I'm Star Bottom w/ Willam

Actor, podcaster, author & wig-wearing YouTuber, Willam, joins Brandon for a tea-spilling episode before diving deep into self-love and self-image. But first, a mess-filled game of smash or pass and some hilarious stories set the stage. 

Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/ Submit your own messy story or question at [e-mail] or call ‪[phone]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I guess the question is, can you go to
your friend's orgy if you never hooked up with them?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yes, of course that's a great spot to do it.
And when you get there, just check in with the
cum dumb concierge and concierge. Oh, every orgy has a
good cum dumb concierge.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
You know what. This is a safe space to talk
about relationships, love and sex. Now, let me tell you
something messy. I went to lunch with one of my friends.
If you listen to the Subsect Live, which happens on
Monday nights, messy Monday that night. I told this story
this past Monday, which is that my friend and I
were having lunch and then she she was telling me
that she went to you know, like a gay party,

(00:40):
gay dance floor party, and she walked by two people fucking,
and you know, she like wasn't really thrown by it.
You know, the boys are gonna fuck on the dance floor.
It is what it is. But then she said, moments later,
all of a sudden, she smelled shit. Sorry for those
of you who might be squamish. Right now, we'll call
it booboo so it feels more more relatable. So she

(01:03):
smelled boo boo, and she looked over and no one
was reacting because the gays are esty, the gays are
used to it. But here's what I'll say, I am not.
I have also fucked on the dance floor, been fucked
on the dance floor, and I think it's a lovely, beautiful,
romantic thing to do to have sex on the dance floor. Obviously,

(01:25):
give you know, the right context, like, don't fuck on
the dance floor. It like I don't know somebody's baby shower,
but uh, oh god, here's somebody's wedding. That'd be a
wild unless you know that's the vibe of the wedding.
But you know, like at like a queer dance party,
you know, after midnight, you know, one pm, two am,
three am. Yeah, fuck on the dance floor, but you
must you have to know that you are clear to

(01:48):
do that. You know what I'm saying. And the water
was clear, you know what I'm saying. I would never
risk fucking on the dance floor if there was even
the semblance of a gurgle in my stomach, Do you
know what I'm saying. If I felt just even the
slightest gurgle, in my stomach. We are not fucking on
the dance floor. We got a fuck in a private
place because nobody booboo out of water. Let's talk about it.

(02:14):
The water in the toilet is doing a lot of
important work, and I don't think we appreciate that enough.
We just be flushing and be grateful. But y'all, that
water in the toilet is doing God's work because booboo
outside of the toilet, like human boo boo, right, like
my dog poops and it ain't that bad, Like I
cleaned up, you know, with the with the poopy bag whatnot.

(02:34):
It's not crazy. It's and also this evening outside, but
human boo boo, human boo boo. Those of you who
have babies, human boo outside of the that shit is
it don't smell right, So you really have to know
before you ho is what I'm saying. If you are
going to fuck on the dance floor and you took
some substances that might rupture your stomach, you want to

(02:56):
have that ammodium. You know what I'm saying, Which the
doctor that's probably telling you not to take that emodium.
But I'm gonna just tell you from a from a
from a gay dance floor, fucking on the dance standpoint,
put that amodium in your body. You don't make sure
that just a little extra uh extra what's the word
I'm looking for? I hate when I can't find my word.
It's a little extra security, extra security, extra booboo security. Okay,

(03:20):
is that a little amodium? If you have a little gas,
that's happening, A little gas X helping you rid of
some of that gas. But don't just be fucking on
the dance floor and not knowing. If you listen, shit happens,
but it doesn't have to happen on the dance floor.
Maybe that's what I'm trying to say. By the way,
welcome to the show. This is telling me something messy.
I'm your host, Brandon call goodness. Some people call me
messy mom, but you could call me booboo security because

(03:43):
I'm gonna make sure that boo boo stays secure inside
of your colon where it belongs, or the toilet bowl
unless it's your kink, in which case you know, go off.
Can I tell you about that time and Amsterdam somebody
wanted me to shit on them, but like we didn't
talk about it beforehand. I might have told you all this,
but whatever I was. I'm like a year and a
half ago, and I met up with this guy like
like at six in the morning. Obviously I was coming

(04:05):
from out and it was supposed to be just like
a hookup situation. One red flag was there was already
a second person there, which I didn't know about, so
that was it should be a flag. But like, the
second person was cool, so I was like, all right, cool,
we cool. And then the dude who invited both of
us wanted me to shit on him. That's not happening.
Then he just wanted to to fuck me, even though
I wasn't douche. I said, that's not happening. Then he

(04:25):
wanted me to fuck him, and he wasn't douche. I
said that's not happening, and so we we compromised, and
I pissed on him. It was the first time I
peed in his mouth. It was the first time that
I ever peed on somebody, because I'm usually pea shy,
but it was six am and my bladder was like,

(04:46):
get this out of me. And so we went to
the shower and I peed into his mouth and I
peeed too fast, almost choked him out, and so because
I'd never done it, He's like, you have to go slower,
and so I went slower. But I don't know why.
I'm totally oh because boob secure. Yeah, my boo boo
stays inside me or in the colon or in twillow bowl.

(05:07):
It's just not I just won't be putting that on
another person, not on purpose. Okay, I don't know how
to seguay out of this ring that doorbell. Maybe you
know what that means. It is time for our guest.
Now while they get situated and before we get our
messy Kikey started, let me remind you that we are
trying to get to two hundred and sixty ratings and
reviews by the end of the month. So give me

(05:29):
a favor and rate review and subscribe to this podcast
wherever you get your podcast. It really helps the show.
And you know, when you write your review, it don't
have to be long. It could just be I love
the show, I love Brandon Messy, his life, whatever it is.
And give us this five star review. Honey. Okay, it
really really really does help the show out. Okay, now
for our home manifestel, grant me the serenity to unpack

(05:50):
my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know
that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate
for my pleasure and boundaries, to not call my ex
that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck they, for it
is better to masturbabe by myself in peace than to
let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the hommunity

(06:11):
say ho helujah. I am so excited to have Willem
on the show. Willielm is an actor, podcaster, author, and
we wearing YouTuber who wrote the bottoming national anthem this
boy is a botom. I love that song. After being
disqualified on RuPaul's Drag Race a decade plus ago. Willelm

(06:31):
lost two Emmys for his work on Netflix's East Siders,
but at least his album Shortest Street in Motion debut
at number one on the Billboard Comedy Chart. Watch the
rise and fall of his second girl group in Access
All Areas, The AAA Girls documentary, now available on out
TV and Apple, also the home of williem Show's iconic

(06:52):
Justice and Fucking Smart. Please welcome to the show, Willem.
Hi elam hi. I'm sorry You're finally here. This is
so exciting. Okay, before we get into it, let me
give you our messy mandates, which I should know, my heart.
But here we go. Things get to be on process.
Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right to shift, change,

(07:13):
evolve today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And if during
the kigi something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we
use to say for it, give me some love again
today foosball or some a love. A guess which gives
us a chance to pause and address or pivot accordingly.
Sound good?

