October 13, 2025 • 9 mins
New York versus LA d*ck.Where do you all stand on the debate?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, I know you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
So here's a little more mess because I have more
to say. Now, let me tell you something messy. I'm
going to the Voters episode of Tell He's something Messy.
How's your Monday going? Or maybe you're not even listening
to this on Monday, but that's okay if it is
happy messy Monday. You know, I was just to give
(00:22):
you a messy story. And I gotta tell y'all it's
kind of crazy because I've been to New York for
the last month or so doing the show, and my
schedule's been crazy, so I ain't been fucking so I like,
I went to a sex party a couple weeks ago
and I left after an hour because it just wasn't viving.
(00:43):
It was a it was a it was a it
was a themed sex party, and I wasn't vibing with
the theme. I'm not gonna say the theme because I
feel like if I say the theme, somebody's gonna know what
it is, and it's you know whatever, who's gonna know
what the party is? And I don't want to deal
with that. But I will say I did pack like
a good I have two douches and I have my dildo,
(01:04):
I have Lou, I have all the things to have
a really successful New York time. Because my plan was
I was like, oh, I'm gonna be out of LA,
I be away from my partners. So that means like
I could just bounce on some New York dick, and
you know, New York dick be very. I'm from New York,
so I could so I could say this New York
dick is very special. I don't know who needs to
(01:24):
hear this, but if you're planning a trip, come to
New York because in La, yeah, let's do this in La.
Shout out to La. Shout out to you baby, fucking
like it's supposed to be for Instagram. You know what
I'm saying, which is to say, it's very filtered, very
It's esthetically pleasing, but it's felt. It doesn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
You're just like, oh, that's a pretty picture, Like that's
a pretty dick, but it doesn't do much, you know
what I'm saying. Shout out to the LA dicks. You
know you know you are.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
But in New York that it it moves.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
They be really trying to bust up your guts and
I love that. Also, the asses are fat are here,
which I'll you know, I appreciate a fad ass, and
people will like actually enjoy sex right there. I can't
tell you the amount of times that I would be
at a party in LA. And I don't mean to
rag on LA, but I think it's okay because I'm
a New Yorker and so I'm a New Yorker to
my core. We're like, you go to an afters party
and you know what you're atting after baby, We we
(02:22):
just went to the to the big party until four
or five, and now we're going to somebody's house for
the afters at five am. You know what we're here
to do, you know what I'm saying, like everybody. But
then people will stand around until seven in the morning
before they actually start doing anything. And by that point
it's well past my bedtime. You know, I'm a girl
who's in bed by nine thirty. I'm up at seven
(02:43):
am and nobody's touching dicks. No, babe, I can't do it.
But in New York, Baby, at ten pm, they touched dicks.
I went to the last time I was here, I
went to a bar. I'm not sure. I wush your
name it, so I'll just say I went to a
bar here that's several flo and on one of the
floors it's usually very, very sexy. And I showed up
(03:04):
at ten pm and baby, people were in their swings
and it wasn't even like a sex party night, like
they were just like they were just in corners doing
And I said, this is liberation. Now, this is freedom.
This is America. Sorry, not that, not that, but you're
saying like this is what this is what freedom and
liberation is. And this is what I want to say
about all of the what I love about I think
(03:28):
New York and sex in New York is sex is healing, right,
And so when you go to spaces where people are
not tentative about it, where they are open about what
their desires are, where they're asking for what they want,
where they're you know, asking for consent, where they're telling
you what they need, where they where they have, where
(03:50):
they bring their own loop right, there's something to me
incredibly healing about that because it says that who you
are and what we desire isn't wrong. And in community
is how we feel less ashamed, Like when you're on
your own. When you're in solitude, you might think, oh,
I'm weird, and I don't I like that but nobody else.
(04:10):
But when you're in community and people are openly talking
about sex, openly fucking, there is a a liberation, there's
a healing. I haven't been to a single sex party
that hasn't healed me in some way, that hasn't healed
some kind of trauma. And I know many of you
have had that same experience. And so I guess all
this to say, LA, step your pussies up. You know
(04:30):
what I'm saying, in the words of T. S. Matis,
step your pussy up. Love. Okay, I need y'all to
I need y'all to stop just being pretty dicks and
actually do someone with the dicks, you know what I'm saying.
