'm like down there and just like
be Like, nope this is a normal amount of blood we're.
Doing and it's that is the sort of thing that
you get to build up. Too you like you're experiencing
the insecurity and you're experiencing a little bit of fear
and a little bit of the righteous wrath Of, god
and like you also in that, Moment LIKE i think
it was really important because it taught her, that like
she can Say i'm scared in the middle of, sex

(23:34):
and we can stop and like figure out where we
are and talk it through and then go back if
we want to.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Or continue it.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Later and it's, LIKE i think that's really like beautiful
and great. Gorgeous now that being, said if after twenty
two years it had been.

Speaker 3 (23:47):
Two thousand, days that's you, know if you're if you're so,
abstinent you're using uh aa rules for counting the, day that's.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Bad that's very fun, Time, YEAH i, mean and also
can ratulations and getting late absolutely congratulations after five and
a half years you you you slayed.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
It i'll say THAT i think the Longest i've gone without,
SEX i would say like a couple of. Weeks, okay
maybe like a couple of. Weeks, yeah, yeah that's, true, Right, yeah,
YEAH i guess because the first TIME i had SEX
i was nineteen eighteen eighteen or nineteen was FIRSTIME i had,
sex and THEN i would LIKE i would fuck pretty
often in, school like once a, month once every Other,

(24:27):
yeah every couple. Weeks So i'd take a couple of
weeks is The longest's.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Well so here's the. Question are we talking purely penetrative
or are we including like oral and?

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Handies?

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Oh, well that's fair because sex is not just about.
Penetration you, know if you could get your feet tickled
and you, come does that kind of?

Speaker 3 (24:41):
SEX i would say, YES i would think.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
So.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Yeah so like even during that three, years we were
doing other, stuff like we were being. Sexual.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Yes the question is if you're using The calvinist sex
is only, penetration, right you? Know so like is this
person saying for two thousand years for the Same not
to make them feel, bad but it was two years
and it's two thousand.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Years my, god we have bigger. Problems this Is Jesus
christ on The jesus wrote in what's That? Mama, YEAH
i think it was a couple of. Weeks is the
longest for either penetration or or hand stuff or mouth?

Speaker 1 (25:15):
STUFF i think man FOR i would say since being,
married the longest has been two months, okay where we
both were traveling a lot and then we were not
getting along and you just. Don't you kissed and you
take good, night you sleep together and you're, intimate but
you're not. Sexual BUT i think that's those are normal
in a. Relationship that is like our relationship can fucking
drink at this? Point like and it, Does AND i

(25:37):
think you have, to, like you, know if you're, single
it's one, thing and if you're in a, RELATIONSHIP i
think it's important not to beat yourself up if you're
ever going through a cold, patch because part of that
is just your have a garden to, nurture and if
you don't nurture it, properly you're not gonna get fruit of.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
It you better come to Better Jesus. Christ ABSOLUTELY i love.
That you better fucking, talk, okay talk to your ship.
Now this one says, silently fucked my girlfriend on a
blow up bed whilst her mother slept just meters from.
Us that's. WILD i couldn't get hard if my mom

(26:11):
was right next to.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
Me i'm.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
IMPRESSED i. Know that's where did you get such a good?
Infectible dropped the? Link that's a, good that's a good inflatable.
Mattress that that's an affiliate.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
Sponsor.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah. Wow have you ever sucked out a bloat?

Speaker 3 (26:27):
Bed, yeah of course that's.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
To.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Brag BUT i didn't have bed money forever that you.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
KNOW i fucked on the. FLOOR i fucked on an air.
Mattress have you fucked near a? Parent not a? Parent?

Speaker 3 (26:41):
Uh WE i got a blowjob once In.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
UH i was like in the we were in the
corner of a basement and there were people around the
corner and.

Speaker 3 (26:52):
Asleep i'm not gonna happened in but it was.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
It it was not an eyeshow like if if you're
using metal, gear solid, rules like you could hear the
footsteps down the hallway throw yourself under the.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Box NEVER i. Couldn't that's too. Much that's we we did.
GET i know we've been caught after the fact. Before
but after the fact before what you, mean, well, like,
uh you were told after the.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
Fact, NO i just.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
KNEW i lived with my folks when we first started.
Dating and uh one the first time we ever drank
and did. Xanax the last time we're having we got the.
Car shouldn't have done, that but we, did and we
were making out in the car and, uh she was,
like do you want to bang on the hood of the.
Car it was, like, yes, Absolutely AND i also was
twenty two and did not had not washed.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
My car in a lot of.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Time and like the next MORNING i came downstairs and
my dad's car was, gone and on the hood of
my car was just the outline of my wife's. Eyes,
incredible and then just like two. Handprints it was. Incredible
you know, what maybe maybe he didn't, notice and also
he probably.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
Well he's already turned this. Off and.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Well ALSO i never, PRIVATELY i got lots of private link. Sitting,
OKAY i don't Think i've ever. Fucked ONLY i fucked
in my childhood, bedroom WHICH i think everyone most people,
have but no one was.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
Home so you've never even had sex when your parents are.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
Home, no, no, no, no no.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
No oh.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Man, Yeah SO i think THAT i developed an edging
fantasy because of having. Sex, sure we're just, like all, right,
Well i'm rebelling right like my bedrooms, upstairs there's is, downstairs,
yeah but like below so you. Can't you gotta go real,
slow not more than, soaking but. Close it's.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
Quiet.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yeah, yeah and you just learned to be very.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Intentional it's kung. Fu this one SAYS i came out
to my bye husband as by. Myself oh good as
ba as not by, myself but as. Work. CONGRATULATIONS i

(29:14):
want to ask you about. This you're you're by and
you came out As when did you come out as by?

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Publicly as?

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Well y'all have been together let's say, this you've been
together with your wife for twenty two. Years, yeah when
did you did you have this experience where you had
to come out to your wife or?

Speaker 3 (29:27):
NO i MEAN i kind of when you're together for
a really long.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Time, YEAH i think you just Are Like i'm gonna
keep this in a box because one Day i'm gonna
blow your mind where it's also like you you, LEARN
i think what when you want to share things and
when things are? Necessary, sure, so like we were monogamous
for a very very long. Time we're still mostly, monogamous
and like the question is what do you benefit from learning?

Speaker 3 (29:50):
That and Also i'm learning.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Who you are and LIKE i know that you're cool
with like, bisexuality BUT i don't know if you're cool
with my.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
Bisexuality oh, so she over the years has.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Talked about she's LIKE i love when you're a little,
queenie LIKE i love musicals AND i she comes home
And i'm dancing while doing the, dishes and, Like i've
there are things about me where she's just like when
my feminine energy comes. Out, Yeah and we would watch
movies AND i would be, like per like a dude or, something,
yes and like, eventually you, know she was just like

(30:24):
where do you stand on?

