October 17, 2024 • 52 mins
After receiving a fist-full of recurring medical questions from the c'heauxmunity, Brandon invites Dr. James Simmons, a renowned expert in all things anal health to share some of his wisdom and medical stories in our latest sympheauxsium. Brandon's got a few medical messy stories of their own the share, and they learn a butt-load about hemorrhoids, sex while pregnant and some gaps in the medical community.
Find Dr. James on Instagram @drjamesqsimmons
https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman
Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/
Submit your own messy story or question at TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com or call (669) 696-3779
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
But he told me that the recovery would be that
I wouldn't be able to control my parts. Oh and
I work in a writer's room, and there was like
I was like, girl, in no way, I'm gonna sit
in the writer's room for like eight hours and just
be far and uncontrollably. That's not the vibe for me. Baby,
I don't know about you. You know what we do
(00:27):
here destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now,
let me tell you something messy today. We're gonna be
talking about hemorrhoids, herpes, fucking while pregnant, and some messier topics,
all of your messy patron questions. And so I thought
I would tell you a medical story, which is when
I was a freshman in college. I went to college
(00:48):
at NYU. Humble brack, I'm still paying them so much money.
So I went to college NYU. And it was also
my like foray into sex because you know what, I
don't know, I think that's a lot of people's experience.
When you go to college, you hopefully will fuck. Because
(01:08):
in high school I had some girlfriends in high school,
but I never I never had like penetrative sex in
high school. Although all the straight kids were, you know,
doing the do. So here came college and it was
time to like suck some dick, you know, like this college,
I'm ready to suck dick. So I was still straight,
(01:31):
though I will say like I was. I was still
figuring my shit out. And my roommate Clint Ty Clint,
who's bisexual. I had come to him and been like,
I don't know, like if I'm you know, gay, I
don't know. If I'm straight, I don't know, I don't
know anything. He's like, well, whatever, like try it all,
don't put any labels on it. And at the end
(01:51):
of the school year, if you have feel one way
or another, then you can label it. Then they always
say it n YU gay by May. I don't know
if that's like a I don't know if there's a
school slogan. Obviously it's not a school slogan obviously, like
the d of n YU is not going all right
gay by May. But I feel like it was for
the students, especially the theater students, it was like are
(02:14):
they gay? Are they gay? Well, they'll be gay by May.
And that was true for me. Anyways, during my exploration
of boys and girls and days, I was sucking tick,
and I was making out and I was, you know,
I was. I don't think I was eating ass quite yet,
but I was for sure like infatuated with sucking dick.
(02:34):
I would see it in porn. I would always hear,
give a blowjob? What's a blowjob? Have you had a blowjob?
And I just loved when a dick was in my mouth.
I do not know why, but the taste of a
dick was just marvelous for me. I couldn't get enough.
And then maybe like around like two or three months
(02:56):
into school, I'm not I can't remember how many people
I would have hooked up at this point. Not a lot,
I wasn't. I wasn't in my whole phase yet, but
a couple of people. But I remember that like I
woke up and and like my throat was like sore.
My throat was sore, and it just felt like my
tonsils were expanding. I wasn't feeling well, and I called
(03:20):
my mommy. Because you're eighteen and your throat doesn't feel
well and you have a fever, you call mommy. And
my mom was lived in Queens, so she was still
in New York and I was downtown on what twelfth
and third alf. So my mom, you know, drives into
(03:40):
the city because her baby is sick. She picks me
up and she takes me to the medical center, the
NYU Medical Center, the NYU Hospital, and you know, we
don't know what's happening, like my throat, my my temperature,
all of it. And so we finally get into the
(04:01):
doctor's office and I'm explaining to the doctor everything that's happening,
and my mom is like, yeah, like what what is
going on? Like what what?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
What?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
What we need to do? And the doctor. I don't
know if the doctor had asked my mother to leave
the room or my mom was like, oh, I need
to go grab something and I'll come back. And anyways,
my mom leaves the room and it's me and the doctor,
and she then like turns to me and goes so like,
have you been doing anything? I won't really what do
(04:33):
you mean doing anything? She's like, you know, have you
been Basically she was trying to ask like, have I
been sucking dick? Because I had an STI. It was
clear like I didn't know at the time, but clearly
it was fucking STI. But I did not know that.
And I was also not out, so I was not
about to tell her that I was sucking dick. So
I sat there and said, no, uh uh, I don't know. No,
(04:55):
I've honestly just been you know, drinking drinking my water
and you know, you know, eating my three meals a day.
And I don't know what happened here. This is crazy.
And so she was like, okay, and I think she
prescribed me something, but like didn't tell my mother what
it was.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
And then I was better. But that was my my
my something messy was my doctor having to ask me
if I sucked dick while my mother was out of
the room, and me denying it because of the deep
homophobic shame that I was carrying that I no longer
carry now now I have a podcast where I talk
about sucking dick. And so I went in the end, baby,
(05:39):
you know what that means, it's time for our guests. Now,
while they get situated, we'll get our messy. Key Key
started with a Hoe manifesto. Repeat after me aloud or
in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame,
the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex
is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for
(06:02):
my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my
ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for
it is better to masturbate by myself in peace than
to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the
community say, holleluvia, there we go. So sex is a
(06:23):
lot of fun, but there's also risks, injuries and things
the body does that every hoe should know about. So
today I reached out to one of my internet faves,
doctor James Simmons, so that I can ask the questions
you be wanting to ask your doctor but are too
embarrassed too now. Doctor James Simmons, he him. His is
a board certified acute care nurse practitioner, passionate on air
(06:45):
medical contributor, and dynamic multimedia host, certainly not your average
medical expert. His superpower is distilling complex and complicated concepts
into consumable content for any audience. Bitch, I feel like, oh,
we're reading this, Okay, work, okay, y'all, please welcome doctor
James Hi.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
And the crowd goes wild. Thank you. I feel like
I'm walking out on like tammering right now or something.
Everyone's clapping, everyone.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Absolutely We're screaming. The audience is roaring. They're so excited.
I'm so happy you're here. Wait, let me start with
the question, what's bringing you joy?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You know what I have been. I have decided I'm
kind of a tennis head, so I've I decided to
carve time and space for myself to play tennis a
couple of times a week just because it makes me
happy and brings me joy and I need that physical
and you know, mental outlet. So yeah, it's been a
I love that, finding my inner serena again lately.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Come on, you know. I started taking boxing a couple
of months ago. I don't know, I saw a creed
a couple of years ago and I was like, yes,
let me do that, Michael, Michael b let me do that.
I started taking boxing, and I am Michael Borden. That's
what I say every time I hit my trainer. So
I started taking boxing, and it's been such a great
release in such a way to channel the rage, the anger,
(08:07):
the sadness, the happiest it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Baby it right.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I'm sure when you hit that ball, you're like, ah,
you know, just.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Gets on that correct And I screamed too, just like Serena,
I'm like, come on, you know, and she's a little
wild on the tennis court. But also it's fun, it's
it's much. I love it.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Well, listen, I'm so happy you're here. And one of
the reasons I'm really excited you're here is because you
are a black medical professional, which there are not or
I don't have access to many of them. And I
know that's always a thing that we talk about in
the field, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a practitioner,
just being able to find somebody that looks like you
and that can advocate for you and that can support you.
(08:45):
And so I'm curious what inspired you to get into
the field to become a nurse practitioner.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Ooh, you know, a lot of that, A lot of
that reason. You know, I never we don't see ourselves,
and I wanted to have the opportunity to change that,
you know, interestingly, as the fat, black, biracial queer kid
growing up and are you ready Nebraska in the eighties
and nineties, Yes, babe, you can imagine how that was.
(09:12):
I was not at the time, like in a rush
to tell people that I wanted to be a nurse,
right like I was already getting bullied, and there was
so much stigma around, you know, cis men being nurses,
that I was like, I'm not doing this in nineteen
eighty nine. I'm not runn around telling the neighborhood that, oh,
I want to be a nurse too, so y'all could
beat on me some more. So I actually ended up
doing like broadcasting and journalism and a little pr and
(09:32):
all this stuff, and the entire time this thing in
the back of my head just would not let go about, like, actually, babe,
you want to be a nurse. You want to be
a nurse practitioner, you want to be in the medical field.
And through that came the realization that I was like,
there's not enough of us out there. I don't see
black queer folks in the medical space, not only advocating
and taking care of us, but just taking up space
(09:53):
in that area. So I was I quit that fast
track corporate job. I went back to nursing school, became
a nurse and then a nurse practitioner. I got my
doctorate in twenty twenty from UCLA, and I've just been
trying to ride or die for the peeps as much
as I can on these damn socials and in real
life for more than ten years now.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
People don't often think about how important it is to
have somebody that looks like you in those rooms. I
have a queer doctor. I was just telling my Hairsauce,
I have a queer dig The whole office is queer,
and I sometimes take it for granted that what a
privilege that is to like walk in and be able
to talk about, you know, prep or anything that feels
(10:37):
like really queer focused and not be looked at. Strangely,
I had an experience a few years ago. I was
filming Modern Love in New York and I was sick
on set, and it just so happened we were filming
in a hospital. So the medic came into the trailer
and was like, you're temperatures off, we have to actually
admit you into this hospital. So they admitted me into
(10:59):
the hospit hospital. It was a hospital in the middle
of Brooklyn. It was I forget what hospital it was,
but it doesn't have the best reputation. But they were
like the closest, the other one that would be better
is further away and whatever whatever. But I got in
there and I remember it was three Caribbean women shout
out to the Caribbean. I'm Trinidadian behind a desk. And
(11:21):
when I was telling them my medicines, I got to
prep and they looked at me. They were like, what
is that? And then I told them what prep was,
and they were like, well, why would you need that?
There's just so much judgment, which if I wasn't part
of this TV show, right with the backing of you know,
Amazon and whatnot, I would have probably felt really unsafe
(11:42):
stying there, right, And so that's why I think it's
so important to have professionals that look like you, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I mean, it changes so much, you know, there's really
they say about five percent of physicians are black, six
percent of nurse practitioners are black. A significant portion of
that less than that are also queer. Right, so they
are actually a fair amount of queer nurses and physicians.
