March 17, 2025 • 45 mins
Bobby comes to you from his home studio to share things that have been on his mind lately that he hasn't had a chance to share with you. He shares his newly found issues with dairy, trying to not have guilt about happiness and dealing with stress/perfectionism. He also addresses people commenting on the environment of the show and how we've worked with each other for 20+ years.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Show. Hello everybody, Bobby here, I probably realized shows on vacation,
and so I hate having a rerun. I hate having
to put up podcast reruns. That is not what this is.
This is not a rerun, so you didn't even have
to enjoy it. But I just want to make sure
that something is up, something that is somewhat new, and
(00:25):
something that is somewhat compelling. And mostly I have a
checklist stuff that I've meaning to talk about for a
long time but I've not been able to talk about.
So I figure what better time than right now, as
I'm sitting alone on vacation making notes from when we
get back very soon, I like to first start with
a dairy up on my list, have deary. I can
(00:48):
no longer have dairy. I can have it, I just
can't have it for a long time. I would say
probably my whole life. I did not know that I
won't say allergic, but that my body does not agree
with dairy. Now what sucks about that is I love cheese.
Never been a big milk guy unless it's cereal, and
(01:10):
then I love milk and cereal, but love cheese all
kinds of cheese, love cereal. What eat multiple bowls a day,
love it. So it's been difficult to not eat dairy,
especially when it comes to things I didn't even know
what dairy was in. Like I would order smoothie and
I would try to keep it clean, and I had
(01:30):
no idea. Now it's just because I didn't look, but
I had no idea that whey protein was dairy. So
here I am. I've eliminated ninety five percent of dairy
and I'm drinking it SMOOTHI and I'm telling my wife,
like my stomach kurtz, and she's like, well, try back.
You know what you've had, And I'm like, smoothie, And
(01:51):
what's in your smoothie strawberries, coconut water, blah blah, protein,
what kind of protein? Way? Protein? Well, there you go.
So the dairy thing has been difficult, way more difficult
than I thought. And I'm not even gonna say that
it makes me feel so much better, but I just
(02:11):
don't feel terrible when I'm not eating cheese, having any
milk or any dairy at all. But it is difficult. So,
I mean, I'm like a third vegan at this point,
and not even on purpose. But that's been a bit
of a change in my life. Even if I order
like a burger, there are some places that will order
(02:34):
ubres or door Dash or whichever the services they can
get here the quickest, and they don't offer to take
the cheese off the burger, and so it gets here
and I've got a fork and I got to scrape
the stupid thing off. So that's number one. Number one
is my life is a bit different because I don't
get to drink milk, or use milk and cereal, or
(02:56):
eat any kind of cheese at all, and that sucks
because I love it so much. That's number one on
my list of ways that my life has changed in
the past four to five months. I was in my
therapist's office this past week, and I guess for a
few weeks we've been talking about being a perfectionist. I
(03:16):
do not consider myself a perfectionist in any way. I
have friends that I feel like are perfectionists. I feel
like I am the exact opposite of a perfectionist. Now,
me feeling that I'm not a perfectionist doesn't mean that
I feel like I don't work hard, or I'm not
tirelessly putting an effort, or I'm not consistently and constantly
trying to be better. But to me, perfectionism seems like
(03:42):
it would be calendar to what I'm trying to accomplish,
because I will easily try something i'm not good at,
not be deterred if it doesn't go well, Let just
do it again. I just do it again. And my
goal isn't for it to be perfect, because I don't
believe there is perfection. Actually, but I'm sitting in my
(04:05):
therapist's office, and mostly it's me trying to figure out
how to find just generally happiness, or how to be
okay with it when I do find it, how to
not have guilt about it if I do have it
for a second, how to acknowledge it before I start
assigning other thoughts to Well, I don't think I'm gonna
(04:26):
be happy very long, so I better get ready or well,
this went pretty well, but if I don't start killing
myself now, it's never going to go well again. So
I think it's it's kind of just like sitting inside
of happiness. And so I like to read. I don't
like to be the person that talks a lot about
liking to read, because those people tend to be annoying,
(04:50):
not people that read, but people that always talk about
how much they read. I don't even mind people talking
about great books they have read and passing them along.
But it's the people that always want to talk about
how much they read or how often they read that
annoy me a little bit because I feel like they're
only saying that because they want you to know that.
It's like the person with the big, fake library in
their house and they got all these books and you
know they are reading that crap. Or it's like the
(05:11):
person who does CrossFit and how to tell you all
about it. Or it's like the person that is a
new vegan. I would say dairy, but I'm only a
third vegan. I don't talk about it much, but I'm
telling you it has helped me a ton as far
as like not having to be in the bathroom for
an hour because I go to the bathroom for an
(05:31):
hour and nothing would happen. It just felt like I
needed to go to the bathroom. But I'm telling you,
it wasn't like I was in the bathroom for an
hour and I would be in there in bathroom being
would be happening. There'd be no bathroom happening anyway. Off
dairy off diry for the most part. What I haven't tried, though,
is the lactaide. I don't feel that I've been in
a place long enough because if I'm gonna eat dairy
(05:53):
and tempt lactaid, I need to be somewhere that I'm
comfortable if all doesn't go right. What I'm saying because
when I was having big stomach and digestion issues, I
had tubes everywhere, like I thought I was sick. I
thought something was broken inside of me. So I had
they'll tube up the butt the colonoscopy, you had the
(06:13):
other one, the endoscopy. They're looking at different things, but
they're both oscopies, so not comfortable. Then you gotta do
the thing the day before where you don't eat, but
then you drink like super soaker liquid. I'm not even
sure what it is. And then I go to the
doctor and he's like, man, you got the colonoscopy or
the colon of a nine year old. He actually didn't
say that, but he was like, yeah, you look great.
(06:36):
And so I framed up that picture picture of my
colon in a frame with a heart over that says Nashville,
right next to my bed and it's like, well, there's
nothing wrong with me inside that what's wrong with me
is me getting back to therapy and there's very much
stress induced digestive issues. And you may have heard me
(06:59):
talked before about stress. I don't feel stress, not that
I don't feel stressed as an I'm a superhero. I
feel no stress. I generally don't feel that I am
a stressed person because I feel that anything I need
to do, I will just do anything that I am
(07:20):
not able to do that I need to do it,
I will figure out how to do it, and if
I can't figure out how to do it and do
it unsuccessfully, I will then, after unsuccessfully doing it, figure
out how to do it better until I do it right.
I'm not stressed out about that stuff, like I feel
(07:41):
that I have no stress. Now. It's different whenever there
are personal things that happen in your life, and there
have been personal things that have happened in my life
in the past couple of years that have been pretty traumatic.
There have been two really severe situations that I haven't
(08:10):
fully been able to acknowledge on the air. At some
point I will, but it's a timing thing and I
cannot yet for different reasons. But personally, I've had two
very severe slash traumatic things happen in my direct circle,
(08:34):
one involving me, one not involving me, And I think
that stress is different. I'm talking about day to day stress. Now.
I have a staff of fifteen people. Do I worry
that my performance will not be quality enough for them
(08:55):
to keep their jobs? At times? I do worry about
that because I got to be honest with you. If
I go down, the whole ship goes down. That's truth
of it. I know that. So if I'm not performing
at my highest and the show doesn't perform at its highest,
I got a lot of people that are scurrying, And
these are my people. If you know my show, you
know that I've hired my people from my life. You
(09:19):
know the radio show. Amy's been there for twenty years.
I was talking to somebody the other day about how
long everybody's been with me. They were blown away. I
forget sometimes that it is abnormal to have people with
you for that long. Amy and Lunchbox are about twenty years.
I mean, Eddie and I have been friends for just
about that amount of time, but we've been working together
on the show for thirteen or fourteen Ray same thing
(09:40):
thirteen fourteen years, Mike Dan one capacity to the other
twelve thirteen fourteen years. Even Morgan, who came along way late,
is now a decade in. And it's funny when people
will comment on the environment of the show or like
go after me, or go after someone on the show
like this just so toxic or toxic? Do think people
would be around for twenty years for ten years? Like
(10:02):
there are things we do because we're close and we're
able to rib each other, give each other a hard time.
