Padma Lakshmi

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
In many ways. I'd like to try to make the
road a better place. That's what this podcast is about.
I'm just kidding. It just sounds nice, but you know
the whole premise. Bank's dad, it's manners, it's polite. How
can we be better to one another? How can we
feel more connected? Here's how I would like to abolish handshakes.
I think we need to abolish them. Expeditiously. Shit, expeditiously, No,

(00:31):
keep that in I'm imperfect. Expeditiously immediately, abolish handshakes. I
can't speak. Abolish handshakes immediately. Yeah, you know, I'm getting
some cheers, quiet cheers on the side of the sides
of the room. You can't see they're happy about it.
I'm getting some snaps. I'm getting some quiet the ease

(00:53):
because yeah, why are we still shaking hands post COVID.
I had no issue with them before COVID handshakes. I
was like, yeah, go for it, But now I'm like,
why are we doing this? Yes, because now I'm hyper
aware of germs potentially, which is a problem and I
should get over it. I know. But we don't have
to touch. We could also just make intense eye contact
upon meeting and go, hello, James, it's nice to meet you,

(01:16):
It really really is. My name is Ago. Yeah, nice
to meet you. Why do I have to touch your
hand to my hand for us to feel connected? Mind you,
I'm a big hugger. Love a hug. I love a hug.
I do go for hug. So I think the handshake
thing maybe isn't totally about germs. It just feels like
I feel like a handshake is potentially grosser than a

(01:37):
hug is. Now, if it's a weird hug, that's a
different conversation. Those are the kinds of hugs I'm talking
about today, Okay, the where my hug crew at abolish
them as well, all right, go send them to jail,
but societal jail, which is just jail, right anyway. I
don't think we need to be shaking hands, and I'm
really sorry. And I love meeting new people. I try

(01:59):
to be warm when I meet new people. But there's
when it happens. Now I'm kind of like, why are
we doing this? Why is my hand in your hand?
Why is why am I feeling the sweat of your hand?
I don't know how frequently you wash your hands. I
wash mine? Actually, a good amount, A good amount, a
really good amount. I'm talking maybe too much, but I
also carry lotion on me. Guysink. For the people who

(02:21):
don't like lotion, you should really start lotioning. I can't
recommend it enough, and there's various kinds. I'm kind of
going off on a tangent here, but it's all connected.
You see everyone's following. They're not in the room, but
I know you at home. Oh you're following, all right. Handshakes,
do away with them? Twenty twenty six? What if we
laid them to rest? I see no need eye contact.

(02:44):
Someone recommended about love it air, kisses, hugs. I still
like hugs, but we don't have to shake hands anyway.
Today I'm talking to pod Malakshmi. It's gonna be really good,
I believe, I hope, I pray well shake her hand
when she gets in here. No, I won't, and that's
partially because I know Padma already. But take a listen.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I bet this is gonna be a good one. Did
you stay long at that cardiac interview? I, Padma?

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I tucked away, okay, very quietly into the night.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
I understand, I thought, I said some weekday.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Here's our chance. Let's get out of here. I love
to leave a place. I was like, invite me if
I come. Chances are I'm plotting my escape prematurely. But
how was it at the end?

Speaker 2 (03:42):
It's fine? We stayed until dessert was served. But you know,
I was sitting between some really nice people, some Cardia people. Okay,
and so I stayed. Also, I had They had just
featured me in the magazine, so I could. You had
to have to stay. But it was nice. That room
was beautiful. But then I just dipped out, like I

(04:03):
wanted to get home for krish Now. So it was
a week night. Yeah, so right when they took the
plates away and got dessert out as a kchow.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Okay, did you have dessert?

Speaker 2 (04:10):
No?

Speaker 1 (04:11):
No, you skipped it. Do you generally skip dessert as
a lifestyle, Yes you do? Yes, I love dessert. Do
you not have a sweet tooth? I don't really. I
am fascinated by people who don't have a sweet tooth.
Someone told me it's because your sweet tooth, or the
absence of it, is a function of whether your mom
had a lot of sugar while she was pregnant with you.

(04:31):
But everyone loves to blame everything on the women's true. Anyway,
I think it's just an illness that I like sugar
as much as I do.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
I think I just grew up, you know, in an
Indian home, and we don't serve something sweet after every meal,
so I don't have the practice of it, and so
it saved me. Right, I do plenty of other stuff, but.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Well, you're like other things that I didn't grow up with. Also,
me eating out as much as I do is not
very Nigerian of me. My mom was very much a
there's food at home, right, there's food here and all,
so at home, you know what we're putting in it, exactly.
She's so right, But I still eat out all the time.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
Well, if you're single and you don't have kids, it's
I'm single. Oh are you just kidding?

Speaker 1 (05:13):
I'll never tell.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Okay, Well, but if you live just you know, if
you live alone, then it's sometimes not even worth the dishes.
Like when I yes lived alone, I would just make
one thing, but I would make a lot of it.
I would eat off that for four or five days
and then I would kind of cook something again.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yeah, you know, I stopped cooking for myself as frequently
because it's just so much effort for one person, like
you're saying, when you live alone, it's like, I'm gonna
do all of this, make all this mess just to eat.
I have to clean it up. So all the prep
and all the cleanup took more time than my actual
enjoyment of the meal. And so I try, but I'm
trying to I'm trying to eat more at home.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Now, Well, do what I I was doing, Like, try
to cook one dish that you really love, like some
kind of nice stew that your mom is going to
give you a rest before from your childhood that you
really love. And then you know, stews actually get better
the next time. I know.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Well, you know what my go to especially during COVID
was jeelaf rice. And I make a big part of
jela rice, and I make a good jelaf rice. And
I want to be very clear distinctly because you know
there's a little beef not in the rice. You could
put beef in the rice, but I mean there is
some beef between the Ghandians and the Nigerians, oh I
know and Senegalese as to who has the best ja
laf rice, and it is the Nigerians. Sorry, I got

(06:31):
a Ghandian tell me, and that one Ghandian speaks for
all Gandians when she says Nigerians have the best jilaf rice.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Oh good, Well, Nigerians have the party jallav too, right,
they have the char on the bottom. I learned how
to make that with some Nigerians who taught me very well.
But the recipe for jalla rice in this new cookbook
is actually from my friend Precious.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Precious is an artist here in New York and they
grew up in no They grew up in Ohio, and
they put things like sun dried tomatoes and a little
bit of dashi okay. And I was like, that doesn't
sound very Nigeria crazy, because no they aren't. But you
know we do in my neck of the wood.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
So I was like, fine, you're taking the heat for that.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Okay, Yes, and you put put precious on blast. That's
what the precious thing, not a bad thing.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, but it's delicious. I make it all the time.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Okay, I'll have to try. My problem is that when
I make jil off rice, and I was doing it
during COVID and I told my mom this on Sunday,
I was like, I just can't have one serving. I
can't have just to you. Can I keep eating because
I'm like the whole. So have you ever had a
meal you love so much where you're like you want
more of that when you make it at home? There's
so much more of it at your disposal, and my
ass will go right for it. I can be full

(07:48):
and be like, but it's right there, and that was.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Delicious, like a Friday egg on top.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Oh, we'll see. Here's my thing about Frida egg.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
You don't like it.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
I like it, but it needs to be overheard.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
I do not want to run a yoke.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
At all, not even a jammy one.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Not even a jammy I just got into a Jammy egg. Wait, Podma,
we have to pick this up in thirty seconds because
I need to do your intro. Oh yeah, okay, go ahead,
and I'm giving Kevin hell or maybe that was a
cold open. I don't know. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna read
your intro because your resume is resume.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Oh thank you, it is, what.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Doesn't Padma do? Okay, my next guest, I was just
gonna make a joke about how UR been talking to
you this whole time, My Next Guest is an Emmy
nominated food expert, television producer, and New York Times best
selling author. She's the creator of the critically acclaimed Hulu
series Tastes the Nation and served as host and executive

(08:43):
producer of Bravo's Top Chef. As though we haven't been
deep in converse, I know, but I don't know how
to do portions. I don't have portion control, is my main.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah, neither do I, which is what we were talking about.
I don't either. That's why I try to keep good
food near me, and as soon as my daughter leaves
for college, I'm getting rid of all the trash in
our pantry, all the processed foods, all the you know,
cookies and cheese possible that yeah, going away.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
Did you ever try to make her eat healthy like
I used to maybe sit kids who were straight organic.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, I mean, I you know, I also live in
the real world.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
But okay, okay, welcome to those other parents.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
But no, she would eat anything I gave her. She
was a great eater until she started going to preschool,
and then all of a sudden she started asking for
chicken nuggets, and I was like, chicken, what idea?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
That.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
No, but she used to eat oonie when she was two.
She loves steamfish. She would eat anything, of course. The
only thing she still loves is cavea goki.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yes she does.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I mean she said, pretty pretty good eater. And she
likes to cook. She's very sophisticated. You know, she grew
up on the set of Top Chef. She's traveled all
over She's going to Paris every spring break with me
for like six years in a row. She had the
audacity to say, Mom, I'm sick of Paris. I shut
your mouth.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
What her life? Tell her? Don't say that to anyway.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
I told her, I'm like, shut your mouth right now.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Can we put her on blast here? How old does
she know?

