November 27, 2025 • 61 mins
Hernando Umana, actor, entrepreneur, activist and Brandon's close friend, joins the pod to share one of the wildest Messy stories we've ever heard. Plus, some reminiscing and lighthearted fun before diving into the heavy topic of living with HIV.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to tell Me Something Messy with Brandon Kyle
Goodman and iHeart podcasts on the Outspoken Network. Talking about relationships,
sex and identity always reminds me that being a human
is messy. So I wanted to create a compassionate space
where we could feel less alone and embrace our mess together,
the funny, the vulnerable, the cringe, and even the kinky.
(00:21):
Because every part of who we are matters. So I'll
be shy, baby, tell me something messy. Messy patrons, come on, baby,
welcome to the show. I am your messy mom, Brandon
Kyle Goodman. We're going to dive right into it. But
it is Turkey Day, so I wanted to If you're
listening to this on Thursday, so I wanted to wish
you a happy Turkey Day. If you're like me, you
may not be close with your family and so you
(00:43):
might be spending with your chosen family, or you might
be spending it alone. I'm this is my very first
Thanksgiving that I am intentionally spending alone. I'll be in
New York or I'm not spending it alone. Actually, I'm
spending it with my grandmother, even though she's on the
other side. I'm gonna light my candles and just sit
in the presence of her. But I just wanted to
(01:03):
say two of her struggles during these holiday times that
I love you, that I see you, and that you're
gonna be okay, even if at this moment you're not.
And that's all right. If you got to grieve today, grieve,
you gotta cry, dance, be in solitude, scream a little bit, journal,
do what you gotta do. But I promise you, I
promise you you will be okay. So to celebrate or
(01:28):
to be or in the spirit of chosen family, today
will be a conversation between one of the members of
my chosen family. So let's dive in. I love you,
and you know what that means. It is time for
a guest. Now, while they get situated, we will get
our messy. Key Key started with a ho manifesto, So
(01:52):
repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me
the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration,
the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and my boundaries,
the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy,
fuck girl, or fuck they, for it is better to
(02:13):
masturbate by myself in peace than to let someone play
in my mother fucking face. Let the hommunity say hollelujah.
Y'all hold onto your hearts, because today in our mESC
living room, we have Broadway star, animal loving entrepreneur and
HIV and queer activist Hernando Umana. He strutted his way
(02:33):
through Kinky Boots on Broadway and is the co founder
of CBD Dog Health. Hernando is funny, he's bold, he's brilliant,
and he's my friend. Y'all please help me Welcome Hernando Umana. Hi, Hernando.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm starting with a lollipop in my head.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
The first time I met you in person, you had
a lollipop in your Is that true?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
You open the door to your apartment with a lollipop
and I was like, yep, there she is.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I love you for it, putting cartoon. Okay, before we
get too far, let me give you our messy mandates.
Any thoughts, opinions, share it, have the right to shift
change ball today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And if
during the key key I was remember this part. Anything
gets too personal or unintentionally offends you use the safe
word foosball, which gives us a moment to pivot or adress. Accordingly,
(03:24):
I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that's
how this friendship goes. But we'll see, we'll see that
sound good? Yes? Shall we play a loop breaker?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Let's go?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay, we're gonna play a game of smash or pass
because that.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Seems to be again to tell everybody that, like, I'm
obsessed with your podcast. I know all the rules, I
know all the games. Like as you say it, I'm like,
you'll mount that out.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
You know the script.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I'm ready, I know the script.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
How dare you coming on my show and see if
I want to switch? Okay, yeah, I'm gonna give you
a prompt and you'll tell me if you'll smash it
or you'll pass it. I am really holding Okay, uh,
smash your pass matching couple outfits pass? Why you said it.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
So fast being an individual?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I don't know why I said why? Like I also
don't pass on that an individual? Yeah, be an individual?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Give me like who are you?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I like it on like an Instagram story post, but
I don't like it in like a gag for like
a photo photo.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, I don't like it for like life you no, well,
I didn't even think about being the part I was
thinking it from the outside, but from like being the partner.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh yeah, that's how I'm thinking about, Like why are
you wearing what I'm wearing? Absolutely, you go change, especially
when you're both like the same the same gender, so
you might wear the same gendered clothes.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Especially all the twin boyfriends. Oh my god, I do
hate it twin boyfriends and dressing the same.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It's crazy, and y'all do it, and it's crazy and
sometimes it's wild, especially when they're white. I can't always
tell who's who, and and they'll.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Get especially well, you know, look you you said what
you said.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
So I need to pause because we actually are friends
out here, like outside of feeling like I do see you,
and so we've had couch moments like this, and so
I've been talking how I talk, and I'm there are
cameras here, so I just have to she's a host
(05:54):
h a u X. Anyway, sometimes white people look alike
white man, yes, and y'all know, and they did each other,
y'all know, and you look at it like and then
you meet one of them and then the other one
comes up and you'll be like, you know, you meant Brian,
and the other one comes up and it's David. But
then you be like, hey hey Brian, It's like, no,
(06:16):
I'm David, and I'm like, well, y'all are wearing the
same fucking thing, and y'all book alike and you're both white.
Mix it up a bit.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, it's not for me, Okay, Yeah, that's the past.
Thing about someone is like their individuality, Like I wanted,
like what you wear is like something.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I want to know who you are. Yeah, I don't
want to know who your partner are. Yeah. I did see
on on social media there was a couple and they
were matching. But it wasn't that we're wearing the exact
same thing, but they were in the same color, scheme, coordination.
It was cute. It's still too much, same story, same
fashion story. It's still too much for me. But but
(06:53):
I thought it was a cute on.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Your wedding cute. Oh sure, any other day.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You know it's a pass.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But if you like it, yeah, well you do you
I'll be judging from the corner, but you I can't
wait to see what gets kept.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
We're cutting it all. The episode is canned smash pass
ketchup on mac and cheese past. Thank you well, no,
no more conversation zero and that's for all nasty food.
TikTok nasty.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Just tell you all not to use ketchup anymore?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
He says it's for kids. Oh, I like it on
some things.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I don't like ketchup at all. I think it's useless.
What is it there for?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Wow? Can't you just say you don't like it? Why?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
But but I'd like to let you know it's useless,
it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know who's not gonna want to be hinds behind
if that? If that check is right, I lovett ketchup
on it?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Forging catch up hide the number one catchup in America
that checked clear science. I'll support you, but in general
hate it, okay, smasher past sex in a pool last
(08:29):
one like.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Sexual fun in a pool smash but like penetration.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
No, okay, so I'm with you in general. No, but
I did have sex on a hot tub in it,
in it, submerged in it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And I was fine with that. Yeah, but your hole
was like.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Oh, wow, wow, wow, okay, okay, well okay, well, I
(09:25):
feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I don't know where we go from here. That was crazy,
that was insane.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
So you're having penetration and.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I am my tightle. It's just you know, it's very okay,
it's very tight. Listen, and no shade. Girls. You know
you're open. I want you to, you know, be open,
but mine, mine is tight, and I resent.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You you to be open.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, if you if you're like you, because some people
like to be fisted and like go off you know
the whole. But I will say this because you don't
come out here my fucking show talking about my hole
is the size of football court. Listen. I was about
to get the second time I got dpeed. They couldn't
get the second dick in and the man said, your
(10:21):
hole is tight, and I don't know if I should
be jealous or something else, and I was like, oh, well,
you know it's okay. And so I didn't get DP
because my whole was too tight.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Is that your defense?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Your honor? I rest case closed. Usually everyone wins the game,
and this is the first time a looser, This is
the first time I've considered.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
A looserate love so bad.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's unconditional. You don't know the show that that's clear.
You don't really know this show unconditional. I guess I'm
gonna give you a great you have a great lollie,
but thank you so much. Okay, all right, first loser
(11:16):
in the history of our show, isn't it fitting? Honestly?
Speaking of which, if y'all have prompts or something messy
to tell me, you can email to tell me something
messy at gmail dot com, or you can go to
something messy dot com and submit it anonymously because we
(11:37):
asked you. Actually, Hernando set that site up so it
goes right to him. Now I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
It really doesn't please.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It doesn't. God. No, you see how he treats me.
He knows me.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You don't know you.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
He treat you terribly. Okay, I'm I was speaking of which,
will you tell me something messy?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Ooh? Yes? Okay. So I was like eight years old.
I just got in broken up with and it was
like my first like big, big heartbreak. I was going
through it. So I decided naturally that the best way
to ease the pain was to fuck it away. Yeah,
And I was just like doing the most for a while.
(12:15):
Was my first time, was my first time like being
sexually confident and feelings sectually liberated. So I was having
a lot of fun. And this one afternoon I fucked
this boy and he was like, tonight, there's a sex
party that you should go check out on Manhattan. And
I had never been to one, so it's a little curious,
of course, and I googled it and I found this
(12:39):
party called Meaty at meat.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Is it still around?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I feel like I've been to a party called I'm
short Oka Meat.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, and the location is in Times Square.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
No immediately, No go.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
At bb Kings, bb Kings, the Jazz Lounge, the Blue
the Blue.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Lounge where you go take like your mom for there's
a lounge.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah, it's across the shoe from the the oldown anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It was not there there, Yes, across the on forty
second on forty.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Second Street, they were doing a sex party.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
At bb sex party at b a gay sex part, okay,
sex party called meat m e E at Bby.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I
used to live over there. Then the Apple Bee's across
the street. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
It stands for beer back.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Sorry, sorry, I took that for real and I was like, no, no, okay, no,
but seriously, bb fucking Kings, Okay, let's not bbq's. I thought,
that's what you're gonna say first, which would actually be
more appropriate, but shout out to bbq's. I would promote
you all if you want a sponsor, you're.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Looking for that sponsors baby or I love it, ketchup.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Ketchup, I love Sorry. Yes, so you show up at Bebes.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Show up at BBES good old bareback?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Yes? Uh?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
And it was wild but it was so much. It
was my first ex party and I lived a dream.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
What was the dream? Just being so yeah? Remember when
I said horror, Okay, I'm gonna swim and swim I
don't know, come wow.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
No, I will say though, it was my first sex
party and it was unbelievably liberating. Yes, of course, and
like once you once you get past ask the fear
and you get there and you're like, oh, everyone else
is here too, yes, yes, yes, and like no one's
why would they judge you if you're like we're also
here there, and like how cool that we get to
experience like consensual groups, Like there's something I think kind
(15:17):
of gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Absolutely, I think it's virtual.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Yeah me too, but uh so yeah, that time in
my life, I closed the place. So I got home.
I don't isn't this a judgment, Freeze.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I'm not judging. I'm just saying, you're it's not a judgment.
It's just like a these are the facts, and you
are showing up now all the dolls are on my side. Okay,
I just you know, embrace you you are. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
So I got home five am, and I realized that
somewhere in that sea have come. I dropped my wallet,
so I had to go back the next morning at
eleven am. So five hours, six hours.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
And now it's back to a gospel come.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It was a full gospel brunch happening where I saw
people getting fisted elbows fucking. It was nuts. It was spotless,
and they were serving French toast and scrambled egg and
people in church hat her chats. It was crazy, no idea.
