F*ck Your Potato Salad w/ Devere Rogers

Brandon and bestie Devere Rogers kiki about Thanksgiving with some holiday F*ck, Marry, Block and Messy Mail. Plus, Devere shares one of the most outrageous Messy stories ever before they lean into some heartfelt discussion on found family and moving forward in these trying times. 

Find Devere on IG at: itsdevererogers

Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/ Submit your own messy story or question at [e-mail] or call ‪[phone]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And he's like doing his thing, and I guess he
thinks he's doing a good job. And I'm just like, okay,
just let me just get through this. Let him have it.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Baby.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Do you know that this man got a Charlie Horse
And literally mid struggle was just like, oh oh God,
can you please don't get me somebody? I got a
butt booty ass. Deckett went to this man refrigerator, got
here an ice pack.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
You know what we do here, destroy shame around sex
by talking about sex.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Now, let me tell you something messy.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Happy Turkey Day, So today I have to share with you.
Perhaps it is a new kink, but I think we
needed to talk about it. So a couple of weeks ago,
there was this interview that came out. I didn't read
the whole thing. I think I just all like the
clips on the Instagram or one of those one of
the apps. But it's Shawn Mendes for Interview magazine and

(00:57):
basically y'all know y'all not y'all because I know, I know,
I know that this community doesn't do this. But this
young man, I'm so old that I'm calling shaunman as
a young man. But anyways, he like you know people
have been giving him grief about his sexual orientation forever,
and then I believe at a recent concert he said,
you know, I'm figuring it out, leave me the fuck alone.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
He didn't say that part, but I will say that
on his behalf.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
But the interview was like a bunch of photos and like,
you know, you know, there's some feet photos for those
of us who the feet.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Kink, but there's also him eating.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
God, I'm trying to pull it up and see if
I remember what he's eating, but he whatever was he's eating,
and it just reminded me that, or revealed to me
that I have an eating kink. Now I've talked about
this food play, which I haven't quite done. You know,
the closest I've done is a lollipop on the booty hole,
which you know by now. And if you don't, welcome

(01:54):
to the show. This is called tell me something messy,
and I am your host, Brend.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Good minute.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
I'm not quite done yet, so I'll introduce more. But
I really realized that I love watching men eat. I
don't know what of his, and I was thinking back
to a couple years ago when I just when I
probably first discovered it.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
I was seeing, not seeing.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
I was hanging out with this person, this man, and
we went to dinner and he was eating shoveling.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Food and dude, I don't even know if he used
a fork.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
We were at a nice restaurant, like a white nepkin
kind of table, very you know, like there was. It
was one of the restaurants that had like at trees inside.
Do you know when like the restaurants are so fancy
they got like nature inside. It was one of those restaurants,
so like real fancy. And my boy was eat like
I don't think he was a fork a knight. He
the hands, the mouth, was chewing that. The crumbs were everywhere,

(02:56):
and I.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Was turned on, like, oh, I'm anna fuck you. Oh
I'm gonna let you fuck me. I don't you know
what it is?

Speaker 3 (03:05):
This is what it is. If you watch somebody eat
like that, you're like, oh, then you eat ass, I think,
And maybe that's wrong, but but I feel like that's
the one to one Like if you are eating your
pasta and if you slurping that pasta up like that,
you're gonna slurt my whole up like that. And and
so maybe that's what gets me turned on Anyways, Shawn
Mendez was eating and I was like, oh my god,

(03:26):
this is porn, like I watch I could watch Shawn
Mende's eat a burg. I said, give him more food.
Oh is this why y'all get off on the A.
It's an as M R A M s R. You
know the thing where they do the you know that
thing where they where they click and tap whatever and
some people will eat.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Is this is this part? Is that? Is that a cank? Wow? Maybe?

Speaker 3 (03:49):
So I'm not alone. Y'all really like to watch people
eat me too. I'm gonna go find those tiktoks now.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
But see what it is. I don't really like watching people.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
I've seen the videos of like you know, it's somebody
with like uh, twenty thousand crab legs or fifty hundred,
fifty hundred, yeah, fifty hundred, fifty hundred hot dogs that
I'm not turned on by that.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
That's not I don't.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
I'm concerned. Quite honestly, that's too many hot dogs and
too many crab legs. You won't go into some shock.
But if you're just at your regular dinner table and
you got your your burger or your your rice and beans,
or your your your chicken or your your your steak,
and you are going in. I want to fuck. That's
all I'm saying. Anyways. By the way, again, welcome to

(04:33):
the show. This is tell me something messy. I'm your host,
Brandon called good Man. Some people call me messy mom.
You could call me. You can call me Bobby Laig,
Bobby laid, Bobby get laid.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
There we go. We got that today. You can call
me Bobby get laid.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, bare ass contessa, you call me bare back contessa.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Oh my god. For all my Food Network foodies out there,
you get it.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
You know what I'm doing. Okay, listen the show, baby,
you know what that means. It's time for gues.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Now.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
While they get situated, we will get our messy. Key
Key started with a Hoe manifest. Do repeat after me
aloud or in your head. Grant me the serenity to
unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to
know that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity
to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength and
not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or

(05:26):
fuck they. For it is better to masturbate by myself
in peace.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let
the community say ho helujah.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Javie Rogers is an actor, playwright, screenwriter, producer, and director.
He has performed in plays, musicals, and workshops on Broadway,
Off Broadway, and regionally, and has also had roles on
such TV shows like Abbot, Elementary, Gray's Anatomy, Crazy Ex Girlfriend,
and Will and Grace. The sequel to this movie, My Spy,
My Spy, Eternal City, premiered in July on Amazon Prime.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
By the way, My Spy, it's a funny fucking movie.

Speaker 3 (06:04):
Okay, it's a It's also a family friendly movie, so
I highly recommend checking out.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
My Spy and the sequel. Y'all, please welcome to the show.
De v Rogerslujah. I did vid We we don't know.
Zaver and I have known each other since we were eighteen. Wow.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
A couple weeks ago, I told a story about the
first time I had sex in our dormitory, third North,
Yes with uh.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
I won't his name on the butt on the show.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
We called him ll him Leslie, Okay Leslie, but that
was so that was happened in the same door, so
you were I was in the North Tower Leslie was
in the East tower and you were in the South tower. Yes, yes, okay,
so yeah, but then also I ended up one of
my favorite stories is that I ended up hooking up
with your roommates, but as well, yeah, in the third

(07:01):
in the South tower, but I was in the closet,
you was in the closet.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
And then then I guess my roommate didn't know you
was in the class literally after y'all hooked up, and
he said, oh, yeah, hooked up with your friend b
What you did?

Speaker 4 (07:13):
What it was supposed to be a secret. It was
understand what a secret it was. It was not it
was supposed to be the very next day. Yeah, So
I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself,
and I didn't.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
Tell you to tell me.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
And I said, maybe I knew, but I'm glad you
feel comfortable.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Um now oh yes, yes, yes, well allow anyways, okay,
before we get into this full key key, let me
give you our messy mandates, right, so things get to
be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have the right
to evolve, shift change today tomorrow, ten years from now.
And if during the key key something feels too personal

(07:58):
or unintentionally offense. Will you the safe word football, which
gives us a chance to pause, pivot and address.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Accordingly, okay, that's the word.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
You the reaction is you said, Okay, I just say
that my stupor I would ever say it either.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Do you know football is its?

