November 10, 2025 • 22 mins
Brandon shares a story of their first night out on this New York trip, and some bonus clips from their conversation with Durand on male intimacy.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, I know you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
So here's a little more mess because I have more
to say. Now let me tell you something messy. Well,
I have a messy story for you.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Friends, Hello, Hello, I know it's been a few weeks
since your doll, since your messy mother had any mess
to really share.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
But my bestie was in town.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
You know, you don't have a gaggle of vesties, and
so a couple of them were in town from LA
just to see the show that those are good. Those well,
let's let's say this for a second. I say besties,
but really I'm talking about my family. Like the people
that I call my besties are really my family. They're
my siblings. And that's why I don't have a problem
with having a gaggle of them, because people are you
(00:51):
only have one best friend, you only have two fuck y'all.
I have a couple of them. I have a number
of them, and I've worked really hard to have those
relationships and have them be as long lasting as they
have been. Some of those friendships span twenty years. Some
of them are just like five years, but they are
and not just like that's a long time. We've been
through a lot with each other, and so I you know,
(01:13):
I hold them as my siblings, as people who I
ride for in this lifetime, the next lifetime, and every
lifetime before and after. So anyways, a couple of them
came for the show for ho Church and I wanted
my like my like my ace, my heart beat. I
was like, all right, cool, I will plan to go
(01:34):
out with you, not after the Friday night show, because
I got a Saturday show, but I don't have a
Sunday show, so I'll go out with you on the
Saturday night. So the plan. He was like, all right, cool, cool, cool.
He's like, I'll plan it. I'll find all the parties
and whatnot, and we'll make it happen. I was like,
bet so, because you know, the thing about a tourist
is sometimes I don't I can't do the heavy lift day.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So if you could, if you could tell me where.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
To be, I'll bet them say that, Jill Scott, if
you can tell me what to do, you could tell
me what to do. But if you can't tell me
what to do, you can't.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Tell me what to do. Who remembers this?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Who knows what I'm talking about please if you don't know,
look up Jill Scott saying that because she meant it
with her chest.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So I'm the type of person if.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You could tell me what to do, you could tell
me what to do, and my bestie can tell me
what to do.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
So we made plans to go to this party here
in New York.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
So after the show, I came home, I showered, and
now I had I'm gonna give you all the information
I was gonna I was gonna censor myself, but this
is this is our this is our messy podcast, and
this is our bonus content.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
We get to tell whatever. Okay. So I had done
a pre douche before the.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Show because, as you know, famously, the you know, the
the douche can take me like an hour, which is
not my favorite, you know. And I'm not the only
one that takes an hour, because somebody I'll be like,
you shouldn't take that long. Everybody's body is different. Mine
takes about a fucking hour, and it's awful. There's so
many things I could be doing with my life in
that hour. So whatever, Okay, So I did a pre
(03:00):
douche because I knew that, like after the show, I
didn't want to do.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I didn't want to like be wasting.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
An hour because I would get off the show at
like nine thirty, probably get back to my apartment by
ten thirty, and then need to be you know, out
and about by eleven thirty midnight. So I did a
PRODUCEE did the show, came back, did a douche freshing
up okay, which did take like a good twenty minutes
or so for the fresh and whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
We did it, and I was tired.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I was like, ugh, I do not want to I
do not want to go. But my my Bessie was
already going. Other bessies were going like so I was like,
it's a thing. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna just
I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna make it as soft
as possible, which meant I was gonna take an uber
to the venue, which was in Queens. It was a
pretty penny of an uber. But I'm gonna tell you
right now, if I had to get on the subway,
(03:49):
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was not. I was not making it. I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I just wasn't gonna make it. So girl, I just
wasn't gonna make it. So anyways, I got there. I
was bestie in the way we were doing our We
were shared our shared notes app with our intentions and
whatnot of like what the intention for the night was.
