October 24, 2024 • 46 mins
World-renowned comedienne and salad-date-partner, Taylor Tomlinson joins Brandon for a deep dive into repressed love and sexuality because of organized religion. Hold on, stick with us — It's a touching and hilarious conversation on everything from losing virginity "on the lord's day" and the evolution of toe-sucking, all wrapped around Smash or Pass and some shocking Messy Mail submissions.
Find Taylor on Instagram @taylortomlinson
Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman
Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/
Submit your own messy story or question at TellMeSomethingMessy@gmail.com or call (669) 696-3779
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's a whole announcement. There is messy Merch available from
now until November tenth, and you can find it on
my website. Brandon called Goodman dot com backslash.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Merch, like, how did he know it was broken? Was
it kind of like? Oh, was it silent?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
When the diks you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That you have a feeling like a cast on a stick?
Did sign.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
The gesture of cast?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
You can leave it open at the end. It's like
an arm cast.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You know what we do here destroy shame around sex
by talking about sex.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Now, let me tell you something messy.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So I have discovered that I have two kinks, two
kinks that I am exploring and kind of acknowledging and
learning about and trying to learn more about. And I'm
going to share it with you because that's what we
do here. We share, and you know, there's no judgment,
you know, there's just like an open hearted space for
(01:05):
us to talk about the taboo anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
So one of my kinks is.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Feet, which I know you're gonna be like, well, a
lot of people have that as a kink, and that's fair.
I didn't realize that that was like my kink, but
I started to realize in, you know, just gently interrogating
myself that I'm always checking out people's feet always, never
not never not am I checking out your shoes, your
socks and your feet?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Never am I? Not?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Like when I go to the steam room, I realized,
Oh I am like. I don't care like about your
pecks and your dick. I'm looking at your feet, like
what are the feet giving? You know, which is why
I gotta say, for some of y'all, especially you know,
malebody babies, please go get a pedicure from time to time,
once in a blue moon, please, So the toes aren't sharp.
(01:50):
You're gonna cut somebody with that sharp toe.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
But I love feet.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So that's one of my kinks that I'm exploring and
learning about. And it's glorious. Sucking on a toe. Baby,
don't let me be inside you sucking on your toe
that ho.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
It's so good. I'm just sorry.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Anyways, my second kink is and this one's a little
maybe less less known less whatever farts. Wait, don't leave me,
say say hey, stay right here, say with me, Stay
with me, say with me, let's talk about this. I
don't like a smelly fart. I stay with me. I'm
(02:27):
not talking about just like the fart you give when
you like just ate some pizza. I'm not talking about
your morning farts. No, I want nothing to do with that.
I'm just simply talking about when you like fucking somebody
and like air comes out. It's like that a pussy fart,
a queaf some might call it. I don't know what
it is, but it really, I have to admit. And
(02:49):
my boyfriend was the first one to be like, do
you like f I was.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Like, girl, shut up, no, no, no, no, no, no, but
I do.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I really there's something about it that like. It's like
I love hearing moans, and I love hearing the asshole
also moan.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
It's the asshole moaning for me, and I love that. Again,
be clear, I don't like a smelly fart. Okay, if
you just finished eating, that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm not like that murder. I don't want that. By
the way, if that is your kink, go off, baby.
You know, if you like a smelly fart, go off.
I ain't gonnakink shame you, Okay, but it's not.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
It's not for me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
But the fucking farts, the like I remember one time.
I remember the first time. This was like three years ago.
The first time I happened. I was in a threesome
with this couple and we were fucking. I was fucking
one of them with his partner, and he was like, oh,
give me a second, give me a second, and he
put his finger in his hole because he was like
feeling some air or some like tension. He put his
finger in his hole. I've been trying to figure out
(03:50):
how to do this myself.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
But he put his.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Finger in a hole like did a little Jimmy, you
know how, you're like Jimmy A key in the door
lock and out came.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Me and his partner were like, yeah, let that pussy talk.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I just, by the way, welcome to the show. This
is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandy called
good man. You can call me fart lover, and what
about it? What about let's fight it. I know you're
not trying to fight me. I know you appreciate this
about me, my honesty, but I just have to I
just want to say it out loud so it's there
so we know. I love it, baby, I love it. Okay,
(04:30):
I feel very exposed and vulnerable now.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
But it's all right. It's oh okay, okay baby. You
know what that means.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
It is time for a guest and while they get situated,
we are going to get our messy. Key Key started
with a whole manifest Stow repeat after me, allowed or
in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame,
the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex
is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for
(04:58):
my pleasure and my boundary, the strength to not call
my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or buck bay,
for it is better for me to masturbate by myself
in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face.
Let the community say, oh helujah, uh, I'm so excited
to have Taylor Tomlinson on the show. Taylor is a
(05:20):
rare talent who has garnered mass appeal at a young age.
Tayler Tomlinson has continued to receive praise from fans and
critics alike, with Rolling Stone commending her for conquering comedy
and CNN welcoming the era of Taylor Tomlinson. The celebrated
comedian is coming off headlining the seventh highest grossing comedy
tour of twenty twenty three, remarkably the only woman to
(05:43):
break into the top ten. She's released three hour long
specials for Netflix. Tomlinson is also notably the only female
late night host on network television and the youngest by
two decades. Following the outrageously funny debut of After Midnight
on CBS, which I had so much fun getting to
be a guest on. Y'all please welcome Taylor TOMLINSONI.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Pretend I just did your bio.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Okay, was it good?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
It was great. That was so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
How are you good. I'm so excited to see you.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I'm hard to see you.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I like I was saying off off Mike, off camera.
There's so many things happening. We're usually sitting across from
each other with bowls of salad.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yes. Usually you're one of my favorite people because we
have such an adult friendship. Yes, which is that we
see each other every six months. Both of us have rescheduled.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Twice, at least twice.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
At least twice. We switch off.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yes, we switch.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And then by the time we see each other, we're like,
thank you so much. For canceling twice because I didn't.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Like I actually needed that time.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I actually needed that time. And you're so understanding and
that you have so much going on. I feel like
I could genuinely call you twenty minutes before lunch and
be like, I just I didn't get enough protein today, and.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
I like, go go get that protein.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, I like, I can't, I can't come out.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Honestly, it is why you're also one of my favorite friends,
because we're just like, yeah, let's go with the flow,
like it's so easy and soft and like not stressful.
We're never like let's go have a drinking bend like
it's never it's always like salads and bowls and.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Fresh air, fresh air outdoors.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Having never a hike because you know, I don't want
to do the hike. I don't want a camp. I
want to see this.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Look at the southist.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Absolutely it's all white like this.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'm wearing trousers for God's sake.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
We're meant to sit at tables. We're meant to sit
like this. Yes, so I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, So I'm going to give you some messy mandates.
Are how we start here, which is things get to
be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right
to evolve, shift or change today, tomorrow, ten years from now.
And if during the key key something feels or something
it feels too personal or unintentionally offends, you get to
say foosball, which is our safe I love that boos ball,
(08:01):
and then we'll pivot or address it accordingly.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Okay, good, Yeah, do you want to.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Start with a loue breaker.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Y's like a nice breaker, but it's a loue breaker.
I'm talking about sex here. So this is a game
of smash or pass. Okay, yeah, smash or pass. Wheelbarrow
sex position? Oh so that is the position? Yeah, like
a wheelbarrow. So it's like which.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
I've actually think, I don't know. That's so embarrassing and
I totally do. But tell everyone at home. I do.
I do know, for the record, but just tell everyone
at Taylor knows. I know what it is. I've seen
a wheelbarrow. I can put it together.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I'm explaining it not just to you, but to the
to the Okay, well, somebody at.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Home may not know what a wheel is.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
So you know a wheelbarrow, which is a barrow on
wheels with handles sandals. Yes, so you would mimic that
position where like your partner might beauishing themselves on the floor,
their legs are wrapped around your hips and then you're
holding them and that's like a wheelbarrow mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
To smash your.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Pass I'm gonna say, I'm going to say pass on
that one.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Why sorry, I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Have to even explain it's a lot of work. It's
a lot of work.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
I feel like I don't want my arms engaged like that.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And then if you don't want your arms engage with that,
I certainly don't want my arms engage like I feel like,
if you're not doing it, I'm not doing it. Look
at you, look at me. If you're not doing it,
if you're not strong enough, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Okay, fine, so we're both pasting on wie barrow.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yea, yeah, we're both fast.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Okay, smash or pass toe sucking?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
You don't like giving or receiving both, whichever one. I
think it's a pass on both.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
Okay, Okay, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Love It's new for me. I don't know, I don't mind.
It does like.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Tickles, It could it does. Everyone's different. Everyone's different. It's objective,
but I'm here to tell you and does sometimes.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
But it does.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I never record. I have like my feet, I get
pedicures and like my feet are clean. But I never
want to make somebody. I never like, please suck on these,
but I love sucking on somebody shoes.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Why, Taylor, it's my show? Why?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I don't know, it's it's like it's new. It's new,
it's like a new. I mean, people have been sucking
toes since you know, the beginning of since before the
you know, the apes and the right, yeah, science, whatever
it is, that's.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How we we started sucking. We started, and that's how
we got here and how we got toes. Actually then
we just sucked on a body part until it became
a toe.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, And that's why you know they're five and not seven.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
This is a science podcast.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Hello.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I don't know why I like it, but I do
enjoy the sensation. Oh and I also at least the
people have suck their toes like I can see that
it does.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It's surprising for them.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Oh okay, it's because.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's surprising for me too. But then they're like, oh,
this is actually very pleasurable.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So you like to help people discover that about themselves.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I like that. That's a great answer. That's a really
beautiful answer.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
Actually, we think you have here to help.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
This is back to what we were saying. Every interaction
people have with you, they leave better and leave with
more information about themselves.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And about me, more information about Okay, uh smash for
past last one. Cheetos Okay, okay, okay, let me be
more specific.
