March 19, 2025 • 35 mins
This week Amber and Lacey banter about rhyming skills, morning calls, and adding miniature pigs and fainting goats to their menagerie. The duo shares another round of Lacey's wild DMs, Kenny G trivia, and more!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Come on, come on, it's time to get cracking. Turn
up the volume. You're going to start laughing. He's the
ember Lacey Lacey an amber shoe, truly.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
A masterpiece of American music. Did you see? I felt
like I was like Eminem? Did you hear how I
rhymed kraking with laughing? Remember when he bragged about rhyming
with orange? That's what I just did. Oh oh wow,
I did notice many similarities between you and Eminem, now
(00:34):
that you mentioned it, do you remember his interview how
he bragged that he could rhyme anything with orange?
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Do you remember the orange comment? That was like a
huge thing, and he was so proud of himself.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Okay, shoot, he should be proud of himself. I mean,
buddy man. Last look. Yes, I have a lot of
things to say. I don't think you deal with Go ahead.
Every morning I call it, say, I go, Lacy, you
gotta listen, wake up. This is very important, and Lacy goes,
(01:05):
I'm already awake. What you're about to say is nonsense.
I go no, She goes, well, now I go. Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
You said I'm boring, and that was this morning girl.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
You called me to entertain you do you want to
be and died. My TV's broke. That is so funny,
this poor ass. Oh okay, we start to go fund
me for Amber ruffin TV. Y'all see TV and TV nowadays.
Maybe you could buy a good TV for two hundred dollars.
Maybe that was days. Oh that's right. Now a TV
(01:37):
cost seven thousand dollars and a drop of your blood. Hey, yeah,
TV's are expense. Yeah, I don't know. I almost got
a new TV. Now there's a TV, the basement TV.
You got a whole TV nobody's using. But then I
heard that people have those TVs and they have a
frame around them.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I mean, you can get the TV with the fra.
I'm inside them. That's what I got. That's take a
picture and that's all you need. You're doing too much.
Your frame gonna fall off, catch on fire. It is
by your fire. I'm telling too much. Now I'm telling
all your business. Catch your frame on fire.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Mmm, okay, listen up, this is real, Lacey. Listen like
add makeup on my video settings.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I'm looking at you. Touch up my boos bottom, baby,
I want to do that.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I look like an alien. You look like you have
eyes and a lips know how it works. Just leave it.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Nobody cares, oh Jesus, except write in and talk about
how Amber look crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
They're like I did not appreciate. They can't even see you.
They might see you in a clip though. Your lips
are going. Not it now, your lips is gone. Oh okay.
What I've been doing lately is spring is coming. That's right.
Just thinking about the animals that we're adding outside, Lacey,
stop shut up. One small just one small miniature pig.
(03:03):
Stop acting like this. You know Dad's not going to
tell me. No, that's gonna love to have a pig,
all pig.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
We're already getting a duck. And then the chickens, and
that will be it. Why are you go? Or two
because they need a friend? Two small fainting goats.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Then I'm done. No goats. The goats really don't do anything.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
You're right, because who's drinking goat milk?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Not me?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Not I said I milk, and them suckers yuck. They're
too small, are cute, they're.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Front of the chase, a little miniature guy fund to
run around with, but you can't scare them. And then
they faint. And I did it. My friend Ashley had
fainting goats. And we went over there and we they
were so small and so young and so cute, and
we were like, we can't, we can't possibly do it.
But then we did. And it felt horrible because it
(03:59):
was just a little baby. Triantized those babies, I traumatized it.
Listen this time next year. I don't know what I'm
going having at you. I'm just gonna be honest. I
have to be quite a bit all the stuff. And
you didn't want to say dog, Well, the dog is?
Everybody know I'm gonna get a dog. I'm talking about
the other the other animal. Yeah, I gotta have me
a big guard dog. I need people to know.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Any people out there listening thinking they're gonna act a fool,
I'm gonna have a big old dog that's gonna bite you.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
O lazy, got a big old dog. Yeah we're bad.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
No, I gotta have a big old dog. There's a
debate on what we're gonna get.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
But yeah, what if I let the handyman in while
we're having this podcast, we'd be mad?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
No, he's got to be quiet. Okay, I'm having worked
done on my house too. I don't know when they're
coming hopefully. He did say it's not too loud. Okay,
I'm telling him to come over now. Full disclosure, he
did say you're gonna be doing a podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I could be on it, so I don't know how
he's going to act. Oh no, I think it might
be too loud. Amber it might be too loud for
what it takes to get my TV up. Wait should
I know? You should wait till after the podcast. There
might be some nailing some and we're going to all
pick that up. I'm gonna say, I have to be okay, Lacey, Hey,
(05:23):
did you see any highlights? Did you see any highlights
from your friend last night? What friend president of the
United States? Of him?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I really think he had some good ideas. Oh okay, Mike,
this is just all unbelievable. I gotta say whirl. As
the old people say, is go on a hell in
a handbasket, Lacey Lacy Adele Lamar. Making up people's middle names.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh man, I have a friend who gives me a
new middle name. Every time I see her. She stands
up and yells it out, and people are like.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I know your middle name was Kafy and it's not
that's Mickey. She is always yelling my name Lacy Lacuisa Lemar.
I'm like, no, I like that. It's a good Bune
gives me a new nickname every time I used to do. Yeah, sorry,
what were you going to start crying? You said it
(06:22):
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I was going to start crying at the state of
the world.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, it's a little frightening and it's happening like it's
here now. The other day someone was like, uh, what
are you going to say at the White House correspondence
or are you going to make sure to keep it equal?
Was no, keep what equal? You can't tell who said
(06:47):
this to you? Who said this to you? Are you
going to make sure to bubbah bah? No, they don't know.
The world's not equal. Hasn't been equal since well ever,
never been equal.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
It's never been equal, sir. So no, Wow, I didn't
think people would come up here.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
I woke my parents up this morning and said, y'all
got to exercise, get out of this because if we got.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
To run for it, y'all got to know how to run.
That's on everybody. Your exercise regimen starts today, Mom, I
want you to be doing him high kicks because I
can't carry everybody out of here and run for it.
Thank Heaven, that's your motivation. The world is in and
y'all gotta be ready to run when I say run.
(07:30):
I got my go bag and in that go bag,
and I'm sure I can't tell you all what's in
my go back. What a spam is part of it,
because you know Dad loves some spam. Sam.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It will last you forever. It'll last you for seventy
five years.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I bet it will taste exactly the same today as
it will seventy five years from now. Oh, I do
need to talk about this, and I think I'm going
to talk about this on every podcast so that everyone
knows when my time comes. I want the head transplant.
Thought about it, seeing it it's going to be happed
by the time I pass away and be able to
have a head transplant. I'll take anybody's body. I don't care.
(08:02):
You mean like Walt Disney.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Yeah, I want a head transplant onto a new body.
They said you could live for a couple hundred years
if you do that. I'm doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Who's they, Lacey, it's the scientists, Lacey. I get my
head transplant. Yeah, I think we both have to get
head transplants so that we can be here for like
two hundred years. No, no, I need my head. You
keep yours and your memories. Definitely don't want a raggedy body.
