July 11, 2019 • 31 mins
In the afterglow of the season, we play some voicemails we've received from our wonderful listeners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
You've reached the ballot of Billy bulls. Leave a brief
message after the town. Okay, it was worth it just
to call to hear that. That was awesome. I just
want to thank you for um an incredible podcast and
the ending did not disappoint. So often ending suck, and
(00:25):
you nailed it. You thought we were done, but today
we're going to take a listen to some of the
messages that you left on our voicemail. After our final episode,
the calls flooded in. If you haven't listened to the
whole show, go back and do it. There's gonna be
spoilers in here. Nothing better than Redemption. I lovely of
the surrender part. So powerful, man, I love it. This
(00:47):
is Craig. I'm in Memphis, Tennessee. Thank you for this.
Hey iiO. This is Wendy Miller from Hike County, Alabama.
This is Katie Escovel from Albuquerque in Mexico. Hello. This
is Paul Ivan and Nelson calling from Holland from Argo,
North Dakota. It's from Nigeria, from Toronto, Canada. I just
(01:09):
wanted to thank you for the incredible work you did.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you, and happy for the July. I
hope everybody gains independence because of this podcast. My name's Will.
I'm from Wilmington, Delaware. I'm a forty seven year o
construction worker. I cried like a baby in this last episode.
(01:32):
I gotta tell you, crying in my toothbrush. Okay, I
have to pull myself together. I'm not crying. You're crying.
Thank crying. It really brought me to tears. You did
the right thing. Sometimes the truth than does it matter.
(01:54):
I hope very connected to you. I have a very
so much similar story with my mother. In the end,
I did the same thing as you. I had the truth.
I wanted to confront her, but it didn't matter. The
truth didn't matter because I still loved her and I
knew she loved me. What mattered is that I had
a mom and I was gonna love her no matter what.
(02:18):
So thank you, thank you for making me not feel
so alone and making that choice. From Crimetown. I'm io
till it right. And this is a special bonus episode
(02:39):
of the Ballad of Billy Balls. I just wanted to
say thank you for giving me into a light asylum.
They're really fucking good. Oh my gosh your theme song.
(03:02):
I'm driving through town like Batman, fighting crime like you
guys are. The Light Asylum band is off, Bob. I
am so pumped to have found them through this podcast.
We've been jamming. Epilogue one. Leave a message, Hio. My
(03:31):
name is Roy. I'm a truck driver from top of Chicago,
and I want to tell you how your podcast has
been amazing. You did a great job to turn yourself
into a detective. Keep on trucking. Unsurprisingly, many of you
who called in we're driving you got k Balls here,
(03:55):
a Ka Ralph Tillman, a k cooking Kimball. I've been
in a can roll business. Try driver rock and roll
bus in your podcasts filled many many miles of joy.
I've laughed, I've cried, question my whole fucking reality. Keep
(04:16):
up the good work party home. Yeah, I'm working falling
this chicken truck ride now feathers everywhere, and I've been
thinking a student games that type of shit. No events
(04:38):
to mister Balls, sloppy. You never bring anybody to your house.
Always work under an alias. And my grandpa says, it's
two people you trust. One arms me and the other
one ain't you so my midnight alter you go is
(05:01):
like Hama from Alabama, few Peece, Okay, the Ballad of
Billy Balls. What the fuck? This is such a good podcast.
(05:26):
This is such a good podcast that I had to
stop driving. I'm on episode six, is in a grocery
store parking lot, like just sitting here listening because I'm
so enthralled. This is the best fucking podcast. I mean,
I don't want to say that, because it's people's lives,
(05:46):
you know, So there's something with that saying like, oh,
entertainment through someone else's, you know, life or the pain
that they've gone through. Hio, Rebecca, Billy, if you're up there,
I'm banda all you guys, you're the fucking real heroes.
(06:08):
I'm driving through New York City right now after listening
to the most recent ones about the police report, and
it kind of makes me think about the way we
look at New York City, especially in the past and
an ages in the seventies, throughties, rose tinted shades city
GEVs and the recklessness of it anarchy. But there's a
(06:32):
real dirty reality underneath all that. The way that you
guys have described New York City at this time is
the reminder that even when history shows us that New
York City can have a dark past, it can still
be so beautiful to so many people. And your mother
(06:52):
is a great reminder of that. This is for Robata
who blows right angle cartoons, dialogue, Bubble appears that sweat
down and drench us in the stew of New York sweat.
I'm properly secondhand stun high from sipping on Billy's breast.
(07:19):
What a medium, a spiritual sister or a Patty Swift?
