Ron Funches

This week on Thanks Dad, Ego sat down with actor, comedian, and proud dad, Ron Funches! To start, Ego reveals just how filthy her purse is, Ron expresses gratitude for the lessons his mother is still teaching him today. He also reveals how his own father’s missteps have informed how he raises his own sons. Later, Ron shares the wild reason he fired his last assistant and sets the record straight on the Kendrick vs. Drake beef!

Want some advice from Ego and her guest? Leave a message at [phone] (THX-DADS)!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
All right, guys, wowie zouie. I say things like that,
by the way, I say things like wowie zowie and
totally Magodali and gosh, what's the other one? I say
totally magodally wowie zowie and I can't remember, but like
refuse to say the word awesome because I'm like, that's Corney,

(00:29):
but I say these other things. I don't know what
my criteria is for corney. I don't know who makes
the rules, apparently me, but somehow they're messed up. Anyway, guys,
I'm thinking about how we can make this world a
better place. I've been doing a lot of thinking about it.
And that's what this podcast is about. It's about gratitude,
it's about manners, it's about making the world lovely again.

(00:53):
And I have been thinking about specifically batically in my
throat again, you'll hear that I have allergies. Honestly, for
my listeners, I want you to get into it. I
have allergies. Where all my allergy girlies and boys and
days at huh, where's everybody at allergies? Why we're going
to pretend we're recording podcasts and we don't have allergies?

(01:15):
We have allergies. I have them. I will stand and
be the face of the allergy afflicted community. That's not
what I want to say to you. I've just gone
on a tangent. Why would anyone ever give me a microphone?
It's crazy, but they did, and I got something to say.
So emails. What a beautiful gift from the almighty that

(01:37):
we each have an email address, some of us, many
myself included. I'd say I have six burners. I have
real ones. I have burners, and I'm giving some of you.
Oh I shouldn't say this, Mama say it. I'm giving
some of you my burner email because I don't trust
that you'll have the proper decorum. And I'm going to
talk to you guys about what that proper decorum is.

(01:59):
When someone gives you their email address, I really think
it is violent to throw them on. They give you
their email address for one thing, a one off. You go,
let me get your email for this. I'll shoot you
an email, no problem. Someone gives you their email and
they for one thing, You're gonna shoot him an email,
find no problem. The violence begins when you then put

(02:22):
them on a mailing list. Okay, and there's tears to
this violence. There's like the Mailchimp violence, and that is
putting them on a newsletter via Mailchimp, putting them on
this address book on Mailchimp, and and now they're getting
a newsletter every week every month that they didn't sign

(02:43):
up for. You're now giving them the task of clicking
unsubscribe at the bottom of the email. And then and
then they ask you, why do you want to unsubscribe?
And every time I am going to click because I
did not sign up for this. And this person has
to go to jail. That's not that it actually says,
but it should say that throw them in the jail.
But the people who really need to go to jail

(03:05):
the people who then put you on a mailing list
where it's not a mail chip, they've created their own.
You're on a BCC, ah, I'm in hell. I'm in Hell.
I'm on a BCC, I'm on a newsletter. I'm on
a group email. It keeps coming to me every month,
and I now have the task of emailing this person
I may or may not even know well and saying Hi,

(03:27):
I'd love to be removed from this list that I
never asked to be a part of you've abused, abused,
you've abused having my email address, even if it is
the burner, it's it's violent and I have to email
them and say, hey, hope you're well. Also don't know
you that well, but can you take me off of
your mailing list that I didn't sign up for where

(03:47):
you're like giving me updates on whatever you have going on?
Now you know I gave you this email address for
one thing and here you are using it for another.
I'm gonna go ahead and say not cool. Not cool. Guys.
So if someone gives you their email address, and I
know it's someone's gonna go easy for you to say, listen,
I'm not putting. I'm not just throwing people willing Nelly
on mailing lists. I don't think I've ever been like,

(04:10):
here's my new not I don't think I know I
haven't gone here's my newsletter you did not sign up for,
and now you're part of it and you're BCC and
you're gonna have to email me as an individual, which
I know you don't want to do, to say get
up the list, take me off the list. No one
wants to do that. That is such an awkward exchange.
And so guys, if someone gives you the email address,

(04:32):
use it for the thing. And if you want to
add them to a mailing list, ask if they'd like
to be included. The onus should be on you to
do the work to then form the list accordingly, not
to make people go. I have to email them awkwardly
and be like, can you take me off? Please help
your well help, everything's good, happy holidays, you know, let's
be uh, let's operate with some decorum when it comes

(04:54):
to email addresses. Okay, And that, my friends, is my
official platform because I will not be running for office,
as I've mentioned many times here, but maybe by the
time we do enough episodes of the podcast, I'll have
a real platform to stand on and I could run
for office. Apparently there are no rules that any wore
whatever TBD. Will I be president? Will I not? We

(05:15):
don't see, which is something I like to say all
the time about everything in life. We don't see because
it's true, and that's a Drake thing, and that is
someone I talk about with Ron Funches. Actually I'm not
gonna tell you where in the episode we talk about Drake,
but it's in there, and it's a good conversation. Ron
is wise, he's got a lot of heart, and my god,

(05:36):
he is funny. So you're gonna want to listen to
this combo and this Commo's actually gonna stick with me,
namely because of the stuff he said about Drake, which
I won't be telling you where in the episode it is.
And there's no way you can rub the scrubber, pull
the scrubber deeper in the episode trying to find it.
That'd be too much work. Just listen. Do yourself a solid,
do me a solid, actually actually British now, oh my gosh,

(06:00):
and get the episode going. I might fuck up this intro.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Let's see what happens if I do fuck it up.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Will you call me out in the middle, and then
I want us to keep it?

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah, okay, that's what you do. I scare you a
little bit.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
No, you don't scare me. I just getting to know you.
I just because I've only seen you from Afar, so
I've never been around your energy in person and would
still kind of think that'sn't it.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
What do you think of it? So far?

Speaker 2 (06:26):
I like it. You seem intelligent, you seem a little
bit sometimes like scattery, but in a way that I
haven't found. There's the camera negative in any fashion, you
seem funny and intelligence.

Speaker 1 (06:39):
Okay, thank you. You see how you did that criticism sandwich?
It was positive. It'slight criticism positive. That's the way.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
I didn't want to lie.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
You're like, I am clocking some scattered.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Enter when you have a bag that you keep stupid,
I do.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's a I have a well not I have to
tell the people, tell the people. I have to confess
to the people. I have a Chloe bag and that
is a fancy bag. It's quite expensive.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
It's just the retail.

Speaker 1 (07:07):
The retail. I'm gonna go ahead and say, is that trashy?

