Nicole Avant

This week on Thanks Dad, Ego sat down with best-selling author, award-winning film producer, entrepreneur, and former U.S. Ambassador diplomat, Nicole Avant! Their conversation starts with Nicole thanking a friend who surprised her just when she needed it. Ego and Nicole share the life lessons learned in winning, losing, & cheating. Can we say ‘thank you too much?” For a New Yorker, when do you finally get that “I belong here” feeling? Ego and Nicole answer it all here!

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
What's up you guys. So today I'm kind of just
going through my phone looking at old jokes that I
would have pitched at SNeW during Monday Night Pitch, and
I don't think I pitched any of these. Some of them,
I will say one that I know I pitched that
I was so proud of. I don't know if it's
any good, but one that I remember and I feel

(00:30):
so proud of and that's why I still remember, and
it really might be bad, is what if you host
whoever it was at the time, are at play a
woman who joins the Peace Corps because she thinks it's
a workout class.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Okay, they're laughing. Where does it go from there? I
don't know.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
I have from September twenty twenty three. What if you
hook up with a weatherman hoping he'll name a hurricane
after you?

Speaker 2 (00:57):
I do it?

Speaker 1 (00:58):
A joke about white peace people quote going dancing. It
always feels like an event with white people. I don't,
and I love you guys, I don't. I never understood this.
I actually could pop off about this. I wasn't planning to,
but I always find it so strange that white people
are like, we're going dancing, and it's like and it's
an event, like on Friday, we're going dancing, and I'm
like sure, Like but with me and my friends and

(01:21):
who are not white and black people that I know,
it's like, if we go out, there's music playing at
the venue, people might start dancing. But it felt like
white people had to gear up and prepare themselves mentally,
like I've never heard of black I've never heard of
black person's I promise you say we're going dancing once.
But I hear white people say all the time, and

(01:42):
I'm just so curious about it. It doesn't feel like
you're having to gear up mentally, prepare practice ahead of time.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Do you guys say you're going dancing? Do you even
first of all, hold on, do you even go dancing?
They're white people in the room, Okay, you go dancing.
Do you say I'm going out dancing. We're going dancing, okay,
But before you started line dancing, which I imagine was recently,
were you going out dancing, would you say I'm going dancing?

Speaker 2 (02:07):
You would? It's okay, no shame, this is the safe space. Okay.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I was a ballerina and I never said I'm going dancing,
but maybe because I'm black, I don't know. I don't know,
and I don't have all the answers, guys, and I
hope you have not come to this podcast for answers,
but more for questions. So anyway, guys, today I am
talking to someone absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I am so excited to.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Speak to them, truly, truly, truly. Just their energy is
in the times I've met them in passing is so phenomenal.
I have a feeling I'm really gonna enjoy this conversation,
and thus you're gonna enjoy this conversation. I will be
speaking with Nicole Avante. My next guest is a best

(02:52):
selling author, award will meet. Ugh A, go what's happening?
You're making me nervous. I don't get stars quite literally, Nicole. Okay,
it's good. Keep this all please so people can see
how I was fully melting down.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
She can't form words, Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
My next guest is a best selling author, award will
be winning, Oh my god winning. My next guest is
a best selling author, award winning film producer, entrepreneur, and
former diplomat to the United States.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Nicole, thank you.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I couldn't speak before, and you're so I feel so
supportive right now, they're clapping for me for doing the intro.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Potentially they'll keep in all the times. Potentially they'll keep in.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Me not being able to speak for fear and nerves
because Nicole is here. Oh my goodness, I'm I'm so
happy to talk to you. This is huge, awesome. Okay,
tell me what's going on on any given day.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Who do you want to say thanks to or what? Okay,
you know what I thought about it earlier. Of course
I was going to say thanks to my parents because
I talked to him every morning. But today, my friend,
right before I got here, just gifted me with the
most gorgeous crystal, which I thought it was gonna be
a crystal that you could just put on the table. Yeah no, no, no,
it's on a big stand. It's huge. I don't no,
weigh six hundred pounds and he just delivered. And he

(04:19):
just said, you know, I really thought about you, and
I thought you in touch should have this, and I've
been wanting to, you know, give you a gift for
so long and I'm so proud of you and this.
John McClain is his name. He has been my brother
forever and it was the But the reason it's so
important to me this week is because you know when
you have those weeks and you just feel does anyone

(04:39):
value me? Outside of my family? Just starting semple where
it's I told I told Ted last night, I go
I feel as if I'm a bank and everybody is
coming in and just withdrawing. It's just so withdraw can
you do this? Can you do that? But no one's
checking on me. So it's one of those like is
anyone making a deposit? Yes, yeah, anyone just gonna check

(05:01):
in and say hi, how are you? Or again the
gift showed up for absolutely no reason. It was just
to be kind, yeah, and to be generous and thoughtful,
and that is enough. And it's just I it moved
my heart so much because it was like, listen, hey,
I have a surprise for you. I've been thinking about you.
I've been wanting to give you something for so long.

(05:22):
I've been so proud of everything you're doing. And you know,
he was very close to my parents, and it just
was something today where I was like, oh, yes, thank
you Lord, that is thank you, thank you for the
good reminder. I've just been, you know, generosity coming in
for no other reason than just to be generous and kind. Yeah. No,
there's no agenda attached to it, just to be kind

(05:46):
and thought you'd like something. Yeah, because you know it's nice.
That is so nice. That is so nice.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
And I love that it came right when you needed it,
right after you'd been talking to your husband, Ted sarandos,
CEO of Netflix, I should say for the people who don't,
I mean, I know, I know, but just as you
were inventing to him that like, oh my gosh, it
feels like everyone is just taking and wants something from
me and.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Growling and yeah, my energy is all over the place
and scattered. And we've all been there, yes, and you
know you just and we've all I'm sure we've all
played many characters, so we all do things. And it's
one of the lessons that my mother always said of
you know, please look at everyone with value everyone, And
it makes life so much easier when you know it

(06:31):
doesn't matter the title, doesn't matter what station they are
in life. But if you look at everyone like as
if they have value, it makes them feel good. They'll
pick up your energy that they'll understand, so it doesn't
matter if it's you know. And she always had me
in jobs that were of service jobs, so the waitress
and the hostess and working at the dry cleaner and
selling shoes and do it. But always, but since I

(06:54):
was fifteen, and she said, I promise you you will
thank me when you're older, because you The best way
for me to teach you about human nature and mankind
is you have to serve people. And you will see
the best of people. You will see the worst of people.
You'll get somewhere in the middle. You'll start to read energy,
You'll start to see you know, some people are raised

(07:15):
with manners and some people aren't, you know. And there's
nothing worse than an adult with terrible manners. Bad enough
when you have a child with bad manners.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's crazy when and it's adult, because you go, where
did we go wrong? Was this a parenting thing? Did
you pick this up along the way, or did you.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Just not listen to your parents? I mean, because that
happens too. I have people that I've grown up with
that I've known, you know. The good news is I
have so many friends that we've been friends since kindergarten,
from the very beginning. Still friends and we all get
together a couple times a year, and there was two
people where we said, I wonder what happened because the
parents were great. Yeah, they were raised right, and they

(07:53):
just chose they made a choice. Yeah, and they just
went another way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
My friend and I are often saying that a parent
can neither of a have kids. But we look at
some of the people we know, and we know some
of those people's parents and we haven't known them for
as long as you've grown your friends, but we go
their parent, their mother, their dad is so lovely. And again,
I know we're just getting tidbits them in passing, but
based on conversations with them and where their values seem