Speaker 2 (10:22):
She's gonna be sixteen very soon?

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Oh my gosh. And I remember her on Instagram as
little hands. I'm still like, I still in my mind,
I'm like, she's little hands. Yeah, she she is, but
she's grown.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Yeah, she's not that little anymore. She's little hands with
big claws because now she's into those fake nails with
all the stuff hanging off. Okay, Like, how do you
do your homeworks? Like I just managed?

Speaker 1 (10:46):
Yeah okay, or I don't yeah, I don't.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, my nails though, Yeah, yeah, aren't they cool?

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Oh man, that's amazing. So she the caviar on nuggets.
I have to say taste because I love the caviar
nuggets at Coca Dot. How she had those?

Speaker 2 (11:02):
We've been to Coco Dot. Yeah, not impressed. I mean
it's ca chicken like.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Okay. Someone sent me a DM that I a hair
stylist that I know, in response to my posting the
nuggets with caviar on them. He was like, those McDonald
McNuggets with caviar. What you said McDonald McNuggets dressed in caviar?
And I thought that is accurate.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah, I love baby, but.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
They're so good. I find them to be so good.
But I know it's maybe obnoxious to some people.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
It's not obnoxious to me, but I mean I prefer
like I prefer potato chips with sour cream okay, and caviar,
because then you get the creaminess and you get a
little crunch and then you get the pop. I also
like with sabi caviar, which is delicious. You can get
it at Rest and Daughters downtown. Okay, it's really good

(11:53):
and it's beautiful, just put on like some sushi or
fish or whatever.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
Okay, I'm adding it to my shopping list when I
finally go the girl.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah exactly.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, but before we get further down the line on
our food speak, yes, because I feel like you and
I could go forever talk hours. But you're the actual expert.
My whole thing is that I'm just I'm out here
eating people's cooking. That's fine. What are you? What do
you want to say thank you to? Who?

Speaker 3 (12:16):
What?

Speaker 2 (12:18):
I would like to say thank you to my grandparents?

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (12:22):
My mom divorced my biological dad, who I never knew,
and she came to America when I was two. I
didn't see either of my parents from the ages. Yeah.
I didn't see either of my parents from age two
to four, and I joined her when I was four
here in New York, but I was still sent to
India every summer for three months and I studied third

(12:43):
grade and fourth grade there. And my grandparents were huge
influences on my life. My grandfather loved books. He was
one of the most well read people I've ever met
in my life. And my grandmother loved cooking, and she
was a great cook. She wasn't a cudly grandma. She
was a very practical grandma, but she taught me how
to cook, and she taught me about life food cooking,

(13:04):
and so no, it's no surprise now looking back at
my life what I do for a living because I
write cook books, which I am a direct product of
both my grandparents love and influence.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Okay, so thanks to your grandparents. Yeah, that is incredible.
Which one did you lean into more initially? Were you
like fascinated by food or reading more when you were younger?

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Reading reading? But I became a really good cook even
in high school, and I would cook for my high
school friends. But I really never understood that there was
the career as a food writer. You know. I did
see cookbooks, and in college I started buying cookbooks and stuff,
but I didn't I didn't grow up going to restaurants,
you know. My mom my parents were like yours, like
why you gotta go out? We went out once a

(13:52):
month to pizza and then once a month to maybe
like tire Chinese, and that was it. Yeah, you know,
so I didn't know that there was this career, you know,
in food, like being a chef. I mean I saw
the Swedish chef on sesame Street, but I did not
look you know, I didn't want to aspire to that.
But so I kind of fell into uh food as

(14:12):
a profession. But I was and I'm a slow reader.
I'm a very slow reader, but I do love to read.
And I was also an American lit and theater major
in college, so there's a lot of reading, you know.
So I was always better at literature than chemistry.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Right, I mean me too. And I was a biology major.
I was a science major, and it was I don't know,
I mean, I know how because I ended up in
that major. It's because they wanted you to have a skill, doctor,
and you have a skill, right, But I was like,
this is my maybe worst subject in high school. So
how is this now my major? And who let me

(14:49):
do this on the academic side? But I love hearing
just you say that you were big in reading and
didn't quite understand that there was a career in food
or writing cookbooks? What how did you what did you
want to be? Initially an actor?

Speaker 2 (15:04):
An actor? And I, you know, after college, I modeled
to pay off my college loans, and you know, I
was auditioning for parts. I was still doing the occasional
modeling job, and I wrote my first article for Vogue
about my scar, and then I was asked to write
another column for Vogue, and then I had a style

(15:27):
column in Harper's Bazaar, and then I had a syndicated
column in The New York Times about food and fashion
and film. And so I was getting all this writing work,
and I was piecing together living by acting, by writing,
by doing you know, still again the occasional modeling gigs.
So like none of none of one of those things

(15:50):
were enough to make a living for me. So I
had to do all. I was hustling, and I didn't
know which one would take off, you know, And then
it ended up being being the food. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Did that feel exciting to you or in any way
like a disappointment?

Speaker 2 (16:05):
You know? I always saw the food stuff, like, whether
it was cookbook writing or hosting, you know. I hosted
a documentary called Planet Food before Top Chef, and I
had a show called Pudma's Passport on the Food Network
also before then, and I liked it and it was fine,
And I think the reason I was good at it
is because I didn't care so much. Yeah, yeah, you know,
And so that was like my version of waitressing while

(16:28):
waiting for the big acting gig, and then I just
became really successful at it. And so you know, sometimes
you got to push through the open door.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
Right, and life presents you things that are not what
you expect but end up being the very thing that
leads you to what you're meant to do.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
Exactly. Yeah, I mean, and it's weird now because I
haven't acted in probably twenty years. Last year, if you
were on snl oh, yes, yes, yes, that's that's true,
and I have been doing prov and stuff. But yeah,
but you know, I really haven't been on film or
anythink in twenty years. But like recently, there have been

(17:07):
three different projects that people have offered me, you know,
independent film or whatever, to act and to start and
I'm like, are you sure you know, I mean, don't
get in your own way. No, I'm not going to.
I'm not going to, but you know, it's just shocking.
So opportunities are coming to me now that I would
have killed for twenty years ago. And if it works out,

(17:30):
I would still love to do it. You know, how
great would that be to finally scratch an itch after
so many years. But I'm also really thankful for the
career I do have. I know, I've been very fortunate,
and you know, I get to sit around. I get
to sit around and talk about food all day long,
so I'm uniquely qualified from my Job's.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
Kind of dreaming. But it is crazy how after you
have gone down the path, you've gone down the thing
you wanted is like sort of zing itself in a
different way all these years. Yeah, that's also remarkable and
feels like a gift.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah. Yeah, it just shows you like you never know.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, it's true. Now, you said you were modeling also
to pay your student loans. Did how did you feel
about modeling? And I asked this because I have a
friend who was a model because she was scouted and
she's actually very much an academic, and not to say
that two don't go hand in hand, because I feel
like I know so many models who are intellects and academics.

(18:30):
How did you feel about modeling when you were doing it?
Was it like, sort of, I roll, this is just
to pay the bills or did you recognize like this
is kind of huge because some people would kill to
be a model.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
I think it was both. Okay, you know, I started
modeling my last semester of college in Spain because I
was studying abroad. I was bored with college and I
just most people go to study abroad in their junior year.
I went last semester of seating.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Okay, right, so walk, did you walk for graduation?

