November 3, 2025 • 37 mins
What if laughter was more than just entertainment—it was a tool for connection and growth? Comedian and author Chris Duffy joins Simone to share how humor can change the way we connect, cope, and care for each other. They unpack his “three pillars of humor,” share stories that hit both the funny bone and the heart, and remind us that sometimes the best way to take life seriously is to laugh at it.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Before we dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I want to share something that's totally changed the way
I think about stories and where I find them. Like
a lot of people, I first open TikTok because everyone
kept talking about the book recommendations popping up there.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
So I thought I'd browse a few popular reads and
call it a day. Spoiler alert. That did not happen.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I got lost in stories like Beat Read and The
Vanishing Half, and I found a community of people who
love those stories as.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Much as I do.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
On TikTok, reading doesn't stop when you close the book. No,
it keeps going through reactions, fan edits in all the
creative ways people bring stories to life. You'll see readers
breaking down the themes that hit the hardest, creators debating endings,
and authors sharing the little sparks, the tiny little seeds
(00:53):
that inspired their worlds in the first place.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
What I love.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Most, though, is how TikTok makes discover you feel personal.
One video might lead you to a bestseller you just
can't put down, and the next.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Could introduce you to a debut author.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You might not have seen it at the bookstore, but someone
who writes absolute magic. TikTok is an incredible space where
creativity and curiosity meet, and where stories in all their
amazing forms, remind us just how connected we are. It's
given me a community where ideas are shared, celebrated, and reimagined.
(01:29):
So yeah, I came to TikTok looking for my next
great read, but I stayed for the conversations, the perspectives,
and the feeling that stories are alive. Don't wait, start
your journey and see where your curiosity takes you at
TikTok dot com slash explore more. Today on the right side,
(01:50):
we're talking to someone who's made it his mission to
find humor in everything, even the hard stuff. Comedian Chris
Stuffy joins us to unpack one laughter isn't just entertainment,
it's connection, courage, and sometimes the only medicine that works.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Right here is the actual only time that you have
any control over. And I think humor is a really
great way of grounding yourself in that because one of
the things that it does is it releases this tension
of like I feel this fear, I feel this anxiety,
and then you laugh and it's just like it's released,
it's transformed into something else. But also, if you're laughing
(02:26):
really hard with a friend and you are crying and
you're both like clutching your sides about something that's probably
indescribable to someone else. You are not anywhere other than
where you are right back.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I'm simoone Boyce and this is the bright Side from
Hello Sunshine, Hello, Hello, welcome back to the bright Side.
I hope that you left this weekend feeling recharged, and
I hope you are ready to giggle. I already have
a giggle coming on. I could already feel it because
we are getting seriously unseerious today. On the bright side,
(03:00):
this conversation is all about cultivating a sense of humor.
Our guest is comedian Chris Stuffy, and you may have
heard him on Ted's How to Be a Better Human podcast,
or maybe you saw him delivering a Ted talk about
why laughter is everywhere. Let me tell you, I smiled
the entire time reading Chris's new book, Humor Me, and
I learned so much too. Chris makes a really compelling
(03:24):
case for why having a good sense of humor can
make you happier, more creative, and feel more connected to
the people around you, no matter what it is that
you do for a living. And if you're thinking, well, simone,
I'm just not a funny person, well maybe you just
don't know what your version of funny looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yet.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Chris is here to show us that humor isn't about
telling jokes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's actually about paying attention, because the world is full
of comedic gold if.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You're present enough to notice it.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
He'll show us why humor is a fool proof way
to have a great conversation every time, and why the
secret to a magnetic personality might be the ability to
laugh at yourself. I am so excited for you to
hear this one. Let's dive in, Chris Stuffy, Welcome to
the bright Side.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Thank you so much for having me. What a joy
to be here.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'm so happy to have you.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
We were talking before we officially started the interview about
what it's like to be a parent in Los Angeles.
So can you start us off with a dad joke?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Oh, dad joke? Oh? Well, you know what my favorite
dad joke is is you're at a restaurant and you've
eaten everything on the plate, and then the server comes
by and says like, how was everything? And you go terrible,
couldn't eat it? Couldn't need a bite. That's my favorite
dad joke. That's because, you know, a good one, because
it's kind of totally harmless. But also it's like, yeah,
(04:45):
you kind of just said it was good, you know.
I think that's really fun. I think like table bits
are a fun genre of dad joke.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And as you're saying this, I'm feeling so convicted because
I'm realizing I am that person.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, oh.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
A person who does a table bit at a restaurant.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It's so appropriate that you are schooling us in the
manner of table bits, because Chris, you are a comedian
and I really really enjoyed your book Humor Me because
in this book you say the secret to living a
better life and treating people better is cultivating a sense
of humor.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Why do you know that to be true?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Well, I think I know it to be true in
my own personal experience. I've just found how dramatically having
a sense of humor can change situation. Right. It's like,
without making things immediately perfect or easy, having a sense
of humor about it can make it so that you
release the tension and you have fun. I've seen that
(05:41):
so many times in my own life. And then the
other thing I've seen is just when I think about
the people who I want to be around, and when
I think about who I'm excited to hang out with,
it's so often people who are having a good time,
and I have a good time with because we're laughing.
So I think there's kind of these two pieces where
it changes my internal experience of the world, and then
(06:01):
it also changes my external experience of the world in
the sense that it makes me have a bigger community
and social connection.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Well, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm remembering my own
youth and how I used humor to connect with new audiences.
Looking back, I was kind of a class clown from
a young age. I just I loved a bit, and
I realized that I could get this instant gratification from
cracking a joke when the teacher.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Turned their back.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And later on in my adolescence, I moved around a lot.
I moved from Miami, Florida to Memphis, Tennessee, which was
a huge culture shock, but I was able to use
humor as a way to connect with new people wherever
I was.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
This is such a great example of the power of humor.
Is like a way to kind of instantly make people
feel comfortable, to make yourself feel comfortable, but then to
create this shared group identity and connection. Without getting too
deep into the science, one of the ideas that scientists
have about why humor evolved evolutionarily for humans across every
(07:03):
culture and every continent is because it's a way of
us immediately telling that we're on the same page. So
we're in the same group. I have a riddle and
you know the answer. Okay, we both get it, So
you're a safe person to be around. And for you,
you know, you came to a place where all of
a sudden, there's a whole new language, there's a whole
new culture. But one thing that every culture shares is
(07:25):
the ability to laugh and to have this connection through humor.
So I think that's a really amazing example of how
it can play out. And also it's funny because people
sometimes think, like, since I'm a comedy person and I
wrote a whole book about humor, that I would have
been a classic clown. But I was and remain such
a teacher's pet, like total suck up. Could never like
if someone's talking about how the teacher's back, I'd be like,
but she we have to pay attention. We're learning here.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I would have loved to have seen our dynamic in
class together, Chris. That would have been pretty funny. I've
for gotten real fed up.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
With me, I would have admired you so much and
been like, Wow, if only I could be like Simoon.
But also, so my homework is done. I want to
make sure you know my homework is done, teacher. But
then afterwards I'd be like Simon, that was so funny
what you said. Oh man, I'm laughing about it still.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Well, you say that you weren't a class clown when
you were younger, but you definitely did have a penchant
for humor, and you sought out laughter because you described
yourself as a pint sized Patch Adams in reference to
that Robin Williams film.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Yeah. One of my first memories of telling a joke
is my great uncle was in the hospital. He had
had a hurt surgery, and I had this book of
I think it was one hundred and one Shaggy Dog jokes,
and I went in and was reading him these jokes
and they are just objectively not funny.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
There are things like how do you make a shaggy
dog float, two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and
a very small shaggy dog, which is just barely clearing
the bar to even be considered a joke. But I
was just like in there, like I'm gonna heal you,
great uncle Norman here. Laughter is the best medicine, as
he was like, I actually think cardiothoracic surgery is quite
a better medicine than these shaggy dogs.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
How precious is that, though you were still so courageous
enough to just put yourself out there.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well, I think that's one of the fun things about
looking at it through the lens of kids is kids
don't view it as a risk. They view it as
natural and fun. But a five year old is so
good at pretend and laughter and just tapping into being silly.