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Crunchy cheetos Okay, not the big puny, not the.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Big puffy ones.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Crunchy Cheetos hot a regular?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Oh up to you Deli's choice.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I mean, I have not had a Cheeto in years.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You gotta get you chetah on sprite Like this is
I'm like, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I'm really having a moment. No, I'm like, I don't
think I've had a Cheeto on a long time. I
would say, yes, pass on the puffy one. So I'm
glad you made that yes distinction. The crunchy ones are better.
I would say they'd have to be a hot cheeto
for me to engage. It would have to be worth it.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Yeah, I understand. Yeah, I tried.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Look at me, I'm like, literally a sweating in church.
I tried a hot cheeto and it was too hot
for me.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Oh do not like spicy?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I'm not awe, which is like people really get on me,
especially like folks because I know we like spice. And
I'm Caribbean, like my grandmother used to like pour pepper,
just pepper, one pepper, sauce on everything. But I like
did not get that gene, Like I can't interesting. I
like a kick, so I'm a Saracha groy.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Give me, give me, and I'm here for it. I
love a lot o heat, but but give me some
like real hot sauce and bat No.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I want you to be the spokesperson for so Bad.
I can see the commercial and I look like someone
who should not be able to endure any amount of spiciness.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
And I love I love spicy.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Yeah, it is my dream.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
This is this is how sick I am. It's my
dream though, to be a guest on Hot one.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I was just about to say, you'll never make it
on hot ones. But because you can't handle it, you're
I think who they're looking for.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
What a great I mean, a great episode.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I want people to I would die there, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Would absolutely die there I would fight everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, no, everyone gets sick after. It looks love to
do hot ones together, tag team, we.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Can ta hot ones together. I'm actually obsessed with this.
It's a good pitch. Well, maybe you won the game.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Oh my gosh, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, my unconditional love, which I have, okay, yeah, yeah,
but now you have more.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
It's like I'm gonna leave her glowing.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Oh my god, you're like beating everybody. What am I
doing now?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I'm doing this, which is, hey, can you tell me
something messy?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Okay? So if I have it's from somebody else. If
I bring it that in, I don't keep it very vague.
And I would love to hear your advice on this,
because as I get older and more open minded, the
worst my advice gets because I'm like, whatever your heart says,
and that's not good advice. That's not what I want
people to tell me when I need advice. That's like
(14:34):
something your therapist says. And I want you to keep coming.
Give me, give me or give me every option as advice.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yes, yes, yes, options like give me give me your
top three, give me your top three takes it's something to.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Me, yes, or like here here are four storylines, and
we don't care which one you're going because that's TV. Baby.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Sure, I want to choose your own adventure vibe, so give.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
You my yes.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Okay, Okay. So I have a friend who works with
somebody who they are their boss and they I'm trying
to be so vague, but okay, so she's there.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
If you want to like names, I.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Won't even I'll use a real name. So here's the
problem with fake names, because I do this in stand
up where you use somebody's fake name and then two
years later you're still doing that bit. But now you
have a friend name with Kayla and you're like damn.
Or you're dating somebody who used to date someone named whatever,
and you're like okay, you're like, just give me all
your family members' names and everyone you've ever dated, so
(15:43):
nobody thinks I'm like sending a message on this, Yeah, exactly, it'd.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Be like but it could be like a like like
a fiddle fiddle fig or that's a rubber fig.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Oh my god, I know, I love you.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Just impressed yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
My god, that's a one stair off. I wow.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
At home, Brandon, those fake plants, Brandon can identify a plant,
can't keep one alive, there's windows.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I got rid of all my plants, did you? They
were taking up too much work, So I got rid
of all of them. I kept one, but never needs
to be walked.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
They didn't die, They didn't die.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You just couldn't handle the work. Any tail, anybody who
was like, know the plants were alive. I did a
great job, but I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I couldn't keep up my mind.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So much respect for you, and can I tell you?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
As soon as I rid of them, I felt this
like ex heal. I was like, I don't know, like
it was like I wanted them once a week with
that watering, that those thirty minutes could be used elsewhere.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Did you did you give them away?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I found every house them?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yes, beautiful, thank you, Wow, thank you. Okay, I've killed
every plant I've ever had. So that's why I'm so curious. Okay,
So I have a friend who it has a crush
on somebody that technically, I guess sort of works for them.
I don't know much about jobs, is under them at work. Yeah,
(17:17):
and has a girlfriend and she's in a position. Now
my friend who's like, well, I have a crush on
this person, but they're in a relationship, but I'm at
work with them every day and I'm kind of like
hoping that relationship doesn't work out. But also that feels
bad when you like somebody, And also is like, Okay,
can I flirt with this person and just have them
(17:39):
be like a work crush? Yes, even though they have
a partner or is that gross?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Oh? Interesting?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I think work crushes.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Are fun, right, but that disrespectful these are straight people.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Then, yes, very disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I notice.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm sure you know.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I would say I don't know, because I'm of the
mind of like, we're gonna have crushes, yeah, but like know,
you're boundaries in her limits, Like right, I think you
can still be like hey, I love your hair or
whatever that is without being like, oh want I.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Think that's an HR. I don't think you can love
someone's hair.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I actually don't know. I'm waiting for my meeting at work.
I had my first ever HR meeting as a show
last season, and they like it was halfway through the season.
They almost forgot to get to me and I did
it in like hair and makeup. I felt very bad
for chel I mean, she was like a very good
sport about it, but we were we were CRUs scenario
mass like yeah, it was like, well, they have to
(18:37):
go through scenarios and be like is this problematic? Is
it okay that this person said? I think one of
the examples was like, you know Bill, do I know
any bills? No. Bill told Sharon her it's her birthday
and she doesn't look a day over something, and she's
like keeping it tight or something, and you're like, I
(18:58):
think it's the last part that's bad. You tell me
what the answer is, you know. But then other things
they were like they were like, uh, Kevin's flirting with
so and so is that okay? And we're like, well,
is there a picture of Kevin? Like that's all it is.
We care a lot about this. You give you more context,
(19:21):
But it's that's the thing about having a crush on
somebody in a relationship, because I feel like if you
flirt with them, you're not going to feel as bad
as if if they flirt back with you. Aren't you
going to be kind of like oh, that's kind.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
Of if they flirt back, Like if.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Somebody in a relationship. So, I I have encountered people
who love going after people in relationships because that's like
a thing for them.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And but that person is afraid of their own commitment.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I think I think so too.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
So they like what they can't have.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yes, and then if they do get them, that person
like to leave or they'll do it. But it's like, okay,
well I won like I earned that. But for me,
like I just feel like if somebody was in a
relationship and they were flirting with me, I would not
have that fun sexiness that you see on like TV shows.
(20:14):
I would be like, ew, you're a bad partner.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yes, okay, I'm with you. If I didn't if I
didn't know, if I if I knew that they had
a situation where they were like open or whatever, yes, different.
But if but if I don't know that and they're
monogamous and you're in a relationship and you're floating with me,
then yeah, I am kind of.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Like what's going on?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, there is a little icky ness to it. Yeah,
but I don't mind a single person flirting with someone
because it's like, oh yeah, sure, but like you're.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
The person in relationship, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You take you know, you keep your boundaries up.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah. But it's so funny because every movie and TV
show we watch. That's always that's always the situations.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, yeah, it's always a scenario. Yeah, which is why
all of us get into the situation. I don't know
what to do because the episode.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Ends, Yes, the series ends.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, but I think that my church up bringing over
powers that television narrative of I feel guiltier than I
would feel excited by that situation if I.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Were in all that church shame. Where does it go?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
It's in there. We we just kind of learned how
to I think you sort of just massage it into
different areas of your body. And you're like, maybe that's
why I don't fuck with toes because I'm like, that's all,
that's all my church trauma. Like, don't don't touch my toes.
I've worked for years to store some stuff in there,
(21:33):
to get all the way down. Unless you suck my
church trauma out and you got.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Through the toes, that the toes, that could be a
great port.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Great. It was just still a movie. It's still branded,
by the way, still still cinema.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Yes, absolutely, Wait, what is your relationship to church?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Oh we're not okay, we're not seeing each other anymore
each other. No, I haven't been to church in years.
I mean, I think I was obviously I was raised
in church. I was really religious until college. And but
you know, my mom died when I was eight, and
then I think that kind of broke the thing inside
me that made me blindly believe, because it just wasn't.
(22:22):
The math wasn't bad thing. As the kids say. I
was like, oh, okay, everybody, yeah, you know how they're like, well,
we all everyone kind of tried to spin it where
they're like, well, we did pray for her to be healed,
and she is healed. Technically she's in heaven. It just wasn't.
And you're like, okay, it's got a genie where we
have to be very specific with our wording, like it
just it didn't work. It just didn't work. And I
(22:43):
never felt like I was very scared of hell, but
I never felt like there was a heaven. I just
I felt like a bad Christian for a lot of years,
and then at a certain point I was just scared
I was going to like lose all my family if
I didn't believe in God anymore. But I think you
read a moment in life where you go, this just
isn't who I am like I can't make myself believe something.
