"What You Don't See On My OnlyFans" w/ Taylor Stilson

Multi-hyphenate Taylor Stilson worked as a University professor to licensed massage therapist and now has expanded into the world of Adult Content Creation. He and Brandon dive into the demands of the job, the ramifications for Taylor's personal and professional life, and what he's learned — All after a game of This or That.

BKG’s essay: Los Angeles: This feels like a reality show, but it’s just reality.  https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/p/los-angeles-this-feels-like-a-reality

Educate: https://defendandrecruit.org/Support: Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights https://www.chirla.org/get-involved/donate-support/give-today/California Immigrant Policy Center: https://caimmigrant.org/Southern California Rapid Response Network: Los Angeles: 888-624-4752

Follow Brandon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandonkylegoodman Join the C'Heauxmunity at https://brandonkylegoodman.substack.com/ Submit your own messy story or question at [e-mail] or call ‪[phone]

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
First, it was my birthday. She was feeling extra space.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
This is the dpre without the loube y'all my love tailor. Okay,
it was your birthday.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
You know what I learned my lessons because a girl
got a fissure.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Oh no, sure, will take you out.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Honey for months. I mean I can't even sneeze girl.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Oh my god. You know what. This is a safe
space to talk about relationships, love and sex. Now, let
me tell you something messy. I'm so curious about, like
the domb sub of it all. I'm so curious. You know,
I've in the last couple of years entered my verse era.

(00:40):
She tops down. I love to top. But you know,
there's an expectation also now that I'm I'm you know,
of a certain age. I mean, she's a thirty eight
year old. You know, there's an expectation that people put
on me in this six one thirty eight year old
body that I give them. Daddy, you know what I'm saying.
And I'm I'm messy mom, you know what I'm saying.

(01:02):
But people still the people who don't know that I'm
messy mom. You know who I meet out in the
in the streets in the dark rooms, in the bedrooms,
whatever it is, they sometimes often want daddy. And I
was with one such partner who was like, you are
so nice, but I think now like I want you
to tell me what to do, boss me around. I

(01:23):
was like, aha, I love the feedback, Thank you so
much for the feedback. But how do you how do
you give daddy? How do you serve daddy? And I do?
I think I can do a pretty good job. Like
let me tell you right now, especially if I've had
if I had a little I don't know what it is,
but a margarita, honey, that little gay ass drink will

(01:44):
turn Please don't come at me, Marc. Readers are gay,
and I love that for us. Whether you're straight or gay,
or by or paying whatever it is, market readers are gay,
and I will die on that hill with a little
salt on the rim of the glass that you have
to lick where you think we have the term rimming
from honey. Okay, everybody knows that the line is a
Lemon's gay cousin makes you puck your lips like you
got some good tea to spell. Oh homosexual, it's a

(02:07):
gay ass stringth that's that on that that's that's fucking facts. Okay. Anyways, Anyways,
when I have Margarita in me, I can become daddy.
I can become a gay daddy. But I was looking
or not looking maybe my I think, you know, the
phones are listening, you know they are listening, and so
I think my phone heard this partner say that they

(02:29):
wanted me to like be more dominant. Because then I
would open my Instagram and I came across a video
or it was served up a video that was like,
you know, seven ways to be more daddy, or like
seven things to say to like give off that daddy vibe.
And there were two parts or like there's a part
one part two, but I put them all on a list,

(02:51):
and no, I'm gonna read it out to you in
case you were also trying to enter your dom daddy era.
And by the way, daddy for me has no gender
to it, right. I just don't like. I don't like
vedy people like to because you know, I go by
the them and somebody's like, you are doing Vady, and
I don't like that. If you do work, get it, baby,

(03:12):
I don't like Vady at all. I'm down with Zaddy,
although Zaddy feels kind of dated. I feel like, you know,
we've gone past the zaddy. So daddy a nice, traditional daddy,
and I think that ladies can be daddy's. I think
fems can be daddy's. I think, you know, anybody who
wants to be a daddy can be a daddy. So
here are some things you can say to step into

(03:33):
your daddy era. And I'm gonna say it normal how
I say it, and then I'm gonna try and say it.
My daddy was okay, so this is daddy. Okay. Here
it is tell me what you need? So I guess
you would go tell me what you need?

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Ah?

Speaker 2 (03:50):
How does that feel? Did I do it? Does that
feel like daddy? Okay? This one? The next one is
You're so ready for me? Daddy version. Oh, you are
so ready for me? I like this one. Open your mouth,
I would say, open your fucking mouth? Is that too much?
It's cursing too much? As a daddy, y'all have to

(04:10):
write and tell me? Okay. This one is I don't
know why I have to inhale before. I just feel
like I'm trying to channel remember what Trace was here saying?
IM trying to channel my llo cool j and so
I think that's why I'm going or like your lick
your lips a little bit. Oh okay, but then it
says relaxed baby. I don't know how I feel about

(04:31):
that one, but honestly, if somebody said that to me,
I would be like, oh, daddy, okay, So I guess
it works, okay, okay, ooh you can take it. Oh
I'm blessing. Oh this one say please? Oh well, I
actually like say thank you, say thank you, like if

(04:53):
you're fucking somebody, say thank you, say thank you. Oh,
get it, get it, get it. Oh this one, this
belongs to me? Now? Is that too much like what
I When I read it, I'm like, this is crazy.
But also if somebody said it to me, I would
really love it. So I understand. I understand. Oh this okay,

(05:15):
here we go. That's my girl. And I'll tell you
right now. I will call a sisman or girl any
day of the week. And I loved a baby girl.
Ooh take a girl. Oh yes, yes, okay, Oh this one.
I love the way you take me. Are y'all taking notes?
Are you all writing this down? I'm giving I'm giving
you the keys to your daddy Era you better be

(05:35):
taking fucking notes. Okay, MESSI mom came here to teach
a little bit.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
This says repeat after me. Now I will say they
didn't tell me whatever. It just says repeat after me,
which I don't really know what I would say after that.
Repeat after me. I love your dick. Maybe maybe let's
try it. Repeat after me, I love daddy's dick. Ah Ah,

(06:05):
I don't know how I feel. How'd you feel? How
that make you feel? It's kind of hot? Okay. This
one says breathe, baby, that's it. That works. I like that.
I like because you know, I want the reminder, like
if it's you know, if you're taking a dick and
you're tight that day and you know it might be
a monster, whatever your size of a monster is. You know,

(06:26):
I don't want to give sizes here. You know you
might need the reminder to breathe. So I like that.
We got three more. This one says, uh, you're doing
so good for me? I do I now see? I
have a praise cake, like praise me and that will
get me wet, and so this works for me. Oh,
this one's just use your words, which I feel like.