Speaker 2 (07:11):
I mean I asked that was a trashy question.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
But I like it. No, I'm I'm in the market,
okay for a handbags. We want to ask you what
you had on you. You don't even have your wallet.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
I mean I have my wallet, but you might get
a handbag.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
I buy a handbag, okay, so maybe like twelve hundred
twelve hundred bones and then so it's a nice, nice bag,
beautiful purse. I carried everywhere. But I do do disgusting
things such as and not limited to putting meals in
the purse not properly sealed, and I don't know. I

(07:45):
think they're properly sealed, and then I discover later, Oh,
they're soup dripping in my handbag. The sauce from this
this chicken dish is just straight in.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
That nothing raw.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Raw in my purse. I took it to a cleaner
because I was like, I guess I got to throw
this away. But I was like, I'm not throwing away
this expensive handbag. I love this bag. It is it's
everything to me. So I was like, I should take
it to a cleaner, because that's what people do when
people have nice things. They get it like clean, they
don't replace. So I took it and they're like, we
don't think we could do anything with what's happening in

(08:23):
this bag. They were like, you can pay us to try,
but we're not making any promises. There's a lot that
it's a lot, and there's no order in my purse.
So when you say scattered, it's like you read me,
because you were not wrong not to be defensive. When
I reach, I go in the bag and I feel
for my belongings because there's no order in that. But

(08:45):
everything I need though, and then some is in that bag.
I just want to say, but this isn't about me, No, no, no.
What if I brought you here for me to just
talk at you about what's going with my purse?

Speaker 2 (09:00):
That'd be like most podcasts.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Oh snap, Whoever's Who's ever, Whoever's had Ron as a
guest on their podcast, He's coming for you. He's coming
for Ron is holding no punches today. I won't do
the thing I make your name rhyme thank you, but
I will give people context for the thing I'm referring
to by saying that. Okay, anyway, my next guest with

(09:23):
whom I've been speaking, I'm so bad at intros. They
have to fire me because I do this every time
I start the episode and I'm like, shit, I should
introduce you my next guest. Okay, my next guest needs
no introduction, so we're gonna keep the conversation going. I'm kidding,

(09:45):
I'm not saying Letterman. My next guest is an actor
and comedian. He is on season three of loot Right,
and you are on Celebrity Traders, which is premiering in January.
We're on funch. Is everybody hi clapping? Studio. Let's get
some audio from this. Yes, that is three enthusiastic people

(10:07):
right there.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Like you're like a like a middle aged boy band.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
I know that really could be. Maybe we could get
your pictures in. Maybe I should take a picture of
I want to give the people a picture of what
Ron is referring to. I'll take it. Yep, you already
gotten to your attitude. I'm going to get really close.
I'm zooming, baby, hold on, I'm zooming. This is hold on,

(10:33):
they got it. My lens is so fucking ashy. I
hate you did look like that was quick of you.
That is exactly what they look like. Hello, Oh my goodness,
it is a delight to be talking to you. I'm

(10:54):
so happy to have you here today, and I will
not be talking at you like other podcasts. I am
committed on doing things differently around here.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
I'm sorry for your previous experiences.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Thank you. It's okay.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
We're healing. Yeah, as a community, the podcast community. Right, Okay,
what are you thankful for? What do you want to say?
Thanks to? Who are what?

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Can I have more than one? Or does it have
to be one?

Speaker 1 (11:19):
You can go crazy? Honestly, I've been talking at you
so much. I would love for you to do more
than one.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Sure, I appreciate the question because I've been very thankful lately.
I'm thankful for the group of friends that I have
around that I work with and do shows with. I'm
always grateful for them. But the other day I threw
my back out. The day before we had this show
that I do. It's kind of a bit of a
variety show, so there's a bit of like there's a

(11:45):
lot of memorization. We rehearsed quite a bit for it. Yeah,
and so I was like concerned that my back going out,
Like I couldn't even really walk around until a few
hours before the show. But like nobody freaked out. Everybody
was just like, we'll handle the rehearsals on our own.
You just get ready for the show. And we just

(12:05):
were just going to now it. It was gonna be
fun and we had such a great time and it
was so nice. In a business that I'm in that
often feels like everything's on my shoulders, I often feel
like everything's on my shoulder. Two kids, id my you
know son at an early age. I have a lot
of things. I have multiple employees, so I always feel
like a carry a lot, and it was like a

(12:26):
moment where I really realized that other people have my
back and really want me to succeed and want the
best for me, and like don't. It was just nice
to be like, oh, I don't have to carry everything
on my own. So I'm really thankful for the group
of people I have around me. Thankful for the time
that I have with my mom now that she's getting

(12:47):
older and I'm an adult, where I feel like I'm
learning more from her now as an adult than I
did as even when I was a kid, you know,
just just through her life lessons and through things that
he's been through. I know a lot of people my
age can't talk with their parents and so they have

(13:07):
type of relationship that I have with my mom. I'm
very thankful for Thankful for my boys, Thankful for my job,
Thankful for the time that we live in right now
where things get more clear, which is good for me.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
You know, some people would not say thankful for this
time I have to say, so tell me more.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
I just think sometimes when you don't have things to
stand up for or things that you really feel, I mean,
I hate when people speak in general, so I'll just
be specific.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Please.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
When you have something like the ice rays that are
going on, and you really get to see who is
willing to like be like this is wrong or like
I don't believe in this, or other people who either
are proudly be like yeah, I love it, or just
stay silent, and it really indicates and lets me know,
like who is falling on the same path that I'm

(14:01):
trying to go on. Who is who I should spend
more time with and more of my energy in. Because
I'm a very loyal and very giving person. So and
especially within our comedy community, Like if anybody like it
doesn't like money, or if it sounds funny, or you
just were like, hey, because use your help in this,
I'm always like, yeah, I love to. But these past

(14:23):
few years have taught me to value my time, my energy,
to be more selective to who I give my energy
and my time with. And if you're not really trying
to do what I'm doing, or you're not like you
don't believe the things I believe, or you don't have
the moral fiber that I think you need to have,
I just don't want to work with you or be

(14:45):
around you.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
I love how clear you are about what works for
you at this phase in your life. That's really great.
Thank you, and also to I'm going to clear my
throat allergy. You b That is such a beautiful long

(15:06):
list because normally it is like one thing. But to
hear how clear you are about what works for you
what doesn't, how lovely your life is, how surrounded you
are by lovely people, partially by birth and then also
by design, and your own curation of your circle seems
particularly special now when you say what's going on right

(15:29):
now concerning the ice raids and such, and you see
people not saying things or saying things or loving it
or being excited about it, and that being informative for
you about who you want to be around, and which
of those people you should be, which of those you'd
rather not be around. How do you feel about people
not feeling comfortable or confident saying anything because they might

(15:52):
think my Instagram story or my post isn't really going
to change anything. What do you what do you feel
about that?

Speaker 2 (15:59):
I'm under standing and empathetic to that. I understand the
type of either apathy or just feeling small and the
time where things feel so big. There's some people you know,
when you look at it, you go like, if you
are in opposition of what's going on, You're like, well,
they have the government, they have media, they have all this.