(23:07):
I can't make myself be somebody that I'm just not
so what am I doing?
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I've been much happier living in the space of
I don't know what happens, and if it works for you,
that's great and I love that for you, but it
just never It's far more.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Expansive of a space I think, to exist from where
you can be like, oh, I don't actually know, yeah,
and like you know, if they're listen, if there is
something great, if there's not also great.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I'm all find out.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Well, we're all gonna find Hey, one guarantee you, we're
all gonna find out. We we Well, yeah, I don't
know because I don't know what happens after.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Oh, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You know, maybe nothing happens. I don't know how did
church influence your I mean, I know how it does
for all of us, but specifically you, how did church
influence sex?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
And relationship?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Does so bad? Not good? I was very much like
I mean, I started doing stand up when I was sixteen,
and I was doing jokes about being abstinate. Yeah, I
was like, I'm not going to have sex andtal marriage
and felt that way until college, and then college you're like, Okay,
I'm going to do everything but like penetrative heterosexual sex.
(24:14):
And then you know, at a certain point you're like, well.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Nothing strikes you down.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, exactly exactly. No, I lost my my virginity. We're
talking about the Lord's definition of virginity. Like on a
Sunday at eleven am, I was like, let's do it
when second service is getting out, when everybody's thanking the pastor,
I want to know this is what.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I just waited so long, and by the time you
do it, you're like, okay, well.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Well that's that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
That's that, and like, listen, whatever you believe you believe.
But it's such an interesting choke hold in terms of
like I want to say this in It's gonna be
a little messy, but let's figure it out. I understand
the need for religion and church and all that because
I think it helps us understand death. And I think
I think death is terrifying, and so I think it
helps us understand and make sense of it. I think
(25:07):
what's interesting is the amount of rules that sometimes we
allow it to govern how we talk to people, how
they talk to us how we navigate our bodies. It's
like all these rules from you know, a book or
from a higher power. And that part I find curious
because I'm like, do you ever want to explore on
(25:29):
your own?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
You know, because that thing is the thing that you
were given a lot of us from childhood, which is
like this is it and this how you do this
and don't do this and say this. And then it's like,
at what point do you like allow yourself to drop
that and just like see, yeah, just like explore and
see if there's something And you might still believe all
of this, but like I think it's it's never being
given the chance to explore.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yes, Yeah, My new hour of material is a lot
about growing up in church and religion. It's probably don't
know of the show show right now, and it's something
that I've kind of touched on in passed specials, but
it was I think from a much angrier place because
I was so upset about the way I was raised,
because I think there are so many different ways to
be brought up in church. You can be brought up
(26:15):
in a way that to your point, what you were
just saying, I think is so beautiful. I think religion
at its best is providing community, providing comfort, helping you
make sense of life and death in the world, and
making you more empathetic and compassionate, hopefully towards everybody else.
But I think oftentimes, and this was the case in
my home growing up, it's used as a tool for
(26:37):
control and fear. Yeah, And I had so much resentment
about that for years that I think this is the
first time I've been able to poke fun at church
and religion in a way that isn't as angry, And
I think it's a little lighter and more balanced and
(26:57):
not so like I'm obviously holding on to a lot
of pain, because you know, it's also like it just
makes you think you have to do everything perfectly and
be this certain way. And I think like me and
my siblings all coming out also helped because I wasn't
sort of holding that piece of me down anymore either,
(27:20):
because as long as I was feeling guilty about my
sexuality or even having sex at all in any form
with anybody, I still felt a lot of resentment and
anger towards the church for putting those feelings there.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
My mom is a born Yan Christian and we've been
a strange for like fifteen years. And what I've I
think in those fifteen years it's been working on my
relationship to the church and the anger. And I'm just
now like being able to talk about it with some
levity and some humor and some like I don't have
to be angry about this anymore, but I think you
have to go through the anger that the only thing
(27:59):
it did become like I kind of blamed the church
for taking my mom away, if that makes sense, because
it's like, oh, my mom is so devoted to this
thing that she can't be present with me as her
queer child or can't accept that, and it doesn't feel
like it's her. It feels like it's the church, whatever
that is. And so like as outside of the church,
(28:21):
you're like, oh, I don't want to be mad at
this person. I like, I'm mad at the institution, I'm
mad at religion, I'm mad at all this other stuff,
and that I think just festers, and at some point,
I don't know how. I think it's a I think
it's community. I think it's a lot of things. You
like have to release it and just kind of accept
what is and be like, hey, I think that for me,
(28:43):
I've gotten to a place where I'm like, I think
that this works for her, you know, or this works
for you or whoever. And if you're happy, great, I'm
going to put up my boundaries around how I engage
with it. But if you're happy, I can't. I'm not
going to like go on a vendetta against the church.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah yeah, because everyone's in pain. Yes, like everyone's in pain.
If that is helping you not to be in constant
agonizing pain, and good for you. But I, as a
child of somebody who has beliefs that are keeping them
from you, which I also relate to, You're like, okay,
(29:21):
but is that so not having me in your life
doesn't keep you up at night in the same way
not believing every single thing that this book says would.
I don't really understand that. Yeah, that is. It is
really hard, and I think the only way you can
get to a place where you accept it is if
you don't have those people actively in your life.
Speaker 5 (29:42):
Reminding you of the loss that you have, yes.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
And of the judgment and distaste for who you are,
person reminding.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
You that you said yeah they think it's like that's
the other piece of it. Is that humans let you down.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
That's a really good point.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Humans let you down. Like being in a relationship and
loving someone, you were going to get let down no
matter if you If my husband has let me down,
I've let him down.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Well and so does God.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
By the way, there was an earthquake this morning.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
You know, yeah, yeah, which I do some messy mail.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yeah, all right, so this is messy mail. Everything will
stay anonymous. But here is a submission that somebody sent
I ate ice cream out the booty hole for a
whole meal, starter, entree, and dessert.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Okay, wait.
Speaker 5 (30:31):
Your face.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Have you ever eaten ice cream out of a booty hole?
That's the question.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Wouldn't it be amazing? If I was like, yeah, wouldn't
have been great If I was like this morning, I
just came from there. Can you ice cream sandwich?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Ice cream sandwich with my sprite and my pizza and
my Cheetos.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I'd be so concerned that the other person would get
some sort of infection from that.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah, the closest I've done.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I've never eaten ice cream out of a booty hole, although,
like go off, I've like put a lollipop on a
booty hole, and I've licked it, which I love.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I love it. It's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Where's the stick.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
The stick is still in my hand. The lollipop is
on the hole. And then I'm like, with a lollipop,
it's great for them?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Oh okay, I like, I mean they're not.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
It's not like adding more pleasure for them. But there
is something hot.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Yeah, and there's something hot about like I don't know,
food in sex is kind of hot.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Ice cream out of your booty hole.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
That that's someone who was like whipped creams not enough. Yeah,
this is too light. Children, Give me two milk, give
me the ice clat ice cringerries. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
On the whole that seems messy, that seems like you
gotta put down is very clean.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
It's just one thing.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
But you know, look, I respect anybody who does something
sexually knowing this is gonna be a great story. Like, yes,
I guess I can write to Brandon about this. They
may have done it just so they could email you. Yes,
And I respect that.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I respect that.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I had a friend who had sex with a couple
in a horse stable and he was like, this is
gonna be a good story.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Was the horse in there? That's not safe. So I'm
really I'm mad with sex stuff because I'm always concerned
about safety. I'm like, it seems like an infection. Is
the horse in there?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Because because yeah, horse was I assume the horse wasn't
in there or like it was maybe like a converted
I don't know horse stable, but it's like a bar
it was.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
I remember the message were like, I'm.
Speaker 5 (32:40):
Hey again again.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
It seems painful.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
It does seem to put your is soft because.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Of cartoons, but it's not.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
It's sharp shirts.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Would you ever play with food and sex?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Yeah? But not like ice intolerant good? So you really
but you can't get again some one of the Okay, what.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Are you talking about? What food do you think you
would try if you could, like.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
A weird food or a normal food? I know, but
I feel like there's like foods that you hear for
sex and you're like, well sure, yea, even the lollipop.
I was like, yeah, that's clean, that's yeah, that's like
mac and cheese that I was just about to say that.
I was just about to say that, but I'm like
that would be crazy. Yeah, mac and cheese on me?
What am I the floor of an olive garden. This
(33:27):
is bizarre. I'm I don't know. I think it would
just depend that. Do you mac and cheese?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Mac and cheese on your volt? No?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Again, we have to stop picking dairy foods. What about
FUNDI what if you put fund of and then you
can do the little stick inside of it's the it's
the little pouch of like sugary dust, and then you
stick there's a little white candy uh stick that you
lick and then you stick it in the sugar and
(33:58):
it comes out all on the thing and then you
saw get off.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
That sounds perfect.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
I mean yeah, that you should do that with toes
on So you should put fun dip on the toes.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Where the trauma is.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Get your child.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
I like this, Yes, this is where Okay, okay, should
we start a business?
Speaker 2 (34:12):
I think we should. This is what gets us on hot.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Ones a sex food business. Okay. This one says, come shut.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Are you deciding whether I can handle it?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I'm exciting. I can handle it.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Like, Am I going to save this for the next episode? No?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
No, this one where this one come shut out my
nose As I was giving my hobby a BJ it
was actually a massive turn.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
On for who I don't know for which one.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
I don't like like I hate having on my nose.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
No, I hate hanging out of my nose.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
But come coming out of your nose. Have you ever
had like a sex accident.
