July 5, 2023 • 20 mins
Will Jawando is an attorney, community leader, Obama White House alum and now an author. In this episode, Will talks with host Louis Carr about his new book, My Seven Black Fathers: A Young Activist's Memoir of Race, Family, and the Mentors Who Made Him Whole.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
I'm Lois Scartr, host of the Blueprint Connect podcast. The
Blueprint Connect podcast is an extension of the Blueprint Men's
selling where we have consistently given men a prescription for group,
not just for themselves, but also for their families and
their communities. During these podcasts, we will educate and motivate
our listeners about entrepreneurship, careers, finances, health and wellness, and relationship.
(00:28):
And on today's episode, we have author of My Seven
Black Fathers, Will Jowanda.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome, Will, thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I really appreciate Lewis. It's good to be on Waymaker.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Good to have you.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
So Will, first of all, tell me why the title
My Seven Black Fathers.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, well, you know, I wanted it to pique people's attention,
you know, first time author, and I'm really proud of
this title and proud of the book.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I wanted people to say, well, what does that mean?
What is he talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And you know, hopefully pick it up and read the
description and look inside the jacket. But it's also something
that is my experience. You know, I was blessed fortunate
to have these seven black men, one of whom's my
biological father. One who's my stepfather, and a teacher, and
coworkers and others who stepped in and fothered me and
(01:30):
mentored me. And so it's also it's a saving of fact,
something I had come to over time. I don't think
I realized it while it was happening, but it's staving
in fact, but also something that I think would help
people understand what the book was and hopefully challenging their
definition of fatherhood and mentorship and try to expand it.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So will I wrote a couple of books a few
years back, and it was hard. Yeah, you know, I
made a decision should I go to grad school? Should
I write a book for greater credibility? And I wrote
a book, but it was hard. How was it for
(02:13):
you writing your first book?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It was hard, you know, it's especially something like this.
You know, I'm sure any book is hard to write,
but you know, a memoir something that's dealing with really personal,
deep things, and you know, your relationship with your parents
and relationships with others and a lot of emotional and
a lot of you know, trauma and joy and all
(02:37):
those things combined. So there's that piece of it. But
then there's just like the process of trying to figure
out how to write a book right and how to
organize it and dedicating the time to it. You know,
I'm a father, for I'm an attorney, I'm a local
elect official, got a lot going on. My wife's you know,
very active in her in her job. And I think
(02:58):
the pandemic really not only gave me the time and
space because we were so you know a lot of
we were at home working but you know, had to
be home for a lot of time, but also just
everything that was going on, you know, the murders of
George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, the economic follow from COVID, obviously,
the health ramifications of COVID. I say it like, you know,
(03:20):
everyone went through something, but if you were black, you
went through three pandemics, you know, And I really needed
to I needed to write it during that time, which
is when I wrote it, during the kind of the
heart of the pandemic, to have an affirmative story to
make me feel like, you know, there was something I
could do even in the midst of all this trauma.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
So I think all those things came together.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It was still hard, but you know, it took me
about two years to get it from initial idea to
proposal and then I took about a year to write
it after we sold the book. So it was a
quick timeline, but it was and it was hard. But
you know, I threw everything I could add it late nights,
early mornings, you know, talking in the my phone with
(04:00):
little garbles and things they coming back later, and writing
it down, so all those things.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
So well, this is what people ask me when I
wrote a book.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Why Yeah, why and why Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
It's a question.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
It's a good question, I think, you know, I think
that you know the adage that you hear a lot,
like everyone has a book in them. It's just a
question where they write it. I knew these men and others,
you know, my mother's prominently, my wife's in this book.
There's other mentors and figures in this book. But I
knew that these black men had a played an extraordinary
(04:36):
role and literally saving my life.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
And the.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I mentioned the timing of the pandemic, that was certainly
part of it. Wanting to write something affirmative about what
we as black people are. Black community, the black family
can can do the village to support and change the
lives of young black people, particularly the young black boys.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And men.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I wanted to tell that story because we're at the
time I think where particularly for us, there's not a
lot written about the inner lives of black folks. You know,
there's a lot of things said about us in a
negative life, but stories by us for us, about us,
particularly as black men, you know, are can be sparse,
(05:24):
particularly in the wider cultures.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
So I wanted.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
To really put this out as a love letter to
black men and boys, as a example through my life
story of the power of these relationships, also as a
call to action that we need to enable more of
these relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And so I thought it was the unique time, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Obviously I framed the book in the study of race
and economic opportunity. I was featured in the New York
Times when that data was released, which showed that a
ninety and a half percent of the country black boys
and white boys from the same background in the same
neighborhoods had wide earnings gaps. That helped push me to
towards the conceptualization when I realized I meet four of
my seven fathers in one of these one percentage of
codes where there's a higher percentage of working class black fathers.