And I think a lot of adults get this idea
that we have to be very self serious and not
(09:26):
laugh at ourselves, and kids are really good at just
recognizing like we are ridiculous, and that's fun. That's a
good thing, not a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
You've shared so much of your experience as a teacher
in your work, and I'm curious, what have you learned
about laughter and cultivating a good sense of humor from children.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
The biggest lessons that I've learned about humor and also
the bagst lessons that I've just learned about being a person.
I've learned from the kids at the elementary school where
I taught. Teaching fifth grade was so fun because every
day I would come home and I would just think, like,
I could not have predicted that would happ today. And
sometimes it was intense things, but a lot of times
(10:02):
it was like a kid would come up and they'd go,
I just want to ask you something. Are horses real?
And I go, yeah, horses are real, And then they go,
but unicorns not real? And I'd be like, that's confirmed.
Unicorns are not real, and they go, good to know,
you know, It's just like that was running through their
head trying to tell which hoofed mammals are actually out
there in the day. But then I think the biggest
lessons that I learned were that, really these are the
(10:26):
tenants of humor. I call them in the book, the
three pillars of humor. Being present in the moment, noticing
things like go to in elementary school and try and
sneak something past the kids, They notice everything. The second
thing is being willing to laugh at yourself. Kids are
so willing to laugh about silly things, to notice funny
things that happened to them or then involve them. And
(10:47):
then the last one is taking social risks right. And
I think that this is really the kind of thing
that adults view as social risks. But like, kids are
so willing to go out there and walk up to
you and go, hey, by the way, today, my name
is not Sam. Today my name is lizard. And you're like, okay, lizard.
And then they go and I am a giant talking lizard,
and you're like, that is amazing that you are now Lizard,
(11:10):
the giant talking lizard. Adults don't play make believe like that,
and there's reasons why we don't walk up to our
bosses and say I'm a giant talking lizard. But I
think the willingness to pretend to get into something, to
put yourself out there and take a creative swing, I
think that's something that we can all benefit from doing.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
More more from Chris Stuffy after this quick break, you
mentioned the three pillars of good humor and that the
first one is being present to notice the strange and
odd circumstances around us.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
How do you see the world this way?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And what kinds of little details are everyday absurdities jump
out at you that the rest of us who aren't
as a tuned might miss.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
How do I do this in my daily life, the
staying present and attuned to the weird and the absurd
and the delightful. You know, I think it's always good
to be honest, which is that a lot of us,
a lot of us being authors, and I can now
include myself this is my first book, but now I'm
going to say us meaning authors, a lot of people
write the book that they need, you know. And right
(12:16):
now I have a newborn child at home, so I
have two kids for the first time, and I am
not getting that much sleep. There's a lot of stress
around logistics. It is definitely a time where I'm having
more of this like tunnel vision where it's like I
just have to get through the day. And it's just
natural that when you're in a difficult period you kind
(12:37):
of get into like how can I get from A
to B to C, T D to sleep? Like that's
all that I need And that's not a very fun
way to go through your day, and so I'm trying
really hard to remind myself the lesson that I have
learned many many times in my life, which is that
when you have this tunnel vision where you're just going
from the thing you need to do the next thing,
(12:58):
you're totally ignoring everything else. The rest of the world
is a blur. It's not fun. It's so much more
fun if you can stop be in the moment that
you're at notice the things where they are, even if
they are so absurdly difficult. There's something funny about that, right, Like,
let's maybe like do an exercise here to just see
how it w I would love to. Yeah, okay, great.
So I think the thing Simon is like, it's very
(13:20):
hard to remember far in the past. Right If I
ask you right now, like, what's the last time you
saw something really ridiculous, do you have an answer?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I saw something early ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
It's a pretty hard question to answer.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I think for the most while, why am I struggling
with that?
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It's not because you don't see ridiculous things every day,
certainly every week. It's because when we like don't write
them down, we don't take note of them. They just
leave our heads. We're not really well equipped to remember
them without trying to remember them. I'm sure that if
I said, what's the last time you had like an
embarrassing situation where you felt like you made a an
interpersonal mistake, that will pop right into your head. That
(13:56):
pops right into my head without any effort. So one
of the things that I I think people should try
and do is like when you notice where things, keep
it somewhere, keep it in a notebook, keep it in
a note on your phone, keep it in a little
post it note that then you put in a jar
something that delights you that you think is a little odd.
But the other part is I think you can notice
something almost anywhere. So like, if you just look around
(14:17):
the room that you're in, is there anything that seems
like a tiny bit off? Forget about it being funny
right now, just something that seems like maybe not exactly right,
maybe not exactly like normal or bland.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You know what's funny to me is I'm looking at
my ring light that's in front of me, and I
just think it's funny that this scene is now so normalized.
You go into anybody's home nowadays who works virtually and
find a mini TV setup in their house.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It's just odd.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Such a good example, right, So where are you right
now in your actual home? Where are you?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I'm in my office, Okay, so it is.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I think this is such a good example of something
that you think of as normal because it's just you
walk past, it becomes normal. And yet when you step
back for a second, you're like, this is truly bizarre.
I am talking into a giant illuminated eye that is
making me look like the sun is shining on me
when I am not in the sun. I am inside
in my home. But I think that's a great example
(15:15):
of like this is the line where it can make
you smile or chuckle a little bit. It doesn't have
to be like everything is like the best crush belly
laughed joke that you would tell anyone else. I think
it's just like noticing, like, huh, I'm staring into a
giant artificial sun and that's normal and I do that
all the time. A ring light is just here.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
It's so true to me.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
That's really fun and like a way to add a
little bit of humor into your life in just noticing
those kinds of moments.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Will you speak about humor as a muscle, and I
think that's a great example of tiny little exercises that
we can incorporate throughout our day to flex that muscle
even more. And it's fascinating to me that the foundation
of good humor is also the foundation of happiness and mindfulness.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
The idea of being.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Present right here is the actual only time that you
have any control over. And I think humor is a
really great way of grounding yourself in that because one
of the things that it does is it releases this
tension of like I feel this fear, I feel this anxiety,
and then you laugh and it's just like it's released,
it's transformed into something else. But also, if you're laughing
(16:22):
really hard with a friend and you are crying and
you're both like clutching your sides about something that's probably
indescribable to someone else, you are not anywhere other than
where you are right then, like that is pure in
the moment you're so right.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
So being able to laugh at your environment is one thing.
Being able to laugh at yourself is another. And that's
the second pillar of good humor that you outline in
your book. So in the spirit of being able to
laugh at ourselves. What's one thing about yourself that you're
able to laugh at?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Oh, well, lots of things. I think I'm able to
laugh at. One is which is just minutes before we
started this interview, I'm recording in a closet and I
was trying to make it sound better and I am like,
so not handy, but I have this sound blanket that's
supposed to make the sound sound better, and so I
was trying to do something which I think for a
(17:13):
handy person would have taken forty five seconds, which is
drill one hole in the wall and then hammer this
thing in that it could hang on. And I spent
the last forty five minutes before this interview trying and
failing to drill one hole in the wall. And there
is a giant hole in the wall with plaster leaking
out of it, and that like literally five minutes before
(17:34):
I was supposed to be on this interview. I was like, well,
I got to give up on that. This is not
who I am. I am not the person who can
hang this blanket. I thought I was, but that's not me.
And I just had to laugh and go this thing
is going to sit in a pile on the floor
across this whole interview because I am not a handy person.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I respect the ambition, though, Chris getting out the power
tools right before a podcast interview.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yes, that's ambition.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
It is when it comes to home improvement or home repair.