And New York as soon as this show is up
and running, so well my whole Okay, Nye, Actually, let
(04:52):
me let's talk about this clip from our last episode
with Erica Cheaty. We were talking about shame and shame
as a teacher, So let's play the clip for you.
I guess I'm of two minds. I guess, on one hand,
if that's the case, and using this person will learn
by experience.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Then perhaps just you know letter experience.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, literally experience, because nothing is nothing is better than
you know, shame.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
You know, shame's a great teacher.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
You know, here's the you know, we're a shame free space,
but there is sometimes we're shame.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Is Shame is discipline. Shame is discipline. And I don't
care what anybody thinks when they hear that coming out.
I'm talking about it. I'm totally saying there's a difference
between there's no we don't.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Want people to have shame as to like health sex educators.
We don't want anybody to feel a shame about their
body or what their experience, but we do want people
to feel shame about disclosing information that is not theirs
to disclose.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yes, so that for me, there's a good shame.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, there would be good shame, And sometimes good shame
can happen in public with other people. Good shame can
also happen one on.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
One for saying that to her, being like.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Hey, so not okay that you talked about that, Like,
don't ever do that to me again, or I'm really
not going to be able to be a part of
this relationship in a way that feels safe. Yes, great,
that's still going to create we would hope a sense
of remorse and probably some feelings of shame, you know,
or she could you know, do it in a more
public setting. But again I think it just depends on
(06:22):
how close you do this person, do they really matter
in your life?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And usually you know, I'm all about like shame free.
Like I said, We're a shame free space, but I
never considered the idea of shame being a teacher. And
I guess what I like to say is, you know,
multiple truths get to coexist, right, two things get to
be true at once, and so on one hand we
get to go shame is not great and I would
rather create spaces that are shame free. And on the
other hand, I do see what Erica is saying where
(06:48):
sometimes when people do things that are wild, they do
you know, it's not a public shaming, right. I think
it's also like, what are the tones of shame. It's
not like let's stand around in a circle and publicly
embarrass you or tell you that you suck. But also
there might be moments where I can see because point,
there might be moments where allowing a person to feel
a little shame helps them change their behavior. And hopefully
(07:10):
that's not the case, you know, for some of us,
but some people are visceral learners, and so in that regard,
I kind of go, Okay, two things get to be true.
I think that there is something too. There's some more
thinking that I have to do about this, and some
more processing around this, but I do and I would
love to hear from you too, which, by the way,
you can email me at tell Me Something Messy at
gmail dot com and tell me what are your thoughts
(07:30):
about shame being a teacher, because there is some some
juice to that, and there are moments where that really
makes sense ultimately, you know, for me, like shame free.
But there's something to it, and so I'm curious. So
let's do some thinking about it again. Email me at
tell Me Something a Messy at gmail dot com and
I'll see you on Thursday. And what else can I
(07:52):
tell you? Oh, don't forget. I'm in New York doing
ho church so hta u X. So if you are
in New York City or around the New area, we
start performances on Wednesday, October eighth, and we run until
November eighth, and you can find tickets at brandoncollgodmin dot com.
Of course, please subscribe to our podcast and share it
with a friend. It helps us grow this little world.
(08:14):
And you can also find us on substack Brandoncogodmin dot
substack dot com. You'll get access to those live streams
where I originally was talking about the sex party. Plus
if you become a paid subscriber, you get access to
the essays and some other goodies. Okay, I think that
is it. I love you so very much, like so
so much until we meet again. Ask about the politics
(08:36):
of that dick before you make it spit, make sure
they eat the kittie before they beat the kittie. And
just in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
are so deeply left. I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Bye, and I love you too, messy patron Hoss. All right, y'all,
have a good week.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I'm gonna see you on Thursday for a new episode
of Tell Me Something Messy. Don't forget. You can find
me on Instagram at Brandon called Goodman. You can find
our podcast at tell Me Something and Messy. You can
also join the community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot
substack dot com.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Listen to tell me something.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Messy on the iHeartRadio podcast or anywhere you get your podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Have I said it already?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I know I did, but I'm gonna say it again. Baby.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I love you. Bye me,
Baby, I know you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
So here's a little more mess because I have more
to say. Now, let me tell you something messy. I'm
going to the Voters episode of Tell He's something Messy.
