September 12, 2021 • 44 mins
Carlos talks to Peabody award winning actor, writer and producer Aasif Mandvi about his extensive entertainment career and his family dynamic.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Awsome Mondi was born in India and got his first
acting gig on Broadway in the production of Oklahoma, and
has been in the entertainment industry ever since. He can
be seen in the Paramount Plus series Evil, a correspondent
on The Daily Show with John Stewart, and toast of
the podcast Loss at the Smithsonian. On this episode of
The Carlos Watson Show podcast, Awsome Mondie reflects on his
(00:24):
extensive entertainment career and his family dynamic. Hey, how are
you good, Sorry to hold you. How's your Thursday? How's
your week? It's good. It's chaotic, but it's good. You know,
life being a having a child? Is this your first one?
(00:48):
Or or or do you have a do you have?
I wish I could say that like I was busy
because I had like a lot of kids. But actually
it's just the one that's keeping me busy. So now
are you sleeping or no? Are you getting any sleep?
We I do get sleep, but that's because my wife
(01:09):
is great and she lets me sleep. But um, but
we we like have a whole Like I wake up
so early now, like it's it's insane. Like I never
used to wake up this, like even on a Sunday,
I'm up with like six thirty in the morning. I'm like,
this is insane. All I do know what kind of
(01:31):
dad are you gonna be? Are you gonna be? Are
you gonna be fun dad? Are you gonna be? Like
disciplined dad? Like like, who are you gonna be? Do
you know? Right now? I'm I'm fun dad. And my
wife is disciplined mom. And so I think sometimes she
resents that a little bit. She's like, why do I
have to be the bad cop? You always? You know,
I'm the one that like, he's got this little car
(01:52):
that he loves to ride in that my dad got him,
and he's just and so like I take him for
a little car, like I put him on the car
will be right around the apartment in the and he
just thinks that's great. And then then my wife is like,
you gotta eat your lunch. You gotta, you gotta, you know,
And then she's the one who's like, sweetie, you can't
throw things on the like, you can't throw your food
(02:13):
on the floor. And I'm like, let's go for a car. Right.
It's a little unfair. It's a little unfair, but you know,
it's the thing it's like I don't know Dad's and sons.
It's like a thing. It's like like I immediately had
this thing. I wanted to be like my little buddy,
you know, and so like at some point, I'm sure
(02:35):
I'm gonna have to he's gonna be like, I hate you.
You know right now he thinks that great And as
long as I can keep that going, right, you keep
it as long as you can't. My dad did a
number of all star things when I was a kid,
uh led by when we had the vegetables I didn't like,
(02:58):
like beats. Uh. He would employ all kinds of good trickeration.
He would uh, he would ask my mom for something
else in the kitchen when she was gone. He would say,
put him on my play and he's have been. Don't
put him all at once because he won't believe it.
So do a little bit. So he was. He was
engaged to what w called strategicy. So he was. He
(03:20):
was an early early practitioner. So you do the same,
real little fellow. Yeah yeah, So so late in life, dad,
So you're you're you're And I'm asking in part with
a little bit of hope and aspiration because I don't
have kids yet, and uh, and I'm late to the game.
And uh, I think I noticed that that you're getting
into the game not in your twenties. Yeah. Yeah, But
(03:44):
I'm glad that I waited, you know, I don't know,
like a lot of people are like, oh, you know,
I wish I'd done it earlier and you know when,
And I can see why people would say that, but
I don't. I don't. I'm glad that I waited. I
feel like I couldn't have I couldn't have had the
focus when I was like in my thirties, you know,
(04:06):
like in my business, like as an actor, I was
hustling and trying to get you know, and so it
took me a long time to really get established in
a way and feel like I have, you know, I
think for for a guy, it's very much about like
when you feel like you're ready in life, like you
got your feet on the ground and you feel like
you don't need to go out clubbing every night, and
(04:27):
you know, like like I met that face in my
life now we're like, I'm totally happy spending time with him.
And if you just tell me, like, you know, if
you do anything else today, I mean okay, I say
this is like my wife would dispute this, but like
but like if you say to me, like you got
like just the whole like sheel sometimes be like I'm
going out when I'm dinner with a friend and I'm like,
(04:48):
I got the whole evening just with him, and he's
already had his bath, so I don't have to do,
you know. I mean like like I'm like, I'm like happy,
like I'm happy, like I feel like I'm like totally
spend time with him. So like I in a weird way, Yes,
it's harder physically on your body, you know. Um, I
feel like I'm I'm you know, I carry him around
(05:10):
and then I'm like what did I pull? Like what
was that? Like? How did I even? Because I'm holding
him down and he's like he's going like this. And
then the the other day, literally I was like doing
a plane ride. I was like and I pulled something
and I'm like what the Like I can't even And
then I had to tell my trainer. I'm like, I
pulled my must He said, what are you doing? I'm like, well,
(05:32):
I was giving my kid like a plane ride, making
him an airplane, you know, like and it's just like,
so that is the side of it that if I
was younger, I probably might not do. But you know,
I think I'm just mentally more in a place to
give him the attention and the first like he was
(05:54):
born in a pandemic, and so that was another thing,
like I didn't I gave him a lot. He benefited
from a lot of attention from his parents because we
weren't going anywhere um and nobody else was. So it
was it was sort of one of those things where
we were like just I think he really he's either
created like a god complex in him or or it's
(06:15):
really made him incredibly like secure. I don't know which.
You know, I bet you it's secure. You know, a
beautiful baby boy. I was talking to another music producer
last month in l A who had said the same thing.