Speaker 3 (30:25):
This And i'd be, like, ah you know.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Whatever and then we'd be at a party and i'd
make out with a guy for, attension you, know like
you're doing.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
College AND.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
I, Also i'll say A chattanooga WHERE i grew. Up,
yeah the like underground kind of like music scene has
a very it's it's like sixty percent toxic masculinity forty.
Percent we all kiss each other and that's.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Fine.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, so LIKE i don't know if it was easy
for even her to even tell whether or not it
was just like you like kissing people or what it.
Was and THEN i WOULD i think over the years
hint at stuff had, happened And i'd been, like, oh,
YEAH i hooked up with the guy, once BUT i
wouldn't explain how far that. Went, SURE i think probably
two years ago was the first TIME i ever told,
you LIKE i had sex with a. Guy but, like

(31:06):
but even, then it wasn't like in a. Relationship it
was a male friend of mine, that like he we
were both clearly by we were both clearly attracted to each.
Other we didn't want a, date and that seemed like
the perfect person to, fuck, sure because they're, like oh,
man low. Stakes, yeah you both want to. Explore neither
one of you wants to be in a. Band this is,
perfect you.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
Know and That so that was.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
IT i, mean like it took twenty years to tell
her the full, extent BUT i think it was also
kind of hot to just have this, mystery you.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
Know, yeah but you knew you knew that about yourself
for this one. Years.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, Yeah AND i LIKE i would still LIKE i
would watch like by, pornolage, sure OR i really enjoyed
like pictures of, swimmers you, know.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
Like, yeah oh, GOD i still love pictures of Some,
yeah and, LIKE.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
I don't, know it's it's interesting to me because like for,
me it wasn't something that LIKE i talked about it
a lot of my, comedy, yeah without directly talking about
and LIKE i would just constantly bring up tiny little
things about like being attracted. MEN i have a very
long story on my record that's about going on a

(32:10):
date with a guy in high school THAT i didn't
realize was a date UNTIL i was at the.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
End of, it like because he was just, Like, hey
do you want to go to the? Movies? Yeah and
then he held my hand in the movies AND i was, like, oh,
NO i don't know what we're. Doing AND i was,
like he's been, cool let's do.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
It SO i held his hand for the entire, movie
WHICH i didn't realize how like SEPHORICALLY i was like or,
LIKE i feel LIKE i was giving much more romantic
energy THAT i was. Intending SO i was, like, WELL
i don't, know why WOULDN'T i hold hands with? You
and then like we kissed at the end of the,
night and THEN i told him we were. Moving you,
Know i'm not going to be. Easy you know you want,
Me you're going to move To michigan or WHAT i line,

(32:47):
about which is ridiculous BECAUSE i lived in that town
for ten.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
MONTHS i was just a.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
Lying piece of, shit well no figuring it.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Out who's a good person when they're, Sixteen not.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
ME i certainly wasn't well what did You how did
how did your marriage change AFTER i don't want to
say coming, out but after sharing that part of. Yourself, nothing,
Nothing it was the, same it, Was it.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Was absolutely the.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Same she became a little more receptive to playing with my,
butt but outside of, THAT i think she was just,
like oh you, actually this.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
Isn't just something you're doing to be. Cool. Yeah, uh
like it was really kind of. Great nothing. Changed.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
UH i think the the Stuff i've always been more
cautious about is just like my. Folks, yeah BECAUSE i
know my parents would completely and totally accept, me but
like my dad's a, minister he's now. Retired he retired
and became a hospice oh, wow because he was, Like
i'm done with the hard.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Part.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Uh my mom works in like nonprofit. Stuff so Like
i've always tried to be very like, PUBLICLY i say
terrible things on into a, microphone but LIKE i try
to be aware of like my family and things like,
that and like her in laws our my in laws
would disown, me but they won't listen to.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
THIS i don't.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Know i've never really felt like any fear about. IT
i knew my brother would, UNDERSTAND i knew my mom
and dad would. UNDERSTAND i, Mean i'm quite, frankly telling
my mom that we had a girlfriend infinitely harder than
being LIKE i hooked up with a guy in high.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
School. Yeah, wow, okay, WAIT i have many. Questions first, is,
wait my brain is going in five different. DIRECTIONS i, ramble, no, no,
no you're. Perfect my first question is did it did coming?
Out did sharing that part of yourself that you're by
with your? Wife did it change anything for? You like
did you feel because it's obviously your, Partner you've been

(34:31):
together for a long, time so did you FEEL i
don't know anything, lighter, freer or the? Same, like was
there a shift for?

Speaker 3 (34:40):
You?

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Uh this is maybe this is like a sociopathic comedy brand.
THING i was, like oh, NO i burned the material
because it's fun in a.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Relationship.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
YOU i think it's important if you're like in a
long term relationship to hold onto. Things, yeah you do
not need to know everything about each other in your.
One you don't want to know everything about each other
in your. Ten, god when you get to, forty you
should still be discovering shit about each. Other, Yes and
for me that was one of those like it wasn't
even LIKE i was teasing her WHERE i was, like
this is the post credit sequence of this, conversation And
i'm playing up a movie that's coming. Later like it

(35:12):
was LIKE i would slowly give her more pieces of,
it and she would see more pieces of, it AND
i kind of enjoyed like watching that conversation, grow and
then it was over and it was, fine and it
was like and it's cool because now like For, christmas
she'll get me poppers and that's.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
Great but, liked you, know and, like you, know maybe
it makes it easier to love each other and understand each,
other and like.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
It's really fun when we're watching a movie and it's
like someone super hot comes on and she was like,
that you, know, yeah but like, IT i don't, KNOW
i didn't.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Feel any big.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
CHANGE i also feel LIKE i told her so many
different ways that the only thing that she didn't know
was the specifics got It and.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
Even, then like the, SPECIFICS i don't know how important they.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Are but also it's like for, me it's it's like
that's a piece of, me and LIKE i can share
THE i could share the, details AND i can share the,
reality and you CAN i could share the fact That
i'm attracted to men and That i've had romantic feelings for,
them but also like there's an element of like kiss
and tell is fun for some, stuff and some stuff
you're like it's almost sacred because it's LIKE i had

(36:14):
this one beautiful shared experience And i've had Like i've
made out with guys and stuff like. That it's just
it's harder to hook up when you're in The south
because bisexual men are just people are like you're lying and,
sure but like it didn't change anything because like that's
been my best friend. Forever we've been together literally longer
THAN i was alive before we, Met, yeah you, know

(36:34):
and like if she wasn't going to be cool about,
IT i wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (36:37):
Have been with her that.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Long IT'S i, think, honestly one of the best parts
of long term, love if you can like maintain, it
is you do have that sense of, security like you
have a partner and you've been together for twenty, years
and you're, LIKE i hooked up with someone in high
school and they look at you like they don't know.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
You what did they do for those twenty?