I got there. I'm not gonna lie to you. The
bouncers felt a little homophobic as fuck. I mean, it's
(04:11):
a big gay party, all the gays busting in from
you know, Brooklyn, Manhattan, I'm sure Staten Island, you know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
And the bouncers were like they were rough. They were like, uh,
move one line, super line. Are y'all stupid? I was
just like this energy, I can't.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
And then also I came wearing like cause it's cold,
it's nippy, so I was like, I'm gonna wear a
jeans and I have I know what we're gonna do
with this party. The shirt's gonna come off whatever, but
like I have my little cardigan on because you know,
it do get cold. And they told me there will
be lockers there, which just fabulous little lockers that you
could put your shit in. But people were like in
full they were in their oh they were in their
(04:49):
Halloween costumes. This is not even Halloween weekend. This is
the weekend before. But it was a Halloween theme.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Bitch.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I ain't packed nothing from LA to dress up for
Halloween here in New York. And as you might know
by now, I'm not a Halloween girly. I grew up
in a Christian household with a pastor parent, and you know,
I grew up with Halloween being the devil's holiday.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
They were like, that's the devil's holiday. We did not
celebrate that. One year, they did let me go trigger
treating and I went as a ghost. My mom fully
took out a bed sheet and cut some eyes out
and said, all right, go go, go off. And I
had the I went to the Union Nations International School,
so they would also give us the unise trick or
treat box, so you would trick or treat for candy,
but you also trick or treat for for money that
(05:31):
you would donate to UNISEEF. Anyways, so I famously don't
fuck with Halloween, not because it's the devil's holiday. As
an adult, it's really because, girl, I don't have you
want me to dress up for how long? And I
gotta I gotta buy the makeup, and I gotta buy
the costume, and I gotta buy the heels, and I
gotta buy this, and that you don't have to be
in heels, but there have been some Halloweens that I've
(05:52):
been in heels. And then it's only for one night,
and then I gotta be out in the world, like
You're not even gonna have me at my home like you,
I have to be out in the world, marching around
with all this makeup and this glitter. Girl, Oh, this
sounds this is literally my night my nightmare, like my hell, speaking.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Of the devil.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
My hell would be Halloween every day, okay, Like hell
to me would be banishing me to the depths of
the undergrounds and being like it's Halloween every day here, love.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Girl, No no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,
I repent, I repent.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Please get these wigs away from me, girl, Oh my god,
please get.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
These glitter away from me. Girl, I know. Oh my uh.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
And then if you had to, if you have kids
and you gotta dress the kids up, my uh the family.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Costumes, h the couple costumes, uh uh No. Anyways, what
we're talking about Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
The boys, the gays are dressed in their Halloween outfits
and as you know, the gay Halloween outfits are it's porn,
you know, it's not. They're not real outfits, right, they're
a lumberjack but it's just like Daisy Duke shorts and
I don't know, like a hard hat and they're they're
and the suspenders like they're not they're not really doing anything,
so it's there, but they're so they're dressed skintily.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Is that a word. They're dressed skintily. And I'm just,
you know, I'm just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
If it's because I'm doing the show and whatnot, but
I'm like, girl, cover your throat, like, don't catch a cold.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Cover your head girl, like you, I'm in mother. Maybe
I'm too old.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I'm fully just concerned about the girl's health. Like loves,
you need to bundle up a little bit. Like once
we're inside, fine, but like you outside, it's cold out
your love. We're in the fifties, girl, cover your chest
before you get a cough.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Ay, So we get in. I get the line. You know,
they do the security check pat down. You know very well.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I got my cross body bag. It has my weed,
has some lube, it has lolly pops. It's got a
fresh pack of gum, because you know, those nights for
myself but also for others. You know, sharing is carrying
because people do be forgetting to chew dot gum.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
What else is in there? I said, I don't think
there's a lotion in there.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh, there's there dickpills, there's ammodium, there's gas X, there's
aqua for you know, gotta keep those lips nice and moisturized,
you know, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Sure there will be plenty of kissing.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
The venue was so dope, it was I'm gonna say
it is a knockdown center, which I'd heard about, but
I'd never gotten to go to. Fabulous, what a fucking
cool like, so many spaces, so great, a lot of
a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I got visited by Miss Molly. We've talked about Miss
Molly here before. I don't see her often, but sometimes
I do see her and she's always a good time.
But the thing was, the thing about Miss Molly is
I was greeted by like a little piece of Miss Molly,
like a dip of Miss Molly. Okay, which was fine.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then I was.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Greeted by like a little a little edible, a little
sex edible. It's like, okay, that's cool too. And then
I was greeted by like a joint, which I was like,
that's cool too. And then I was greeted by like
a half a pill of you know, I was here's
the thing with that. I was just saying like yeah, yes, yes,
because you know, I'm just like, it's it's Saturday night.
I don't got showed for two three days, like, let's
(09:16):
my friends are in tow let's have let's turn up,
let's have the kiki. I also haven't been out since
I've been to New York, so let's do the thing.
So then I, you know, I I said, I kept
saying yes. And this is where you need a spreadsheet, love,
Like you need a spreadsheet, and you need to write
down what you've taken. And I highly recommend in your
(09:37):
notes app just write down what you've taken, when you've
taken it, what time are.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
You taking all that stuff? I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
My my, my, My party wheels were not greased as
they had been maybe during the summer. So the Miss
Molly starts to take her her spell, you know, she
starts to and when Miss Molly takes over the day.