(08:19):
to align, it's like what happened here? And a parent
can only do so much. Like you're gonna try to
help shape this individual, and then they are going to
ultimately take what they want from that and become who
they're meant to are going to be.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
My mom would always say, listen, I want to I
want to be able to look at myself in the
mirror and say to myself, I know that I gave
them everything that they needed, but it's ultimately their choice
on if they're going to take all the values that
I gave them and the lessons that I gave them.
And she was a real disciplinarian, but she let us
have fun. But you know, she just she was not

(08:57):
down for the child being brat or stepping out of bounds.
She was very much you know, you have to respect authority.
You have to respect your teachers and your coaches and
what have you. And yeah, she said, you just can't
go through life without that. So for me, it was
I'm so grateful that I did work from a very
young age and and and the positions that she did

(09:20):
put me in where it was no, not everyone's going
to be nice to you, and people are not going
to be respectful to you, and people won't even look
at you, and you need to know what that feels like.
So you need to know what that feels like, so
hopefully that you will go through life and and remember that.
So look at somebody when they say hello, look at
somebody when they walk in. You know. I mean I

(09:41):
go to restaurants. Sometimes depending on what it is, it
can be for me. But most of the times I'll
be standing right now. They want to look at you. Hi, Ted,
that happened the other night, and I wonder it just
poor Ted. I mean, he wanted to hide under the
table because he was like, he goes, oh my god,
am I god? No cool, everyone can hear you. He's like,
you're you're I go, Teddy, calm down. She understood. I

(10:04):
just said, hey, you know when people come into your restaurant,
say hi, guys, welcome everyone, something, but high Ted, high Ted,
and then looking at me. Yeah, And it was just
building up and building up. And I just you know,
I've been looking at it and just I see it
all the time, just in general, just observing society, and

(10:25):
this just I said, no, no, no, no. Teddy said, but
you were so loud, I said her disrespect was loud. Yeah,
and I was. And I wasn't trying to turn out
and be disrespectful back to her at all. I was
actually I felt as if I was defending every person.
I was like, you don't do that. But especially in hospitality,

(10:45):
that is why it's your You're if you're in hospitality,
your job is to be hospitable. Right there, Hi, everyone, Hi, welcome,
How are you? Thank you for coming? Something? But I
think it's generational. I mean, we all know, it's it's
it's coming back. Though. I think there is a turn.
I feel there's a there's a turn in this ti

(11:08):
tidal wave of everyone just being however they want to be,
and forgetting manners and forgetting to be courteous. And I
think that's really what we all mean by, you know,
kindness passing on. This is not kindness, really is respect
that I think the highest form of love is respect,

(11:29):
the one thing that everyone you could still say no
respectfully that you know, it's just but respect, basic respect. Yeah,
it's it's not that hard.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
I love that you say that we're perhaps coming back
around to what maybe once was and just maybe because
I'm like some people argue we never had it, But
I like the notion that I feel like there was
a different time, you know, where community was valued also
way more.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I think we did take a heart.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
The pendulum swung so hard in the direction of individuality
and like crazy boundaries and disrespect of one another. Yeah,
and it would be nice to see respect and kindness
circle back.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
Just yeah, decility. You can disagree, you can have a
different opinion, but I don't need to call you names
or make funny You don't need to do all that. Yeah,
no need, there's no need. Yeah, And societies don't do
well when you're not considerate or courteous or looking out
for each other. They just don't think I am. Yeah,
they can't, they can't survive. So I do think that

(12:32):
it's it's coming back to you know, please thank you.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
Can you imagine I've told this, I've said this on
the podcast before, but I've been told I say thank
you too much.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
I've been told that all the time. That's crazy, it's insane,
mind boggling. I know.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
I go what explained to me saying thank you too much,
having too much gratitude, being polite, not expecting people to
do anything for you, not from a cynical place, but
expressing thanks and appreciate moment to moment for someone doing
something kind for you.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Always, and it never fails. Even just the other day
where you know, I'm eating lunch with a friend and
she said, it's so funny. Even when the waiter comes by,
you stop mid sentence and say thank you. I said,
it's not difficult. It's just I'm talking to you, we're
doing something, and then thank you very much and go back. Difficult,
It's easy. It's easy. But it's it's also just training.

(13:25):
I think it was all the time I was say please,
say thank you, say please say thank you. Were it's
just ingrained in me, that's what you do. But I
think it changes everything because it's acknowledgment. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, And your mom sounds like she instilled incredible values
in you and like she had them herself.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Where was she from? Where did she grow up? So
my mother was born and raised in Jamaica, Queens, Okay,
and she, you know, in those days me she was
born in nineteen forty and she was a young scientists,
young model, debutante and she really but you know in

(14:07):
those days that you know, the debutante schools and everything.
I mean, it was really about, you know, the precision
of not just modeling and walking down the runway, but
it was how do you present yourself in society? How
do you present yourself wherever you are? How do you
look at yourself not even just physically, but how do
you want to show up in the world. And they

(14:27):
were almost talking about energy way before we were all
talking about energy, but because the energy of what do
you want to bring into the space that you're coming
into so that you're interesting with people, you know, what
stands out about you, and and she was very I
mean I looked through her high school yearbooks, which was
the best thing that I could have ever received after
she passed away, out of all the things, her daily planner,

(14:50):
her high school yearbooks, Like I said, I look through
and it was, you know, done most for it. She
went to John Adams High School. Done most for Adams, Jaqueline, right,
of course, done most. We don't even have that, we
don't even have that. It's like, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
done most service like that. It's so great because that

(15:13):
is who she was through and through all of her life.
And I love that about her. And so all of
it was never you know, once she moved to Los Angeles,
she didn't have a lot of friends. I mean, she
meets my dad and she's twenty six, and then she
moves to LA at twenty eight, and you know, she's
thrown into the entertainment industry and the music industry. And

(15:36):
she rolled. I mean, she she was you know, you
can call me. She was a phlebotomist. So she would
always say she took people's blood at the hospital. But
she she came right out of that yeah, and moved
to Los Angeles and she reinvented herself all the time. Yeah,
and she but she loved her life, which is which

(15:56):
is why I wanted to dedicate think you'll be happy
to her, because because those were her last words to me,
think you'll be happy. And it was so typical of
her because she really she wasn't in denial that you know,
life can be tricky and life is hard, and life
could be unfair, but for her, more than that, life

(16:17):
is beautiful. Life is a privilege and life is a gift.
And she would always say, you know, gratitude. You know.
Every time I'd say I don't know, how do you
stay happy, she said, well, you just decide to be happy.
And it doesn't that doesn't mean you're going to be
happy every single second of your life. But if you
decide to be a happy soul, and being a happy

(16:38):
soul is being a grateful soul, you really get to
happiness through I think the quickest way to get there
is be really grateful and appreciate the people in your
life and and appreciate all of all of life. I mean,
now it's in hindsight, it's always in hindsight, but you know,
the things that that you think are going to break

(16:58):
you actually end up shaping you and forming you into
a different person, a better version of yourself, or reminding me,
excuse my language, and who the fuck you are? You know,
but you have to have you have to I can't,
but you have to have that resistance. The only thing

(17:19):
that makes you stronger is resistant. You have to be pushed,
so someone does have to be you know, you have
to deal with people who are rude, who are disrespectful,
who are whatever, but they are part of your story
to help you get to You have to have so
many no's, and you have to have nos. Nobody wants

(17:40):
to know as how are you going to go through
life and be great without having a no? And especially
coming from you know. So my mom really helped shape
my father, Clarence Amon As you know, he's known as
this big, great entrepreneur and he was and he and
and yes he's the Black god Father and all these
things that you could put any name on him. But

(18:01):
without my mother supporting him and without her standing by
his side, I don't think he would have been able
to have accomplished everything that he did because he really
had someone who was energetically very different than him. She
was very a polished, she was very gruff. You know.
He's from the South and born in nineteen thirty one

(18:23):
and the worst times under Jim Crow and the Klan
was running rampant at that time, and he knew how
to hide from the clan. I mean, they had a
whole thing, I mean Green Book. When that movie came out,
he was like, no, that was real. We had the
Green Book. You know, we knew where to stay, where
we could stay. We knew where our aunties or uncles
could stay if they traveled throughout the South. And so
for him, it was very different from New York City.