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Years?

Speaker 3 (36:55):
Literally you, know like how the fuck are?

Speaker 1 (36:57):
You you mean to tell me that we Watched True
romance AND i was like drooling Over elvis and you
had no. HINTS i don't think that's.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
Possible, yes that's my. Mother my mother was surprised THAT
i was, gay which is Really, yeah that really like
you've been with me for what twenty? Minutes?

Speaker 3 (37:13):
Years like?

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Crazy she was in. SHOCK i don't belive. It my
movie sisterrect to In First Wife. Club what are we talking?

Speaker 1 (37:22):
ABOUT i thought your your vocal affectations that of a
game show. Host, right, no, no it's no girl girl.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
Girlies how did you feel about you, KNOW i think
that this is the conversation around bisexuality and whether or
not people will obviously it's, real but the conversation about
people doubting, it especially around men were. Bisexual how is
that because you just mentioned that in The south people
don't think it's. Real how is that impacted?

Speaker 1 (37:46):
YOU?

Speaker 2 (37:47):
R what do? You how do you navigate?

Speaker 3 (37:48):
That i've always been, like, honestly the hardest part for
me is being a. COMEDIAN u, huh there's this making
me in.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
Trouble there's a comedy is about demographics a lot of the,
time and like for, Me i've been very cautious about
the WAY i talk about it on stage Because i'm
not like practicing lee bi and, LIKE i have had
sex with a, man which is more than many people
who market themselves as bisexual. COMICS a lot of people
are by and they're, like Because i'm attracted to, people

(38:17):
but they haven't actually ever like had romantic relationships or those.
Things and LIKE i have always been very cautious to
not the term stolen, valor you, know LIKE i don't
ever want to like feel Like i'm wearing a uniform
THAT i haven't served in or you, know or, worse
being a guy who never stops talking about the one
big game in high, school you. Know and like for,

(38:38):
ME i Think i've always been much more cautious OF
i want to talk about it with PEOPLE i care,
about BUT i want to don't want to be flipping
about it professionally or on stage or in my public,
persona because LIKE i don't want people to Think i'm
just doing it for clout or doing it to like
get booked or do things like. That and like so
in comedy sometimes it's been harder to even feel safe

(38:59):
talking with friends about it because they're just, like you're, like, oh,
well how are you going to view? Me because we're
all constantly marketing, ourselves, right and Like i'm very so
that's been the bigger deal for. ME i think the
funny you think about it more than anything is like
if you're a married couple and you go to the
club and like you dance with a woman and your
wife kisses that woman and that white woman kisses, you

(39:19):
and everyone's, like we know what this. Is if you
do that with a guy at a, club people are, like,
wait what's going? On or there's not as much there's
Like i've had people, THERE i don't, know we've we've
gone dancing, before and like a guy kissed me AND
i was, like maybe we're gonna do, something and then
he finds out my wife's there and then just like
stops talking to me, beforehand And i'm just, Like i'm

(39:41):
not trying to trick you into being By i'm just
saying that there is a package deal right now and
this one's really. Hot, Yeah and like that's been more
of the interesting distinction for me is just not knowing
because LIKE I i've been with this is my. Partner
IF i do, STUFF i want to do stuff with my,
partner and like that is more difficult BECAUSE i feel
like there are more openly bisexual women and there are

(40:03):
a fewer openly bisexual, men AND i don't know how
to like market. THAT i wish there was like a card,
system you, know you dance for a, minute here's a,
card and you're, like, oh here's all the things about.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
YOU i will stamp your. Card, yeah that would be so.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Refreshing but it's like it's loud and dancing and we're having,
fun AND i don't know how to like mesh that.
Vibe AND i also want to be very respectful of,
people AND i don't want to like lead someone on
and then have them find, out, oh, gross there's a
girl at, fault you, know, yes Which i'm just.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
What you were, saying especially if you're dealing with men
and gay, men that there's a there's there is an
OPENNESS i think that women have inside of bisexuality that
men don't.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
Always, yeah, well and LIKE i also understand like part of.
IT i grew up in The, south and like WHEN
i went to gay bars and. Stuff gay bars in The,
SOUTH i mean they're sacred, everywhere but in The south
there is sacred places, there in places you go to
be around, community in a place where you're don't really
safe to be yourself out in, public and, LIKE i
think that that's really beautiful and really important and, like

(41:07):
but also knowing your place fitting there is not the,
same like cause you're, like, WELL i do have an
outwardly facing relationship THAT i could do in, public and
no one's gonna give me any shit about, it, right
no one's gonna yell at, me no one's gonna throw
a bottle at me UNLESS i do something on, stage you, Know,
like so there's this thing OF i have enough SO
i don't need to OR i don't have that it's

(41:28):
not my place. TOO i think that meant more than anything.
Else is LIKE i don't know if it's a, Fraud
like you feel like a fraud or you feel like
you're like you're you can't promise a, relationship which is
also a very monogamous minded you, know a thing to
be LIKE i don't want to just go and have
fun with a, Boy and you're, like, well what IF

(41:48):
i let him, on what if he had? FEELINGS i don't,
know he would be an adult who then worked through.
That but like there's not unless you have the space
to work through those things or have those. CONVERSATIONS i
think there's a lot of what ifs in your head
and you want to get it. Right you don't want
to like fuck up with people because people.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Are, PEOPLE i, know but there's a party that might
have to fuck, up you know What i'm. Saying it's
just like those things where like and when we EXPLORE
i think about it all the. Time like you, Know
i'm able to give the advice THAT i give BECAUSE
i fucked, up you know What i'm, Saying Because i've
had these experiences WHERE i wasn't my best self or
OR i got things, wrong and SO i can tell

(42:22):
you how to do. It BUT i find that for
my in my, community the people who have come out
to me who are bisexual and are coming, out you,
know in our. Thirties, uh they are already in hetero facing. Relationships,
Uh and so there becomes a fear to take up
space or that they feel like they are taking up

(42:44):
space and they don't feel like they have the right
to take up that. Space AND i recognize that that
is not there or your. Situation that's HOW i think
that socially we respond to my, sexuality but that is
the bisexual, Experience like that is part of the bisexual.
Experience part of it can be That i'm in a

(43:05):
hetero facing, relationship but that doesn't mean That i'm any less.
Bisexual AND i kind of wish that there was more
nuance in that, conversation that there was space for that to,
exist and that people who are Like i'm you, KNOW
i just like same, sex full gay, man like a,
woman full gay, person that community was a little more

(43:27):
a lot more open to the, granular to the nuance
and not as.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
EXCLUSIVE i would go dance at gay bars and like
that to me is enough sometimes because like that's the
sex is not always the end all what you want for,
me like being around, people having a chance to be

(43:53):
like dance and like have someone dance on me and
like pay attention to, me like flirt with me in
a way that women do not flirt like they just
it is not the same kind of.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
Flirting it is not the. Same it does not make
you feel like you have beautiful, eyes you. Know, yeah
and like so that would be it.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Was kind of fun for me when we first moved,
here is LIKE i just go and be, like all,
right she's working till. Eleven i'm gonna go dance.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
And want to would feel?

