September 8, 2025 • 38 mins
Today we dive into the meeting point of neuroscience and mysticism. Life coach and spiritual psychologist Gabriella Taylor joins us to share how the brain’s ability to rewire itself can help us move beyond internalized patriarchy and the quiet dynamics—like gossip, comparison, and competition—that so often divide women and erode our sense of self. She explores what becomes possible when we begin to heal these patterns and invites us to consider how we can show up differently—for ourselves, each other, and the next generation of women.
Inspired by this conversation, Gabriella created a free quiz just for The Bright Side community: Are You Leading from Your Truth or Your Trauma? This neuroscience-informed tool helps uncover which internalized patterns may be shaping how you lead, love, and see yourself—offering insight as a first step toward lasting change.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Today on the right side, we're learning what it really
means to lead with feminine energy with life coach Gabriella Taylor.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Let's just get clear. Women do not need any more mantras.
They do not need any more affirmations, shots fired. We
need a new relationship with our feminine power. We came
in at this time because we are being called. We
each have a role to play to shape the new
(00:30):
era of feminine power that is balanced with masculine power
and to create a world that works for all.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Okay, what I'm about to say may sound controversial, but
I can't keep this.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
In any longer.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I am convinced there's never been a more exciting time
to be a woman. And hear me out, because I
know the burdens are real and plentiful on us right now.
Women all over the world and here at home continue
to face numerous injustices and restrictions on their freedom and progress.
And then there's also the pressures and imbalances of work
(01:10):
and family life and pay equity. So trust me, I
get it. Things are tough, and at the same time,
we are also harvesting from the seeds of progress that
were planted by our mothers by their mothers and the
women before them. I mean, women today have more access
to and potential for growth than ever before. And I
(01:33):
think what really makes this time unique is that we
also have access to help and support. For what feels
like the first time I see women all around me
working on themselves with intention, waking up every day and
deciding to be a better version of themselves. We are
in therapy, we're joining run clubs, walking groups, we're going
(01:55):
on retreats, we're meditating. I mean, we are always looking
for ways to optimize and learn and grow. And I
just think that's really special to witness this happening collectively
all around us. So when it comes to celebrating this
era of womanhood, I can't think of a more perfect
voice for this conversation than my friend Gabriella Taylor. Because
(02:19):
Gabriella is someone you want in your village. She is
a master certified life coach who has spent more than
twenty five years helping people heal their emotional wounds and
break free of those limiting beliefs and step into their
power using a trifecta of tools psychology, neuroscience, and feminine mysticism.
(02:40):
So for all my woo, girl, he's out there. I
hope your ears just perked up because you're gonna love
that part of this conversation. When Gabriella works with extraordinarily
successful women, women who are literally changing the world through
their impact, she helps expose the hidden ways that misogyny
shapes how we think, how we feel, and how we
relate to each other every single day. So in this
(03:03):
episode you can expect some real takeaways from how to
break negative patterns to how to give yourself grace consistently,
and Gabrielle has also got a really hot take on
gossip that you're not going to want to miss.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Well.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I hope this conversation leaves you feeling elevated and inspired
to lead with your feminine energy as you move through
life's challenges. I mean, the goal is just no matter
how hard it gets, never letting go of that softness,
humor and joy. Okay, So here it is my conversation
with Gabriella Taylor. Gabriella Taylor, welcome to the bright Side.
(03:41):
You coach really high profile successful women. Gabriella actually won't
tell me who these clients are because she's not allowed to.
That's how famous and successful they are, But what are
the kinds of breakthroughs that you lead these clients into?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
In this industry for almost thirty years And I also
actually work with men too, But yes, most of my
clients tend to have a lot of worldly power. I
have two Grammy Award winning top artists right now, whether
they are a global leader in whatever their industry is,
or their key philanthropists that have phenomenal wealth, they have
(04:20):
a lot of power. And also everyday change makers that
might be like a single mom running a nonprofit, but like,
whooh does she have power because she is like committed
exactly doing this thing. But the breakthroughs that I find
is that no matter how accomplished, experienced, brilliant, insightful, successful
they are, we all are bound by the same template,
(04:44):
if you will. In psychology, it's called an inner working model.
We all have this inner working model that defines our
relationship with anything important, our lives, with money, with love,
with food, with our bodies and so the feminine psyche,
the template for the inner working model, is designed to
hold us back and hold us down. Why how so, oh,
(05:06):
this is where it gets good. Let's go. So, let's
unpack the patriarchy. It's a hierarchical power structure that exists
on a power over power under model, and fear and
scarcity are its power tools to keep people in line.
And it can only exist it can only thrive when
(05:27):
feminine energy is suppressed in men and women. Okay, I
have to take that in for a second.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, patriarchy can only thrive when feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Is suppressed in men, in women, in men and women.
That's the interesting part of that, right, It is not
gender specific. It is a power paradigm that lives in
every single one of us, particularly in the Western world.
Is more where my orientation and focus has been right.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And it's important to acknowledge that the only reason we're
able to have this conversation is because we are privileged
Western women. There are yes, many millions of women in
the world who aren't even able to have this conversation.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
And this is why we're having this conversation. Not only
for ourselves, I believe, but we have a responsibility to
use our resources to support those that don't have the
capacity to have a voice, have a say, and make
real change. Can we sit with feminine energy?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah for a minute, Because you're saying that's an essential
component that both men and women need. And I've been
hearing I'm in my feminine a lot lately. It feels
like this is in the zeitgeist. I see it on
social media a lot, and I celebrate it. I'm like, yes, girl,
be in your feminine, be in your soft life. I
love that for you, because for me, as someone who
has raised in the girl Boss era, the idea of
(06:43):
being in your feminine was like, I don't even know
what that means, which is why I want to ask
you to define it. So what does healthy feminine energy
look like?
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Right?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Feminine energy is feeling sensation. It considers relation not only
our relationship to ourselves, but each other, this planet, to
something greater than ourselves. So when I'm in meaningful conversation
with people like you, I go more into my feminine
energy to listen to what wants to emerge here. I'm
(07:14):
listening to my intuition and I'm also pulling from my
subcortical brain for whatever information might be helpful.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Gabriella, you have this way of like guiding women back
to themselves and back to our feminine power, both through
neuroscience and mysticism. I mean talk about a rare combination.
That's not something we see every day. So for someone
who's hearing that for the first time, what does that
really mean in your own words, that marriage of neuroscience
(07:42):
and mysticism.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Just to share, I grew up with an alcoholic dad
who was very scary, and he was very unwell. I
dabbled with eating disorders, you know, found myself in an
eating disorder rehab with tubes up my nose, you know,
to feed me. I had attempted suicide because things were
really hard as a young woman, and I was raped
(08:05):
a number of times as a young woman. And I
have such a strong seeking system inside of me that
is so yearning to seek towards the light, to seek
towards healing, and so I dove into every approach I
could find to help myself heal. I shaved my head,
I joined monasteries, I took vows, I became ordained as
(08:26):
a minister. I did every pooja you could imagine. I mean,
I've walked on fire, I've like sat in peyote, ceremony, ayahuasca,
like all the things to try and spiritually pray away
my pain. Didn't really work on a fundamental level. So
then I got into psychology, get a couple of master's degrees.
(08:47):
If I can just psychoanalyze my issues, then I will
feel better about myself. Then I'll feel settled. Didn't work.
I could write a dissertation on my unresolved issues and
all of the ways that I self sabotage didn't anything.