(08:36):
You know money. No, nobody want this body. They're like,
you gave me this body.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, No, I need a young I don't care whose
body it is, a fourteen year old boy. I need
to live for two hundred more years. I'll take it, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Don't know, but live two hundred more years for what.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Listen, you're on your deathbedd and they walk in and
they're like, it's over, or take this body.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
You got one hundred more years. What are you doing?
You have a chance of living one hundred Why not?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Maybe you only live for fifty. I need to see
what's happening out there. I think it'd be great.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It seems unnatural. Yes, it's one hundred percent natural. I
don't think that even if they were like, we're gonna
put you on a robot body. Take it done, got it,
But you have no guarantee of the quality of it. No,
you don't, because maybe you can turn it off. Feel
like trapped like a like a a like like a
panic attack. You might feel like that for the rest
(09:30):
of your one hundred years.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Nah, I don't think so. I will be the guinea pig.
I think it's worth it. It might be horrible, paid what
if it's a robot body and then I can fight?
Then I'm like a superhero. All hold up now now
I'm a superherol.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't think you're making the right true Now I'm
the robot lady. Oh stop it. I gotta come up
with my name. Now, I gotta come up with my
superhero name. Wait, what's your superhero name? I don't know yet.
Robot lady did not sound great. Robot Lady, keep it now,
Look who wants to join for the robot body with me?
Because I could go up with a superhero name. Now
(10:07):
you look like you interested. I would get a song
and a superpower m but you know this superpowers so
far again it's not a superpower rah, yeah, superf I
count step part. I would take it. Take it in
a minute. Okay. I mean you're doing the right thing. No,
(10:28):
you're overthinking it. I am overthinking it.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know, you could live for another hundred years all
the wisdom that you have people be asking you, oh
my god, what was it like two hundred years ago?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And you could be like, oh, man, listen, you remember
this song? Listen to this song? Is it still out?
Are all our songs going to be out two hundred
years from now? Are people going to be listening to
back that ass? Huh? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Okay, well you'll you'll never know because you ain't getting
your answers getting done.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Oh my god, do you know what song I haven't
been able to? Oh? Oh hey, what's this song? And
I mean this and I've been thinking about it for
twenty four hours? Okay, what is this song? Okay, go ahead?
Day dreaming and I'm thinking of you? Day dreaming and
a thing a movie? What is it? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Day dreaming and I'm thinking of you? Is it j
Jennifer Lopez?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
No, it's like from the seventies.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Oh yeah, I don't know. I know the song, but
I don't know the song. And hey, I think it's
time for us to go on our break now. Yeah,
you're right, Hey, everybody, we have to go to a
break right now. But here's what you should know.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Lacey is a buttthead. All right, I'll see you back
after the message nobody, it's so wrong. Hey everybody, we're
(11:52):
back and better than ever. Listen up, because I'm only
gonna say this three times. We're great, We're great. I
think you're a little bit conceited. What I didn't say
I'm beautiful and we're great, which I could have and
frankly should have. Kay I see, I think yes, but
(12:14):
it's time. We have not done a good slide out
of Lacey's dms. In a minute. Oh shah shula. So
I'm ready. These a couple of these that I'm about
to do have pictures again. You may or may not
be able to see them, but we will definitely give
you a great description. Okay. So first, hey everyone, we're
(12:35):
about to do a segment called slide out of Lacey's dms.
These are actual dms that human beings have sent Lacey Lamar.
She's young, she's cute, she's on the apps, and people
be wilid. Let's take a look. Thank you, emmer. My
first one is from a gentleman that says you and
this is my first message. I can't see anything. It
just says you are so beautiful. Let's exchange numbers. I
(12:59):
go and I click on the message and he sent
me and it is a picture of a man holding
a semi automatic And this is what he sent me.
I don't want to go to I don't want to
exchange your number. Oh I don't like that. So let's
talk about this. Okay, why would you send that? I
get it. You're probably a gun enthusiast and you're probably
(13:21):
like I have an AK forty seven. I don't know
what that thing is. But all this says to me
is I'm gonna be kidnapped. Yeah, listen, ye not paying
my ransom. Ambers don't want to pay to get this
new television. She's not gonna pay for my random You're
talking to the wrong person. My parents, they're not paying
for that. Anybody got money for that. Nobody got one
(13:43):
point two million for you to ransom me. They got
fifty dollars in a Walmart coupon. Oh no, no, you
can't have my Walmart coupons now, you don't, dang.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
But also, sir, you're talking to the wrong woman because
I've never you can try to kidnap me be the
one kidnapping you.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
You're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I'm not I don't know what that that picture means,
but don't at this point, and I'm just trying to
help you take that picture down.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I don't want to see semi automatic? Why would you
do that? If you were on a gun enthusiast site
and you've had men and women sharing their guns, sharing
their guns, gun for gun lace excited because.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Oh lord, okay, subscribe okay, And the nosy person that
he wants to be like, how many women has this
worked on? Because if it hasn't worked all of them,
you need to switch to something else. And you're probably
getting more angry and angry. Oh not good because nobody's
responding to you. M sir, really showing a lot about yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You need to stop. Okay, it's a really brave thing
to do. Amber always something to say. This one I
was so confused. I did not respond to it, but
it said one night stand if you want to text me?
Oh picture was this? So that's a horse? Is the
one night stand with you? Or the horse? Why?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I love an animal? I'll take the horses a pet,
but I'm not what are we doing? Ask if you want?
And then he texts me, text me photo of a horse?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Oh? Can someone unpack that? No, they can't thank you.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
No, I want a pet horse. That's about it. Relationship
have a horse.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh okay, almost, that's what you said. The old one
would like to picture of a horse. This is you.
He almost got me. He almost said, okay, this one,
this next one is a lot. But this is the
So I already think that this is a match. Absolutely not,
this is and I'm finding I find I'm finding this out.
(15:59):
I'm on those sites that say are we dating the
same man? And a lot of women not only are
they posting the married men that they're finding, they're posting messages.
And I'm like, these are all the same messages. And
this is a constant that I see every time I'm
on these sites. It says you are very beautiful. Can
(16:19):
I have your number? I'd like to chat with you
a little bit more if you don't mind. Oh, I'm
so sorry. It says you are scratched out, you guys. Okay,
So this next one says you are very beautiful. I
would like to have your number, And I said, I
would like to chat a little bit more if you
don't mind before we exchange numbers.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Is that okay? And he said, never mind? You ugly anyways,
man feelings get hurt.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Then you last out like you twelve, you're going to
get this cat fishing. Oh you ugly anyways and next
ugly anyways.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Okay, that's fine. You know what it works in fifth grade?
It didn't stay sir Gilbert, please no, never mind. Oh
that's pretty great. Work out your anger. Yeah, I dare
you to right back. You're right. I don't know what
I was thinking. Here's my number, and then just give
it a number of like a church. Yeah, I don't know,
(17:18):
Domino's pizza, one of those two things. Our next, our
next podcast. I need to share the numbers, the fake numbers.
Now they're out for women to give. They're great, they're great,
they are great. What does this say?