Miss She never a condescend to anything but perpetual motion
and her punk rolls of cycling. Helloha, you opened the
sonic time window in my head back of the nineties seventies,
(07:43):
Weld and everyone, I mean a total phonic trip with
your mum an angelic punk Virgil as she leads it
into Dante's inferno of her own mind. My mom, she
and my father were CBHD kids, and I asked them
(08:06):
if they had ever heard of a piano player named
Billy Balls, and my mom said, oh, you mean Billy Piano,
a punk guy. I lived in East Village for a
very long time, and it's bringing back so many memories
and your mom feels like somebody I would know. Um,
(08:29):
I think Billy's music is amazing. Hey, this is the
(08:52):
gul from the Something about podcasts. This is such an
interesting story to me because you can hear from the
clips that Billy had some now he had a great ward,
I mean, prepared to a lot of these ship orders
that out there. Now it sounds like you really could
have done something with his music. It just sucks that
this is the way it had to end, and it
makes you think about how many people out there with
(09:14):
talent such as Billy Billy Boles has not made it
or can get out of the situation that they're in,
and at least they tried to get like this. Billy
(09:35):
was unmistakably talented. We have a bunch of real to
real tapes from the seventies that he recorded during his rehearsals.
You've heard some of it in the show, but there's
a lot more. He did covers like Nowhere to Run
by Martha and the Van Della's. There are also a
(10:05):
lot of what we think our originals, and his array
of musical styles is impressive. We got funk and this
(10:27):
one's some legit rock and roll. I'm just gonna let
this play for a bit. Hey, yo, Io Austin. First
(11:12):
of all, I'm a podcast junkie and this is hands
down one of my absolute favorites. I think you both both,
Austin and Io just do. You're a great team. So
keep up the amazing work. It's been an incredible season.
I recommend to everyone I love you both, sending goodvibes away.
Thanks Henning Piece, Thank you a named friend. Austin and
(11:36):
I have spent a lot of time together in the
studio and otherwise, and I'm going to take this opportunity
to peel back the curtain for a minute to show
you how we and the whole team work together to
take something from its first idea to what you hear
in your headphones. You know, even the cbgbies like I
really hated the smell in the place and people. This
(11:58):
is someone we called Natasha, who you met in chapter four.
After our interview with her, Austin worked with producers Ryan
Swigert and Kevin Shephard to put together what's called an assembly,
a rough cut of the best moments from the interview.
Natasha talked about this great orgy scene, so we knew
that we'd probably include that I was asked to get
(12:20):
dope for a very wealthy politician. This person was a
very heavy partier and would have this really big extravagant orgies. Well,
first of all, it was sort of like Caligula. Then
we put together a draft of an episode with narration
(12:43):
astin Austin and I go into the studio making me
uncomfortable and record it. Then she took the drugs to
the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy. He
was throwing overseas. It's ridiculous. Just make sure there's a
clean space after politician, because I'm going to slot in
(13:04):
a line there from her. Then she took the drugs
to the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy.
He was throwing overseas, and do that but hit orgy.
Then she took the drugs to the politician who actually
wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. That
(13:24):
goes into a new version. Then she took the drugs
to the politician this person was a very heavy partier
and would have these really big extravagant orgies, who actually
wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. It
was sort of like Caligula. Um. Then we have an
(13:48):
edit session. Do you want to go over the scrip? Yeah?
I just want to start going through some stuff. Zach,
our editor, guides the process. Do you think your pride way,
you talk to your Instagram anything a little bit? This
feel very formal? Yeah, yeah, in a way. So another
line gets added to the next draft, and Natasha says,
(14:11):
when you get invited to an international orgy, you go.
You can do it even a question, when you get
invited to an international orgy, you go. I have to
make the face you're making. You don't have to do
it that way, but I want you to have more
fun with it. And Natasha says, when you get invited
to an international orgy, you go. We repeat this process
(14:35):
until the episode's working. Our fact checker, Jenny Blackman, make
sure we don't screw anything up or say anything untrue.
Find that note. Jenny had a note about it, which
is why I took it out. Hold on if you
ever heard this, Jenny, and we love you. Thank you
for all of your work. Eventually, the final tracking is
recorded and we move on to finishing planning an international orgy,
(14:58):
tweaking music, and Natasha says, when you get invited to
an international orgy, you go adding sound design. It was
sort of like Caligula people having sucked, which is perfected
by one of our engineers, Kenny Qcac, until he's got
(15:21):
ever just the right balance. Another one of our engineers,
Sam Bear, cleans the tape, He balances the levels, and
he makes sure that the episode is sounding sweet. A
lot of people work together to make the magic happen,
(15:42):
but there's also a lot of time in between the magic.
