May 28, 2024 • 26 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I want to start by saying thank you, by the way,
to so many of you that listen, that have reached
out to me over this weekend. As many of you know,
one of my best friends passed away and it was
(00:22):
a very public story. I'm gonna do my best to
get through this. Grayson Murray was one of my best friends,
and I become one of my best friends over the
(00:43):
last several years. I got to watch him earlier this
year when in Hawaii, and right as he won, I
went on the radio to do my national show, and
I got to celebrate him because I was just so
happy for him and how hard he had been working
(01:04):
and how hard he had fought to overcome so much.
He had been very public about his struggles with anxiety
and depression and alcoholism, and he had been sober now
for almost a year and had gotten engaged and things
(01:31):
were trending in the right direction. He was I think
ranked fifty seventh, fifty eight they six in the world
and had made into his first Masters, and I got
to go see him at the Masters. It was a
dream getting to watch your friend play his dream out
in real life, in real time. And he was not
(01:55):
a golfer, to me first. He was my friend. I
had told him many at times, I don't care if
you ever hit a golf ball again in your life.
I want you to be happy and I just want
to know you're going to be okay. And that was
in reference to some of the load times I had
told him many times, I don't care if you ever
(02:15):
hit a golf ball again, as long as you stay sober,
and whatever we need to do to figure out how
to keep you sober, then let's do it. Grayson took
his own life on Saturday, and it rocked the sports
world and bled over into you know, mainstream media, and
(02:39):
it was a story that had people reacting in the
country music world that knew him, and the sports world
and the golf world, in the hockey world, he was
a huge Hurricanes fan, and so many of you that
knew that he was my friend had reached out, and
I wanted to make sure I took a moment and said,
first of all, thank you. I also wanted to use
(03:05):
this moment to tell you about who he was as
a person, because I wanted to be used for good,
hopefully to help others that are dealing with anxiety and
depression and fighting alcoholism. It is a fight, it is
a battle. It is a lifelong battle for many. And
(03:29):
I also want you to know who he was as
a person. Grayson was to me more of like a
little brother. I'm forty two, he was thirty, and when
we met, I don't know, nine years ago. We met
(03:49):
when he was really young, he was like twenty one,
twenty two. And I'd been blessed to see pro golfers perform,
you know, side by side in the same cart, getting
to play the same round before, and there's they're all amazing,
but then there's an X factor with golfers where there's
some that are just special, They're just different. And I
(04:11):
remember coming home after we played together and I told
my wife, I said, he's he's next level, Like he's
not average. It's unbelievable. And he was, and watching him perform,
and when he won two times last year on the
corn Ferry Tour at once in Nashville, and I got
to be there and spend time with him during that victory,
which was so much fun to watch to get his
(04:33):
tour card back, because in golf, you can you're only
as good basically as your last year. And he had
won before in the tour, so they have what they
call champion status, but it doesn't get you into a
lot of tournaments. And he said, all right, I'm just
going to focus on getting my card back so I
don't have to worry about what next year is. I
don't have to worry about am I going to play
(04:53):
this tournament or not get in, or to get into
this tournament, not get into this tournament. And he just
kind of humbled himself, went back and really focused and
got his card back by winning twice. Uh to go
back to the PGA Tour full time and then in
the first two tournaments the year you won. Now that's
life changing for most people that aren't dealing with anxiety
(05:15):
and depression because you get not just to win and
obviously a massive payday of a million plus dollars. I
don't remember how much he made for that tournament, but
it was a lot. But you also get exemptions into
the Masters and into the PGA and into the you know,
(05:35):
into some of these majors, and you get into these
elevated field events where where you know there's there some
of them are no cut and and and the pressure
you get to make your own schedule instead of like
am I in this week or am I not next week?
Kind of thing, And there's a lot of just relaxing
that comes from that that you get to play freely
(05:56):
because of that, because you're not worried about, Okay, if
I don't have a good week this week, if I
don't make the cut, then what do I do next week?
Am I not playing next week? And I hope that
understand You understand that, but there's a lot of anxiety
that comes with that. And he won and it gives
you also to your exemption for two years. You have
your card no matter what, no matter how good or bad.
So let's play your free up to just play. And
(06:18):
he did that so early in the year, and it
was so great because like, Okay, now we can plan
our life basically for the next two years. I can
plan where I'm playing, I can give my weeks off,
I can you know, really be in charge. And I
think that tells you just how stressful depression anxiety are
(06:40):
and alcoholism that you can have all of that security
and still battle. It's so real. And Grayson was not
just a friend to me, but he was also very
much like a big brother to my son and I
don't talk that much about my kids. A lot of
(07:06):
it's because of just safety and the crazies out there
in the world. But I will tell you that my
son is very, very blessed at a very young age
to be a phenomenal golfer. He's ranked second in the
world right now. And I will tell you a story
just because I want you to know who Grayson was.