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Like coming out of my nose, come out of your nose,
come out of your toes.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Like where I broke a bone or something.
Speaker 5 (34:52):
Oh maybe no, I haven't had that.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I'm sorry I said it like that, like I had
something cute up. I'm like, oh, like when I broke
my bone.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
You know, I had a friend who broke their dick,
broke it for really.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yes, it was he broke his dick. Uh the day
or night before he's supposed to fly to Florida.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
We were going to a wedding.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
So the whole wedding he's like hobbling because he had
just like they had, like flying a specific surgeon who
like dealt with those kinds of injuries.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Like a cast on his stick.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
Did the gesture of cast.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Because you could leave it open at the end. It's
like an arm cast. Actually do that.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
I actually don't know. I don't know how they like.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
How did he know it was broken? Was it kind
of like, oh, I was silent when the dick breaks,
you know that you have a feeling.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Just like I don't know how dick's work when that dick,
like because it's hard and it's a bone, and like
if it cracks, it cracks.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Oh yeah, like alos and the flu is crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Trigger warning. So no sex accidents, but come out of
the nose, I mean, go off.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
That's a turn on.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
That would not be I know, I hate to think
that I've never had a sex accident. I just can't
think of one. One time I had sex before marriage
that was an accident. That was a mistake. That was
a mistake. This one says, right, this is we're just
hanging out for us. It's just for us.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
No one's gonna see this.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
This one says, I gave my plumber a blow job
after he fixed my sink hashtag showing gratitude.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
That sounds like a porno.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Can I really does?
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I had so we had our ac was leaking and
so we had to have it fixed, and so they
like it was like a two day process and fixing
or a c Then two weeks later, I get a
knock at my door and I'm dressed to be home.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
I'm not expecting anybody.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So like I'm in like my coochie shorts like a
tank top and like one of my like fuzzy hats
just like look and slippers, like just like what whether
are we dealing with? Not? So I opened the door
and the most beautiful Armenian like buff looked a little homophobic,
which was kind of hot, like you know what I mean,
(37:10):
I guess you know it just like looked like he
like just like stood there and said, I'm here to
fix the ac leak. And I was like, I don't.
I don't think we have a leak.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
You go inside to break it literally inside break was door.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
But I was just like, oh wow, this would be
like a hot porno, like this man really came to
fix a quote unquote leak, and like if I were
dressed differently, not differently, I guess I was dressed appropriately,
but I didn't make a move because I was afraid.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
But if you'd been in a different outfit, I feel
like it was a different altcom. That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It was a different out because because I feel like
he was giving, he was giving, he was giving homophobic
or d l if you know what I'm saying like, Okay,
so I felt like if I was dressed in a
d L or more trade fashion kind of had like
a little because sometimes I think, say this, uh, sometimes
like d L or people who are trying to be
more discreet are not very much attracted to those of
(38:06):
us who are very flamboyant, right, and so I try
to give them sometimes but a lot of times they
are as well. But whatever, But I try to give
a story, a trade story.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Yeah, but I did not know. I didn't do it.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
I didn't this listener, this person. I want to be
brained again.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Great story, great story. This is See. These are the
people you keep brunch plans with because you know this
is what they're bringing.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
You know, when you have them to brunch with me,
I'm a yes, I'm gonna give you stories.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yes, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
These are the last two questions and the questions that
we ask everybody here.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Am I everybody? I mean I just started today.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
So not everybody going forward.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Have you ever had sex on a porta potty?
Speaker 2 (38:53):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Okay, are people doing we will do this.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I get messages about this all the time, and I'm
always like, that's crazy, baby, Why are you time people
fucking in theory. It's like a running thing where I'm like,
you have.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
To explain this to me.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Which the only thing I've learned is that in Europe
the parties are nice.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
They're nice, so it's just a bathroom.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Bathroom, a mobile bathroom. But here.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
That's insane. Are they not sober?
Speaker 3 (39:21):
I hope not. No, you couldn't be in there sober.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You know. I've been the parties where people take a
dump in that port, which I am a girl who
takes a dump at home. Why although, oh my god,
the other day I had to go bad and I went,
and it's the worst for somebody who doesn't poop in
publicol or poop out in the world.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You see what I mean in public, public establishment, indoors, indoors,
but outside the home.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
I was like, I have to go, and so to
the restaurant and I went.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
It didn't fly, no, and it was a single person
that was the bad.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
They only had one bathroom and I kept jiggling their
flying That wasn't a line, thankfully because it was lunch.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
It was early weekday lunch.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But I kept trying to flush and I could have
been an asshole just left but I did go to
the bar and say.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Hey, the bathroom is not working, and that paid.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
But you didn't say it was you. No, no, no, no, said.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Literally me, because it's a single stall.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
You said it's not working, said.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It's not working. And then my friend had already paid
the bills, and I was like, hey, we gotta go.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
I did tell someone. I think that's all you could do.
If there's a line, You're a better person me because
if there had been a line, I would have walked
out and been like somebody, just so you know, I
was in here trying to fix the problem. It wasn't me.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
You've been there for twenty minutes to come out there's
a line, You're like, damn, somebody.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Somebody and they're like, I'm like they were, they were here.
I saw, Oh my god, god fully gasoling.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Okay, my last question for you is and how do
I phrase that? Which is what could you learn to
love more about yourself?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Oh? You asked this at the end of the podcast.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
No time, there's no time.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
What can I learn to love more about myself?
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I know?
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I love this question because I think that we all
need to take a moment to like figure out what
we could learn to love more about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
I could learn to love the non work side of
myselphomore because I think I get so much of my
self worth from my career and the things I accomplish,
which is great, we love that. I'm grateful for that.
I like to work, But there are times when I'm
(41:35):
just home alone, quiet, and I go, oh, I think,
I think this is actually me and this is what
I'm maybe running from with all of the like why
is my calendar so far? Why do I have to
do everything right now? And I keep telling myself I'm
going to take a break in six months, a year,
(41:56):
two years, and I keep not doing it because I go, well,
I can't stop now, this opportunity can There's always going
to be opportunities, and at a certain point I Am
going to have to stop because I'm going to run
myself into the ground for sure. But yeah, I think
that I have a hard time believing that I'm going
to be worthy of love without my career or any
(42:19):
of my professional accomplishments, because I'm like, without that, what
are you? Dumb bitch with no hobbies?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
When people ask me what my hobbies are, I I
a short circuit.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Oh, my god, that makes me feel so much better.
I think it was so well rounded.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Yeah, no, like I wish, I'm like, I'm not. I'm
watching TV.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Like stretching, stretching, taking care of yourself. That's my hobby
is making sure I can walk.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
Yea, honestly.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
But I love that you said like when I'm home
by myself, Like this is actually me and I think
that we are always running away from the quiet, from
the quietness of the piece, right, Like it's like, oh,
especially if you've been raised where there wasn't a lot
of peace and there was a lot of whatever.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
It's hard to know that. Like that's okay. Yeah, yeah,
so that's a great answer, great answer.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Man, than you. This was so fun until the end.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
I'm like, go off, put some Cheetos on your body home.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
And I'm going to get pis right, ice cream Cheetos
right now.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
And yeah, because you're worthy, I read that sincerely, You're worthy,
but also chetos. I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
All right, y'all know we are a hose here, but
we are a hose with heart. So before we go,
let me speak to yours. You know, I think what
Taylor brought up at the very end with my uh my,
what's that? My therapist calls it like your I think
it's like the doorknob question or something. It's like the
question you ask right before your sessions about to end.
What she said, I need to learn to love the
part of me that is not work and that when
(44:09):
I'm home, like, that's me, And I just think that
I want to encourage all of us to figure out
who we really are outside of work, outside of our
relationships with everybody else, but like, what is our relationship
to ourself? It's the hardest thing, it's the scariest thing
because you're confronted with your TPS, trauma, pain, shame, but
(44:30):
also is the opportunity to build peace, to know peace,
to hear yourself. You know, there's a lot of voices
outside of ourselves all the time, whether it's on your phone,
whether it's your boss, whether it's your mom, your siblings,
But what is your voice?
Speaker 3 (44:47):
And you're not going to find that overnight.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
You're not going to find that tomorrow next week, but
you should find it, and it's something that should always
be evolving and something that you should have a relationship
with and know that building that relationship might be uncomfortable
that as to said, like, it's like, is this okay?
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Am? I?
Speaker 1 (45:02):
It might feel uncomfortable, but it's worth building that relationship
and finding that piece.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
You can find Taylor on Instagram at Taylor Tomlinson. You
can find me on Instagram at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You
can find the podcast to tell Me Something Messy. You
can also find us on TikTok at Brandon k good
Ooh girl, wait everywhere. You can find my book You
Gotta Be. You get it at our local black owned,
women owned bookstore, REPS Club, and if you use the
(45:31):
code messy at checkout, you'll get fifteen percent off. That
is reps dot Club messy at checkout.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
What else do I gotta tell you?
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (45:39):
And I want to hear from you, So send your
topic ideas, your story submissions, your foosball moments to tell
Me Something Messy at gmail dot com or you can
call in.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
We got a number.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
It is six sixty nine sixty nine messy. That is
six sixty nine six nine six three seven seventy nine.
But you hosts who can't smell okay, rate review and
share this podcast with all of your hoe and aspiring
hoe friends. All right, I think that's everything. So until
we meet again, ask about the politics of that dick
before you make it spit, make sure they eat the
(46:12):
kitty before they beat the kitty, before fucation or suckcation communication.