Speaker 1 (44:20):
It, yeah and like just have someone buy you a
drink and talk to a guy and like eventually they
notice you have a wedding ring and they're like explain,
that and you're like and they're a handful of times
people are, like, SORRY i don't do buy. It i'm,
like all, right that's, fine, whatever thanks for. DANCING i
don't do. Buy such a wild. STATEMENT i, mean that couldn't.

Speaker 3 (44:41):
Mean here's the other.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Thing it's entirely possible THAT i am absolutely someone you
dance with and not someone you take.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
Home and that is maybe the way to let me
down is, GO i don't do buy and that's. FINE i.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Am absolutely someone's dream boat AND i am someone else's
dingy and that's.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
Okay that's all of.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Us.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah well, question so now let me This because you
did mention that you have a, girlfriend you and your
wife are dating somebody to.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Yes so what?

Speaker 2 (45:07):
What how does how does that impact your exploring gr bisexuality.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
IT i, MEAN i feel like if you are in
a relationship with one, person you probably only have time
for that. Relationship, yeah and if you're a relationship with two,
people you barely have time for those two. Relationshipsmilius like
WE I i we have a, girlfriend absolutely wonderful, person very,
funny comedian and also has LONG, covid so, uh we

(45:38):
like a lot of our. Time we are very careful
about figuring out what we're doing and like mitigating large
crowds and like making sure that like if she gets,
exhausted that can like wipe out a couple of, days
and like there's a lot of the stuff that goes into,
that so it's taken the focus off of, it, huh
but also like it's still an omnipresent thing that's kind
of there and then just, ENOUGH i think it's like

(46:01):
it's helped me navigate as be a better partner as
we all figure out how to navigate some of the
more complicated elements of like a queer, relationship which is
Like polly is a form of like especially if you're
in a triad.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
That is a form of a queer.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Relationship, absolutely and LIKE i think it gave me some
interesting empathy when we were figuring out how to talk
to like our parents about, it uh. Huh and, like
interestingly enough never had to come out to my. Parents
they saw me do stand. Up they MENTIONED i mentioned
like kissing. Guys they were, like we figured it.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
Out we.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Did we send an email where, like we have a,
friend you've met. Her she actually gave you her sit
of been role, recipe WHICH i learned. LATER i was,
like is that where you felt betrayed like? That you were,
like we met her and we had her baked goods
before we found out you were in. Love so we
sent like an an. Email we're about the. Holidays we were, like,

(46:52):
hey we're trying to figure, out you, know if we're
coming home For thanksgiving or anything like. That if we,
do we're bringing this. Person and you know that Was
it was. Interesting parents have heard me talk, about you,
know being, queer and my parents have heard me talk
about being by never had a single thing to say about.
It when we came out Of, polly my mom was.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Heartbroken.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yeah, WHY i think she's a very traditional view of,
marriage WHICH i totally.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
UNDERSTAND i think because she's always wanted a daughter and
my wife is the daughter of her.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Eye AND i think it's also if you don't know
if the relationship's, HEALTHY i think it's really easy to
assume that means that something's really.

Speaker 3 (47:29):
Shitty, sure you. Know we were, like, well why would
you need another?

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Person and like the way we ended up dating was
our girlfriend was on tour and she stayed with us
for a couple of days and we all just vibed really,
good and like we had had a long standing thing
where if you're like out of, town you want to
make out with, somebody you make out with. Somebody, Yeah
and she was, like did you guys ever make? OUT
i was, like absolutely, not that's just a. Friend she was,
like you guys have the best.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
Energy.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
Know it was, like you guys have the best. Energy
and over the course of like six, months we slowly like.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Talked and kind of figured out if we wanted to try,
it and like it came together very nat really and
through a lot of conversations and some weird long distance.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Drives that's its own long, story but it's like we took.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
A lot of time figuring out what it was before
we even talked about it with our friends or talked
about it with our parents and with their. Family and
LIKE i introduced her to my brother and my sister
in law first and they were completely on. Board and
then like we were, like, okay, well we talked to
my brother and. Sister we were, like how would you

(48:28):
tell the? Folks you, know we talked to my wife's.
Siblings how are you talk about?

Speaker 3 (48:33):
It you?

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Know and we came out to them and it was
just it wasn't. Ugly it was, MAN i almost wish
they were. Mad they were just. Hurt it was like
THEY'VE i think they it broke their idea of what
our relationship, was and like they were. Worried they for,
them marriage is very sacred and they were worried that
we were throwing.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
That away in the name of like.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Hedonism AND i was, like you, know hedonism is a
lot easier if you're not dating someone with an exhaustion.
DISORDER i was, like if you want to, believe, Like
i'm just, saying like the the the LONG covid absolutely
means we're in it for love of the.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
Game you. Know this isn't just about.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
Partying this isn't there's something else that goes into. It
but it was interesting thinking, that like IF i had
never gotten with my wife AND i had ended up
dating a, dude my parents would have not had a
problem with. It it was it's it's the poll. Monogamy
it's the, WELL i, mean like The, bible if you
look O Old, testament there's a lot of polly. Relationships

(49:36):
Maybe King.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
David was polly and. Murderous so like there's a lot
of a lot.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
Of things that make sense that people get pissed them.
Out but how do ya?

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Now they're fine with? THAT i don't, know they're, fine
but they're They they love, her they think she's. Great
they came and visited. It my parents came and visited
For christmas last year and like Had christmas with us
all and we've cooked for, them and like my dad
trades books with, her and she she made my MOM'S
i think, honestly this is where she went over my.
Mom my mom has this like chest. Pie do you

(50:07):
know chest pie? Is it's like an egg custard. Pie,
ok fucking. Amazing my mom when she was dating my,
dad reverse engineered a chest pie recipe from his memory
of boy scout, camp and like she made it from
scratch based off his sense memories of what it.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Tasted, like it's in the family. Cookbook. Alison their girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
Like made the chest, pie made like four versions of,
it and then was, like which is these tastes the
most like your. MOM'S i was like this, one she
was like, Great and then she gave it to my,
mom who was like all. Right you know With baptist
women sometimes or Not, baptist she's not.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Bad She's. Christian she left The baptist church because their misogynistic.
Castles but LIKE i.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
Think with when you're stepping into the realms of traditional
religious families or traditional family sometimes the best way to
get involved is to be, like look at this.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
Pie, yeah, food foods. Heart how long did it take
before y'all got? There, like how many much between telling
your parents and this chest?

