November 3, 2025 • 12 mins
Brandon shares a story about a previous connection, and they and Sophia discuss the gift / curse of the times we live in.
Submit your anonymous messy stories and game ideas at SomethingMessy.com or call 669 696 3779
Comments and suggestions email TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com
Video: youtube.com/brandonkgood
Substack: brandonkylegoodman.substack.com
Heaux Church Tickets: https://arsnovanyc.com/events/heaux/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, I know you can't get enough. So here's a
little more mess because I have more to say. Now,
let me tell you something messy. Hello, Welcome to the
bonus episode the Messy Mom Podcast. Okay, Happy Messy Monday.
(00:22):
If you're listening to this on Monday or whatever day
you're listening to this on, I hope it's happy. If
it's not happy, I hope at least it can be
peaceful and then you find a moment to relax, to rest,
to give yourself some grace and some credit for you know,
getting through the damn day. Okay, I'm trying to think
about like messy stories, but y'all, I still have not
(00:45):
I have not partaken in anything messy. I've just been
doing the show. Although something really sweet did happen. There's
an old partner of mine or a former partner, which
when like Matthew and I were starting our polyamory and
we were dating people, oftentimes we wouldn't say we wouldn't
call it dating. And also, like I'll speak for myself,
(01:07):
the people that I was quote unquote dating didn't want
to call it dating either. So you're just like I'm
hanging out with this person, but like now looking back,
it's like, but some of the people I was seeing
like pretty regularly, and I would say in the context
of polyamory or non monogamy that it was dating, but
like whatever. So one such person who we, you know,
(01:29):
were hanging out for quite a bit of time and
then we like then we drifted apart, came back together,
and then kind of just like ended things, I would say,
a bit abruptly. They reached back out to me with
the most beautiful letter or or text message, but just
(01:51):
kind of expressing a reflection on our time together and
also being like I don't expect any response, but like
here's how I'm feeling and what I felt and all
that stuff. And it was really moving because I still
think of them incredibly fondly and I still have a
(02:13):
lot of love for them. I love them very much
still and care about them. So it's not but it's
not like a it's not like a yearning like oh
my god, I think wait every day and I want
to be back together with you. It's just kind of like, oh,
this is somebody that we had a we had a connection,
and it was a beautiful connection and it ran its course,
if you will. But like it always felt weird how
(02:37):
it ended like it didn't feel like The best way
I can say is like neither of us had the
language for what was happening between us to then also
process the breakdown that happened between us, and so we
just kind of like went our separate ways. And so
then to receive this message from them, you know, the
(02:58):
first thing I was like, I first thing I did
was I responded pretty immediately, because it's really vulnerable to
to craft a message to somebody that you used to
hang out with and not even like and you're not
like looking for something. You're not like, let's get back together.
You're like, these are my feelings. So this is what
I felt, and I hope you're well. And even if
(03:19):
you're like, you don't have to respond to this, it's
still nice to get a response. And so I knew
that emotionally that I was just in the thick of
getting the show up, so I wouldn't be able to
respond in the way that I needed to because my
brain just wasn't working. But I did respond and just say, hey,
I got this, thank you so much. It means much
to me. And I will respond in like a week
(03:40):
or so. When I have a little more bandwidth, and
I did, and I, you know, I ended up responding
the a couple of days ago, and so we're like having,
you know, our little conversations just I think, you know,
getting closure, you know, we Lena was on the show
Lena Waitings. On the show first season, we talked about
like not needing a response from somebody to heal, like
(04:04):
you don't need, like you don't actually need the other
person for your closure, that closure. And I think Roma
and I also talked about this in season one, that
like closure is for yourself and you can do that
with yourself. You don't need the other person to explain
or to whatever to get closure. In fact, that might
actually fuck things up a bit because we need time,
(04:27):
you know, like we need we actually need time away
from each other. We need more experiences to be able
to reflect back on our experience together to kind of
be able to articulate what happened and what went wrong
and what we didn't know then. So anyways, this felt
like a bit of unexpected closure, which is lovely because
(04:49):
I wasn't looking for it, and I don't think he was
looking for it either, But I guess, I guess I'm
sharing this to be like, this is what I hope
hoeing is. This is what I hope it is to
be a ho You know what I'm saying that like
when I say that we're a hoes with heart, that
you know that we can have experience as we can
have incredible sex with people, we can have emotional connection
(05:12):
with people, and it may not end perfectly, it may
not go perfectly, but because our tenants are curiosity, communication,
and compassion that at some point, even if it's not immediately,
at some point that we're able to reflect on the
thing and give each other grace and be like, I
(05:37):
don't need to hold you to that you know, to
who you were a year ago, or who you were
two years ago. You don't need to hold me to
who I was two years ago. That we can acknowledge, Oh,
maybe we both were a little off, or maybe you
were off, or maybe I was off. And thank you
in this present moment for the work that you've done,
the work I've done, the work that we've done separately
to get to a moment where we can say, oh,
(05:57):
I see you, and I still respect you, and I
still care about you, and I still love you. I
may not need to be in a romantic partnership with you.