I am very much the embodiment of it's the thought
that counts, yes, because it's not the result. I'll tell
you that it is the intention, but it is never
the result. My wife, when we were dating in college,
I thought the pilot light was out on her stove
and I was like, I think I know how to
fix this, and I lifted the top of the stove
up and it was kind of stuck, and I pulled
really hard, and I accidentally cut the gas line and
(18:21):
caused her entire building to be evacuated. And people are like, maybe,
don't try and fix the pilot light ever again.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Stay away from my household appliances.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
That's the wisest thing you've ever said, Chris. Stay away
from everything in my house.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Stay away.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What about you? What's something you laugh at about yourself?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I'm able to laugh at how vast my interests are.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Oh, I'm able to laugh at my.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Range because I'm someone who like take my playlist for example,
I can laugh at my playlist. My playlists have everything
from Hall and Oates and yacht rock to read to
Little Boosy and Southern rap.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I'm just all over the place.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And I'm kind of like that with movies too, Like
I'm obsessed with the Lord of the Rings, like obsessed
to an unhealthy level.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
And I also love sex in the City. So sometimes
I just giggle at myself. I'm like, who are you?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I love that. That's great. Oh, I'm vest you are vast,
you contain multitudes. That's really good. Oh that's so good.
You know a way that I sometimes like if people
have trouble laughing at themselves or thinking about what it
is that you would laugh at about yourself. There's a
meme online that's called like the starter Kit, and I
really think this is like a fun way to imagine
(19:41):
what might be some funny things to laugh at yourself about,
which is like what would be in the U starter kit?
So like, what's the me? Starter kit is like gotta
be a six running shoes worn't all the time just
for comfort, not for fashion. It's going to be jeans
with a pocket full of tissues that I've used on
the children snacks in the other pocket, and it's going
to do be my phone with a notesapp open to
(20:04):
new Comedy Ideas number sixty seven. That's the me starter kit, right,
But like, what would the ways of you thinking about?
Like these are your things? What would the thing be?
Is often a great place to start at, which is
just like, what's so you?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Okay, can I do my starter kit?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah? What's in the simone starter kit?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Definitely some kind of snacks, so we have that in common.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Okay, Great's what's your go to snack? Because specificity is
also really important for you?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Okay, So if I'm going to get specific about my snacks,
it's probably a sour candy snack.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh so fat?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Okay, you like a rope or a kid or a
like or a rash kid.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, or it's maybe one of my kids fruit snacks.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
I probably have a cold brew coffee in my starter
pack at least sixty two computer tabs open, forty thousand
email yes mails, Okay, immediately knows so much of you
with all of that, right, Like it's so good to.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Get into the specificity of those things, and also like
the sour thing, there's something I had never thought about before.
But the shapes of things that we've decided can be
sour is also pretty funny, right, like true fish children
and peatrings. But there's something strange about that. We don't
ever have other sour things. You never see a sour house,
for example.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
That's where we draw the line.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
No, that's the line. We cannot have sour infrastructure.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
You say that one of your secret hacks for interviews
is admitting what you don't know, which seems like a
way to laugh at yourself. Can you give me an
example of one of those confessions.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh, I mean, I think that like one hundred percent
of the time, I can say I am saying this,
But also I have no clue what I'm talking about,
so please correct me if I'm wrong. Even in this interview,
we're talking about my book, and I'm like, I bet
you know my book better than I know my book.
I am positive simon that you could quote my book
better than I can. So I think it's just important
(22:00):
to acknowledge that, right, Like, people trust and respect you
more if you say like, and I'm just speaking for
me right now, I am a buffoon and a clown.
I am literally professionally a clown, and you are going
to take advice for me that is ill advised. But
you know, if I'm interviewing a physicist, one of the
first things I'm going to say is, hey, I know
(22:20):
that I'm supposed to know this, because I'm positive I
literally took a class called physics in high school, but
I have no idea what physics is. Can we just
start with what is physics before you tell me about
your brilliant discoveries, like what is your field? Even mean
they're going to be disarmed by that because they don't
like pretending like you know everything either, And this way
(22:42):
you can start with a real connection. But also then
there's a part of honesty, which is like, if you
do know what physics is, don't say I don't know
what physics is. Admit that you know it. You know
it's so smart. I just think the more you can
take the air out of your own sales in a
healthy way, the more you can actually connect with other people,
because this is I think a big fallacy think that
if you want other people to like you, you have
to be perfect, And in fact, we love people who
(23:05):
are not perfect. We like a person who's relatable and
has made mistakes, and we can be ourselves around because
then we don't have to be perfect either.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
So true.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
There's actually a study that I read about in your
book where job candidates who spilled coffee on themselves actually
had a better chance of getting the job.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
This is my favorite study that I learned about in
all of the research that I did for this book.
By far, my favorite study. I'm so glad you brought
it up. It's that they found that when people were
interviewing for a job, obviously you had to be qualified,
so people didn't like the unqualified candidates. But between people
who were qualified two identical candidates, if someone came in
the room and was just perfect, they liked them fine.
(23:44):
But the person they liked the most was the person
who came in the room was qualified and said, oh
my god, I just spilled coffee all over my shirt.
I am so sorry. I'm like I'm covered in coffee.
People love that person because they were able to do it,
but they were relatable, right, who has it like spilled
coffee before an important and then you're like, I have
this big stain. You would think that would make them
like you less. Instead, they all like that person more
(24:06):
because there was a way to connect to them and
to not feel like, oh, this person is just so perfect,
so poor, hot coffee on yourself before you go into
every job interview. That's my advice.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Great medical advice from Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
My medical advice. No, no, no, it's not about doing that intentionally.
It's about doing that in the more broad sense.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I hope this episode is putting a smile on your face.
You want to share that smile. Send this episode to
a friend who needs to hear it. We've got to
take a short break, but we'll be right back with
Chris Stuffie. And we're back with Chris Stuffie. I want
to round us out by talking about pillar of good
humor number three, taking social risks. How does having a
(24:48):
good sense of humor prime us for taking more social risks?
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Well, I think one thing about humor that can prime
you to take social risks is the idea that, like,
other people might be on your side. Right you're laughing together.
We want to have fun together. They don't want to
like pounce on you and say that's stupid, that's a
bad idea. Instead, they want to like laugh and have
a good time with you. Which is frankly closer to
the truth, right, Like, strangers really overestimate how negative an
(25:16):
interaction with another stranger will be and underestimate how positive
it will be. So I think humor can predispose us
to viewing other people as like waiting to laugh together
rather than waiting to pounce. And I think it also
is like, let's just take a real situation, right, Like
you're about to start a new job and you're going
(25:37):
to go in and you are nervous about meeting all
these people, and you're also like, whatever, my first impression is,
I hope to be at this job for years. I
think if you go in with humor, right, if you
go in with like, here's a silly, funny thing about
me that I want to share. I'm going to bring
in a funny photo of a thing that happened to me.
I have a story I'm going to come in with
(25:57):
like a silly bit or something like that. That's a risk, right,
Like you're coming in with something, but then it pays
off so much more and it makes people connect to you.
And so all of that is just the kind of
roundabout way of saying going into situations assuming the best
and trying to connect with people through humor can take
(26:18):
something that would be intimidating and scary and make it
instead really fun and joyful, and it almost always goes
better than you think it.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Well, well, I'm thinking of people who are probably listening
right now who have some social anxiety whenever they go out.
I know it happens to me too, just not really
knowing where my place is in the conversation or how
to introduce myself. And I love the tips that you
just shared about sharing stories that you know will be engaging.
(26:45):
What are some other tips for using humor to connect
in intimidating social situations.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I think that one of the biggest things that I
would say if you're someone who is introverted or has
some social anxiety, is that a huge misconception about human
or is that you have to be the one at
the center of attention telling the joke. It is just
as good and arguably sometimes even better if you're the
one who is laughing and having a good time without
being the center of attention. So one thing I would
(27:12):
say is laughter is social, so you can also connect
with other people where if they're saying something that's funny,
showing them that you think it's funny, laughing and enjoying that.