(16:29):
And I went into the hose. She she gives me
my wallet. They found it, and I said, uh, do
you know what happened here last night? And she goes,
we clean up fast, and she.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Walked and I was like, I could not be on
that way staff. I could not be on that way staff.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
It was so gross. And thereafter, of course.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It is those sex parties are nasty. Shout out to
the cleaning cruise of all those sex we honestly, because wow.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, anytime I see like bathroom attendants at some of
our gaye parties, I'm always like.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I'm so scause this bathroom nasty.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Don't tell anybody what we I know.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
And those quarter parties, which you know, I hate those
quarter parties. Those parties are nasty because sometimes people got
to clean out in the middle of the thing, which
is really gross.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Why would you do the cleaning?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I'm I'm never, girl, me, what my god, no judgment.
If that's you, no judgment, shout out to you, to you,
but me, I love ketchup, so I could never. I
(17:40):
could never, Oh my god, I could never. Could you imagine?
And then you got a line of people waiting at
that party and you come out and they know what
it smells like.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Oh no, you're literally like living it right, Like.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I just.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So yeah. But what's like to top it off is
that the same night I swear, by coincidence, I had
tickets Sunday night to see my friends Marsha Wallace, Broders,
Marshall Wallace and Brody Burrow is one of my best
friends do a show.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I'm better call them Broadways.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
You gotta get the title.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
You're not wrong, Thank you, respect, shout out to Broadway
my cards.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Yea.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I had tickets to their show at bb Kings the
same fucking night and I watched the were amazing. It's
one of the best shows I've ever seen. After the show,
she's cultured, She's cultured.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yeah, a little miss a little music, come on culture Yeah, absolutely,
bb king one stop shot.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, I pulled n a side up
the shot. I said, because if you guys have now
seen what kind of friend I am, I love to
like po Man's crazy, I said, uh, I said, you
are so amazing. But I also just want to let
you know that, like I bread someone where you saying,
(19:22):
he looks at me done in the eye and he goes,
you have to ruin everything for.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Me, you know what, You're the kind of friend that says,
let's just deal with the reality, like I love you,
I love you, And also like I think you should
know also that there was a pig right now, you
did a great job to you. Oh god, not you
compare yourself to a Broadway singer. You fucking twigging and
(19:47):
comparing it to a Broadway singer. We do the same, boy,
we're both talented. Oh my god, disgusting. Wow, well plastic,
that's crazy. I love that, honestly obsessed spread story. M
(20:12):
hmmmm mm hmmmm.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Alright, BBKI, Well they closed on too long later, which
like clearly they needed the right money when they were.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Hosting the parties, like some little gay manager was like,
I do have an idea, and that owner said, I
just don't want to know about it. I just don't
want to know about it. It's a reputable establishment. I
just don't want to know about it. It's actually kind
(20:48):
of iconic, like when you think about when you are
a little older and like, you know, tomorrow you'll look
back and be like, oh my goodness, I once went
to a sex party at bb Like that was an
iconic establishment.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Yes, for sure. That's New York though, right, that's life,
the experiences. I'm so happy I got to grow up
as a queer human in New York. Yeah, figure myself
out sexually, yeah, all that, Like I was able to
play and like go into these environments that I don't
think I would have gone to anywhere else. Really, I don't.
I think I would have judged it too much and
(21:25):
just liberated me so much to be able to try
things and try some things I didn't like either and
be like that's okay, I tried it.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, Like what are some things you didn't like something
you tried?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Like in relationship wise, I I could be open, but
I can't. I can't have multiple partners fair Like, emotionally,
I only have the capacity to be that emotional for
one person and a lot I have, like I know
that I would have. I would have a hard time
(21:58):
thinking that I didn't come like second, which is my
own complex.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
The hierarchical, Yes, you'd have it in your head even
if it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, even if it was like so obviously not think
I would struggle.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
With Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah. That and like fisting ah.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Show, Oh my god, it's crazy. I'm like in the
motion with you, and then it's like also fisted and
that's team and that is tea. I also like, well,
obviously I can handle the multiple relationships. Yes, some people
okay about but I also cannot handle the fisting I have,
(22:47):
Like sorry, sorry, I did not see that coming. I
just I like, I respect it. I've fisted people before,
like you show me how to do it. But it's
just like I don't desire to be that far up
(23:08):
inside anyone.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I don't think I can't.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I don't desire anyone. I don't you know, I don't
desire to do the work that it takes. Yes, already
is enough for the dicks, but to do for a fist.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Oh look, I'm like I say, I'm verse top. I'm
like ninety five top five bottom, And the only reason
that I'm not I would like to be more like
seventy thirty. Sure, but I just like just the thought
of having to because I know the practice, not just prepping,
but like to crack.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
To open that hole up. Yeah, you gotta play with
the BUTTLO walk around with.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
And when I go to jerk off, the last thing
I think of is one to do that. No, I don't,
and so I just never do, and then I get
too nervous to the bottom even in a while. But
like I keep telling myself, I want to buy like
butt plugs, like you should the ones that you size
up the trainers. You should, of course I should. Here's
what I would suggest. I would suggest, and we actually
(24:03):
talked about this, I think with uh dB. But like
I would suggest, like carving out the time intentionally, like
being like for the month of whatever it is, I'm
going to intentionally practice like whatever.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I'm just like for a few weeks I have.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I do know that just like anything else in the world,
it can be learned. Yeah, yeah, for sure, practice practice
and like set the time. Yeah, and one day when
I have that time, I definitely visible.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
She's a busy girl.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
I am very like in my life and my schedule,
Like I'm very conscious of what I give my energy to.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Absolutely, And you're like, you can't be when I am
at capacity. I can't spend an hour reducing love. I
just can't do it.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I get it, honestly can't. Yeah, it's honestly, I'm like, yeah,
just come over, I'll be here.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Like and I'll Yeah, to be at top is just
it's a dream.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
You just I'm also better at it. But I think
because I just had the confidencey sure, yeah do it.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
No, But also like I like a top will eat
a fucking burger and fries and then be like, come
on over and sit on this dick a bottom.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
No, you know, I have a rule for myself. I
will if I have scheduled sex with the bottom, if
I like have to cancel for some reason or something,
if I message them and they're like I douched. I
will never cancel on a bottom. Who do Oh that's
really sweet? Yeah yeah, unless like I for some reason
I can't. Yes, yes, but like if if it was
(25:33):
just like me getting tired or something, just.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Come over and get this this fuck.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, I'm like, I'm I'm gonna put that work in.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Like, if I'm going to cancel at the top, I
will cancel at least ninety minutes or to two hours
ahead at the bare minimum.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And if you do have to cancel, be the one
to reschedule.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Oh sure, I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I don't tend to. I tend to not cancel on
bottoms because if I I'll be honest, if I am
canceling on a bottom or rescheduling, I try to know
that as early like top of the day kind of vibes,
but never lasts a minute, because that's insane. Which I've
had that i'd be mad. Yeah, it's in it's infuriating
when you're like, oh, I, which is why I'll be honest.
(26:16):
I tend to only prefer to like bottom for like
my partners, because I know that's a guarantee, or like
regular partners parts that I know I'm regularly with. Otherwise
I'll do it for like a sex party because then
I'm like, yeah, I'm just gonna So.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
You only like to bottom for either partner or sex parties.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But you said like random one off hookups, I don't
like to because one I don't know if they're gonna
be good, fair, and that's a lot like the prep
is crazy and and I think that's mainly.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Well, what's why can you do the sex party?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Then? Oh? Because I know that, like I will have
a good like I don't have to stay with one
person like I can. So if you don't like get
you yeah, yeah, if you don't like that, it goes
somewhere like you'll find yeah more with that person, like
there's it's a buffet.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Are you what?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I don't know how to spell it, but I can't
even say it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Do you still do you get any anxiety? At sex
parties anymore.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
What kind of anxieties.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Good question, I guess I'll name like my anxieties have
had in the past. Uh, my anxieties have been well,
first of all, I I'm like so adhd and it's
over stimulating. Sure, I get super in my head. So
like when I and those kind of uh environments, mighty,
she really kicks in for like conversations, and if it's
(27:45):
a lot of it starts conversation wise, I just start
panicking a little bit. Oh sure and that and then
just like all the other normal like yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Mean there are things to be anxious about. Sure, I
tend to set myself up. So usually if I'm going
to a sex party, usually going with a friend or
a partner smart and so like cause you know you'll
get lost with you, but like to have somebody that
you know, not alone at BBK lord no name of
this episode. I so like having somebody there. And then
I also always have like my comforts, So I have
(28:16):
like an Apple watch so that so that if somebody
has kept me and whatever, I have my my loop,
my whatever in my bag. So I just like having
the things that I know I need to like keep
me calm, and then I always if I need to
take a break and take a break, yes.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
And if I want to leave, I'll I'll leave that. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh I've learned that that and that's a life lesson. Yes,
Like when it's time to go.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Go do you know a good trick that my therapist
gave me? That's helped me a lot because I I
get in dieting places sometimes and I want to I'm
such a loaner. I like to be at home four
with like two people. I'm a big crowd person. But
now when I go to anything crowd related, I put
a timer on my phone. Lovely that I say, like,
let's say it's an hour. You're gonna be here for
an hour, and you're gonna be here for a now, yes,
(28:58):
and then after if you want to go, you can
go home.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I loved it, and if not, you stay.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
And that has given me so much more freedom because
I think like the thought of being there and like
not knowing when to go, like or like.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Beating up on yourself because you're like, oh, I should
be able to stay here longer and whatever. It's like, no,
like give yourself the time because you might need to
break through on something, but also it might not be
the vibe. And I've learned that, like, if it's not
the vibe, it's not the vibe. And if it's not you,
you can just go. Like there are times where it's
a great vibe, and sometimes the vibes are off.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah yeah, and like you see it, sometimes someone comes
in with you and they're not the vibe and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
It's I love the timer. That's so smart because it's
like I can, I can.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I will try. Yes, I'm going to try, not even
gonna try. I'm going to commit.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm going to commit.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
I'm going to commit for an hour, yes, and.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Then when that timer is up, and then if I'm
not feeling it, yeah, and then I.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Go home so much more peaceful because I'm home and
I'm like, I did it. I'm going to let myself
for a last Yeah. My brain, which I it's hard
for me to do, like I want. I always want
to be doing short and productive or something thing so
that calms my brain to say, like, yeah, you did it.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I love that. My favorite sex party hack is that
I will order food from the restaurant that I like
before I leave, because you know, the parties too late,
and then I will have it at home put in
the fridge and then after all that fucking especially if
you've been botto man, Lord have mercy, you ain't been
eating like that. You come home and you warm that
shit up and it's especially got pizza or something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And do you know how many times I have had
someone coming over from Kriner at the same time I
order food I want because I'm like, this can take
forty five minutes. It'll be in her now, gorgeous. So
once it's done, I shower. No, I come up and
there's like a hot pizza ready for me.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Wow. When is that a real the scheduling, it's like
when the schedules align beautifully, that really turns me on.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
It really really turns me.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Should do some mess email, yeah beautiful. As always, your
submissions remain anonymous, and if you want to submit something messy,
just go to something messy dot com and this anonymous girl. Hey,
I feel like, why don't we just jump to the like,
let's make a mess, let's just jump to the big one. Well,
you had mentioned it, so like I might as well,
(31:19):
let's just go with it. Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh god, I'm nervous. No, No, you don't have to be,
are you sure?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I promise. I don't believe them. This
one says living with HIV has been such a complicated
journey for a long time, I thought it met my life,
especially my joy, would always be limited. But the truth is,
I laugh, I love, I dance, I thrive just like
anyone else. Still, I sometimes feel the weight of stigma,
(31:46):
like other people can't see that joy as a real
or as real or possible. How do we celebrate and
normalize joy as people living with HIV and help the
world move past the old shame filled narratives?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Ah man and I love that they've this person specifically,
like clearly has accepted it for themselves. They know that
they're happy, they know that they're healthy, and like they're
just still concerned about other people. A lot of people
who I met who are AHV positive haven't even gotten
that part yet. Yeah, they're still ashamed of it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
How did you get to that part? How did you
get to the joy or to the acceptance?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Well, I got HIV when I was twenty one years old.
