Silence Shouldn't Be Currency w/ ​Corey O’Brien

Comedian, LGBTQ+ advocate and social media creator, Corey O’Brien, joins Brandon for some truly messy discussion on everything from sucking d*ck to being called a slur during sex. They dive into Messy Mail about leaving a relationship and trusting your gut, then discuss Corey's upcoming LGBTQ+ comedy tour in Republican states. 

Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/ Submit your own messy story or question at [e-mail] or call ‪[phone]

Corey O’Brien's Red Tour: https://www.coreyobrienonline.com/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Where some people maybe think that kissing is too intimate. Yeah,
I think sucking dick is too intimate for just to
hook up, and so they like reserve that for something
else whereas I'll kiss, I need like I don't care,
like it's fun to me. Okay, it's everyone.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I mean. Yeah, Like I said, before I got sober,
I was in the bars, like please kiss me.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I just needed to feel something. You know what, this
is a safe space to talk about relationships, love and sex.
Now let me tell you something messy. Okay, So I'm
very excited to tell you this messy thing that I've
honestly been waiting to say for probably since I was

(00:39):
thirteen years old, and now it is it's been more
than appropriate to say it. But because it's like coming
back into the zeitgeist with a new show and all
the things, I feel like I get to say it
on this platform. I have always hated Harry Potter. I've
always I've always hated it. I've always known that there
was some something wrong with it. Now listen, don't turn

(01:04):
this off. If you are Harry Potter, stand because I
know that y'all exist, But you know the woman who
created it, who shall not be named is transphobic, and
we've talked about this on a few episodes ago with
Doctor Raquel. You know, you can't separate the art from
the artist because the money that you know, you paid
that artist, they're using for the their abuse. And that

(01:24):
is one hundred percent true of Jake. We're not gonna
say her name. She should not be named, which is
that she has used the money from Harry Potter to
really harm trans folks, especially in the UK. And so
I'll fox with her. But let me tell you this.
When I was thirteen, mother walked into the house. She
was so excited because everybody was obsessed with this motherfucking

(01:44):
Harry Potter. And so she comes into the house and
she said, look, I got you to Harry Potter book.
And I said, oh, a book, you know, you know,
a book like you know, I love food. I love
a book, but I prefer food. But I said, okay, cool.
You know, it was really cool when she came in
one day and said we had Disney Channel, like that
was everything. But this time she came but she said,
I got an air Podey book. I said, work. So

(02:06):
I sat in. I had a bunk bed by the way,
I ain't had no siblings, but I loved having a
bunk bed because it was like, well, my cousin stayed over.
So I was on the top bunk of the bed
and I opened the book and you know, I read
that first chapter and it wasn't right in my spirit.
Mm mmm something. My spirit just felt, I don't know
what this is. I don't like it. So I put

(02:27):
it down. I did eventually watch the movie. My mom
would get the screeners, and at this time, I think
the screeners were still on VHS, and so I watched
the first movie and I said, h okay, you're cute,
like you're flying around. But it didn't sit right in
my spirit. It just didn't like the star the brooms.
I don't know, it just like it. Never it just

(02:47):
like it. It rattled me and I didn't know why.
And I couldn't say that openly because everybody's Harry Potter
and everybody loved air free. Fucking body loves this white
boy on a broom. He's not a is he on
a broom or mope on something, a vacuum cleaner, whatever
he's on. See, I prefer Sabrina. Okay, Now that was

(03:08):
a d that was a dope witch, Sabrina the teenage witch.
I loved that bitch. Also, Clarissa explained it all, which
is the same girl. And Clarissa did not explain enough.
If I'm being honest, Clarissa didn't tell us enough. I
don't know about y'all, but I'm so mad life is
beating my ass. And Clarissa didn't say nothing about none
of this. Harry Potter. I just I don't. I ain't trusted.

(03:31):
I ain't trusted. I ain't trust the gold widget ball that.
I ain't trust the games I and I ain't trust.
I ain't trust Maggie. And I love Maggie, Maggie's sister
act too. Maggie First Wives Club makes she rest in peace.
Maggie ya yall divine secrets of the ya ya still
said Maggie. I love Maggie, I ain't trust her. In

(03:52):
this Potter world, m something was off. I just I
didn't and I but again I couldn't explain it. Because
now they got they got the the they got the
video games, they got the rides, they got the damn
the damn the drinks, they got the McDonald's meal. Harry Potter,
everybody love Hair Potter. You can't just go out and
tell people you don't like Harry Potter. They fight you.

(04:13):
You know what I'm saying, people, people will fight you
over here. Honestly, before the Beyonce hysteria was Harry Potter.
Tell me I'm wrong. The way that y'all be acting
about Beyonce now is the way y'all were acting by
Harry Potter. Then, you know what I'm saying. So you
can't fight nobody. Harry Potter was Beyonce to some of
you motherfuckers, but not to me.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
No.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
By the way, I ain't got no no disrespect to
to Daniel Radcliffe and Emma and all like you know,
they wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, love them all. They're great talented actors.
You know, it's not their fault that JK. The woman
who should not be named is who she is. You
know what I'm saying. It's not their fault, But it
just never sat right in my spirit. I would always
have to pray, I always have to say age when
I saw something Harry Potter. You know, I always said

(04:56):
the birdial paddle Santa, because it just didn't sit right.
And then and she who should not be named started
with her transphobia, and it just grew. I said, I knew,
I knew that wasn't a Beyonce. My god, I knew.
I always knew. Okay, And I just want to say that,

(05:18):
fuck Harry Potter. Yeah, I said, in a little nervous,
a little scared. I'm a little scared. I'm a little
scared to say it. But but fuck Harry Potter. Okay. Now, listen,
if you already have the books, keep reading the books,
you know, if you already have the merchant to do
what you got to do. But don't you Hey, hey, friends,

(05:43):
don't you buy not a damn new thing from Harry Potter.
Not a damn new thing do you buy? Don't you
get a woman no more money for her to be transphobic? Okay,
don't you do it? Okay, even Daniel Daniel just donated
like five million dollars transphot Because it's getting out of hand,
it's getting out a hand. And so I just want
to say that I've always known that there was something

(06:05):
wrong with Harry Potter, and so I feel very very
excited to tell you, to tell you that and to
speak my truth because I have been sitting on this
since I was thirteen. I have been holding this in
since I was thirteen, so you can only imagine, ooh,

(06:26):
the exhale I'm feeling. Shoop shoop, shoop shoop. The real
ones know what that is too. Okay, I have been
waiting to exhale, and I have finally exhaled. Whoo, Praise God,
Praise God, Praise God. Now y'all gonna find you a
different witch to follow. Okay, Now, I already gave you
Sabrina as an option. That's a fun witch. What are

