July 14, 2025 • 18 mins
Brandon is back with more fun and friendship that didn't make it into last week's episode!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love
and sex.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Now let me tell you something messy. Well, hello, you
know who.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
This is Brandon Kagoman aka Messy Mom, and I am
here to deliver more mess From our last episode with
Patrick Ian Polk and de Vere. You know, we talked
all about friendship and de Vere helped me open the
show Hope in the episode and.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We were cutting up.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
But we cut up for so long that some of
it had to get cut. Here is what you missed.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Enjoy vire.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Shall we do a lube breaker? Let's do a loop breaker.
Now you're you're you're you're not.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
New to this? Okay, So this is a new gag.
Oh my god, a new game, a new game. It's
called liquor inc. Okay, wait, okay, wait what.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's called lick or eck?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Okay you know?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Or yes, God, give you a prompt and you'll tell
me if you would lick it or if it's an ick.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Okay you know what I'm saying. Yes, yeah, Like.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
All right, so lick or ick?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Feet?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Why I hate this feet us everything?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Tell me why?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I'm sorry not judging, you.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Know, honestly, honestly honestly, if I mean very honest, I
just have never done it. I just have never done
I've just I've never done it, and I've never been
with someone who's wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That the way that I almost put my foot on
this tableway Taylor did. Because I'm trying to be your'll
be your love.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I just well, because I think I'm not opposed to it,
because I've had it. Because I will say one time
I've had done to me and I was like, oh
this is it feels good. I don't know about doing it.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Okay, So you would have it you you would let
them lick you.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
I would let them look my feet, but I don't
know if I want to look their feet.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's unless unless unless they're very clean, very pretty, you
know say, like I.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Always say, it's the divine option.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I'm not telling you to lick somebody's like five inch toenails,
because that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
That you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Have to have a pat feet is something that it
has to be prepped absolutely, because it's not shoes.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
It's in your shoes all day.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
There's no there's no world where we've been like out
all day and then we get home and then you
we're gonna put that in the bathroom, not doing washing
soap then. But see, I think that's the thing. I
think when people think of feet, they think of like spontaneous, Like, no,
that's not thing.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
That you have to prep for, certainly the same way
that you're not spontaneously getting into my asshole.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Yeah, you're not spon licking my feet.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, yeah, okay, So maybe it's a it's a it's
a in between what's.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
What's smashing passes smashed licking.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Still you know it's still licking, it's still.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, it's a okay, so it's a it's a prep lick.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
It's it's a it's a lick.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
It's a lightly, it's a lightless we figured it out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, it's like it's a lightly okay lightly, but everyone
here knows that it's a full lick.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
For me, yes, I do. I know that the liquor
nipples lick, lick all day, all day. I really get devastated.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Wh people'snipple aren't sensitive, no, no shade, but I love
because I will. I've started to with one of my partners.
I'll spend like twenty minutes on that nipple.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Oh absolutely, is that because we missed breastfeeding.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
You know, I didn't think about possibly. I mean, we
may be going back to our are you are you?
You are true? Are true? Are true? True? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Maybe maybe maybe so, but it's but I think it's
even and it's even more. It's even more like beautiful
when the when the person does have sensitive as much well,
because if they don't have.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Something, you just you just look like.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
They're like, okay, okay, well this is this is good
for you, great, But I know I want it to
be great for you.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What's the point, what's the point?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I love a sensing nipple.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I was watching in Love Island No shade, actually do
because there's a new guy by the time this comes out,
who knows if he'll be on the island still, but
his name is Elon and he got big nipples and
my tongue fell out.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
The moment I saw my.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Goodness by baby, I said, I said, then you have
like a little slow moment.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I said, those nipples look liquball. I know those nipples
are sensitive and I want to lick liquor mint ice cream.