But when you start talking about intersectionality, right, and you
(12:10):
having the experience of queerness and blackness or brownness, otherness, poorness,
all of those things, we start to really not see
ourselves and we start to have experiences like that, and
I will, you know, I'll tell you just this is
my little twenty second soapbox. I'm currently on my husband
calls it my like Beyonce on my Renaissance tour, but
I'm currently on like a national speaking tour talking to
(12:32):
clinicians about PREP specifically because there are still so many
people who are currently practicing nursing in medicine right now
who have never heard of prop wow, don't know that
it's basically for everyone, and have never heard someone say
that you can take a medication every single day or
a shot every other month that is ninety seven to
(12:53):
ninety nine percent effective at preventing HIV through sex. They've
never heard of it. And because of that, people like you,
Brandon are having those experiences, even in twenty twenty four,
even at you know, twenty twenty two, or whenever you
were shooting Modern Love, Like, yeah, those things are still
happening today. And so that's that's one of the reasons
that you know, I like partner with the CDC and
I do these speaking tours and I do all this
(13:14):
stuff because I'm like, listen, not only is someone like
us not out there talking about this, but it's affecting
our community and just no one's out there talking about
it period to most clinicians, and we need to change that.
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, if somebody is listening to this and they're like, oh,
I want to find somebody that looks like me or
that understands my specific needs, how should they go about
doing that, especially for you know, the young black kid
in Nebraska or wherever. It is, like, how should they
go about trying to find the right doctor or medical
professionals for themselves?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah, you know, I will tell you. In this day
and age of the Internet, God, God bless her, God
bless miss Google. Yeah, it can really change things. So
of course, do it in an environment where you're safe. Right,
A lot of times young queer kids, particularly of color,
are not in safe spaces. So make sure you're using
that what is it private mode on the internet or whatever,
like use your phone that's password protected or whatever. But
(14:09):
you can literally google LGBTQ plus medical providers near me
and even if someone near you doesn't pop up. This
is what I always tell people. You can send an email,
you can send a DM even to someone like me
or whatever and say hey, I'm looking for a queer provider.
I'm looking for a black and queer provider or whatever.
I need help. By the way, I'm in you know, Nekadosius,
(14:31):
Louisiana or whatever, like where you know, help connect me.
And a lot of times those places actually have like
rural community services, so they'll have somebody from a clinic
in New Orleans actually go out into the rural communities
in Louisiana and help take care of people like once
or twice a month. So oh wow, you gotta do
a little work. And unfortunately there's not enough resources, but
(14:53):
you can get connected to people. And final thought, telemedicine
is changing everything. So you can be a rancher in
the middle of nowhere, Montana, and you can actually have
a queer provider in Billings. You know that you can
have a conversation with through telemedicine, through FaceTime, through whatever,
and they can take really, really excellent care of you,
(15:14):
not actually just being in your specific community.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
I love that. That's incredible advice. I do want to ask,
what is the difference between a doctor, a PA and
a nurse practitioner?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Ooh, I love this question, So I gotta know, yes, yeah, right, everybody,
I gotta know. So I'll start with nurse practitioners. So
nurse practitioners are nurses so we have to be our ends, right,
Nurses with advanced training and degree, so you have at
least a master's degree. A lot of us have a
doctorate degree, like I have my doctorate from UCLA. What
(15:47):
we do, depending on the environment, is really pretty similar
to what physicians and physician associates PAS do. So like,
I'm a hospitalist nurse practitioner, so I take I'm like
the internal medicine do in a hospital once you get admitted.
What me and my physician colleagues do is exactly the
same thing every single day, So we just got there
(16:07):
through different paths. PA's kind of same thing. They grow
up in like a sort of shorter physician model, like
mini medical school, if you will. Nurses grow up through nursing,
but then we get more education at the end of
the day, depending on the environment, more or less, what
we all do is essentially the same. The only distinction
(16:27):
I'll make is that you know, a lot of people
are like, oh, doctor, but you're a nurse practitioner. So
doctor is an academic title, isn't it. It is an
acknowledgment of academic achievement. My job, my function as nurse practitioner.
So I'm not an MD or do O right, very
and I'm a very proud nurse practitioner and I love
(16:48):
my physician colleagues, but I do always like to clarify
I'm not an MD or a DOO doctor James Simmons
is because my academic title is doctor and I practice
as a nurse practitioner.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Beautiful, that was one. I'm sure you get that question
all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I do. I hope the response didn't seem too canned.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
No, it was fabulous. I was like, let's ask the
question because I know people don't want to ask.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
The people what people always want to know. Absolutely, yeah,
and I have.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I see my PA at the office and I was like,
what's it? But she's just as fabulous as my you know,
my MD. And I was like, what's the difference between
what does everybody do? Tell me?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Right? More or less we do the same more or
less we do the same damn thing more or less?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
You know, Yes, fabulous. The messans have a lot of
medical questions. Some of them are also just things that
happened that we can you can tell me if you
know it's okay or not. So the first question is,
and this is actually inspired by my hairstylist who told
(17:50):
me just gave me a messy submission that anything.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
But I was like, wait, I'm talking to doctor jameson
I have to ask him what happened here. So she
was telling me about either a friend or a friend
of a friend who got fucked by a big dick
and then blood started coming out of his pee hole
the bottom's pea hole, and he had to be rush
(18:17):
the emergency room. And so we were like, what happened?
Like is that? Like? Is that was a dick too big?
Like like how what? What could have happened? I was
just like what could have happened? Doctor James?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
You're like, how does that work?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
How does that work? And how do I prevent that
frommember happening? To me?
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Is all right, right, that's that's where we all go, right.
I love a big big too, Like I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I like to talk to it. I'd like to hit it.
I like to, you know, look at at all the things.
But yeah, I think I could clap on it, kiss
it a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
That is too funny. So but first of all, I
love that we just jumped right in.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
We jump it right in. I'm not there's no loop here.
You know what I'm saying is.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Correct, correct, right. Your prostate has a lot to do
with what comes out of you. So you can pee
and that comes from from your bladder and it goes
out here, your rethrow whatever. But when semen, the actual
substance that carries sperm in your semen, right, is actually
(19:22):
produced and manufactured mostly by your prostate. So think about
where your prostate is. So everybody, imagine everybody listening and watching.
Everybody imagine there is a person who has a prostate
on there on all fours. You take your index finger
and you stick it in only to about your firs,
your second knuckle, your middle knuckle there, and you press down. Okay, okay,
(19:45):
so someone's on there all fours. You stick your index
finger about halfway in and you're press pressing down down. Yep,
that's where the prostate is. You can usually feel it right, nice, lovely, wonderful, juicy.
Prostates are a little firm, but not too hard. They're
a little squishy, and the person who's processes you're feeling
probably really likes it when you're feeling it right, tadda yay.
(20:07):
Prostaates that little organ not only is it kind of
a sex organ too, because it is part of our
pleasure center. It's part of all the nerves that are
down there. It's part of what feels good when you
get fucked, things like that. But that prostate is responsible
for putting some semen together. If that prostate is overstimulated
or it was already inflamed, sometimes it can cause a
(20:30):
little bit of bleeding. So what ends up coming out
is blood. So that person the bottom might have ejaculated
semen that was already there, and then blood mixed with urine,
blood mixed with semen that was there, and then blood
started coming out. And remember that blood is so bright
(20:50):
red that even when there's a little bit of blood,
it sometimes looks like there's.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
A lot of blood.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yeah, right, like you're bleeding to death. So my guess
is again not knowing this person, not being able to
run test, not being able to examine them myself, et cetera,
et cetera. But my guess is that that person's prostate
was already probably inflamed for whatever reason, and then the
vigorous sex with a large penis irritated it even more
(21:18):
and caused it to bleed, which is what caused it
to come out.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So was the emergency room the correct move when he
saw this blood or would you be like, it'll be
fine after a couple of minutes.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It's really interesting. It depends on the amount of blood.
It depends on how that person is feeling. Right, there's
just like blood pouring out of you. Yes, obviously go
to the emergency room right away. No post coital hematuria
or about it. Blood coming out to show ppe after
sex is pretty common actually, even for people, even for
(21:52):
people who do not have anal receptive sex. It's pretty common,
and you just kind of watch it, got it, and
you pee a few times. It'll be bloody. Hopefully it
gets less bloody in a day or so if it
goes away, maybe even two. And you're not having any
other symptoms, So no pain, no fever, no nausea, no diarrhea,
(22:12):
nothing like that. The only thing that's going on is
you're having a little bit of blood come out when
you pee. That's actually pretty common. Okay, if you are
having blood coming out when you pee and you're having
any of those other symptoms that I just mentioned, or
back pain or like severe headache or something like that, yeah,
you probably better go in and get it checked out.
There might be something else going on. But a surprising
number of people have blood come out their penis after sex,
(22:37):
whether they've been fucked or not. And it doesn't really
mean anything. It just is ooh, I go.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
So so so so so many questions.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I'm ready. I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
This might be my question really and truly because I
feel like it's a common brunch table question. So like, well,
if you talk about the second hole getting like the
dick is so deep it's hitting the second hole, Like
what do they hit it? Like, what is the dick
hitting that makes it?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I love it. You know who has a great video
about the second hole by the way, doctor Carlton. Okay,
I don't know if you followed doctor Carlton on Instagram.
Doctor Carlin is an amazing person, a friend. He's one
of the people that helped the whole community to get
through monkey pocks, the kind of first round of mink. Yeah,
doctor car Yes, yes, yeah. Doctor Carlton's really great. So
he's got a great video about second hole. Essentially, essentially,
what that is is if if the the hand or
(23:32):
the toy or the penis is long enough, it gets
through the end of the rectum and then there's a curve.
So at the way your rectum goes really straight and
then it curves pretty hard into the rest of your colon.
That curve has a little like sensitivity around it, a
little sphincter around it, more or less. So if you
(23:53):
get to that, that's the second hole. It's pretty deep
though for a lot of people. It's almost like seven
and a half eight inches in. Oh, right, so you
and let's say someone's got an eight inch whatever, Yeah,
that's where it starts. So that person needs to be
in the right position, right, So if you're riding the
toy or the penis or whatever, you can get to
(24:14):
it a little bit easier, but it's every into. Every
person's anatomy is a little bit different. But that's the
second hole. So to answer the question I think you
were about to ask, it depends on the curve, right.
Sometimes that curve can be magical. So if someone's dick
curves up, but their person is on their back, so
imagine where I told you where the prospect was, and
someone's on all four so if you flip them over,
(24:37):
then you stick your finger halfway in and go up.
That's the prostate. Well, if you're being fucked by someone
who has a dick that is curved up every single
time they slide in and out of you, they're rubbing
on that prostate. Plus, if they're pressing down on top
of you, your testicles are probably pushing on like we
colloquially call it the taint right. Essentially, if rubbing on
(24:59):
your taint is rubbing on your prostate from the outside
more or less. So all of that friction, all of
that yumminess is why you can get a lot of
people who can orgasm without touching themselves do it while
they're on their back because there's so much prostate stimulation there.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
The way that I almost ended this call to go
talk to my husband, we need to try doctor Jay
saisupping on the bank. I want to try something real fast.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He said, let's go, we need to try this out.