(07:31):
Grayson would FaceTime on the regular basis. He would he
would be bored to determinent. He'd called me and he
nine times out of ten, we're on the golf course
and he would be like, all right, let me see
his swing, and so I would show him and he
would work with him over the phone. Right, I want
you to, you know, turn your shoulder more, you're not
rotating enough, or your you know, your head's you know,
(07:53):
your shoulders are at an angle I don't like, or
drop your hands a little bit more. And he was
constantly just encouraging and supporting my son. And his birthday
a couple of years ago, when he turned I think
it was five, he got he was like, what are
you guys up to this week? I was like, Bradley's
birthday is on whatever day it was Tuesday and he goes,
(08:15):
He goes, that's tomorrow. I said, yeah, he goes, Shoot,
I got to get him a gift. I was like, dud,
don't worry about it's not a big deal. He's like, no, no, no, no,
text me. I just right now, I got some I
want to send him. And he went to FedEx and
he FedEx me like a I'm not kidding. It's a
tour putter that's probably worth five grand that's had his
name stamped in it, and fedexed it and the receipt
(08:35):
was in there, and you know he was hurrying to
get it. I think out in time and left it
in the box. And he spent one hundred and sixty
dollars shipping him his gift. That's who Grayson was. He
wanted to make sure that Bradley knew he was special
and important on his birthday when he turned five, and
it wasn't going to be a day. Late last year,
(08:58):
Bradley was competing in the World Golf Championships at Pinehurst
and it is if you want to see this tournament,
how crazy it is. There's a there's a documentary on
Netflix called The Short Game and it's about the World
Championships at Pinehurst, and Bradley saw this video, he said,
(09:18):
golf one day on Netflix in this video camp and
saw these kids and he hit play and at that
moment he fell in love with golf and was like,
I want to do that. That's what I want to do.
And so he's watched it. I'm not kidding. We've watched
it probably two hundred times. Like he'll be like, we
know the music, we know every line, and I'm like, well,
it's not a cartoon, So like we'll let him watch it.
(09:39):
And he got into the World champions You have to qualify.
You can't go unless you're one of the best in
your area. You have to shoot certain scores to even qualify,
and it's not easy to get in. And and he
was there last year and Grayson said, I want to
come down and watch him, but I'm going to stay
far away. I don't want to make him nervous. Like, dude,
don't don't do that. You're not gonna make him nervous.
(10:00):
He's gonna play better because you're there, You're you're you're
his you're his friend. Like it's not he's not gonna
be intimidate. He's gonna be pumped that you're there, and
so he goes, Okay, I'm gonna come down. I'll come down, though,
I want to get with him when he's practicing before
the round so's he'll know I'm there and that he
won't be like super excited. On the first t I
was like, okay, perfect, and he showed up and it
(10:23):
was his birthday, Bradley's birthday. The same day that the
first round of the tournament was Bradley's birthday. The first
round of the tournament, you know, when your son's playing
on his birthday, you have this fear that he's gonna
play bad and not have a great birthday. Right, be
upset because you've been working so hard for this one
(10:44):
tournament the biggest term of the year, hands down. I mean,
to be able to say you're a world champion is
something that people can't take away from you the rest
of your life, even if it was when you were
six years old. And he was turning seven that and
Grayson came over to the putting green and Bradley saw
(11:04):
him and got excited and gave him a big hug,
and then you know, went through his routine and he
was giving advice on the greens and talking about how
the grass was growing and how this grass is standing
up a little bit, so make sure you get the
ball rolling, don't hit the bottom of the ball. And
and of course Bradley understood he's talking about but he's listening.
And then we went over to the driving range and
(11:25):
Bradley was just flushing the ball and he looked at me.
He's like, dude, he could win this thing. And I
was like, I know, like he's playing really good right now.
We were just grinning and then we get in the
golf cart. They have shuttles and they take you over
to the first tee and he walked over to Bradley
and he said, right for the first tea shot he
(11:47):
said to me, he said, hey, one shot at time, buddy,
one shot at a time. Just think about the next shot,
move on quickly. And he was like, all right, I
got you. And they fist pumped and we get the
first hole and he teased up the ball and he
just let it rip and it went straight down the
fairway and landed on the green. We started with a
(12:08):
birdie and it's off to the races and Bradley wasn't nervous,
he was glad his friend was there. He wanted to
play good for his friend. He wanted to make Grayson
proud that day. And he ended up shooting a bogie free.
If you don't know golf, that's hard enough. But three under.
He had three birdies, all rest bars, no bogies. And
(12:33):
we went to this you know, and and at one point,
I think it was a third fourth hole, I misread
a putt and Bradley missed the putt and it would
have been for another birdie. And we're walking off the green.
Bradley's walking up. I had to get some water from
his mom, and you have to walk. They make the
kids walk, and it's hot, and so every if I
(12:54):
said at once said thousand not drink water, Go drink water.
Go drink water, because you're walking. It's one hundred degrees August.
I mean, this tournament started on August third, and in
Pinehurst it's humid. And I said, look, dude, the kids
that aren't used to this weather and you're used to
it because you're in the hot South. It's a huge advantage.