(06:47):
some other fun witches? Tithi Arrivo as alphabet, that's a
fun witch. Yall can find that this fall or this winter.
And Wizard you know, Wicked I love? Okay, so that's
a great witch. What are some other better witches than
Harry Potter? Her? You know, the witches from Sleeping Beauty. Okay,
she's scary, but she's a better witch, better witch. I

(07:07):
mean she's not, she's not. I'm sure actually Sleeping Beauty.
I'm sure something's fucked up with that, although it's a
long time ago. Sure, even light black folks. Okay, so
what are some other witches? Now? Hold on, I'm gonna
find that I'm finding some other witches that you could
that you could, uh, that you could get involved with.
Uh Somemantha from Bewitched. Now that's old school, that's Nick

(07:31):
and Knight. But that was a good witch. And if
you you know, and the Genie I dream of Genie
is a witch adjacent. I'm just telling you there are
better options if you need a male witch. Let's see
if there's a male witch. Hold on, I'm a Google
because Google is our. I don't know if Google is
our for male witches warlocks. I've been informed that male

(07:55):
witches are called warlocks. So let me find the warlocks.
My god, the binary of it all? How dare y'all see?
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. And what's
her name? New that too? But she who should not
be named? She love a binary's transphobic. It's transphobic of
it all. Okay, so the warlocks is it isn't? What's

(08:16):
his name from? You know what I'm talking about? From
the Marvel the Time Clock? Doctor Strange? Is doctor Strange
a witch or a warlock? I think he is? I
think he is. Oh, talk about Charmed? Hello, those three
witches and Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock and in what
the fuck is the name of that movie? Ooh, it's

(08:39):
not called Sacred No, that's the name of the hairline
that be on hairline. Uh No, that's called sat Creed.
At least get out of my face. Wait hold on,
Nicole Kidman uh and Sandra Bullock Practical Magic and if
you're really desperate, the matrix. So I've given you so

(09:00):
many other witches because I don't like to give you
a problem without a resolution. So I've given you so
many other witches that are better than Harry Potter, okay,
and that are are not transphobic. And like I said,
you know, if if those don't work, John Wick, you
know what I'm saying. Look, there are other you know,
Keanu has done a couple of movies. You know, Speed

(09:21):
is very it's not witchy. But like, uh, now I've
lost the reins on this. But you understand I'm saying
there are other options. There are other There are other Oh,
and Tian Tamara were in that the twin Witch movie
because we need some black witches. Okay. Twitch twitch which
is now not to be confused with the streaming app Twitch,

(09:41):
But there are twitches, whatever it is. You know what
I'm saying. Well, I've really I feel good about what
I've I've offered here because I because I did take
away Harry Potter from you, and so I want to
give you something back, and so I have. Don't you
watch no more Harry Potter? Now all right, be safe,
by the way, welcome to tell me something messy. I'm
your host, Brady called Goodmann. Most people call me messy mom,
but you could call me when Guardian Levy ho sah. Okay, yes,

(10:10):
I I don't know the books. My producer helped me
come up with that one. Okay. Shout out to Vincent.
Shout out to Vincent, because you know, like I said,
fuck Harry Potter, I don't know nothing, Brry Potter. And
also I want to say thank you to one of
my meskies, de Vere, for being in the background y'all.
I know y'all heard him, Kiki and helping me out
with some uh with some witch pitches. Okay, but now

(10:30):
you gotta go, Devere, get out of here, okay, because
we got to start the show. Let's start it, okay, baby,
you know what that means. It's time for a guess now,
while they get situated, we will get our messy. Key
Key started with a HO manifesto. Repeat after me aloud
or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack
my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know

(10:52):
that sex is not about penetration, the audacity to advocate
for my pleasure and boundaries. The strength to not call
my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay,
for it is better to masturbate by myself in peace
than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let
the whole unity say ho, helujah. I am so excited

(11:14):
to have Corey O'Brien on the show. Corey is a comedian,
an LGBTQ plus advocate, and social media creator, best known
for his sharp wit and outlandish humor from his hilarious
recreation videos with Dualipa and The Spice Girls. Corey's comedy tour,
The Red Tour, fearlessly brings sharp, unapologetic comedy to Red States,

(11:36):
challenging divides while creating a space where everyone left, right
and in between can laugh together. Y'all please help me
welcome Cory, Hey, Corey, Hi, Coria, good, how are you?
I'm so good. I'm happy to have you here.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
Before we get into our messy ki ki, I have
some messy mandates. Okay, So things get to be in processed.
Any thoughts or opinion share have the right to shift
change today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. And if
during our kiki, something feels too personal or unintentionally offends,
we use to say for it foosball, which gives us
a moment to pivot and address accordingly. Sound good? Okay, yeah,

(12:13):
all right, let's start with the loupe breakard. We're gonna
play a give, smash or pass.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Sound good.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
I'm gonna tell you something. You tell me if you
smash it or you pass it. Okay, smash your pass.
Giving head, oh, smashash. It's my favorite things. It's my
favorite thing in the world. That's a love. Eating ass.
I can't decide which is my favorite.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
But that that I think I've done once or twice
in my life.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Eating asked, Yeah, have you had your ass eating?

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yes? Okay, yes, and I have to s yeah. Giving
head is is, oh, what's your busy?

Speaker 1 (12:41):
What's your what's your best giving head tip tip?

Speaker 2 (12:45):
You know what? Actually, I just I go in there plan.
I want to perform for them. I want to perform.
I am there. I love doing it. I enjoy it.
But I get so much pleasure out of them getting pleasured.
So so my biggest tip is to I actually got
my tonsils removed, So I say, your tip, I altered

(13:09):
my body to make people have.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Crazy. The tip is to remove your tonsils. Yeah, okay,
that is the way to do it. Yeah yeah, perfect,
change yourself. This is off to a great story. Smasher's
past spanking.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Oh, smash, smash, what about you?

Speaker 1 (13:32):
I love to get spank you just be good at it.
You know what I'm saying. We're not good at it
and they miss well.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
I I have been more so slapped before.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
I was like, oh, that wasn't a spank, that was
just that was yeah, Like I know the difference. I
think when with like spanking, there's a little bit of
like a reverb, and with a like a slap, it's
just like boom and it stays right there. And I'm like, oh, yeah, no,
I mean.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Do you think this? So wait, hold on, would a
spank be like it and you're hand comes off it
and a slap your hand stays on.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
It, I'm going to give a shout out to my man.
I will say, so what he does.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Shout out to my man.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
He's so pr trained, and then he's like, please don't go.
He like kind of goes from like the bottom up.
So it's more so like his hand moves along yes, yes,
instead of.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
Just ah, it's not just like an overhand yeah, because I'm.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Just like, damn what I do?