I answer, it's it for me mint ice cream.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I don't have a mint chocolate chip.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not opposed
to it, but I don't want it.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I don't want it. If it's a mint, give me gum. Yeah,
give me Grandma's peppermint, but in my andy.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
And and give me a Recollt.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Ice cream.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not a fan.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
But I'm also like, I would, I wouldn't not you
not lick it. I wouldn't not not.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Lick it's a light. Yeah, it's a lightly, but I would,
but it's not my go to lick.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, it's an ick for me. Yeah, don't put that
man ice cream front of me unless you want to fight.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Unless you say here we go, then I understand.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So know, if we ever have beef, I'm just gonna
be like, here's something ice cream bad.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That we should do that on the show.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
If we're on Love Island and we're in a we're
bring to let me know, let you know, put something
like love.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
We're fighting, we're.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
Fighting, it's time to fight, perfect, Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Liquor, Lacroix lick. You do love a Lacroix drink. You're
drinking more right now in the koozy, in the cozy and.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Let's call it cozy because.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I used to love a little croix and then I
don't know. The sparkles really make me burn. I don't
like sparkling water no more because it just really loves
sparkling water. Does it make you burp? Not really, it
makes me burk sometimes. My bird's a little like under
the lit No, my you're the prevalent I've heard. I
did not like your tone, sir, say that, ye say
(06:25):
it different, say a different nigga.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I'm sorry, sorry, Wow, maybe we'll just open the candle,
let it sit for a bit. Okay, okay, you some
of the bubbles.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, I don't want to go flat.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Yeah that's the point. Don't just a little, but just
like not flat flat, but just like.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
A little like a light flat, like a light flat. Okay,
well it's still an itck for me, so wow. Yeah. Anyways, Okay,
I don't like your tone.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Sorry, I was looking at you. Remember that's my friend.
We're playing a.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Game, right, lick or fingers with cheeto dust? Oh yeah,
your face immediately, I'm sorry. But what if it's your
own fingers?
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Oh it's my own fingers.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Absolutely, you're right, you're right. What if I was like, no, lick,
I love that.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
No, no, you're right, no, no, no, my old fingers
absolutely so I love it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You know, are you a puffy or a crunchy?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I love both.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Do you have a preference?
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I'm always a crunchy. I like you puffy, but I
love a crunchy.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
You know what, you know, the puffy flameing hot puffies.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, y'all with the flame, that's just my guts. You know,
that's my guts.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You don't like spice?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Spice my guts And I'm from I'm like Caribbean to say,
how my grimmer, do you support like hot pepper sauce
on everything?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
And I did not. I don't like that. I don't
like the I love spice. That's like.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Although I will say this, I would rather eat something spicy.
I would rather to eat something spicy and have explosive
diarrhea than live in a villa in the same room
with all them people. I would rather explosive diarrhea for
a week off some flaming hot wow than to live
with ten other motherfuckers.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
I told you they'd have to fly me right back.
Fly would It would be bad, It would be really bad.
Because I will walk in and I'll be excited.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I was happy, happy, and.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I'd be like, y'all take me to the kitchen first, Great,
we're drinking.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
I'm not doing that. Sorry. Where where's my where's my room?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I see our room, but where's my my room?
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Lick or ick Aaron Pierre lick. Yeah, that's a lick.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
That's a lick.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's a lick. That's a swallow.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
That's all the things. He's just like a What.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Is it about then, because he's just he looks like.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
A lion, looks like a mother lion.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
He played with he did, he did, looks like a mother,
looked like a branding is actually brilliant.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
He looks like a line.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
He could be on the island. I'm telling you right
now that nigga showed up on Love Island.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm fighting everybody, single bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, ain't gonna be no ain't gonna be no one
on one, ain't no chat, ain't no taking nobody right here,
you saying, when I tell you Love Island returned the
bad girls real quick, y'all think this is a fighting shot.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
This is a This is a fighting shot.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Absolutely, baby, you know where are you going.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Where are you going? Where you're going? No, where you're
going right now? Know what he said, but you need
to come right here.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Absolutely ultimated, my ass ultimated, baby, baby, whatever you need, whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
You whatever you need? Hey, you want natural sure of us?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
We can share, Eric, we can share like that would share.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Okay, okay, you won the game.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
With my unconditional love, as you know all that's all
you need. By the way, y'all, if y'all have prompts
or games, because look at it, because the game it
was a fun It was a fun game.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
You can email tell me something messy at gmail dot com.
Speaking of which, uh, here's a messy submission. So we
found an am I the asshole. You know what there
is people like are they it's a reddit?
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I think so they tell you a story and they
ask them the asshole. So here's here's one that got
sent in that I.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Would love your thoughts on. All right, so this says
because I did there already, I'm confused.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
This said, So I, twenty seven year old female, recently
got married my husband, twenty nine year old male, and
I planned a pretty big wedding about three hundred guests.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That's a lot of how are you gonna say hi
to everybody? GoF if that's you know? If you love
the baby, if you like the baby.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
It was beautiful, honestly a dream. There's just one thing.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Our families are super conservative and very religious, so we
told everyone it would be a dry wedding aka no alcohol.
