Heidi Gardner

Welcome back to Thanks Dad! On the season two premiere, Ego talks to actress/comedian/best friend Heidi Gardner. They discuss who Heidi wants to say thanks to, FaceTiming naked and sharing a dressing room on Saturday Night Live! To wrap things up, Ego asks Heidi for advice on buying furniture you love for a place you might not.

Want some advice from Ego and her guest? Leave a message at ‪[phone] (THX-DADS)!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Ali, Guys, I may go odiin. You might know me,
you might not. If not get to know me, you
might like it, you might not. If not, go to
hell kidding, I'm kidding. If you don't like me, that's valid.
You're not. Everyone doesn't have to like me, all right,
but you do need to respect me. No, you don't
have to do that either. Anyway, Guys, this is my podcast.

(00:25):
As you know, I probably don't need to say that part.
I've been thinking about these people who say to me
that saying I say thanks too much? I say thanks
a lot. I say thank you for everything. I was
raised to say thank you for everything. If my mom
took me to ballet class and drops me off, I
meant to say thank you at seven years old. I
think that's good. But I think my mother did a
great job in stealing good manners in me. And so
when someone says to me that I say thank you

(00:46):
too much, I'm like, is there such thing as saying
thank you too much?

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Can?

Speaker 1 (00:51):
I ask the room? Is anyone gonna Is there such
thing as saying thank you too much? I get that
feedback people are saying, no, why did Yeah. A few
people have said to me, I say thank you too much,
And I'm like, you're probably not saying thank you enough.
It's not like sorry. I get being apologetic for just
like being in a room and taking up space. But
we can't throw manners away all together, guys, that's what

(01:13):
I want to say. We can't just be throwing maners away. Okay.
There is such thing as saying sorry too much, but
saying thank you too much? Yeah, No, I think you
should be saying thank you. I think most people are
not saying thank you enough. And that's my hot take.
I hold a door for a person they walk through,
no thank you. That's crazy. See, that's crazy to me,
just the expectation that someone's supposed to hold a door

(01:36):
open for you. People should be saying thank you. It's kind,
it's a nice gesture. I want everyone to say thank
you more. And that's my official platform. So today I'm
talking to a very good friend of mine, Heidi Gardner,
just one of my best friends. I love her dearly.
We talk about crushes, we talk about our time on SNL.

(02:00):
We talk about renovating houses. And I know that might
not sound super interesting, but I promise you it is.
And if you don't enjoy it, I will give you
your money back guaranteed. I'm fully lying to you. What
money And no, I'm not giving it back if you
don't like it. I say listen again. I say listen again.

(02:21):
Surely there's something in there for you. All right, y'all,
this is thanks Dad foriego Odem. Today's guest, Heidi Gardner,
take a listen.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
You know what I keep forgetting to ask you? Yeah,
and I know this is so old news. Have you
had Apollo bagels?

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yes? So good? Oh my god, Oh I am young
geezy thrilled, like that is a good bagel. I was.
I'm not a like bread person. When people are like,
oh I love bread, I'm like, that's really genuinely, it's
like very interesting to me because I'm not. I'm not
a bread person. You're a bread person.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yeah, I love bread. At a time, it was my
favorite food.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Wow, just white, just a typical white, just like a
good bag at Okay, yeah, okay, I I fuck with
a faca. I'll go out of my way in biscuits,
butter milk biscuits, as you know. But bread not so much.
But Apollo bagels was enough for me to think about.
I think about it still and I had it like
a month ago. When did you have it?

Speaker 3 (03:21):
I had it a week ago, and I've had it
so many times.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Do you live close to there now?

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Okay, yes, my friend you moved. Do you love me?
I know you moved neighborhoods? You don't want to live
in my neighborhood? No, I keep telling people you're in
East Village, Girly anyway, I am yeah, it feels like me. Yeah,
I think so. I'm like, that's it feels. I was
like where we lived before the very well, I still

(03:47):
live there, very sterile, not quite New York, quite man
made Disneyland.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
And I'm fine, well curated, like it was someone's vision. Yes,
of every little like even the drug stories, well.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
They're not normal. I can't find just normal stuff in there.
It's very Yeah, that's true. It's true.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Just a brasor is impossible yet.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
And where we live, yeah, that has been very hard. Anytime.
It's like I have to run a little er and
I'm like, nothing about running an errand in this neighborhood
is convenient. And I do live in New York and
it's like, oh, we're gonna have to go way out
of our way. Okay, I'm going to do an intro
for you. Okay, okay. Our next guest is an actor, comedian,

(04:29):
writer who did eight seasons on Saturday Night Live and
is currently on Apple TV's Shrinking. She also happens to
be one of my best friends on the planet, if
not my best friend. Oh my gosh, it's Heidi Gardner. Hi,
my friend, my friend, my friend is here. Thank you

(04:52):
for doing this.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
Of course.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
I mean I already almost cried.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Really wonderful pride today.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
I will probably we're teasing a cry.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
We'll see what happens. We don't cry it all, and
in fact, we just bicker, yeah, and raise our voices. Yes, okay,
can you tell me something you're you want to say
thanks to something someone you want to say thanks to.
It can be sarcastic, it can be earnest. I have
an earnest on you have an earnest thanks. Okay, we're
starting earnest. I love it, of course. But by the way, yeah,

(05:25):
I feel like that's our whole relationship, as we built
to comedy. But we're too incredibly earnest people with one another, especially.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
Yes, fully, and I was when you briefed me on this.
I was like, I'm going to I'm trying to think
of something funny, and I was like, I just can't
do it.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Is it because when you think of me as your friend,
you're like, we're not fun friends? Are we fun friends?

Speaker 3 (05:46):
We are fun friends, but you're a friend that like,
I can get beyond fun with like, and you need
that in life. I can do a lot of bits
a lot people, and I don't even think you have
time for bits. No, we'll throw a bit like every
forty days.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
Every forty days. It's one bit, it's brief. It lasted
maybe what twenty seconds, And they were like, okay, let's
be back to being earnest.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
And each of us pull out before the other even
has it's.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
True a bit. I'll just go okay, lol, you win.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
It's just kidding.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Like most recently, but before we get into your thanks,
when you had a bunch of friends on a part
of us to go see the Kansas City Chiefs here
in New York City was at Metli Stadium. Okay, I
saw you the day before, yes, And then I saw
the pictures on social media and I thought, she knows
I don't want to be there.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
And she didn't invite me, yes, but she that ego didn't.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yes, I texted you? What did I text you?

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Why didn't you invite me to the game? My worst
nightmare that like my best friend would be like, why
didn't you include me?

Speaker 1 (06:52):
You didn't include me? Good morning. See. The thing is
I don't have fomo at all, yes, and I think
you know that about me. I'm kind of like, a
that's fine. I don't need to be everywhere. I don't
have the desire to be most places. My favorite place
is my bed. That's the honest countrus. I do everything
in my bed. But I thought I remember when I

(07:12):
was sending that text, I was like, I think she'll
get it, but you ever send a text that's like
your person needs to see it in real time?

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (07:19):
So I had said good morning to be like is
she up? Is she getting engaged? And then I couldn't
wait any longer because I'd been thinking about the bit
for like a full day, and I was like, hey,
I have to try it now, And I said, yeah,
why didn't Why didn't you invite me to the gate?