We should do a blooper reel. Oh yeah, definitely, yeah,
just just us farting for like a minute in the
studio until we shot our pants first. Wanted to shop
their pants loses? Am I allowed to swear this podcast?
Oh yeah, okay, Well fuck the fuck you fucking fucking fuck.
(16:09):
We'll see like this old man weeze that I've developed
or I'm just like I thought it was on light
sci fi dot com. It's Lester c lightsY Funeral Home. Wow,
nowhere near, not even close. I do want my obituary
(16:32):
to be published on the sci fi website. That definitely
we believe he was from Earth. You know, that's a
great name. Cheetah Crome, Cheetah crome. It just sounds cool,
you know, Yeah, I want to be like like Rhino Bronze.
It's actually got bad. A single page forensic report says
(16:59):
that the gun the O o O of her. Amanda
maybe the only one who can access Billy record. What
about the fact that what about the fact that the
what about the I just drank a mate, so I'm
at just let's just finish this this one thought. Austin
drinks a lot of coffee, but I broke up with it,
(17:21):
and I prefer your bamte. There is a drink in Germany.
It's called Club WHOA got another one of those? I'm
just trying to get to the level of year on.
After drinking two coffees and with all that drinking comes
I have to pee really really really bad. Sorry, so
(17:42):
I'm gonna pee. Can you wait for me to pay?
I had a team? Is there anything else you'd like
to talk about right now? Okay, you had another pea break.
Let's go to commercial, shall we. You've reached the ballot
(18:06):
of Billy Bulls. Leave a brief message after the tone.
IO have a very awesome, complicated relationship with my mom,
and you've helped me untack so many amazing things, challenging
(18:28):
and rewarding, and thank you for giving this story to
all of us who have a lot of fucked up
yet amazing shit in our life too. So many of
you have called in to tell us about your own
family stories and how this show has connected with you.
(18:49):
And I'm going to play some of those messages now
because they're beautiful, but things do get a little heavy.
There will be mentions of mental health issues and suicide,
so please just take care in listening. Hi. Yo, my
name is dude, and I just wanted to tell you
(19:11):
that I've really enjoyed your podcast, and I also really
love the fact that you're a trans person doing a
story about something other than your gender identity, even though
it's super important as a trans person. It's just really
really good to see talented people out there doing things
that don't you know what I mean, that's it's just
(19:32):
that we're real people and that I'm just I'm just
really enjoying what you're doing. I'm Hi. The reason why
I wanted to call is because I had a brother
who was murdered by a police officer in Los Angeles
(19:54):
in two and twelves and after listening to this episode
today with you connecting with the officer, it just, I
don't know, I felt like it was super healing for myself.
Made me think, like, you know, if I had all
of the facts, if I had the records, if I
(20:16):
had it all, would I feel different about how things happened?
I don't know. I mean, this guy cared, even if
that's not how it is in my brother's story, it
did shed some sense of humanity on these police shootings
(20:39):
that are unfortunately far too common. And yeah, thank you,
hey Io. When you said that you decided not to
kill yourself, you said I was going to choose the
(21:01):
blue pill. I chose the red pill. That really stuck
with me. Days later, I was thinking about that, about
how I've been so focused on hating my my dad,
(21:23):
which would be the blue pill. I guess um that
I needed to choose the red pill for my own
peace of mind and to understand why he is who
he is. And it's honestly, it's it's helped me and
I've already had some many epiphanies on that. So I
(21:43):
just wanted to thank you. I know how it is
to grow up kind of being the parent of a
parent I was from the age of five, so about
eight years ago from my father, who suffered from bipolar
and he sort of had the philosophy, who needs a
(22:04):
shrink when you have an eight year old to talk to?
So I find myself at times getting frustrated with your mom,
and I think it's just because it really brings up
feelings about my father. And in January twenty seventeen, my
father took a revolver and put it in his mouth,
(22:25):
pulls the trigger. Prior to that, he and I have
been a strange for about six years. I don't know
what made him hate me and cut me out of
his life, and I have not read his suicide note.
I don't know if I ever will. And there's a
lot of aspects to him that are a mystery. So
(22:48):
I don't know why I felt like telling you, but
uh yeah, I don't know. Kind of felt good to
get this off my chest, and uh yeah, thanks a lot.
Your episode about revealing or suicide attempt or almost a
(23:09):
suicide attempt was touching to me. My dad and my
brother committed suicide in my mom attempted recently, and I
get to the point where I wanted to do the same,
and I decided to go to the psych hospital and
(23:29):
get some real help. And I just really appreciate you
coming out with that story because there's so much stigma
with mental health and there shouldn't be. It's just like
going to a doctor for a cold or for a
chronic illness. And I'm just really glad that you're pushing
(23:51):
this narrative, and I just want to give you a
big hug. My mother had a really hard childhood. She
grew up without a dad and had to help her
mom raise her five siblings at a very young age.