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Yes? I came back okay, and I did walk for gradua.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
So I started modeling there and at first I was like,
I don't want a model. I don't want to ruin
my GPA. And then they were like, you can make
this much money. I'm like, that's more money than I
think in a month. So yes, I will do that.
And you know, I only went to school from nine
to one, and I would do call you know, like
what do you call it? Callbacks or you know, auditions

(19:19):
or ghosties after and I had a friend of mine
who would graduated the previous year, who was Spanish, and
he encouraged me to do it because he just wanted
meet other models. And so you know, Santiago was like, no,
you must go, I'll drive you come, well, I'll squort
you in. And I was literally, you know, sitting in
some bar with Santiago when a friend of his who

(19:41):
was a booker at a modeling agent saw me and
then I said, you know, but I have this big
giant scar on my arm, and they're like so. And
it was the first time that somebody didn't care. And
I modeled in Swain came back and walked had this
useless piece of paper that said I had to do
a bachelor's degree in theater and American qualify me to
do exactly nothing thing.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah, where is your diploma right now? Do you know?

Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't know where mine is? Legitimately, I legitimately don't know.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
It's so expensive, but we just like grow it somewhere.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Sure, my mom has it somewhere very I don't think so,
but she has. You know, that was very costly piece
of paper.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
You're right, it's so expensive and we don't know where
we keep them, I know, unless you have an office
space and you frame it and put it on the wall.
I like, legit, don't know where my diploma is and
it was so expensive.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you. I mean I had
my old university recently called me and asked you for
a donation. I'm like, excuse me, you own me money? Yeah,
you know, I do not get enough of an education
for you to be calling me right now.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
But they know that name and they're like, oh, Padma,
she's got a little extra to give me.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yeah, exactly, I'm going to give it to somebody else.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
It is crazy because when they do call and ask
for money from your college, because you're like, I gave you.
I already gave you money. I gave you money before,
and it was really expensive, and I also had student loans,
so I'm like, I had to go in debt to
give you money. Exactly. Now you're asking me for more
money just because it's great. I do think that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
I don't, you know, I don't understand exactly why education
is so expensive, but I think it has to do
mostly as a reflection of we don't care about our
children in society. Yeah, I care about our own, but
we don't care about other people's children as our own.
And in the end, they're all our children, you know,
and that's really demoralizing. But I mean other countries you don't.

(21:34):
You do have free education.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
It's just this country, right, And health care we take
care of, you know, we take care. Speaking of taking
care and other people's children really being all of our responsibility.
Did you know for yourself that you wanted to have

(21:56):
a child.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
I knew I wanted to be a mother, but I
never knew it would be so fun. Okay, you know,
I really didn't. And I think it's been interesting to
relive the world and my impression of it through her eyes.
And it's also interesting to raise a child that doesn't
have the same skin color as you. You know, I

(22:19):
talk about this a lot in stand up. It's funny because, like,
you know, basically, I gave birth to a white girl.
Like you know, I mean, if you if you look
at her and you look at me and we're standing
next to each other, you can tell that we're related.
She's just a white version of me. But you know,
when she was little and I would take her to
the playscape all the for the nanny totally, which was

(22:42):
fine because they had the better jokes. They had, you know,
they had the better snacks, certainly, so I was okay
with that. But then you realize, like she's gonna have
different issues and problems. You know, she's very privileged in
a way that I wasn't even besides her skin color,
but she's brown on the inside. You can tell she's
brown when she dances. Yeah, it come to the valley.

(23:05):
You know that? So she shakes your butt's that's an
Indian girl?

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, yeah, but give away. That's why you start asking people,
can I see your dance real fast?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah? Exactly, excuse me.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
And that's how we tell. Now, you said you didn't
grow up as privilege as she is not at all,
And I imagine then that lent itself for you to
some life lessons and for specific values to be instilled
in you as a child. How do you go about
instilling those values in your daughter now, given the context
of her upbringing is totally different.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
It's very difficult. I imagine it's really really hard because
I mean it's also a different time in general. You know,
I didn't grow up with the phone. We didn't have
the internet. I can still barely use the internet, just
ask anyone around me. But also, like you know, she
she's growing up in her society, which is now my society.

(24:00):
I had way more freedom than she did. My mother
did not know where I was really from eight am
to seven pm. She didn't because she was at work
and I could have been at school, and I could
have been somewhere else where were you? I was mostly
in school, But then you know, I would go to
the park after school. There was no you know, I
had incredible freedom. But my mom was a seventies parent.

(24:24):
You know, we didn't have that many rules. And I
came out okay, but I think, okay, but you know,
she I have I have her location at all times
on my phone because she's always on her phone. Yeah,
and it's just different. But like I want her to
take the subway, but she takes Uber. You know, her
father has loaded Ubertine on her phone, and I'm like,

(24:48):
she's a New York City kid, she needs to do that.
Then he's like, you don't want her on the subway.
I'm like, yes, I do, like the bus. Yeah, So
that's a struggle. That kind of stuff is a struggle.
And the food is hard too, because now that she
has ubers, she can also get Uber eats and that
is the thing that pisses me off the most. Oh

(25:08):
why because I take the time to cook her at dinner.
You know, I make sundubu because she's likes this Korean
dish and I'm like, okay, we're having that for dinner.
And she's like, it's okay, mom, I just ordered taco
bell and it infuriates me.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
What is she doing?

Speaker 2 (25:24):
I don't know, there's no accounting for taste, but you
know she But I also want her to be a
normal teenager. I don't want to restrict her food. I
want her body to learn how to process all kinds
of things. Like I don't need a lot of meat
because I didn't grow up with it, so I really
can't process that very well. But you know she can

(25:45):
because she she has steak with her dad or whatever.
So I want her to eat normally, eat a lot
of different foods. We open to them, but I just
the fast food really pisses me off because it's not
good for her, you know. And she just wants to
like her friends, right. You know, this didn't happen until
she went to school, Like I said. But she's a

(26:06):
good kid. I mean, she's very well behaved and she's
very ambitious. I'm lucky. You know. She wants to do
well for herself. I think she does feel the pressure
of being my daughter, and so she does not want
just to be known as my daughter. She wants to
make her own way. She you know, she goes to
a specialized high school, which she fought her way into.

(26:28):
She had to get in, she had to do a
whole bunch of stuff and audition and go go to callbacks.
And she did that by herself. I mean I helped
to coached her. But she's doing great and she loves
her school and she really has big plans for herself.
So you know, is she gonna clean up her room? No?
Until I say it the eighteenth time.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
But that's very normal team, That's what they tell me.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
That's normal for American team. That is normal for American children.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
You know, my mom was working so much that I
could she would have to tell me several times. And
if anyone, I mean I was just if anyone told
me to clean my room and I was going to
do it, I'd be like, oh see, I was gonna
do it. And then you said, now that you said
I can't do it today, I gotta do it tomorrow.
You guys are to get today. But how you just

(27:21):
said something's going to have to do it tomorrow?

Speaker 2 (27:24):
But did you have I have a question, did you
have code switching going on? Like was your mom like
a Nigeria like a niger mom?

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Or was like, okay, could you ask articulate this a
different way for me? Because I'm like, yeah, how would
you ask this difference?

Speaker 2 (27:38):
Did she not let you do things that your peers
parents would let them do, like sleepovers?

Speaker 1 (27:44):
So she would let me have us go. We never
hosted a sleepover, I don't think. I think maybe some
of my sister's friends slept over. But she would let
me go to sleepovers. But I will say that at
the door, she'd like, drop me off and then see
what's happening in this family's home, And she'd saved me
once I came home. You're never going over there? Yeah,

(28:04):
And but I know that it was. She was never
excited about me going to sleep over, except for with
white like one best friend who lived two houses down
the street from us. But like so, she wasn't as strict.
I think partially because she was working so much and
then she wanted to try to be a little lax.
There's so much on her plate. But there were moments
where it's like, yeah, we're not you're not really sleeping

(28:26):
over at kids' houses. Were you allowed to sleep over? Uh?