The other thing you can do is it can be
a totally internal experience, right Like you can walk into
this situation where you're really nervous and think about, like,
what are the things that are making me nervous or
(27:32):
what are the things that are odd and strange and
weird about this, and then maybe take some notes on them.
Maybe take mental notes and find ways that you can
yourself be delighted even if you're not sharing anything with
anyone else. Right, Like, if you walk into a party
and you don't know anyone there and you're really stressing
about it, one thing to do is to kind of
(27:53):
like walk around and just think like how do these
people know each other? And come up with a backstory
for them, and you don't have to share that with anyone.
It can just make it so now you're laughing. I
love to do this at the airport, is to just
see strangers and go, how do you think those two
Matt so, I think those are those are some big
things that I would say to those people is you
don't actually have to make it so that it's your
the center of attention, effect allowing other people to have
(28:15):
the attention and being generous with your laughter and with
your appreciation of humor is a real gift as well.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Humor is so important in platonic relationships, and it is
so essential in romantic relationships, probably even more essential. My
husband and I, if we're not laughing together, there's something wrong.
And I know that you and your wife have a
daily ritual that uses humor as a way for you
to stay connected, especially during stressful times. Can you walk
(28:43):
us through how that daily ritual started and what it
looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
Yeah, at the end of the day, we try and
find like five minutes, ten minutes, whatever, it's small amount
of time and just show each other something that we
think will make the other person laugh or that made
us laugh, so we can just bring something back, you know,
like pies bringing a shiny thing back to the nest.
Ours is like here's a funny video I saw, or
here's a story about a funny thing that happened with
a neighbor or that one of our kids did, and
(29:09):
have that just moment of like we're going to laugh together.
So that's what it is. And this started actually in
an incredibly serious dark time for us, and it was
a time where most of our day was very serious
and it was not fun and it was bad. And
what we tried to do is to just say, Okay,
we don't have to deny the reality here, but is
(29:31):
it possible that we can just find a release of humor,
of laughter, of something that is funny every day. Let's
just try for that, even if we don't succeed at that.
And I was actually amazed by how dramatic a difference
it made to have this time at the end of
the day where like that tension could get released, where
we could laugh together, where even on a really hard
(29:54):
day we could be like, Okay, but that was pretty
funny that this thing happened. And I think that kind
of small moment of laughter together makes a huge impact
for us in our day to day marriage. It's also
something that has you know, it's not just in relationships.
I talked to some nurses who help run a home
for the elderly in Hong Kong, and they ran this
program where a big part of the program was the
(30:16):
elderly people living in the home would collect things that
made them laugh, songs, cartoons, stories, jokes, and then they
would share them with the other people in this group,
and they found that it really dramatically made a difference
in people's sense of connection. In people's experience of pain
went down, people's experience of loneliness went down. So I
(30:38):
think this idea that like humor is a gift that
we can share with other people and that when we
do it can actually make us feel a lot better,
is something that I really That's one of the reasons
why I'm really trying to spread the gospel about this
is I think that it's not just about you, right
share that with other people. It's a uniquely social thing,
(30:59):
and it's something that we as humans were evolved to
enjoy and to want to enjoy together.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
When I think of uniquely social experiences, laughter can be
the best party trick that you can pull out of
your bag, right, being able to make a group of
people laugh. And I'm thinking about a scenario like delivering
a maid of honor speech at a wedding. That's something
that you want to knock out of the park. What
would be your advice for someone who wants to craft
(31:27):
a speech like that in a really memorable and funny way.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, I think when you are giving a toast like
at a wedding or a birthday or something like that.
I always tell people that the biggest mistake you can
make in there is not actually not being funny. The
biggest mistake is forgetting that this is like an opportunity
to tell someone that you love them and why you
care about them and why you love them. So I
(31:51):
think it's actually a really good way of identifying an
important distinction between like positive humor and negative humor, which
is if you're making it about you or you're like
roasting them, that can often be kind of the bad
side of humor. The positive side of humor is the
humor that brings us together, that celebrates the connection, that
makes people feel included. So what I would say is
(32:12):
start with, here is what I love about you. Here's
why I am so glad that I am here and
that I am your friend. And the more specific that
you get, I bet you that you will find that
it is actually really funny without it being like quote
unquote a joke by being specific about what you love
about that person, because you know, everyone can say like,
(32:34):
I love how good a friend you are. Oh, I
love the way you are always there, I love the
things you cook, right, Like those are kind of generic,
but if you get specific often that's really funny. Like,
you know, one of the things that I'm so grateful for, Simon,
is to know you and to know that in your
sixty two open tabs that you have at any time,
(32:56):
three of those tabs are my previous addresses, and how
to ship a gift to me, because that's the kind
of thoughtful friend you are, right, How can you put
those real specific details in and make it so that
you are really talking honestly about that person? Because I
think that truth and that detail and that willingness to
laugh together combined to make the most memorable speeches, in
(33:18):
my opinion.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Such a great reminder.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
One thing that I've noticed throughout this conversation with you
is you are teaching us how to develop a good
sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
But it's also a lot about unlearning.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Some of the things that we think we know about
humor that aren't necessarily true. So if our listeners walk
away with one insight today about humor that could change
the way they live or relate to others, what would
you want it to be?
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Well, let me say this first, If you walk away
with one insight that can change the way you live
and relate to others. I am shocked, How did you
get that out of me? That's incredible. I'm so glad
that you got something that can change your life from me.
That's really incredible. But if I'm going to try and
give you one, I will say that I think one
(34:03):
of the biggest things for me that I am trying
to take away from this is this idea that you
are not supposed to be perfect, that you're supposed to
be fallible, that you're supposed to have weird problems and
things that are strange and not going right. That makes
(34:23):
you more likable, That makes you more connectable with other people,
That makes you funnier. So I think that idea that
we talked about, of like the person who had spilled
the coffee on their shirt, is actually the most desirable
candidate to me. That's the thing that I hope you
will take away, which is who you actually are is
better than the perfect version of who you might possibly
(34:44):
be if nothing ever went wrong. The more you can
be honest and true to who you actually are and
laugh about that, the more that that can then be
a thing that people see as your greatest strength. And
not a weakness.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
And Chris, this is one question that I like to
ask all our guests here on the bright side, what's
one thing you're celebrating in your life right now?
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Ooh, I am celebrating right now that I, despite my
home improvement efforts where I destroyed the wall and tried
to hang up the souncord, that I made it to
this interview and then I got to have this incredible
conversation with you and got to meet you. I really, honestly,
like all kidding aside, I'm in a moment in my
life where I feel like being able to be present
(35:25):
with someone else and like make it to a meeting
on time and have a conversation with someone who is
you know, outside of my home and meet someone new
like that feels like such an accomplishment in a way
that when I'm not in an intense periit of my life,
it doesn't. I feel like that's just normal. So I
really am celebrating like having an event on the calendar
that I made it to that and that was so
delightful Like this that feels like that feels like the
(35:48):
kind of small thing that actually is a really big thing.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
You showed up. Man, Chris, you did it. Congratulations if
I achieved.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
The bare minimum, and you know what I'm going to
celebrate to in the bare minimum because sometimes you have to.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
No, we are celebrating doing the bare minimum, because if
the bare minimum is all you have on that day,
you did the maximum.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Yes, I listen, I have the Bear maximum is That
is the Chris Duffie story.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Hey, that's going to be your next book, The Bear.
Thanks for coming on the show.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Thank you so much for having me. You are a
really fantastic and thoughtful interviewer, and I really appreciate the
time and carry put in.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Chris Duffy is a comedian, podcast host and author of
the upcoming book Humor Me. It hits shelves this January
and it's available for pre order now. The bright Side
is a production of Hello, Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and
is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce.
Production is by a Cast Creative Studios. Our producers are
(36:46):
Taylor Williamson, Abby Delk, and Adrian Bain. Our production assistant
is Joya putnoy A Casts Executive producers are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo and Reese Witherspoon are the
executive producers Hello Sunshine. Ali Perry and Lauren Hansen are
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts. Our theme song is
(37:07):
by Anna Stump and Hamilton Lighthouser.