I had only stupp with two people. I like, I
knew nothing about sech I was pulled out of sex
head class from my family because they didn't want me
taking sex head class. Oh wow, so I'm not like
I would have learned anything that I needed to know.
I feel like we didn't talk about it in uh
at the house or anything. So when I got it
(32:57):
after a few months of like getting better and being
on the medication and like seeing kind of how easy
it was to take a pill and be fine, and
then I couldn't transmit it to anybody, and like after
I started to like look at it like for real,
I was like, so, what are we scared of? Like
(33:21):
this is the most man. I mean, we live in
a very privileged country where we have access to medication,
but like with that medication, it is so easy, like
we literally don't do anything. And I just I kept
looking at it, being like why is everyone so scared
of this? And I slowly started to talk about it,
(33:43):
just like with friends. I started to use my dark
sense of humor a little bit with my friends on it.
And the more I spoke about it and in the
reality that it is, the more my brain started to
understand it and the people around me started to under
stand it. So I would they started to find it
(34:04):
so like nonchalant because I was so nonchalant about it,
and watching that change in them so quickly like made
me realize, like, oh, I can make the same change
for myself, Like I can just I could just acknowledge
it and not let it be this like scary monster
in the closet, make it part of me, like except it.
(34:28):
And once I did that, it just it just made sense.
I now it's not that easy for everyone, and I
get that, but I just anytime people people were positive
who are still having trouble, I'm always like, first of all,
be nice to yourself. It's okay. Scary as fuck, yes
(34:50):
really because we haven't been re educated more than anything, but.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
We're good.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I believe the science. My love the science. Know you're good,
so I just try to believe the science. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
What I love about you is that you you do
have a dark sense of humor, which I'm obsessed with,
and I think like in our first hag, you like
literally made an aide joke and I was like it
just like breaks the ice and it's like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
It shows you like I'm good. Yeah, I'm comfortable. It
was also just a healing thing for myself to be
a yes, but like I want to show you that
I'm good if I can make such a ridiculous joke
about it. Yes, it really I've seen people be like, oh, Okay,
this is actually not that scary.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And you're But like, I want to say that you're
because I mean comedy. This is the healing thing about
comedy and jokes, right, Like you can take your pain
and turn it into something that allows us to kind
of reflect and feel safe and different about a thing.
But I think that your jokes have a reverence for
the history. Oh right, Like there's a there's an awareness
(36:00):
lotion in the middle of such a sweet moment. You're
you have such a reverence for the history and a
reverence for the ancestors, and a reverence for how we
got here.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I literally do it mostly to honor them. Yes, Yes,
it'd be like like you guys fucking fought and died
for us. Yes, And now I'm not gonna sit back
and be ashamed of this.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
That your joy is a celebration, an honoring those who
lost wish they wish, Yeah, that not only could they live,
but like live as openly as we are.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Like I think about that a lot. I think that
a lot because the more I find myself and like
my expression and allow it, the nicer this is to me.
And it makes me so sad to think of like
a whole generation who had so much telling them that
they should hate themselves. It really breaks my heart. And
(37:01):
so a part of me looks at life and like,
do it for them. Yeah, be loud, be fucking proud
they got you here.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah. It definitely feels me for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
It's like, uh, It's why I've always been like openly
gay or queer, because I would always think about, well,
damn the people who had to be in the closet
and weren't safe enough to be out and safe enough
to And like I'm living in New York and I'm
not saying everywhere is perfect, but like the West Village
East felt like, you know, like it's and so I'm
(37:36):
just like, oh, this is this is honoring those who
really fought for us to be able to express ourselves,
for us to be able to love, to love, how
we love, to get married, all these things. Like I'm
going to honor them by living my life.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I mean, And like during the epidemic, literally no one
was helping them. They were people were like purposely letting
them die.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yeah, this and.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
We are not that long later.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, not that long at all.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
All this medication that I get for fucking free that
makes me healthier than most people. Yeah, I don't know.
I think we're really lucky. I think we're really lucky.
We are very lucky. Yeah, so that really helps me
accept it and be okay with it. And also, like,
do you remember how the weight off your shoulders when
(38:28):
you got to come out of the closet. Why would
you ever have another secret down? It's just I'm not
saying you have to tell everybody, but don't make it
something that you're hiding.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yeah, it's interesting. It's like such a process. I feel
like the moment I always say, there's a difference between
coming out and being proud, right, like that you can
come out and you can feel that weight, but there
can still be a little bit of shame. And then
there's like intentional work that has to happen and that
gets you to a space of pride and joy. And
(39:00):
so I'm curious for you, it sounds like for you
it was your community that like you were were open
about this, and then you're showed your community how you
were feeling, and your community.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Held you learned with me. Yes, yeah, asked questions. Was
there for me when I was trying to figure out
was there there's some dark times shortening? Yeah? They really
I could have done it without them, which which again
is like why I'm also so attached to like the
queer community. I'm not super connected to one hundred percent
(39:32):
Colombian and but I'm not really connected to that part
of it for many reasons. Yeah, so I think instinctually
I've latched onto this. Yeah, how did you I.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Guess like I want to, I go, like so many places,
how do you suggest someone takes it from the survival
to the thrival? Right? Like? For I think like I
think like being open about it or accepting it gives
you that survival. But then what I think that you've
been able to do with your life is really thrive.
I mean, you are one of the warm I mean
(40:11):
people can tell like you're hilarious, You're so warm, you're
so kind. The way that I see you interact with people,
you're so You're in your skin and your body. You're thriving,
And so I wonder what are the steps that somebody
can take to go from just accepting to thriving.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, I mean I feel like I've said it in already.
It's like it's just day by day, be nice to yourself,
remind yourself the truth. Start telling one person, if you
can tell two people, tell three people. Start hearing the
(40:52):
questions that are being asked. Learn kind of like your
what you say to a lot of these questions. Sure,
so you start feeling more comfortable. So it's not when
you do have to have these conversations later on when
you're telling a sexual partner or something, you're not like
like you've got some verbiage for it. Yeah, and just
(41:14):
and just remind yourself every day of the truth.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
It sounds so simple and it's not. But like, just
be nice to yourself in the process and remind yourself
the truth every fucking day.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
You became, you know, kind of a poster child in
a way. It was such a crazy time of my life.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Let me talk about it. I did. I got asked,
so I what happened was I made an Instagram post
about it, like a few years after I had got
an HIV, but by that point anybody who knew me
knew it was like my official post I was in
I think I was in King Booths at the time.
I know School of Rockets Time Tour, School of rocket Time.
(42:00):
And I made this post and about me being HIV
and I wrote this thing, and I put my phone away,
and I woke up the next day and I had
like thousands of new followers and all these like gay
publications emailing people broadways. Hernado Umana comes out positive Like
it was such a fucking crazy moment.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Were you ready for that? Or like how did that feel?
Because there's one thing to tell your community, but it's
another thing to be like, oh, now like the world
is in on this.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Yeah. I think I was ready for it. Yeah. I
think that the only reason I didn't do it sooner
was because I was I was still scared if there
was going to be any repercussions A sure, and there's
none if you're positive out there. Actually, since coming out,
I would say that I've gotten the most acceptance and
(42:55):
like love and respect wow ever ever have?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (43:01):
So know that.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from HIV?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Ooh? I'll say when I got it twenty one, it
was just like a it was a huge wake up
call for me coming from a very Catholic Colombian house,
and then that happening was so soon, so soon after
because I realized that if I would have just known
(43:32):
truths and like not have the church hide so much
from me or tell me that I was wrong or
do all these things, like, none of this would have happened.
So I'm just gonna always speak truth because like this
could have been solved. Yeah, So I took that on
for sure. I'm like, I'm not I'm not hiding the
(43:56):
truth where we're supposed to have shame if I don't
have shame. Yeah, Like I look any time now that
I feel like I have shame on something or like
I feel so or I look at someone's life like
a sexual thing and I'm like, oh weird. I go,
like you got a question that I love that?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Yeah, Like using that as a way to actually investigate,
was that is that learned?
Speaker 4 (44:16):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Oh my god, there's so much learned shame and sexual disgust.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
And every fucking time i think I've got it down,
of course comes up and I'm like, oh I got
it unlearned that too, Yeah, Yeah, I think that's it.
Gave me that It just like made me live in
reality and say, like I don't want this ever happened
to anybody else again. So all I need to do
is best myself. I'm gonna keep showing up as myself.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
It sounds like what's interesting is it sounds like what
you wish you had, ye was the education like to
be you and the community and the conversation. But then
what you got on the other side was education and community.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Yeah yeah right, like you got it on the other side.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
And that's and it gave it to me like in
a bigger, harder waite whole. Yeah. I thought like that,
Like yeah, I got an influx of it, yes, And
like during and I mean I've I've for years have
had like people all over the world message me who
don't know me to tell me that their hight be positive.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Yeah, and it's just needing someone to tell.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Need them to tell, or getting advice and like fucking cool. Yeah,
you know I love that. I get to we're so
even with all the bullshit going on, we're so lucky here.
And when people message me from other countries, I'm like,
who are not so great with people being gay? It
just it's another kick in the ask to be like,
(45:42):
we're good. Yeah, Like help this kid as much if
all you can give him is peace of mind.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
All right, So I just want to make sure we
all of this is incredible and thank you for being here.
But let's make sure we answer their question, which I
think we have, but I'm just gonna run it back
and make sure we did. Switch is how do we
celebrate and normalized joy as people living with HIV and
help the world move past the old shame filled narratives.