I might not even need to be in a platonic
friendship partnership with you, but human to human, I see you,
and I can and I and I still love you.
(06:18):
And so I think that was just like, it's not messy,
but it is part of what we do here, and
so I wanted to share that, you know that I
think it. I hope that as we learn more about ourselves,
as we get further into our whole journeys, that we're
able to heal our past wounds. Definitely with ourselves, but
(06:40):
even maybe with that person or those people, and it
can be again romantic, it could also be friendship familial,
that we are really taking the time to gently interrogate
ourselves and gently interrogate our work and what we've been through,
what we've done, so that we can show up better
in the future. Sure, but also maybe ment some wounds
(07:02):
from the past. Okay, well, I'm now gonna segue, probably
gonna have a smoother one. But Sophia Bush was our
guest last week. We had a beautiful conversation about so
many things, and so here is a clip from our
conversation that didn't make it into the main episode where
(07:25):
we talk about you know, what it is to be
in this time period, what it means to use your voice,
use your platform in this time period, whatever your platform is,
whether you have you know, ten million followers or you
have ten followers, Like what is it where? What is
(07:46):
it to show up in communities? And what is it
to learn from those who have come before us? The ancestors?
All right?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Enjoy Despite all of it, I feel like being alive
right now is such a gift.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I've been articulating that you still had to excel in
that one. It sucks, and it is also a gift.
I feel like it's necessary in so many ways and
privileged to have a platform and to have the ability
(08:26):
to push the needle forward where we can, and so
there is like as terrifying as it is, I also
feel prepared might not be the word, but I'm reading
a lot of I'm right now. I'm like reading Marsha P.
Johnson's biography by Tormaline, I'm reading a bunch of Audre
(08:49):
Lord's essays. I'm reading Native Son James Baldwin, and I'm like, Oh,
they've done this, They've done They've done this, Yes, and
they've done it also in a time when it is
even harder to do it, Like we could not be
sitting here like this, This was not a thing. And
so that gives me purpose and agency and like reminds
(09:11):
me that like, oh you're not we're not alone. There
is there's a reason to be here right now, and
that it is a gift to be alive. And the
best way we can honor those who've come before and
support our collective community is to take hold of it,
to savor it and to do something with it. Yeah,
(09:31):
that's everything.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Well, And I think you know when you when you
think about the ones who came before us and the
words they left us about James, Yeah, you think about
Audrey Lord, when you think about Glorious Dyna. Yes, it's
so obvious to me why they're attacking education, why they're
(09:53):
attacking libraries. Why because we've done this before. We actually
have of the rule books and the handbooks. We know,
we know that we've pushed past a lot of this,
and now they're up there telling us. You know that
the sky we know to be blue is some of
(10:15):
the color, but it isn't. Yeah, Like what you know,
math is math it's.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Not it's not flexible.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
So like the people out here telling you two plus
two equals five are expressly the people you shouldn't be trusting.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
They're lying to your face.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And so of course they want to take the math
books away, right, And I think in an interesting way
to choose to take in and digest that type of
wisdom that is both powerful and instructional is such an
(10:54):
act of resistance right now because it helps you, it
helps any person. And say I knew this, I knew
a firm. It's true, I knew yes, and here it is.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
There's an interview that I call it my evening with
my ancestors and my elders, where I will either read
something from someone who is older has passed, or I'll
watch them in interviews. And I was listening to a
James Baldwin interview and he was saying, I'm going to
paraphrase and fuck it up. But it was about as
an artist that our job is to basically reflect back
(11:27):
what you already know about yourself. That artists are not
smarter than anyone else, but like we already know what
we need to be doing, and that the role of
the artists, the painters the dancers, the songwriters, the actors.
Is to reflect back to humanity what we already know
about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It's to tell us a truth.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yes, yes, And so when you engage with that work,
you go, oh, yes, this is there's a reaffirmation. You're like,
oh I did know this or like I felt this,
and here they are saying it's true. That is exactly
what it is. And I love YouTube messy patron hoes.
All Right, y'all, have a good week. I'm gonna see
you on Thursday for a new episode of tell Me
(12:08):
Something Messy. Don't forget. You can find me on Instagram
at Brandon called Goodman. You can find our podcast at
tell Me Something and Messy. You can also join the
community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot substack dot com.