That decision kept the peace with our parents and extended family.
As we all know, weddings are expensive, and we were
footing most of the bills ourselves. That's why I wouldn't
have no three hundred people. I saw an opportunity and
I took it. I hired a licensed bartender friend of
(11:31):
mine to set up a vip bar that's in quotes
hidden at the venue. It was a large event hall
with a garden in private side rooms. I gave a
heads up to about seventy five of our younger friends
and more chill cousins and basically had them pay for drinks.
Think weddings speak easy, that's cute. The drinks were priced reasonably,
like five dollars a beer, eight dollars for cocktails. I
love these details, and people were happy to pay because
(11:52):
one open bar weddings are rare in.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Our circle fair. And two, I mean, listen, if I'm
having a wedding, there's gonna be an open bar.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Well, I will make sure that there is a budget
for the bar package.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Absolutely, there is no way I would have less guests
hitting me, but whatever, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And two they thought it was kind of fun. Absolutely
a private little bar. Long story short. Between the money
from drinks and tips, we made about two thousand dollars,
which helped cover part of the catering.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Your bill, Ah, lovely, look at that. I love it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I love business. I love an entrepreneur. I love an entrepreneur.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Ride. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
The issue is word got out.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
A few of my aunts overheard someone talking about the
secret bar, and now my mom is living. She says,
I lied to everyone.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Disrespected the family, and you know we don't like disrespect,
and made a quote unquote mockery of our values.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
My mother in law called me manipulative and selfish, but honestly,
most of our guests didn't even know it happened, and
the ones who did loved it.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
We didn't force anyone to drink. We just gave the
open We just see the option discreetly. My husband is
kind of in the middle. He gets why I did it,
but wishes I had told him beforehand. I didn't because
I knew he'd get stressed and say no out of guilt.
So am I the asshole for secretly selling alcohol at
my dry wedding to offset the cost?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Absolutely? The funk not. You are actually the saint.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Absolutely, I agree you are the saint, my love, because I.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Don't want to be like unless I'm sober and that's
my Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, I was about to say unless unless unless you know,
the sober thing is a big thing, and like, yes,
the reason is dry.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I personally religion.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I felt like, that's the only reason the wedding should
be dry is if either the bride of the groom
is sober.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Yeah, that is the only reason you should have a
dry web.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
But the religious part of it, I'm like, God had wine?
Speaker 6 (13:40):
Did you not want Jesus term? So why are we
why do we have? And then also we're offsetting the cast. Mama,
you're gonna pay for That's what I'm saying. You're gonna
pay for who wanna pay for?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Let me make this?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Let me but want to eat, right, everybody'll want to play,
but they don't want to here's the one part that
I will say she should have told her husband.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I do not.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I do think she should have told and I think
that and I think that she should have told her
that this is not this is not an I'm telling
you because this is happening, not I'm asking you.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You're asked to be an ultimator.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Ultimator because it's happening, because you.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Couldn't be we couldn't marry each other because the tone, the.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Tone is, And I would acknowledge that, I'd be like, hey,
I you know, I wasn't going to tell you, but
since you are my as soon to because I'm gonna
let you know this is what's happening.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Is happening and not permission's happening.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
I guess how would you take that?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Let me tell you, let me tell you if if you,
as my partner to be, told me this is happening
at our wedding, you word hour and I didn't have
to say I'm gonna tell you right now. Ultimately, were
on that show, We on that show, We're both on
that show. Okay, we are both going to that show.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
But I would I would I would say it. I
would say a little differently I would say, I would say,
hate to fear her, my soon to be.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
These bills are oh my god, I got three hundred yes,
and we need to offset this. Now, you and I drink,
I know mom and mom don't drink. But we have
these side rooms. Let's do a little side hustle, a little,
a little Bonnie and Cline, you and me.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know what I'm saying, make it up, make it
feel adventurous, adventurous. We just have a little side hustle.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
They don't have to know, and if they find out,
we'll say we didn't know anything about it. I would
scheme and plot with my man because you liked that,
didn't you like that? See that won't get you sucked up.
Exactly exactly you were saying.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I was like, yeah, a little at a little, a
little premarital scheme, even though you see I think I
think my mind is like it was gonna happen, whether
schemes or not. So I know that here's the deal.