(18:45):
He always says that when by the time he got
to New York City in his late teens, he said,
it was as seeing life and technicolor. He said, all
of a sudden, it was color. And he said, and
I wasn't turning around looking over my shoulder every second.
It was a different life. And so they had They
were nine years apart, and they had very different upbringings,

(19:06):
but the same value system. That'll do it, and that'll
do it. And I'm very proud of what they accomplished together.
I mean, they really did excuse me great things and
change people's lives for the better, which is the way
that my mom always said. You know, every room she

(19:27):
walked in, she'd always say, well, I hope I left
it a little better than what it was, or I
hope I even if it was great when it walked in,
I hope that I sprinkled just a little bit of
light on it. That she really lived like that. And
I didn't really understand it when I was younger, and
now I get it, and I appreciate it, and I'm

(19:48):
extremely grateful.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
It sounds absolutely remarkable, and your family is remarkable and
has done so much. And the fact that you recognize
the value in the upbringing you were afforded just having
those type of parents that you had, who were so
devoted and intentional in that way is also beautiful.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yes and devoted word yeah, yes, And when my mom
really was devoted.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
That's what it sounds that there's a level of intentionality
you have to operate with to go. I'm going to
be a happy soul despite whatever I'm experiencing, whatever I'm
seeing in the world around me, because I know that
I still have choice in this.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
So much is not up to me. But I have choice.
You always have a choice, and the choice that my
mom always reminded me. She said, your attitude is everything,
and that is your choice. So no matter what happens
to you, you have to decide through your through your decisions.
How am I going to respond to this? You know?
Should always say you know responsibility? How how that means?

(20:48):
You know? What is my what is my ability to
respond to this? How am I going to respond to
this situation? What am I going to learn from it?
She would always and I didn't like when she said it,
but she she'd always say, after everything settles, what is
the lesson? There has to be some lesson And even
if you did ninety eight percent of everything right, find

(21:11):
the two percent where you could pivot, where you could
learn from. Let's say you didn't do anything wrong then,
but you have to know that then this door is closing.
This was unfair. But you're going to make a decision
to not quit. You're going to make a decision to
move forward. You're going to make a decision to remind
yourself of your value and start again. But then she'd

(21:33):
always say, but always look for Also, don't act as
if you didn't do anything wrong, or you couldn't have
been any better because then you won't grow, you know.
And I think she was very afraid I should say
fearful of me or at my brother Alex being entitled.
She'd always say, Oh, entitlement kills the soul, It kills

(21:56):
anything because they don't want to be responsible for anything
because they're entitled. So I should have this, and why not?
Why do you have this podcast? Why don't I have
this podcast? Just that all of a sudden, it creates
such such a friction of energy, and so many people
I know, so many people who've not grown, who've not
moved forward, and they're so smart and so capable, but

(22:20):
their attitude of life owes me. Someone owes me. I'm
entitled to This ruins everything for them.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
That is so insightful, and I think it's so true
and whise. I'm just thinking, I go anytime you are
looking at what someone else has and you're like, I
want that, Why don't I have that? I should have that.
It's not fair that they do. What makes them so great?
It's like, what a waste of energy? Well, and it's
it's such a it's such a wation all that energy.
You could be putting into something else more productive and

(22:52):
figuring out creating you do have you really do have
the power. And there's been times I've felt power and
then you go, I tap back into my agency and
I go, oh, I feel better now because.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
I remember I have choice. But we all do. Yeah,
And that's the thing I think we all forget that,
we all miss the mark, we all fall off the path,
we all get into the doubting ourselves and questioning ourselves.
But to come back to understanding and remembering that because
we are human beings, then we have a gift, because

(23:25):
we're the only creatures that have the gift of imagination,
and we have the gift of choice. And when you
have imagination and choice and you use them in a
constructive way, it changes your life. I mean, you see
it all the time. You see I mean, how did
everybody around the world. I don't care what country you're
talking about, worn torn countries in Eastern Europe, you could

(23:47):
talk about countries in Africa, Europe, South America, wherever where
just complete decimation has happened and they have made a decision.
I've got two bucks in my pocket. I'm going to
get to America. I've got this. I've lost my children,
I'm gonna do that. I mean, there's women right now
who are literally walking twelve miles to go get shady,

(24:09):
dirty water for their children. But they're determined and they're
making a choice and they're doing it. And so the
idea that you know and you see these people and
you read these stories and you you think of all
the jubilees that came out of slavery, and all these
beautiful songs and all of these these traditions out of

(24:30):
worst case scenarios. But that was all decision, and that
was all choice. Yeah, and we get and we get
to be here now and live a much easier life.
And I think everyone's still focused on but it's not this.
It's not that Niger. No, No, you have to look
at really what is. And I always say I always
say to Ted, I said, you know, we cannot waste

(24:53):
the sacrifices of other people. And I'm talking other people
meaning my family members. I'm not wasting the sacrifice is
that my grandparents made, or my great grandparents or my
great great great grandparents. There were major sacrifices, but the
beauty is they didn't hurt, they didn't hurt themselves or
they didn't. You know, they didn't leave life early so

(25:14):
I could be here. They did so much for me
to have an easier life, and so I want to
make the best out of what I've been given. I
don't take it lightly at all, and I don't take
it for granted at all, and I think that that
can be that's a very dangerous slope, I think, which
a lot of people are coming out of now, which

(25:35):
is which is why gratitude is important to be. But
really look at who came before you and what they
had to go through and what was really unfair and unjust,
and then they move things for you, and now you're
here and you could do something with that.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
We get it's so easy to not be in gratitude
because the things for which we should be grateful before
we get really accustomed to yes, and you go, this
is my life now. Like I remember wanting a job
so badly as an actor, trying, you know, auditioning NonStop
all through LA and then you get the job and
it's so exciting, and then it's like, once it becomes
your job, you're like, oh, but it could be better

(26:12):
in this way. Yes, it's like but you know, years
ago it was like, I just want a job.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
I want to be able to pay my bills.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
And the way that that the bar keeps moving is
a testament to the fact that you've done something, you've
accomplished something, and you are experiencing something you should be
grateful for. The bar is only moving because you have
had an experience.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
I think you said something really important. The bar is
always going to move, and that is what we all forget.
And I love that the bar always moves and there's
always a new goal always. I mean, yes, you could
be content, but it doesn't mean that your brain just
doesn't stop. So of course you want to change things
or you know, upgrade things or not, but it doesn't

(26:54):
mean you can't be content to your point, but the
bar still moves. It's so once you one thing and
then it's well, what's next and what am I doing?
And and why isn't this better than what I thought
it was going to be.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
But you're saying like the antidote is gratitude, which I
heard said before and it sounds so rudimentary, but I
can attest to any time I have made the choice
to be like, wait a minute, this is amazing. I
get to sit here with you, and I get to
I get to talk to you and hear about your
experience and hear about your incredible parents and the way
you see the world. I'm like, whoa pinch me. Life

(27:31):
is good.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
Life is like this moment is making me feel like
life is great. Thank you. No, but I appreciate that.
And I and I feel the same about you as
I told you earlier. And but it, you know, when
I write down what I'm grateful for changes in two seconds.
You know. I think the beauty was my mom. One
of the best habits she gave me was when I,

(27:52):
you know, before I went to bed. She'd always have
me say my prayers, and it was the now I
lead me down to sleep and I praise the world.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
So it's a key.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Before I awake, I pray to the Lord my soul
to take yes. Grim last it's got scary. It's so funny.
And now they don't say that. I go oh, because
ours was scary. We got the scary version. If my God,
if I should die, before I wake, I pray the
Lord my soul to take way. I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm really hoping. I wait it was, and then my

(28:22):
mom would say after I say that, she said, okay,
now say thank you God for my house, thank you
that I have a bed, thank you that I had
dinner tonight, thank you for my friends at school, thank
you for my teacher. So it became a way of
life for me to always just say thank you. And
in the morning, my mom, you know, would drive as
crazy because she sounded like Julie Andrews all the time.