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Isn't that when you do the soccer thing?

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (08:29):
So you did? Okay, I didn't know what it was,
but it is. Yes, Okay I thought it was. When
I originally thought I thought it was like I thought
it was like lacrosse, but with the nerf balls, like
you know, the the that's what you thought, because I
thought that.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
I thought the little soccer thing was called little soccer.
Little soccer? Wow, Like do you want to play little soccer?
And that's what you used to say? You were little
soccer because they had one in the and the rest. Accordingly, Well,
I never, you know, I never really wanted to play it.

(09:04):
Want to play a little so little like little football?

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Absolutely, okay, all right, let's play a little breaker. We
are playing fuck Mary Block.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Are you ready? Okay?

Speaker 3 (09:20):
And this is a Thanksgiving episode. Yes, happy Thanksgivingiving. You know,
uh controversial Thanksgiving as a colonizer holiday.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
So happy friends giving, friends giving, thankful.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
Gratitude, gratitukey and like if you were at home with
somebody who voted for Trump, you know, throw something at
throw throw something across the table at them, and say
that we told you to do it, we did it. Okay,
So fuck Mary block mac and cheese, cranberry sauce from
the can potato salad.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Okay, I would fuck potato Saladkay Mary MACI cheese block camera.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
You are the devil. That's fine, that's you're the devil.
I'll be that, you say, I'll be that. You are
a dem How dare you block cranberry sauce from the
cant on the ring?

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Absolutely absolutely, it is blocked.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
Discuss and I know that there are so many people
to those people to help you.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
I'll be that what people say, death to all? No, no, no, no,
no no. Okay.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
First of all, I am blocking the potato salad because
I don't Yeah, look at that face.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Why are you blocking? But it's not it doesn't. I
want a French fry and but everything doesn't have to
be fried.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
See that's why black people are dying now, because they
want something.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
I want to cut it up. It's cooking. Little mustard
and listen.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
I actually like a little male in the seasoning. But
I don't trust everybody to the salad.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
But that's but just because you don't trust anybody tail
salad doesn't mean you have to block it. You just
have to you have to fuck the right but they
the salad isn't that isn't that a message?

Speaker 5 (11:02):
But right, Silad, Please do not try to come up
to my show being inspirational during the Mary block of it.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yes, I will. That's merch. That's merch, right, right, Salad.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
No, No, I'm blocking her. I am blocking her down.
I'm gonna suck the cranberry sauce. Oh wow, Yeah, I
don't because I don't need her often, because you're right,
I don't know what's in that.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
I don't know what's how hold it together. I don't
think anything that's cranberry.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Actually, I think it's just jealousy. That can't be sitting
on that show for years.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
You buy Thanksgiving and it's literally save saving for the
next years. So I'll her, okay, because you know something
little gonna give us. Oh that is very true. Wow,
a word or a word?

Speaker 2 (11:56):
I don't marry that magga cheese multiple cheese be baked.
I don't have to move all it needs to be
baked solid as yes, okay, absolutely beautiful.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
What we agree on that sou marry a block more Thanksgiving,
frying a turkey, the walk with your cousins, you know, yes, yes,
or an auntie key key about your little friend.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know how aunties be, like, tell me about your
little friend. You have a little friend, who is your
little friend?

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Okay, okay, So I will marry the walk with my
cousins because that is always the best walk.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
I will fuck frying a turkey, okay, And I will
block anti conversation about my little friend because like that,
because like because also it's like, you know, you you
don't talk to your aunties often. When you do, it's
like you just want to catch up on you know,
you know, like little little ship. You know what I'm saying,
like nothing, nothing, And then but then they try to
be progressive and liberal and but it's just not very good.

(13:03):
And it's not very good because my little friend, you
mean my partner, yeah, my boyfriend, you mean my booth
days something, but little friend, little friend, it makes them
sound like they're a little Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
I don't like but like it's like your little or
your little roommate.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, it's just like no, it's like no to ask
about asking about my man, about my friend, my mother,
my man. But don't say little friend. No, you're right
because that's just the meaning. That's absolutely and.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
To me and to me. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So yeah, block that, block that, but I will. I will,
but fuck that.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
I will fuck that fried turkey because my baby, my
uncle makes a mean fried had.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
Fried turkey for the first time a couple of years ago,
and it was everything so good.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
See, now you gotta do it outside. They did it outside.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Thank I'm still almost I thought I was.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
You messed me out something open, field, open near the house. No,
you gotta be in a field. But it's lovely. Oh,
it's so good. It's fried turkey.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
Yeah, I'm gonna marry a walk with the custos always
because I want always.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
Oh, I want a good I want a good high.
It's gonna feed. It's gonna make me hungry. Oh, it's
gonna be so good. And i'mnna block the aunties. Yeah,
there we go until I become an auntie. Now I
psefully asked about your little friend.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Your little friend, and I will and I will say
your little friend, because I am now an.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
Auntie, because I'm an auntie, and as the gay auntie too,
I'm gonna still be like, how's your little friends?

Speaker 1 (14:34):
The friend you had that you brought on over here
the other time? Can do that to my straight nieces
and niews, like your little friend, about your little friend?

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah, a little one, you right over here, little one.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
Okay, I'm still ready to be an auntie.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Okay, fuck Mary block missionary sixty nine. Oh, Doggie, I
will marry Doggy. Oh, I will marry Doggy. You don't
want see her face. I will marry dogg She so

(15:10):
no matter what that, I'm still get a nas. I
will marry Doggie. I will say it again. I will. Okay, great,
I will fuck missionary and I will block sixty nine.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Okay, And let me tell you why I'm a block
sixty Some.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
People are like, wait, what that's equal pleasure? Okay, let
me tell you.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Okay, tell us I'm a block sixty nine because if
I'm doing the do I need all I need all
the space to do that. I'm with you, you know
what I'm saying I'm with you. I need but like
sixty nine is cool. Don't get me wrong. I like
sixty nine, but like il, I.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
Can't really get it. I can't really like I'll show
you what I am because I don't want you thinking like,
oh this is cute.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
I'm like, no, I got I can do the thing
I could say it can get I can do the
thing this physician, but this is not helping me because
you got to do it.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
And it's like and then I'm with you. I don't
mind it.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
It's but but but it's either he has either has
to be the first thing or after I do.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
I just have to show you what I.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
Show you what I can do. Sixty nine is a
good appetizer, yes, yes, good advertising, but it's not where
I want to end. Yes, it's a good beginning or
maybe a good appetite.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
You know, like if you play travel, Yeah, I traveled.
I've been places.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
Disgusting. Wow, I despise you with all that's fine, that's wow. Okay,
well you won the game.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
I won. You won.