How's your Monday going? Or maybe you're not even listening
to this on Monday, but that's okay if it is
happy messy Monday. You know, I was just to give
(00:22):
you a messy story. And I gotta tell y'all it's
kind of crazy because I've been to New York for
the last month or so doing the show, and my
schedule's been crazy, so I ain't been fucking so I like,
I went to a sex party a couple weeks ago
and I left after an hour because it just wasn't viving.
(00:43):
It was a it was a it was a it
was a themed sex party, and I wasn't vibing with
the theme. I'm not gonna say the theme because I
feel like if I say the theme, somebody's gonna know what
it is, and it's you know whatever, who's gonna know
what the party is? And I don't want to deal
with that. But I will say I did pack like
a good I have two douches and I have my dildo,
(01:04):
I have Lou, I have all the things to have
a really successful New York time. Because my plan was
I was like, oh, I'm gonna be out of LA,
I be away from my partners. So that means like
I could just bounce on some New York dick, and
you know, New York dick be very. I'm from New York,
so I could so I could say this New York
dick is very special. I don't know who needs to
(01:24):
hear this, but if you're planning a trip, come to
New York because in La, yeah, let's do this in La.
Shout out to La. Shout out to you baby, fucking
like it's supposed to be for Instagram. You know what
I'm saying, which is to say, it's very filtered, very
It's esthetically pleasing, but it's felt. It doesn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
You're just like, oh, that's a pretty picture, Like that's
a pretty dick, but it doesn't do much, you know
what I'm saying. Shout out to the LA dicks. You
know you know you are.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
But in New York that it it moves.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
They be really trying to bust up your guts and
I love that. Also, the asses are fat are here,
which I'll you know, I appreciate a fad ass, and
people will like actually enjoy sex right there. I can't
tell you the amount of times that I would be
at a party in LA. And I don't mean to
rag on LA, but I think it's okay because I'm
a New Yorker and so I'm a New Yorker to
my core. We're like, you go to an afters party
and you know what you're atting after baby, We we
(02:22):
just went to the to the big party until four
or five, and now we're going to somebody's house for
the afters at five am. You know what we're here
to do, you know what I'm saying, like everybody. But
then people will stand around until seven in the morning
before they actually start doing anything. And by that point
it's well past my bedtime. You know, I'm a girl
who's in bed by nine thirty. I'm up at seven
(02:43):
am and nobody's touching dicks. No, babe, I can't do it.
But in New York, Baby, at ten pm, they touched dicks.
I went to the last time I was here, I
went to a bar. I'm not sure. I wush your
name it, so I'll just say I went to a
bar here that's several flo and on one of the
floors it's usually very, very sexy. And I showed up
(03:04):
at ten pm and baby, people were in their swings
and it wasn't even like a sex party night, like
they were just like they were just in corners doing
And I said, this is liberation. Now, this is freedom.
This is America. Sorry, not that, not that, but you're
saying like this is what this is what freedom and
liberation is. And this is what I want to say
about all of the what I love about I think
(03:28):
New York and sex in New York is sex is healing, right,
And so when you go to spaces where people are
not tentative about it, where they are open about what
their desires are, where they're asking for what they want,
where they're you know, asking for consent, where they're telling
you what they need, where they where they have, where
(03:50):
they bring their own loop right, there's something to me
incredibly healing about that because it says that who you
are and what we desire isn't wrong. And in community
is how we feel less ashamed, Like when you're on
your own. When you're in solitude, you might think, oh,
I'm weird, and I don't I like that but nobody else.
(04:10):
But when you're in community and people are openly talking
about sex, openly fucking, there is a a liberation, there's
a healing. I haven't been to a single sex party
that hasn't healed me in some way, that hasn't healed
some kind of trauma. And I know many of you
have had that same experience. And so I guess all
this to say, LA, step your pussies up. You know
(04:30):
what I'm saying, in the words of T. S. Matis,
step your pussy up. Love. Okay, I need y'all to
I need y'all to stop just being pretty dicks and
actually do someone with the dicks, you know what I'm saying.