(28:44):
It's like, isn't it such a privilege? I was like, oh, mom, mom,
everything was. It's such a privilege. Wonderful.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
I get that even in the reaction you're having to
it now feels very human. I feel like we can
all relate to those or someone's like, do I want
to do a positivity challenge? And I've been like, absolutely not.
I don't want to do a positivity because also that
feels disingenuous to me. I'm like, I also want to
be able to feel my feelings.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Your reaction to them like, isn't it such a privilege?
Every effing day? Yeah, Pi, can you paint a picture
for me? At what point? And you mentioned it earlier,
we were like, I didn't necessarily value the lessons my
mother was teaching me at the time about how to

(29:32):
approach life and how to appreciate everything around me the
way I do. Now, what did the time when you
didn't appreciate it look like for you?

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Like paint? You grew up here in La so we
had so my dad was, you know, very big in
the record business, and so we had a lot of
so for example, his first major big breakout artist was
Bill Withers, and you know, Bill was you know, so
they always had people the house, and they had musicians

(30:01):
and you know Lalo Schiffrin who was the composer for
many things, but his most famous is Mission Impossible. And
they all remained friends up until all of them passed away.
But what I didn't appreciate was my mom loved having
all of these people at the house all of the time.

(30:25):
But she was looking at it as this is a
landing pad for everyone to come and be creative and
feel safe and have fun and really talk about the
deals and the angst and this and that, the ups
and downs of the record industry or the entertainment industry
in general. But then also being like a close knit

(30:47):
group because there were a lot of people that, you know,
especially for the African Americans in Los Angeles and Beverly
Hills at that time. You know, there was a I
don't know twelve fifteen families, but we all knew each other.
But what I didn't appreciate was the sense of community
that my mom was creating and the value of friendship
and really being there for the ups and downs and that. Yes,

(31:12):
a lot of these people were famous, but they weren't
wearing their fame as a badge. They were using their
fame to open up doors for other people. So it
was early seventies, so in the record business, in the
film business, in TV and everything, there really weren't a
lot of black directors or producers working on shows. So
they always wanted to make connections. And I didn't like

(31:35):
that I had to share my parents. I didn't appreciate
what they were doing. So I'm always looking at her like, what, mom,
you know, can we just have one night of this
or can we just have you know whatever? And for example,
you know, she loved sending. She loved putting me in
uncomfortable situations so that I would become resilient. Okay, So yeah,

(31:57):
so it's very you know, she's like, you know, you're
going to go to camp. But I'm like, I'm in camp.
I love camp. But I went to day camp. Then
she moved me to sleep away camp. Yeah. I was like,
I don't, well, I don't want to go there. I
don't want us two weeks away. I don't want to
live in a cabin. Yeah. And I don't want to
live in a cabin in one room with girls that
I don't know. And I don't want this and I
want my own this. And she's like, this is exactly

(32:18):
why you're going, because you need to be uncomfortable. But
more importantly, you need to meet people. And you need
to appreciate the fact that you can. I could even
pay for you to do this. You need to appreciate
that not everybody has this experience I'm and I need
you to appreciate that the experiences that I'm able to
give you I never had and I want to give

(32:41):
you as much as I can. So, I mean she
had me traveling at a young age. I mean in
high school, I was, you know, traveling with you know,
my teachers, my French teacher. We went to France and
we did this. But she sent me to Russia in
nineteen eighty five and my mom it was the USSR.
You know, I what could have had, what could have gone?
And prayer I died.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
She was setting the stage, she was happening.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
I was covering. But she she she always and I
look back and I'm thinking, right, I get it now,
I get it. I I just you know, she was everything. Really,
she really looked at the lens of and she'd always say,
whatever lens you put on, whatever glasses you want to
put on, is exactly the way you're going to see life.

(33:31):
And the only way life is going to change is
when you put a different lens on, you know. She'd
always saying, when you change, the world will change around you.
You're looking at it the other way and you want
everything to change and then you'll be better. It doesn't
work that way. And so I think I love that
she had me go out of my comfort zone all
the time, and whether it was a work situation or

(33:53):
different schools or sending me away because I wasn't comfortable
and I was always afraid. And I love being at
home with the comforts of home.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
I always say that I love my comforts, and I'm
not proud about it.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Totally.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
But I'm like, I love my comforts. Ooh, but it's
not good because I could stand to be a little
uncomfortable from time to time.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
You know, yes, and but the good news is that
it was but it helped me. You know, my dad
always to say this comment. It was so funny. You
always just say, it'll put hair on your chest. You know.
I was like, Daddy, I'm a girl. I don't want
hair on my chest. Goodness, everything he would say, everything
he would say to me, everything I did want to do,
It is like, it's good for you. It's kind of

(34:35):
put hair on your chest. So I'm like, God, dude, Jesus,
but I But again, I by the time I was
twenty five and thirty and then I was able to
walk into situations or handle situations. I thought, oh right,
yeah right, thank you for setting this up and thank you.

(34:55):
And then you know, even if I went into job
interviews and I didn't get them or or I thought
I should get them, the beauty is is that, you know,
I was sometimes able to say, even in my anger,
at least I had the opportunity to come and try.
At least I had the opportunity to come and do this,
you know, so it's it wasn't such a Pollyanna. I
think Paullyanna gets a bad rap because the real truth

(35:18):
about Pollyanna is that she didn't say everything's perfect at
every time. It was in the worst of times, find
something to be glad about. Yeah, that's the story of Paullyanna.
And so my mom kind of pushed that narrative on me.
Of listen, life is life is like this. It's a
blip and you know, at the end of the day,

(35:40):
you want to be happy with yourself. You want to
be able to look in the mirror and smile, and
you know, you really want to be your intention should
be I really want to be a good soul. Yeah, yeah,
and that's really all you could do. Right. Doesn't mean
a perfect soul, but it means a good soul good.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
There's a difference. There is absolutely different. It's also Perfectionism
is a fallacy. Nothing, there is no no.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Excellence is something to strive for sure, because if you
don't get excellence, then you get great. And if you
don't get great, at least you get good. You don't
get good, at least you get okay. Yeah, you don't
get okay, you might suck. Yeah, you got something else,
you try less choices, endless choices, endless choices.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
That is so beautiful that they were so intentionalble and
instilling that in you, and that you know the notion
that I want to make you uncomfortable because it's going
to teach you how resilient you are. There are things
I'm not referring to my comforts, like my home, my bed,
but there are things I have done in life. I
just I was on stage at a show just a
couple of nights ago, and I was telling these college students,

(36:42):
I'm like, I love making myself uncomfortable. I really because
and I was I was trying to articulate it not
as beautifully as you just did. And where were you
when I was doing this show, because you could have
said this better for me? But I was trying to
tell them, I'm like, once you when you are when
you choose to make yourself uncomfortable, and when you don't
excel at the thing, or you're not good at the thing,
or you kind of maybe air quote embarrass yourself, you

