December 25, 2024 • 40 mins
Happy Holidays from Amber and Lacey!!! This week, Amber and Lacey discuss everything from Christmas traditions and tree decorations to unexpected visits from family members. They share stories about their favorite childhood presents and have a fully holiday shenanigans-filled sister court!
Want to be part of Sister Court? Write to Amber&Lacey: AmberAndLaceyAdvice@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
We already know what you want under your tree to
come down the stairs and see Amber and they see
it's the Amber and Lacy Lacey and Amber Show. I
was that unhappy with your mic placement? What are you doing?
You don't like my mic? I love my mic? I
really don't. You can't hear me? Well, no, I guess
(00:22):
it's fine. You still like the way it looks? No,
I mean you're you're like drifting away from it. Oh
do I need to do it again? No? Okay, then
be quiet? I just oh wait what okay, I'll keep
it like that. That was as long as I could
be quiet. It was agony. I almost died. Oh we
(00:42):
have a podcast? Have we started the podcast? Yes? It started?
That was everyone it was. It was a beautiful song.
Would have been better with slightly different micro placement. But
I can't be everywhere everyone. Okay, but you see injustice?
Know that? Oh? An injustice? I yes, because that is
(01:05):
what your mic placement is. Welcome to the Amber and
Lazy Lacy Amber Show. I'm your host, both Amber and Lazy.
What again with me? Is a complete stranger, A beautiful street,
a beautiful change, uh laces, it's Christmas. I'm so excited.
(01:31):
It's the best time of the year, your time. Christmas
tree is up and it's beautiful, the most beautiful Christmas
tree ever, even though you tried, and your tree is
good and perfection. Your tree is good. It's nice. Okay,
he's he's untouchable. It's nice. But is he as nice
as mine? I don't know. People have come all over
(01:52):
to see this tree. Yeah, they're at the door right now,
and I'm like, I'm doing a podcast. No, you can't
come in and look at my tree. But as soon
as this is over, charge five dollars a person come
in and they take pictures of the tree. Sometimes I
stand next to it. That's an extra five to get
me in the picture. Lazy. I don't think you're telling
me ten dollars for the photograph to be printed off
(02:14):
and me to sign it with the pic with the
tree like all of that. That's that's an extra ten.
So then you could spend a total of twenty dollars.
Oh yeah, and sometimes people want more than one's photo
of me and it sign. People have spent thousands just
walking what yeah, I need a lot of that's too
(02:36):
much money, crazy extra cash, I mean, I guess if
you can. Oh my god, I saw on TikTok the
other day, m hm that someone runs a like uber
eats restaurant and you can only get it like Uber eats,
like you know and like seamless and stuff restaurant and
(02:56):
you can only get the food from their house and
they freak and cook it and their wife drives it
to you. And that's the restaurant and that's the business.
And it's all like stuff they bought. It's all like
frozen dinners and stuff. No, thank you, key stand it? No,
you know me and germs? What are you doing? Did
you scratch your butt? And then like, did you taste
(03:17):
some of that? Absolutely not. I don't know what's going
on in there. Not do it. I'll trust anybody like that. No.
Do you have a cat? Do you have a dog? No? No, no, sir,
No sir. Did you smoke in the car when you
brought it over? No? Would you do that? Would you
do that? No? Absolutely? I wouldn't do it. If I
knew the person, I would do it. No. Keep that.
(03:39):
No fucking way sounds are you giddy cold? Like someone's
going to do it? Someone thinks that's a great idea.
Someone's loving it. It's I am not. Oh you mean
someone's going to order it? Yes, I mean someone's Yeah.
People love that. They're talking about it right now when
they get off work. They want to order from these people.
It's not going to be me. Remember that viral image
(04:00):
from a million years ago that was like, this is
why I don't eat in other people's houses, and it
was a bathtub full of mac and cheese. Yeah, the
end of that sentence could have been anything, because as
I was saying it, I thought of like fourteen of
those yeah. Ough, oh my god, No, No, it was
in the bathtub. There's no way to the toilet, there's
no way. It was just clean that bathtub, good enough. Oh,
(04:23):
there's no way you need to feed that many people.
Oh what are you doing? Some y'all have to break
it up? Can everybody be together? And people men don't
care about germs are fine with that. I don't know
how you're fine with that. Somebody's like, oh that's great.
You know some college students that thought that was funny
as hell, and they ate from that. I don't think
I could. I like other people's germs. I can't do it.
(04:47):
No my germ. Yeah, I don't care. You're gonna eat
out of your bathtub? No, no, my bath Oh oh yeah, okay,
because I was like, I'm not eating out of my bathtub. Like,
I feel like if you were to cook food and
you you were fast and loose and you were like
tasting it and stuff, Yeah, I wouldn't give a shit.
You don't. You don't care. I'm pretty I'm pretty raggedy.
(05:08):
You are. I'm raggedy with germs a little bit. You
don't care. I'm raggedy with how old the food can get.
You are? I made lest early in the week. You dad,
take a chance. I thank you. I think you got
that from mom, if you got that from our parents.
My willingness to take a bite at anything. Yeah, old
(05:29):
people leave stuff out. I know they're listening to it.
I'm going to get in trouble. Old people leave stuff out.
I'll leave stuff out all day. I'm not doing it.
I'll wake up. I'll be like, and then I'll take
a bite. You're like, man, I'll let this out. Let
me taste it first before a refrigerator, just in case. No,
I don't want to see you make the food. I
(05:50):
don't want to see anyone taste it and then put
that spoon back in. I'm done. I'm done. Really yeah,
I don't want to see it. I don't want to
see a taste. I'll eat it. I know you're tasting
it if it's a loved one or friend, but I
don't want to I don't want to see it. I
don't want to see it. One time I was at
my friend's house and her mom made great food. I
mean not great, but just fine food. And she's white.
(06:15):
This is I think I can say because we know
enough people with this name, but you'll know exactly what
I'm talking about. Ashley her mom. So then she is
making the food and it's looking great. I'm very excited
to eat it. She takes some of the food and
she gives it to the dog, and the dog, you know,
is like eating it out of between her fingers and
(06:38):
like licking her hand. And she goes back to cooking
everything with the same licky dog fingers. And I was like,
this is what people when they say they don't eat
up white people's houses. This is dogs. This is the
tomfoolery they were talking about. Gross, can't do it. I
don't want dog germs. I just feel like dog germs
are as bad as it gets. They licked their butts.
(06:58):
I don't care what anyone says. When you're like the
dog germs or is clean. You know their mouth is
cleaner than humans. I don't care. Our mouths aren't even clean.
I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't
want it. I don't care about the germs. I do
have to tell you, Yes, I'm changing the subject my
daughter went to First of all, I have to tell
you the whole story. She calls me, and she goes, Mom,
(07:19):
where am I? What's going on? This is crazy? I'm
going to send you a picture. What should I do?
But she takes a picture. She goes, what's going on here?
She takes a picture. Her and her friends are out.
They're downtowns in the evening and it's just a bunch
of white women with afros and dashiki's And she doesn't
know if she's walked into some racist party. It's a
(07:43):
Missus Roper party. Oh god, it terrifying. And I had
to look at it for a minute because I know
they exist that I love Missus Roper. I would do
it in a minute, But when you think about it,
miss Roper did have curly hair. So now like woman
tries to go on buy old fashion, they don't make
those old fashioned white women wigs. You gotta get a
(08:04):
curly red afro. The of them had curly red afros.
Then they're looking for mumus. You can find a dashiki
mumou anywhere anywhere. A lot of them had African dash
shikis and didn't realize that they were shiekis. And uh, yeah,
I guess for people that don't know, missus Roper is
the wife of the landlord from threes Company, correct Camper,
(08:28):
that's right, there's company. And she was tacky and gaudy,
and she wore mumus and the big beaded necklaces and
she had big, fluffy red hair. I love it. But
if you're a tiny, you know, twenty something year old
baby and you walk into that miss yeah, you don't
know what they She didn't know if she should fight, yell,
call someone, call an activist, make a speech, had no idea,
(08:52):
and I was like, maybe back out of there, just
back out. That's not your planet, that's not for you.
Very fantastic, but I love I would death and let
me do it. I'd be the finest miss roper in here.
Be fine. Did not know what was going on, and
I fully yeah, I understood that. That's fair. I like it.
(09:15):
But look, today is not about that. No, Today's about Christmas.
About Christmas. We haven't even touched on Christmas, our favorite holiday.