So I feel like, in the same way, I always
(24:14):
try to put her first and I try to give
her what she didn't have, and it's really hard, but
I wanted to give her more than I could, and
I live really far away from her, so I don't
even get to see her very much. So I feel like,
in a way, my love for her is very guilt driven.
You know, everything is based on guilt because I can't
(24:36):
make it happen. It's very complicated sometimes, but I think
that's why it resonated with me when you say that
it's complicated. It's hard, but that's what makes it beautiful,
and I just want to thank you for the show.
It resonates with me on very many level. You probably
don't even know, so thank you and best of look
(24:58):
to you by I wanted to tell you Io that
I grew up in a similar condition with neglect and
substance abuse in my home, and I really related to
the last episode when you were talking with a therapist
(25:19):
about how you can't heal yourself by fixing your mom.
This is part of my journey too, and I wanted
to let you know that you're not alone in this.
I can't believe I'm calling and leaving this message. I
was one. I listened all the way to the end
of the credits of this last episode. I know I
(25:42):
couldn't figure out why I was so connected to this podcast.
There was something you said in this last episode about
how you need this, You have this desire to understand
and comprehend why things are happening, And that's when it
hit me because I had that I want to understand. See,
(26:04):
I grew up in a home, in a family riddled
with generations of alcoholism, and even though maybe my personal
journey wasn't quite the same, I've recognized my journey in
your story, and you know, maybe it'll somewhere in there
all get some peace myself when you were talking to
(26:26):
that counselor and told him that if you can get
a why that you can comprehend, it gets the person
who has wronged you off the hook. And the counselor
said to you in response, you can forgive even if
you don't understand. I had a bit of a breakthrough moment.
(26:47):
I lost my father over twenty years ago, and I've
tried to make sense of his behavior and why he
did the things he did, and I guess I felt
like I couldn't move on until I understood it. And
now I think maybe I don't have to understand, and
maybe I won't ever anyway, and maybe I can jest
(27:09):
love him despite the stuff that I can't make sense.
So thank you for the podcast, and thank you for
that little moment of realization that you provided. Hey, Io,
(27:29):
you really turned me onto my own reality, and that
is I was adopted. I was raped when I was seventeen.
I gave a child up for adoption, and later on
I couldn't have babies anymore, so I adopted a baby
and that's all affected me heavy. But now I'm going
(27:50):
to do either a book or a podcast about my
bio because of you. Thank you, Io PS. The first
boyfriend I ever had look just like you. Now, do
you remember when we met? Yeah? God, bless you guys,
(28:12):
Love you. I love you, all of you who've listened,
and especially those of you who've called in to share
your story. If you or someone you know is having
suicidal ideations, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
(28:33):
one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five.
If you're queer and want specific support, you can call
the Trevor Project at one eight six six four eight
eight seven three eight six. If you've enjoyed the show,
please leave us a review it goes so far, and
(28:55):
tell your friends they can binge the whole thing. They
don't even need to suffer through those two week breaks.
Black Handily, we have to wait to fucking meet What
the fuck, io, you're killing it. I can't wait two weeks,
two week get Thanks for sticking with us, and guess
what I'll see you next week. Crimetown is Zach Stewart
(29:33):
Pontier and Mark Smirling. The Ballad of Billy Balls is
hosted by me Io till it Wright and Maiden partnership
with Caden's thirteen Come find Me on the Internet and
Io loves you on Everything And if you want to
know more about my story, pick up my memoir Darling Days.
If you'd like to leave us your own voicemail, please
do give us a call at five seven zero three
(29:56):
nine two nine six six zero. I'm gonna call some
of you back next week, so call in and tell
me why I should call you. This episode was produced
by Me and Kevin Shephard. Our senior producer is my
Boy Austin Mitchell, editing by Zach Stewart Pontier and Mark Smirling.
(30:20):
This episode was mixed by Sam Baer, music by Kenny Quciak.
Our sick title track is Dark Allies by Light Asylum.