Speaker 3 (07:29):
Sounds great?

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Shall we do a lube breaker?

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Hit me?

Speaker 1 (07:31):
Okay? I love it? Okay, well, bitch.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I was at this club in Lancaster talk Club Expose
this weekend with the girls, and they had mint chocolate
chip flavored lube in the vending machine by the Funians
and the Dorito Wait, mint chocolate flavored mint chocolate chip,
strawberry peaches.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Why would I want that in my lube? Have you?

Speaker 2 (07:50):
I don't know, I don't but you said lube and
I was like, let me tell you, yes, the blue breaker.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
The blue breaker, the chocolate mint chocolate chip lube would
be I guess do you put it?

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Maybe doing girl Scout cookie season.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
That's it. That's the only time you want it. I'm
just going you want this thin mint? Okay? I hate them,
I hate them all right? Shall we play a smash
or pass?

Speaker 3 (08:15):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Okay, smash or pass? Very simple orgies, smash smash.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
What is the biggest passed me around?

Speaker 1 (08:26):
What is the biggest orgy you've been to?

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Probably like sixty people.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Sixty people.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
Yeah, we were in fucking all of them. I was
only fucking two people.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Okay, got you, got cha? But the vibes were you
in a house? Was it outside?

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Was it was not a leash?

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah? It was.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
It was by area. It's just cauture runway leash. It's
so cute.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
It's like leather with like all these studs and stones alternating,
and then it goes down to the wrist.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
It's got a wristlet. Yeah. And I was just like,
don't get lub on.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
This belase, do not get your chocolate.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
It's run It was runway. Wow the orgy. I gave
it to money. I wore the squirt shoes.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
You were serving.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
See.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
I've always afraid at those parties they're gonna mess it
up and if they spill, you know, if they spill
a drink or something on my shoes, I get very upset.
So I have I have shoes and wear for oh yes,
you know, for the bloody of it. So, but of
course smash your past being fingered.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
It depends on the finger.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Tell me what's the what's the finger? That's divine?

Speaker 2 (09:22):
If they're looking for something like, no, what are you
doing now?

Speaker 1 (09:27):
They're searching?

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Get what do you try it?

Speaker 2 (09:30):
But what do you think it's going on down there,
that there's some secret latch of doors gonna pop open?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
I'm with you, No, you need to know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
And if it's an addition to a tongue and something else,
definitely smash.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
But yeah, no, and nails count.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
I'm like, cut it off. What are we talking about.
We're not fingering on left, we got that. It's crazy
trying to slice up your gut.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
No, and don't be trying to put your thumb in
just because you got four fingers in.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
That is a whole nother question.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
That is that is team Yeah, I tell your friend
has to get out before you put you another hand in.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
But yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not trying to get double fisted.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
No, but bit I was in doubt.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
Never smash for past being jerked off with feet if I.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
Do it or they oh so I'll say smash, smash.
I'm not gonna u somebody' jump. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, yeah, I love it. I've never had my feet
jerked my dick jerked off with feet, but I would
be into it.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
I think I definitely got to fucked once because I
thought a guy was I was blindfolded and gagged on
the floor and I thought a guy was raw dogging me.
And this was before PREP, like two thousand and maybe six,
and I'm like, no undos again, and I was like,
that's not cool. We talked about condoms. Yeah, I felt
skin and it was like obviously inside me.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
He's like, that was my big toe, you pig. And
I was like, okay, okay, perceived.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, tones were fine, it was just the big toe.
It was a big well. I felt like a big dickhead,
you know. Yeah, And I was like, this is in me.
I was like, I wanted this was when you wore condoms.
It was drilled in two thousands before some of you
were born.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
Yeah, so that was.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
I've never fucked with a big toe. Would I let
a big to inside of me? Would you let a
big to inside you again?

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Would I own a house? Or would I on a mouse? Yeah?
I'm down, I'm down.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
You won the game. You won the game. Congratulations you
and my unconditional love as you well know, and you
already had it, so all right. If y'all have submissions,
you can email me tell me something messy at gmail
dot com. Speaking of which, Willa, can you tell me
something messy?

Speaker 2 (11:33):
I can tell you a lot of things messy. My
favorite messy story is because this happens to everybody. Yeah,
everybody poops. It was a sexy time and like there
were like more than three lesson six people in the
room and someone was like, oh uh uh oh sorry,
turn on the lights. And I was like what. I
was like, no, I'm star bottom. This doesn't happen to me.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
No, no, no, no no.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
And they're like, oh, it's just a little bit of poop.
I was like no, but he was like no. I
was like, you know, I keep going to turn these
lights on, to turn the lights on, it's blood. I
was like, I told you, I told you, y'all should
have gone one at a time, Like I told you,
kept the fingers out and then you would have broken

(12:14):
your toy.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
We been able to play all night. Now I got
a blow bang yard.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah that is the worst.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
In the barrel.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
No, oh okay, okay, yeah, get we let my saper
not sleep on it after that.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
You didn't know?

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Wow, I would never would never know. Also probably smells
the spot I have had to stop after. Yeah, after
being fucked too long and then yeah, the blood happens.
It is always, but never poop because I'm like, I know,
I know, I know what she does. I know to
keep when you know you know, you know? All right,

(12:58):
shall we do some messy mail?

Speaker 3 (13:00):
I would love that.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Okay, Gorge, time for messy mail. Remember all your submissions remade,
not a bess. Okay, this first one says, which is
just kind of a brag, and I want to celebrate them.
They said I made a bottom come hands free just
by rooming him. I feel accomplished. Have you ever made
a bottom come or has anyone made you come just
by eating you?

Speaker 3 (13:20):
No? But that's when people do that.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
They mainly don't have access to the pros state, which
is like I mean, I say, for straight guys, it's
a cool trick because God put it in their buta hole,
so they got to dig for it. But if you're
eating somebody out, I don't usually see anybody like knuckling
the prostate from there. And then if your tongue is
in there, has your finger in there?

Speaker 3 (13:39):
So?

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Or maybe both? But no, it hasn't happened to me.
I've come hands free, definitely, but mouth no from being disrespected.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
You'd love to disrespect it. I don't have ever made
anyone come hands free by eating them out. Have I
come hands free from being eaten out? I don't think so,
But it sounds exciting.

Speaker 3 (13:58):
Unless worthy task.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
It's a worthy task, it's a worthy pursuit, a worthy mission.
I think like if I've been jerking, if I've been edging,
there's probably a chance. But I don't think like if
there's been no touching up my dick, I don't think
that I could just but shout out to you know this?
You know hello? That's a good song. Okay, respect it.
This one says, do you.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
Say wide wired? Oh?