(06:47):
I feel like means tell me you like it, tell
me you want it. So it's like use your words,
use your words what you want. You know what I'm saying.
Oh okay, And finally at a girl, wow, wow, Wow,
I'm turned on. I was, I was. I started this

(07:09):
awful little skittish a little, but now I'm feeling I
feel like I want to I need to go try this.
This is really I'm gonna y'all try this. I'm gonna
try this, and we're gonna report back and see if
we are able to enter into our daddy era. By
the way, welcome to the show. Uh, this is telling
me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon call Goodman. Some

(07:30):
people call me messy mom, but you could call me.
I mean, it just seems so obvious that I should
say messy daddy. But maybe I'll say you can call
me daddy dick. Oh okay, Well, let's start the fucking show.
You know what that means. It is time for a

(07:50):
messy master class, which means I'm going to dive deep
onto a topic with my guest who has expertise or
experience in the subject. Today, we're talking about adult content
creation and I'm so excited to have that conversation with
Taylor still said, Okay, now, listen, I have been wanting
to have this conversation since the inception of this podcast,

(08:10):
because if there's a stigma around sex, maybe there's even
more stigma around sex work, adult content, creation, porn, adult entertainment.
And so I think that Taylor is a perfect person
to have this conversation with because he's funny, sweet, really
really really fucking smart, compassionate, and I think, you know,

(08:31):
this conversation will really one humanize what sex work is,
what you know only fans is, and also dispel any
preconceived notions around it and also educate, right, Like, that's
what we do here. It's a messy masterclass, so we
want to educate a little bit. And I am just like, really,
really really excited to share this convent with you. Now,

(08:54):
while he gets situated, and before we do our Hope manifesto,
I do want to take a second to quickly address
these ice raids happening here in Los Angeles and obviously
the protests that are happening across the country. I have
recorded some response to this several times, just unsure of

(09:16):
what exactly I want to say, about it, and so
I'm trying this one more time, and I'm going to
be as imperfect and honest and transparent about how I'm feeling.
And I will also write more in depth on my
substack about it. But what I want to say to

(09:39):
you while I have your ears is this is heartbreaking
and harrowing and devastating and painful. It's stunning. It is
not shocking. It's scary, but there is a hope that
I do maintain because the people are the people. Okay.

(10:03):
And I had said this on substack or my substack
Live this past week about the movie A Bugs Life,
which is an animated film that I grew up loving.
If you don't know it, Basically, these ants have to
harvest food for themselves but also for these evil grasshoppers,
and the grasshoppers say, you have to, you know, get
all this food for us by this date or this

(10:25):
time whatever. And the grasshoppers go back to where they live,
and one of them says, why why don't we go back?
They're just ants, like we're having fun lists just stay
and that head and ant says something to the effect
of if one of them stands up to us, then
they'll they might realize that there's more of them than
there are us, essentially, And what I'm feeling here is

(10:51):
the production and the premeditation of these attacks that are
meant to divide us as cities, as states, as a country,
that are meant to scare us, that are meant to
silence us. But it's not gonna work. It's just not

(11:12):
gonna work. I want to make space for all of
us to have whatever feelings we are having. Be it rage,
be it helplessness, be it fear, be it heartbreak, be
it all of those things. I feel like when we

(11:34):
get into these situations, sometimes there's an anxiety about responding
or reacting correctly. My anxiety, Well, I've said, I've rerecorded
this response several times, right, Like am I gonna get
this wrong? Am I gonna say the right thing or
the wrong thing? Am I going to do the right
thing or the wrong thing? Like that's going to upset

(11:55):
the greater collective? Like if I have a very opinion
and not an opinion about like ice, like fuck ice, right,
I mean an opinion about like how we fight back,
how we resist? If mine is if my thoughts about
this are different, and I think what I'm taking comfort
in or reminding myself, is that everybody's lane of activism

(12:19):
does not have to be the same. You don't have
to do the same as the other person. But we
all got to do something. So if it's protesting, if
it's donating, if it's amplifying, if it's speaking about the thing,
if it's reporting something that you see, we all have
our lanes. If it's bailing out protesters, whatever it is,

(12:43):
find your fucking shovel, pick it up, and let's get
to work. Yeah, this is I mean, it's always it's
always been this, and I'm gonna say the again. I'm
I'm stunned, but I'm not shocked by this. You know,
we are country that can't figure out how to end
school shootings. We're a country that voted Trump in twice. Right,

(13:06):
so this feels like right in line with everything, but
it doesn't make it acceptable. It doesn't make it okay.
And so and this by saying I love you, and
this sucks, and it has been sucking, and it just

(13:30):
gets suckier. But I do believe that we have each
other and that we will get to the other side
of this. So resist, stand up, find your lane of activism,
pick up your fucking shovel and let's get to work.
I love you, okay. There will also be some resources

(13:50):
in the show notes, places to donate, ways to know
your rights. All of that now for our hoe manifest
sto repeat after me loud or in your head. Grant
me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
the wisdom to know that sex is not about penetration,
the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the

(14:12):
strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl,
or fuck they. For it is better to masturbay by
myself in peace than to let someone play in my
motherfucking face. Let the community say Holujah. I am so
excited to have Taylor Stilson on the show. Taylor is
a former university professor and currently a licensed massage therapist,

(14:35):
mindfulness instructor, personal trainer, and voice coach in Los Angeles.
His previous research included bodywork, performance, anxiety, and hypnosis. He
is currently working on publishing his method, a combination of
mind body voice modalities he's used throughout his professional practice.
After a mild midlife crisis, he started a career in
modeling branded content creating and only fans. Upon moving to La,

(14:59):
he loves every minute of his new adventurous life and
travels every chance he can get. Y'all please help me
welcome Taylor already. This is so exciting, and I wanted.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
To ambuse some wisdom on you.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Vote you will, you will.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
I love calling people tailor, but I love it called Taylor.
Tomlinson te I call my other friend Taylor. I just love.
I feel like it reminds me of like nineties nostalgia,
right am I the the you're one of.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Don't be cheating, I'll call you the day.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
All right. Before we get into it, let me give
you our messy mandates for our messy key key things
get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have
the right to evolve, shift, or change today, tomorrow or
ten years from now. And if during the kiki something
feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use to say
word foosball, which gives us a chance to pivot and
pause and address accordingly.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
I'm gonna open book and open legs.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
Oh, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a night, a day,
and afternoon. All right, let's start with the game a
lube breaker.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
Shall we.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, let's welcome to the Welcome to the mess. We're
gonna play a game of this or that. So I'll
give you a prompt and you'll tell me if you
prefer this or that.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
Cool?

Speaker 2 (16:19):
All right, So this or that? Pasta or couch sex.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Oh man, I'm a pasta girl, like.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Oh, okay, work what kind of pasta?

Speaker 4 (16:28):
Oh girl, I'm loving Ravioli lately.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Okay, pasta or sucking toes? Oh you like me?

Speaker 4 (16:35):
It's it's the feet, thank you, thank you. You know,
here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Tell me.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Some people are like, oh I love fee, I love
my feet socked. And then I see the feet. I'm like, girl,
you haven't cut your nails in ten years.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
So let's have the conversation.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
No, no, no, please get they have to be pretty.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
You have to get a pedicure. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
Yeah, I have to get them.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Calluses and things. Absolutely. I love sucking toes, but it
has to be a nice can I Oh yeah, I
mean take them shoes up it. Oh my god, yes, wait,
look at me, I have wow wow, get on camera,
get it in my camera. There we go. Those mad

(17:13):
are pretty. They're GORGOUM just plain.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
I'm not trying to put you on the spot like that.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Girl different, I mean talk to me after. I am
kidding hot, Oh my god. Okay, Sucking toes or pinching.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
Nipples, uh, it's the toast for me. Okay.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
So the toe was beautiful, but.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Listen, I had my nipple pierced and I didn't have
any sensation. And then before and then after I got
it pierced, it was too much sensation, over stimulating.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
So did you take them piercing out?

Speaker 4 (17:46):
I ended up yeah, because I didn't ever heal.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
Because girl, I would I would tell people like, hey,
don't touch the piercing, and then they would, you know,
of course, eat my hole and then lick the piercing,
and then I'd be they would get effected for like
two weeks. It's like, girl, So I just had to
say I had to stop.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
So my nipples used to be sensitive, and then I
had kind of kamasitia surgery, you know, which is when
rest issue you haven't removed. Yeah, so then I lost
sensitivity in it. And then a couple of years ago
I got my nipples piers, my right nible piers and
after like a while it became extra sensitives.