(37:04):
realize like, oh my god, I didn't die.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
I didn't die. I didn't die.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
I can do that I've done that, I felt that
the feeling is fleeting, and now I can go try
something else that makes me uncomfortable, and you just reckon.
You learn how resilient you are.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
You can't build character without it, you just can't. You
have to lose. You know you're gonna win some, you're
gonna lose some. But my dad would always say that
the only regrets you're gonna really have is if you
don't try it. Always say, take a shot, take a chance.
So what it may not work, you know, go play
the best game. Ian. I was a tomboy growing up,

(37:40):
so I was always in sports, and you know, when
I would lose, I would take it very personally and
I would just be down in the dumps for days.
Somebody doesn't it's a game you play. If you played
your best and you lost, that's all you can do.
If you didn't play your best, and you'd always bet
you won't do that again, you know, I bet you
won't not train the night before. You know. I'd get

(38:00):
that way because I'd win five games and I'd get
air again, and then I wouldn't train the night before.
I'm like, I got this, I didn't right, No, no, no,
I didn't, and but I do really appreciate them really
putting me in situations where I wanted to leave. I
want Quitting was not never an option, and again didn't
appreciate that till I was older, but it was. It's

(38:23):
something that I don't really do. I don't I move
away from things that don't you know that that just
either have run their course really don't fit. But quitting
on people that I don't do. I mean, people know
they can depend on me. I'm going to show up,
I'm going to respond. I'm going to do what I'm
supposed to do. I said, if you quit everything on

(38:43):
you're hard, or if I take away everything from you
as a child because it's difficult, then what are you
going to do when you're twenty four and I throw
you out into the world. You're not going to even
know how to respond to the world. You're not to
know how to move into the world. You're not going
to do anything. So when I they move me to
New York when I was twenty four, and it was great,
and I thought, of course I was going to live

(39:04):
in the comforts of their apartment and their lifestyle. My
mother was like no, I was like Oh, I'm just
gonna get in your car and the drivers are gonna
just drop me off at my mom's. Like, no, the
subway's over there, and you go get on that subway
and you go over here, or you walk. And it
was great. But it was really great. And the apartment
that I wanted I couldn't afford the apartment. And the

(39:26):
one thing my best friend Susanna and I go back to.
We lived in a room, a room with and it
just had a little microwave, a little stovetop, the Murphy
bed and we had two chairs. That was it. That
was it. We shared the Murvy and it was but
it was living in New York in the nineties and
we were hustling, we were moving. It was and my

(39:48):
dad was right, it goes to New York. If you
could do it in your twenties, it's important because it'll
make you grow up pretty fast because there's not a
lot of lazy people here. Yeah, it's just od. They're
just moving. New York is in there. They're going uh huh. Yes,
it's true. It's great.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
I was coming back and forth between LA and New
York when I got on SNL, so we'd have a
break every three weeks. And I'd lived in LA for
twelve years before I was on SNL, so we'd get
a break two weeks here, two weeks there, and every
single break, I'd come back to LA because this is
what I'd known, this is where I became a woman,
and so I was like, this is my comfort. Had

(40:27):
my apartment in New York. And I remember before a birthday,
so my birthday is in March. So March twenty twenty,
I had to cancel my birthday plans. I was potentially
going to do something in LA with my community here.
I was like, I'll do it in New York. I
do know enough people. We have this beautiful dinner. I'm
walking home from dinner, I see the New Yorker sign
in red and this is like March.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
I'll call it like eighth.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Twenty twenty, and I was like, you know what, I
am a New Yorker. And then and then they're like lockdown,
and I'm like, get me the fuck out of it.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
I'm like I need to get I pack it back.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
I'm like, I'm gonna go stay on somebody's couch in LA.
But then I like, much like you describing your youth
love my personal space. I like, don't want to be
in someone else's personal space for an undefined amount of time.
The part of me that loves her control, So I
was like, oh no, I can't go stay on someone's
couch because we don't know how long this is gonna last,
and then I'll be in their space and I kind
of like to be alone, but how alone?

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Right?

Speaker 1 (41:23):
So I did COVID the worst of it, the height
of it in my studio apartment in Midtown Manhattan, hearing
the sirens and I was not a New Yorker. I
just had that cute little moment, and then I got
way too real, way too fast, like days later, and
I made the choice to stay ultimately because I'm like,
this is your apartment, this is the place you may rent.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
You do have a space.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Yeah, So I stayed, and New York has its way
of just like growing you the f up fast. I remember,
I packed it back to come to LA and then
I was like, I can't stay at someone's house like
for an undefined period of time, and they were willing
to let me be on a couch whatever. But before
I got on a plane, which was really scary for us,
so like really go back to twenty twenty, which I

(42:04):
think is hard for some people, not all of us,
to remember just how spooky that was. So I didn't
want to get on a plane, and I thought, I
just I feel too scared to go on a plane.
I don't have a mask, I don't have anything I
need to be on a flight. So I make this
decision to stay. And I cried in the shower because
I was like, I wish I was someone's kid, so

(42:24):
they could decide if I go to California or not,
so like, whichever decision is wrong could be there there.
I just remember, like I remember being like that was
the moment I became a woman. I kid you not
because I'm like, I am my responsibility and wherever I
decide to go or stay is going to be my choice.
I can't blame mom or dad. They took us on
a trip to whatever. You need to make a choice

(42:46):
right now. New York will grow you up.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
I was just gonna say that wouldn't have happened outside
of New I mean New York. That's just I remember
my dad used to say, you know pretty much what
you just said, Like it's you'll see, New York has
a way of just growing you the fuck up. When
am I gonna know it's gonna? How do you know
when is it gonna? And my experience was one day
and I was very still, very la and I'm walking

(43:09):
down Madison and somebody bumps into me really hard. But
he bumps into me. Yeah, I say, I go, oh,
I'm sorry, excuse me, and he said, you know, learn
how to fucking walk, and then out of the blue,
and I had never done this ever, I'm like, go
fuck yourself. Yes, And then right when I said and
I went, oh my god, new Yorker. I'm a New Yorker.

(43:32):
I'm like, I will go and say please and thank
you and then go tell you to fuck yourself in
two seconds. And it felt so good. I remember calling
my dad. I got it, okay, I'm a New Yorker.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Daddy, I said, go fuck yourself to someone you've got rage.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
I love it. I love it. But it was I'm
so sorry.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
You're like, what also that one eighty you did right there?
You're like, hold on, yeah, excuse me, no rude.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Yes, I love it. Character building that is New York
is very very very good for that. I will tell you.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Now you seem to have had such a beautiful childhood
in that what was available to you. Also your parents
again being so thoughtful about the values say instilled in you.
Is there anything from your child that childhood that you
wish you had had or you felt you if you
could do it again, not just your own perspective, but
in terms of your your rearing, the way you were raised.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
No, I know it's not kind of real. I'm not
gonna lie. I you know, you know what, even it's
so interesting you asked that. Somebody just said the other day,
if you if you're not nostalgic, you didn't. There's something
about it's a good thing to have. Nostalgi is a
good thing to have because that means that wasn't as
bad as you thought. Or if you want to go back.
You know what, I'm always saying, Oh I wish I

(44:50):
could do that. Oh I wish I could go back.
And so I look back and I am no, I
wouldn't change anything. Very Yeah, I have. Like I said earlier,
I have all of my friends from childhood and we're
still like this. That is is rare, very rare. We
still celebrate birthdays and if we can't celebrate birthdays. We're

(45:10):
on group text all the time and we're all supporting
each other and all different stations of life and it
doesn't matter. And I think there's something about when you
know somebody at six, seven, eight, and ten and twelve,
there's something in your DNA that just is there. And
I remember when my mom, when my mom died and

(45:33):
it was so sudden, it was so tragic, and all
of my friends all, you know, they all rally behind
my dad. And I have a photo where my dad's
sitting in the room and we're receiving everybody at the
house and all of my friends when you look at
this photo, I said to Tetigo, fourth grade, third grade,
second grade, first grade, And they all stood behind my