(06:09):
So that helped me frame the book, But I always
knew these men at an impact. So I think everything
kind of aligned, you know, the study, the pandemic, and
just wanting to write something affirmative. It all kind of
came together at the right time and helped me pull
this together.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
So Will, I don't know about you.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
As I grew up and I had these different experiences,
I knew there was something special about it at that moment,
didn't clearly.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Know what it was.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
When these men were engaging with you and having this impact.
Did you know that there was something special or different
about that at that moment or was it sort of
a look back and you realize that was different that was.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Which one was it?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, that's that's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think it was kind of a combination in that
I knew individual experiences were special.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So when Jay Fletcher, my mom's cooker, who's a reporter,
openly gay black man, first, when I was exposed to
takes me to Broadway when I'm a teenager to see
Seven Guitars August those film that I was really excited.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I knew I had never done anything like that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I knew that was special, right, I don't I know,
I didn't appreciate at the time, and Viola Davis is
playing via in that in that uh in there.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I didn't realize at the time that.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
The the cumulative impact of these relationships, Like I also
realized when mister Williams walked in the room and I
described this in the book My fourth Grade Man feature
Morgan Freeman, you know, with the beauty marks and the
short bush brown skin, wearing a shirt and tie, first
black man i'd ever seen wear a shirt and tie
every day. When he walks in almost like a superhero
mythic figure on that first day of fourth grade, I
(08:03):
knew that was impactful. But again I don't think I know,
I didn't realize the impact he would have on me
for the rest of my life. So I think there
were individual instances of like, wow, this is pretty amazing,
and then but over the look back was definitely important
of like the aggregation of No, these men were literally fathers,
and they saved my life and kept me on track
(08:25):
when I could have gone astray.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
We'll be right back with more of my interview after
this quick break.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
So at what point.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Did you realize that you were on this sort of
destined special path because of these men, and I'm going
to use this term, will stay with me for a second,
that you would have these seven waymakers.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I got it. I got it. That's it. That's certainly appropriate.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I think it came at a moment of tragedy when
my friend Califani dies, which is an inflection point for
me in my life in so many ways. I can
trace back almost everything I've done, you know, in public
policy and working in the White House and being elect official,
becoming a civil rights lawyer to trying to right those
(09:25):
wrongs that contributed to Califani's untimely death.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Who's my friends that I meet in fifth grade.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
And probably why you got that tourn Achilles right now, probably.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Right, probably right, probably right, probably right. You know, but
you know, he passed away when we're coming out of
high school, and it forced me to analyze, well, what
were the differences between his life and mind? And it
was the first time I kind of had to had
to critically reflect on that. And one of the key
ones was unavoidable that you know, I had the the
(10:00):
benefit of being exposed to these black, diverse set of
black men who were intentional and the time and love
and care and skills that they bestowed upon me, and
that he didn't have those relationships. And it was clear
as day. And there's different reasons why, but I understood
that even at that early age, I didn't know what
that meant. I didn't know what I was going to
do about it. I also knew that the fact that
(10:22):
his mom had to work two jobs and couldn't work
one job that paid a living wage, and that the
transportation system was bad, and that teachers didn't believe it him.
I knew there were other things too, but I think
that really forced me to start analyzing over the differences,
and that was one of the key ones. And I
think that that was the initial awakening of that these waymakers,
(10:42):
these fathers, these mentors literally saved my life. Doesn't mean
I didn't almost have some you know we all have.