(16:19):
I'm all one. I'm just one person. But I would
say to fight that that, like, there is a reason
why we're constantly kind of deluged with like chaos and
things that kind of keep us disorganizers, because we are powerful.
There's a reason why they got they when they time
to take over, they went through the podcast bros. And

(16:40):
through comedy because art is powerful. And so I would
say that, don't what's the point if you're going to
lose lose swinging, is what I would say, So why
why not? I would rather I mean, I post things
all the time where and I've been just trying to
get better at my business and be like, oh, okay,
I want to get a million followers. That would be cool,

(17:02):
da da du. But then nothing stops me from posting
things that end up I lose like twenty thousand followers
in a day, you know. But I don't go like, oh, no,
I shouldn't post that. Yeah, I go, oh, those people
wouldn't have come to a show anyway, Yeah, because they
would have figured out me at some point, at some
point like, oh, this is what that man stands for.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yeah, I don't want to like him. Yeh.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yeah, So i'd rather you, I'd rather we.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
All know no now and no early exactly get out
of here exactly. I get that. And you're you said,
you're you have a great relationship with your mom now
and you're getting able to speak to her in a
way that you see some of your friends are not
able to, presumably because maybe some of their parents are
not around still. And also I know that it's hard
for some people and certainly my generation, to talk to

(17:47):
their parents pretty openly. And so it's very cool that
you have that relationship. You're still learning from her now
even more than you did when you were younger. What
are some of the things you feel like you've learned
from her now that we're not clear to you were younger.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Oh man, that's a great question. Okay, I should probably
say the importance of longevity and survival and just like mhm,
staying authentic to yourself. There's things that like I went
to a very montrealist sometimes I say where it's wrong.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
You did a great job, honestly, if you would have
said it with your whole chest.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Then you would have been like, damn, that's how you
say that. That's how you say that.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
I've been saying around, I've been saying it's okay, it's volatility.
I'm looking around, what is going on? What is going

(18:53):
on in there? Because next time, with your whole chest
in ballet, strong and wrong, you could be in the
wrong ass move everyone else doing the right one. But
if you do that with your whole chest, you're a ballet.
Ten years I was a ballerina. But I'm not mister Copeland.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
Who is that? You're a boy band, So I remember,
I'll tell you. But I just had a terrible divorce.
I fixed a word and found a way, and I
was just very distraught about it and lost a bunch
of money and lost friends and lost bunch of things.

(19:31):
And then my mom just has a great way of
just wrapping things up in a bow. And so I
think I was real depressed, hadn't gone out of bed
in a while, and my mom was just asking me questions.
She goes like, well, how long were you married? I
was like two years and she's like, well, how long
did you guys? How long did you say, you know,
are in total and I was like probably like four

(19:51):
or four and a half years, and she she just
looks at me and she goes, I have breast cancer
longer than that.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
I need to meet mom. Oh my goodness. That is perspective, though,
But I think when you're in something that feels so
tragic and like gut wrenching for you, it can be
so hard to have that bigger perspective even like what
I what I like about what she said, wasn't that
like I had it worse than you. It was I

(20:19):
had this awful thing happening for longer than that. And
here I am, in a sense exactly, this is a fraction.
I had a friend when I was really going through
a thing be like this is a blip. And the
way that was so liberating to me in that moment,
I'm like, that resonates with me that she would say
I had breast cancer longer than that four years total,
longer than that, and I'm all good presumably right, yeah, yeah,

(20:42):
what a wise, wise woman.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah. It was exactly that of just being like thinking
about all how scary that time period was for all
of us and especially her, and then to remember how
much fun and how many great experiences we've had since then.
It was just a clear thing like, oh, yeah, she's right,
I'll get over it and I'll have a long life

(21:05):
after this.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
A lot of stuff like that, Like my mom is
one of my friends have an issue, if they have
any type, Like my friend's dog passed away and he
literally came to my house and just was like, will
you call your mom for me so I can talk
to her.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
Oh oh, community mom, Yeah that is amazing.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
And she talked to him.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Oh yeah, she talked them through it. Because because that's
the thing is that my mom's been through a lot
of different situations. She's you know, she's worked in a prison,
she's been a social worker, she's been an abusive relationship,
she's been in like every she can't press cancer. She's
been through so many things. And that's one of the

(21:48):
biggest lessons that she's taught me, the value of strength
and experience in that of not being like, oh, I'm
a victim. I've been through these many things. It's like
I've survived all these things and my life is still great.
And now my son does TV shows and my daughter's
a doctor.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Oh incredible. Go mom, did you guys have a relationship
with your dad?

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, I mean it's it is not, as as you
can hear from my voice changing because I was.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
About to say something. I was gonna say somebody I said,
let me let him cook. I was going to say, we.

Speaker 3 (22:19):
Got a hold, the pitch twitch, the whole demeanor. Yeah,
you kind of not the same relationship.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
I started darting. I'm like, we were here and then
you were here. You're like yeah, no, no, no, yeah, okay,
So it's different, and that's okay. BEA's like that sometimes.
And in fact, I would say the premise of this
podcast is that it be like that. Most of the time.
It's different. And so it was different. What was it like,
if you care to share.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
I mean, the best way I could put it is
that he wasn't there for most of the time that
I needed him. He was there for me in a
time where I needed him the most, okay, And so
there's always an appreciation and of value in that. I
would say that he hasn't met my three year old son,

(23:07):
and then the last time I saw him for his birthday,
he just mostly asked me what type of car I drive?

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yeah, okay, I get that. That is it sounds like
a limited tool set ye for a connection. Yeah, but
do you recognize the like the car question as a
bid for connection or how do you receive that?

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Mostly just check in on how I'm doing in life?
What type of car would I be driving?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
That? Okay? Like press him like how you're doing? Like
are you are you making money? Type of okay? And
did you tell him what kind of car? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:43):
You were like okay, yeah, but I mean but I
can't even because he wants another year and all that,
and I'm like, don't.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
I don't know how long was the phone call?

Speaker 2 (23:51):
I mean, I went to I went to his birthday party.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Okay, that's nice.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
It was nice.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Did you speak?