We're even able to cross the line a little bit
because we know if we do accidentally cross the line,
we have enough invested in the years that it ain't
gonna sink the ship. And so when people are always
(10:23):
like this person doesn't like this person, or they don't
get along, or they're fighting, or I hate how they
treat whomever, I do find that to be a bit comedic,
because if the culture was bad, you wouldn't have people
there for twenty years or fifteen years or ten years,
(10:45):
which is like the lowest I think our lowest persons
probably Scuba, and Scuba came over from Seacrest after a
few Scuba's probably been there almost ten years, so that
just doesn't happen, right, Like, I really take pride in
the environment that I create. I hold myself to a
very very very very high standard, and I hold everybody
else to a high standard, and I hold everybody else
(11:09):
to have accountability to the other people in the room.
And on the show, everybody's not going to be on
every day, but you got to show up on time
every single time. Now, how this all gets back to
stress and perfectionism is that I don't feel stressed except
I do. I did talk about this in the show recently.
(11:32):
I didn't know that I felt stress. And you may
be having some of these same feelings, except you're not
feeling them like I don't, and you may not know
it like I don't. And what I would say is
(11:52):
through a lot of therapy. And when I'm not a
therapy kid, didn't have therapy obviously as a kid, didn't
have any money, didn't go to therapy, didn't start therapy
until I was an adult. Got insurance. It's probably like
twenty five or twenty six, and I was like, for
twenty bucks, I can go to therapy. I can go
to sit in a room or the shrink, because that's
(12:14):
what they call them my television. I gets in the
room with a shrink and just say stuff and they'll
give me advice. And it literally was going to be
for a bit, and about the third time I went,
I was actually getting feedback. And then I just kept going,
and then I started to realize how excellent is it
to have somebody that has no bias giving you feedback.
(12:35):
It doesn't mean they're right every time. They're not even
trying to be right. I think that's one of my
favorite things about therapy. Therapists aren't trying to be right.
They're not calling a play. It's not third and six
and they're running a slant and turns out you shouldn't
run the slant because the corners were on the inside.
(12:55):
You had no leverage. And you're like, well that was
a bad play to call. Oh they're not. They're actually
therapy is setting you up to make the right decisions,
or just to have the right tools to make decisions. So,
and I've talked about it, been a big therapy guy.
But the stress part, as I've learned, is that I have,
(13:19):
since possibly even birth, lived under a certain amount of
stress that comes with survival. I don't feel it now.
I do at times when it manifests itself in weird ways.
But when I talk about stress, stress feels different. Stress
(13:41):
is like an omnipresent force that when it presents itself,
you're like, oh yeah, stress a big thing at works,
stressed out. I don't have that. Except what I have
learned is that I live within that because I've never
(14:04):
been out of that, which is why I don't know
how to relax, which is why I don't have a
favorite place to go for vacation, which is why I
don't like vacation. And I should should say it's not
that I don't like vacation. I just don't like vacation.
I think there's a difference. I don't dislike vacation, but
I don't like vacation. I have no relationship with whatever
vacation is because my entire life, I'm not even talking
(14:27):
about Wham's poor. I'm not even talking about that to me.
Once I started working, I was at one o five
point nine k eazy, and I was making what like
seven bucks an hour? I doubt that, and I would
get a week off. I would use that time to
fill it with what I didn't have enough time to
do in other parts of work, because again I had
(14:49):
to pay whatever the rent was, whatever, the car insurance
was whatever, and a lot of people have to do that.
It's not even like a rare thing. But I never
had a relationship with it because I never went on
a vacation as a kid, and then when I became
an adult and there was time for vacation, there was
(15:10):
no real surplus of a couple hundred bucks to go
on a vacation, nor did I know what I wanted
to do on vacation, nor did I have anybody to
do it with. So I had this relationship with whatever
vacation is. There was nonexistent. Not bad, definitely not good,
not bad, but just non existent. I don't know how
to relax, which is why I've said a bunch of
(15:32):
times I wish I could have a relationship with whatever
people do when they like drink a little bit and
relax or smoke weed or whatever they do to relax,
Like I wish I had something like that that allowed
me to just experience it. So but apparently I don't
(15:53):
feel stress because there was an underlying stress that was
implanted into me when I was a mere child. Now,
I don't blame anybody for that. My mom was fifteen
when she got pregnant. She had me weeks after her
sixteenth birthday. What do you think is going to happen?
(16:16):
She's struggling herself, had a lot of guilt for a
lot of years about just being born because had not
been born. Imagine I'm not even gonna say the great
life that she could have had because she was also
very poor, but like, imagine that she'd have had a
(16:36):
shot to graduate high school, possibly to go to college.
From all accounts, my mom was a very smart person.
She also could sing. That part it didn't get. So
there's a stress that from a very young age I
(17:00):
didn't have stability or a whole lot of support as
a baby, as a toddler, as a whatever lurrey you
are when you're four or five, six kindergarten. I don't
remember not feeling it, but I definitely remember being alone
a lot, even as a young, young, young kid. And
(17:21):
the more that I ended up reading about children who
not abandoned, because I was not abandoned. Now, my mom
was gone for years at a time, but my grandma
was there to raise me. And if you read my
first book, which is called Bare Bones. I do talk
about how I think I wrote in the book. I
have not read the book back since I wrote it
(17:41):
because it was very difficult. But I think I wrote
about how my grandma had left out my Social Security
card where I had a change of a last name.
So my name was Bobby. My grandma's last name was Hurt,
which is why I have HH on my arm, Hazel Hurt.
So my grandma was Hazel Hurt and my name was
Bobby Hurt. And I was like, why is my name different.
It's not Bobby Estell like it is. And then she
(18:02):
told me she was my grandma. I'm my mom because
my mom would just disappear. Now again, you're talking about
I'm five or six years old, so let's just say five.
So my mom's twenty one. That's crazy. It's crazy to
think of her being sixteen years old with a baby
and no real support system, at least not one that
(18:23):
could provide financially. So from what I've been told, what
I've been taught, what I've learned through all the books
I've read, let me type in all the books I read,
just kidding, is that that feeling of not knowing there
(18:43):
was consistency or love from being a baby in on
does create a stress inside of you. I don't know what.
I don't feel it, but I always had it. I
remember being third or fourth grade, and I would try
to get to school early, even if I rode my bike,
which I did a lot of times, because I was
(19:04):
on the free lunch program, and if you got to early,
you got free breakfast, and so I would try to
get there so I could eat, because sometimes we're gonna
have breakfast at the house, and so I got free lunch.
And sometimes I would save the lunch or I would
get extra if they would allow, and I would take
it home and eat it for dinner. And it never
(19:26):
felt that I was without when that was happening, because
that was just normal. And I think a lot of
you guys will relate to that too, Like I didn't
know the difference. It was just I'd like to eat.
So how am I gonna eat? Not always food at
the house, So I think I'm gonna eat by riding
my bike to school extra early. By the way, nobody
woke me up, I will remember. I mean, it's it's
(19:47):
how I live my life now, right is gonna be
eventually my point, and so I never felt like I
was without because I didn't know the difference. I was
just normal. I mean, there were other kids that had more,
and I guess I felt like a kid that didn't
(20:09):
have as much. But it wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't ostracized
so much because I'm from a small town where most
people are poor. We did have one killed a swim
pool in ground. That's pretty freaking cool. But if I
didn't get free breakfast, if I didn't get free lunch,
if I didn't take some home for dinner. Sometimes not
(20:32):
all the time, because sometimes we had Hamburger, Helper or manwich,
and I explained to my wife what man which was yeah.
So it wasn't all the time, but definitely with some
times that I needed to be prepared. So there was
a stress there, right, not that I knew. I didn't
know I was stressed. I was just surviving, you know.