And it wasn't until one of my younger brothers got
in a tragic car accident in which he had a
traumatic brain injury that I even started thinking about the brain.
(09:09):
He had a three percent chance of survival. And it
wasn't until then that I even started thinking, Oh, my gosh,
his brain. What about my brain? How was my brain
shaped around the hard things that I went through and
through the power of neuroplasticity, how can I help it
unlearn what it learned and relearn? And so that was
(09:30):
thirteen years ago, and that is how I got into
the path of what's called relational neuroscience and really understanding
how our brains and nervous systems are the guardians at
the gate that let us in, and when we're able
to get in to where it's stored inside, there is
so much freedom that we can bring in through rewiring
(09:50):
these neural networks that hold these very limiting beliefs and
deeply held feelings that have been hard to shake through prayer, meditation.
I mean, women, let's just get clear. Women do not
need any more mantras, They do not need any more affirmations,
shots fired. But we need a new relationship with our
(10:14):
feminine power. And so this is why I've created one
of the only approaches that I know of that combines
trauma science with depth psychology and feminine spirituality. And it's
what actually works because we are rewiring things at the core.
We might struggle with body image or not speaking up
about money, these things actually live in neural networks, in
(10:37):
storage units in our downstairs brain. So when someone says, oh,
that's just a limiting belief, let it go, it's virtually
impossible because it's neurobiologically locked in in a stacking pattern
of neurons.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Is it linked to trauma? Is it linked to something
that happens.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Anything that was emotionally impactful that we didn't get the
support that we needed. It then goes underground and it
embeds as what we call trauma, and then it wakes
up through PTSD anxiety, negative self talk, all sorts of
ways it wakes up. So a trauma response is simply
(11:17):
our brain just firing off signals of hey, something hard happened.
So no matter if the trauma happened last week or
seventy five years ago, our brain is amazing. We can
go into that neural network that holds the memory of
that hard thing, and this phenomenon happens to the brain
in which that neural network will open up and we
(11:39):
have a five hour window to rewire it. And that
is literally how we help the brain unlearn and relearn
new things. Five hour window what is up? It's a
five hour window in which the extra synaptic gab up
parts and we have access to this neural network that
previously was buried in the subcortical brain, the subcond But
(12:00):
when we get triggered i e. A trauma response comes up,
the extra synaptic gabba the goo that it was buried
in it parts and then we have a five hour
window to input it with new information before it goes
back to sleep under the goo in our subcortical brain,
buried in these neurotransmitters. And so this is what's beautiful
(12:22):
and extraordinary and revolutionary. So instead of trying to talk
our pain away or shame ourselves for having pain, we
actually go to the source. And this is memory reconsolidation,
is what I'm talking about, is the phenomenon which is
part of what I do. And so this is a
way where we literally can reshape our brain at the core.
So that way, either the symptoms that we're troubling for
(12:45):
us are either completely eradicated because the whole neural network
has been rewired so it doesn't have the same encoding,
or the symptoms reduced significantly. Wow. Yeah, wow, it's right.
It's so cool. I yeah, it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
And I I've always been fascinated with the brain. And
I feel like I just learned so much just from
hearing that.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Our brains are incredible. They really are. They're incredible. So
asking for.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
A friend who, let's say, has a hard time getting
in touch with her just a friend, just a friend.
Let's call her, Let's call her Sheila. Let's call her Sheilah. Okay,
and Sheila. You know, she's a working woman and she's
had a hard time getting in touch with her feminine
(13:30):
What is that first step and turning the curiosity inward.
What are the questions that we should be asking herself.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
To look at? Why it makes sense? It's hard. I
don't see anybody talking about this. The feminine empowerment industry
makes us wrong for feeling hurt about the hard things
that happen to us and tells us that we just
need to let it go or get over it or
drop the story. And we are not neurobiologically wired to
(13:58):
be able to do that. That's like having the upstairs
part of the brain try and control the downstairs part
of the brain. The upstairs part of the brain is willpower.
The downstairs part of the brain is where all of
these emotions and protective responses and behaviors come from. And
it's like trying to have the mind tell the heart
to stop beating. It doesn't work. So for Sheila, for one,
(14:19):
we want to normalize that we live in a world
that almost no one says, Oh, tell me more about
how you feel unsafe and so you've learned to harden
up or not speak up for yourself, or push over
other women to climb to the top. Tell me more
around how you learn to protect yourself through shutting down
or fighting back or running away or just being distracted
(14:44):
and fixated on the size of your ass. Tell me
more about what doesn't feel safe going towards your feminine energy.
So the inquiry is we meet the thing that's actually here,
which might be it's hard or I don't know why,
or that feels scary because so many women, I mean,
we have been hurt like men too. Like don't get
me wrong, yes of us women that have had physical
(15:08):
violence or sexual abuse, or emotional neglect or just basic
shaming of like you know, you're too tall, you're too short,
you're too pretty, you're too ugly, you're too smart, you're
too dumb, Like we just can't win, and will we
participate in that too?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And we participate in it, which brings me to a
quote of yours that I keep coming back to about
the ways that patriarchy lives inside of us without us
even realizing.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
This is so confronting and this is going to be controversial.
Me and you, I know, every single one, and I
love you, I love us. We got to look at
the stuff that's hard to look at. We got to
look at it.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, we gotta sit with it. Here's this quote that
I keep coming back to of your scrap burrella. You said,
every time we judge our bodies, judge our appearance, gossip
about other women, or don't assert ourselves in conversations about
wealth and money, we are facilitating the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So let's break that down one by one.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So when we judge our own bodies, when we stand
in front of the mirror and say, oh, I'm not
going to put on that swimsuit because I don't feel confident.
I'm not going to go swimming, that's actually internalized misogyny
and the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yes, because we are reinforcing this belief system that says
that there's something wrong with us, and if we only
looked a certain way, we would be okay. Because women,
we have been trained to believe that our power comes
through our beauty and our body, our ability to please
others or to be how others need us to be.
(16:31):
And so we've learned all these ways to adapt. God bless.
But look at the plastic surgery industry and the beauty industry,
and I mean again like free will do as you will.
There's nonce here, but looking at the underlying motivations, like
what is the thing inside of you that tells you
that one hundred and fifty thousand dollars facelift and all
the bruising. Everything is a good use of your bodily
(16:54):
resources and financial resources because what are you trying to
fulfill from that?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
This is something that is becoming harder and harder to witness,
I think in the world as a woman, because it
is so nuanced and complicated. Because on the one hand,
I'm like always for female agency, I'm like, yes, girl,
if you think that nos job is going to make
you feel more confident, do it.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I want you to experience where is it coming from inside? Right?
And futivation? And who is it for.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
We've got to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back with Gabriella Taylor. Well, gossip is another way
that we turn on each other. And this is this
might be your most controversial idea.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I got a lot of it. I know you do.
I know you do. But what is it with that
idea of gossip?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Right? Because I'm not gonna lie. Gossip can feel fun
in the moment, you know, it's dopamine, it does, and
it can feel like connection. You know, whenever you're really
relating to someone, you both have the tea. You both
know the situation, it can feel really energizing. Yes, why do.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
You believe it is so harmful?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
My, I mean it is so harmful. I mean I
just automatically think of all of the times that's happened
to me and just how it broke my heart or
I just like when I would hear that women that
I thought were friends, whether I was in fifth grade,
I'm remembering it to something that happened a few months ago,
remembering it like. It's so harmful because it erodes this innocent,
basic sense of trust and belonging. Because what it does
(18:30):
is it positions us as women suddenly from thinking that
we're part of the tribe to being on the outside.