Christmas is the best and some say only holiday. It
really is the only holiday. But this is what I'm
feeling right now. I'm sad that it's almost over. And
you know me, I'm a dragon. I'm a drag it
(09:37):
on my trees, not coming down till the end of
next month, to the end of January. Who's gonna stop,
see nobody, No one's gonna stop you. I love a
good tree. I love the good tree. And that's why
I put my tree up before freaking Thanksgiving. You were smart.
Next year, I'm going to do We're very, very smart. Yeah.
I've been enjoying him every day and I won't turn
(09:59):
it off. I gotta leave it up. You shouldn't turn
it off. I got to look at it. It's so beautiful.
I've got a reason to turn it off. M m mmmmm. Yeah.
The share we did a rainbow tree. Past trees have
included the red and Gold tree, the red cascading balls tree,
the green and Red tree, the green red, gold and
(10:21):
silver tree, the silver and gold tree. Oh, I think
those are all the trees that I've done. You've done
a lot this year. I just have my gold and
teal that matches this this curtain behind me, and I've
got little black characters on there. I've got some black mermaids,
some black ballerinas, some little black children playing in the snow.
(10:47):
It's very cute. Oh. I've got a million different little
things on my tree. I've got crowns, I've got jewels,
I've got flowers, I've got wings and what do you want?
It's on there. I got birds. What do you want? Oh,
it's there on any of those things. Well, I got
a lot. I got angels. I'm looking at it right.
Everybody loves a good peacock. I only have bowls on
(11:10):
my tree. You just got bowels and you get the
beanie cag I know you were going there, all right,
and that's Christmas. What do you hope to get for Christmas?
A if we're being honest and we aren't just kidding,
I'll take a chicken coop. What, Yeah, take a chicken coop. Oh,
(11:33):
we're getting chickens. We're getting chickens. Lacey, don't get chicken.
You can't stop me. It's either going to be chickens
or ducks. I know ducks are easier. I've had a
duck before. Kiss the duck. I know my duck. Sweetest
little baby chickens are ducks. This little baby chickens are.
Make this announcement. I am back in Omaha, Nebraska, and
(11:56):
parents are moving in and we're they're moving in. Guys.
Oh wow, it's gonna be Christmas. It's gonna be a
rowdy Christmas. It's gonna be rowdy. You know. Me and
dad taking care of chickens in the summer. We love
that stuff. He loves it. Yeah, he's gonna be out
there talking to him, trying to give my hug and
a kiss. Gonna have a garden. We're gonna be gardening.
(12:20):
We're gonna be gardening hard. We're gonna have the time
of our lives. Mayah, are you sure. I'm absolutely positive
we're gonna have a good time. I don't want you
to get a chicken. I want you to get a duck.
It could happen. We're gonna we're gonna have a vote.
We're gonna vote it out. My mom already said she's
not gonna touch the eggs. Why that's your mom? Call
(12:41):
her up and you asked her. She says, you don't
want these chicken eggs. So we might just have a
duck just to just have fun, just to be cute.
I want the duck and I want to hold him. Yeah,
gotta get my duckhouse back, the one with a pool
on the side. Yeah, yeah, that was a good duckhouse.
It's a great duckhouse. So hie, okay, so okay, Lace, Look, oh,
(13:04):
should we take a break on our shows, but also
we should remind people about sharing stories and calling us
for advice. Hey, everyone, do you have a problem that
you want advice a bail, well, then email us and
we could talk about your problem on our podcast. Just
(13:25):
email us at Amberandlacyadvice at gmail dot com and we're
going to get into it. Speaking of that, you'll hear
some of those when we get back. Also, we love you,
and also bye for a second. Hye, hey everybody, we're
(13:54):
back with more of the Amber and Lacy Lacy and
Amber show. It's time for what it is, Time for
us to hear people's gripes, people's complaints, solving problems. I
am a doctor, so we are going to solve these
Christmas I'm gonna go on Christmas dilemmas. I feel like
they're Christmas dilemmas. I'm gonna start with the first one. Okay, Okay.
(14:17):
My brother in law announced last minute that he's visiting
us for Christmas. Whenever he comes over, he usually wakes
up a little after ten am. But we have three
small children and they usually wake up around seven on
Christmas mornings to open up presents. What should we do?
Should we let our kids oway oh? Sorry? Should we
tell our kids that they need to wait until their
(14:37):
uncle is up or ask him to wake up early,
or should we just let the kids wake up early
and open presence without their uncle? Listen, it's Christmas time.
He's going into a house full of children. What is
he gonna be the Christmas Grench? Everybody gotta be quiet
because he visited. He visited the wrong house. You better
go stay at the merry out. He wants make up
at ten I was a child once I got him
(14:59):
at four am and just stood there waited. Maybe drop something.
When people know I'm up, I'm ready. I am not
waiting till ten. I will revolt. Okay, yeah, now he
knows what he's getting into and how if he better
not complain? Grinchity, grinch, brinch grinch. No, we're getting up
in the work and he can stay in his room.
He can stay in his room if he wants. I
(15:19):
don't care. This is not about him. It's about children. Also,
I have something really really bad to say. Oh no, Amber,
he don't need to watch your kids open up present.
Those aren't his kiss him, he don't care. Who cares?
Oh you got him the lego Harry party. He doesn't yo, fuck,
who cares? He doesn't care. Sorry, No one's excited to
(15:40):
watch your kids open up presence except you and the kids.
It's a family thing. If this was such a big
deal to him, he'd come over before. But you know,
when this man wakes up, you know, when these children
wake up, let them do it. He's fine, and don't
force him to be there. He'll have all day. Yeah,
and if he wants to wake up, great, If he doesn't, great,
We solved it. There you go. We saw it about him.
(16:02):
It's not about him. It's about these children. Don't mess
up their Christmas memory. Gosh, can you remember getting into
mom and Dad's room and being like, it's six in
the morning, can you please yeah, please, the sun is up.
What are you doing? They would always be like, all right,
because you know we already peaked as some of them. Anyway,
(16:23):
we knew the main ones that we were getting. We
were bad. We were in there. They had a hiding
spot everyone. It was in their shower in their bedroom.
They would hide the gifts in the shower. Man, we knew,
we know, there's five of us. Come on now, that's
basically the FBI office, five children putting the mice on them.
We knew where the gifts were. Sometimes they would be
wrapped and then we would maybe peel them. No, they
(16:46):
didn't use the shower. Someone we just got a message
asking that they did they get wet in the shower. No,
after the gifts were in the shower, that was their storage. Okay, no,
because there are two other bats. But listen. But yeah,
we were in there. We were mixing it up, we
were getting it. We're looking at stuff. It was very fun.
(17:07):
I have to remember how much my my little Pony
dream house cost because I remember looking at it in
the store and being like, this is an amount of
money that no human being has, so I can't ask
for it. I don't even think it was like five dollars.
(17:31):
I feel like it was either fifty nine or thirty
nine dollars. But I remember being like, man, I guess
I'll ask for something else because I don't want my
parents to go broke, go go broke by me. Yeah,
I really, And then when I got it, I was like, oh,
my fucking god, I can't believe. I still that is
(17:52):
maybe the coolest present I ever got. I was shocked.
I was shocked, in appalled. I can't believe I got
a present. Yeah, what's your coolest present? When we were little, Yeah, oh,
cabbage Patch kid? Cabbage Patch kid, cabbage Patch kid. Everybody
wanted a cabbage Patch kid, that's right. And I remember
Mom could not find a black cabbage Patch Kid at
(18:15):
that time. You couldn't find him. And uh, I got
the International Cabbage Patch Kid. And she was from Italy.
Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry. She was from Spain.
And she had on the red dress with the black ruffles. Yeah,
but she had bright red hair and green eyes. Oh yep.
(18:38):
She was from Spain. She was from Spain. Yeah, oh,
so then that's that's the one I'm thinking of. Yeah,
so then that must not have been mine. Oh. We
probably all got similar cabbage patch dolls. I got one
with red hair and red hairhle mine. No, mine was
from Spain and had the red dress with the long
ruffles and the little fan, and I named her Larea.
(19:04):
I love. Took it to school. Oh my god, I
took that to show and tell. Oh, couldn't tell me nothing.
I had a black cabbage patch kid and I named
her Alicia Ashley. Oh, okay, just glamor zaz Alicia Ashley.
Oh that is mine, Loria. She had her last name
(19:26):
just Lria, probably Loria rough and damn, that's what she got,
Alicia Ashley. I remember sneaking into mom and Dad's room
and opening up the shower and just everything nothing's wrapped,
and I'm just like and Dad said, are you done?