Speaker 3 (07:31):
It was good morning? Why didn't you invite me to
the game? I didn't see either. And then it was
like kidding.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Just kidding.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Immediately pulled out of the bit so fast, so fast,
But because I know that your favorite place is your bed,
and I did consider. I'm like, okay, I'm on this
party bus and there is actually it wasn't my party bus,
but there's extra room on the party bus. I'm like,
a go's in New York too, But it's like, your
favorite place is your bed, and I knew this was
probably a thirteen hour commitment.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, and I say that I do marathon. No, no, I'm
I like need to go home and reset, like I am.
I we could be having like the most perfect summary Saturday,
and I need to like go home after a few
hours and regroup and gather my thoughts and then I
can go back out. But I can't. You can do
a full day.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
I can, but I have paid for it the entire week,
and so has everyone else that I know that it's
my same age that was on that. And also I
was only maybe intoxicated for an hour. I was completely
sobered up by the train I stopped. But there was
one hour in there where that has destroyed me. Okay,
I've been I was late here today. This is five

(08:37):
days later. I have missed appointments, I've gone to the
wrong places. Also, the city is like still hot. Yes, yeah,
I'm adapting. I was in Kansas City all summer, so
that's some of it. But you would have hated the day.
And I knew that.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
I know because your text bag was like, I don't
think you would have wanted to be on a bus
that long, and I just imagined you wouldn't. I was like, yeah,
you're right, you know me well, and then I was hoping,
I was she gets it. I just wanted to see
if it made you stressed, because I like to I
we like to do a bit. Yeah, like a twenty
second maximum it is it.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
I was like, where's my glam where's my glass?

Speaker 1 (09:12):
And then this appearance, I said sorry, and then I said, oh,
we're actually not even recording a podcast. This is me
trying to get you to hang out. Yeah, yeah with
two second bits two seconds? What are you? What's your
thanks for your earnest? Yours is ernest? What's your thanks is?

Speaker 3 (09:28):
I have a good friend in Kansas City who has
been on a wait list for a kidney and a liver,
and last week he got a kidney and a liver. Yes,
and that is thanks to a wonderful family who was
so giving and donated. That that is thanks to the

(09:52):
hundreds of people that when his family posted about it,
hundreds and thousands of people that just to check if
they were a possible candidate. When I would post about it,
the messages I would get and my friends like you
and our good friend Rashida, who I asked for prayers yeah,
and he got it and cool, it's just so cool.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah. Yeah. When we got that text to pray for him,
I was like, I'm so honored. I me and Rashida
were both like, yeah, of course we will be praying
for him. We love that you even asked us. And
then when you sent us the update that it's like
it all worked out is truly like feels like a miracle.
So that was that was very special. I'm so glad
that that's happened. Now. This is Can I say his name? Yes, Beckham, Beckham, Okay,

(10:40):
it's Beckham who I saw a video of him watching
Jack Black or singing along too. Can you can tell
us about it? Well?

Speaker 3 (10:49):
He was so they him and his family have been
on this journey for four years. He's four years old.
He's the most resilient, funny, hopeful, hilarious kid in the world.
And as far as I know, like there have been
other times when they thought, like he's going to get
his kidney, you know. And one of the videos they

(11:10):
sent me was Beckham dancing to Steve's Lava Chicken from
Minecraft and just kind of celebrating that it was going
to happen. And I, you know, we worked with Jack Black, Yeah,
my personal hero, and.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yeah, I mean it was kind of everyone's hero. It
felt like, I mean in general in life. And then
that week at work, it was like I felt like
we all were in a space where we were like,
oh my gosh, the Jack Black is here.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
People say don't meet your heroes. I now say I
met my hero. I worked with my hero, and my
hero inspired me to be a better person because that
was yeah, that week. But yeah, I got this video
of Beckham dancing to Steve's Lava Chicken and I sent
it to Jack just basically being like, you make people
so happy. This is a kid who has been going

(12:00):
through a lot. This is how he's celebrating, like just
the hope that he's going to be getting a kidney.
It's with you I've been watching you since I was younger,
you know, like, thank you for just making people happy
for this long. You need to see this. Yeah, and
because he's a wonderful person, he sent me a video

(12:21):
back for Beckham singing Steve's Lava Chicken. And now Beckham's
out there in the world being like Steve loves me. Yes,
Steve does love you.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Steve doesn't. He doesn't realize it's Jack Blood. Yes, Yeah,
he is a legend, Jack is he? When he came
to work that week, I was like an angel has
descended from heaven into thirty Rock and is just at
table Read watching Jack. Anytime he would stumble, we read
would read forty sketches a week at table Read. Essentially

(12:52):
anytime he would stumble, which is a lot to read
for when the host isn't every single piece the care
that he would exude in those moments and be like,
I know someone spent all night working on this, and
I just want to get it right. I had never
really seen that.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
He would say, let me go back, let me let
me give this the gas that it needs. Oh, I
just figured it out, let me do it.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
It's such an amazing human being. I love him. So much.
That was a really, really really special week.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
It was a special week too because it was the
debut of Miss Eggy two. It was very It was
a very cool week for me to be like, I
am on cloud nine, this is my hero. And then
also my best friend annihilated the show.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
That I loved.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
It was.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
It was cool, thank you, thank you magic it did.
It was cool to get to do that in front
of him. I would say just yeah, and he was
so kind and he sent me a very kind message afterward,
and I was like, this man is not real. This
man is not real. He's actually better than you expect
him to be. And what a gift to have gotten

(13:53):
to be there for that, and I'd gotten to do
Miss Eggie that week. I'm like, just just un unreal
all around. Yeah. We love we love Jack Black, and
we love Beckham so much.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, I love you Beckham.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, Heidi, so you grew up watching Jack Black? Yes?
Any other faves from childhood?

Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yes? Girling up in Kansas City. It was it's like
a fully formed city. Obviously mine, but you know, I
had an older brother and we were just obsessed with
everything like that, and he was kind of like my
ultimate Tastemaker or whatever, justin like I liked he showed me,
you know, my first SNL sketch. He would show me
like Spinal Tap, like all that stuff. So I loved

(14:44):
like improv based movies like Spinal Tap, Waiting for Gotman
Byston Show. That was a big deal for me. The
movies we had on repeat, we would watch Parenthood, Boomerang,
and Problem Child kind of.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Problem Child was my shit. It's funny, it's so funny,
and what was it what was the one line where
she's like, my mom used to quote it all the time,
like I think we adopted Satan my mom with her
accent saying my favorite favorite thing. I was obsessed with

(15:18):
Problem Child.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yeah he was bad as hell. He was bad as hell.
And I can be this is not fair at all.
I can be a little picky with child actors as
far as just like I don't love when they play
grown ups. Yeah it's a little too cute. Yeah yeah,
Junior and Problem Child is legit funny, very funny performance,

(15:40):
so good. Yeah that was that was on rotation. Yeah,
did you.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Ever watch Kindergarten Cop because that was another one. Kindergarten
Cop was like my favorite movie. Also funny Kids, Yes,
very funny kids, and that movie used to stress me.
I haven't watched it as an adult, but I need
to revisit it to be like, would I be as
stressed as I was as a young person watching this?