Listen to tell Me Something Messy on the iHeartRadio podcast
or everywhere you get your podcast. Have I said it already?
(12:29):
I know I did, but I'm gonna say it again. Baby.
I love you. Bye me
Baby, I know you can't get enough. So here's a
little more mess because I have more to say. Now,
let me tell you something messy. Hello, Welcome to the
bonus episode the Messy Mom Podcast. Okay, Happy Messy Monday.
(00:22):
If you're listening to this on Monday or whatever day
you're listening to this on, I hope it's happy. If
it's not happy, I hope at least it can be
peaceful and then you find a moment to relax, to rest,
to give yourself some grace and some credit for you know,
getting through the damn day. Okay, I'm trying to think
about like messy stories, but y'all, I still have not
(00:45):
I have not partaken in anything messy. I've just been
doing the show. Although something really sweet did happen. There's
an old partner of mine or a former partner, which
when like Matthew and I were starting our polyamory and
we were dating people, oftentimes we wouldn't say we wouldn't
call it dating. And also, like I'll speak for myself,
(01:07):
the people that I was quote unquote dating didn't want
to call it dating either. So you're just like I'm
hanging out with this person, but like now looking back,
it's like, but some of the people I was seeing
like pretty regularly, and I would say in the context
of polyamory or non monogamy that it was dating, but
like whatever. So one such person who we, you know,
(01:29):
were hanging out for quite a bit of time and
then we like then we drifted apart, came back together,
and then kind of just like ended things, I would say,
a bit abruptly. They reached back out to me with
the most beautiful letter or or text message, but just
(01:51):
kind of expressing a reflection on our time together and
also being like I don't expect any response, but like
here's how I'm feeling and what I felt and all
that stuff. And it was really moving because I still
think of them incredibly fondly and I still have a
(02:13):
lot of love for them. I love them very much
still and care about them. So it's not but it's
not like a it's not like a yearning like oh
my god, I think wait every day and I want
to be back together with you. It's just kind of like, oh,
this is somebody that we had a we had a connection,
and it was a beautiful connection and it ran its course,
if you will. But like it always felt weird how
(02:37):
it ended like it didn't feel like The best way
I can say is like neither of us had the
language for what was happening between us to then also
process the breakdown that happened between us, and so we
just kind of like went our separate ways. And so
then to receive this message from them, you know, the
(02:58):
first thing I was like, I first thing I did
was I responded pretty immediately, because it's really vulnerable to
to craft a message to somebody that you used to
hang out with and not even like and you're not
like looking for something. You're not like, let's get back together.
You're like, these are my feelings. So this is what
I felt, and I hope you're well. And even if
(03:19):
you're like, you don't have to respond to this, it's
still nice to get a response. And so I knew
that emotionally that I was just in the thick of
getting the show up, so I wouldn't be able to
respond in the way that I needed to because my
brain just wasn't working. But I did respond and just say, hey,
I got this, thank you so much. It means much
to me. And I will respond in like a week
(03:40):
or so. When I have a little more bandwidth, and
I did, and I, you know, I ended up responding
the a couple of days ago, and so we're like having,
you know, our little conversations just I think, you know,
getting closure, you know, we Lena was on the show
Lena Waitings. On the show first season, we talked about
like not needing a response from somebody to heal, like
(04:04):
you don't need, like you don't actually need the other
person for your closure, that closure. And I think Roma
and I also talked about this in season one, that
like closure is for yourself and you can do that
with yourself. You don't need the other person to explain
or to whatever to get closure. In fact, that might
actually fuck things up a bit because we need time,
(04:27):
you know, like we need we actually need time away
from each other. We need more experiences to be able
to reflect back on our experience together to kind of
be able to articulate what happened and what went wrong
and what we didn't know then. So anyways, this felt
like a bit of unexpected closure, which is lovely because
(04:49):
I wasn't looking for it, and I don't think he was
looking for it either, But I guess, I guess I'm
sharing this to be like, this is what I hope
hoeing is. This is what I hope it is to
be a ho You know what I'm saying that like
when I say that we're a hoes with heart, that
you know that we can have experience as we can
have incredible sex with people, we can have emotional connection
(05:12):
with people, and it may not end perfectly, it may
not go perfectly, but because our tenants are curiosity, communication,
and compassion that at some point, even if it's not immediately,
at some point that we're able to reflect on the
thing and give each other grace and be like, I
(05:37):
don't need to hold you to that you know, to
who you were a year ago, or who you were
two years ago. You don't need to hold me to
who I was two years ago. That we can acknowledge, Oh,
maybe we both were a little off, or maybe you
were off, or maybe I was off. And thank you
in this present moment for the work that you've done,
the work I've done, the work that we've done separately
to get to a moment where we can say, oh,
(05:57):
I see you, and I still respect you, and I
still care about you, and I still love you. I
may not need to be in a romantic partnership with you.