Speaker 2 (28:30):
No? Yeah no, And Krishna wasn't either. My daughter wasn't
allowed to sleep over. Now she is with very few
select people where I know the parents and stuff. But
my attitude was, like, if you want to sleep away
from home, you should get into college.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
You know that.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Brown folk.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
I don't know that.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
Now she spends half her time there because she's older,
but I mean, you know, I don't. I'm not into
it at all, and I think I've just you know,
I'm afraid of what happened, what can happen, what happens
to me, and like, so it's tough, you know, but
at the end of the day, I have to equip
her with the ability to think critically and avoid those

(29:15):
situations or know how, give her the weapons and the
language to handle those situations early on, like people. You know,
when I first sent her to preschool in an age
appropriate way, I did say to her, if anybody touches
you or makes you touch them, I don't care if
it's a principal, a doctor of policeman, somebody who's related
to us, somebody who's a friend, anybody. You have the

(29:38):
right to your own body. Nobody should touch you, and
nobody should make you do something. You just yell, yell,
run and tell. And so I gave her that language
because so many times when it happens to you you're
just a deer in the headlights. You're just so shocked
you don't know what to do. So just giving that
child a game plan, you know, look like, this is

(30:03):
a plan. If I feel uncomfortable, if somebody makes me
touch their privates, somebody gets too close to me, touches
my privates, I say no, really loud, and I run,
and then I tell somebody I trust or no who.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
Say yeah, it's I mean, that's brilliant, because you, like
you said, you can only protect them to a certain point.
And the thing I think you're supposed to do, though
I'm not a parent, as a parent, is to give
them the tools and equip them to be able to
navigate the world on their own. Because you're they're not
gonna be under your watch twenty four to seven, simply won't.

(30:34):
So if you give them the tools to navigate situations
like that, navigate other situations that life might present them.
I think that is a huge part of the job there,
because as much as you want to be protective, it's
important that they know how to be on their own.
That's the nice part about college, I will say, especially
if you get to go away or live on campus,
is like sorting out how to be on your own

(30:55):
and with Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
It's a nice middle ground between adulthood and living with
your folks.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yeah yeah. I mean I went to college three thousand
miles away, and I knew I wasn't going to be homesick.
But it was interesting because I still because I was
a pretty independent young person, but I still found myself
homesick because it was like culture shock Baltimore to La Yeah.
I was like, I was like, wait, what is this?
What is who are these people? What's happening? How does
it work this way? Why does everybody have a bens?

(31:22):
You're eighteen? No, I know.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah, now it happened to me too. I mean I
went from La Poente in California to Massachusetts and I
saw all these people with cardiers and rolexes in my
you know, in my women's studies class, and I was like, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, friend, yeah, friend.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
You also said that your daughter wants to make it
on her own, and you know, is aware that she
is your daughter and people know her as such. At
what point, because I often wonder this with people who
are well known, are famous, at what point do you
did your daughter become aware that, like oh, mommy famous.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
She did, because they would follow us when I walked
her to school. How old, When she was like five
or four, I used to walk, you know. She used
to go to a school that was just four or
five blocks from our house. She went to Little Red
you know, in the village, and I live in that area,
and I would walk with her and they would paparazzi us,

(32:22):
and it got bad enough that I had a key,
like the teachers had to a side entrance of the
school that we would enter because they would be waiting
outside her school. I mean, it's not as bad now,
but in the days when it was bad, you know,
that's what they did. And so she knew. And then
she also knew like we would be you know, like

(32:43):
an open air market or something or flea market, you know,
and people would come up and ask for pictures and
she would say, no.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Oh, your little protector.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
She would just irritated, like pictures of me. And then
I never put her in the pictures that were like
you can do a basic Google search of her name,
and they're like thousands of pictures that come up, and
you can see her. You can see her as a
four year old. You can see her as a six
year old. You know, you can see it, and now
she's more comfortable with it, and also she feels good also,

(33:15):
like you know, she now understands because she also wants
to be a performer that is part of the gig.
But when she was young, she was really irritated by it,
and understandably so. But now she gets it and she's
she's like, let me just take the picture because then
it's fast and that's it. She gets a phone back

(33:36):
of her dues. But it really irritated her.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yea.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
And sometimes she like, I'll feel like taking a walk
around the neighborhood, and she'll say no because she doesn't
want to walk with me. Yeah, because then it means
she has to worry about what she looks like. And
she's a teenage girl, and you know she doesn't want
to always. I get it. I don't always want to.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
Worry about it. Let me tell you about walking in
my neighborhood. Someone followed me the other day and I
was like, that's crazy because you're following me and we're
not having a pleasant interaction. I know you're following me.
You now know. I know you're following me, And how
do you think this interaction ends. I stopped for a
picture with you, like you caught me. Let's get a picture.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
I mean my mother can take a faster picture than that.
It's like we're taking you so long, yeah, the picture leaving?

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Yeah yeah. And I find that not to be like
woe is me? But I'm always like, how do you
think this interaction is gonna end? This is not pleasant
because there are times like I just want to walk
my dog, and you know, a therapist will tell you
go on a walk, get some air, and I'm like,
it's not that simple.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, I mean I always i'm in a hoodie when
I I know how to try to.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Be you know, how do you do it? Can you
tell me? Please?

Speaker 4 (34:43):
I walk like a little bit like lunchoking down okay, okay,
I put my hood up okay, and I walk.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Like I don't have time to stop. I'm not looking around.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
I've had people stop me in my tracks when I'm
walking maybe eighty miles per hour and could barrel right
through them and stop me. Somebody touched me two weeks
ago and soho, and I was like, well, I'm being touched.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
I know, don't touch me.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
I'm being touched.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Well, you, you know. I mean SNL is such a prominent
show and it's on Network, and then you see all
the clips and stuff, so you are out there in
a way that I don't think I have been, you know,
so it's different for you.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Ye may I think so? Maybe because I do comedy,
people are like, oh, but she's silly and she's always
gonna want to she's fun. And I'm like sometimes I'm
like crying, crying in my hoodie. Yeah, walking in my neighborhood,
just trying to get some air, to feel any other emotion.
And it's like, oh, the girl from Yeah, okay, but
I'm gonna hunt shoulders hood up. Are we going sunglasses

(35:45):
or no?

Speaker 2 (35:45):
Yeah? Sunglasses, sunglasses, sunglasses, do all the things, baseball cap sunglasses, okay,
and just walk and tell you like, walk like you're
angry and look down, look down down, and like you're
looking for something, like you're kind of crazy.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
Oh maybe it's that I need to be given crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
Just like look around, mutter to yourself.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
I should have at a metal detector too, Yeah, sure,
persince fucking nuts. Yeah, a metal detector on a New
York sidewalk. I think that's gonna be the Vibe twenty
twenty six. There you see me like that out here?
No you didn't. That's the whole point, okay.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
But also I know how to be invisible, Like I
just go out without makeup, Okay, I mean people will
still recognize me, you know, when I go to the
grocery store, stop by whatever. But you know, people are
usually cash they want to I never say no to
young women when they want a picture. And I you know,
I live near NYU, so it's hard. But I I

(36:42):
don't always want to stop because I always I don't
want to be seen.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Sometimes you don't want to be perceived. That's what I
say about my walk. Sometimes sometimes I literally just want
to be like an invisible number. Yeah, like a visible number,
just getting air right now.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
But these are high class problems to have.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
A thousand percent. Sometimes I think about renaming this podcast
first world Problems. What do you think.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
I'm sure you could do it.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Maybe maybe someone else already has that. I'm sure someone
else has already. Probably, But also all of the problems
are not first world in that most of the people
in the podcast, I feel like I have had interesting upbringings,
which is why I have the podcast. Because it's fun
to hear from people about what their upbringings were, Like, yeah,
what of your parents? Besides the values you're trying to

(37:26):
instill in your daughter, now do you emulate in terms
of how you raise her? So like not no sleepovers?
I do.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
I think the most Indian part of me is my parenting. Okay,
Like I'm pretty Americanized, you know, I've gone to school
my whole life mostly here, and I'm you know, I'm
just as American, or feel just as American as any
other kid. But because I was raised by Indian people
in a certain way. Like Krishna will never step on
a book. If she steps on a book, she stops,

(37:55):
she touches the book with her hand, and then she
touches her eyes with that same hand to hey, respect
to the book.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
I don't know about this.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
That's very Indian, you know, because we think of books
and literature something sacred. So if she'd been studying on
the floor, I was lying, you know, with a pillow
and reading and she having a step on it by mistake,
she will do that, Like I've seen her do that
without me telling her, because she knows now. She will
not go into our house with shoes on really unless

