MESSY BONUS: This Thanksgiving, I Was The Turkey

Brandon shares a messy story that gives a new meaning to Thanksgiving stuffing.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, I know you can't get enough. So here's a
little more mess because I have more to say. Now,
let me tell you something messy. Have you messie Monday
or you know, whenever you're listening to this. I have
a little extra mess to you today, which is a
messy story. It's been a minute since I've given you

(00:21):
a messy story because I was so busy with ho church.
But now now I'm just a hope. So let's go.
Let's talk right it, okay, which is that I had
a threesome in the office of a global brand on
Thanksgiving Day. Yay, yeay, yay, yay, yay, let's talk about it. Okay.
So one of my friends invited me to a Jock
Sharp party on Thanksgiving Eve. No, this friend, let's call

(00:43):
him Jason. We're friends, but sometimes we fuck. So we're
sexy friends. And so we're like, let's go to this
Jock Sharp party. And we're both you know, famously shy.
I know, I know, I got a podcast. You're like,
you're not that shy, and he's a you know, also
in the entertainment industry, Like yeah, but like we're not
shy when we're on stage, but like in life, very introverted.

(01:04):
I'm a tourist. I like to be home, you know
what I'm saying. So we were like, well, we'll go
together and if we don't like it, we'll leave. They're like, bat,
let's do it. So we show up. The party is
packed and people are in their jock straps, their thongs
or underwear. There is a long line to check coats
and clothes. I decide, and Jason and I decide we're
not going to check our pants, although I'm wearing a

(01:26):
beautiful jock shop because I was like, if I get tired,
I don't want to have to wait on this long
ass line to get my pants. I would to be
able to just like put my shirt back on and
piece the fuck out and I'll come back for the
coat tomorrow if I need to, you know what I'm saying.
So we like kept our pants on, which was actually
totally fine because though it was my space, it was
not my people. I had somebody say that to me

(01:47):
when I had asked them about a swinger's party they
went to years ago. They were like, it was my space,
but not my people, which I love that saying. For
any of us who are exploring our you know, fantasies
and kinks or parties or whatever it is. You might
discover that, oh like I like what's happening here, or
or I like this vibe or this energy, but it's
just not the people that I want to be in

(02:10):
in the space with. Uh. And this space was like
very gay man sis mail forward. And so sometimes those
spaces can feel a little transactional, can feel a little prickly,
can feel a little pompous, whereas there are spaces like
this that oftentimes when they're queer, I feel like they're

(02:32):
very open, They're very welcoming. There's a lot of space
for I don't know, compassion and meeting new people. And
this was not that. But it was fine. I did.
I still end up meeting some wonderful people and having
some great connections. I actually didn't fuck at all while
I was there, but I did. I didn't. I made
out with some people, have some good dancing and whatnot.
It was great. It was great. And then the end

(02:54):
of the night it was like four am. So we
obviously say for the whole night, me and Jason are
just what we want to do next. If we want
to go to an afters, if we want to go
back to mind if we want to go to his
We're like kind of not sure, but the cops, the
NYPD are outside of the club and they are pushing,
not in a bad way, they're just like it's a

(03:14):
residential area, so they're like actually asking people to like
get the fuck away from the club and to move
down down the block. So, you know, I'm not trying
to engage with YPD in any kind of way. So
of course we're moving down the block. We get to
the end of the block to the next ap and
Jason spots this guy who he had seen inside and

(03:34):
was like, oh, he was so hot and he was
fucking so well. It's for you know, for for something.
At this point, you know, where the shy girls that
we are they don't really exist. So Jason really walks
up to this man and goes, I saw you aside
and you were fucking so well, and this guy started blushing.
It was so uh, you know, appreciative of the compliments.