I think what I heard from you is it's education,
(46:12):
it's community, it's talking about it, it's telling the truth
accepting it. The first is accepting.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yourself first, Yeah, and then start talking to other people
so they feel that you trust yeah, so that they
know that they can accept you fully.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Yes. And then I think also like finding people like you,
people are who are not alone, that you're not alone,
so that you know that you're not alone. That's always helpful,
Like when you can find I mean, that's the beauty
of the internet, and it has a lot of dark sides,
but the beauty is like you can find people who
are living in joy and and.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
We're good, We're healthy. I'm healthier than most people like, Yes,
you are good, honey. Remind yourself how fucking lucky the
truth are the truth. We are so fucking lucky to
remind yourself of that and just and just live.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
And then how do you help the world move past
old chamfl narratives.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Show them what it looks like? Amen, Yeah, just show
them what it looks like. Show up.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yes, I love that. M m m hmmm mmm mmmmmm.
Shall we have one last mess well aftercare? Okay, So
I'm gonna ask you a question. We ask everyone here
and you can answer in one word of sentence, however
it feels okay, which celebrity or fictional character could ruin
(47:27):
your life? And you'd say, thank you? You're dipping down
into this couch. I know who is it?
Speaker 2 (47:35):
No? I think right now, right now, it's Tom Daily.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
That's real. That's really. What's your most controversial food opinion?
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Oh? I fucking hate pickles? Can even touch my food?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Do you like pickles?
Speaker 1 (47:55):
I'm a burger? I know I can't do like a
bunch of I love got ketch. It goes on everything
so many uses. I even use it as a face.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Man forgives. I will.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Hurt you. I will hurt you. Yeah, I like a
pickle on like a burger.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
I don't. I'm not like to take a pickle out
of a jar.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
And yeah I my ex used to do that, and
I'd always be like, you gotta brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Please endorse pickles right now. You're a fan of pickles.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Pick a sponsorship of pickles so much, can put it
on everything?
Speaker 1 (48:37):
Wow, like a who? You did like a who? Okay,
what's your most irrational ick?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Rational? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Like it's like it's it's like it's fine, it's harmless.
And yet you're like, uh, I think pickles that is irrational.
I hate you hate them? What did they do to you?
When's the horse time you had it?
Speaker 2 (49:02):
There's something about the texture all of it. It's just ooey,
gooey and crunch.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
You're leaning away from the mic. Okay, got it? What's
the show you'll defend to the grave even if it's
a good show, like it doesn't do a bad period.
You do love favorite, you love the track? Yes, and
that's a fabulous show.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Artistry, Yes, people reading each other. Drama artistry gets vague. Yeah,
I am I'll never not.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
I love that. Okay, what's the first song you'd play
if you hijack the ox cord right now?
Speaker 2 (49:39):
See us? I'm alife, can't Did you just see it?
Speaker 1 (49:45):
I was like, yeah, honestly you said it and Celine
Dion's lab the rest of the words, but this song.
But yeah, that's right, that's right. If you could whisper
one messy piece of advice into the world's ear, what
would it be? Say that again, If you could whisper
(50:13):
one messy piece of advice into the world's ear, what
would it be?
Speaker 2 (50:16):
I'm like a broken record. Be nice to yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
With that accent A broken record girl?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
What?
Speaker 1 (50:26):
But okay? See you telling me that the word ball
for me real quick? Bull?
Speaker 2 (50:34):
Yeah? You give me always like a ball?
Speaker 1 (50:37):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
I love it?
Speaker 1 (50:39):
So yeah, because what is the other words ball?
Speaker 2 (50:43):
A ball?
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Yeah? What's up? Playing basketball?
Speaker 2 (50:48):
What?
Speaker 1 (50:49):
What are you say?
Speaker 2 (50:51):
What have you ever said? You're playing basketball? Well?
Speaker 1 (50:53):
I was on the basketball team in middle school.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Were you terrible? No?
Speaker 1 (50:57):
I was tall, so I could I All I had
to do was reject them.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
You know, I played baseball one year and now I
was joking. I swear to god. My assistant coach asked
me not to come to the last game, so I
wouldn't hurt the team's chances.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
That's crazy. That coach is crazy. You're eleven, like we
don't need to win, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (51:18):
I'm just kidding. I have no idea that.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
I was terrible at soccer, couldn't do soccer.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I was kind of good at it, but I'm supposed
to be Colombia.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
Yeah, yeah, you know this was the episode. I was like, uh,
you know, we might get canceled, like the thing, like,
this is the episode to do it. But I think
we're doing. I think we're what agree, I mean, Colubis
(51:49):
aread of soccer, the greed of soccer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Black people were been in basketball.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
I was gonna say, but I didn't want to scared,
I was terrible. I was like, I don't love it.
Can I say we really are grated it? Basketball, music,
(52:19):
I mean everything actually absolutely culture black. Yes, final question,
what do you love most about yourself?
Speaker 2 (52:35):
My queerness?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah? Yeah, I love it. I love that. I love
you so much. I'm so grateful that you were here.
You're obviously an incredible friend, but I'm so glad that
people can see the incredible heart that you have and
how you show up for people you don't even know.
I think that's what I Again, I know I said it,
(52:59):
but that's one of the things I admire about you
is how you how you show up when no one's looking,
how you show up in private. I always think how
you are in private is just as important as how
you are in public. And you are so intentional about
who you are in the privacy, and it radiates when
you're in public. I see people literally calm down and
(53:23):
regulate and soften when you're in the space, and that
is a true skill, not skill, it's a true gift
and a testament to who you are as a human being.
And so I'm just honored that you agreed to be
on the show and that you blessed us.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
You know that you are my fucking favorite. I believe
in you so hard.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I believe in everything you do.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:46):
And I think you're just going to blow the fuck
up and help sew. Many people want to say a
part of.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
The dr hey, holy loujahelujah, Yeah, Holy Louiah. Well this
one will be h o l y of course the
rest l sh sh sh sh I got the second
h o l e hole lay l e lou l u. Yeah,
(54:15):
j a h bitch done? Is it a double l No,
it's the funny part. That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Is no spelling.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
And I just want to remind everyone that my whole
is tight.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Tell another one this is my whole.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
It's tight. Don't listen to this disrespectful or alright.
Speaker 2 (54:41):
I can't believe I'm waiting this song is get on
the show and I lost the game you.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Did the first. It's really on brand for you. Bye.
You know there were hose here, but hose with heart.
(55:05):
So before we part ways, let me speak to yours.
I am just so grateful to have a friend I
can stay so open with her, and I really we
really ran the gamut. We really gamut is at the bar?
What's a gamut? Somebody look it up and tell me. Anyways,
we really have the range, you know what I'm saying,
(55:27):
from the bb kings all the way to having a
conversation around HIV and ancestors and uh, it's just so
beautiful to have friendships like that. And I'm also grateful
that I have multiple friendships in my life like that.
Where our friends that you know, and that's what I
hope this show feels like like you're at brunch, and
(55:47):
you know, at brunch you talk about the nasty shit,
the messy shit, the slutty shit, you know, and then
you talk about the other messy shit, which is usually
about family stuff and about identity and about relationships, and
you just have the change with your friends. And I
hope that that's what the show feels like, and that
is certainly what my relationships have felt like. And I'm
so you know, since it's Turkey Day, I just I'm
(56:10):
grateful for that. Thankful for that. One of my favorite takeaways.
It's so simple, but it's so important, you know, Hernando,
I think said multiple times, be kind to yourself. You know,
tough things happen. We are faced with challenging obstacles in
our life. You never know what anyone is walking around with.
(56:33):
But we all have our own challenges and it is easy,
especially as queer folks, as women, you know, it's really
easy to beat ourselves up because we're not perfect. You know,
a lot of our worth, You've heard me say this,
A lot of our worth is rooted in how perfect
we can be, how well we can perform. But that
(56:54):
is all bullshit. You have to lay that down. Be
kind to yourself in those tough moments you might want
to criticize yourself, critique yourself, be hard on yourself. Maybe
the world will be hard on you. You don't need
to be hard on you too. Be kind to yourself.
I'll add to that. Make your mind, your brain, a
safe space to be. Yeah. Again, the world, it will
(57:18):
do what it does, which it will send you all
the messaging to tell you that you're not lovable, to
tell you that you should be ashamed, to tell you
that you're not enough. So you have to do the
work to make sure that your brain, your heart, your
body is a safe space for you to be. So
be kind to yourself. Also, trust the science. You know,
(57:39):
obviously Hernanda was talking about that in terms of HIV
and the meds and you know, PEP and prep and
all these things. Trust the science. But that's in general.
I don't know who needs to hear it is I know,
probably not none of y'all because y'all listen to this podcast.
But like science is real, it is real. Love so well,
(58:00):
you know, do your research on things, you know, find
your resources. However this applies to your life, you know,
find the multiple resources. Check your sources, get a second opinion,
a third opinion. But you know, trust the science. Have
faith in the science. You know, ask people that you
(58:20):
trust about things. Again, whether it's about a medical diagnosis
or about an emotional happening, whatever it is, you know,
do your research and trust the science. Ah And I
love this last one because it's so important. I think
it does a total At the top of the episode,
I'm spending my Turkey Day with my grandmother, my heavenly grandmother,
(58:44):
Hernando said, laugh and feel joy for your ancestors. You know,
we were talking a lot about like you know, Hernando
has a stark sense of humor and makes a lot
of jokes around his diagnosis to lighten the mood, but
also taking advantage of the fact that he is alive
and that there are so many that are not and
that would do anything to have the chance to still
(59:07):
be here and to be able to laugh and to
be able to make jokes, and so whatever that is
for you, however that shows up in your life. Right,
these don't have to be a one to one, you know,
we always say take what you need to, take what's useful,
leave the rest. So however this applies to your life,
laugh and feel joy for your ancestors. You know, I
(59:31):
think about that all the time, you know, this pursuit
of my dreams to be here on this podcast, to
do ho church, to write on substack, all these things,
to write on TV. You know, it's a lot, and
it can be challenging at times. But then I remind
myself of my ancestors, you know, the ones who were
(59:52):
queer and weren't allowed to be. It wasn't safe for
them to be, the ones that didn't have the space
to explore who they are, whatever that means, you know,
And I get to in this moment in twenty twenty five,
I get to so I will laugh and feel joy
on behalf of them, and I hope you do the
same for your ancestors. All right, so what did you learn?
(01:00:16):
You know, what were your takeaways? I want to hear
about it, so of course you can email me at
tell me Something Messy at gmail dot com. And as always,
if you have messy submissions that you want to share,
if you want to share them anonymously, you can send
them to something messy dot com. I can't wait to
hear from you, and I love you so much. Thank
(01:00:37):
you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to
someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. The video
of tell Me Something Messy is produced by Des Lombardo
and a special thank you to Natalie Brandam who helps
me organize and come up with some of this mess
(01:01:00):
tell Me Something Messi is a production of iHeart Podcasts
on the Outspoken Network. For more podcasts, listen on the
free iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
You're listening to tell Me Something Messy with Brandon Kyle
Goodman and iHeart podcasts on the Outspoken Network. Talking about relationships,
sex and identity always reminds me that being a human
is messy. So I wanted to create a compassionate space
where we could feel less alone and embrace our mess together,
the funny, the vulnerable, the cringe, and even the kinky.