Speaker 3 (17:31):
There's too many of them and we that this needs
to be its own segment. We will do this, guys,
stay tuned for the next couple podcasts. It will definitely
be on the next couple of podcasts because I found
out all of these numbers and they are hilarious, ranging
from like just Hall and Oates Music asked you to
(17:52):
pick a Hall of Note song. I think you've seen
that one, to just a long explanation of why this
fake number was given to you.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And why you you ain't the one.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Oh, there are some very hilarious ones. If you feel
like you know you're trapped somewhere, give me a number,
I can say. No, I don't feel like I have
to give my number out. All feel like they have
to give their number out.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I am shocked at the women that said, well, he
was standing right there and he asked me for my number.
A lot of thing, but that's you know, women feel
intimidated sometimes. I'll never feel intimidated. Yes, I don't have
that anything. You could beat anyone's ass. Yeah, that's what
I'm saying. I don't know what that feels like. I
(18:33):
do not know what that feels like to be like number. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
I have close friends that do that. And then they're like, la,
see this guy was like call him even.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Andrew didn't block it. Now you're ten million years away
from him, block his number. Yeah. I feel like, how
did they get the number to beat a man's ass?
Or you haven't and there's only two people. I fully
beat a strange man's ass on more than one get
too friendly. I don't know what to do. I have
(19:03):
a very good friend, man, I want to say your
name you know who you are. She cannot say no.
First of all, she gives her numbers out, and then
she starts these long drawn out arguments with them, and
she just like they'll be like, well, I didn't like
you anyway. You ugly, you're fat, you're stupid. Why would
you say this to me? I stop? Why are you
(19:26):
trying to figure out why he hurt your feelings?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
There have been times where I'm like, if you leave
your phone next to me, I'm going in, yeah, delete
this number. Stop it, because that's what he's getting from that.
He called you fat and ugly when you're stunning to
get that reaction out of you, and you fell for it,
and now you're trying to prove to him that you're not.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I got time.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
You have three teeth, sir, you didn't and the fact
that you didn't like them in the first place, and
you're keeping this conversation going.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So I was like, well, did y'all fall in love?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I never liked him. I just felt intimidated and I
gave him my number. How does this happen three days
in in an argument? You're three days in give me
your phone. Stop? This that happened is a lot I
don't understand it. I never will and I never want to. Also, like,
do you like fighting? I don't understand that bart fights
are for Twitter, not in my house where my food
(20:18):
is bothering.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Okay, those are my Those are my wonderful slide out
of Lacey's DM.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Lacey, I thought your DMS stood for DM. Damn magnificent.
Good job, lady, great job. Strange men trying to scare
my sister and failing, miserably failing. She's hard to frighten. Okay,
so listen up, buttercup. We are gonna take a break.
(20:46):
Is that true? Noah? Do we take two breaks? What
is this a podcast? Okay, all right, hey everyone, We're
gonna take one small break. Lacey's gonna like try to
get herself together, and then we'll be right now with
more of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Ambers. Who Hey, everyone,
(21:11):
We're back with more of the Amber and Lacy Lacy
and Amber Show. Next up is everyone's favorite segment, Sister
Court Berner. But out in Sister Court, we are presented
with a case. These cases have been emailed into the
Amber and Lacy Show at email address that is Amber
(21:36):
and Lacy Advice at gmail dot com. You can use
the same goody now you can do the same. If
you want us to go over your cases, they will
be expertly litigated in your sister court. Okay, we are
geniuses one two actual lawyers, and three perfect advice givers.
(22:01):
Yeah we are. And I have to say this though
our advice is not for the week. Don't come here
asking for a woo woo woo and a pound in
the back. Okay, and you legally have to do what
we say. Yeah, we will find you. Yeah, I see.
Did you listen to him? Did you leave Larry? You
better listen to us people. We're changing lives, one sister
(22:21):
court at a time. Sorry, Ember, go ahead. Okay, everyone,
here's case number one and that auto. Is there any
way we can convince our daughter not to move in
with her boyfriend. She's pretty young, just started college, and
she thinks she's in love with her boyfriend. My problem
isn't just love. Isn't just young love either. They fight
(22:43):
all the time, but this is our first big relationship
and she thinks this is what being in love is.
How do my wife and I convince her that moving
in is a bad idea without pushing her away. Well,
you came to the right place. You sure did. When
I was a child, I was in love with a
young man. Now that's how you know I was wrong,
But I did not know. Well, we didn't even fight.
(23:05):
We were fine, a great time, great little parties. But
there is nothing you could have done to keep me
away from him. None you can do. So I mean,
speak your mind, don't speak your mind. I can guarantee
you this. It won't make one'smidge of difference.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
No, no, you can do I was gonna say the
same thing. Just let her do it. And it's a
part of life. She has to go through that. You
can't be a safe in her all the time. She
got to figure out. This is a mess. We've all
seen it. You can't stop it with your friends. You
can't stop it with your children. They're not especially children.
They are not gonna stop. They are not gonna stop.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Just let them figure it out.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
She'll come crying at to you in six months. If
it's bad.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I don't like the fighting aspect that I didn't like either,
And what type of fighting are we talking about? Is
it petty little arguments? Is it getting If it's getting physical,
call me right now. Where's she at? Surely that's right?
I snatch her up? Might be a black come out,
I'll shut out. I don't even have a bet. I'm
(24:04):
just showing up. I'm have everything I need, bra I
can't take us. Mmm. Meanwhile, I knock on the door
to throw out my back take over Lacey.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, what kind of fighting are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That?
Speaker 3 (24:22):
You might have to do with maybe a friend, family intervention,
talk about the fighting, But otherwise I don't think we're
going to get this changed.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
You know. That's what you could do is put her
in some therapy, because she should have been therapized enough
to know that you need writing in relationships like that.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
You need to be therapized. Everybody does.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Got a therapy as a child, and if she thinks
fighting is normal, she needs therapy. Okay, okay, that's all right.
Case number one, all right? Case number two? What do
I do if I want to spend holidays with my
friends instead of my kids? For context, I love my kids,
but a few years ago they all moved out and
across the country. The holidays, they would stay in their
(25:01):
town or spend time with their in laws. No worries.
We found some other couples to spend most of our
holidays with and we've really enjoyed it. Now some of
my kids are back near me, and with Easter around
the corner, they want to spend the holiday with us. Frankly,
we're used to spending time with our friends and our
thinking of skipping out on our kids this time. What
(25:23):
do you think we should do now? I don't want
anyone to write me a letter. I don't want anyone
to show up on my front door. I don't want
no hate meal. Nobody care about Easter. That's the least.
That's the lowest holiday. It's Easter, it's next to President's Day.
Nobody cares. Your kids are not going to be like
my mom. I've never heard anyone say I'll be home
(25:46):
for Easter. No one cares. Send them a Cadbury egg
basket and go. The fact that you wrote this Easter
nobody cares. Nobody cares. You made this up? Was this
our produce? No one did you write this? Who wrote this?
This is not a real message? Yeah, Eastern that's not
(26:06):
No one cares about Easter. One cares about Easter. Also,
I think it was Ray who said fuck them kids,
Fuck them kids. I don't care if it's yeah, you
could have said any outletday.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
I go on a Christmas cruise right now.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
I don't care. No, the kids are fine. The kids
will be fine, especially if the kids have kids Eastern.