Before we dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I want to share something that's totally changed the way
I think about stories and where I find them. Like
a lot of people, I first open TikTok because everyone
kept talking about the book recommendations popping up there.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
So I thought I'd browse a few popular reads and
call it a day. Spoiler alert. That did not happen.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I got lost in stories like Beat Read and The
Vanishing Half, and I found a community of people who
love those stories as.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Much as I do.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
On TikTok, reading doesn't stop when you close the book. No,
it keeps going through reactions, fan edits in all the
creative ways people bring stories to life. You'll see readers
breaking down the themes that hit the hardest, creators debating endings,
and authors sharing the little sparks, the tiny little seeds
(00:53):
that inspired their worlds in the first place.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
What I love.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Most, though, is how TikTok makes discover you feel personal.
One video might lead you to a bestseller you just
can't put down, and the next.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Could introduce you to a debut author.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You might not have seen it at the bookstore, but someone
who writes absolute magic. TikTok is an incredible space where
creativity and curiosity meet, and where stories in all their
amazing forms, remind us just how connected we are. It's
given me a community where ideas are shared, celebrated, and reimagined.
(01:29):
So yeah, I came to TikTok looking for my next
great read, but I stayed for the conversations, the perspectives,
and the feeling that stories are alive. Don't wait, start
your journey and see where your curiosity takes you at
TikTok dot com slash explore more. Today on the right side,
(01:50):
we're talking to someone who's made it his mission to
find humor in everything, even the hard stuff. Comedian Chris
Stuffy joins us to unpack one laughter isn't just entertainment,
it's connection, courage, and sometimes the only medicine that works.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Right here is the actual only time that you have
any control over. And I think humor is a really
great way of grounding yourself in that because one of
the things that it does is it releases this tension
of like I feel this fear, I feel this anxiety,
and then you laugh and it's just like it's released,
it's transformed into something else. But also, if you're laughing
(02:26):
really hard with a friend and you are crying and
you're both like clutching your sides about something that's probably
indescribable to someone else. You are not anywhere other than
where you are right back.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I'm simoone Boyce and this is the bright Side from
Hello Sunshine, Hello, Hello, welcome back to the bright Side.
I hope that you left this weekend feeling recharged, and
I hope you are ready to giggle. I already have
a giggle coming on. I could already feel it because
we are getting seriously unseerious today. On the bright side,
(03:00):
this conversation is all about cultivating a sense of humor.
Our guest is comedian Chris Stuffy, and you may have
heard him on Ted's How to Be a Better Human podcast,
or maybe you saw him delivering a Ted talk about
why laughter is everywhere. Let me tell you, I smiled
the entire time reading Chris's new book, Humor Me, and
I learned so much too. Chris makes a really compelling
(03:24):
case for why having a good sense of humor can
make you happier, more creative, and feel more connected to
the people around you, no matter what it is that
you do for a living. And if you're thinking, well, simone,
I'm just not a funny person, well maybe you just
don't know what your version of funny looks like.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yet.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Chris is here to show us that humor isn't about
telling jokes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's actually about paying attention, because the world is full
of comedic gold if.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You're present enough to notice it.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
He'll show us why humor is a fool proof way
to have a great conversation every time, and why the
secret to a magnetic personality might be the ability to
laugh at yourself. I am so excited for you to
hear this one. Let's dive in, Chris Stuffy, Welcome to
the bright Side.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Thank you so much for having me. What a joy
to be here.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'm so happy to have you.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
We were talking before we officially started the interview about
what it's like to be a parent in Los Angeles.
So can you start us off with a dad joke?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Oh, dad joke? Oh? Well, you know what my favorite
dad joke is is you're at a restaurant and you've
eaten everything on the plate, and then the server comes
by and says like, how was everything? And you go terrible,
couldn't eat it? Couldn't need a bite. That's my favorite
dad joke. That's because, you know, a good one, because
it's kind of totally harmless. But also it's like, yeah,
(04:45):
you kind of just said it was good, you know.
I think that's really fun. I think like table bits
are a fun genre of dad joke.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And as you're saying this, I'm feeling so convicted because
I'm realizing I am that person.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, oh.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
A person who does a table bit at a restaurant.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It's so appropriate that you are schooling us in the
manner of table bits, because Chris, you are a comedian
and I really really enjoyed your book Humor Me because
in this book you say the secret to living a
better life and treating people better is cultivating a sense
of humor.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Why do you know that to be true?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Well, I think I know it to be true in
my own personal experience. I've just found how dramatically having
a sense of humor can change situation. Right. It's like,
without making things immediately perfect or easy, having a sense
of humor about it can make it so that you
release the tension and you have fun. I've seen that
(05:41):
so many times in my own life. And then the
other thing I've seen is just when I think about
the people who I want to be around, and when
I think about who I'm excited to hang out with,
it's so often people who are having a good time,
and I have a good time with because we're laughing.
So I think there's kind of these two pieces where
it changes my internal experience of the world, and then
(06:01):
it also changes my external experience of the world in
the sense that it makes me have a bigger community
and social connection.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Well, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm remembering my own
youth and how I used humor to connect with new audiences.
Looking back, I was kind of a class clown from
a young age. I just I loved a bit, and
I realized that I could get this instant gratification from
cracking a joke when the teacher.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Turned their back.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And later on in my adolescence, I moved around a lot.
I moved from Miami, Florida to Memphis, Tennessee, which was
a huge culture shock, but I was able to use
humor as a way to connect with new people wherever
I was.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
This is such a great example of the power of humor.
Is like a way to kind of instantly make people
feel comfortable, to make yourself feel comfortable, but then to
create this shared group identity and connection. Without getting too
deep into the science, one of the ideas that scientists
have about why humor evolved evolutionarily for humans across every
(07:03):
culture and every continent is because it's a way of
us immediately telling that we're on the same page. So
we're in the same group. I have a riddle and
you know the answer. Okay, we both get it, So
you're a safe person to be around. And for you,
you know, you came to a place where all of
a sudden, there's a whole new language, there's a whole
new culture. But one thing that every culture shares is
(07:25):
the ability to laugh and to have this connection through humor.
So I think that's a really amazing example of how
it can play out. And also it's funny because people
sometimes think, like, since I'm a comedy person and I
wrote a whole book about humor, that I would have
been a classic clown. But I was and remain such
a teacher's pet, like total suck up. Could never like
if someone's talking about how the teacher's back, I'd be like,
but she we have to pay attention. We're learning here.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I would have loved to have seen our dynamic in
class together, Chris. That would have been pretty funny. I've
for gotten real fed up.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
With me, I would have admired you so much and
been like, Wow, if only I could be like Simoon.
But also, so my homework is done. I want to
make sure you know my homework is done, teacher. But
then afterwards I'd be like Simon, that was so funny
what you said. Oh man, I'm laughing about it still.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Well, you say that you weren't a class clown when
you were younger, but you definitely did have a penchant
for humor, and you sought out laughter because you described
yourself as a pint sized Patch Adams in reference to
that Robin Williams film.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Yeah. One of my first memories of telling a joke
is my great uncle was in the hospital. He had
had a hurt surgery, and I had this book of
I think it was one hundred and one Shaggy Dog jokes,
and I went in and was reading him these jokes
and they are just objectively not funny.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
There are things like how do you make a shaggy
dog float, two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and
a very small shaggy dog, which is just barely clearing
the bar to even be considered a joke. But I
was just like in there, like I'm gonna heal you,
great uncle Norman here. Laughter is the best medicine, as
he was like, I actually think cardiothoracic surgery is quite
a better medicine than these shaggy dogs.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
How precious is that, though you were still so courageous
enough to just put yourself out there.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well, I think that's one of the fun things about
looking at it through the lens of kids is kids
don't view it as a risk. They view it as
natural and fun. But a five year old is so
good at pretend and laughter and just tapping into being silly.