I might not even need to be in a platonic
friendship partnership with you, but human to human, I see you,
and I can and I and I still love you.
(06:18):
And so I think that was just like, it's not messy,
but it is part of what we do here, and
so I wanted to share that, you know that I
think it. I hope that as we learn more about ourselves,
as we get further into our whole journeys, that we're
able to heal our past wounds. Definitely with ourselves, but
(06:40):
even maybe with that person or those people, and it
can be again romantic, it could also be friendship familial,
that we are really taking the time to gently interrogate
ourselves and gently interrogate our work and what we've been through,
what we've done, so that we can show up better
in the future. Sure, but also maybe ment some wounds
(07:02):
from the past. Okay, well, I'm now gonna segue, probably
gonna have a smoother one. But Sophia Bush was our
guest last week. We had a beautiful conversation about so
many things, and so here is a clip from our
conversation that didn't make it into the main episode where
(07:25):
we talk about you know, what it is to be
in this time period, what it means to use your voice,
use your platform in this time period, whatever your platform is,
whether you have you know, ten million followers or you
have ten followers, Like what is it where? What is
(07:46):
it to show up in communities? And what is it
to learn from those who have come before us? The ancestors?
All right?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Enjoy Despite all of it, I feel like being alive
right now is such a gift.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I've been articulating that you still had to excel in
that one. It sucks, and it is also a gift.
I feel like it's necessary in so many ways and
privileged to have a platform and to have the ability
(08:26):
to push the needle forward where we can, and so
there is like as terrifying as it is, I also
feel prepared might not be the word, but I'm reading
a lot of I'm right now. I'm like reading Marsha P.
Johnson's biography by Tormaline, I'm reading a bunch of Audre
(08:49):
Lord's essays. I'm reading Native Son James Baldwin, and I'm like, Oh,
they've done this, They've done They've done this, Yes, and
they've done it also in a time when it is
even harder to do it, Like we could not be
sitting here like this, This was not a thing. And
so that gives me purpose and agency and like reminds
(09:11):
me that like, oh you're not we're not alone. There
is there's a reason to be here right now, and
that it is a gift to be alive. And the
best way we can honor those who've come before and
support our collective community is to take hold of it,
to savor it and to do something with it. Yeah,
(09:31):
that's everything.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Well, And I think you know when you when you
think about the ones who came before us and the
words they left us about James, Yeah, you think about
Audrey Lord, when you think about Glorious Dyna. Yes, it's
so obvious to me why they're attacking education, why they're
(09:53):
attacking libraries. Why because we've done this before. We actually
have of the rule books and the handbooks. We know,
we know that we've pushed past a lot of this,
and now they're up there telling us. You know that
the sky we know to be blue is some of
(10:15):
the color, but it isn't. Yeah, Like what you know,
math is math it's.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Not it's not flexible.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
So like the people out here telling you two plus
two equals five are expressly the people you shouldn't be trusting.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
They're lying to your face.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And so of course they want to take the math
books away, right, And I think in an interesting way
to choose to take in and digest that type of
wisdom that is both powerful and instructional is such an
(10:54):
act of resistance right now because it helps you, it
helps any person. And say I knew this, I knew
a firm. It's true, I knew yes, and here it is.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
There's an interview that I call it my evening with
my ancestors and my elders, where I will either read
something from someone who is older has passed, or I'll
watch them in interviews. And I was listening to a
James Baldwin interview and he was saying, I'm going to
paraphrase and fuck it up. But it was about as
an artist that our job is to basically reflect back
(11:27):
what you already know about yourself. That artists are not
smarter than anyone else, but like we already know what
we need to be doing, and that the role of
the artists, the painters the dancers, the songwriters, the actors.
Is to reflect back to humanity what we already know
about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It's to tell us a truth.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yes, yes, And so when you engage with that work,
you go, oh, yes, this is there's a reaffirmation. You're like,
oh I did know this or like I felt this,
and here they are saying it's true. That is exactly
what it is. And I love YouTube messy patron hoes.
All Right, y'all, have a good week. I'm gonna see
you on Thursday for a new episode of tell Me
(12:08):
Something Messy. Don't forget. You can find me on Instagram
at Brandon called Goodman. You can find our podcast at
tell Me Something and Messy. You can also join the
community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot substack dot com.
Listen to tell Me Something Messy on the iHeartRadio podcast
or everywhere you get your podcast. Have I said it already?
(12:29):
I know I did, but I'm gonna say it again. Baby.
I love you. Bye me
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com