(38:25):
she's like really in a rush and I'm not looking,
but she, you know, she respects that.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Which is something I just adopted when I moved to
New York City.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah, come on, my dog's.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Paws are also getting wiped, because.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yeah, yeah, we have we have doggy wet wives. Like
right right at the right there, come and you put
your keys on that, you take the leash off, and
you get the thing and you sit and you wipe
all her paws.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
She knows the drill. He doesn't even try to walk
past the entry because he's like, I got to get
my paws wiped. And it's like, yes, you do. But
it wasn't till New York I startarted honoring the shoes
off thing. I would honor it in someone else's home,
but in my house, I'd be like, yeah, I'm in
my car. I lived in LA for so long. Oh yeah,
I'm like, but still even in La or anywhere else,
I'm like, actually, it's a good look to do anywhere.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
Yeah yeah, yeah, So things like that calling your elder's auntie,
like you know, her father's friends they're like Bob and Jane,
you know, But my friends it would be like aunt praimie.
You know uncle Vitchu marry Nigerian. Yeah, yeah, not call
an elder brother first name, no, sir.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah. If you had a sibling in Indian culture who's
like twenty years older than you, for someone let's say
like fifteen years older than you, would you call that
sibling by their name or would they also become auntie?

Speaker 2 (39:45):
No, they wouldn't be aunti your uncle. But they have
a name. In Tamil, like you, there's a name for
older sister and a name for younger sister, older brother
and younger brothers. So our our names for relatives are
super specific except her auntie and uncle that seems to
be thrown around. Yes, but like you can tell, like

(40:05):
even when you're saying an actual uncle in Tamil, at
least the sister of my father has a different name
than the sister of my mother. And if the sister
of my mother is older than her, she's a petty ma.
Petti means big and mas ma, so it's like big mother.
And if the sister of my mother is younger, then

(40:27):
it's a chitty. Like you heard Kamala Harra say to
all my chitties out there, because she had a lot
of aunts that were younger to her mom, so that
part is really specific, and that's very Indian. You know,
Christian just knows like to have certain respect for people.
She will pray when she's scared. You knowsial light intents.

(40:49):
She got a big exam, or she wants a part
she's auditioning for in the school play, stuff like that.
And you know, she had six years of Sanskrit singing,
so it was like, you know, carnotic vocal training and stuff.
Now she doesn't do it, but she still does music.
So she's She's Indian when she wants to be. She's

(41:09):
most Indian when she stamps her foot about wanting what
she wants. At the Valley, yeah, as you know, the
valley is a big, big deal at our house.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
I've been to Padma's the Valley. It's a vibe. We went.
It was me, Punky Heidi after an SNL episode.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
I know you guys were.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
Looking rough everyone in all of your guests, you your
daughter looking dressed to the nines. Put together.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
Absolutely, I was just happy done. I know that schedule, yeah,
and it's brutal. So the fact that you even showed
up on a Sunday was a win.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
We really wanted to be there and I'm so glad
we were there. But I just that's that is a
special memory for me, and the fact that we did
all roll up and we're like, we are tired, but
we're here.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Yeah, but you all my older relatives do the same thing.
They just sit around and so yes.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
I actually think I was sitting with one of your
older relatives for the majority of the time against the wall.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, problem conversation. Yeah, it was very nice. Thank you
for having us. Now, what is there about American parenting
style versus Indian parenting styles that made you want to
emulate Indian parenting styles? Given you're like, I'm very American otherwise,
what made you want to cling to Indian parenting as
a style.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Well, it's mostly about the respect issue, you know, which
is a battle I'm losing every day. But you know,
it was that it was like sometimes you just have
to do it. It's also, you know, we are much
more focused on keeping a very close connection with our
extended family, and sometimes she's like, I'm bored, I don't

(42:49):
want to go, and I'm like, sorry, it's not negotiable.
I'm not asking you. You don't get to decide no,
we're not going to this or yes you're just coming.
Yeah you know, Yeah, I'm sorry. These are your family.
You're stuck with us. Yeah, you know, just like a
club foot, we ain't going nowhere. So that's that's one thing.
But also like I am lax about things that American

(43:12):
parents are very strict about. For instance, I don't really
have a bedtime for her.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Okay, okay, say more because my friend's sister and I
don't want to put her on Blessed. But if she listens,
she'll know I'm talking. Her eight year old is on
like a Tuesday night, awake at midnight, and that's crazy
to me. I don't have kids. And then one time
I was over their house on a Sunday. I was
about to give specifics, say the city I will, but
I was at their house on a Sunday and at

(43:42):
that time, the eight year old was six, and it
was Sunday at ten pm, and I was like, I
would have had to be in bed at this time,
and they were like kind of just chilling right before
school night, and I was like, what's happening? Why are
they awake?

Speaker 2 (43:52):
I mean, I figured she'll get tired eventually and go
to sleep, and she will learn this lesson on her own.
I mean, sometimes she's up because she does have homework.
They give a lot of homework. Now, I really wish saying.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
My mom my mom was like the homework. Back then,
my mom used to be like, why do they give
you homework when you're in school all day? I know
they're gonna come home and do more suf.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
I mean she and I would both rather she just
stay at school another ninety minutes or two hours of whatever,
come home at six, but be done. Yes, yeah, So
you know, I try to cut her off at like eleven,
like ten thirty. She should be washing her face, she
should be in her pajamas. If I have to take
her phone off, but take it away from her. But

(44:32):
you know, she sometimes will stay up late, and I'm
the night owl, and I think she insw's her father,
so she thinks she inherited it from us. But I'm
not policing her because at a certain point, like you
have to give them autonomy, and if they get tired enough,
then they do. And then there's been times when she's
been exhausted and she's come home and then she's taken

(44:53):
a nap because she's so tired, and then she gets
up and now she really can't come to.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
So it's eleven forty five.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
She's a vicious cycle. But you know, like there's just
there's just things like that, Okay, you know, like she
can't put the dog on the counter. She can't.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
I mean the dog shouldn't go on the counter even
but you know, even the cats.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
We don't have cats because she's allergic. But she's my
dog is seven pounds yea. And sometimes people will just
put her on the counter because they're holding her. And
I'm very not into that.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
She was on the street, that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Well, no, but we we wipe her, I.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Know, but she was still on the street, like rubbing
against the side of a But here's the thing. I
have a dog. Probably shouldn't have a dog.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
Because I'm how big is you done?

Speaker 1 (45:33):
He's fifteen pounds maybe like seventeen? Now the vet called
him what did she call him? Overconditioned? Her way of
saying he's overweight? Can you believe that?

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Oh? Is that the youth of this?

Speaker 1 (45:45):
And she's Australian so it's kind of lovely how she
said it. She's like, he's a bit overconditioned. And I'd
be like, can you tell me in Layman's terms like fat,
and I'm like, damn, my poor baby. And I feel
like he heard it because his whole demeanor. I feel like,
oh yeah, I do feel like heard that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
No, Divina is not a glutton, like I have to
really be like it's time to eat now, please, and
she she doesn't. She likes taking walks, but she's an
indoor dog. She's very big cat energy. She just wants
to sit on your lap. Yes, you know, she doesn't care.
She's scared of everything. She you know, she was traumatized.
I rescued her, and before we got her at the shelter,

(46:24):
she was in a hoarding situation. So she doesn't like
other dogs. She's not out to like, you know, discover
and conquer the world. She just wants to be near Mommy.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
Your daughter petition you for the dogs.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Oh my god. Yes, she made a big poster and
she was petitioning and lobbying for years and years and years.
And I am not a dog person at all. Indians
don't like, yeah, yeah, we're not in the house. Animals
in the house.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
I Weirdly, my mom would rescue cats and in those moments,
I'm like, this is not a Nigerian woman growing up,
Like there was a cat outside on the street. So
she just had this soft spot for animals that felt
Nigeria in that way where it was like, I'm gonna
go bring a stray cat into our home. But yeah,
also didn't grow up with beyond like eight years old.