And so he's walking ahead and Grace walked over and
(13:15):
he's like, dude, he's like, you mess read that putt
like it would it went right to left. I looked
and I was like, I like, if you want a caddy,
I will happily give you the bag. He's like, I
can't handle the stress of this. And we both started
dying laughing, and he said, he goes, Ben, he goes,
I'm a pro gofer. I have played it in the
biggest tournaments at pebble whatever he is, I've never been
(13:35):
this stressed out of my life. I was like, try
being me, the dad with a bag, and we just
died laughing, and he put his arm around and we
walked for I don't know, fifty feet together laughing. He's like, dude,
I'm gonna have to call my parents after this round
and tell them I'm so sorry and take them to dinner.
He's I had no idea what it was like to
be a parent watching someone you love or young like play.
(13:58):
And I was like, yeah, you should define only take
them to dinner tonight. And we laughed and he was
like on pins and needles a whole round. It got
over and and everybody turned their scores in and we
found out that my son was solo lead. He was
in it shot the lowest round the day was three under,
and we went to lunch, and we went to lunch
(14:19):
over at Pinehurst, the main course where the US Open
is this year, and he was not leaving. He was
staying the whole day. He was all in to support
him and to celebrate him. And after we saw that
he was number you know, he's in the lead, number one,
he celebrated him like he was like he had just won.
It was round one of the tournament, but he celebrated
(14:39):
him like he was like it was the Masters leading
at the Masters. I mean, it was a big thing
to celebrate. And we ate lunch together and then we
went and played the Cradle. It's a par three course,
and he played with us and it was Bradley told
me that Night's Dead is the best birthday of my life.
He said, Grayson was here and I'm leading the tournament
and y'all are here, and like, what a day. And
(15:02):
I will eternally be thankful for that. Because even as
he was struggling with anxiety, depression, alcoholism, even as he
had been to rehab not once but twice and was
fighting his demons, and he was very open about it,
he still was so kind to others, and he made
(15:27):
my son's dream feel like it was a reality, and
he'll never there's two kinds of I think there's confidence
and there's arrogance, and there's ignorance with dreams. My son
feels confident that he can become a pro golfer because
(15:50):
of his friendship with Grayson. He has no doubt he
can do this if he works hard. That is a
gift that he will take with him of his life
because it seems obtainable, because it seems real. Well, take
a break, we'll come back and I'll continue the conversation
of the takeaway from all of this, and it's about
(16:14):
taking care of other people. Check on your friends, check
on your loved ones, tell them you love them. The
story that I just told about my son was about
the man that Grayson was and then he was fighting
constantly to be He was someone who was loving, He
(16:36):
was someone who was caring. Several years ago before he
had money, he saw someone that had lost their car
and needed a car and was struggling. Didn't know the person.
It was a story that was I think it was
on the line he saw on Twitter somewhere and he
contacted them and said I want to buy you a
(16:57):
car now full disclosure. Was like, dude, you don't have
that much money, Like, what are you doing buying someone
else a car? Man, He's like, dude, I can get
to work. They can't. He didn't publicize it, it wasn't covered.
It wasn't a publicity thing or a publicity stunt. It
was it was a genuine heartfelt moment. There's certain people
(17:22):
I say, you can always, you know, kind of figure
out who your friends are, who your real friends are,
by a couple of different things. One if you called
somebody and said hey, I'm in deep trouble I need
to borrow some money and they just say yeah, and
they say you don't need to borrow it, you can
have it, don't worry about it. I got your back.
(17:42):
That's a friend. That's grace. And I could have called
him and no questions asked. Said Hey, I'm in trouble.
I need to borrow five grand. He said yeah, sure,
Like I'll vemote to you. How do you want me
to get to you? There would have been no questions asked.
I have no doubt if I called him and he
was in a tournament and I was like I need
my friend. I'm having a horrible day, Like I need
you to come down here, whatever it is. I have
(18:04):
no doubt he would have said, okay, yeah, I'm all in.
And I think he knew that was who I was
as well. I took many and I want to I
want to talk about this because I want people to
be helped as well. If you have friends that deal
with anxiety or depression or alcoholism, number one part of
(18:28):
it is telling them that they're dealing with it and
you see it. And I'm talking about alcoholism especially. There's
too many people that have friends of alcoholics and they
just they go drink with them and they just say, oh, well, yeah,
he drinks too much sometimes, or she drinks too much sometimes. Like,
if you have friends that are dealing with it, don't
(18:51):
enable it. I remember the first time I told Grace
he was an alcoholic. It was at my house and
I didn't and he knew this. I said, dude, I
don't care if you had a golf all the rest
again in your life, Like, as long as you're happy
and safe and you're okay. He was at my house
and he had had too much to drink two days
(19:13):
in a row, and I could tell it was his routine.
And he came downstairs the next day and I have
small kids, and I told him. I was like, I
don't want my kids to see this. Number one okay,
and number two. I said, I love you, brother. I said,
but you need to know this. You're an alcoholic. And
he was like no. I just relaxed him before the
termament a couple of days off, didn't have to play.