Oh no, they are talking about me. I am on
the outside. And that is so irrosive because connection is
a biological imperative. We humans do not do well if
we don't feel like we belong and are connected. And
(18:51):
because so few of us actually feel like we belong
based on who we are versus who we've had to
become to try and like fit the game to belong,
So gossip is so irrosive because not only does it
reinforce a sense of you're alone, you're not one of us.
But it also reinforces this way that women have been
(19:11):
taught to compete and trample on each other to get
the thing. Let's face it, like, if we back it up, yeah,
it feels good because it gives a false sense of belonging,
and it does give us a dopamine hit, like we
think that there's a little oxytocin that also comes out.
We think that we're bonding with the person, even though
it's false bonding. And it also is because we've been
(19:33):
taught to compete for scraps. There's not enough to go around,
So gossip is so insidious because it's reinforcing that there's
not enough for all. Remember, the patriarchy requires fear and
scarcity to be enacted, and if there's not enough, then
I'm going to fight you for what should be mine.
So it's a way where we keep taking it out
on each other instead of addressing the actual system that
(19:55):
has fed us a lie.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
So I've only ever known patriarchy. We've only ever known
yeh over like five six thousand years. Absolutely, And something
that I have learned more about through spending time with
you is that matriarchal societies actually did exist yes, at
one point.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And this is my understanding too from research that I've done,
is that there was somewhere from a thirty five to
fifty thousand year period where we lived as a matriarchal culture, prepatriarchy,
where there was overall a sense of enough for all,
and we looked out for each other, but the common
shared need to work in harmony with each other, and
(20:35):
also to work in harmony with the fields and the
crops and the plants and the planet and the animals.
And there was a sense of where we prayed to Father, Mother, God,
we prayed to the universe. We worked a lot with
celestial you know, sort of rituals and rhythms, so there
was a sense of being connected to something greater.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Well, I have been thinking about this idea a lot,
and I've talked about it on this show, like the
idea that I am doing things now in my own
life that my mom didn't have the capacity to do,
and she did things that her mom didn't have the
capacity to do. And it really does feel even with
(21:13):
everything that's happening in the world right now and restrictions
on women's rights, I choose to believe that there has
never been a better time to be a woman. Yes,
because I really do feel like we are leading this enlightenment.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Oh my god, right, yes, yes, Like even my thighs
have like chills when you say that. Yes, I believe
that you are alive. I am alive. Perhaps your listeners,
we came in at this time because we are being
called we each have a role to play to shape
the new era of feminine power that is balanced with
(21:48):
masculine power and to create a world that works for all,
and that we each have a role to play. However,
we must take a good look at how we have
been shaped, how our brains and nervous systems have been
molded by this culture for thousands of years. That has
taught us that we're not okay, and we've needed to
(22:10):
adapt and protect ourselves. I think a lot about the
split in the Western feminine psyche. It's like your soul,
my soul. All of our souls came in pure, you know,
when we think of like the innocence of a newborn baby,
it's like so pure and our authentic essence, that that
pure energy. When when our needs are met, our authentic energy,
(22:32):
our authentic self qualities are able to flourish for most
of us, we didn't come into a world in which
our needs were met and it was safe to be us.
So what happened is this adaptive self developed, so we
have this adaptive self and this authentic self. This adaptive
self learned how to adapt in a world where our
(22:54):
needs weren't met, where we were shamed or made wrong
for feeling upset. Then layering in if our bodies have
been violated sexually or through any level of violence. So
all of these ways have asked ourselves to figure out
just how to survive, so we develop these intricate survival responses,
(23:15):
these adaptive responses, whether it's through people pleasing or perfectionism
or being a total bitch like these are all adaptive
responses that are actually brilliant survival responses that saved our
life at one point. That may have saved your mom's
life at one point, that saved my mom's life at
one point. However, we're alive at a time where we
(23:36):
now have new tools, new technology, new awareness to heal
some of these adaptations through understanding them and also rewiring
our brains and our nervous systems so that way we
can lead more from that authentic soul essence, like the
original energy that we came in with that is just
(23:57):
so pure and that has a song to sing, gifts
to GiB.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
When I think about that pure energy of girlhood, I
think about Sonny, which is a new community that we've
launched here at Hello Sunshine to really just empower the
next generation of women now because we're having these conversations,
hopefully the women who are younger than me, a couple
generations younger than me, will be able to live more
(24:22):
authentic lives. Yes, you know, and so if you're in
their shoes, if you're like a teenager growing up in
twenty twenty five, what are the ways in which you
could begin to unlearn some of this programming.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I mean, what's beautiful about being a teenager is that
our brain is forming until we're twenty seven. So our
implicit memory is shaping in our brains, and it's the
feeling of what it feels like to be me. So
I would say for a fifteen.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Year old, while it's still like so newly developing and forming,
what comes to me, it would be one get so
comfortable with asking for support and getting support that you need.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I don't mean the coddling and entitlement that comes with
having our parents come in and rescue us.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Or infantalizing teenagers and thinking they're not capable of you know,
certain things.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
But the support that you need to discover your voice
and use it, the support that you need to look
at what am I really feeling? Am I comfortable with
this or not? Do I feel sad about this or not?
Do I feel mad about this? Like, grow your emotional intelligence,
your capacity to make friends with your feelings. Grow your
(25:43):
support in terms of who your tribe is, like people
that are also committed to relearning how to be good
friends with each other. Be very very selective with who
you surround yourself with, and that they're safe women, that
they make you feel better about yourself right around them,
and then also behind your back, that you know that
they're propping you up.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, I was going to say, when we think about
the consequences of gossip, it feels so acute at that age,
so acute.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yes, the need for belonging is really heightened.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Oh so crange. Yeah, so you have that ability. I'm
so glad that you said this and that we are
talking about this for the next generation, because to just
take that pause and that moment as a teenager to
actually make friends with your own feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yes, iver that and find a healthy, safe grown up. Yes,
find a healthy, safe grown up.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
That encourages you to be more. You tell me more
about how you're feeling, Tell me more about what you're thinking.
Tell me more what that's like for you. Oh, tell
me more. You didn't like that, tell me why? Yeah,
that's true. Support And whether you're fifteen or thirty five,
or fifty five or seventy five, yeah, still the same
things apply.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Find a grown up you trust, Yes, no matter what
age you're at.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
From Gabriella Taylor.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
After this quick break, we're back with Gabriella Taylor. Okay, So,
now that we've established the ways in which patriarchy and
misogyny show up in our lives, I'm realizing that sometimes
it's easier to understand these patterns through stories. And I
think about all the TV shows and films that shaped
(27:24):
who I am and what my definition of womanhood is.