(00:21):
Because every part of who we are matters. So I'll
be shy, baby, tell me something messy. Messy patrons, come on, baby,
welcome to the show. I am your messy mom, Brandon
Kyle Goodman. We're going to dive right into it. But
it is Turkey Day, so I wanted to If you're
listening to this on Thursday, so I wanted to wish
you a happy Turkey Day. If you're like me, you
may not be close with your family and so you
(00:43):
might be spending with your chosen family, or you might
be spending it alone. I'm this is my very first
Thanksgiving that I am intentionally spending alone. I'll be in
New York or I'm not spending it alone. Actually, I'm
spending it with my grandmother, even though she's on the
other side. I'm gonna light my candles and just sit
in the presence of her. But I just wanted to
(01:03):
say two of her struggles during these holiday times that
I love you, that I see you, and that you're
gonna be okay, even if at this moment you're not.
And that's all right. If you got to grieve today, grieve,
you gotta cry, dance, be in solitude, scream a little bit, journal,
do what you gotta do. But I promise you, I
promise you you will be okay. So to celebrate or
(01:28):
to be or in the spirit of chosen family, today
will be a conversation between one of the members of
my chosen family. So let's dive in. I love you,
and you know what that means. It is time for
a guest. Now, while they get situated, we will get
our messy. Key Key started with a ho manifesto, So
(01:52):
repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me
the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration,
the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and my boundaries,
the strength to not call my ex that fuck boy,
fuck girl, or fuck they, for it is better to
(02:13):
masturbate by myself in peace than to let someone play
in my mother fucking face. Let the hommunity say hollelujah.
Y'all hold onto your hearts, because today in our mESC
living room, we have Broadway star, animal loving entrepreneur and
HIV and queer activist Hernando Umana. He strutted his way
(02:33):
through Kinky Boots on Broadway and is the co founder
of CBD Dog Health. Hernando is funny, he's bold, he's brilliant,
and he's my friend. Y'all please help me Welcome Hernando Umana. Hi, Hernando.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm starting with a lollipop in my head.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
The first time I met you in person, you had
a lollipop in your Is that true?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
You open the door to your apartment with a lollipop
and I was like, yep, there she is.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I love you for it, putting cartoon. Okay, before we
get too far, let me give you our messy mandates.
Any thoughts, opinions, share it, have the right to shift
change ball today, tomorrow, ten years from now. And if
during the key key I was remember this part. Anything
gets too personal or unintentionally offends you use the safe
word foosball, which gives us a moment to pivot or adress. Accordingly,
(03:24):
I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that's
how this friendship goes. But we'll see, we'll see that
sound good? Yes? Shall we play a loop breaker?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Let's go?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay, we're gonna play a game of smash or pass
because that.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Seems to be again to tell everybody that, like, I'm
obsessed with your podcast. I know all the rules, I
know all the games. Like as you say it, I'm like,
you'll mount that out.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
You know the script.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I'm ready, I know the script.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
How dare you coming on my show and see if
I want to switch? Okay, yeah, I'm gonna give you
a prompt and you'll tell me if you'll smash it
or you'll pass it. I am really holding Okay, uh,
smash your pass matching couple outfits pass? Why you said it.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
So fast being an individual?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I don't know why I said why? Like I also
don't pass on that an individual? Yeah, be an individual?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Give me like who are you?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
I like it on like an Instagram story post, but
I don't like it in like a gag for like
a photo photo.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, I don't like it for like life you no, well,
I didn't even think about being the part I was
thinking it from the outside, but from like being the partner.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh yeah, that's how I'm thinking about, Like why are
you wearing what I'm wearing? Absolutely, you go change, especially
when you're both like the same the same gender, so
you might wear the same gendered clothes.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Especially all the twin boyfriends. Oh my god, I do
hate it twin boyfriends and dressing the same.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It's crazy, and y'all do it, and it's crazy and
sometimes it's wild, especially when they're white. I can't always
tell who's who, and and they'll.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Get especially well, you know, look you you said what
you said.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
So I need to pause because we actually are friends
out here, like outside of feeling like I do see you,
and so we've had couch moments like this, and so
I've been talking how I talk, and I'm there are
cameras here, so I just have to she's a host
(05:54):
h a u X. Anyway, sometimes white people look alike
white man, yes, and y'all know, and they did each other,
y'all know, and you look at it like and then
you meet one of them and then the other one
comes up and you'll be like, you know, you meant Brian,
and the other one comes up and it's David. But
then you be like, hey hey Brian, It's like, no,
(06:16):
I'm David, and I'm like, well, y'all are wearing the
same fucking thing, and y'all book alike and you're both white.
Mix it up a bit.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, it's not for me, Okay, Yeah, that's the past.
Thing about someone is like their individuality, Like I wanted,
like what you wear is like something.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I want to know who you are. Yeah, I don't
want to know who your partner are. Yeah. I did see
on on social media there was a couple and they
were matching. But it wasn't that we're wearing the exact
same thing, but they were in the same color, scheme, coordination.
It was cute. It's still too much, same story, same
fashion story. It's still too much for me. But but
(06:53):
I thought it was a cute on.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Your wedding cute. Oh sure, any other day.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You know it's a pass.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But if you like it, yeah, well you do you
I'll be judging from the corner, but you I can't
wait to see what gets kept.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
We're cutting it all. The episode is canned smash pass
ketchup on mac and cheese past. Thank you well, no,
no more conversation zero and that's for all nasty food.
TikTok nasty.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Just tell you all not to use ketchup anymore?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Why not?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
He says it's for kids. Oh, I like it on
some things.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I don't like ketchup at all. I think it's useless.
What is it there for?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Wow? Can't you just say you don't like it? Why?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
But but I'd like to let you know it's useless,
it's irrelevant.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know who's not gonna want to be hinds behind
if that? If that check is right, I lovett ketchup
on it?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Forging catch up hide the number one catchup in America
that checked clear science. I'll support you, but in general
hate it, okay, smasher past sex in a pool last
(08:29):
one like.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Sexual fun in a pool smash but like penetration.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
No, okay, so I'm with you in general. No, but
I did have sex on a hot tub in it,
in it, submerged in it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And I was fine with that. Yeah, but your hole
was like.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Oh, wow, wow, wow, okay, okay, well okay, well, I
(09:25):
feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I don't know where we go from here. That was crazy,
that was insane.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
So you're having penetration and.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I am my tightle. It's just you know, it's very okay,
it's very tight. Listen, and no shade. Girls. You know
you're open. I want you to, you know, be open,
but mine, mine is tight, and I resent.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
You you to be open.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, if you if you're like you, because some people
like to be fisted and like go off you know
the whole. But I will say this because you don't
come out here my fucking show talking about my hole
is the size of football court. Listen. I was about
to get the second time I got dpeed. They couldn't
get the second dick in and the man said, your
(10:21):
hole is tight, and I don't know if I should
be jealous or something else, and I was like, oh, well,
you know it's okay. And so I didn't get DP
because my whole was too tight.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Is that your defense?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Your honor? I rest case closed. Usually everyone wins the game,
and this is the first time a looser, This is
the first time I've considered.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
A looserate love so bad.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's unconditional. You don't know the show that that's clear.
You don't really know this show unconditional. I guess I'm
gonna give you a great you have a great lollie,
but thank you so much. Okay, all right, first loser
(11:16):
in the history of our show, isn't it fitting? Honestly?
Speaking of which, if y'all have prompts or something messy
to tell me, you can email to tell me something
messy at gmail dot com, or you can go to
something messy dot com and submit it anonymously because we
(11:37):
asked you. Actually, Hernando set that site up so it
goes right to him. Now I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
It really doesn't please.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It doesn't. God. No, you see how he treats me.
He knows me.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You don't know you.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
He treat you terribly. Okay, I'm I was speaking of which,
will you tell me something messy?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Ooh? Yes? Okay. So I was like eight years old.
I just got in broken up with and it was
like my first like big, big heartbreak. I was going
through it. So I decided naturally that the best way
to ease the pain was to fuck it away. Yeah,
And I was just like doing the most for a while.
(12:15):
Was my first time, was my first time like being
sexually confident and feelings sectually liberated. So I was having
a lot of fun. And this one afternoon I fucked
this boy and he was like, tonight, there's a sex
party that you should go check out on Manhattan. And
I had never been to one, so it's a little curious,
of course, and I googled it and I found this
(12:39):
party called Meaty at meat.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Is it still around?
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
I feel like I've been to a party called I'm
short Oka Meat.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, and the location is in Times Square.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
No immediately, No go.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
At bb Kings, bb Kings, the Jazz Lounge, the Blue
the Blue.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Lounge where you go take like your mom for there's
a lounge.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah, it's across the shoe from the the oldown anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
It was not there there, Yes, across the on forty
second on forty.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Second Street, they were doing a sex party.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
At bb sex party at b a gay sex part, okay,
sex party called meat m e E at Bby.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I
used to live over there. Then the Apple Bee's across
the street. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
It stands for beer back.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Sorry, sorry, I took that for real and I was like, no, no, okay, no,
but seriously, bb fucking Kings, Okay, let's not bbq's. I thought,
that's what you're gonna say first, which would actually be
more appropriate, but shout out to bbq's. I would promote
you all if you want a sponsor, you're.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Looking for that sponsors baby or I love it, ketchup.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Ketchup, I love Sorry. Yes, so you show up at Bebes.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Show up at BBES good old bareback?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Yes? Uh?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
And it was wild but it was so much. It
was my first ex party and I lived a dream.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
What was the dream? Just being so yeah? Remember when
I said horror, Okay, I'm gonna swim and swim I
don't know, come wow.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
No, I will say though, it was my first sex
party and it was unbelievably liberating. Yes, of course, and
like once you once you get past ask the fear
and you get there and you're like, oh, everyone else
is here too, yes, yes, yes, and like no one's
why would they judge you if you're like we're also
here there, and like how cool that we get to
experience like consensual groups, Like there's something I think kind
(15:17):
of gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Absolutely, I think it's virtual.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Yeah me too, but uh so yeah, that time in
my life, I closed the place. So I got home.
I don't isn't this a judgment, Freeze.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I'm not judging. I'm just saying, you're it's not a judgment.
It's just like a these are the facts, and you
are showing up now all the dolls are on my side. Okay,
I just you know, embrace you you are. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
So I got home five am, and I realized that
somewhere in that sea have come. I dropped my wallet,
so I had to go back the next morning at
eleven am. So five hours, six hours.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
And now it's back to a gospel come.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It was a full gospel brunch happening where I saw
people getting fisted elbows fucking. It was nuts. It was spotless,
and they were serving French toast and scrambled egg and
people in church hat her chats. It was crazy, no idea.