(47:16):
We didn't have any pets.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
Yeah, but you know, in COVID, she's an only child
and she didn't see another child for several months, and
so I really felt for her, and so I brought
home this little puppy. She's not a puppy. She was
grown when I brought her, and I carried her home
from the shelter and I gave her to my daughter,
and then my daughter went crazy and then loved, loved it,

(47:38):
but then didn't walk the dog, didn't feed the dog,
and lunged at the dog. And this dog was terrified
of my kid, and so like retreated deeper and deeper
into my lap and arms. So now they have a
weird sibling rivalry. It's really odd.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
And you love your daughter more though, of course, oh
just funny, I do.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
I love my daughter way more than my dogs of life.
My dog better.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Yeah, that's my dog does not talk back.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
Okay, fair, that's real. The dog is not like, give
me these snacks. Does the dog like unie?

Speaker 2 (48:17):
Uh No, I don't want to give her any seafood
because her breath is bad enough. She just had four
teeth extracted.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Because because their teeth are messed up.

Speaker 2 (48:24):
Well, I mean she's older, and yeah, I'm told small
dogs have this problem. And I try to brush your teeth,
but it's hard to get the toothed hair. Yeah. No,
But I mean, my dog doesn't steal my clothes and
my shoes without asking. They don't take my eyeliner and
give it to their friends, okay, and don't put it
back in my makeup bag.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
Okay. So shout out to all the dog moms. I
might have it better. They might have it better. Right now,
that's all I am for now. And I'm like, this
is a lot of work, though, taking care of a dog,
and people don't talk about it enough. Yeah, it's actually
a lot of work and effort. But now I've done
it for two and a half years, I'm like, I
don't my friend likes to say he doesn't remember what
life was like before he had his dog. I'm like,

(49:05):
I do remember it being easier.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
But you don't have to come home. You don't have
to think about, oh, my dog is sitting alone for
six hours.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
Yeah yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
I'm going to Oxford at the end of this month,
and I don't really know what I'm gonna do with
my dog, and I don't want to take her to England. Yes,
England is hard enough.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Right enough. My I'm going to Paris in a few days.
And I was like, what am I going to do
with my dog? And it became this whole thing where
I'm like, what a gift I get to go to Paris?
Unlike your daughter, I'm not sick of it. Yeah, it yet,
and I'm like, what a gift, But oh my goodness,
I need to figure out the dog. I have to
figure out.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
And Paris is very dog friendly, I know, But.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
You know what, it's the flight and like, he's so
social that if a flight attendant walks by, sees him
and even makes a second of eye contact with him,
it's over. And he's like I want to engage with
that friend. I want them to talk to me, and
I'm gonna be yappy until we have our moment. So
it's this thing where I'm like, he is beautiful, but
I need to keep him away from people, otherwise he

(50:07):
will be at TVD. Yeah, okay, give him a little bit.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Of Yeah, they have doggy I've had.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
I gave it to him when I first got him
and we were flying and he did so well. I
have this crazy story though. My dog had diarrhea on
a plane.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Oh no, it's night.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
It was really, really, really crazy. But I think Fast
really felt like a mom in that moment because I
was like, Okay, gonna wipe it up from the comfort
of my seat with this thing. We're gonna put this
in a bag, tie it up. It was crazy. But
because they can't talk, I didn't. He kept trying to
jump out of his crate and I'm like, you love
this thing. What's going on? And it's because he had

(50:46):
to shit. I know, poor baby was trying to tell
me that's the thing. The dog's not gonna steal your
clothes or your jewelry or they can't talk. They can't.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
I wish I'm dying to know what Divina thinks sometimes.
Really yeah, yeah, there's a different there's a definite hierarchy,
like if I'm not there, then she'll go to my assistant.
If he's not there, then she'll go to my nanny.
If my nanny's not there, then she's like, Okay, I
guess I can go hang out with Krishna. But they

(51:17):
really like Krishna will come up to me in bed
or she'll cud up with me and the dog could
be at the foot of my bed, but immediately she'll
jump up and try to wedge her body between me
and Krishna. It's really they're really and I will snuggle
with the dog and the dog won't say anything, and
Krishna will do the same and she'll like.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
Around.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
It's really hysterical.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
That is a wild that they pick up on that
the energy like that.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
The sibling rivalry, it truly is.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
So you wanted to like instill some of the respect
that you learned in your culture into your.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Dogs and also the tie to our family, Like family
is really big for good and bad, you know, so
I wanted to make sure I feel like in American culture,
it's your idiot family and maybe your cousins if they
live close by. But in Indian culture, like everyone is
your immediate family. You know, your parents' cousin is your

(52:11):
uncle or aunt, and you know you got to treat
their children like your siblings. And it's all very hierarchical,
but it's all really tight knit and really really important.
You know, my aunt has the Valey We always coordinate
are de Valeys, and I have to hike my butt
like two hours to Connecticut just to sit around and

(52:33):
talk to all these old Indian people. I have no
interest in talking to you because they're not related. They're
like her colleagues from the hospital or you know, all
these other doctors are psychiatrists, and I'm like, yes, hi, Auntie,
it's nice to see you. But I do it. You know,
I drive four hours to be there two hours so
because I have no choice in the matter. That's just
how it is. And so if I have to suffer,

(52:53):
she has to suffer.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
And you're like, you're going to suffer with me. That's
what we have to do.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
She has to learn that this is part of life,
this is just your right and.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
That's all there is to it as a member of
a family. And now she is an only child accurate.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
Other than divin, Yeah, how do you do you have.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Any concern about her being an only child, just given
I know you are.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
I'm an only child far.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
Too okay, but then you're very connected to I feel
like then that makes perfect sense, Like I'm an only child,
but I have this huge extended family. Yes, and my
cousins are like my siblings, as are my second cousins.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
And also all my mother's siblings always left their children
with our grandparents too, so we did grow up like siblings.
Like my cousin Reginie lives in Connecticut, but she functions
as my sister, sure, you know. And so her two boys,
who are close in age to my daughter, are the
closest thing I have to sons, And so if they misbehave,

(53:48):
I will be disciplining them on the spot like they
are my child, and they'll listen. Yeah, well they'll have
You're not my mom, No, No, I'm your petty mom.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
So you know that's why that name is like that,
you know. So that's the difference. Yeah, you know, but
you know she fights against it, but then she also
likes things that you know, likes things about it, like
she will say, like you always know where you stand
with my family and they are fiercely close, you know.

(54:21):
So she appreciates the warmth, she appreciates the love and
the closeness and all of that. So I think, you know,
she is Indian in the way that counts. But whenever
she goes to India, she just goes from house to
house and sees old people. I have to take her
to the taj Mahal, I have to take her to Rajasthan.
You know, I've just taken her to the inside all

(54:41):
these old people's houses. So far, she's been to India
a lot. She's been to India like six times. But
it's hard. It's hard raising a biracial child because the
atmosphere at my house is completely different than the atmosphere
in her dad's house.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Right, you know, does she does? She seem to have
a presser friends from one or the other.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Well, her dad lets her get away with more stuff,
so you know, he's not totally permissive with her. Like
he'll get mad at her certain times when she does
bad stuff too, but you know he's much more even keeled.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I'm mad,
you'll know. I don't even have to open my mouth.
You'll know by my body language. But he's very he's

(55:21):
able to roll with the punches of her adolescence more.
But he also doesn't have it as hard as I do. Sure,
but you know, so she she gets away with more
over there, like you know, Dad is more what she says.
She said, Mom, you're very impulsive.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
And I said that is really rich here, you know,
And so I said, yeah, I don't even argue with
her anymore. I'm like, yeah, okay, fine, I'm impulsive, but
I am your mom. So yeah, and what you don't
do about it.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
With me half the time?

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Are you concerned with being friends with her? Do you
want her to see you as a friend? Does that
at all concern you?

Speaker 2 (56:00):
Or I have to remind her that she's not my
equal and she's not my friend, and that I'm her mother,
you know, And I will try to be more like
an older sister. I understand. I was fifteen once, you know,
I was pushing my limits and boundaries, and I you
know know what that's like. So I can't pretend that,

(56:22):
you know, I can't clutch my pearls that you know.
I know, And I'd rather my daughter talk to me.
I'd rather she tell me and me listen and try
not to jump down her throat, which I do. Have
to sit on my hands so I don't choke her sometimes.
But because I live in America, right, yes, and I cannot, Yeah,
I cannot do that. But you know, for the most part,

(56:42):
I think she has a good head on her shoulders.
And if I haven't taught her to have boundaries by now,
you know, she's almost sixteen, it's too late, you know.
So she's a good girl at her core. But she,
you know, like all teenagers, really pushes her boundaries.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Right, right, and just does she talks about dating, crushes anything,
Oh yeah, okay, okay, great. Were you able to talk
to anybody in your family when you had crushes besides
the sibling like sibling like figures in your life?