Speaker 3 (17:03):
You won my unconditional love. Because we don't have money
on the show, we give them lots of.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Y'all can't see this picked up a mini water bottles.
Who I see not able to afford a full bottle
of at least it's chilled. You've traveled chilled, it's in
the fridge, it's cold. Wow.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
All right, Well, y'all, if you have a messy prompts
or stories or whatnot, you can email them at tell
Me Something Messy at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
Speaking of which, to VR, can you tell me something messy?
You know, yes, I'll tell you something messy.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
So I'm going to tell you about the last hookup
that I had that kind of put a bad taste
in my mouth towards hookups. And I wanna and I
want to talk about it because I feel like it
needs to be talking. Let's talk about it. So I'm

(18:04):
not really a hooked person, but you know, I get
in my moods and I'm like, you know what, let
me just you know what's out there. So, you know,
I was, I was talking to this to this dude,
and like he sent me these pictures and he looked
really great, had like a six pack d da da
da da, and you know, and he looked young.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
But when I got to the house, he was not young.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
And the six pack was a full beer beer, belly
giving Simpsons, okay, And I was like, now, which beautiful,
which is great, but also, don't you if you know
that you're forty five, don't send me pictures when you
were twenty five.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh yeah, yeah, do you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Like, for me, it's like, let me choose, because again,
I love, I'm all about body positivity.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
I'm all about but don't trick me. But don't trick me.
Don't trick me into something.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
So I get there and I was just like, okay,
and he and he's all excited, and I'm like because
you're beautiful and you know, and and he's so and
he and I'm just like, okay, well I'm here. So
I'm like there and I'm just like, how was he?
He was like maybe thirty minutes? Oh my god, yeah
I know.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
So I'm like, i'm here, I'm not as well.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
So we get to so we get to talk, and
I'm just like, and you know me, I try to
be nice. I'm nice, I'm I'm cordial, and you know,
I'm just like a little sweetie part.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
And I'm like, so those pictures, she said, oh you
you brought it up. Well I have to I had
to bring up elephant in the room. Baby, I had
to bring I had to ring up the elephant. Does
not know how to fake nothing. I don't know how
to fake nothing. Because it was like, these niceties are cute.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
Talk about this, So when were these taking and he
was like, oh yeah, I just you know, they're from
a while back.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
I said, what's a while? I said, what's a while?
So why what's a while? And he was like yeah,
he was like, but he was like, I still look
the same.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
I said, you okay, so you don't but what's a while?
He was just like And what he said was he
was just like, well, you know, I just I just
find that like sending my old pictures gets a better
response than like what my And I was like, well, tea, okay, great,
but also you have to also say you can't say
that these are recent photos and the recent photos or

(20:04):
whatever like that, and so he was like, I know.
He was just like, but I still looked the same
in the face, and I was like, ish, yes, and
he was just like, well, he was just like, but
you know, I I you. And what got me was
that he kept complimenting me and that I was just
like that you know, you.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
Know, because you know, I like to, you know, just
feel my jewels. You.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
So he was talking to me, he was just like
he was just I was just he was like, I
don't want you to leave. I was like, you know what,
I'm not going to leave.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
I'm here. Let's just personality.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
He was really nice and so and so like we start,
you know, like having a drink of talking and then
he starts getting like, you know, you look so beautiful
your body, so you know, I was like yes, and
so and so we were like getting to the do
and he was like and at this point we hadn't
we both were versed, so it was like we hadn't
talked about which, and so I was just like, okay,

(20:56):
so we're like, you.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
Prepare to do either.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
I would send my prepaid because I I prepared mes
like I only I only waited. I only did it twice,
not like.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
No, no, no, no no no, only explain Okay, I'm saying that, like,
you know, I only just twice.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
What do you mean? That means?

Speaker 1 (21:22):
That means like I didn't like the water was pretty clear,
but because I really wasn't planning on bother me, so
I was just like, well, just in case, like the
moment the moment happened that like we're feeling the judge
and isn't like exactly exactly, I won't have to go
too far.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
So I was just like, this is good.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
And he sent me a picture of his dick and
it wasn't it didn't look it didn't look that big.
So I was just like, I was just like, oh,
let me just do it twice, you know, lazy. But
because I was just like, I'm clearly gonna tip himself.
But if the moment comes, you know, comfortable and sure,
and it's sure, okay, you know, so that's why. So

(22:03):
so we started doing the dude and you know, he
started taking my dig and you know, doing the things,
and I was.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Like, okay, great, good, great, good great. And then I was.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Tabbing him and he was like enjoying himself. And then
and but while I was hobbing him, because he was
older than his pictures at the same I was, I
was like, I was like tapping him, and then he
when his legs open and he was like, oh, I
think I'm getting a cramp. Think I'm in a cramp.
And I was like, oh, I said, oh, okay, I'm

(22:32):
so sorry. He was just like, yeah, yeah, so let
me just let me just, you know, take a moment.
And then he was like, can I top you? And
I was like, I was like again because I'm nice.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
I was like not because you're nice, Sure, I want
you to.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
I want you to be comfortable and also rest your
cramp to leg so so so I let so I
was like okay, and I was like okay, Well.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
I didn't want to look at him, so no missionary,
so I said you could do now, and and his
dick wasn't that big.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
So I was just like, oh, perfect because I thought goud.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
You know how some people it don't look big in
picions when you get there, you be like damnah.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
But this one it was just like, I can do this.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
So he starts tpping me and I'm and I'm sort
of and I'm like laying there and I'm just like, okay,
you know he don't.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Again, he's older, so it's like the motion is not
and again, let me let me tell you it's because
it was misleading. That's the only reason it's not. I
have nothing.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
I love older too, but when you lead lead with
that because I love I love daddy, but you have
to lead with that and so and he's like doing
his thing, and I guess he thinks he's doing a
good job.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
And I'm just like, okay, just let me just get
through this. Let him have it. Baby.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Do you know that this man got a Charlie horse
and literally mid struggle, just like oh god.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
And I was like, are you coming or he was
like no, Charlie, Charlie. And I was like no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no what he was paralyzed? Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
He got off off of me and was holding his
leg and was like, oh my god, God, can you
please don't get me something. I got up, but booty
ass Deck went to this manfrigerator, got him an ice pack,
brought it to him and he was like thank you,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
And it was like, and this is me.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
I'm sitting there. I'm like, you know that, you know
that meme of New York when you're sitting there with
her clothes. I'm like, I was gonna sitting here just
like that, waiting for him. Glasses just on the legs
and the hands crossed and he's icing his thigh and
then he has the nerds look at me and he
says Okay, I feel better.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
You want to go again? I said, I think I'm
going to go. Yeah, I think I'm going to go.
But thank you so much. Gave the effort I did
because I also drove all it.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
So I was like, I'm going to get him out.
I didn't get a nut, I didn't get anything. I
just after the after the trolley horse, I said, enough,
I think this time for you to go. It was
already it was already the cramping in the leg. And
I was like, okay, well, I understand if you didn't stretch.
I get that you weren't prepared to stretch. I feel
like everyone needs to hear this.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
You have to stretch. You have to stretch a certain
age like you if you do have to stretch, like.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Whether that's bottomtop and whatever, it is, the damn side stretch,
hip stress.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
You know, get them cracks cracking and popping. You have
to stretch.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
That is sounds, but you know, I've also been in
the situations where you're like, I'm gonna make the best
I'm gonna make the best of it.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
But I've also learned that once it feels off, is
all it's off.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
And I think that's and I think that was what
I learned too, of just like when you when I
already opened the door and saw that you didn't look
like what I should.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
Have just been like, it's not a thing. But I've
had that issue.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
I said that on the show, where like not knowing
how to handle that and like not wanting to You're
well within your right to be like, no, I don't
want to do this because you lied about your thing.
But then I'm like, I feel like I don't want
to reject you. Yeah, yeah, exactly that feels I know
what that feels like, and that's the worst feeling to
feel like that. But then it's also sort of like,

(26:05):
but you also was misleading. It's like and it's like
if you're lying about this, what else?