Speaker 4 (18:18):
Because it changed.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, something about like the nerve patterning around something.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
You better talk about nerve patterning, girl, because it's the
science show.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Are moving, Are moving?

Speaker 2 (18:27):
So I really do love Now now I've learned that
I have a little bit of a paincake because like
the harder that it gets squeezed or a bit on
I like, I kind of like, yeah, I know. So
after this listen, I got the toes my nipples.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Girl, you know there's actually the science behind a toe fetish.
Tell me what is so in the brain, the foot
motor cortex is actually really close to the pleasure pathway.
So most people have they don't have a foot fetish
early in life, end up developing them later.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
So why because they want more?

Speaker 4 (19:05):
Because the I.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Think the pleasure pathway kind of starts to gently overtake
some of the like the foot motor movement and cortex.
And yeah, it's fascinating so not me like starting my
doctor and just reading up on foot fetish stuff.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Come on the range of this podcast. Okay, sucking toes
or jock straps, it's toes for me, beautiful sucking toes
or ball tapping back to this pain can more interesting.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
We love a big ball, we love, but it's the
feet for.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
Me, all right, Sucking toes a role play?

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Oh wow, I'm I'm so many memories are coming up.

Speaker 4 (19:43):
But let me not get twisted.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
It's like actually, okay, okay, sucking toes or double penetration.

Speaker 4 (19:51):
I hate, Okay, the t is out. I'm in my DP.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
Era, your dv era dp ERADP.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Well, guess what you won the game? You win my
unconditional love. And if y'all, if you have prompts, you
could email me at tell me something messy at gmail
dot com.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
And do it and do it.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Okay, but you know what, double perpetration is going to
lead us to a little messy update, which is a
couple weeks ago, I didn't have a so called ass
messy mom and I responded to a submission about somebody
in a Brazilian bath house getting depeyed without lube. Taylor,
do you want to talk about that? Ooops?

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Okay, First, it was my birthday. She was feeling extra.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
This is the this is the dp or without the
loube y'all my love tailor. Okay, it was your birthday.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
You know what I learned my lessons because a girl
got a fissure.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
Oh no, and I sure will take you out.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
Honey for months. I mean, I can't even sneeze. Girl,
Oh my god, because it was so tender. I had
to be sits baths on the hour, every hour.

Speaker 4 (20:58):
Girl.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Was it worth it in the situation?

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Okay, says listen. It was Brazilian boys there.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
Listen, it's pride, and I met a brasilient and that
those dicks.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
Are monstrous beautiful, but imagine taking two.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
No, I actually, uh, it was a couple of weekends ago.
I went to a party and then went to an
afters and they tried to dpee me. But one of
the guy's dicks was too big and I wasn't painful,
but it was they couldn't get both in at the
same time. So I learned. But so I gotta learn
how to.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
I got to teach you something like breathing techniques. Says, oh,
actually know what I learned. If you push out, Oh,
if you push the trick, If you push out, it
like softens the external sphincter, like the tightness of it, Okay,
makes it a little more pliable, and says.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Then you get it in So how did you fall
into fall into the gap of the whole. That's for
the nineties babies. Wait, so how did you? First of all,
how did you start exploring your DP like loving dp's

(22:11):
And how did this Brazilian bathhouse go down?

Speaker 4 (22:13):
Oh, let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Okay, I'm like a newbie only fans girly, and it's
encouraged me to explore my sexual side more, which surprisingly
I had a lot to explore because I was kind
of vanilla, you know, throw me in the bed, throw
my knees out, sped on my whole, and that was but.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Which, honestly, for some people's not vanilla but work. That
was your vanilla.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yes, But now I'm like, let's let's play with this
a little bit. Yeah, and there's something really hot about
getting deepe, letting them come in me and then pissing
in my home.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Romantic, honestly, romance.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
It's so romance.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
It's better than flowers.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
So then what happened to this z Leian bathhouse though?
So you went there?

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well, first of all, girl broke my back, You broke
your bag, like a couple of weeks before I was
in CrossFit up on the rig.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Girl, not like break your back.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Okay, I was up in a muscle up and I
swung back down. I lost my grip. I was also
so tired my form was ship. Yeah, I fell on
my pulvis and then girl, so here I am nursing
my back. I can barely bend over. And yeah, these
boys had me sprawled out. I'm tore up from the
floor up girl in this bathhouse. And honey, what time

(23:33):
of day is this?

Speaker 4 (23:35):
Seven pm?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Seven pm? And what day of your trip is this?

Speaker 4 (23:39):
Like day three?

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Day three?

Speaker 1 (23:41):
So I already collabed with other Brazilians before the DP.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
So I was inside out by then.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
So you had already done a bunch of filming with
some some Brazilian.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
Some test beautiful, beautiful, fabulous.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Fabulous, And so day three you're like, let me check
myself to the bath house.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
I was feeling just a little old, really zealous. Yeah,
so word to the wise, sisters.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Look right into Carara, tell them, sisters.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
Listen to the body.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Yes, listen to the body. Yeah, and did so, like,
what the when you realize you were going to do
the DP and there was no lube? What were you
thinking in your head? Were you like she wasn't.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
She wasn't. She was in the moment, in the moment.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
I'm practicing being more mindful and being more present in
the moment. But that took me to ten out of ten, girl,
when I should have been at eight out of time.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
So this was like a lesson work, oh honey, And
then you.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Were out for months your booty. We couldn't use here.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
I am like in Mexico City a couple of weeks
later for like a collab trip with somebody's Yeah, couldn't
bottom at all. Yeah, I could barely fucking ship.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
And I'm you know, it's like in my wiener only
works so much. So by day three or four, after
like three clabs a day, honey, damn. Okay, wait, now
let's as we're going ads, damn.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
And how what was the recovery? How do you take
care of the fissure? Because let's you know, let's get
into the medical.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
You know, like vasoline sits baths, so like up some salts,
like something about warm salt water increases white blood cell count.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
Girl, I did my research.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Yeah, she started getting a doctor.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
She's she I only have half of that, Okay, I
got kicked.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I have more than I do. What do you kicked out?
Can you tell us it's okay?

Speaker 1 (25:35):
The program was messy, messy, messy, which it was messybulous.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
That's all we need to know. Well, today, you know,
we're doing a messy masterclass and we're talking about adult
content creation and sex work and all that stuff. And
you are my expert of the day.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
Hardly expert, but thank you.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
I mean, listen, you are. You're doing the thing. You're
doing it very well. And I'm so curious how you
got into it because what was your life before? Because
how long I've been doing contacration about a year? About
a year, so what was your life before this year?
And what's this first year?

Speaker 1 (26:06):
You know, it's so funny, like I have friends who
see me on opposite spectrums. I'm either like in a
suit and tie lecturing, you know at universities, or I'm
like ass out.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
Pussy out on my back, pushing out, pushing out.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's taking two.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Days, right, and so like in my twenties, you know,
I was an academic, a researcher, I had professorships. I
you know, how it was your area of expertise or
your singing voice, acoustics.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
That's why this voice is so sultry?

Speaker 4 (26:36):
Thank you? What's also rob and screaming all weekend work?
Little sultry?