(16:29):
And I went into the hose. She she gives me
my wallet. They found it, and I said, uh, do
you know what happened here last night? And she goes,
we clean up fast, and she.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Walked and I was like, I could not be on
that way staff. I could not be on that way staff.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
It was so gross. And thereafter, of course.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It is those sex parties are nasty. Shout out to
the cleaning cruise of all those sex we honestly, because wow.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, anytime I see like bathroom attendants at some of
our gaye parties, I'm always like.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I'm so scause this bathroom nasty.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Don't tell anybody what we I know.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
And those quarter parties, which you know, I hate those
quarter parties. Those parties are nasty because sometimes people got
to clean out in the middle of the thing, which
is really gross.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Why would you do the cleaning?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I'm I'm never, girl, me, what my god, no judgment.
If that's you, no judgment, shout out to you, to you,
but me, I love ketchup, so I could never. I
(17:40):
could never, Oh my god, I could never. Could you imagine?
And then you got a line of people waiting at
that party and you come out and they know what
it smells like.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Oh no, you're literally like living it right, Like.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I just.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So yeah. But what's like to top it off is
that the same night I swear, by coincidence, I had
tickets Sunday night to see my friends Marsha Wallace, Broders,
Marshall Wallace and Brody Burrow is one of my best
friends do a show.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I'm better call them Broadways.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
You gotta get the title.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
You're not wrong, Thank you, respect, shout out to Broadway
my cards.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Yea.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I had tickets to their show at bb Kings the
same fucking night and I watched the were amazing. It's
one of the best shows I've ever seen. After the show,
she's cultured, She's cultured.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Yeah, a little miss a little music, come on culture Yeah, absolutely,
bb king one stop shot.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, I pulled n a side up
the shot. I said, because if you guys have now
seen what kind of friend I am, I love to
like po Man's crazy, I said, uh, I said, you
are so amazing. But I also just want to let
you know that, like I bread someone where you saying,
(19:22):
he looks at me done in the eye and he goes,
you have to ruin everything for.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Me, you know what, You're the kind of friend that says,
let's just deal with the reality, like I love you,
I love you, And also like I think you should
know also that there was a pig right now, you
did a great job to you. Oh god, not you
compare yourself to a Broadway singer. You fucking twigging and
(19:47):
comparing it to a Broadway singer. We do the same, boy,
we're both talented. Oh my god, disgusting. Wow, well plastic,
that's crazy. I love that, honestly obsessed spread story. M
(20:12):
hmmmm mm hmmmm.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Alright, BBKI, Well they closed on too long later, which
like clearly they needed the right money when they were.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Hosting the parties, like some little gay manager was like,
I do have an idea, and that owner said, I
just don't want to know about it. I just don't
want to know about it. It's a reputable establishment. I
just don't want to know about it. It's actually kind
(20:48):
of iconic, like when you think about when you are
a little older and like, you know, tomorrow you'll look
back and be like, oh my goodness, I once went
to a sex party at bb Like that was an
iconic establishment.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Yes, for sure. That's New York though, right, that's life,
the experiences. I'm so happy I got to grow up
as a queer human in New York. Yeah, figure myself
out sexually, yeah, all that, Like I was able to
play and like go into these environments that I don't
think I would have gone to anywhere else. Really, I don't.
I think I would have judged it too much and
(21:25):
just liberated me so much to be able to try
things and try some things I didn't like either and
be like that's okay, I tried it.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, Like what are some things you didn't like something
you tried?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Like in relationship wise, I I could be open, but
I can't. I can't have multiple partners fair Like, emotionally,
I only have the capacity to be that emotional for
one person and a lot I have, like I know
that I would have. I would have a hard time
(21:58):
thinking that I didn't come like second, which is my
own complex.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
The hierarchical, Yes, you'd have it in your head even
if it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, even if it was like so obviously not think
I would struggle.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
With Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah. That and like fisting ah.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Show, Oh my god, it's crazy. I'm like in the
motion with you, and then it's like also fisted and
that's team and that is tea. I also like, well,
obviously I can handle the multiple relationships. Yes, some people
okay about but I also cannot handle the fisting I have,
(22:47):
Like sorry, sorry, I did not see that coming. I
just I like, I respect it. I've fisted people before,
like you show me how to do it. But it's
just like I don't desire to be that far up
(23:08):
inside anyone.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I don't think I can't.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I don't desire anyone. I don't you know, I don't
desire to do the work that it takes. Yes, already
is enough for the dicks, but to do for a fist.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Oh look, I'm like I say, I'm verse top. I'm
like ninety five top five bottom, And the only reason
that I'm not I would like to be more like
seventy thirty. Sure, but I just like just the thought
of having to because I know the practice, not just prepping,
but like to crack.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
To open that hole up. Yeah, you gotta play with
the BUTTLO walk around with.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
And when I go to jerk off, the last thing
I think of is one to do that. No, I don't,
and so I just never do, and then I get
too nervous to the bottom even in a while. But
like I keep telling myself, I want to buy like
butt plugs, like you should the ones that you size
up the trainers. You should, of course I should. Here's
what I would suggest. I would suggest, and we actually
(24:03):
talked about this, I think with uh dB. But like
I would suggest, like carving out the time intentionally, like
being like for the month of whatever it is, I'm
going to intentionally practice like whatever.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I'm just like for a few weeks I have.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I do know that just like anything else in the world,
it can be learned. Yeah, yeah, for sure, practice practice
and like set the time. Yeah, and one day when
I have that time, I definitely visible.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
She's a busy girl.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
I am very like in my life and my schedule,
Like I'm very conscious of what I give my energy to.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Absolutely, And you're like, you can't be when I am
at capacity. I can't spend an hour reducing love. I
just can't do it.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I get it, honestly can't. Yeah, it's honestly, I'm like, yeah,
just come over, I'll be here.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Like and I'll Yeah, to be at top is just
it's a dream.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
You just I'm also better at it. But I think
because I just had the confidencey sure, yeah do it.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
No, But also like I like a top will eat
a fucking burger and fries and then be like, come
on over and sit on this dick a bottom.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
No, you know, I have a rule for myself. I
will if I have scheduled sex with the bottom, if
I like have to cancel for some reason or something,
if I message them and they're like I douched. I
will never cancel on a bottom. Who do Oh that's
really sweet? Yeah yeah, unless like I for some reason
I can't. Yes, yes, but like if if it was
(25:33):
just like me getting tired or something, just.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Come over and get this this fuck.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, I'm like, I'm I'm gonna put that work in.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Like, if I'm going to cancel at the top, I
will cancel at least ninety minutes or to two hours
ahead at the bare minimum.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And if you do have to cancel, be the one
to reschedule.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Oh sure, I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I don't tend to. I tend to not cancel on
bottoms because if I I'll be honest, if I am
canceling on a bottom or rescheduling, I try to know
that as early like top of the day kind of vibes,
but never lasts a minute, because that's insane. Which I've
had that i'd be mad. Yeah, it's in it's infuriating
when you're like, oh, I, which is why I'll be honest.
(26:16):
I tend to only prefer to like bottom for like
my partners, because I know that's a guarantee, or like
regular partners parts that I know I'm regularly with. Otherwise
I'll do it for like a sex party because then
I'm like, yeah, I'm just gonna So.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
You only like to bottom for either partner or sex parties.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But you said like random one off hookups, I don't
like to because one I don't know if they're gonna
be good, fair, and that's a lot like the prep
is crazy and and I think that's mainly.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Well, what's why can you do the sex party?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Then? Oh? Because I know that, like I will have
a good like I don't have to stay with one
person like I can. So if you don't like get
you yeah, yeah, if you don't like that, it goes
somewhere like you'll find yeah more with that person, like
there's it's a buffet.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Are you what?
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I don't know how to spell it, but I can't
even say it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Do you still do you get any anxiety? At sex
parties anymore.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
What kind of anxieties.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Good question, I guess I'll name like my anxieties have
had in the past. Uh, my anxieties have been well,
first of all, I I'm like so adhd and it's
over stimulating. Sure, I get super in my head. So
like when I and those kind of uh environments, mighty,
she really kicks in for like conversations, and if it's
(27:45):
a lot of it starts conversation wise, I just start
panicking a little bit. Oh sure and that and then
just like all the other normal like yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Mean there are things to be anxious about. Sure, I
tend to set myself up. So usually if I'm going
to a sex party, usually going with a friend or
a partner smart and so like cause you know you'll
get lost with you, but like to have somebody that
you know, not alone at BBK lord no name of
this episode. I so like having somebody there. And then
I also always have like my comforts, So I have
(28:16):
like an Apple watch so that so that if somebody
has kept me and whatever, I have my my loop,
my whatever in my bag. So I just like having
the things that I know I need to like keep
me calm, and then I always if I need to
take a break and take a break, yes.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
And if I want to leave, I'll I'll leave that. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh I've learned that that and that's a life lesson. Yes,
Like when it's time to go.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Go do you know a good trick that my therapist
gave me? That's helped me a lot because I I
get in dieting places sometimes and I want to I'm
such a loaner. I like to be at home four
with like two people. I'm a big crowd person. But
now when I go to anything crowd related, I put
a timer on my phone. Lovely that I say, like,
let's say it's an hour. You're gonna be here for
an hour, and you're gonna be here for a now, yes,
(28:58):
and then after if you want to go, you can
go home.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I loved it, and if not, you stay.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
And that has given me so much more freedom because
I think like the thought of being there and like
not knowing when to go, like or like.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Beating up on yourself because you're like, oh, I should
be able to stay here longer and whatever. It's like, no,
like give yourself the time because you might need to
break through on something, but also it might not be
the vibe. And I've learned that, like, if it's not
the vibe, it's not the vibe. And if it's not you,
you can just go. Like there are times where it's
a great vibe, and sometimes the vibes are off.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah yeah, and like you see it, sometimes someone comes
in with you and they're not the vibe and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
It's I love the timer. That's so smart because it's
like I can, I can.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I will try. Yes, I'm going to try, not even
gonna try. I'm going to commit.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm going to commit.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
I'm going to commit for an hour, yes, and.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Then when that timer is up, and then if I'm
not feeling it, yeah, and then I.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Go home so much more peaceful because I'm home and
I'm like, I did it. I'm going to let myself
for a last Yeah. My brain, which I it's hard
for me to do, like I want. I always want
to be doing short and productive or something thing so
that calms my brain to say, like, yeah, you did it.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I love that. My favorite sex party hack is that
I will order food from the restaurant that I like
before I leave, because you know, the parties too late,
and then I will have it at home put in
the fridge and then after all that fucking especially if
you've been botto man, Lord have mercy, you ain't been
eating like that. You come home and you warm that
shit up and it's especially got pizza or something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And do you know how many times I have had
someone coming over from Kriner at the same time I
order food I want because I'm like, this can take
forty five minutes. It'll be in her now, gorgeous. So
once it's done, I shower. No, I come up and
there's like a hot pizza ready for me.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Wow. When is that a real the scheduling, it's like
when the schedules align beautifully, that really turns me on.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
It really really turns me.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Should do some mess email, yeah beautiful. As always, your
submissions remain anonymous, and if you want to submit something messy,
just go to something messy dot com and this anonymous girl. Hey,
I feel like, why don't we just jump to the like,
let's make a mess, let's just jump to the big one. Well,
you had mentioned it, so like I might as well,
(31:19):
let's just go with it. Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh god, I'm nervous. No, No, you don't have to be,
are you sure?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I promise. I don't believe them. This
one says living with HIV has been such a complicated
journey for a long time, I thought it met my life,
especially my joy, would always be limited. But the truth is,
I laugh, I love, I dance, I thrive just like
anyone else. Still, I sometimes feel the weight of stigma,
(31:46):
like other people can't see that joy as a real
or as real or possible. How do we celebrate and
normalize joy as people living with HIV and help the
world move past the old shame filled narratives?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Ah man and I love that they've this person specifically,
like clearly has accepted it for themselves. They know that
they're happy, they know that they're healthy, and like they're
just still concerned about other people. A lot of people
who I met who are AHV positive haven't even gotten
that part yet. Yeah, they're still ashamed of it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
How did you get to that part? How did you
get to the joy or to the acceptance?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Well, I got HIV when I was twenty one years old.