You might know something's gonna happen, but you still got
to put it. You know that's beautiful, That that's marriage.
(16:17):
Yes that is baby, and you would know, yes, that
is marriage.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
This marriage.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You present things is an option, even if you know
there is no option.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
What's happening.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Listen, especially if you marry somebody black. It is what
it is.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
So so I'm just letting you know, be grateful, grateful.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
That is true therapy love. Okay, that not even letting
you think you have to that's that is thank me.
You should to me right now.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Honestly, anyways, I don't wish's the asshole, but I do
think her.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I think her, honestly, I think the mothers complete ashole.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
Because it's not not your wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
It's not your wedding. Can I say that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Can we say that, like, it's not your wedding, Yeah,
it's not the bride in the groom or the bride.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
The bride is what they want, and it's like you
you can have a say and we can listen.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Especially if you're paying listen, if you're footing the bill,
you have a set.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
But even if I'm putting the bill, like if I
had a child and I'm paying the bill, it's not mine.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It's not your wedding, it's not mine. It's what is
what my child, Yeah, I had mine, it's what my
child wants.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I want to help you have what you want.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, so no, I don't think you're an asshole, but
I do think I think I think you're the asshole
to your husband. Yeah, because you could have told you
could you could have just you're going to just loot
them in on an email.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
That's not the way we want to start the marriage.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, you don't want to start and you you you
you open up speakeasies behind what else is you doing? What?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Absolutely that's what I gonna go, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Anyways, thank you for listening to more Mess. There are
new episodes coming out this week on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And of course remember you can find me on Instagram.
I'm at what is my Instagram?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I forgot it's my name Brandon Congovan.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Or you can find me on Substack brandoncogoment dot subsac
dot com. Also, if you are a paid member of
our you know our subsack community. I am performing live
in Los Angeles on the twenty fifth.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Of July.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
At spot Palace at like a bathhouse with a couple
other substack writers. And so you can go on Brandon
Coogoman dot substack dot com find the post which will
say invite I'm performing at a bath house.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Uh, and you can get tickets. I hope to see
you there. I love you so much, talk to you
so
You know what.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This is a safe space to talk about relationships, love
and sex.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Now let me tell you something messy. Well, hello, you
know who.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
This is Brandon Kagoman aka Messy Mom, and I am
here to deliver more mess From our last episode with
Patrick Ian Polk and de Vere. You know, we talked
all about friendship and de Vere helped me open the
show Hope in the episode and.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We were cutting up.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
But we cut up for so long that some of
it had to get cut. Here is what you missed.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Enjoy vire.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Shall we do a lube breaker? Let's do a loop breaker.
Now you're you're you're you're not.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
New to this? Okay, So this is a new gag.
Oh my god, a new game, a new game. It's
called liquor inc. Okay, wait, okay, wait what.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's called lick or eck?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Okay you know?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Or yes, God, give you a prompt and you'll tell
me if you would lick it or if it's an ick.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Okay you know what I'm saying. Yes, yeah, Like.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
All right, so lick or ick?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Feet?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Why I hate this feet us everything?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Tell me why?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I'm sorry not judging, you.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Know, honestly, honestly honestly, if I mean very honest, I
just have never done it. I just have never done
I've just I've never done it, and I've never been
with someone who's wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That the way that I almost put my foot on
this tableway Taylor did. Because I'm trying to be your'll
be your love.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I just well, because I think I'm not opposed to it,
because I've had it. Because I will say one time
I've had done to me and I was like, oh
this is it feels good. I don't know about doing it.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Okay, So you would have it you you would let
them lick you.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
I would let them look my feet, but I don't
know if I want to look their feet.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's unless unless unless they're very clean, very pretty, you
know say, like I.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Always say, it's the divine option.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I'm not telling you to lick somebody's like five inch toenails,
because that's crazy.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
That you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Have to have a pat feet is something that it
has to be prepped absolutely, because it's not shoes.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
It's in your shoes all day.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
There's no there's no world where we've been like out
all day and then we get home and then you
we're gonna put that in the bathroom, not doing washing
soap then. But see, I think that's the thing. I
think when people think of feet, they think of like spontaneous, Like, no,
that's not thing.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
That you have to prep for, certainly the same way
that you're not spontaneously getting into my asshole.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Yeah, you're not spon licking my feet.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, yeah, okay, So maybe it's a it's a it's
a in between what's.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
What's smashing passes smashed licking.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Still you know it's still licking, it's still.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, it's a okay, so it's a it's a prep lick.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
It's it's a it's a lick.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
It's a lightly, it's a lightless we figured it out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, it's like it's a lightly okay lightly, but everyone
here knows that it's a full lick.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
For me, yes, I do. I know that the liquor
nipples lick, lick all day, all day. I really get devastated.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Wh people'snipple aren't sensitive, no, no shade, but I love
because I will. I've started to with one of my partners.