And I think a lot of adults get this idea
that we have to be very self serious and not
(09:26):
laugh at ourselves, and kids are really good at just
recognizing like we are ridiculous, and that's fun. That's a
good thing, not a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
You've shared so much of your experience as a teacher
in your work, and I'm curious, what have you learned
about laughter and cultivating a good sense of humor from children.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
The biggest lessons that I've learned about humor and also
the bagst lessons that I've just learned about being a person.
I've learned from the kids at the elementary school where
I taught. Teaching fifth grade was so fun because every
day I would come home and I would just think, like,
I could not have predicted that would happ today. And
sometimes it was intense things, but a lot of times
(10:02):
it was like a kid would come up and they'd go,
I just want to ask you something. Are horses real?
And I go, yeah, horses are real, And then they go,
but unicorns not real? And I'd be like, that's confirmed.
Unicorns are not real, and they go, good to know,
you know, It's just like that was running through their
head trying to tell which hoofed mammals are actually out
there in the day. But then I think the biggest
lessons that I learned were that, really these are the
(10:26):
tenants of humor. I call them in the book, the
three pillars of humor. Being present in the moment, noticing
things like go to in elementary school and try and
sneak something past the kids, They notice everything. The second
thing is being willing to laugh at yourself. Kids are
so willing to laugh about silly things, to notice funny
things that happened to them or then involve them. And
(10:47):
then the last one is taking social risks right. And
I think that this is really the kind of thing
that adults view as social risks. But like, kids are
so willing to go out there and walk up to
you and go, hey, by the way, today, my name
is not Sam. Today my name is lizard. And you're like, okay, lizard.
And then they go and I am a giant talking lizard,
and you're like, that is amazing that you are now Lizard,
(11:10):
the giant talking lizard. Adults don't play make believe like that,
and there's reasons why we don't walk up to our
bosses and say I'm a giant talking lizard. But I
think the willingness to pretend to get into something, to
put yourself out there and take a creative swing, I
think that's something that we can all benefit from doing.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
More more from Chris Stuffy after this quick break, you
mentioned the three pillars of good humor and that the
first one is being present to notice the strange and
odd circumstances around us.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
How do you see the world this way?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
And what kinds of little details are everyday absurdities jump
out at you that the rest of us who aren't
as a tuned might miss.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
How do I do this in my daily life, the
staying present and attuned to the weird and the absurd
and the delightful. You know, I think it's always good
to be honest, which is that a lot of us,
a lot of us being authors, and I can now
include myself this is my first book, but now I'm
going to say us meaning authors, a lot of people
write the book that they need, you know. And right
(12:16):
now I have a newborn child at home, so I
have two kids for the first time, and I am
not getting that much sleep. There's a lot of stress
around logistics. It is definitely a time where I'm having
more of this like tunnel vision where it's like I
just have to get through the day. And it's just
natural that when you're in a difficult period you kind
(12:37):
of get into like how can I get from A
to B to C, T D to sleep? Like that's
all that I need And that's not a very fun
way to go through your day, and so I'm trying
really hard to remind myself the lesson that I have
learned many many times in my life, which is that
when you have this tunnel vision where you're just going
from the thing you need to do the next thing,
(12:58):
you're totally ignoring everything else. The rest of the world
is a blur. It's not fun. It's so much more
fun if you can stop be in the moment that
you're at notice the things where they are, even if
they are so absurdly difficult. There's something funny about that, right, Like,
let's maybe like do an exercise here to just see
how it w I would love to. Yeah, okay, great.
So I think the thing Simon is like, it's very
(13:20):
hard to remember far in the past. Right If I
ask you right now, like, what's the last time you
saw something really ridiculous, do you have an answer?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I saw something early ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
It's a pretty hard question to answer.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
I think for the most while, why am I struggling
with that?
Speaker 3 (13:34):
It's not because you don't see ridiculous things every day,
certainly every week. It's because when we like don't write
them down, we don't take note of them. They just
leave our heads. We're not really well equipped to remember
them without trying to remember them. I'm sure that if
I said, what's the last time you had like an
embarrassing situation where you felt like you made a an
interpersonal mistake, that will pop right into your head. That
(13:56):
pops right into my head without any effort. So one
of the things that I I think people should try
and do is like when you notice where things, keep
it somewhere, keep it in a notebook, keep it in
a note on your phone, keep it in a little
post it note that then you put in a jar
something that delights you that you think is a little odd.
But the other part is I think you can notice
something almost anywhere. So like, if you just look around
(14:17):
the room that you're in, is there anything that seems
like a tiny bit off? Forget about it being funny
right now, just something that seems like maybe not exactly right,
maybe not exactly like normal or bland.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You know what's funny to me is I'm looking at
my ring light that's in front of me, and I
just think it's funny that this scene is now so normalized.
You go into anybody's home nowadays who works virtually and
find a mini TV setup in their house.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It's just odd.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Such a good example, right, So where are you right
now in your actual home? Where are you?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I'm in my office, Okay, so it is.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I think this is such a good example of something
that you think of as normal because it's just you
walk past, it becomes normal. And yet when you step
back for a second, you're like, this is truly bizarre.
I am talking into a giant illuminated eye that is
making me look like the sun is shining on me
when I am not in the sun. I am inside
in my home. But I think that's a great example
(15:15):
of like this is the line where it can make
you smile or chuckle a little bit. It doesn't have
to be like everything is like the best crush belly
laughed joke that you would tell anyone else. I think
it's just like noticing, like, huh, I'm staring into a
giant artificial sun and that's normal and I do that
all the time. A ring light is just here.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
It's so true to me.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
That's really fun and like a way to add a
little bit of humor into your life in just noticing
those kinds of moments.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Will you speak about humor as a muscle, and I
think that's a great example of tiny little exercises that
we can incorporate throughout our day to flex that muscle
even more. And it's fascinating to me that the foundation
of good humor is also the foundation of happiness and mindfulness.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
The idea of being.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Present right here is the actual only time that you
have any control over. And I think humor is a
really great way of grounding yourself in that because one
of the things that it does is it releases this
tension of like I feel this fear, I feel this anxiety,
and then you laugh and it's just like it's released,
it's transformed into something else. But also, if you're laughing
(16:22):
really hard with a friend and you are crying and
you're both like clutching your sides about something that's probably
indescribable to someone else, you are not anywhere other than
where you are right then, like that is pure in
the moment you're so right.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
So being able to laugh at your environment is one thing.
Being able to laugh at yourself is another. And that's
the second pillar of good humor that you outline in
your book. So in the spirit of being able to
laugh at ourselves. What's one thing about yourself that you're
able to laugh at?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Oh, well, lots of things. I think I'm able to
laugh at. One is which is just minutes before we
started this interview, I'm recording in a closet and I
was trying to make it sound better and I am like,
so not handy, but I have this sound blanket that's
supposed to make the sound sound better, and so I
was trying to do something which I think for a
(17:13):
handy person would have taken forty five seconds, which is
drill one hole in the wall and then hammer this
thing in that it could hang on. And I spent
the last forty five minutes before this interview trying and
failing to drill one hole in the wall. And there
is a giant hole in the wall with plaster leaking
out of it, and that like literally five minutes before
(17:34):
I was supposed to be on this interview. I was like, well,
I got to give up on that. This is not
who I am. I am not the person who can
hang this blanket. I thought I was, but that's not me.
And I just had to laugh and go this thing
is going to sit in a pile on the floor
across this whole interview because I am not a handy person.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
I respect the ambition, though, Chris getting out the power
tools right before a podcast interview.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yes, that's ambition.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
It is when it comes to home improvement or home repair.