The music is beautiful, the lights are beautiful, and people
are beautiful, right like you be connecting.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
With people, and the making out is top notch.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Okay, So so she's taking over and I'm having a
good I'm having a great time. And then you know,
I run into run into this boy that I that
I know. We've like, you know, we we've chatted into
what naki ki very.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Very beautiful, very beautiful boy, very beautiful boy.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Uh. And then we you know, then Miss Molly, you know,
we start making out and the makeout is time notch,
Like I was like, oh damn, Like I know, I know,
like I always thought you a pretty but I don't know.
It was like I know, it was given all this too, like,
which is such a happy surprise. But then at some point,
(10:45):
at some point in that makeout, Miss Molly and then
everything else that had happened performed Miss Molly, and maybe
a little after Miss Molly started to hit together A
gumbo okay, a a Molly gumbo started to hit and
I for a second forgot where I was love and
(11:07):
all of a sudden, I see my best friend in
front of me, bestie who like flew out for the show.
I see him in front of me and we start
making out, and I go, fuck, I'm pull away.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I wasn't making out my bestie.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I was still making out with this cute boy who
looked at me like are you good? And I was like,
oh yeah, but I could at Miss Molly also has
a way with the words, so I couldn't really explain
what had happened, which is that I saw my I
thought I was making my best friend, and like that
is the boundaries crossed, Like we don't do that. I
don't like I am pro fucking friends, certain friends, right,
(11:52):
but like not every friends fun. It's certainly not like
as I called them early my siblings, Like I'm not
fucking my sibling, you.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Know what I'm saying. So it really, it really, it
really rattled a girl.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And this is also the friend, this friend who he
said to me like if we were at a sex
party and I and I fucked the guy and came
in that guy, he would not put his dick in
that hole, knowing that my cumb was already in there.
He would not want my com to touch his dick,
which that which is why for me, I was like huh, well,
(12:26):
like like what if you didn't know, like like if
you fucking that guy and I fucked the guy, like what,
like I.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Think that's okay, but he was like, no, no, that's
a lie.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like I like, if you have come in somebody, I
am not putting my dick in the hole because you're
my best and that I was like, okay, So like
this is that friend.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
So for so if you can imagine that, it rattled me.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
When I thought we were making out, because I can
get behind you know, you coming at Hale, I coming
at Hall is what it is.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
But the making out that's too intimate.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I don't want that. All turns out it wasn't him.
So I just freaked out for nothing. Just it was
a little freak out. I think it was only I
don't think. I think it was very unnoticeable, and it
wasn't long. It was just kind of like a fuck,
you know, like a like a just a stage voice
of fuck. But luckily the music is loud, and by
that point, I'm sure everybody is enjoying Miss Molly, and
(13:21):
so they're probably just thinking, you know, it's a dance.
There's more to this story, but this is where I'm
gonna end, because this is a long enough messy story.
But speaking of intimacy, you like that segue I was talking.
Oh yeah, that's a pretty good segue, because last week
I didn't really do a great segue.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So this is a pretty good segue. Which is you know,
with Duran.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Durand Bernard was on the show last week and we
had a wonderful conversation specifically around having a non practicing
straight heterosexual friends. And so here's a piece of our
conversation that got cut out from the main episode that
we're gonna share here for the bonus. But a lot
of it is around, you know, intimacy isn't weakness and
(14:04):
how you know, men need to hug each other, you know,
and and also stop calling us ugly when you when
you really want to say you miss us to our
to the straight folks, you know, like, stop calling your
gay friends I miss you ugly.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You could just say I miss you anyways.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You'll hear, you'll hear, you'll hear how Duran explains this
in the clip, and one other piece that I want
to point out that he says, it's it's okay to
be gentle.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I love that intimacy isn't weakness. And it is okay
to be gentle. So check out this clip.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Niggas, do be needing a hug like niggas to hug
each other more, please, like long hugs, long hugs because
there's the little boy on the inside and the needs
the hug.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, because their little boy is stuck trying to be
a man and a man quote unquote doesn't need emotion
or affection.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But that's a fallacy that part.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
So I think honestly though, and that's why I said
we were working from the from the inside. And I
think even taking away from the whole straight guys need
you know, a gay friend. I think just you know,
I even had to tell one of the homies, you
don't have to call me a bitch and say I'm
ugly while saying you miss me, Like y'all areist so aggressive,
(15:19):
Like you can just say I missed because number one,
you lie called me up.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
So so it's just I think changing the narrative too. Also,
who who who are they around to offer a certain perspective?
Right they could have so they could have access to someone,
but do they have the perspective of what it is that.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
They need to know?