He was standing behind me, and I didn't get a spanking.
(19:48):
I didn't. He just was like okay, and I just
walked past him, held my breath. I got out of there,
and I think we all got a speech or something,
because Dad did like to sit you down and give
you a good speech. Lord, Lord, I gotta I got speech.
The other day. Dad is still giving strong ass speeches,
given strong speeches, Donald Trump, my dad, I'll speech you. Yeah.
(20:15):
We all just and he tried to make us feel
so bad. I was just happy that that's all I
was getting was the speech. So of course I had
to go I could have got it, you could have
got it. Work. Then I had to act like, yes,
I feel this. I am. I am so sorry. Oh,
I'm sorry. I saw what I got and I still
got what I got. I was sorry. I was like, oh,
is this all we're doing now? I am I can't.
(20:39):
I will spoil a surprise in a minute for myself.
I don't need to be surprised. I need to plan, okay,
because if you get me something doufist, I gotta worry
about myself and I'd be like, well I didn't want that.
Let me make myself happy. I don't want that. Oh
I will speak. Oh I'm so bad even today, even today,
(21:02):
if you told me you got something in this inner drawer,
I'm gonna go look, Lacy, Yeah, that's terrible, terrible. I'm
not telling that person, but I'm gonna try it. I'm
going to try to find out one hundred percent what
it is. Why I need to know. I just need
I just need to know. But it is what it
is because I think it builds up that acting if
(21:24):
I open it up, if you give me like a
chicken foot, I don't want a chicken foot. But I
prepared my mind and I'm gonna open it up, and
I'm like, oh my god, this is great. Yup? Got
it preparable? I could it or use it for stiff
scratch my back with it? Yeah, Lacy, we were doing
(21:45):
do you remember that. No, we weren't doing Sister Cord.
We were doing advice. We were doing advice. Nothing was
about Sister Court was it. And that's what advice is.
It is it is. Okay, let's go back. Do you
want to read the second word? Do you want me
to read it? I'll read it. I'll read it. Okay, Okay,
(22:06):
get back on track. Yeah, this is us getting back
on track. My husband sent Christmas cards to family members
who were no shows to our daughter's wedding. Earlier this year,
our daughter got married. We sent out save the Data
invitations to several family members and friends. Many of them
decided that they couldn't show up. I felt pretty upset
and let down by this and decided that I didn't
want to send Christmas cards to these individuals. Unbeknownst to me,
(22:28):
while I was away at work, my husband decided to
print and send cards to the people I'm mad at.
I only found out a few weeks later when someone
thanked me for the card. I feel very angry at
my husband, and I don't know if I'm justified in
my anger. What do you think? Okay, now, if you
want to ask two people whether or not you're justified
in your anger, you came to the wrong two people.
(22:49):
Burn it down, girl, Burn it down. First of all,
you're the United States. That's those family members that didn't
show up. There are now Russia. Go ahead, go ahead,
be nice to them. No, no, no, my finger's on
the button. I'm waiting say something. No, I will say
this like you. If it was his family, then I
(23:13):
think that's fine. If he would over your head to
your own family, that's doing dirt. That's doing dirt because
he doesn't know the whole history there. No, So look,
come to our house for Christmas. You are in our
house for Christmas. Come to these people throw your family away. Now,
will you be disappointed with my food? Yeah, because it's old.
(23:35):
I made it two weeks ago. Oh oh, I don't know.
But also I feel like this, you're fine, Like they
didn't come to your kid's wedding. I'm I mean, I
don't know. Can't everybody go to everything? Come on? That's true,
but a united front is a united front. But if
(23:56):
I'm met a husband there not even check the mailbox,
beefing with the mailman. Our mail don't exist anymore till
I say the mail exists. She's right, Well, I will
get mad with someone at a minute. If Amber is
like I will never talk to that butcher again. Behind it,
(24:16):
I'm going to the grocery store. I'm my extra slow,
and when he says can I help you, I'm not
gonna say shit. I might be like yeah and then
just stand there look at her. I'm gonna go there
just to just to mess with him. So also like
mess with me. Having read this from you, knowing I
do not know who you are. If I saw your
(24:36):
family out in the street and I'm being a thousand
percent real, I'd be like, mm, I don't even know you.
You didn't mean no I'd be like, you have all
this energy for me, but where were you during the wedding?
Are you those people dying funny to the wedding? That's funny? Yeah,
(24:59):
you want to enjoy Christmas with you little Christmas cards?
But where were you when Sasha got married? And I'm
just assuming her name is Sasha? Would you fucking know
you didn't go to her welding? You don't know her name.
I love the United Front. That's when you know you're
united friends, when your friends. I love friends like this.
(25:19):
I love friends that are like, who are we mad
at right now? Listen? Love it? Both are your dads.
A fun fact about me is I can get kind
of mad, but usually I don't. I don't care, especially
if someone has wronged me. But I'll I'll forget that
they have wronged me, and I'll forget how But you know,
he'll never forget Jenny Hagel. And every once in a while,
(25:43):
I'll be like, oh my god, you know who I
saw the other day, that one guy saw that party.
And she'll be like, you mean that guy that insinuated
that you didn't know what fruit of the loom was.
I'll be like, yeah, She'll be like fuck. That guy'll
be like, oh yeah, I forgot that. Technally true, mad
I forgot thanks, thanks Jenny. She'll be like, no problem.
(26:06):
But that does come in handy because I can't remember
everyone I get mad at. And also, if I've ever
been mad at you, I'm not anymore. I've already forgotten.
I am. I'm sorry, I've already forgotten it. I just
have ever been mad at you. I remember like it
was yesterday. Now moving on. If you've ever been mean
(26:26):
to Lacey or Jenny, I'll never forget it. Well now,
I never fucking forget it, never say one weird word
to Jenny. I'll never forget that shit Jenny. Jenny is
made up, She's fought and then made up with. It's
very rare that Jenny will, I mean, argue a teeny
(26:46):
bit and then make up and then move on. I
don't care. That's between you and Jenny. What you and
I have is still going. It's still going. That's what
she get Okay, Okay, okay, So that part of the
family no longer exists. They're dead to you. Find a
new family. Okay. I feel like the person who wrote
this and knows us like they knew what they knew.
(27:09):
They're just saying they recorded this to play for their husband. Okay,
so act right. Husband. I don't know what your name is.
I feel like it's Steve. Steve. If you don't Steve,
if you don't act right, go behind your woman's back.
You look, you might be next Check your shit? Do
you have a Christmas care? You don't even married anymore?
I don't know. I don't know. Legally, probably not, oh,
(27:33):
legally no, No. I think it's time y'all need to
renew your vows like I need, uh a ceremony, renewing
the vowel ceremony, because you don't mess up with all
the vowels, all of them. I have always thought this
that when people renew their vows, it should be because
someone has fucked up and someone needs a reminder. People.
(27:54):
Renewals should be a renewal. I think I've known about
three people that have had like affairs and they're like, oh,
we went to therapy and now we're better, and now
we're renewing our vows. Yeah, that makes sense to me
because then it's doing something. Yeah, can'd just be renewing
your vows for fun? Now? I love a good wedd
Hold up, he does. I love a good wedding. Well,
(28:15):
we got married last week. Guess what. Guess what this
week is renewing her now ceremony because I found another dress.
Oh no, I love I love that. Renew your vows
whenever you want. Yeah, no, yeah, we're going on vacation.
Guess what. We're renewing our vowals when we get to Jamaica.
We are. It's fun. Okay. Anyway, I'm gonna read the
next one. Okay, Okay. Do I need to send a
(28:36):
thank you card for a holiday gift that feels more
like advertising? I have a financial advisor who I've had
a friendly relationship with for years. Earlier this month he
sent me a holiday gift that was just the mug
with the logo of this company on it. Is this
something that I need to send a thank you note for? No,
absolutely not. He doesn't remember he sent that to you
already send that out like fifty sixty seventy people. He
(28:59):
doesn't care, and he didn't personally do it. His secretary did. Yeah,
he didn't do it. He's not thinking about you, and
that's ninety percent of our answers, says No, I was
thinking about you. Ain't nobody thinking about you. You don't
need to do it. But no, you're overthinking. Thank you
notes are really good habit. They are do thank you notes? No,
absolutely not. I know I do a thank you call
(29:22):
because you know I'm a talker. I think people really
appreciate that, because then I can go on and on
and on and on about how much I love something.