Speaker 1 (14:22):
Wired has a wide tongue? Absolutely good. I'm starting to
accept the guy I have feelings for really does have
a boyfriend. My question for you is, have you ever
won fell for somebody who was in a relationship or
what do you think about this kind of Uh? What
I think is a pattern of people falling for somebody

(14:42):
who's in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
I mean, people seem to attract the same thing.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
I guess a little bit. What do you want to
tell you?

Speaker 2 (14:48):
They repeat themselves with patterns. Sure, yeah, yeah, until they
don't want the results of that pattern anymore.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Maybe preach so soft?

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Wait what was the question?

Speaker 1 (14:59):
I guess it was it is like, have you ever
fallen in love with somebody or fell for somebody feeling
for somebody who's in a relationship and like still wanted
to be with them, or have you had that you know,
like experience.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
I've only been in one relationship.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Oh long, you've been a relationship.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I was in it from two thousand and two until
twenty fifteen.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Oh my god, that's a long relationship.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, and I'm like still married doing what we're separating? Okay,
here's my learning. He's my lawyer, he's your lawyer.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah work, Okay, wait, I want to know more about this.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
But I mean, he's the guy from drag Race that
like got me disqualified, like that guy.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Oh that guy okay, which I'll still cool. Yeah, work, Okay, work.
I think that people. Here's what I'll say. If you're
falling for somebody who's a boyfriend and you're saying, I
have to admit that they have a boyfriend, it's this
fear of actually being liked back. Do you know what
I'm saying? So like falling, like if I know that
your relationship and I'm not accepting that, there is to
me a fear of being with somebody who I know

(15:53):
I can actually have, And so I spend my energy
on somebody who clearly I know is out of a relationship.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
That makes sense.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
That makes sense, right, That's I think I've talked about
this before, but I think that happens a lot also
with gays falling for straight guys. So when somebody tells me, oh,
I'm always crushing on a straight guy, I'm like, well,
it's because you know that you can't have him or.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
Like you.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah, but like, okay, you can have him, but you
get like have him you have not? Maybe I guess
I guess that's not wrong, that's correct it. Okay, this
one says, my appointment, why would I block this in

(16:41):
my dick? Appointment wants to talk about feelings, but it's
now lacking in the bed. Should I leave him alone?
What do you think?

Speaker 3 (16:49):
No?

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Tell him be like if this was a month ago,
when you were nailing me to the wall, we could
talk about that. But right now I'm not really getting
what I need, So I'm gonna be exploring some other
options and then maybe he'll give you the fuck of
a lifetime.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
That's clear.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
And then yeah, I was reading this one guy's book
right now and he talks about like having this argument
with this guy and then like he's like I went
back and tears on my eyes. I fucked him twice
and I was like work. He's like, yeah, it was
like their breakup and I was like, work, bitch.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
That breakup sect can really be special.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
It's Ryan Russell's memoir The Longest or Between the Yards
or something.

Speaker 3 (17:25):
Okay, it's a good book.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Okay. I was like, I'll get it. Yes, right when
you're like yeah, I mean I agree with you, I
think communicate because if it was But I will also
say thought I thought they said how long they've been together,
because I'm like, how long have y'all been talking for
the sex to start slacking? Yeah? But yeah, if you're
talking about feelings. I think. I think it's fair to
be like, hey, you know, we can have a conversation,

(17:46):
but like.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
You know, I need to be feeling something else.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
I need a little deeper.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Yeah, these feelings, feelings.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
I want tears in my eyes. For different reasons, we.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
Go behind the bleachers a pride.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't know about all that. I don't know if
you know, not get the drawer unless you know.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
No, you can have a delta tooth brush. We have
courtesy by the door.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
ADULTA tooth brush is uninged but correct. This one says,
what is your advice on pube etiquette? Your preference? I
love me a forehead cushion. So two questions, what's your
what is your advice on pupetdy kit? And what is
your preference?

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I say, whatever you do, trim it off the shaft.
If guys have like a little bit that goes on
the shaft as a top, they don't know that, like
that can be like irritating to the inside of a
bottom's Like, so if you're really hairy and it goes
up your shaft, that can be a bummer.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
What else I just say, like you could always like
leave an indication.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I don't think it ever needs to be ballballed, the
lowest one the indication of like whatever.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, yeah, love that.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
And also the best tip I think I can recommend
as a product called tense Skin. It's like a some
sort of like acid that makes your skin not as
susceptible to ingrowns because when people are shaving down there,
then they got friction because like baby, I start a
fire my thighs.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
Yeah, the whole time.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
So like when I shave, I can get ingrownes there
or red bumps, like the next day, like I went
in the ocean after shaving or something like that. Sometimes
they pop up and this is something that get sort
of ingrowns. So you're not like because sometimes you're like, oh,
take take a picture, take a video. And I was like, fuck,
that's what that looked like. It's okay, I ate around
it and I was like, oh but but oh, like

(19:40):
I was like I didn't know it looked like that
because like if I shaved my butt and I had
no idea when I was a kid. The first time
I have had laser since, so like, I don't have
to recommend laser.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
Electrolysis is better, got way better, got you.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I used to sugar my whole and then I stopped,
and now my hold's harry because my partner prefers it
that way. But but I when I will say this,
when I have a shaved pussy, I feel really powerful
because it's like summer.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Yeah, this summery, just.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Like free.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Summer time.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
That's what that song is about. I prefer I don't
actually have a preference. It's like whatever makes you comfortable.
But I do think that that shaft tip is really
spot on. I will say for myself, I just shave
it all off because I'm lazy, because.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
I really be.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
I'd be so impressed when the dolls be like the
dolls the boys they be like all shaved perfectly, and
yeah yeah, yeah, I'm like wow, like y'all gardener's down there,
and I'm just.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Not I'm like, I love that. I'm not going to
shove my face in it any differently.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
It's gonna be the same ques you go and choke
me out no matter what. So I just like shave
it off and then it grows back eventually, and and
and then you know, then it looks like this period
it's just like that at the top. That's me right there,
right there. Okay, Uh. This this one says I got
invited to an orgy hosted by a good friend and
just realized he and I have never hooked up. So

(21:07):
I guess the question is, can you go to your
friend's orgy if you never hooked up with them?

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yes, of course that's a great spot to do it.
And when you get there, just check in with the
cum dumb concierge and oh, every orgy has a good
cum dumb concierge, and what.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Is their responsibility?