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Sure, so timing in place, timing in place ecosystem. This
is so I'm thinking about my if you're saying that
I have a friend to literally he's straight, always calls
me ugly.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
It's like, no, I have to know, I have to.
I had to tell him after because I was letting
it slide. And then it finally got to the point
where I said, you know, and I was about to
I don't know if you've had this moment where one
of your personalities tags in to respond to something, it's like,
oh no, no, I got that.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Said, you know, I have a homie who is one
of my I didn't have the word for it then,
but you know, my non straight, practicing heterosexual helming. And
I said, you know, every time I speak to him,
he always caused me handsome, he has something encouraging to say,
like I just feel a little bit lighter, you know,
(16:39):
just you know, he always has a smile, you know.
And I was like, you know, you should be a
little more like Orlando, Like it wouldn't hurt too encourage
somebody that you claimed that you missed. Yeah, And it
was the I felt the shame and the guilt, the
conviction because I let my owner child drive that response.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah received? Oh yeah, so how was it received? Was
a received?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Oh he doesn't. I haven't really had any of that since, Like,
if it's a genuine I miss you, he doesn't have
to add the we can still you know, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
But they also get to express our real feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That part, I'm like, there, it's ok, it's okay to
be gentle bro like you good.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I think your.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Ability to to create these safe spaces, which starts with
you are a safe space, but you are a safe
space for you. And I think that that, you know,
if we're talking about how do you bridge the gap
between gay and straight man and how do you build intimacy,
I think it's being intimate with yourself first and being
(17:51):
a safe space for yourself first, and then I think
you radiate that and then then you know, when you're
shining that light, the right people kind of show up,
Like the non practicing straight head of sexual right, It's
like they they can find that light. They signal to
that because you have such a clarity about who you
are as opposed to if you were looking for validation.
(18:14):
Because I think that's the other piece that can come up,
is that like I'm looking for those relationships to validate
who I am. I'm still looking to be affirmed by
heterosexuality or straight men, and so that's where it can get,
where it goes from being the exception to the token.
And so I think what you you exemplify is that
I know.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Who I am. I don't need y'all.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Actually like, I'm good, I have my community, but I'm
also willing to offer this light and we can be
in community together.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And that's something that I do feel is also earned. Yeah,
you know, it's not like some people have the patients
for certain conversations and interactions, and I would rather offer
my information to people that actually want to know that
(19:07):
are receptive. Yes, you know, because then I'm able to
feel better about what it is that I'm I'm doing
and how I'm trying to pay it forward.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah you know, Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I I
to this person's question, I do. I do crave that
men are, whether they're all straight, or they're all gay,
or they're gay in the straight or able to be
more intimate with each other, which is I think a
bit of reprogramming and understanding that intimacy isn't weakness, that
(19:37):
expressing your real feelings isn't weakness. That's saying I miss
you and I love you without the bro at the
end is okay.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
I love a good bro.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I love a good bro, especially like when girls call
me bro or like I love it, let me hear
for it. But you know, but yeah, I think that
there's a there is a deprogramming or a rewiring for
us around in our male bodies and our manhood of like, oh,
(20:08):
intimacy is actually a beautiful thing and a beautiful thing
to express between each other. I've been saying that with
my gay friends, specifically because the girls, because you know,
with the girls, you can always be there's a tension
that you can always flip into sexual. But I'm loving
(20:29):
just holding my friend's hands, just like being physical with
them and not being sexual. That it's just like, why can't.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We hold each other? Why can't we hold hands?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Why can't we Like you're talking to me, like, you know,
like we can be physical, physically intimate with each other
and not have it be sexual. That that distinction, that
intimacy does not mean sex.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Yeah, now that's one of my I'm so grateful that
throughout my entire life, I've never had to reach for
a shoulder. Yeah, and it's it's always been there. Everybody
in in my immediate circle for the most part, is
just were I'm the affection at once.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, but it's received.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
You know, I'm a hugger. I you know, where did.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You learn affection? My parents?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Your parents beautiful? Yep, beautiful h yeah, grandmy, So it
was a big hugger. Mom was also a big hugger.
It was like the way that you showed love and
then needing. Then it was like getting older, hardening, Yeah,
to find your masculinity.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
We went from that to half of us adapt Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah. Show so like coming back around and being like
I'm thirty eight, like not for real, for real, come
and think of this ug All right, y'all have a
good week.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I'm gonna see you on Thursday for a new episode
of tell Me Something Messy.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Don't forget. You can find me on Instagram at Brandon
called Goodman. You can find our.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Podcast have to tell Me Something and Messy. You can
also join the community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot
sub dot com. Listen to tell Me Something Messy on
the iHeartRadio podcast or anywhere you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Have I said it already? I know I did, but
I'm gonna say it again. Baby, I love you. Bye.