This is this is doctor James recommended. Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
The next question is after eating pussy or ass or
sucking dick, can you make out? Is it okay to
make out after you've just eaten somebody's ass? Yes or no?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah? Yes? Asterix asterisk Okay, what's the asterisk talk to
be now? I gotta kind of mix up the body
parts here. Generally speaking, if you're eating as and then
making out, you're okay. Generally speaking, okay, there is some
risk right you Coli, salmonella, things like that do pass
through you butt if you have them. So like, what
(26:12):
I would not do is eat the ass of someone
who has not been who always had like diarrhea or
a recent illness period. But then also I wouldn't either
ask and then necessarily make out. So generally speaking, eating
ass or vagina and then making out is generally okay.
(26:32):
But if you smell something funky, if there is residue,
if that person also mentioned that they were sick recently,
even within the last seven or fourteen days, I would
avoid that area with your mouth period. And definitely I
wouldn't be in that area and then make out with someone.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I always say, if there's shit, you get to quit.
That's my maybe you get to quit. You you get
to quit. Also, sniff tests before you know, before I
even put my mouth there, got do a little sniff test.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Just a little something some and even but even then,
you know, I don't even then if someone because listen,
we baby, we know how long we take in the
bathroom trying to get that water to run clear and
all of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I won't to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
So even then that does reduce your risk. I will say,
the cleaner the butt, the batter. But remember these bacteria
are microscopic. You can't see them. So it can be
the most lily lily clean as bleached whatever, like they
done did the three hour anima scenario whatever, and there
still can be something there. So even after they like did.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
That and showered with the soap and the exfoliate like,
it could still it.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
So as a medical professional, yes, I have to say, like,
there can still be something there. But the cleaner the butt,
the lower the risk for sure. Okay, more and more importantly,
I think it is as we sort of ask people
too about like their recent history, their sexual history, all
those things. Cause I'm a big believer in like talk
it out first, because then it makes the experience when
you're having it that much better. Then you can be
(28:07):
less have less fear about what's going on when you're
actually having sex. Yes, but if that person was like, oh,
I had to go home from work last Wednesday because
you know, I had food poisoning or whatever, and it's
Friday night. Sorry, it's not not gonna happen. We can
do some other things, but I wouldn't put your mouth
down there.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
No, okay, So I need to ask what they've been
doing the last couple of days. So before we sit
down and fuck, I need to be like, tell me
about the last couple of days.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Feel you know? How you as you asked me in
the beginning this, how's my heart? You can also say
how's your booty?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
How's your whole? Yes? There you go? Okay, So this
is this next question is a big question that I
actually feel like. I get online a lot and I
have thought about it. But let's talk to the medical professional.
What the fuck is a hemorrhoid? And how do you
take care of it?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You know what's so funny? I love talking about hemorrhoids.
I don't know why. I don't know if that that
doesn't make me weird. I like talking about the body. Oh,
come on, the body is very fascinating to me. And
I feel like we're all we all like are taught
to be scared of it, right or taught to like
fear it? And I try not to be like a
fear person. So all a hemorrhid is is a swollen
vein just like a swollen blood vessel, and it comes
(29:18):
generally happens from pressure. So think about it. You're sitting
on the toilet and your litw booty hole is over
the water, right and all like, I'm six to two
and thirty pounds, so all of me is sitting down.
Come on, hey, hello, Okay, right, I'm talking about it
all right, I'm fully fully entering my daddy era. That's
(29:39):
a different part. So I'm sitting down, my booty holes
over the water. All two hundred and thirty pounds or
at least the top half of me is sitting down,
and that's pressure on that. And then let's say I'm
that person who likes to sit on the toilet for
ten to twenty minutes and playing on my phone or
reading something or whatever. That's ten to twenty minutes worth
of pressure on that. Those little blood vessels in that area,
(30:00):
because there's so many blood vessels down there and you're
wrectum and your anus they pop out. Oh that's all.
That's all that. A hemorrhoid is, okay, small and blood vessel.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And it can happen externally at internal because in my twenties,
I had hemorrhoids. I had internal and I had externals,
and then I used tucks. I believe it's like a
like a witch hazel pad. Yeah, but then I had
this external tag and I remember going to I forget
his name, but he's the butt doctor. And once I
(30:29):
say that, like, I think all the gays will know
who that is somewhere now. And they were Originally he
was originally gonna do a like a little surgical procedure
to cut it off, but he told me that the
recovery would be that I wouldn't be able to control
my parts. Oh and I work in a writer's room,
(30:50):
and there was like I was like, girl, no way,
I'm gonna sit in the writer's room for like eight
hours and just be far and uncontrollably. That's not the
vibe for me. Baby, I don't know about you. So
he also suggested getting a bedet because he was like,
the wiping is irritating it. Changed Yes, he was like,
the wiping is irritating it, and the wipes, because we
(31:12):
love our flash plushable cotton wipes irritating it, but that
he would rather He was like, I would rather you
use a bidet, or after you should take a shower
than wipe and use the paper towel or the toilet
paper just to pat dry. So I installed a tush
sheet and it changed everything.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Are they not incredible?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Baby? My booty hole is pristine, not everything. The external
tag went down so it doesn't exist anymore. The whole
is pootiful and happy. And I also upgraded my little
fiber situation. Uh and by the way, if for anyone listening,
if you look up the tushu bidet, you have to
write in tush sheet bidet because if you just write
(31:51):
in tushy, you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Get some other results.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Other results. So here's my question about if somebody has
a hemorrhoid, right and you see that external hemorrhoid on
their booty hole, is it okay to still eat their ass?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It is, But I will tell you that to some
kind of the untrained eye, and even the trained I
sometimes a hemorrhoid will also look like anal worts, so
it's kind of hard to tell something. Usually, external hemorrhoids
will either look like be bleeding even just a tiny
little bit, or look like they've just recently been bleeding.
Generally speaking, that when you touch that hemorrhoid it might
(32:30):
hurt a little or itch, which anal worts tend not
to hurt, but they will itch and sometimes they burn,
So you can't necessarily use that as specifically like one,
if it hurts, it's a hemorrhoid, and if it doesn't
hurt's a war like they kind of cross over that.
But yeah, yeah, listen, I think that there are one
in twenty people around the world have hemorrhoids. It's a
(32:54):
much higher percentage for those of us who have anal sex.
So anybody who has anal sex, there' you have more
likelihood of having hemorrhoids. People who use douches a lot,
people who are consipated a lot, like all these different
reasons that people have hemorrhoids. And so if I told
people that don't eat booty because you see a hemorrhid,
wouldn't nobody be getting a booty eating so you still
(33:15):
can it's safe. I wouldn't. I wouldn't eat booty with
an actively bleeding hemorrhoid. That's really the only the only thing.
Right then we're talking about a different whole different level
of like fluid transmission and infection risk and all that
kind of stuff. So if anything down there is actively bleeding,
I would not put your mouth on it. Okay, but
I think Brandon, by the way, you didn't even need
to have me on because you had all of these
(33:37):
ways of preventing hemorrhoids. By the way, you just ran
through them. And that is what I love to talk
about when it comes to hemorrhoids, like get you a bidet,
it will change your life. The one we have in
our master bathroom was twenty five dollars on Amazon and
I installed in myself.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I'm a hemorrhoid whisperer. Baby, I'm that't merch hemroid whisperer
and walk around with it. I'm gonna read this person's letter,
which is Greetings from a snowy Sweden. Honey, we got
we got messy patrons in Sweden period. Greetings from a
(34:20):
snowy Sweden. First of all, I love your I g
it always makes me think, smile, laugh, reflect, and go
ooh thank you. I have a question. So I am
married and pregnant and very much in love with my husband.
All is super well, but I am also in a
dom sub dynamic with another man. For context, my husband
knows and encourages about my kinks and secondary partner. Oh.
(34:40):
I should also add there is no question about who
the father is. I mean, wouldn't that be messy work?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I was story.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
They were like, let me, let me handle all the
questions up front. I appreciate you, patron, They say, anyway,
my question is about safe kinky play during pregnancy. I'm
only in the beginning of the second trimester, and some
things just make sense. No impact on the chest area, belly,
of course, but are there other things my dom and
I should definitely keep in mind. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Generally speaking, you're pretty good, particularly at that stage. I
would only say, like very large toys are fisting if
you are into those, and I would say either orifice,
so you know, vaginal canal large toys are fisting or
anal large toys and fisting, just if any You're probably
(35:34):
not necessarily going to have like a uterine disruption. Like
your uterus is pretty far up there, right, It's takes
some pretty big toys or a very long arm to
get where it's going. But there can be complications and
infections from that that worry me. So what you don't
want to do is get a really big anal fissure
or a fistula or some intense tearing or like damage.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
What's a fistula?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Officila is like when one part of the body goes
through another.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What you mean, Yeah, you can don't just say that
so casually, I know this is what you do, but
you can't be saying one part of the body goes
through another.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Well, so you can have that's like a herna. So
you've heard of a hernia, right, So like a little
part of the colon or something goes through the stomach
wall like that. Okay, that's like a hernia. So fistulas
are similar, but they're like the hole itself that actually
then other parts of the body can go through, So
lots of people get anal fistulas. So in the in
(36:36):
the rectum, so that part just just inside your booty
hole is the rectum, right, and that tunnel there you
can get a hole or a gap in that in
your rectum. That's called a fistula, and other organs in
your body in that area can poke through and go
into your rectum or vice versa. So you're at a
higher risk for that with things like fisting or toys,
(36:58):
especially if it's done like super aggressively. So I worry.
I just worry about the pregnancy in terms of like
infection with introducing of large toys or another person's big hand. Now,
I don't want people to be confused about like toys
that you're used to or penises or tongues or whatever
(37:19):
going into your vagina or anus. If you're used to
that and it's the size that you're used to handling,
I don't there's really no risk there. I'm talking about.
You're like it's time to sit on a traffic cone
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Like not a traffic con.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
I would. I wouldn't try that. I mean, hey, we
know we don't each oh, come on work.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I wouldn't worry about that. And then obviously, like she said,
a lot of trauma to the to the belly area.