Speaker 1 (26:12):
What else?

Speaker 3 (26:12):
What else would you be lying that to me? Outweighs
the like rejection or whatever. Well, you've put me in
the scenario. You put me in the scenario and you lie.
Just be honest and then let me make the decision
if I want to come over or not. But like,
don't like misleading, be like yeah, this is me now,
And then when you get there, it's just like, yeah,
I always wonder about that, like because because catfishing or
people using photos that aren't currently representative them happens a lot.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
But I'm always like, I think it's like when somebody
sees you, like, what do you think is going to happen?
And I think I think.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
There's a feeling that like, well, maybe I'll win them over,
or maybe they'll think we've I've drawn too far.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
But I'm always like, but you know that, like they're
going to I would rather it's.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Like, you know they're going to see you, and also
you don't and also most likely you're not going to
run across someone who's nice like me or you. That's
also because people can be people, especially if you mislet
them like they and they have to kind of and
they would be in their right to do that.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
So I don't I don't understand it.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
But like that really didn't put a basket in my
I was like, you know what, let me just stay
my christian self and stay yourself.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
I feel like that's why yourself to a church burn
just a little smoke, you know, the devil get out
a little smoke. All the cathedrals in the neighborhood just

(27:43):
plans blames. It's fine, Well, they give me that story. Yes,
shall we do some messy mail?

Speaker 4 (27:58):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (28:01):
Yes, well, y'all, we're gonna read out your submissions. Uh,
and they remain anonymous. And of course, if you have
any submissions, you can send them to tell me something
messy at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
It will always remain anonymous.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
This first one says, I still enjoy talking about and
sharing sexy stories about my ex?

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Is this kink too messy? I have a lot of
questions about this.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yeah, which are isn't a kink to tell stories about
your ex?

Speaker 2 (28:25):
And if it is a kink, that's a crazy case.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
You know, well, because it's an interesting kink? Is interesting
thing to classify as a king?

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Yeah, because it's like I mean, because I think there
is a versions where you tell like like if you're
trying to explain, like this what my ex is to do?
That I liked, like that makes sense. But just to
be like so yeah, me and my ex was like
fuck like that, Like that's crazy, I guess.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Oh interesting, because like some people get off on like
like some couples will get off on telling each other
what they've done outside.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Oh okay, but I'm wondering if this is your act,
this is not together?

Speaker 3 (29:04):
So then I'm telling a new partner about my Are
you telling it as if you're still together?

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah, and yeah, that's the question because it's because also
it's like, well, i'm your new partner, so I know
what you used to do with your old barner.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
But I'm here now, I guess. I guess it really
depends on the context.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
If it is from somebody that I'm dating, and I
would say no, like, you're the new partner doesn't want
to hear.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
About I don't want to hear about jokes. I don't
want to hear about all of that.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
Absolutely not. If it's just like a random hook up,
I guess you're probably talking about it.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
You could be taught, like you could be a thing,
that could be like that's cool.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
But I think that if you're like dating someone, like
that's kind of weird to be bringing up stories about
your about you.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
We don't like that. Yeah, like for what, Yeah, I'm here.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
I'm here right now if you want, if you want
to go back to it. So they're too messy, you
know what I say. There's between messy and sloppy. I
would classify this as slop.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, that's sloppy. I would slop it's real slop stoppy Joe.
Sloppy Joe. You know, I think sloppy Joe in a minute.
But yeah, that's a sloppy Joe I used to love.
I used to love sloppy sloppy America. Do people still
eat sabby Joe? That's a really weird question. Email us,
Email us to let us.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Know if you eat sloppy Joompy Joe's used to hit.
My mom used to come home and be like, should
we make somep for Thanksgiving? I think we should cute
sloppy Joe's because I look that turkey. Yeah, sloppy Joe.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
Check French fries and French potato salad.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
That's fine'm pring potatoes anyway, that's what's wrong with black
people now fried food.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
I would eat your potato salad, thank you, but I don't.
I don't be trusting everybody. Do people put raisins in
your Oh?

Speaker 2 (30:47):
I have to leave raisins. Some people sprinkle a.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
Little rais people, I think, so, you know what, I know?
White people love to put peas in their mac and cheese.
There's that puts asparagus MP's.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
In the mechan the mac and cheese. Could you imagine
I can't imagine people putting bread crumbs on the.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Stop it, stop it.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
I guess if you put the bread crumbs out and
you bake, it would make it crispy. Or you're talking
about like toasted bread, toasted bread. And then they kind
of no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no. Okay,
this one says how to be patient trying to find
someone to meet my high standards. Now that I love myself,

(31:35):
I would re frame high standards, Yeah, because I think, like, uh,
it's just a standard.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
It's literally just it's not high.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
It's not high. It's what you is, what you need,
is what you desire. You know what I'm saying, what
you want will say high standard to me. They're probably saying,
I want somebody who's kind. You respond exactly, Yeah, it's
not high.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
It's literally just so the one I would refrain, But two,
I think it's and it's hard. I've been in a
relationship now for nine years, but before that it was
really and continues to be about how do I pour
into myself?

Speaker 2 (32:12):
And I want to focus on myself, you have to
and how do I just date myself? Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
And I think that if you are committed to that
and kind of forget how do I find someone, find yourself,
to be finding yourself, then you start to like shift
in a way that the right people show up, whether
it's romantic or platonic. But I think it's like you
have to like you don't have to do anything. But
I would suggest taking the attention off, the finding.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
Off the finding you and that And I feel like
when you take the attention off the finding is when
those people who may or may not be the one,
or may or may not be someone you should be,
but they start coming into your life when you stop
seeking and just worry and worry about, like you say,
loving yourself, dating yourself, being with yourself, Yes, that's when
other people can come in and then you have the power.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
They don't have the power.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
You have the power to say, are you someone that
I want to give my time, to my space, to
my energy to instead of just being like love me,
tell me I'm pretty, or like make me feel like.
It's like no, because I know I got that for myself.
Do I want to spend time with you? You know
what I'm saying? Like it's so empowering it's it's so empowering,
and it's something that I feel like I have been,
you know, really coming into for myself now, just like