I think people appreciate that just as much I love
to gab. I will hunt you down and get you
on the phone. I know my friends are sending my
calls straight to voicemail because I'm going to talk and
I'm like, I saw you sent me a voicemail, you
better call me later, And they're like okay, And then
(29:43):
when they call us later, we're on the phone forever,
crying and laughing, crazy bad. I love to talk on
the phone. I'm ninety two. Ninety two year olds love
to talk on the phone. There was no text then
back in the day. Love it, so I'll do a nice,
wonderful I'll do a text too, But I love to
be like calm because I asked something to say, and
then I'll be like, oh my god, thank you so much.
Blah blah, blah, I love it. Yeah, yeah, that's me.
(30:05):
But I'm sorry. I'm bad at thank you card. Yeah no, no, thanks, no,
thank you thank you cards. I don't really expect one either.
I expect to thank you at some point in time,
like the next time I see you or a text. Yes,
I got it, but I don't need a whole card
to be sent. I also don't. Yeah, I'm not sad
if I don't get a card. Okay, Lacy, what are
(30:26):
you going to do for Christmas? What do you mean?
I mean? Christmas is coming? The goose is getting fat? Please,
you're right, everybody's coming over here? Is that what you're
talking about? Like Christmas Day? Yeah, you know, Teresa and James,
our parents will be here, I said their names. Mom
and will be here. My baby will be here, her
(30:49):
cute little point. You'll be here. Everybody else. You know,
people will come stop by. We're gonna cook, We're gonna
have good food. M I don't know what you know.
You should make your mac and cheese in the bathtub.
I've already you know, I got a huge taftop with jets.
Oh my god, that'll keep it me so great. I
(31:09):
don't know, gross, Oh my God, Yeah, yeah, do it.
I just hurt myself thinking about hurt my old stomach.
So yeah, I we'll just have people over and we'll
be eating and watching the Christmas Story like on repeat. Amber,
What are you gonna do? Never mind, I'm not celebrating Christmas.
Chistmas where everybody kicks a couple of gifts. Are you're
(31:32):
the No, you're not a gift to me person? Are
you wanting anything this Christmas? No? I feel like gifts
are obligations. You hate gifts, and anytime I receive a gift,
I go fuck Now, I gotta get this person a gift.
I hate it. Stress makes me sick. Did get you
something for Christmas? And you're gonna laugh? Laugh? Laugh? What
(31:52):
is it? I can't tell you? You're not me? You
don't want me to spoil it? Is it candy? Sure? Yeah,
it's canny. Yay? You love that? Okay? Can I have another?
We have a fan email? We don't read these that often.
Before that, let's take a break. Oh okay, all right?
Do you know we're supposed to take two breaks in
(32:14):
this thing? Who came up with this? Sure, let's do it.
I don't know, okay, but here's your second break. Since
you want it so bad, We'll be right back, Lady Lacy.
Never show. Hey, everybody, we're back with Marthy Amber and
Lacy Lacy. And never show Lacey. You said something about
(32:35):
a fan mail. Yes, we have a fan mail. A
fan mail. Sorry from Charlene. I feel like Charlene is
from the South. She's from South Carolina. Okay, Charline, I'm
so sorry. If you're not from South Carolina, we really
make advice about you. We will. Charlie got two cats
and one dog. Okay. Charlene says, I met a guy.
(32:56):
Oh lord, Charlene, I met a guy. I medically. I
met a guy through a dating app, and we've met
in person a few times. He's nice enough, but I'm
not interested. Okay. I just want to start right here
and be like, leave him alone. But okay, I'll keep reading.
Question for you, guys, is how honest should I be
(33:17):
with him? I don't want to ghost him, because we've
met in person too many times for that. That would
be rude. However, if I tell him the truth, which
is that I find him boring as fuck, does that
just hurt him for no reason? Or should I lie
to him? Then tell him I've met someone else and
want to give it some time and see where it goes.
What's better telling the truth when you know the truth
(33:39):
will hurt, or lying to save their feelings. Okay, you
don't have you don't have to go. It's okay, girl.
I don't think you have to tell him why. I
think you can just say, hey, it's been really fun
seeing you. I think are that this has run its course,
(34:01):
and thank you for all this time we spend together.
I wish you and yours and Merry Christmas. Fucking you
don't have to say why, Oh nobody shit why? Then
you can shoot from the hip first of them. You
say whatever you want exactly. I have been in this situation.
All you need to say is you know what. I
just feel like we're not a match. You're a very
(34:23):
nice person and I wish you well. That's more than
most people get. We're not a match. I'm not going
to go through sixty five reasons why we're not a match.
You nothing's going to change. I don't feel it. You
don't have to go into detail because it's probably gonna
hurt their feelings. I'm sorry, we're not a match. I
think you're a great person, but this just isn't gonna
(34:43):
work out, that's it. And another reason why that no,
Because if he's nice, you could set him up with
one of your friends. You can, all right, okay, well
maybe one of your friends, but you know your friend.
But if he's constantly still messaging you though, why why, Well,
you're a bitch blah blah. Because people turn like that
when they're that's right, So be ready to just be
(35:06):
ready to delete because you might get it after that.
You don't know who he is. You've only met met
him three times. You're just meeting his representative, So just
be ready, but you know, be vague. You don't have
to give extreme details of why you don't like someone.
You don't know. This person you don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I always think that because I feel like I could
be a whole I could have just like a complete
different accent for three dates for three days.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I could pretend I could want to be a man
for three dates three days, man for three days, and shit,
goog come on now, like, baby, what's a what you're doing?
Yeah it's not anybody three days for three dates, Yeah anyone.
Yeah I'm Vladimir. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry. I
(35:53):
trick June too thinking I was Vladimir Pu and I'm not.
I'm not. I'm just some lady. Yeah, this person is
you don't know. Oh lord, we're old and jaded. I
mean I am. You're talking to someone that's old and jaded,
and I don't. I'm not going to sit there and
(36:14):
cry over someone's feelings that long. Is that bad to say?
Just not? No, I don't even know if young people
are doing this. I don't even think young people are
giving the nice goodbyes that I'm giving. I think young
people are ghosting people left and right. If I think
that you're a nice person, I'm gonna be like, oh
my god, it was great meeting you. I just didn't
you know, fill the chemistry. It wasn't a good match.
That is one hundred percent more than a lot of
(36:34):
people are giving. So if you just do that little short,
nice and sweet, you're good. Go back Amber. You're going
to read that last one or I'll do it. Okay, Okay,
I'll do it. This is from Naomi. Naomi is from
She's from California. Okay, I just made something yet, I
we're making this. I'm psychic, but I can feel Naomi's energy.
(36:55):
She's from California. Hi. I have a cute, cute, eleven
month old baby, and I need help make you. Oh
my god, I need help making up cute songs to
keep him entertained. Well, we get ready for bed so
he doesn't melt down and I can get my precious
twenty minutes of me time. Hello. Please, his name is Armand, Okay,
(37:19):
should write this one through. Amber's got it and I'm
just gonna be back up. Armen. He's a starman, it's Armen.
Let him hold your head because it's a men's time
(37:39):
for bird. Didn't you do what I said? It's a'men's
time for bird.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Good.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
No, that's a good song. B that's right, Army, that's
a a good song. When we when we release our
album of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show songs,
Armand's on there. It's number three on That's help. It
is number one on the charts. You said, LP. Children
(38:09):
don't know what that is. They don't know what that is, Okay,
but I know what it is. It's Christmas, okay, so well, nothing,
it's nothing. At the end of the show. It is
the end of the show. Already, that's Christmas. Did you
have anything you needed to say? No, I just wanted
to say that I love Christmas so much and I
(38:32):
hope that all of our listeners out there have a
very wonderful Christmas and sending happy your Christmas candy. I
want the Christmas candy. You can't me candy. Okay, Well
split it in halfs and half to Amber and half
to me. I'll take the don't touch it, don't touch it.
I like the chocolate. Amber wants the hard gross eighties candy.
(38:55):
That's not true, but I will take it. You will.
I ain't met candy. I won't eat. Sorry. Yeah, everyone,
happy holidays. We love you so much. Go have fun
and then write down the crazy quotes that your family
says and then email them to us at Amber and
Lacyadvice at gmail dot com for serious. Oh yeah, we
(39:18):
want to hear a little drama in your email. And
then just every once in a while when someone says something,
just write down the quote and then who said it? Okay,
and then we're gonna read them on the show and
laugh ourselves sick. Okay, I love you. Have fun. The
(39:42):
Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show is a production
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. It's
created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar. Executive
produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced by
Becca Ramos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by Victor Right,
edit and mixed by Thy Herd. Music by David Schmoll.