Doesn't mean I didn't have trials and tribulations and points
where I messed up, but that they brought me back
onto the path.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Will When you wrote this book, were you hoping that
people who read it would take action? Was it a
call for action to say this is how this village
slash community impacted my life, especially as we look at
our communities today, was that in the back of your
mind that maybe sharing these stories will make other black
(11:25):
men take some action in our communities.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Oh, it wasn't just it wasn't in the back of
my mind. It was in the front of my mind.
It's I and I say as much in the book
as you know. You know, it is a call to
action and introduction that.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
One.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I want us to understand our own power and value.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I think we You know this, this country, this world,
for five hundred plus years, has told us that we
are not of value. You know, the systems and structures
have been set up in design to dehumanize and devalue us,
particularly as black men, other other marginalized groups as well.
So this is a pushback against that narrative and also
(12:06):
through the stories of my life, which I'm sure I
ask you who your seven are, I ask anyone they're
going to be able to name these people. So realize
that these people are present, these men and others are
present in our community, and that the power of this
engagement is so transformative. And so because of that we
(12:26):
must engauge individually. To your point of like, step up
and do it yourself. You have something to give, You
have some time. Doesn't that be through a program, doesn't
have to be for multiple years, but we all have
something to give and to do. And then through policy
and programs, right you know, making sure there's more blackmail, teachers,
making sure after school programs exist, going down the list,
(12:48):
and so yes, it's certainly a call to action, both
individually but also as systemically because one of the things
I was also very aware of is this isn't to
pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You know, we just
can make it, and you know, there's nothing wrong with
the system. No, the system is jacked, But in spite
of that, in spite of the storm, in spite of
the racism and discrimination and inequality, these relationships have the
(13:12):
power to overcome that while we fix that system.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So yes, it's certainly called action.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
So will it worked out for you because you sort
of received what they were giving to you, what they
were putting out for young men out there who may
be listening to this and may happen to pick up
this book, And a lot of people ask me this, will,
(13:39):
how do you prepare yourself to have these type of fathers, waymakers,
mentors or whatever, because they're all around us. But sometimes
people just say they're not ready for this? How do
young men? How should they prepare of themselves?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And you know, at this particular point in order to
receive because everybody tells me this, Well, oh, mister Carr
wants you to.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Be my mentor hmmm, I don't know if you're ready
for this. So how would what advice would you give
to them?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You know, uh, be open to these relationships. And I
know that that can sound overly simplify, simplified, but and
I'll explain. You know, there was a point in the
book when I'm coming out of third grade. I had
just gone through two years of really racist administrators and teachers,
(14:41):
and I had started to uh believe that something was
wrong with me, that I was not I was a
bad child, that I didn't have value, uh and it
was starting to seep in. And thank god, I meet
mister Williams in an oasis year in fourth grade when
I've switched to a public school, and he pulls me
(15:04):
back from that.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
And now, but for a lot of our children, they
have heart. They they've started to believe, either consciously or subconsciously,
that they don't have value, that they don't have something
to give, or that there's only one way out or
there isn't a way out. And so my answer to
that is, you know, I say to that young person,
there're these these men, these mentors, these fathers, these waymakers
(15:29):
are all around you. Be open to receiving them. They
don't have to be perfect in engaging with them. And
one of the things when I interviewed my seven black fathers,
the ones who are alive, five of the seven are alive.
You know, they didn't realize the impact they were having,
most of them, and and so I think there's something
(15:50):
there too. And so I would just say, understand your
inherent value. Believe what the world says to you, because
you have to understand that and then believe and then
and then be open to have these relationships because it's
certainly a two way street. The other things that my
mentor said is that I gave them just as much
as they gave me, and you have something to give
in those relationships as well. So I know it can
(16:10):
be hard when that hardening happens. But the last point
I'll make is that we have a responsibility for those
who have started to harden and not be open. The
first time you try to engage with one of those
young men, it might not work, but the third or
fourth or fifth time it might work. And so whether
(16:31):
it's you individually as a person reaching out to something
like that, or if it's the aggregate, which is another
point of this book. Imagine the aggregate power of every
time a black child encounters someone from their community, they
are engaged in a positive way, particularly black men and boys.
That it might not be the first time, but maybe
the tenth time breaks through. But he needed all those
(16:54):
other times to be open to it, If that makes sense.