(45:54):
dad and had these great stories because you know, my
dad was ninety at the time and he's like, oh,
I kind of remember you. And they would all say,
you took us to the ice skating rink, you took
us to Flippers, you took us to this restaurant. You
made sure that we you know, we had curfew and
you were cursing us out and we weren't in the
car and it was so it's so great, And I
know how fortunate I am to have that. Yeah, and

(46:17):
I and it's really one of the greatest blessings I
have are my real just old school friends that I've
been friends with, you know, for over forty years, fifty years.
It's it's kind of awesome.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Yeah, that is beautiful. And it seems like something that
was important to your parents was that community and creating
space for the people in their community, showing you how
to build community. When we started this conversation, we were
talking about gratitude sort of lacking and hopefully there's a
renaissance of sorts where we get to take a moment
and be grateful for one another. I was just thinking

(46:50):
about this post I saw recently, and I'm going to
bastardize this, but it was that the cost of community
is inconvenience. So I'm thinking about you as a younger
person being like, there's people in my house, which would
be my vibe a right, right, right. I grew up
with a lot of community too, but I'm like, it
would be like, there's always someone here, but the cost
of community is inconvenience and it is being annoyed from

(47:11):
time to time, and so.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
I didn't really want to share my parents, and even
though there's there's a part of me where even in
my twenties, I always thought, oh, you know, I really
wish I could have changed that in my thirties. But
then when I look back, the beauty is I think
for me, is that all of those people did make
a very positive difference in my character and in who

(47:34):
I am today and how I think about the world
today and how I make my decisions today. If my
mom didn't have them, if my parents didn't have all
these people at the house all the time, I don't
really know who i'd be. Yes, I had great parents,
but it was it was that that inner, that outside
community that was always inside the house that they helped

(47:55):
raise me too, and they had Yes, they had the
same value system, but they had different goals and I
liked that, and I'd like seeing what would make this
person happier, what this person was doing, or this person
was focused on civil rights, or this person was focused
on you know, people getting into schools or scholarships or
providing scholarships. I never, you know, I was able to

(48:17):
put together of Oh, so you can be you can
make a really good living and do something and do
really good in the world. At the same time, doesn't
have to be one of the other. It didn't have
to be you know, you're going to be a missionary
and then that's it, and you're not going to be
an entrepreneur, does it? You could do anything you want.
And that's what I That's why I wouldn't change anything,

(48:39):
because they really helped shape who I am. And you know,
my dad had this great I'm writing about it now.
He has this great quote and he would say all
the time, you know it is what it is, Nicole,
and then he'd pause, but what are you going to
do about and what are you going to do about it?
And that was it, and that's the way it was.
And I thought it was so hard harsh when I

(49:00):
was growing up. I said, can you just sit with
me for one second? Can I be angry for one minute?
Can I be disappointed for one minute? Can you adjust me?
He goes, no, no, no, and he explained when and I
got it when I got older, but I'll never I was.
I went to I was on my way to be
to serve in the Bahamas, and it was right when
they my confirmation's ambassador went through, and I was going

(49:23):
back and forth to DC and something happened in DC
and they were calling me back for something, and I
was so frustrated and so angry, and I was going
into it's so unfair, and I was there blah blah
blah and my dad and I really wanted just I
wanted his shoulder to cry on. And I got back
it is what it is? And I go, Dad, can
you just? And he goes, Nicole, it is what it

(49:45):
is means you have to accept first. You have to
take what happened and sit with it for a minute
and accept it. You can't lie about it to yourself.
You can't pretend this. You have to say, Okay, it
is what it is. Then there's your acceptance. He goes,
and then your power of choice comes in right after.

(50:05):
And what am I going to do about it?

Speaker 1 (50:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (50:07):
He goes, And then you make a decision. So now
you're going to get back on that plane. You have
to go back to DC. Now what's your attitude going
to be? How are you going to go in? What
are you going to say? And all of a sudden,
it was very empowering, and that's what he was trying
to teach me. I've you gonna have a bunch of
shit fall. That's what's going to happen in life, and
him being an entrepreneur is like great things happen and
terrible things happen, right, is it? But then you have

(50:30):
to decide how am I going to pick myself up?
What energy am I going to shift? What am I
going to do? What's my attitude you're going to be
and figure it out. But it really did help me.
And then I noticed, now I'm like that, you know,
at fifty seven years old, Now everything I look at
through that lens of Okay, I'm not gonna lie. This

(50:50):
is what it is. You know, my like, for example,
one of my worst habits and thank god, I've finally
got this down. I have scaled this mount and that
mountain was receiving a red flag intuitively, or witnessing a
red flag right in front of me and then wanting

(51:10):
to paint it white. We've all donelli, I mean, And
I would always say, like how many times do I
have to try to go around this mountain? And then
you realize like, no, you got to scale the mountain,
So learn the freaking lessons, and it kind of it
goes So the other day I said, well maybe and
then you know, not red flag. Red flag doesn't matter.

(51:32):
I don't care why. I don't care. That's another thing.
I always used to focus on everyone else's why, and
then I thought, well, gosh, I was focused on everyone
else's why, and then it gave me no time for
myself to then focus on my why. Why do I
want to do this? What do I want to do?

(51:52):
What do I want to create? And I would sit
and literally analyze other people's why, and the answer is always,
that's their choice. It doesn't I don't care how they
grew up. It doesn't matter at this point. I don't care.
At this point, it's still your why, it's still your
choice of I know lots of people grew up in
the same situation, they made a completely different choice. And

(52:16):
I've helped people who you know, this one girl who
you know I was. I was her mentor and she
was so great, and she said, she went to a
great school. And at the end, I said, what are
you going to do with this degree? What are you
going to do with all of this? You're great? Straight
as she goes, oh, I'm going to be back, So
I'm going to go back and be a social worker.

(52:37):
I said, what and she said, I'm going to be
a social worker. And I said, well, okay, Egg, we
could have gone to a different school. But and I
was joking, I'm not shitting on it, and she said,
there's no way I would be who I am without
any of those people that I was able to rely
upon that aren't fancy, that don't live these fancy lives,

(53:02):
that are the game changers of so many people's lives.
And it was such a great reminder of me. It's
not about she goes, I don't care about the title.
I don't care about this. I want to go back
and help children that were in a situation that I
was in where the lights were off. Mom was, you know, irresponsible.
I'm learning, I'm finishing my test on the subway. She

(53:23):
would ride that subway to every borough to finish her
homework because the lights were on. Yeah, and you know,
and she just was surrounded by irresponsibility and she made
a choice and a decision never to be irresponsible, to
be responsible, not blame anybody. And she's like, Okay, she
really took it as what it is. Yeah, and she's like, now,

(53:44):
what am I going to do about it? I'm not
going to be those people, and I'm going to help
young people who have been in the same situations as me.
And I have such respect for her, and she loves
her life. She loves waking up every day making a
real difference in being comforting and loving and supportive to

(54:06):
others that need her, you know.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah, yeah, that's and so much of what you said resonates,
and specifically even hearing about how each of you were
in these situations where it's like every experience I had,
every relationship I had, made me who I am getting
to bear witness to the people that your parents surrounded
you with.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
It takes a village, It really takes it. It really
takes a village. And that is.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Just the way you're describing your life and even her
life in this woman is like it takes a village.
All of those experiences shaped her and something I feel
very passionate about, which is very nerdy in the comedy community.
I'm very passionate about improv because it made me, I think,
a better person, a better listener, better but the tenant
of it being yes, And I use that in my
commencement speech at usc which also might have been corny,

(54:52):
but I was like, life is going to throw things
at you and.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
And what are we gonna do? Yes? And all this
is reality, and I think it doesn't do anyone a
favor when we say, you know, everything, if you just
pray for it, and you just say I'm gonna manifest,
everything's gonna work out perfectly, it doesn't it. You know.
I just said to somebody the other day, somebody I
was speaking at, you know, a conference, and young girls said,

(55:17):
you know, but everything went wrong today, And I said, oh,
you had a Murphy's Law day. She looked at me
like I had twenty heads. What I said Murphy's law.
She didn't know, you know, when everything that could go
wrong does go wrong. And it was, no, it's not
supposed to be this way, because I declared it this morning.
I go, no, that's not life that that. You know.