(19:35):
And I looked at it. I was like, buddy, I love
you. You're an alcoholic. You're an alcoholic. And the sooner you
figure that out, and the sooner we get you to
a point of being sober, the better off. And he
didn't want to accept it yet. He wasn't ready and
that's part of dealing with people that are alcoholics. And
fast forward months later, he called me at four in
(19:55):
the morning crying and he said I'm an alcoholic and
I said, yeah, like tell me something I don't no,
And he said, I'm going to go get help. And
there was an incident that had happened at a hotel
and I think it was public enough that it was like,
I have to deal with this now. And he went
to rehab and it didn't stick the first time, and
he ended up going back again. And that was a
(20:19):
changing moment in our relationship where it was like, Okay,
you're admitting it. I'm all in for you. I am
going to help you through this. I'm going to love
you through this, I'm going to support you through it.
I'm going to check on you through this. And then
he started opening up about his anxiety and depression. I
knew he dealt with it before, but we hadn't had
those conversations, and then I had a reason to pry
(20:41):
and a reason to call him bick. You know, no
bs with us, buddy, Like I'm calling you and I
ask you how you're doing. I don't need that, I'm
good man, how are you? I want to know, actually,
how you're doing. We'd had conversations about suicide, and I
talked to him very clearly and openly about me losing
(21:01):
my best friend from college to suicide. And I told Myselfody,
I cannot bury another friend that way. I just can't
do it. And I need to know that. You know
that you need to call me or whoever. I don't
care when you have those thoughts, because you deal with depression,
anxiety and part of us being honest with each other
(21:23):
is knowing that, like, I need you to call, and
he had called me several times when he was in
the pits of it. And I am devastated that I
lost my friend. I'm devastated that my son lost someone
(21:43):
that he looked up to and was so proud of.
I am devastated that his family have lost their son.
And his family are incredible people, and he had a
brother and a sister and nieces, nephews, and they're going
to be sad, and I I'm devastated for all of them.
But I hope that there's somebody listening right now that
(22:05):
may be dealing with one of these things, and you
will be encouraged or inspired to go get the support
and the help that you need. Because I'm taking this
moment to talk about it. The world is a mean place.
Be kind to others. Please. He got off Twitter because
(22:28):
people had become so mean on Twitter, and I was like,
you don't need to be on there, man, Like you
stay up late and you read it. Get off of there. Now.
There's an encouraging to get off there, and he had.
He was off and he was on Instagram, but Instagram's
a little bit different than Twitter. Twitter's just more mean
people tweeting nasty things at you and you see them.
Instagram's more people's pictures, and he had stayed on there,
(22:54):
but several times he'd gotten off Instagram. I'm going to
take a break from this for a while, just to
get away from it all. I want to make sure
I say this as I wrap this, because this is
not a normal show that I do. But the suicide
and Crisis hotline is nine eight eight. You just dial that,
(23:16):
whether it's English or Spanish. It's twenty four hours a day.
You can also text to nine eight eight for help.
If you know someone that's battling addiction or alcoholism, be
honest with him, don't enable it, don't go drinking with
your buddy that is dealing with it. Because I can
(23:37):
tell you over the last several months, the last eight
nine months really about the year, there was a major
transformation in Grayson's life and he was fighting and winning
and he was doing so well. It doesn't mean you
can't go back into it, but a core of that
(23:57):
was him being sober and his life was better because
of it. The second thing I'll say is talk to
people about their faith. I had a a great ability
to talk honestly and open. I think it's part of
what I do for a living with people about things
(24:18):
and get real quickly. Grays and I had very clear
conversations about what it meant to be a Christian. And
I have no doubt he was a believer. I have
no doubt that he is in heaven. I have no idea,
no doubt that Jesus was personal Lord and savior. And
he was. He'd asked him to come into his heart
(24:39):
to save him. Recently we'd started reading the same Christian
book together and talking about it, and and he was.
He was his faith when he won. If you if
you haven't go look at the video. It's on the
internet and I've posted on mine. I'm sure it's there
if you scroll. He had He had talked about his
faith when he won that tournament earlier this year and
(25:02):
the Sony Open, and it was he talked about like
golf doesn't define me. And that's when he played his
best golf when it wasn't him being a golfer. He
was a man of God who was fighting it, his
addiction issues, his anxiety and depression, and he was a
(25:23):
better man than I've ever seen him over the last year,
and I'm so sad that he is no longer here.
I know he's no longer in pain. But check on
your friends and have compassion and understanding, and just tell
them you love them and you support them. But don't
(25:44):
enable their addictions, please don't. I have friends who drink
too much and I tell him it, and it can
be awkward, but they now know him on their team
because the way I tell him is I want you
to have a better life. Check on your people and
love them. I will say this finally that I miss you, buddy.