Speaker 3 (26:42):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Actually, you know a lot of people that follow me
on social media, I don't talk that much. Yeah, but
when I do talk, they're like, bitch, the voice is voicing, the.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Voice is verberating. Yeah, yes, so.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah, I just I was feeling like I needed a
change in my life. I had a midlife crisis at
thirty five.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
And also, like my ex was on of making like
buckets of cash. Yeah, and like you know, I just
I saw that lifestyle and I was like, you know what,
even if I make like a tenth of what he's making,
you know, my life would be a little bit easier.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
So here we are a year later.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
How long did it take you from like planting the
seed to like getting started? Damn this show? Damn yes
he is planting the seed, you know.

Speaker 4 (27:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Yeah, I have a lot of friends in of like,
I saw how my ex did content, how his team
did content. So I kind of was just like sitting
back watching and it was like an easy transition for me.
But what I didn't realize is that it is a
full time job. Yeah, it's a full time job. So
any of y'all out there that really want to do it.
I love helping people start their of Yes, I've done

(27:52):
it for a number of people. It's really fun. But
I warned people that to make make decent money, the
commitment is high.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
What did you.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Expect versus what it is?

Speaker 4 (28:05):
Like?

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Where were you expecting the experience to be.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I was expecting exactly what I think it is okay,
but I guess I wasn't expecting losing friends from it.
That's something that not many people talk about. I would
love to talk about it. Apparently they were unconditional enough
to stay in my life after I decided to do this.
One friend of mine, a woman I've known since like

(28:28):
middle school, right, and her her boyfriend was like, you know,
like Loki didn't like me when we first met a
couple of years ago, and then they ended up having
a kid together, and I've been trying to like meet
her daughter, and it's just always kind of been like
too busy, too busy, And then she finally like disclosed,
She's like, yeah, I just want to let you know,

(28:49):
like my boyfriend's never going to let you meet our
daughter because you do only fans. I was like, the fuck,
But I was like, you know what, thank you. I
appreciate that. Yeah, you're choosing your family, but I've known
you for all almost twenty five years and you're letting
go of our friendship because of that.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
It was hard, sure, but you know what, how do
you navigate that though, because I mean obviously the stigma
around sex, work and all that stuff, but how do
you take care of your heart in the process of
that with grace?

Speaker 4 (29:17):
You know, we're all human.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Yeah, you know, she she made a decision for her
that she thought was best for her, and you know,
I moved on with my life. It was hard, but
it kind of brought up inevitable shame that is uncovered
when you're in you know, work like those.

Speaker 4 (29:32):
Yeah, and did.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
You ever second guess it? Were you ever like maybe
like when people in your life started to those who
started to fall away, didn't make you doubt or second guess?

Speaker 1 (29:42):
No, No, it definitely didn't. Because my financial independence now
means way more to me than someone who can't prioritize
our friendship.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
So yeah, it was interesting.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Like the first couple months, I think I got to
like top point top one point seven percent. Yeah, which
is like it was pretty deec I was making like great,
I was making but like seasons EBB and flow, and
I'm noticing this, you know, like even with like really
top earners on of like depending on the season. I mean, honestly, sisters,

(30:13):
it's getting warm out. The dolls are out and about
come on. They don't want to sit behind the computer
screen and see me get depe.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
Right right right. They don't get please, but they want
to go get deepeat right.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
They want to be on. Yeah, so I guess I
winter winter.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Now winter is the time.

Speaker 4 (30:35):
January We're fierce.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Okay, I think your fans want to know when you're
starting your only fans.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Do not look at you say that if I do, though, yeah,
will never know it's me? Well, because I have somebody, Yeah,
I'll tell you. I Actually it's like a It's been
a fantasy of mine since I was not like what
like college or whatever. Is like I would love to
do sex work or be a porn star or make

(31:04):
adult content. But then I was also pursuing acting and
so like those two things. I think now there's more
openness to it, right, there's there's you know, you knows,
as the social media and digital and all these spaces
kind of blend. I think that we're having different conversations
even like this podcast and talking about sex like we
do is showing a shift.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
Into the reception of openness.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, quite okay, talk about the perception.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yes, you know, I know a lot of people like
actors and models who aren't allowed to do only fans,
like the agents will say no, you can't do it. Yeah,
but I'm hearing that some big I won't I won't
say names, yes, but I'm hearing that, like some big
agencies now are allowing their models to do of if
they manage.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
They can get commission. Yeah of course, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no, we're not doing that.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
Yeah, we're not.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
And that's why I don't sign with the agents or anything.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
I kind of work pro pro bo promon for modeling too,
because I'm not giving you twenty percent of whatever I
may Yeah.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
Yeah, no, it's just not happening.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
When you say the perception of openness, do you think
there also has been real openness and shift or do
you think it's really still mostly episode?

Speaker 1 (32:18):
I do, but listen, Politically, the climate is so polarized. Yeah,
I think you know one spectrum you and I like
the sisters, the opposite spectrum that we're kind of seeing
in Washington, right, It wouldn't surprise me if they tried
to like ban of and poorn altogether.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
I mean so it's like even my family, I told
them straight out, I'm like, I'm doing of. You're not
paying my bills, so you really don't have a say
on them. Yeah, and they're like, great, love that?

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Oh yeah, what makes that come? Wait? So like when
you started doing this, like did you tell everyone? Like
did you send it a mass email? What did you?

Speaker 4 (32:54):
How did you do this?

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:55):
I didn't want it to be secret. I told all
my clients, Okay, I told them face to face. I'm like,
I'm starting OnlyFans. I want to be financially more independent.
I have goals and this is what I'm doing. I
don't use a single client. Beautiful, not for voice work,
range massage, body massage, personal training, just does And it

(33:17):
was great.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
And then your family was there, bitch.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
My grandma said, your ass is fabulous.

Speaker 4 (33:25):
Make money.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
And I have had our difference twisted. But I said,
thank you, bit.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
I love that Grandma approved.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
But girl, if times are right, she'd be a only
fans too.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
I'm just listen, listen, make your money. I don't understand
how we get mad at people for making their money. Yeah. Anyways,
so you're only fans, my only fans. What do you
want on my only fans? What do you think?

Speaker 4 (33:53):
Can we can I? Can we be our first club?
Can I? Can you be my first? Can I be
your first?

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Yes? And he's biting his n Was there any hard
conversations or any conversations that you were scared about having?

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, of course, Like you know, back in my hometown,
small town in Michigan, you know, I had like family
friends and friends' moms who were like really pivotal in
my growing up experience. And I was afraid to tell them,
and some of them were pushed back, and some of
them were like embarrassed for me all the stuff. But

(34:34):
you know what, you're not paying there's stuff not my stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
How do you remind yourself that? Like that therapy therapy?
What I'm learning now that I've settled into La. I'm
sure you know this. The girls are flaky. The girlies
are flaky.