(55:40):
Sometimes it works out, but sometimes it doesn't. And it's
always yes and yeah, but it really is until there's
no more just it is. And I think I really
do see that there is a shifter, or I do
see a hunger of the new eighteen year old's twenty
four year olds who do want this. I do want

(56:00):
to have some type of muscle that can that can
help them withstand the storms that will come. And I
think that that we have to really paint a real
picture for for young people that you know, life is
a gift and life is beautiful, but it's also at

(56:22):
many times hard and unkind and unfair. But it doesn't
mean it's not worth living, right, you know. I mean
we were born to be alive. That that's why we're here.
So be alive and and live the best that you can.
But it doesn't mean it's an easy path.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Yeah, being alive entails all of it, the good, the bad, ups,
the downs.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
I mean it's a wave, you know, it's like this
to shll pass, but that goes for the good and
the bad. We always use it in the bad, but
it's very humbling to also know when it's really great.
It's also kind of humbling to realize, yeah, you know,
yeah change.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
Right the way that makes me so present for the
good when it's good, because I've seen them. I'm like
when it's good, I'm like, i am so int my
feet on the ground. I can feel this, I'm remembering
this moment. It feels amazing. And there's something you said
about just briefly about your mother influencing your father and
the amazing things he was able to accomplish because your

(57:22):
mother was in his life. So I just want to
speak to the millennials who aren't into getting married anymore
or whatever. It's stuck with me because I'm like guys,
I have so many guy friends who'd be like, I
just need to achieve X, Y and Z before I
can settle down with the woman.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
And it's like you heard from oh yeah the queen herself.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Yeah, you need a good woman or partner behind you. Okay,
it makes enrolled the difference. I makes all the difference
in the world. When ted and I we got so
everything happened very fast. We met in June of two
thousand and eight. We were married by September of two
thousand and nine.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Wow. And it was I was going off to live
in the Bahamas. You know, people are like, oh, what
does the ambassador have to live in the country. Yes,
that's how. Yes, I had to move. But he couldn't move.
So Teddy was always on a plane, you know, coming
every two weeks. The kids were young, they were coming
every two weeks, and so it was. But right when

(58:19):
we got together, both of our lives, we just decided
we're going to support each other. And he was growing,
and he was growing at Netflix, and but he had
these ideas. It was before original programming, it was before Benji,
it was before all of this. But I would listen
to his ideas and I would look at him even
though I didn't understand. I was like, oh, that's so cute. Okay, Okay,

(58:40):
I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about,
but okay. And but he looked at me and like,
this is a big deal. I don't know if I
want to go do this. I mean, I love He's
like Nicole, when the president asked you to do something,
you know you should, you should, you should maybe it
go serve he goes. But he was so great because
he was a real cheerleader. And my friend Charlie, but
both were on me of you'll regret that you didn't

(59:02):
do it. Yeah, just take it's not forever.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
And you love your country, you love serving, and and
you love you love building bridges. I mean, all those
things are true. And I really am a very proud American.
And I loved it. I loved serving. I loved serving
the government. And when I say the government, it was
everybody it was Democrats, Republicans, independent. We had to work

(59:27):
together all day long and you're supposed to and with
the host country. Behamans are very conservative, and I don't
think people realize that ivative, like I go there on vacation.
What do you mean observation? Yeah, and you know, for
the most part, and when I went in, it was
a very conservative government and it was fine. It was like,

(59:49):
this is okay, let's try to meet the middle here.
We have a really great relationship. We're not going to
ruin the relationship. Let's just see if we can do something.
And sometimes it was a hard no mm hmm, but
we tried. This is what I like doing, and so
I do think it's it's really important to have a
really great partner that you can grow with and you

(01:00:11):
don't have to have everything perfect, you don't have to
have everything right there. I know so many men who've
done so much better when they had someone right with them,
or women too, who have a partner who really believe
in them and have a support system. And it's helpful.
I mean Ted really helped. I mean, could I have

(01:00:31):
done the job sure, without absolutely did Ted make it
better and more fulfilling for me one hundred percent. That's beautiful.
That's beautiful. You heard it here, guys.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
I'm like, guys, get partnered.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
They use are into it. The children are the future.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
When you talk about the eighteen year olds and the
way they're seeing their work and themselves, I'm like, I'm
seeing them also want to be partners with millennials.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
Guys. Let's repair you guys have how many kids together?
So we have two kids there so when I married Ted,
So they're my step kids, which I don't even call
my step they're like mine. Sure. I met Tony and
Sarah when they were twelve and fourteen. Okay, the fourteen
year old was the girl, Okay, so that was fun.
But Sarah now is amazing. I mean, she's in New York, okay,

(01:01:20):
and she didn't like when we dropped her off there either. Yeah,
and now she doesn't want to come home, okay, and
she loves it and she's thriving in New York. Has
really made her into who she is. And she's a
great film producer. And what I love is that I
love the irony of the whole thing of Ted's mister,
you know, Netflix, and Sarah loves independent film.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
She she can get jobs. People will want to hire
on huge films and she's like, no, I want the
indie film. Yeah, I believe in it. I want to
raise the money. I want to raise this and I
want I want the director to work and the right.
She loves that. But she's got that grind. Yeah, because
I really believe New York gave her that grind. I
don't think she would have found it here, right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
May I ask what the moment is for you and Sarah?
Where it went from that was challenging to we've connected
like in a movie. What was the moment where it
was like if it was like a movie where one
day you're like, we've found a really.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Yeah, you know she I have to give her credit, Sarah.
Sarah is very good at owning her energy. So Sarah was.
I mean, there was one day where I would always
tiptoe and tiptoe and I was like, Okay, I want
to make it nice and I don't want to be
the stereotypical step mom where I'm cursing them out all
the time and laughing. But there was also a day

(01:02:33):
I think where she realized I said, listen, I love you.
I'm not replacing your mom. I talk to your mom
all the time. There's none of that happening here. However,
this is our home. But I am the adult in
the home, and yes, your dad. There's two adults, but
there's a woman of the home that would be me,
and we do have rules and we do have values.

(01:02:55):
And you know, of course she's typical tees. You're like,
why am I going to listen to you? But I
think you know, the turning point with Sarah was she
actually came to me and said, you know, you know,
after she moved out, and you know, I had her
doing the same thing. I'm like, you go be a waitress,
you go see how it is. You have a very
comfortable home. You know you're never going to end up

(01:03:15):
on the street. But I need you to work, and
I need you to work in a job where they
don't pay you a lot and where people don't treat
you right. And you know, in her twenties, I mean,
she wrote me a beautiful letter and it was the change.
It was the turning point, which was you know, I
know I was really shitty to you a lot of times,
and I didn't appreciate you, and I really just wanted

(01:03:39):
to make it hard for you. But now that I'm
out of the house, and now that I've grown up
and now that I've changed, I really want to say
thank you for not giving up on me, thank you
for believing in me, and thank you for loving me.
And it was Sarah who really was the one that
came to it, and we've been like this ever since.
I mean, she is my child. I mean, she's just

(01:04:01):
my girl. Yea. And and you know, and Tony's so
great and we call him the Buddha baby. She's just
so easy and so he's just so good. Signs. What
are you in? March?