We already know what you want under your tree to
come down the stairs and see Amber and they see
it's the Amber and Lacy Lacey and Amber Show. I
was that unhappy with your mic placement? What are you doing?
You don't like my mic? I love my mic? I
really don't. You can't hear me? Well, no, I guess
(00:22):
it's fine. You still like the way it looks? No,
I mean you're you're like drifting away from it. Oh
do I need to do it again? No? Okay, then
be quiet? I just oh wait what okay, I'll keep
it like that. That was as long as I could
be quiet. It was agony. I almost died. Oh we
(00:42):
have a podcast? Have we started the podcast? Yes? It started?
That was everyone it was. It was a beautiful song.
Would have been better with slightly different micro placement. But
I can't be everywhere everyone. Okay, but you see injustice?
Know that? Oh? An injustice? I yes, because that is
(01:05):
what your mic placement is. Welcome to the Amber and
Lazy Lacy Amber Show. I'm your host, both Amber and Lazy.
What again with me? Is a complete stranger, A beautiful street,
a beautiful change, uh laces, it's Christmas. I'm so excited.
(01:31):
It's the best time of the year, your time. Christmas
tree is up and it's beautiful, the most beautiful Christmas
tree ever, even though you tried, and your tree is
good and perfection. Your tree is good. It's nice. Okay,
he's he's untouchable. It's nice. But is he as nice
as mine? I don't know. People have come all over
(01:52):
to see this tree. Yeah, they're at the door right now,
and I'm like, I'm doing a podcast. No, you can't
come in and look at my tree. But as soon
as this is over, charge five dollars a person come
in and they take pictures of the tree. Sometimes I
stand next to it. That's an extra five to get
me in the picture. Lazy. I don't think you're telling
me ten dollars for the photograph to be printed off
(02:14):
and me to sign it with the pic with the
tree like all of that. That's that's an extra ten.
So then you could spend a total of twenty dollars.
Oh yeah, and sometimes people want more than one's photo
of me and it sign. People have spent thousands just
walking what yeah, I need a lot of that's too
(02:36):
much money, crazy extra cash, I mean, I guess if
you can. Oh my god, I saw on TikTok the
other day, m hm that someone runs a like uber
eats restaurant and you can only get it like Uber eats,
like you know and like seamless and stuff restaurant and
(02:56):
you can only get the food from their house and
they freak and cook it and their wife drives it
to you. And that's the restaurant and that's the business.
And it's all like stuff they bought. It's all like
frozen dinners and stuff. No, thank you, key stand it? No,
you know me and germs? What are you doing? Did
you scratch your butt? And then like, did you taste
(03:17):
some of that? Absolutely not. I don't know what's going
on in there. Not do it. I'll trust anybody like that. No.
Do you have a cat? Do you have a dog? No? No, no, sir,
No sir. Did you smoke in the car when you
brought it over? No? Would you do that? Would you
do that? No? Absolutely? I wouldn't do it. If I
knew the person, I would do it. No. Keep that.
(03:39):
No fucking way sounds are you giddy cold? Like someone's
going to do it? Someone thinks that's a great idea.
Someone's loving it. It's I am not. Oh you mean
someone's going to order it? Yes, I mean someone's Yeah.
People love that. They're talking about it right now when
they get off work. They want to order from these people.
It's not going to be me. Remember that viral image
(04:00):
from a million years ago that was like, this is
why I don't eat in other people's houses, and it
was a bathtub full of mac and cheese. Yeah, the
end of that sentence could have been anything, because as
I was saying it, I thought of like fourteen of
those yeah. Ough, oh my god, No, No, it was
in the bathtub. There's no way to the toilet, there's
no way. It was just clean that bathtub, good enough. Oh,
(04:23):
there's no way you need to feed that many people.
Oh what are you doing? Some y'all have to break
it up? Can everybody be together? And people men don't
care about germs are fine with that. I don't know
how you're fine with that. Somebody's like, oh that's great.
You know some college students that thought that was funny
as hell, and they ate from that. I don't think
I could. I like other people's germs. I can't do it.
(04:47):
No my germ. Yeah, I don't care. You're gonna eat
out of your bathtub? No, no, my bath Oh oh yeah, okay,
because I was like, I'm not eating out of my bathtub. Like,
I feel like if you were to cook food and
you you were fast and loose and you were like
tasting it and stuff, Yeah, I wouldn't give a shit.
You don't. You don't care. I'm pretty I'm pretty raggedy.
(05:08):
You are. I'm raggedy with germs a little bit. You
don't care. I'm raggedy with how old the food can get.
You are? I made lest early in the week. You dad,
take a chance. I thank you. I think you got
that from mom, if you got that from our parents.
My willingness to take a bite at anything. Yeah, old
(05:29):
people leave stuff out. I know they're listening to it.
I'm going to get in trouble. Old people leave stuff out.
I'll leave stuff out all day. I'm not doing it.
I'll wake up. I'll be like, and then I'll take
a bite. You're like, man, I'll let this out. Let
me taste it first before a refrigerator, just in case. No,
I don't want to see you make the food. I
(05:50):
don't want to see anyone taste it and then put
that spoon back in. I'm done. I'm done. Really yeah,
I don't want to see it. I don't want to
see a taste. I'll eat it. I know you're tasting
it if it's a loved one or friend, but I
don't want to I don't want to see it. I
don't want to see it. One time I was at
my friend's house and her mom made great food. I
mean not great, but just fine food. And she's white.
(06:15):
This is I think I can say because we know
enough people with this name, but you'll know exactly what
I'm talking about. Ashley her mom. So then she is
making the food and it's looking great. I'm very excited
to eat it. She takes some of the food and
she gives it to the dog, and the dog, you know,
is like eating it out of between her fingers and
(06:38):
like licking her hand. And she goes back to cooking
everything with the same licky dog fingers. And I was like,
this is what people when they say they don't eat
up white people's houses. This is dogs. This is the
tomfoolery they were talking about. Gross, can't do it. I
don't want dog germs. I just feel like dog germs
are as bad as it gets. They licked their butts.
(06:58):
I don't care what anyone says. When you're like the
dog germs or is clean. You know their mouth is
cleaner than humans. I don't care. Our mouths aren't even clean.
I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't
want it. I don't care about the germs. I do
have to tell you, Yes, I'm changing the subject my
daughter went to First of all, I have to tell
you the whole story. She calls me, and she goes, Mom,
(07:19):
where am I? What's going on? This is crazy? I'm
going to send you a picture. What should I do?
But she takes a picture. She goes, what's going on here?
She takes a picture. Her and her friends are out.
They're downtowns in the evening and it's just a bunch
of white women with afros and dashiki's And she doesn't
know if she's walked into some racist party. It's a
(07:43):
Missus Roper party. Oh god, it terrifying. And I had
to look at it for a minute because I know
they exist that I love Missus Roper. I would do
it in a minute, But when you think about it,
miss Roper did have curly hair. So now like woman
tries to go on buy old fashion, they don't make
those old fashioned white women wigs. You gotta get a
(08:04):
curly red afro. The of them had curly red afros.
Then they're looking for mumus. You can find a dashiki
mumou anywhere anywhere. A lot of them had African dash
shikis and didn't realize that they were shiekis. And uh, yeah,
I guess for people that don't know, missus Roper is
the wife of the landlord from threes Company, correct Camper,
(08:28):
that's right, there's company. And she was tacky and gaudy,
and she wore mumus and the big beaded necklaces and
she had big, fluffy red hair. I love it. But
if you're a tiny, you know, twenty something year old
baby and you walk into that miss yeah, you don't
know what they She didn't know if she should fight, yell,
call someone, call an activist, make a speech, had no idea,
(08:52):
and I was like, maybe back out of there, just
back out. That's not your planet, that's not for you.
Very fantastic, but I love I would death and let
me do it. I'd be the finest miss roper in here.
Be fine. Did not know what was going on, and
I fully yeah, I understood that. That's fair. I like it.
(09:15):
But look, today is not about that. No, Today's about Christmas.
About Christmas. We haven't even touched on Christmas, our favorite holiday.
Christmas is the best and some say only holiday. It
really is the only holiday. But this is what I'm
feeling right now. I'm sad that it's almost over. And
you know me, I'm a dragon. I'm a drag it
(09:37):
on my trees, not coming down till the end of
next month, to the end of January. Who's gonna stop,
see nobody, No one's gonna stop you. I love a
good tree. I love the good tree. And that's why
I put my tree up before freaking Thanksgiving. You were smart.
