February 19, 2025 • 52 mins
Amber and Lacey are so ready for Christmas. Lacey might even move to Christmas Town at this point, and you better believe their trees are up. While Amber's setting up her tree, she discovers she's got an intruder. Then they catch up with MESS podcast queens Sydnee Washington and Marie Faustin, and things get real juicy. They're chatting about everything — fast food, facelifts, Amber's bad girl past, and way more. Lacey brought her wild dating app DMs, and trust, they're jaw-dropping. To wrap it all up, Sydnee and Marie drop their verdicts on Sister Court
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The weather is cold and it's time to warm up.
Poor summer me and Amber in your coat. It's the
Ember Lacey, Lacey and Amber Show.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I feel like that was kind of risky, filthy, and
that's our sexy version of the Amber and Lacey Lacy
and Amber Show. Welcome to the sexiest episode of the
Lacey Lacy at Amber Show. I hope you're ready for
buts okay, that's what we're doing. You farting but listening.
(00:44):
This is Lacey. Merry Christmas to you.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
And Merry Christmas to you. It's been Christmas now for
two months and we love it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It's not enough. Every year, like we may it longer
and we should. Every year it gets longer and longer.
Tew days just we add on a few more days.
One time, Jenny Hagel took me to a place. Well,
first of all, we were living in Demver and she
was like, Amber, I need you to clear out four
(01:18):
hours on this day. We're going to take you somewhere
and just shut up. You have to go. I was like, fantastic,
Get in the car, we drive and we drive up.
This is like April or something. It's like spring or summer.
Drive up, drive up. It's snowing and we're on a
mountain and we get there and it's Christmas Town and
(01:40):
it's like a little North Pole and everywhere you go
there's elves and stuff. And we go to Santa. I
tug to Santa. It was the cutest. I was like,
oh my god, this is happening. Now these people have
to be at this job right now. That's bananas, amber
rough and yeah, fire and fall in love again and uh,
(02:06):
I'm gonna get married or you see it going in
that direction. I need you to pull the fella aside
and be like, you need to get engaged in Christmas Town.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Okay, I'm gonna say yes, goll hm could ask me
to marry him in Christmas Town.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, like you know what, go and give me that
ring Christmastown. You made the right decision. I love it. Yeah,
Christmas magical place but so beautiful Christmas Town. Absolutely love that.
Anyho okay part of it. Now everybody, all the men
out there will be lining up trying to take me
to Christmastown. Yeah, because she's gotta go with you one bye,
(02:50):
just get engaged one by one, like you said, yes,
I get well. He took me to Christmas Town. I
don't know how they're fighting this out. Man oh man, Yeah, Lacey,
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I could live in a Christmas village. I could live there.
Wherever Christmas Town is, I could live there all year round.
I have to put my tree up because I would
tell people legally, I have to keep this tree up.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Then no one can tell me to put it down.
No one. This year, there's a lot of Christmas. I
try my very best to keep Christmas to a minimum
because I don't want a whole house of Christmas. I
think Christmas can go nuts, but it can't. I don't
(03:34):
like Christmas in the kitchen. I don't like Christmas in
the bedroom.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I love Christmas in the bedroom. I lay my head
on that pillow and it says.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
That's it might be. I am not mad at Christmas
in a mega but coming a missiletoe. Yes, I said it,
you o producers. Everybody's like, yeah, Noah, I said it, Yeah,
back up, yeah, Victor, I said it. Okay, they see
I tell your mom, go ahead and tell her she's
getting mad or she's gonna go all right. Wait wait,
(04:08):
they got five kids. They agree with me. Okay, So Lacey,
this Christmas is a very special Christmas. Oh, okay, I'm
putting up the tree. Now. This came out long after
I put my tree up. Okay, I don't want you
to be thinking it's December eleventh. She only just put
(04:30):
up her tree as we're talking to you. It is
not even Thanksgiving. And my ship is you.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You hurt them police sirens. They're coming to her because
her tree's up to her.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Okay, I my friend Molly is in town. We go
to the Christmas tree room in like the basement of
the house. Get out the Christmas tree. I open up
the Christmas tree box. There's acorns in there. Molly. Oh,
I go, oh my god, there's acorns in here. Molly goes,
(05:03):
it's from some Christmas tree decoration. I go, Molly, there
are no acorns in my Christmas tree decoration. She goes,
I'm sure there is, and you just forgot. I was like, well, technically,
stay forgetting shit, so you're probably right. We bring up
the thousands and thousands of boxes of Christmas ornaments. One
of them is just bows, and it's just a box
(05:24):
and then half the bows. It's halfway filled with bows.
Molly picks up this box. She goes oh see, you
do have acorn decorations. And half of the bus is
filled with acorns, and half of the box has bows
on it. So it's then I realized, absolutely nothing in
(05:46):
this house has acorns on it. An animal has brought
acorns into my house and stored them for their family,
so in my house doesn't. So then I call the
guy and the guy is like, I'm like, squirrels. Squirrels
live in my house. The guy goes, no, mice do this,
(06:07):
so what That's right? That's right, dear listener, mice are
celebrating Christmas at the rough and household. They're in here
with us, and they're eating. I mean, also, I took
all his food. He couldn't possibly have stored more than this.
Those so many iggorns. The mouse is so tiny, I
(06:29):
don't know. Are you sure it's not a squirrel? I'm
sure it's not. Gonna still say it's a squirrel. Okay.
It makes me feel better to think of it a
real squirrel in the house with me than a mouse.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yes, yes, it makes me feel way better than a
squirrel because the squirrels were little top hats.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I told you a little yeah, yeah, cute. He's formal
he's formal. Okay, formal. A mouse is just from the streets,
right and the mouse gang gangang. So that's where I'm at.
And seeing me frowning on the street, I remembered, if
(07:07):
you see problem on the street, have pity. Yeah, that's
first of all, everyone who doesn't know that song that's
from Hamilton, my favorite song from Hamilton. It makes me
cry every time. And Amber makes fun of me. Okay,
I don't love that song of that, but you do
(07:27):
love Hamilton? Yes, I love you. Love Hamilton more than anyone,
more than Lynn. I'll call him right now, You than
the person who created it. That's right, got nothing on me.
And he'll be like you could right now. And they
were like, Amber, we need you to be in this.
We need you to be in the musical. Would you
do so? I thought of this?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes can Well, you're an actress. You can remember all
of that stuff. I can't. I just want to be
dancing in the back. That's all I want to be
dancing in. If you put it to music, I can
do it.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I can remember a song, a bunch of lines I
don't know, Like I couldn't do a one man show,
but to sing part of two or three songs. You
could do it. You definitely.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
You just want to be absolutely I just want to
be like skipping in the big dress. That's all I
want to do, and I want to make it memorable.
So I am going to make up my own steps
all couple flourishes.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
I also definitely could be Peggy. Yeah, you count Peggy.
I can remember that as she does, can have. And
that's the best song in the whole world. It is
is show me how to sing no to this? I
that fucking song.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That is a very good song. That song every day
for at least a year. The song was my heart.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It was a really good song.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
That's our plug for everyone to go see Hamilton whenever
you can. Yeah, it's that great. We're not lying to you.
If you hate musicals, you won't hate this one.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
You know what else was good that I just saw?
I didn't see it, don't say it. I want to
see it so bad. Now?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Should I go dressed up as a witch? Should I
paint my skin green? Because that's gonna be a bunch
of green people there.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Lucky for you, you already look like a witch. You're right,
and I want people to know that that's true. Don't
mess with me. I also feel that way, look Slytherin,
I'm gonna I'm gonna wait. I got something to tell you.
I'm gonna wait a little bit later. Yep, yep, yep,
because I mean I need to discuss this with the guests.
(09:32):
Let me that I write it down, because I'm writing
it downhill right now. You know, Amber, I will call
Amber five seconds later. Amber will call me back, and
I'm like, Green, you should answer the phone. That was
five seconds ago. I remember what I was gonna tell you.
I hang up right on it. That's what you get
for not answering your phone. I got nothing to tell
you now. If you don't answer the phone, what I
(09:53):
call it's fast. It's fine to be remembrance though. Yeah,
remember remembering the pasmer Now then I remember, Yeah, sometimes
it's important, sometimes it's not. It's never important. Today. I've
club Lacey four times and I'm not exaggerating. Remember we're
talking about who knows, who knows, I don't know, we
(10:16):
don't know. But my friend is in time. And be like,
I just call Lacy talking about I woke up. They say, yeah,
I'm also awake. I'm like, all right, click, that's what
we're talking about. That's what we're doing. They see, I
am awake, girl, You're not as awake as I am
because I woke up. Well, you'll never guess what happened
to me this morning what I was asleep? Uh huh.
(10:36):
And then you'll never guess what what I woke up, girl,
The same thing happened to me. That's as deep as
they go. That's us. Sorry, guys, that's what happens. So
that's life. What else that now? I wanted to tell
you about the squirrel. I also wanted to tell you
(10:58):
a second thing. It does. Oh you remember, I have
no idea? No I remember, and I thought you knew no. Okay,
y Lacy, I got nothing. I'm just gonna tell this
right now. Okay. So I ordered uh dunkin Donuts because
I didn't have any coffee in the house.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
The guy comes up to the house. I opened the door.
You know what he said. He goes, hey, I uh
met a black lady once at the Elks in north
Oma at coffee.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
That's right out of his hands.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Goodbye. I shut the door. Listen, Trump is president. I
don't have time for these shenanigans. I don't give a fuck.
Stop telling me dumbass stories. It is emboldened me. Now
I don't care about your I don't care about it.