So I think there's something for us to think about
for those children, those young people who have already started
to shut down.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
So well, my final question to you is going to
be this, You've had at least seven waymaker all right,
how are you being a waymaker to others now that
you know the importance of receiving.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Something that I think is core to my life's mission,
you know, of engaging individually but also collectively and systemically
and trying.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
To make more of these relationships possible.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
You know, I've been a big proponent of in my
day job as a council member, to make sure that
all of our two hundred and eleven schools, particularly the
ones that are lowest income, have high quality after school programs.
Research shows us that three to six pm most important
time for kids to be engaged in productive activity. Visually,
mentor as many young people as I can and offer myself.
(18:05):
I'm very busy at four children, but I offer myself up,
particularly in mentoring moments. The other thing that I think
is important here is you can mentor someone in a moment,
and then the next person he does that moment.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Those moments add up, and.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Whether you're spending five minutes with somebody or five years
or fifty years, those engagements matter. So I try to
do that with every child, every young person I meet.
And then also I have more deeply committed, you know,
long term mentorship relationships that I keep up with, you know,
people that I've mentored since they were in high school
and the like. And I think all of us have
(18:42):
that responsibility, both personally professionally and to advocate for policies
and programs that do that for children. So I try
to do that. And then I, of course I try
to make sure I'm a good father to my children
and I'm setting a good example, you know, I meet
Barack Obama first through the te television screen when I'm
watching him in two thousand and four, and he says
(19:04):
at the Democratic National Convention, and he says, we need
to eradicate the slander that a black youth with the
book is acting white. He was mentoring me, he was
making a way for me in that moment. So I'm
very cognizant about the way I present myself as a
public figure and what I say and do, because I
know people are looking at that. So I think, you know,
in all those ways, I try to just model and
(19:26):
then have personal relationships and then work in the policies
and the systems too, And I think all of us
can do some of that. Might not be doing all
of that, but we can all.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Do some of that.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Well, we thank you for your seven Black fathers, and
we thank you for being a black father to.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
More than your poor children.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
And we appreciate the impact that you personally and your
book is having, and we thank you for agreeing to
be a part of this journey in the waymaker Black
family issue.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
So thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Thanks for having me, and thanks for helping them to
do what you do to lift up and tell the
stories and encourage the black family.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
So God bless
Speaker 4 (20:09):
You all right, thank you will
I'm Lois Scartr, host of the Blueprint Connect podcast. The
Blueprint Connect podcast is an extension of the Blueprint Men's
selling where we have consistently given men a prescription for group,
not just for themselves, but also for their families and
their communities. During these podcasts, we will educate and motivate
our listeners about entrepreneurship, careers, finances, health and wellness, and relationship.
(00:28):
And on today's episode, we have author of My Seven
Black Fathers, Will Jowanda.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome, Will, thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I really appreciate Lewis. It's good to be on Waymaker.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Good to have you.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
So Will, first of all, tell me why the title
My Seven Black Fathers.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, well, you know, I wanted it to pique people's attention,
you know, first time author, and I'm really proud of
this title and proud of the book.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I wanted people to say, well, what does that mean?
What is he talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And you know, hopefully pick it up and read the
description and look inside the jacket. But it's also something
that is my experience. You know, I was blessed fortunate
to have these seven black men, one of whom's my
biological father. One who's my stepfather, and a teacher, and
coworkers and others who stepped in and fothered me and
(01:30):
mentored me. And so it's also it's a saving of fact,
something I had come to over time. I don't think
I realized it while it was happening, but it's staving
in fact, but also something that I think would help
people understand what the book was and hopefully challenging their
definition of fatherhood and mentorship and try to expand it.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So will I wrote a couple of books a few
years back, and it was hard. Yeah, you know, I
made a decision should I go to grad school? Should
I write a book for greater credibility? And I wrote
a book, but it was hard. How was it for
(02:13):
you writing your first book?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It was hard, you know, it's especially something like this.