So let's break down some TV and film characters together,
and we're going to file them under empowered archetypes or
collapse archetypes. When I think about matriarchal societies. I think
about the Barbie Movie and it's a really cartoonish depiction
of what that would be. But when you think about
(27:47):
how the Barbie Movie represented feminine energy, what were your.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
High level takeaways? I mean, I loved Barlabe and I
love the energy of here's this perfect doll waking up
to her messy humanity. And it's also challenging because our
culture yet does not embrace that at all, and so
it does plant a seed of possibility of hey, ladies,
it's okay to be messy. You're loved anyways. Yeah, Yet
(28:15):
our culture at large there's no place for that.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yet you're right, that was the most powerful part of
that film was her waking up from this perfect reality
that she was presenting to everyone and stepping into her
messy humanity.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I love the way that you phrase that.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Okay, let's move on to some other empowered archetypes. Wonder Woman, Oh,
another good one, because she's rooted in justice but yet
not domination. Right, Yes, because if we think of the patriarchy,
it's a hierarchical structure.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I think domination over collaboration. So Wonder Woman is a
beautiful example where she's not out to dominate like she's
a badass. You don't mess with her. Yet she is
being led by the power of life love. It's not
the power of force or greed or any of these
things that are just taking what they want with no
(29:08):
awareness of the cost. Like when I think of Wonder
Woman and what she represents, she was fighting in service
to the good. It's like that ferocious mama bear energy
that's like no, like you will not, you know, mess
with my cubs. So it's the intention behind it all
of this, because we have to remember that our brains,
(29:30):
like the motivational driving system of our brain, which governs
you know, our feelings, our behaviors, everything. It rules eighty
percent of our experience and it's subconscious. So our conscious
mind might have this idea of, oh, I'm doing this
for a good reason. I'm getting that facelift, or I'm
not asking for a raise, or oh, I'm gossiping about
(29:52):
this woman because so and so really needs to know.
So our conscious minds might try and trick us and
tell us that we're doing it for a good reason.
But if eighty percent of our unconscious motivational system is
actually holding memory and experience around insecurity, unworthiness, competition, that
(30:12):
is the motivational energy that is actually driving our life.
This is why Carl Jung, the famed Swiss psychologist, said,
until we make the unconscious conscious, it will rule our
lives and we will call it fate. And I think
it's so. You know, one of the things that I
see in a lot of the you know, like rah rah,
(30:35):
girl power, girl boss, I am woman, hear me roar,
is that it's frivolous and we have to all come
together to recognize that the stakes are so high right now.
This is not frivolous. It is incumbent upon us as
women and men to heal the divided self that has
(30:55):
caused us to quash our humanity, to shut down our emotions,
and to shut down about how much we care about
each other. Because we're not going to survive most likely
unless we do this work together. And that's also why
I am so thrilled about there's so much that we
can do. I mean, this is why I've spent the
bulk of my career specializing in the neuroscience of feminine power.
(31:20):
It's like, in a very real, integrated and bodied way,
not in this sort of nebulous like, oh, you are powerful,
you know, go do your thing. It's like no, like,
we actually have this extraordinary capacity to leverage this inborn
power and strength within us as the power of God
or the universe or spirit flows through us when we
(31:41):
release the blocks. What are the blocks? Shame, comparison, fear, hatred, anger,
Those are blocks that ask us to pay attention to
them and attend to them, not try and steamroll them
or make ourselves wrong for feeling them. So we have
to address the things that block us inside from our
power inside.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Another empowered archetype that comes to mind is the women
of Wakonda.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Another panther, another good one, I know, such a good one.
Again the power of love. Like they were protecting, they
were guarding, They were like not to mess with, because
they were operating from the energy of love, of looking
out for themselves in each community, for the community. Yeah,
and not in a martyr way, but it's in a
(32:26):
really embodied, like beautiful way.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I also think of our own Reese Weatherspoon as Elwood's
in Legally Blonde. She, to me, is this empowered archetype.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yes, it's such a great example. And boy does she
have a voice. Or lady. Does she have a voice? Yes,
and she knew how to use it?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, yes, exactly. Okay, I have a controversial empowered archetype.
I want to throw them there, go for it. Samantha
from Sex.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And the City, Oh, such a good one.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well, okay, So when I think Carrie has become so
controversial because as new audiences are rewatching the show, they're
kind of taking to social media and sounding off on
Carrie and how messy she is and everything. Samantha, to me,
was always such a good friend. She seemed liberated sexually,
and she seemed to operate from this place of her
(33:19):
own desire all the time. Is she empowered or is
she a collapsed archetype?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Such a great question. So again remembering that all of
these women, in my perspective, they all are animating like
that template that I was talking about, that hardware that
we were installed with that told us how to be
a woman. So Samantha, I wonder like, was she really
that sexually empowered or maybe sexuality was the currency for
(33:47):
intimacy because nobody actually showed her healthy relationship skills that
required that she didn't have to do anything or perform
a certain way to be loved or to be held
or to be heard. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
This is the other side of women's sexual abras that
we don't talk about.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Right, How many of us have been sexually abused? Right?
And how that can lead to unhealthy, yes, tragic objectification
of ourselves in the name of sexual agency. Like our
nervous system shapes around three generations of trauma. So even
if it didn't happen to my body, it happened to
Mom's body, my body, a nervous system is still going
(34:27):
to respond to it. And I suppose the question is
is can I share with you how I'm hurting? And
will you not use it against me?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Okay, moving on to some collapse archetypes. So this is
what we this is what we don't want to do, right.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
This is what we don't want to do, but we
all do. But we all do it, and all we
need to normalize. Like this lives in all of us.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Like, for example, we all have a bit of Regina
George and us at one point or another. Yes, right,
she represents the adaptive shadow feminine.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
She has this desire. All have a mean girl in us,
We all have one that learned to compete in us,
like we need to own that this libs in all
of us and really get honest about how is it
showing up inside of me? And how am I reenacting
it today? Maybe I learned it when I was twelve,
but I'm still reenacting it in the boardroom.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
And then I think the Disney Classic Princesses take the
prize over collapse.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
I mean, God, bless Night and Shining Armor. Disney should
be paying for all of our therapy, Like, God help us.
I am, And.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
I'm the biggest hypocrite because I'm also the biggest Disney fan,
and I still love all these movies because it's just,
you know, it's that like familiar, cozy feeling familiar.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It's the nommalia, Yeah, familiar because it touches that place
of how we've literally been programmed.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, even on this show, we've broken down some things
like Belle and Danielle, my former co host, would be like,
oh yeah, she was actually kidnaps Moon.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Kidnapped, remember that. Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah, I
guess you're right. I guess that's it. Like we can
laugh about it because it's like, oh my god, the
alma in our culture is so normalized. We have to
laugh about it, yes, and we also have to cry about.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
It completely, bringing us to the end of our conversation, Gabriella,
this is a part of our show that we like
to call Moment to Shine because we want to give
our guests a moment to shine. So what are you
celebrating right now?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I am celebrating the example of healthy feminine power that
is being displayed through us right now. We met, We
created a relationship. You invited me onto your platform to
talk about this thing that affects all of us that
most of us feel really bad about, gossip, competition, self sabotage,
(36:38):
but to talk about it so we can wake up
from the spell and realize, Oh, you're not to blame.
I'm not to blame. We all struggle with this and
there's so much that we can do. So I am
celebrating the power of women to come together to speak
about the things that really matter so that we have
a chance to actually create a whole new possible for
(37:00):
life to flourish. And I believe that's happening now. I'm
celebrating that too. Yes, thank you so much, Gabriella.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yes, Gabriella Taylor is a master certified life coach and
ordained minister. To learn more about her executive coaching work,
head to Gabriella Taylor dot com. The bright Side is
a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and is
executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce. Production
(37:31):
is by a Cast Creative Studios. Our producers are Taylor Williamson,
Adrian Bain, Abby Delk, and Darby Masters. Our production assistant
is Joya putnoy Acasts. Executive producers are Jenny Kaplan and
Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo and Reese Witherspoon are the executive
producers for Hello Sunshine. Ali Perry and Lauren Hansen are
(37:52):
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palizola is our showrunner.
Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lake Houser.
Today on the right side, we're learning what it really
means to lead with feminine energy with life coach Gabriella Taylor.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Let's just get clear. Women do not need any more mantras.
They do not need any more affirmations, shots fired. We
need a new relationship with our feminine power. We came
in at this time because we are being called. We
each have a role to play to shape the new
(00:30):
era of feminine power that is balanced with masculine power
and to create a world that works for all.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Okay, what I'm about to say may sound controversial, but
I can't keep this.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
In any longer.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I am convinced there's never been a more exciting time
to be a woman. And hear me out, because I
know the burdens are real and plentiful on us right now.
Women all over the world and here at home continue
to face numerous injustices and restrictions on their freedom and progress.
And then there's also the pressures and imbalances of work
(01:10):
and family life and pay equity. So trust me, I
get it. Things are tough, and at the same time,
we are also harvesting from the seeds of progress that
were planted by our mothers by their mothers and the
women before them. I mean, women today have more access
to and potential for growth than ever before. And I
(01:33):
think what really makes this time unique is that we
also have access to help and support. For what feels
like the first time I see women all around me
working on themselves with intention, waking up every day and
deciding to be a better version of themselves. We are
in therapy, we're joining run clubs, walking groups, we're going
(01:55):
on retreats, we're meditating. I mean, we are always looking
for ways to optimize and learn and grow. And I
just think that's really special to witness this happening collectively
all around us. So when it comes to celebrating this
era of womanhood, I can't think of a more perfect
voice for this conversation than my friend Gabriella Taylor. Because
(02:19):
Gabriella is someone you want in your village. She is
a master certified life coach who has spent more than
twenty five years helping people heal their emotional wounds and
break free of those limiting beliefs and step into their
power using a trifecta of tools psychology, neuroscience, and feminine mysticism.
(02:40):
So for all my woo, girl, he's out there. I
hope your ears just perked up because you're gonna love
that part of this conversation. When Gabriella works with extraordinarily
successful women, women who are literally changing the world through
their impact, she helps expose the hidden ways that misogyny
shapes how we think, how we feel, and how we
relate to each other every single day. So in this
(03:03):
episode you can expect some real takeaways from how to
break negative patterns to how to give yourself grace consistently,
and Gabrielle has also got a really hot take on
gossip that you're not going to want to miss.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Well.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I hope this conversation leaves you feeling elevated and inspired
to lead with your feminine energy as you move through
life's challenges. I mean, the goal is just no matter
how hard it gets, never letting go of that softness,
humor and joy. Okay, So here it is my conversation
with Gabriella Taylor. Gabriella Taylor, welcome to the bright Side.
(03:41):
You coach really high profile successful women. Gabriella actually won't
tell me who these clients are because she's not allowed to.
That's how famous and successful they are, But what are
the kinds of breakthroughs that you lead these clients into?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
In this industry for almost thirty years And I also
actually work with men too, But yes, most of my
clients tend to have a lot of worldly power. I
have two Grammy Award winning top artists right now, whether
they are a global leader in whatever their industry is,
or their key philanthropists that have phenomenal wealth, they have
(04:20):
a lot of power. And also everyday change makers that
might be like a single mom running a nonprofit, but like,
whooh does she have power because she is like committed
exactly doing this thing. But the breakthroughs that I find
is that no matter how accomplished, experienced, brilliant, insightful, successful
they are, we all are bound by the same template,
(04:44):
if you will. In psychology, it's called an inner working model.
We all have this inner working model that defines our
relationship with anything important, our lives, with money, with love,
with food, with our bodies and so the feminine psyche,
the template for the inner working model, is designed to
hold us back and hold us down. Why how so, oh,
(05:06):
this is where it gets good. Let's go. So, let's
unpack the patriarchy. It's a hierarchical power structure that exists
on a power over power under model, and fear and
scarcity are its power tools to keep people in line.
And it can only exist it can only thrive when
(05:27):
feminine energy is suppressed in men and women. Okay, I
have to take that in for a second.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, patriarchy can only thrive when feminine energy.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Is suppressed in men, in women, in men and women.
That's the interesting part of that, right, It is not
gender specific. It is a power paradigm that lives in
every single one of us, particularly in the Western world.
Is more where my orientation and focus has been right.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And it's important to acknowledge that the only reason we're
able to have this conversation is because we are privileged
Western women. There are yes, many millions of women in
the world who aren't even able to have this conversation.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
And this is why we're having this conversation. Not only
for ourselves, I believe, but we have a responsibility to
use our resources to support those that don't have the
capacity to have a voice, have a say, and make
real change. Can we sit with feminine energy?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah for a minute, Because you're saying that's an essential
component that both men and women need. And I've been
hearing I'm in my feminine a lot lately. It feels
like this is in the zeitgeist. I see it on
social media a lot, and I celebrate it. I'm like, yes, girl,
be in your feminine, be in your soft life. I
love that for you, because for me, as someone who
has raised in the girl Boss era, the idea of
(06:43):
being in your feminine was like, I don't even know
what that means, which is why I want to ask
you to define it. So what does healthy feminine energy
look like?
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Right?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Feminine energy is feeling sensation. It considers relation not only
our relationship to ourselves, but each other, this planet, to
something greater than ourselves. So when I'm in meaningful conversation
with people like you, I go more into my feminine
energy to listen to what wants to emerge here. I'm
(07:14):
listening to my intuition and I'm also pulling from my
subcortical brain for whatever information might be helpful.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Gabriella, you have this way of like guiding women back
to themselves and back to our feminine power, both through
neuroscience and mysticism. I mean talk about a rare combination.
That's not something we see every day. So for someone
who's hearing that for the first time, what does that
really mean in your own words, that marriage of neuroscience
(07:42):
and mysticism.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Just to share, I grew up with an alcoholic dad
who was very scary, and he was very unwell. I
dabbled with eating disorders, you know, found myself in an
eating disorder rehab with tubes up my nose, you know,
to feed me. I had attempted suicide because things were
really hard as a young woman, and I was raped
(08:05):
a number of times as a young woman. And I
have such a strong seeking system inside of me that
is so yearning to seek towards the light, to seek
towards healing, and so I dove into every approach I
could find to help myself heal. I shaved my head,
I joined monasteries, I took vows, I became ordained as
(08:26):
a minister. I did every pooja you could imagine. I mean,
I've walked on fire, I've like sat in peyote, ceremony, ayahuasca,
like all the things to try and spiritually pray away
my pain. Didn't really work on a fundamental level. So
then I got into psychology, get a couple of master's degrees.
(08:47):
If I can just psychoanalyze my issues, then I will
feel better about myself. Then I'll feel settled. Didn't work.
I could write a dissertation on my unresolved issues and
all of the ways that I self sabotage didn't anything.
And it wasn't until one of my younger brothers got
in a tragic car accident in which he had a
traumatic brain injury that I even started thinking about the brain.