He's got ten month old, uh now eleven month old
baby boy, his first child, first son, and uh, and
(06:36):
he's like Carlos's a whole difference, Like I wouldn't have
gotten this quality of time. He's like I would have
been in the studio, I would have been on the road,
I would have been meeting people, and he's like, instead,
I've been here, and he said, we're bonded in a
whole different way. So it's, uh, yeah, I know it's true.
It's definitely true. Like I feel like I'm at a
place now where like you know, I'm not, you know,
(06:58):
thank goodness, like I a little bit more settled and
secure and feel like, okay, I can you know, I'm
ready to like just take on this adventure. And it's
a you know, it's it's a whole journey that you
you embark on. You know, it's like your life. There
is no I think John Stewart said once, he said,
you know, the difference between the it's not red state
(07:21):
blue stay, it's it's people who have kids and people
who don't have kids like that. That's that's the the difference,
you know, And and it is it's really just like
your whole life. I mean, every parent knows this person.
Your whole life changes in an instant and and and
you do and you go with it because you just
look at this little guy or this little girl and
(07:44):
it's just I don't know, it's something, it's it's a
whole other mental like something happens in your brain and
it's like I there's nobody talk about parenthood without standing
like hey cliche, you know, because everybody, everybody says it,
and you know, then when it happens to you, you
just go, oh yeah, something definitely clicks and something this
(08:06):
is something, and you feel a kind of You're emotional
in a way that I've never been. Like I'm like
literally like constantly falling apart and crying over things. And
just because it's like I relate everything to him, like,
you know, his the world, He's going to grow up
in it, like you know, it's all just becomes about that.
(08:28):
And I think it's really made me a better actor
and a better artist in a way because I have
more access to something because you're just carrying all your
emotions outside you know that they're all they all live
in this little being, you know, and so there's something
about it that just makes you have more access and
(08:49):
move vulnerable on a daily basis, you know, to that stuff.
So especially, I mean, you know, yeah, at least for me,
that's that's what's happened. I could see that because I
I've heard a number of actors as an actor, Joel Kinneman.
I don't know if you know Joel, but he was
saying to me that um, part of the reason he
(09:10):
loves acting is that it has allowed him to experience
certain emotions more deeply, or sometimes even to work things
out or to go places. Otherwise he wouldn't go emotionally.
And I could see how the combination, although obviously I'm
speaking from hearing you and others, not from being apparent myself,
but I could. I could imagine. I can imagine what
(09:33):
you're saying. What you're saying resonates, and I can see
how that could. And I think, I think as an
actor and we we performers, we are like a self centered,
narcissistic bunch, you know. And this really takes you out
of that. It really takes you out of that head
and it's not about you anymore. It's like, I mean,
(09:54):
as a father, you realize, oh, this is a journey
into irrelevancy. Like I am just as no. I could
walk in with a a hack saw in my head
and be like standing in front of my wife and
she would go, do you think he has a temperature?
I think I'll just be like blood dripping down. She
(10:16):
would not even know. Back, moll me back to you.
After this message. Okay, now, how did you and your
(10:41):
wife meet. How did you guys? How did you guys
come across each other? We came across each other. Um,
it's a good way to put it. Um, we will met.
We were introduced by a mutual friend. Actually, um, she
just said, um. So, so she was friends with There
was a mutual couple that were a couple of We
(11:02):
knew she was friends with the guy. I was friends
with the girl and they were having a party and
then and then they invited her and they wvited meetic
around because she had a friend coming over there. And
she was like who and she was like she smelled something,
you know, and she was like, oh, I don't know.
I was like, no, no, no, he's really great and
(11:25):
an actor. And she was just like I'm not dating
an actor. That's not happening with an actor. And and
so anyway, we met and we sort of fell into
this kind of it was like it was like, what
I like about our relationship was that it wasn't just
(11:46):
like I'm seeing you across the room and you know,
it's not like it wasn't like a movie. It was
like two people who like kind of dug each other
and we're like, hey, I'd like to spend I'd like
to hang out with you a little bit. And we
didn't know what it was at first. We didn't know
if this was like a romantic thing or a friendship
or whatever, you know, Like we didn't know where this
(12:06):
was going. We just like I just liked her and
I like talking to her, and I thought she was smart.
You know, she was obviously attractive, but I was like,
and I don't think she knew. She was like, is
this my this is my type? Like I don't know,
I don't know. I want to date this guy, you know.
And so then and then we just started talking on
the phone a lot, and it was just a lot
of a lot of late night conversations and we just
(12:26):
got to know each other. And then and then and
then and then we were friends and we would hang
out and every time I'd be like, okay, honestly, and
my friends will be like, listen, dude, if you like,
if if you want this to happen, you gotta make
a move and you gotta do something, you know, and like,
you can't just keep having friendship because you just because
(12:46):
I've done that, you know, you end up in the
friend zone and then you just stuck there for the
rest of your life. And and so then I was like,
all right, if I'm gonna make a move, you know.
And then and then, but then every night it was
remember it was winter when we were dating, and we
come out of the restaurant or wherever, and or we
were hanging out. I didn't call it dating, buhan. And
(13:06):
then I'd be like, okay, give let go for the kiss,
go for the little thing, you know. And then she'd
like be like taxi and take off. And every night,
every time I feel like I didn't even get a chance,
She's like, taxi, Well it's really cold. When I get it,
you know, she's done. And then one night she came
(13:31):
home to her apartment and her heat it was winters
did really cold in New York, and he her m
heat had been turned off, uh and and she had
no heat in her partner. So she called me and
she was like, oh man, I got no heat, you know.