(03:56):
We introduce ourselves. His name is Chris. So we're asking
Chris what he's doing, what he's about to go do?
Is he going to an afters? He's like, I'm waiting
for a friend, but I haven't heard back from them,
kind of feeling stupid waiting waiting outside for them. So
I think I'm gonna go home. So we're like, do
you want to walk with us to the train, and
Chris was like, yeah, I would love to walk. So
we're walking down towards the train. It's like ten minute

(04:18):
walk and during that time, we're you know, getting to
know each other. Uh. And it turns out that Chris
works for this global brand. And in fact, Chris was
at the office before the party and got invited to
the party and so he left a lot of his
stuff there to just come over, and so he's actually
gonna walk back to the office before hopping on the train.
Now me and Jason know this brand, have you know,

(04:38):
engaged with this brand. I'm trying not to give away
what the brand is. So we've engaged with the brand,
and so it's like it's like, you know, we're we're
we're excited. They're like, all right, that's so fucking cool. Chris.
Chris asked what we do we tell him? We get
to like, I think seventh av it's time for us
to part ways. Me and Jason are gonna go uptown

(04:59):
Chris is gonna walk downtown. But before we do that,
we decide to exchange Instagram so we all exchange other well,
obviously I have Jason's Instagram, but Jason and I give
Chris our instagrams. We all message and it is what
it is. So we we hug goodbye, and it's lovely,
thinking nothing of it other than like Chris is very sexy,
and obviously I didn't see it, but Jason saw that.

(05:22):
Hey fucks well, so we know that. So me and
Jason walked like two blocks and we're like, okay, it's
like it's like what four thirty girl, Like, are we
really about to go to this afters? Do we want
to just go home? Like what are we feeling? And
both of us kind of agree that like if we
go to this afters, it might be more of the same,
which is just like people, you know what that you

(05:43):
know what that is like when you go to a
party and there's a lot of like pomp and circumstance
around it, there's a lot of like, uh, just what's
a lot of pretense. I'm like, I don't really have time,
I don't want to I don't know if I want
to do more of that. You know, if if we
were going somewhere people are like, oh, we are fucking
I'm here for it, or people are like, we're engaging,
we're talking to each other. I'm here for that. But

(06:04):
we're not really sure if that's what we're gonna get.
And then Jason has a brilliant idea. He says, what
if we just invite Chris back to one of our places.
I said, I like that, Chris was sweet, Chris is beautiful.
You saw him fucking you said it was. Well, this
sounds like a good thing. Now you and I are shy,
but you know, it's four thirty in the morning. If

(06:27):
you can't shoot your shot at four thirty in the morning,
when can you? If you can't send a U up
text at four point thirty in the morning, when can you?
So Jason pulls out his DMS, gets in the DFS
and like hits Chris and is like, hey, would you
want to get together and meet up and like, you know,
have a little twirl. Chris writes back, absolutely, let's do it.

(06:50):
So we decide that we're gonna go towards Chris's office,
pick him up, and then we can decide whose place
we're going to. So we walked ten minutes towards Chris's office.
He's standing out outside. It's you know, where all three
of us are like, Okay, we're about to do this,
which is interesting. We're about to do a threesome. And
I don't. I'm sure I have, but like I've done
threesomes with a couple, No I have. I've done three

(07:11):
sims with a couple at like been the third or
been in a couple adding a third. But when it's
just like three individuals, sometimes it can go well. Sometimes
it doesn't. Like it just for me. It depends on
like because it's three, it's an odd number, right, like uh,
there's a there can be an imbalanced naturally, And so
I like to know who's playing what position. Now I

(07:33):
already know Jason is topping. I already know that he
saw Chris was topping, and I already know that I
am prepared to bottom. In fact, the whole night, I
had been praying for a monstrous dick. Now I'm not
a size squeen, like I'll fuck. It's really about the energy.
But sometimes especially when I'm just like going to like
a sex party, sometimes, like you know, I want a

(07:55):
monster dick. And the reason for that is it does
make me feel powerful. It makes me go, wow, I
took that. You know what I'm saying, Like, there's a
there's a there's a there's a there's a satisfaction, there
is a there is a an accomplishment that I feel
when I take a monster dig. And so I've been
like all like being like, God, I wouldn't take a
monster dig. So it is what it is. So like