(33:22):
as I'm in my dating era of just like, yeah,
I have the power to say, do I want to
spend time with this person? Not just like oh I
just want companionship, but oh I just want somebody around.
It's like, no, I'm good with myself. I'd be having
a great time. Yes, And once you have that, it's
sort of like, okay, can this person add to that
great time that I'm already having by myself.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Yeah, you know, you know it's difficult that I that
I can't that I want to account for it, and
I don't really have the answer to But I think
especially if you are somebody who's trying to build a family,
somebody who wants to to give birth, and like there
are time limits on those things. So I imagine that
that plays into the pursuit because you're like, oh, I

(34:04):
really want to be a parent, I really want to
build this family, and I don't want to be sixty starting,
you know, I want to do it sooner. So for that,
I mean, all I can say is having a family
and building a family is a beautiful desire, but who

(34:24):
you do it with is of the utmost importance, And
it is better for you to be in the waiting
game and maybe have to like shift what that family
looks like. It might be shifting from hey, maybe I
need to, you know, have a surrogate, or maybe I
need to adopt or whatever or whatever it is. Maybe
I do it myself, but like give yourself the opportunity

(34:47):
to shift what it might look like and the pursuits
that you're not just going after a person, because then
I think, sometimes we'll settle and now you've settled for
a person who isn't really the right person, the right person,
and then you bring kids and then it becomes yeah, situation,
It becomes a lot more of a headache than if
you would have just waited wait, you would have just

(35:10):
waited chilled. Yeah, So the waiting is hard. So I
just want to agnowledge waiting is hard.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
The waiting is hard. Yeah, especially if you are seeking
companionship and partnership.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
The waiting is hard. But like you would rather wait
for the right person than to get the wrong person. Yeah,
And sometimes I'll.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
Say this because I say this to my girls that
live in LA where I'm like, I don't know if
your person is here, right, and that and that's the
reality that's team. I'm like, your person may not may
not be here. You might have to move somewhere else
or go somewhere else, and so like, if you are
in the pursuit of that, partner, I just like licked
the fun us like partner, I'm hungry, you know, travel

(35:48):
a little bit, Yeah, travel somewhere. Yeah, Like yeah, have
a solo take so trace or new or looking for
new experiences, whether that be like a pottery class, a
crafts class, a new uh.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Spiritual home is where you can be a new community,
meet and meet new people folk like minded.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
Folks, yes, yes, and build data to right. Every person
you meet doesn't have to be your husband, your wife,
or yourself.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
And I think once and I think once you start
taking that sort of pressure off of that, that's when
you start really coming into your own power. When every
person you meet her, every date you go on, it's
not like, oh, is this the one?

Speaker 4 (36:25):
Is this one?

Speaker 2 (36:26):
It's like, no, I don't know you. How can you
be the one? When I don't know you? Like, don't
put the pressure on it. We always want to make
people the one right away, and it's like they're they're
just a person. They're literally just a person. And we're
we're both strangers. Yes, we're both we're actually we're actually
don't we actually don't know each other. What's your last thing?
You don't even know that. I don't even know your
favorite color. I don't know what. I don't know nothing

(36:46):
about you.

Speaker 3 (36:47):
I just like this energy and the exactly which is beautiful.
But like, take the pressure of like take the pressure
my person forever. I don't need forever.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
What is this right now? Because all we have is
the present? Baby, All we have is right now. All
we have is right now. Tomorrow a too. Come on,
if we can't get guess but giving us so we
gotta go. We got the listen, we gotta go to
the gotta go to the classics. Okay, all right. This

(37:18):
one says I hooked up with my BFF and now
I'm scared. I love her.

Speaker 3 (37:25):
It's my first queer relationship too. What are your thoughts
about fucking your friend? You know you said that, you
know because well because I feel like I have been
such a huge advocate of not doing that. But I

(37:48):
know it's because of my very first ever queer relationship
was with my best friend and it ended so bad
and then we no longer taught. We haven't talked for
years and years and years and year in years really
and for me, because of that one experience, I just
I don't do it only because I as someone especially

(38:11):
who's the only child and who as you know, my
friends are my everything, like the tribe is my everything.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
It's like I would never want I would never want.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
To jeopardize that, yeah, just for a fuck or just
for especially especially because I know how hard I love
my friends and me personally, I know that me fucking
my friend, especially if I love them, it's automatically going
to be like I'm in love with you.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, And I can't do that because I did it once.
I've done it once, and I can't do it again.
You such as you only try a thing once, you
only try once.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
And and for me, it's just like I I wish
I was someone who could separate the nut from the
like the nut from the heart, the nut from the heart.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
But it's just like, no, I like, I like if
I call you my best BFF, best friend. It's like
I know, I know myself and I cannot cross that line.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
I'm okay, so I'm similar, but I also have to
like separate, like what is fucking versus what is like
love and a relationship? One I always say, like, I
do think that there are scenarios in which you can
fuck a friend and it be fine, right, Please do
not fuck all your friends?

Speaker 2 (39:18):
Yes, yes, I was going to say that and let
me and let me be very clear.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
I think.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
I think it's also there's also levels of friendship right
and with friends. So it's like if it's a if
it's a friend who I know, but I don't. But
you know what I'm saying, Like we just met, we're cool,
and then one night we're dawn, can we hook up?
That's I think that that's fine. I think for me,
it's when it gets to like, oh, we've been friends

(39:42):
for ten twelve years and now you know, we had
one drunken night and we fucked and now we're both
like are we do we?

Speaker 2 (39:49):
What do we do now? Like that is that is
what gets me.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
It's like I never That's why I'm such a like
I don't. I don't fuck friends just because because I
never want that feeling. I hear you do you know
what I mean, Like that feeling of just like especially
especially when you're as close, if it's just your bff,
if it's you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just like, okay,
so what are we doing? Because then also it would
feel it would feel weird for me to be like,

(40:13):
now you're a friend with benefits, but that also feels
weird because we're together all the time because you're my
best friend, and now it's like, oh, but we're together,
we might fuck. Like for me, that's like for me personally,
I'm like, yeah, that's when it gets differently.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Gets sloppy, and you know, it gets like sloppy. I okay,
so one hundred percent agree with that. I also think
what shifts that for me too is I have to
remember that I'm in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
So even if I fuck a friend, which I have,
there are friends that I have fucked.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Yeah, but like they know, like we're well aware that
I'm I have a partner, Like this is yeah, I'm
not about to be exactly you know, I'm not to
leave my husband for you, So we can just have
this week night again, I would say, you can't do
it with everyone. And to this person when you say
I'm scared, I love her like. That is where I

(40:59):
would be trepidacious in hooking up. If I knew that
there was any kind of way that I might feel
like I want to date this person, then I would
probably stay away from it. But if it's just like, oh,
we're two sex positive friends.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
There's so many you know, beautiful niggas and women and
days and dams out here.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Why I got to be my b you know, I
got to look at you. I got to be best.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
I have two there are two best seas that I'm
thinking of because I have like a gaggle of best yes,
but I have there are two besties I'm thinking of
that I was at a sex party with both of them.
One of them, I was fucking right next to him
and it was fine, and it's like, you know, we're
like fucking that person forgot high five.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
The other friend won't ever even look at me in
the eye.