I made a Facebook post about it. So many people
who were like why why, Oh my good I met
a black lady once. Okay, Now when I meet a
(11:56):
white person, I do not say, hey, met a white
person wants in Walmart.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
They don't care.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
They would look at me like I was crazy. But
I have to act like this is an interesting story.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Sorry, I do not. If you don't hand me my
coffee and turn around, Yeah, don't have time for this. Okay,
it's life. That shit only happens to Lacey. Huh, I
mean Lacybet. Just call him some.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Friend and his name was Fred. I don't normally call
people out a Fred. You know who you are. Sorry,
don't go around talking to people, don't. No one wants
to hear those conversations because if you told me that story,
what else are you saying? When people come to the door,
just hand them their thing and say, have a great.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Day, boy Fred. If you don't get the fuck out
my Hey, everyone, this is the Amber and Lacy Lacy
and Amber show. You know who our guests are today?
Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin. They have a new show
called Mess on iHeart Media with the Big Money Players Network.
So after you're done with this one, go click on
(12:58):
that because we were acting a full fool over there.
We were on it speaking of acting a fool. That's
what we're gonna do when we get back from this break. Okay,
I love you, ya Hey, everybody, welcome back to the
(13:25):
Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show. Our guests today
are Sydney Washington and Marie Fouston. They are hilarious. Each
of them is tinier than the last two cute little babies,
but mostly they're just suple supermodels and it's hilarious that
they tell jokes. I always think it's a very funny one.
(13:47):
Hot people end up as comedians because I'm like, for what,
why my shit is load bearing? You just for fun?
Doing everything? All right? You looked like I looked as
a child. Then then then there's a reason for it.
You look like this. I don't understand what the point is.
But Sydney Washington and are here because we love them.
(14:10):
But they're also here because they have a new podcast
called Mess. It's a weekly podcast where they dive into
miss and they try to make it make sense. Uh,
they are hilarious and uh you can hear it every week.
And after you're done with this, gonna press play on
some miss if you like Mess, like I like Miss
(14:31):
and I like Miss Sydney and Marie, how are y'all?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Well, it's crazy that you say that we're so hot,
but it's like, hm, are you talking about yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Because you're hot too.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You and your perfect skin and all your edges and
your teeth, those.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Tea that your mouth. Yeah, edges and teeth. But we're
very bad.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Oh but what I feel like they're going to say,
you know, I just woke up like this, you know, world,
and they probably did.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
They probably probably look this is how I slip on
mind time. So but what makes me mad is you
still look amazing.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
So don't even go there, because if y'all saw me
wake up this morning, it is ever I see each.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Other every morning, and whoever says something terrible about the
first person right away, we crack up because well, we'll
do the FaceTime and then one of us goes we
have to do that.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Well, it's really bad, I was gonna say. Marie famously
looks amazing when she wakes up. When I am not
a morning person. I am Oscar the grouch. The wig
is flipped, the crust in my eyes, breath is hot,
like I'm not sexy in the morning. So this is
definitely set in earlier. Today, I'm just saying I have eyeshadow.
(15:58):
One guys, no I shout on except me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah, I have some. Marie, you're neuted.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Sorry, there was an ambulance or a fire truck driving
by amblams to be respectful, I said, well, let me
let them die quietly.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
New Yorker, Marie.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
You know, I'm such a New Yorker that I went
to Denver once and the silence was so loud at
night that I couldn't sleep because the crickets were screaming.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And crickets will get you. I said, why it'd be
so loud out there, but I needed a bit siren.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Yeah, people breaking up outside your window.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
That really just puts me. It was kind of up
the street from like a late night well, this apartment
used to be my apartment from this late night, late
late late club, and people would walk down the street
(17:02):
drunk every Friday and Saturday night at like three in
the morning. So I would say, like once a month,
someone would be right here and it would be a
good ass fight. You get up and go back, run
of them and they being right here, and it'd be beautiful.
(17:23):
One time a car pulled up. The children got out
of the car. Each child fought a different child. They
all three back in the car and drove away. Yeah,
people in the car fought each other. They parked the car,
got out and fought one another and then fell back
in the car. It's time for everybody to fight.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
They fought it out. Yeah, because they got back in
that car. They worked it out. And I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, I feel like it's true.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
What it means is they they knew that not all
of them had transportation to the fight, and they said,
you know what, since we all go in the same way,
let's I want to stick a cab.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Those were men, and I know they were all men.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah, it was all men.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
It feels that feels like old school New York where
people just like challenge each other to like a fight,
and then you know whoever won, then you walk away.
There's no getting online, going live.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Now it's viral.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
It's like wait, wait, wait, let me get my tripod
before y'all start boxing, It's like, yeah, I just want
a good fight, and then everybody goes home.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I thank the Lord every day for my age, because
I was out there being insane. My goodness, if someone
had one minute of video for any moment from seventeen
to I'm gonna say twenty seven, what were you doing
for over ten years? I want to know. I need
(18:49):
to know. I was mild, motherfucker? What are you doing? Yes,
I did it? Ever was in the street, yes, And
they was in the streets. Are fighting in the streets?
Whoa a little bit? Because if you used to be
I mean, now I'm I'm sleepy and no one's testing me.
(19:11):
But used to be, if you grab my I would
beat your ass. Now that's if you would grab my butter,
I would beat you up. Okay, yeah. And the thing
I would do is if a guy would grab my butt.
Why were so many guys grabbing my butt? Grabbing my
but Yeah? People grab us and then they would like
(19:32):
kind of like run or be like and then I'd
be like, oh, come in, then talk to me, and
they get close enough and i'de him in the balls
and then they fall to the ground. And I kicked
them until I got tired. I stepped out. You were
in the Queen La Tea for You and I t
y video. She was in the music video she invented
the video Camber.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
This is wild because I always see you like kind
of like in a like a blaze situation.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Your butt is usually covered. Let me show your butt.
Are you covering your butt because you always got grabbed? No,
I'm covering my butt because I fell out of love
with it. But used to be used to be. You
couldn't get no clothes on me? Baby, belly lay lay?
(20:20):
Is this true?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I need photosus belly was out out.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
I need to see a photo. I need a TV. Yeah,
we need photos immediately. I'll find one. I mean you're
cleaning out this apartment. I'm going to find an old
photo show with you. Man. I was we got it.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
Because because Amber, now you're just like turtleneck clean, covered up.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
You're just maybe don't want to show nothing, right. I
don't think i've ever even seen your elbows or if
that was the best private that's between me and the lord.
It was socially acceptable to talk to you from inside
of a bag where I could just put my head
out of it. That's what I would do. I would
do it every day. I do need it. And it's wild.
(21:06):
It's wild.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
How you guys both, I mean obviously your sisters, you
have the same face.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, yeah, very similar faces. I will say this every
day when I wake up, I look more and more
like our brother every day that your mother brother. I
look like Jimmy. All look like Jimmy. Jimmy.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Jimmy is a hottie. Obviously, if if this is if,
everybody is the same thought but like italics and like bold,
I'm sure Jimmy is is sexy.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I love it. We are the same font. Cute. It's yeah.
We all got big stupid eyes.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Big guys are in you know the grocers get surgery
to get their eyes like how you doll?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Okay, Well, first of all, there's like the fox. There's
the fox surgery, the fox eye surgery where they pin
like the hair pinned, like your hairline back a little
bit and that pools your eyes so that it looks more.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
So I was just about to say, look like Mrie.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I don't know if Christina Aguilera and Nancy Lohan has
got it, but.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
They look incredible. They look great.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Allegedly, they're saying it's a face lift and that's what
the girls need to get. They need to get a
facelift or they need to do everything at once and
they shouldn't like space everything out. But they look well rested. Uh,
they look obviously, they look like they have money, because
they do. And it just looks like they look younger
than they did when they were younger. It's insane.
Speaker 5 (22:55):
Christina Aguilera looks like when she first came out, yep,
absolutely yeah, and she's I don't know how she is,
but she that's a grown lady.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
She's too rite.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
And Lindsay Lohan, I don't I don't know what she did.
She she sacrificed.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
The lamb or a small child or something.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
But Lindsey bounced back in a way that I'm like, okay,
this is freaky Friday.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Well, there was a there was a meme.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
There was a meme yesterday that said, oh, this is
what sobriety does.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And then everybody was like, stop that, stop that narrative.
That's a lie. She's she's a millionaire, she's famous.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
That's what you cannot promote Sobriety sobriety in that way
because because I'm sober, but I'm exhausted, like I would
love whatever.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Lindsay, yeah, but you don't look tired. Oh well, I
just feel tired.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
I'm like, can I get a facelift for my spirit,
for like my energy, and then we will be like,
it's vitamins, it's water, it's it's not eating McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
That's all you need to stop doing. That's too much. Yes, amazing.
Could be a spokesperson for Popeyes.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Oh no, I stopped from when I allegedly got food
poisoning from it, like six seven months ago.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I stopped. I haven't had a since. Oh I said enough.
I said enough is enough? Is enough? Not on my watch.
I'm not on my butt like I was, like, I'm done.
I don't want to be sick. No more. I haven't
had McDonald's in seven hundred years. Have had every day
I wanted more than the day before. Oh not even fries. No, No,
(24:43):
because I know it's a slippery slope. I have to
it's over. Did you just have Popeyes and you have
a bag of McDonald's behind you. I do not lie.
I do not lie. I said I did not.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
I did not have Popeyes, but I did have a
fish file at the other night.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I'm sorry, extra chartars, extra tartar stars. Now these faces,
what is going on? I think I've.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Had a McDonald I think I've had one file o
fish my entire life.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
What's she order? Fish filet? I love it? I'm a
what's wrong with it? It's it's thinley fried.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
You know, I'm about to confess to something and I
can never see this. Don't the only ever ever ever
said this. I don't want to be there.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
One time, when we were little, my dad went and
got everybody something from McDonald's and he's passing it out.