I'll spend like twenty minutes on that nipple.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Oh absolutely, is that because we missed breastfeeding.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
You know, I didn't think about possibly. I mean, we
may be going back to our are you are you?
You are true? Are true? Are true? True? Maybe?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Maybe maybe maybe so, but it's but I think it's
even and it's even more. It's even more like beautiful
when the when the person does have sensitive as much well,
because if they don't have.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Something, you just you just look like.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
They're like, okay, okay, well this is this is good
for you, great, But I know I want it to
be great for you.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What's the point, what's the point?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I love a sensing nipple.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I was watching in Love Island No shade, actually do
because there's a new guy by the time this comes out,
who knows if he'll be on the island still, but
his name is Elon and he got big nipples and
my tongue fell out.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
The moment I saw my.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Goodness by baby, I said, I said, then you have
like a little slow moment.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I said, those nipples look liquball. I know those nipples
are sensitive and I want to lick liquor mint ice cream.
I answer, it's it for me mint ice cream.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I don't have a mint chocolate chip.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
No I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not opposed
to it, but I don't want it.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I don't want it. If it's a mint, give me gum. Yeah,
give me Grandma's peppermint, but in my andy.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
And and give me a Recollt.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Ice cream.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not a fan.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
But I'm also like, I would, I wouldn't not you
not lick it. I wouldn't not not.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Lick it's a light. Yeah, it's a lightly, but I would,
but it's not my go to lick.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, it's an ick for me. Yeah, don't put that
man ice cream front of me unless you want to fight.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Unless you say here we go, then I understand.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So know, if we ever have beef, I'm just gonna
be like, here's something ice cream bad.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That we should do that on the show.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
If we're on Love Island and we're in a we're
bring to let me know, let you know, put something
like love.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
We're fighting, we're.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
Fighting, it's time to fight, perfect, Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Liquor, Lacroix lick. You do love a Lacroix drink. You're
drinking more right now in the koozy, in the cozy and.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
Let's call it cozy because.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I used to love a little croix and then I
don't know. The sparkles really make me burn. I don't
like sparkling water no more because it just really loves
sparkling water. Does it make you burp? Not really, it
makes me burk sometimes. My bird's a little like under
the lit No, my you're the prevalent I've heard. I
did not like your tone, sir, say that, ye say
(06:25):
it different, say a different nigga.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I'm sorry, sorry, Wow, maybe we'll just open the candle,
let it sit for a bit. Okay, okay, you some
of the bubbles.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, I don't want to go flat.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Yeah that's the point. Don't just a little, but just
like not flat flat, but just like.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
A little like a light flat, like a light flat. Okay,
well it's still an itck for me, so wow. Yeah. Anyways, Okay,
I don't like your tone.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Sorry, I was looking at you. Remember that's my friend.
We're playing a.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Game, right, lick or fingers with cheeto dust? Oh yeah,
your face immediately, I'm sorry. But what if it's your
own fingers?
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Oh it's my own fingers.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Absolutely, you're right, you're right. What if I was like, no, lick,
I love that.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
No, no, you're right, no, no, no, my old fingers
absolutely so I love it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You know, are you a puffy or a crunchy?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I love both.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Do you have a preference?
Speaker 4 (07:33):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I'm always a crunchy. I like you puffy, but I
love a crunchy.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
You know what, you know, the puffy flameing hot puffies.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, y'all with the flame, that's just my guts. You know,
that's my guts.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You don't like spice?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Spice my guts And I'm from I'm like Caribbean to say,
how my grimmer, do you support like hot pepper sauce
on everything?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
And I did not. I don't like that. I don't
like the I love spice. That's like.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Although I will say this, I would rather eat something spicy.