(09:09):
He had a three percent chance of survival. And it
wasn't until then that I even started thinking, Oh, my gosh,
his brain. What about my brain? How was my brain
shaped around the hard things that I went through and
through the power of neuroplasticity, how can I help it
unlearn what it learned and relearn? And so that was
(09:30):
thirteen years ago, and that is how I got into
the path of what's called relational neuroscience and really understanding
how our brains and nervous systems are the guardians at
the gate that let us in, and when we're able
to get in to where it's stored inside, there is
so much freedom that we can bring in through rewiring
(09:50):
these neural networks that hold these very limiting beliefs and
deeply held feelings that have been hard to shake through prayer, meditation.
I mean, women, let's just get clear. Women do not
need any more mantras, They do not need any more affirmations,
shots fired. But we need a new relationship with our
(10:14):
feminine power. And so this is why I've created one
of the only approaches that I know of that combines
trauma science with depth psychology and feminine spirituality. And it's
what actually works because we are rewiring things at the core.
We might struggle with body image or not speaking up
about money, these things actually live in neural networks, in
(10:37):
storage units in our downstairs brain. So when someone says, oh,
that's just a limiting belief, let it go, it's virtually
impossible because it's neurobiologically locked in in a stacking pattern
of neurons.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Is it linked to trauma? Is it linked to something
that happens.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Anything that was emotionally impactful that we didn't get the
support that we needed. It then goes underground and it
embeds as what we call trauma, and then it wakes
up through PTSD anxiety, negative self talk, all sorts of
ways it wakes up. So a trauma response is simply
(11:17):
our brain just firing off signals of hey, something hard happened.
So no matter if the trauma happened last week or
seventy five years ago, our brain is amazing. We can
go into that neural network that holds the memory of
that hard thing, and this phenomenon happens to the brain
in which that neural network will open up and we
(11:39):
have a five hour window to rewire it. And that
is literally how we help the brain unlearn and relearn
new things. Five hour window what is up? It's a
five hour window in which the extra synaptic gab up
parts and we have access to this neural network that
previously was buried in the subcortical brain, the subcond But
(12:00):
when we get triggered i e. A trauma response comes up,
the extra synaptic gabba the goo that it was buried
in it parts and then we have a five hour
window to input it with new information before it goes
back to sleep under the goo in our subcortical brain,
buried in these neurotransmitters. And so this is what's beautiful
(12:22):
and extraordinary and revolutionary. So instead of trying to talk
our pain away or shame ourselves for having pain, we
actually go to the source. And this is memory reconsolidation,
is what I'm talking about, is the phenomenon which is
part of what I do. And so this is a
way where we literally can reshape our brain at the core.
So that way, either the symptoms that we're troubling for
(12:45):
us are either completely eradicated because the whole neural network
has been rewired so it doesn't have the same encoding,
or the symptoms reduced significantly. Wow. Yeah, wow, it's right.
It's so cool. I yeah, it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
And I I've always been fascinated with the brain. And
I feel like I just learned so much just from
hearing that.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Our brains are incredible. They really are. They're incredible. So
asking for.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
A friend who, let's say, has a hard time getting
in touch with her just a friend, just a friend.
Let's call her, Let's call her Sheila. Let's call her Sheilah. Okay,
and Sheila. You know, she's a working woman and she's
had a hard time getting in touch with her feminine
(13:30):
What is that first step and turning the curiosity inward.
What are the questions that we should be asking herself.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
To look at? Why it makes sense? It's hard. I
don't see anybody talking about this. The feminine empowerment industry
makes us wrong for feeling hurt about the hard things
that happen to us and tells us that we just
need to let it go or get over it or
drop the story. And we are not neurobiologically wired to
(13:58):
be able to do that. That's like having the upstairs
part of the brain try and control the downstairs part
of the brain. The upstairs part of the brain is willpower.
The downstairs part of the brain is where all of
these emotions and protective responses and behaviors come from. And
it's like trying to have the mind tell the heart
to stop beating. It doesn't work. So for Sheila, for one,
(14:19):
we want to normalize that we live in a world
that almost no one says, Oh, tell me more about
how you feel unsafe and so you've learned to harden
up or not speak up for yourself, or push over
other women to climb to the top. Tell me more
around how you learn to protect yourself through shutting down
or fighting back or running away or just being distracted
(14:44):
and fixated on the size of your ass. Tell me
more about what doesn't feel safe going towards your feminine energy.
So the inquiry is we meet the thing that's actually here,
which might be it's hard or I don't know why,
or that feels scary because so many women, I mean,
we have been hurt like men too. Like don't get
me wrong, yes of us women that have had physical
(15:08):
violence or sexual abuse, or emotional neglect or just basic
shaming of like you know, you're too tall, you're too short,
you're too pretty, you're too ugly, you're too smart, you're
too dumb, Like we just can't win, and will we
participate in that too?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And we participate in it, which brings me to a
quote of yours that I keep coming back to about
the ways that patriarchy lives inside of us without us
even realizing.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
This is so confronting and this is going to be controversial.
Me and you, I know, every single one, and I
love you, I love us. We got to look at
the stuff that's hard to look at. We got to
look at it.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, we gotta sit with it. Here's this quote that
I keep coming back to of your scrap burrella. You said,
every time we judge our bodies, judge our appearance, gossip
about other women, or don't assert ourselves in conversations about
wealth and money, we are facilitating the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So let's break that down one by one.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
So when we judge our own bodies, when we stand
in front of the mirror and say, oh, I'm not
going to put on that swimsuit because I don't feel confident.
I'm not going to go swimming, that's actually internalized misogyny
and the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yes, because we are reinforcing this belief system that says
that there's something wrong with us, and if we only
looked a certain way, we would be okay. Because women,
we have been trained to believe that our power comes
through our beauty and our body, our ability to please
others or to be how others need us to be.
(16:31):
And so we've learned all these ways to adapt. God bless.
But look at the plastic surgery industry and the beauty industry,
and I mean again like free will do as you will.
There's nonce here, but looking at the underlying motivations, like
what is the thing inside of you that tells you
that one hundred and fifty thousand dollars facelift and all
the bruising. Everything is a good use of your bodily
(16:54):
resources and financial resources because what are you trying to
fulfill from that?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
This is something that is becoming harder and harder to witness,
I think in the world as a woman, because it
is so nuanced and complicated. Because on the one hand,
I'm like always for female agency, I'm like, yes, girl,
if you think that nos job is going to make
you feel more confident, do it.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I want you to experience where is it coming from inside? Right?
And futivation? And who is it for.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
We've got to take a quick break, but we'll be
right back with Gabriella Taylor. Well, gossip is another way
that we turn on each other. And this is this
might be your most controversial idea.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I got a lot of it. I know you do.
I know you do. But what is it with that
idea of gossip?
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Right? Because I'm not gonna lie. Gossip can feel fun
in the moment, you know, it's dopamine, it does, and
it can feel like connection. You know, whenever you're really
relating to someone, you both have the tea. You both
know the situation, it can feel really energizing. Yes, why do.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
You believe it is so harmful?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
My, I mean it is so harmful. I mean I
just automatically think of all of the times that's happened
to me and just how it broke my heart or
I just like when I would hear that women that
I thought were friends, whether I was in fifth grade,
I'm remembering it to something that happened a few months ago,
remembering it like. It's so harmful because it erodes this innocent,
basic sense of trust and belonging. Because what it does
(18:30):
is it positions us as women suddenly from thinking that
we're part of the tribe to being on the outside.