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
March tenth? And this is why this is well, okay, Nicole,
I have a segment alcohol. That's nice, but what about me?

Speaker 2 (01:04:28):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
And we're going to enter that segment. You said so
many insightful, beautiful things that I'm gonna sit with and
reflect upon, and so thank you for sharing that with me.
I need a piece of advice. There's something you said
about quitting and how you don't quit. I don't quit either,
and I've been reflecting a lot lately about when to quit.
And then you said you won't stick in a space

(01:04:50):
that's not aligned or that doesn't feel right. I cannot
quite figure out that line. Now I like math. I realized, Yeah,
I realize I like math, and sometimes I'm like, just
tell me the number or like making an equation. How
do you decide when something is quitting or removing yourself?

Speaker 2 (01:05:06):
Ty, Yeah, it's hard. I have had to each time
I do it because it's the biggest challenge for me.
I really have to pray on it. And I was like, Okay,
you know what at this point, you I'm if I
want to move, I want to do this. I think
it's time, and I'm really stuck. I don't know, because
sometimes it's I've done it the other way where I

(01:05:27):
thought it was time to move, I was frustrated, I
didn't feel like I was going forward, and then I moved.
Two weeks later, I was offered the promotion that I wanted.
So the timing was always off set sometimes, But I
think it's it's it's not that you always have to
feel fulfilled, because sometimes you just won't. Even in a

(01:05:47):
job you love, there will be days where you're frustrated
and not fulfilled. But I think when it becomes so
dreadful and you just don't, you just sometimes you'll just
know my energy is expired. It's not even about the job.
My energy has just expired for this. And but I
always still would pray on it, and always, you know,

(01:06:08):
I would set my intentions and I would set my
goal and then I would say that will be done,
just you know, help me out here. And for those
people who don't pray, I would say, or don't believe
it's I do think it's an inner energy of when
you start to feel depleted so much or so heavily
burdened and zero joy, that it might be okay, there's

(01:06:33):
something that is a I think it's a light of
there's something else over here for you, and you really
might like it. And the beauty of it is if
you're wrong, you're wrong. I mean, it's not It doesn't
mean you're a quitter. Sometimes you do just have to
quit things that just don't work, But it doesn't mean,
you know, quitting things and being a quitter are very different.

(01:06:55):
That's a good distinction. So I think that's it. You know,
if you're not a quitter, you could still leave things.
I've left a lot of things. I've left relationships where
I felt like I was quitting, but I was like, no,
I gave everything I could, but I know it is
time for me to leave. But I also know that
I'm not a quitter. I I I that's not my personality.
I don't quit on people, I don't quit on things.

(01:07:16):
But it's time to go. At the same time, yeah, okay,
I need that. That is so helpful.

Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
That is gonna sit with me because it is I get.
I do get the distinction as a person who's not
a quitter. And it's like I will suffer through, I
will be a martyr. And it's like joy, what about joy?
What about being happy? And you'll know, you know the
different now the energy. I think it's the energy balance,
you know. I always try to give the eighty twenty rule.
Eighty percent of the time good, it's great if it's

(01:07:43):
eighty percent.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
Of dread, and obviously you gotta go, you gotta move.
It's even if it's fifty percent, then you have to
make a decision. And again sometimes the decision will work,
and then sometimes you'll realize, you know, I think it's
the grass. What is it? You know? The grass is
never greener on each side. The grass has be watered
no matter where you are, so you know, I think

(01:08:05):
I would say another thing, but my mom would always say,
you know, wherever you go, there you are. I know,
I'm a big one on that. Yeah, and that and that,
and it's true. So wherever you go, there you are.
So if you like yourself, I mean, that's why we
would tell Sarah if you don't the beauty of it,
because she hated when I say that, and I would say, Sarah,
but the beauty mean that. The beauty of that statement

(01:08:26):
is that if you're happy with yourself and you actually
like yourself, and you appreciate yourself and you value yourself,
no matter where you are, you still have you. Everyone
can hate on you, but you still have you. Yeah.
So it's sound wisdom. It's sad.

Speaker 1 (01:08:43):
Thank you for sharing it with me, and it's something
that I go back to to I go I won't
leave any even if I am going to quit a place,
a thing, move on from something, I can't leave. I
don't like to leave upset and I'd like to be
like ingratitude for the experience before.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
I do any And even if it was the toughest
experience which I have had, and I left something I
loved and I was in the record business. I was
in my twenties and I loved it, but it was
time to leave. And even though I had a tough
experience with people, I had gratitude for their behavior because
it made me a better person. And it always makes

(01:09:20):
it like, I never want to be like that. Thank God,
I'm not like that. Thank you sometimes you thank God,
thank God, I'm not like that. But also it just
it does help you at least just have gratitude for
the situation. If they gave you great, great, If they
gave you good, great, Even if they gave you bad,

(01:09:41):
it's still good because hopefully you can just pull the
lesson and pull a blessing. And I had a really
tough boss and she was not kind and not patient,
but damn she was smart. And I even though I
left and it was grinding every day and it was
very devil worres probably oh yeah, but she gave me

(01:10:04):
so many skills that I have used throughout my life
because I was watching her, I was learning from her,
and she didn't need to be nice or kind or anything.
She wasn't. She was actually quite cruel. But I learned
so much so I just decide, Okay, I'll take that
I'm not gonna take her personality. I don't have to
do that, but I will take what what she was.

(01:10:25):
She was brilliant and I learned a lot from her,
so I'll take that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:28):
Yeah, that's that's whise. That is whise, and that's smart
to go. I'm seeing a lot that I don't care for.
But what is this teacher mean? You You said something
to that effect earlier too, about the lessons you can
take from unpleasant experiences, So making that making that the
goal even in an unpleasant experiences, Like, there's something here
I could learn.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
It can always if.

Speaker 1 (01:10:48):
What I don't want to be, it can be. This
person is not how I want to be. But boy
are they smart or like you know, or business savvy, so.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
There's always a takeaway. Yeah, Nicole, what joy and so good.
Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
Thank you for being here. I really appreciate it. People
get think you'll be happy anywhere you get books with
a new forward by your husband, Yes, Ted Saranda's I'm
I have a copy waiting for me.

Speaker 2 (01:11:16):
I'm spoiled. I can't wait to read it. Forward beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
Yeah, I'm so excited. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me. That was my conversation with
Nicole Evant.

Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
I am in awe.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
There is a lot for me to reflect on. I
am so grateful to have gotten to sit with her
and hear from her, and by way of her, hear
from her parents in a sense, and hear what was
important to them and how they were raising their children
in such a beautiful and thoughtful, really really thoughtful way.

(01:11:54):
I'm inspired, and I'm really really glad. I didn't try
to lean into jokes too much on this episode, because,
as you heard up top, uh, some of my jokes
are bad, and so I stuck to being like mostly earnest,
mostly earnest. And I did that for the sake of
the conversation and for the sake of my name frankly

(01:12:16):
in comedy. And anyway, I just loved it. I hope
you did too. If you want advice from me and
my guests, please call us call me, leave a voicemail.
I'm not gonna pick up. I'm sending you straight to voicemail.
But the number is five zero two eight four nine
three two three seven. I look like I'm reading a teleprompter.

Speaker 2 (01:12:36):
I'm not. It's not a dump. It a dome. Baby,
that's the number. Five O two eight four nine three
two three seven. It's five O two.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
Thanks Dad's you get it all right?

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
See you next time. Thanks Dad.

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
Is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and
iHeart podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
I'm your host Ago wodem.

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
Our, producer is Kevin Bartelt, and our executive producer is
Matt Appadaka I Open