I would avoid that. And then people like to sometimes
people will like to insert drugs into their vaginal canals
or anal rectal canals. I would. I'm not a fan
of that period for multiple reason that we can discuss later,
(38:02):
not shaming, just I like to explain to people why
those things kind of scare me. I would absolutely never
never do that with the pregnancy for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Right. The next question I got my IUD replaced a
few years ago, back when I was dating a guy
with a Prince Albert piercing which was quite gauged, maybe
the diameter of like a pipe cleaner or thicker. Before
the procedure, my gynecologists asked me if I had any questions,
So I asked them if there was any possibility of
the piercing somehow hooking onto the IUD and ripping it out,
(38:33):
as IUDs have a little plastic strings that hang down
into the vacuinal canal which can typically feel which you
can typically feel with your fingers. While this was the
best gyna cologists I've ever had, and they had been
practicing for multiple decades, they were taken aback by my
question and said not only had they never heard that
question before, but they had no idea whether it was
a potential hazard. It never became an issue with that
(38:55):
sexual partner, but I do wonder if it's at least
a possibility that people should be aware of. Do we
know if there are any cases of this occurring. I
can't be the only person with an IUD who has
had sex with someone with a prince Albert Pearson, which,
by the way, Prince Albert, piercing is it's a piercing
on the dick, the dickhead right yep.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
It goes through the glands penis that which is like
the head of the penis, and it usually goes down
right through and it's usually in a hook form. And
then it's got a ball on either end. So you've
got like a little ball sticking out of like your
urethral opening, and a little ball is sticking out through
the bottom of the penis the base of the tip
of the penis. So listen this. I will use this
as an opportunity to talk about how we have a
(39:35):
dearth of research. I mean, and we ain't gotten none
of different types of sexual practices like this, and I
think that is a that's really difficult, right. The shame
the puritanical nature of much of society, the over religiosity
of much of society, has led science to not do
a lot of research about sex. So her gynecologist is this, well,
(39:58):
this person's gynecology. This is probably correct. That never heard
of that, probably no case studies in the literature, which
is what guides are practice, right, So I am not
aware of any as well, though I haven't done like
a super robust search for this. That being said, if
we just think about physiologically, there's a little string hanging
down with a piece of metal that is being presumably
(40:21):
inserted frequently during intercourse, and you're in different positions and
different strengths of thrusting, and your vaginal canal expands and contracts, right,
just like that person's penis expands and contracts and whatever.
So I think it is certainly theoretically possible, yeah, for
a string to catch on to that Prince Albert and
(40:45):
then pull the IUD out during pretty intense intercourse. I
would guess that you may not know as well. So
people with IUDs have vastly different experiences. They can be
rubly painful putting in, terribly painful to put in, and
terribly painful to take out. But there are also some
(41:07):
experiences of people who have had IUDs that have migrated
already and were almost about to come out themselves, and
then when you know a gynecologist or a trained provider
you know, takes that string and does goes through the
procedure they need to do to take the IUD out,
the person didn't even feel it because the IUD had
moved already, so very personalized experience. I love the question.
(41:29):
I highly doubt there's any research about it, but I
to answer your question as best as I can. Yeah,
I think theoretically that is possible. Yeah, for sure, right,
Doucor James.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
I get a lot of questions about herpes and people
wanting to talk about So somebody wrote the t about
herpes HSV one versus HSV two, What does it mean
to be positive to antibodies? The truth about testing risks
with and without protection? So maybe we can just do
a little a little these Yeah, herpes one on one.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I love it, so super common. The first thing I
always say about herpes is that it is so stigmatized
and doesn't need to be. It doesn't mean that things
in your life might not be a little bit different,
but it doesn't need to be stigmatized. And you can
have a very robust dating and sex life living with herpes. Right, Like,
(42:23):
let's just start from there, so we not shame in
herpes at all. HSB one So herpes simplex virus HSV
HSB one is generally oral herpes. It's the one that's
around our mouth. It is super super common. More than
fifty percent of people have it. Some people have it
and don't ever realize it. Some people have it and
never have an outbreak on their mouth, never have a
(42:43):
cold sore, that's what that is.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
They don't even know.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
They don't even know, right, kind of the same with
HSV two. So hs herpes simplex virus two is generally
the genital herpes, although they can live in the other
space by the way, rare occasions just be one can
be in the genitalia, h just B two can be
in the mouth, but generally speaking one is up above
at the mouth, two is in the genitalia. You always
(43:07):
get at least one sore in your first herpes outbreak,
but for some people that sore is very small. They
don't notice it, it's not painful. They may not ever
know that they even have herpes, which then if you
have a sore, you have an active outbreak of herpes.
That is when your most contagious. So that is really
the only time we tell people who have herpes, who
(43:28):
are living with herpes, don't have sex if you're having
an active outbreak or if you feel an active outbreak
coming on. So lots of people who are living with
herpes will be like, oh my gosh, there's this very
specific tingling feeling. I get. It's a little painful. I
might have some belly pain. I might be nauseous. I know,
an outbreak's coming. You're pretty contagious at that point. Got you,
even with the condom, whatever body parts you have, doesn't
(43:50):
matter if there's a condom involved or a dental dam
or whatever. You're still like Hella contagious right before that
outbreak and during the outbreak. And then we tell people
try to wait a week when that outbreak has gone
away before you have sex again.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Got you.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Other than that, you can pass herpes to other people
when you don't have an outbreak, but it's much lower likelihood.
And lots and lots of people have herpes and don't
ever really realize it. So you probably have had sex
with someone or having sex with someone or whatever who
probably has herpes and they might not even know, and
you might not even know. Did I just bring the
mood down?
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Sorry? No, no, no, not bringing the mood down, just like, Okay,
So people have herpes, And the takeaway is, if there's
an out if you're having some kind of sore outbreak.
That's one of the most contagious. That's also when you
can get tested to see if it is HSV one
or HCV two. If not, the lower likelihood of you
(44:47):
passing it on. But it sounds like herpes is far
more common even though it's so stigmatized. But a lot
more people probably have it than we are than we
know or talk about.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Boom, you nailed it. And as many as ninety perc
scent of people who have genital herpes don't know it. Wow,
it's just like the HIV statistics right now, depending on
your population that you're in. In general, as many as
one in eight people who have HIV don't know it.
In certain populations, it's as many as one in three
people who have HIV don't actually know it. So wow,
(45:18):
this is just this is I only say these things
not to scare people. This is not my scare tactic
to get y'all to be like whatever. This is my
We need to remove the shame and stigma about this
right sore. If ninety percent of people who have herpes
don't know about it, by some estimations, that almost guarantees
if you've had sex with more than like four people
(45:39):
you've probably had sex with someone who has herpes, right, Like,
this is just yeah. And so some people will be like,
oh my gosh, I have herpes. I'm never going to
have sex again. I can never get wild on a
Saturday night. I am not going to get married. You know,
all those things not the case. The anti viral stuff,
the anti herpes medications that people take can work really
really well for people, and they can go years and
(46:00):
years and years and years and years without an outbreak
and without spreading it to people.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
There's the hope.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
There's the hop, Doctor James.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Do you have before you leave? Is there anything that
you want to anything messy? We always say tell me
something messy. So is there something messy that you would
like to tell us? It could be something that you
went through, something that you know of. It could be
your best sexual advice, anything, anything, anything.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Ooh so so so many messiness. You know, this is
the only messy thing I will say. I did have someone.
I get a lot of DMS about kind of messy questions,
but also just a lot of like general health questions.
I did have someone ask me the other day in
DM and I got this question a couple of years ago.
(46:43):
I will occasionally do like a bar tour, Like I'll
talk to queer folks in bars and we shut the doors.
Everybody has a little drink, usually a drag. Queen is
hosting or whatever, and we just get into it, right.
It's one of my favorite things to do. So someone
did ask me about if so two cis gender men.
If the top is high on anything and they pee
(47:07):
inside of the bottom, if the bottom can then also
get high? Oh interesting, And the short answer is yes
they can. There's a lot of blood vessels in the rectum, right,
a lot of blood vessels in the and that anal
rectal canal. And so I just bring that up, not
from a judgment sort of thing like pee play and
that type of play for a lot of people is
really hot, and a lot of people do a lot
(47:29):
of it. I just want to, like when I have
everyone's attention and we're talking about it in a shame
free environment. You know, don't if that top is really high,
like acutely high on something meth heroine, something really intense
like that, even cocaine. I don't recommend you allowing them
to pee inside of you, yea, because there's no way
(47:49):
to control it. So if let's say you're fine with
the low cocaine, but if someone peees inside of you
and they're already high on cocaine, you can't control how
much cocaine you're actually absorbing. If that makes sense. Yeah,
messy in a fun way. I kind of made it
a little medical like, that's just messy.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I would never have thought. I mean, I have not
found myself into into piss play, but obviously I know
that's a huge, huge thing, but I never thought about, oh, right,
like you know, if somebody is doing even if they're high,
if they're smoking weed or they're doing something harder, if
they pee, it can affect the bottom as well. That's
actually quite valuable information. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I'll leave y'all with that note, because I don't know
if my husband wasn't talk so much about it.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Listen, we appreciate it, doctor Daves. Thank you so much
for being here. We really appreciate your time. And will
you come back? Please say you'll come back, because I
do have more questions.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
This was too fun, This was too much fun, and
I do I really do have to say. I think
everything that you are doing out there, Brandon, not only
your hyper talented and girl, you can act it right
and all that kind of stuff, but I just mean,
like you creating a safe space for people to put
their out there. It just it makes my heart so
happy and it makes me saying and I look forward
to it every week, and this podcast is incredible, and
(49:08):
I'm just I'm really grateful for even in these incredible
spaces and access that you have, I feel like you're
like still here for the people, and we are that.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Brandon, Thank you so much, thank you, thank you. So
you already know we're hose here, but hose with heart.
So before we get out of here, let me speak
to yours, which I think, based off of everything we
talked about, I just want to remind you that you
and your body are so valuable and it matters. So
if something feels off or you're not sure what's going on,
(49:39):
do not hesitate to try and find support, whether that's
googling a general practitioner or a primary care physician, asking
your friends, asking somebody you trust. But you know, we
only get one body. We give one body one life.
It's funny. My Grandmather would always say that, my grandma,
you're talking too much. But I get it.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
You know, when you're four or five and fifteen, you
just be like, oh, I got forever, But I really
understand at thirty seven you got one body. So if
I can encourage my hoes out here to do anything,
it's to make sure that you're taking care of it,
that you're getting tested regularly, and that you find yourself
medical professionals in your life that you can really lean on,
(50:19):
as doctor James was talking about. Okay, now for our
hoekeeping if you will, which is you can find doctor
James on Instagram at ask BNP. You can find me
on Instagram at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can join our
community on substack Messy Monday's the newsletter. When you subscribe,
(50:40):
you'll get bonus episodes, essays inspired by the podcast, recommendations, playlists,
and more. I also want to hear from you, so
send your topic ideas or submissions to tell me Something
Messy at gmail dot com. And of course you can
check the show notes where you will find resources links
to things that we've been talking about today that you
(51:01):
could use to dive deeper into your education. You know
what I'm saying, Rate review and share this podcast with
all your hoe or a whole aspiring friends. It really
really helps give me them five stars. Baby, don't play
in my face, okay, all right, until we meet again.