Speaker 4 (14:27):
Like, yeah, yeah, okay, look at that.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
The more you know, the more you know, the more
you have Okay, smash for pass bossy dom tops or bottoms.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Uh a smack, I mean whatever you like. Yeah, yeah,
I'm I'm I'm such a dominant person.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
In my day to day life. Yeah, behind closed doors,
I liked for someone to take control.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
I feel like that's a really common pattern. Same for me.
I'm really dombin in my career. So at home in
the bedroom, I love to be sub but I've been
working on like accessing my dumb side a little more.
In fact, somebody, one of my partners, was like, you know,
you're very nice and you've been very nice and I
really like it, and now I want you to be bossy,
and so like I'm trying to work on being a

(15:12):
bossier top.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I think there's also so many different realms to it
because even with being submissive behind closed behind closed doors
or wherever the fuck, I still think that that does
take some type of dominance, and it's it's a power,
it's it's some type of control that I think that
people don't really even realize because I do have control
over the situation no matter how submissive I am, so

(15:36):
I enjoy it like I but I I am I'm
trying to understand, like because the things that like maybe
my boyfriend will say in the bedroom, if he says
it out of the bedroom, I'm like, watch your mouth.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
It's not not too much.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Watch watch.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
But then I'm like, oh, please when i'm and when
I'm a pretzel, I'm like please.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
When I'm a full pretzel, because what please hurt me? Yes,
bring my back? Yes, smash for past sex on the
dance floor. Huh, sex on the dance floor, like like
on the dance floor, you look at me crazy.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Like but no, no, no, no, I just uh. I think
I've spent so many years in my life as a
professional dancer, so like working like dance, I couldn't imagine
having sex on the dance floor. Yeah, but like I
get I guess like maybe in a like.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yeah, like again could be a gay sex party.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Smash for me.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
So I'm like, so yeah, yeah, I need to I
need to prepare prepared.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
No, if you read before I got sober, probably not
just like on on crack just like.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
It was the dance move with the words on Crack
hands just like but no, I mean it's that's I've
never thought of it, but that sounds actually like in
the moment, that sounds so hot.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
It's like you're, you know, obviously you've done your duing.
It's very hot to like be at a you know,
because the music music is going, you're dancing, and you're just.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
Like, oh yeah, I know, I'm all for it.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah the last one smash your past filming.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Oh you know what? Okay, So I will say I'm
all smash.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
I like Doggie style. That is like one of my favorite.
So I will say I do get a little I'm like, hey, babe,
that's not fair that you could see what's going on
and I don't. We have a much mirror, so I see,
but I'm like here he will swat it out of
my hand. I'm like, here, just filming so I can
actually watch it. He's like I'm fucking and I'm like, oh,

(17:43):
that's so. I'm like Okay. In that moment, I'm like that,
But then afterwards or like eating dinner, I'm like, babe,
I'm moving forward. I would really like to see it.
So on our Sunday chats, can we make this happen? Yes,
he said, this is something that I'm bringing up because
we need to change. You're like, yeah, he's next time.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
I got you, babe.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
But then in a moment, I'm just like.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
I was saying that to one of our guests, is that, like,
I love the idea of filming, but then it interrupts
the fucking like I can do it for like a
couple of seconds, and I'm like I want to.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, because I'm also just like face, I'm just like, wait,
let me, let me get just slap it.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
I'm like, okay, honestly me, he won the game, Corey, Yeah, congratulations.
My dad is going to be so producing. That's the
name of the episode, Crack Dad Me with my unconnasonal Love,
which is really huge.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Cute.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
You're welcome, y'all. If you have prompts or games you
want to play. You can email tell me something messy
at gmail dot com. Speaking of which, Corey, can you
tell me something messy? Something messy, something messy?

Speaker 2 (18:49):
I something messy. You know what I have to say? Please,
I have not an issue, but when people are in
relationships or just like the people that don't try new
things with sex with like, I've been with people that

(19:13):
won't suck dick. I've been with people that won't eat
ass And I get it. And I'm not here to
push anyone to do anything sexually. Sure, I am just like, Oh,
I didn't know that I was catering just to you
in this relationship. So something messy I have to say
is that if that's you, I don't think you deserve love.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
Wow, I'm like, but also too, if you don't look pussy,
get out of here.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
No, I just know. I I think that I've noticed
in my life, especially in the past few years. This
is the longest relationship I've ever been in. How long
has been almost six years?

Speaker 1 (19:56):
Oh? My god?

Speaker 2 (19:57):
And I've learned what intimacy is on so many different levels. Yeah,
I didn't know that. I really thought it was just sex. Yeah,
because that's what I was taught, especially as a young
gay boy in Pennsylvania, I felt like my worth was
what I could do in the bedroom because that was
the only time that men would pay attention to me
because everyone was also so closeted or I was just

(20:20):
with DL men or whatever. So I have like found
intimacy on so many different levels besides just sex with
my partner, and that was eye opening. And I also
thought that everyone, like growing up as a gay man,
I was like, if you're into men, you're into sucking dick,
you're into eating ass, right, like, because I was like,
that's what I love, yeah, and not saying him, just anyone. Like,

(20:44):
I've just learned about intimacy on so many especially.

Speaker 5 (20:47):
Talking talking Yeah, honestly, that's my biggest turn on, is
like being able to like talk to somebody about anything sex,
but just like just getting to know somebody.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
That is such a major turn on.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Being able to also talk about hard things, yeah, and
not be afraid that it's going to turn into something crazy,
it's going to turn into a fight. I've what I
take pride in, and we actually just started doing it,
is that every Sunday we do have kind of just
like a regroup. We sit down at the table and
we just talked about like the past week and there's
anything that we want to get off our chests and
the things that we want to work on in our

(21:21):
relationship and also in our personal lives.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
I love that, Like a couple of meeting like a couples.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, Like we started a couple's therapy, Like we met
and then he came out about three months after we met,
and we started a couple of therapy that month, three
months into our relationship.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
Wow, and beautiful.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
It was the most amazing thing. People were like, I'm
so sorry, Like I was the fact that we are
taking care of our relationship. There's nothing to be sorry
about it. Sorry about it, I'm like, and and those
same people are watching us thrive at six years absolute. Yeah,
communication for me is such a wonderful thing. My parents
growing up, they taught me love was like throwing plates

(22:00):
at each other.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
And you're like, that's fucking my nervous Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
So like peace to me felt boring and it didn't
feel like love.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
Sure, So retraining.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
That, yeah, that's my messy.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
I love that. And by the way, couple's therapy, I know,
people give people flak. And I'm of the mindset that one,
why would you know how to be in a six
year relationship a one year relationship if you haven't done it? Yes,
And why wouldn't you need support in knowing how to
do the thing? So like, going to couples therapy doesn't
mean something is wrong, And in fact, I think it's
better to get into couples therapy before the house is

(22:34):
on fire, yes, so that you like have space to
like breathe and figure things out, yeah, and not waiting until, oh,
things are really bad now we have to go to
a couples therapy. I think it's such a beautiful thing
to just have that regular support. Yes, and that should
be normalized. So I'm happy that y'all did that. Thank you?
All right? Shall we do some messy mail suitable? As always,

(22:55):
your submissions remain none of this. First one says, I
let her call me a dirty little whore while she
fisted me in lingerie. I get to call her daddy.
Do you have any names that you like to get
called in the in the bedroom?