You came on here and cried about Easter. There's nothing.
No one cares about Easter. Come here talking about the
stone was rolled away. I don't care. I know what
Easter means, but nobody cries about Easter. There's no Easter
(26:47):
event that you got to go to this life. I'm
not doing that. I'm sorry everyone. Lacey's right, stop crying
about Easter. No one likes that. Okay, this nice time.
I'm mad. That's the truth. Okay, would you like me
to read number three? I read the next one because
I'm too mad. Okay, I haven't read this yet. I
(27:09):
can't wait. My husband keeps commenting on girls instagrams. For context,
I'm forty five and he's almost fifty. I've noticed that
he's been liking photos of women in their twenties on Instagram.
He'll also comment things like you're so beautiful and other
lovey dovey things on them. When I confronted him, he
said that it wasn't a big deal, and everyone does
shit like that. I don't think he's cheating because these
(27:31):
women have like fifty million followers, but I still feel
uncomfortable with this. How would you proceed? Lice?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Anyone that's listened to this podcast, and I'm talking to
you right now, y'all know how I want to proceed.
I'm trying to cuss less. Okay, he gonna get all
his feelings hurt. I don't condone violence. Listen, he gonna
get off that Instagram. He gonna change his whole life.
I don't even know if hes gonna be able to
watch the news. You're gonna get off that Instagram. It's
(28:00):
me or your fake girlfriend on whatever? What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Because now I'm looking at you because if if that's
what you caught, lady, there's a lot more that you
haven't caught. You need to analyze all of this and
what's he doing?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
What else is he doing online? Here's what I would say,
have time. Everyone can see this, you o pervy? Did
you try that angle? Everyone can see what you like
on Instagram? Hey, listeners, everyone can see everything you like,
every country one, everyone can see it. And it's all
aggregated for them. They can go click on things you
(28:37):
liked and then look at all this shit you liked. Yeah,
so that's how I found a cheater. One time. That's
how I found a cheater. Mm hmmmm. Yeah. I've also
been in this exact situation, and what I said was,
everyone can see what you like, you fucking perv and
guess what, it's stopped. Yeah, you have to do that,
so sorry everyone. Sometimes you got to hurt people's feelings.
(28:57):
Now you may be thinking, hey, Amber and Lacey, you
guys sure do bust up a lot of relationships. To that,
I say, yes, we do, Yes, we do, and it
up for nine small fee, we'll come to their house.
We'll tell them to their face stop doing that or
(29:18):
you know, we really need to start our business. I'll
make the phone call. Sarah doesn't like you anymore, and
these are the reasons. Because Sarah might be a little scarecter.
I'll tell you, Lacy, this is a great IDEA small fee.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah, Hey, we'll sing it. We'll sing it, we'll wrap it,
we'll sing it in opera, we'll sing it in you.
How do you want this message delivered?
Speaker 2 (29:38):
We will take care of your light work for you.
We'll get in there, we'll hurt a feeling, we'll do
the breakup. We'll let them know that you found out
they were cheating. Will let them know to leave your
daughter alone. We'll do all of it. M So, we'll
send the pictures, we'll send the video, we'll send the
(30:00):
I know that's right. The first thing a narcissist gonna
do is lie. Yeah, here's the proof right here, just
thinking the second thing there, Well, we don't.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Need the proof, yeah, or we don't need the proof.
Sarah doesn't like you anymore. She doesn't like you anymore.
Things have changed. She's grown.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Like you knew you were lucky to have the little
time with Sarah that you need. Sarah is a gem
and needs to be protected posts. Sarah's working on herself
this year. She's going to Tahiti. She's doing yoga, she's
done that. Anything to do with you. No, it's not
about you, it's not about you. Milt. Milton is a mouse, Yes, Milton,
the mouse. I think we have time for one. Oh god,
(30:39):
oh god, I didn't read it for you. Oh lord,
let's do the kitty g one. It's hilarious. I don't
think we have time this Kitty g one. Oh lord, Okay, Amelia,
this is so long. I'm a huge fan of your
show and would love advice on a situation I've gotten
myself into with my father in law as background. He's
(31:00):
quite introverted and I've always struggled to find ways to
connect with him. One day, while spending time with him
and my mother in law, we heard Kenny G playing
in the background. Excited to finally have something to connect over,
I mentioned Kenny G had lived in my childhood neighborhood.
My father lit up with enthusiasm and assd if I'd
ever seen him around. It was the most animated I've
ever seen him. Here's the problem. After he flew home,
(31:22):
I realized I had made a mistake. It wasn't Kenny
G who lived in the neighborhood. It was b Taylor.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
They're both musicians, but definitely not the same person. Now
I'm torn whether to connect, whether to correct his error.
On one hand, it was such a special moment of
connection with me, typically reserved with my typically reserved father
in law. On the other hand, I feel guilty about
the mix up and worry he might bring it up
again should I come clean about the mistake, risks dampening
(31:48):
this rare moment of connection? Or should I let it
slide since the connection myself was genuine, even if the
facts were wraw or yeah, weren't quite right.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What a delicious problem I ever love? This is the best.
This is the type of nonsense I could waste a
day on. Listen, Amelia, this is very important. Who's B Taylor? Lacy?
Do you know that? I googled it. I don't know
who that is, but I see why you think is
Michael Bolton? Y's for sure? That's a Mike Kenny G
(32:20):
or Kenny G. Same person guns and noses, remember, same person. Now,
I think you should not tell him because you're right,
it was a genuine moment. You shared it, You shared
a connection. Leave it alone. Just leave it alone. But
you know it might be uh, it might be uh. Also,
(32:41):
you don't live there anymore, so technically you don't know
that Kenny G doesn't live in that neighborhood, right or
used to? We don't all you know Kenny G is
married to B Taylor and they have a you don't know,
you don't know. I would say leave it be. And
he's an older guy.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
He gonna do no deep dive. He's not googling that.
He's gonna take your word for it. Just leave it right,
leave that little white lie that you have between each
other to keep that connection.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, don't bring it up.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Don't bring up the neighborhood the again, don't bring it
up because you're gonna mess up.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
You know, you're gonna just let it lay there. Just
let it be in their sleeping dogs lie. Yeah, that
story was hilario And I knew, I know, tell us
all of your problems all the time. What a freaking
like that? Can't wait to google be E Taylor and
find out what is? I love g Taylor like I
(33:34):
would know who that is. She said it like we
all knew. She said it like we all knew. No,
it's just like the noan Is song and we know
every word it could be. So everyone, if you want
to write in and have us tackle your problems, do
so at Amber and Lacyadvice at gmail dot com. And uh,
(33:56):
you know, subscribe to this. We haven't said that a
long time. And oh, follow us on Instagram and this
and that and the other thing that Lacy lamar one,
that's Lacy. I think I'm Amber Ruffin. Uh, but I'm
also by Taylor, because we all are. This has been
(34:20):
the Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Amber Show. Good Night
and we love you. Let be Taylor take you out.
(34:40):
The Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Amber Show is a
production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.
It's created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar.