Baby, I know you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
So here's a little more mess because I have more
to say. Now let me tell you something messy. Well,
I have a messy story for you.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Friends, Hello, Hello, I know it's been a few weeks
since your doll, since your messy mother had any mess
to really share.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
But my bestie was in town.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
You know, you don't have a gaggle of vesties, and
so a couple of them were in town from LA
just to see the show that those are good. Those well,
let's let's say this for a second. I say besties,
but really I'm talking about my family. Like the people
that I call my besties are really my family. They're
my siblings. And that's why I don't have a problem
with having a gaggle of them, because people are you
(00:51):
only have one best friend, you only have two fuck y'all.
I have a couple of them. I have a number
of them, and I've worked really hard to have those
relationships and have them be as long lasting as they
have been. Some of those friendships span twenty years. Some
of them are just like five years, but they are
and not just like that's a long time. We've been
through a lot with each other, and so I you know,
(01:13):
I hold them as my siblings, as people who I
ride for in this lifetime, the next lifetime, and every
lifetime before and after. So anyways, a couple of them
came for the show for ho Church and I wanted
my like my like my ace, my heart beat. I
was like, all right, cool, I will plan to go
(01:34):
out with you, not after the Friday night show, because
I got a Saturday show, but I don't have a
Sunday show, so I'll go out with you on the
Saturday night. So the plan. He was like, all right, cool, cool, cool.
He's like, I'll plan it. I'll find all the parties
and whatnot, and we'll make it happen. I was like,
bet so, because you know, the thing about a tourist
is sometimes I don't I can't do the heavy lift day.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So if you could, if you could tell me where.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
To be, I'll bet them say that, Jill Scott, if
you can tell me what to do, you could tell
me what to do. But if you can't tell me
what to do, you can't.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Tell me what to do. Who remembers this?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Who knows what I'm talking about please if you don't know,
look up Jill Scott saying that because she meant it
with her chest.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So I'm the type of person if.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You could tell me what to do, you could tell
me what to do, and my bestie can tell me
what to do.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
So we made plans to go to this party here
in New York.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
So after the show, I came home, I showered, and
now I had I'm gonna give you all the information
I was gonna I was gonna censor myself, but this
is this is our this is our messy podcast, and
this is our bonus content.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
We get to tell whatever. Okay. So I had done
a pre douche before the.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Show because, as you know, famously, the you know, the
the douche can take me like an hour, which is
not my favorite, you know. And I'm not the only
one that takes an hour, because somebody I'll be like,
you shouldn't take that long. Everybody's body is different. Mine
takes about a fucking hour, and it's awful. There's so
many things I could be doing with my life in
that hour. So whatever, Okay, So I did a pre
(03:00):
douche because I knew that, like after the show, I
didn't want to do.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I didn't want to like be wasting.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
An hour because I would get off the show at
like nine thirty, probably get back to my apartment by
ten thirty, and then need to be you know, out
and about by eleven thirty midnight. So I did a
PRODUCEE did the show, came back, did a douche freshing
up okay, which did take like a good twenty minutes
or so for the fresh and whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
We did it, and I was tired.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I was like, ugh, I do not want to I
do not want to go. But my my Bessie was
already going. Other bessies were going like so I was like,
it's a thing. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna just
I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna make it as soft
as possible, which meant I was gonna take an uber
to the venue, which was in Queens. It was a
pretty penny of an uber. But I'm gonna tell you
right now, if I had to get on the subway,
(03:49):
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was not. I was not making it. I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I just wasn't gonna make it. So girl, I just
wasn't gonna make it. So anyways, I got there. I
was bestie in the way we were doing our We
were shared our shared notes app with our intentions and
whatnot of like what the intention for the night was.