He's passing out the hamburgers and he hands me a
fucking fish filet.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
You eight years old? Don't nobody want no fish filet? No?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
And I iededly start crying, and he goes, you bet
you better eat that fits. So then you got well,
what did he get?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Right? Everybody got like burgers, but I think there was
a mistake. So he just handed Lace Lacey this fish
filet and it was you know, it's in the box,
and I remember going faking it okay, And I took
it to my room and I just crushed it. You
didn't need it. Listen, I didn't eat that. I didn't
eat that.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I was I went hungry, but satisfied that I crushed
that sucker up.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
And go eat that. Didn't go make me eat that.
Finding NEMO didn't do anything to you, Lacy. That's not
Amber knows.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Everybody in the house would have got a spanking if
that was found out.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
What did you get that order? What was what was
your You got got a hamburger and fries like I
wanted me out the fish for let come back beat
the fish for life. I don't understand. I felt. I
felt like the sweet revenge for crushing it up, but
I also was hungry wasting food. What a dame? Did
(26:48):
you get it? I don't think so. I just think
I got the dang I don't even remember but that.
There's no way you didn't get fresh fish, fish fish.
You didn't fish fish. I didn't do fish sandwiches like that. McDonald's.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
No, No, I guess I'm an alien and you're trying
to get food poisoning.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You're trying to get it again, McDonald's.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
I have never gotten sod for a fish filet. I'll
tell you, I will I will that's a hell. I'll
die on whatever fish they got is fresh over there?
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Anything else, fish, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Those frosties in the in the chicken egg, those are
not fresh.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
It's the fish. I will stand by the fish. How
is the merry me fresh? How is the fish fresh? Is?
If no one is buying it? You get fish? You
get fish from five they want to crushed up. This
is how much my mom loves filet a fish sandwich.
(27:48):
She one year came up allergic to all foods except
for lamb, rice, salt, and butter. I want to say
something like that, something that like together kind of made
a meal, and she kept having to go to the hospital.
And you know, then we didn't know what. We just
knew she couldn't eat most things. So then once they
(28:09):
found out, okay, also you can't eat fish, she just
got a bunch of epipins. And then one time she
pulled up in the car and we were outside and
we looked at her, and she just looks at us
and goes, we go, Mom, what's wrong? And she goes
fish sandwich and she had the EpiPen and she had
(28:36):
the fish sandwich, and she was like, that's what it's
worth that it's worth that, it's worth it, it's worth
I'm not mad at your mom. That's something I would
do if sandwich.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
If I was allergic to fast food, you, I would
have to stalk up. I would have to get the
Family Value Plan of EpiPens because I'm a need. I
love like a little like nugget from Wendy's. I love
a sausage biscuit from McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I love I love.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
A Taco Supreme from Taco Bell topream withpos I have.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I haven't had Taco Bell in years. Wow, I need
Taco Bell tonight. Thank you Amber. Amber loves Taco Bell.
I love Taco Bell. Let me get to drinks in
Taco Bell. To go to Taco Bell.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
Taco Bell is like Mexican White Castle. It's all you
want to be things.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Do you want to fight? You want to box? Don't
you talk about my bell like that? I need? You
have to go talc Bello Bell. I just feel like.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Life is sure and yes, I could eat better. Yes,
and you know I think that I eventually it's coming.
It's coming. So because I'm just so, I'm much more
sensitive to things.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
But I'm like, you want what you want? When you wanted.
Who are we holding back for? You know what I mean?
I can't. I have to. I have to eat. I
have to eat trash sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes I run
(30:30):
sometime sometimes you lie.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
I like it, Thank you, I appreciate it. I really
have to live live, you know, crazy on this call. Yeah,
I have to live crazy on this call. And it's clear,
it's clearly not y'all.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Tacoil is crazy. Yeah, yeah it is. I'm not.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
I'm not. I'm not smoking weed. I'm not doing party goods.
I can't even have, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Don Julio, So what do I do? Tell me what
to do? You know what? They live your life? Because
I can't do drugs.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
I will have some tequila. I might even eat the worm.
So you know I'm not gonna eat the worm.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I'm like, what, just dip that out there. I feel
like I like the thought of the worm and the
tequila because it's a built in dare and I like that.
I like it. So you have to eat it if
you if it falls in your cup, I don't know,
I think, So you have to right eat the worm, Rember.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
I want to know this, this other you because you
you say, I mean this I just can't see past
you know, the Blazer. Past the Blazer is your new book, Beyond.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Me, Beyond the Blazer, Beyond the Blaze, this for you.
I was such a wild child because I did a
theater called Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, and that's where I
was socialized. I was socialized in Amsterdam at a theater.
They had a bar in it. I was a madman.
(32:10):
I never I've never been to Amsterdam, Lacy, have you been?
I have. I went to this sit her and see
the show's crazy. We went to Amsterdam. I heard they're
shutting the borders down because there's too many tourists over there.
What we hold up? What's the problem?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Too many tourists going there to be like I'm gonna
be I oh, red light district titties like they said,
uh uh, y'all blocking the bike lanes.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Get them out of here. It's a lot. Yeah, and
Amsterdam is this big, so you have three people in
Amsterdam it's too Let me get on over there.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
I need to get on over there because I you know,
I just feel like I want to travel more and
I want to.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Go to the places where they accept.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
You know, amazing free black women and you know I
want good food and good vibes and good music.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Is not going to get any good, so you're not
get anything. No, no, no for you. I think you're
thinking of Portugal. M Portugal is where all the black
women are recently moving to. Okay, so are we taking
your girl's trip? Are we going to Portugal? No? Wait,
(33:23):
let's stop, let's what are we doing? What are we doing?
Where were the black men at? Well? You did some.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
I've seen y'all all that. I can see y'all all
any time. Where are y'all?
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I just broke up with all of y'all. Where are
I'm sticking as hell? Dead? You someone huscular? Walk by huscular?
That's my tight what's huscular? It's when you like Bill,
but you got a little you got a little weight
on you. You don't need to take all your weight off.
You got a little weight on you to be like
(33:57):
I need you to be big. Okay. You know what
I described that.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
I describe a man like that as somebody that like
if he lays on you, you go like like that
breath comes out of your body because he's he's got
man weight.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I don't need you to have a smaller waist than me.
We don't have a problem. I don't carry you on
my hip like a toddler. No, I can't have.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Not a batitue boo. No oh no, you don't want
a guy that you can put it in a baby
beorn and melka ba babyby No man looking for anyway
back to where people write us? Where are the black
man going on vacation? And are they looking for us?
What's going on? You talk about the passport bros. Or
you talk about somebody else. Oh, I don't know. I
(34:41):
don't know.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
You know what, A Lacy, I feel like I feel
like you know what? Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
So if yeah, if you know where the black men are,
tell us and if you are a black man, quit hiding.
Speaker 6 (34:53):
Come on, we'll go to my mama's kitchen.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Okay, Lacy, I will tell you if you go. If
you go to an afrobeats party, that's where they're at.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
A lot of them are there. Dina, I was in
an African dance troop. I was in an African dance
troop for years and jump African dance troop is not
afrom No. But we went to afro We went to
the parties.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Okay, yeah, yeah, that wasn't it Okay, Sorry, that's okay, Lacey.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
We go to the break. Can you do it too?
Everyone hold on to your butts.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
As Amber says, we are taking a small break and
we won't be right back with the Amber.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And Lacey Lacy and Amber Show. Hey, everybody, we're back
with more of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show.
It's time for something called please slide out with Lacey's DMS.
It's where we read, actually am sent to Lacy, who
(36:02):
is a real person, by real people. She reads them
out loud and the hopes that you won't make the
same mistake.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Okay, So my first one and I talked to Amber yesterday.
Maybe we had about twenty phone calls and I'm not lying.
And I held this one in because I wanted to
say it fresh to her on the show. This might
be my best and favorite response that I'm going to
be doing now from now. And so a man sent
me a dick pic and said, good morning, I'm wide awake.
(36:32):
So I said, wow, I'm really turned on, and I
sent him a bigger dick pic.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
That's what I will.
Speaker 5 (36:45):
Wait than guy, Wait, who's bigger dick?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Did you said? Got it? Also, you know where, but
I just got it. I'm sorry I didn't have it.
I googled it. Yeah, okay, I isn't it.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
I got it from my mom's in the next room.
It from some born inside, but I got it.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
My god, A win is a win. Win is a win.
It's not your mom's in the next room, and you
still got a whisper. You girl, this is your own
hurt you a whisper? Your address? No, this is my
I'm staying at my parents house. Okay, but then you
know what, I like my house. Hit her on the pod,
(37:23):
don't matter even if it was my house. I'm flying
in here with a belt. Let me send her your address.
Your address. You won't go. I will not open the door.
I won't open the door. I don't blama, I don't
want to crafty. She'll be like shet herrafty, I made
you some food. You want to open that door. She'd
(37:44):
be like, you know what, be so cute? Yeah, now
tell you she got give you the face she deceiving.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
So that's my favorite response. I will always have that.
I'm going to save that pick and send it to people,
and they send me one. You're more than welcome.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
To copy this. It works. That man left me alone. Okay.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
The second one is now, I love honesty. This man
said I got cord in three days. Let's speak now
because I'm definitely going away.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Hurry up, hurry this up.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
I didn't respond to that. I started that he ain't
writing me asking me to put money on his books.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
But wish.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
It feels like like he's like I got he said
if I had one wish, to.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Let him make his wish.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Yeah, he can make it all he wants to. But
but I did like his honesty, and I believed every
word that he said. He was really He's like, yeah,
who's out there, who's going to respond to this?
Speaker 4 (38:58):
And you know what, I think what's so amazing about
straight men is that they take a lot of risks
and they're never ashamed. And they said, I'm just gonna
put it out there, and meanwhile, we're kind of like, well,
let me put this in the group chat.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Does this make sense?
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Let me, you know, craft something really witty and something
that doesn't look so desperate. Meanwhile, men are like, no,
I am desperate and I'm going to jail.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
What's up, I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 5 (39:24):
Yeah, They're like I'm spent say. They don't even say
I'm gonna say it. I think they just say say it. Yeah,
they don't even repeat that.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
I somebody might respond to that. Got to be mean.