Ask about the politics of that dick before you make
(51:23):
it spit, make sure they eat the kitty before they
beat the kittie, before fucation or suckcation. Communication. And in
case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so
deeply loved. I love you bye. Thank you so much
for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If you all
(51:43):
enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone else you
might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced
by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our producer
and editor is Vince de Johnny. For more podcasts from
iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or
anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
M HM
But he told me that the recovery would be that
I wouldn't be able to control my parts. Oh and
I work in a writer's room, and there was like
I was like, girl, in no way, I'm gonna sit
in the writer's room for like eight hours and just
be far and uncontrollably. That's not the vibe for me. Baby,
I don't know about you. You know what we do
(00:27):
here destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now,
let me tell you something messy today. We're gonna be
talking about hemorrhoids, herpes, fucking while pregnant, and some messier topics,
all of your messy patron questions. And so I thought
I would tell you a medical story, which is when
I was a freshman in college. I went to college
(00:48):
at NYU. Humble brack, I'm still paying them so much money.
So I went to college NYU. And it was also
my like foray into sex because you know what, I
don't know, I think that's a lot of people's experience.
When you go to college, you hopefully will fuck. Because
(01:08):
in high school I had some girlfriends in high school,
but I never I never had like penetrative sex in
high school. Although all the straight kids were, you know,
doing the do. So here came college and it was
time to like suck some dick, you know, like this college,
I'm ready to suck dick. So I was still straight,
(01:31):
though I will say like I was. I was still
figuring my shit out. And my roommate Clint Ty Clint,
who's bisexual. I had come to him and been like,
I don't know, like if I'm you know, gay, I
don't know. If I'm straight, I don't know, I don't
know anything. He's like, well, whatever, like try it all,
don't put any labels on it. And at the end
(01:51):
of the school year, if you have feel one way
or another, then you can label it. Then they always
say it n YU gay by May. I don't know
if that's like a I don't know if there's a
school slogan. Obviously it's not a school slogan obviously, like
the d of n YU is not going all right
gay by May. But I feel like it was for
the students, especially the theater students, it was like are
(02:14):
they gay? Are they gay? Well, they'll be gay by May.
And that was true for me. Anyways, during my exploration
of boys and girls and days, I was sucking tick,
and I was making out and I was, you know,
I was. I don't think I was eating ass quite yet,
but I was for sure like infatuated with sucking dick.
(02:34):
I would see it in porn. I would always hear,
give a blowjob? What's a blowjob? Have you had a blowjob?
And I just loved when a dick was in my mouth.
I do not know why, but the taste of a
dick was just marvelous for me. I couldn't get enough.
And then maybe like around like two or three months
(02:56):
into school, I'm not I can't remember how many people
I would have hooked up at this point. Not a lot,
I wasn't. I wasn't in my whole phase yet, but
a couple of people. But I remember that like I
woke up and and like my throat was like sore.
My throat was sore, and it just felt like my
tonsils were expanding. I wasn't feeling well, and I called
(03:20):
my mommy. Because you're eighteen and your throat doesn't feel
well and you have a fever, you call mommy. And
my mom was lived in Queens, so she was still
in New York and I was downtown on what twelfth
and third alf. So my mom, you know, drives into
(03:40):
the city because her baby is sick. She picks me
up and she takes me to the medical center, the
NYU Medical Center, the NYU Hospital, and you know, we
don't know what's happening, like my throat, my my temperature,
all of it. And so we finally get into the
(04:01):
doctor's office and I'm explaining to the doctor everything that's happening,
and my mom is like, yeah, like what what is
going on? Like what what?
Speaker 2 (04:10):
What?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
What we need to do? And the doctor. I don't
know if the doctor had asked my mother to leave
the room or my mom was like, oh, I need
to go grab something and I'll come back. And anyways,
my mom leaves the room and it's me and the doctor,
and she then like turns to me and goes so like,
have you been doing anything? I won't really what do
(04:33):
you mean doing anything? She's like, you know, have you
been Basically she was trying to ask like, have I
been sucking dick? Because I had an STI. It was
clear like I didn't know at the time, but clearly
it was fucking STI. But I did not know that.
And I was also not out, so I was not
about to tell her that I was sucking dick. So
I sat there and said, no, uh uh, I don't know. No,
(04:55):
I've honestly just been you know, drinking drinking my water
and you know, you know, eating my three meals a day.
And I don't know what happened here. This is crazy.
And so she was like, okay, and I think she
prescribed me something, but like didn't tell my mother what
it was.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
And then I was better. But that was my my
my something messy was my doctor having to ask me
if I sucked dick while my mother was out of
the room, and me denying it because of the deep
homophobic shame that I was carrying that I no longer
carry now now I have a podcast where I talk
about sucking dick. And so I went in the end, baby,
(05:39):
you know what that means, it's time for our guests. Now,
while they get situated, we'll get our messy. Key Key
started with a Hoe manifesto. Repeat after me aloud or
in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame,
the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex
is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for
(06:02):
my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not call my
ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for
it is better to masturbate by myself in peace than
to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the
community say, holleluvia, there we go. So sex is a
(06:23):
lot of fun, but there's also risks, injuries and things
the body does that every hoe should know about. So
today I reached out to one of my internet faves,
doctor James Simmons, so that I can ask the questions
you be wanting to ask your doctor but are too
embarrassed too now. Doctor James Simmons, he him. His is
a board certified acute care nurse practitioner, passionate on air
(06:45):
medical contributor, and dynamic multimedia host, certainly not your average
medical expert. His superpower is distilling complex and complicated concepts
into consumable content for any audience. Bitch, I feel like, oh,
we're reading this, Okay, work, okay, y'all, please welcome doctor
James Hi.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
And the crowd goes wild. Thank you. I feel like
I'm walking out on like tammering right now or something.
Everyone's clapping, everyone.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Absolutely We're screaming. The audience is roaring. They're so excited.
I'm so happy you're here. Wait, let me start with
the question, what's bringing you joy?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
You know what I have been. I have decided I'm
kind of a tennis head, so I've I decided to
carve time and space for myself to play tennis a
couple of times a week just because it makes me
happy and brings me joy and I need that physical
and you know, mental outlet. So yeah, it's been a
I love that, finding my inner serena again lately.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Come on, you know. I started taking boxing a couple
of months ago. I don't know, I saw a creed
a couple of years ago and I was like, yes,
let me do that, Michael, Michael b let me do that.
I started taking boxing, and I am Michael Borden. That's
what I say every time I hit my trainer. So
I started taking boxing, and it's been such a great
release in such a way to channel the rage, the anger,
(08:07):
the sadness, the happiest it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Baby it right.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I'm sure when you hit that ball, you're like, ah,
you know, just.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Gets on that correct And I screamed too, just like Serena,
I'm like, come on, you know, and she's a little
wild on the tennis court. But also it's fun, it's
it's much. I love it.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Well, listen, I'm so happy you're here. And one of
the reasons I'm really excited you're here is because you
are a black medical professional, which there are not or
I don't have access to many of them. And I
know that's always a thing that we talk about in
the field, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a practitioner,
just being able to find somebody that looks like you
and that can advocate for you and that can support you.
(08:45):
And so I'm curious what inspired you to get into
the field to become a nurse practitioner.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Ooh, you know, a lot of that, A lot of
that reason. You know, I never we don't see ourselves,
and I wanted to have the opportunity to change that,
you know, interestingly, as the fat, black, biracial queer kid
growing up and are you ready Nebraska in the eighties
and nineties, Yes, babe, you can imagine how that was.
(09:12):
I was not at the time, like in a rush
to tell people that I wanted to be a nurse,
right like I was already getting bullied, and there was
so much stigma around, you know, cis men being nurses,
that I was like, I'm not doing this in nineteen
eighty nine. I'm not runn around telling the neighborhood that, oh,
I want to be a nurse too, so y'all could
beat on me some more. So I actually ended up
doing like broadcasting and journalism and a little pr and
(09:32):
all this stuff, and the entire time this thing in
the back of my head just would not let go about, like, actually, babe,
you want to be a nurse. You want to be
a nurse practitioner, you want to be in the medical field.
And through that came the realization that I was like,
there's not enough of us out there. I don't see
black queer folks in the medical space, not only advocating
and taking care of us, but just taking up space
(09:53):
in that area. So I was I quit that fast
track corporate job. I went back to nursing school, became
a nurse and then a nurse practitioner. I got my
doctorate in twenty twenty from UCLA, and I've just been
trying to ride or die for the peeps as much
as I can on these damn socials and in real
life for more than ten years now.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
People don't often think about how important it is to
have somebody that looks like you in those rooms. I
have a queer doctor. I was just telling my Hairsauce,
I have a queer dig The whole office is queer,
and I sometimes take it for granted that what a
privilege that is to like walk in and be able
to talk about, you know, prep or anything that feels
(10:37):
like really queer focused and not be looked at. Strangely,
I had an experience a few years ago. I was
filming Modern Love in New York and I was sick
on set, and it just so happened we were filming
in a hospital. So the medic came into the trailer
and was like, you're temperatures off, we have to actually
admit you into this hospital. So they admitted me into
(10:59):
the hospit hospital. It was a hospital in the middle
of Brooklyn. It was I forget what hospital it was,
but it doesn't have the best reputation. But they were
like the closest, the other one that would be better
is further away and whatever whatever. But I got in
there and I remember it was three Caribbean women shout
out to the Caribbean. I'm Trinidadian behind a desk. And
(11:21):
when I was telling them my medicines, I got to
prep and they looked at me. They were like, what
is that? And then I told them what prep was,
and they were like, well, why would you need that?
There's just so much judgment, which if I wasn't part
of this TV show, right with the backing of you know,
Amazon and whatnot, I would have probably felt really unsafe
(11:42):
stying there, right, And so that's why I think it's
so important to have professionals that look like you, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I mean, it changes so much, you know, there's really
they say about five percent of physicians are black, six
percent of nurse practitioners are black. A significant portion of
that less than that are also queer. Right, so they
are actually a fair amount of queer nurses and physicians.
But when you start talking about intersectionality, right, and you
(12:10):
having the experience of queerness and blackness or brownness, otherness, poorness,
all of those things, we start to really not see
ourselves and we start to have experiences like that, and
I will, you know, I'll tell you just this is
my little twenty second soapbox. I'm currently on my husband
calls it my like Beyonce on my Renaissance tour, but
I'm currently on like a national speaking tour talking to
(12:32):
clinicians about PREP specifically because there are still so many
people who are currently practicing nursing in medicine right now
who have never heard of prop wow, don't know that
it's basically for everyone, and have never heard someone say
that you can take a medication every single day or
a shot every other month that is ninety seven to
(12:53):
ninety nine percent effective at preventing HIV through sex. They've
never heard of it. And because of that, people like you,
Brandon are having those experiences, even in twenty twenty four,
even at you know, twenty twenty two, or whenever you
were shooting Modern Love, Like, yeah, those things are still
happening today. And so that's that's one of the reasons
that you know, I like partner with the CDC and
I do these speaking tours and I do all this
(13:14):
stuff because I'm like, listen, not only is someone like
us not out there talking about this, but it's affecting
our community and just no one's out there talking about
it period to most clinicians, and we need to change that.