(26:07):
I love you. We will never forget you. I will
make sure people never forget your legacy and and and
and what a good heart you had, and thank you
for being in my life. We will lay him to
rest this week, and I love you. And I hope
(26:31):
that this show can be shared with someone that needs
to hear it and it will inspire someone to have
that those tough and hard conversations
I want to start by saying thank you, by the way,
to so many of you that listen, that have reached
out to me over this weekend. As many of you know,
one of my best friends passed away and it was
(00:22):
a very public story. I'm gonna do my best to
get through this. Grayson Murray was one of my best friends,
and I become one of my best friends over the
(00:43):
last several years. I got to watch him earlier this
year when in Hawaii, and right as he won, I
went on the radio to do my national show, and
I got to celebrate him because I was just so
happy for him and how hard he had been working
(01:04):
and how hard he had fought to overcome so much.
He had been very public about his struggles with anxiety
and depression and alcoholism, and he had been sober now
for almost a year and had gotten engaged and things
(01:31):
were trending in the right direction. He was I think
ranked fifty seventh, fifty eight they six in the world
and had made into his first Masters, and I got
to go see him at the Masters. It was a
dream getting to watch your friend play his dream out
in real life, in real time. And he was not
(01:55):
a golfer, to me first. He was my friend. I
had told him many at times, I don't care if
you ever hit a golf ball again in your life.
I want you to be happy and I just want
to know you're going to be okay. And that was
in reference to some of the load times I had
told him many times, I don't care if you ever
(02:15):
hit a golf ball again, as long as you stay sober,
and whatever we need to do to figure out how
to keep you sober, then let's do it. Grayson took
his own life on Saturday, and it rocked the sports
world and bled over into you know, mainstream media, and
(02:39):
it was a story that had people reacting in the
country music world that knew him, and the sports world
and the golf world, in the hockey world, he was
a huge Hurricanes fan, and so many of you that
knew that he was my friend had reached out, and
I wanted to make sure I took a moment and said,
first of all, thank you. I also wanted to use
(03:05):
this moment to tell you about who he was as
a person, because I wanted to be used for good,
hopefully to help others that are dealing with anxiety and
depression and fighting alcoholism. It is a fight, it is
a battle. It is a lifelong battle for many. And
(03:29):
I also want you to know who he was as
a person. Grayson was to me more of like a
little brother. I'm forty two, he was thirty, and when
we met, I don't know, nine years ago. We met
(03:49):
when he was really young, he was like twenty one,
twenty two. And I'd been blessed to see pro golfers perform,
you know, side by side in the same cart, getting
to play the same round before, and there's they're all amazing,
but then there's an X factor with golfers where there's
some that are just special, They're just different. And I
(04:11):
remember coming home after we played together and I told
my wife, I said, he's he's next level, Like he's
not average. It's unbelievable. And he was, and watching him perform,
and when he won two times last year on the
corn Ferry Tour at once in Nashville, and I got
to be there and spend time with him during that victory,
which was so much fun to watch to get his
(04:33):
tour card back, because in golf, you can you're only
as good basically as your last year. And he had
won before in the tour, so they have what they
call champion status, but it doesn't get you into a
lot of tournaments. And he said, all right, I'm just
going to focus on getting my card back so I
don't have to worry about what next year is. I
don't have to worry about am I going to play
(04:53):
this tournament or not get in, or to get into
this tournament, not get into this tournament. And he just
kind of humbled himself, went back and really focused and
got his card back by winning twice. Uh to go
back to the PGA Tour full time and then in
the first two tournaments the year you won. Now that's
life changing for most people that aren't dealing with anxiety
(05:15):
and depression because you get not just to win and
obviously a massive payday of a million plus dollars. I
don't remember how much he made for that tournament, but
it was a lot. But you also get exemptions into
the Masters and into the PGA and into the you know,
(05:35):
into some of these majors, and you get into these
elevated field events where where you know there's there some
of them are no cut and and and the pressure
you get to make your own schedule instead of like
am I in this week or am I not next week?
Kind of thing, And there's a lot of just relaxing
that comes from that that you get to play freely
(05:56):
because of that, because you're not worried about, Okay, if
I don't have a good week this week, if I
don't make the cut, then what do I do next week?
Am I not playing next week? And I hope that
understand You understand that, but there's a lot of anxiety
that comes with that. And he won and it gives
you also to your exemption for two years. You have
your card no matter what, no matter how good or bad.
So let's play your free up to just play. And
(06:18):
he did that so early in the year, and it
was so great because like, Okay, now we can plan
our life basically for the next two years. I can
plan where I'm playing, I can give my weeks off,
I can you know, really be in charge. And I
think that tells you just how stressful depression anxiety are
(06:40):
and alcoholism that you can have all of that security
and still battle. It's so real. And Grayson was not
just a friend to me, but he was also very
much like a big brother to my son and I
don't talk that much about my kids. A lot of
(07:06):
it's because of just safety and the crazies out there
in the world. But I will tell you that my
son is very, very blessed at a very young age
to be a phenomenal golfer. He's ranked second in the
world right now. And I will tell you a story
just because I want you to know who Grayson was.