(08:15):
we get there. I don't even know where I'm at
in the story, but just know that we're outside, uh,
and we're with Chris. Now it's me, Chris and Jason,
and we're kind of like, say, okay, should we go
back to my place? Should we go back to Jason's place?
And then Chris goes, well, why don't we just go upstairs?
And me and Jason are like to the office and
Chris is like yeah, and of like he's offering it,

(08:36):
but for whatever reason, Jason and I are like is
that okay? Like is that allowed? And Chris is like,
no one is there. It's a holiday. It's also a
new office, like barely and who works there? I mostly
here by myself all the time. Anyway, it's totally fine,
like let's do it. And we're like, yeah, that sounds hot.
I would love to fuck in office. So we go upstairs,

(08:57):
we walk down the hall, he puts in a coat,
opens the door, and it is the office of this brand,
like their name is like massive on the wall. I'm like,
oh my god, I'm about the fuck and I'm about
to have sex in this office of this brand that
I have known and followed for years. This is wild
and baby, it's like it's it's an office. Like there's

(09:19):
a seating area, there are conference rooms, there are cubicles
and desks and computers. There's the office pantry and kitchen,
and I'm just like, this is happening. This is happening.
This is happening. So it's what time is it, like
four forty five? Now we need water, So like Chris
gets in some water and then he's leaning up against

(09:41):
the kitchen sink and then he undiups his pants and
it's a monster dick. God was listening. God was listening,
and God provided it is a monster. It's monstrous. It's
Jason looks at it and his top ass is like
he was like, I will suck that. But I'm not
taking that. I was like, I I will be taking

(10:03):
I got us, don't you worry. I got it, I
got it, I got it. So Chris is leaning up
against that kitchen table and I get to my knees
and I get to work, honey, and Jason joins in,
and it is it is so sexy and so hot.
I'm being bent over the desk glove, I'm I'm up

(10:24):
against the pantry, I'm on on the sofa, like oh
it was this man turned me every way, which every
which way but loose. I felt so full, you know
what I mean? You know what I mean. It was like, honestly,
this it was like a torpedo. Baby. The dick was

(10:46):
like a torpedo, and I was happy for my hole
to be his battleship. Hey yeah, yeah, yea, yay, blow
me up, love, what are we talking about? Please? It
was fantastic. And then like after maybe an hour, you know,
I can literally see the sun coming up in the window,
and I was like, okay, we got to we got
to wrap this up. But like happy Thanksgiving, you know

(11:08):
what I'm saying, Like Thanksgiving for cornbread and getting bread. Hello, somebody?
I was the Turkey hey, yeay, yeah, yeah yay, stuffed
me good love. And then what was funny? So like
that Thanksgiving night, I was gonna spend Thanksgiving with one
of my besties and I found out, or both of
us found out that my bestie had been talking or

(11:31):
texting with Jason that whole night christ from Thanksgiving Eve
into Thanksgiving Day, they had been texting the whole time
because they are going on a date on Friday. I
had to I had to tell you about that. But
I'm gonna tell you about that next week. So I'll
see you next Monday, and I'll tell you about how
I ended up fucking the guy that my best friend

(11:53):
is starting to date and none of us knew. Okay,
I love you. If you have a messy story, email
tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com, or if
you want to submit it anonymously, go to something Messy
dot com. I love you so much. I will talk
to you on Thursday. And I love YouTube messy patron hoes.
All right, y'all, have a good week. I'm gonna see
you on Thursday for a new episode of Tell Me

(12:15):
Something Messy. Don't forget. You can find me on Instagram
at Brandon Call Goodman. You can find our podcast at
tell Me Something Messy. You can also join the community
on substack Brandon Call Goodman dot substack dot com. Listen
to tell Me Something Messy on the iHeartRadio podcast or
anywhere you get your podcast. Have I said it already?

(12:36):
I know I did, but I'm gonna say it again. Baby.
I love you. Bye Me,