Special thanks to Sweet Kevin for manning the voicemails. Thanks
to Daniella, Ariah Rachel, Lee Wright, Emily Wiedemann, Green Card Pictures,
(30:41):
Alessandro Sentro, Bill Clegg, Ben Davis, Orn Rosenbaum and the
team at Cadence thirteen, and of course, always my Mom,
without whom none of this would be possible. Wait for You,
(31:01):
Troll
You've reached the ballot of Billy bulls. Leave a brief
message after the town. Okay, it was worth it just
to call to hear that. That was awesome. I just
want to thank you for um an incredible podcast and
the ending did not disappoint. So often ending suck, and
(00:25):
you nailed it. You thought we were done, but today
we're going to take a listen to some of the
messages that you left on our voicemail. After our final episode,
the calls flooded in. If you haven't listened to the
whole show, go back and do it. There's gonna be
spoilers in here. Nothing better than Redemption. I lovely of
the surrender part. So powerful, man, I love it. This
(00:47):
is Craig. I'm in Memphis, Tennessee. Thank you for this.
Hey iiO. This is Wendy Miller from Hike County, Alabama.
This is Katie Escovel from Albuquerque in Mexico. Hello. This
is Paul Ivan and Nelson calling from Holland from Argo,
North Dakota. It's from Nigeria, from Toronto, Canada. I just
(01:09):
wanted to thank you for the incredible work you did.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Thank you, thank you, and happy for the July. I
hope everybody gains independence because of this podcast. My name's Will.
I'm from Wilmington, Delaware. I'm a forty seven year o
construction worker. I cried like a baby in this last episode.
(01:32):
I gotta tell you, crying in my toothbrush. Okay, I
have to pull myself together. I'm not crying. You're crying.
Thank crying. It really brought me to tears. You did
the right thing. Sometimes the truth than does it matter.
(01:54):
I hope very connected to you. I have a very
so much similar story with my mother. In the end,
I did the same thing as you. I had the truth.
I wanted to confront her, but it didn't matter. The
truth didn't matter because I still loved her and I
knew she loved me. What mattered is that I had
a mom and I was gonna love her no matter what.
(02:18):
So thank you, thank you for making me not feel
so alone and making that choice. From Crimetown. I'm io
till it right. And this is a special bonus episode
(02:39):
of the Ballad of Billy Balls. I just wanted to
say thank you for giving me into a light asylum.
They're really fucking good. Oh my gosh your theme song.
(03:02):
I'm driving through town like Batman, fighting crime like you
guys are. The Light Asylum band is off, Bob. I
am so pumped to have found them through this podcast.
We've been jamming. Epilogue one. Leave a message, Hio. My
(03:31):
name is Roy. I'm a truck driver from top of Chicago,
and I want to tell you how your podcast has
been amazing. You did a great job to turn yourself
into a detective. Keep on trucking. Unsurprisingly, many of you
who called in we're driving you got k Balls here,
(03:55):
a Ka Ralph Tillman, a k cooking Kimball. I've been
in a can roll business. Try driver rock and roll
bus in your podcasts filled many many miles of joy.
I've laughed, I've cried, question my whole fucking reality. Keep
(04:16):
up the good work party home. Yeah, I'm working falling
this chicken truck ride now feathers everywhere, and I've been
thinking a student games that type of shit. No events
(04:38):
to mister Balls, sloppy. You never bring anybody to your house.
Always work under an alias. And my grandpa says, it's
two people you trust. One arms me and the other
one ain't you so my midnight alter you go is
(05:01):
like Hama from Alabama, few Peece, Okay, the Ballad of
Billy Balls. What the fuck? This is such a good podcast.
(05:26):
This is such a good podcast that I had to
stop driving. I'm on episode six, is in a grocery
store parking lot, like just sitting here listening because I'm
so enthralled. This is the best fucking podcast. I mean,
I don't want to say that, because it's people's lives,
(05:46):
you know, So there's something with that saying like, oh,
entertainment through someone else's, you know, life or the pain
that they've gone through. Hio, Rebecca, Billy, if you're up there,
I'm banda all you guys, you're the fucking real heroes.
(06:08):
I'm driving through New York City right now after listening
to the most recent ones about the police report, and
it kind of makes me think about the way we
look at New York City, especially in the past and
an ages in the seventies, throughties, rose tinted shades city
GEVs and the recklessness of it anarchy. But there's a
(06:32):
real dirty reality underneath all that. The way that you
guys have described New York City at this time is
the reminder that even when history shows us that New
York City can have a dark past, it can still
be so beautiful to so many people. And your mother
(06:52):
is a great reminder of that. This is for Robata
who blows right angle cartoons, dialogue, Bubble appears that sweat
down and drench us in the stew of New York sweat.
I'm properly secondhand stun high from sipping on Billy's breast.
(07:19):
What a medium, a spiritual sister or a Patty Swift?