I got there. I'm not gonna lie to you. The
bouncers felt a little homophobic as fuck. I mean, it's
(04:11):
a big gay party, all the gays busting in from
you know, Brooklyn, Manhattan, I'm sure Staten Island, you know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
And the bouncers were like they were rough. They were like, uh,
move one line, super line. Are y'all stupid? I was
just like this energy, I can't.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
And then also I came wearing like cause it's cold,
it's nippy, so I was like, I'm gonna wear a
jeans and I have I know what we're gonna do
with this party. The shirt's gonna come off whatever, but
like I have my little cardigan on because you know,
it do get cold. And they told me there will
be lockers there, which just fabulous little lockers that you
could put your shit in. But people were like in
full they were in their oh they were in their
(04:49):
Halloween costumes. This is not even Halloween weekend. This is
the weekend before. But it was a Halloween theme.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Bitch.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I ain't packed nothing from LA to dress up for
Halloween here in New York. And as you might know
by now, I'm not a Halloween girly. I grew up
in a Christian household with a pastor parent, and you know,
I grew up with Halloween being the devil's holiday.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
They were like, that's the devil's holiday. We did not
celebrate that. One year, they did let me go trigger
treating and I went as a ghost. My mom fully
took out a bed sheet and cut some eyes out
and said, all right, go go, go off. And I
had the I went to the Union Nations International School,
so they would also give us the unise trick or
treat box, so you would trick or treat for candy,
but you also trick or treat for for money that
(05:31):
you would donate to UNISEEF. Anyways, so I famously don't
fuck with Halloween, not because it's the devil's holiday. As
an adult, it's really because, girl, I don't have you
want me to dress up for how long? And I
gotta I gotta buy the makeup, and I gotta buy
the costume, and I gotta buy the heels, and I
gotta buy this, and that you don't have to be
in heels, but there have been some Halloweens that I've
(05:52):
been in heels. And then it's only for one night,
and then I gotta be out in the world, like
You're not even gonna have me at my home like you,
I have to be out in the world, marching around
with all this makeup and this glitter. Girl, Oh, this
sounds this is literally my night my nightmare, like my hell, speaking.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Of the devil.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
My hell would be Halloween every day, okay, Like hell
to me would be banishing me to the depths of
the undergrounds and being like it's Halloween every day here, love.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Girl, No no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,
I repent, I repent.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Please get these wigs away from me, girl, Oh my god,
please get.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
These glitter away from me. Girl, I know. Oh my uh.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
And then if you had to, if you have kids
and you gotta dress the kids up, my uh the family.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Costumes, h the couple costumes, uh uh No. Anyways, what
we're talking about Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
The boys, the gays are dressed in their Halloween outfits
and as you know, the gay Halloween outfits are it's porn,
you know, it's not. They're not real outfits, right, they're
a lumberjack but it's just like Daisy Duke shorts and
I don't know, like a hard hat and they're they're
and the suspenders like they're not they're not really doing anything,
so it's there, but they're so they're dressed skintily.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Is that a word. They're dressed skintily. And I'm just,
you know, I'm just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
If it's because I'm doing the show and whatnot, but
I'm like, girl, cover your throat, like, don't catch a cold.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Cover your head girl, like you, I'm in mother. Maybe
I'm too old.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I'm fully just concerned about the girl's health. Like loves,
you need to bundle up a little bit. Like once
we're inside, fine, but like you outside, it's cold out
your love. We're in the fifties, girl, cover your chest
before you get a cough.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Ay, So we get in. I get the line. You know,
they do the security check pat down. You know very well.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I got my cross body bag. It has my weed,
has some lube, it has lolly pops. It's got a
fresh pack of gum, because you know, those nights for
myself but also for others. You know, sharing is carrying
because people do be forgetting to chew dot gum.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
What else is in there? I said, I don't think
there's a lotion in there.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh, there's there dickpills, there's ammodium, there's gas X, there's
aqua for you know, gotta keep those lips nice and moisturized,
you know, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Sure there will be plenty of kissing.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
The venue was so dope, it was I'm gonna say
it is a knockdown center, which I'd heard about, but
I'd never gotten to go to. Fabulous, what a fucking
cool like, so many spaces, so great, a lot of
a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I got visited by Miss Molly. We've talked about Miss
Molly here before. I don't see her often, but sometimes
I do see her and she's always a good time.
But the thing was, the thing about Miss Molly is
I was greeted by like a little piece of Miss Molly,
like a dip of Miss Molly. Okay, which was fine.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And then I was.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Greeted by like a little a little edible, a little
sex edible. It's like, okay, that's cool too. And then
I was greeted by like a joint, which I was like,
that's cool too. And then I was greeted by like
a half a pill of you know, I was here's
the thing with that. I was just saying like yeah, yes, yes,
because you know, I'm just like, it's it's Saturday night.
I don't got showed for two three days, like, let's
(09:16):
my friends are in tow let's have let's turn up,
let's have the kiki. I also haven't been out since
I've been to New York, so let's do the thing.
So then I, you know, I I said, I kept
saying yes. And this is where you need a spreadsheet, love,
Like you need a spreadsheet, and you need to write
down what you've taken. And I highly recommend in your
(09:37):
notes app just write down what you've taken, when you've
taken it, what time are.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
You taking all that stuff? I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
My my, my, My party wheels were not greased as
they had been maybe during the summer. So the Miss
Molly starts to take her her spell, you know, she
starts to and when Miss Molly takes over the day.