(07:31):
Grayson would FaceTime on the regular basis. He would he
would be bored to determinent. He'd called me and he
nine times out of ten, we're on the golf course
and he would be like, all right, let me see
his swing, and so I would show him and he
would work with him over the phone. Right, I want
you to, you know, turn your shoulder more, you're not
rotating enough, or your you know, your head's you know,
(07:53):
your shoulders are at an angle I don't like, or
drop your hands a little bit more. And he was
constantly just encouraging and supporting my son. And his birthday
a couple of years ago, when he turned I think
it was five, he got he was like, what are
you guys up to this week? I was like, Bradley's
birthday is on whatever day it was Tuesday and he goes,
(08:15):
He goes, that's tomorrow. I said, yeah, he goes, Shoot,
I got to get him a gift. I was like, dud,
don't worry about it's not a big deal. He's like, no, no, no, no,
text me. I just right now, I got some I
want to send him. And he went to FedEx and
he FedEx me like a I'm not kidding. It's a
tour putter that's probably worth five grand that's had his
name stamped in it, and fedexed it and the receipt
(08:35):
was in there, and you know he was hurrying to
get it. I think out in time and left it
in the box. And he spent one hundred and sixty
dollars shipping him his gift. That's who Grayson was. He
wanted to make sure that Bradley knew he was special
and important on his birthday when he turned five, and
it wasn't going to be a day. Late last year,
(08:58):
Bradley was competing in the World Golf Championships at Pinehurst
and it is if you want to see this tournament,
how crazy it is. There's a there's a documentary on
Netflix called The Short Game and it's about the World
Championships at Pinehurst, and Bradley saw this video, he said,
(09:18):
golf one day on Netflix in this video camp and
saw these kids and he hit play and at that
moment he fell in love with golf and was like,
I want to do that. That's what I want to do.
And so he's watched it. I'm not kidding. We've watched
it probably two hundred times. Like he'll be like, we
know the music, we know every line, and I'm like, well,
it's not a cartoon, So like we'll let him watch it.
(09:39):
And he got into the World champions You have to qualify.
You can't go unless you're one of the best in
your area. You have to shoot certain scores to even qualify,
and it's not easy to get in. And and he
was there last year and Grayson said, I want to
come down and watch him, but I'm going to stay
far away. I don't want to make him nervous. Like, dude,
don't don't do that. You're not gonna make him nervous.
(10:00):
He's gonna play better because you're there, You're you're you're
his you're his friend. Like it's not he's not gonna
be intimidate. He's gonna be pumped that you're there, and
so he goes, Okay, I'm gonna come down. I'll come down, though,
I want to get with him when he's practicing before
the round so's he'll know I'm there and that he
won't be like super excited. On the first t I
was like, okay, perfect, and he showed up and it
(10:23):
was his birthday, Bradley's birthday. The same day that the
first round of the tournament was Bradley's birthday. The first
round of the tournament, you know, when your son's playing
on his birthday, you have this fear that he's gonna
play bad and not have a great birthday. Right, be
upset because you've been working so hard for this one
(10:44):
tournament the biggest term of the year, hands down. I mean,
to be able to say you're a world champion is
something that people can't take away from you the rest
of your life, even if it was when you were
six years old. And he was turning seven that and
Grayson came over to the putting green and Bradley saw
(11:04):
him and got excited and gave him a big hug,
and then you know, went through his routine and he
was giving advice on the greens and talking about how
the grass was growing and how this grass is standing
up a little bit, so make sure you get the
ball rolling, don't hit the bottom of the ball. And
and of course Bradley understood he's talking about but he's listening.
And then we went over to the driving range and
(11:25):
Bradley was just flushing the ball and he looked at me.
He's like, dude, he could win this thing. And I
was like, I know, like he's playing really good right now.
We were just grinning and then we get in the
golf cart. They have shuttles and they take you over
to the first tee and he walked over to Bradley
and he said, right for the first tea shot he
(11:47):
said to me, he said, hey, one shot at time, buddy,
one shot at a time. Just think about the next shot,
move on quickly. And he was like, all right, I
got you. And they fist pumped and we get the
first hole and he teased up the ball and he
just let it rip and it went straight down the
fairway and landed on the green. We started with a
(12:08):
birdie and it's off to the races and Bradley wasn't nervous,
he was glad his friend was there. He wanted to
play good for his friend. He wanted to make Grayson
proud that day. And he ended up shooting a bogie free.
If you don't know golf, that's hard enough. But three under.
He had three birdies, all rest bars, no bogies. And
(12:33):
we went to this you know, and and at one point,
I think it was a third fourth hole, I misread
a putt and Bradley missed the putt and it would
have been for another birdie. And we're walking off the green.
Bradley's walking up. I had to get some water from
his mom, and you have to walk. They make the
kids walk, and it's hot, and so every if I
(12:54):
said at once said thousand not drink water, Go drink water.
Go drink water, because you're walking. It's one hundred degrees August.
I mean, this tournament started on August third, and in
Pinehurst it's humid. And I said, look, dude, the kids
that aren't used to this weather and you're used to
it because you're in the hot South. It's a huge advantage.