Speaker 2 (23:10):
I probably, I don't know. I've never been called any
other name than like your own name, yeah, or like
babe or like, I think I've gotten called like fag
at once in the bedroom? Yeah, did you like that?
It was more well, you know what, he was closeted,
got it and he and yeah. So it actually was

(23:31):
someone that made fun of me in high school and
then years later after we graduated hit me up and hey,
can we hang out? And I was like, and then
I knew what was going down. Yeah, So it was
kind of like I did feel in a sense that
I was taking this power back sure, no matter what.
I left there being like I know who I am
and this whole entire time, you've been fighting with that.

(23:52):
That's why you treating me the way you did. But
it was also jarring because I was like, you used
to call me fag in the hallway. I know you're
doing it.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
I'm over this is ye, but yeah that I but
I I on it.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
I don't. I think if I'm trusting of the person, yes,
like if my like if you my little whore my slept,
I might yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Be into it. I love so with faggot. I've only
been called fagot once and I didn't. I hated it.
I was in college and I was saking this guy's dick.
I don't know if he's in closet or not. I
actually was probably in the closet and I was was
that No, it was not yet. So I was in
the closet and I was sucking his dick and then
he started calling me faggot, and I just I feel
like that word is so loaded that I would want

(24:31):
to have a conversation about that ahead of like I
would want to check in about that.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yeah. To me, it's not a kink, it's a trauma.
Just like you know, let's just like just quickly say, hey,
is it? Is it?

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah, I'm down to reclaim it, but I just want
to talk about you first.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
But like I'm also like reclaiming with my with my people,
and you're just like I'm throwing your.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah yeah yeah especially yeah, like especially if your closet.
Yeah yeah, So I'm with you. But I do love
I love a daddy. I love I love like baby girl.
I love like playing with subverting gender gender names in
the in the bedroom. It does something for me in general.
I like to talk in the bedroom. I like when

(25:16):
people not like I need it, not like a podcast,
but just like like you.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Know, no, I need I need it. I do because
I just am like I need for me, a turn
on is more than just sex. So I really do.
I like seeing my man's face. I like seeing what
I'm doing to him. I like seeing what he's doing
to me, and yeah, like I want to hear his voice. Yes,
I don't want to feel like it's robotic, because there's

(25:41):
been so many experiences in my life that have just
been robotic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
To me, sex is where you want to be liberated
and RELI yes, yeah, liberate and release. Yeah. I've had
people which maybe it's like they're trying not to come,
so they're like holding them in breath and like looking
away and the just like you're just gonna like.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah, like that that is I will say for me,
like it can be the hottest person.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
And if you're I'm just like okay, I mean I'm
not gonna stop you, but I don't know how to
come back.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, like use your words, yeah my eyes, Like we're
not getting married, bab, but just like anyways, this one says,
any advice for oh yeah, any advice for not suffocating
gagging during blowjobs, help a baby hoe out. So we
kind of touched on this, but any you take your

(26:36):
tonsils out.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Was Yeah, I would say I I honestly am just
like once you get in, I feel like once you
get into it, once you get into the momentum, you know,
when you're about to geg. You know. I think it's
also having a partner that is aware and that respects
you talk about it because like I I mean, in
the moment, I could feel like it's hot. But like

(26:57):
if I'm also like right and you keep forcing my
head down, I'm like, okay, whoa, Yeah, yeah you're not
clear what's going on? Yeah, yeah, and it's not gonna
be hot when I throw up at all. No, Like
I don't care if you're into it, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (27:10):
I don't. I don't want like we both got to
be it. That is it is a kink, Like yeah,
there is a there is a throw up kink, but
that's not mine or you're.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah no, no, no, So I I think just yeah,
it's it's being kind of one with your partner in
the moment.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yeah, I will say so, like it's so interesting, like
if you for me, addict doesn't really make me gag,
but like you know, toothbrush going too far back will
make me go Yeah, but I have found that the
b kGy the Brandon coking me on you yawn. If
you yawn, you're looking that soft palate that helps you
open the throat a little bit more. I also think

(27:43):
that like you can play into the gagging. Obviously to
your point, you want your partner to be aware of
actually doing the thing, but you know.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Like, yes, I found some men like really, I'm like like,
I like, baby, this is what's gonna get you off
because you feel like you really are you know, I
do a.

Speaker 3 (28:02):
Quick They're like, I'm the ship.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I'm just like, so before you start gagging for telling
yours that's your thing. Yeah, and then breathe through your
like no, like, don't stop breathing, like when you're Yeah.

(28:32):
A little deeper. This one says, I believe my partner
has been lying to me about small details, but they
insist they aren't. Should I give them the benefit of
the doubt or trust my instinct? I'm conflicted about staying
in the relationship. What are your thoughts on this? And
by the way, I will say this, we will tell
you what we think, but like, you got to do
it's right for you. I never want to make relationship decisions.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
For people at all, please, because I am not going
to be the reason.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
I don't call me with a shovel girl, please you.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
I can only speak from experience. I think that it
is important to always trust yourself. But I feel like
that there are so many different parts of my life
that I've found I brought into different relationships from previous
relationships because I never healed. So I think it's important
to trust yourself. I do feel like if you have

(29:26):
that feeling, there is something maybe going on in your relationship,
and maybe it's not those white lies, but maybe there
is something that you guys have to dive deeper into
and have an honest conversation. I have found myself, even
just in six years of being with someone I'm not
gonna lie, I found myself telling white lies here and there,
and I'm like why because it felt easier to avoid

(29:47):
the more intense conversation that I know that we were
ignoring than actually just having it. So I feel like
that is really to me. I'm like, you know what
I tell my partner and he says the same thing.
It's it's really comforting knowing that no matter what we
are going through in life, we're going to get through
it together. But we aren't going to get through it

(30:08):
together if we don't have a conversation. Yeah, Like that
is the one thing that will drive I don't think
that there's anything that will drive us apart, but not
being honest will Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, and that makes sense. It makes perfect sense because
I think that all you have at the end of
the day is trust, and this is in any relationship. Yeah,
and so if I can't trust you to tell me
when things are hard or whatever it is, then what
do we have.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, you can't tell me that you love me you
want to spend your life with me, yes, but be
fearful about bringing up ABCD, like I just am. Like,
then I can't trust that you love all of me
because you don't feel like then, because you don't feel
like that I deserve all of you. Yeah, you're not
telling me the truth now.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Sometimes it happens because we might be with a partner
who reacts a lot.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in which case, Yeah, go ahead. No,
I was gonna say I completely like and like kind
of what you said before, Like, hey, listen, this is
also just our opinions, because like, I also don't want
to tell you to do something if it's out of
fear or just knowing that your partner is not in
the same mindset or in the right mindset to handle this. Sure,
So if walking away is what is necessary, run the