(20:52):
I think about seventh or eighth grade, probably seventh, because
that's when I took my act for the first time.
Seventh grade is when I realized whatever was happening in
my small town, it was for a lot of people,
but it wasn't for me because I wanted to do
(21:13):
things that other people around me weren't doing, not because
I was watching them done, but because I naturally was
doing things that really didn't make a lot of sense
where I was. And a great thing too, is my
mom around I guess eighth grade. I'm not sure when
(21:37):
my mom in Arkansas, Keith got married. They were together
on and off a bit. I live with my grandma
for a little bit while they were together. My grandma
was awesome. Like I get, I don't get emotional thinking
about things, but if I am talking about it like
I am now, like I'm starting to feel a little
(21:58):
choked up thinking about my grandma. It's to the point
where I sometimes I avoid thinking about her because I
don't know it makes me sad and like I miss
her Because it didn't matter what happened. My grandma was
always there. And again, I didn't know the difference. I
didn't know how important she was. I didn't know that
what she was doing was basically making sure that I
(22:23):
had any sort of chance to do anything. And I'm
not even saying do anything that's considered successful or great,
but just to not fall into the same traps that
a lot of people in a lot of small towns
fall into which is why I'm so sensitive to people
(22:45):
in small towns getting opportunities, because a lot of times
they don't have a grandma. I don't think I have
the worst story ever. I think there are parts of
my story that are and were difficult well, and I
used to resent them so much and be confused as
(23:07):
to why that crap had to happen to me. I
don't feel that way anymore. For the most part, I'm
grateful for them because I wouldn't be whatever stress ball
I am. But I wouldn't have this success. I wouldn't
have met my wife. I wouldn't have had a lot
of this stuff happen had I not gone through that.
(23:28):
But without my grandma, I don't even get a chance
to do that. Whatever difficult life I had would have
been so much more difficult without my grandma, which I
haven't really thought about in a long time. I'm sitting
here now thinking about it, and a little bit my
eyeballs are getting hot. But she was there, and she
(23:52):
wasn't there like hey, every day, I'm here. If you
need me, come on over. She wasn't there like that,
But she was there. In that if my mom wasn't there,
guess what. Guess where we're going, Guess what we're staying.
Guess who's staying her. My grandma always, always, always, she
(24:14):
wasn't hey, I'm coming over and bringing something over. No, no, no,
she was just the ultimate safety net, more than a net.
I think my mom knew that too. So my mom
was very, very, very young, I think. I mean, now
I'm forty four years old. My mom died just about
(24:39):
my age, just barely older, but just my age. Basically,
I think about how old I was compared to how old.
If I would have had a kid at the same
age as my mom, crazy like, right now, i'd have
(25:07):
a kid over twenty years old, over twenty I mean,
i'd have a twenty for again, twenty six year old kid.
I mean, if I'm math, that's right, but which is crazy?
(25:27):
And again, I used to feel so much guilt because
of that, because my mom had me sorrly. But I'm
also grateful for my grandma. I'm grateful for my stress
that I did not know I had, but I do
have it, and I do at least now I do
(25:50):
have the ability to acknowledge it. And so when you
live with something for so long and you don't even
know you live with it. It's kind of hard just
to go, oh, I'm gonna point a finger at that,
and it's just going to disappear. Because again, I don't
feel stressed, because I've always had a sort of stress
(26:16):
entrenched into me from whenever I was a baby to now.
I mean, you can talk to the people that work
for me. I think I am both the greatest boss
of all time and the absolute most fantastic A plus
(26:38):
leader there could possibly be, and at the same time
the exact opposite. There's two things can be true at once.
I stay so stressed out every single day. I don't sleep.
Why don't I sleep because I'm afraid I will oversleep,
and if I oversleep, I lose my job. There's a
(27:02):
lot of letters in between there, like if I oversleep,
the performance is low, so but me not sleeping also
then allows me to get sick, and I get sick,
I don't perform as well, So then there is that
that contradiction within itself. But I feel constantly stressed out
(27:22):
without even knowing what stress is. I am wound so tight.
I am not saying this as a compliment but I
have never met anyone more efficient than me. I don't
think efficiency is that sexy, but I have never met
(27:42):
anyone more efficient than me because I'm scared to not
be so, I am stressed out constantly without feeling stressed.
And this is where perfectionism comes into play. I haven't
forgot about that. It's where I started, it's where I'm
(28:04):
going to end this part. I'm not a perfectionist. I
don't speak well, and I have a job that people
listen to me. Millions of people listen to me. I
am wildly successful at this job. By the way, one
step back. I think I'm a great boss because I
(28:28):
don't do anything. I don't ask my people to do period.
I think i'm a great boss because if you're on
my team, we're going to win. It might take a second,
we might lose for a minute, but we're going to win.
I am a great boss because your other teammates are
going to respect you and your time the way you're
going to respect them. I'm a great boss because I
(28:52):
have extremely high expectations of myself and high expectations of you.
And I only have high expectations of you if I
think you can meet those expectations. So if you're working
with me, I have high regards for you, and I
expect you to not only hit that, but to break
(29:14):
from that. I think I'm a great leader. Now ask
I'm a great leader because get on the team and
let's go win. And I'm a great leader because I
know all the time I can't lead. There have been
a couple of times I referenced it earlier, a couple
(29:39):
of instances where I was really working from a detra
I don't want to say it was very tough for me,
and I had to rely on others. And I think
a great leader knows that at times you have to
do that. A great leader is not someone with no weakness.
I have a ton of weakness. So I think I'm
(30:00):
a great leader. I also think I'm at times a
terrible leader in that I don't communicate well with others
in certain professional instances because I think at this point
my feeling is well, they can understand, they can read
(30:21):
my mind, they know what I'm feeling, and so I
get disappointed without it being fair to them. And I
know that and I try to get better at that.
And I think that is an extreme weakness of mine.
Is a lack of communication at times, not because I'm
(30:43):
scared to communicate because I'm not generally a people pleaser,
but I think it's the expectation that people are able
to know what I'm thinking for whatever reason, because we've
done it for a long time together, because they know
so definitely have flaws, But if you're with me, it's
(31:09):
because I believe in you and we're gonna go win
the sucker, it doesn't matter what it is. I think
a bit of my stress is making sure that what
I have, and that's relationships, that's work, making sure that
(31:31):
doesn't crumble because I'm petrified I don't deserve it to
begin with. I don't really have a skill. Like I said,
I'm not the greatest talker, not the greatest community even
just my job, not even like leadership skills have an accent.
I talk too fast at times, I forget mid sentence
(31:53):
what I was trying to say because something else happens.
But that doesn't keep me from being really good at
this job. And I think a lot of the success
has been I've been able to pick really m really
(32:20):
I don't want to short sell them with the words
really well rounded in specialized ways high functioning people, and
that's been cool. But I'm afraid if I oversleep. I'm
(32:43):
afraid if I don't put in X amount of time
at night reading through stories. I'm afraid if I don't
keep up with this. I'm afraid if I don't. It's
complete fear based that has created the stress that I
live with that I don't know I have. That is
(33:03):
not only my superpower, but it is also my greatest
weakness now to perfectionism in the midst of this stress
and me trying to find out how that I can
sleep because I don't sleep, and I think it used
(33:25):
to be the cool thing that God, I don't sleep,
I just work. I don't feel that way anymore because
I need to sleep in order to be extremely effective working.
But I just need to sleep to be healthy, to
be there for my wife, to be a decent boss,
to have my wits about me so I can be funny.
(33:45):
I don't sleep, and a bit of that, if not
all of that is coming from the stress, not from
whatever physically has been going on with me, because I've
had it all checked out, all of us checked out.