I am very much the embodiment of it's the thought
that counts, yes, because it's not the result. I'll tell
you that it is the intention, but it is never
the result. My wife, when we were dating in college,
I thought the pilot light was out on her stove
and I was like, I think I know how to
fix this, and I lifted the top of the stove
up and it was kind of stuck, and I pulled
really hard, and I accidentally cut the gas line and
(18:21):
caused her entire building to be evacuated. And people are like, maybe,
don't try and fix the pilot light ever again.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Stay away from my household appliances.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
That's the wisest thing you've ever said, Chris. Stay away
from everything in my house.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Stay away.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What about you? What's something you laugh at about yourself?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
I'm able to laugh at how vast my interests are.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Oh, I'm able to laugh at my.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Range because I'm someone who like take my playlist for example,
I can laugh at my playlist. My playlists have everything
from Hall and Oates and yacht rock to read to
Little Boosy and Southern rap.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I'm just all over the place.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And I'm kind of like that with movies too, Like
I'm obsessed with the Lord of the Rings, like obsessed
to an unhealthy level.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
And I also love sex in the City. So sometimes
I just giggle at myself. I'm like, who are you?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I love that. That's great. Oh, I'm vest you are vast,
you contain multitudes. That's really good. Oh that's so good.
You know a way that I sometimes like if people
have trouble laughing at themselves or thinking about what it
is that you would laugh at about yourself. There's a
meme online that's called like the starter Kit, and I
really think this is like a fun way to imagine
(19:41):
what might be some funny things to laugh at yourself about,
which is like what would be in the U starter kit?
So like, what's the me? Starter kit is like gotta
be a six running shoes worn't all the time just
for comfort, not for fashion. It's going to be jeans
with a pocket full of tissues that I've used on
the children snacks in the other pocket, and it's going
to do be my phone with a notesapp open to
(20:04):
new Comedy Ideas number sixty seven. That's the me starter kit, right,
But like, what would the ways of you thinking about?
Like these are your things? What would the thing be?
Is often a great place to start at, which is
just like, what's so you?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Okay, can I do my starter kit?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah? What's in the simone starter kit?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Definitely some kind of snacks, so we have that in common.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Okay, Great's what's your go to snack? Because specificity is
also really important for you?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Okay, So if I'm going to get specific about my snacks,
it's probably a sour candy snack.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh so fat?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Okay, you like a rope or a kid or a
like or a rash kid.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, or it's maybe one of my kids fruit snacks.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
I probably have a cold brew coffee in my starter
pack at least sixty two computer tabs open, forty thousand
email yes mails, Okay, immediately knows so much of you
with all of that, right, Like it's so good to.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Get into the specificity of those things, and also like
the sour thing, there's something I had never thought about before.
But the shapes of things that we've decided can be
sour is also pretty funny, right, like true fish children
and peatrings. But there's something strange about that. We don't
ever have other sour things. You never see a sour house,
for example.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
That's where we draw the line.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
No, that's the line. We cannot have sour infrastructure.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
You say that one of your secret hacks for interviews
is admitting what you don't know, which seems like a
way to laugh at yourself. Can you give me an
example of one of those confessions.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh, I mean, I think that like one hundred percent
of the time, I can say I am saying this,
But also I have no clue what I'm talking about,
so please correct me if I'm wrong. Even in this interview,
we're talking about my book, and I'm like, I bet
you know my book better than I know my book.
I am positive simon that you could quote my book
better than I can. So I think it's just important
(22:00):
to acknowledge that, right, Like, people trust and respect you
more if you say like, and I'm just speaking for
me right now, I am a buffoon and a clown.
I am literally professionally a clown, and you are going
to take advice for me that is ill advised. But
you know, if I'm interviewing a physicist, one of the
first things I'm going to say is, hey, I know
(22:20):
that I'm supposed to know this, because I'm positive I
literally took a class called physics in high school, but
I have no idea what physics is. Can we just
start with what is physics before you tell me about
your brilliant discoveries, like what is your field? Even mean
they're going to be disarmed by that because they don't
like pretending like you know everything either, And this way
(22:42):
you can start with a real connection. But also then
there's a part of honesty, which is like, if you
do know what physics is, don't say I don't know
what physics is. Admit that you know it. You know
it's so smart. I just think the more you can
take the air out of your own sales in a
healthy way, the more you can actually connect with other people,
because this is I think a big fallacy think that
if you want other people to like you, you have
to be perfect, And in fact, we love people who
(23:05):
are not perfect. We like a person who's relatable and
has made mistakes, and we can be ourselves around because
then we don't have to be perfect either.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
So true.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
There's actually a study that I read about in your
book where job candidates who spilled coffee on themselves actually
had a better chance of getting the job.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
This is my favorite study that I learned about in
all of the research that I did for this book.
By far, my favorite study. I'm so glad you brought
it up. It's that they found that when people were
interviewing for a job, obviously you had to be qualified,
so people didn't like the unqualified candidates. But between people
who were qualified two identical candidates, if someone came in
the room and was just perfect, they liked them fine.
(23:44):
But the person they liked the most was the person
who came in the room was qualified and said, oh
my god, I just spilled coffee all over my shirt.
I am so sorry. I'm like I'm covered in coffee.
People love that person because they were able to do it,
but they were relatable, right, who has it like spilled
coffee before an important and then you're like, I have
this big stain. You would think that would make them
like you less. Instead, they all like that person more
(24:06):
because there was a way to connect to them and
to not feel like, oh, this person is just so perfect,
so poor, hot coffee on yourself before you go into
every job interview. That's my advice.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Great medical advice from Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
My medical advice. No, no, no, it's not about doing that intentionally.
It's about doing that in the more broad sense.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I hope this episode is putting a smile on your face.
You want to share that smile. Send this episode to
a friend who needs to hear it. We've got to
take a short break, but we'll be right back with
Chris Stuffie. And we're back with Chris Stuffie. I want
to round us out by talking about pillar of good
humor number three, taking social risks. How does having a
(24:48):
good sense of humor prime us for taking more social risks?
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Well, I think one thing about humor that can prime
you to take social risks is the idea that, like,
other people might be on your side. Right you're laughing together.
We want to have fun together. They don't want to
like pounce on you and say that's stupid, that's a
bad idea. Instead, they want to like laugh and have
a good time with you. Which is frankly closer to
the truth, right, Like, strangers really overestimate how negative an
(25:16):
interaction with another stranger will be and underestimate how positive
it will be. So I think humor can predispose us
to viewing other people as like waiting to laugh together
rather than waiting to pounce. And I think it also
is like, let's just take a real situation, right, Like
you're about to start a new job and you're going
(25:37):
to go in and you are nervous about meeting all
these people, and you're also like, whatever, my first impression is,
I hope to be at this job for years. I
think if you go in with humor, right, if you
go in with like, here's a silly, funny thing about
me that I want to share. I'm going to bring
in a funny photo of a thing that happened to me.
I have a story I'm going to come in with
(25:57):
like a silly bit or something like that. That's a risk, right,
Like you're coming in with something, but then it pays
off so much more and it makes people connect to you.
And so all of that is just the kind of
roundabout way of saying going into situations assuming the best
and trying to connect with people through humor can take
(26:18):
something that would be intimidating and scary and make it
instead really fun and joyful, and it almost always goes
better than you think it.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Well, well, I'm thinking of people who are probably listening
right now who have some social anxiety whenever they go out.
I know it happens to me too, just not really
knowing where my place is in the conversation or how
to introduce myself. And I love the tips that you
just shared about sharing stories that you know will be engaging.
(26:45):
What are some other tips for using humor to connect
in intimidating social situations.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I think that one of the biggest things that I
would say if you're someone who is introverted or has
some social anxiety, is that a huge misconception about human
or is that you have to be the one at
the center of attention telling the joke. It is just
as good and arguably sometimes even better if you're the
one who is laughing and having a good time without
being the center of attention. So one thing I would
(27:12):
say is laughter is social, so you can also connect
with other people where if they're saying something that's funny,
showing them that you think it's funny, laughing and enjoying that.
The other thing you can do is it can be
a totally internal experience, right Like you can walk into
this situation where you're really nervous and think about, like,
what are the things that are making me nervous or
(27:32):
what are the things that are odd and strange and
weird about this, and then maybe take some notes on them.