Oh no, they are talking about me. I am on
the outside. And that is so irrosive because connection is
a biological imperative. We humans do not do well if
we don't feel like we belong and are connected. And
(18:51):
because so few of us actually feel like we belong
based on who we are versus who we've had to
become to try and like fit the game to belong,
So gossip is so irrosive because not only does it
reinforce a sense of you're alone, you're not one of us.
But it also reinforces this way that women have been
(19:11):
taught to compete and trample on each other to get
the thing. Let's face it, like, if we back it up, yeah,
it feels good because it gives a false sense of belonging,
and it does give us a dopamine hit, like we
think that there's a little oxytocin that also comes out.
We think that we're bonding with the person, even though
it's false bonding. And it also is because we've been
(19:33):
taught to compete for scraps. There's not enough to go around,
So gossip is so insidious because it's reinforcing that there's
not enough for all. Remember, the patriarchy requires fear and
scarcity to be enacted, and if there's not enough, then
I'm going to fight you for what should be mine.
So it's a way where we keep taking it out
on each other instead of addressing the actual system that
(19:55):
has fed us a lie.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
So I've only ever known patriarchy. We've only ever known
yeh over like five six thousand years. Absolutely, And something
that I have learned more about through spending time with
you is that matriarchal societies actually did exist yes, at
one point.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And this is my understanding too from research that I've done,
is that there was somewhere from a thirty five to
fifty thousand year period where we lived as a matriarchal culture, prepatriarchy,
where there was overall a sense of enough for all,
and we looked out for each other, but the common
shared need to work in harmony with each other, and
(20:35):
also to work in harmony with the fields and the
crops and the plants and the planet and the animals.
And there was a sense of where we prayed to Father, Mother, God,
we prayed to the universe. We worked a lot with
celestial you know, sort of rituals and rhythms, so there
was a sense of being connected to something greater.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Well, I have been thinking about this idea a lot,
and I've talked about it on this show, like the
idea that I am doing things now in my own
life that my mom didn't have the capacity to do,
and she did things that her mom didn't have the
capacity to do. And it really does feel even with
(21:13):
everything that's happening in the world right now and restrictions
on women's rights, I choose to believe that there has
never been a better time to be a woman. Yes,
because I really do feel like we are leading this enlightenment.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Oh my god, right, yes, yes, Like even my thighs
have like chills when you say that. Yes, I believe
that you are alive. I am alive. Perhaps your listeners,
we came in at this time because we are being
called we each have a role to play to shape
the new era of feminine power that is balanced with
(21:48):
masculine power and to create a world that works for all,
and that we each have a role to play. However,
we must take a good look at how we have
been shaped, how our brains and nervous systems have been
molded by this culture for thousands of years. That has
taught us that we're not okay, and we've needed to
(22:10):
adapt and protect ourselves. I think a lot about the
split in the Western feminine psyche. It's like your soul,
my soul. All of our souls came in pure, you know,
when we think of like the innocence of a newborn baby,
it's like so pure and our authentic essence, that that
pure energy. When when our needs are met, our authentic energy,
(22:32):
our authentic self qualities are able to flourish for most
of us, we didn't come into a world in which
our needs were met and it was safe to be us.
So what happened is this adaptive self developed, so we
have this adaptive self and this authentic self. This adaptive
self learned how to adapt in a world where our
(22:54):
needs weren't met, where we were shamed or made wrong
for feeling upset. Then layering in if our bodies have
been violated sexually or through any level of violence. So
all of these ways have asked ourselves to figure out
just how to survive, so we develop these intricate survival responses,
(23:15):
these adaptive responses, whether it's through people pleasing or perfectionism
or being a total bitch like these are all adaptive
responses that are actually brilliant survival responses that saved our
life at one point. That may have saved your mom's
life at one point, that saved my mom's life at
one point. However, we're alive at a time where we
(23:36):
now have new tools, new technology, new awareness to heal
some of these adaptations through understanding them and also rewiring
our brains and our nervous systems so that way we
can lead more from that authentic soul essence, like the
original energy that we came in with that is just
(23:57):
so pure and that has a song to sing, gifts
to GiB.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
When I think about that pure energy of girlhood, I
think about Sonny, which is a new community that we've
launched here at Hello Sunshine to really just empower the
next generation of women now because we're having these conversations,
hopefully the women who are younger than me, a couple
generations younger than me, will be able to live more
(24:22):
authentic lives. Yes, you know, and so if you're in
their shoes, if you're like a teenager growing up in
twenty twenty five, what are the ways in which you
could begin to unlearn some of this programming.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I mean, what's beautiful about being a teenager is that
our brain is forming until we're twenty seven. So our
implicit memory is shaping in our brains, and it's the
feeling of what it feels like to be me. So
I would say for a fifteen.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Year old, while it's still like so newly developing and forming,
what comes to me, it would be one get so
comfortable with asking for support and getting support that you need.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I don't mean the coddling and entitlement that comes with
having our parents come in and rescue us.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Or infantalizing teenagers and thinking they're not capable of you know,
certain things.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
But the support that you need to discover your voice
and use it, the support that you need to look
at what am I really feeling? Am I comfortable with
this or not? Do I feel sad about this or not?
Do I feel mad about this? Like, grow your emotional intelligence,
your capacity to make friends with your feelings. Grow your
(25:43):
support in terms of who your tribe is, like people
that are also committed to relearning how to be good
friends with each other. Be very very selective with who
you surround yourself with, and that they're safe women, that
they make you feel better about yourself right around them,
and then also behind your back, that you know that
they're propping you up.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, I was going to say, when we think about
the consequences of gossip, it feels so acute at that age,
so acute.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yes, the need for belonging is really heightened.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Oh so crange. Yeah, so you have that ability. I'm
so glad that you said this and that we are
talking about this for the next generation, because to just
take that pause and that moment as a teenager to
actually make friends with your own feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yes, iver that and find a healthy, safe grown up. Yes,
find a healthy, safe grown up.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
That encourages you to be more. You tell me more
about how you're feeling, Tell me more about what you're thinking.
Tell me more what that's like for you. Oh, tell
me more. You didn't like that, tell me why? Yeah,
that's true. Support And whether you're fifteen or thirty five,
or fifty five or seventy five, yeah, still the same
things apply.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Find a grown up you trust, Yes, no matter what
age you're at.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
From Gabriella Taylor.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
After this quick break, we're back with Gabriella Taylor. Okay, So,
now that we've established the ways in which patriarchy and
misogyny show up in our lives, I'm realizing that sometimes
it's easier to understand these patterns through stories. And I
think about all the TV shows and films that shaped
(27:24):
who I am and what my definition of womanhood is.