Miss She never a condescend to anything but perpetual motion
and her punk rolls of cycling. Helloha, you opened the
sonic time window in my head back of the nineties seventies,
(07:43):
Weld and everyone, I mean a total phonic trip with
your mum an angelic punk Virgil as she leads it
into Dante's inferno of her own mind. My mom, she
and my father were CBHD kids, and I asked them
(08:06):
if they had ever heard of a piano player named
Billy Balls, and my mom said, oh, you mean Billy Piano,
a punk guy. I lived in East Village for a
very long time, and it's bringing back so many memories
and your mom feels like somebody I would know. Um,
(08:29):
I think Billy's music is amazing. Hey, this is the
(08:52):
gul from the Something about podcasts. This is such an
interesting story to me because you can hear from the
clips that Billy had some now he had a great ward,
I mean, prepared to a lot of these ship orders
that out there. Now it sounds like you really could
have done something with his music. It just sucks that
this is the way it had to end, and it
makes you think about how many people out there with
(09:14):
talent such as Billy Billy Boles has not made it
or can get out of the situation that they're in,
and at least they tried to get like this. Billy
(09:35):
was unmistakably talented. We have a bunch of real to
real tapes from the seventies that he recorded during his rehearsals.
You've heard some of it in the show, but there's
a lot more. He did covers like Nowhere to Run
by Martha and the Van Della's. There are also a
(10:05):
lot of what we think our originals, and his array
of musical styles is impressive. We got funk and this
(10:27):
one's some legit rock and roll. I'm just gonna let
this play for a bit. Hey, yo, Io Austin. First
(11:12):
of all, I'm a podcast junkie and this is hands
down one of my absolute favorites. I think you both both,
Austin and Io just do. You're a great team. So
keep up the amazing work. It's been an incredible season.
I recommend to everyone I love you both, sending goodvibes away.
Thanks Henning Piece, Thank you a named friend. Austin and
(11:36):
I have spent a lot of time together in the
studio and otherwise, and I'm going to take this opportunity
to peel back the curtain for a minute to show
you how we and the whole team work together to
take something from its first idea to what you hear
in your headphones. You know, even the cbgbies like I
really hated the smell in the place and people. This
(11:58):
is someone we called Natasha, who you met in chapter four.
After our interview with her, Austin worked with producers Ryan
Swigert and Kevin Shephard to put together what's called an assembly,
a rough cut of the best moments from the interview.
Natasha talked about this great orgy scene, so we knew
that we'd probably include that I was asked to get
(12:20):
dope for a very wealthy politician. This person was a
very heavy partier and would have this really big extravagant orgies. Well,
first of all, it was sort of like Caligula. Then
we put together a draft of an episode with narration
(12:43):
astin Austin and I go into the studio making me
uncomfortable and record it. Then she took the drugs to
the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy. He
was throwing overseas. It's ridiculous. Just make sure there's a
clean space after politician, because I'm going to slot in
(13:04):
a line there from her. Then she took the drugs
to the politician who actually wanted them for an orgy.
He was throwing overseas, and do that but hit orgy.
Then she took the drugs to the politician who actually
wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. That
(13:24):
goes into a new version. Then she took the drugs
to the politician this person was a very heavy partier
and would have these really big extravagant orgies, who actually
wanted them for an orgy. He was throwing overseas. It
was sort of like Caligula. Um. Then we have an
(13:48):
edit session. Do you want to go over the scrip? Yeah?
I just want to start going through some stuff. Zach,
our editor, guides the process. Do you think your pride way,
you talk to your Instagram anything a little bit? This
feel very formal? Yeah, yeah, in a way. So another
line gets added to the next draft, and Natasha says,
(14:11):
when you get invited to an international orgy, you go.
You can do it even a question, when you get
invited to an international orgy, you go. I have to
make the face you're making. You don't have to do
it that way, but I want you to have more
fun with it. And Natasha says, when you get invited
to an international orgy, you go. We repeat this process
(14:35):
until the episode's working. Our fact checker, Jenny Blackman, make
sure we don't screw anything up or say anything untrue.
Find that note. Jenny had a note about it, which
is why I took it out. Hold on if you
ever heard this, Jenny, and we love you. Thank you
for all of your work. Eventually, the final tracking is
recorded and we move on to finishing planning an international orgy,
(14:58):
tweaking music, and Natasha says, when you get invited to
an international orgy, you go adding sound design. It was
sort of like Caligula people having sucked, which is perfected
by one of our engineers, Kenny Qcac, until he's got
(15:21):
ever just the right balance. Another one of our engineers,
Sam Bear, cleans the tape, He balances the levels, and
he makes sure that the episode is sounding sweet. A
lot of people work together to make the magic happen,
(15:42):
but there's also a lot of time in between the magic.