But if he sends that out to fifty women, he
might get a response. Oh he is for sure might
get a response. Was the odds? Yeah? Was he cute?
He was cute.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
He's cute.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
That's why I was like, somebody is gonna be like,
well it's been a while, they're gonna respond to him. Okay,
this last one, yeah, okay, this man said I would
love to give you corn rows?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Can you cook?
Speaker 3 (40:05):
Now you all are picturing, I know who you're picturing
to ask me that I would love to give you corner.
I mean, he wants me to sit down and he's
braiding my hair. Then he's asking me if I can
make him some greens. The message isn't funny.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
And I'm gonna show you the picture and I need
it to not be on the pot. Don't don't show
this during the Clip's gonna blur it out. We're gonna
show it during the glute. Oh, do anything right? You
gotta drop it and drop it in the chat. Okay,
(40:40):
but you can see I love. I wish you could
see it better. I saw it.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
I would love to give you corn rows from corner
Braids by Bradley, Braids by.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Brad What is his name? What is his name? Does
he have a stringy bag?
Speaker 4 (40:56):
His name is Bradley, It looks like a stringy short
bang Cornery.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Is his name Devon d E And he probably pronounces
it Devin. But I was like, so is it Davon?
Is it trying to tell me his name is Damon?
You guys think I'm paying you guys think I'm lying you. Oh,
you can't see the name, But Devon Davon, it's Devin.
(41:23):
We gonna call him Din know Davon. If he had
a postul and be the d then it would be
day Ball David Sorr. You're not doing You're not even
not even hoskular. Girl, Get out of here. He weighs
thirty five pounds. You're not gonna give him no time. Damn,
it's strict over here. It's strict. It's real strict. Lacy,
(41:45):
Yeah it is, girl, I'm not doing this. This is insane.
This is a little bit strict. But you know what's
even stricter Sister Cord. Hey, everybody, Sister Cord. Sister is
where our listeners right in the problems that they need
advice on. You can write into Amber and Lacey Advice
(42:05):
at gmail dot com. Now it's Sister Court. Lacey is
the prosecutor. Prosecutor. I'm the other part, electrocute, defend the dense.
Amber knows law, yes, but our judges today, so Lacey
(42:28):
and I will battle it out to see who's right
about Sister Court. But what we say doesn't matter because
we have two judges here with us, Today's Judge Sidney
and Judge Marie. Let's hear our first case, Lizy want
to read it? I sure Will is giving cash as
a Christmas gift tacky. I never know what to give
(42:49):
my niece, so I was just going to give her
some cash for Christmas. But then my wife said it
was tacky and I should be giving her something more meaningful.
But I'm afraid I'll screw up and give her something wrong.
So what do you think it's? Giving some is giving
her some cash okay? Or do I actually have to
buy her something? Give you some cash? You don't care?
What the fuck? How old is the baby money. We
don't have the age, give him, give him some money.
(43:10):
I'll give the baby. It doesn't matter two months old,
I think, well, I.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
Mean cash for like a teen and up. Absolutely for
a baby. You get a baby like a book. You
can get a baby them some little pink uggs or
something like. You don't have to do nothing crazy for
the baby. The cash is going to go to the mom.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yeah, we get the cash.
Speaker 4 (43:32):
Cash for Moms is a is a new site that
I'm going in and if.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
You all you have to do is send me the cash.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
And I'll make sure that the moms will get it.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Seven Cash for Moms, cash for the number four, that's four.
Speaker 4 (43:48):
I think cash is good because it's not like it's
not going to get used.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
I think there is a there's a small place.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
In everybody's home where people just throw gifts that they're
just not going to use. Ever, they can't return it
because they don't have the gift for seed or they
waited too long.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
So it's just like you can never get mad at cash.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
You're like, I'm gonna need this for something either I
just kill either the phone bill, I get.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
My nails done or something like.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
But it is it is thoughtful when you do get
somebody gift that they need it and then you see
them with it. But other than that, it's just like,
stop wasting your money on stuff that people are not
gonna use.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Cash. I do not care about that candle. Drop the cash,
Give me the cash. You don't care about no candles.
Take the child to the all, be like, here's some money,
and now you can go spend it and then take
the and then get yourself Arn't Julius and follow this
child around the mall. That's what the child wants. What's
(44:51):
the Orange Julius? Oh my god, I didn't know what
that was. What I don't know? Do they not have
Arn't Julius in New York? Is that basketball? That is it?
That is a drink place in the mall. You get shakes,
you get a little snacks. Signature drink was the Orange Julius. Orange. Oh,
(45:17):
everywhere there was an Orange Julius. It's now Orange Julius
and Dairy Queen because I think they're owned by the
same something. So so that's the type of the more
type of food. And this I think we have just
time for one more, just time for one more. One more?
Do you want me to read it. I'll read it.
I'll read it. I'll read it.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Family is complaining that my holiday dinner is not a pot. Look,
I'm hosting a holiday dinner for about thirty with many
people coming in from out of town. Since people are traveling,
I've told everyone not worry about bringing anything. But people
are upset, saying that they want to bring something or
that it's too much for me. But I planned on
(45:56):
cooking everything because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by
making them travel food.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
What should I do? Sound like she can't cook food? Yeah? Truly.
Now they might be asking if they can bring food
because they think you can't cook. Right, that's either way.
Let people bring food. Who gives a shit? You got
to control all the food. People get the people. People
have their cats all over the counters. No, no, no, no,
(46:21):
that's true. See, I'm not here for I'm not here
for thirty people bringing bringing food, thirty different people. No
thirty dishes. You know you have thirty minutes? No dirty,
I don't.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
I don't want thirty I don't want thirty people. I
don't want thirty people bringing stuff.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Yeah, but I don't know what you do in a kitchen.
If our greens don't be there, you might decide you
don't want greens, and now I gotta suffer.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I'm bringing my greens. Okay, judge, and I'm sorry you
are the judge. Also, you know who everybody know who dirty?
Everybody know cousin Sharon is dirty. And want to hear food?
One time, my mom is in the next room. I'm
sure she can hear me. One time, my brother had
this little girlfriend and she came to us, had a
whole tray or something. My mom took the tray through
that ship in the trash. She threw it in the
(47:06):
but she couldn't find it.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Food time came gone, I need you bring your food
to my mom and dad's house. Bring your food around
here for real. She did that in the trash. Okay, Yeah,
she shouldn't have done that. Don't bring shouldn't have done it.
It was wrong, but no one was going to eat.
You know, do you remember when the dish was that?
Speaker 3 (47:30):
It was some type of dessert and I'll never remember.
It was like marshmallows.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, it was yellow. Is it yellow with the marshmallows?
Definitely could have been. Oh we did a little everybody
it could have been. It could have been, but it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
I'm gonna do a little secret, guys, it wasn't a
blood dish a girl.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
When you send your your brother bought a girl home,
I already knew you. You knew that you are. You
are in Nebraska.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
We Jimmy, Jimmy.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Jimmy for you pan. We're like containing her. Can't find it.
It's gone.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Your mother didn't even clean the pan out. She threw
the whole pan in the trash. She threw it into
the trash. No one has ever in the history of
America brought food to mom and Dad's house.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
I know, bringing gives a very strict speech. Don't bring
none in here, don't bring nothe in here. And I
tell people, I'm bringing it to my mom's house. It
I love your mom my, black friends, black friends.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
No do your mother sounds like my mother? Except my
aunt will bring food.
Speaker 5 (48:39):
And she is bringing food again for Thanksgiving, and they
judge each other's food. So my aunt will be eating
something my mom cooking. She'd be like, it's not really giving.
And then my mom will eat something and my aunt bought,
and she'd be like, why it look like that.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Oh wait, I need to come for Thanksgiving. This sounds
fun just giving entertainment. Yeah, it's crazy. And that's Christmas
at our houses. So everyone, Merry Christmas from our family.
Yours were now one family. Now, oh my god, wouldn't
(49:15):
that be fun? Loud holidays? Our separate families are already loud,
so we would be loud Loud with distinction. You know
what's loud is a new podcast on iHeartMedia called Mess
by Washington and Marie Fauston. It's the podcast you're about
(49:39):
to press play on now. It's hilarious and it's also adorable. Now.
You can find me online at Amber Ruff and I
Bet across all socials. You can find Lacey at Lacey
Lamar one across all socials. The one is because she
forgot she had Lacey Lamar made a new one, remembered
that the old one was Indeed her couldn't find the password.
(50:03):
Sydney and Marie, where can we find you?
Speaker 5 (50:06):
On that?
Speaker 2 (50:08):
They see you forgot your passwords? So your dad one? Two?
I tried. I tried to hire someone to get in.
They couldn't do it. It's just it's out. They're flowing around.
You want to talk to because I'm known now, I
I'll know how to get in there. Wait, what about
the recovery email? Nothing? I hired a person they could
(50:28):
not get to my instigrael. I got two. I got two.
I got like that song two chains and two phones.
I got two. I got to. Well, you not about me.
Speaker 5 (50:41):
I'm not locked out of my social media. You go
find me at reezi r E e e z y
so R three e c y and you can come
see me at Why Are You Single? The dating game
show that our host obviously come find me on mess Yes,
the SAI.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
You're in New York, I'm there. I'm there, the perfect match,
perfect match.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
If I don't fall in love between now and then,
oh okay, I'll find you.
Speaker 4 (51:11):
Yes, mine is just said BW j usd s y
D BW and I have a solo show called how
to Certifier, and I usually do it at Union Hall.
So whenever I post that, because I'm bad at promoting,
please come.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Hey, Merry Christmas to all and Tula, good night. Thanks
for tuning in to the Amber and Lacy Lacy and
Amber show. I'm sorry I said tune in. That's not
really how technology works anymore. Mary Christmas.
Speaker 3 (51:51):
The Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show is a
production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
It's created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar.