And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
are so deeply loved.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to
someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. Tell Me
Something Messy is proud to be a part of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts, available on the iHeartRadio app
(46:45):
or wherever you get your podcasts.
It's a whole announcement. There is messy Merch available from
now until November tenth, and you can find it on
my website. Brandon called Goodman dot com backslash.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Merch, like, how did he know it was broken? Was
it kind of like? Oh, was it silent?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
When the diks you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That you have a feeling like a cast on a stick?
Did sign.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
The gesture of cast?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
You can leave it open at the end. It's like
an arm cast.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You know what we do here destroy shame around sex
by talking about sex.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Now, let me tell you something messy.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So I have discovered that I have two kinks, two
kinks that I am exploring and kind of acknowledging and
learning about and trying to learn more about. And I'm
going to share it with you because that's what we
do here. We share, and you know, there's no judgment,
you know, there's just like an open hearted space for
(01:05):
us to talk about the taboo anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
So one of my kinks is.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Feet, which I know you're gonna be like, well, a
lot of people have that as a kink, and that's fair.
I didn't realize that that was like my kink, but
I started to realize in, you know, just gently interrogating
myself that I'm always checking out people's feet always, never
not never not am I checking out your shoes, your
socks and your feet?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Never am I? Not?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Like when I go to the steam room, I realized,
Oh I am like. I don't care like about your
pecks and your dick. I'm looking at your feet, like
what are the feet giving? You know, which is why
I gotta say, for some of y'all, especially you know,
malebody babies, please go get a pedicure from time to time,
once in a blue moon, please, So the toes aren't sharp.
(01:50):
You're gonna cut somebody with that sharp toe.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
But I love feet.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So that's one of my kinks that I'm exploring and
learning about. And it's glorious. Sucking on a toe. Baby,
don't let me be inside you sucking on your toe
that ho.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
It's so good. I'm just sorry.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Anyways, my second kink is and this one's a little
maybe less less known less whatever farts. Wait, don't leave me,
say say hey, stay right here, say with me, Stay
with me, say with me, let's talk about this. I
don't like a smelly fart. I stay with me. I'm
(02:27):
not talking about just like the fart you give when
you like just ate some pizza. I'm not talking about
your morning farts. No, I want nothing to do with that.
I'm just simply talking about when you like fucking somebody
and like air comes out. It's like that a pussy fart,
a queaf some might call it. I don't know what
it is, but it really, I have to admit. And
(02:49):
my boyfriend was the first one to be like, do
you like f I was.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Like, girl, shut up, no, no, no, no, no, no, but
I do.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I really there's something about it that like. It's like
I love hearing moans, and I love hearing the asshole
also moan.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
It's the asshole moaning for me, and I love that. Again,
be clear, I don't like a smelly fart. Okay, if
you just finished eating, that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm not like that murder. I don't want that. By
the way, if that is your kink, go off, baby.
You know, if you like a smelly fart, go off.
I ain't gonnakink shame you, Okay, but it's not.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
It's not for me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
But the fucking farts, the like I remember one time.
I remember the first time. This was like three years ago.
The first time I happened. I was in a threesome
with this couple and we were fucking. I was fucking
one of them with his partner, and he was like, oh,
give me a second, give me a second, and he
put his finger in his hole because he was like
feeling some air or some like tension. He put his
finger in his hole. I've been trying to figure out
(03:50):
how to do this myself.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
But he put his.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Finger in a hole like did a little Jimmy, you
know how, you're like Jimmy A key in the door
lock and out came.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Me and his partner were like, yeah, let that pussy talk.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I just, by the way, welcome to the show. This
is telling me something messy. I'm your host, Brandy called
good man. You can call me fart lover, and what
about it? What about let's fight it. I know you're
not trying to fight me. I know you appreciate this
about me, my honesty, but I just have to I
just want to say it out loud so it's there
so we know. I love it, baby, I love it. Okay,
(04:30):
I feel very exposed and vulnerable now.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
But it's all right. It's oh okay, okay baby. You
know what that means.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
It is time for a guest and while they get situated,
we are going to get our messy. Key Key started
with a whole manifest Stow repeat after me, allowed or
in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack my shame,
the courage to heal, the wisdom to know that sex
is not just about penetration, the audacity to advocate for
(04:58):
my pleasure and my boundary, the strength to not call
my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or buck bay,
for it is better for me to masturbate by myself
in peace than to let someone play in my motherfucking face.
Let the community say, oh helujah, uh, I'm so excited
to have Taylor Tomlinson on the show. Taylor is a
(05:20):
rare talent who has garnered mass appeal at a young age.
Tayler Tomlinson has continued to receive praise from fans and
critics alike, with Rolling Stone commending her for conquering comedy
and CNN welcoming the era of Taylor Tomlinson. The celebrated
comedian is coming off headlining the seventh highest grossing comedy
tour of twenty twenty three, remarkably the only woman to
(05:43):
break into the top ten. She's released three hour long
specials for Netflix. Tomlinson is also notably the only female
late night host on network television and the youngest by
two decades. Following the outrageously funny debut of After Midnight
on CBS, which I had so much fun getting to
be a guest on. Y'all please welcome Taylor TOMLINSONI.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Pretend I just did your bio.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Okay, was it good?
Speaker 3 (06:08):
It was great. That was so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
How are you good. I'm so excited to see you.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I'm hard to see you.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I like I was saying off off Mike, off camera.
There's so many things happening. We're usually sitting across from
each other with bowls of salad.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yes. Usually you're one of my favorite people because we
have such an adult friendship. Yes, which is that we
see each other every six months. Both of us have rescheduled.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Twice, at least twice.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
At least twice. We switch off.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yes, we switch.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And then by the time we see each other, we're like,
thank you so much. For canceling twice because I didn't.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Like I actually needed that time.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I actually needed that time. And you're so understanding and
that you have so much going on. I feel like
I could genuinely call you twenty minutes before lunch and
be like, I just I didn't get enough protein today, and.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
I like, go go get that protein.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah, I like, I can't, I can't come out.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Honestly, it is why you're also one of my favorite friends,
because we're just like, yeah, let's go with the flow,
like it's so easy and soft and like not stressful.
We're never like let's go have a drinking bend like
it's never it's always like salads and bowls and.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Fresh air, fresh air outdoors.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Having never a hike because you know, I don't want
to do the hike. I don't want a camp. I
want to see this.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Look at the southist.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Absolutely it's all white like this.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'm wearing trousers for God's sake.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
We're meant to sit at tables. We're meant to sit
like this. Yes, so I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, So I'm going to give you some messy mandates.
Are how we start here, which is things get to
be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have the right
to evolve, shift or change today, tomorrow, ten years from now.
And if during the key key something feels or something
it feels too personal or unintentionally offends, you get to
say foosball, which is our safe I love that boos ball,
(08:01):
and then we'll pivot or address it accordingly.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Okay, good, Yeah, do you want to.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Start with a loue breaker.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Y's like a nice breaker, but it's a loue breaker.
I'm talking about sex here. So this is a game
of smash or pass. Okay, yeah, smash or pass. Wheelbarrow
sex position? Oh so that is the position? Yeah, like
a wheelbarrow. So it's like which.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
I've actually think, I don't know. That's so embarrassing and
I totally do. But tell everyone at home. I do.
I do know, for the record, but just tell everyone
at Taylor knows. I know what it is. I've seen
a wheelbarrow. I can put it together.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I'm explaining it not just to you, but to the
to the Okay, well, somebody at.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Home may not know what a wheel is.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
So you know a wheelbarrow, which is a barrow on
wheels with handles sandals. Yes, so you would mimic that
position where like your partner might beauishing themselves on the floor,
their legs are wrapped around your hips and then you're
holding them and that's like a wheelbarrow mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
To smash your.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Pass I'm gonna say, I'm going to say pass on
that one.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Why sorry, I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Have to even explain it's a lot of work. It's
a lot of work.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
I feel like I don't want my arms engaged like that.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And then if you don't want your arms engage with that,
I certainly don't want my arms engage like I feel like,
if you're not doing it, I'm not doing it. Look
at you, look at me. If you're not doing it,
if you're not strong enough, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Okay, fine, so we're both pasting on wie barrow.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yea, yeah, we're both fast.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Okay, smash or pass toe sucking?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
You don't like giving or receiving both, whichever one. I
think it's a pass on both.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
Okay, Okay, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Love It's new for me. I don't know, I don't mind.
It does like.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Tickles, It could it does. Everyone's different. Everyone's different. It's objective,
but I'm here to tell you and does sometimes.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
But it does.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I never record. I have like my feet, I get
pedicures and like my feet are clean. But I never
want to make somebody. I never like, please suck on these,
but I love sucking on somebody shoes.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Why, Taylor, it's my show? Why?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I don't know, it's it's like it's new. It's new,
it's like a new. I mean, people have been sucking
toes since you know, the beginning of since before the
you know, the apes and the right, yeah, science, whatever
it is, that's.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
How we we started sucking. We started, and that's how
we got here and how we got toes. Actually then
we just sucked on a body part until it became
a toe.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, And that's why you know they're five and not seven.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
This is a science podcast.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Hello.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I don't know why I like it, but I do
enjoy the sensation. Oh and I also at least the
people have suck their toes like I can see that
it does.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It's surprising for them.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Oh okay, it's because.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's surprising for me too. But then they're like, oh,
this is actually very pleasurable.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So you like to help people discover that about themselves.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I like that. That's a great answer. That's a really
beautiful answer.