Speaker 3 (51:09):
Pie? Ah that was a, year it, WAS i mean
like the first it.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Was it was hard the first, Time like when we
first came out about it and talked to them about,
it it was like a weird couple of. Months, yeah
my dad is kind of a, hippie you, know like
he he changed religious denominations because he wanted one where
it was like A christian denomination that allowed for the
Possibility god doesn't. Exist he's fun and my mom was

(51:36):
a little bit more. Traditional but also like they've both
worked and like gay rights and aids outreached in The
south and like they're they're very open minded people who
were like they're not one of those like love The.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
CENTER i hate this.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
End, yeah like gay people Are, Christians like they're so
like it's very. Interesting it was just it was just
that that it was like a betrayal of the what
they thought the marriage and love. Was and THEN i
think over, time As i've talked about, IT i feel
like my dad's gotten a BETTER i think he understands
the desire in a long term relationship to have one
person who wants to go to the. Movies, yes like

(52:08):
sometimes the nice thing about having two partners is, that
like one doesn't want to fucking do, Shit.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Tony absolutely exactly. Exactly you, know it.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
Takes a lot of sometimes probably takes the the pressure
off of a relationship to be everything to.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
EVERYONE i and my mom is, like why would you
not want everyone to be everything to? Ever likes too?
Much too? Much that's. Why AND i get.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
That, YEAH i mean like, it there's ship about it that,
sucks there's stuff about it that's been. Painful but Also
i've had the most in, depth like honest conversations with
my dad about like my parents marriage and like the
things that like he wished he, knew and like it's
in many ways it's made me closer to both of
my parents because for the first TIME i have to

(52:52):
actually have these conversations about, like, Yeah i've always known
marriages like you guys, together so like the.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Default we all default to work and the polyamorous of
it forces you to have.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
Conversations, absolutely you have to accept that it's worth having
the painful conversation of being, like, hey this is where we're.
At but the reason we're telling you is because we
love you and you want you to know what's in our. Lives,
Yeah AND i think that was the thing that for
me was the, hardest is us saying we love you
enough to tell you this thing we know is initially
going to. Suck there's no way we're going to tell

(53:23):
you this and you're going to be like fuck ya.
Her you Know Simon roles are, incredible which they are
Incredible Simon.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
Roles my mom loved.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
Them but like, also and you, know if you're thinking
about telling your parents that you're in a relationship that
they're not going to, UNDERSTAND i think it's important to
say the Reason i'm telling you this is BECAUSE i love.
YOU i don't want those secrets from, you AND i
would rather in the short, term have there be this
pain and this, disconnect because that, pain in this disconnect
is a roadway to a broader conversation that's going to

(53:50):
help us both understand each other. Better and you, know
maybe you're going to be LIKE i understand here are
the places, that LIKE i wish my marriage had been.
Different here are the places THAT i think your marriage
is going to be we because you're doing, this and
LIKE i want you To like for my daddy was just, like,
LOOK i respect all of. YOU i think you've clearly
thought this. Through here are the things THAT i think
you haven't, considered AND i want a bare minimum to

(54:12):
be able to say. That AND i was, like, absolutely
thanks for even trusting me enough to think THAT i
could hear, it you, know and it's it's been long
and it's been, difficult.

Speaker 3 (54:22):
BUT i, mean, ultimately if your parents want to know,
you they're going to know who you.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
Are and, like sometimes your parents are going to be
LIKE i don't want to know who you, are, Sure
and if that's the, case we'll fucking with, family.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
New, family fund your chosen. FAMILY i think that that's
so a smart step out is that love is not
always roses and and fairy. Death that love also is
difficult in that it requires really transparent conversations that may
not be easy to, have but it's still love and
there's still an intention of, love and that you might

(54:54):
have to give somebody time by showing who you, are
but that that ultimately is.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
Freeing, yea THE i, UH i know it comes back
to banking a.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Lot but like if you make, bread you have to
like put yeast in at the right temperature and sometimes
it doesn't, rise and sometimes it comes out fluffy and. Perfect,
Yeah and like conversations with your family are like making.
Bread sometimes you're following a recipe you know very well
and it comes out fucked up and you're, like oh,
no yeah, yeah but like a bare, minimum it still
looks like a, loaf and you over time you have

(55:24):
more opportunities to like make that loaf again and have
those conversations again, slowly like make it makes sense and
make it more.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Human it won't just be one, conversation, yeah that'll be.
MULTIPLE i love. That thank you so much for being,
Here thank you so much for having.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Me this is so much.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
Fun this was so much. Fun i'll talk to you.
Soon thank you. Bye, well you know we're hose here
About hose with, heart so before we part, ways let
me speak to. Yours, wait first TIME i tell, you
was it at the topic episode THAT i told you
about getting my balls? Tapped or was IT i forget

(56:00):
it was during this. Conversation, Anyways So i'm an, update
which is that the other DAY i was at the
gym AND i saw the guy who in the steam,
room which not at the, gym was like at some
other spot tap my balls for the first, time AND
i swear to. You for like twenty minutes watching him walk,
AROUND i was, like DO i go tell him, that

(56:22):
like he's the first one that tapped my, balls and
like thank you for unlocking something in. Me but THEN
i was like, THAT i was, like how WOULD i
feel somebody came up to me and Said but THEN
i was, like it's. ME i would feel, like oh,
Yay but that's BECAUSE i do. THIS i don't know
if if, him a random stranger from a, steamroom would appreciate,

(56:44):
that BUT i knew it was him because of his neck.
TATTOOS i was, like that's in his. Height he was
like six' four and had like, neck TATTOOS and i,
was like that's it's you one of those skinny tall
which my FRIENDS and i talk. ABOUT this i don't
know why this is host, with heart but it is
when they're tall, and skinny goes, Dixonby, Swinging okay and that.
WAS true i will also, Say this i'll, add this

(57:05):
which is THAT he, i like this is years ago
that he tapped. My, walls yeah AND then i think
we found each Other on INSTAGRAM and i don't think
he KNEW what i did for, a living but he
wanted to help me start my only fans page or
an only dance page and get into like. Sex WORK

(57:25):
and i, was, like oh that's. So lovely that's just
NOT what. I do but it was, VERY like i
feel you could start your own only. FANS page i
don't KNOW why i would need somebody to start an
only dance page. For me it was like he wanted
to be like a little bit of, my PIMP and
i was like not. Into that, so anyways let me
talk to you ABOUT what i Learned From. John. Michael

(57:49):
well we talked a lot about being by and bisexuality
and what does it mean to be bisexual when you
are in a hetero. Presenting relationship and one thing that
stood Out When john, MICHAEL said i don't want to
feel like wearing A uniform i haven't. Served IN and i,
think that's, you know a common FROM what, i hear
a very common feeling amongst those who are by and