Executive produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced
by Becca Raimos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by
Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by Ty Herd. Music by
David Schmoll.
The weather is cold and it's time to warm up.
Poor summer me and Amber in your coat. It's the
Ember Lacey, Lacey and Amber Show.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I feel like that was kind of risky, filthy, and
that's our sexy version of the Amber and Lacey Lacy
and Amber Show. Welcome to the sexiest episode of the
Lacey Lacy at Amber Show. I hope you're ready for
buts okay, that's what we're doing. You farting but listening.
(00:44):
This is Lacey. Merry Christmas to you.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
And Merry Christmas to you. It's been Christmas now for
two months and we love it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It's not enough. Every year, like we may it longer
and we should. Every year it gets longer and longer.
Tew days just we add on a few more days.
One time, Jenny Hagel took me to a place. Well,
first of all, we were living in Demver and she
was like, Amber, I need you to clear out four
(01:18):
hours on this day. We're going to take you somewhere
and just shut up. You have to go. I was like, fantastic,
Get in the car, we drive and we drive up.
This is like April or something. It's like spring or summer.
Drive up, drive up. It's snowing and we're on a
mountain and we get there and it's Christmas Town and
(01:40):
it's like a little North Pole and everywhere you go
there's elves and stuff. And we go to Santa. I
tug to Santa. It was the cutest. I was like,
oh my god, this is happening. Now these people have
to be at this job right now. That's bananas, amber
rough and yeah, fire and fall in love again and uh,
(02:06):
I'm gonna get married or you see it going in
that direction. I need you to pull the fella aside
and be like, you need to get engaged in Christmas Town.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Okay, I'm gonna say yes, goll hm could ask me
to marry him in Christmas Town.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, like you know what, go and give me that
ring Christmastown. You made the right decision. I love it. Yeah,
Christmas magical place but so beautiful Christmas Town. Absolutely love that.
Anyho okay part of it. Now everybody, all the men
out there will be lining up trying to take me
to Christmastown. Yeah, because she's gotta go with you one bye,
(02:50):
just get engaged one by one, like you said, yes,
I get well. He took me to Christmas Town. I
don't know how they're fighting this out. Man oh man, Yeah, Lacey,
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I could live in a Christmas village. I could live there.
Wherever Christmas Town is, I could live there all year round.
I have to put my tree up because I would
tell people legally, I have to keep this tree up.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Then no one can tell me to put it down.
No one. This year, there's a lot of Christmas. I
try my very best to keep Christmas to a minimum
because I don't want a whole house of Christmas. I
think Christmas can go nuts, but it can't. I don't
(03:34):
like Christmas in the kitchen. I don't like Christmas in
the bedroom.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I love Christmas in the bedroom. I lay my head
on that pillow and it says.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
That's it might be. I am not mad at Christmas
in a mega but coming a missiletoe. Yes, I said it,
you o producers. Everybody's like, yeah, Noah, I said it, Yeah,
back up, yeah, Victor, I said it. Okay, they see
I tell your mom, go ahead and tell her she's
getting mad or she's gonna go all right. Wait wait,
(04:08):
they got five kids. They agree with me. Okay, So Lacey,
this Christmas is a very special Christmas. Oh, okay, I'm
putting up the tree. Now. This came out long after
I put my tree up. Okay, I don't want you
to be thinking it's December eleventh. She only just put
(04:30):
up her tree as we're talking to you. It is
not even Thanksgiving. And my ship is you.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You hurt them police sirens. They're coming to her because
her tree's up to her.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Okay, I my friend Molly is in town. We go
to the Christmas tree room in like the basement of
the house. Get out the Christmas tree. I open up
the Christmas tree box. There's acorns in there. Molly. Oh,
I go, oh my god, there's acorns in here. Molly goes,
(05:03):
it's from some Christmas tree decoration. I go, Molly, there
are no acorns in my Christmas tree decoration. She goes,
I'm sure there is, and you just forgot. I was like, well, technically,
stay forgetting shit, so you're probably right. We bring up
the thousands and thousands of boxes of Christmas ornaments. One
of them is just bows, and it's just a box
(05:24):
and then half the bows. It's halfway filled with bows.
Molly picks up this box. She goes oh see, you
do have acorn decorations. And half of the bus is
filled with acorns, and half of the box has bows
on it. So it's then I realized, absolutely nothing in
(05:46):
this house has acorns on it. An animal has brought
acorns into my house and stored them for their family,
so in my house doesn't. So then I call the
guy and the guy is like, I'm like, squirrels. Squirrels
live in my house. The guy goes, no, mice do this,
(06:07):
so what That's right? That's right, dear listener, mice are
celebrating Christmas at the rough and household. They're in here
with us, and they're eating. I mean, also, I took
all his food. He couldn't possibly have stored more than this.
Those so many iggorns. The mouse is so tiny, I
(06:29):
don't know. Are you sure it's not a squirrel? I'm
sure it's not. Gonna still say it's a squirrel. Okay.
It makes me feel better to think of it a
real squirrel in the house with me than a mouse.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yes, yes, it makes me feel way better than a
squirrel because the squirrels were little top hats.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I told you a little yeah, yeah, cute. He's formal
he's formal. Okay, formal. A mouse is just from the streets,
right and the mouse gang gangang. So that's where I'm at.
And seeing me frowning on the street, I remembered, if
(07:07):
you see problem on the street, have pity. Yeah, that's
first of all, everyone who doesn't know that song that's
from Hamilton, my favorite song from Hamilton. It makes me
cry every time. And Amber makes fun of me. Okay,
I don't love that song of that, but you do
(07:27):
love Hamilton? Yes, I love you. Love Hamilton more than anyone,
more than Lynn. I'll call him right now, You than
the person who created it. That's right, got nothing on me.
And he'll be like you could right now. And they
were like, Amber, we need you to be in this.
We need you to be in the musical. Would you
do so? I thought of this?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yes can Well, you're an actress. You can remember all
of that stuff. I can't. I just want to be
dancing in the back. That's all I want to be
dancing in. If you put it to music, I can
do it.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I can remember a song, a bunch of lines I
don't know, Like I couldn't do a one man show,
but to sing part of two or three songs. You
could do it. You definitely.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
You just want to be absolutely I just want to
be like skipping in the big dress. That's all I
want to do, and I want to make it memorable.
So I am going to make up my own steps
all couple flourishes.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
I also definitely could be Peggy. Yeah, you count Peggy.
I can remember that as she does, can have. And
that's the best song in the whole world. It is
is show me how to sing no to this? I
that fucking song.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That is a very good song. That song every day
for at least a year. The song was my heart.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It was a really good song.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
That's our plug for everyone to go see Hamilton whenever
you can. Yeah, it's that great. We're not lying to you.
If you hate musicals, you won't hate this one.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
You know what else was good that I just saw?
I didn't see it, don't say it. I want to
see it so bad. Now?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Should I go dressed up as a witch? Should I
paint my skin green? Because that's gonna be a bunch
of green people there.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Lucky for you, you already look like a witch. You're right,
and I want people to know that that's true. Don't
mess with me. I also feel that way, look Slytherin,
I'm gonna I'm gonna wait. I got something to tell you.
I'm gonna wait a little bit later. Yep, yep, yep,
because I mean I need to discuss this with the guests.
(09:32):
Let me that I write it down, because I'm writing
it downhill right now. You know, Amber, I will call
Amber five seconds later. Amber will call me back, and
I'm like, Green, you should answer the phone. That was
five seconds ago. I remember what I was gonna tell you.
I hang up right on it. That's what you get
for not answering your phone. I got nothing to tell
you now. If you don't answer the phone, what I
(09:53):
call it's fast. It's fine to be remembrance though. Yeah,
remember remembering the pasmer Now then I remember, Yeah, sometimes
it's important, sometimes it's not. It's never important. Today. I've
club Lacey four times and I'm not exaggerating. Remember we're
talking about who knows, who knows, I don't know, we
(10:16):
don't know. But my friend is in time. And be like,
I just call Lacy talking about I woke up. They say, yeah,
I'm also awake. I'm like, all right, click, that's what
we're talking about. That's what we're doing. They see, I
am awake, girl, You're not as awake as I am
because I woke up. Well, you'll never guess what happened
to me this morning what I was asleep? Uh huh.
(10:36):
And then you'll never guess what what I woke up, girl,
The same thing happened to me. That's as deep as
they go. That's us. Sorry, guys, that's what happens. So
that's life. What else that now? I wanted to tell
you about the squirrel. I also wanted to tell you
(10:58):
a second thing. It does. Oh you remember, I have
no idea? No I remember, and I thought you knew no. Okay,
y Lacy, I got nothing. I'm just gonna tell this
right now. Okay. So I ordered uh dunkin Donuts because
I didn't have any coffee in the house.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
The guy comes up to the house. I opened the door.
You know what he said. He goes, hey, I uh
met a black lady once at the Elks in north
Oma at coffee.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
That's right out of his hands.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Goodbye. I shut the door. Listen, Trump is president. I
don't have time for these shenanigans. I don't give a fuck.
Stop telling me dumbass stories. It is emboldened me. Now
I don't care about your I don't care about it.
I made a Facebook post about it. So many people
who were like why why, Oh my good I met
a black lady once. Okay, Now when I meet a
(11:56):
white person, I do not say, hey, met a white
person wants in Walmart.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
They don't care.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
They would look at me like I was crazy. But
I have to act like this is an interesting story.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Sorry, I do not. If you don't hand me my
coffee and turn around, Yeah, don't have time for this. Okay,
it's life. That shit only happens to Lacey. Huh, I
mean Lacybet. Just call him some.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Friend and his name was Fred. I don't normally call
people out a Fred. You know who you are. Sorry,
don't go around talking to people, don't. No one wants
to hear those conversations because if you told me that story,
what else are you saying? When people come to the door,
just hand them their thing and say, have a great.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Day, boy Fred. If you don't get the fuck out
my Hey, everyone, this is the Amber and Lacy Lacy
and Amber show. You know who our guests are today?
Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin. They have a new show
called Mess on iHeart Media with the Big Money Players Network.
So after you're done with this one, go click on
(12:58):
that because we were acting a full fool over there.
We were on it speaking of acting a fool. That's
what we're gonna do when we get back from this break. Okay,
I love you, ya Hey, everybody, welcome back to the
(13:25):
Amber and Lacy Lacy and Amber Show. Our guests today
are Sydney Washington and Marie Fouston. They are hilarious. Each
of them is tinier than the last two cute little babies,
but mostly they're just suple supermodels and it's hilarious that
they tell jokes. I always think it's a very funny one.
(13:47):
Hot people end up as comedians because I'm like, for what,
why my shit is load bearing? You just for fun?
Doing everything? All right? You looked like I looked as
a child. Then then then there's a reason for it.
You look like this. I don't understand what the point is.
But Sydney Washington and are here because we love them.
(14:10):
But they're also here because they have a new podcast
called Mess. It's a weekly podcast where they dive into
miss and they try to make it make sense. Uh,
they are hilarious and uh you can hear it every week.
And after you're done with this, gonna press play on
some miss if you like Mess, like I like Miss
(14:31):
and I like Miss Sydney and Marie, how are y'all?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Well, it's crazy that you say that we're so hot,
but it's like, hm, are you talking about yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Because you're hot too.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You and your perfect skin and all your edges and
your teeth, those.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Tea that your mouth. Yeah, edges and teeth. But we're
very bad.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Oh but what I feel like they're going to say,
you know, I just woke up like this, you know, world,
and they probably did.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
They probably probably look this is how I slip on
mind time. So but what makes me mad is you
still look amazing.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
So don't even go there, because if y'all saw me
wake up this morning, it is ever I see each.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Other every morning, and whoever says something terrible about the
first person right away, we crack up because well, we'll
do the FaceTime and then one of us goes we
have to do that.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Well, it's really bad, I was gonna say. Marie famously
looks amazing when she wakes up. When I am not
a morning person. I am Oscar the grouch. The wig
is flipped, the crust in my eyes, breath is hot,
like I'm not sexy in the morning. So this is
definitely set in earlier. Today, I'm just saying I have eyeshadow.
(15:58):
One guys, no I shout on except me.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah, I have some. Marie, you're neuted.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Sorry, there was an ambulance or a fire truck driving
by amblams to be respectful, I said, well, let me
let them die quietly.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
New Yorker, Marie.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
You know, I'm such a New Yorker that I went
to Denver once and the silence was so loud at
night that I couldn't sleep because the crickets were screaming.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And crickets will get you. I said, why it'd be
so loud out there, but I needed a bit siren.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Yeah, people breaking up outside your window.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
That really just puts me. It was kind of up
the street from like a late night well, this apartment
used to be my apartment from this late night, late
late late club, and people would walk down the street
(17:02):
drunk every Friday and Saturday night at like three in
the morning. So I would say, like once a month,
someone would be right here and it would be a
good ass fight. You get up and go back, run
of them and they being right here, and it'd be beautiful.
(17:23):
One time a car pulled up. The children got out
of the car. Each child fought a different child. They
all three back in the car and drove away. Yeah,
people in the car fought each other. They parked the car,
got out and fought one another and then fell back
in the car. It's time for everybody to fight.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
They fought it out. Yeah, because they got back in
that car. They worked it out. And I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, I feel like it's true.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
What it means is they they knew that not all
of them had transportation to the fight, and they said,
you know what, since we all go in the same way,
let's I want to stick a cab.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Those were men, and I know they were all men.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah, it was all men.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
It feels that feels like old school New York where
people just like challenge each other to like a fight,
and then you know whoever won, then you walk away.
There's no getting online, going live.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Now it's viral.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
It's like wait, wait, wait, let me get my tripod
before y'all start boxing, It's like, yeah, I just want
a good fight, and then everybody goes home.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I thank the Lord every day for my age, because
I was out there being insane. My goodness, if someone
had one minute of video for any moment from seventeen
to I'm gonna say twenty seven, what were you doing
for over ten years? I want to know. I need
(18:49):
to know. I was mild, motherfucker? What are you doing? Yes,
I did it? Ever was in the street, yes, And
they was in the streets. Are fighting in the streets?
Whoa a little bit? Because if you used to be
I mean, now I'm I'm sleepy and no one's testing me.
(19:11):
But used to be, if you grab my I would
beat your ass. Now that's if you would grab my butter,
I would beat you up. Okay, yeah. And the thing
I would do is if a guy would grab my butt.
Why were so many guys grabbing my butt? Grabbing my
but Yeah? People grab us and then they would like
(19:32):
kind of like run or be like and then I'd
be like, oh, come in, then talk to me, and
they get close enough and i'de him in the balls
and then they fall to the ground. And I kicked
them until I got tired. I stepped out. You were
in the Queen La Tea for You and I t
y video. She was in the music video she invented
the video Camber.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
This is wild because I always see you like kind
of like in a like a blaze situation.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Your butt is usually covered. Let me show your butt.
Are you covering your butt because you always got grabbed? No,
I'm covering my butt because I fell out of love
with it. But used to be used to be. You
couldn't get no clothes on me? Baby, belly lay lay?
(20:20):
Is this true?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I need photosus belly was out out.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
I need to see a photo. I need a TV. Yeah,
we need photos immediately. I'll find one. I mean you're
cleaning out this apartment. I'm going to find an old
photo show with you. Man. I was we got it.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
Because because Amber, now you're just like turtleneck clean, covered up.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
You're just maybe don't want to show nothing, right. I
don't think i've ever even seen your elbows or if
that was the best private that's between me and the lord.
It was socially acceptable to talk to you from inside
of a bag where I could just put my head
out of it. That's what I would do. I would
do it every day. I do need it. And it's wild.
(21:06):
It's wild.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
How you guys both, I mean obviously your sisters, you
have the same face.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, yeah, very similar faces. I will say this every
day when I wake up, I look more and more
like our brother every day that your mother brother. I
look like Jimmy. All look like Jimmy. Jimmy.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Jimmy is a hottie. Obviously, if if this is if,
everybody is the same thought but like italics and like bold,
I'm sure Jimmy is is sexy.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I love it. We are the same font. Cute. It's yeah.
We all got big stupid eyes.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Big guys are in you know the grocers get surgery
to get their eyes like how you doll?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Okay, Well, first of all, there's like the fox. There's
the fox surgery, the fox eye surgery where they pin
like the hair pinned, like your hairline back a little
bit and that pools your eyes so that it looks more.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
So I was just about to say, look like Mrie.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I don't know if Christina Aguilera and Nancy Lohan has
got it, but.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
They look incredible. They look great.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Allegedly, they're saying it's a face lift and that's what
the girls need to get. They need to get a
facelift or they need to do everything at once and
they shouldn't like space everything out. But they look well rested. Uh,
they look obviously, they look like they have money, because
they do. And it just looks like they look younger
than they did when they were younger. It's insane.
Speaker 5 (22:55):
Christina Aguilera looks like when she first came out, yep,
absolutely yeah, and she's I don't know how she is,
but she that's a grown lady.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
She's too rite.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
And Lindsay Lohan, I don't I don't know what she did.
She she sacrificed.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
The lamb or a small child or something.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
But Lindsey bounced back in a way that I'm like, okay,
this is freaky Friday.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Well, there was a there was a meme.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
There was a meme yesterday that said, oh, this is
what sobriety does.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
And then everybody was like, stop that, stop that narrative.
That's a lie. She's she's a millionaire, she's famous.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
That's what you cannot promote Sobriety sobriety in that way
because because I'm sober, but I'm exhausted, like I would
love whatever.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Lindsay, yeah, but you don't look tired. Oh well, I
just feel tired.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
I'm like, can I get a facelift for my spirit,
for like my energy, and then we will be like,
it's vitamins, it's water, it's it's not eating McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
That's all you need to stop doing. That's too much. Yes, amazing.
Could be a spokesperson for Popeyes.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
Oh no, I stopped from when I allegedly got food
poisoning from it, like six seven months ago.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I stopped. I haven't had a since. Oh I said enough.
I said enough is enough? Is enough? Not on my watch.
I'm not on my butt like I was, like, I'm done.
I don't want to be sick. No more. I haven't
had McDonald's in seven hundred years. Have had every day
I wanted more than the day before. Oh not even fries. No, No,
(24:43):
because I know it's a slippery slope. I have to
it's over. Did you just have Popeyes and you have
a bag of McDonald's behind you. I do not lie.
I do not lie. I said I did not.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
I did not have Popeyes, but I did have a
fish file at the other night.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I'm sorry, extra chartars, extra tartar stars. Now these faces,
what is going on? I think I've.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Had a McDonald I think I've had one file o
fish my entire life.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
What's she order? Fish filet? I love it? I'm a
what's wrong with it? It's it's thinley fried.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
You know, I'm about to confess to something and I
can never see this. Don't the only ever ever ever
said this. I don't want to be there.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
One time, when we were little, my dad went and
got everybody something from McDonald's and he's passing it out.
He's passing out the hamburgers and he hands me a
fucking fish filet.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
You eight years old? Don't nobody want no fish filet? No?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
And I iededly start crying, and he goes, you bet
you better eat that fits. So then you got well,
what did he get?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Right? Everybody got like burgers, but I think there was
a mistake. So he just handed Lace Lacey this fish
filet and it was you know, it's in the box,
and I remember going faking it okay, And I took
it to my room and I just crushed it. You
didn't need it. Listen, I didn't eat that. I didn't
eat that.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I was I went hungry, but satisfied that I crushed
that sucker up.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
And go eat that. Didn't go make me eat that.