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Mom?

Speaker 1 (57:13):
You did a lot.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
But you know, then my mom stopped talking to me
when I started dating a Muslim boy in college, and
so I stopped talking to her because I thought it
was hypocritical, and then she got over it, and then
I broke up with him anyway, because.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
It tends to go you also, you want to be
able to make your own choices at a certain point,
So parents getting in the way of that, I feel
like you do not necessarily rebellious.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
And I did one better. I married and Muslim atheist's
so she was like, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
I really can't control this person. Well that's great. There's
now time for a segment called that's nice. But what
about me?

Speaker 2 (57:52):
Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
So some people have told me I should write a book,
which I think is not crazy, but so many people
write books, and I go, does everyone have to write
a book? And you understand that literature is sacred? And
I kind of see it the same way.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
And as we're here talking about my eight but it's.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Your eighth book, and obviously you grew up with a
love for literature, so I think it's different. And you
have recipes to share with us, yes, and stories to tell,
so that is exciting. I don't have recipes.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
What is the thing that you think one should have
internally going on to sort of justify writing a book,
if you will.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
I think in order to do any piece of creative art,
whether it's writing or filmmaking or you know, composing a
song or painting, any of those things that are self
generated that come from the thin air of your psyche.
You need to have a you need to have a

(58:56):
fully formed opinion about said thing, and you also need
to have a unique perspective like that. You know, when
I hear about people wanting to get into writing, even
you know, cookbook for example, and I say, well, what
is your take on that? You know, but it can
be anything. It can be. You know, a lot of

(59:19):
books that start out as one thing wind up being another.
Like my memoir didn't start out as a memoir, started out,
believe it or not, as a healthy eating book, and
it turned into that because that's where my writing wanted
to go. And So if there's something that you really
care about enough, whether you're an expert or not, that
will carry you through the writing of it. Because if

(59:41):
you're not interested in it, neither will we be, you know,
And so that that is really it. You have to
feel really strongly about something, even if it's something you're
searching for, like you know, knock growing up with a father,
or what that's like, or what that means and how
it's affected your life, because I am convinced that it's
certainly affected my life, and I'm not sure even at

(01:00:05):
the ripe old age of you know, fifty five. I'm
not sure what how deeply and all the ways it
has affected me, but I know it has, and I'm
trying to discover that that's enough to go on the journey. Now.
Not everyone can write a book. Not everyone should publish
a book, you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
Know, that's right, Yeah, that's yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
Well maybe maybe not, but you really don't know until
you do it. And so that would be my advice
to you. If you're thinking about writing a book. You know,
you're a well known person, so somebody's going to give
you easily, give you a publishing contract. That's not the issue.
But what should you should you write that book and

(01:00:47):
what is it about? Like, make sure whatever you're writing
has meaning to you first and foremost, but that it's
resonant and it has some perspective on it. You know,
because even a cookbook, right, you can on your phone
google any recipe that you want. You don't need to
buy another cookbook advert but you know what you're getting

(01:01:09):
from me in this cookbook is my point of view
of cooking. So I'm just not trying to teach you
how to make jalla frice or assume or you know,
a tuna larb or whatever I'm trying to teach you
the principles of good cooking while I'm doing that, and
every recipe is filtered through my way of writing recipes

(01:01:31):
and my point culinary point of view of the world.
So you know, you've done comedy for x amount of years,
and you know, I'm sure you have very fully formed
thoughts about that and what your process and what makes
that funny, and how you approach your character and why
some things don't work for you, and and you know,

(01:01:52):
even when people tell you to go left, you know
that for you you need to go right for that character.
And how you do that and navigate that with your
director or whoever. All that is super interesting. You have
the experience and the knowledge, firsthand knowledge, to have a
distinct point of view that may or not you know,

(01:02:12):
there's things that are subjective. So what works for you
as an actor may not work for Heidi or may
not work for someone else, but it's valid because you
have the experience in the track record to opine about that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Yeah, that is so so helpful. That's such a helpful
metric because you'd be like I could, sure, I could
write about something, but it's nice to be like, well,
what do you care about and what do you actually
want to say and starting at that place as opposed
to being like there, I bet people want to know
about this thing. And if that's not a thing that
I'm feeling passionate about sharing, then it's not a book

(01:02:47):
that I should write.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Which is why my healthy eating book turned into a memoir. Yeah,
a healthy I do I need to write? You know,
like I could tell you that in four sentences. Yeah,
it doesn't tree and that would have been a much
more commercial book than my memoir. But you know, books
last on the shelf a long time, whether they sell
ten copies or ten million. You have to be proud

(01:03:10):
of that book in twenty years.

Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
Yeah that is you know, that's real and that is
a tall order. Okay, Padima, It's not just about me,
It's not just about you. It's also about our guests.
We have to give someone advice. In this next segment,
we're going to hear from them. Kevin, We're ready.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
Hi, I Goo. My name is Matt. I'm a big
fan of yours. I enjoyed following your career and I
really think you're awesome. As for advice, I think it's
really cool that you're doing. And so what I'd like
to ask you is, as a single man in his
upper thirties, my most previous long term relationship ended back
in January, how would you, miss Eggie suggest going about

(01:03:49):
getting back out there on the dating scene and continuing
my search for a new strong connection with a woman.
I'd really be interested to hear your thoughts and input
on such an interesting topic. And uh, I can't wait
for your best news?

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
Is he asking? It felt like miss Eggie, Eggie, if
you're nasty. But I also like how he said as
a man in his upper thirties as opposed to late thirties,
late thing seems like old late thirties seems like you're
running behind, but upper thirties and upper class, upper class

(01:04:25):
saying I'm gonna steal that upper thirties.

Speaker 2 (01:04:27):
Yeah, in my upper I think he's asking you out.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
Okay, so let's just gonna send pictures. Well I can't
go out. I can't go out, no shade. But because
also we took up, it was a turn. As I've
been following your career, I'm like, God, bless, that's amazing.
He's a fan. And then it was ship. He just
got to have relationship and he's looking not for me.
He's not looking for me. But Padma, what would you
tell this young man how to put himself out there?

(01:04:57):
What was that? What was that?

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Because if I knew, I would not be single. It's
the truth. I mean, I hate apps, they are out there.
But I think you need to know what your interests are,
and you know, write those down and then look for women.
Like if you love birdwatching, make a bird like join
a birdwatching club. I don't know, just don't walk around

(01:05:22):
some apartment. But like, if you you know, love cooking,
to join a cooking class or a cookbook club. You know,
someone in my office they go salsa dancing because they
really love it, and so they have their whole like
little community there. And I think anything you can do
in real life is really important because it's hard to

(01:05:45):
meet people. You know, before there were bars you would
go to with your friends and people would see if
there was a vibe, and then you would feel it.
You would have a drink, maybe you would dance, or
you would just talk to them for an hour and
you would know enough. Now you have to make a
date before you even know if this guy smells.

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
I know their breath smells. What's going on, you know?
And the people lie on the apps. The pictures are
old pictures. You arrive and go. You kind of look
like derivative of the picture I saw on the dating app.
I don't enjoy the dating apps either. I don't I
would not prescribe them to this individual. I similar to you,

(01:06:21):
am like, go live your life, know what your interests are,
engage in those interests, try to become the best version
of yourself. Try to live a full, rich life if
you will, and then trust that the person is coming,
because yeah, on the dating apps, I'm like, people are
on here, I think because you know, you don't want
to face rejection in real life. They got too scared

(01:06:42):
of getting rejected at the bar or a restaurant.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
But I would rather be rejected at the bar after
a drink than have to get dressed up and go
somewhere and meet them and then be rejected.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Immediately be like this isn't it? And then after have
you ever sat on a date longer than you should?