I've got tubes in every hole, got them in there now,
coln Osky and Dosk be adopt Osk could be adopt
osk could be And I hope if you're listening, maybe
(34:08):
you can relate to a little bit of this. And
where perfectionism comes in. My therapist is like, I think
your perfectionist is that. I think you are absolutely wrong
because I don't pursue perfection. I think me trying to
be perfect at something, me trying to make it slick
and shiny. That would be the opposite of what I've
always done successfully. And I haven't purposefully done it successfully
(34:33):
because if I had a great announcer voice, I would
have done that. I think I wanted to sound like
this crap, but it's like, I think you're missing the
point of what perfectionism is. And I was because when
I air perfectionism, I think it's to somebody wanting a
perfect product. And when I air perfectionism, I think of
(34:57):
it as a positive. I think of it as well,
they really want to do it perfect, They're not going
to quit until then, and I think that can be
an aspect of it. However, I have now started to
learn I've been waiting into perfectionism in a way that
is not the most healthy in a way that I
(35:18):
do have these tendencies because I think there is no
way I will be successful unless my process of doing
something is perfectly the same way that it's been my
entire life, because that's the only way I've been successful,
and the only way I've been successful is showing up
on time every time, all the time and making sure
(35:41):
that nothing that I can control is off even a percent,
which is stressful. I think about perfectionism like that. I
didn't think about perfectionism as being not a perfect product,
but my perfectionism is in my mind. I feel like
if I don't do it this one exact way, that
(36:04):
it's not going to be done right. I'm petrified to
do it a different way. I'm petrified to be late.
I'm the first one there. Ray Mundo is there. He's
got to turn the show on. But if everybody like that,
you guys, hear of I'm the first one there. I
would like to be like some of the other guys
I know they do radio on TV that are like
whatever the big star as they show up ten minutes
before and everybody else has everything taken care of, and
(36:24):
they walk in, they got their notes and oh they've
planned every bit. No, I can't do that. I would
love to do that, I'm not too good to do that.
But I feel if I do that, I will not
be successful. And it's not even just that. It's why
I made my news resolution to try to be late
(36:46):
twice to work this year. I've not even been close.
I can't. It's that I think, not that I'm going
to succeed if I don't do the process perfect, but
that if I don't do the process quote perfect, in
my mind, that I am going to fail and flame
out so hard that I'm going to be back where
I started. Whichever version of that it is. I've never
(37:12):
thought of myself as a perfectionist because my product is
not perfect. I have not even edited this. I have
no desire to edit this. There's gonna be gaps. I'm
gonna be stumbling, I'm gonna be saying things wrong. My books,
like my literal books with a massive publishing company, the
biggest in the world, they have typos in them because
(37:33):
I wrote. When I wrote, I wrote so wrong that
they couldn't even catch all the typos. I'm fine with that.
A big part of whatever my brand is has been
just go and try it. I would rather there be
action and messing up than in action, because at least
with action you learn something, But with action you got
to show up every time, on time, all the time.
(37:54):
And so where my perfectionism, I don't say that is
a positive thing, that is not a flex or a brag.
Where my perfectionism comes in is I am scared to
death that if I don't do it the exact way
I've done it my entire life, that I am going
to be a loser, a failure and it. And then
here's the contradiction. At the same time, I'm like, well,
I don't mind failing, I failed so many things, But
(38:17):
then why must I maintain this extremely rigorous process that
keeps me apparently so stressed out it physically makes me
sick and completely fearful. I don't know the answer to that,
(38:46):
but I do accept now that I am a perfectionist,
and not in the way of I am a perfectionist
when it comes to playing the cello, where the notes
must be exactly right and you shall enjoy this. I
am a perfectionist in an unhealthy way where if the
process is not done and what I feel is the
(39:06):
perfect way, it is not acceptable, and when it's not acceptable,
I will be a complete loser and failure. And you
know what, when you say it out loud, it feels ridiculous,
and it is ridiculous, But it can't change how I
feel in a day or three therapy sessions. But the
(39:30):
key to changing anything, if it's whatever I'm whining about here,
if it's addiction, even I could talk about my mom
or other family members, is acknowledging it is understanding that
it exists. That's the key. It doesn't mean you're going
(39:52):
to fix it, but you cannot fix it if you
don't know about it, if you don't acknowledge it. So
I'm trying not to be as much of a perfectionist.
Weird to say, because it does feel like a flex,
it is not a flex. I did not think I
was a perfectionist forever because my product is not perfect.
And I would encourage you if you're listening to this,
(40:14):
if you have these tendencies that you can't figure out.
I had to look at it from a different perspective
because if you would have said, oh, you're a perfectionist,
it seriously said that there's no way. There's no way.
I'd bet all the money in my pocket. I got
like eleven bucks in my pocket. Because my product is
not perfect. That does not mean I'm not a perfectionist,
(40:35):
because it must be done a certain way what I
deem perfect in order to be successful, and that also
is not true. So it's challenging. I'm not even gonna
say beliefs because I didn't even know that I had it.
But I know what my belief system is. I didn't
even know that I felt this way, but that's what's up.
(40:57):
I'm trying to be less of a perfectionist. I'm trying
to identify the stresses and stressors that keep me from
sleeping and being healthy. I'm very happy I had this
conversation because I thought about my grandmother in a way
(41:18):
that I haven't in a long time, a very thankful way.
I'm never not thankful, but just for a second in
this conversation, she existed with me, and that's pretty awesome.
I mostly got over years ago feeling guilty that I
(41:44):
was born. Mostly that doesn't mean I fully am now,
but at least I understand when I struggle with it,
and I still feel guilty for being born, I understand
I had nothing to do with that I could not
control that in any way. And I'm somebody who likes control,
(42:04):
because I feel like if I control it, if it
doesn't go right, at least I had a chance because
I was controlling it. I have no control over it.
I had no control over it. I will have no
control over it. I can acknowledge that now the same
way I can acknowledge that I'm a perfectionist in the
(42:25):
worst way. The rest of the podcast that was up
today was a rerun, or was it. It was Monday,
so it was a new show today. It's a new
show today, but we put this podcast up today with
it because we only did the single show and then
(42:47):
this because I just want to make sure one there's
content and too. I didn't even get to the other
things I want to talk about. Now I gotta go eat.
I want to talk about my chain I've been wearing.
I'm not a chain guy. I'm a jewelry guy. One
thing about my wife, and there's many things about my
wife that I deeply respect. It's her confidence in everybody.
(43:14):
It all was rooted in. And I'll be quick because
my food's apparently up there. I was doing NFL Honors.
It was a television show on Fox with the NFL
was presenting an award to George Kittle, the tied end
for the forty nine ers, and I was up. I
was on television and I was wearing suit but no tie,
and I said, man, I feel empty with no tie.
My wife said, I don't wear like a chain. I
(43:35):
was like, I don't wear jewelry. I like stupid. And
she was like, well, you can wear a chain. It'll
just give you a slight like a emsy beansy little
something and people may not even see it, but they
may sit the back of your neck. It'll add just
something and maybe it won't, but maybe it will. And
I'm like, I don't know. She's like, just swear. Think
about my wife. She really believes if you believe you
(43:56):
can pull it off, you can pull it off, and
if everybody else. So I've had a little it's very small,
had a little chain and I've just been wearing it
because I appreciate that from her, not even about that
TV show, but she lives by it. She's like, it
doesn't matter what people think. Oh does this look stupid?
Can I pull this off? She's like, do you want
(44:17):
to pull it off? Do you like it. Okay, you're
pulling it off the end. She's right now. I was
gonna do a whole chain thing because I've been wearing
a chain a little bit. But nobody's noticed. And that's okay,
you have to notice my chain. Gotta go. Hope you
guys have a great rest of the day. If if
you heard this, if you got to this point, send
(44:38):
me a message on Instagram my stories. I appreciate that.
I have no idea if you guys are gonna listen
for fifty minutes to this. This was not supposed to
go this long. Maybe you don't, maybe it won't. Maybe
well you won't even notice in me a message, but
you can send me a message saying, hey, listen to
all fifty minutes like this. Didn't like this, This did
not resonate with me. This did resonate with me. That
helps me. I do like feedback. So thank you for listening.
(45:01):
And I appreciate you guys listening to the show. There
are ten million options in fact that you listen with us.