(31:18):
fuck away. This is because I that's the thing. It's
there are sometimes that people don't tell their partner things
because they know this is not what they're going to
think it is, but they are going to take things
out on it. Yes, yeah, and that's a different Yeah,
that's couples therapy.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Yeah, truly, that's personal therapy.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
Truly personal therapy, couples therapy. But if you're like, this
is a person that, like we were vibing with, but
they seem to be lying about these small things, I
think to your first thing, which is check and see
how much of that is baggage you've brought into a relationship.
Because listen, whether it's previous relationship, previous romantic relationships, or

(31:56):
even family relationships, you might have grown up where people
did omit things, where people did lie, and so now
you're projecting that on this person. So it's fair to
check in with that. But if, like you said, there
is a gut instinct that something is off, it might
not be about the lies and self it might be
something else in the relationship, and so it's a good
time to be like, I think being transparent and saying, hey,

(32:17):
I know that you're telling me that you're not lying,
but I'm feeling as though that is what's happening. Yes,
and so maybe there's something else off and I'd like
us to just like unpack that and we can do
it together. We can do it in couple's therapy. But
also if ultimately you just want to leave the relationship
and you're looking for a safe reason to leave the relationship,

(32:38):
then there's also maybe being honest about that. So like
asking yourself because this person at the end says like,
you know, I'm not sure if I should stay or
I'm feeling conflicted of saying the relationship. But also there's
no evidence that like the person is actually lying to me.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
I'm like, if you are conflicted about staying in a relationship,
I would say get out of the relationship. Yeah, I
just I don't think that we need to or reason there.
The reason is we don't want it or we don't
know like that. I don't I think a lot of
times people try to put it on their partner. Yes, yes, Like.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
It's easier to put it on your partner than to
be like, yeah, I don't want to be here.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
Yeah, but it takes two people.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
And I think that that in itself is more traumatizing
because I feel like I've done it to people, and
I feel like people have done it to me where
I've walked away from things thinking what the fuck did
I do wrong? I wish, and then after years of
actually doing the work, I realized, Oh, they were just
too coward to tell me yeah, and viceversa. I've done
the same thing. So I just think that, Yeah, it

(33:39):
seems like there's a mixture of that with this question.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
Yeah. So ultimately it's like maybe asking one of these
questions of yourself or all these questions and seeing where
you land in your I always say, like in the
quietest part of your heart, where like there's no judgment,
no one has to know what you ask yourself, but
like ask the question and what is the answer that
comes up in those quiet moments, and then move from there. Yes, Yeah,

(34:05):
this one says, what's up with these men that don't kiss?
Or do four play selfish? Tops?

Speaker 2 (34:10):
No?

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Thank you? What do you think about men that don't kiss?
Or do four play And I guess we're gonna we're
gonna assume, because I say all sex is like everything
is sex but for play as and I'm assuming making
out looking ass or pussy sucking dick, and some people
really don't like to suck dick and don't like to
eat as you know.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
I I said a little joke earlier, but I actually
am gonna kind of travel back on it because I
have found myself attracted to men that don't like sucking dick,
Like I. The type of men that I find myself
attracted to end up not being and I'm like, oh,
great fun. But I I used to judge, Yeah, I

(34:52):
really did, and I and I viewed them as kind
of like a selfish lover. But to me, I when
I actually got honest and started having conversations just asking why,
I also realized that maybe they weren't comfortable. They've never
done it before.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, they've never the people that they've been with didn't
want it.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
The people and it just kind of went from there
and there, and I'm like, well, shit, okay, yeah I
can't judge. I started sucking dick at twelve, so I'm like,
I can't judge if you just came out and you've
never done it before and it's just never been something
the people that want sex from you were never asking.
So you know, I I think there are selfish lovers
out there. There are selfish people in the bedroom, but

(35:31):
I don't think that just comes from a position.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
Yeah, that's so interesting. I usually I'm always like they're selfish,
But I just had a partner that was with recently
who's a bottom, so that in that dynamic, I'm always
topping and they always suck away dick, but then they're
very good at it. But like we had a conversation
then for the first siple like I actually don't like
second dick. I don't actually dick for most people. Yeah,

(35:56):
but like we have a vibe and I was like, oh,
that's so interesting because I won I always assume I've
made an assumption that it's a top that doesn't like
secon day and two, I was like, oh, but this
is somebody that like I have really great sex with,
but that's one thing he doesn't like. And so it
just like maybe cracked open my views on this, which
ultimately I think the thing is everyone gets to do

(36:17):
and be comfortable with where they're at. And so for
me as a partner, if sucking dick or having my
ass eaten is important to me and it's not important
to that person, then maybe that's not a person that
I will be partners with. Yes, and like that's okay.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
And I've also been with people that after after a
few months of being together, I've said, or just even
a few months of hucking up, I've said, like, why
have you never done this?

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (36:42):
And they're like, why have you never asked? And to me,
I realize, oh, that's right, Like I really was kind
of I mean, there is it's fifty to fifty, but yeah,
I've never asked. I just assumed that they would.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
And so I'm like, the second that we open that
conversation up, then so many doors were open up to
our sex life or just i'mlike, they're like, I'm not
not willing to Yeah, I just didn't know that's what
you wanted from me because it has been so transactional
or we get together and we just do this, and yes, so.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
There could be some assumptions that we're making when we
walk into these dynamics and yeah, and instead of asking
about it or saying the thing, Hey do you want
to kiss? Why don't you?