(58:12):
come out, maybe later or are in hetero. Presenting relationships
it's like not wanting to take. Up space BUT as
i Said To, john Michael and i'll say, AGAIN here
i think we have to expand with the with the
what what what a queer experience? Looks like what a
bisexual experience? Looks like and just because someone is in
a hetero presenting relationship and, you know may not have

(58:34):
to deal with the same hang ups of, you know
YOU am i going to be safe showing up to
this space or? That space there are still things that
you're navigating and and a lot of it, is internal
but it. Still MATTERS and i think that you know
it should be whether you've had the sex, or not

(58:54):
even if you're just attracted. TO somebody i think you
get to. OWN it i think you get. TO it
i think you get to own it FULLY and i
think you get to take. Up Space and i'm not, gonna,
Say listen i'm. NOT naive i know that there are
plenty of gays and queers who would disagree and would, be,
like no, you can't but. Fuck, them okay if, you're listening, fuck. You,

(59:19):
honey okay let's. Be inclusive let's be, you know open.
And compassionate and, you know just because you haven't fucked
somebody doesn't mean that you are any less gay or bisexual.
Or whatever, you know you are who, you are and
you are attracted to what you're, attracted to and you
love who, you love and fucking take. Up space THAT'S
what i have to say, On. That okay, but also

(59:43):
you know the complexities of a by man getting to
experience the same sex relationship when they're already in a
head of a. Presenting relationship and You Know john michael
saying not wanting to lead, PEOPLE on i think, you
know There's no i'm just reflecting. On it there's really
nothing to do on an. Individual level, BUT know i
do hope that as we continue to have, these conversations

(01:00:03):
that we watch society and culture Shift in there's there's
a there's there's. An acceptance and there's a granular, to
This so i'll get, into it but there's an acceptance
of a woman exploring her bisexuality versus a man exploring. His,
bisexuality obviously a lot of that is about, PORN culture

(01:00:24):
a lot of that is about, you know, you know
straight male fantasies and. So there, you know that's a that's.
Another CONVERSATION but i do hope that as we talk
and we, you know show, more representation that we, allow
people especially the, by men to fuck well other men

(01:00:46):
and like not have it, be oh you're, Gay now it's,
like no They're, by literally that is what. Bisexuality is
they like men and they like what men. They like
you know? That, anyways yeah does it? Make sense? Are
y'all are y'all? FOLLOWING me i can only imagine the

(01:01:07):
mental aerobics of, that though navigating, you know if you're
a by man inside of a hetero, presenting relationship and
let me Know if i'm saying, That correctly if you're
by it and you're feeling some kind of foosball around me, naming,
it that please do let. Me KNOW but I do
i'm curious about the chance to explore your that part of,

(01:01:35):
your bisexuality that that color of your, sexual orientation and
the mental aerobics navigating people who then dismiss you when they,
find out like a gay man dismissing a by man
once he finds out that that by man is currently
in a relationship with, a woman and not having to
do with the monogamy or the polyamory or the openness,

(01:01:57):
of it because, you know guys be fucking all, the
time whether you're in a relationship or, not monogamous, not sorry,
not monogaous but like whether the person is single or
has a partner, or not that's usually not a not always,
a hiccup but if the hiccup, is well the partner
that you have as. A woman i don't Know what

(01:02:19):
i'm saying. About this i'm just curious about that and
curious about HOW to i don't know if it mitigate is.
A Word maybe i'm curious about my own feelings, About
that LIKE would i have feelings about? A partner let
me think, through this what are my? True feelings obviously

(01:02:40):
at this point in my, HOE journey, i wouldn't just
because OF what. I Know but i'm wondering if if
a younger version of myself would have. Taken issue and
what the issue WOULD be i think it, Would BE
if i can, BE honest i think it WOULD be
i don't know or have it historically known a lot

(01:03:03):
around women and. Their sexuality and even though this person
is not asking me to have sex with their female
partner or be in any kind of relationship, WITH them
i feel give. Us out in, REAL time i would.

(01:03:24):
Feel hesitation and what is that? Hesitation? ABOUT huh i
KNOW that i know that there would, be Hesitation but
i'm actually not sure what that hesitation would. Be about
it's Not like i'm being asked to play with the,
female partner but there's something about them having a. Female
partner what is a thing that would bring? Me pause

(01:03:47):
if a bisexual man who is married to a woman
would have approached me in my, younger years what is
the thing that would bring? Me, pause well in being
completely transparent on not proud, of this but, you listen
we'll have. OUR journeys i think that my relationship to
my sexuality was really harmful in. MY twenties i grew

(01:04:10):
up Watching like Will, and grace and if you, go back,
YOU know i can say a lot of great Things
about Will. And grace but if you, go back like
a lot of those shows had some not great bisexual
jokes right where it's like bisexuality is a bridge to.
Being gay AND so i grew up in, a culture
as a lot of, us did that did not take,
bisexuality seriously AND so i think part of my hesitation

(01:04:32):
in my younger years would be are you gay but
you're actually with? This woman and is THIS some? Dl
whatever and so that might have brought up, my hesitation
which is unfair and, YOU know i know, better now but,
you know when you, know better you. Do better but
that would have definitely been some of the book that

(01:04:54):
would have been. In there and then perhaps even if
there was an accepting of by sexuality but they're being a,
FEMALE partner i WONDER if i would have felt like
my own gayness. Was compromised does that? Make, sense like, you,

(01:05:15):
know working, you know if you're in the closet and
you finally come out and, You're like i'm Out and
i'm proud and you've worked to get to that pride
by The way i'm, Saying THIS and i don't think
that it's. WHAT'S sorry i don't think that it's, a
TRUTH but i can understand the narrative in, my head
which would, have, been Oh now i'm with this guy

(01:05:37):
who has. A WIFE am i not? As gay? Just
such and when you say it, out, loud, right like
this Is what, I'm saying like we have these things in,
our head but we don't say it, out loud so
it's in our head and then we operate. From it
but when you say it, out loud it sounds to,
me crazy like that woman is not compromising my gayness.