Executive produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani, super produced
by Becca Ramos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by
Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by Ty Heard music by
(35:01):
David Schmohl.
Come on, come on, it's time to get cracking. Turn
up the volume. You're going to start laughing. He's the
ember Lacey Lacey an amber shoe, truly.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
A masterpiece of American music. Did you see? I felt
like I was like Eminem? Did you hear how I
rhymed kraking with laughing? Remember when he bragged about rhyming
with orange? That's what I just did. Oh oh wow,
I did notice many similarities between you and Eminem, now
(00:34):
that you mentioned it, do you remember his interview how
he bragged that he could rhyme anything with orange?
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Do you remember the orange comment? That was like a
huge thing, and he was so proud of himself.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Okay, shoot, he should be proud of himself. I mean,
buddy man. Last look. Yes, I have a lot of
things to say. I don't think you deal with Go ahead.
Every morning I call it, say, I go, Lacy, you
gotta listen, wake up. This is very important, and Lacy goes,
(01:05):
I'm already awake. What you're about to say is nonsense.
I go no, She goes, well, now I go. Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
You said I'm boring, and that was this morning girl.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
You called me to entertain you do you want to
be and died. My TV's broke. That is so funny,
this poor ass. Oh okay, we start to go fund
me for Amber ruffin TV. Y'all see TV and TV nowadays.
Maybe you could buy a good TV for two hundred dollars.
Maybe that was days. Oh that's right. Now a TV
(01:37):
cost seven thousand dollars and a drop of your blood. Hey, yeah,
TV's are expense. Yeah, I don't know. I almost got
a new TV. Now there's a TV, the basement TV.
You got a whole TV nobody's using. But then I
heard that people have those TVs and they have a
frame around them.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I mean, you can get the TV with the fra.
I'm inside them. That's what I got. That's take a
picture and that's all you need. You're doing too much.
Your frame gonna fall off, catch on fire. It is
by your fire. I'm telling too much. Now I'm telling
all your business. Catch your frame on fire.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Mmm, okay, listen up, this is real, Lacey. Listen like
add makeup on my video settings.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
I'm looking at you. Touch up my boos bottom, baby,
I want to do that.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I look like an alien. You look like you have
eyes and a lips know how it works. Just leave it.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Nobody cares, oh Jesus, except write in and talk about
how Amber look crazy.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
They're like I did not appreciate. They can't even see you.
They might see you in a clip though. Your lips
are going. Not it now, your lips is gone. Oh okay.
What I've been doing lately is spring is coming. That's right.
Just thinking about the animals that we're adding outside, Lacey,
stop shut up. One small just one small miniature pig.
(03:03):
Stop acting like this. You know Dad's not going to
tell me. No, that's gonna love to have a pig,
all pig.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
We're already getting a duck. And then the chickens, and
that will be it. Why are you go? Or two
because they need a friend? Two small fainting goats.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Then I'm done. No goats. The goats really don't do anything.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
You're right, because who's drinking goat milk?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Not me?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Not I said I milk, and them suckers yuck. They're
too small, are cute, they're.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Front of the chase, a little miniature guy fund to
run around with, but you can't scare them. And then
they faint. And I did it. My friend Ashley had
fainting goats. And we went over there and we they
were so small and so young and so cute, and
we were like, we can't, we can't possibly do it.
But then we did. And it felt horrible because it
(03:59):
was just a little baby. Triantized those babies, I traumatized it.
Listen this time next year. I don't know what I'm
going having at you. I'm just gonna be honest. I
have to be quite a bit all the stuff. And
you didn't want to say dog, Well, the dog is?
Everybody know I'm gonna get a dog. I'm talking about
the other the other animal. Yeah, I gotta have me
a big guard dog. I need people to know.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Any people out there listening thinking they're gonna act a fool,
I'm gonna have a big old dog that's gonna bite you.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
O lazy, got a big old dog. Yeah we're bad.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
No, I gotta have a big old dog. There's a
debate on what we're gonna get.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
But yeah, what if I let the handyman in while
we're having this podcast, we'd be mad?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
No, he's got to be quiet. Okay, I'm having worked
done on my house too. I don't know when they're
coming hopefully. He did say it's not too loud. Okay,
I'm telling him to come over now. Full disclosure, he
did say you're gonna be doing a podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I could be on it, so I don't know how
he's going to act. Oh no, I think it might
be too loud. Amber it might be too loud for
what it takes to get my TV up. Wait should
I know? You should wait till after the podcast. There
might be some nailing some and we're going to all
pick that up. I'm gonna say, I have to be okay, Lacey, Hey,
(05:23):
did you see any highlights? Did you see any highlights
from your friend last night? What friend president of the
United States? Of him?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I really think he had some good ideas. Oh okay, Mike,
this is just all unbelievable. I gotta say whirl. As
the old people say, is go on a hell in
a handbasket, Lacey Lacy Adele Lamar. Making up people's middle names.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh man, I have a friend who gives me a
new middle name. Every time I see her. She stands
up and yells it out, and people are like.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I know your middle name was Kafy and it's not
that's Mickey. She is always yelling my name Lacy Lacuisa Lemar.
I'm like, no, I like that. It's a good Bune
gives me a new nickname every time I used to do. Yeah, sorry,
what were you going to start crying? You said it
(06:22):
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I was going to start crying at the state of
the world.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, it's a little frightening and it's happening like it's
here now. The other day someone was like, uh, what
are you going to say at the White House correspondence
or are you going to make sure to keep it equal?
Was no, keep what equal? You can't tell who said
(06:47):
this to you? Who said this to you? Are you
going to make sure to bubbah bah? No, they don't know.
The world's not equal. Hasn't been equal since well ever,
never been equal.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
It's never been equal, sir. So no, Wow, I didn't
think people would come up here.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
I woke my parents up this morning and said, y'all
got to exercise, get out of this because if we got.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
To run for it, y'all got to know how to run.
That's on everybody. Your exercise regimen starts today, Mom, I
want you to be doing him high kicks because I
can't carry everybody out of here and run for it.
Thank Heaven, that's your motivation. The world is in and
y'all gotta be ready to run when I say run.
(07:30):
I got my go bag and in that go bag,
and I'm sure I can't tell you all what's in
my go back. What a spam is part of it,
because you know Dad loves some spam. Sam.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It will last you forever. It'll last you for seventy
five years.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I bet it will taste exactly the same today as
it will seventy five years from now. Oh, I do
need to talk about this, and I think I'm going
to talk about this on every podcast so that everyone
knows when my time comes. I want the head transplant.
Thought about it, seeing it it's going to be happed
by the time I pass away and be able to
have a head transplant. I'll take anybody's body. I don't care.
(08:02):
You mean like Walt Disney.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Yeah, I want a head transplant onto a new body.
They said you could live for a couple hundred years
if you do that. I'm doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Who's they, Lacey, it's the scientists, Lacey. I get my
head transplant. Yeah, I think we both have to get
head transplants so that we can be here for like
two hundred years. No, no, I need my head. You
keep yours and your memories. Definitely don't want a raggedy body.