And I was like, listen, here's the thing. You can't
sleep in apartment with no heat, Like that's crazy, Like
(13:53):
you're not gonna spend the night come here, And I said,
and I've got heat. I was like, I was like,
I have lots of heat and of heat. And I
said I she said, uh, this is not and then
(14:13):
you know, I was like, look, I know what you're thinking.
Like okay, I was like, I'll sleep on the sofa
and you can have the bet. We can sleep with
separate rooms. It's fine. I just I just don't think
you should sleeping on a partment with no heat. And
so she was like, I don't know. She called her friend.
She was like, I don't he invited me over to come,
but I think it's it's like a thing, you know,
Like she's like, I was like, I don't know. And
(14:34):
her friend was like, crazy, just go, just go, you know.
And so then she came over and then that was
then then the heat happened. Why you like, like, that's
so and I had heat. I had a little heat
that you know what, that's the thing. Everybody's got to
(14:56):
have some heat. But you know what's great about those
are this one. There was a book I read um
by this woman Plumb Sights. She writes, uh, these kind
of like romance novels. And she was like, every story
of a couple meeting has at least two different tellings. Right,
there's there's a telling that that you whichever person you are,
(15:17):
and that couple understand, then there's the other person's telling
of it. It's almost like that movie Crash, where you
wish you could see both people's stories and kind of
how they intersect and what was in her mind the
whole time. You wish you could do like the thought bubbles,
like was she nervous calling for the taxi? Was she
thinking he's not going to make a move, That's why
(15:37):
I'm gonna call for the taxi? Was she was she
thinking damn it, he's gonna make the move and I'm
gonna mess this up kind of thing. You just there's
so many versions of it. I think I think she was,
and you know, it's actually very true because in her mind,
you know, now of course we can talk about and
something like she was like I think she was like,
(15:59):
I don't want to get into something that I don't
know if I'm gonna be like it was that. I
think we both had a little bit of that I
don't get into something because because I think what we
both understood and whether this was it wasn't going to
be cash, you know, and I think we both had
that feeling of like, oh, this doesn't feel casual. This
(16:19):
doesn't feel like it's just like Okay, we'll have a
summer flame or winter flame or whatever. It'll be done
and I'll move on. And I think, uh so both
of us had a little bit of commitment phobia. You know.
I was joked that like with two commitment phobics, that
that that came together and had a relationship comment. You know,
so I think he was having a little bit of that,
(16:40):
and and just like I don't know, like this could
be something, but I don't know if I'm ready for it.
I don't know if he's the guy, you know, all
that all that stuff, you know. But but you know
what also was critical in this story. Every story like
this needs a friend. Every story needs a friend who says,
go over there, Yeah, if this right, in the rom
(17:04):
Com version of it, go with this guy. Yeah, there's
there is the rom Com version right where there's there's
always She's got the it's Harry met Sally. It's like,
you know, it's like you've got Bruno Kirby and whoever
I forget, but you know, like you've got the car
carry carry from Star Trek from yeah, yeah, car Carrie
(17:27):
Fisher carry Fisher. Yeah, that was that was the other
friend Kirby and right exactly carry Fisher and uh and
so we had we had versions of that as well. Yeah,
there were she had a multiple friends. She had like
three or four different girlfriends who were just like come on,
you know. Um yeah, so it was but it was yeah, anyway,
(17:53):
there were you. That's how it happens. And how many
years ago was this? When did you guys? Uh? We met?
We met in twenty fIF fifteen, yeah, yeah, and then
um and then we got married in seen and then
(18:15):
uh and then we had a little guy this year
last year. And she's not an actor. She's not an actor,
thank god. No. Actually it's funny because sometimes I she's
actually she's she's one of these people that like has
done a lot of different things, Like she's started her
(18:37):
own company, Like she worked for an NGO. She you know, um,
has done entrepreneurial stuff. She went to school to be
a lawyer, so she went to Princeton and Stanford, you
know what I mean. Like she's like the real deal, right,
So she's she's like super smart. I can't you know
(18:59):
I And she's made me a better debater, I'll tell
you that, like, because she's a phenomenal debater. Yeah what right,
you just surrender early that the Yeah, yeah, like I'm
(19:23):
hot time, like you know, but she's awesome. I love that.
I can see now people marching back and forth free Brittany,
Like yeah, exactly, exactly. But she's great. And we've actually, um,
you know, worked, we're working together on a couple of
projects now and so she's done and you know, she's
(19:45):
started doing a little producing with me, and so yeah,
she's she's kind of one of those people who has
had multiple It's interesting she's had multiple like like so
like you would think, what the hell, Like she was
started her own comp Scientists Without Borders. She started this thing,
and she's a lawyer. She's also worked for the Nike Foundation.
(20:07):
You know, she's done a lot of things of girls
in Africa and you know all the Sime and I'm
and we both have a kind of weird multiplicity about us.
Like she's got all that and I've and in my career,
I feel like even though I always knew I wanted
to be an actor from very early on, um, I've
done a lot of different you know. I mean, like
I've I've been like in merchant Ivory and Broadway and
(20:30):
Daily Show, and you know, like I have a kind
of multiplicity in terms of the diversity of stuff that
I have done in my own career. So um, it
feels like we kind of we're both similar in that
way we get we sort of get bored doing one
thing and then do you know something else? And and
then and so yeah, you you also you admire her
(20:54):
and you find her interesting. I can tell by the
way you talk about her, which is is a is
a nice thing? Yeah that that that that probably also
adds some stickham to the relationship to that you find
her fundamentally interesting and compelling. She is the person that
I want to like bring everything to, you know together,
(21:17):
like like her sort of opinion about you know, like
I value very much how she sees things and what
her take on it is and what she thinks about it.