Speaker 2 (23:56):
I did speak, and I saw some friends and I
saw a family. We mostly it was a big group,
which is great. Thank god.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Other people spoke as well.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Right, and then again more perspective of just seeing all
the different types of lives in my family and people doing,
you know, a lot of things to celebrate, where people
were just like I have a half brother and his
main thing was he's just like, man, I'm clean and
sober and I've been out of jail for a couple
of years now, and that's my main focus.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
And that's the bar for him. It's different. Yeah, life looks.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Like but and I'm like, that's beautiful. Yeah, that's amazing.
I'm proud of you. And if you and I don't
want to get into it, but like his background, if
you knew his background, you'd be like, oh, hell, yeah,
I'm proud of you because you could just be like,
my life's been terrible and I'm just going to stay
on drugs.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yes. Well, the will to keep going in general, regardless
of what your situation is, I think is such a
sign of resilience that we all have within us. Some
of us are left able to harness it than others.
But when someone is able to harness that will to
like keep going and keep living and keep trying, I
think is a remarkable thing that we don't celebrate enough. Frankly,
there's lots of reasons to stop going. Yeah, right, there's many, many,

(25:14):
many reasons. Right. You said that your dad, though, was
not around for most of the time, but when you
needed him most, he was there, which sounds remarkably unique
in that a lot of people, myself included, would be
like my dad wasn't there most of the time. My
dad wasn't there when I would have needed him most.
Like our first real conversation was when I was eighteen

(25:35):
in la in college. Like I had made it essentially,
Mom did all the hard stuff. What was that moment
that you needed him most that he was able to
show up for? Even broadly speaking.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
Yeah, it was just that my mom had found herself
in an abusive relationship for many years and it was
affecting our family, and like many people, she was having
a hard time just getting out of that cycle. And
it was easier for we had got in contact with
my dad, who had moved into Oregon, and it was
just an easier situation for us to leave and go

(26:07):
to there as opposed to her getting rid of him.
So my dad, you know, besides us not I haven't
seen him for like eight nine years, took me and
my sister and we lived with him in Oregon with
his with his lady, who also was terrible. Okay, okay,

(26:34):
but again, but I don't think if I hadn't left Chicago,
I would have never like, I wouldn't have discovered my
individuality and who I am. It taught me so much,
just like the cultural differences from being from the South
side of Chicago and then move into this lily white
town in Salem, Oregon. It really just taught me to
see people as individuals. And you know, my mom was

(26:58):
just very much about being a student and being focused
on things. And I was very silly and had an
interesting comedy from a very young age. And I don't
think without the buffer of being away from my mom,
I don't think I would have been a comedian.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh wow, So, like a really crucial time in your life.
How many years were you in Salem.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
I was in Salem from when I was twelve until
twenty two. Well, I mean I bounced around a bit
in Oreo, but yeah, twenty two, twenty three.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Woll okay, so it was a cool ten years. Yeah, amazing.
And so you had your son then when you were
in Oregon. You're your eldest, so you have two sons.
Is it what values are you trying to instill in
both of these?

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Oh? Thank you? Mostly right now? Empathy. I think it's
important because I don't think that's being culturally mirrored a lot.
We're being taught recently to just think for yourself and
look out for yourself only, and so I try to
really instilling my sons to be kind to other people,
to not be a pushover, not be like, you know,

(28:05):
a sucker, but that we are ady collective and so
that you have to look at the world like that.
It's different for both of my sons. My oldest is
on the autism spectrum and he kind of grew up
he's so mostly poor, and then his last ten years
have been different, whereas my youngest came in smiling because

(28:35):
he knows we're rich. Yah, I said, I go, he
knows the life he has.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
I'm not crying. He's like, no, Doc, I'm alive, I'm breathing.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
I'm rich. But you can see it in him already.
He's more demanding, he's more Uh, it's just spoiled. He's
more spoiled. And so I am really focusing on him
of just trying to discipline, empathy, hard work, and mostly
just track a connectivity with family because the game with
my oldest having autism, one of my grand schemes is

(29:06):
to hopefully be like, hey, guys, I gotta die. Could
you look after.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
I see? So you're like you're going to be the youngest,
You're like you're going to be the bridge with the
rest of the family, and so okay.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
Hopefully, but I mean people, individuals. I'm trying to prepare
my oldest to be able to live on his own,
but like, if they could look out for each other,
it would really give me a love piece.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah right. I have a few friends whose children are
on the spectrum, and I really do wonder what that experience.
And I know I, at this point in my life
don't know because I haven't had that experience. But I
imagine when you speak to the peace and the desire
for peace, especially with how your son's taken care of
when you're not here, what is it that exactly concerns you?

Speaker 2 (29:55):
Just that he is large. He's like six foot tall,
six foot two, big guy. He is friendly and happy,
but he's also a black kid, and he can be
He doesn't listen to directions as quickly as most, so
I worry about his interactions with police. I worry about

(30:17):
his inter I mean, I just took him to a
party the other day because I was like, oh, he's
twenty two. He can go to a party with me
and tell him to a Halloween party, and it's just
watching him interact with people and knowing I can't step
in and go, oh, he has autism, Like I have
to watch them kind of come up talk to him
and then see their interactions, and then what's beautiful is

(30:40):
usually it just plays out like they just end up
just still chit chatting for a while. It's never becomes
an issue. But yeah, a couple of times it has,
really and I worry about those things when I'm not
there to diffuse it when they're not when someone doesn't
get him and then they're like aggressive about it.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Oh yeah, and you've stepped in in the past. Yeah,
it had to be like, Okay, this is what's going on. Yeah,
have you tried. I don't know how this works. Do
you give him the tools to try to make that
clear in those moments? I don't know how that would even.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
That's the point, you know. I never have I never
been like, hey, maybe you should be like, hey, I'm Malcolm,
I have autism.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
I love it. He's like, this is who I am. Yes,
but I can only imagine as a parent. That's the
thing with my friends too, where I go. I know
one of them was like, I just worry. Their son
is twenty and they're like, I hope I'm around for
a long time because he's gonna sweetest pie their son,
but like he's gonna have to live with me, I
feel like, and I wonder if he'll ever have a
girlfriend or a boyfriend and what that will be like

(31:41):
is that those concerns.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Too absolutely and everything goes as time. You know, he
shows his interest in things at his own pace. He did.
We went to the Strip Club for his twenty first birthday.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Oh it's magic City, only been once. The wings are
good though, need to go for a meal?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
Uh, And so I do. And I asked him when
we talk about it. And he's part of this foundation
that called the ed Asner Foundation that does a great
job as far as like social skills and work placement,
and they do like date nights and things like that.
So I just try to listen to him and let
him lead on all that type of stuff. And yeah,
I think one of the reasons why I ended up

(32:24):
and the marriage I ended up, is that I was
looking for that. I was like, I need someone to
help me, Like I can't do this on my own,
and I need someone else to help me watch my son.
And so even when I wasn't like when I could
see like, oh this isn't exactly right. Yeah, I'd be like, well.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
She's here and she and she's willing right, And I
don't know if anyone else will be willing.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
I don't know. I need to try too much. I'm
too much.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
I hate that. I feel like we've all felt that
at times.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
Yeah, and now it's been the exact like now that,
like she says it, the home and been out of
that situation, like my son's the best roommate I could
ever hope for, Like you cleans the house, like I was,
like he was gone for a week and I was like,
oh my god, the house is so dirty. Whatever, Yeah,
get him back.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
As a matter of fact, I need him because then
he needs me. Yes, that's amazing.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
I don't know how to use the dishwasher.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
Oh wait, by the way, I didn't know how to
use the dishwasher for a very long time. And I
feel like at least a lot of Nigerian's I know,
we had a dishwasher in my house when we moved
out of that house and sold that house we lived
in from we moved in when I was in second grade.
My mom sold that house when I was twenty four.
The tag of the dishwasher was still inside the dishwasher.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
I did not.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
We were not like and I know my brother's married
now and his wife. I feel like had to make
him like we use dishwasher around here. We were hand
washing everything. Dishwasher was like decor in our house, like
we can afford one. You better not use that shit.
You have soap, you have sponge, you know what to do.
I didn't know how to I didn't and I had
to watch a YouTube video. This is like my first