That's really awesome, and thank you very much. And that
is the end of this one man show. All right bye, everybody,
Show. Hello everybody, Bobby here, I probably realized shows on vacation,
and so I hate having a rerun. I hate having
to put up podcast reruns. That is not what this is.
This is not a rerun, so you didn't even have
to enjoy it. But I just want to make sure
that something is up, something that is somewhat new, and
(00:25):
something that is somewhat compelling. And mostly I have a
checklist stuff that I've meaning to talk about for a
long time but I've not been able to talk about.
So I figure what better time than right now, as
I'm sitting alone on vacation making notes from when we
get back very soon, I like to first start with
a dairy up on my list, have deary. I can
(00:48):
no longer have dairy. I can have it, I just
can't have it for a long time. I would say
probably my whole life. I did not know that I
won't say allergic, but that my body does not agree
with dairy. Now what sucks about that is I love cheese.
Never been a big milk guy unless it's cereal, and
(01:10):
then I love milk and cereal, but love cheese all
kinds of cheese, love cereal. What eat multiple bowls a day,
love it. So it's been difficult to not eat dairy,
especially when it comes to things I didn't even know
what dairy was in. Like I would order smoothie and
I would try to keep it clean, and I had
(01:30):
no idea. Now it's just because I didn't look, but
I had no idea that whey protein was dairy. So
here I am. I've eliminated ninety five percent of dairy
and I'm drinking it SMOOTHI and I'm telling my wife,
like my stomach kurtz, and she's like, well, try back.
You know what you've had, And I'm like, smoothie, And
(01:51):
what's in your smoothie strawberries, coconut water, blah blah, protein,
what kind of protein? Way? Protein? Well, there you go.
So the dairy thing has been difficult, way more difficult
than I thought. And I'm not even gonna say that
it makes me feel so much better, but I just
(02:11):
don't feel terrible when I'm not eating cheese, having any
milk or any dairy at all. But it is difficult. So,
I mean, I'm like a third vegan at this point,
and not even on purpose. But that's been a bit
of a change in my life. Even if I order
like a burger, there are some places that will order
(02:34):
ubres or door Dash or whichever the services they can
get here the quickest, and they don't offer to take
the cheese off the burger, and so it gets here
and I've got a fork and I got to scrape
the stupid thing off. So that's number one. Number one
is my life is a bit different because I don't
get to drink milk, or use milk and cereal, or
(02:56):
eat any kind of cheese at all, and that sucks
because I love it so much. That's number one on
my list of ways that my life has changed in
the past four to five months. I was in my
therapist's office this past week, and I guess for a
few weeks we've been talking about being a perfectionist. I
(03:16):
do not consider myself a perfectionist in any way. I
have friends that I feel like are perfectionists. I feel
like I am the exact opposite of a perfectionist. Now,
me feeling that I'm not a perfectionist doesn't mean that
I feel like I don't work hard, or I'm not
tirelessly putting an effort, or I'm not consistently and constantly
trying to be better. But to me, perfectionism seems like
(03:42):
it would be calendar to what I'm trying to accomplish,
because I will easily try something i'm not good at,
not be deterred if it doesn't go well, Let just
do it again. I just do it again. And my
goal isn't for it to be perfect, because I don't
believe there is perfection. Actually, but I'm sitting in my
(04:05):
therapist's office, and mostly it's me trying to figure out
how to find just generally happiness, or how to be
okay with it when I do find it, how to
not have guilt about it if I do have it
for a second, how to acknowledge it before I start
assigning other thoughts to Well, I don't think I'm gonna
(04:26):
be happy very long, so I better get ready or well,
this went pretty well, but if I don't start killing
myself now, it's never going to go well again. So
I think it's it's kind of just like sitting inside
of happiness. And so I like to read. I don't
like to be the person that talks a lot about
liking to read, because those people tend to be annoying,
(04:50):
not people that read, but people that always talk about
how much they read. I don't even mind people talking
about great books they have read and passing them along.
But it's the people that always want to talk about
how much they read or how often they read that
annoy me a little bit because I feel like they're
only saying that because they want you to know that.
It's like the person with the big, fake library in
their house and they got all these books and you
know they are reading that crap. Or it's like the
(05:11):
person who does CrossFit and how to tell you all
about it. Or it's like the person that is a
new vegan. I would say dairy, but I'm only a
third vegan. I don't talk about it much, but I'm
telling you it has helped me a ton as far
as like not having to be in the bathroom for
an hour because I go to the bathroom for an
(05:31):
hour and nothing would happen. It just felt like I
needed to go to the bathroom. But I'm telling you,
it wasn't like I was in the bathroom for an
hour and I would be in there in bathroom being
would be happening. There'd be no bathroom happening anyway. Off
dairy off diry for the most part. What I haven't tried, though,
is the lactaide. I don't feel that I've been in
a place long enough because if I'm gonna eat dairy
(05:53):
and tempt lactaid, I need to be somewhere that I'm
comfortable if all doesn't go right. What I'm saying because
when I was having big stomach and digestion issues, I
had tubes everywhere, like I thought I was sick. I
thought something was broken inside of me. So I had
they'll tube up the butt the colonoscopy, you had the
(06:13):
other one, the endoscopy. They're looking at different things, but
they're both oscopies, so not comfortable. Then you gotta do
the thing the day before where you don't eat, but
then you drink like super soaker liquid. I'm not even
sure what it is. And then I go to the
doctor and he's like, man, you got the colonoscopy or
the colon of a nine year old. He actually didn't
say that, but he was like, yeah, you look great.
(06:36):
And so I framed up that picture picture of my
colon in a frame with a heart over that says Nashville,
right next to my bed and it's like, well, there's
nothing wrong with me inside that what's wrong with me
is me getting back to therapy and there's very much
stress induced digestive issues. And you may have heard me
(06:59):
talked before about stress. I don't feel stress, not that
I don't feel stressed as an I'm a superhero. I
feel no stress. I generally don't feel that I am
a stressed person because I feel that anything I need
to do, I will just do anything that I am
(07:20):
not able to do that I need to do it,
I will figure out how to do it, and if
I can't figure out how to do it and do
it unsuccessfully, I will then, after unsuccessfully doing it, figure
out how to do it better until I do it right.
I'm not stressed out about that stuff, like I feel
(07:41):
that I have no stress. Now. It's different whenever there
are personal things that happen in your life, and there
have been personal things that have happened in my life
in the past couple of years that have been pretty traumatic.
There have been two really severe situations that I haven't
(08:10):
fully been able to acknowledge on the air. At some
point I will, but it's a timing thing and I
cannot yet for different reasons. But personally, I've had two
very severe slash traumatic things happen in my direct circle,
(08:34):
one involving me, one not involving me, And I think
that stress is different. I'm talking about day to day stress. Now.
I have a staff of fifteen people. Do I worry
that my performance will not be quality enough for them
(08:55):
to keep their jobs? At times? I do worry about
that because I got to be honest with you. If
I go down, the whole ship goes down. That's truth
of it. I know that. So if I'm not performing
at my highest and the show doesn't perform at its highest,
I got a lot of people that are scurrying, And
these are my people. If you know my show, you
know that I've hired my people from my life. You
(09:19):
know the radio show. Amy's been there for twenty years.
I was talking to somebody the other day about how
long everybody's been with me. They were blown away. I
forget sometimes that it is abnormal to have people with
you for that long. Amy and Lunchbox are about twenty years.
I mean, Eddie and I have been friends for just
about that amount of time, but we've been working together
on the show for thirteen or fourteen Ray same thing
(09:40):
thirteen fourteen years, Mike Dan one capacity to the other
twelve thirteen fourteen years. Even Morgan, who came along way late,
is now a decade in. And it's funny when people
will comment on the environment of the show or like
go after me, or go after someone on the show
like this just so toxic or toxic? Do think people
would be around for twenty years for ten years? Like
(10:02):
there are things we do because we're close and we're
able to rib each other, give each other a hard time.