And you know, even if I don't always agree with her.
You know, it's funny because we are very much um
like we're like we're like Yin and yang, and yet
(21:38):
we're also like opposites like you know, like she remember, like, um,
when we were first um dating, I said to her,
you know, I don't know why I was. I was
not even gluten at the time, and I was just like,
I was like, I'm I'm you know, I don't eat
(21:59):
gluten and and so and she was just like and
she's a foodie and so she was like, what are
you you like one of these helps, not like you
want of these things E can like noting people who
doesn't eat And I was like, oh, I'm just gonna
eat good and then and then I remember she was
just like, listen, I gotta tell you right now, one
of my big dreams in life is to go to
Italy and eat pasta and sit on the piazza, you know,
(22:22):
and like and and if you don't, and she hasn't
melt out. She was like, if you don't eat pasta,
what we're gonna do? And I was like, what are
you talking about? Like even what we're fighting about, like
when we go to Italy like that one She's like,
I don't know how to do this. This is like crazy,
you know. Like I was like, I was like, and
(22:42):
I'm defending myself when and that I was like, wait
a minute, we don't have any plans to go to Italy.
We don't any plans, so what are we talking about,
like why don't we just like be in the moment
right now, like you know, and and so now we
have a thing in our relationship where anytime we start
talking about something that we're afraid of that isn't actually happening,
(23:04):
but it might happen, we call it pasta and it
it's like, oh, this is pasta and it this is like,
you know, it's not happening, there's no plans for it
to happen. It's somehow we're afraid it won't happen. Do
you know what there are there's a lot of posta
in Italy for all sorts of people, and uh, and
(23:27):
knowing that and being able to arrest it before it
takes on a life of its own and rieks havoc
in the relationship and in the conversation, there's probably value
in having that button. No, yeah, it's it's it's relationships.
I mean, it's it's like I, you know, I spent it.
I got married later in life, I had a kid
later on, A spent a great deal of my life
(23:50):
single without any kind of other person that I had
to like compromise for or adapt for. Are and and
and you know, and and Trifai was the longest relationship
is today the longest relationship ever had, you know, with
with with a partner, and it it you know, it
(24:14):
is a whole life of the the work that you
have to do. Even if you have like you really
love each other and like each other and really dig
each other all that, you know, at the end of
the day, it's like, oh, there's a lot of just
day to day work that you have to like figure
out how to do and how tonot trippy trip up
(24:39):
and how to like not fall into like patterns that
are destructive or unproductive or whatever it is. You know,
like it's it's it's an ongoing uh class. You know,
it's it's like we are still learning how to be
better at this whole relationship marriage thing, even though we've
(25:05):
already were doing it and we got a kid and
we're doing but we're still figuring it out in some
ways all the time. Maybe there's maybe there's a beauty
to that though, you know what I mean, Maybe there's
a beauty to the fact that it still has an
energy to it and it's not like in a settled place.
And I know for some people the joy is that
(25:25):
it's settled and it's comfortable. But maybe there is something
about the fact that you guys are still creating and
still learning and still exploring. I think that we are too,
both of us. I don't think our personalities are are
settled people. I think we are, you know, we are
people who I think, by the very nature we are
(25:48):
are always going to be like trying to figure out
you know, I want to figure that out, you know,
and and and and so our relationship is very much,
um there's an intellectual and an emotional component, you know,
because there's a really strong intellectual component to it. And
so it's very much like, you know, things that that
(26:10):
made me feel like that, but I need to talk
about that. You know. It's a lot of there's a
lot of that going out, and sometimes you realize, like
as good as that is that we talk, you know,
it's also like sometimes it's just like just shut up,
just shut up. We just both shut up and not talk.
Just like watch a movie and let's do that. Because
(26:30):
you know, people be like, were you really good communicators?
I'm like it, we're really good communicated, but sometimes you
just need to not communicate, Like we need to shut
up and like put on Netflix, just like you know,
it actually feels like some TV show or like David
Dukovany is like, that's like some angel that comes into
the middle of relationships. That the type for everyone just
(26:52):
to shut up. Yah, really wanted just to shut up.
Just shut up, stop talking. And that's the biggest lesson
I have learned as a husband and is sometimes just
shut up, just be like uh huh okay, yeah, got it,
got it. That is like, honestly, it sounds like but
it's like the biggest thing I learned is just sometimes
(27:14):
just go like, got it, got it, got it, It's
in here, I got it. And the other one is
like it's done, it's taking care. I got it. I'm
taking care of it. I take care of it. Those
two things like just just I gotta take care and
don't worry about it. I got it, take care of that.
(27:36):
And just like I hear you, I hear you. Oh.
The other one, the other one is is, um, what
do you what do you need me to do it?
What do you need me to do it? Because a
powerful one. That's a powerful one for all kinds of
people in every kind of relationship. Yeah, that is a
powerful one. Mother to son, you know, neighbor to everybody
(27:58):
needs me to do right now? What do you need
me to do right now? Because often often I think
the impulse is to go, Okay, here's what, here's here's okay,
let me, here's what you gotta do. Here's the thing, Okay,
let me tell you what. And it's like she doesn't
want to hear that, she doesn't want me to go okay, well,
let's just let's just fix it. Let's just do this.