I had only stupp with two people. I like, I
knew nothing about sech I was pulled out of sex
head class from my family because they didn't want me
taking sex head class. Oh wow, so I'm not like
I would have learned anything that I needed to know.
I feel like we didn't talk about it in uh
at the house or anything. So when I got it
(32:57):
after a few months of like getting better and being
on the medication and like seeing kind of how easy
it was to take a pill and be fine, and
then I couldn't transmit it to anybody, and like after
I started to like look at it like for real,
I was like, so, what are we scared of? Like
(33:21):
this is the most man. I mean, we live in
a very privileged country where we have access to medication,
but like with that medication, it is so easy, like
we literally don't do anything. And I just I kept
looking at it, being like why is everyone so scared
of this? And I slowly started to talk about it,
(33:43):
just like with friends. I started to use my dark
sense of humor a little bit with my friends on it.
And the more I spoke about it and in the
reality that it is, the more my brain started to
understand it and the people around me started to under
stand it. So I would they started to find it
(34:04):
so like nonchalant because I was so nonchalant about it,
and watching that change in them so quickly like made
me realize, like, oh, I can make the same change
for myself, Like I can just I could just acknowledge
it and not let it be this like scary monster
in the closet, make it part of me, like except it.
(34:28):
And once I did that, it just it just made sense.
I now it's not that easy for everyone, and I
get that, but I just anytime people people were positive
who are still having trouble, I'm always like, first of all,
be nice to yourself. It's okay. Scary as fuck, yes
(34:50):
really because we haven't been re educated more than anything, but.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
We're good.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I believe the science. My love the science. Know you're good,
so I just try to believe the science. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
What I love about you is that you you do
have a dark sense of humor, which I'm obsessed with,
and I think like in our first hag, you like
literally made an aide joke and I was like it
just like breaks the ice and it's like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
It shows you like I'm good. Yeah, I'm comfortable. It
was also just a healing thing for myself to be
a yes, but like I want to show you that
I'm good if I can make such a ridiculous joke
about it. Yes, it really I've seen people be like, oh, Okay,
this is actually not that scary.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And you're But like, I want to say that you're
because I mean comedy. This is the healing thing about
comedy and jokes, right, Like you can take your pain
and turn it into something that allows us to kind
of reflect and feel safe and different about a thing.
But I think that your jokes have a reverence for
the history. Oh right, Like there's a there's an awareness
(36:00):
lotion in the middle of such a sweet moment. You're
you have such a reverence for the history and a
reverence for the ancestors, and a reverence for how we
got here.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I literally do it mostly to honor them. Yes, Yes,
it'd be like like you guys fucking fought and died
for us. Yes, And now I'm not gonna sit back
and be ashamed of this.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
That your joy is a celebration, an honoring those who
lost wish they wish, Yeah, that not only could they live,
but like live as openly as we are.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Like I think about that a lot. I think that
a lot because the more I find myself and like
my expression and allow it, the nicer this is to me.
And it makes me so sad to think of like
a whole generation who had so much telling them that
they should hate themselves. It really breaks my heart. And
(37:01):
so a part of me looks at life and like,
do it for them. Yeah, be loud, be fucking proud
they got you here.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah. It definitely feels me for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
It's like, uh, It's why I've always been like openly
gay or queer, because I would always think about, well,
damn the people who had to be in the closet
and weren't safe enough to be out and safe enough
to And like I'm living in New York and I'm
not saying everywhere is perfect, but like the West Village
East felt like, you know, like it's and so I'm
(37:36):
just like, oh, this is this is honoring those who
really fought for us to be able to express ourselves,
for us to be able to love, to love, how
we love, to get married, all these things. Like I'm
going to honor them by living my life.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I mean, And like during the epidemic, literally no one
was helping them. They were people were like purposely letting
them die.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yeah, this and.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
We are not that long later.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, not that long at all.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
All this medication that I get for fucking free that
makes me healthier than most people. Yeah, I don't know.
I think we're really lucky. I think we're really lucky.
We are very lucky. Yeah, so that really helps me
accept it and be okay with it. And also, like,
do you remember how the weight off your shoulders when
(38:28):
you got to come out of the closet. Why would
you ever have another secret down? It's just I'm not
saying you have to tell everybody, but don't make it
something that you're hiding.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yeah, it's interesting. It's like such a process. I feel
like the moment I always say, there's a difference between
coming out and being proud, right, like that you can
come out and you can feel that weight, but there
can still be a little bit of shame. And then
there's like intentional work that has to happen and that
gets you to a space of pride and joy. And
(39:00):
so I'm curious for you, it sounds like for you
it was your community that like you were were open
about this, and then you're showed your community how you
were feeling, and your community.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Held you learned with me. Yes, yeah, asked questions. Was
there for me when I was trying to figure out
was there there's some dark times shortening? Yeah? They really
I could have done it without them, which which again
is like why I'm also so attached to like the
queer community. I'm not super connected to one hundred percent
(39:32):
Colombian and but I'm not really connected to that part
of it for many reasons. Yeah, so I think instinctually
I've latched onto this. Yeah, how did you I.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Guess like I want to, I go, like so many places,
how do you suggest someone takes it from the survival
to the thrival? Right? Like? For I think like I
think like being open about it or accepting it gives
you that survival. But then what I think that you've
been able to do with your life is really thrive.
I mean, you are one of the warm I mean
(40:11):
people can tell like you're hilarious, You're so warm, you're
so kind. The way that I see you interact with people,
you're so You're in your skin and your body. You're thriving,
And so I wonder what are the steps that somebody
can take to go from just accepting to thriving.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, I mean I feel like I've said it in already.
It's like it's just day by day, be nice to yourself,
remind yourself the truth. Start telling one person, if you
can tell two people, tell three people. Start hearing the
(40:52):
questions that are being asked. Learn kind of like your
what you say to a lot of these questions. Sure,
so you start feeling more comfortable. So it's not when
you do have to have these conversations later on when
you're telling a sexual partner or something, you're not like
like you've got some verbiage for it. Yeah, and just
(41:14):
and just remind yourself every day of the truth.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
It sounds so simple and it's not. But like, just
be nice to yourself in the process and remind yourself
the truth every fucking day.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
You became, you know, kind of a poster child in
a way. It was such a crazy time of my life.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Let me talk about it. I did. I got asked,
so I what happened was I made an Instagram post
about it, like a few years after I had got
an HIV, but by that point anybody who knew me
knew it was like my official post I was in
I think I was in King Booths at the time.
I know School of Rockets Time Tour, School of rocket Time.
(42:00):
And I made this post and about me being HIV
and I wrote this thing, and I put my phone away,
and I woke up the next day and I had
like thousands of new followers and all these like gay
publications emailing people broadways. Hernado Umana comes out positive Like
it was such a fucking crazy moment.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Were you ready for that? Or like how did that feel?
Because there's one thing to tell your community, but it's
another thing to be like, oh, now like the world
is in on this.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Yeah. I think I was ready for it. Yeah. I
think that the only reason I didn't do it sooner
was because I was I was still scared if there
was going to be any repercussions A sure, and there's
none if you're positive out there. Actually, since coming out,
I would say that I've gotten the most acceptance and
(42:55):
like love and respect wow ever ever have?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (43:01):
So know that.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from HIV?
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Ooh? I'll say when I got it twenty one, it
was just like a it was a huge wake up
call for me coming from a very Catholic Colombian house,
and then that happening was so soon, so soon after
because I realized that if I would have just known
(43:32):
truths and like not have the church hide so much
from me or tell me that I was wrong or
do all these things, like, none of this would have happened.
So I'm just gonna always speak truth because like this
could have been solved. Yeah, So I took that on
for sure. I'm like, I'm not I'm not hiding the
(43:56):
truth where we're supposed to have shame if I don't
have shame. Yeah, Like I look any time now that
I feel like I have shame on something or like
I feel so or I look at someone's life like
a sexual thing and I'm like, oh weird. I go,
like you got a question that I love that?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Yeah, Like using that as a way to actually investigate,
was that is that learned?
Speaker 4 (44:16):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Oh my god, there's so much learned shame and sexual disgust.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
And every fucking time i think I've got it down,
of course comes up and I'm like, oh I got
it unlearned that too, Yeah, Yeah, I think that's it.
Gave me that It just like made me live in
reality and say, like I don't want this ever happened
to anybody else again. So all I need to do
is best myself. I'm gonna keep showing up as myself.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
It sounds like what's interesting is it sounds like what
you wish you had, ye was the education like to
be you and the community and the conversation. But then
what you got on the other side was education and community.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Yeah yeah right, like you got it on the other side.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
And that's and it gave it to me like in
a bigger, harder waite whole. Yeah. I thought like that,
Like yeah, I got an influx of it, yes, And
like during and I mean I've I've for years have
had like people all over the world message me who
don't know me to tell me that their hight be positive.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Yeah, and it's just needing someone to tell.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Need them to tell, or getting advice and like fucking cool. Yeah,
you know I love that. I get to we're so
even with all the bullshit going on, we're so lucky here.
And when people message me from other countries, I'm like,
who are not so great with people being gay? It
just it's another kick in the ask to be like,
(45:42):
we're good. Yeah, Like help this kid as much if
all you can give him is peace of mind.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
All right, So I just want to make sure we
all of this is incredible and thank you for being here.
But let's make sure we answer their question, which I
think we have, but I'm just gonna run it back
and make sure we did. Switch is how do we
celebrate and normalized joy as people living with HIV and
help the world move past the old shame filled narratives.