Speaker 2 (21:22):
It's like, uh, someone who runs the cum dumpery Like
she lines up, Oh, you're going to be on that mattress,
you're going to be chained.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
To that radiator.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
You're over there in the sling like and then it
like she appoints to starbottom for the hour if it's
like a four hour shift. Like they make sure they
have sharpies with alcohol swabs so you can mark the
cum dumb. But sometimes the sharpies dry out because it's
all the lube and the sweat on.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Them on the the with the cum dumb. Yes, so
they have to like get new sharpies.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
So the come dump concierge also will come dump themselves
or they just.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
I mean not during working hours, got it.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
They don't ship where they and hopefully no one shoulds
it there, hopefully.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
Hopefully everybody a little bit. Yeah, she thought she ate snacked.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
She was snacking, baby, a little little nipple. I've definitely
met many a come dunk concierge, and I've definitely been
passed around by them, but not They were on duty,
so they weren't sucking me. But they were definitely putting
me in the places that I needed.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
To in the offering place the congregation can meet.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
That first thing, come over here, and you know, I
will say a come to concierge, actual.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Foot in the kitchen counter, your arm on the refrigerator, yes,
and then the on the back of the couch, Yes,
it's yes, and.

Speaker 1 (22:39):
Then look back at it, you know, wink it. They're
very much a director. They're a cruise director. Cruising director
and I but I find them to be to make
the space safe in a way because it's like, oh
I because sometimes it can be overwhelming, and but if
you have somebody who's like holding your hand and guiding you,
it feels a little less chaotic. Yeah, in terms of

(23:01):
sucking your friend, I do think it's like if I've
never fucked my friend and my friend invites me. Some
friends are weird about that ship. Like I have a
friend who like, he don't we can go to the
same sex party, but like if he sees me, he
like has to go this other way. You don't want
to see it. I have other friends who like I
fucked next to and like we've passed around bottoms. So
I don't know. I guess it depends on the friendship.

(23:22):
But I guess you could talk about it me talking
about no know, like they like this person could like
talk to their friend about it.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
I already forget his question. It wasn't about me. I
don't think.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
I was like, come dumbs, I was like, oh, fucking friends, friends.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Fume on.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
That's the advice all your friends, now, all of them
leave some of them.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
You know, some of them, don't like some of them.
Just blow them.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Just a little blow job in the bathroom, you know.
But yeah, I guess you could talk to them ahead
of time. But also like if the orgie is big,
like you may not even see them and you can
surprise them.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, I'd be like, guess where I am gerald surprised them?

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Just show up. Yeah, I think yeah, I think you
can work around this. That is a paper clip.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
To make my dick look big in photos?

Speaker 1 (24:14):
What work perfect? Where'd you get that.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Great Big Stuff dot Com?

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Really? Uh huh? And they just have big ship Yeah wow.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Like life sized plastic army men from like those toys
Great Big dot Com. I got a giant chair that
I sat in for DragCon for like ten years straight.
It's like a giant camper chair. I just look so
pe tite, like Louly Tomlin, an incredible shrinking woman.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
How do you feel when you look pettit? I love it?

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, yeah, that's why I like tall guys.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
Yeah, tall guys are really a toxic trait of mine,
a toxic desire of mine, because yeah, I want to
feel tiny.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
It's a red flag, but I will run up that flag.
I can. Baby.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Maybe it is a red flag, but like I say'd
like a bargain. I'm like, yeah, like delicious.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
Rid of my plot?

Speaker 1 (25:09):
This one says on this my messy pick, so we
can like really go in it says I hear you
and others talk about being yourself, but I'm struggling to
figure out who I am. I feel so stuck and
there's not a lot about my life that makes me happy.
How do I find myself or be myself? What if
I don't like myself? How do I work on becoming
secure in myself and loving who I am?

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Such good tips for this. Oh, first, if you don't
like yourself, it's conditioning. If you'd say fourteen things to
yourself in the mirror that you do like every day
about yourself, it'll become a pattern and then you start
to believe it. You have to find this stuff in
your life that makes you happy lean into that because
that's where you'll figure it out.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
And then I feel like I'm under a timer or
a gun.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
No you're not.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
And there was there was one more thing that I
wanted to remember. Well it's okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Well let me ask you that when do you remember
have you always loved who you were? Or there was
there a moment that you had to really up into that.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Only thing I didn't like about myself grown up is
my thighs because they were huge and you don't like
the still, But now I like them.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I like them.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
But before I was like a heavy kid.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
I was like as tall as I was wide, and
I was like thirteen and two hundred pounds and it
was with Florida, and people made fun of me, and
so I didn't. I thought I didn't love myself, but
I still did. I was fierce yeah and I still am.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Period. What did you? Was it the fourteen the fourteen
affirmations about yourself that change things for you? Or was
there a person? No?

Speaker 3 (26:29):
I always believed it. I just do that anyway.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
And like when I feel down, I lie to myself
and do affirmation cards and just be like, you know what,
there's more right in your life than wrong in your life.
Celebrate that, figure out what's good today. There's always a
way that you can make yourself fool good, even if
it's like helping other people just out of being selfish, like.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
Oh my good person, look at me. I mean I
did something good in the world, did I know?

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (26:48):
So yeah?

Speaker 1 (26:48):
How did you? But like, did somebody teach you that?

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Like? No, I had to discover it because the universe
got me. And the only reason it got me in
such a pointed way was because I was doing not
good by the universe like I did. I was scamming
and I said my back was hurt in an area
it was not hurt in and from a car accident,
and I was like trying to get money, you know.

(27:11):
And then I actually got hurt in that exact spot
that I was faking it, Oh, falling off.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
A chair on a set and I was gagged and
I was like, God, you got me.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
And then like I redirected my life and then I
got a movie and then booked it and.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
It was a good movie.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
And they cut my part like two days before, and
I was like what I was gagged or it was
It was crazy, and I was like, I'm obviously fucking
up the universe karmically.

Speaker 3 (27:36):
The universe is not giving me good stuff. It's not working.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
I should devote my life to good and helping other
people and like leaving a positive market instead of a
negative one and like be better, you know. And so
I recommitted myself at Burning Man, I did all of this.
I cleansed it out. I and that was like two
thousand and fifteen, sixteen, and I became better. And that
part in the movie came back oly shit randomly and
it was stars Born.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, they cut the whole club scene like the week before,
and I was at a wedding. I was at Tom
Dailey's wedding and I was gagged and I was like, oh.
I was like, I already told people I was.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
In this movie.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
I mean even filmed. Yeah, I just did the wardrobe.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Chat shit yeaeah.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
And I was like, God, you obviously hate me, yeah,
or universe like something I'm doing wrong.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Let me redirect my life.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
And then the next like week and a half after,
I like seriously made a commitment to like being better.
I stopped drinking. I didn't, I did a bunch of stuff.
The movie came back and I was just holy shit. Yeah,
Like I told a producer who produced silver Lining Playbook
at the wedding. I was like, I'm doing this movie
with Gaga and he's like, oh, say hi to Bradley.
I was like, okay, well great, he's from really too,

(28:42):
you know, like I knew that much. And then at
the web I came down the next day after the
rehearsal dinner and I was like, your friend just cut
me from his fucking movie to Bruce Cohen. I was
I was like, tell your friend put me back in
that fucking movie.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'm so mad. I was so mad, and then back in.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
But that's why I redirected my whole life. It sounds stupid,
but I knew the universe was out to get me
and something wasn't right. I was also like scamming and
hustling people in en light, setting up meetings as a
showing up to whatever hotel room, sucking dick, doing whatever,
and then being like, you need to give me three
hundred dollars calling voicemails. One guy said his wife and
his job heard it, and I ruined his life and
he gave me two hundred and eighty dollars, and I

(29:25):
was like, that's not right, karmicalle and like I really
loved the Riba song fancy and then pretty woman, and
I really wanted to be a redheaded hooker but instead
I went blonde.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
But like, was there a reason for the scamming?