(28:18):
By the way, that here's the thing is a very
New York thing the New Yorkers loves say, here's the
thing right here. Let what I want to say? What
they wanted us, what I wanted us. No, it's just
like that's the thing. And so we're just changing that
to like, okay, what do you what do you? What
do you mean? For me? Like? What do you? How
do how do I? How can I help? What can
(28:39):
I do that? Suddenly it's just that it's like Queen,
it just blew, you know. And but things like that
we just kind of go all right, like it's an
ongoing process of learning and and just figuring it out
because because you know, um, as good as our parents were,
didn't really teach us how to do this, not really,
(29:01):
you know, they had instincts and even if they did
yesterday's rules, all of the mark necessarily gonna make magic today.
So yeah, so you gotta you have to be uh,
your favorite. They're gonna tell me in a minute. And
I hate this, but only because we're having a good time.
(29:21):
They're gonna make what's your favorite project of all you've done? Like, like,
as I'm hearing you talk, I'm seeing you. I'm envisioning
you on stage doing stand up, envisioning you at the
Daily Show, I'm visioning you doing plays. I'm seeing you
and feel like, of all the things you've done, where's
been your magic place or your magic moment or that
magic project. So I I mean, there's there's a couple
(29:45):
of different things, and they all lived. They have different
sort of elements to them. But you know, for me,
when I was a young actor in New York, I
just started I'm just starting out. I didn't know how,
you know, there were not a lot of brown people
in this business. And so I started writing my own
one man show and I just started writing characters and
(30:07):
doing that and I did this eventually ended up long story,
I studied with a wonderful acting teacher named Win Hamman
in New York City and developed my one man show,
Corsina's Restaurant, And I played seven six seven different characters
who owned an Indian family that owned a restaurant. It
(30:27):
was my It was like me telling stories of the
people that I wanted to tell stories about. You know.
I just felt like there were no representation of like
people that looked like me or had my story or anything,
you know, And so I was aping white people all
the time in every kind of you know, acting thing.
So um, it was I did that show in the
(30:51):
American Place theater. Um. But by the way, if you
don't mind me at at that that notion, even if
we didn't realize it was happening as strongly in the
moment that we were aping other people and we were
not as robustly telling our own stories. I think is
(31:11):
so true, and I think it will be interesting as
we get older and as this world changes more, when
we realize how much of our time and energy and
creativity we gave away to to UH effectively as you
this will sound too narrow, but but mimicking UH one
(31:32):
approach and not that that approach is bad. But that
was that approach, and that may not have been your approach,
and so I'm appreciating what you're saying there. Yeah, it's
it's it's it's about finding out, you know, like an
authentic truth in terms of you know, it's it's like
when you tell, when you get to tell your own story.
You know, if as much as I love you know, uh,
(31:57):
death of a salesman or comfort O Dats or any
of these great Western writers, you know, they weren't telling this.
They were telling a story often of white America and men,
you know mostly and and and there was very there
were no stories about people who had anything to do
with my experience. And so it was I was trying
(32:20):
to pretend to be Willie Loman or you know whatever.
It was like, you know, and and um. And it's
why I think I got cast in Shakespeare a lot
when I was starting out, because in Shakespeare you're sort
of going so far back that we're all far into it,
you know, like it was just all like because this
is what it was, you know, Like so I hadn't there,
(32:42):
you know, but but it was it was it was
Sakina's restaurant when I wrote it and I performed it,
and there was a magical experience for me. It was cathartic,
it was a and and again it sounds very woo woo,
but it was like there was something where I was.
I was calling upon some kind of energy that I
(33:05):
had not allowed myself to have ever had access to
before and in my work and in my you know,
and and and um and it was true and it
was it was pure and it was honest and um.
And then we did the revival again in uh at
the Manetta Lane Theater here in New York, and again
(33:26):
it was another magical experience, you know. So that was
probably the primary one. You know, I've had others like
I I got to um, I got to do a
play by I adapta who won the politics for this
play called Disgrace, and I did a Lincoln Center back
(33:46):
in And that was another sort of transformative moment for
me because it was about playing a kind of leading
brown man on stage in a story that was about
them complication of being a Muslim brown man in America
(34:10):
in post nine eleven America in a way that was
no no, nobody else was writing about. And so I
had when he wrote that play really tapped into something
very true and honest and and and it was the
first time I got to put on that person and
(34:31):
let and and and and access that person, you know.
So there was something So I think it's in those
moments when I've gotten to play a real truth about
you know, my experience and you know, in class, I
remember Win Hamman used to do this exercise with students
of his who spoke another language or came from a
(34:53):
different culture. And he would and you know, you were
doing a scene from the Glass Menagerie or whatever, and
wh playing Tom and the Glass Managerie. And then he
would say, okay, you know, um, maybe the actor was
German or Swedish or something or or you know, and
he would say, I want you to do it the
(35:13):
whole scene in your native tongue. I don't want you
to do it in English. Like let's let the other
actors will talk in English, you will talk in German.