I think what I heard from you is it's education,
(46:12):
it's community, it's talking about it, it's telling the truth
accepting it. The first is accepting.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yourself first, Yeah, and then start talking to other people
so they feel that you trust yeah, so that they
know that they can accept you fully.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Yes. And then I think also like finding people like you,
people are who are not alone, that you're not alone,
so that you know that you're not alone. That's always helpful,
Like when you can find I mean, that's the beauty
of the internet, and it has a lot of dark sides,
but the beauty is like you can find people who
are living in joy and and.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
We're good, We're healthy. I'm healthier than most people like, Yes,
you are good, honey. Remind yourself how fucking lucky the
truth are the truth. We are so fucking lucky to
remind yourself of that and just and just live.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
And then how do you help the world move past
old chamfl narratives.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Show them what it looks like? Amen, Yeah, just show
them what it looks like. Show up.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yes, I love that. M m m hmmm mmm mmmmmm.
Shall we have one last mess well aftercare? Okay, So
I'm gonna ask you a question. We ask everyone here
and you can answer in one word of sentence, however
it feels okay, which celebrity or fictional character could ruin
(47:27):
your life? And you'd say, thank you? You're dipping down
into this couch. I know who is it?
Speaker 2 (47:35):
No? I think right now, right now, it's Tom Daily.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
That's real. That's really. What's your most controversial food opinion?
Speaker 2 (47:49):
Oh? I fucking hate pickles? Can even touch my food?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Do you like pickles?
Speaker 1 (47:55):
I'm a burger? I know I can't do like a
bunch of I love got ketch. It goes on everything
so many uses. I even use it as a face.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Man forgives. I will.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Hurt you. I will hurt you. Yeah, I like a
pickle on like a burger.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
I don't. I'm not like to take a pickle out
of a jar.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
And yeah I my ex used to do that, and
I'd always be like, you gotta brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Please endorse pickles right now. You're a fan of pickles.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Pick a sponsorship of pickles so much, can put it
on everything?
Speaker 1 (48:37):
Wow, like a who? You did like a who? Okay,
what's your most irrational ick?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Rational? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Like it's like it's it's like it's fine, it's harmless.
And yet you're like, uh, I think pickles that is irrational.
I hate you hate them? What did they do to you?
When's the horse time you had it?
Speaker 2 (49:02):
There's something about the texture all of it. It's just ooey,
gooey and crunch.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
You're leaning away from the mic. Okay, got it? What's
the show you'll defend to the grave even if it's
a good show, like it doesn't do a bad period.
You do love favorite, you love the track? Yes, and
that's a fabulous show.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Artistry, Yes, people reading each other. Drama artistry gets vague. Yeah,
I am I'll never not.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
I love that. Okay, what's the first song you'd play
if you hijack the ox cord right now?
Speaker 2 (49:39):
See us? I'm alife, can't Did you just see it?
Speaker 1 (49:45):
I was like, yeah, honestly you said it and Celine
Dion's lab the rest of the words, but this song.
But yeah, that's right, that's right. If you could whisper
one messy piece of advice into the world's ear, what
would it be? Say that again, If you could whisper
(50:13):
one messy piece of advice into the world's ear, what
would it be?
Speaker 2 (50:16):
I'm like a broken record. Be nice to yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
With that accent A broken record girl?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
What?
Speaker 1 (50:26):
But okay? See you telling me that the word ball
for me real quick? Bull?
Speaker 2 (50:34):
Yeah? You give me always like a ball?
Speaker 1 (50:37):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
I love it?
Speaker 1 (50:39):
So yeah, because what is the other words ball?
Speaker 2 (50:43):
A ball?
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Yeah? What's up? Playing basketball?
Speaker 2 (50:48):
What?
Speaker 1 (50:49):
What are you say?
Speaker 2 (50:51):
What have you ever said? You're playing basketball? Well?
Speaker 1 (50:53):
I was on the basketball team in middle school.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Were you terrible? No?
Speaker 1 (50:57):
I was tall, so I could I All I had
to do was reject them.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
You know, I played baseball one year and now I
was joking. I swear to god. My assistant coach asked
me not to come to the last game, so I
wouldn't hurt the team's chances.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
That's crazy. That coach is crazy. You're eleven, like we
don't need to win, that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (51:18):
I'm just kidding. I have no idea that.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
I was terrible at soccer, couldn't do soccer.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I was kind of good at it, but I'm supposed
to be Colombia.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
Yeah, yeah, you know this was the episode. I was like, uh,
you know, we might get canceled, like the thing, like,
this is the episode to do it. But I think
we're doing. I think we're what agree, I mean, Colubis
(51:49):
aread of soccer, the greed of soccer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Black people were been in basketball.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
I was gonna say, but I didn't want to scared,
I was terrible. I was like, I don't love it.
Can I say we really are grated it? Basketball, music,
(52:19):
I mean everything actually absolutely culture black. Yes, final question,
what do you love most about yourself?
Speaker 2 (52:35):
My queerness?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah? Yeah, I love it. I love that. I love
you so much. I'm so grateful that you were here.
You're obviously an incredible friend, but I'm so glad that
people can see the incredible heart that you have and
how you show up for people you don't even know.
I think that's what I Again, I know I said it,
(52:59):
but that's one of the things I admire about you
is how you how you show up when no one's looking,
how you show up in private. I always think how
you are in private is just as important as how
you are in public. And you are so intentional about
who you are in the privacy, and it radiates when
you're in public. I see people literally calm down and
(53:23):
regulate and soften when you're in the space, and that
is a true skill, not skill, it's a true gift
and a testament to who you are as a human being.
And so I'm just honored that you agreed to be
on the show and that you blessed us.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
You know that you are my fucking favorite. I believe
in you so hard.
Speaker 1 (53:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I believe in everything you do.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:46):
And I think you're just going to blow the fuck
up and help sew. Many people want to say a
part of.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
The dr hey, holy loujahelujah, Yeah, Holy Louiah. Well this
one will be h o l y of course the
rest l sh sh sh sh I got the second
h o l e hole lay l e lou l u. Yeah,
(54:15):
j a h bitch done? Is it a double l No,
it's the funny part. That's what it is.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Is no spelling.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
And I just want to remind everyone that my whole
is tight.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Tell another one this is my whole.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
It's tight. Don't listen to this disrespectful or alright.
Speaker 2 (54:41):
I can't believe I'm waiting this song is get on
the show and I lost the game you.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Did the first. It's really on brand for you. Bye.
You know there were hose here, but hose with heart.
(55:05):
So before we part ways, let me speak to yours.
I am just so grateful to have a friend I
can stay so open with her, and I really we
really ran the gamut. We really gamut is at the bar?
What's a gamut? Somebody look it up and tell me. Anyways,
we really have the range, you know what I'm saying,
(55:27):
from the bb kings all the way to having a
conversation around HIV and ancestors and uh, it's just so
beautiful to have friendships like that. And I'm also grateful
that I have multiple friendships in my life like that.
Where our friends that you know, and that's what I
hope this show feels like like you're at brunch, and
(55:47):
you know, at brunch you talk about the nasty shit,
the messy shit, the slutty shit, you know, and then
you talk about the other messy shit, which is usually
about family stuff and about identity and about relationships, and
you just have the change with your friends. And I
hope that that's what the show feels like, and that
is certainly what my relationships have felt like. And I'm
so you know, since it's Turkey Day, I just I'm
(56:10):
grateful for that. Thankful for that. One of my favorite takeaways.
It's so simple, but it's so important, you know, Hernando,
I think said multiple times, be kind to yourself. You know,
tough things happen. We are faced with challenging obstacles in
our life. You never know what anyone is walking around with.
(56:33):
But we all have our own challenges and it is easy,
especially as queer folks, as women, you know, it's really
easy to beat ourselves up because we're not perfect. You know,
a lot of our worth, You've heard me say this,
A lot of our worth is rooted in how perfect
we can be, how well we can perform. But that
(56:54):
is all bullshit. You have to lay that down. Be
kind to yourself in those tough moments you might want
to criticize yourself, critique yourself, be hard on yourself. Maybe
the world will be hard on you. You don't need
to be hard on you too. Be kind to yourself.
I'll add to that. Make your mind, your brain, a
safe space to be. Yeah. Again, the world, it will
(57:18):
do what it does, which it will send you all
the messaging to tell you that you're not lovable, to
tell you that you should be ashamed, to tell you
that you're not enough. So you have to do the
work to make sure that your brain, your heart, your
body is a safe space for you to be. So
be kind to yourself. Also, trust the science. You know,
(57:39):
obviously Hernanda was talking about that in terms of HIV
and the meds and you know, PEP and prep and
all these things. Trust the science. But that's in general.
I don't know who needs to hear it is I know,
probably not none of y'all because y'all listen to this podcast.
But like science is real, it is real. Love so well,
(58:00):
you know, do your research on things, you know, find
your resources. However this applies to your life, you know,
find the multiple resources. Check your sources, get a second opinion,
a third opinion. But you know, trust the science. Have
faith in the science. You know, ask people that you
(58:20):
trust about things. Again, whether it's about a medical diagnosis
or about an emotional happening, whatever it is, you know,
do your research and trust the science. Ah And I
love this last one because it's so important. I think
it does a total At the top of the episode,
I'm spending my Turkey Day with my grandmother, my heavenly grandmother,
(58:44):
Hernando said, laugh and feel joy for your ancestors. You know,
we were talking a lot about like you know, Hernando
has a stark sense of humor and makes a lot
of jokes around his diagnosis to lighten the mood, but
also taking advantage of the fact that he is alive
and that there are so many that are not and
that would do anything to have the chance to still
(59:07):
be here and to be able to laugh and to
be able to make jokes, and so whatever that is
for you, however that shows up in your life. Right,
these don't have to be a one to one, you know,
we always say take what you need to, take what's useful,
leave the rest. So however this applies to your life,
laugh and feel joy for your ancestors. You know, I
(59:31):
think about that all the time, you know, this pursuit
of my dreams to be here on this podcast, to
do ho church, to write on substack, all these things,
to write on TV. You know, it's a lot, and
it can be challenging at times. But then I remind
myself of my ancestors, you know, the ones who were
(59:52):
queer and weren't allowed to be. It wasn't safe for
them to be, the ones that didn't have the space
to explore who they are, whatever that means, you know,
And I get to in this moment in twenty twenty five,
I get to so I will laugh and feel joy
on behalf of them, and I hope you do the
same for your ancestors. All right, so what did you learn?
(01:00:16):
You know, what were your takeaways? I want to hear
about it, so of course you can email me at
tell me Something Messy at gmail dot com. And as always,
if you have messy submissions that you want to share,
if you want to share them anonymously, you can send
them to something messy dot com. I can't wait to
hear from you, and I love you so much. Thank
(01:00:37):
you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to
someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. The video
of tell Me Something Messy is produced by Des Lombardo
and a special thank you to Natalie Brandam who helps
me organize and come up with some of this mess
(01:01:00):
tell Me Something Messi is a production of iHeart Podcasts
on the Outspoken Network. For more podcasts, listen on the
free iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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