And so he's walking ahead and Grace walked over and
(13:15):
he's like, dude, he's like, you mess read that putt
like it would it went right to left. I looked
and I was like, I like, if you want a caddy,
I will happily give you the bag. He's like, I
can't handle the stress of this. And we both started
dying laughing, and he said, he goes, Ben, he goes,
I'm a pro gofer. I have played it in the
biggest tournaments at pebble whatever he is, I've never been
(13:35):
this stressed out of my life. I was like, try
being me, the dad with a bag, and we just
died laughing, and he put his arm around and we
walked for I don't know, fifty feet together laughing. He's like, dude,
I'm gonna have to call my parents after this round
and tell them I'm so sorry and take them to dinner.
He's I had no idea what it was like to
be a parent watching someone you love or young like play.
(13:58):
And I was like, yeah, you should define only take
them to dinner tonight. And we laughed and he was
like on pins and needles a whole round. It got
over and and everybody turned their scores in and we
found out that my son was solo lead. He was
in it shot the lowest round the day was three under,
and we went to lunch, and we went to lunch
(14:19):
over at Pinehurst, the main course where the US Open
is this year, and he was not leaving. He was
staying the whole day. He was all in to support
him and to celebrate him. And after we saw that
he was number you know, he's in the lead, number one,
he celebrated him like he was like he had just won.
It was round one of the tournament, but he celebrated
(14:39):
him like he was like it was the Masters leading
at the Masters. I mean, it was a big thing
to celebrate. And we ate lunch together and then we
went and played the Cradle. It's a par three course,
and he played with us and it was Bradley told
me that Night's Dead is the best birthday of my life.
He said, Grayson was here and I'm leading the tournament
and y'all are here, and like, what a day. And
(15:02):
I will eternally be thankful for that. Because even as
he was struggling with anxiety, depression, alcoholism, even as he
had been to rehab not once but twice and was
fighting his demons, and he was very open about it,
he still was so kind to others, and he made
(15:27):
my son's dream feel like it was a reality, and
he'll never there's two kinds of I think there's confidence
and there's arrogance, and there's ignorance with dreams. My son
feels confident that he can become a pro golfer because
(15:50):
of his friendship with Grayson. He has no doubt he
can do this if he works hard. That is a
gift that he will take with him of his life
because it seems obtainable, because it seems real. Well, take
a break, we'll come back and I'll continue the conversation
of the takeaway from all of this, and it's about
(16:14):
taking care of other people. Check on your friends, check
on your loved ones, tell them you love them. The
story that I just told about my son was about
the man that Grayson was and then he was fighting
constantly to be He was someone who was loving, He
(16:36):
was someone who was caring. Several years ago before he
had money, he saw someone that had lost their car
and needed a car and was struggling. Didn't know the person.
It was a story that was I think it was
on the line he saw on Twitter somewhere and he
contacted them and said I want to buy you a
(16:57):
car now full disclosure. Was like, dude, you don't have
that much money, Like, what are you doing buying someone
else a car? Man, He's like, dude, I can get
to work. They can't. He didn't publicize it, it wasn't covered.
It wasn't a publicity thing or a publicity stunt. It
was it was a genuine heartfelt moment. There's certain people
(17:22):
I say, you can always, you know, kind of figure
out who your friends are, who your real friends are,
by a couple of different things. One if you called
somebody and said hey, I'm in deep trouble I need
to borrow some money and they just say yeah, and
they say you don't need to borrow it, you can
have it, don't worry about it. I got your back.
(17:42):
That's a friend. That's grace. And I could have called
him and no questions asked. Said Hey, I'm in trouble.
I need to borrow five grand. He said yeah, sure,
Like I'll vemote to you. How do you want me
to get to you? There would have been no questions asked.
I have no doubt if I called him and he
was in a tournament and I was like I need
my friend. I'm having a horrible day, Like I need
you to come down here, whatever it is. I have
(18:04):
no doubt he would have said, okay, yeah, I'm all in.
And I think he knew that was who I was
as well. I took many and I want to I
want to talk about this because I want people to
be helped as well. If you have friends that deal
with anxiety or depression or alcoholism, number one part of
(18:28):
it is telling them that they're dealing with it and
you see it. And I'm talking about alcoholism especially. There's
too many people that have friends of alcoholics and they
just they go drink with them and they just say, oh, well, yeah,
he drinks too much sometimes, or she drinks too much sometimes. Like,
if you have friends that are dealing with it, don't
(18:51):
enable it. I remember the first time I told Grace
he was an alcoholic. It was at my house and
I didn't and he knew this. I said, dude, I
don't care if you had a golf all the rest
again in your life, Like, as long as you're happy
and safe and you're okay. He was at my house
and he had had too much to drink two days
(19:13):
in a row, and I could tell it was his routine.
And he came downstairs the next day and I have
small kids, and I told him. I was like, I
don't want my kids to see this. Number one okay,
and number two. I said, I love you, brother. I said,
but you need to know this. You're an alcoholic. And
he was like no. I just relaxed him before the
termament a couple of days off, didn't have to play.