And it was a phenomenal exercise because it would force
you would see a whole other sign of a person
come out, and they would suddenly make choices and inhabit
(35:36):
the work in the character in a way that they
could not inhabit when they were speaking English, and then
you would bring that back to the English and it
just gave it a whole other level of because now
they've experienced that, and so there was a kind of
authenticity and truth to it that you you could access
(35:56):
that way. And so to me, the whole experience of
doing Spina's Restaurant and Disgraced and and even the movie
that I wrote it was based on Sina's Restaurant and
then started. Those things were about me telling a story
that I felt was honest, It was true, and it
was truthful, truthful, truthful to me and my experience and
(36:18):
I got to so those were magical sort of projects
and moments for me. What a wonderful thing that that
you've experienced that in this life because you know that
that doesn't always happen for everyone, or if it does,
it may happen in smaller moments. And so the fact
that it did happen and that you felt all of
that and experienced all of that, including the feedback and
(36:40):
what have you, I think is uh is wonderful. Do
(37:01):
you mind if I try something with you? Can we
do something I call rapid fire. I'm gonna hit you
with a wild assortment of things. You mind if I
hit you with that? I go ahead. Yeah. Um, I say,
I say your favorite movie. You say, what the thing? Oh,
didn't expect that. I say, you could have dinner with
anyone dead or alive. You say what? Oh Jesus Christ,
(37:29):
Hey sus Cristo. Okay, I like that one. I say,
your new project Evil. You say what I say? It's uh,
it's it's just a chock full of a lot of stuff.
It's dense, and it's smart, and it's funny and it
(37:50):
is um it's really beautiful. And I love the people
that I get to work with on it, and they're
so out of the creators, the actors, everyone, and the
storytelling is really Uh, it's not what you expect. It's
it's it's unexpected. Maybe is that you know, you think
you're getting one thing, but you're getting a whole a
(38:14):
lot of other stuff that you will be delighted about.
If you hadn't become an actor, you would have done
what I would probably become a therapist or or or psychology.
Probably done in psychology. Interesting like your girl Maggie Siff
from Billions who who was thinking about that too? And uh,
(38:35):
I had someone else with me the other day, who's
an actor, who also said that they would have you know,
because it's it's it's it's the study of the human condition,
which is what actors do anyway. So I think in
the weird way, like we are simple, there's a certain
amount of psychological knowledge that we have to possess, and
we have to understand human behavior and why human beings
(38:56):
do things in order to be an actor, which is
what psychologists do, except you know, psychologists can prescribe meds.
But I love it. By the way, that was your girl,
Scarlett Johansson who said that she would have been a
therapist that you you and you and you and her
and Maggie stiff or therapist therapist by another name. The
most interesting thing you've learned in this life about dreaming fearlessly? Well,
(39:21):
I think that it's the fearless part that is the
most important. I think that the most important thing I've
learned is that it is we can tell ourselves, well
I I want is to allow yourself. I think that's
what it is is, to literally allow yourself to feel
worthy of the dreams that you want to have, that
(39:43):
you have. Sometimes what stops us is that we may
be like I have this dream, but there's a voice
in us that says you're not worthy of that, or
you you you can't have you know, you're not We don't.
We don't let ourselves actually inhabit. It's easy people say, like,
you know, just manifest like think about wanted to think about,
(40:04):
you know, like you hear the story of Jim Jim
Carrey with the with the ten million dollar check in
his pocket that he walked around with, which is amazing.
And but I think so many of us I don't
believe that we're worthy of of of that. We don't
believe that we actually, um, we can do it, but
(40:26):
we don't really believe that it were worthy of it.
And that's the difference. I think, you know, and and
and that's where that's that hump, that that that thing
that you gotta you gotta, you gotta do away with,
you gotta you gotta tell that you gotta shut down
that voice that says, um, who do you think you are?
(40:47):
You know? Or or turn it up and play that
song from the sixties, who do you think you are? Mr?
Big stuff? Right there? You go? Really and I mean
it's it's everyone needs a hype woman or man. You know,
you know, uh, every everybody could benefit, right. You translate
that into a different voice, right, not the voice that
(41:10):
maybe the voice that goes like you could do this that,
but that that's it's actually ourselves that we're doing battle
with more than the outside world and all that. You know.
It's just I'm gonna I'm gonna leave you with this
because I love what you said. And Michael Strahan, former
football player g M a host, said something beautiful. He
(41:30):
said his dad was that for him. But the way
his dad did it, he said, was very subtle. He said,
his dad would always talk about what we're gonna do
when you get the college scholarship, not if what we're
gonna do when you make it to the NFL, not
if what we're gonna do when you become a starter,
And he said, in such a wonderful way, his dad
would move him forward gently, positively, but definitively, and you know,
(41:56):
be that hype man for him of a certain kind.
He say, he always even when he wasn't at the
fanciest college, even when he wasn't the first pick in
the draft, even when there were so many other Hall
of Fame players there. He always had the warmth of that.
So I say that as your baby boy gets ready
to turn. Now it's true, you know what I mean. Yeah,
(42:16):
it's never it's not if. When I first moved to
New York, I had a poster put on my wall
and I said, I will start in a movie in
and I put the date, and I think six months
before that date. It's my old merchant him and saw
me in looking his restaurant at the American Place theater
and asked me to start in his next movie. And
(42:36):
that poster had been on my wall and it wasn't
you might or you know when it was, it was
like you will, Oh, awesome, awesome, as if we have
to do that for the entire world. Everybody deserves a
movie poster and whatever the movie, your version of the
movie is. I love that. I'm gonna give you credit,
(42:57):
but I'm gonna start I'm gonna start sharing that with people.
That's that's that's too beautiful a manifestation just to keep here.
We have to we have to share that. That's beautiful, awesome.
Eight man. I had too much fun. This was this
is more fun than it's legal. Thank you for this.
I appreciate you. I appreciate you having me back on.
Thank you. Yeah yeah yeah. And are you in New
(43:18):
York right now? Where are you? I'm in New York. Yeah.
I'm gonna come find you. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm
gonna make people put us together. I'm gonna come find you.
Brett say hello, Yeah, let's do it. We'll have dinner.