Speaker 5 (11:30):
Actually, we think you have here to help.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
This is back to what we were saying. Every interaction
people have with you, they leave better and leave with
more information about themselves.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And about me, more information about Okay, uh smash for
past last one. Cheetos Okay, okay, okay, let me be
more specific.
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Crunchy cheetos Okay, not the big puny, not the.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Big puffy ones.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Crunchy Cheetos hot a regular?
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Oh up to you Deli's choice.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
I mean, I have not had a Cheeto in years.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You gotta get you chetah on sprite Like this is
I'm like, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I'm really having a moment. No, I'm like, I don't
think I've had a Cheeto on a long time. I
would say, yes, pass on the puffy one. So I'm
glad you made that yes distinction. The crunchy ones are better.
I would say they'd have to be a hot cheeto
for me to engage. It would have to be worth it.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Yeah, I understand. Yeah, I tried.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Look at me, I'm like, literally a sweating in church.
I tried a hot cheeto and it was too hot
for me.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Oh do not like spicy?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I'm not awe, which is like people really get on me,
especially like folks because I know we like spice. And
I'm Caribbean, like my grandmother used to like pour pepper,
just pepper, one pepper, sauce on everything. But I like
did not get that gene, Like I can't interesting. I
like a kick, so I'm a Saracha groy.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Give me, give me, and I'm here for it. I
love a lot o heat, but but give me some
like real hot sauce and bat No.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I want you to be the spokesperson for so Bad.
I can see the commercial and I look like someone
who should not be able to endure any amount of spiciness.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
And I love I love spicy.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Yeah, it is my dream.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
This is this is how sick I am. It's my
dream though, to be a guest on Hot one.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
I was just about to say, you'll never make it
on hot ones. But because you can't handle it, you're
I think who they're looking for.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
What a great I mean, a great episode.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I want people to I would die there, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Would absolutely die there I would fight everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah, no, everyone gets sick after. It looks love to
do hot ones together, tag team, we.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Can ta hot ones together. I'm actually obsessed with this.
It's a good pitch. Well, maybe you won the game.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Oh my gosh, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yes, my unconditional love, which I have, okay, yeah, yeah,
but now you have more.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
It's like I'm gonna leave her glowing.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Oh my god, you're like beating everybody. What am I
doing now?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I'm doing this, which is, hey, can you tell me
something messy?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Okay? So if I have it's from somebody else. If
I bring it that in, I don't keep it very vague.
And I would love to hear your advice on this,
because as I get older and more open minded, the
worst my advice gets because I'm like, whatever your heart says,
and that's not good advice. That's not what I want
people to tell me when I need advice. That's like
(14:34):
something your therapist says. And I want you to keep coming.
Give me, give me or give me every option as advice.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yes, yes, yes, options like give me give me your
top three, give me your top three takes it's something to.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Me, yes, or like here here are four storylines, and
we don't care which one you're going because that's TV. Baby.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Sure, I want to choose your own adventure vibe, so give.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
You my yes.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Okay, Okay. So I have a friend who works with
somebody who they are their boss and they I'm trying
to be so vague, but okay, so she's there.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
If you want to like names, I.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Won't even I'll use a real name. So here's the
problem with fake names, because I do this in stand
up where you use somebody's fake name and then two
years later you're still doing that bit. But now you
have a friend name with Kayla and you're like damn.
Or you're dating somebody who used to date someone named whatever,
and you're like okay, you're like, just give me all
your family members' names and everyone you've ever dated, so
(15:43):
nobody thinks I'm like sending a message on this, Yeah, exactly, it'd.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Be like but it could be like a like like
a fiddle fiddle fig or that's a rubber fig.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Oh my god, I know, I love you.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Just impressed yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
My god, that's a one stair off. I wow.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
At home, Brandon, those fake plants, Brandon can identify a plant,
can't keep one alive, there's windows.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I got rid of all my plants, did you? They
were taking up too much work, So I got rid
of all of them. I kept one, but never needs
to be walked.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
They didn't die, They didn't die.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You just couldn't handle the work. Any tail, anybody who
was like, know the plants were alive. I did a
great job, but I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
I couldn't keep up my mind.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So much respect for you, and can I tell you?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
As soon as I rid of them, I felt this
like ex heal. I was like, I don't know, like
it was like I wanted them once a week with
that watering, that those thirty minutes could be used elsewhere.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Did you did you give them away?
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I found every house them?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yes, beautiful, thank you, Wow, thank you. Okay, I've killed
every plant I've ever had. So that's why I'm so curious. Okay,
So I have a friend who it has a crush
on somebody that technically, I guess sort of works for them.
I don't know much about jobs, is under them at work. Yeah,
(17:17):
and has a girlfriend and she's in a position. Now
my friend who's like, well, I have a crush on
this person, but they're in a relationship, but I'm at
work with them every day and I'm kind of like
hoping that relationship doesn't work out. But also that feels
bad when you like somebody, And also is like, Okay,
can I flirt with this person and just have them
(17:39):
be like a work crush? Yes, even though they have
a partner or is that gross?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Oh? Interesting?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I think work crushes.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Are fun, right, but that disrespectful these are straight people.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Then, yes, very disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I notice.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm sure you know.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I would say I don't know, because I'm of the
mind of like, we're gonna have crushes, yeah, but like know,
you're boundaries in her limits, Like right, I think you
can still be like hey, I love your hair or
whatever that is without being like, oh want I.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Think that's an HR. I don't think you can love
someone's hair.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I actually don't know. I'm waiting for my meeting at work.
I had my first ever HR meeting as a show
last season, and they like it was halfway through the season.
They almost forgot to get to me and I did
it in like hair and makeup. I felt very bad
for chel I mean, she was like a very good
sport about it, but we were we were CRUs scenario
mass like yeah, it was like, well, they have to
(18:37):
go through scenarios and be like is this problematic? Is
it okay that this person said? I think one of
the examples was like, you know Bill, do I know
any bills? No. Bill told Sharon her it's her birthday
and she doesn't look a day over something, and she's
like keeping it tight or something, and you're like, I
(18:58):
think it's the last part that's bad. You tell me
what the answer is, you know. But then other things
they were like they were like, uh, Kevin's flirting with
so and so is that okay? And we're like, well,
is there a picture of Kevin? Like that's all it is.
We care a lot about this. You give you more context,
(19:21):
But it's that's the thing about having a crush on
somebody in a relationship, because I feel like if you
flirt with them, you're not going to feel as bad
as if if they flirt back with you. Aren't you
going to be kind of like oh, that's kind.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
Of if they flirt back, Like if.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Somebody in a relationship. So, I I have encountered people
who love going after people in relationships because that's like
a thing for them.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And but that person is afraid of their own commitment.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I think I think so too.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
So they like what they can't have.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yes, and then if they do get them, that person
like to leave or they'll do it. But it's like, okay,
well I won like I earned that. But for me,
like I just feel like if somebody was in a
relationship and they were flirting with me, I would not
have that fun sexiness that you see on like TV shows.
(20:14):
I would be like, ew, you're a bad partner.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yes, okay, I'm with you. If I didn't if I
didn't know, if I if I knew that they had
a situation where they were like open or whatever, yes, different.
But if but if I don't know that and they're
monogamous and you're in a relationship and you're floating with me,
then yeah, I am kind of.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Like what's going on?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, there is a little icky ness to it. Yeah,
but I don't mind a single person flirting with someone
because it's like, oh yeah, sure, but like you're.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
The person in relationship, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You take you know, you keep your boundaries up.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah. But it's so funny because every movie and TV
show we watch. That's always that's always the situations.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, yeah, it's always a scenario. Yeah, which is why
all of us get into the situation. I don't know
what to do because the episode.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Ends, Yes, the series ends.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, but I think that my church up bringing over
powers that television narrative of I feel guiltier than I
would feel excited by that situation if I.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Were in all that church shame. Where does it go?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
It's in there. We we just kind of learned how
to I think you sort of just massage it into
different areas of your body. And you're like, maybe that's
why I don't fuck with toes because I'm like, that's all,
that's all my church trauma. Like, don't don't touch my toes.
I've worked for years to store some stuff in there,
(21:33):
to get all the way down. Unless you suck my
church trauma out and you got.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Through the toes, that the toes, that could be a
great port.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Great. It was just still a movie. It's still branded,
by the way, still still cinema.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Yes, absolutely, Wait, what is your relationship to church?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Oh we're not okay, we're not seeing each other anymore
each other. No, I haven't been to church in years.
I mean, I think I was obviously I was raised
in church. I was really religious until college. And but
you know, my mom died when I was eight, and
then I think that kind of broke the thing inside
me that made me blindly believe, because it just wasn't.
(22:22):
The math wasn't bad thing. As the kids say. I
was like, oh, okay, everybody, yeah, you know how they're like, well,
we all everyone kind of tried to spin it where
they're like, well, we did pray for her to be healed,
and she is healed. Technically she's in heaven. It just wasn't.
And you're like, okay, it's got a genie where we
have to be very specific with our wording, like it
just it didn't work. It just didn't work. And I
(22:43):
never felt like I was very scared of hell, but
I never felt like there was a heaven. I just
I felt like a bad Christian for a lot of years,
and then at a certain point I was just scared
I was going to like lose all my family if
I didn't believe in God anymore. But I think you
read a moment in life where you go, this just
isn't who I am like I can't make myself believe something.
(23:07):
I can't make myself be somebody that I'm just not
so what am I doing?