(34:03):
season on SNL in my apartment because I had a dishwasher.
I watched a YouTube like how do you load this motherfucker?
I don't know? And then I was like down a
rabbit hole, like everyone has their different ways, couples fight
about it, and I was like, well, it's just me
in here, so I get to load this thing I want.
But I am trying to learn from an expert on
YouTube how to learn load a dishwasher. So wait, you

(34:25):
didn't know. You didn't know either, my kids, No, I
knew how.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
To load a general dishwasher.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Dumb ass.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
No, I loved it. I wouldn't play the dumb ass.
It was more of a story about hard work and
intentionality that they wanted you to hand wash everything. I
feel like that's actually a great lesson. Uh More, it's
more that we moved into my new house, and since
I've been in a new house, I've never used a
dishwasher because my son washes the dishes every day.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
Okay. So you're like, I don't know how that machine works, okay,
because I haven't touched it. Shout out to him for
doing that. I'm obsessed. That's like, and I'm like, I
need to get a son. That's what I never I
need a son immediately. So you said that being with

(35:12):
your ex, it's like this person is here, they're willing,
I'm too much. I come with a lot of baggage.
You obviously a divorced What did you learn from that
relationship ultimately, and how it came to be what you
were in need of, what you realize maybe you don't
need from another person. What did you How would you
articulate what you've learned?

Speaker 2 (35:32):
Oh, I mean, it'd be difficult because it's so long,
But it was the worst thing I've been through in
my life that turned out to be like the biggest
blessing for me, and just the fact that it really
reinstilled who I am. I had to kind of just
refine what was important to me, what I do for fun.

(35:53):
I think that in that relationship I bent a lot
of what I enjoyed and what I did was not
necessarily shared. And so slowly I'd be like, Okay, well,
she just doesn't like that, so that's fine. I do
that on my own. But when we're spending more time together,
so I'm just not going to go do those things.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
Yeah, yeah, And.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
Slowly but surely it was more and more of that
where I was feeling isolated and feeling like I didn't
I got to the point where I would like second
guess my own jokes because I would worry about how
they would feel where I was writing, and I'm always
I always write from a place to love and the thing.
But I would be like, oh, I don't want to
go home and get in an argument about with this joke, man,

(36:33):
And it was just really throwing me off. I think
a bad relationship, especially when you're holding onto something that
you know is not good for you, can really throw
you off your path in every conceivable way. It was
affecting my comedy was affecting my skills, of parents affecting
my health. I was gaining weight a lot again and

(36:53):
just going through it and being able to be by
myself and live with that solitude and try things that
I mean now I do jiu jitsu and I go
to pilate's. I got a plates class after this, me too, come.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
On the same place. I don't know why, I said,
probably not. We don't know, We.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Don't, but I wouldn't know because I probably would have
seen you there.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
That's true, that's true. That's fair.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Fair, So I just really it feels like this whole
relationship and getting of it just taught me to refocus
on who I am, know myself more, know my boundaries
about who I want around me and who I don't
want around me. It's taught me so much so it
turned out to be it taught me my strength.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, that's incredible. And honestly, I feel like saying this
thing that was the worst thing that happened to you
ended up being a huge blessing in disguise. Sounds so cliche,
but I think life, y'all might be cliches, and the
cliches are rooted in something real because I can name
some of my lowest moments and been like, but this

(37:57):
makes sense ultimately, and it's actually what I needed, And
I never would have done X, Y or Z if
I didn't have that experience. So to be able to
have that perspective and feel clear on that now, I
think is really lovely. And the notion that you're like
pouring into yourself and doing what you like and you're
back on your game and you're doing the jokes you
want to do and you are doing things you want

(38:19):
to do for you is remarkably beautiful, and it feels
crazy and rudimentary maybe even to be like, yeah, you
have to find someone who likes you and hopefully you
guys enjoy it many of the same things and there's
more overlap than there isn't which sounds basic, but I
think all of us can say we've been in a
relationship with someone where you're like, this thing really threw

(38:41):
me off my game being connected to this person, because yeah,
just being tethered to another and do that. But I've
been in a relationship with someone who didn't like me
and you're like, oh, they didn't really like me, Like
this idea we were like committed to an idea. Yeah,
and that happens. So to hear your perspective is really cool.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah, one say that because that's what it would And
I would say that directly to her. I'd be like,
I think you like the idea of me. Yeah, you
like the product of me, but you don't like me.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah. I think we have all been there, and I
I mean, at least I can say for myself one
hundred percent. And so now I go to I say
to friends, I'm like, crazy, idea, date someone that likes you,
and date someone you like because it's easy to chase ideas. Now,
as far as your sons and their relationships to be,

(39:33):
do you have wishes for them beyond dating people who
like them for them.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
No real wishes. I just want them to be happy.
I mean that was a big part of because when
we originally separated, my youngest was only six months and
so it was a very hard decision to be like,
oh again. I built this ideal of like, oh, I'm
gonna go out on the road, I'll come home my daddy,
oh my husband, none of that's going to be beautiful

(40:00):
mooval time. And then very quickly I was like this
hasn't gone to be beautiful and so this is.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
A looking kind of ugly.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah. And I just remember sitting then looking at him
in his crib and just being like, oh, if he
comes to me as an adult later and he was
in this type of relationship and I the advice I
would give him would be it to leave. And if
I can't give him that advice, if I don't follow it.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Okay, Yes, I've recently had to make tough decisions and
I have said I think someone said to me, like,
when you're making a decision, the thing that has been
helpful for them, and now I have adopted is like,
what do you want to tell your kids you did
in this moment? What do you want to tell your
grandkids you did in this moment? And that is such
a good way to shake into doing something you may

(40:48):
not want to do or that might be uncomfortable, but
you know in your heart of hearts you need to do.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah. No, I think about that a lot, whether it's
through a relationship or you know, went out to the
no King's protests in Portland and it wasn't necessarily And
again that's the thing where like where I'm like, oh,
I myself may not make the biggest difference, but I do.
If my kids asked me, if my youngest asked me
ten fifteen years from now and they're reading about this

(41:13):
time period or whatever, and then he goes, Daddy, did
you do anything about freedom and speech? Did you do
anything about immigrants? Did you do anything about her Hispanic friends?
You know? Was like, yeah, your dad was out there.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
Kids a guiding force. Quite frankly, a guiding force. Your
son sound incredibly special. Now, how if you were to date,
are you dating? You are? How long before a woman
can meet the kids?