Speaker 4 (37:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (37:22):
Because I'm like they're like, oh, you've just been texting
me like a fucking destroy me. And I'm like okay.
And then I get there and I'm like they're like,
we didn't know you want to destroy me.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
I'm like, ah, that's true, true.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
That's fair. Yeah, So I guess the first thing is
to maybe ask them about it, and then if they
don't want to do it, then like no judgment. There
might be an alignment. And then also there might be
something that happens over time where like that person, once
they're comfortable with you might be like because I do
know that some people we're talking to Kid Fury about this,
where some people maybe think that kissing is too intimate. Yeah,

(37:54):
I think dick is too intimate for just to hook up,
and so they like reserve that for something else, whereas
I'll I'll kiss any like I don't care, like it's
fun to me, becau it's everyone.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
I mean yeah, like I said, before I got sober,
I was in the bars, like please kiss me.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
I just needed to feel something.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
But yeah, I think it.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
Yeah, I love that. I think that it's really just
dependent on what the person wants. I'm not going to
knock someone that doesn't want to suck dick and doesn't
want to kiss. Yeah, that's up to them, because I
don't want someone to be like, why are you doing?
I just think that that's kind of like, in a sense,
shaming them for what they like and what they don't like.
So I don't if if that's just what you like
and that's not what that's why we just say okay,
never mind.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, they's a different, different partnership. That's fair. But there
is to this person. Yeah, you're right, there are some
men that don't kiss or do four play, and I
will say that, like, this is really complicated. Some of
this will also be cultural and how man a raise
and how men a raise around sex, so some of
that is definitely at play. But I would then just say,
find you a top who is a compassionate, loving, a

(38:56):
good dick top, because they out there. I love Hi.
This is not really a question, this is about you.
You're on tour right now, yes, And I want to
tell us about the tour because I really loved the
title and I really loved the intention. I want to
talk about how it all came together.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
So during the election, after our good Judy lost, I
feel like a lot of people were like, what's next, Yeah,
And I was one of them. I've never really been
involved in politics. I've never been immersed in it. I
grew up with a father that's incredibly conservative and a
Republican and is a Trump supporter, So growing up I

(39:40):
did always hear from him what he thought I should think, yeah,
while also being very supportive of me. So it was
a really hard mix. But getting into a relationship with
someone six years ago that is a black man, I
feel like I started doing my own research, and I
also started having conversations with him, and I was like,
you know, I don't want to sit here and just

(40:01):
say that I love you and not walk the walk.
So I really started just kind of immersing myself into this,
into educating myself and into having these tough conversations with
him and my family and people around me. And I
feel like I was kind of doing things in my
career that we're self serving. And when people started telling
me over time that I was inspiring them or just

(40:22):
me living my authentic truth was inspiring, I was like,
you know what, I have a platform that I really
want to use. So during the election, when all of
that was happening, I was like I was hearing the
what's next mentality, and I was like, no, no, no, I
want to keep this momentum. I want people to understand
that we aren't going to be alone. Because the second
he won, I felt like it was like, go back

(40:44):
in the closet. Yeah, it was a great four years
without all of you. That is kind of like what
I felt. That is the messages I was getting online,
the hate that I was getting, It just felt like
the door to hate open back up.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Yeah, And it was like, here we go, the permission
to yeah, hate out loud louder.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
We've been waiting so as if though, I mean the
hate has also always been there for sure, for sure,
it was just like it just felt like ten times
and so I feel like being myself is rebellion in itself. Absolutely,
And that's when I was like, you know what, I
want to go perform my super gay, super authentic, super real,

(41:24):
super me show in all of these red states. That's
why I called it the Red Tour, and I want
to kind of bridge this gap. I do want Republicans
to come to my show because there is a mindset
that they hate something that they never even met. Right,
So I'm just like, you're coming up with these ideas
of what you think I am, but when you see

(41:44):
me on stage, you're going to hear exactly what you think.
It's just that I like sucking dick and I'm a
gay man, but like, I want all the things that
you want out of life, besides to hate people and
judge them for who they are and choose finances over
basic human rights. But I was like, you know, and
even if I because I didn't, and I know, I'm

(42:06):
not thinking my show is going to change people's minds. Sure,
but I also felt like in my life at thirty four,
I spent so many years living in the shadows and
afraid to be who I am and who I was
meant to be, And so I wanted to go out
and just be me. I wanted to perform it. And
there's also the most important thing to me is that
there are queer people that live in these states.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
I think that's what is really really important about what
you're about to do, is that, like we forget sometimes
that like people live everywhere.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
Yeah, when honestly, like I'm on.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Instagram, live I'm on TikTok Live and people are telling me,
oh my god, I can't wait to come see the show.
I'm in Idaho and I'm gay. What I I Yes, honestly,
I mean I know it, but it is it does
feel the sense of like I feel safe here in
Los Angeles. Yeah, I feel safe when I go to
New York City, as safe as we can be, because
even just being a it's there's crazy. But I I

(43:03):
I'm just like, oh my gosh, that's right. Some people
can't leave. They don't want to leave, they want to
they can't afford to leave. There's so many things that
go into it. And and also they don't feel comfortable
leaving because maybe the people that they grew up with
made them feel like less than and they live in
this box, they live in this this corner that they've
been pushed to, and they just live day to day

(43:26):
and they have no one to really look up to
or even just like to vent to.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Or to like yeah, like light like yes.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
I remember growing up in Pennsylvania, my idea was like
I think I saw like queer as folk like YouTube
or something, and I was like, oh my god, I
guess being gay is like partying in clubs and having
sex and I did it. You were like, I did
it until I went to rehab. But that was my
story and it was it was beautiful and and I

(43:55):
want I'm so excited because now with social media, it
does make me so happy that there are kids that
can just see us.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Absolutely, It's like and they're like, oh, I can thrive.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
I can be, I can't exist, I can do. Yes.
There was a video, as you know, Florida was getting
crazy crazy your usual with the you know, don't say
gay and the you know, rature of African American studies.
I saw a video, I believe it was a black
woman speaking listen to black women who was talking about

(44:29):
how Florida felt like the Titanic and that there were
a lot of people who were at the bottom of
the ship and as it was thinking like they weren't
going to get a lifeboat. It's just like we can't
leave until like don't forget about us. And so that's
why I really am excited about your tour because it's
like it's easy to be like, Okay, well now that
there's this person in office, like we'll just stay in

(44:50):
LA and New York we'll leave the country. Yeah, and
completely forget that in these red states, that there are
people who are incredibly vulnerable and who can't leave or
who don't want to leave, and and who deserve to
be seen and heard and to see themselves and so
like to bring to continue doing our work and to
continue performing, to continue shining that light is incredibly important.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
I'm always going to create. I mean, I've been a
creative my whole life. So I feel like I'm going
to use my voice. And like you said, the people
in the office want.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
Us to shut the fuck up, and so we got
to be louder.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
And I'm just like, you all need to shut the
fuck up, period. And that is also another thing too,
is that I invite all the Republicans. I've done a
bunch of different press begging Republicans please come to my show. Yeah,
because I also want to. I bring them up on stage,
we have a debate. I want that. I'm not I
am not afraid of it because the thing is what

(45:46):
I'm fighting for are my rights and the rights of others. Yeah,
there's nothing that's going to make me stop doing that. Yeah,
And my show is about empowering people to just be them.
I'm not afraid of There's nothing that these people can
say to me that I've never said to myself. I've
never had someone treat me worse than I've treated myself.