(01:05:58):
At all i'm fucking her husband and he's, fucking me
like what like she not even involved, In it and
even if, she was like it doesn't doesn't compromise HOW
gay i am or. Am NOT but i think that
that might have been playing underneath. The surface So again
i'll pose the question. To you if you are a,

(01:06:19):
you know a gay man or a, gay woman if like,
you know what if you're if a by woman came
to you but she had, a husband would you feel
some kind of resistance? Or hesitation if if if you're
a gay man and a by man comes to you
and he has, a wife which you feel some kind
of hesitation not around them having, another, partner right because

(01:06:41):
that could, be hesitation but that their partner is of the,
opposite sex would that? Would that would that give? You hesitation?
Or pause and do you? Know why and if, you
don't this is a lovely time to DO what i,
just did which is try and like figure out inside,
of you like what is? The? Thing what what is
what is? The block and is the block yours or

(01:07:04):
something you adopted, from culture, from media? From community is
this your own personal resistance or is this something that some,
you heard you witnessed and you have adopted as your
own this concept of you may not want to? Fuck?
Up right johnaga was talking about not wanting to lead
somebody on or feeling like a fraud because IT'S like,

(01:07:25):
i have, you know this, other PARTNER or i have a,
female partner so when he's, talking about, you know same
sex kind. Of FLIRTING but i really do believe that
we're gonna have to all let ourselves off the hook
as we explore our our our our, sexual journeys our,

(01:07:47):
love journeys our, dating journeys that we're gonna probably get some,
things wrong that we won't be perfect out of, the
gate especially since there's not really a blueprint when you
start getting into especially a sexual or exploration inside of, non,
monogamy polyamory, open relationships there's not there's not a ton
of information, out there let alone in sex. In General

(01:08:10):
right like there's there's not a lot of information the
or a lot of investment in creating these studies and
the resources that we all know how to talk about
sex and the different facets. Of it so a lot
of us are figuring this out by trial, and error
which means that you will. Fuck UP so i think
the only thing you can really, control is, you know

(01:08:33):
repairing when there's, a rupture apologizing if you, need to
if you know you get, something, wrong communicating being transparent
as you can with people to kind of let them
know where, you are and also saying when you don't
know something or when you're figuring something, else out. You
know i've had RELATIONSHIPS where, i, have uh, you know
messed up in sort of COMMUNICATING because i just, DIDN'T

(01:08:56):
know i didn't know something to, communicate it didn't know
how to, do BETTER or i didn't it was a
new situation. For ME so i also didn't know how
my body was going. To REACT and i don't mean
my Like my i'm not talking about. Like genitals i'm
talking about like my, nervous system how it, would react
AND so i didn't necessarily always handle it in the.
BEST way i might have gone into, protective mode and to,

(01:09:19):
PROTECT myself i tend to, pull AWAY and i might
have pulled away without, Communicating right and so it's it's.
A version IT'S something i wouldn't, do now, you know
at you Know when I'm when i'm. Recording this i'm
recording this On, on monday the twenty Eighth. OF april
i wouldn't do, it now but a version of me
two or three years ago might have and HAS because

(01:09:42):
i didn't. Know better AND so i think we we
have to give ourselves grace that we're gonna. Fuck up,
but well when you, know better you. Do better as,
THEY say i really also enjoyed the nuance of it's
not always. About sex it's about sometimes blirting and wanting
to just go to a gay club and dance and

(01:10:04):
be danced on and feel like your eyes. ARE PRETTY
i i uh that that is an exploration of, one
sexuality which IS why, i say like to, you know
the the wearing. The uniform it's, like yeah, like sex
it's not about. Just sex like you don't have to
to to fuck to to have your bisexuality or your

(01:10:27):
pan sexuality or your, whatever stamped, your gayness your lesbian.
Hood stamped it doesn't always require you. To fuck it
can be in. The flirting it's in the fact that
you know that you're attracted to somebody or you want
to be flirted with you. YOU desire i think it's
about the. Desire ultimately in talking about polyamory and Talking

(01:10:49):
About john michael and his wife and, HIS girlfriend i.
REALLY uh i think he was talking about his mom
and assuming when someone is polyamorous there's a problem in,
their relationship why would you need A third? I do?
YOU know i feel. THAT energy i received that energy
a bit having, two partners having One that i've, been with, you,

(01:11:12):
know married and, this like why are there multiple partners in?
My relationship. We don't we're not, a thriple, You know
MATTHEW and i. Date separately but it's not that there's.
A problem i do agree that one person can't fulfill all,
your needs but monogamy can still absolutely work. For you,

(01:11:37):
for me polyamory is because that blueprint works better FOR
how i want to fulfill my needs AND how i
want to be, in relationship the kind of PARTNER that
i want, to be and the kind of PARTNERSHIPS that
i want. To have, polyamorate works but it's Not because matthew.
Wasn't enough matthew. IS incredible i have a, YOU know

(01:12:01):
i FEEL like i have a really jackpot husband and
partner who IS who i, you know trust with my
entire fucking life and can't say enough things ABOUT how
i admire and respect and adore and love him and
he satisfies a lot. For me, but polyamory for both,

(01:12:23):
of us still felt like a a thing that fit
who we are as individuals and who we are as
a as a as. A partnership but it wasn't a
sign that something was wrong. Between us and so just,
you know, if you if you just for those of
you who are wetting your your your tongue is whetting

(01:12:47):
your appetite or like getting to know about what non
monogamy and, Polyambry is i'd, like to, you know just
remind you and remember that it doesn't mean that there's,
A problem it doesn't mean there's. Something wrong it's just
about desires and whether or not that is a desire,
of yours and whether or not that works for the relationship.
You're In When don michael said it took a while

(01:13:09):
for him to tell others about, their POLYAMORY which i think.
IS okay i think privacy is a, beautiful thing and
we've talked about that on. The show the difference between privacy,
and secrecy and secrecy Being like i'm hiding SOMETHING that
I know i'm supposed to, tell you whereas privacy is,
you know this is something that, we're nurturing and this

(01:13:30):
is something that belongs to me, or us and we'll
share it at the right time when it makes sense
or at the time that. Feels best but their privacy
is important sometimes. For us we were very private about
our polyamory and our. Open relationship actually before, even polyamory
we were very private about it because we didn't want
other people's opinions. On it we didn't want other people

(01:13:52):
to persuade or influence how we were feeling about this
thing that we're doing with, their judgment because we do
value our friends out value the, family's opinions but we
didn't want their lack, of information which might make them
critical or judgmental to influence how we, approached it and
so it felt like privacy and keeping it private until

(01:14:14):
we felt confident and comfortable. In it then. We share
and THAT'S how i feel, about, Anything right like, you
KNOW anything i share.