Speaker 4 (34:55):
La. You need to get at the fuck together.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
They always look at something better to do, even if.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Like as friends, Like if you know, I have like
little pregames or priorties. I invite people, you know, it's
one thing to like not respond yes, totally fine. But
if you say yeah, I'll be there, and then you
don't show, and then you don't like text me to
say hey, I'm so sorry, I can't make it inconsiderate. Yes,
And I'm just to the point now where I'm like,
the girls need to get it together.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Well, you know it is. It is when someone shows
you that I believe the first time is my favorite
my agule quote. Hello, I'll give you an invitation, and
I will take a lot of notice on how you
respond to that invitation, whether you're if you don't respond,
that's like one thing which I always forgive because there
are many things. But if you do say I'm gonna
come and you don't, I clock that. I actually threw
a dinner. I threw a Subsack dinner a few weeks

(35:43):
ago with Subsack and I invite amunch of people and
a couple people like said they were coming, and like
did not show up at all and never said anything,
which I like plans change, but like do tell me,
say you the communication. But I'm realizing more and more
people aren't rate at communication, which, speaking of I would
imagine that being an OnlyFans content creator, you're navigating communication

(36:06):
a lot, has it. I'm going to assume that it's
maybe made communication better, But tell me about your relationship
to content creation and communication.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
The girlies struggle to communicate? Ah, really yeah, I mean listen,
I've had like some amazing collapse in person. Yeah, and
then once I'm out of their periphery and texting to
like schedule posts sort of communicate this and that is
a struggle. Wow, it's a job for me.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
You know, it's a business, and I'm really on top
of my stuff, and you know I have I've had
creators like tell me, like, you know, May twelfth, we're
gonna post our video and it's May twenty. First I
still haven't heard from them, And then and then they'll
text text me and be like, what happened to our date?
I'm my girl, I didn't hear from you for like weeks. Yeah, yeah,
the date came and gone. So I might get to

(36:55):
the video, I might not, right, So I'm I don't know.
I'm particular about that just because I want to afford
the grace and accountability for people that I give myself
And so if you can't kind of match my energy,
same with the girl as in La. Yeah, I'm just
kind of matching people's energies at this point.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
A mirror be a mirror you give, you get. Yeah,
but what have you learned for yourself about communication? Like
are there rules for communication that you have or how
do you especially when you're navigating what the collaboration will
be and what you'll be doing in person on video?
Like how are you talking about this thing?

Speaker 4 (37:31):
That's a great question.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
When I first started, I wanted to communicate a lot
before we started filming.

Speaker 4 (37:35):
Yeah, but it felt like.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
We lost a bit of its organicness. Okay, so I
actually don't talk much before filming. I'll say like the
don't sure, which I don't have many, but you know
the don'ts are like fingers in the boat hole, fingernails
are long.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
That should be a don't for airbodynails got a vetic, Yeah,
a great agreed them sharp as I've had them. One
time there was I was in New York. I think
the story I was in New York, and this was actually,
I need to learn to communicate in the moment. Sometimes
it could be I could be bad about that. So

(38:15):
I was like, I'm hooked with this guy. He came
over and then he was cute. Yeah, it's very cute.
And then he came over and then he went to
finger which finger he's not necessarily my favorite because I
ever to do it. But he started fingering me and
it like it really felt like it was like cutting
my guts up. And he kept being like he felt
very confident about it, like he felt very like proud

(38:38):
about it, but it did feel like, you know, reaching
for that that cheetos and the vending machine and like
jiggling it around and like shaking, and I'm the vending
machine baby shaking, not like I think.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
I was just such shock.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
I was like, my like, I was just like such
shock like and I didn't say anything, and I wish
I did because he was like, you like that, and
I was like, but then.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
She had hemorrhids for five weeks.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
I listen, I don't because I don't play that game.
I've learned how to keep them hemorrhoids at bay, which
is love.

Speaker 4 (39:12):
We'll give us the tea.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
Oh we did a whole episode. But we did a
whole episode.

Speaker 4 (39:17):
You take little needles and listen.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
No, no, no, Well the day changed my life. Having a
tissue changed everything. Like the wiping and the and those
cotton nel wipes. Throwing those ships out changed my life
as well.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
In the side toilet in the I mean in the
side garbage, not the toilet because.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
It'll fuck up your pipes. Yeah, but yeah, so like
I don't use those. And also vitamin e with little
tree oil for a little rejuvenation.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
Of a whole.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
But then what if there's a little vitamin e oil
when you get your pussy locked?

Speaker 4 (39:48):
Then what?

Speaker 2 (39:49):
Oh well, I mean I'm doing that as a regular situation.
So I'm not doing it like right before about to play. Yeah,
because you don't want to taste that tree oil. That's
not I love you enough to not do that. But yeah,
and then you know, fiber up in your fiber has
also helped a lot. I've had what's fiber game?

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Oh girl every night before bad that's right? And do the.

Speaker 4 (40:12):
Straight up the powder girl.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Yeah, thats my gut up.

Speaker 4 (40:16):
For some reason, it's not for everybody.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, I have to do the pills. I tried the
cilium husk just like pure powder, and then fox my
gut up. Girl, I can't ship you blew out it like,
won't let me. I know it's a weird whatever. Anyways, Sorry, you.

Speaker 4 (40:30):
Do blows it blows me.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
It blows you out, It blows me up, blows you out.
Got it?

Speaker 4 (40:36):
Yeah, you're doing too.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Much or something maybe, But the metamucil fiber pills work
for me, so I keep with it. Wait, you know
I was asking about communication. Tell me what you've learned
about your communication? How how only fans has made you
a better communicator?

Speaker 4 (40:55):
I try to communicate in the moment.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
In the moment. How do you do that? Teach us?

Speaker 1 (41:02):
I try to be graceful. Huh because if like you're
in the midst of filming. Yeah, and if you hurt
someone's feelings.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
Yeah, it can really it can suck it up.

Speaker 4 (41:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Have you had that happen?

Speaker 4 (41:14):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (41:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Like the like a like I don't want to say bad,
but like an area for growth in communication.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
Yeah, I mean I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
Yeah, collab with some guys who are low key racist,
communicated things in the moment that were really uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
Whoa wait, wait tell me.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
This, girly, girly, girly.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Wait, Okay, what are you doing in the moment when
you're because I know what it is to like discover
somebody's either racist or internally homophobic in the moment of
like a hookup that's not attached to your bills, which
is like whatever. But when you're creating content and you're
you know, promoting this thing, what what do you do

(41:57):
in that moment?

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Take a deep bro uh huh. You just take a
deep breath. And I tried to communicate not out of reactivity.
So I try to like ease up my body first
and then more clear minded thoughts come.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
You know what I mean, do you like pause and
like stop the filming or do you just like because what, like,
is there any can you give an example of like
something you don't what means, but like something that happened
that you were like, oh, that's this is not correct foosball.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
You don't have to No, I'm not I won't foozball.
But let's just say I came into of thinking, oh, people,
you know, this is like sex work. People are really
in touch with their emotions, and yes, communicate cleanly and
are honest grow it's almost opposite.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
So I'll just say, when you think you know somebody
or acquainted with somebody, you're not, which is unfortunate. And
so I try to give gray to those people too,
because that's a struggle that I don't see. Yeah, you know,
but girl, I don't fuck with of course I don't
fuck with some people, of course, because I'm like red

(43:11):
Flag earlier.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
I guess only Fans, I think, I guess like the
beauty of what only Fans has done is it's given. Uh,
it's giving, it's giving and receiving. But it's like giving
people autonomy to start their own businesses in ways that
the industry didn't have before. But it also kind of
makes the wild wild West that there aren't really and
maybe it was wild what was before, but just like

(43:32):
there aren't necessarily protocols and standards for how you behave
in the quote unquote workplace.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
And unfortunately, like I'm giving homage to all of our
four people. I said, four mothers and four fathers, but
four people, the four people before this, my generation of
Only Fans creators, like they paved the way and doing
studio work. From what I hear, like it's it's there's
a safety in it because there's a protocol all you

(44:01):
sit down before and you say yays and nays to
certain things. Yes, you know of that doesn't exist. Yes,
So like you said, it's the wild, wild West girl. Yeah,
because in front of the camera sometimes you never know
what you're gonna get. Yeah, And so, kind of pigging
back to what you asked me earlier, I don't like

(44:21):
to talk much before I shoot because I want it
to feel organic and like a hookup, because if it
has that type of energy in it, then it's going
to read I think really well on camera sure, And
I think the DIY situation really sells, at least for me.