So let's break down some TV and film characters together,
and we're going to file them under empowered archetypes or
collapse archetypes. When I think about matriarchal societies. I think
about the Barbie Movie and it's a really cartoonish depiction
of what that would be. But when you think about
(27:47):
how the Barbie Movie represented feminine energy, what were your.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
High level takeaways? I mean, I loved Barlabe and I
love the energy of here's this perfect doll waking up
to her messy humanity. And it's also challenging because our
culture yet does not embrace that at all, and so
it does plant a seed of possibility of hey, ladies,
it's okay to be messy. You're loved anyways. Yeah, Yet
(28:15):
our culture at large there's no place for that.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yet you're right, that was the most powerful part of
that film was her waking up from this perfect reality
that she was presenting to everyone and stepping into her
messy humanity.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I love the way that you phrase that.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Okay, let's move on to some other empowered archetypes. Wonder Woman, Oh,
another good one, because she's rooted in justice but yet
not domination. Right, Yes, because if we think of the patriarchy,
it's a hierarchical structure.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I think domination over collaboration. So Wonder Woman is a
beautiful example where she's not out to dominate like she's
a badass. You don't mess with her. Yet she is
being led by the power of life love. It's not
the power of force or greed or any of these
things that are just taking what they want with no
(29:08):
awareness of the cost. Like when I think of Wonder
Woman and what she represents, she was fighting in service
to the good. It's like that ferocious mama bear energy
that's like no, like you will not, you know, mess
with my cubs. So it's the intention behind it all
of this, because we have to remember that our brains,
(29:30):
like the motivational driving system of our brain, which governs
you know, our feelings, our behaviors, everything. It rules eighty
percent of our experience and it's subconscious. So our conscious
mind might have this idea of, oh, I'm doing this
for a good reason. I'm getting that facelift, or I'm
not asking for a raise, or oh, I'm gossiping about
(29:52):
this woman because so and so really needs to know.
So our conscious minds might try and trick us and
tell us that we're doing it for a good reason.
But if eighty percent of our unconscious motivational system is
actually holding memory and experience around insecurity, unworthiness, competition, that
(30:12):
is the motivational energy that is actually driving our life.
This is why Carl Jung, the famed Swiss psychologist, said,
until we make the unconscious conscious, it will rule our
lives and we will call it fate. And I think
it's so. You know, one of the things that I
see in a lot of the you know, like rah rah,
(30:35):
girl power, girl boss, I am woman, hear me roar,
is that it's frivolous and we have to all come
together to recognize that the stakes are so high right now.
This is not frivolous. It is incumbent upon us as
women and men to heal the divided self that has
(30:55):
caused us to quash our humanity, to shut down our emotions,
and to shut down about how much we care about
each other. Because we're not going to survive most likely
unless we do this work together. And that's also why
I am so thrilled about there's so much that we
can do. I mean, this is why I've spent the
bulk of my career specializing in the neuroscience of feminine power.
(31:20):
It's like, in a very real, integrated and bodied way,
not in this sort of nebulous like, oh, you are powerful,
you know, go do your thing. It's like no, like,
we actually have this extraordinary capacity to leverage this inborn
power and strength within us as the power of God
or the universe or spirit flows through us when we
(31:41):
release the blocks. What are the blocks? Shame, comparison, fear, hatred, anger,
Those are blocks that ask us to pay attention to
them and attend to them, not try and steamroll them
or make ourselves wrong for feeling them. So we have
to address the things that block us inside from our
power inside.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Another empowered archetype that comes to mind is the women
of Wakonda.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Another panther, another good one, I know, such a good one.
Again the power of love. Like they were protecting, they
were guarding, They were like not to mess with, because
they were operating from the energy of love, of looking
out for themselves in each community, for the community. Yeah,
and not in a martyr way, but it's in a
(32:26):
really embodied, like beautiful way.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I also think of our own Reese Weatherspoon as Elwood's
in Legally Blonde. She, to me, is this empowered archetype.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yes, it's such a great example. And boy does she
have a voice. Or lady. Does she have a voice? Yes,
and she knew how to use it?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, yes, exactly. Okay, I have a controversial empowered archetype.
I want to throw them there, go for it. Samantha
from Sex.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And the City, Oh, such a good one.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well, okay, So when I think Carrie has become so
controversial because as new audiences are rewatching the show, they're
kind of taking to social media and sounding off on
Carrie and how messy she is and everything. Samantha, to me,
was always such a good friend. She seemed liberated sexually,
and she seemed to operate from this place of her
(33:19):
own desire all the time. Is she empowered or is
she a collapsed archetype?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Such a great question. So again remembering that all of
these women, in my perspective, they all are animating like
that template that I was talking about, that hardware that
we were installed with that told us how to be
a woman. So Samantha, I wonder like, was she really
that sexually empowered or maybe sexuality was the currency for
(33:47):
intimacy because nobody actually showed her healthy relationship skills that
required that she didn't have to do anything or perform
a certain way to be loved or to be held
or to be heard. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
This is the other side of women's sexual abras that
we don't talk about.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Right, How many of us have been sexually abused? Right?
And how that can lead to unhealthy, yes, tragic objectification
of ourselves in the name of sexual agency. Like our
nervous system shapes around three generations of trauma. So even
if it didn't happen to my body, it happened to
Mom's body, my body, a nervous system is still going
(34:27):
to respond to it. And I suppose the question is
is can I share with you how I'm hurting? And
will you not use it against me?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Okay, moving on to some collapse archetypes. So this is
what we this is what we don't want to do, right.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
This is what we don't want to do, but we
all do. But we all do it, and all we
need to normalize. Like this lives in all of us.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Like, for example, we all have a bit of Regina
George and us at one point or another. Yes, right,
she represents the adaptive shadow feminine.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
She has this desire. All have a mean girl in us,
We all have one that learned to compete in us,
like we need to own that this libs in all
of us and really get honest about how is it
showing up inside of me? And how am I reenacting
it today? Maybe I learned it when I was twelve,
but I'm still reenacting it in the boardroom.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
And then I think the Disney Classic Princesses take the
prize over collapse.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
I mean, God, bless Night and Shining Armor. Disney should
be paying for all of our therapy, Like, God help us.
I am, And.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
I'm the biggest hypocrite because I'm also the biggest Disney fan,
and I still love all these movies because it's just,
you know, it's that like familiar, cozy feeling familiar.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It's the nommalia, Yeah, familiar because it touches that place
of how we've literally been programmed.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, even on this show, we've broken down some things
like Belle and Danielle, my former co host, would be like,
oh yeah, she was actually kidnaps Moon.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Kidnapped, remember that. Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah, I
guess you're right. I guess that's it. Like we can
laugh about it because it's like, oh my god, the
alma in our culture is so normalized. We have to
laugh about it, yes, and we also have to cry about.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
It completely, bringing us to the end of our conversation, Gabriella,
this is a part of our show that we like
to call Moment to Shine because we want to give
our guests a moment to shine. So what are you
celebrating right now?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I am celebrating the example of healthy feminine power that
is being displayed through us right now. We met, We
created a relationship. You invited me onto your platform to
talk about this thing that affects all of us that
most of us feel really bad about, gossip, competition, self sabotage,
(36:38):
but to talk about it so we can wake up
from the spell and realize, Oh, you're not to blame.
I'm not to blame. We all struggle with this and
there's so much that we can do. So I am
celebrating the power of women to come together to speak
about the things that really matter so that we have
a chance to actually create a whole new possible for
(37:00):
life to flourish. And I believe that's happening now. I'm
celebrating that too. Yes, thank you so much, Gabriella.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yes, Gabriella Taylor is a master certified life coach and
ordained minister. To learn more about her executive coaching work,
head to Gabriella Taylor dot com. The bright Side is
a production of Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts and is
executive produced by Reese Witherspoon and me Simone Boyce. Production
(37:31):
is by a Cast Creative Studios. Our producers are Taylor Williamson,
Adrian Bain, Abby Delk, and Darby Masters. Our production assistant
is Joya putnoy Acasts. Executive producers are Jenny Kaplan and
Emily Rudder. Maureen Polo and Reese Witherspoon are the executive
producers for Hello Sunshine. Ali Perry and Lauren Hansen are
(37:52):
the executive producers for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palizola is our showrunner.
Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lake Houser.
Host
Simone Boyce
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