Maybe take mental notes and find ways that you can
yourself be delighted even if you're not sharing anything with
anyone else. Right, Like, if you walk into a party
and you don't know anyone there and you're really stressing
about it, one thing to do is to kind of
(27:53):
like walk around and just think like how do these
people know each other? And come up with a backstory
for them, and you don't have to share that with anyone.
It can just make it so now you're laughing. I
love to do this at the airport, is to just
see strangers and go, how do you think those two
Matt so, I think those are those are some big
things that I would say to those people is you
don't actually have to make it so that it's your
the center of attention, effect allowing other people to have
(28:15):
the attention and being generous with your laughter and with
your appreciation of humor is a real gift as well.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Humor is so important in platonic relationships, and it is
so essential in romantic relationships, probably even more essential. My
husband and I, if we're not laughing together, there's something wrong.
And I know that you and your wife have a
daily ritual that uses humor as a way for you
to stay connected, especially during stressful times. Can you walk
(28:43):
us through how that daily ritual started and what it
looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
Yeah, at the end of the day, we try and
find like five minutes, ten minutes, whatever, it's small amount
of time and just show each other something that we
think will make the other person laugh or that made
us laugh, so we can just bring something back, you know,
like pies bringing a shiny thing back to the nest.
Ours is like here's a funny video I saw, or
here's a story about a funny thing that happened with
a neighbor or that one of our kids did, and
(29:09):
have that just moment of like we're going to laugh together.
So that's what it is. And this started actually in
an incredibly serious dark time for us, and it was
a time where most of our day was very serious
and it was not fun and it was bad. And
what we tried to do is to just say, Okay,
we don't have to deny the reality here, but is
(29:31):
it possible that we can just find a release of humor,
of laughter, of something that is funny every day. Let's
just try for that, even if we don't succeed at that.
And I was actually amazed by how dramatic a difference
it made to have this time at the end of
the day where like that tension could get released, where
we could laugh together, where even on a really hard
(29:54):
day we could be like, Okay, but that was pretty
funny that this thing happened. And I think that kind
of small moment of laughter together makes a huge impact
for us in our day to day marriage. It's also
something that has you know, it's not just in relationships.
I talked to some nurses who help run a home
for the elderly in Hong Kong, and they ran this
program where a big part of the program was the
(30:16):
elderly people living in the home would collect things that
made them laugh, songs, cartoons, stories, jokes, and then they
would share them with the other people in this group,
and they found that it really dramatically made a difference
in people's sense of connection. In people's experience of pain
went down, people's experience of loneliness went down. So I
(30:38):
think this idea that like humor is a gift that
we can share with other people and that when we
do it can actually make us feel a lot better,
is something that I really That's one of the reasons
why I'm really trying to spread the gospel about this
is I think that it's not just about you, right
share that with other people. It's a uniquely social thing,
(30:59):
and it's something that we as humans were evolved to
enjoy and to want to enjoy together.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
When I think of uniquely social experiences, laughter can be
the best party trick that you can pull out of
your bag, right, being able to make a group of
people laugh. And I'm thinking about a scenario like delivering
a maid of honor speech at a wedding. That's something
that you want to knock out of the park. What
would be your advice for someone who wants to craft
(31:27):
a speech like that in a really memorable and funny way.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, I think when you are giving a toast like
at a wedding or a birthday or something like that.
I always tell people that the biggest mistake you can
make in there is not actually not being funny. The
biggest mistake is forgetting that this is like an opportunity
to tell someone that you love them and why you
care about them and why you love them. So I
(31:51):
think it's actually a really good way of identifying an
important distinction between like positive humor and negative humor, which
is if you're making it about you or you're like
roasting them, that can often be kind of the bad
side of humor. The positive side of humor is the
humor that brings us together, that celebrates the connection, that
makes people feel included. So what I would say is
(32:12):
start with, here is what I love about you. Here's
why I am so glad that I am here and
that I am your friend. And the more specific that
you get, I bet you that you will find that
it is actually really funny without it being like quote
unquote a joke by being specific about what you love
about that person, because you know, everyone can say like,
(32:34):
I love how good a friend you are. Oh, I
love the way you are always there, I love the
things you cook, right, Like those are kind of generic,
but if you get specific often that's really funny. Like,
you know, one of the things that I'm so grateful for, Simon,
is to know you and to know that in your
sixty two open tabs that you have at any time,
(32:56):
three of those tabs are my previous addresses, and how
to ship a gift to me, because that's the kind
of thoughtful friend you are, right, How can you put
those real specific details in and make it so that
you are really talking honestly about that person? Because I
think that truth and that detail and that willingness to
laugh together combined to make the most memorable speeches, in
(33:18):
my opinion.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Such a great reminder.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
One thing that I've noticed throughout this conversation with you
is you are teaching us how to develop a good
sense of humor.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
But it's also a lot about unlearning.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Some of the things that we think we know about
humor that aren't necessarily true. So if our listeners walk
away with one insight today about humor that could change
the way they live or relate to others, what would
you want it to be?
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Well, let me say this first, If you walk away
with one insight that can change the way you live
and relate to others. I am shocked, How did you
get that out of me? That's incredible. I'm so glad
that you got something that can change your life from me.
That's really incredible. But if I'm going to try and
give you one, I will say that I think one
(34:03):
of the biggest things for me that I am trying
to take away from this is this idea that you
are not supposed to be perfect, that you're supposed to
be fallible, that you're supposed to have weird problems and
things that are strange and not going right. That makes
(34:23):
you more likable, That makes you more connectable with other people,
That makes you funnier. So I think that idea that
we talked about, of like the person who had spilled
the coffee on their shirt, is actually the most desirable
candidate to me. That's the thing that I hope you
will take away, which is who you actually are is
better than the perfect version of who you might possibly
(34:44):
be if nothing ever went wrong. The more you can
be honest and true to who you actually are and
laugh about that, the more that that can then be
a thing that people see as your greatest strength. And
not a weakness.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
And Chris, this is one question that I like to
ask all our guests here on the bright side, what's
one thing you're celebrating in your life right now?
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Ooh, I am celebrating right now that I, despite my
home improvement efforts where I destroyed the wall and tried
to hang up the souncord, that I made it to
this interview and then I got to have this incredible
conversation with you and got to meet you. I really, honestly,
like all kidding aside, I'm in a moment in my
life where I feel like being able to be present
(35:25):
with someone else and like make it to a meeting
on time and have a conversation with someone who is
you know, outside of my home and meet someone new
like that feels like such an accomplishment in a way
that when I'm not in an intense periit of my life,
it doesn't. I feel like that's just normal. So I
really am celebrating like having an event on the calendar
that I made it to that and that was so
delightful Like this that feels like that feels like the
(35:48):
kind of small thing that actually is a really big thing.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
You showed up. Man, Chris, you did it. Congratulations if
I achieved.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
The bare minimum, and you know what I'm going to
celebrate to in the bare minimum because sometimes you have to.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
No, we are celebrating doing the bare minimum, because if
the bare minimum is all you have on that day,
you did the maximum.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Yes, I listen, I have the Bear maximum is That
is the Chris Duffie story.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Hey, that's going to be your next book, The Bear.
Thanks for coming on the show.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Thank you so much for having me. You are a
really fantastic and thoughtful interviewer, and I really appreciate the
time and carry put in.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Chris Duffy is a comedian, podcast host and author of
the upcoming book Humor Me. It hits shelves this January
and it's available for pre order now. The bright Side
is a production of Hello, Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and
is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce.
Production is by a Cast Creative Studios. Our producers are
(36:46):
Taylor Williamson, Abby Delk, and Adrian Bain. Our production assistant
is Joya putnoy A Casts Executive producers are Jenny Kaplan
and Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo and Reese Witherspoon are the
executive producers Hello Sunshine. Ali Perry and Lauren Hansen are
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts. Our theme song is
(37:07):
by Anna Stump and Hamilton Lighthouser.
Host
Simone Boyce
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!