(44:41):
People want to see me holding the camera shaky, you know,
showing the penetration sitch because it's hot.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Well. I think that also, like that style works in
across a lot of different mediums, right, Like I'm on
subsack and we do subsec lib and one of it
is like the low fi of it is exciting, the
low fi of like you know, Instagram reels like that.
There is something in this era where people love to
feel the DIY like it's happening in the moment.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
It's exhausting, though. I'm sure to do camera angles because
like I'm going to town. I'm going to town. I'm
just thinking, Okay, in twenty seconds, the next angle needs
to be okay and walking through.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
That because I think about that because sometimes I want
to film when I'm with people just for my own whatever.
But I'm like it interrupts my enjoyment of what we're doing,
and then I get in my head about and like
I can't do it for long, but like you're recording, yeah,
talk to me about your what's happening.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I come from like an academic intellectual side of like
art making. So what I spent like the last honestly
the last couple of years doing is watching cinema, seeing
how movies ebb and flow and like the exposition, the development, yes,

(46:04):
the capitulation, the highest part of the movie where there's
the most intensity. Yeah, and then like I think the
day new more. I don't know, forgive me for the words,
better teach me. I'm just that's falling out.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Working.

Speaker 4 (46:19):
But there's kind of the.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
Same thing with of video too, yeah, where like you know,
the oral, there's an exciting part of oral and then
there's like a shift, and then like there's a movement,
there's like an intensity of like yeah, and then like
there might be a gentle moment and then there's a
really high intensity and then the orgasm is the highest part,
and then there might be like a gentle like laughter

(46:41):
at the end or like a cuddle session. Like I
try to think about that as I film. So you know,
you're like directing this thing, I might be balls deep sis, yeah,
I think and like ten minutes.

Speaker 4 (46:52):
Ahead editing where I want it to be. But I
have found out.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
I figured out, you know, when I first started, I
would have camera and then the other guy would have
his camera, and then we'd try to.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
Edit the videos to get it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
I just take my phone, yeah, and I will move
my phone every minute or two to a different angle.
And then by the end I just have like a
thirty five minute clip.

Speaker 4 (47:15):
Yeah, put it in cap.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Cut and then I just throw out like the awkward
little angles of me moving sure, and then I'm done.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
It takes me ten minutes to edit it edit.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
I figured it out, though, Okay, it took me a second.
It took me a year.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
It took you a year to figure out, But like
so now, how long did it when you first start?
How long did it take you to edit?

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Oh, honey, days days. And it was also a struggle
to see myself on camera, But I've really come to terms.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
With that now, Like what was the struggle?

Speaker 4 (47:41):
No self image?

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Because I would I think there would be an assumption
that if you were doing it, that you feel good
about how you see yourself.

Speaker 4 (47:48):
Really opposite opposite.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Oh yeah, And you know, I have a know a
lot of guys that are like, oh, I won't film
at this angle. I won't do X, Y and Z
with my pelvis. I won't because they think it looks bad.
But honestly, I'm like, I just want to have fun
and I'm not trying to micromanage myself like that.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
How did you overcome that moment of like, Okay, it
is what it is, the body is doing what it does.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
Or the body, the body, the puss.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
The puss, it's too like, how did you overcome Oh
I don't love that angle or I don't love that
self image? It's is it still a process?

Speaker 4 (48:22):
No?

Speaker 1 (48:22):
I just I made the pivot from academics to content
because I wanted to have fun with my life and
it wasn't fun micromanaging myself.

Speaker 4 (48:35):
I was like, you know what, fuck it. I don't
care if.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
My belly looks chubby or the angle of my butt
doesn't look great.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
I'm like, you know what, fuck it.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
I want it to be organic and I want my
subscribers to enjoy me having fun. Yeah, but you know,
sometimes the connection isn't there at all, and or some
sometimes people do like just shit that I would never allow.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Yes, yes, in like a.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Personal hookup, but because it's on camera, I'm like, girl,
I gotta do.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
It, gotta do it. How do you navigate if there's
like not connection with another creator? Do you could like,
do you post that video anywhere?

Speaker 4 (49:12):
Or do you go It's a good point.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
I mean, listen to some of the collabs that I
weren't that into.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Huh sold the most.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
I used to think I was good at navigating or
kind of understanding, Like girl, I quit, Yeah, I quit
because half the time I'm wrong.

Speaker 4 (49:34):
That's tea girl.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
It happens all the time where you're like, oh, that
won't do well, and then you just post it anyway,
and it's the thing that you spent the least amount
of time on or cared the least about. I didn't
like it, and it's the one that takes off.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
I think what I'm finding my videos that sell the
best and in my engagement that's the highest, are with
guys that are off the beaten path, kind of the
builds same as ours, kind of muscly and there's like
a manliness.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
To beards and like hair. I probably have.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Like four or five guys that I've that I've sold
so many, I'll just keep clabbing with them, you because
you know, the energy is phenomenal.

Speaker 4 (50:13):
My subscribers love it. Yeah, they asked me.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
It's been like a whole year I did a clab
and they're still asking me for the video.

Speaker 4 (50:20):
Got you because it's.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Just like it's it's just energies there.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
Oh honey, what do you How.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
What is your sex life? Your personal sex life? How
has that been impacted by it? Because if you're I know,
we had the DP, we had the Brazilian DP, but
like you know, I always am curious, Like I love sex,
but I was always curious if sex became my job,
how would that impact my sex life, even especially romantically?

(50:48):
Like how is that impacting my romantic life as well?

Speaker 4 (50:51):
That's a great question.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Bitch, You're not a giving It's Mike Brie.

Speaker 4 (50:58):
You have me gay, you had me out down here.
I need to wipe the chair.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
I have had the best sex of my life since
I started Wow, absolutely hands down. Because you know, when
you collab with people that do it often, yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
You're doing it more. You're it's like riding a bike.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
It's like where you doing in the time bicycle. I mean,
you're the.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
Town bicycle the city was I'm the town bicycle. You're
the country's bicycle. You'd be flying around. You're a global bicycle.

Speaker 4 (51:37):
To make the money. I can't wait you.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
But it does influence my personal hookups and honestly, like
if I'm hooking up with somebody and it's just not
hitting yeah personally.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
Yeah, then you I'm like, how often do you find
yourself wanting sex of your If you're collaborating three times,
it's a libido high. Like even if you're like doing
three videos a day, you still want to fuck.

Speaker 4 (52:04):
Pal Libido is uncontrollable.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Got you, got you?

Speaker 4 (52:07):
Yeah, got you?

Speaker 1 (52:09):
But you know, sometimes you get in the doghouse because
I test myself every three to four weeks and we
love that sometimes there's just ingrained seven days. Oh yeah, periodically,
which is totally a little reset.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
It's a little blessing.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
And how does it impact you A little reset, the
whole moment, a little moment, yes, how does it impact
your romantic life or your romantic pursuits or let's start here,
what are your romantic pursuits?

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Do you I'm still I'm still healing from my last relationship,
got you for sure? Yeah, And I've met a couple
guys that I have felt quite a spark with, yeah,
in the last year and a half.

Speaker 4 (52:51):
But I am doing me right now?

Speaker 2 (52:55):
Are they guys that are also in this world? Like
I guess I'm wondering, do you ever have of concerns
about like if you meet somebody of a spark and
they're like completely the opposite end.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
That's happened to me in my personal yeah experience, Okay, sure.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Yeah, but I think what you said.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
I people tell you who they are the first time,
and young me would have like pursued and tried to
make things work out. But numis like, oh girl, it
took you three days to respond to my text. I'm
not your priority and either are you. So that's that's tea.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
You know who you are, you can competent in that.