The music is beautiful, the lights are beautiful, and people
are beautiful, right like you be connecting.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
With people, and the making out is top notch.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Okay, So so she's taking over and I'm having a
good I'm having a great time. And then you know,
I run into run into this boy that I that
I know. We've like, you know, we we've chatted into
what naki ki very.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Very beautiful, very beautiful boy, very beautiful boy.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Uh. And then we you know, then Miss Molly, you know,
we start making out and the makeout is time notch,
Like I was like, oh damn, Like I know, I know,
like I always thought you a pretty but I don't know.
It was like I know, it was given all this too, like,
which is such a happy surprise. But then at some point,
(10:45):
at some point in that makeout, Miss Molly and then
everything else that had happened performed Miss Molly, and maybe
a little after Miss Molly started to hit together A
gumbo okay, a a Molly gumbo started to hit and
I for a second forgot where I was love and
(11:07):
all of a sudden, I see my best friend in
front of me, bestie who like flew out for the show.
I see him in front of me and we start
making out, and I go, fuck, I'm pull away.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I wasn't making out my bestie.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I was still making out with this cute boy who
looked at me like are you good? And I was like,
oh yeah, but I could at Miss Molly also has
a way with the words, so I couldn't really explain
what had happened, which is that I saw my I
thought I was making my best friend, and like that
is the boundaries crossed, Like we don't do that. I
don't like I am pro fucking friends, certain friends, right,
(11:52):
but like not every friends fun. It's certainly not like
as I called them early my siblings, Like I'm not
fucking my sibling, you.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Know what I'm saying. So it really, it really, it
really rattled a girl.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And this is also the friend, this friend who he
said to me like if we were at a sex
party and I and I fucked the guy and came
in that guy, he would not put his dick in
that hole, knowing that my cumb was already in there.
He would not want my com to touch his dick,
which that which is why for me, I was like huh, well,
(12:26):
like like what if you didn't know, like like if
you fucking that guy and I fucked the guy, like what,
like I.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Think that's okay, but he was like, no, no, that's
a lie.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like I like, if you have come in somebody, I
am not putting my dick in the hole because you're
my best and that I was like, okay, So like
this is that friend.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
So for so if you can imagine that, it rattled me.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
When I thought we were making out, because I can
get behind you know, you coming at Hale, I coming
at Hall is what it is.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
But the making out that's too intimate.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I don't want that. All turns out it wasn't him.
So I just freaked out for nothing. Just it was
a little freak out. I think it was only I
don't think. I think it was very unnoticeable, and it
wasn't long. It was just kind of like a fuck,
you know, like a like a just a stage voice
of fuck. But luckily the music is loud, and by
that point, I'm sure everybody is enjoying Miss Molly, and
(13:21):
so they're probably just thinking, you know, it's a dance.
There's more to this story, but this is where I'm
gonna end, because this is a long enough messy story.
But speaking of intimacy, you like that segue I was talking.
Oh yeah, that's a pretty good segue, because last week
I didn't really do a great segue.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So this is a pretty good segue. Which is you know,
with Duran.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Durand Bernard was on the show last week and we
had a wonderful conversation specifically around having a non practicing
straight heterosexual friends. And so here's a piece of our
conversation that got cut out from the main episode that
we're gonna share here for the bonus. But a lot
of it is around, you know, intimacy isn't weakness and
(14:04):
how you know, men need to hug each other, you know,
and and also stop calling us ugly when you when
you really want to say you miss us to our
to the straight folks, you know, like, stop calling your
gay friends I miss you ugly.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You could just say I miss you anyways.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You'll hear, you'll hear, you'll hear how Duran explains this
in the clip, and one other piece that I want
to point out that he says, it's it's okay to
be gentle.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I love that intimacy isn't weakness. And it is okay
to be gentle. So check out this clip.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Niggas, do be needing a hug like niggas to hug
each other more, please, like long hugs, long hugs because
there's the little boy on the inside and the needs
the hug.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, because their little boy is stuck trying to be
a man and a man quote unquote doesn't need emotion
or affection.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But that's a fallacy that part.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
So I think honestly though, and that's why I said
we were working from the from the inside. And I
think even taking away from the whole straight guys need
you know, a gay friend. I think just you know,
I even had to tell one of the homies, you
don't have to call me a bitch and say I'm
ugly while saying you miss me, Like y'all areist so aggressive,
(15:19):
Like you can just say I missed because number one,
you lie called me up.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
So so it's just I think changing the narrative too. Also,
who who who are they around to offer a certain perspective?
Right they could have so they could have access to someone,
but do they have the perspective of what it is that.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
They need to know?
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Sure, so timing in place, timing in place ecosystem. This
is so I'm thinking about my if you're saying that
I have a friend to literally he's straight, always calls
me ugly.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
It's like, no, I have to know, I have to.