You know, I'm sure any book is hard to write,
but you know, a memoir something that's dealing with really personal,
deep things, and you know, your relationship with your parents
and relationships with others and a lot of emotional and
a lot of you know, trauma and joy and all
(02:37):
those things combined. So there's that piece of it. But
then there's just like the process of trying to figure
out how to write a book right and how to
organize it and dedicating the time to it. You know,
I'm a father, for I'm an attorney, I'm a local
elect official, got a lot going on. My wife's you know,
very active in her in her job. And I think
(02:58):
the pandemic really not only gave me the time and
space because we were so you know a lot of
we were at home working but you know, had to
be home for a lot of time, but also just
everything that was going on, you know, the murders of
George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, the economic follow from COVID, obviously,
the health ramifications of COVID. I say it like, you know,
(03:20):
everyone went through something, but if you were black, you
went through three pandemics, you know, And I really needed
to I needed to write it during that time, which
is when I wrote it, during the kind of the
heart of the pandemic, to have an affirmative story to
make me feel like, you know, there was something I
could do even in the midst of all this trauma.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
So I think all those things came together.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It was still hard, but you know, it took me
about two years to get it from initial idea to
proposal and then I took about a year to write
it after we sold the book. So it was a
quick timeline, but it was and it was hard. But
you know, I threw everything I could add it late nights,
early mornings, you know, talking in the my phone with
(04:00):
little garbles and things they coming back later, and writing
it down, so all those things.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
So well, this is what people ask me when I
wrote a book.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Why Yeah, why and why Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
It's a question.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
It's a good question, I think, you know, I think
that you know the adage that you hear a lot,
like everyone has a book in them. It's just a
question where they write it. I knew these men and others,
you know, my mother's prominently, my wife's in this book.
There's other mentors and figures in this book. But I
knew that these black men had a played an extraordinary
(04:36):
role and literally saving my life.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
And the.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I mentioned the timing of the pandemic, that was certainly
part of it. Wanting to write something affirmative about what
we as black people are. Black community, the black family
can can do the village to support and change the
lives of young black people, particularly the young black boys.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And men.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I wanted to tell that story because we're at the
time I think where particularly for us, there's not a
lot written about the inner lives of black folks. You know,
there's a lot of things said about us in a
negative life, but stories by us for us, about us,
particularly as black men, you know, are can be sparse,
(05:24):
particularly in the wider cultures.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
So I wanted.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
To really put this out as a love letter to
black men and boys, as a example through my life
story of the power of these relationships, also as a
call to action that we need to enable more of
these relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And so I thought it was the unique time, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Obviously I framed the book in the study of race
and economic opportunity. I was featured in the New York
Times when that data was released, which showed that a
ninety and a half percent of the country black boys
and white boys from the same background in the same
neighborhoods had wide earnings gaps. That helped push me to
towards the conceptualization when I realized I meet four of
my seven fathers in one of these one percentage of
codes where there's a higher percentage of working class black fathers.
(06:09):
So that helped me frame the book, But I always
knew these men at an impact. So I think everything
kind of aligned, you know, the study, the pandemic, and
just wanting to write something affirmative. It all kind of
came together at the right time and helped me pull
this together.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
So Will, I don't know about you.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
As I grew up and I had these different experiences,
I knew there was something special about it at that moment,
didn't clearly.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Know what it was.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
When these men were engaging with you and having this impact.