Next year, I'm going to do We're very, very smart. Yeah.
I've been enjoying him every day and I won't turn
(09:59):
it off. I gotta leave it up. You shouldn't turn
it off. I got to look at it. It's so beautiful.
I've got a reason to turn it off. M m mmmmm. Yeah.
The share we did a rainbow tree. Past trees have
included the red and Gold tree, the red cascading balls tree,
the green and Red tree, the green red, gold and
(10:21):
silver tree, the silver and gold tree. Oh, I think
those are all the trees that I've done. You've done
a lot this year. I just have my gold and
teal that matches this this curtain behind me, and I've
got little black characters on there. I've got some black mermaids,
some black ballerinas, some little black children playing in the snow.
(10:47):
It's very cute. Oh. I've got a million different little
things on my tree. I've got crowns, I've got jewels,
I've got flowers, I've got wings and what do you want?
It's on there. I got birds. What do you want? Oh,
it's there on any of those things. Well, I got
a lot. I got angels. I'm looking at it right.
Everybody loves a good peacock. I only have bowls on
(11:10):
my tree. You just got bowels and you get the
beanie cag I know you were going there, all right,
and that's Christmas. What do you hope to get for Christmas?
A if we're being honest and we aren't just kidding,
I'll take a chicken coop. What, Yeah, take a chicken coop. Oh,
(11:33):
we're getting chickens. We're getting chickens. Lacey, don't get chicken.
You can't stop me. It's either going to be chickens
or ducks. I know ducks are easier. I've had a
duck before. Kiss the duck. I know my duck. Sweetest
little baby chickens are ducks. This little baby chickens are.
Make this announcement. I am back in Omaha, Nebraska, and
(11:56):
parents are moving in and we're they're moving in. Guys.
Oh wow, it's gonna be Christmas. It's gonna be a
rowdy Christmas. It's gonna be rowdy. You know. Me and
dad taking care of chickens in the summer. We love
that stuff. He loves it. Yeah, he's gonna be out
there talking to him, trying to give my hug and
a kiss. Gonna have a garden. We're gonna be gardening.
(12:20):
We're gonna be gardening hard. We're gonna have the time
of our lives. Mayah, are you sure. I'm absolutely positive
we're gonna have a good time. I don't want you
to get a chicken. I want you to get a duck.
It could happen. We're gonna we're gonna have a vote.
We're gonna vote it out. My mom already said she's
not gonna touch the eggs. Why that's your mom? Call
(12:41):
her up and you asked her. She says, you don't
want these chicken eggs. So we might just have a
duck just to just have fun, just to be cute.
I want the duck and I want to hold him. Yeah,
gotta get my duckhouse back, the one with a pool
on the side. Yeah, yeah, that was a good duckhouse.
It's a great duckhouse. So hie, okay, so okay, Lace, Look, oh,
(13:04):
should we take a break on our shows, but also
we should remind people about sharing stories and calling us
for advice. Hey, everyone, do you have a problem that
you want advice a bail, well, then email us and
we could talk about your problem on our podcast. Just
(13:25):
email us at Amberandlacyadvice at gmail dot com and we're
going to get into it. Speaking of that, you'll hear
some of those when we get back. Also, we love you,
and also bye for a second. Hye, hey everybody, we're
(13:54):
back with more of the Amber and Lacy Lacy and
Amber show. It's time for what it is, Time for
us to hear people's gripes, people's complaints, solving problems. I
am a doctor, so we are going to solve these
Christmas I'm gonna go on Christmas dilemmas. I feel like
they're Christmas dilemmas. I'm gonna start with the first one. Okay, Okay.
(14:17):
My brother in law announced last minute that he's visiting
us for Christmas. Whenever he comes over, he usually wakes
up a little after ten am. But we have three
small children and they usually wake up around seven on
Christmas mornings to open up presents. What should we do?
Should we let our kids oway oh? Sorry? Should we
tell our kids that they need to wait until their
(14:37):
uncle is up or ask him to wake up early,
or should we just let the kids wake up early
and open presence without their uncle? Listen, it's Christmas time.
He's going into a house full of children. What is
he gonna be the Christmas Grench? Everybody gotta be quiet
because he visited. He visited the wrong house. You better
go stay at the merry out. He wants make up
at ten I was a child once I got him
(14:59):
at four am and just stood there waited. Maybe drop something.
When people know I'm up, I'm ready. I am not
waiting till ten. I will revolt. Okay, yeah, now he
knows what he's getting into and how if he better
not complain? Grinchity, grinch, brinch grinch. No, we're getting up
in the work and he can stay in his room.
He can stay in his room if he wants. I
(15:19):
don't care. This is not about him. It's about children. Also,
I have something really really bad to say. Oh no, Amber,
he don't need to watch your kids open up present.
Those aren't his kiss him, he don't care. Who cares?
Oh you got him the lego Harry party. He doesn't yo, fuck,
who cares? He doesn't care. Sorry, No one's excited to
(15:40):
watch your kids open up presence except you and the kids.
It's a family thing. If this was such a big
deal to him, he'd come over before. But you know,
when this man wakes up, you know, when these children
wake up, let them do it. He's fine, and don't
force him to be there. He'll have all day. Yeah,
and if he wants to wake up, great, If he doesn't, great,
We solved it. There you go. We saw it about him.
(16:02):
It's not about him. It's about these children. Don't mess
up their Christmas memory. Gosh, can you remember getting into
mom and Dad's room and being like, it's six in
the morning, can you please yeah, please, the sun is up.
What are you doing? They would always be like, all right,
because you know we already peaked as some of them. Anyway,
(16:23):
we knew the main ones that we were getting. We
were bad. We were in there. They had a hiding
spot everyone. It was in their shower in their bedroom.
They would hide the gifts in the shower. Man, we knew,
we know, there's five of us. Come on now, that's
basically the FBI office, five children putting the mice on them.
We knew where the gifts were. Sometimes they would be
wrapped and then we would maybe peel them. No, they
(16:46):
didn't use the shower. Someone we just got a message
asking that they did they get wet in the shower. No,
after the gifts were in the shower, that was their storage. Okay, no,
because there are two other bats. But listen. But yeah,
we were in there. We were mixing it up, we
were getting it. We're looking at stuff. It was very fun.
(17:07):
I have to remember how much my my little Pony
dream house cost because I remember looking at it in
the store and being like, this is an amount of
money that no human being has, so I can't ask
for it. I don't even think it was like five dollars.
(17:31):
I feel like it was either fifty nine or thirty
nine dollars. But I remember being like, man, I guess
I'll ask for something else because I don't want my
parents to go broke, go go broke by me. Yeah,
I really, And then when I got it, I was like, oh,
my fucking god, I can't believe. I still that is
(17:52):
maybe the coolest present I ever got. I was shocked.
I was shocked, in appalled. I can't believe I got
a present. Yeah, what's your coolest present? When we were little, Yeah, oh,
cabbage Patch kid? Cabbage Patch kid, cabbage Patch kid. Everybody
wanted a cabbage Patch kid, that's right. And I remember
Mom could not find a black cabbage Patch Kid at
(18:15):
that time. You couldn't find him. And uh, I got
the International Cabbage Patch Kid. And she was from Italy.
Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry. She was from Spain.
And she had on the red dress with the black ruffles. Yeah,
but she had bright red hair and green eyes. Oh yep.
(18:38):
She was from Spain. She was from Spain. Yeah, oh,
so then that's that's the one I'm thinking of. Yeah,
so then that must not have been mine. Oh. We
probably all got similar cabbage patch dolls. I got one
with red hair and red hairhle mine. No, mine was
from Spain and had the red dress with the long
ruffles and the little fan, and I named her Larea.
(19:04):
I love. Took it to school. Oh my god, I
took that to show and tell. Oh, couldn't tell me nothing.
I had a black cabbage patch kid and I named
her Alicia Ashley. Oh, okay, just glamor zaz Alicia Ashley.
Oh that is mine, Loria. She had her last name
(19:26):
just Lria, probably Loria rough and damn, that's what she got,
Alicia Ashley. I remember sneaking into mom and Dad's room
and opening up the shower and just everything nothing's wrapped,
and I'm just like and Dad said, are you done?
He was standing behind me, and I didn't get a spanking.