Speaker 2 (41:43):
A while?

Speaker 1 (41:44):
How do you have a Do you have a time limit?

Speaker 2 (41:47):
I probably say like six months?

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Six months? Okay, I thought you were going to say
like a year.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
No, I think because my kids are a big, big,
big like I'm with them all the time, so year
would be.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
That is kind of crazy, like that they would be
secret in the city. Yeah, do you tell on a
first date You're like, I have kids?

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Oh, it's be my mean, I don't have a dating
profile right now, but if I did, it's right.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
I'm like father, people are here with secrets.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
I know that.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
It's really crazy.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
No, I get that.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Yeah, well you have a good head on your shoulders.
I've heard so many stories about people's the secrets abound,
and it's like, why would you bury that? I'm sorry,
what did you say about having a son? I'd be like, wait,
that's crazy. I've talked to you for two months. What
was that a child? Okay, that's good to know.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Yeah, I never I've heard that before. I've heard about people.
A girl that day that my girlfriend, her sister deals
with a guy who like didn't want to claim that
it was his kid, and I just like for like
over for a while, and so I was just like

(42:53):
I get the fear. I get the thing, especially if
you're not like in that person your relationship with them.
But like to me, I am like I am my sons,
like you know, like to not be connected to them
would be the worst thing in my life because I
would feel like I had a disconnection from myself. So
like knowing what my boys are up to, knowing what

(43:14):
their life is, celebrating them and again, I mean, it
is not hurting dating. I always tell people, especially if
they're single dads that worry. It's like, okay, well, either
you're gonna find a really good really like grateful woman.
That is like good with kids. Are you gonna get
a lot of casual sex because you're a good dad?

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Yeah? Yeah, And people love that. Yeah, that is a
turn on when you go, wow, but he loves his kids.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
I don't want to stay with him and them a
little bit of a pussy, A little bit of puy taking.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
Care of you see the way he's taking care of
those kids. He could really use some pussy.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
A little bit.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
He carry so much.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
And I thank each and every one of those women.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Do you want to say thank you to them?

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Moved alone? I thank you?

Speaker 1 (44:13):
You know what. I appreciate that people are saying thank
you to those women who gave it up in that
context and went about their business. No drama.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Oh that's the you know what I mean, no drama.
Thank you?

Speaker 1 (44:26):
Thank you next.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Yeah, wow, And I appreciate you saying thank you. I'm
so glad you looked right at those women. Can we
get some names something? No names? No names, no names.
But I was gonna say, this isn't a Drake album.
We're not naming people. We don't have to name people.
They can remain anonymous. So your kids, are you that
is beautiful and you are such a huge part of

(44:51):
their lives in a way that you did not have
when you're growing up. Is there anything else that you
didn't have when you were growing up that you are
making it a point to give them? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Money?

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Hold on, because Malcolm didn't have money for the first test.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, I know he didn't.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
He didn't.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
He didn't not do you?

Speaker 1 (45:07):
Are you like giving allowance? Does he have an allowance?
What's the story there?

Speaker 2 (45:10):
No, Well, he's just like if you look through our text,
conversation is literally it's just literally, can I have one
hundred dollars? Can I have one hundred dollars? Can one
hundred dollars? Does the laundry get picked up today?

Speaker 1 (45:27):
And you don't ask for what?

Speaker 2 (45:29):
I just give it?

Speaker 1 (45:29):
You don't? You just give it to him. You don't
know what he's doing his hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
I usually know it's video games or like T shirts.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Okay, all right, you're not Yeah, I just.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
You know, I usually get one hundred dollars from the
improv for doing a set, and so you just hand.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
It to him. Yeah, Oh that's nice. That makes me
wish I had a dad. Damn I had a dad,
it's so crazy. Just handed me one hundred dollars. No
question does make me.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
I'm like, this is real dad's stuff. Right, here's a
one hundred dollars.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
Do you ever talk to him about saving?

Speaker 4 (46:03):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (46:04):
No, I feel like you're a good dad, and then
I'm like, he's a bad dad.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
I haven't talked to this young man about saving, not
much about I mean, he he does have some good
financial literacy in a way. He knows a bit about
budgeting more of the savings, like just things on my end.
But you know, he's like a trust.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Okay, he's a trust fun baby. I want to have
a trust fund baby. I don't have a NEPO baby,
but I want to have a trust fund baby.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, that's fun. I know my sons. I get to
say my son is a trust fun baby.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah, both of us were. Yeah, they got They were
made way more money than I ever had a few
years ago.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
So okay. You also said that you understand with your
your girlfriend's sister who's involved with a guy who's like
kind of in denial about having a child, that you
understand empathy kicking in that it's scary at first. Were
you so scared to have kids.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Yeah, ok yeah, terrifying, especially my first one. I my
first son was I turned twenty March twelfth, and he
was born April twenty third.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
By the way, you're a pis I'm a Pisces is
my brother's birthday.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Hey, I knew that I was.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
I just knew it was about Okay, so March twelfth,
your birthday twelfth?

Speaker 2 (47:28):
And then so I so I when she was pregnant,
I was nineteen basically, so as a teenage you're about
to have a kid and and already and it's not
like I was like, Okay, you can have abortion or whatever.
We had already had I think too. So at that
point I was also like, oh, this is going to
be my wife, so we'll figure it out. So we

(47:50):
just we're like where we're going to keep them and
have them in. It's G's best idea. He's the best.
He's amazing school dude. But it was definitely terrifying, And
I understand those moments where as a guy, you're just like, well,
maybe I should just run away, you know. But I
also knew that the times were like there'd be pictures

(48:11):
I'd see in my house and my mom and like
two dudes, and I'd be like, I think this one's
my dad.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
I don't want that for this, for this child.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yeah exactly, I wouldn't know. And he'd be like, no,
that's my friend Anton. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
I feel like your mom would have given you a
stern talking to you. Did you run?

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I mean but again and and that's
also she would have. And when I told her I
was thinking about separating from my second wife, I thought,
and my son was six months. I thought she was
going to be like, you got this baby, stick together,
you guys gotta figure this out.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
She was the exact She was like, get out of this.
Did she not like her?