We're even able to cross the line a little bit
because we know if we do accidentally cross the line,
we have enough invested in the years that it ain't
gonna sink the ship. And so when people are always
(10:23):
like this person doesn't like this person, or they don't
get along, or they're fighting, or I hate how they
treat whomever, I do find that to be a bit comedic,
because if the culture was bad, you wouldn't have people
there for twenty years or fifteen years or ten years,
(10:45):
which is like the lowest I think our lowest persons
probably Scuba, and Scuba came over from Seacrest after a
few Scuba's probably been there almost ten years, so that
just doesn't happen, right, Like, I really take pride in
the environment that I create. I hold myself to a
very very very very high standard, and I hold everybody
else to a high standard, and I hold everybody else
(11:09):
to have accountability to the other people in the room.
And on the show, everybody's not going to be on
every day, but you got to show up on time
every single time. Now, how this all gets back to
stress and perfectionism is that I don't feel stressed except
I do. I did talk about this in the show recently.
(11:32):
I didn't know that I felt stress. And you may
be having some of these same feelings, except you're not
feeling them like I don't, and you may not know
it like I don't. And what I would say is
(11:52):
through a lot of therapy. And when I'm not a
therapy kid, didn't have therapy obviously as a kid, didn't
have any money, didn't go to therapy, didn't start therapy
until I was an adult. Got insurance. It's probably like
twenty five or twenty six, and I was like, for
twenty bucks, I can go to therapy. I can go
to sit in a room or the shrink, because that's
(12:14):
what they call them my television. I gets in the
room with a shrink and just say stuff and they'll
give me advice. And it literally was going to be
for a bit, and about the third time I went,
I was actually getting feedback. And then I just kept going,
and then I started to realize how excellent is it
to have somebody that has no bias giving you feedback.
(12:35):
It doesn't mean they're right every time. They're not even
trying to be right. I think that's one of my
favorite things about therapy. Therapists aren't trying to be right.
They're not calling a play. It's not third and six
and they're running a slant and turns out you shouldn't
run the slant because the corners were on the inside.
(12:55):
You had no leverage. And you're like, well that was
a bad play to call. Oh they're not. They're actually
therapy is setting you up to make the right decisions,
or just to have the right tools to make decisions. So,
and I've talked about it, been a big therapy guy.
But the stress part, as I've learned, is that I have,
(13:19):
since possibly even birth, lived under a certain amount of
stress that comes with survival. I don't feel it now.
I do at times when it manifests itself in weird ways.
But when I talk about stress, stress feels different. Stress
(13:41):
is like an omnipresent force that when it presents itself,
you're like, oh yeah, stress a big thing at works,
stressed out. I don't have that. Except what I have
learned is that I live within that because I've never
(14:04):
been out of that, which is why I don't know
how to relax, which is why I don't have a
favorite place to go for vacation, which is why I
don't like vacation. And I should should say it's not
that I don't like vacation. I just don't like vacation.
I think there's a difference. I don't dislike vacation, but
I don't like vacation. I have no relationship with whatever
vacation is because my entire life, I'm not even talking
(14:27):
about Wham's poor. I'm not even talking about that to me.
Once I started working, I was at one o five
point nine k eazy, and I was making what like
seven bucks an hour? I doubt that, and I would
get a week off. I would use that time to
fill it with what I didn't have enough time to
do in other parts of work, because again I had
(14:49):
to pay whatever the rent was, whatever, the car insurance
was whatever, and a lot of people have to do that.
It's not even like a rare thing. But I never
had a relationship with it because I never went on
a vacation as a kid, and then when I became
an adult and there was time for vacation, there was
(15:10):
no real surplus of a couple hundred bucks to go
on a vacation, nor did I know what I wanted
to do on vacation, nor did I have anybody to
do it with. So I had this relationship with whatever
vacation is. There was nonexistent. Not bad, definitely not good,
not bad, but just non existent. I don't know how
to relax, which is why I've said a bunch of
(15:32):
times I wish I could have a relationship with whatever
people do when they like drink a little bit and
relax or smoke weed or whatever they do to relax,
Like I wish I had something like that that allowed
me to just experience it. So but apparently I don't
(15:53):
feel stress because there was an underlying stress that was
implanted into me when I was a mere child. Now,
I don't blame anybody for that. My mom was fifteen
when she got pregnant. She had me weeks after her
sixteenth birthday. What do you think is going to happen?
(16:16):
She's struggling herself, had a lot of guilt for a
lot of years about just being born because had not
been born. Imagine I'm not even gonna say the great
life that she could have had because she was also
very poor, but like, imagine that she'd have had a
(16:36):
shot to graduate high school, possibly to go to college.
From all accounts, my mom was a very smart person.
She also could sing. That part it didn't get. So
there's a stress that from a very young age I
(17:00):
didn't have stability or a whole lot of support as
a baby, as a toddler, as a whatever lurrey you
are when you're four or five, six kindergarten. I don't
remember not feeling it, but I definitely remember being alone
a lot, even as a young, young, young kid. And
(17:21):
the more that I ended up reading about children who
not abandoned, because I was not abandoned. Now, my mom
was gone for years at a time, but my grandma
was there to raise me. And if you read my
first book, which is called Bare Bones. I do talk
about how I think I wrote in the book. I
have not read the book back since I wrote it
(17:41):
because it was very difficult. But I think I wrote
about how my grandma had left out my Social Security
card where I had a change of a last name.
So my name was Bobby. My grandma's last name was Hurt,
which is why I have HH on my arm, Hazel Hurt.
So my grandma was Hazel Hurt and my name was
Bobby Hurt. And I was like, why is my name different.
It's not Bobby Estell like it is. And then she
(18:02):
told me she was my grandma. I'm my mom because
my mom would just disappear. Now again, you're talking about
I'm five or six years old, so let's just say five.
So my mom's twenty one. That's crazy. It's crazy to
think of her being sixteen years old with a baby
and no real support system, at least not one that
(18:23):
could provide financially. So from what I've been told, what
I've been taught, what I've learned through all the books
I've read, let me type in all the books I read,
just kidding, is that that feeling of not knowing there
(18:43):
was consistency or love from being a baby in on
does create a stress inside of you. I don't know what.
I don't feel it, but I always had it. I
remember being third or fourth grade, and I would try
to get to school early, even if I rode my bike,
which I did a lot of times, because I was
(19:04):
on the free lunch program, and if you got to early,
you got free breakfast, and so I would try to
get there so I could eat, because sometimes we're gonna
have breakfast at the house, and so I got free lunch.
And sometimes I would save the lunch or I would
get extra if they would allow, and I would take
it home and eat it for dinner. And it never
(19:26):
felt that I was without when that was happening, because
that was just normal. And I think a lot of
you guys will relate to that too, Like I didn't
know the difference. It was just I'd like to eat.
So how am I gonna eat? Not always food at
the house, So I think I'm gonna eat by riding
my bike to school extra early. By the way, nobody
woke me up, I will remember. I mean, it's it's
(19:47):
how I live my life now, right is gonna be
eventually my point, and so I never felt like I
was without because I didn't know the difference. I was
just normal. I mean, there were other kids that had more,
and I guess I felt like a kid that didn't
(20:09):
have as much. But it wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't ostracized
so much because I'm from a small town where most
people are poor. We did have one killed a swim
pool in ground. That's pretty freaking cool. But if I
didn't get free breakfast, if I didn't get free lunch,
if I didn't take some home for dinner. Sometimes not
(20:32):
all the time, because sometimes we had Hamburger, Helper or manwich,
and I explained to my wife what man which was yeah.
So it wasn't all the time, but definitely with some
times that I needed to be prepared. So there was
a stress there, right, not that I knew. I didn't
know I was stressed. I was just surviving, you know.
(20:52):
I think about seventh or eighth grade, probably seventh, because
that's when I took my act for the first time.