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, if somebody is listening to this and they're like, oh,
I want to find somebody that looks like me or
that understands my specific needs, how should they go about
doing that, especially for you know, the young black kid
in Nebraska or wherever. It is, like, how should they
go about trying to find the right doctor or medical
professionals for themselves?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah, you know, I will tell you. In this day
and age of the Internet, God, God bless her, God
bless miss Google. Yeah, it can really change things. So
of course, do it in an environment where you're safe. Right,
A lot of times young queer kids, particularly of color,
are not in safe spaces. So make sure you're using
that what is it private mode on the internet or whatever,
like use your phone that's password protected or whatever. But
(14:09):
you can literally google LGBTQ plus medical providers near me
and even if someone near you doesn't pop up. This
is what I always tell people. You can send an email,
you can send a DM even to someone like me
or whatever and say hey, I'm looking for a queer provider.
I'm looking for a black and queer provider or whatever.
I need help. By the way, I'm in you know, Nekadosius,
(14:31):
Louisiana or whatever, like where you know, help connect me.
And a lot of times those places actually have like
rural community services, so they'll have somebody from a clinic
in New Orleans actually go out into the rural communities
in Louisiana and help take care of people like once
or twice a month. So oh wow, you gotta do
a little work. And unfortunately there's not enough resources, but
(14:53):
you can get connected to people. And final thought, telemedicine
is changing everything. So you can be a rancher in
the middle of nowhere, Montana, and you can actually have
a queer provider in Billings. You know that you can
have a conversation with through telemedicine, through FaceTime, through whatever,
and they can take really, really excellent care of you,
(15:14):
not actually just being in your specific community.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
I love that. That's incredible advice. I do want to ask,
what is the difference between a doctor, a PA and
a nurse practitioner?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Ooh, I love this question, So I gotta know, yes, yeah, right, everybody,
I gotta know. So I'll start with nurse practitioners. So
nurse practitioners are nurses so we have to be our ends, right,
Nurses with advanced training and degree, so you have at
least a master's degree. A lot of us have a
doctorate degree, like I have my doctorate from UCLA. What
(15:47):
we do, depending on the environment, is really pretty similar
to what physicians and physician associates PAS do. So like,
I'm a hospitalist nurse practitioner, so I take I'm like
the internal medicine do in a hospital once you get admitted.
What me and my physician colleagues do is exactly the
same thing every single day, So we just got there
(16:07):
through different paths. PA's kind of same thing. They grow
up in like a sort of shorter physician model, like
mini medical school, if you will. Nurses grow up through nursing,
but then we get more education at the end of
the day, depending on the environment, more or less, what
we all do is essentially the same. The only distinction
(16:27):
I'll make is that you know, a lot of people
are like, oh, doctor, but you're a nurse practitioner. So
doctor is an academic title, isn't it. It is an
acknowledgment of academic achievement. My job, my function as nurse practitioner.
So I'm not an MD or do O right, very
and I'm a very proud nurse practitioner and I love
(16:48):
my physician colleagues, but I do always like to clarify
I'm not an MD or a DOO doctor James Simmons
is because my academic title is doctor and I practice
as a nurse practitioner.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Beautiful, that was one. I'm sure you get that question
all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I do. I hope the response didn't seem too canned.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
No, it was fabulous. I was like, let's ask the
question because I know people don't want to ask.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
The people what people always want to know. Absolutely, yeah,
and I have.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I see my PA at the office and I was like,
what's it? But she's just as fabulous as my you know,
my MD. And I was like, what's the difference between
what does everybody do? Tell me?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Right? More or less we do the same more or
less we do the same damn thing more or less?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
You know, Yes, fabulous. The messans have a lot of
medical questions. Some of them are also just things that
happened that we can you can tell me if you
know it's okay or not. So the first question is,
and this is actually inspired by my hairstylist who told
(17:50):
me just gave me a messy submission that anything.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
But I was like, wait, I'm talking to doctor jameson
I have to ask him what happened here. So she
was telling me about either a friend or a friend
of a friend who got fucked by a big dick
and then blood started coming out of his pee hole
the bottom's pea hole, and he had to be rush
(18:17):
the emergency room. And so we were like, what happened?
Like is that? Like? Is that was a dick too big?
Like like how what? What could have happened? I was
just like what could have happened? Doctor James?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
You're like, how does that work?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
How does that work? And how do I prevent that
frommember happening? To me?
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Is all right, right, that's that's where we all go, right.
I love a big big too, Like I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I like to talk to it. I'd like to hit it.
I like to, you know, look at at all the things.
But yeah, I think I could clap on it, kiss
it a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
That is too funny. So but first of all, I
love that we just jumped right in.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
We jump it right in. I'm not there's no loop here.
You know what I'm saying is.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Correct, correct, right. Your prostate has a lot to do
with what comes out of you. So you can pee
and that comes from from your bladder and it goes
out here, your rethrow whatever. But when semen, the actual
substance that carries sperm in your semen, right, is actually
(19:22):
produced and manufactured mostly by your prostate. So think about
where your prostate is. So everybody, imagine everybody listening and watching.
Everybody imagine there is a person who has a prostate
on there on all fours. You take your index finger
and you stick it in only to about your firs,
your second knuckle, your middle knuckle there, and you press down. Okay, okay,
(19:45):
so someone's on there all fours. You stick your index
finger about halfway in and you're press pressing down down. Yep,
that's where the prostate is. You can usually feel it right, nice, lovely, wonderful, juicy.
Prostates are a little firm, but not too hard. They're
a little squishy, and the person who's processes you're feeling
probably really likes it when you're feeling it right, tadda yay.
(20:07):
Prostaates that little organ not only is it kind of
a sex organ too, because it is part of our
pleasure center. It's part of all the nerves that are
down there. It's part of what feels good when you
get fucked, things like that. But that prostate is responsible
for putting some semen together. If that prostate is overstimulated
or it was already inflamed, sometimes it can cause a
(20:30):
little bit of bleeding. So what ends up coming out
is blood. So that person the bottom might have ejaculated
semen that was already there, and then blood mixed with urine,
blood mixed with semen that was there, and then blood
started coming out. And remember that blood is so bright
(20:50):
red that even when there's a little bit of blood,
it sometimes looks like there's.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
A lot of blood.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yeah, right, like you're bleeding to death. So my guess
is again not knowing this person, not being able to
run test, not being able to examine them myself, et cetera,
et cetera. But my guess is that that person's prostate
was already probably inflamed for whatever reason, and then the
vigorous sex with a large penis irritated it even more
(21:18):
and caused it to bleed, which is what caused it
to come out.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So was the emergency room the correct move when he
saw this blood or would you be like, it'll be
fine after a couple of minutes.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It's really interesting. It depends on the amount of blood.
It depends on how that person is feeling. Right, there's
just like blood pouring out of you. Yes, obviously go
to the emergency room right away. No post coital hematuria
or about it. Blood coming out to show ppe after
sex is pretty common actually, even for people, even for
(21:52):
people who do not have anal receptive sex. It's pretty common,
and you just kind of watch it, got it, and
you pee a few times. It'll be bloody. Hopefully it
gets less bloody in a day or so if it
goes away, maybe even two. And you're not having any
other symptoms, So no pain, no fever, no nausea, no diarrhea,
(22:12):
nothing like that. The only thing that's going on is
you're having a little bit of blood come out when
you pee. That's actually pretty common. Okay, if you are
having blood coming out when you pee and you're having
any of those other symptoms that I just mentioned, or
back pain or like severe headache or something like that, yeah,
you probably better go in and get it checked out.
There might be something else going on. But a surprising
number of people have blood come out their penis after sex,
(22:37):
whether they've been fucked or not. And it doesn't really
mean anything. It just is ooh, I go.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
So so so so so many questions.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I'm ready. I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
This might be my question really and truly because I
feel like it's a common brunch table question. So like, well,
if you talk about the second hole getting like the
dick is so deep it's hitting the second hole, Like
what do they hit it? Like, what is the dick
hitting that makes it?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I love it. You know who has a great video
about the second hole by the way, doctor Carlton. Okay,
I don't know if you followed doctor Carlton on Instagram.
Doctor Carlin is an amazing person, a friend. He's one
of the people that helped the whole community to get
through monkey pocks, the kind of first round of mink. Yeah,
doctor car Yes, yes, yeah. Doctor Carlton's really great. So
he's got a great video about second hole. Essentially, essentially,
what that is is if if the the hand or
(23:32):
the toy or the penis is long enough, it gets
through the end of the rectum and then there's a curve.
So at the way your rectum goes really straight and
then it curves pretty hard into the rest of your colon.
That curve has a little like sensitivity around it, a
little sphincter around it, more or less. So if you
(23:53):
get to that, that's the second hole. It's pretty deep
though for a lot of people. It's almost like seven
and a half eight inches in. Oh, right, so you
and let's say someone's got an eight inch whatever, Yeah,
that's where it starts. So that person needs to be
in the right position, right, So if you're riding the
toy or the penis or whatever, you can get to
(24:14):
it a little bit easier, but it's every into. Every
person's anatomy is a little bit different. But that's the
second hole. So to answer the question I think you
were about to ask, it depends on the curve, right.
Sometimes that curve can be magical. So if someone's dick
curves up, but their person is on their back, so
imagine where I told you where the prospect was, and
someone's on all four so if you flip them over,
(24:37):
then you stick your finger halfway in and go up.
That's the prostate. Well, if you're being fucked by someone
who has a dick that is curved up every single
time they slide in and out of you, they're rubbing
on that prostate. Plus, if they're pressing down on top
of you, your testicles are probably pushing on like we
colloquially call it the taint right. Essentially, if rubbing on
(24:59):
your taint is rubbing on your prostate from the outside
more or less. So all of that friction, all of
that yumminess is why you can get a lot of
people who can orgasm without touching themselves do it while
they're on their back because there's so much prostate stimulation there.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
The way that I almost ended this call to go
talk to my husband, we need to try doctor Jay
saisupping on the bank. I want to try something real fast.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He said, let's go, we need to try this out.
This is this is doctor James recommended. Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
The next question is after eating pussy or ass or
sucking dick, can you make out? Is it okay to
make out after you've just eaten somebody's ass? Yes or no?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah? Yes? Asterix asterisk Okay, what's the asterisk talk to
be now? I gotta kind of mix up the body
parts here. Generally speaking, if you're eating as and then
making out, you're okay. Generally speaking, okay, there is some
risk right you Coli, salmonella, things like that do pass
through you butt if you have them. So like, what
(26:12):
I would not do is eat the ass of someone
who has not been who always had like diarrhea or
a recent illness period. But then also I wouldn't either
ask and then necessarily make out. So generally speaking, eating
ass or vagina and then making out is generally okay.