Finding NEMO didn't do anything to you, Lacy. That's not
Amber knows.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Everybody in the house would have got a spanking if
that was found out.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
What did you get that order? What was what was
your You got got a hamburger and fries like I
wanted me out the fish for let come back beat
the fish for life. I don't understand. I felt. I
felt like the sweet revenge for crushing it up, but
I also was hungry wasting food. What a dame? Did
(26:48):
you get it? I don't think so. I just think
I got the dang I don't even remember but that.
There's no way you didn't get fresh fish, fish fish.
You didn't fish fish. I didn't do fish sandwiches like that. McDonald's.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
No, No, I guess I'm an alien and you're trying
to get food poisoning.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You're trying to get it again, McDonald's.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
I have never gotten sod for a fish filet. I'll
tell you, I will I will that's a hell. I'll
die on whatever fish they got is fresh over there?
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Anything else, fish, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Those frosties in the in the chicken egg, those are
not fresh.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
It's the fish. I will stand by the fish. How
is the merry me fresh? How is the fish fresh? Is?
If no one is buying it? You get fish? You
get fish from five they want to crushed up. This
is how much my mom loves filet a fish sandwich.
(27:48):
She one year came up allergic to all foods except
for lamb, rice, salt, and butter. I want to say
something like that, something that like together kind of made
a meal, and she kept having to go to the hospital.
And you know, then we didn't know what. We just
knew she couldn't eat most things. So then once they
(28:09):
found out, okay, also you can't eat fish, she just
got a bunch of epipins. And then one time she
pulled up in the car and we were outside and
we looked at her, and she just looks at us
and goes, we go, Mom, what's wrong? And she goes
fish sandwich and she had the EpiPen and she had
(28:36):
the fish sandwich, and she was like, that's what it's
worth that it's worth that, it's worth it, it's worth
I'm not mad at your mom. That's something I would
do if sandwich.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
If I was allergic to fast food, you, I would
have to stalk up. I would have to get the
Family Value Plan of EpiPens because I'm a need. I
love like a little like nugget from Wendy's. I love
a sausage biscuit from McDonald's.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I love I love.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
A Taco Supreme from Taco Bell topream withpos I have.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I haven't had Taco Bell in years. Wow, I need
Taco Bell tonight. Thank you Amber. Amber loves Taco Bell.
I love Taco Bell. Let me get to drinks in
Taco Bell. To go to Taco Bell.
Speaker 6 (29:30):
Taco Bell is like Mexican White Castle. It's all you
want to be things.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Do you want to fight? You want to box? Don't
you talk about my bell like that? I need? You
have to go talc Bello Bell. I just feel like.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Life is sure and yes, I could eat better. Yes,
and you know I think that I eventually it's coming.
It's coming. So because I'm just so, I'm much more
sensitive to things.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
But I'm like, you want what you want? When you wanted.
Who are we holding back for? You know what I mean?
I can't. I have to. I have to eat. I
have to eat trash sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes I run
(30:30):
sometime sometimes you lie.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
I like it, Thank you, I appreciate it. I really
have to live live, you know, crazy on this call. Yeah,
I have to live crazy on this call. And it's clear,
it's clearly not y'all.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Tacoil is crazy. Yeah, yeah it is. I'm not.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
I'm not. I'm not smoking weed. I'm not doing party goods.
I can't even have, you know.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Don Julio, So what do I do? Tell me what
to do? You know what? They live your life? Because
I can't do drugs.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
I will have some tequila. I might even eat the worm.
So you know I'm not gonna eat the worm.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I'm like, what, just dip that out there. I feel
like I like the thought of the worm and the
tequila because it's a built in dare and I like that.
I like it. So you have to eat it if
you if it falls in your cup, I don't know,
I think, So you have to right eat the worm, Rember.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
I want to know this, this other you because you
you say, I mean this I just can't see past
you know, the Blazer. Past the Blazer is your new book, Beyond.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Me, Beyond the Blazer, Beyond the Blaze, this for you.
I was such a wild child because I did a
theater called Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, and that's where I
was socialized. I was socialized in Amsterdam at a theater.
They had a bar in it. I was a madman.
(32:10):
I never I've never been to Amsterdam, Lacy, have you been?
I have. I went to this sit her and see
the show's crazy. We went to Amsterdam. I heard they're
shutting the borders down because there's too many tourists over there.
What we hold up? What's the problem?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Too many tourists going there to be like I'm gonna
be I oh, red light district titties like they said,
uh uh, y'all blocking the bike lanes.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Get them out of here. It's a lot. Yeah, and
Amsterdam is this big, so you have three people in
Amsterdam it's too Let me get on over there.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
I need to get on over there because I you know,
I just feel like I want to travel more and
I want to.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Go to the places where they accept.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
You know, amazing free black women and you know I
want good food and good vibes and good music.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Is not going to get any good, so you're not
get anything. No, no, no for you. I think you're
thinking of Portugal. M Portugal is where all the black
women are recently moving to. Okay, so are we taking
your girl's trip? Are we going to Portugal? No? Wait,
(33:23):
let's stop, let's what are we doing? What are we doing?
Where were the black men at? Well? You did some.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
I've seen y'all all that. I can see y'all all
any time. Where are y'all?
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I just broke up with all of y'all. Where are
I'm sticking as hell? Dead? You someone huscular? Walk by huscular?
That's my tight what's huscular? It's when you like Bill,
but you got a little you got a little weight
on you. You don't need to take all your weight off.
You got a little weight on you to be like
(33:57):
I need you to be big. Okay. You know what
I described that.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
I describe a man like that as somebody that like
if he lays on you, you go like like that
breath comes out of your body because he's he's got
man weight.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I don't need you to have a smaller waist than me.
We don't have a problem. I don't carry you on
my hip like a toddler. No, I can't have.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Not a batitue boo. No oh no, you don't want
a guy that you can put it in a baby
beorn and melka ba babyby No man looking for anyway
back to where people write us? Where are the black
man going on vacation? And are they looking for us?
What's going on? You talk about the passport bros. Or
you talk about somebody else. Oh, I don't know. I
(34:41):
don't know.
Speaker 4 (34:42):
You know what, A Lacy, I feel like I feel
like you know what? Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
So if yeah, if you know where the black men are,
tell us and if you are a black man, quit hiding.
Speaker 6 (34:53):
Come on, we'll go to my mama's kitchen.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Okay, Lacy, I will tell you if you go. If
you go to an afrobeats party, that's where they're at.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
A lot of them are there. Dina, I was in
an African dance troop. I was in an African dance
troop for years and jump African dance troop is not
afrom No. But we went to afro We went to
the parties.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Okay, yeah, yeah, that wasn't it Okay, Sorry, that's okay, Lacey.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
We go to the break. Can you do it too?
Everyone hold on to your butts.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
As Amber says, we are taking a small break and
we won't be right back with the Amber.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And Lacey Lacy and Amber Show. Hey, everybody, we're back
with more of the Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show.
It's time for something called please slide out with Lacey's DMS.
It's where we read, actually am sent to Lacy, who
(36:02):
is a real person, by real people. She reads them
out loud and the hopes that you won't make the
same mistake.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Okay, So my first one and I talked to Amber yesterday.
Maybe we had about twenty phone calls and I'm not lying.
And I held this one in because I wanted to
say it fresh to her on the show. This might
be my best and favorite response that I'm going to
be doing now from now. And so a man sent
me a dick pic and said, good morning, I'm wide awake.
(36:32):
So I said, wow, I'm really turned on, and I
sent him a bigger dick pic.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
That's what I will.
Speaker 5 (36:45):
Wait than guy, Wait, who's bigger dick?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Did you said? Got it? Also, you know where, but
I just got it. I'm sorry I didn't have it.
I googled it. Yeah, okay, I isn't it.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
I got it from my mom's in the next room.
It from some born inside, but I got it.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
My god, A win is a win. Win is a win.
It's not your mom's in the next room, and you
still got a whisper. You girl, this is your own
hurt you a whisper? Your address? No, this is my
I'm staying at my parents house. Okay, but then you
know what, I like my house. Hit her on the pod,
(37:23):
don't matter even if it was my house. I'm flying
in here with a belt. Let me send her your address.
Your address. You won't go. I will not open the door.
I won't open the door. I don't blama, I don't
want to crafty. She'll be like shet herrafty, I made
you some food. You want to open that door. She'd
(37:44):
be like, you know what, be so cute? Yeah, now
tell you she got give you the face she deceiving.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
So that's my favorite response. I will always have that.
I'm going to save that pick and send it to people,
and they send me one. You're more than welcome.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
To copy this. It works. That man left me alone. Okay.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
The second one is now, I love honesty. This man
said I got cord in three days. Let's speak now
because I'm definitely going away.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Hurry up, hurry this up.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
I didn't respond to that. I started that he ain't
writing me asking me to put money on his books.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
But wish.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
It feels like like he's like I got he said
if I had one wish, to.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Let him make his wish.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Yeah, he can make it all he wants to. But
but I did like his honesty, and I believed every
word that he said. He was really He's like, yeah,
who's out there, who's going to respond to this?
Speaker 4 (38:58):
And you know what, I think what's so amazing about
straight men is that they take a lot of risks
and they're never ashamed. And they said, I'm just gonna
put it out there, and meanwhile, we're kind of like, well,
let me put this in the group chat.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Does this make sense?
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Let me, you know, craft something really witty and something
that doesn't look so desperate. Meanwhile, men are like, no,
I am desperate and I'm going to jail.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
What's up, I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 5 (39:24):
Yeah, They're like I'm spent say. They don't even say
I'm gonna say it. I think they just say say it. Yeah,
they don't even repeat that.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
I somebody might respond to that. Got to be mean.
But if he sends that out to fifty women, he
might get a response. Oh he is for sure might
get a response. Was the odds? Yeah? Was he cute?
He was cute.
Speaker 4 (39:46):
He's cute.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
That's why I was like, somebody is gonna be like,
well it's been a while, they're gonna respond to him. Okay,
this last one, yeah, okay, this man said I would
love to give you corn rows?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Can you cook?