Seventh grade is when I realized whatever was happening in
my small town, it was for a lot of people,
but it wasn't for me because I wanted to do
(21:13):
things that other people around me weren't doing, not because
I was watching them done, but because I naturally was
doing things that really didn't make a lot of sense
where I was. And a great thing too, is my
mom around I guess eighth grade. I'm not sure when
(21:37):
my mom in Arkansas, Keith got married. They were together
on and off a bit. I live with my grandma
for a little bit while they were together. My grandma
was awesome. Like I get, I don't get emotional thinking
about things, but if I am talking about it like
I am now, like I'm starting to feel a little
(21:58):
choked up thinking about my grandma. It's to the point
where I sometimes I avoid thinking about her because I
don't know it makes me sad and like I miss
her Because it didn't matter what happened. My grandma was
always there. And again, I didn't know the difference. I
didn't know how important she was. I didn't know that
what she was doing was basically making sure that I
(22:23):
had any sort of chance to do anything. And I'm
not even saying do anything that's considered successful or great,
but just to not fall into the same traps that
a lot of people in a lot of small towns
fall into which is why I'm so sensitive to people
(22:45):
in small towns getting opportunities, because a lot of times
they don't have a grandma. I don't think I have
the worst story ever. I think there are parts of
my story that are and were difficult well, and I
used to resent them so much and be confused as
(23:07):
to why that crap had to happen to me. I
don't feel that way anymore. For the most part, I'm
grateful for them because I wouldn't be whatever stress ball
I am. But I wouldn't have this success. I wouldn't
have met my wife. I wouldn't have had a lot
of this stuff happen had I not gone through that.
(23:28):
But without my grandma, I don't even get a chance
to do that. Whatever difficult life I had would have
been so much more difficult without my grandma, which I
haven't really thought about in a long time. I'm sitting
here now thinking about it, and a little bit my
eyeballs are getting hot. But she was there, and she
(23:52):
wasn't there like hey, every day, I'm here. If you
need me, come on over. She wasn't there like that,
But she was there. In that if my mom wasn't there,
guess what. Guess where we're going, Guess what we're staying.
Guess who's staying her. My grandma always, always, always, she
(24:14):
wasn't hey, I'm coming over and bringing something over. No, no, no,
she was just the ultimate safety net, more than a net.
I think my mom knew that too. So my mom
was very, very, very young, I think. I mean, now
I'm forty four years old. My mom died just about
(24:39):
my age, just barely older, but just my age. Basically,
I think about how old I was compared to how old.
If I would have had a kid at the same
age as my mom, crazy like, right now, i'd have
(25:07):
a kid over twenty years old, over twenty I mean,
i'd have a twenty for again, twenty six year old kid.
I mean, if I'm math, that's right, but which is crazy?
(25:27):
And again, I used to feel so much guilt because
of that, because my mom had me sorrly. But I'm
also grateful for my grandma. I'm grateful for my stress
that I did not know I had, but I do
have it, and I do at least now I do
(25:50):
have the ability to acknowledge it. And so when you
live with something for so long and you don't even
know you live with it. It's kind of hard just
to go, oh, I'm gonna point a finger at that,
and it's just going to disappear. Because again, I don't
feel stressed, because I've always had a sort of stress
(26:16):
entrenched into me from whenever I was a baby to now.
I mean, you can talk to the people that work
for me. I think I am both the greatest boss
of all time and the absolute most fantastic A plus
(26:38):
leader there could possibly be, and at the same time
the exact opposite. There's two things can be true at once.
I stay so stressed out every single day. I don't sleep.
Why don't I sleep because I'm afraid I will oversleep,
and if I oversleep, I lose my job. There's a
(27:02):
lot of letters in between there, like if I oversleep,
the performance is low, so but me not sleeping also
then allows me to get sick, and I get sick,
I don't perform as well, So then there is that
that contradiction within itself. But I feel constantly stressed out
(27:22):
without even knowing what stress is. I am wound so tight.
I am not saying this as a compliment but I
have never met anyone more efficient than me. I don't
think efficiency is that sexy, but I have never met
(27:42):
anyone more efficient than me because I'm scared to not
be so, I am stressed out constantly without feeling stressed.
And this is where perfectionism comes into play. I haven't
forgot about that. It's where I started, it's where I'm
(28:04):
going to end this part. I'm not a perfectionist. I
don't speak well, and I have a job that people
listen to me. Millions of people listen to me. I
am wildly successful at this job. By the way, one
step back. I think I'm a great boss because I
(28:28):
don't do anything. I don't ask my people to do period.
I think i'm a great boss because if you're on
my team, we're going to win. It might take a second,
we might lose for a minute, but we're going to win.
I am a great boss because your other teammates are
going to respect you and your time the way you're
going to respect them. I'm a great boss because I
(28:52):
have extremely high expectations of myself and high expectations of you.
And I only have high expectations of you if I
think you can meet those expectations. So if you're working
with me, I have high regards for you, and I
expect you to not only hit that, but to break
(29:14):
from that. I think I'm a great leader. Now ask
I'm a great leader because get on the team and
let's go win. And I'm a great leader because I
know all the time I can't lead. There have been
a couple of times I referenced it earlier, a couple
(29:39):
of instances where I was really working from a detra
I don't want to say it was very tough for me,
and I had to rely on others. And I think
a great leader knows that at times you have to
do that. A great leader is not someone with no weakness.
I have a ton of weakness. So I think I'm
(30:00):
a great leader. I also think I'm at times a
terrible leader in that I don't communicate well with others
in certain professional instances because I think at this point
my feeling is well, they can understand, they can read
(30:21):
my mind, they know what I'm feeling, and so I
get disappointed without it being fair to them. And I
know that and I try to get better at that.
And I think that is an extreme weakness of mine.
Is a lack of communication at times, not because I'm
(30:43):
scared to communicate because I'm not generally a people pleaser,
but I think it's the expectation that people are able
to know what I'm thinking for whatever reason, because we've
done it for a long time together, because they know
so definitely have flaws, But if you're with me, it's
(31:09):
because I believe in you and we're gonna go win
the sucker, it doesn't matter what it is. I think
a bit of my stress is making sure that what
I have, and that's relationships, that's work, making sure that
(31:31):
doesn't crumble because I'm petrified I don't deserve it to
begin with. I don't really have a skill. Like I said,
I'm not the greatest talker, not the greatest community even
just my job, not even like leadership skills have an accent.
I talk too fast at times, I forget mid sentence
(31:53):
what I was trying to say because something else happens.
But that doesn't keep me from being really good at
this job. And I think a lot of the success
has been I've been able to pick really m really
(32:20):
I don't want to short sell them with the words
really well rounded in specialized ways high functioning people, and
that's been cool. But I'm afraid if I oversleep. I'm
(32:43):
afraid if I don't put in X amount of time
at night reading through stories. I'm afraid if I don't
keep up with this. I'm afraid if I don't. It's
complete fear based that has created the stress that I
live with that I don't know I have. That is
(33:03):
not only my superpower, but it is also my greatest
weakness now to perfectionism in the midst of this stress
and me trying to find out how that I can
sleep because I don't sleep, and I think it used
(33:25):
to be the cool thing that God, I don't sleep,
I just work. I don't feel that way anymore because
I need to sleep in order to be extremely effective working.
But I just need to sleep to be healthy, to
be there for my wife, to be a decent boss,
to have my wits about me so I can be funny.
(33:45):
I don't sleep, and a bit of that, if not
all of that is coming from the stress, not from
whatever physically has been going on with me, because I've
had it all checked out, all of us checked out.