Speaker 2 (48:54):
She did at first, but then I think she started
to see it before I saw it.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Okay, got it. Sometimes you got that. People have their
own journey. So when you finally did, she's like, I've
been waiting for you to say a lot of my
friends are like that, Oh wow, that by the way,
say something, you see something, say something tsa rules. But
I also feel like friend in a crappy relationship rule, Yeah,
I do. And I understand how delicate it is, because
if they stay together, you don't want to be like,

(49:20):
oh damn, it. I said to my friend, this person sucks.
But if you actually think your friend is in I
want to be like emotional danger. But like emotional danger,
you should say something.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yeah, you're right, And I think, yeah, I agree with you.
And if my mom had saw before we got married,
I think she would have sure. Sure, But at that
point she was fully in love with her. Yes, this
is my daughter. Yeah, and I do have friends like that.
One of my friend's tiny Randy, who is now Ted
Saranda's assistant, I have a pipeline and and she was like,

(50:00):
I don't like.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Her, really respect And how long after she said that
did you start to feel like I don't like her either?
A couple of years years, So when she said I
don't like her, but you stayed in it for years.
In those years, was it anything any interactions with her awkward?
Or were you like I don't want to no.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
I mean we were like, you know, she used to
work for me and then she moved, so there was
a natural disconnection and but I respected it. And she
had had some terrible relationships and made some terrible choices,
so I was kind of like, well, I can't really
trust yours.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
And you're like actually let me know how about this dick.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Yeah, but it was a thing where you're like, oh,
she knows because she'd been through.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yes, she sees she.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
Now when I see her, you know, we're closer than
ever because I'm like, thank you for being one of
the few people who told me from the get go.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
I know, I feel like in my life, I just
really love and have a deep appreciation for the people
who have been like, said something, and some friends haven't
said anything, but it's in the vibe, like I can
be like, I can see that. I'm like, you don't
support this, don't like this person for me, I can
since you are trying to be cordials, so you've never
said anything. But I'm picking up the vibes. And then

(51:12):
I'm like, I'm just not gonna address the vibe until
I'm ready to get out of this thing.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
You know.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
Yeah, but I respect her for saying something too. I'm like,
don't like her, Damn, that's a of course. Of course
she's gonna go on. She's gonna go on to run
Netflix one day. That's my vote. I bet, I just bet, well,
this has been very nice, but what about me anyway?

(51:42):
So I want I want to be in charge of
some people okay, and it sounds like you're in charge.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Of people okay, children, couple.

Speaker 1 (51:52):
Couple children, but also professionally right right, a couple employees.
How do you how do you approach being a leader?
What is your advice for someone who wants to be
a leader.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
This is for me, I would say, it's again another
great question. You're good at this podcast. It's something I
struggle with for a while. I even would write jokes
about how I didn't want to be a leader, or
especially when you know, used to be like three hundred
and seventy pounds on a bunch of weight, and people
would be like, you're an inspiration. I'd be like, I
don't want to be anything.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
I don't want that.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Wait, yeah, I be inspiration and I had to learn
to embrace it that I'm naturally good at it. And
it's something that I think that you have to be
okay with being like, they're not leaders. Aren't sly born?
You grow into it. And so for me, the best
thing I try to do with any of the people
I actually do is trust them and be like I

(52:49):
put I hired you because I trust you and believe you,
and I just try to put them in a position
to do their best work and then just let them
do it. Like my assistant, like I just try them.
I think I'm a good boss. And because I try
to just be like, look, I know, being an assistant,
you're literally doing all the things I don't want to do, right,
And so I and I've had a couple I've have

(53:10):
to think of my fourth assistants. So I'm always like, Okay,
it takes about two years. They tend to burn out
and then there you go. And so I was like,
I'm gonna try Haley, who I love now. I was like,
I wanna try to keep her as long as possible.
And so her own job is just like just get
these things done. I don't care where you are, I
don't care what you gotta do. I don't care if
you need to leave town for a few days and

(53:31):
go to visit family. As long as these things get
done when I need them done, then that's fine. Yeah,
And so and I think that's help our relationship. So
she can go off visit families and go to Paris,
like that's one of my greatest things to be as Like,
as a boss, my assistant goes to Paris.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
On come on, I have a trust fun baby, two
of them, a couple babies, and my assistant goes to Paris.
How's that success? I love that? And how do you
how do you discern who you think might be a
good fit, because obviously it's a little bit like dating,
and so you say you trust them, okay, but to

(54:10):
trust them you have to sort of believe in them
to begin with. So what is sussing it? Sussing out
the right people look like for you?

Speaker 2 (54:17):
I mean, you just kind of watch them. There's a
lot a lot of it. I mean, and I hate
to say it, but I hire a lot vibe based
on the vibes, well, the vibes when what I think
we'd get along as people. What my job? You know,
I'm not the typical balls. So sometimes like what would
work with someone else doesn't work for for for my
job because I need someone who's a real self motivator.

(54:39):
I'm not always going to be able to be like
I need you to do this, this, and this. There's
a routine that comes in within my month and you
need to get a handle of that routine and then
go from there. But it's basically, you know, I've had
to they'll be afraid of fire people, fire people. Okay,
I had this lady to be an assistant before Haley
say her name, her name, I know she was in

(55:01):
her late sixties, and I just part of me was like,
how fun and cool will this be? So many comedians
or people entertainment, they always want to hire some twenty
year old hot assistant that's gonna end up ruining their marriage.
I'm going the other way. I'm hiring a late sixties
lady coming out of retire and then but her first

(55:22):
job was to just post some things on my Instagram
somehow someway.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
It's funny that she picked up an elder to post
on your Instagram.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Made a mistake because the first thing she posted was
just a video of herself singing to a parakeet. Is
a parakeets saying back to her? And I was like,
what is this on my page? It for a couple
of hours, and so then we have to be like

(55:50):
and I just like, we gotta let you go, Like
if you can't give I understand even not getting the
post ride, but how did your personal.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Video my legend Franklin?

Speaker 2 (56:08):
Yeah, really funny. Imagine like she lasted twenty four hours.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
What wait, what was the conversation firing? That is crazy?

Speaker 2 (56:27):
Oh? I let my manager fire.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Didn't I'm not doing you said when I've had to fire.
When I say I've.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Had I just say let's fire, and you're making the call.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
I just started letting my manager do that because I
usually am like the Baltimore in me, the person who's
like integrity, and I want to be able to face
people and I want to be able to say that
I have a code. I've been like, I will do
the firing, I will have the conversation. And then I realized,
I'm like, this is too much emotional labor for someone
who is who has fed up so much that they're

(56:59):
getting fired, which was also labor to deal with the FS.
So I go, manager, you do it.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Actually that's the point other people.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
But also because I didn't realize that's what other people
were doing, I'm like, damn, I have to have a
lot of conversations. Not that I'm firing a lot of people,
but I'm like, dap, I don't feel like having this conversation.
I have a million things going on.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
And then I was like, wait, I tried to be phony.
I'm never like I'm never like, yeah, I'm gonna do it,
and then my manager says, no, I don't try to
do that. But like, there are just there's also just
ways of professionalism. Ay, if you're asking for requests, you
probably should have you should have gone through my manager.
Why are you coming directly to me? You're coming directly
to me because you know this is something that's a

(57:38):
favor that I shouldn't be doing.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Yes, oop oop, And that's facts. That's true strategizing. They
are to get a yes. Do you ever engage with
those direct asks?