Speaker 3 (16:00):
I think you would. Yeah, it's legit. I'm gonna get
kidnapped by a parent I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
Do with the rest of my life, which is fair.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
I'm gonna lose my nice mom and be with my
criminal dad.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
And I don't want to have to do that. Yeah,
what do you think it has on Rotten Tomatoes.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
One hundred one hundred percent?

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I have to look it up. I'm like, what is
Kindergarten Cop? This is destroying my childhood right now because
I loved this movie. I lived on Kindergarten Cop. Kindergarten
Cop on Rotten Tomatoes has a fifty four percent and
the popcorn meter is fifty two percent.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
I feel like a group of maybe thirteen year olds
today watched it, and that is being pulled for something,
because that is not what was happening when that movie
came out. It was four stars for action comedy.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
That's what I feel like. Okay, well, here's what Variety
staff said, just so you know, this is in top
care In two thousand and seven, Variety staff set a
mish mash of violence, psychodrama and lukewarm kiddy comedy, very rude,
lukewarm kitty. I'd say it was on fire, genuinely, like
it was given hot to me.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
Did you like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
I, he's I'll be back right, yeah, because sometimes I
get and this is messed up. Sometimes I get him
and Sylvester Stallone in my head they're like the same
person to me, but they're not.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
But that still is. But Sylvester salone is like it's
still like, yeah, yeah, it's in there.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
So I did. I did love Arnold Schwartzeneger. But do
you mean, like have a crush on him?

Speaker 3 (17:41):
A crush?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
I didn't have a crush on him. What a weird
crush you had growing up? Yes, like well or something, Okay,
a weird crush I had. You know, I kind of
liked Screech.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Oh god, I kind of liked.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
Screech because he was hitting Lisa with the court press.
Like that level of decisiveness, A man pursuing a woman
with that level of decisiveness, I mean to it would
be problematic maybe to some extent today, So don't fully
quote me, but I am saying this, so quote me.
I think more men could stand to learn a lesson

(18:17):
from Screech.

Speaker 3 (18:18):
Quote her now that you put it that way, and
I was being judgy, I'm just thinking about the look
and like everything superficial, yes, But when I do think
about the commitment what he was, he was willing to
give it. He was going to die.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
He was willing to die for Lisa tur And because
of that, I'm like king, truly a king. To watch
a man pursue a woman with that level of decisiveness
is like, truly feels like a fairy tale now, and
I will say, I mean like Steve Erkle too. I
didn't have a crush on Erkele, but I did admire
his all, like his persistence.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
Yeaha for Laura, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
I kind of feel like it was like you're my wife,
I need you to Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
These guys wanted to get married.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah you and be young fathers and start early like
they did back in the day. Do you have any
friends whose parents love story was such that, like my
mom wasn't into it, but then my dad like was
just so persistent that now they're you know, I'm here,
they got married, I'm here, and it all worked out.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
I am not recalling one of those, I will tell you. Recently,
i've heard two stories of women that admittedly said they
stalked the guy and the guy was like, yeah, I
don't really like that, and they're like, but we're here now, okay,
And they're like, and I don't like that you tell

(19:43):
the story.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Okay because it makes me look like a sucker.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yeah, they were just like I sat my eyes on
it and I pursued it, and so they it was.
I guess I know some like reverse.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
The reverse story, okay, reverse screech. I mean, yeah, there's
something to be said for that, you know, but you
have to expect respect people's boundaries. But apparently sometimes it
works ye to not and then yeah, people are in love.
And did the man just like give up? Are they happy?
I'm a little like, did they just decide?

Speaker 3 (20:11):
I think they were just I honestly, I think they
were like, yeah, you're right, you're right.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
Right, I don't know anything.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
You're right, you're right that we're right for each other.
Sometimes we know, yeah, like that's true, that's true. I
feel like they could be problematic, but I'm like it's
true though sometimes.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, how do you feel about the notion that a
man should like a woman way more than the woman
likes the man in a heterosexual relationship?

Speaker 3 (20:39):
I think after years of I mean even just like
childhood pining more dream dates. I mean this is even
back to Leonardo DiCaprio, I think I have obsessed over
so many men that I'm absolutely fine with a man
a man just fully obsessed and like all the energy

(21:01):
I'm not just talking about for me, but yeah, you know,
me and a lot of my female friends, all the
energy we've put out into the world obsessing, you know,
even studs from the nineties, and like, yes, let it
come back, like yes, fair, get yourself obsessed with.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah you wait, I should mention, yes, you do have
You did have a crazy crush on Leonardo DiCaprio, which
doesn't feel that that's not crazy. Did you have but
you were like really obsessed with him? And you got
a Leonardo DiCaprio rug for your birthday one year, yes,
from your friends. Yeah, and you also have Leonardo DiCaprio sweatsuit.

(21:40):
Did I make this up? Okay? No, you do?

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Do you have any embarrassing crushes, famous or otherwise from
your youth?

Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yes, I mean so you know my friend Michelle. Yes,
every week in our journal we would do we would
put out our man list, which was just the same.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Okay, a man, let's go off tin you. I mean,
by the way, these are girls twelve man list.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yes, our man liss okay, it's called the Manless And
it was just the ten guys of the week of
the week that we were into. And on both of
our lists a very frequent man that would show up
was just that guy from Ricky Lake, just some just
some guy who was on Ricky Lake that week, because

(22:25):
we were watching a lot of Ricky Lake, and it
would just be a cute guy on Ricky Lake. So
that guy from Ricky Lake, right, I was really into Shack.
She wasn't, but he would like make mine Troy Aikman,
who's a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys at the time.

Speaker 1 (22:39):
I say, yeah, I just know the name.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
I wanted to like she might.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
I don't know the name.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
And it would also be like that guy from the Mall,
you know, just like that guy, that guy, that guy
from World to Fun. I can think of a guy
who operated a ride called the Bamboozler who we rode
like forty times. His name was.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Jay Today where Monte fair enough, that's fair, that is
so fair. But Man of the Week is.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
Crazy man and it said manless, manless, manless, manless.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
And the fact that you guys were like twelve making men,
making a list of men is actually really impressive because
at the time, I feel like that's like around the
time maybe that like the Boy is Mine was super popular,
and I think about that song now. I keep thinking
about it for whatever reason lately, because they're going on tour.
That's why Monaga and Brandy are going on tour. Kelly
Rowland's going, Money Long is going. This is not an

(23:35):
ad for.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
The animal, but but we should go.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
We should actually go. But the Boy's Mind was so popular,
and now that I'm an adult, fully, I'm just like,
it's you can have the boy. I would never want
a boy now. But they were also like sixteen, I
guess yeah, so it would have been strange if they
were like the Man is Mine, The Man is Mine,
Man is Mine. I mean I would do I would
like a remix, the present day remix the Man. But

(24:00):
also if we're fighting over him, you can have him,
is ye?

Speaker 3 (24:02):
I feel yes?

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yeah, if he's making us fight, yeah, yeah, there's no
need for any of that. Okay, I'm obsessed that you
were boy ob says Michelle is your friend from Kansas City? Yes,
you're a friend from second grade. We love Michelle, Yes,
we love Michelle the absolute best growing up in Kansas City?
What were your favorite parts of that?