(08:36):
You know money. No, nobody want this body. They're like,
you gave me this body.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, No, I need a young I don't care whose
body it is, a fourteen year old boy. I need
to live for two hundred more years. I'll take it, I.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Don't know, but live two hundred more years for what.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Listen, you're on your deathbedd and they walk in and
they're like, it's over, or take this body.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
You got one hundred more years. What are you doing?
You have a chance of living one hundred Why not?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Maybe you only live for fifty. I need to see
what's happening out there. I think it'd be great.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It seems unnatural. Yes, it's one hundred percent natural. I
don't think that even if they were like, we're gonna
put you on a robot body. Take it done, got it,
But you have no guarantee of the quality of it. No,
you don't, because maybe you can turn it off. Feel
like trapped like a like a a like like a
panic attack. You might feel like that for the rest
(09:30):
of your one hundred years.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Nah, I don't think so. I will be the guinea pig.
I think it's worth it. It might be horrible, paid what
if it's a robot body and then I can fight?
Then I'm like a superhero. All hold up now now
I'm a superherol.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't think you're making the right true Now I'm
the robot lady. Oh stop it. I gotta come up
with my name. Now, I gotta come up with my
superhero name. Wait, what's your superhero name? I don't know yet.
Robot lady did not sound great. Robot Lady, keep it now,
Look who wants to join for the robot body with me?
Because I could go up with a superhero name. Now
(10:07):
you look like you interested. I would get a song
and a superpower m but you know this superpowers so
far again it's not a superpower rah, yeah, superf I
count step part. I would take it. Take it in
a minute. Okay. I mean you're doing the right thing. No,
(10:28):
you're overthinking it. I am overthinking it.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You know, you could live for another hundred years all
the wisdom that you have people be asking you, oh
my god, what was it like two hundred years ago?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And you could be like, oh, man, listen, you remember
this song? Listen to this song? Is it still out?
Are all our songs going to be out two hundred
years from now? Are people going to be listening to
back that ass? Huh? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Okay, well you'll you'll never know because you ain't getting
your answers getting done.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Oh my god, do you know what song I haven't
been able to? Oh? Oh hey, what's this song? And
I mean this and I've been thinking about it for
twenty four hours? Okay, what is this song? Okay, go ahead?
Day dreaming and I'm thinking of you? Day dreaming and
a thing a movie? What is it? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Day dreaming and I'm thinking of you? Is it j
Jennifer Lopez?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
No, it's like from the seventies.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Oh yeah, I don't know. I know the song, but
I don't know the song. And hey, I think it's
time for us to go on our break now. Yeah,
you're right, Hey, everybody, we have to go to a
break right now. But here's what you should know.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Lacey is a buttthead. All right, I'll see you back
after the message nobody, it's so wrong. Hey everybody, we're
(11:52):
back and better than ever. Listen up, because I'm only
gonna say this three times. We're great, We're great. I
think you're a little bit conceited. What I didn't say
I'm beautiful and we're great, which I could have and
frankly should have. Kay I see, I think yes, but
(12:14):
it's time. We have not done a good slide out
of Lacey's dms. In a minute. Oh shah shula. So
I'm ready. These a couple of these that I'm about
to do have pictures again. You may or may not
be able to see them, but we will definitely give
you a great description. Okay. So first, hey everyone, we're
(12:35):
about to do a segment called slide out of Lacey's dms.
These are actual dms that human beings have sent Lacey Lamar.
She's young, she's cute, she's on the apps, and people
be wilid. Let's take a look. Thank you, emmer. My
first one is from a gentleman that says you and
this is my first message. I can't see anything. It
just says you are so beautiful. Let's exchange numbers. I
(12:59):
go and I click on the message and he sent
me and it is a picture of a man holding
a semi automatic And this is what he sent me.
I don't want to go to I don't want to
exchange your number. Oh I don't like that. So let's
talk about this. Okay, why would you send that? I
get it. You're probably a gun enthusiast and you're probably
(13:21):
like I have an AK forty seven. I don't know
what that thing is. But all this says to me
is I'm gonna be kidnapped. Yeah, listen, ye not paying
my ransom. Ambers don't want to pay to get this
new television. She's not gonna pay for my random You're
talking to the wrong person. My parents, they're not paying
for that. Anybody got money for that. Nobody got one
(13:43):
point two million for you to ransom me. They got
fifty dollars in a Walmart coupon. Oh no, no, you
can't have my Walmart coupons now, you don't, dang.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
But also, sir, you're talking to the wrong woman because
I've never you can try to kidnap me be the
one kidnapping you.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
You're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I'm not I don't know what that that picture means,
but don't at this point, and I'm just trying to
help you take that picture down.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I don't want to see semi automatic? Why would you
do that? If you were on a gun enthusiast site
and you've had men and women sharing their guns, sharing
their guns, gun for gun lace excited because.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Oh lord, okay, subscribe okay, And the nosy person that
he wants to be like, how many women has this
worked on? Because if it hasn't worked all of them,
you need to switch to something else. And you're probably
getting more angry and angry. Oh not good because nobody's
responding to you. M sir, really showing a lot about yourself.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You need to stop. Okay, it's a really brave thing
to do. Amber always something to say. This one I
was so confused. I did not respond to it, but
it said one night stand if you want to text me?
Oh picture was this? So that's a horse? Is the
one night stand with you? Or the horse? Why?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I love an animal? I'll take the horses a pet,
but I'm not what are we doing? Ask if you want?
And then he texts me, text me photo of a horse?
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Oh? Can someone unpack that? No, they can't thank you.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
No, I want a pet horse. That's about it. Relationship
have a horse.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh okay, almost, that's what you said. The old one
would like to picture of a horse. This is you.
He almost got me. He almost said, okay, this one,
this next one is a lot. But this is the
So I already think that this is a match. Absolutely not,
this is and I'm finding I find I'm finding this out.
(15:59):
I'm on those sites that say are we dating the
same man? And a lot of women not only are
they posting the married men that they're finding, they're posting messages.
And I'm like, these are all the same messages. And
this is a constant that I see every time I'm
on these sites. It says you are very beautiful. Can
(16:19):
I have your number? I'd like to chat with you
a little bit more if you don't mind. Oh, I'm
so sorry. It says you are scratched out, you guys. Okay,
So this next one says you are very beautiful. I
would like to have your number, And I said, I
would like to chat a little bit more if you
don't mind before we exchange numbers.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Is that okay? And he said, never mind? You ugly anyways,
man feelings get hurt.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Then you last out like you twelve, you're going to
get this cat fishing. Oh you ugly anyways and next
ugly anyways.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Okay, that's fine. You know what it works in fifth grade?
It didn't stay sir Gilbert, please no, never mind. Oh
that's pretty great. Work out your anger. Yeah, I dare
you to right back. You're right. I don't know what
I was thinking. Here's my number, and then just give
it a number of like a church. Yeah, I don't know,
(17:18):
Domino's pizza, one of those two things. Our next, our
next podcast. I need to share the numbers, the fake numbers.
Now they're out for women to give. They're great, they're great,
they are great. What does this say?