(19:48):
I didn't. He just was like okay, and I just
walked past him, held my breath. I got out of there,
and I think we all got a speech or something,
because Dad did like to sit you down and give
you a good speech. Lord, Lord, I gotta I got speech.
The other day. Dad is still giving strong ass speeches,
given strong speeches, Donald Trump, my dad, I'll speech you. Yeah.
(20:15):
We all just and he tried to make us feel
so bad. I was just happy that that's all I
was getting was the speech. So of course I had
to go I could have got it, you could have
got it. Work. Then I had to act like, yes,
I feel this. I am. I am so sorry. Oh,
I'm sorry. I saw what I got and I still
got what I got. I was sorry. I was like, oh,
is this all we're doing now? I am I can't.
(20:39):
I will spoil a surprise in a minute for myself.
I don't need to be surprised. I need to plan, okay,
because if you get me something doufist, I gotta worry
about myself and I'd be like, well I didn't want that.
Let me make myself happy. I don't want that. Oh
I will speak. Oh I'm so bad even today, even today,
(21:02):
if you told me you got something in this inner drawer,
I'm gonna go look, Lacy, Yeah, that's terrible, terrible. I'm
not telling that person, but I'm gonna try it. I'm
going to try to find out one hundred percent what
it is. Why I need to know. I just need
I just need to know. But it is what it
is because I think it builds up that acting if
(21:24):
I open it up, if you give me like a
chicken foot, I don't want a chicken foot. But I
prepared my mind and I'm gonna open it up, and
I'm like, oh my god, this is great. Yup? Got
it preparable? I could it or use it for stiff
scratch my back with it? Yeah, Lacy, we were doing
(21:45):
do you remember that. No, we weren't doing Sister Cord.
We were doing advice. We were doing advice. Nothing was
about Sister Court was it. And that's what advice is.
It is it is. Okay, let's go back. Do you
want to read the second word? Do you want me
to read it? I'll read it. I'll read it. Okay, Okay,
(22:06):
get back on track. Yeah, this is us getting back
on track. My husband sent Christmas cards to family members
who were no shows to our daughter's wedding. Earlier this year,
our daughter got married. We sent out save the Data
invitations to several family members and friends. Many of them
decided that they couldn't show up. I felt pretty upset
and let down by this and decided that I didn't
want to send Christmas cards to these individuals. Unbeknownst to me,
(22:28):
while I was away at work, my husband decided to
print and send cards to the people I'm mad at.
I only found out a few weeks later when someone
thanked me for the card. I feel very angry at
my husband, and I don't know if I'm justified in
my anger. What do you think? Okay, now, if you
want to ask two people whether or not you're justified
in your anger, you came to the wrong two people.
(22:49):
Burn it down, girl, Burn it down. First of all,
you're the United States. That's those family members that didn't
show up. There are now Russia. Go ahead, go ahead,
be nice to them. No, no, no, my finger's on
the button. I'm waiting say something. No, I will say
this like you. If it was his family, then I
(23:13):
think that's fine. If he would over your head to
your own family, that's doing dirt. That's doing dirt because
he doesn't know the whole history there. No, So look,
come to our house for Christmas. You are in our
house for Christmas. Come to these people throw your family away. Now,
will you be disappointed with my food? Yeah, because it's old.
(23:35):
I made it two weeks ago. Oh oh, I don't know.
But also I feel like this, you're fine, Like they
didn't come to your kid's wedding. I'm I mean, I
don't know. Can't everybody go to everything? Come on? That's true,
but a united front is a united front. But if
(23:56):
I'm met a husband there not even check the mailbox,
beefing with the mailman. Our mail don't exist anymore till
I say the mail exists. She's right, Well, I will
get mad with someone at a minute. If Amber is
like I will never talk to that butcher again. Behind it,
(24:16):
I'm going to the grocery store. I'm my extra slow,
and when he says can I help you, I'm not
gonna say shit. I might be like yeah and then
just stand there look at her. I'm gonna go there
just to just to mess with him. So also like
mess with me. Having read this from you, knowing I
do not know who you are. If I saw your
(24:36):
family out in the street and I'm being a thousand
percent real, I'd be like, mm, I don't even know you.
You didn't mean no I'd be like, you have all
this energy for me, but where were you during the wedding?
Are you those people dying funny to the wedding? That's funny? Yeah,
(24:59):
you want to enjoy Christmas with you little Christmas cards?
But where were you when Sasha got married? And I'm
just assuming her name is Sasha? Would you fucking know
you didn't go to her welding? You don't know her name.
I love the United Front. That's when you know you're
united friends, when your friends. I love friends like this.
(25:19):
I love friends that are like, who are we mad
at right now? Listen? Love it? Both are your dads.
A fun fact about me is I can get kind
of mad, but usually I don't. I don't care, especially
if someone has wronged me. But I'll I'll forget that
they have wronged me, and I'll forget how But you know,
he'll never forget Jenny Hagel. And every once in a while,
(25:43):
I'll be like, oh my god, you know who I
saw the other day, that one guy saw that party.
And she'll be like, you mean that guy that insinuated
that you didn't know what fruit of the loom was.
I'll be like, yeah, She'll be like fuck. That guy'll
be like, oh yeah, I forgot that. Technally true, mad
I forgot thanks, thanks Jenny. She'll be like, no problem.
(26:06):
But that does come in handy because I can't remember
everyone I get mad at. And also, if I've ever
been mad at you, I'm not anymore. I've already forgotten.
I am. I'm sorry, I've already forgotten it. I just
have ever been mad at you. I remember like it
was yesterday. Now moving on. If you've ever been mean
(26:26):
to Lacey or Jenny, I'll never forget it. Well now,
I never fucking forget it, never say one weird word
to Jenny. I'll never forget that shit Jenny. Jenny is
made up, She's fought and then made up with. It's
very rare that Jenny will, I mean, argue a teeny
(26:46):
bit and then make up and then move on. I
don't care. That's between you and Jenny. What you and
I have is still going. It's still going. That's what
she get Okay, Okay, okay, So that part of the
family no longer exists. They're dead to you. Find a
new family. Okay. I feel like the person who wrote
this and knows us like they knew what they knew.
(27:09):
They're just saying they recorded this to play for their husband. Okay,
so act right. Husband. I don't know what your name is.
I feel like it's Steve. Steve. If you don't Steve,
if you don't act right, go behind your woman's back.
You look, you might be next Check your shit? Do
you have a Christmas care? You don't even married anymore?
I don't know. I don't know. Legally, probably not, oh,
(27:33):
legally no, No. I think it's time y'all need to
renew your vows like I need, uh a ceremony, renewing
the vowel ceremony, because you don't mess up with all
the vowels, all of them. I have always thought this
that when people renew their vows, it should be because
someone has fucked up and someone needs a reminder. People.
(27:54):
Renewals should be a renewal. I think I've known about
three people that have had like affairs and they're like, oh,
we went to therapy and now we're better, and now
we're renewing our vows. Yeah, that makes sense to me
because then it's doing something. Yeah, can'd just be renewing
your vows for fun? Now? I love a good wedd
Hold up, he does. I love a good wedding. Well,
(28:15):
we got married last week. Guess what. Guess what this
week is renewing her now ceremony because I found another dress.
Oh no, I love I love that. Renew your vows
whenever you want. Yeah, no, yeah, we're going on vacation.
Guess what. We're renewing our vowals when we get to Jamaica.
We are. It's fun. Okay. Anyway, I'm gonna read the
next one. Okay, Okay. Do I need to send a
(28:36):
thank you card for a holiday gift that feels more
like advertising? I have a financial advisor who I've had
a friendly relationship with for years. Earlier this month he
sent me a holiday gift that was just the mug
with the logo of this company on it. Is this
something that I need to send a thank you note for? No,
absolutely not. He doesn't remember he sent that to you
already send that out like fifty sixty seventy people. He
(28:59):
doesn't care, and he didn't personally do it. His secretary did. Yeah,
he didn't do it. He's not thinking about you, and
that's ninety percent of our answers, says No, I was
thinking about you. Ain't nobody thinking about you. You don't
need to do it. But no, you're overthinking. Thank you
notes are really good habit. They are do thank you notes? No,
absolutely not. I know I do a thank you call
(29:22):
because you know I'm a talker. I think people really
appreciate that, because then I can go on and on
and on and on about how much I love something.