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Was there money?

Speaker 2 (29:37):
I saw sex workers an easy, viable option because like,
people wanted something I had regularly and would pay for it.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
So it was a supply demand and I love demand. Y.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
I did it when I was like seventeen and eighteen
in Philly too to make money to move out to la.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
And I read fourteen grand in.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
Eight months, girl, Yeah, aren It was in Philly that year,
eight dicks one day, because all I did was suck dick.
I didn't I fucked like eight guys, but I would
have sucked them anyway. But I kept track of all them,
the where, the who, the how much, the tips, how
much the house got all that.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
Oh my god, it was so fun.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
You enjoyed it?

Speaker 3 (30:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Would you ever do it again?

Speaker 2 (30:17):
I mean I'd have to go to Nevada and to
legally do it. It's because maybe I don't want to
have to advertise every word of mouth.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
That mouth speaks so.

Speaker 3 (30:30):
Funny Bunny ranching.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
One of my questions, my questions about I guess like
did you learn about loving yourself at all through scamming?
Like did you learn about or what did you learn
about yourself? Inside of that?

Speaker 2 (30:45):
It's just like an easy way out and like I could,
I could do it, and I did it, and it
was did I see myself as some like? I think
I was like doing drag trying to find a a
You know, when you do this it's like it becomes
your life stuff and trying to act and stuff.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
So I was like, this is an easy side job.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
You know who was around you or like who who?
One who introduced you to drag and who with anyone
that influenced you in terms of the next level of yourself.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
The drag I Rocky Horror was like my gateway drag
and Rue Paul and like Bunny when I was like,
I feel like the Muppets Miss Piggy. Like it was
very that my dad drove me to Rocky Horror when
I was thirteen, waited in the car, took me home.
His friend ran it from NASA, so he was like,
okay with me going and stuff and they come to

(31:35):
all my shows, they tip what was there was one
more question? Oh the best version of me? Now?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
I just copied RuPaul. She's great, it's my favorite. Yeah,
I want to do everything that she does.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
But like I want to do a touring company and
have the girls that are touring have the pie shares
of the touring Okay, got instead of paying random money
to Tom Randy and Fenton and Rue because they're not
on the tour, Like they're not being seen.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Why is their name of the title? Like where the girls?

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, we're doing this now and sure it's your legacy
work and stuff, but like we should be making the money, yeah,
not these random guys. Yeah, Like So I want to
open a touring company. I want to have a housewares line.
I want to do so many things. And the people
that inspire me are Martha Stewart and I like Chris Hardwick.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
Yeah, and some cool shit.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Fuck yus if it feels like you're always thinking about giving.

Speaker 3 (32:24):
I'm opening a store.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Oh my god, what kind of store.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
It's called Goodwill. It's on Cherokee right across the world.
I wonder behind the Whig store. We do drag stuff.
We do Airbnb experiences where it's like, you want to
get drag, We'll put you in drag, you get your shoes,
will take you to the bars, We'll go on the boulevard,
will give you a lap for Airbnb. Because so many
people don't have prides anymore. Then, yeah, and like money.
So I was like, if you all want a corporate pride,

(32:47):
come here, ten people. I'll get you all in drag,
have a little fun. You got the tape, you got
the titties, you got shoes around the corner, like you
got everything you could need one stop drag shop.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Where did your confidence come from?

Speaker 2 (32:58):
And all this my parents like support me and told
me I could do whatever I wanted and told me
they just wanted me happy. And then I was like, Okay,
I can do whatever I wanted. I want to be
in tabloids, So I did that. Yeah, I wanted to
be in the National Choir. Some of these girls are
here looking like National Geographic, the Wildlife toes not painted

(33:18):
and sandals.

Speaker 3 (33:19):
Oh my god, it's warm out, get ready girls.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
So you're supportive. So when did you come out? Where
did you have to come out?

Speaker 3 (33:27):
Oh? I was always out.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
My mom wrote my baby book when I was three.
He's either gay or ballerina. He walks on his toes.
She was right, she do ye kind of both. She
didn't know what else to do with the toes.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Okay, So then what is your you know, what's your
advice to somebody who is trying to learn how to
love themselves and trying to learn be confident. So we
have the we have the affirmations. What else is there
that you think somebody could tap in?

Speaker 2 (34:00):
You have to be able to look in the mirror
and find something that you like about yourself, and if
you can't, it's I don't know, because I've always been
able to find stuff even when I didn't like how
I looked or whatever.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
I'm always like, it could be worse. You got your feet.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
When I get out of the drag, every time I
thank my feet, I'm like, thanks for holding me up.

Speaker 3 (34:15):
I've had like two back surgeries.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
I'm like, I feel like, just convince yourself, lie to yourself,
and be as positive as you can, and do stuff
to keep you busy so you don't get sad, and
do stuff that makes you happy, and maybe you'll love
yourself that way.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
I don't know if you don't.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
I just can't imagine not loving yourself like you're the
only shot that the world gave to whatever vessel you are.
So love it, bitch, someone's gonna like it. There's a
pot for every lid.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Come what what that's tea? I feel like I'm.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Listening to and I'm cast Iron.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Season top Tyranny. You know Rex, Rex will see. That's
my next that's my drag name.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
I tell people. Now, I want this back when it's clean,
clean it clean.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
I feel like, wait, I was gonna pirate explicity. Really
don't apologize, You're perfect. I've been listening to uh this
Abraham Hicks, which is uh, I guess like meditation and whatnot.
And all of it is about like finding something that
makes you happy. That like, you don't wait for your
life to change to be happy, but you find it

(35:24):
in this moment. And the gratitude is a real big
piece of that, which is like I'm thankful for my
feet for holding me up or whatever it is, like
you know, I'm grateful that I woke up in this
bed or like the like the little like to your point,
like there's always something to love. But I think that
maybe our focus is always on the big shit. Our
focus is on like I want that much money, or

(35:46):
I want that type of career, or I want what
that person has as opposed to right now, in this moment,
you have a good duty that you can call up
who has your back, got my chair?