Speaker 3 (40:05):
Now you all are picturing, I know who you're picturing
to ask me that I would love to give you corner.
I mean, he wants me to sit down and he's
braiding my hair. Then he's asking me if I can
make him some greens. The message isn't funny.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
And I'm gonna show you the picture and I need
it to not be on the pot. Don't don't show
this during the Clip's gonna blur it out. We're gonna
show it during the glute. Oh, do anything right? You
gotta drop it and drop it in the chat. Okay,
(40:40):
but you can see I love. I wish you could
see it better. I saw it.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
I would love to give you corn rows from corner
Braids by Bradley, Braids by.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Brad What is his name? What is his name? Does
he have a stringy bag?
Speaker 4 (40:56):
His name is Bradley, It looks like a stringy short
bang Cornery.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Is his name Devon d E And he probably pronounces
it Devin. But I was like, so is it Davon?
Is it trying to tell me his name is Damon?
You guys think I'm paying you guys think I'm lying you. Oh,
you can't see the name, But Devon Davon, it's Devin.
(41:23):
We gonna call him Din know Davon. If he had
a postul and be the d then it would be
day Ball David Sorr. You're not doing You're not even
not even hoskular. Girl, Get out of here. He weighs
thirty five pounds. You're not gonna give him no time. Damn,
it's strict over here. It's strict. It's real strict. Lacy,
(41:45):
Yeah it is, girl, I'm not doing this. This is insane.
This is a little bit strict. But you know what's
even stricter Sister Cord. Hey, everybody, Sister Cord. Sister is
where our listeners right in the problems that they need
advice on. You can write into Amber and Lacey Advice
(42:05):
at gmail dot com. Now it's Sister Court. Lacey is
the prosecutor. Prosecutor. I'm the other part, electrocute, defend the dense.
Amber knows law, yes, but our judges today, so Lacey
(42:28):
and I will battle it out to see who's right
about Sister Court. But what we say doesn't matter because
we have two judges here with us, Today's Judge Sidney
and Judge Marie. Let's hear our first case, Lizy want
to read it? I sure Will is giving cash as
a Christmas gift tacky. I never know what to give
(42:49):
my niece, so I was just going to give her
some cash for Christmas. But then my wife said it
was tacky and I should be giving her something more meaningful.
But I'm afraid I'll screw up and give her something wrong.
So what do you think it's? Giving some is giving
her some cash okay? Or do I actually have to
buy her something? Give you some cash? You don't care?
What the fuck? How old is the baby money. We
don't have the age, give him, give him some money.
(43:10):
I'll give the baby. It doesn't matter two months old,
I think, well, I.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
Mean cash for like a teen and up. Absolutely for
a baby. You get a baby like a book. You
can get a baby them some little pink uggs or
something like. You don't have to do nothing crazy for
the baby. The cash is going to go to the mom.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yeah, we get the cash.
Speaker 4 (43:32):
Cash for Moms is a is a new site that
I'm going in and if.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
You all you have to do is send me the cash.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
And I'll make sure that the moms will get it.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Seven Cash for Moms, cash for the number four, that's four.
Speaker 4 (43:48):
I think cash is good because it's not like it's
not going to get used.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
I think there is a there's a small place.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
In everybody's home where people just throw gifts that they're
just not going to use. Ever, they can't return it
because they don't have the gift for seed or they
waited too long.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
So it's just like you can never get mad at cash.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
You're like, I'm gonna need this for something either I
just kill either the phone bill, I get.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
My nails done or something like.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
But it is it is thoughtful when you do get
somebody gift that they need it and then you see
them with it. But other than that, it's just like,
stop wasting your money on stuff that people are not
gonna use.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Cash. I do not care about that candle. Drop the cash,
Give me the cash. You don't care about no candles.
Take the child to the all, be like, here's some money,
and now you can go spend it and then take
the and then get yourself Arn't Julius and follow this
child around the mall. That's what the child wants. What's
(44:51):
the Orange Julius? Oh my god, I didn't know what
that was. What I don't know? Do they not have
Arn't Julius in New York? Is that basketball? That is it?
That is a drink place in the mall. You get shakes,
you get a little snacks. Signature drink was the Orange Julius. Orange. Oh,
(45:17):
everywhere there was an Orange Julius. It's now Orange Julius
and Dairy Queen because I think they're owned by the
same something. So so that's the type of the more
type of food. And this I think we have just
time for one more, just time for one more. One more?
Do you want me to read it. I'll read it.
I'll read it. I'll read it.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Family is complaining that my holiday dinner is not a pot. Look,
I'm hosting a holiday dinner for about thirty with many
people coming in from out of town. Since people are traveling,
I've told everyone not worry about bringing anything. But people
are upset, saying that they want to bring something or
that it's too much for me. But I planned on
(45:56):
cooking everything because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by
making them travel food.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
What should I do? Sound like she can't cook food? Yeah? Truly.
Now they might be asking if they can bring food
because they think you can't cook. Right, that's either way.
Let people bring food. Who gives a shit? You got
to control all the food. People get the people. People
have their cats all over the counters. No, no, no, no,
(46:21):
that's true. See, I'm not here for I'm not here
for thirty people bringing bringing food, thirty different people. No
thirty dishes. You know you have thirty minutes? No dirty,
I don't.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
I don't want thirty I don't want thirty people. I
don't want thirty people bringing stuff.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Yeah, but I don't know what you do in a kitchen.
If our greens don't be there, you might decide you
don't want greens, and now I gotta suffer.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I'm bringing my greens. Okay, judge, and I'm sorry you
are the judge. Also, you know who everybody know who dirty?
Everybody know cousin Sharon is dirty. And want to hear food?
One time, my mom is in the next room. I'm
sure she can hear me. One time, my brother had
this little girlfriend and she came to us, had a
whole tray or something. My mom took the tray through
that ship in the trash. She threw it in the
(47:06):
but she couldn't find it.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Food time came gone, I need you bring your food
to my mom and dad's house. Bring your food around
here for real. She did that in the trash. Okay, Yeah,
she shouldn't have done that. Don't bring shouldn't have done it.
It was wrong, but no one was going to eat.
You know, do you remember when the dish was that?
Speaker 3 (47:30):
It was some type of dessert and I'll never remember.
It was like marshmallows.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, it was yellow. Is it yellow with the marshmallows?
Definitely could have been. Oh we did a little everybody
it could have been. It could have been, but it wasn't.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
I'm gonna do a little secret, guys, it wasn't a
blood dish a girl.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
When you send your your brother bought a girl home,
I already knew you. You knew that you are. You
are in Nebraska.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
We Jimmy, Jimmy.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Jimmy for you pan. We're like containing her. Can't find it.
It's gone.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
Your mother didn't even clean the pan out. She threw
the whole pan in the trash. She threw it into
the trash. No one has ever in the history of
America brought food to mom and Dad's house.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
I know, bringing gives a very strict speech. Don't bring
none in here, don't bring nothe in here. And I
tell people, I'm bringing it to my mom's house. It
I love your mom my, black friends, black friends.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
No do your mother sounds like my mother? Except my
aunt will bring food.
Speaker 5 (48:39):
And she is bringing food again for Thanksgiving, and they
judge each other's food. So my aunt will be eating
something my mom cooking. She'd be like, it's not really giving.
And then my mom will eat something and my aunt bought,
and she'd be like, why it look like that.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Oh wait, I need to come for Thanksgiving. This sounds
fun just giving entertainment. Yeah, it's crazy. And that's Christmas
at our houses. So everyone, Merry Christmas from our family.
Yours were now one family. Now, oh my god, wouldn't
(49:15):
that be fun? Loud holidays? Our separate families are already loud,
so we would be loud Loud with distinction. You know
what's loud is a new podcast on iHeartMedia called Mess
by Washington and Marie Fauston. It's the podcast you're about
(49:39):
to press play on now. It's hilarious and it's also adorable. Now.
You can find me online at Amber Ruff and I
Bet across all socials. You can find Lacey at Lacey
Lamar one across all socials. The one is because she
forgot she had Lacey Lamar made a new one, remembered
that the old one was Indeed her couldn't find the password.
(50:03):
Sydney and Marie, where can we find you?
Speaker 5 (50:06):
On that?
Speaker 2 (50:08):
They see you forgot your passwords? So your dad one? Two?
I tried. I tried to hire someone to get in.
They couldn't do it. It's just it's out. They're flowing around.
You want to talk to because I'm known now, I
I'll know how to get in there. Wait, what about
the recovery email? Nothing? I hired a person they could
(50:28):
not get to my instigrael. I got two. I got two.
I got like that song two chains and two phones.
I got two. I got to. Well, you not about me.
Speaker 5 (50:41):
I'm not locked out of my social media. You go
find me at reezi r E e e z y
so R three e c y and you can come
see me at Why Are You Single? The dating game
show that our host obviously come find me on mess Yes,
the SAI.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
You're in New York, I'm there. I'm there, the perfect match,
perfect match.
Speaker 3 (51:06):
If I don't fall in love between now and then,
oh okay, I'll find you.
Speaker 4 (51:11):
Yes, mine is just said BW j usd s y
D BW and I have a solo show called how
to Certifier, and I usually do it at Union Hall.
So whenever I post that, because I'm bad at promoting,
please come.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Hey, Merry Christmas to all and Tula, good night. Thanks
for tuning in to the Amber and Lacy Lacy and
Amber show. I'm sorry I said tune in. That's not
really how technology works anymore. Mary Christmas.
Speaker 3 (51:51):
The Amber and Lacey Lacy and Amber Show is a
production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
It's created and hosted by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar.
Executive produced by Noah Avoar and Hans Sani. Super produced
by Becca Raimos. Because She's a Superhero co produced by
Victor Wright, Edited and mixed by Ty Herd. Music by
David Schmoll.
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