Speaker 3 (41:51):
This other friend won't like I was, like I saw
I like, sir, have my back to the dark room.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
I'm sitting on a body of riding their dick. I
get up off of them. I look to my left,
there's the other there's the best who's like, oh hey,
And he looked at me and was like.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Like I tried to like kiss him on the cheek,
like avoided me, and I was like, oh, oh my god,
he's very strong, which I respect respect, but I'm like, oh,
it's so funny that it really does depend on the
dynamic of your friends.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
And it depends on that, and I think that is
for me, the biggest thing is like the dynamic of
the friendship. Again, if it's a if it's a friend
that if it's a friend of a friend that you
met in your friendly with and y'all hook up, Like
for me, like that's whatever. But like if it's someone
who if if I've cried with you, if I've told
you like deep dark secrets, if I've been there through
the good times, the bad times, the you know, if

(42:48):
I if I've been at your mama house, if I've
been if if it's that deep, I can't see you.
I can't see you in that light. Yeah, because because
as you know, my friends are like family to me.
As only it's like it's like my brother's like my sister.
It's like my you know, my cousin, Like I don't
want to see my I don't want to see y'all.
I don't want to see y'all. Neck and y'all are
beautiful for me, beautiful.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
You know what's interesting is that, like you and I
have known each other since we were eighteen, it will
never happen. It'll know You're like you're my family.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Like literally, that's what I'm saying, Like literally, you're my brother,
Like are you kidding me? I could never it couldn't.
Like no, but what I help?

Speaker 3 (43:24):
You get asked all the time, all the time. If
we were at the sex part together, I'd be like,
that's my girl speaking of Because this is again, this
is the Thanksgiving episode, and one of the things that
I'm you know, people will be thinking about and navigating

(43:45):
is chosen family or you know, how you are with
your your blood family. To me, as I've gotten older,
friends have really become a family. Yeah, as you know,
I've been a strange from my mother for fifteen years now.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
You were there when I when that even friends that long. Yes,
you knew my mom, My mom.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
And I were clothes and then you knew when the
Tighes severed, and when that happened, I really had to
begin to lean on my friends and my friends. Before that,
I think we would say we're brothers and sisters and whatever.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
But then like for me, it really became that.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
And you've always exemplified that for me, like you've always
treated me like a brother, like a sibling. But I
was like, oh, this has become like I'm not going
home for Thanksgiving. I'm not going home for Christmas, like
I am at with my friends or with my friend's family,
and like they are now my family.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
And that's not unique to me.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
I think a lot of queer folks navigate chosen family
and friendsgiving and what it means because we have to,
because we have to. And I know it's people are
listening today, you know it's the Thanksgiving episode, whether you're
listening on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Or the day after or the weekend after.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
But a lot of people with their families, some of us,
like I'm saying, as y'all listen to this, I'm eating
mac and cheese and my good friends.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Right, But some of us are going home to our
our blood family, which somebody had made the distinction, who
had their family had voted for not Kamala and they
were like, you know, uh, blood is just relatives, but
like the people who are for you, that's your family,
that's your family. And so when did chosen family become

(45:36):
important to you?

Speaker 1 (45:37):
I would say, honestly, ever since I was a kid,
because I always wanted because I'm an only child, so
I've always wanted brothers and sisters. And I have great
cousins love, yes, love my cousin, the cousins, the cousins,
but like I've always wanted brothers and sisters. And so

(45:58):
because of that, I feel like my friendships, even from
when I was young, always meant so much to me, yes,
and always was like truly like the center of my heart,
the center of my soul. And as someone who has
a lot of friends and have a lot of besties
and all that it truly I feel like that's why

(46:19):
I love La so much. Not I mean, yes, I
love l a yeah, but also my family is here,
my tribe is here, like everyone, like everyone, and if
there are some people who are still in the New
York you know, and some other places, but like for
the most part, it's just like a lot of the community,
a lot of the community is here, so It's like,
why would I move somewhere else? Why would I go
somewhere else when when everyone who fuels me and inspires

(46:44):
me and feels me is here.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Community is community is life, exactly.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
And that's what I tell when whenever someone moves to
LA or asked me about LA, I say, the first thing.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
You need to find is community. To find your people.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
You have to find your people otherwise you are as out.
Especially in this especially, it's like, you have to find
your people.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
You know you're finding your people is everything, and we'll
support you when you go back home, and exactly you
don't feel like you fit in that family. A lot
of people are going home right now, and one of
the big topics that they will either address or not address.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Is the election.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
And so I figure it's been a couple of weeks.
By the time you know, y'all this gets your ears,
I haven't unpacked this. This is the day after we're
recording this, a day after haven't gotten really to talk
about it with anyone. So I'd love to talk about
it with you because I know we'll talk about it
in a in a thoughtful, soft way that might help

(47:47):
somebody else that's also trying to process and or may
not be able to.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
Talk to.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
They're currently with because you know, they voted in a different,
different way. So when this comes out, this will be
a few weeks after, but we are recording it the
day after. So this is Thursday, which was a Tuesday.
Results were, oh, no, this is Wednesday, So we're today's Wednesday.
How are you feeling and how are you taking care
of yourself or and how or how will you continue

(48:15):
to take care of yourself over the next little at
least few weeks.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
You know, today I really felt like I was like
in the Twilight Zone.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
It was one of those It was one of those
things where like I had came home, so I was
at a friend's house and we like drank and had
taco Taco Tuesday. So we drank and ate and laughed
and and like tried to not think about the election.
So like we were watching it at first, and then
we turned it off and listened to Kate Trinada and
like I was having a great time. And then at
the end of the night we like turned it back

(48:46):
on and it was just like the reality y sort
of sitting in of like, oh, it's where we're we're
going back, Yeah, you know what I'm saying, and like,
was it surprising for you? It wasn't that it was surprising.
I think that because especially after the first time he won. Yeah,
I now, I would say the first time, I was

(49:06):
definitely shot shocked.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
I was like, you remember.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
And Tracy walked all like because because I think what
what got me and what I had to remember was
just because everyone I knew was voting for that person
doesn't mean that that person's going.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
That's what really, that's what that's what that's because I
literally was like everyone everyone I knew was both here,
so like Hilary Hillary Hillary, and literally.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
It was sort of it was that thing of just like, oh,
we are in our own bubble in LA, in New York,
in liberal cities and liberal towns, there's literally a whole
population who does not think like us, you know what
I'm saying. Like, and because we don't see them on
a daily base or interact with them or have any
you forget, you forget, you forget them.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
Yes, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
And it's sort of like and I think that's how
he's able to win every time because he speaks to
you know what I'm saying like he speaks to those
people who feel forgotten, who feel like, you know, like, well,
no one cares about us, but this man does.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
And that's pretty I think what's been.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
Maybe not again not surprising, but scary about that is
that the tactics used are so hateful until you go,
oh yeah, like I know, like you know, I'm black, gay,
non binary and an interracial gay marriage, first generation American.
You know, parents are immigrants, like I'm well aware of

(50:35):
the country that I'm in. Yeah, first time that man
was in office was shocking, but then when it came
around that he was going to get another chance at it,
and for me, it was like, oh, this is where
we live, like it's under Like perhaps under the Obama administration,

(50:56):
there was a way of feeling.