Speaker 2 (57:47):
Not anymore? That's the thing I do if you're But
that's also a couple of them where my friends that
I like has long term relationship with and then when
I got divorced, they shifted over to that side and
I was just like, wow, this is crazy. You think
you're calling me to pitch an idea, but you want
to go switch sides up inside and so I just

(58:09):
again it was just another valuable lesson of like, no,
anything that's coming through real will come through her.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Yeah, fair enough. I love that boundary. I did just
want to ask you out of a almost nothing. But
there's maybe a little true line, uh, Kendrick or Drake.
I want to know where he's.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
That's such a weird question.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
It doesn't have to be one of the others, that's
what you're gonna say.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
I mean, I just feel like I don't consider them
the same apples. Yeah, I don't, not even like like
they're just two different modes. Like you listen to Kendrick
when you were like, oh, I'm on the bus, or like,
I'm on the bus. Yeah, you had a real bus ride.
You tell me that's not a bus ride in motherfucker

(58:58):
on your side college, Okay, okay bus. Yeah. And then
Drake is like when you were just like, not popcorn,
that's just popcorn. You know that movie theater. Both are
fine club going up on a Tuesday. I will still
play time. And I'm just I like Macona, Okay. I'm
a big music guy. I love all types of music.
So I'm never gonna just be like Kendrick or Drake.

(59:23):
But I don't like either of them that terribly.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
You heard it here first. He said both of them
both for young Kendrick is a genius. That's super Bowl performance.
My gosh, I still watch it from time to time.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Yeah, it's just sometimes I just be like, it's too schizophrenic.
I can't hear. I can't hear more than two voices
on one track from the same person.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
I like that, but that's okay, that's okay, And we
don't have still like the same things, Ron And that's
what I keep trying to tell you. I keep trying
to tell you that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Okay, Okay, I'll get it one day.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Well, it's not all about me. We have to help
a listener of this podcast. Okay, So, Kevin, we're ready
for you. Play that track.

Speaker 4 (01:00:13):
The question I have is a very serious question, oh
for myself, because of where I find myself at this
time in my life.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
It's giving Kendrick vibes.

Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
What do I do when I can't find any Hoggen
does chocolate swirl vanilla?

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
Okay, hold on now, let me let me get serious.
I'm going to defer to you on this.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
What do you do and you can't find any Haggen
does chocolate swirl with vanilla? First of all, up your
ice cream game?

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
The fact that that's your go to says you a
real basic bitch in the get go, Like that's what
you want. I understand the chocolate Vanilla's world as the classic.
I get that, but at that point, at least I
want it from some type of mom and pop place
where I'm getting an actual salt serve or CVT here
in l A. But to just get to the point

(01:01:21):
where hogging dossh Chocolate Sworld being out ruins your life,
try try fish food, motherfucker. I don't know. Have you
heard of Ben and Jerry's. Have you had a Magnum bar? Jenny?
You eat it eating Choco Taco?

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
Your lie Choco Taco. They're trying to cancel chocolate.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
But it was too strong. It was.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
I took to the internet, talk about standing for something.
I took to the internet. I was like, y'all better
fucking not Taco school lunch.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yeah, step your game, listen into Selena.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Those were the day. So that's what you do. That's
your I will find another ice cream.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
There's so many different types. Go find a local establishment
that you can give some of your money to in
the community. Hogging doz isn't gonna do nothing for you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
But Ben and Jerry, Ben and Jerry, is it Ben
to Lente in the cute little plastic. Here's the crazy
thing is I don't really fuck with ice cream.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
Whist Oh, that's why you passed it all. I did
not know. I don't know what it was.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
It's usually kind of weak to me. I feel about
ice cream the way I feel about breakfast, a weak link.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
I don't know what we're but I feel that about donuts.

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
Okay, I think I can get behind this. Have you
ever had Holy Grail? Though? On Marchmont? I need you
to go on your way after before. I need you
to go get a holy Grail.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
Donut most donut and don't do nothing much understood understood.

Speaker 1 (01:03:05):
I want you to have a holy Grail. We'll have
you back on the podcast. We'll talk about how you
felt about it. Made to order. I need you to
hear me on this. And I'm also not a donut girl.
Like I'm cake. I'm cake all day. How do you
feel about cake?

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
Cake? To me is like love me, love me, love me.
I'm coming at you with sugar and ice and frost
and love me some money. Cake Cake. It is like,
get your shit together, cake, have some self respect for yourself,
like a pie or a cobbler that doesn't need Like

(01:03:41):
I'm sweet on the inside. I don't have to show you.
I don't have to show you. On the outside, this
just regular crust out here. But on the inside is
what delicious. This cake is like mo than me. I
got sprinkles all over my body.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
No, no, for me, pie is like oh oh to
get good, I gotta be somebody else on the inside.
Why I'm fruit? Fruit? Fruit is its own food. Why
are you in here? That's what I want to know, pie, Pi.
The only good thing about a pie is what's on
the outside. Surface level, acquaintance, initial conversation, pie, the crust cakes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
A liar cake will be like, oh look at me,
I'm red Velvet's like you still chocolate cake?

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
And you know what, this was still chocolate with a
little red dye.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
Yeah, you ain't nothing. You just lying to yourself. You
put on a little mini skirt on. Don't think you
done changed up?

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
No, No, A cobbler is I need something else to
be myself. I need something else in order to be myself.
I'm not gonna be any best thing about cobbler. Best
thing about about pie the outside, the cobbler, the baked part,
the bambers, the trumble. Okay, and honestly derivative of cake.

(01:04:54):
And I rest my case. Your honor. It's a wonderful
having you roun functions buddy.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Thanks y.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
Wow. So you just listen to that whole conversation with
Ron Funches, and he did, in fact, as promised, say
something about Drake and show me you listen, show me
a real one by commenting below what he said about Drake.
That's how I'll know, and the first hundred of you
to comment what he said about Drake will be among

(01:05:27):
the first hundred to comment what he said about Drake.
The prize is in the task. Thank you so much.
Does that make any sense? I think it does. Love
you guys. If you want advice from me and my
next guest, you're gonna have to call us. Hit our
hot line bling, right, you like I did that there,

(01:05:47):
hit the hot line bling. You used to call me
on my cell phone. This isn't my cell phone, but
it is a phone number. It is five zero two,
which I believe is a Kentucky area code. Why do
I know that I know eric code? I've said this
on podcasts. I just weirdly know area codes off the
top of the dome. It's very weird. But five O
two Kentucky eight four nine three two three seven or

(01:06:09):
five O two thanks TCHX. Dad's multiple of them, multiple dads, daddies, daddies,
a horem of dads. You get it anyway, call and
get advice from me and my guests. I love you truly,
thank you for listening. I really do love you. And
if never mind, I was going to steal something from
Mel Robbins, but I won't if no one else tells

(01:06:30):
you today, I love you. Cut that out, okay, bye.
Thanks Dad is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Aego wodem Our
producer is Kevin Bartelt, and our executive producer is Matt
and Appadaka