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Oh? My favorite parts. I mean, I'm relentless, but obviously
the Kansas City Chiefs, just because it's a sports town
and it was a way to bond with my brothers
and my mom and my mom's boyfriends.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
Boyfriends, I never really liked you. Were there any that
you liked till don None?

Speaker 3 (24:47):
No, there was one that like was very short lived,
and it is kind of the one where I'm like, wait,
I could have seen that as a stepdad, and like,
all I can think is he took me to an
Indiana Jones movie and bought funn for me and my
brother in Saint Louis. Yeah, but it felt and they
looked really good together. I found some old pictures recently, I'm.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Like, this one works. Yeah, why didn't you go?

Speaker 3 (25:10):
But the one who taught me about football. He was
just a little grumpy sometimes, but taught me about football
along with my mom, who had a tropical fish tank,
which I still think about, Okay, And he would take
us to get tropical fish. And again, it's like I
want to say, like as a kid in Kansas City
and like, again, it's a very.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
It's not a it's not some small little town.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
But when I would roll into a place like shopping
for tropical fish, that felt rich. And he wasn't either,
But there was something about like him being like, yeah,
I'll take the clownfish and it was just like this is.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
So nice man, that's fish.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
And so when you guys would shoop for the tropical fish,
they'd go in his fish tank. Yeah okay wow. And
so he was a fake. He was also and it
was random.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
It's like a very like I can't remember his job,
but he was like a very blue collar dude that
just loved tropical fish. It was like a juxtaposition where
I was like I kind of get.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
It, and this is a different this isn't this is
the one that taught you about football? Yeah okay yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
But then also when I think back about it, he
had a roommate not a great sign, and his roommate
taught me how to bet.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh okay, a gambling bro. I wanted to make you
have a gambling problem. That's no problem.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
Great, okay. So I in Can't City. I hung out
with my mom's boyfriends, upsessed with and.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, the mall was a big the mall growing up.
The mall, I mean the mall was every Friday. Was
that a thing for you guys? Because I grew up
in Baltimore, which also not a small town. Just getting
dropped at the mall, just get dropped at them all
on a Friday. Yeah, and you just walk around.

Speaker 3 (26:52):
The mall, just walk around. How much would you have
on you?

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Maybe ten dollars? Yeah, maybe ten dollars. And I always
got a Nanian's pretzel or a cookie from this place
called the Great Cookie Snickerdoodle. I just ordered a container
of them to New York because I was like, I'm
always trying to like I always want that childhood cookie.
So this cookie from the Great Cookie and Baltimore at
the mall, White marsh Ball, and I always want a

(27:17):
Snickerdodle because I think about that's the first time I
had a snickerdoodle. So I'm like, that's my favorite cookie.
And I ordered a container from The Great Cookie. I
was like, you know, I'm just gonna order it because
I keep trying to find something that's like it. Yeah,
everywhere I go, and I'm like, I'll just order. I'm
sure they deliver it, and they do. And those cookies
were so bad. Oh. I had romanticized these snickerdoodles. I

(27:40):
was like, no one does it like the Great Cookie.
No one does the snicker doodle like the Great Cookie.
Came and I was like, this tastes like chemicals. Yeah,
we were eating a lot of chemicals back then and
thought it was delicious.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
And that was probably your first snicker doodle. It was,
so it's the best.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
It was, yes in my mind like oohey, gooey. And
it came and it was like it's kind of just
like too thin, which is why it's soft. But by
the way, shout out to the Great Cookie because they
held me down for so long and now I know
what a snicker doodle is meant to taste like. But
it was my first. Yeah, but the mall, what a scene,

(28:16):
what a scene, just.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
What a scene. I remember. I think I was twelve,
and we got dropped at the mall and the objective
for that day was meet boys. Like all my other
girlfriends were like, we're meeting boy This was like right.
I went to like new middle school and I was like, okay,
these girls are like these are girls I need to
bring it and we're meeting boys and it's a movie thing.

(28:40):
And I showed up in wide legged jeans, a white
turtleneck and an oversized Anthony Hardaway jersey, dog tags, the
same haircut.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
Okay, were you a tomboy? Because now I'm seeing this
and this is like giving tomboy, I'm imagining it.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
I was like, I am now kind of like sometimes
I'm like full tomboy for a week and then sometimes
I'll want to wear something feminine.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
I don't know, Yeah, okay, I don't know. I don't
put my girl in a box as a young woman.
And for that, we we love you. Okay, you were
just you? Yeah that's what.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
But I I definitely when I rolled in just if
I remember my friends just kind of being like.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
What is which?

Speaker 3 (29:23):
Also in that office sounds cool right now?

Speaker 1 (29:25):
Now, it does sound cool, like respectfully with no disrespect.
It sounds like something like Billie Eilish would wear yes,
but I would love it and we'd be like, that's amazing.
She's got on her AI jersey and the turtleneck and
dog tags. Yeah, wide leg jeans. Actually, now that I'm
putting it together, I'm like, yeah, it's it would be cool.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yeah, And then we go down to Mister we'd go
down to the food court. Mister Bowlkis was the candy shop. Okay,
so this was good to go to the movies with
the boys. So I show up and not go down.
We would get we would all get two icies, two
coke cherry icies big from Mister Bulkies and an assortment
of like candy, and then we would go to I

(30:05):
can't remember the name of it, but it was in
the food court. It was a Chinese place. We would
get low Mate in styrofoam and take all of that
into the movies and I was like, supposedly on.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
It day, just slurp up some low Maine and slurpy yeah,
and candy and my jersey yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
And I did not have any luck.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
No luck. How old were you when you had your
first kiss?

Speaker 3 (30:37):
Well, actually I do think it was about twelve.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
You were twelve in that outfit? Okay, I had a movie, yeah,
so the Love with Love Maine Breath.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
I think I held off on it. I think I
know I might get kissed that movie and did not
get the.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Oh was it a boyfriend?

Speaker 3 (30:53):
No, but it was definitely a friend where it was
like we should have been boyfriend girlfriend, but we just
couldn't admit it.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
That you liked each other. Yeah, why is it such
an uncomfortable thing when you're that age? Like I think
back to that age, and I'm like, why is it
so uncomfortable to be like I like someone, to say
like I like someone or I have a crush. It
was so embarrassing, I feel.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
I know.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yeah, And it's not even like I knew what the
word vulnerable meant. So I don't think I knew what
was going on. I didn't know if I was embarrassed
or like, but it was you know that feeling when
you're that age and like you're also trying to like
touch each other as much as possible, just on the sly,
but then acting like you didn't just touch.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Like legs grazing, but like but like, oh I didn't
actually I didn't do that on purpose but did you
feel that? But I did. I wanted you to feel that,
but I also want you to think it was an accident.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yeah, But then there were definitely kids the same age
that were like, we're feeling each other.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
I went to school with some fast children. Yes, I
remember in high school people being like, I'm staying after
school for track practice, but I'm also hooking up with
my boyfriend and the janitor's closet and I was like, wow, yes,
I'm like going going hard really and that was brave souls.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
I got broken up with after this was probably a
year later at a movie because I didn't do.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Stuff because she didn't want to do stuff.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
Because some other kids my age were like, fully yes,
which also gives me like just false expectations of like
what is supposed to go on in the movie.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
I feel like we're supposed to be watching the movie
bringing a full meal and then trying to get.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
I don't know if I'm sure I've told you this before,
but I one time when I used to do hair,
I had a client. You know, people open up to
you very.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Very quick, telling you too much, and it's.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
Kind of awesome. But it was right when like those
theaters like I pick started opening the nice ones with
like the back seats, which also I hate, Like I'm
also like, we don't need to be laying down eating
burgers and some guy. I think it's all disgusting. But
she went to on a first date to one of
those theaters and she was like, yeah, we got hammered,

(33:17):
like getting pre show drinks in the seats or whatever
because the waitress was coming. We got there like forty
five minutes early, drank our asses off. Fuck during the movie,
passed out.