And New York as soon as this show is up
and running, so well my whole Okay, Nye, Actually, let
(04:52):
me let's talk about this clip from our last episode
with Erica Cheaty. We were talking about shame and shame
as a teacher, So let's play the clip for you.
I guess I'm of two minds. I guess, on one hand,
if that's the case, and using this person will learn
by experience.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Then perhaps just you know letter experience.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yeah, literally experience, because nothing is nothing is better than
you know, shame.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
You know, shame's a great teacher.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
You know, here's the you know, we're a shame free space,
but there is sometimes we're shame.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Is Shame is discipline. Shame is discipline. And I don't
care what anybody thinks when they hear that coming out.
I'm talking about it. I'm totally saying there's a difference
between there's no we don't.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Want people to have shame as to like health sex educators.
We don't want anybody to feel a shame about their
body or what their experience, but we do want people
to feel shame about disclosing information that is not theirs
to disclose.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yes, so that for me, there's a good shame.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, there would be good shame, And sometimes good shame
can happen in public with other people. Good shame can
also happen one on.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
One for saying that to her, being like.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Hey, so not okay that you talked about that, Like,
don't ever do that to me again, or I'm really
not going to be able to be a part of
this relationship in a way that feels safe. Yes, great,
that's still going to create we would hope a sense
of remorse and probably some feelings of shame, you know,
or she could you know, do it in a more
public setting. But again I think it just depends on
(06:22):
how close you do this person, do they really matter
in your life?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And usually you know, I'm all about like shame free.
Like I said, We're a shame free space, but I
never considered the idea of shame being a teacher. And
I guess what I like to say is, you know,
multiple truths get to coexist, right, two things get to
be true at once, and so on one hand we
get to go shame is not great and I would
rather create spaces that are shame free. And on the
other hand, I do see what Erica is saying where
(06:48):
sometimes when people do things that are wild, they do
you know, it's not a public shaming, right. I think
it's also like, what are the tones of shame. It's
not like let's stand around in a circle and publicly
embarrass you or tell you that you suck. But also
there might be moments where I can see because point,
there might be moments where allowing a person to feel
a little shame helps them change their behavior. And hopefully
(07:10):
that's not the case, you know, for some of us,
but some people are visceral learners, and so in that regard,
I kind of go, Okay, two things get to be true.
I think that there is something too. There's some more
thinking that I have to do about this, and some
more processing around this, but I do and I would
love to hear from you too, which, by the way,
you can email me at tell Me Something Messy at
gmail dot com and tell me what are your thoughts
(07:30):
about shame being a teacher, because there is some some
juice to that, and there are moments where that really
makes sense ultimately, you know, for me, like shame free.
But there's something to it, and so I'm curious. So
let's do some thinking about it again. Email me at
tell Me Something a Messy at gmail dot com and
I'll see you on Thursday. And what else can I
(07:52):
tell you? Oh, don't forget. I'm in New York doing
ho church so hta u X. So if you are
in New York City or around the New area, we
start performances on Wednesday, October eighth, and we run until
November eighth, and you can find tickets at brandoncollgodmin dot com.
Of course, please subscribe to our podcast and share it
with a friend. It helps us grow this little world.
(08:14):
And you can also find us on substack Brandoncogodmin dot
substack dot com. You'll get access to those live streams
where I originally was talking about the sex party. Plus
if you become a paid subscriber, you get access to
the essays and some other goodies. Okay, I think that
is it. I love you so very much, like so
so much until we meet again. Ask about the politics
(08:36):
of that dick before you make it spit, make sure
they eat the kittie before they beat the kittie. And
just in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
are so deeply left. I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Bye, and I love you too, messy patron Hoss. All right, y'all,
have a good week.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I'm gonna see you on Thursday for a new episode
of Tell Me Something Messy. Don't forget. You can find
me on Instagram at Brandon called Goodman. You can find
our podcast at tell Me Something and Messy. You can
also join the community on substack Brandon called Goodman dot
substack dot com.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Listen to tell me something.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Messy on the iHeartRadio podcast or anywhere you get your podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Have I said it already?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I know I did, but I'm gonna say it again. Baby.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I love you. Bye me,
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