Good good, all right. Be safe, Be good to your wife,
be good to a little fellow. Okay, see soon, bye bye.
(43:50):
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Carlos
Batson Show podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave
us a review where I really listen to your podcast
Awsome Mondi was born in India and got his first
acting gig on Broadway in the production of Oklahoma, and
has been in the entertainment industry ever since. He can
be seen in the Paramount Plus series Evil, a correspondent
on The Daily Show with John Stewart, and toast of
the podcast Loss at the Smithsonian. On this episode of
The Carlos Watson Show podcast, Awsome Mondie reflects on his
(00:24):
extensive entertainment career and his family dynamic. Hey, how are
you good, Sorry to hold you. How's your Thursday? How's
your week? It's good. It's chaotic, but it's good. You know,
life being a having a child? Is this your first one?
(00:48):
Or or or do you have a do you have?
I wish I could say that like I was busy
because I had like a lot of kids. But actually
it's just the one that's keeping me busy. So now
are you sleeping or no? Are you getting any sleep?
We I do get sleep, but that's because my wife
(01:09):
is great and she lets me sleep. But um, but
we we like have a whole Like I wake up
so early now, like it's it's insane. Like I never
used to wake up this, like even on a Sunday,
I'm up with like six thirty in the morning. I'm like,
this is insane. All I do know what kind of
(01:31):
dad are you gonna be? Are you gonna be? Are
you gonna be fun dad? Are you gonna be? Like
disciplined dad? Like like, who are you gonna be? Do
you know? Right now? I'm I'm fun dad. And my
wife is disciplined mom. And so I think sometimes she
resents that a little bit. She's like, why do I
have to be the bad cop? You always? You know,
I'm the one that like, he's got this little car
(01:52):
that he loves to ride in that my dad got him,
and he's just and so like I take him for
a little car, like I put him on the car
will be right around the apartment in the and he
just thinks that's great. And then then my wife is like,
you gotta eat your lunch. You gotta, you gotta, you know,
And then she's the one who's like, sweetie, you can't
throw things on the like, you can't throw your food
(02:13):
on the floor. And I'm like, let's go for a car. Right.
It's a little unfair. It's a little unfair, but you know,
it's the thing it's like I don't know Dad's and sons.
It's like a thing. It's like like I immediately had
this thing. I wanted to be like my little buddy,
you know, and so like at some point, I'm sure
(02:35):
I'm gonna have to he's gonna be like, I hate you.
You know right now he thinks that great And as
long as I can keep that going, right, you keep
it as long as you can't. My dad did a
number of all star things when I was a kid,
uh led by when we had the vegetables I didn't like,
(02:58):
like beats. Uh. He would employ all kinds of good trickeration.
He would uh, he would ask my mom for something
else in the kitchen when she was gone. He would say,
put him on my play and he's have been. Don't
put him all at once because he won't believe it.
So do a little bit. So he was. He was
engaged to what w called strategicy. So he was. He
(03:20):
was an early early practitioner. So you do the same,
real little fellow. Yeah yeah, So so late in life, dad,
So you're you're you're And I'm asking in part with
a little bit of hope and aspiration because I don't
have kids yet, and uh, and I'm late to the game.
And uh, I think I noticed that that you're getting
into the game not in your twenties. Yeah. Yeah, But
(03:44):
I'm glad that I waited, you know, I don't know,
like a lot of people are like, oh, you know,
I wish I'd done it earlier and you know when,
And I can see why people would say that, but
I don't. I don't. I'm glad that I waited. I
feel like I couldn't have I couldn't have had the
focus when I was like in my thirties, you know,
(04:06):
like in my business, like as an actor, I was
hustling and trying to get you know, and so it
took me a long time to really get established in
a way and feel like I have, you know, I
think for for a guy, it's very much about like
when you feel like you're ready in life, like you
got your feet on the ground and you feel like
you don't need to go out clubbing every night, and
(04:27):
you know, like like I met that face in my
life now we're like, I'm totally happy spending time with him.
And if you just tell me, like, you know, if
you do anything else today, I mean okay, I say
this is like my wife would dispute this, but like
but like if you say to me, like you got
like just the whole like sheel sometimes be like I'm
going out when I'm dinner with a friend and I'm like,
(04:48):
I got the whole evening just with him, and he's
already had his bath, so I don't have to do,
you know. I mean like like I'm like, I'm like happy,
like I'm happy, like I feel like I'm like totally
spend time with him. So like I in a weird way, Yes,
it's harder physically on your body, you know. Um, I
feel like I'm I'm you know, I carry him around
(05:10):
and then I'm like what did I pull? Like what
was that? Like? How did I even? Because I'm holding
him down and he's like he's going like this. And
then the the other day, literally I was like doing
a plane ride. I was like and I pulled something
and I'm like what the Like I can't even And
then I had to tell my trainer. I'm like, I
pulled my must He said, what are you doing? I'm like, well,
(05:32):
I was giving my kid like a plane ride, making
him an airplane, you know, like and it's just like,
so that is the side of it that if I
was younger, I probably might not do. But you know,
I think I'm just mentally more in a place to
give him the attention and the first like he was
(05:54):
born in a pandemic, and so that was another thing,
like I didn't I gave him a lot. He benefited
from a lot of attention from his parents because we
weren't going anywhere um and nobody else was. So it
was it was sort of one of those things where
we were like just I think he really he's either
created like a god complex in him or or it's
(06:15):
really made him incredibly like secure. I don't know which.
You know, I bet you it's secure. You know, a
beautiful baby boy. I was talking to another music producer
last month in l A who had said the same thing.