Speaker 1 (33:28):
How long was this movie?

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Also the movie was Pacific rim which was like just
this weird robot like also not sexy, I don't think,
but those movies are kind of long.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Actually yeah, like so she I have time to do
some things.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Yeah, but then she was like passed out and then
both like woke up laid back in the seats realizing
what had happened.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
Like fully just having a bedroom.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Experience, but in like an I pick.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
An I pick over the course of two hours, maybe.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Like a whole bad relationships, like drinking too much, yeah,
having like then maybe.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Regret I don't And you're supposed to like go to
the movies people go for escapism to be like this
is not but they just like lived a real normal
life during the movie theater, like during the movie theater experience,
which is that's bold people who are having sex at
the movies. I'm I'm a grown woman, and I'm still like,
what are the mechanics of Well.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
Now they're easy if you can lay back.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
But there's still the console between. I want someone to
really explain to me. So what is it. We're both
on the seat reclient.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
So we're I get into your seat, hop over your
con hop.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Over the little consoles like the cup holder. And we
can't do this at home, God forbid, God forbid we
sleep with each other at home, okay, because we need
to do it in public at the movie theater. Imagine
being an employee walking in on that and like what
you would would you say anything?

Speaker 2 (35:04):
Mmm?

Speaker 3 (35:05):
I'm really imagining, right, I got it.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
Do you see a couple fucking it the Yeah?

Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah, no there. You know there's like those bathhouses in
New York. Those vibes down there are very sexy and
they warn you and it's so many couples down there,
and they're like no PDA down here. But there's people
I've gone down there with someone and definitely not been

(35:33):
mean sex are even close to and like there's chaperones
in there that are like even if you're talking closely.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
Yeah, like a school cho you guys supposed to doing that.
I don't like those spas respectfully. Yeah, how do you
feel about them? Because people are always trying to get
me to go to spas like that, and I'm like,
I think I'm imagining a private spa, but I'm maybe
doesn't exist except for in people's homes. Because in my mind,
I'm like, I want to go to the spa, like
maybe me and two friends, but I don't want to

(36:02):
like be in a public spa. But I think they're
all kind of public. And so now I'm like, oh,
I'm imagining a thing that doesn't exist.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
Maybe I think you just need to build a spa.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
I have to build a spat you're gonna have. Does
your house have a sana?

Speaker 2 (36:17):
No?

Speaker 1 (36:17):
I feel like you would have one. I do would
love Okay, I'm like, what else are we building on
the house?

Speaker 3 (36:25):
What are we going to build?

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I mean it's kind of done an incredible it's like
an oasis.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
Yeah, I'm wanting to do Uh. My next thing is
like branding, so when you come and stay, it's like
you take like a matchbook.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
Okay, oh wow, Okay, what is the house called?

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Then?

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Does the house have a name?

Speaker 3 (36:45):
The Dream Theater?

Speaker 1 (36:46):
The Dream Theater. We're gonna cut, We're gonna cut. Do
we have censor over her mouth? Sensor over her mouth?
The Dream Theater? The Dream And what's the full address?

Speaker 3 (37:03):
And social? Okay?

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Okay, that's incredible. Do we have a logo?

Speaker 3 (37:08):
Not yet, but it's in the works.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Okay? Is it like a graphic designer working on? And
I'm so invested in this. I love it. A hotel
stay take to the house.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
I know, I want like people to take away like souvenirs,
And you know, I'm trying to think of things like
what would you you are a wonderful guest of a hotel,
at a hotel, what would you like to take away?

Speaker 1 (37:32):
I okay, okay, I was about to say robes, but
I feel like most hotel robes I kind of think
are whack. To be honest with you, I'm like, this
just feels like a hard towel actually, and it's not
when I think of a robe, I'm like, I wanted
to feel like a soft hug and they're never like that.
So but if it was a nice robe, I would

(37:52):
take home a robe, but I know that could get pricey,
Like if everyone's coming to your house, Heidi and taking
robes and like nice ones, but I go in bed immediately.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
It's funny. I have not had the thought robe. But
when I just asked you and you have impeccable tastes,
I'm like, she's gonna say, robe, I will at least
when you come.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
But I just got rid of all my robes because
I had this one and I was like this, I
don't like this robe, but I'll keep something longer than
I should, even if I'm not enjoying it, because I
feel like I need to get my experience is worth
of it if you will, even if I'm not enjoying it.
But then there's this other part of me that's like,
you don't have to suffer through you don't like this thing,

(38:36):
you can give it away, you know, you can sell it.
But I'm like, but I bought it and I have
to commit and I can't return it.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
You don't have to suffer.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
The old robes suffer. So I'm suffering with this rough robe,
heavy robe and I've also had too many robes. And
one year we okay, we had to sketch at the show.
That was truly. I didn't write the sketch, but my mom.
One Mother's Day, I got her a robe and she goes, oh,

(39:05):
another house coat? Was Have I been doing this since
I was like twelve, We've all been doing the same thing. Yeah,
just nightgown robes, yes, slippers, foot massager, yes.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
Yes. One time I got my mom and me. You
know you've seen photos of my mom, you've met.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
Her, Yes, this is cool, yes, always cool.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
I was so excited I gave her a person on Christmas.
This is like when I was eight years old. I
was like a fine black bag, you know, and she
was like, oh cute. You know, I'm like look inside.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
She was like.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
A calculator, like attached to the purse and she was like, okay,
what's that yeah? And I was like, taed up groceries.
I have never I The reason I remember this is
if I could see how this please, and usually she

(40:08):
could like fake enthusiasm. She was like, honey, you know
I don't cook, so I don't get grocery broke down?
Why this would never let me teach you to giving.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Let me teach you how to give a good gift.
So I don't cook, So I'm not buying groceries. I'm
not taking my calculator to the bar the restaurant to
add up tally up the drinks.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
No one will ever seeing click click at a bar.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Yeah, hold on, justiy my tab. Let me just calculate. Man,
that I appreciate though a little bit of my mom
being like I did, low key appreciator kind of just
be like, this is a whack gift in so many words.
I'm like, you're being honest and it's that bad and
we've done it that much, and we won't stop giving
you robes until you have told us you have gotten
too many robes from us. So I kind of respect it.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
But also you're a very good gift giver now, So
I feel like that was a formative moment because I
think you give really meaningful gifts.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
Yeah, Like I told you about me dancing in childhood,
My mama told me the story about me dancing in
the grocery store to genesis we can't dance, yep. And
you bought me that shirt, yes, and I still have it.
I just got Yeah, sure I still have it. And
I saw someone at the north Strom at the Grove
wearing the shirt and I was like, I have that shirt.