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Oh okay, like we're like niggas started to showing up
in target ads.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
Yeah, the diversity was like such a it was so
there you were like, ah yeah, and then when that happened,
you're like, oh shit, And now that it's come back,
I'm like, oh, this is undeniable.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Yeah, we have a history that we do not talk about.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
We don't talk about this type of fear mongering and
hatred is actually profitable.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Absolutely, it actually works.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
Yeah, yeah, And I think that is and I think
for me is this time is like that is the
scariest part because now because now we'll go unchecked. Yeah
you know what I'm saying, Like now he can say
whatever he wants because the people have spoken.

Speaker 2 (51:41):
The people have spoken twice twice.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
The people have spoken twice, And like that is the
That is also the crazy part because it's like he
lost once and we saw what happened.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
We saw January sixth happen.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
Yeah, And the crazy thing is is that we all
will witnessing and even and even his supporters were like,
that's crazy that that's happening.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Even his supporters were like that that's crazy, like not crazy,
but not crazy to not vote for him again, do
you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Like, and I think that is it's just like it
also reiterates the fact of like I don't care that
this that this white man has rat people, has said
these awful things, has calls and insurrection, has paid people
hush money.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
I would rather this white man than this black woman
or this or even or even this white woman or
a woman period. Well, yeah, do you know what I'm saying,
like you hate women and femininity. Oh yeah, so much
that this person. Yeah, it's sobering. Yeah maybe that's the
it's not surprising, but it is.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
So it's sobering and that.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Yeah, and it makes me and the thing is, and
the crazy thing for me is that like it makes
me lean into all of my intersectionalities even more.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
It makes me want to be more black, It makes
me want to be more aware, it makes me want
to be more well.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
It's like, now is the time it becomes you know.

Speaker 3 (53:07):
I have these these pro hose shirts, pro love, pro choice,
pro black, transqueer and ho and I was thinking about
the night before and I was like, you know, if
if if Kamala wins, these shirts will feel celebratory. If
she loses and he wins, it will feel radical. It

(53:28):
will feel to have to wear like the necessity of
having to wear this h Like before it was like, oh,
I'm wearing it, But then today when I put it on,
I was like, oh, I'm like I have to wear
I have to wear like I because if I don't
then I'm erased and like I have to Yeah, I
have to let you know that I stand for pro choice,
I stand for trans folks, I stand for being a

(53:50):
hoe or yeah, I'm I'm proud of these things, or
like or signally that you're safe space for these things.
I feel like that's been like the biggest thing. It's like,
we'll wear are where are our safe spaces? And for
me and you who live in LA, it's easier to
find that. But I do think about even the Red States,
you know, who are the most vulnerable in those spaces.

(54:12):
In those spaces, you know, I'll never forget as Florida
was doing, you know, uh, stop don't say gay and
the ban on African American studies and all that stuff.
There was a video that somebody said which was like
basically equating it to the Titanic and being the people
who are at the bottom of the Titanic and it's
like this thing is shit sinking and we do not

(54:33):
have the option to get out of here, but we
are here, and it's like, that's what I try to
remember is that they're even in those Red States, even
in those places, there are people who are incredibly vulnerable
and need those of us who are not in those
spaces to still show up because we have the capacity to.
So how do you feel like you And you might
not have the answer to this, and that's fine because

(54:53):
again this is literally, we're literally, but do you have
any musings on how you want to show up, how
you will show up, how you will bring yourself to
show up? Honestly, I think for me it is me personally.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
I feel like to continue to choose joy every day,
something that I already try to do and I'm already
in the practice of, but like even more so now
because I feel like, because the world in our country
is in such a like like disarraying in a dark place,
that we can sort of feed into that and like

(55:32):
and feel like it's no hope or be it. And
again you can feel the grief of the moment, you
can that I'm not saying don't recognize what you feel,
but also realizing that, like one, we've been through this before,
so we were able to survive and make it through
then and we can do it again.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Yeah, And it's that thing of just like you know,
I feel like.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
I'm always trying to cling on to hope onto joy
and and also like chosen family, like I feel like
us leaning into each other more is what we need
to do now is we need to find those people
that are like minded, that that thinks the way we think,
that feel the things we feel, that that bring us joy,
that bring us happiness, that reminds us that even in

(56:16):
this dark world, there's still love. You know what I'm saying,
there's still joy, there's still happiness. Because when so many
people and are trying to stump that out of you,
it makes it for me. It like empowers me to
go even harder. You know what I'm saying. It's like
and again it's like it's an active choice every day.
I'm not saying it's easy, but it's an active choice.
And I think people have to make the active choice

(56:38):
to be like, yes, this world is fucked up, Yes
this country is fucked up, but listen, I'm here and
this is my country too.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Do you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
And I'm not gonna let I'm not gonna let you
steal my joy. Come on now, somebody, I'm not gonna
let you.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Steal my joy. Lujah.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
I'm still in that Holy Lujah. You can't steal my joy,
you know what I'm saying. And for me, like you know,
of course they're everyone, whether they're playing or not. It's like, oh,
I'm moving off the country. Yeah, that's great if that's
what you really want to do.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
But also maybe I've worked hard in this country and
I've worked hard to get what I have now, and
like for me, it's just like I'm not gonna let
nobody naw man nigga. Now, nobody run me out unless
I want to go. If I want to go, that's different. Yeah,
but I'm not gonna let nobody run me out.

Speaker 3 (57:23):
Nah.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
I'm gonna be here and I'm gonna be hearing this joy,
I'm gonna be hearing this blackness, I'm be hearing this queerness.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
And you're gonna motherfucking deal with it, period. Do you
know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Like I feel like that is that is my music
of how to to go forward is to lean more
into who you are. Don't let it, don't let it
dispab it shrink you.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Don't let it shrink you. Maybe it should make.