We should do a blooper reel. Oh yeah, definitely, yeah,
just just us farting for like a minute in the
studio until we shot our pants first. Wanted to shop
their pants loses? Am I allowed to swear this podcast?
Oh yeah, okay, Well fuck the fuck you fucking fucking fuck.
(16:09):
We'll see like this old man weeze that I've developed
or I'm just like I thought it was on light
sci fi dot com. It's Lester c lightsY Funeral Home. Wow,
nowhere near, not even close. I do want my obituary
(16:32):
to be published on the sci fi website. That definitely
we believe he was from Earth. You know, that's a
great name. Cheetah Crome, Cheetah crome. It just sounds cool,
you know, Yeah, I want to be like like Rhino Bronze.
It's actually got bad. A single page forensic report says
(16:59):
that the gun the O o O of her. Amanda
maybe the only one who can access Billy record. What
about the fact that what about the fact that the
what about the I just drank a mate, so I'm
at just let's just finish this this one thought. Austin
drinks a lot of coffee, but I broke up with it,
(17:21):
and I prefer your bamte. There is a drink in Germany.
It's called Club WHOA got another one of those? I'm
just trying to get to the level of year on.
After drinking two coffees and with all that drinking comes
I have to pee really really really bad. Sorry, so
(17:42):
I'm gonna pee. Can you wait for me to pay?
I had a team? Is there anything else you'd like
to talk about right now? Okay, you had another pea break.
Let's go to commercial, shall we. You've reached the ballot
(18:06):
of Billy Bulls. Leave a brief message after the tone.
IO have a very awesome, complicated relationship with my mom,
and you've helped me untack so many amazing things, challenging
(18:28):
and rewarding, and thank you for giving this story to
all of us who have a lot of fucked up
yet amazing shit in our life too. So many of
you have called in to tell us about your own
family stories and how this show has connected with you.
(18:49):
And I'm going to play some of those messages now
because they're beautiful, but things do get a little heavy.
There will be mentions of mental health issues and suicide,
so please just take care in listening. Hi. Yo, my
name is dude, and I just wanted to tell you
(19:11):
that I've really enjoyed your podcast, and I also really
love the fact that you're a trans person doing a
story about something other than your gender identity, even though
it's super important as a trans person. It's just really
really good to see talented people out there doing things
that don't you know what I mean, that's it's just
(19:32):
that we're real people and that I'm just I'm just
really enjoying what you're doing. I'm Hi. The reason why
I wanted to call is because I had a brother
who was murdered by a police officer in Los Angeles
(19:54):
in two and twelves and after listening to this episode
today with you connecting with the officer, it just, I
don't know, I felt like it was super healing for myself.
Made me think, like, you know, if I had all
of the facts, if I had the records, if I
(20:16):
had it all, would I feel different about how things happened?
I don't know. I mean, this guy cared, even if
that's not how it is in my brother's story, it
did shed some sense of humanity on these police shootings
(20:39):
that are unfortunately far too common. And yeah, thank you,
hey Io. When you said that you decided not to
kill yourself, you said I was going to choose the
(21:01):
blue pill. I chose the red pill. That really stuck
with me. Days later, I was thinking about that, about
how I've been so focused on hating my my dad,
(21:23):
which would be the blue pill. I guess um that
I needed to choose the red pill for my own
peace of mind and to understand why he is who
he is. And it's honestly, it's it's helped me and
I've already had some many epiphanies on that. So I
(21:43):
just wanted to thank you. I know how it is
to grow up kind of being the parent of a
parent I was from the age of five, so about
eight years ago from my father, who suffered from bipolar
and he sort of had the philosophy, who needs a
(22:04):
shrink when you have an eight year old to talk to?
So I find myself at times getting frustrated with your mom,
and I think it's just because it really brings up
feelings about my father. And in January twenty seventeen, my
father took a revolver and put it in his mouth,
(22:25):
pulls the trigger. Prior to that, he and I have
been a strange for about six years. I don't know
what made him hate me and cut me out of
his life, and I have not read his suicide note.
I don't know if I ever will. And there's a
lot of aspects to him that are a mystery. So
(22:48):
I don't know why I felt like telling you, but
uh yeah, I don't know. Kind of felt good to
get this off my chest, and uh yeah, thanks a lot.
Your episode about revealing or suicide attempt or almost a
(23:09):
suicide attempt was touching to me. My dad and my
brother committed suicide in my mom attempted recently, and I
get to the point where I wanted to do the same,
and I decided to go to the psych hospital and
(23:29):
get some real help. And I just really appreciate you
coming out with that story because there's so much stigma
with mental health and there shouldn't be. It's just like
going to a doctor for a cold or for a
chronic illness. And I'm just really glad that you're pushing
(23:51):
this narrative, and I just want to give you a
big hug. My mother had a really hard childhood. She
grew up without a dad and had to help her
mom raise her five siblings at a very young age.