Speaker 3 (17:31):
There's too many of them and we that this needs
to be its own segment. We will do this, guys,
stay tuned for the next couple podcasts. It will definitely
be on the next couple of podcasts because I found
out all of these numbers and they are hilarious, ranging
from like just Hall and Oates Music asked you to
(17:52):
pick a Hall of Note song. I think you've seen
that one, to just a long explanation of why this
fake number was given to you.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And why you you ain't the one.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Oh, there are some very hilarious ones. If you feel
like you know you're trapped somewhere, give me a number,
I can say. No, I don't feel like I have
to give my number out. All feel like they have
to give their number out.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I am shocked at the women that said, well, he
was standing right there and he asked me for my number.
A lot of thing, but that's you know, women feel
intimidated sometimes. I'll never feel intimidated. Yes, I don't have
that anything. You could beat anyone's ass. Yeah, that's what
I'm saying. I don't know what that feels like. I
(18:33):
do not know what that feels like to be like number. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
I have close friends that do that. And then they're like, la,
see this guy was like call him even.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Andrew didn't block it. Now you're ten million years away
from him, block his number. Yeah. I feel like, how
did they get the number to beat a man's ass?
Or you haven't and there's only two people. I fully
beat a strange man's ass on more than one get
too friendly. I don't know what to do. I have
(19:03):
a very good friend, man, I want to say your
name you know who you are. She cannot say no.
First of all, she gives her numbers out, and then
she starts these long drawn out arguments with them, and
she just like they'll be like, well, I didn't like
you anyway. You ugly, you're fat, you're stupid. Why would
you say this to me? I stop? Why are you
(19:26):
trying to figure out why he hurt your feelings?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
There have been times where I'm like, if you leave
your phone next to me, I'm going in, yeah, delete
this number. Stop it, because that's what he's getting from that.
He called you fat and ugly when you're stunning to
get that reaction out of you, and you fell for it,
and now you're trying to prove to him that you're not.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I got time.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
You have three teeth, sir, you didn't and the fact
that you didn't like them in the first place, and
you're keeping this conversation going.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So I was like, well, did y'all fall in love?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
No?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I never liked him. I just felt intimidated and I
gave him my number. How does this happen three days
in in an argument? You're three days in give me
your phone. Stop? This that happened is a lot I
don't understand it. I never will and I never want to. Also, like,
do you like fighting? I don't understand that bart fights
are for Twitter, not in my house where my food
(20:18):
is bothering.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Okay, those are my Those are my wonderful slide out
of Lacey's DM.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Lacey, I thought your DMS stood for DM. Damn magnificent.
Good job, lady, great job. Strange men trying to scare
my sister and failing, miserably failing. She's hard to frighten. Okay,
so listen up, buttercup. We are gonna take a break.
(20:46):
Is that true? Noah? Do we take two breaks? What
is this a podcast? Okay, all right, hey everyone, We're
gonna take one small break. Lacey's gonna like try to
get herself together, and then we'll be right now with
more of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Ambers. Who Hey, everyone,
(21:11):
We're back with more of the Amber and Lacy Lacy
and Amber Show. Next up is everyone's favorite segment, Sister
Court Berner. But out in Sister Court, we are presented
with a case. These cases have been emailed into the
Amber and Lacy Show at email address that is Amber
(21:36):
and Lacy Advice at gmail dot com. You can use
the same goody now you can do the same. If
you want us to go over your cases, they will
be expertly litigated in your sister court. Okay, we are
geniuses one two actual lawyers, and three perfect advice givers.
(22:01):
Yeah we are. And I have to say this though
our advice is not for the week. Don't come here
asking for a woo woo woo and a pound in
the back. Okay, and you legally have to do what
we say. Yeah, we will find you. Yeah, I see.
Did you listen to him? Did you leave Larry? You
better listen to us people. We're changing lives, one sister
(22:21):
court at a time. Sorry, Ember, go ahead. Okay, everyone,
here's case number one and that auto. Is there any
way we can convince our daughter not to move in
with her boyfriend. She's pretty young, just started college, and
she thinks she's in love with her boyfriend. My problem
isn't just love. Isn't just young love either. They fight
(22:43):
all the time, but this is our first big relationship
and she thinks this is what being in love is.
How do my wife and I convince her that moving
in is a bad idea without pushing her away. Well,
you came to the right place. You sure did. When
I was a child, I was in love with a
young man. Now that's how you know I was wrong,
But I did not know. Well, we didn't even fight.
(23:05):
We were fine, a great time, great little parties. But
there is nothing you could have done to keep me
away from him. None you can do. So I mean,
speak your mind, don't speak your mind. I can guarantee
you this. It won't make one'smidge of difference.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
No, no, you can do I was gonna say the
same thing. Just let her do it. And it's a
part of life. She has to go through that. You
can't be a safe in her all the time. She
got to figure out. This is a mess. We've all
seen it. You can't stop it with your friends. You
can't stop it with your children. They're not especially children.
They are not gonna stop. They are not gonna stop.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Just let them figure it out.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
She'll come crying at to you in six months. If
it's bad.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I don't like the fighting aspect that I didn't like either,
And what type of fighting are we talking about? Is
it petty little arguments? Is it getting If it's getting physical,
call me right now. Where's she at? Surely that's right?
I snatch her up? Might be a black come out,
I'll shut out. I don't even have a bet. I'm
(24:04):
just showing up. I'm have everything I need, bra I
can't take us. Mmm. Meanwhile, I knock on the door
to throw out my back take over Lacey.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, what kind of fighting are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That?
Speaker 3 (24:22):
You might have to do with maybe a friend, family intervention,
talk about the fighting, But otherwise I don't think we're
going to get this changed.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
You know. That's what you could do is put her
in some therapy, because she should have been therapized enough
to know that you need writing in relationships like that.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
You need to be therapized. Everybody does.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Got a therapy as a child, and if she thinks
fighting is normal, she needs therapy. Okay, okay, that's all right.
Case number one, all right? Case number two? What do
I do if I want to spend holidays with my
friends instead of my kids? For context, I love my kids,
but a few years ago they all moved out and
across the country. The holidays, they would stay in their
(25:01):
town or spend time with their in laws. No worries.
We found some other couples to spend most of our
holidays with and we've really enjoyed it. Now some of
my kids are back near me, and with Easter around
the corner, they want to spend the holiday with us. Frankly,
we're used to spending time with our friends and our
thinking of skipping out on our kids this time. What
(25:23):
do you think we should do now? I don't want
anyone to write me a letter. I don't want anyone
to show up on my front door. I don't want
no hate meal. Nobody care about Easter. That's the least.
That's the lowest holiday. It's Easter, it's next to President's Day.
Nobody cares. Your kids are not going to be like
my mom. I've never heard anyone say I'll be home
(25:46):
for Easter. No one cares. Send them a Cadbury egg
basket and go. The fact that you wrote this Easter
nobody cares. Nobody cares. You made this up? Was this
our produce? No one did you write this? Who wrote this?
This is not a real message? Yeah, Eastern that's not
(26:06):
No one cares about Easter. One cares about Easter. Also,
I think it was Ray who said fuck them kids,
Fuck them kids. I don't care if it's yeah, you
could have said any outletday.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
I go on a Christmas cruise right now.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
I don't care. No, the kids are fine. The kids
will be fine, especially if the kids have kids Eastern.
You came on here and cried about Easter. There's nothing.