(46:09):
And I've also never had a biggest fan besides myself.
I am my biggest fan, and I've spent so many
years doing that work, and i want every other queer child,
queer person to feel that same way. And i just
feel like they're expecting us, like you said, to shut
the fuck up, and that's just I've never been someone
to shut the fuck up. I'm an aries.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
God, much of my best friends areas. It's a busy season,
so tell me this though, Like as as a as
a performer, I know that you know we I do
this with myself, like I'm able to put on my
to shorthand this my Sasha fears right like Kate. That
allows me to show up on stage and do the
thing as the person, though like there is still fear

(46:54):
that comes up, still doubt that comes up. And so
I'm curious how you take care of yourself enter Like
you're like, I'm going to go into the lions Den
at this and so how do you take care of like,
are you picking queer clubs that are out there? Are
you picking? Like? Like I think about this with the
show we're here, I'm always like, how are they keeping

(47:14):
them safe as they go into these spaces that are
literally saying we don't want you here? How is production
keeping them safe? And how are those performers navigating their
mental health inside of these spaces that are actively going
to push back? You know that's what you're gonna get.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Yeah. I feel like it took a lot of work
for me to get here, to accept myself that once
I finally did, I understand the safety side of it,
because no matter how much I love myself, that's not
going to keep me safe if someone that's a harmony. Yeah,
but I really just go into it prepared for anything.
Like you said, it's that kind of turning on that switch. Yeah,

(47:52):
I'm just like, okay, I it is me on stage,
is me, It's elevated me, yes, and I just am like,
there's nothing that can stop me. And for the next
hour and a half, I'm gonna let people know why
and why I'm here to take up space and why
they should take up space.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
I also feel like if you are going to come
to my show to spread hate or spread you're a
weirdo and you just bought a ticket and I'm getting
paid for it. So I'm just like and I feel
like the people that come and support me, that follow
me on social media, that come to my shows, they
it is like a family. Like these people ride for

(48:29):
me and I do the same. So I'm not afraid,
but I am prepared got you. And I'm also someone
a lot of people are like, don't fight hate with hate.
That's not me, that's not I am not going to
bow down. Even hate to say it. My own father

(48:49):
when he sees all the hate comments they get online,
his first mind, his first thought is why do you
do this to yourself?

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Huh?

Speaker 2 (48:56):
And I say exist. So I'm not someone that's gonna
try I'm not trying to change anyone's I'm not trying
to teach you. I'm just doing exist. I'm doing it
for the people that need it, and if you want
to come, maybe my show will change your mind, but
I'm not counting on it. I'm not and and I'm

(49:20):
also not going to be there and grab your hand
and walk you through it because you are grown ass adults.
And if I have to teach you why you shouldn't
hate someone or treat someone differently for who they are
and how they were born.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
It's a different. Yeah. I would say that when when
in twenty twenty, when I started making videos around race
and Ali's shit, I always it was a lot. I
always said, like these videos, I'm not making them for
the person who thinks life doesn't matter like that, like
I'm not here to convince you that my life matters
or that I should exist. It's for people who are
curious and who go, oh I have been thinking or

(49:54):
I haven't been thinking in this way, or like I
want to learn, Like that's what I'm making contact for.
Because of it, When you start to make it for
people who say, go fuck yourself, it's like, well, what
do we know. You just want to be right, You
just want to hear yourself.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
We will never make them happy, yeah, erasing us will
make them happy.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
No matter what I do, no matter what I say,
I will still be viewed as less than by them.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
So I just am like, I'm I'm not here for you.
When when I make fun of Trump on my social
media unfollowing go good, I post about sucking dick every day.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
What made you think that I want?

Speaker 1 (50:33):
Please?

Speaker 2 (50:34):
I'm not George Santos. I'm not here supporting Trump.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
I know when people leave there, they're always so loud
about it.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
I'm like, girl, I did not know you were here.
I did not know you were here exactly, and you
were just under my first chop saying hot. So I'm
also like, I'm going, yeah, ma'am, I'm in a g
string If you think I'm hot?

Speaker 3 (50:55):
What's happening here?

Speaker 2 (50:56):
What does your man look like?

Speaker 1 (50:58):
So? H chrey. I'm gonna ask the last two questions
we ask everyone here. Have you read Sex and a
Porter Putty?

Speaker 2 (51:05):
No? Great, okay, maybe we need to get coked somehow,
Hi dad? No, take away my right?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Okay, there we go.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Gagged me.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
That's the most gagged demit is. The last question is
what could you learn to love about yourself? I know,
I know, I know that's that is That's my question.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
I think that.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
You know.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
And I've never even I speak about it with my
partner and my mom, never really anyone else, especially not
social media. But I I struggle, just like so many
other people. But bidy dysmorphia, and it's not it's not
the abs. It's not. It's just that I, like I said,

(52:11):
growing up, I did feel like my worth was my appearance. Yeah,
and that is where I was going to find love.
I put so much work into it, so even when
people didn't like me, I felt like it was because
of that. Yeah, I'd never felt good enough. And so
I think that it's actually that like for someone that

(52:34):
I'm coming up on thirteen years of sobriety. But I
have found that I my obsession and my thoughts that
I used to have over drugs and alcohol have turned
into attacking myself, attacking the way that I look, attacking, aging,
attacking my body changing. And it's not even like that

(52:59):
I feel that I need to for anyone else now,
It really isn't. It's just that I have realized, oh
my god, I am such a negative self talker at times,
and it normally it stems from like just bad moments
in my life, like if I had a bad day,
or it's not like I look at myself in the mirror.
It's just it compounds on it. So I want to

(53:21):
learn how to love, continue to love imperfections, and yes,
give myself grace. I struggle with depression and anxiety and
been medicated for since nineteen eighty two. So I'm just like,

(53:44):
I want to give myself grace because I love people
for where they're at and I expect perfection from myself.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Yeah, Poy, thank you for being here.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
I appreciate you. I'll see you. So. Yes, well, you
know we are hose here, but hose with heart. So
before we part ways, let me speak to yours a
little homekeeping. You know, I'm always reminds you please rate, review,

(54:20):
and subscribe if you enjoyed the conversation. That helps the
podcast and helps us advocate for a bigger and better
season two. And we only have a few more episodes
of season one, left a few more weeks for new
episodes to come out and then your girls on Hey
it's okay, honey. As for things that Corey and I
spoke about, I really love what he said at the

(54:41):
very beginning. Peace to me felt boring and not like love,
and I think that that is something for many of
us to gently interrogate. I've been in partnerships where when
there was nothing happening, when everything was good, I would
have my part would be activated by that and didn't

(55:03):
understand and like there would make a problem because there
was too much peace and there wasn't an understanding that
communication and softness and clarity and boringness at times, if
that's what you want to call it, is actually very loving,
and that the chaos and the dysfunction is not always

(55:28):
I mean, it may come from a good place sometimes,
but it's not loving to have to be on guard
all the time, and that peace is ultimately the goal,
both personally individually, but also in our relationships. Also, I
do want to shout out couple's therapy. I know there's
still a lot of stigma around therapy, but in particular
couple's therapy, because often it means that there's something wrong

(55:51):
in the relationship. Your relationship could be quote unquote perfectly
fine and you can still be in couple's therapy. As
I said earlier, why would you know how to be
in a relationship for a year, five years, ten years,
twenty forty years if you've never done it, and especially
if you've never seen it or you've ever seen a
peaceful version of it. So having that support, whether it's

(56:13):
weekly or bi weekly or monthly or you know, quarterly,
whatever it is, having that support with a couple's therapists
who you and your partner or partner's vibe with is
beautiful and there is no there's no shame, and there's
no weakness. And asking for help and seeking out help.