(41:27):
This is like six weeks ago. And he's like, well,
you've got to have a good spirit to have and
I was like, that is so sweet. Yeah, very sweet man.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
You know what, you'll like the gift that I won't
be giving to guests. And I feel like you'll appreciate. Okay,
when you said I have too many robes. As I
was thinking about things, I was like, the one thing
that I am so tired of getting that I feel
like is in everything is a water bottle.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Oh, let's stop with the water bottles.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
We are why we're at this at this point. There's
so many plastic, there's so many water bottles with a
logo on it that maybe you should just buy a
pack of Fiji.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I don't know, Like, yes.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
I have the same amount.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Of full drawer of water bottles. I don't use any
of them. The one right and and I and I've
gotten rid of a bunch of water bottles recently. And
now the cabinet is overflowing, their stacked in one another,
and I'm like, we don't need another water bottle with
a logo on it. I think that's I think we
don't have We're going to say it here, just stop

(42:36):
with the water bottles and the logos.

Speaker 3 (42:37):
Everyone's at capacity.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Also, it feels crazy to not mention our time on
SNL together and the fact that we shared a dressing
room for our first my first year, your second year,
and then you were gonna get graduated to having your
own dressing room and you were like, I kind of
still want to share it with me, And I remember

(43:08):
being like, she should take her own room. I mean,
I'm gonna have to share it with someone still, but like,
you should take your own room. And then I think
you thought about it, and you're like, hey, I do
I think I am going to take my own.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Because as an adult you probably should for the best
for everyone, you should have your own space. I think, yeah, yeah,
Because I also think we were we were also so polite.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
We were so polite, it was but it was sweet,
it was beauty. I was always on the phone and
I'd always step away and then like both of us
trying to nap on that one couches. It made us
bond instantly because I didn't know, we didn't know each
other before us and L and we had mutual friends,
but I had never met you. Yeah, And to have

(43:51):
to share such an intimate space together and like for
hours on end on Saturdays, yeah, and Thursdays and Fridays
whenever we were rehearsing, I mean, yeah, is close quick,
but it doesn't have to work that way. It could
also not make you close. It can make you not
like each other. It could make you feel whatever. Neutraly,
I'm sharing a space with this person. But I'm so
grateful we got so close and we got to share

(44:11):
that here because I wonder if we would have been
as close as we are if we didn't have any
figured it out. I think so like fate right, yeah,
And I.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Always think of us on that couch, so I'm like,
only because as an adult, I've ordered a lot of
couches now, So I'm like, maybe it was around a
seventy four inch couchs it wasn't so small. Eggo and
I both could have at least stretched out our legs
a little, but we were on opposite ends, curled up
like cats like full firefox, like oh yes, just like yeah,

(44:41):
any respectful one of us could have put.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
Somebody could have we're wasting real estate on the couch
being so effing polite.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
I had a whole nother like Melissaeus, I.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Also curled up, and it's like all that real estate
going aways, But it was I I appreciated that level
of thoughtfulness because it's interesting how much people are not
good roommates in general, just a general concept, and don't
understand how much space they're taking up. And I'm all
for people taking up space, but then there's also consideration,
and I think it's a fine line. And I feel
like we walked it, if I may say so beautifully.

(45:14):
The first time we were in that dressing room. Do
you remember our first conversation, by the way, because I do.
I remember our first conversation. You don't remember it. I'm offended.
This must be my best friend. You can remember the
first time we had a real conversation.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
I bet I will.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
Okay, okay, you sure you don't want to take a
couple of moments. I feel like the wife being like,
you don't remember our anniversity. You don't remember anniversity?

Speaker 3 (45:39):
I have no one.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
You are big trouble Henry. Okay, no, all right, So
our first conversation immediately intense. This would be a someone
would say, this is like a bad first date, Like,
why are you guys talking about that? It's a Thursday,
our first rehearsal, first time being in the dressing rooms,
first week of the show for me, And immediately, and

(46:01):
I don't know how this happened, we were just talking
about our dads. I don't have one. I mean I
have one. I don't have a relationship with my dad,
and you had an interesting relationship with your dad. And
we got right into it, like we went really deep,
really fast, which I'm known for even in romance. We

(46:23):
went really deep, really fast, and then one of us
got called to the floor to rehear Sisily's sketch and
it was like, okay, well I just told you everything
about my life and the thing you said to me.
As I was called to exit, you were like, well,
that's more than I know about anyone who works here,
and I've been here for a year. And I was like,
I think and hope that's a good thing.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
Yes, but we don't do bets.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yeah, we don't do bits, since I think the way
we started our friendship was so earnest that there was
no room for bits. And I also get tired of
people doing bits.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
Yeah, we don't need them, and I always do question
on im, like do need more bits for me?

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Can I get some bits? Because I'm watching everyone else
get bits and I'm not getting enough.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
You know it's good about you though. Also why we
were deep friends is because I mean you've probably talked
about it here. You're not a texter. You're a phone
caller and even better a facetimer. And so that first
season or that first summer after your first season, we
were in different spots, yeah, and we needed to keep

(47:28):
in touch. And I remember face timing even like on
a street corner winter or like I couldn't find a
spot I needed to talk to you. And I remember
sitting in silver Lake somewhere like in a park or
on a curve. Yeah, like I need to see her.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
I love it. Yeah, it's such an intimate thing and
I know it's kind of aggressive, but I'm like, let's FaceTime, guys.
Why are we not using the technology on our gorgeous phones?
Are actually look at you? And now when some of
my friends call me regularly on a phone call and
I'm like, what year.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
Are we in?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Why are we? Why are we on a phone call.
Why I hate the sound of a phone call. The
quality is not as good as good. And I'm like,
let's FaceTime, and I think you were like, I'm not
a big facetimer. And Rashida, our friend Ye also was like,
I did not FaceTime before you, and I'm just here
to convert people into facetimers.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
And now her and I FaceTime.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
I love that, Ye, And if you have an Android,
I'm calling you on WhatsApp on video and I did
that last night to my other friend. I'm like, I
refuse to make a regular phone call. If this isn't business,
we need to FaceTime. I have to look at you.
I don't care if you're laid up, makeup whatever.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
That's also what I learned, because I'm sure the first
few face times I was doing way too proper, possibly made.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Up perfect posture.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
I'm like, no lounge, and you taught me, like you
can have it for angled down, you can.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
On FaceTime, phone propped up and I'm cooking a meal,
I'm in another room. I'm talking to you from another
room to the phone. I also have a confession, and
it's gross, is that I FaceTime In the show hour.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
I've thought about now that we know this, we're doing it.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
We should if you're okay with because have you ever
seen me naked?