Speaker 3 (57:42):
You more proud, it should make you more bigger, it
should make you walk into rooms like yeah, it's like
we need to what has become so clear, And I
think it can be scary, but it's it's also where
the path is is showing up brighter, brighter, showing up bigger,
showing up louder. Yes, that that our voices are actually

(58:04):
needed even more now exactly with this shadows.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
Exactly and and and especially and especially for Black Americans.
We've been through this for years. Do you know what
I'm saying, Like this thing, our our ancestors, our mothers,
our fathers, our grandmother's, our grandma, our great great grand
like we went, They went through it harder than what
we have now.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Baby, Do you know what I'm saying? Like they and
they persevered so that we could be where we are
now a thousand percent? Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (58:31):
Like for me, That's why I'm like as much as
as much as like oh, being as pat sounds cute,
it's also like, no, baby, I have I have family
who died for me to be here, and so I'm
not as sacrificed who sacrificed for me to be here.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
So I'm just not gonna get up and move.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
There's a quote by Nikki Giovanni that I just posted.
If the enslaved could believe, I know I can, and
I think that that is exactly what you're talking about,
which is it like our ancestors have been in this
country and what through hell, hell which doesn't even begin
to describe it doesn't.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Even begin to describe it, you know.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
And they fought the day and they believed that they
could be free, and they are the reason that we
are free. That you and I are sitting in this
nice little.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
And the water and waters chilled. God, you really did
to laugh to not crying. But we can, we can
get through this.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
And I think that joy is the perfect because if
you can, if you can find a moment to laugh
and laugh with your community, then you can find that
clarity of how to move forward exactly, the the motivation
fuel to And I think, yeah, and exactly because I
think that people I sometimes think that people don't give
joy enough credit. Joy saves lives, you know what I'm saying,

(01:00:00):
Like when it and it saves it saves like a
laugh can save a laughter.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Laughter, I believe, you know, I believe a little bit.
That's all we do. Laughing. It is healing. It's so healing.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
And I think that, you know, I think people just
have to remember that is that like even even That's
why I love so many of my friends, just like
I'm gonna watch my Bravo shows today or I'm gonna
watch my favorite movie. It's like, yeah, go back to
those things where you're just like, okay, it will be okay.
Touch grass exactly. It's like it's like where it just

(01:00:40):
reminds you like it will be okay. We still have
to put one foot in front of the other, like
the world doesn't stop because this man is president.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
And we are together in this and we are together,
and no one is doing it alone. No one is
doing it alone, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
And like even in those red states, for the for
the people who did vote blue and voted for our girl,
You're not You're not doing alone.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
It wasn't just one vote right, one vote a group
of it was just one yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So I think people
have to remember that too, is that like you are
never alone. You're not alone.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Someone is feeling exactly what you're feeling. And to try
to find those people and connect with those people. If
you can like that's and organized together, that's how you
that's how you keep going. That's how you you know,
can understand. Okay, this is where we are in America,
this is where we are. This is how certain groups
of people think of me. Great, great, think you can

(01:01:44):
think what you want to think. But baby, I'm still here. Yeah,
and I'm still living.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Yeah. You know what I'm saying. I love you you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
Well, you know we are hoes here, but hoes with hearts.
So before we get out of here, let me speak
to yours. What are my takeaways? First of all, Davie
and I have known each other, it's crazy, for almost
twenty years, so we have been present for so many
versions of each other.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
We knew each other when we're both in the closet. I,
you know, fucked his roommate.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
When I say in the closet, you know, So we've
we've walked through each other as we've I don't want
to say coming because you know, I've stopped saying or
I'm trying to stop saying coming out of the closet, because.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
I think it's really coming back to yourself. And so
in the ways that we've come back to.

Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
Ourselves over the years, whether that's about sexual orientation, whether
that's about gender expression, whether that's about just like knowing
what we love and don't love, what we like and
who we want to be. The more that we've come
back to ourselves, we've been present for it, and it's
been such a healing thing, especially and I'll talk about
those chosen family. You know, I've been estranged, And by
the way, if you are somebody who is navigating their

(01:03:03):
first holiday without a family member, without a family member
or without family, whether that is by way of a
passing or by choice by you know, estrangement, I love you,
and I this is hard, and there's nothing that I'm
going to say it's going to make it easier. But
I want you to know that you're not alone in
that experience, and that you were loved and held and

(01:03:26):
cared for. And I hope that you are being so
soft and gentle with yourself through this holiday, and then
of course as we get into Christmas and all that stuff,
I hope that you hold yourself and you're soft and
gentle with yourself. But one of the things I'll say
is that when as my mom and I became estranged,
I realized that there wasn't somebody for me to look

(01:03:48):
to who was present for all the versions of me.
So when I would accomplish things or things would happen.
I would want that person who knew me from birth
to be like, oh my god, look at that thing
you did, or oh my goodness, you made that thing
or you or oh my god, that awful thing is happening.
How can I take care of you? Because I know,

(01:04:09):
I know your history, and I know what this thing
means and how it's impacting you. And so when I
lost that from my family, my blood family, my relatives,
my chosen family became, that became that reflection, became my cheerleaders.
And so Devere has been one of those cheerleaders. And
I'm just so grateful and so too to anyone again
navigating the loss of family. However it looks again whether

(01:04:32):
that is a passing, whether that is estrangement, whether that's
a boundary lean on your chosen family. I know you'll
miss the cheerleading from your your blood, but the people
who love you in love, the relationships that you have
that are built in love, they got you. And it's
strange at first, and of course the longing is there,

(01:04:56):
but as you move through it and you allow yourself
to become more free and more liberated, and you realize
that you can make more choices and you're not disappointing
other people like you're just beholden to yourself. The freedom
is unmatched and you will take a lot of comfort
in that, in your chosen family and those relationships. I

(01:05:19):
also think what Dever said about joy is so important. Listen,
these are hard times. Your joy matters.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
Do not be afraid to giggle, to cackle, to laugh.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
We are up against a lot of dark shit right now, Okay,
personally and also in the world. Right we all have
our shit, and so if times are going to be dark,
you gotta find the light when you can. And so
your joy is your activism, Your joy is your fuel,
is your passion. So do not be afraid to lean

(01:05:51):
into the joy. Don't be afraid to hold onto it
when it comes, because it will come and go. But laugh, honey, giggle,
enjoy joy. Also, I'm just gonna really end this by saying,
fuck your potato salad.

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
I said it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:06):
I don't really mean that because like some of that
salad really be but I don't know all potato salad
don't be hidden.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
And I really stand by that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
I will pick the cranberry sauce out the can over
your potato salad. Any day, because regardless of what Dema said,
fuck him, Okay. That cranberry from the can is reliable. Okay,
and it shows you exactly where to cut it, right
on the ridges, right on the line. It is reliable.
I trust a household that has cranberry sauce from a can.
You households are like a little fresh cranberry sauce.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
I'm leaving. I don't trust you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:37):
I don't trust nothing about that real cranberry sauce. Okay,
And that's on period. Anyways, I love you so much,
wishing you a.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
Soft, gentle loving, warm, love filled, gratitude filled day. You
deserve it, all right. I gotta get out of here.

Speaker 3 (01:07:00):
But you can find VR on Instagram at It's de
Vr Rogers d E V e R E Rogers r
O g e r s and also the cutest, the
cutest baby picture on there right now that really encapsulates
the joy and energy and love of Devere. You can
find me on Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman.

(01:07:22):
You can find our podcasts at tell Me Something Messy,
and you can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack.
When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts recommendations on sex
and self and so much more. Also, I want to
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your submissions, your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy

(01:07:44):
at gmail dot com. You can also call us at
six sixty nine sixty nine Messy. That is sixty six
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(01:08:06):
all right, Until next time, ask about the politics of
that dick before you make it spit, make sure they
eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fuckation
or suckcation communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet,
today you are so deeply loved.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
I love you. Bye.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
Thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to
someone else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
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