(56:34):
That's actually one of your greatest strengths. One of your
greatest strengths is being able to ask for help. When
Corey said, it's really comforting knowing no matter what we're
going through in life, we're going to get through it together.
But we aren't going to get through it together if
we don't have the conversation ooh, baybe be babe be,

(56:59):
and know what I'm gonna say this. A lot of
us have grown up in spaces or in homes where
secrecy was currency, where that was the law of the
household was to not talk, was to suppress things, was
to you know, keep things to ourselves, was to not
be a burden. But as we all know, and if

(57:21):
we don't know, let me remind you that suppression will
lead to resentment if you're not talking about how you're feeling,
and you don't you know, again, I didn't say yell
about how you're feeling. I didn't say fight about how
you're feeling. But if you're not talking about your how
you're feeling, you will build a resentment. Now, what I
will acknowledge is that there might have not been a
safe space for you to talk about how you're feeling.

(57:43):
That you're talking about your feelings to your parents, or
to your siblings or to your guardians may have resulted
in consequences, and so in your adulthood, it's a beautiful
time to gently interrogate that and undo that, pull it
those strings. You should be in real relationships professionally, personally, romantically, platonically,

(58:04):
whatever it is, where you can talk about your feelings,
where you can talk about how you're feeling. Now listen,
I know sometimes professionally can get a little tricky, but
ideally in a professional setting you can do that. But
absolutely in your romantic relationships, your friendships, Absolutely, in those
personal relationships, it should be a space where you can

(58:25):
tell the truth. Because we can't heal what we don't feel,
and we can't feel what we won't acknowledge, we won't say.
If we won't talk about the truth, we don't know
what's actually happening, you know what I'm saying, and then
we don't know actually how to go about finding a
resolution and that trust is everything. You're not being honest,

(58:47):
as Corey says, is what drives us apart. And there
might be intentions behind that. Again, the little white lies
here and there, but ultimately that is not gonna do
right by you, yes, and not serve you or serve
your relationship. Now you know, we gave advice to that person,
and I think there is something about being honest about

(59:11):
whether or not you want to be in the relationship.
And I don't know if that's what's happening with this person,
but sometimes we do. I'm going to use it as
a way to talk about other scenarios, which is sometimes
we put blame or we look for something to blame
our partner for because we are too afraid to admit
how we feel that we may no longer want to

(59:31):
be in the relationship, or we may no longer be
attracted or be in love, and we're afraid to say
that because we don't want to hurt the person, and
so we look for other reasons to get out, or
other ways to get out, ways that aren't necessarily healthy
or always kind or peaceful. So it's worth you know,

(59:56):
if you're like I don't have evidence that anything is wrong.
I'm not sure. It's just an instinctual thing that might
be real, baby, Like your intuition might be acting up
for a reason. But also be honest about yourself, like
do you want to be in the relationship? Is there
something that's not being spoken about? Is there something that's
being repressed that you have to poke at? That disruptive curiosity,

(01:00:17):
you know, I always tell you about that disruptive curiosity
intentionally asking questions that interrupt the personal habits, generational cycles,
and internal narratives that keep us from living a liberated life.
It's scary. It is not always easy to ask those
hard questions, but that temporary discomfort, as I always say,

(01:00:39):
leads to long lasting peace. So don't be afraid, or
do be afraid, but do it anyway to ask those
hard questions of yourself in the quietest space. Nobody has
to know what the answer is except for you, but
get the answers for yourself. I do also think that
this is you know, we assume that people don't suck
dick or won't kiss because they're being selfish. But also

(01:01:02):
if we haven't asked, you know, we're all on our
hohe journeys, and we all come to the table, to
the bedroom, to the alleyway wherever it is, with our
own baggage, conscious and unconscious. And so, you know, somebody
not eating ass might be because one time they tried
and it was their first time and they got really

(01:01:23):
bad feedback and so they're afraid to do it. Somebody
kissing might not kiss because they had a partner who
didn't like kissing, and so they're just going off of
an old blueprint. And so asking the question or asking
will you do this? Or I love it when you
do that is beautiful and sometimes necessary communication. We look,

(01:01:43):
you know, I always tell you communication is my kink, right,
So communicating and asking for the thing might be what
you need to do to get it. And then when
you ask for it and they go I don't do
it because X, Y and Z, or I don't do
it because I don't like it or whatever, then you
can go from there and be like, oh, maybe this
is the partner that I'm aligned with, But perhaps they
just need to ask, and perhaps they would totally be

(01:02:04):
down to do it or totally totally be down to
learn how to do it, but they just need they
just need an opening. They just need an invitation, and
that's okay. Listen, sex is vulnerable, and when we get
into well, you're the man and you should do this,
or you're a woman and you should do this, or
you're whatever you should be, it stops us from reaching

(01:02:26):
our pleasure, all right. And the goal isn't to be right.
The goal is to be understood. The goal is to
be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be valued,
and so you know, just ask the question and have
the conversation. And finally, please check out Corey's show. We'll
put the link to his website in the show notes.

(01:02:48):
But you know, gay people are everywhere, honey, Gay people
are everywhere, and so I really love what he's doing
with this red tour and going into places where there
might not be as much a visibility because but queer
fo are every fucking where, and we deserve to see ourselves.
We deserve to have shows that center around us. We

(01:03:09):
deserve safe spaces. And so I'm so proud of Corey
and excited for what he's doing, and so please please
please check him out. All right, that's well for me, baby,
I would love to know what your takeaways were from
this episode. So you can email me at tell Me
Something Messy at gmail dot com, or you can find

(01:03:32):
us on Subsack Brandancogoman dot subsack dot com and leave
comments dms all the things. I love you so much.
You can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon
Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at tell Me
Something Messy, and you can join our community on the
Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,

(01:03:56):
recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,
I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,
your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell
Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also
call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That
is six six nine six ninety six three seven seven nine,

(01:04:18):
rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe
and aspiring hoe friends. Really really helps the show out,
all right. Until next time, ask about the politics of
that dick before you make it spit, make sure they
eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fuckation
or succation communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet,

(01:04:39):
today you are so deeply loved. I love you. Bye,
Thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show and the episode to

(01:05:00):
someone else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio and the Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app
or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.