Speaker 4 (35:56):
Got absolutely always something you can find that's like, even
if it's just because it's not it could be worse
and it's not.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
Yeah, you know, yes, And just reframing your blocking is
a blessing has been really helpful for me.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
And I was saying, you're blocking as a blessing.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Yeah, And complaining is draining, don't it.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Like it's fine to like voice something you're doing, but
when it gets that voice you're just slowing yourself down
to when you could be fixing it or just like
so I try not once the wigs on. I want
to be a positive source of light. I try not
to complain on my own sets. I like, you know,
I try to. Yeah, it should be fun, and I
want to. I want people see me in drag. I

(36:38):
want them to like feel a light, not a complaint,
like how long you've been in it?

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Even though I.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Told you I said, like my feet, I said, oh
the bobby pins. Yeah, but like I started off with
a complaint but I didn't mean to.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
No, But but you weren't complaining. But I understand because
you know, weird.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
It's pain.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Listen, beauty is faye. But like we know when people
are like complaining and those those people who just like
always have something that's wrong and you never and also
don't like to take advice and that you're like if
you're like, the vib is hurting and I was like girl,
and you were like.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
But once you have your nails on, you're like and
then you're like, let's just feel.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
But I love the idea.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
If we always have right have a five o'clock though.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
Okay, I love the proverb proverbial yes, putting up a
wig on? Right, Like this idea that like when you
wake up, you're allowed to have your whatever, but can
you put your wag on? And when you put your
wig on? Can you become light? And what you're saying
like this folkus Judith Judith just see in the world.

(37:42):
And also this idea that can you put attention on
other people in terms of can I be of service
to other people? Can I make somebody else feel good?
Maybe I'm not feeling my best, But if I reframe
this and allow myself to show up for somebody else,
then that actually ends up bringing joy to me too.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
I literally missed my friends during COVID, so we started
a podcast company Alaska and I where we produced our
friends podcast and it was like being in a dressing
room with them again. And now like Delta Work is
touring the nation in comedy clubs, and like it's just
one of those things where we were able to like
just put some light and fun out in the world
and now it makes those people money. They got gigs,

(38:18):
more gigs, and everybody it's success is more fun with
your friends around you. I feel like, so like, like,
what do you do Okay, you're gonna do my hair
for this bitch? Oh you don't do hair yet? YouTube,
get on it.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yes, the community of it all. Yeah, having your people,
I mean that's I always reference with my friends. I
reference Anchorman because when Will Ferrell came with that movie,
like we didn't know who Steve grow was, adding Paul
Read to it, like even Tina fe and Amy Polar
and just the way that that crew has, like they've
built their own projects and then brought all their people
and then those people are building their own projects and
they're like, oh, yeah, it's a lot more fun when

(38:53):
you're around your people, and people want to work with
their people, and so like being able to create something
and get your friends in it, whether it's making money
or not, pours into you and that that that to me,
is following your happiness, right, like putting the putting the
paycheck aside. For I think it was Kevin Hartthur was saying, like,
the money will come, and obviously it's easy for him
to say, but you know what I'm saying, like the

(39:15):
money will come, but what won't come is that the
friendships and the relationships that like people are so focused
on the money or what it looks like and not
focus on the actual connections and then emptiness and then
sadness and then despair, and so can you like the
money will whatever, But what makes me happy right now
and right now doing this drag makes me happy? Or
hanging out with this person makes me happy or or

(39:35):
what you know, like you know, whatever it is, Come on,
it makes me happy and I have an intention behind it.
And if you can focus on that, then you can
start building the life that you want. And also to
this person like that. It's not building it all at once,
right like pieces fits and pieces. You start, You start somewhere.

(39:56):
It doesn't have to all be figured out.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
Yeah, and and if you need help figuring it out,
come dumb concierge again just saying they have their ship together.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
They do.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
Either get them or a lesbian.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
They will fix your life, Madison or Madison, it's your life.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
Just find her house in the new house. Yes, girl,
I want to go.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
I want to go wherever is. I'm trying to bet
she's the best. She's the best, Okay. I asked these
final questions to everyone. So the first one is have
you ever had sex? And a Porter potty?

Speaker 3 (40:33):
I've given a blow job in a porter potty. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's sexy.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Yes? Was it clean?

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Him?

Speaker 1 (40:45):
It was early? Was it late?

Speaker 3 (40:48):
It was the first day okay, okay, okay, the first
day of the Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:51):
And it was burning Man, so it was the first
night first Fine, it wasn't that bad.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
Okay, great, Yeah, I got through it.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Out.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
You know.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Wait, was it is it? Was it small? Are they tiny? No?

Speaker 3 (41:03):
It was one of the big ones.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Okay, on on the end? What is the what are
are they? I've never been running in I probably never
will go because I have a lot of allergies.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
Don't go, then I won't go.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
It's dusty, but it's like an alkaline dust so like
keeps everything clean, so nobody really smells.

Speaker 3 (41:17):
But we had showers.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Anyway has showers and not everyone has showers. Wow, yeah,
I can't. How long is it? How many days is it?

Speaker 3 (41:24):
It's a week?

Speaker 1 (41:24):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
It's about radical self reliance work and it's like going
to an orgy. You should have someone walk you through
it the first time, because like Courtney Act was my
like burning Man sense and yeah, guided me. And then
by the last year I was like I go on
my own. She's like good I'm not going to be
in your rvy this year. Then I was like, okay, bitch,
I do and then she waned in so bad once
we got there because we had good snacks and she
was in a yurt and it was windy, and.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
I was like, fuck you, b you don't want you
still go?

Speaker 3 (41:49):
I haven't been since twenty sixteen, but I went, like
three years.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Okay, okay, will you go again?

Speaker 4 (41:53):
Hmmm?

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Probably not. I have like a I can't bike ride
like I would in the Sandwich. How my back is.
I don't do I can't do coasters or go karts.
Somewhere I don't know.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
I know my best friend girl has been going the
last three or four years.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
It's cool. It changed me as an artist and a person.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
That's what helped me figure it out, like the universe
and everything, because I was on shrooms and the shrooms
gave me what I.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Needed to know.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
That was my trip, that was your trip. And Burning
Man may change my whole life because of that. Like
as an artist's what I.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Hear from a lot of people who go, like it
can be life.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
It it could give you just what you need, like
and some plants from the earth made me realize that
or maybe put my put all the life things in
order in my brain where I saw like all the
planets aligning and that's what I needed to do.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
Life, and then it happened.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Maybe it's not true, maybe I'm imagining it, but I
like to think that my positive intentions and actions have
caused my life to be better.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
I will affirm that that is the case. I think
that if you're putting out good, you're gonna receive that.
If you're putting out you know, if you're trafficking ad not,
it's just like and listen, life, life LIFs. But I
think the point of tracking our kind of karmic energy
is because life lives, and so things are gonna happen.
But if you are some one who is dishing out good,

(43:01):
I imagine that there will be people around you to
support you when that bad happens. If you're somebody who's
dishing out bad, when that bad happens, you probably won't
be on your own. And so I think there is
there is. Yes, your positiveness for sure has built or
continues to impact the life that you're able to build,
which is a happy one.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
I believe it.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Yeah, we believe it also a shroom trip really will
get you together? Okay, A little shrewd, little edible, a
little plant medicine will really, I really believe, because you know,
there's just like so much going on, and just a
little bit of that that earthly, that earthly little whatnot
just like quiets things sounds a little bit.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
It's like the universe giving you Easter eggs. You're like,
so that plant does that?