So I feel like, in the same way, I always
(24:14):
try to put her first and I try to give
her what she didn't have, and it's really hard, but
I wanted to give her more than I could, and
I live really far away from her, so I don't
even get to see her very much. So I feel like,
in a way, my love for her is very guilt driven.
You know, everything is based on guilt because I can't
(24:36):
make it happen. It's very complicated sometimes, but I think
that's why it resonated with me when you say that
it's complicated. It's hard, but that's what makes it beautiful,
and I just want to thank you for the show.
It resonates with me on very many level. You probably
don't even know, so thank you and best of look
(24:58):
to you by I wanted to tell you Io that
I grew up in a similar condition with neglect and
substance abuse in my home, and I really related to
the last episode when you were talking with a therapist
(25:19):
about how you can't heal yourself by fixing your mom.
This is part of my journey too, and I wanted
to let you know that you're not alone in this.
I can't believe I'm calling and leaving this message. I
was one. I listened all the way to the end
of the credits of this last episode. I know I
(25:42):
couldn't figure out why I was so connected to this podcast.
There was something you said in this last episode about
how you need this, You have this desire to understand
and comprehend why things are happening, And that's when it
hit me because I had that I want to understand. See,
(26:04):
I grew up in a home, in a family riddled
with generations of alcoholism, and even though maybe my personal
journey wasn't quite the same, I've recognized my journey in
your story, and you know, maybe it'll somewhere in there
all get some peace myself when you were talking to
(26:26):
that counselor and told him that if you can get
a why that you can comprehend, it gets the person
who has wronged you off the hook. And the counselor
said to you in response, you can forgive even if
you don't understand. I had a bit of a breakthrough moment.
(26:47):
I lost my father over twenty years ago, and I've
tried to make sense of his behavior and why he
did the things he did, and I guess I felt
like I couldn't move on until I understood it. And
now I think maybe I don't have to understand, and
maybe I won't ever anyway, and maybe I can jest
(27:09):
love him despite the stuff that I can't make sense.
So thank you for the podcast, and thank you for
that little moment of realization that you provided. Hey, Io,
(27:29):
you really turned me onto my own reality, and that
is I was adopted. I was raped when I was seventeen.
I gave a child up for adoption, and later on
I couldn't have babies anymore, so I adopted a baby
and that's all affected me heavy. But now I'm going
(27:50):
to do either a book or a podcast about my
bio because of you. Thank you, Io PS. The first
boyfriend I ever had look just like you. Now, do
you remember when we met? Yeah? God, bless you guys,
(28:12):
Love you. I love you, all of you who've listened,
and especially those of you who've called in to share
your story. If you or someone you know is having
suicidal ideations, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
(28:33):
one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five.
If you're queer and want specific support, you can call
the Trevor Project at one eight six six four eight
eight seven three eight six. If you've enjoyed the show,
please leave us a review it goes so far, and
(28:55):
tell your friends they can binge the whole thing. They
don't even need to suffer through those two week breaks.
Black Handily, we have to wait to fucking meet What
the fuck, io, you're killing it. I can't wait two weeks,
two week get Thanks for sticking with us, and guess
what I'll see you next week. Crimetown is Zach Stewart
(29:33):
Pontier and Mark Smirling. The Ballad of Billy Balls is
hosted by me Io till it Wright and Maiden partnership
with Caden's thirteen Come find Me on the Internet and
Io loves you on Everything And if you want to
know more about my story, pick up my memoir Darling Days.
If you'd like to leave us your own voicemail, please
do give us a call at five seven zero three
(29:56):
nine two nine six six zero. I'm gonna call some
of you back next week, so call in and tell
me why I should call you. This episode was produced
by Me and Kevin Shephard. Our senior producer is my
Boy Austin Mitchell, editing by Zach Stewart Pontier and Mark Smirling.
(30:20):
This episode was mixed by Sam Baer, music by Kenny Quciak.
Our sick title track is Dark Allies by Light Asylum.
Special thanks to Sweet Kevin for manning the voicemails. Thanks
to Daniella, Ariah Rachel, Lee Wright, Emily Wiedemann, Green Card Pictures,
(30:41):
Alessandro Sentro, Bill Clegg, Ben Davis, Orn Rosenbaum and the
team at Cadence thirteen, and of course, always my Mom,
without whom none of this would be possible. Wait for You,
(31:01):
Troll
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