I think people appreciate that just as much I love
to gab. I will hunt you down and get you
on the phone. I know my friends are sending my
calls straight to voicemail because I'm going to talk and
I'm like, I saw you sent me a voicemail, you
better call me later, And they're like okay, And then
(29:43):
when they call us later, we're on the phone forever,
crying and laughing, crazy bad. I love to talk on
the phone. I'm ninety two. Ninety two year olds love
to talk on the phone. There was no text then
back in the day. Love it, so I'll do a nice,
wonderful I'll do a text too, But I love to
be like calm because I asked something to say, and
then I'll be like, oh my god, thank you so much.
Blah blah, blah, I love it. Yeah, yeah, that's me.
(30:05):
But I'm sorry. I'm bad at thank you card. Yeah no, no, thanks, no,
thank you thank you cards. I don't really expect one either.
I expect to thank you at some point in time,
like the next time I see you or a text. Yes,
I got it, but I don't need a whole card
to be sent. I also don't. Yeah, I'm not sad
if I don't get a card. Okay, Lacy, what are
(30:26):
you going to do for Christmas? What do you mean?
I mean? Christmas is coming? The goose is getting fat? Please,
you're right, everybody's coming over here? Is that what you're
talking about? Like Christmas Day? Yeah, you know, Teresa and James,
our parents will be here, I said their names. Mom
and will be here. My baby will be here, her
(30:49):
cute little point. You'll be here. Everybody else. You know,
people will come stop by. We're gonna cook, We're gonna
have good food. M I don't know what you know.
You should make your mac and cheese in the bathtub.
I've already you know, I got a huge taftop with jets.
Oh my god, that'll keep it me so great. I
(31:09):
don't know, gross, Oh my God, Yeah, yeah, do it.
I just hurt myself thinking about hurt my old stomach.
So yeah, I we'll just have people over and we'll
be eating and watching the Christmas Story like on repeat. Amber,
What are you gonna do? Never mind, I'm not celebrating Christmas.
Chistmas where everybody kicks a couple of gifts. Are you're
(31:32):
the No, you're not a gift to me person? Are
you wanting anything this Christmas? No? I feel like gifts
are obligations. You hate gifts, and anytime I receive a gift,
I go fuck Now, I gotta get this person a gift.
I hate it. Stress makes me sick. Did get you
something for Christmas? And you're gonna laugh? Laugh? Laugh? What
(31:52):
is it? I can't tell you? You're not me? You
don't want me to spoil it? Is it candy? Sure? Yeah,
it's canny. Yay? You love that? Okay? Can I have another?
We have a fan email? We don't read these that often.
Before that, let's take a break. Oh okay, all right?
Do you know we're supposed to take two breaks in
(32:14):
this thing? Who came up with this? Sure, let's do it.
I don't know, okay, but here's your second break. Since
you want it so bad, We'll be right back, Lady Lacy.
Never show. Hey, everybody, we're back with Marthy Amber and
Lacy Lacy. And never show Lacey. You said something about
(32:35):
a fan mail. Yes, we have a fan mail. A
fan mail. Sorry from Charlene. I feel like Charlene is
from the South. She's from South Carolina. Okay, Charline, I'm
so sorry. If you're not from South Carolina, we really
make advice about you. We will. Charlie got two cats
and one dog. Okay. Charlene says, I met a guy.
(32:56):
Oh lord, Charlene, I met a guy. I medically. I
met a guy through a dating app, and we've met
in person a few times. He's nice enough, but I'm
not interested. Okay. I just want to start right here
and be like, leave him alone. But okay, I'll keep reading.
Question for you, guys, is how honest should I be
(33:17):
with him? I don't want to ghost him, because we've
met in person too many times for that. That would
be rude. However, if I tell him the truth, which
is that I find him boring as fuck, does that
just hurt him for no reason? Or should I lie
to him? Then tell him I've met someone else and
want to give it some time and see where it goes.
What's better telling the truth when you know the truth
(33:39):
will hurt, or lying to save their feelings. Okay, you
don't have you don't have to go. It's okay, girl.
I don't think you have to tell him why. I
think you can just say, hey, it's been really fun
seeing you. I think are that this has run its course,
(34:01):
and thank you for all this time we spend together.
I wish you and yours and Merry Christmas. Fucking you
don't have to say why, Oh nobody shit why? Then
you can shoot from the hip first of them. You
say whatever you want exactly. I have been in this situation.
All you need to say is you know what. I
just feel like we're not a match. You're a very
(34:23):
nice person and I wish you well. That's more than
most people get. We're not a match. I'm not going
to go through sixty five reasons why we're not a match.
You nothing's going to change. I don't feel it. You
don't have to go into detail because it's probably gonna
hurt their feelings. I'm sorry, we're not a match. I
think you're a great person, but this just isn't gonna
(34:43):
work out, that's it. And another reason why that no,
Because if he's nice, you could set him up with
one of your friends. You can, all right, okay, well
maybe one of your friends, but you know your friend.
But if he's constantly still messaging you though, why why, Well,
you're a bitch blah blah. Because people turn like that
when they're that's right, So be ready to just be
(35:06):
ready to delete because you might get it after that.
You don't know who he is. You've only met met
him three times. You're just meeting his representative, So just
be ready, but you know, be vague. You don't have
to give extreme details of why you don't like someone.
You don't know. This person you don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I always think that because I feel like I could
be a whole I could have just like a complete
different accent for three dates for three days.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I could pretend I could want to be a man
for three dates three days, man for three days, and shit,
goog come on now, like, baby, what's a what you're doing?
Yeah it's not anybody three days for three dates, Yeah anyone.
Yeah I'm Vladimir. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry. I
(35:53):
trick June too thinking I was Vladimir Pu and I'm not.
I'm not. I'm just some lady. Yeah, this person is
you don't know. Oh lord, we're old and jaded. I
mean I am. You're talking to someone that's old and jaded,
and I don't. I'm not going to sit there and
(36:14):
cry over someone's feelings that long. Is that bad to say?
Just not? No, I don't even know if young people
are doing this. I don't even think young people are
giving the nice goodbyes that I'm giving. I think young
people are ghosting people left and right. If I think
that you're a nice person, I'm gonna be like, oh
my god, it was great meeting you. I just didn't
you know, fill the chemistry. It wasn't a good match.
That is one hundred percent more than a lot of
(36:34):
people are giving. So if you just do that little short,
nice and sweet, you're good. Go back Amber. You're going
to read that last one or I'll do it. Okay, Okay,
I'll do it. This is from Naomi. Naomi is from
She's from California. Okay, I just made something yet, I
we're making this. I'm psychic, but I can feel Naomi's energy.
(36:55):
She's from California. Hi. I have a cute, cute, eleven
month old baby, and I need help make you. Oh
my god, I need help making up cute songs to
keep him entertained. Well, we get ready for bed so
he doesn't melt down and I can get my precious
twenty minutes of me time. Hello. Please, his name is Armand, Okay,
(37:19):
should write this one through. Amber's got it and I'm
just gonna be back up. Armen. He's a starman, it's Armen.
Let him hold your head because it's a men's time
(37:39):
for bird. Didn't you do what I said? It's a'men's
time for bird.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Good.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
No, that's a good song. B that's right, Army, that's
a a good song. When we when we release our
album of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show songs,
Armand's on there. It's number three on That's help. It
is number one on the charts. You said, LP. Children
(38:09):
don't know what that is. They don't know what that is, Okay,
but I know what it is. It's Christmas, okay, so well, nothing,
it's nothing. At the end of the show. It is
the end of the show. Already, that's Christmas. Did you
have anything you needed to say? No, I just wanted
to say that I love Christmas so much and I
(38:32):
hope that all of our listeners out there have a
very wonderful Christmas and sending happy your Christmas candy. I
want the Christmas candy. You can't me candy. Okay, Well
split it in halfs and half to Amber and half
to me. I'll take the don't touch it, don't touch it.
I like the chocolate. Amber wants the hard gross eighties candy.
(38:55):
That's not true, but I will take it. You will.
I ain't met candy. I won't eat. Sorry. Yeah, everyone,
happy holidays. We love you so much. Go have fun
and then write down the crazy quotes that your family
says and then email them to us at Amber and
Lacyadvice at gmail dot com for serious. Oh yeah, we
(39:18):
want to hear a little drama in your email. And
then just every once in a while when someone says something,
just write down the quote and then who said it? Okay,
and then we're gonna read them on the show and
laugh ourselves sick. Okay, I love you. Have fun. The
(39:42):
Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show is a production
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. It's
created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar. Executive
produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced by
Becca Ramos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by Victor Right,
edit and mixed by Thy Herd. Music by David Schmoll.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.