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Okay? What that one? Just that one?

Speaker 3 (43:45):
And you smoke it?

Speaker 1 (43:47):
Okay, work, listen, the other animals are partaking so all.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Why why not?

Speaker 1 (43:52):
Why not get at a little message? Okay? The last
question I asked is what could you learn to love
about yourself? What could I know? And this is actually
interesting because you love, you love a lot about yourself,
But is there something you could learn to love about
yourself besides your thighs.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
There's one thing I hate about myself and it's my
big toe on my left foot because the toenail I
wore a shoe that was too tight or Halloween two
thousand and one, and it never grew right again. And
it still don't grow right. It's fine if I paint it,
but it's not right. It's not and I will never
learn to love it. I ruined it, drag took that

(44:30):
from me, and I'm fine with it.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
It's what I gave. It's what I gave.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
It's what I surrendered to have, like all of this
beauty and glamour, So I get it.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
It's my one toe. It's fine.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Listen, you can't be this beautiful without having one thing.
You know what I'm saying. So it's a toe.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
Yeah it's not, o Marie, it's a toe.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
It's a toe. It's a toe.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Okay, yeah, So I don't think I'll ever be able
to love that, but I understand it's not it's tost
faults holding me up.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
I'm happy.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
I don't need the nail.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
It don't need it. It don't need it.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Is there something that you hate about yourself? You want
to try to learn love?

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Do I always love? What? Do I want to learn
love about myself more? I want to learn? It always changes?

Speaker 3 (45:11):
But right now it's your cuticles are great. You couldn't
make them any better perfect.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
I get the girls what I got to give. Also
trying to finger and you know you can't finger with
the I could learn to love my can I call
them the roses my like, I have to be organized,

(45:40):
and I like, I'm really like, everything has to be
in a and a little tight thing, and sometimes it
makes me feel self conscious. But I also recognize that
that energy. That energy allows me to do the things
that I want to do. And so I feel like
I could learn to love that more.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Yeah, because there's nothing wrong with not having your ducks
all in a row all the time, but then you
have to worry about cleaning up duck shit everywhere where.
If they were in a row, would be just like,
clean up the duck shit right there. So you got
your shit together, So you're cleaning up less duck shit
by doing what you do.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Don't feel proud about that.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
I can also learn to love rest more. I do
love it, but I don't take it. Do you know
what I'm saying. Some people don't like to sit down.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Oh yeah, I don't do that. Everybody always says I'm
doing too much. Yeah, and I am all right, but.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
Like I sleep on planes.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yeah, no one ever dies and be like, oh, I
should have slept more.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
I should have taken that.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
Now, are you sure?

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Maybe I will always go do a lap. I will
never say no, I'm not gonna go out with any regret.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Wow, that's tea. But you're sure somebody ain't never been
like I could learn to rest more, or like I
wish I slept I took more nats. You're right, maybe
at the end of your life. Are you thinking.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Jennifer Coolidge just said it on a red carpet. She said, Ah,
I love to rest.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
I love to rest. I do, But now now I'm
questioning it.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
I mean, it depends if you're resting with someone you
want to rest with.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
It's me. I love to rest with me.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Oh, I've seen taking it second day.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
I love to wake over the but.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Waking up a sniffy spot.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
For me, for me, No, I love I had. I
had a nice little cat couch nap the other day.
The pillow between my thigh and the hit had one
pillow there. The dog wasn't baby. I was knocked the
funk out for a solid thirty minutes. It was everything.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, I take naps. I love them.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Nap is everything. Yeah, midday the mid day nap makes
you feel wealthy because like, what are you doing trips? Yes,
why are you taking a midday nap? Rich?

Speaker 3 (47:42):
Money?

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Money nap on these one from Lancaster Last Night Club explos.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
Napped all these singles. I wish I could take this
mid day Tuesday naps.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Anthony's in my purse.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Listen, I love you so much.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Thank you, I love you, thank you having me, thank you.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
All right, I'll see you soon. Bye. Well, you know
we your hosts here, but hose with heart, so before
we go, let me speak to yours. I love me
some Willem. Oh my goodness. I've been watching drag Race

(48:23):
since season one and I very much remember Willem season
and Willem was one of my favorites. I remember the disqualification,
but you know what Willem for me is the drag
Race Jennifer Hudson, Okay, where you might not win the competition.
Jennifers wasn't disqualified for American Idol, but she she ain't. Wait.
You know, you might not win the competition, but you

(48:44):
can still win it life. You can still do some
really incredible, uh beautiful exceptional things. And Willem has really
made such a un enviable career and also is such
a sweet human. Let's talk about what I learned, which,
like karma is real. Okay, I really appreciated Willm sharing

(49:09):
about you know, their life kind of pre that burning
man moment or you know, the things that they were doing,
you know, to survive, to live, to have fun, but
weren't necessarily aligned with their let's just call it their
highest self. Wasn't necessarily being good to themselves or always
to others, and the change that needed to happen because listen,

(49:31):
karma does come. I like, oh, karma does come, girl.
But you know I say, like, karma will will cash
that check. So life is hard no matter what. But
like I said at the end, right like, if you've
been good when life is hard, I do believe the
support shows up. But if you've been not so good

(49:54):
when life is hard, which will always you know, come
around and take a two punch, you may not have
the support there. You might be a lonelier, a lonelier journey.
So being conscious about how you're treating people leave people
better than you found them. I also love reframing your

(50:18):
blocking as a blessing and complaining is draining. It's so true,
didn't I say last week when like or a couple
of weeks ago, when you know that hot person doesn't
you know respond to you. That's your ancestors blocking them
because they might be crazy. Okay, you're blocking. It can
be a blessing. It doesn't feel like it in the moment.