(26:32):
But if you smell something funky, if there is residue,
if that person also mentioned that they were sick recently,
even within the last seven or fourteen days, I would
avoid that area with your mouth period. And definitely I
wouldn't be in that area and then make out with someone.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I always say, if there's shit, you get to quit.
That's my maybe you get to quit. You you get
to quit. Also, sniff tests before you know, before I
even put my mouth there, got do a little sniff test.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Just a little something some and even but even then,
you know, I don't even then if someone because listen,
we baby, we know how long we take in the
bathroom trying to get that water to run clear and
all of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I won't to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
So even then that does reduce your risk. I will say,
the cleaner the butt, the batter. But remember these bacteria
are microscopic. You can't see them. So it can be
the most lily lily clean as bleached whatever, like they
done did the three hour anima scenario whatever, and there
still can be something there. So even after they like did.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
That and showered with the soap and the exfoliate like,
it could still it.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
So as a medical professional, yes, I have to say, like,
there can still be something there. But the cleaner the butt,
the lower the risk for sure. Okay, more and more importantly,
I think it is as we sort of ask people
too about like their recent history, their sexual history, all
those things. Cause I'm a big believer in like talk
it out first, because then it makes the experience when
you're having it that much better. Then you can be
(28:07):
less have less fear about what's going on when you're
actually having sex. Yes, but if that person was like, oh,
I had to go home from work last Wednesday because
you know, I had food poisoning or whatever, and it's
Friday night. Sorry, it's not not gonna happen. We can
do some other things, but I wouldn't put your mouth
down there.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
No, okay, So I need to ask what they've been
doing the last couple of days. So before we sit
down and fuck, I need to be like, tell me
about the last couple of days.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Feel you know? How you as you asked me in
the beginning this, how's my heart? You can also say
how's your booty?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
How's your whole? Yes? There you go? Okay, So this
is this next question is a big question that I
actually feel like. I get online a lot and I
have thought about it. But let's talk to the medical professional.
What the fuck is a hemorrhoid? And how do you
take care of it?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You know what's so funny? I love talking about hemorrhoids.
I don't know why. I don't know if that that
doesn't make me weird. I like talking about the body. Oh,
come on, the body is very fascinating to me. And
I feel like we're all we all like are taught
to be scared of it, right or taught to like
fear it? And I try not to be like a
fear person. So all a hemorrhid is is a swollen
vein just like a swollen blood vessel, and it comes
(29:18):
generally happens from pressure. So think about it. You're sitting
on the toilet and your litw booty hole is over
the water, right and all like, I'm six to two
and thirty pounds, so all of me is sitting down.
Come on, hey, hello, Okay, right, I'm talking about it
all right, I'm fully fully entering my daddy era. That's
(29:39):
a different part. So I'm sitting down, my booty holes
over the water. All two hundred and thirty pounds or
at least the top half of me is sitting down,
and that's pressure on that. And then let's say I'm
that person who likes to sit on the toilet for
ten to twenty minutes and playing on my phone or
reading something or whatever. That's ten to twenty minutes worth
of pressure on that. Those little blood vessels in that area,
(30:00):
because there's so many blood vessels down there and you're
wrectum and your anus they pop out. Oh that's all.
That's all that. A hemorrhoid is, okay, small and blood vessel.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And it can happen externally at internal because in my twenties,
I had hemorrhoids. I had internal and I had externals,
and then I used tucks. I believe it's like a
like a witch hazel pad. Yeah, but then I had
this external tag and I remember going to I forget
his name, but he's the butt doctor. And once I
(30:29):
say that, like, I think all the gays will know
who that is somewhere now. And they were Originally he
was originally gonna do a like a little surgical procedure
to cut it off, but he told me that the
recovery would be that I wouldn't be able to control
my parts. Oh and I work in a writer's room,
(30:50):
and there was like I was like, girl, no way,
I'm gonna sit in the writer's room for like eight
hours and just be far and uncontrollably. That's not the
vibe for me. Baby, I don't know about you. So
he also suggested getting a bedet because he was like,
the wiping is irritating it. Changed Yes, he was like,
the wiping is irritating it, and the wipes, because we
(31:12):
love our flash plushable cotton wipes irritating it, but that
he would rather He was like, I would rather you
use a bidet, or after you should take a shower
than wipe and use the paper towel or the toilet
paper just to pat dry. So I installed a tush
sheet and it changed everything.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Are they not incredible?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Baby? My booty hole is pristine, not everything. The external
tag went down so it doesn't exist anymore. The whole
is pootiful and happy. And I also upgraded my little
fiber situation. Uh and by the way, if for anyone listening,
if you look up the tushu bidet, you have to
write in tush sheet bidet because if you just write
(31:51):
in tushy, you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Get some other results.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Other results. So here's my question about if somebody has
a hemorrhoid, right and you see that external hemorrhoid on
their booty hole, is it okay to still eat their ass?
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It is, But I will tell you that to some
kind of the untrained eye, and even the trained I
sometimes a hemorrhoid will also look like anal worts, so
it's kind of hard to tell something. Usually, external hemorrhoids
will either look like be bleeding even just a tiny
little bit, or look like they've just recently been bleeding.
Generally speaking, that when you touch that hemorrhoid it might
(32:30):
hurt a little or itch, which anal worts tend not
to hurt, but they will itch and sometimes they burn,
So you can't necessarily use that as specifically like one,
if it hurts, it's a hemorrhoid, and if it doesn't
hurt's a war like they kind of cross over that.
But yeah, yeah, listen, I think that there are one
in twenty people around the world have hemorrhoids. It's a
(32:54):
much higher percentage for those of us who have anal sex.
So anybody who has anal sex, there' you have more
likelihood of having hemorrhoids. People who use douches a lot,
people who are consipated a lot, like all these different
reasons that people have hemorrhoids. And so if I told
people that don't eat booty because you see a hemorrhid,
wouldn't nobody be getting a booty eating so you still
(33:15):
can it's safe. I wouldn't. I wouldn't eat booty with
an actively bleeding hemorrhoid. That's really the only the only thing.
Right then we're talking about a different whole different level
of like fluid transmission and infection risk and all that
kind of stuff. So if anything down there is actively bleeding,
I would not put your mouth on it. Okay, but
I think Brandon, by the way, you didn't even need
to have me on because you had all of these
(33:37):
ways of preventing hemorrhoids. By the way, you just ran
through them. And that is what I love to talk
about when it comes to hemorrhoids, like get you a bidet,
it will change your life. The one we have in
our master bathroom was twenty five dollars on Amazon and
I installed in myself.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I'm a hemorrhoid whisperer. Baby, I'm that't merch hemroid whisperer
and walk around with it. I'm gonna read this person's letter,
which is Greetings from a snowy Sweden. Honey, we got
we got messy patrons in Sweden period. Greetings from a
(34:20):
snowy Sweden. First of all, I love your I g
it always makes me think, smile, laugh, reflect, and go
ooh thank you. I have a question. So I am
married and pregnant and very much in love with my husband.
All is super well, but I am also in a
dom sub dynamic with another man. For context, my husband
knows and encourages about my kinks and secondary partner. Oh.
(34:40):
I should also add there is no question about who
the father is. I mean, wouldn't that be messy work?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I was story.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
They were like, let me, let me handle all the
questions up front. I appreciate you, patron, They say, anyway,
my question is about safe kinky play during pregnancy. I'm
only in the beginning of the second trimester, and some
things just make sense. No impact on the chest area, belly,
of course, but are there other things my dom and
I should definitely keep in mind. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Generally speaking, you're pretty good, particularly at that stage. I
would only say, like very large toys are fisting if
you are into those, and I would say either orifice,
so you know, vaginal canal large toys are fisting or
anal large toys and fisting, just if any You're probably
(35:34):
not necessarily going to have like a uterine disruption. Like
your uterus is pretty far up there, right, It's takes
some pretty big toys or a very long arm to
get where it's going. But there can be complications and
infections from that that worry me. So what you don't
want to do is get a really big anal fissure
or a fistula or some intense tearing or like damage.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
What's a fistula?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Officila is like when one part of the body goes
through another.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What you mean, Yeah, you can don't just say that
so casually, I know this is what you do, but
you can't be saying one part of the body goes
through another.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Well, so you can have that's like a herna. So
you've heard of a hernia, right, So like a little
part of the colon or something goes through the stomach
wall like that. Okay, that's like a hernia. So fistulas
are similar, but they're like the hole itself that actually
then other parts of the body can go through, So
lots of people get anal fistulas. So in the in
(36:36):
the rectum, so that part just just inside your booty
hole is the rectum, right, and that tunnel there you
can get a hole or a gap in that in
your rectum. That's called a fistula, and other organs in
your body in that area can poke through and go
into your rectum or vice versa. So you're at a
higher risk for that with things like fisting or toys,
(36:58):
especially if it's done like super aggressively. So I worry.
I just worry about the pregnancy in terms of like
infection with introducing of large toys or another person's big hand. Now,
I don't want people to be confused about like toys
that you're used to or penises or tongues or whatever
(37:19):
going into your vagina or anus. If you're used to
that and it's the size that you're used to handling,
I don't there's really no risk there. I'm talking about.
You're like it's time to sit on a traffic cone
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Like not a traffic con.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
I would. I wouldn't try that. I mean, hey, we
know we don't each oh, come on work.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I wouldn't worry about that. And then obviously, like she said,
a lot of trauma to the to the belly area.