Did you know that there was something special or different
about that at that moment or was it sort of
a look back and you realize that was different that was.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Which one was it?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, that's that's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think it was kind of a combination in that
I knew individual experiences were special.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So when Jay Fletcher, my mom's cooker, who's a reporter,
openly gay black man, first, when I was exposed to
takes me to Broadway when I'm a teenager to see
Seven Guitars August those film that I was really excited.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I knew I had never done anything like that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I knew that was special, right, I don't I know,
I didn't appreciate at the time, and Viola Davis is
playing via in that in that uh in there.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I didn't realize at the time that.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
The the cumulative impact of these relationships, Like I also
realized when mister Williams walked in the room and I
described this in the book My fourth Grade Man feature
Morgan Freeman, you know, with the beauty marks and the
short bush brown skin, wearing a shirt and tie, first
black man i'd ever seen wear a shirt and tie
every day. When he walks in almost like a superhero
mythic figure on that first day of fourth grade, I
(08:03):
knew that was impactful. But again I don't think I know,
I didn't realize the impact he would have on me
for the rest of my life. So I think there
were individual instances of like, wow, this is pretty amazing,
and then but over the look back was definitely important
of like the aggregation of No, these men were literally fathers,
and they saved my life and kept me on track
(08:25):
when I could have gone astray.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
We'll be right back with more of my interview after
this quick break.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
So at what point.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Did you realize that you were on this sort of
destined special path because of these men, and I'm going
to use this term, will stay with me for a second,
that you would have these seven waymakers.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I got it. I got it. That's it. That's certainly appropriate.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I think it came at a moment of tragedy when
my friend Califani dies, which is an inflection point for
me in my life in so many ways. I can
trace back almost everything I've done, you know, in public
policy and working in the White House and being elect official,
becoming a civil rights lawyer to trying to right those
(09:25):
wrongs that contributed to Califani's untimely death.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Who's my friends that I meet in fifth grade.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
And probably why you got that tourn Achilles right now, probably.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Right, probably right, probably right, probably right. You know, but
you know, he passed away when we're coming out of
high school, and it forced me to analyze, well, what
were the differences between his life and mind? And it
was the first time I kind of had to had
to critically reflect on that. And one of the key
ones was unavoidable that you know, I had the the
(10:00):
benefit of being exposed to these black, diverse set of
black men who were intentional and the time and love
and care and skills that they bestowed upon me, and
that he didn't have those relationships. And it was clear
as day. And there's different reasons why, but I understood
that even at that early age, I didn't know what
that meant. I didn't know what I was going to
do about it. I also knew that the fact that
(10:22):
his mom had to work two jobs and couldn't work
one job that paid a living wage, and that the
transportation system was bad, and that teachers didn't believe it him.
I knew there were other things too, but I think
that really forced me to start analyzing over the differences,
and that was one of the key ones. And I
think that that was the initial awakening of that these waymakers,
(10:42):
these fathers, these mentors literally saved my life. Doesn't mean
I didn't almost have some you know we all have.
Doesn't mean I didn't have trials and tribulations and points
where I messed up, but that they brought me back
onto the path.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Will When you wrote this book, were you hoping that
people who read it would take action? Was it a
call for action to say this is how this village
slash community impacted my life, especially as we look at
our communities today, was that in the back of your
mind that maybe sharing these stories will make other black
(11:25):
men take some action in our communities.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Oh, it wasn't just it wasn't in the back of
my mind. It was in the front of my mind.
It's I and I say as much in the book
as you know. You know, it is a call to
action and introduction that.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
One.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I want us to understand our own power and value.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I think we You know this, this country, this world,
for five hundred plus years, has told us that we
are not of value. You know, the systems and structures
have been set up in design to dehumanize and devalue us,
particularly as black men, other other marginalized groups as well.
So this is a pushback against that narrative and also
(12:06):
through the stories of my life, which I'm sure I
ask you who your seven are, I ask anyone they're
going to be able to name these people. So realize
that these people are present, these men and others are
present in our community, and that the power of this
engagement is so transformative. And so because of that we
(12:26):
must engauge individually. To your point of like, step up
and do it yourself. You have something to give, You
have some time. Doesn't that be through a program, doesn't
have to be for multiple years, but we all have
something to give and to do. And then through policy
and programs, right you know, making sure there's more blackmail, teachers,
making sure after school programs exist, going down the list,
(12:48):
and so yes, it's certainly a call to action, both
individually but also as systemically because one of the things
I was also very aware of is this isn't to
pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You know, we just
can make it, and you know, there's nothing wrong with
the system. No, the system is jacked, But in spite
of that, in spite of the storm, in spite of
the racism and discrimination and inequality, these relationships have the
(13:12):
power to overcome that while we fix that system.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So yes, it's certainly called action.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
So will it worked out for you because you sort
of received what they were giving to you, what they
were putting out for young men out there who may
be listening to this and may happen to pick up
this book, And a lot of people ask me this, will,
(13:39):
how do you prepare yourself to have these type of fathers, waymakers,
mentors or whatever, because they're all around us. But sometimes
people just say they're not ready for this? How do
young men? How should they prepare of themselves?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And you know, at this particular point in order to
receive because everybody tells me this, Well, oh, mister Carr
wants you to.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Be my mentor hmmm, I don't know if you're ready
for this. So how would what advice would you give
to them?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
You know, uh, be open to these relationships. And I
know that that can sound overly simplify, simplified, but and
I'll explain. You know, there was a point in the
book when I'm coming out of third grade. I had
just gone through two years of really racist administrators and teachers,
(14:41):
and I had started to uh believe that something was
wrong with me, that I was not I was a
bad child, that I didn't have value, uh and it
was starting to seep in. And thank god, I meet
mister Williams in an oasis year in fourth grade when
I've switched to a public school, and he pulls me
(15:04):
back from that.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
And now, but for a lot of our children, they
have heart. They they've started to believe, either consciously or subconsciously,
that they don't have value, that they don't have something
to give, or that there's only one way out or
there isn't a way out. And so my answer to
that is, you know, I say to that young person,
there're these these men, these mentors, these fathers, these waymakers
(15:29):
are all around you. Be open to receiving them. They
don't have to be perfect in engaging with them. And
one of the things when I interviewed my seven black fathers,
the ones who are alive, five of the seven are alive.