No one cares about Easter. Come here talking about the
stone was rolled away. I don't care. I know what
Easter means, but nobody cries about Easter. There's no Easter
(26:47):
event that you got to go to this life. I'm
not doing that. I'm sorry everyone. Lacey's right, stop crying
about Easter. No one likes that. Okay, this nice time.
I'm mad. That's the truth. Okay, would you like me
to read number three? I read the next one because
I'm too mad. Okay, I haven't read this yet. I
(27:09):
can't wait. My husband keeps commenting on girls instagrams. For context,
I'm forty five and he's almost fifty. I've noticed that
he's been liking photos of women in their twenties on Instagram.
He'll also comment things like you're so beautiful and other
lovey dovey things on them. When I confronted him, he
said that it wasn't a big deal, and everyone does
shit like that. I don't think he's cheating because these
(27:31):
women have like fifty million followers, but I still feel
uncomfortable with this. How would you proceed? Lice?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Anyone that's listened to this podcast, and I'm talking to
you right now, y'all know how I want to proceed.
I'm trying to cuss less. Okay, he gonna get all
his feelings hurt. I don't condone violence. Listen, he gonna
get off that Instagram. He gonna change his whole life.
I don't even know if hes gonna be able to
watch the news. You're gonna get off that Instagram. It's
(28:00):
me or your fake girlfriend on whatever? What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Because now I'm looking at you because if if that's
what you caught, lady, there's a lot more that you
haven't caught. You need to analyze all of this and
what's he doing?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
What else is he doing online? Here's what I would say,
have time. Everyone can see this, you o pervy? Did
you try that angle? Everyone can see what you like
on Instagram? Hey, listeners, everyone can see everything you like,
every country one, everyone can see it. And it's all
aggregated for them. They can go click on things you
(28:37):
liked and then look at all this shit you liked. Yeah,
so that's how I found a cheater. One time. That's
how I found a cheater. Mm hmmmm. Yeah. I've also
been in this exact situation, and what I said was,
everyone can see what you like, you fucking perv and
guess what, it's stopped. Yeah, you have to do that,
so sorry everyone. Sometimes you got to hurt people's feelings.
(28:57):
Now you may be thinking, hey, Amber and Lacey, you
guys sure do bust up a lot of relationships. To that,
I say, yes, we do, Yes, we do, and it
up for nine small fee, we'll come to their house.
We'll tell them to their face stop doing that or
(29:18):
you know, we really need to start our business. I'll
make the phone call. Sarah doesn't like you anymore, and
these are the reasons. Because Sarah might be a little scarecter.
I'll tell you, Lacy, this is a great IDEA small fee.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Yeah, Hey, we'll sing it. We'll sing it, we'll wrap it,
we'll sing it in opera, we'll sing it in you.
How do you want this message delivered?
Speaker 2 (29:38):
We will take care of your light work for you.
We'll get in there, we'll hurt a feeling, we'll do
the breakup. We'll let them know that you found out
they were cheating. Will let them know to leave your
daughter alone. We'll do all of it. M So, we'll
send the pictures, we'll send the video, we'll send the
(30:00):
I know that's right. The first thing a narcissist gonna
do is lie. Yeah, here's the proof right here, just
thinking the second thing there, Well, we don't.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Need the proof, yeah, or we don't need the proof.
Sarah doesn't like you anymore. She doesn't like you anymore.
Things have changed. She's grown.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Like you knew you were lucky to have the little
time with Sarah that you need. Sarah is a gem
and needs to be protected posts. Sarah's working on herself
this year. She's going to Tahiti. She's doing yoga, she's
done that. Anything to do with you. No, it's not
about you, it's not about you. Milt. Milton is a mouse, Yes, Milton,
the mouse. I think we have time for one. Oh god,
(30:39):
oh god, I didn't read it for you. Oh lord,
let's do the kitty g one. It's hilarious. I don't
think we have time this Kitty g one. Oh lord, Okay, Amelia,
this is so long. I'm a huge fan of your
show and would love advice on a situation I've gotten
myself into with my father in law as background. He's
(31:00):
quite introverted and I've always struggled to find ways to
connect with him. One day, while spending time with him
and my mother in law, we heard Kenny G playing
in the background. Excited to finally have something to connect over,
I mentioned Kenny G had lived in my childhood neighborhood.
My father lit up with enthusiasm and assd if I'd
ever seen him around. It was the most animated I've
ever seen him. Here's the problem. After he flew home,
(31:22):
I realized I had made a mistake. It wasn't Kenny
G who lived in the neighborhood. It was b Taylor.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
They're both musicians, but definitely not the same person. Now
I'm torn whether to connect, whether to correct his error.
On one hand, it was such a special moment of
connection with me, typically reserved with my typically reserved father
in law. On the other hand, I feel guilty about
the mix up and worry he might bring it up
again should I come clean about the mistake, risks dampening
(31:48):
this rare moment of connection? Or should I let it
slide since the connection myself was genuine, even if the
facts were wraw or yeah, weren't quite right.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What a delicious problem I ever love? This is the best.
This is the type of nonsense I could waste a
day on. Listen, Amelia, this is very important. Who's B Taylor? Lacy?
Do you know that? I googled it. I don't know
who that is, but I see why you think is
Michael Bolton? Y's for sure? That's a Mike Kenny G
(32:20):
or Kenny G. Same person guns and noses, remember, same person. Now,
I think you should not tell him because you're right,
it was a genuine moment. You shared it, You shared
a connection. Leave it alone. Just leave it alone. But
you know it might be uh, it might be uh. Also,
(32:41):
you don't live there anymore, so technically you don't know
that Kenny G doesn't live in that neighborhood, right or
used to? We don't all you know Kenny G is
married to B Taylor and they have a you don't know,
you don't know. I would say leave it be. And
he's an older guy.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
He gonna do no deep dive. He's not googling that.
He's gonna take your word for it. Just leave it right,
leave that little white lie that you have between each
other to keep that connection.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, don't bring it up.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Don't bring up the neighborhood the again, don't bring it
up because you're gonna mess up.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
You know, you're gonna just let it lay there. Just
let it be in their sleeping dogs lie. Yeah, that
story was hilario And I knew, I know, tell us
all of your problems all the time. What a freaking
like that? Can't wait to google be E Taylor and
find out what is? I love g Taylor like I
(33:34):
would know who that is. She said it like we
all knew. She said it like we all knew. No,
it's just like the noan Is song and we know
every word it could be. So everyone, if you want
to write in and have us tackle your problems, do
so at Amber and Lacyadvice at gmail dot com. And uh,
(33:56):
you know, subscribe to this. We haven't said that a
long time. And oh, follow us on Instagram and this
and that and the other thing that Lacy lamar one,
that's Lacy. I think I'm Amber Ruffin. Uh, but I'm
also by Taylor, because we all are. This has been
(34:20):
the Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Amber Show. Good Night
and we love you. Let be Taylor take you out.
(34:40):
The Amber and Lacy, Lacy and Amber Show is a
production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.
It's created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacy Lamar.
Executive produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani, super produced
by Becca Ramos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by
Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by Ty Heard music by
(35:01):
David Schmohl.
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