Speaker 4 (53:34):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
That's what I feel like I'm hearing from you in
this entire conversation. Is even in the ebbs and flows
and the growing, what it sounds like you have come
to is a security in yourself and even if you're
figuring things out, you like know who you are, and
so there's a willingness to just not apologize. There's a

(53:55):
willingness to say who you are to everyone, including Grandma,
and be like taking taking, take this, and if you can't,
that's okay, you go on your journey. Absolutely, but I'm
not gonna shrink who I am or shift who I am,
or feel bad or shame about who I am.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
Yeah, it's always been like that. Okay, how did you
get like I'm very unapologetic?

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I just always have you always I was younger, I
had a mouth on me.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Yeah, you always.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
So I've learned through many trials and errors, I need
to be gentle with my speed.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
But I am very unapologetic. My friends will say that
I will spill the tea. I will disclose anything, including
a gonnarrhea.

Speaker 4 (54:39):
Yeah, of course, please anybody.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Because girl, I would care less absolutely.

Speaker 4 (54:43):
If you judge me, that's on you, not me.

Speaker 2 (54:45):
My best friend I talk or one of my best
friends and I were talking about how I get tested regularly,
but I rarely get calls from people, like I think
I've been called or texted about somebody getting something maybe
a handful times in the ten years i've been in LA. Meanwhile, like,
I get tested regularly, so like things come up and
I'm always whatever. But I'm like, there's no world in

(55:07):
which I'm just getting STIs and nobody else's. But I
think people just don't communicate, and I really.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
They don't communicate.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
No, But there's also like you know, the incubation period, Yeah,
like where you could get exposed but you're not contagious.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
Sure, never know, but I'm.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Never mad and I never react in a negative way
because again I don't like I got it, but I
don't know. Maybe you give it to me, I don't know. Like,
so when people get like tight and angry about SIS,
I'm like, you don't know actually if you got or
somebody else or where they got it. But if you're communicating,
I actually when a partner, even if they're not a
regular partner communicates I'm oh, that's somebody with integrity, that's

(55:49):
somebody who's like down and like I can.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Vibe with Wow girl, early May, I got it out
for seven days.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
The first hook up I had after getting treated, it
was with a very beautiful couple. The DP was dping,
but I got it again.

Speaker 4 (56:08):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
They had the decency to text me to be like, hey,
we're pretty sure we have something you should get tested.
I was like, thank you, I really yes, But I
was also pissed of course after my seven days.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Yeah, so you're like, here we are for another seven days.
What is kind of the greatest lesson you've learned about
yourself through this last year of working on OnlyFans or
one of the great lessons about yourself.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
To prioritize myself, which means listening to my body, being
gentle with my mind, eating well, being active. And I
look back at like my past relationships and I used
to prioritize them and the relationship. But if I'm not

(56:58):
at one hundred percent, I can't offer fifty percent of
the pie in the relationship to my partners fifty percent.
So if we both have one hundred percent, and we're
giving fifty percent towards the relationship, then it's a complete relationship. Yeah,
but I used to prioritize my relationships one hundred percent.

(57:20):
But then where was I and girl? Many crashes and burns, yeah, many,
many many. I think you know the story.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
Oh I don't know the full story, but we could
talk about it. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Lay,
I'll talk to you soon.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
Okay, bye bye.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Well, you know we are hose here, but hose with heart.
So before we part weighs, let me speak to yours
a little homekeeping. If you enjoy that conversation and you
enjoy what we're doing here, you enjoy the mess, don't
forget to rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast. It
really helps us grow and advocate for a bigger and
better season two. I really, really, really just love talking

(58:18):
to Taylor and really appreciated his transparency, his vulnerability, and
just you know, talking about this thing that you know,
when I set out to do this show, tell me
something messy in general. You know, it was all about
talking about the quiet things out loud and destroying shame
around sex by talking about it. And of course when

(58:40):
we get into sex work, and adult content and all
those porn and all those things. There's a lot of
not talking that our culture does, even though it is prevalent.
As you know, Taylor said, there's a perception of openness,
but there's not really an openness. And yet people are

(59:01):
accessing porn in every which way, so we might as
well talk about it and talk about the wonderful entertainers
that are creating the content that we are consuming. So
all that to say, I really really loved this conversation
and I'm grateful for it. Things that I learned or relearned. One,
do not have a DP. Don't get double penetrated without lube.

(59:25):
I wrote my notes without Love with a typo, but
that's true too. Don't get double penetrated without love. Okay,
but lube you need lube, honey, Okay, we don't want
them fissiers love. It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
I was really, I guess, moved by Taylor's openness about

(59:50):
losing friends. You know, there's a stigma that our culture
has around sex work, and it's I can't only imagine
how painful it is to have people who've been in
your life for a long time and then there's really
this judgment about the work that you do when you know,
I don't know, I there's sex. Work is work, period,

(01:00:13):
and there's nothing wrong with adult content creation. And this
tendency to judge and get on like a moral high
horse and look down on people who are creating adult
content or doing porn or sex work is so played
out to me and so rooted in a desire of

(01:00:37):
false power, a desire for power that is ultimately false.
It is a facade of power, it's a facade of
feeling like you are better then or that you are
superior or too good for Maybe sex is sex, porn
is porn. It is a part of our experience, and

(01:00:59):
yes there are Listen, we can have critiques, we can
have academic critiques about porn and porn culture and you know,
preferences and desires and how it influences culture and shapes culture. Absolutely,
I'm down to have that conversation. But you know, judging
somebody who creates the content or as adult entertainer as

(01:01:25):
though they're not a person, a working human, that to
me is just lazy, incredibly lazy. Uh So, I don't know,
I hope this conversation if if maybe you had preconceived
notions about adult entertainers and sex workers before this. I

(01:01:48):
hope that you felt the humanizing of tailor and the industry,
that these are people and they're working, and they're doing
wonderful work and great work, and so many people engage
with it, and so it deserves to be respected. It
deserves to be appreciated and valued because it does provide

(01:02:11):
a service. Love. Okay. I was so taken aback by
the body image part of this, which once we taught.
Once we got into it's like, oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Like everybody has a body image a thing, no matter
what their bodies look like. But I think that we
sometimes assume, I would say myself, assume that those who are,

(01:02:36):
you know, in the industry of creating adult content probably
feel great about their bodies. But why would they, you know, Like,
we're all human and we all have the same messaging
that we're receiving and the same toxicity that we're all navigating.
And so even if that person is what our culture

(01:02:59):
would classify as kind of the ideal body, it doesn't
mean that they don't have their own shame and shit
and gook to work around it. Oftentimes, what people see
is not what we see in the mirror. So you
might see, oh my god, I look gorgeous in whatever

(01:03:21):
body it is, but when they look in the mirror,
they might see something else. Body dysmorphia is incredibly real
and impacts all of us across all eye types of identities.
And so it was just that's always such a reminder
to me that we are this this thing around body.