(19:35):
And I looked at it. I was like, buddy, I love
you. You're an alcoholic. You're an alcoholic. And the sooner you
figure that out, and the sooner we get you to
a point of being sober, the better off. And he
didn't want to accept it yet. He wasn't ready and
that's part of dealing with people that are alcoholics. And
fast forward months later, he called me at four in
(19:55):
the morning crying and he said I'm an alcoholic and
I said, yeah, like tell me something I don't no,
And he said, I'm going to go get help. And
there was an incident that had happened at a hotel
and I think it was public enough that it was like,
I have to deal with this now. And he went
to rehab and it didn't stick the first time, and
he ended up going back again. And that was a
(20:19):
changing moment in our relationship where it was like, Okay,
you're admitting it. I'm all in for you. I am
going to help you through this. I'm going to love
you through this, I'm going to support you through it.
I'm going to check on you through this. And then
he started opening up about his anxiety and depression. I
knew he dealt with it before, but we hadn't had
those conversations, and then I had a reason to pry
(20:41):
and a reason to call him bick. You know, no
bs with us, buddy, Like I'm calling you and I
ask you how you're doing. I don't need that, I'm
good man, how are you? I want to know, actually,
how you're doing. We'd had conversations about suicide, and I
talked to him very clearly and openly about me losing
(21:01):
my best friend from college to suicide. And I told Myselfody,
I cannot bury another friend that way. I just can't
do it. And I need to know that. You know
that you need to call me or whoever. I don't
care when you have those thoughts, because you deal with depression,
anxiety and part of us being honest with each other
(21:23):
is knowing that, like, I need you to call, and
he had called me several times when he was in
the pits of it. And I am devastated that I
lost my friend. I'm devastated that my son lost someone
(21:43):
that he looked up to and was so proud of.
I am devastated that his family have lost their son.
And his family are incredible people, and he had a
brother and a sister and nieces, nephews, and they're going
to be sad, and I I'm devastated for all of them.
But I hope that there's somebody listening right now that
(22:05):
may be dealing with one of these things, and you
will be encouraged or inspired to go get the support
and the help that you need. Because I'm taking this
moment to talk about it. The world is a mean place.
Be kind to others. Please. He got off Twitter because
(22:28):
people had become so mean on Twitter, and I was like,
you don't need to be on there, man, Like you
stay up late and you read it. Get off of there. Now.
There's an encouraging to get off there, and he had.
He was off and he was on Instagram, but Instagram's
a little bit different than Twitter. Twitter's just more mean
people tweeting nasty things at you and you see them.
Instagram's more people's pictures, and he had stayed on there,
(22:54):
but several times he'd gotten off Instagram. I'm going to
take a break from this for a while, just to
get away from it all. I want to make sure
I say this as I wrap this, because this is
not a normal show that I do. But the suicide
and Crisis hotline is nine eight eight. You just dial that,
(23:16):
whether it's English or Spanish. It's twenty four hours a day.
You can also text to nine eight eight for help.
If you know someone that's battling addiction or alcoholism, be
honest with him, don't enable it, don't go drinking with
your buddy that is dealing with it. Because I can
(23:37):
tell you over the last several months, the last eight
nine months really about the year, there was a major
transformation in Grayson's life and he was fighting and winning
and he was doing so well. It doesn't mean you
can't go back into it, but a core of that
(23:57):
was him being sober and his life was better because
of it. The second thing I'll say is talk to
people about their faith. I had a a great ability
to talk honestly and open. I think it's part of
what I do for a living with people about things
(24:18):
and get real quickly. Grays and I had very clear
conversations about what it meant to be a Christian. And
I have no doubt he was a believer. I have
no doubt that he is in heaven. I have no idea,
no doubt that Jesus was personal Lord and savior. And
he was. He'd asked him to come into his heart
(24:39):
to save him. Recently we'd started reading the same Christian
book together and talking about it, and and he was.
He was his faith when he won. If you if
you haven't go look at the video. It's on the
internet and I've posted on mine. I'm sure it's there
if you scroll. He had He had talked about his
faith when he won that tournament earlier this year and
(25:02):
the Sony Open, and it was he talked about like
golf doesn't define me. And that's when he played his
best golf when it wasn't him being a golfer. He
was a man of God who was fighting it, his
addiction issues, his anxiety and depression, and he was a
(25:23):
better man than I've ever seen him over the last year,
and I'm so sad that he is no longer here.
I know he's no longer in pain. But check on
your friends and have compassion and understanding, and just tell
them you love them and you support them. But don't
(25:44):
enable their addictions, please don't. I have friends who drink
too much and I tell him it, and it can
be awkward, but they now know him on their team
because the way I tell him is I want you
to have a better life. Check on your people and
love them. I will say this finally that I miss you, buddy.
(26:07):
I love you. We will never forget you. I will
make sure people never forget your legacy and and and
and what a good heart you had, and thank you
for being in my life. We will lay him to
rest this week, and I love you. And I hope
(26:31):
that this show can be shared with someone that needs
to hear it and it will inspire someone to have
that those tough and hard conversations
Host
Ben Ferguson
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