I would avoid that. And then people like to sometimes
people will like to insert drugs into their vaginal canals
or anal rectal canals. I would. I'm not a fan
of that period for multiple reason that we can discuss later,
(38:02):
not shaming, just I like to explain to people why
those things kind of scare me. I would absolutely never
never do that with the pregnancy for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Right. The next question I got my IUD replaced a
few years ago, back when I was dating a guy
with a Prince Albert piercing which was quite gauged, maybe
the diameter of like a pipe cleaner or thicker. Before
the procedure, my gynecologists asked me if I had any questions,
So I asked them if there was any possibility of
the piercing somehow hooking onto the IUD and ripping it out,
(38:33):
as IUDs have a little plastic strings that hang down
into the vacuinal canal which can typically feel which you
can typically feel with your fingers. While this was the
best gyna cologists I've ever had, and they had been
practicing for multiple decades, they were taken aback by my
question and said not only had they never heard that
question before, but they had no idea whether it was
a potential hazard. It never became an issue with that
(38:55):
sexual partner, but I do wonder if it's at least
a possibility that people should be aware of. Do we
know if there are any cases of this occurring. I
can't be the only person with an IUD who has
had sex with someone with a prince Albert Pearson, which,
by the way, Prince Albert, piercing is it's a piercing
on the dick, the dickhead right yep.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
It goes through the glands penis that which is like
the head of the penis, and it usually goes down
right through and it's usually in a hook form. And
then it's got a ball on either end. So you've
got like a little ball sticking out of like your
urethral opening, and a little ball is sticking out through
the bottom of the penis the base of the tip
of the penis. So listen this. I will use this
as an opportunity to talk about how we have a
(39:35):
dearth of research. I mean, and we ain't gotten none
of different types of sexual practices like this, and I
think that is a that's really difficult, right. The shame
the puritanical nature of much of society, the over religiosity
of much of society, has led science to not do
a lot of research about sex. So her gynecologist is this, well,
(39:58):
this person's gynecology. This is probably correct. That never heard
of that, probably no case studies in the literature, which
is what guides are practice, right, So I am not
aware of any as well, though I haven't done like
a super robust search for this. That being said, if
we just think about physiologically, there's a little string hanging
down with a piece of metal that is being presumably
(40:21):
inserted frequently during intercourse, and you're in different positions and
different strengths of thrusting, and your vaginal canal expands and contracts, right,
just like that person's penis expands and contracts and whatever.
So I think it is certainly theoretically possible, yeah, for
a string to catch on to that Prince Albert and
(40:45):
then pull the IUD out during pretty intense intercourse. I
would guess that you may not know as well. So
people with IUDs have vastly different experiences. They can be
rubly painful putting in, terribly painful to put in, and
terribly painful to take out. But there are also some
(41:07):
experiences of people who have had IUDs that have migrated
already and were almost about to come out themselves, and
then when you know a gynecologist or a trained provider
you know, takes that string and does goes through the
procedure they need to do to take the IUD out,
the person didn't even feel it because the IUD had
moved already, so very personalized experience. I love the question.
(41:29):
I highly doubt there's any research about it, but I
to answer your question as best as I can. Yeah,
I think theoretically that is possible. Yeah, for sure, right,
Doucor James.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
I get a lot of questions about herpes and people
wanting to talk about So somebody wrote the t about
herpes HSV one versus HSV two, What does it mean
to be positive to antibodies? The truth about testing risks
with and without protection? So maybe we can just do
a little a little these Yeah, herpes one on one.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I love it, so super common. The first thing I
always say about herpes is that it is so stigmatized
and doesn't need to be. It doesn't mean that things
in your life might not be a little bit different,
but it doesn't need to be stigmatized. And you can
have a very robust dating and sex life living with herpes. Right, Like,
(42:23):
let's just start from there, so we not shame in
herpes at all. HSB one So herpes simplex virus HSV
HSB one is generally oral herpes. It's the one that's
around our mouth. It is super super common. More than
fifty percent of people have it. Some people have it
and don't ever realize it. Some people have it and
never have an outbreak on their mouth, never have a
(42:43):
cold sore, that's what that is.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
They don't even know.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
They don't even know, right, kind of the same with
HSV two. So hs herpes simplex virus two is generally
the genital herpes, although they can live in the other
space by the way, rare occasions just be one can
be in the genitalia, h just B two can be
in the mouth, but generally speaking one is up above
at the mouth, two is in the genitalia. You always
(43:07):
get at least one sore in your first herpes outbreak,
but for some people that sore is very small. They
don't notice it, it's not painful. They may not ever
know that they even have herpes, which then if you
have a sore, you have an active outbreak of herpes.
That is when your most contagious. So that is really
the only time we tell people who have herpes, who
(43:28):
are living with herpes, don't have sex if you're having
an active outbreak or if you feel an active outbreak
coming on. So lots of people who are living with
herpes will be like, oh my gosh, there's this very
specific tingling feeling. I get. It's a little painful. I
might have some belly pain. I might be nauseous. I know,
an outbreak's coming. You're pretty contagious at that point. Got you,
even with the condom, whatever body parts you have, doesn't
(43:50):
matter if there's a condom involved or a dental dam
or whatever. You're still like Hella contagious right before that
outbreak and during the outbreak. And then we tell people
try to wait a week when that outbreak has gone
away before you have sex again.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Got you.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Other than that, you can pass herpes to other people
when you don't have an outbreak, but it's much lower likelihood.
And lots and lots of people have herpes and don't
ever really realize it. So you probably have had sex
with someone or having sex with someone or whatever who
probably has herpes and they might not even know, and
you might not even know. Did I just bring the
mood down?
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Sorry? No, no, no, not bringing the mood down, just like, Okay,
So people have herpes, And the takeaway is, if there's
an out if you're having some kind of sore outbreak.
That's one of the most contagious. That's also when you
can get tested to see if it is HSV one
or HCV two. If not, the lower likelihood of you
(44:47):
passing it on. But it sounds like herpes is far
more common even though it's so stigmatized. But a lot
more people probably have it than we are than we
know or talk about.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Boom, you nailed it. And as many as ninety perc
scent of people who have genital herpes don't know it. Wow,
it's just like the HIV statistics right now, depending on
your population that you're in. In general, as many as
one in eight people who have HIV don't know it.
In certain populations, it's as many as one in three
people who have HIV don't actually know it. So wow,
(45:18):
this is just this is I only say these things
not to scare people. This is not my scare tactic
to get y'all to be like whatever. This is my
We need to remove the shame and stigma about this
right sore. If ninety percent of people who have herpes
don't know about it, by some estimations, that almost guarantees
if you've had sex with more than like four people
(45:39):
you've probably had sex with someone who has herpes, right, Like,
this is just yeah. And so some people will be like,
oh my gosh, I have herpes. I'm never going to
have sex again. I can never get wild on a
Saturday night. I am not going to get married. You know,
all those things not the case. The anti viral stuff,
the anti herpes medications that people take can work really
really well for people, and they can go years and
(46:00):
years and years and years and years without an outbreak
and without spreading it to people.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
There's the hope.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
There's the hop, Doctor James.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Do you have before you leave? Is there anything that
you want to anything messy? We always say tell me
something messy. So is there something messy that you would
like to tell us? It could be something that you
went through, something that you know of. It could be
your best sexual advice, anything, anything, anything.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Ooh so so so many messiness. You know, this is
the only messy thing I will say. I did have someone.
I get a lot of DMS about kind of messy questions,
but also just a lot of like general health questions.
I did have someone ask me the other day in
DM and I got this question a couple of years ago.
(46:43):
I will occasionally do like a bar tour, Like I'll
talk to queer folks in bars and we shut the doors.
Everybody has a little drink, usually a drag. Queen is
hosting or whatever, and we just get into it, right.
It's one of my favorite things to do. So someone
did ask me about if so two cis gender men.
If the top is high on anything and they pee
(47:07):
inside of the bottom, if the bottom can then also
get high? Oh interesting, And the short answer is yes
they can. There's a lot of blood vessels in the rectum, right,
a lot of blood vessels in the and that anal
rectal canal. And so I just bring that up, not
from a judgment sort of thing like pee play and
that type of play for a lot of people is
really hot, and a lot of people do a lot
(47:29):
of it. I just want to, like when I have
everyone's attention and we're talking about it in a shame
free environment. You know, don't if that top is really high,
like acutely high on something meth heroine, something really intense
like that, even cocaine. I don't recommend you allowing them
to pee inside of you, yea, because there's no way
(47:49):
to control it. So if let's say you're fine with
the low cocaine, but if someone peees inside of you
and they're already high on cocaine, you can't control how
much cocaine you're actually absorbing. If that makes sense. Yeah,
messy in a fun way. I kind of made it
a little medical like, that's just messy.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I would never have thought. I mean, I have not
found myself into into piss play, but obviously I know
that's a huge, huge thing, but I never thought about, oh, right,
like you know, if somebody is doing even if they're high,
if they're smoking weed or they're doing something harder, if
they pee, it can affect the bottom as well. That's
actually quite valuable information. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I'll leave y'all with that note, because I don't know
if my husband wasn't talk so much about it.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
Listen, we appreciate it, doctor Daves. Thank you so much
for being here. We really appreciate your time. And will
you come back? Please say you'll come back, because I
do have more questions.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
This was too fun, This was too much fun, and
I do I really do have to say. I think
everything that you are doing out there, Brandon, not only
your hyper talented and girl, you can act it right
and all that kind of stuff, but I just mean,
like you creating a safe space for people to put
their out there. It just it makes my heart so
happy and it makes me saying and I look forward
to it every week, and this podcast is incredible, and
(49:08):
I'm just I'm really grateful for even in these incredible
spaces and access that you have, I feel like you're
like still here for the people, and we are that.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Brandon, Thank you so much, thank you, thank you. So
you already know we're hose here, but hose with heart.
So before we get out of here, let me speak
to yours, which I think, based off of everything we
talked about, I just want to remind you that you
and your body are so valuable and it matters. So
if something feels off or you're not sure what's going on,
(49:39):
do not hesitate to try and find support, whether that's
googling a general practitioner or a primary care physician, asking
your friends, asking somebody you trust. But you know, we
only get one body. We give one body one life.
It's funny. My Grandmather would always say that, my grandma,
you're talking too much. But I get it.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
You know, when you're four or five and fifteen, you
just be like, oh, I got forever, But I really
understand at thirty seven you got one body. So if
I can encourage my hoes out here to do anything,
it's to make sure that you're taking care of it,
that you're getting tested regularly, and that you find yourself
medical professionals in your life that you can really lean on,
(50:19):
as doctor James was talking about. Okay, now for our
hoekeeping if you will, which is you can find doctor
James on Instagram at ask BNP. You can find me
on Instagram at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can join our
community on substack Messy Monday's the newsletter. When you subscribe,
(50:40):
you'll get bonus episodes, essays inspired by the podcast, recommendations, playlists,
and more. I also want to hear from you, so
send your topic ideas or submissions to tell me Something
Messy at gmail dot com. And of course you can
check the show notes where you will find resources links
to things that we've been talking about today that you
(51:01):
could use to dive deeper into your education. You know
what I'm saying, Rate review and share this podcast with
all your hoe or a whole aspiring friends. It really
really helps give me them five stars. Baby, don't play
in my face, okay, all right, until we meet again.
Ask about the politics of that dick before you make
(51:23):
it spit, make sure they eat the kitty before they
beat the kittie, before fucation or suckcation. Communication. And in
case you haven't heard it yet, today you are so
deeply loved. I love you bye. Thank you so much
for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If you all
(51:43):
enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone else you
might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was executive produced
by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our producer
and editor is Vince de Johnny. For more podcasts from
iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or
anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
M HM
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