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
Like just oh hell yes, But now there have been
dates that you know. I was on Riot for a while,
which was really dumb, and I went on three days
and they were all nice men. So if you're listening
to this and you went on a date with me
last year, they were all nice men.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
You know, I Loki in insult, but like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
There was just no chemistry, and I was bored and
I knew. I ordered one glass of prosecco and before
that glass was half empty. And I do say half empty,
not half full.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Yeah, you know, he was.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
Three quarters of the way done, and she came, she goes,
would you like another drink? And he goes yeah, and
he goes and she said, okay, I refresh your drink
to I said, no, I gotta go oh because I
don't want to waste some time.

Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
So then so then they know right down. Did you
get a text afterwards by chance being like I enjoyed
my time with you? Or did they? Did they know?

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
No, I don't give them my phone number until like
after the first day.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Had people ask prematurely on the dating apps, because I
used to have people asking prematurely and I just.

Speaker 2 (01:07:54):
Say, I'm sorry, I'm I'm a known person and I've
only had one cell phone my whole life, and I
would like to keep it that it has something to
do with you. It's not personal. You know, I can
give you my email. I checked that just as often.
It's on my phone too if they have a problem
with it. But you know what, there was one guy
that I would eat. We would eat that happened. He

(01:08:14):
was offended for a little bit. He was an Italian.
He is an Italian, yeah, hopefully living in Tokyo. And
we had an email correspondence for four months and it
was so beautiful because we would write these long, old
fashioned letters. It was like I was living in the
eighteen hundreds. And then like he would respond a week later.

(01:08:37):
So I would Sometimes I'd be in the middle of
my day because also he lived in Tokyo, and I'd
be coming back, you know, seeing my phone after the gym,
and I'd see I had an email, and I would
purposely not open it because I wanted to savor it,
wait till the whole day was over. Then I would
lie on the couch with my dog and light a
fire and make a cup of tea, and then I

(01:08:58):
would open my computer. I like to read it on
my computer and not even on my phone. I would
just read it and he would tell me about the
week and how he went to the mountains and blah,
blah blah, and I did the same thing, and we
never facetimed. I don't know why. We never even left
each other audio messages.

Speaker 1 (01:09:15):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
And then finally he said, you know, let's just meet
somewhere neutral, like let me know when your next trip
is and I'll meet you there. And if you could
just put like an extra day and your schedule or something,
let's do that. And then I said, hey, I got
a car commercial in Tokyo, Okay. And I went to
Tokyo and we even in spite of having to shoot
all day every day I was there, I was there

(01:09:37):
for like five days. I saw him four out of
the five days I was there at night, and he
gave me a beautiful tour of Tokyo and it was
really nice and we already had old people energy together. Yeah,
but like nothing happened because I mean we held hands
a little bit, but it's like it's not worth it,
Like I'm still going to live in New York. You're
still living in Tokyo.

Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
Yeah, and he couldn't move, Huh.

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
I don't think you move based on four days, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
The way the movie I was writing, and yes, I know,
I'm like the way that movie goes is say he
does move, and it is I know, because you enjoyed
your time. I'm such a reliant though.

Speaker 2 (01:10:16):
It's very romantic. And once a year he texts me
and says, Hi, it's my yearly check in. How are
you doing? And I say I'm doing great. How are
you doing? And he was very elegant and went to
his apartment and I saw it. You know, I think
he was too scared to like really make a move
me because he wanted to be respectful, and I was
too lazy to really make a movie.

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
So we were really just tired. So we're really pen pals.
So people complain about being pen pals, but like I
actually pen pals. And then did meet up, but it
was like, let's keep it relatively platonic. I guess we'll
hold him.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Yeah, yeah, because I'm not a one night standard. It's
just not I need to feel really comfortable with you
in order to let you in that intimately.

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
Yeah, it literally is yes, yeah, I understand.

Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
I'm very shy and I don't feel comfortable right away,
so I can just be like yeah, OK. So then
in my mind I was trying to make that calculation.
I was like, you know you're gonna leave and like
then you'll just have done this thing with this guy.

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
Yes, I don't know why.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
For whatever reason, it just I guess there was not
enough like a passion. Yeah, but there was genuinely like
a real fondness and coziness between us. So like, if
you moved to New York for some independent reason, we
would probably be at least friends and maybe, you know,

(01:11:40):
maybe we would go out and I feel like we
would just turn into an old couple in two months,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:45):
Like that was so maybe this is someone for down
the road. Yes, maybe like down the road and you're like, yeah,
I'm retired.

Speaker 2 (01:11:51):
I didn't get the like I didn't get the butterflies.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Oh yeah, I think I think you need the butterflies.
Some people would not agree with that, but I'm like,
give me the butterflies, give me a spark. I need
to feel for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
Yeah, I loved the early stages of a romance.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
Isn't having a crush the best thing? It's the best
My favorite that can that's like been my favorite thing
historically is just having a crush. I'm like a crush.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
What's the longest relationship you've ever had eighteen months. Wow,
year and a half. A year and a half, and
that was.

Speaker 1 (01:12:22):
Longer than I needed to be.

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
Oh yeah, yeah, what's your longest Well, I was with
my ex husband for eight years, okay, and that was
my longest relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12:34):
Otherwise I was with another boyfriend for six years. I
was with another person who passed away for four years.
You know, with Christian's father, it was very complicated and
you know, we've we were never living together, but there
were periods when we were together. But I mean, that

(01:12:56):
guy isn't going anywhere because he's my baby. Daddy's for him.
Ok I mean, he's a good dad, so that's fine.
You know, we're really close and we're good friends and stuff.
So in a way, it doesn't really matter who you marry.
It matters who you re you know, reproduce.

Speaker 1 (01:13:13):
With, right right. Also, I just loved you got a
couple of these like men on the hook for a
long term. We've got our pen pound in Tokyo. Christiana's dad,
come on roster about Thank you so much for being
on the podcast. I learned a lot today, so I
really appreciate you. Get Padma's book.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Yeah, yes, one thing I want to say about advice
to that guy. Yes, you should put the feelers out.
You should tell all of your friends and colleagues if
they know anybody that would be someone they think you'd
click with. That's a good way I find a great friend.

Speaker 1 (01:13:51):
I do agree that's worked out for some of my friends,
so I'm not mad at that. That's a great piece
of advice. Also, okay, you heard it. You know what
to do now? Yeah, I bet this person ends up
in a loving relationship and no time. I think we
gave all the tools we possibly could.

Speaker 2 (01:14:05):
I hope it just doesn't show up at iHeartRadio.

Speaker 1 (01:14:08):
There's security on side, right, there's security, right. Okay, my god,
Oh my gosh. How amazing is Padma? I really I
enjoyed my conversation with her so much, and so much
of that I could relate to, and hopefully you could too. Sleepovers.

(01:14:32):
I didn't get to tell her that I don't like
sleepovers as an adult. So the irony is like as
a kid being like, mom, let me sleep over, And
now I'm like, I need to wake up in my
own bed. I don't care how late it is that
I'm leaving your home. I need to wake up in
my own bed, because if I don't wake up in
my own bed and I'm not at a hotel, we're
not talking vacation. If I don't wake up in my
own bed, my whole day is messed up. Just having

(01:14:55):
to reset in my own space and get to my
own space and reset. So I I'm not gonna be
this aggressive. Tempted to say abolish sleepovers as well, but
I'm not gonna do that. That's I'm not there yet.
I'm not there just yet. Anyway. Padma's book, Padma's All American,
a cookbook. I think you guys need to get it.
I'm very excited. I've been told to try the suya

(01:15:18):
recipe in here, and so I'm so excited. And guys,
make something and tell me what you make from it.
Maybe we could do a podcast listener cook together zoom.
I don't know, I'm making that up. I'm making that up,
but it could happen. Anyway, I get this book. Padma's
an amazing chef. I've had her food. It's really good

(01:15:38):
and I cannot wait to get into this book. Hey,
if you want some advice from me and my next guess,
you can call me and leave a voice message. In fact,
I encourage you to do so and enunciate for me, daddy.
Thanks Dad. No, okay, the number is five O two
eight four nine three two three seven five O two

(01:15:59):
eight four nine three two three seven. That's five O
two thanks t chex Dad's and you can leave me
a voice message asking me for advice. I don't know
what I'm doing on this planet, but honey, I will
try my best to offer you a nugget of something. Hi.
Thanks Dad. Is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Aego wodem Our

(01:16:22):
producer is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer is Matt
Appadaka

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