I had to tell him after because I was letting
it slide. And then it finally got to the point
where I said, you know, and I was about to
I don't know if you've had this moment where one
of your personalities tags in to respond to something, it's like,
oh no, no, I got that.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Said, you know, I have a homie who is one
of my I didn't have the word for it then,
but you know, my non straight, practicing heterosexual helming. And
I said, you know, every time I speak to him,
he always caused me handsome, he has something encouraging to say,
like I just feel a little bit lighter, you know,
(16:39):
just you know, he always has a smile, you know.
And I was like, you know, you should be a
little more like Orlando, Like it wouldn't hurt too encourage
somebody that you claimed that you missed. Yeah, And it
was the I felt the shame and the guilt, the
conviction because I let my owner child drive that response.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah received? Oh yeah, so how was it received? Was
a received?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Oh he doesn't. I haven't really had any of that since, Like,
if it's a genuine I miss you, he doesn't have
to add the we can still you know, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
But they also get to express our real feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That part, I'm like, there, it's ok, it's okay to
be gentle bro like you good.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I think your.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Ability to to create these safe spaces, which starts with
you are a safe space, but you are a safe
space for you. And I think that that, you know,
if we're talking about how do you bridge the gap
between gay and straight man and how do you build intimacy,
I think it's being intimate with yourself first and being
(17:51):
a safe space for yourself first, and then I think
you radiate that and then then you know, when you're
shining that light, the right people kind of show up,
Like the non practicing straight head of sexual right, It's
like they they can find that light. They signal to
that because you have such a clarity about who you
are as opposed to if you were looking for validation.
(18:14):
Because I think that's the other piece that can come up,
is that like I'm looking for those relationships to validate
who I am. I'm still looking to be affirmed by
heterosexuality or straight men, and so that's where it can get,
where it goes from being the exception to the token.
And so I think what you you exemplify is that
I know.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Who I am. I don't need y'all.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Actually like, I'm good, I have my community, but I'm
also willing to offer this light and we can be
in community together.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And that's something that I do feel is also earned. Yeah,
you know, it's not like some people have the patients
for certain conversations and interactions, and I would rather offer
my information to people that actually want to know that
(19:07):
are receptive. Yes, you know, because then I'm able to
feel better about what it is that I'm I'm doing
and how I'm trying to pay it forward.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah you know, Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I I
to this person's question, I do. I do crave that
men are, whether they're all straight, or they're all gay,
or they're gay in the straight or able to be
more intimate with each other, which is I think a
bit of reprogramming and understanding that intimacy isn't weakness, that
(19:37):
expressing your real feelings isn't weakness. That's saying I miss
you and I love you without the bro at the
end is okay.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
I love a good bro.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I love a good bro, especially like when girls call
me bro or like I love it, let me hear
for it. But you know, but yeah, I think that
there's a there is a deprogramming or a rewiring for
us around in our male bodies and our manhood of like, oh,
(20:08):
intimacy is actually a beautiful thing and a beautiful thing
to express between each other. I've been saying that with
my gay friends, specifically because the girls, because you know,
with the girls, you can always be there's a tension
that you can always flip into sexual. But I'm loving
(20:29):
just holding my friend's hands, just like being physical with
them and not being sexual. That it's just like, why can't.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
We hold each other? Why can't we hold hands?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Why can't we Like you're talking to me, like, you know,
like we can be physical, physically intimate with each other
and not have it be sexual. That that distinction, that
intimacy does not mean sex.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Yeah, now that's one of my I'm so grateful that
throughout my entire life, I've never had to reach for
a shoulder. Yeah, and it's it's always been there. Everybody
in in my immediate circle for the most part, is
just were I'm the affection at once.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, but it's received.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
You know, I'm a hugger. I you know, where did.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
You learn affection? My parents?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Your parents beautiful? Yep, beautiful h yeah, grandmy, So it
was a big hugger. Mom was also a big hugger.
It was like the way that you showed love and
then needing. Then it was like getting older, hardening, Yeah,
to find your masculinity.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
We went from that to half of us adapt Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah. Show so like coming back around and being like
I'm thirty eight, like not for real, for real, come
and think of this ug All right, y'all have a
good week.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I'm gonna see you on Thursday for a new episode
of tell Me Something Messy.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Don't forget. You can find me on Instagram at Brandon
called Goodman. You can find our.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Podcast have to tell Me Something and Messy. You can
also join the community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot
sub dot com. Listen to tell Me Something Messy on
the iHeartRadio podcast or anywhere you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Have I said it already? I know I did, but
I'm gonna say it again. Baby, I love you. Bye.
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