Speaker 3 (49:08):
I've seen your boobs in your butt.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
Oh you have to see the vagina. I have to
get you to see my vagina. I've not seen your vagina.
I'd love to I that is like top tier. I
have like a couple people. I do FaceTime from the
shower and it could parts could be seen that parts
have been called Rashida and she would tell you on FaceTime.
I've called her. She answered my full vagina in the screen,

(49:34):
just like again, you know, I'm propping it in various places.
I'm not for me. FaceTime is like, yeah, it's face time,
but it's also vagina time. It's also titty time. It's
whatever is in frame. And I have called her and
then she's been like wow, full pussy and on the
screen and I'm like, I'm sorry, girl, I'm just hold on.
I'm putting loadtion on my body and it's like it

(49:55):
does beg the question why can't this call wait? A goo?
I know that why can't this call wait? But from
I'm kind of like, this is the time I have
and we were talking about today, I'm like, I don't
know what I did today. The day got away from me.
And when I'm like I want to talk to a friend,
I want that. That's like for me, the perfect time
to talk to a friend. I don't know if I
would still be facetiming people naked if I lived in

(50:16):
LA because in La that's when I would catch up
with friends on the phone. Right, But we're not driving
here and in the subway we lose service. And because
of that, New York City has got me FaceTime and
bucket naked, and I'm so I will FaceTime you naked
if you would like me to.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
I would love it because now that I know that
I have the permission. Yes, there's so many times. We'll
also audio message you. Yes, where well, I'll get some
from you. And I'm like, I go into the shower.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
With the phone.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
Yes, I'm gonna listen to all me because I have
to sit in the shower. Yeah, really peaceful. Yeah, And
you know, Egg and I will send each other five
minute long ones and like six in a row, so
there's a lot to I can't take notes in the shower,
so sometimes I want to call you to like you know,
just fond accordingly, but I'm like, I'm in the shower

(51:02):
or I'm like, I want a audio messager back, but
I don't want to hear.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
The water running in the background. Please call, Please call
me from the shower. I don't mind hearing the water running.
I just love someone a voice memo like two weeks ago,
and they go, maybe it was my friend Nikki and
she was like, I'm also laughing at how I can
hear the shower water running in the background of this
voice memo. And I'm like, this is when I'm free
to leave this voice memo because I'm probably not gonna
get back to you. I'm gonna forget, so please do.

(51:27):
I'm not gonna think it's weird. I'm like, bathroom and phone,
I do think, go together, Sorry about it.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
That's for all everybody does at this point.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
Everyone does. And if you're saying you don't get with
the program, I'm like, no, get with the program. I'm like,
get in the bathroom, get the phone in there. But
you know you don't want to sit on the toilet
with your phone. No, you will get hemorrhoids. Heidi. Yeah,
you need to know, girl, Okay, And I need someone
needs to tell you. It's because sense it sends waves

(51:57):
through your fingertips into your butt hole. No, you're just sitting.
You're not supposed to be sitting on the toilet for
an extended period of time. And I just had a
whole conversation with someone about this. A doctor is not
a doctor, just a girlfriend. She's like, do you ever
sit on the toilet for extended periods of time? And
I'm like, yeah, just like sitting contemplating life genuinely, like
I'm not using the bathroom anymore. And she's like, you're

(52:20):
not supposed to do that. And she's like a doctor
told her not to do that. So anyway, just wanted
to send that piece of wisdom over to your little
part of the world, and you should carry that with you,
remem maybe you should tell a girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
Everybody used to have like books or funny books on
the back of magazine that probably caused Yes.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
For sure, I think there's a whole generation of suffering
from hemorrhoids because we thought we could be reading on
the toilet.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
Yeah, there were toilets that I feel like had flipped
downs where you could get.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
Literally like a lot like this is why is there
a lot of room. I'm going to read a book
here right.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
Now, a chapter, or there's like those far side like just.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
Yeah, what was that about?

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Or conservation magazine.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
Yeah, so that's what I want to do. Here, ye
trying to run and people are trying to get out
of the bathroom. I enjoy. I enjoy bathroom, bathroom hanks
in general. So please genuinely do leave me voice mammas.
That's going to make me feel even closer to you. Yeah,
because I think it's crazy that we call each other
best friends and I haven't seen you Reagina.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
You're right, and actually I feel good fully wet. Yeah,
the wet hair I do. I'm not sure. I used
to think like wet hair. I was like, I feel
like all of my twenties, I never jumped in a
pool because I was like wet hair.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
Yeah. Now I'm like, oh, I like how I love Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
Okay, okay, good, all right, we're gonna do that. We're
going to plan for that. I'm very excited. I have
to ask. So normally we have like listener questions and
listeners asking for advice. Okay, I want to ask you
a piece of advice because you've done this before, and
we've kind of touched on it a little bit. But
for my house, okay, which is getting renovated right now, yep.
And you know, we haven't sent pictures in a while,

(54:00):
but I should send you pictures. But I'm trying to
figure out if I should always go with the thing
I love the most, even though I'm like, I don't
think this is my forever home. I don't want to
sell it anytime soon, and if I can, and if
it makes sense for me, I actually want to keep
it forever, just to have it as an asset, if

(54:21):
you will, right, But I don't know that it's my
forever home. I highly doubt it is. But I'm like,
I want to do this right. So should I get
the furniture and pieces that I'm most in love with
and they usually are the most expensive, or should I
be like, you know, this isn't your forever home, you
should like not go that hard.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
So say you're in your living room, Say you get
the rendering with the design, You see all these pieces
that you love, and then you see the price tag
and you're like, that is so much money.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Everything's expensive every way, very much. A lamp, a rug,
my god.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
That's vintage.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
Yeah, might be thirty time, which is crazy.

Speaker 3 (55:03):
But once you see it and you like it, you're
figuring you can't exactly what's the job?

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Yes, what's the job I can do? In the math
I can do. Maybe I won't order out this, yes
every single time.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
But I will say so I always do. So things
you're gonna sit on, I think you should spend the
money on. Okay, even if they're uncomfortable, but you like
the way they look. But hopefully they're both.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
See I've told I told my interior designer, as far
as seating goes, I need to want to sit on it.
That goes for the dining room tables and the couch
in the living room, which, by the way, the first
one I was she showed me too. I was like,
I want that one because it looks like a bed,
because I want my couch to feel like a bed
because I love bed. I always want to be in bed.
But then I saw the couch in person, and I

(55:44):
was like, it does feel like a bed. I'm pretty tall,
can't put my feet on the ground here. They're like, well,
like the couch was super deep and it was essentially
a bed, and I was like this is too ugly
to put in the home. So yes, it was so
fucking ugly person, So I didn't.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
Yeah, and you don't it to be intimidating. Also, you
want to think about all age ranges as far as
you saying like my feet were hanging off, you know,
too low, too high, all those things, if it looks
too artsy. The place where I edit myself. I remember
I got a design for my living room and there
was a Chester credenza piece that was really pretty that

(56:21):
would be like in the corner of the room. And
it was like and also Frank Lloyd right made it,
and it also like reflected the price reflected the frank architect,
And I was also like, why is this in here? Yeah,
I know, we're a fact that I can't But then
in your head you're like, well, maybe I should invest

(56:43):
in the Frankloyd right. And I remember being like, can
I just see a couple of alternates, Like I think
it's really pretty, but it's a lot, but I know
it's Frankloyd right, you know, but the wood of it
all is not as important to me. So I ended
up not getting the Franklin right. And so like if
you really think about just like if there's a comparable,

(57:05):
like spend spend a lot on some things, but then
like you know, CB two's got some.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Good gorgeous yeah really yeah, and people will CB two
piece go where is that from? Because that's beautiful and
I've done that. There's you know, she showed me lots
of things and I was like, I choose that, and
she wasn't revealing to me my interior designer, like where
they're from off top. So that's why it was always interesting.
When I'd pick the most expensive thing, She's like, I

(57:31):
have the three. I showed you. That's the most expensive.
But every once in a while it was a CB
two piece and I'm like, that's my favorite.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
Lulu and Georgia's yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Yeah, okay. Can is your house your forever house?