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I've been much happier living in the space of
I don't know what happens, and if it works for you,
that's great and I love that for you, but it
just never It's far more.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Expansive of a space I think, to exist from where
you can be like, oh, I don't actually know, yeah,
and like you know, if they're listen, if there is
something great, if there's not also great.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
I'm all find out.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Well, we're all gonna find Hey, one guarantee you, we're
all gonna find out. We we Well, yeah, I don't
know because I don't know what happens after.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Oh, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You know, maybe nothing happens. I don't know how did
church influence your I mean, I know how it does
for all of us, but specifically you, how did church
influence sex?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
And relationship?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Does so bad? Not good? I was very much like
I mean, I started doing stand up when I was sixteen,
and I was doing jokes about being abstinate. Yeah, I
was like, I'm not going to have sex andtal marriage
and felt that way until college, and then college you're like, Okay,
I'm going to do everything but like penetrative heterosexual sex.
(24:14):
And then you know, at a certain point you're like, well.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Nothing strikes you down.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, exactly exactly. No, I lost my my virginity. We're
talking about the Lord's definition of virginity. Like on a
Sunday at eleven am, I was like, let's do it
when second service is getting out, when everybody's thanking the pastor,
I want to know this is what.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I just waited so long, and by the time you
do it, you're like, okay, well.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Well that's that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
That's that, and like, listen, whatever you believe you believe.
But it's such an interesting choke hold in terms of
like I want to say this in It's gonna be
a little messy, but let's figure it out. I understand
the need for religion and church and all that because
I think it helps us understand death. And I think
I think death is terrifying, and so I think it
helps us understand and make sense of it. I think
(25:07):
what's interesting is the amount of rules that sometimes we
allow it to govern how we talk to people, how
they talk to us how we navigate our bodies. It's
like all these rules from you know, a book or
from a higher power. And that part I find curious
because I'm like, do you ever want to explore on
(25:29):
your own?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
You know, because that thing is the thing that you
were given a lot of us from childhood, which is
like this is it and this how you do this
and don't do this and say this. And then it's like,
at what point do you like allow yourself to drop
that and just like see, yeah, just like explore and
see if there's something And you might still believe all
of this, but like I think it's it's never being
given the chance to explore.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yes, Yeah, My new hour of material is a lot
about growing up in church and religion. It's probably don't
know of the show show right now, and it's something
that I've kind of touched on in passed specials, but
it was I think from a much angrier place because
I was so upset about the way I was raised,
because I think there are so many different ways to
be brought up in church. You can be brought up
(26:15):
in a way that to your point, what you were
just saying, I think is so beautiful. I think religion
at its best is providing community, providing comfort, helping you
make sense of life and death in the world, and
making you more empathetic and compassionate, hopefully towards everybody else.
But I think oftentimes, and this was the case in
my home growing up, it's used as a tool for
(26:37):
control and fear. Yeah, And I had so much resentment
about that for years that I think this is the
first time I've been able to poke fun at church
and religion in a way that isn't as angry, And
I think it's a little lighter and more balanced and
(26:57):
not so like I'm obviously holding on to a lot
of pain, because you know, it's also like it just
makes you think you have to do everything perfectly and
be this certain way. And I think like me and
my siblings all coming out also helped because I wasn't
sort of holding that piece of me down anymore either,
(27:20):
because as long as I was feeling guilty about my
sexuality or even having sex at all in any form
with anybody, I still felt a lot of resentment and
anger towards the church for putting those feelings there.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
My mom is a born Yan Christian and we've been
a strange for like fifteen years. And what I've I
think in those fifteen years it's been working on my
relationship to the church and the anger. And I'm just
now like being able to talk about it with some
levity and some humor and some like I don't have
to be angry about this anymore, but I think you
have to go through the anger that the only thing
(27:59):
it did become like I kind of blamed the church
for taking my mom away, if that makes sense, because
it's like, oh, my mom is so devoted to this
thing that she can't be present with me as her
queer child or can't accept that, and it doesn't feel
like it's her. It feels like it's the church, whatever
that is. And so like as outside of the church,
(28:21):
you're like, oh, I don't want to be mad at
this person. I like, I'm mad at the institution, I'm
mad at religion, I'm mad at all this other stuff,
and that I think just festers, and at some point,
I don't know how. I think it's a I think
it's community. I think it's a lot of things. You
like have to release it and just kind of accept
what is and be like, hey, I think that for me,
(28:43):
I've gotten to a place where I'm like, I think
that this works for her, you know, or this works
for you or whoever. And if you're happy, great, I'm
going to put up my boundaries around how I engage
with it. But if you're happy, I can't. I'm not
going to like go on a vendetta against the church.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah yeah, because everyone's in pain. Yes, like everyone's in pain.
If that is helping you not to be in constant
agonizing pain, and good for you. But I, as a
child of somebody who has beliefs that are keeping them
from you, which I also relate to, You're like, okay,
(29:21):
but is that so not having me in your life
doesn't keep you up at night in the same way
not believing every single thing that this book says would.
I don't really understand that. Yeah, that is. It is
really hard, and I think the only way you can
get to a place where you accept it is if
you don't have those people actively in your life.
Speaker 5 (29:42):
Reminding you of the loss that you have, yes.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
And of the judgment and distaste for who you are,
person reminding.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
You that you said yeah they think it's like that's
the other piece of it. Is that humans let you down.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
That's a really good point.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Humans let you down. Like being in a relationship and
loving someone, you were going to get let down no
matter if you If my husband has let me down,
I've let him down.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Well and so does God.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
By the way, there was an earthquake this morning.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
You know, yeah, yeah, which I do some messy mail.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yeah, all right, so this is messy mail. Everything will
stay anonymous. But here is a submission that somebody sent
I ate ice cream out the booty hole for a
whole meal, starter, entree, and dessert.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Okay, wait.
Speaker 5 (30:31):
Your face.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Have you ever eaten ice cream out of a booty hole?
That's the question.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Wouldn't it be amazing? If I was like, yeah, wouldn't
have been great If I was like this morning, I
just came from there. Can you ice cream sandwich?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Ice cream sandwich with my sprite and my pizza and
my Cheetos.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I'd be so concerned that the other person would get
some sort of infection from that.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah, the closest I've done.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I've never eaten ice cream out of a booty hole, although,
like go off, I've like put a lollipop on a
booty hole, and I've licked it, which I love.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I love it. It's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Where's the stick.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
The stick is still in my hand. The lollipop is
on the hole. And then I'm like, with a lollipop,
it's great for them?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Oh okay, I like, I mean they're not.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
It's not like adding more pleasure for them. But there
is something hot.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Yeah, and there's something hot about like I don't know,
food in sex is kind of hot.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Ice cream out of your booty hole.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
That that's someone who was like whipped creams not enough. Yeah,
this is too light. Children, Give me two milk, give
me the ice clat ice cringerries. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
On the whole that seems messy, that seems like you
gotta put down is very clean.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
It's just one thing.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
But you know, look, I respect anybody who does something
sexually knowing this is gonna be a great story. Like, yes,
I guess I can write to Brandon about this. They
may have done it just so they could email you. Yes,
And I respect that.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I respect that.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I had a friend who had sex with a couple
in a horse stable and he was like, this is
gonna be a good story.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Was the horse in there? That's not safe. So I'm
really I'm mad with sex stuff because I'm always concerned
about safety. I'm like, it seems like an infection. Is
the horse in there?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Because because yeah, horse was I assume the horse wasn't
in there or like it was maybe like a converted
I don't know horse stable, but it's like a bar
it was.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
I remember the message were like, I'm.
Speaker 5 (32:40):
Hey again again.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
It seems painful.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
It does seem to put your is soft because.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Of cartoons, but it's not.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
It's sharp shirts.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Would you ever play with food and sex?
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Yeah? But not like ice intolerant good? So you really
but you can't get again some one of the Okay, what.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Are you talking about? What food do you think you
would try if you could, like.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
A weird food or a normal food? I know, but
I feel like there's like foods that you hear for
sex and you're like, well sure, yea, even the lollipop.
I was like, yeah, that's clean, that's yeah, that's like
mac and cheese that I was just about to say that.
I was just about to say that, but I'm like
that would be crazy. Yeah, mac and cheese on me?
What am I the floor of an olive garden. This
(33:27):
is bizarre. I'm I don't know. I think it would
just depend that. Do you mac and cheese?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Mac and cheese on your volt? No?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Again, we have to stop picking dairy foods. What about
FUNDI what if you put fund of and then you
can do the little stick inside of it's the it's
the little pouch of like sugary dust, and then you
stick there's a little white candy uh stick that you
lick and then you stick it in the sugar and
(33:58):
it comes out all on the thing and then you
saw get off.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
That sounds perfect.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
I mean yeah, that you should do that with toes
on So you should put fun dip on the toes.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Where the trauma is.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Get your child.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
I like this, Yes, this is where Okay, okay, should
we start a business?
Speaker 2 (34:12):
I think we should. This is what gets us on hot.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Ones a sex food business. Okay. This one says, come shut.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Are you deciding whether I can handle it?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I'm exciting. I can handle it.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Like, Am I going to save this for the next episode? No?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
No, this one where this one come shut out my
nose As I was giving my hobby a BJ it
was actually a massive turn.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
On for who I don't know for which one.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
I don't like like I hate having on my nose.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
No, I hate hanging out of my nose.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
But come coming out of your nose. Have you ever
had like a sex accident.
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Like coming out of my nose, come out of your nose,
come out of your toes.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Like where I broke a bone or something.