I would rather to eat something spicy and have explosive
diarrhea than live in a villa in the same room
with all them people. I would rather explosive diarrhea for
a week off some flaming hot wow than to live
with ten other motherfuckers.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
I told you they'd have to fly me right back.
Fly would It would be bad, It would be really bad.
Because I will walk in and I'll be excited.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I was happy, happy, and.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I'd be like, y'all take me to the kitchen first, Great,
we're drinking.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
I'm not doing that. Sorry. Where where's my where's my room?
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I see our room, but where's my my room?
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Lick or ick Aaron Pierre lick. Yeah, that's a lick.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
That's a lick.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's a lick. That's a swallow.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
That's all the things. He's just like a What.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Is it about then, because he's just he looks like.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
A lion, looks like a mother lion.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
He played with he did, he did, looks like a mother,
looked like a branding is actually brilliant.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
He looks like a line.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
He could be on the island. I'm telling you right
now that nigga showed up on Love Island.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm fighting everybody, single bitch.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, ain't gonna be no ain't gonna be no one
on one, ain't no chat, ain't no taking nobody right here,
you saying, when I tell you Love Island returned the
bad girls real quick, y'all think this is a fighting shot.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
This is a This is a fighting shot.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Absolutely, baby, you know where are you going.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Where are you going? Where you're going? No, where you're
going right now? Know what he said, but you need
to come right here.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Absolutely ultimated, my ass ultimated, baby, baby, whatever you need, whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
You whatever you need? Hey, you want natural sure of us?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
We can share, Eric, we can share like that would share.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Okay, okay, you won the game.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
With my unconditional love, as you know all that's all
you need. By the way, y'all, if y'all have prompts
or games, because look at it, because the game it
was a fun It was a fun game.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
You can email tell me something messy at gmail dot com.
Speaking of which, uh, here's a messy submission. So we
found an am I the asshole. You know what there
is people like are they it's a reddit?
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
I think so they tell you a story and they
ask them the asshole. So here's here's one that got
sent in that I.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Would love your thoughts on. All right, so this says
because I did there already, I'm confused.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
This said, So I, twenty seven year old female, recently
got married my husband, twenty nine year old male, and
I planned a pretty big wedding about three hundred guests.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That's a lot of how are you gonna say hi
to everybody? GoF if that's you know? If you love
the baby, if you like the baby.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
It was beautiful, honestly a dream. There's just one thing.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Our families are super conservative and very religious, so we
told everyone it would be a dry wedding aka no alcohol.
That decision kept the peace with our parents and extended family.
As we all know, weddings are expensive, and we were
footing most of the bills ourselves. That's why I wouldn't
have no three hundred people. I saw an opportunity and
I took it. I hired a licensed bartender friend of
(11:31):
mine to set up a vip bar that's in quotes
hidden at the venue. It was a large event hall
with a garden in private side rooms. I gave a
heads up to about seventy five of our younger friends
and more chill cousins and basically had them pay for drinks.
Think weddings speak easy, that's cute. The drinks were priced reasonably,
like five dollars a beer, eight dollars for cocktails. I
love these details, and people were happy to pay because
(11:52):
one open bar weddings are rare in.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Our circle fair. And two, I mean, listen, if I'm
having a wedding, there's gonna be an open bar.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Well, I will make sure that there is a budget
for the bar package.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Absolutely, there is no way I would have less guests
hitting me, but whatever, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And two they thought it was kind of fun. Absolutely
a private little bar. Long story short. Between the money
from drinks and tips, we made about two thousand dollars,
which helped cover part of the catering.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Your bill, Ah, lovely, look at that. I love it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I love business. I love an entrepreneur. I love an entrepreneur.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Ride. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
The issue is word got out.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
A few of my aunts overheard someone talking about the
secret bar, and now my mom is living. She says,
I lied to everyone.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Disrespected the family, and you know we don't like disrespect,
and made a quote unquote mockery of our values.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
My mother in law called me manipulative and selfish, but honestly,
most of our guests didn't even know it happened, and
the ones who did loved it.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
We didn't force anyone to drink. We just gave the
open We just see the option discreetly. My husband is
kind of in the middle. He gets why I did it,
but wishes I had told him beforehand. I didn't because
I knew he'd get stressed and say no out of guilt.