Speaker 3 (57:41):
I would like it to.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Be okay yeaheah. I'm like I should have. I didn't
get a pool because you have a pool. It's stunning
and beautiful and it's so fun. You had so many
summer parties. I saw, it was cool to watch. I
didn't get a pool, and because I was like, I hear,
it's a lot of maintenance and I probably would never
get in it, and now I'm like, oh, I should
have got a pool, because I'm like, if you're you're

(58:05):
like half investing in this house, I'm like, well, I'm
not going to do a crappy version of this beautiful
home and a beautiful neighborhood. And now I'm like, oh,
you should have thought long term. But anyway, we'll see.
I wanna I'm gonna take your advice. I'm want to
take that advice and some pieces go as hard as
I want. Yeah, Heidi, I'm so glad you did this podcast.
And I also have to say, I'm so glad you're
my best friend. I'm so glad we got paired together

(58:28):
in that dressing room and getting to spend seven years
of my time on SNL with you one of life's
greatest gifts. It's not the easiest place to work, but
you were such a huge gift and I absolutely adore
and love you and I'm so grateful for that time.
And I have to say one of the like, you know,

(58:49):
foundations of us being earnest with each other is my
second season. I had two sketches on or something, and
I think I can't remember what the situation was on
your side. And you were frustrated about something you said
to me, like, I want you to know I'm frustrated,
but I'm happy for you. And the fact that over
our time there we were just able to hold that
kind of space for each other as friends was the

(59:12):
most meaningful and special thing in my life. So I'm
so glad you did this. I'm glad I have you
as a friend. I adore you.

Speaker 3 (59:21):
I love you so much, and I am so honored
that we worked so hard there, and then we also
worked on our friendship so hard, which wasn't hard, by
the way. I just mean, like it is, like, you know,
we're humans, so we have egos, we want things for ourselves,
we want to succeed, and there weren't a lot of

(59:43):
times when we were able to like succeed in the
way we wanted at the exact same time.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
I remember just so many times being like, why can't
we be able to be winning together at the same
time so it could feel like just full celebration and
not one of us morning or frustrated and one of
us like on Cloud nine it's the best week ever.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
Yeah, yeah, but it was beautiful to watch you succeed
so much and that's why I think back, I'm like,
it's so recent, but that Jack Black week, it was
everything to me because it was my hero and I
could have never imagined a week like that, and I
got to do so much in the show and this

(01:00:22):
is why. And so you kind of feel selfish in
that way, give me everything, Like I got a sketch
and then I can honestly say my best friend had
the moment of the year, you know, and like and
I'm I'm just being really vulnerable that like there's a
part of me like if I think about it, I'm like, wait,

(01:00:43):
but I should want that for me. But you had
it and it was fucking awesome and I got to
go out there and watch it and like to have
you have it with my favorite person in the world,
and then you're my favorite person in the world, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:55):
It was like, what is my life?

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
This is so beautiful? I love you and we wanted it,
like we knew how special that was, and I knew
how important it was to you and like the people
who everyone loves you, but like you know, even like
Tom with the wardrobe, like we wanted that and we
got it. Yeah, and it's happened in that week I'm

(01:01:18):
just like, this is cool and to be able. I'm
not even saying I'm selfless in that way. I'm saying
I'm selfish because you give me. But it was perfect,
thank you, perfect and it made it more the best
week ever.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
Yeah, that was That was a really just all around
I know we started that way and talking about it
special week and getting to see you just be in
full gratitude and it's so easy to be caught up
with your own stuff at SNL and what you're getting
on and what you're not getting on, and how you're

(01:01:54):
succeeding and how you wish you were doing better or
how like I want what that person has, and just
watching you be so gracious towards everyone, that's my thing.
Like truly, I told you this on the phone where
I just was like, there's nobody. There's just nobody like you.
There's nobody like you. And you were just such a

(01:02:19):
light in what can be such a challenging place to
so many people. And that's just where you stood and
you worked from love and you came from love, and
like I feel honored to have been there at the
same time as you, and I feel honored to have
gotten the gift of a best friend out of it,
and that that week happened, and getting to see you
soar the way you you did and be in so

(01:02:39):
much and then I got to do that thing and
a guy like we wanted so bad, Yeah, because we'd
say it over the years, like you're having a hard
week and now I'm having a good one, and like fuck,
can we just be having a good one at the
same time. And so that was really lovely. And I
think about like Jack's energy and it's so again back

(01:03:01):
to him. We could sing his praises to We're blue
in the face, but like again, it was like such
an example of how to be and come into a space.
And there are times at the show, like with hosts
where I would be like, this is an example of
how not to be. This is an example of like
how infectious your energy can be, you know, good or bad,
and how you can change the energy in a space. Ye,

(01:03:24):
just by the way you come in and what you
bring to it. Like I got to watch that and
feel that and experience at firsthand. Yeah, And so I
looked at him and I'm like the light he brought
in care I think soothed all of us. That week
and that was a long season.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
Yeah, and it. You know, I'm a people pleaser so all,
and I think an EmPATH. I'll read the energy of
a room and just kind of know like, Okay, I
should come in quiet to this one, or I should
come in in every room like he'd interest that, and
he'd be like at five point thirty in the morning. Also,
he was like the first one there on Friday, like early, yeah,
no entrage, like yeah, Brian went to get him in Wardo.

(01:03:59):
He's like, I'm already in it walking out on the
set and he's like, today's gonna be.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
A great day.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Let's a fucking go. And then I want a leader
and I'm like, yeah, okay. When I rather than like
just being like nice and polite when I walk out
to set, you know, now I can at least be.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Like whoa, just like yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
Something that's like it's okay to have fun today.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
Yeah, Like you are that to me. You're light and
genuinely and I said it, I'm like, you did amazing sketches.
They're one of my favorite, being Michael Jordan's security guard.
So good. I think about that sketch all the time.
Your performance and that as all around, tens tens tens
across the board. What I think matters most is the

(01:04:47):
kind of person you are when you leave that place,
because I'm like the sketches, they come, they go, they're
really fun. They can be hard, they can be things,
you're not into it, whatever, But I'm like, if you
can leave in a place where it can get so
competitive and you can become so self involved, if you
can leave and be still remarkably lovely and such a
light and still pouring into other people like you, I

(01:05:11):
think you succeeded. That's what I think success is there,
and you did that a million times over. So I'm
just just you deserve your flowers. You deserve your flowers
for your time, and I'm happy to give them to
you right now. And I just absolutely adore you and
I'm grateful for you endlesslie and the time because Snel
gave me you.

Speaker 3 (01:05:31):
Yeah, I love you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
I love you so much. Thank you for being human,
love you.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
I love you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
That is fake And with that, this girl is a bitch.
This woman is a bitch, and you're Hollywood. Okay, did
you get it? Did you guys get it? Okay? Cool? Anyway,
bye bite, Thanks Dad is a production of Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Ago
wodem Are producer is Kevin Bartelt, and our executive producer

(01:06:03):
is Matt appadaka m