I've got tubes in every hole, got them in there now,
coln Osky and Dosk be adopt Osk could be adopt
osk could be And I hope if you're listening, maybe
(34:08):
you can relate to a little bit of this. And
where perfectionism comes in. My therapist is like, I think
your perfectionist is that. I think you are absolutely wrong
because I don't pursue perfection. I think me trying to
be perfect at something, me trying to make it slick
and shiny. That would be the opposite of what I've
always done successfully. And I haven't purposefully done it successfully
(34:33):
because if I had a great announcer voice, I would
have done that. I think I wanted to sound like
this crap, but it's like, I think you're missing the
point of what perfectionism is. And I was because when
I air perfectionism, I think it's to somebody wanting a
perfect product. And when I air perfectionism, I think of
(34:57):
it as a positive. I think of it as well,
they really want to do it perfect, They're not going
to quit until then, and I think that can be
an aspect of it. However, I have now started to
learn I've been waiting into perfectionism in a way that
is not the most healthy in a way that I
(35:18):
do have these tendencies because I think there is no
way I will be successful unless my process of doing
something is perfectly the same way that it's been my
entire life, because that's the only way I've been successful,
and the only way I've been successful is showing up
on time every time, all the time and making sure
(35:41):
that nothing that I can control is off even a percent,
which is stressful. I think about perfectionism like that. I
didn't think about perfectionism as being not a perfect product,
but my perfectionism is in my mind. I feel like
if I don't do it this one exact way, that
(36:04):
it's not going to be done right. I'm petrified to
do it a different way. I'm petrified to be late.
I'm the first one there. Ray Mundo is there. He's
got to turn the show on. But if everybody like that,
you guys, hear of I'm the first one there. I
would like to be like some of the other guys
I know they do radio on TV that are like
whatever the big star as they show up ten minutes
before and everybody else has everything taken care of, and
(36:24):
they walk in, they got their notes and oh they've
planned every bit. No, I can't do that. I would
love to do that, I'm not too good to do that.
But I feel if I do that, I will not
be successful. And it's not even just that. It's why
I made my news resolution to try to be late
(36:46):
twice to work this year. I've not even been close.
I can't. It's that I think, not that I'm going
to succeed if I don't do the process perfect, but
that if I don't do the process quote perfect, in
my mind, that I am going to fail and flame
out so hard that I'm going to be back where
I started. Whichever version of that it is. I've never
(37:12):
thought of myself as a perfectionist because my product is
not perfect. I have not even edited this. I have
no desire to edit this. There's gonna be gaps. I'm
gonna be stumbling, I'm gonna be saying things wrong. My books,
like my literal books with a massive publishing company, the
biggest in the world, they have typos in them because
(37:33):
I wrote. When I wrote, I wrote so wrong that
they couldn't even catch all the typos. I'm fine with that.
A big part of whatever my brand is has been
just go and try it. I would rather there be
action and messing up than in action, because at least
with action you learn something, But with action you got
to show up every time, on time, all the time.
(37:54):
And so where my perfectionism, I don't say that is
a positive thing, that is not a flex or a brag.
Where my perfectionism comes in is I am scared to
death that if I don't do it the exact way
I've done it my entire life, that I am going
to be a loser, a failure and it. And then
here's the contradiction. At the same time, I'm like, well,
I don't mind failing, I failed so many things, But
(38:17):
then why must I maintain this extremely rigorous process that
keeps me apparently so stressed out it physically makes me
sick and completely fearful. I don't know the answer to that,
(38:46):
but I do accept now that I am a perfectionist,
and not in the way of I am a perfectionist
when it comes to playing the cello, where the notes
must be exactly right and you shall enjoy this. I
am a perfectionist in an unhealthy way where if the
process is not done and what I feel is the
(39:06):
perfect way, it is not acceptable, and when it's not acceptable,
I will be a complete loser and failure. And you
know what, when you say it out loud, it feels ridiculous,
and it is ridiculous, But it can't change how I
feel in a day or three therapy sessions. But the
(39:30):
key to changing anything, if it's whatever I'm whining about here,
if it's addiction, even I could talk about my mom
or other family members, is acknowledging it is understanding that
it exists. That's the key. It doesn't mean you're going
(39:52):
to fix it, but you cannot fix it if you
don't know about it, if you don't acknowledge it. So
I'm trying not to be as much of a perfectionist.
Weird to say, because it does feel like a flex,
it is not a flex. I did not think I
was a perfectionist forever because my product is not perfect.
And I would encourage you if you're listening to this,
(40:14):
if you have these tendencies that you can't figure out.
I had to look at it from a different perspective
because if you would have said, oh, you're a perfectionist,
it seriously said that there's no way. There's no way.
I'd bet all the money in my pocket. I got
like eleven bucks in my pocket. Because my product is
not perfect. That does not mean I'm not a perfectionist,
(40:35):
because it must be done a certain way what I
deem perfect in order to be successful, and that also
is not true. So it's challenging. I'm not even gonna
say beliefs because I didn't even know that I had it.
But I know what my belief system is. I didn't
even know that I felt this way, but that's what's up.
(40:57):
I'm trying to be less of a perfectionist. I'm trying
to identify the stresses and stressors that keep me from
sleeping and being healthy. I'm very happy I had this
conversation because I thought about my grandmother in a way
(41:18):
that I haven't in a long time, a very thankful way.
I'm never not thankful, but just for a second in
this conversation, she existed with me, and that's pretty awesome.
I mostly got over years ago feeling guilty that I
(41:44):
was born. Mostly that doesn't mean I fully am now,
but at least I understand when I struggle with it,
and I still feel guilty for being born, I understand
I had nothing to do with that I could not
control that in any way. And I'm somebody who likes control,
(42:04):
because I feel like if I control it, if it
doesn't go right, at least I had a chance because
I was controlling it. I have no control over it.
I had no control over it. I will have no
control over it. I can acknowledge that now the same
way I can acknowledge that I'm a perfectionist in the
(42:25):
worst way. The rest of the podcast that was up
today was a rerun, or was it. It was Monday,
so it was a new show today. It's a new
show today, but we put this podcast up today with
it because we only did the single show and then
(42:47):
this because I just want to make sure one there's
content and too. I didn't even get to the other
things I want to talk about. Now I gotta go eat.
I want to talk about my chain I've been wearing.
I'm not a chain guy. I'm a jewelry guy. One
thing about my wife, and there's many things about my
wife that I deeply respect. It's her confidence in everybody.
(43:14):
It all was rooted in. And I'll be quick because
my food's apparently up there. I was doing NFL Honors.
It was a television show on Fox with the NFL
was presenting an award to George Kittle, the tied end
for the forty nine ers, and I was up. I
was on television and I was wearing suit but no tie,
and I said, man, I feel empty with no tie.
My wife said, I don't wear like a chain. I
(43:35):
was like, I don't wear jewelry. I like stupid. And
she was like, well, you can wear a chain. It'll
just give you a slight like a emsy beansy little
something and people may not even see it, but they
may sit the back of your neck. It'll add just
something and maybe it won't, but maybe it will. And
I'm like, I don't know. She's like, just swear. Think
about my wife. She really believes if you believe you
(43:56):
can pull it off, you can pull it off, and
if everybody else. So I've had a little it's very small,
had a little chain and I've just been wearing it
because I appreciate that from her, not even about that
TV show, but she lives by it. She's like, it
doesn't matter what people think. Oh does this look stupid?
Can I pull this off? She's like, do you want
(44:17):
to pull it off? Do you like it. Okay, you're
pulling it off the end. She's right now. I was
gonna do a whole chain thing because I've been wearing
a chain a little bit. But nobody's noticed. And that's okay,
you have to notice my chain. Gotta go. Hope you
guys have a great rest of the day. If if
you heard this, if you got to this point, send
(44:38):
me a message on Instagram my stories. I appreciate that.
I have no idea if you guys are gonna listen
for fifty minutes to this. This was not supposed to
go this long. Maybe you don't, maybe it won't. Maybe
well you won't even notice in me a message, but
you can send me a message saying, hey, listen to
all fifty minutes like this. Didn't like this, This did
not resonate with me. This did resonate with me. That
helps me. I do like feedback. So thank you for listening.
(45:01):
And I appreciate you guys listening to the show. There
are ten million options in fact that you listen with us.
That's really awesome, and thank you very much. And that
is the end of this one man show. All right bye, everybody,
Hosts And Creators
Bobby Bones
Amy Brown
Lunchbox
Eddie Garcia
Morgan Huelsman
Raymundo
Mike D
Abby Anderson
Scuba Steve
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