(01:03:41):
And you've heard, you know, I always ask that question,
what's one thing you could learn to love about yourself?
And a lot of times, most of the time, I
would say, on the show, people talk about their body,
and we're talking about people in all different different bodies,
different ethnicities and backgrounds and gener and a lot of
our guests have said body is the the the hang up,

(01:04:06):
And yeah, so I don't I don't have like a
point to make on that other than like, let's be
gentle with ourselves and with others, and let's not assume
because somebody has a certain type of body that they're
not also navigating some gook in their brain and their
heart and their spirit. But I do appreciate that, you know,

(01:04:29):
Taylor goes. I want to have fun and I have
to remember that I want to have fun and I
can't let these things stand in the way of that.
And I think that's such a powerful lesson for anything, right,
Like we we can spiral about I'm a perfectionist recovering perfectionist,
Like I can spiral about, you know, my writing or
my performance, and like it's not perfect enough, it's not

(01:04:52):
good enough, and I have to remind myself I'm doing
this because I love it, because I want it to
be fun, because I enjoy it, and so I have
to like let myself off of the hook so I
can enjoy the thing. I also really thought that this
was such a great lesson. The content you spend the
least amount of time on performs the best. You know,

(01:05:13):
so many of us will. We will not put our
stuff out into the world because it's not right, it's
not perfect, it's not this, and it's so true that
it's I find this as an actor, sometimes, like the audition,
you don't give a fuck about the audition. You're just
like at first day extend it is usually the one
you book. There is an honesty and an authenticity sometimes

(01:05:37):
in those creations that aren't perfectly polished or don't look
exactly how you want them to or thought you wanted
it to look like. And so I think it's just
a lesson of put it out you know what I'm saying. Like,
I don't know if you are are holding on to
you know, whether it's a piece of art or a manuscript,

(01:05:58):
or a short film or feature or you know, a
business idea or whatever it is, put it out there,
you know what I'm saying. You can always adjust and
evolve and grow and shift it and change it up
and learn from it. But don't sit on it because
it's not perfect or it's not exactly how you want

(01:06:21):
it to be. You know, if it feels good or
like good enough, maybe you know, maybe that's enough to
just like put it out there and see what it does,
and you might be surprised at how well it does.
I think that I would just muse it. Culturally, I

(01:06:41):
think we are oftentimes drawn to things where we kind
of see the cracks, things that aren't perfect, because maybe
it gives us permission as viewers to not be perfect either.
So I don't know who. I know a lot of
artists listen to this, lot of creatives listen to this podcast,
And so I hope that maybe that's it's a little
nudge for you to put that thing out that you

(01:07:03):
might have been sitting on. Testing. Let's talk about testing.
You know, we've had a couple one or two episodes
where we've talked about STIs and things like that. Please
get tested regularly as part of being good HO good
HGA UX is getting tested regularly. Usually it's recommended every
two to three months. But if you're seeing partners, if

(01:07:23):
you're having multiple partners more often than that, then you know,
you get you get it more regularly. Right, you know,
if I if you had if you had a big
pride weekend and you was, you know, bouncing around in
that dark room, you know, Monday morning, set up that appointment, babe,

(01:07:44):
go get go, get tested. So you know, you can
decide what schedule works for you. But get tested regularly.
And I can't express this enough. If something comes back positive,
inform your partners so that they can get tested and
take care of their health. Anyone who reacts in a
way that is you know, angry or you know just aggressive,

(01:08:11):
take note and that's probably not a partner for you
to uh to hang out with moving forward. But you
keep your side of the street intact, which is to say,
you know, we care about the people that we are
engaged with. We're compassionate about those people. And so you know,
some listen. Sometimes you don't. It was a hookup, you

(01:08:33):
don't even you don't even know what the name is.
I understand that exists too. You might have been in
that dark rowing even see the face. So I'm not
talking about that. But your regular partners are people that
you do have contact with. Inform them, don't be afraid.
Sometimes you know what I do. I will text ahead
of time and say, hey, I'm getting tested. If something

(01:08:54):
comes back positive, what's the best way, Like, how would
you like to be informed? Would you like it to
be the text? Would you like me to call you?
What do you what would you like? That might be
a good way. Other times sometimes that you know, maybe
that might put people on edge, and so you might
just want to wait till you take the test and
have it and then text or call or leave a

(01:09:16):
voice note. But you know there are ways for you
to to share the news and share it safely, and
again take note of the partners who and how they
respond or react to the information. I really, really really

(01:09:36):
love if you judge me. That's on you, not me.
We were talking about gone Rhea, but that to me
is a lesson in general. Right, if people are judging
you for who you are, what you do, how you
show up, that's not yours to take on. You know,

(01:10:00):
if you're if you know who you are and you
know that you traffic and compassion and love and intentionality, Listen,
you might get things wrong, you might have to repair ruptures.
Sure that that's I'm not talking about that. We're talking
about like you are just being yourself and somebody is
judging it. It is a tendency, and this is I

(01:10:20):
think childhood tendency to take that on and to feel
like you have to fix who you are so that
you can be accepted, so that you can belong to whoever. Baby,
their judgment is not on you. It's not for you.
That's that's their shit to work out. As long as

(01:10:40):
you go with you and you love you, you baby,
keep moving, keep shining. Zachary Zaye, who was on our
podcast I think last year. The I think of the
episode came out last year, but we were talking on
Subsack a couple of weeks ago and he gave this

(01:11:01):
quote from his I believe his brother who is basically
saying I would rather have ninety percent of people not
like me and ten percent of people love me that
have one hundred percent of people kind of like me,
And I, oh God, every time I say it, I'm like, yes, Like,
don't bend and shrink yourself for other people's acceptance. It

(01:11:26):
would be better for ninety percent of people who to
want to judge you and not give a fuck about you,
but have ten percent of people who love you, then
be satisfying one hundred percent of people. If you're satisfying
one hundred percent of people, you're not living, You're not doing,
You're not doing you, You're not being you. You're being

(01:11:47):
a palatable version of yourself. And finally, the lesson that
Taylor has learned in this last year of creating content
on OnlyFans is to prioritize himself. To prioritize myself, is
what he said. And I just you know, I think

(01:12:09):
that sometimes we're taught that that's selfish, especially as queer folks,
especially as women, as black and people of color. You know,
it's all about your worth is tied to your productivity
and how you can be of surface and how useful
you are. Right. We've even seen conversations around immigration, people

(01:12:32):
saying well, they do this and they do that, and
it's about their utility and not their humanity. And I
think that we have to remember our humanity. I mean,
it is not selfish to prioritize yourself and to make
sure that you're taking care of yourself, take care of others, sure,

(01:12:56):
but make sure that you're included in that nurturing. I
love Taylor saying if the relationship is getting one hundred percent,
where am I? You know, sometimes I think we get
so caught up in the desire to be in a
romantic relationship that we forget that we are also a person.

(01:13:18):
That it's not it's not two halves completing each other,
it's two whole people coming together. And so you still
you're collaborating on this relationship and creating this third new
beautiful thing. But for that third new beautiful thing, the
relationship to thrive, the two of you still need to

(01:13:39):
have a hold on your whole self. Well, if I
just stopped it on your whole on your whole self,
and so make sure you know where you are in
your relationships. Don't lose sight of where you are and
who you are even inside out of your relationships. All right, well,

(01:14:03):
that's it. That's what I got, babe, that's what I got.
I like you so much. You can find me on
Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find
our podcast at tell Me Something Messy, and you can
join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe,

(01:14:23):
you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and self and
so much more. Also, I want to hear from you,
so send your topic ideas, your messy stories, your submissions,
your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy at gmail
dot com. You can also call us at six six
nine sixty nine Messy. That is six six nine six

(01:14:44):
nine six three seven seven nine. Rate review and share
this podcast with all your hoe and aspiring hoe friends.
Really really helps the show out.

Speaker 4 (01:14:55):
All right.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick
before you make it spit make ushere. They eat the
kitty before they beat the kittie, before fuckcation or succation communication.
And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
are so deeply loved. I love you. Bye. Thank you

(01:15:17):
so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If
you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to someone
else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was
executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly.
Our producer and editor is Vince de Johnny. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio
app or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.