You know, they didn't realize the impact they were having,
most of them, and and so I think there's something
(15:50):
there too. And so I would just say, understand your
inherent value. Believe what the world says to you, because
you have to understand that and then believe and then
and then be open to have these relationships because it's
certainly a two way street. The other things that my
mentor said is that I gave them just as much
as they gave me, and you have something to give
in those relationships as well. So I know it can
(16:10):
be hard when that hardening happens. But the last point
I'll make is that we have a responsibility for those
who have started to harden and not be open. The
first time you try to engage with one of those
young men, it might not work, but the third or
fourth or fifth time it might work. And so whether
(16:31):
it's you individually as a person reaching out to something
like that, or if it's the aggregate, which is another
point of this book. Imagine the aggregate power of every
time a black child encounters someone from their community, they
are engaged in a positive way, particularly black men and boys.
That it might not be the first time, but maybe
the tenth time breaks through. But he needed all those
(16:54):
other times to be open to it, If that makes sense.
So I think there's something for us to think about
for those children, those young people who have already started
to shut down.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
So well, my final question to you is going to
be this, You've had at least seven waymaker all right,
how are you being a waymaker to others now that
you know the importance of receiving.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Something that I think is core to my life's mission,
you know, of engaging individually but also collectively and systemically
and trying.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
To make more of these relationships possible.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
You know, I've been a big proponent of in my
day job as a council member, to make sure that
all of our two hundred and eleven schools, particularly the
ones that are lowest income, have high quality after school programs.
Research shows us that three to six pm most important
time for kids to be engaged in productive activity. Visually,
mentor as many young people as I can and offer myself.
(18:05):
I'm very busy at four children, but I offer myself up,
particularly in mentoring moments. The other thing that I think
is important here is you can mentor someone in a moment,
and then the next person he does that moment.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Those moments add up, and.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Whether you're spending five minutes with somebody or five years
or fifty years, those engagements matter. So I try to
do that with every child, every young person I meet.
And then also I have more deeply committed, you know,
long term mentorship relationships that I keep up with, you know,
people that I've mentored since they were in high school
and the like. And I think all of us have
(18:42):
that responsibility, both personally professionally and to advocate for policies
and programs that do that for children. So I try
to do that. And then I, of course I try
to make sure I'm a good father to my children
and I'm setting a good example, you know, I meet
Barack Obama first through the te television screen when I'm
watching him in two thousand and four, and he says
(19:04):
at the Democratic National Convention, and he says, we need
to eradicate the slander that a black youth with the
book is acting white. He was mentoring me, he was
making a way for me in that moment. So I'm
very cognizant about the way I present myself as a
public figure and what I say and do, because I
know people are looking at that. So I think, you know,
in all those ways, I try to just model and
(19:26):
then have personal relationships and then work in the policies
and the systems too, And I think all of us
can do some of that. Might not be doing all
of that, but we can all.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Do some of that.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Well, we thank you for your seven Black fathers, and
we thank you for being a black father to.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
More than your poor children.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
And we appreciate the impact that you personally and your
book is having, and we thank you for agreeing to
be a part of this journey in the waymaker Black
family issue.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
So thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Thanks for having me, and thanks for helping them to
do what you do to lift up and tell the
stories and encourage the black family.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
So God bless
Speaker 4 (20:09):
You all right, thank you will
Host
Louis Carr
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