Speaker 5 (34:52):
Oh maybe no, I haven't had that.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
I'm sorry I said it like that, like I had
something cute up. I'm like, oh, like when I broke
my bone.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
You know, I had a friend who broke their dick,
broke it for really.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yes, it was he broke his dick. Uh the day
or night before he's supposed to fly to Florida.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
We were going to a wedding.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
So the whole wedding he's like hobbling because he had
just like they had, like flying a specific surgeon who
like dealt with those kinds of injuries.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Like a cast on his stick.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
Did the gesture of cast.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Because you could leave it open at the end. It's
like an arm cast. Actually do that.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
I actually don't know. I don't know how they like.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
How did he know it was broken? Was it kind
of like, oh, I was silent when the dick breaks,
you know that you have a feeling.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Just like I don't know how dick's work when that dick,
like because it's hard and it's a bone, and like
if it cracks, it cracks.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Oh yeah, like alos and the flu is crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Trigger warning. So no sex accidents, but come out of
the nose, I mean, go off.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
That's a turn on.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
That would not be I know, I hate to think
that I've never had a sex accident. I just can't
think of one. One time I had sex before marriage
that was an accident. That was a mistake. That was
a mistake. This one says, right, this is we're just
hanging out for us. It's just for us.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
No one's gonna see this.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
This one says, I gave my plumber a blow job
after he fixed my sink hashtag showing gratitude.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
That sounds like a porno.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
Can I really does?
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I had so we had our ac was leaking and
so we had to have it fixed, and so they
like it was like a two day process and fixing
or a c Then two weeks later, I get a
knock at my door and I'm dressed to be home.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
I'm not expecting anybody.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So like I'm in like my coochie shorts like a
tank top and like one of my like fuzzy hats
just like look and slippers, like just like what whether
are we dealing with? Not? So I opened the door
and the most beautiful Armenian like buff looked a little homophobic,
which was kind of hot, like you know what I mean,
(37:10):
I guess you know it just like looked like he
like just like stood there and said, I'm here to
fix the ac leak. And I was like, I don't.
I don't think we have a leak.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
You go inside to break it literally inside break was door.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
But I was just like, oh wow, this would be
like a hot porno, like this man really came to
fix a quote unquote leak, and like if I were
dressed differently, not differently, I guess I was dressed appropriately,
but I didn't make a move because I was afraid.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
But if you'd been in a different outfit, I feel
like it was a different altcom. That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
It was a different out because because I feel like
he was giving, he was giving, he was giving homophobic
or d l if you know what I'm saying like, Okay,
so I felt like if I was dressed in a
d L or more trade fashion kind of had like
a little because sometimes I think, say this, uh, sometimes
like d L or people who are trying to be
more discreet are not very much attracted to those of
(38:06):
us who are very flamboyant, right, and so I try
to give them sometimes but a lot of times they
are as well. But whatever, But I try to give
a story, a trade story.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Yeah, but I did not know. I didn't do it.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
I didn't this listener, this person. I want to be
brained again.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Great story, great story. This is See. These are the
people you keep brunch plans with because you know this
is what they're bringing.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
You know, when you have them to brunch with me,
I'm a yes, I'm gonna give you stories.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yes, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
These are the last two questions and the questions that
we ask everybody here.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Am I everybody? I mean I just started today.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
So not everybody going forward.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Have you ever had sex on a porta potty?
Speaker 2 (38:53):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Okay, are people doing we will do this.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I get messages about this all the time, and I'm
always like, that's crazy, baby, Why are you time people
fucking in theory. It's like a running thing where I'm like,
you have.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
To explain this to me.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Which the only thing I've learned is that in Europe
the parties are nice.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
They're nice, so it's just a bathroom.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Bathroom, a mobile bathroom. But here.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
That's insane. Are they not sober?
Speaker 3 (39:21):
I hope not. No, you couldn't be in there sober.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You know. I've been the parties where people take a
dump in that port, which I am a girl who
takes a dump at home. Why although, oh my god,
the other day I had to go bad and I went,
and it's the worst for somebody who doesn't poop in
publicol or poop out in the world.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
You see what I mean in public, public establishment, indoors, indoors,
but outside the home.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
I was like, I have to go, and so to
the restaurant and I went.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
It didn't fly, no, and it was a single person
that was the bad.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
They only had one bathroom and I kept jiggling their
flying That wasn't a line, thankfully because it was lunch.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
It was early weekday lunch.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But I kept trying to flush and I could have
been an asshole just left but I did go to
the bar and say.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Hey, the bathroom is not working, and that paid.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
But you didn't say it was you. No, no, no, no, said.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Literally me, because it's a single stall.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
You said it's not working, said.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It's not working. And then my friend had already paid
the bills, and I was like, hey, we gotta go.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
I did tell someone. I think that's all you could do.
If there's a line, You're a better person me because
if there had been a line, I would have walked
out and been like somebody, just so you know, I
was in here trying to fix the problem. It wasn't me.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
You've been there for twenty minutes to come out there's
a line, You're like, damn, somebody.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Somebody and they're like, I'm like they were, they were here.
I saw, Oh my god, god fully gasoling.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Okay, my last question for you is and how do
I phrase that? Which is what could you learn to
love more about yourself?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Oh? You asked this at the end of the podcast.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
No time, there's no time.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
What can I learn to love more about myself?
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I know?
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I love this question because I think that we all
need to take a moment to like figure out what
we could learn to love more about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
I could learn to love the non work side of
myselphomore because I think I get so much of my
self worth from my career and the things I accomplish,
which is great, we love that. I'm grateful for that.
I like to work, But there are times when I'm
(41:35):
just home alone, quiet, and I go, oh, I think,
I think this is actually me and this is what
I'm maybe running from with all of the like why
is my calendar so far? Why do I have to
do everything right now? And I keep telling myself I'm
going to take a break in six months, a year,
(41:56):
two years, and I keep not doing it because I go, well,
I can't stop now, this opportunity can There's always going
to be opportunities, and at a certain point I Am
going to have to stop because I'm going to run
myself into the ground for sure. But yeah, I think
that I have a hard time believing that I'm going
to be worthy of love without my career or any
(42:19):
of my professional accomplishments, because I'm like, without that, what
are you? Dumb bitch with no hobbies?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
When people ask me what my hobbies are, I I
a short circuit.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Oh, my god, that makes me feel so much better.
I think it was so well rounded.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Yeah, no, like I wish, I'm like, I'm not. I'm
watching TV.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Like stretching, stretching, taking care of yourself. That's my hobby
is making sure I can walk.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
Yea, honestly.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
But I love that you said like when I'm home
by myself, Like this is actually me and I think
that we are always running away from the quiet, from
the quietness of the piece, right, Like it's like, oh,
especially if you've been raised where there wasn't a lot
of peace and there was a lot of whatever.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
It's hard to know that. Like that's okay. Yeah, yeah,
so that's a great answer, great answer.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Man, than you. This was so fun until the end.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
I'm like, go off, put some Cheetos on your body home.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
And I'm going to get pis right, ice cream Cheetos
right now.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
And yeah, because you're worthy, I read that sincerely, You're worthy,
but also chetos. I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
All right, y'all know we are a hose here, but
we are a hose with heart. So before we go,
let me speak to yours. You know, I think what
Taylor brought up at the very end with my uh my,
what's that? My therapist calls it like your I think
it's like the doorknob question or something. It's like the
question you ask right before your sessions about to end.
What she said, I need to learn to love the
part of me that is not work and that when
(44:09):
I'm home, like, that's me, And I just think that
I want to encourage all of us to figure out
who we really are outside of work, outside of our
relationships with everybody else, but like, what is our relationship
to ourself? It's the hardest thing, it's the scariest thing
because you're confronted with your TPS, trauma, pain, shame, but
(44:30):
also is the opportunity to build peace, to know peace,
to hear yourself. You know, there's a lot of voices
outside of ourselves all the time, whether it's on your phone,
whether it's your boss, whether it's your mom, your siblings,
But what is your voice?
Speaker 3 (44:47):
And you're not going to find that overnight.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
You're not going to find that tomorrow next week, but
you should find it, and it's something that should always
be evolving and something that you should have a relationship
with and know that building that relationship might be uncomfortable
that as to said, like, it's like, is this okay?
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Am? I?
Speaker 1 (45:02):
It might feel uncomfortable, but it's worth building that relationship
and finding that piece.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
You can find Taylor on Instagram at Taylor Tomlinson. You
can find me on Instagram at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You
can find the podcast to tell Me Something Messy. You
can also find us on TikTok at Brandon k good
Ooh girl, wait everywhere. You can find my book You
Gotta Be. You get it at our local black owned,
women owned bookstore, REPS Club, and if you use the
(45:31):
code messy at checkout, you'll get fifteen percent off. That
is reps dot Club messy at checkout.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
What else do I gotta tell you?
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (45:39):
And I want to hear from you, So send your
topic ideas, your story submissions, your foosball moments to tell
Me Something Messy at gmail dot com or you can
call in.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
We got a number.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
It is six sixty nine sixty nine messy. That is
six sixty nine six nine six three seven seventy nine.
But you hosts who can't smell okay, rate review and
share this podcast with all of your hoe and aspiring
hoe friends. All right, I think that's everything. So until
we meet again, ask about the politics of that dick
before you make it spit, make sure they eat the
(46:12):
kitty before they beat the kitty, before fucation or suckcation communication.
And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
are so deeply loved.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
If you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to
someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. Tell Me
Something Messy is proud to be a part of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts, available on the iHeartRadio app
(46:45):
or wherever you get your podcasts.
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