(50:39):
And if you're you know, currently have had something recent
that happened that you really wanted and were rejected from
or didn't get. Of course didn't feel like it in
the moment. But think about all the times you've been
rejected When you look back on it, was it the
thing that you really needed? Was it the thing that
you really wanted? Actually? Was it the thing that would
have actually best served you? I would guess like nine
times out of ten. No. So the blocking hurts in

(51:02):
the moment, but if you can remember this might be
a blessing. So you don't shut your senses down, you
don't shut yourself down, that you kind of stay open
to the shifts that are being called upon on your life.
Maybe the more expansive way that your life wants you
to look at your journey or look at your pursuit.
And complaining is draining. Just listen, there's nothing wrong with

(51:26):
venting and being like this should sucks or I'm upset
about this or whatever whatever, But you know knowing where
to do that, who to do that with when is
the right time to do that, you know, like, please
don't come to set when we're trying to build something
together and be like ah, like that might not be
the right time or with the right people, and you
know that that sucks the air out of the thing

(51:48):
you're trying to build. So it doesn't mean you can't
ever complain. But I think that there are people who
complain because they want to be heard, because suffering is
comforting for them, you know. And those are the people that,
like when you give them advice, they never take it
or they complain about the same shit and they won't
make any changes, right, Like, there is a comfort and
that's not there's not a judgment there there. I can
acknowledge that there is a comfort in that dysfunction that

(52:11):
sometimes it is easier to complain and to kind of
wallow in that despair than to shift, because to shift
would be to step into something unknown, and that you're
picking your discomfort. Is it more uncomfortable to be in
the complaining or more uncomfortable to be in the transformation,
And even though the complaining might be uncomfortable itself, it

(52:33):
is more familiar than the unknown of transforming. So just
be conscious of it. Remind yourself that you want to
be light. When you put this wig on, be a
positive source of light. You know, can we all put
out proverbial wigs on? And it's not in a toxic
positive way, it's in an intentional way. It's the same

(52:56):
thing we talk about with rewiring your brain. When you
negative thoughts, you got to give it something. You got
to give it an opposite thought, which is a positive thought,
a positive affirmation. So you're not forcing it, you're not
faking it, you're just rewiring. You are offering another another perspective.

(53:17):
So if the negative can be true, the positive can
also be true. And sometimes we need to work a
little extra harder to offer that because everything around us
will support us in living the negative. You know, there's
enough that we are being bombarded with that will allow
us to live in the negative if we want to.

(53:37):
But it takes a little bit more work to be vulnerable,
to transform, to look for the good, to intentionally grasp
on to the good. That takes a little extra work,
but it's so worth it. And gratitude is such a
beautiful place to start when we're talking about loving yourself.

(53:58):
Gratitude is a way to love yourself. Yes, do not
wait for your million dollar check to be grateful. You
know what I'm saying. Like you're you're listening to this podcast,
be grateful not for the podcast, but like that you can,
you know, listen to something that you enjoy. You you know,
are are you woke up? Be grateful for that somebody

(54:20):
said something nice to you. Grateful for that You're loved
by your best friend or your family or you you know,
you have a great community. Be grateful for that. Be
grateful for the sun, Be grateful for the air, Be
grateful of the ray, Be grateful. There's a lot of
things to be upset about, and a lot of things
to be frustrated by, and a lot of things to

(54:41):
weigh us down. Those things are there, and they are true,
but it doesn't mean that there aren't also things for
us to express gratitude for. And if you are on
this journey, if you're serious about the journey to loving yourself,
you got to find those things to be grateful for
and those things about yourself to be grateful for. How

(55:02):
do you show up in the world, how do you love?
How do you show compassion? Don't be afraid to break
on yourself, baby, brag on your motherfucking self. Okay, pat
yourself on the back. You do this well, you do
that well, you show up like this, well like pat
yourself on the back, and be grateful for the way
that you show up in the world, even if there's
another version of yourself that you're trying to get to

(55:25):
that you're becoming. Be grateful for where you are right now,
even as you become and you transform and you and
you expand um. And finally, you can't figure with finger
with a fringe cuticle. And that's tea. I love the
term fringe cuticle. Baby. You know, get your get your
little manicure. And you know, if you don't want to

(55:45):
go to the to the salon, then you know, to
me finger and get yourself a nail clipper, you know,
and rub them nails along your forearm. And if you
go out, yeah, you gotta click them before you finger somebody. Okay, now,
some of y'all growing up your fingernails, and that's tea,
grow it out, but don't be fingering. But if you're
somebody who like, no, I like to finger, and I
want to finger, you know, check in with those nails.

(56:07):
Periodically weekly. Quite honestly, I get my nails cut every
two weeks. But if I know if I'm getting I go,
I go to. It's my time, it's my special time
to deal get a man, mini petty. But if I
know that I got a finger in between them two weeks,
I'm cutting. I'm cutting myself, girl, bottling it down, cutting
the musselp girl. Okay, because I'm not trying to slice

(56:28):
nobody's guts with some fringy cuticles. Okay, period period point black.
Before I let you go. You know that I have
the Substack Brandon Calgodman dot substack dot com where we
do Messy Mondays at Night, which is a live show
I'm doing every Monday, nine pm Eastern, six pm Pacific.
Plus you get access to my substack only podcasts, monthly essays,
all these things, and it's only five dollars a month

(56:50):
for the paid subscribers, which you get all the messy goodies.
But everyone has access to the Messy Monday's live show.
But here is a clip from the Substack exclusive pod
where I'm answering some additional messy mail play it. How
can't we start with a listener question? It says Hello,

(57:12):
I have a question about condom use. Okay, I've been
following you for a long while and listening to your
podcast since day one. Thank you, and I keep hearing
all these stories about loads, taking multiple loads in the
ass at parties, taking loads and then getting them out
of your body to limit drippage, et cetera, et cetera.

(57:32):
Where is the condom usage in all of this. I
know it's personal preference, but I also know it's a
much safer option, especially in a party context where it
is taking a load in quotes. Come in when we're
talking about safer sex options, please explain this to me.
Ha ha, you're the absolute best. Hello to this person.

(57:55):
Let's call you. I love to make up a name.
Let's call you Roxy. I think I just watched Chicago,
so like roxy Heart, so we'll call you Roxy Heart.
There we go, because at the end of your message
you say you're the absolutely best, and there's a heart emoji,
so this is perfect Roxy Heart. Hi baby. The short

(58:15):
answer is now you might already know the answer to
that question, love, but but you'll also listen to the
bot because I give you more tea. I talk about
some more stuff from our show here telling Me Something
Messy and then I, you know, just keep you updated
on what's going on in my life, personal and professional.
So if you're if you're really into the mess girl,

(58:36):
join me on substack Brandoncollgodman dot substack dot com. I
love you. You can find me on Instagram as well
at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at
tell Me Something Messy and you can join our community
on the Messy Monday's Substack. When you subscribe, you'll get
weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and so much more.

(59:00):
So I want to hear from you, so send your
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can also call us at six six nine sixty nine
Messy That is six six' nine six ninety six three
seven seven. Nine rate review and share this podcast with

(59:21):
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the show, out all, Right until next, time ask about
the politics of that dick before you make it, spit
make sure they eat the kitty before they beat the,
kitty before fuckation or succation. Communication and in case you
haven't heard it, yet today you are so deeply. LOVED

(59:42):
i love, YOU i Need thank you so much for
listening to Tell Me Something. Messy if you all enjoyed the,
show send the episode to someone else who might like.
It Tell Me Something messy was executive produced By Ali,
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