Speaker 3 (01:14:21):
With you.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
I've PROCESSED but i purposely do not share certain things
that happen in my life and in my WORLD because
i need time to KNOW what i feel about it
AND how i think, about it AND so i keep.
It private and then when it feels READY and i
FEEL like i Know what i'm not that it can't,
be shifted BUT like i KNOW that i HAVE a pov,
ON it i have a stance, on It then i'm

(01:14:43):
down to share because, you know you could tell me
all the things that you feel, about IT but i
don't have to. Adopt IT but i know that there's
a stage where we will adopt what other, people think
and so be private when you need. TO be i
love that we love you enough to tell you this
thing that we know is initially. GONNA suck i love

(01:15:06):
YOU and i don't want to have secrets. With you
love in its fantasy is smooth, and easy and you
know everyone is. Always happy but love in reality, is
work and there are, those sweet, beautiful moments but then

(01:15:26):
there are those hard moments where you have to reveal
more about yourself where you have. To share we have to,
be vulnerable and sometimes you're not met with the most
compassion in, that vulnerability or or you're not accepted inside of.
That vulnerability but, YOU know i think love requires transparent

(01:15:47):
conversations and saying things that may not be easy. To
hear and As You john, michael said conversations with your
family is like. Baking bread sometimes you're following the recipe
and it comes out, fucked up but over time you
have the chance to make that loaf again. And again
and so all that, to say if you're struggling to

(01:16:08):
share something with your family or share a part, OF
yourself i think. IT'S okay i think it's okay to
for it to not. Go, perfectly obviously if your safety
or anything, is compromised, you know use your discretion about what.
You share but if it's, just, like oh they're going to,
be mad or they're gonna have misgivings or, be judgmental

(01:16:32):
then you know there's there's a there's a space to work,
through that and there's a space To say i'm sharing
THIS because i love you AND because i want you
to know this side. Of me and if you really
are interested in KNOWING who, i am then this is
part OF who. I am and if, you're not and
if you have family or friends who are not interested
in knowing who, you are then it might be a

(01:16:54):
bit of a time to establish some new boundaries, for
yourself because you deserve to be around peopleeople who want
to know who, you are even if it's going to,
be challenging even if it challenges their ideas or their views.
On things you deserve that space to, be yourself to

(01:17:14):
not have to hold back who. You are the world
will make you hold back so much as, it is
and it's already. Scary enough so with, your friends, your family,
your community, my god if you can't be yourself, with
them where can you? Be, Yourself love you should be
able to be yourself with those who are closest, to
you and, if not then we gotta find a. New,

(01:17:36):
family okay we got to find a. New community yeah, fuck.
Yeah awesome by, the way as you well know at,
this point but if, you're new this is the first
episode you're. Listening to Hi. BABY welcome i have a
Substack brandic houggobman dot subsack. DOT com i Post every Monday.
And friday it's more of what we do here with

(01:17:57):
some other shit. As well every night day there's a
live STREAM that I Do messy mondays at NIGHT where
i interview or have conversations with, different guests and not necessarily,
about sex it could be. About anything it's honestly just
creating a joyful space to have thoughtful conversations about whatever
the fuck the GUESTS that i. Care About so i'm,

(01:18:18):
taking off this is. Coming. Out Yeah so i'll be
off on The, fifth monday the Fifth because i'll be
covering The met gala Not In new york but HERE
in LA With. E news but we'll be back on.
The Twelfth Foot hunter Harris And jalil Johnson And kat
cohen are going to be joining Me. In, may Also,
EVERY friday i Drop A, hey everybody which is a

(01:18:38):
mini PODCAST where i talk more about some of your,
messy mail as well as give you updates about what's
happening in, my life both personal. And professional and this,
last Week which i'm gonna play a clip, from you
is a little MORE vulnerable I. Met bun if you're,
New here bun is my, other PARTNER and i met

(01:19:00):
his mom for the, first, time uh and it was wonderful,
and lovely but also unexpectedly emotional, for me as it
brought up some stuff around my. Own mom and so
let me play you a little clip. From that and
it's NOT like i don't want to meet moms, or
WHATEVER but i realized or, recognize THAT like i don't

(01:19:26):
know how to, always ACT and i get a little
hy maybe it's the, word, shy, tense. Nervous ANXIOUS and
i realized THIS, because i, you know one of my
one of my friends out here very close to his
mom and so like hoping his mom to our dinners
and stuff, like THAT and i, love HER but i

(01:19:47):
noticed That sometimes, I'M like i don't know how, to
act and IT'S because i just haven't been around my
own mother in, fifteen years and, SO like i don't
know how to act around. People's moms it's very. Very
STRONG so i, WAS like i don't know what feelings will,
come Up but, i'm EXCITED but i just want you,
to know you, know that LIKE after i might just
have to like go to. The gym to work out.

(01:20:08):
Or whatnot he, was like no worries. At all. You're good.
You're good, so anyways we, hung out got to. Know,
her uh, she's phenomenal. The sweetest she was worrying a,
rainbow bracelet which she was like she hasn't taken off
the last. Two years was, so supportive wanted to take
photos of Me. And bun wanted to take photos with Me.

(01:20:29):
And bun and then we went to the grove and
we're walking around and you're just like, kee king. You know,
she was, you know got my pronouns wrong a couple,
of times but it, Was like i'm. So sorry i'm gonna.
Get BETTER and i, was like don't worry like you're
YOU'RE using i, always say any pronouns, USE respect i
love and prefer, they them but any pronouns of. RESPECT
respect i, was like we, Haven't met, you're like this is.

(01:20:49):
All new, She's like i'm she like, so sweetly like
pulled me like clutched arms and me, WAS like i
will get. It right i'm like almost gonna get emotional. About.

Speaker 3 (01:20:59):
IT ooh.

Speaker 2 (01:21:04):
I, was like oh, my god WHY?

Speaker 3 (01:21:05):
Am i.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
Oh, my god not me? Tearing, up yeah she like
pulled me aside and, SHE'S like i, promise something get.

Speaker 3 (01:21:17):
It right.

Speaker 2 (01:21:17):
YOU know i, was like don't even worry. About it
but like the fact that she cared that much and
and caught herself like didn't, you know like didn't need to,
be prompted just WAS like i was really meaningful. To. Me,
yeah girl it, was EMOTIONAL but i learned, a, Lot

(01:21:42):
uh AND so i wanted to share that with you because,
you know you thinking about polyamory is one thing which
we've obviously talked about a lot on this particular Episode With.
John michael but you know when you start, involving uh
not just, your parents but your, partner's, parents uh and, realizing,
that like oh, my god there are now my in

(01:22:02):
laws and now my other. Partner's, family like there's a
lot of a lot, of things a lot of things.
To navigate AND so i wanted to talk that through
in a, very imperfect. Messy WAY so i hope you'll check.
That out you can find Me on instagram as Well
At Brandon. Kyle goodman you can find our podcasts At

(01:22:24):
Tell Me, something messy and you can join our community
On The messy. Monday's substack when, you subscribe you'll get,
weekly posts recommendations on sex and self and so. Much,
MORE also i want to hear, from you so send your,
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To Tell Me something messy at gmail. Dot com you

(01:22:46):
can also call us at six six nine Sixty Nine
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show out. All right until, next time ask about the
politics of that dick before you make, it spin make

(01:23:07):
sure they eat the kitty before they beat, the kitty
before fucation or. Succation communication and in case you haven't heard,
it yet today you are so. DEEPLY loved i love.
You bye thank you so much for listening To Tell Me.
Something messy if you all enjoyed, the show send the
episode to someone else who might. Like It Tell Me

(01:23:29):
something messy was executive Produced By, Ali Perry, gabrielle Collins And.
Yours truly our producer and Editor Is. Vince dejohnny for
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