So am I the asshole for secretly selling alcohol at
my dry wedding to offset the cost?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Absolutely? The funk not. You are actually the saint.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Absolutely, I agree you are the saint, my love, because I.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Don't want to be like unless I'm sober and that's
my Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, I was about to say unless unless unless you know,
the sober thing is a big thing, and like, yes,
the reason is dry.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I personally religion.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I felt like, that's the only reason the wedding should
be dry is if either the bride of the groom
is sober.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Yeah, that is the only reason you should have a
dry web.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
But the religious part of it, I'm like, God had wine?
Speaker 6 (13:40):
Did you not want Jesus term? So why are we
why do we have? And then also we're offsetting the cast. Mama,
you're gonna pay for That's what I'm saying. You're gonna
pay for who wanna pay for?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Let me make this?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Let me but want to eat, right, everybody'll want to play,
but they don't want to here's the one part that
I will say she should have told her husband.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I do not.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I do think she should have told and I think
that and I think that she should have told her
that this is not this is not an I'm telling
you because this is happening, not I'm asking you.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You're asked to be an ultimator.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Ultimator because it's happening, because you.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Couldn't be we couldn't marry each other because the tone, the.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Tone is, And I would acknowledge that, I'd be like, hey,
I you know, I wasn't going to tell you, but
since you are my as soon to because I'm gonna
let you know this is what's happening.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Is happening and not permission's happening.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
I guess how would you take that?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Let me tell you, let me tell you if if you,
as my partner to be, told me this is happening
at our wedding, you word hour and I didn't have
to say I'm gonna tell you right now. Ultimately, were
on that show, We on that show, We're both on
that show. Okay, we are both going to that show.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
But I would I would I would say it. I
would say a little differently I would say, I would say,
hate to fear her, my soon to be.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
These bills are oh my god, I got three hundred yes,
and we need to offset this. Now, you and I drink,
I know mom and mom don't drink. But we have
these side rooms. Let's do a little side hustle, a little,
a little Bonnie and Cline, you and me.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know what I'm saying, make it up, make it
feel adventurous, adventurous. We just have a little side hustle.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
They don't have to know, and if they find out,
we'll say we didn't know anything about it. I would
scheme and plot with my man because you liked that,
didn't you like that? See that won't get you sucked up.
Exactly exactly you were saying.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I was like, yeah, a little at a little, a
little premarital scheme, even though you see I think I
think my mind is like it was gonna happen, whether
schemes or not. So I know that here's the deal.
You might know something's gonna happen, but you still got
to put it. You know that's beautiful, That that's marriage.
(16:17):
Yes that is baby, and you would know, yes, that
is marriage.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
This marriage.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You present things is an option, even if you know
there is no option.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
What's happening.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Listen, especially if you marry somebody black. It is what
it is.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
So so I'm just letting you know, be grateful, grateful.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
That is true therapy love. Okay, that not even letting
you think you have to that's that is thank me.
You should to me right now.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Honestly, anyways, I don't wish's the asshole, but I do
think her.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I think her, honestly, I think the mothers complete ashole.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
Because it's not not your wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
It's not your wedding. Can I say that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Can we say that, like, it's not your wedding, Yeah,
it's not the bride in the groom or the bride.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
The bride is what they want, and it's like you
you can have a say and we can listen.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Especially if you're paying listen, if you're footing the bill,
you have a set.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
But even if I'm putting the bill, like if I
had a child and I'm paying the bill, it's not mine.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It's not your wedding, it's not mine. It's what is
what my child, Yeah, I had mine, it's what my
child wants.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I want to help you have what you want.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, so no, I don't think you're an asshole, but
I do think I think I think you're the asshole
to your husband. Yeah, because you could have told you
could you could have just you're going to just loot
them in on an email.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
That's not the way we want to start the marriage.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, you don't want to start and you you you
you open up speakeasies behind what else is you doing? What?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Absolutely that's what I gonna go, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Anyways, thank you for listening to more Mess. There are
new episodes coming out this week on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And of course remember you can find me on Instagram.
I'm at what is my Instagram?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I forgot it's my name Brandon Congovan.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Or you can find me on Substack brandoncogoment dot subsac
dot com. Also, if you are a paid member of
our you know our subsack community. I am performing live
in Los Angeles on the twenty fifth.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Of July.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
At spot Palace at like a bathhouse with a couple
other substack writers. And so you can go on Brandon
Coogoman dot substack dot com find the post which will
say invite I'm performing at a bath house.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Uh, and you can get tickets. I hope to see
you there. I love you so much, talk to you
so
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