He's got ten month old, uh now eleven month old
baby boy, his first child, first son, and uh, and
(06:36):
he's like Carlos's a whole difference, Like I wouldn't have
gotten this quality of time. He's like I would have
been in the studio, I would have been on the road,
I would have been meeting people, and he's like, instead,
I've been here, and he said, we're bonded in a
whole different way. So it's, uh, yeah, I know it's true.
It's definitely true. Like I feel like I'm at a
place now where like you know, I'm not, you know,
(06:58):
thank goodness, like I a little bit more settled and
secure and feel like, okay, I can you know, I'm
ready to like just take on this adventure. And it's
a you know, it's it's a whole journey that you
you embark on. You know, it's like your life. There
is no I think John Stewart said once, he said,
you know, the difference between the it's not red state
(07:21):
blue stay, it's it's people who have kids and people
who don't have kids like that. That's that's the the difference,
you know, And and it is it's really just like
your whole life. I mean, every parent knows this person.
Your whole life changes in an instant and and and
you do and you go with it because you just
look at this little guy or this little girl and
(07:44):
it's just I don't know, it's something, it's it's a
whole other mental like something happens in your brain and
it's like I there's nobody talk about parenthood without standing
like hey cliche, you know, because everybody, everybody says it,
and you know, then when it happens to you, you
just go, oh yeah, something definitely clicks and something this
(08:06):
is something, and you feel a kind of You're emotional
in a way that I've never been. Like I'm like
literally like constantly falling apart and crying over things. And
just because it's like I relate everything to him, like,
you know, his the world, He's going to grow up
in it, like you know, it's all just becomes about that.
(08:28):
And I think it's really made me a better actor
and a better artist in a way because I have
more access to something because you're just carrying all your
emotions outside you know that they're all they all live
in this little being, you know, and so there's something
about it that just makes you have more access and
(08:49):
move vulnerable on a daily basis, you know, to that stuff.
So especially, I mean, you know, yeah, at least for me,
that's that's what's happened. I could see that because I
I've heard a number of actors as an actor, Joel Kinneman.
I don't know if you know Joel, but he was
saying to me that um, part of the reason he
(09:10):
loves acting is that it has allowed him to experience
certain emotions more deeply, or sometimes even to work things
out or to go places. Otherwise he wouldn't go emotionally.
And I could see how the combination, although obviously I'm
speaking from hearing you and others, not from being apparent myself,
but I could. I could imagine. I can imagine what
(09:33):
you're saying. What you're saying resonates, and I can see
how that could. And I think, I think as an
actor and we we performers, we are like a self centered,
narcissistic bunch, you know. And this really takes you out
of that. It really takes you out of that head
and it's not about you anymore. It's like, I mean,
(09:54):
as a father, you realize, oh, this is a journey
into irrelevancy. Like I am just as no. I could
walk in with a a hack saw in my head
and be like standing in front of my wife and
she would go, do you think he has a temperature?
I think I'll just be like blood dripping down. She
(10:16):
would not even know. Back, moll me back to you.
After this message. Okay, now, how did you and your
(10:41):
wife meet. How did you guys? How did you guys
come across each other? We came across each other. Um,
it's a good way to put it. Um, we will met.
We were introduced by a mutual friend. Actually, um, she
just said, um. So, so she was friends with There
was a mutual couple that were a couple of We
(11:02):
knew she was friends with the guy. I was friends
with the girl and they were having a party and
then and then they invited her and they wvited meetic
around because she had a friend coming over there. And
she was like who and she was like she smelled something,
you know, and she was like, oh, I don't know.
I was like, no, no, no, he's really great and
(11:25):
an actor. And she was just like I'm not dating
an actor. That's not happening with an actor. And and
so anyway, we met and we sort of fell into
this kind of it was like it was like, what
I like about our relationship was that it wasn't just
(11:46):
like I'm seeing you across the room and you know,
it's not like it wasn't like a movie. It was
like two people who like kind of dug each other
and we're like, hey, I'd like to spend I'd like
to hang out with you a little bit. And we
didn't know what it was at first. We didn't know
if this was like a romantic thing or a friendship
or whatever, you know, Like we didn't know where this
(12:06):
was going. We just like I just liked her and
I like talking to her, and I thought she was smart.
You know, she was obviously attractive, but I was like,
and I don't think she knew. She was like, is
this my this is my type? Like I don't know,
I don't know. I want to date this guy, you know.
And so then and then we just started talking on
the phone a lot, and it was just a lot
of a lot of late night conversations and we just
(12:26):
got to know each other. And then and then and
then and then we were friends and we would hang
out and every time I'd be like, okay, honestly, and
my friends will be like, listen, dude, if you like,
if if you want this to happen, you gotta make
a move and you gotta do something, you know, and like,
you can't just keep having friendship because you just because
(12:46):
I've done that, you know, you end up in the
friend zone and then you just stuck there for the
rest of your life. And and so then I was like,
all right, if I'm gonna make a move, you know.
And then and then, but then every night it was
remember it was winter when we were dating, and we
come out of the restaurant or wherever, and or we
were hanging out. I didn't call it dating, buhan. And
(13:06):
then I'd be like, okay, give let go for the kiss,
go for the little thing, you know. And then she'd
like be like taxi and take off. And every night,
every time I feel like I didn't even get a chance,
She's like, taxi, Well it's really cold. When I get it,
you know, she's done. And then one night she came
(13:31):
home to her apartment and her heat it was winters
did really cold in New York, and he her m
heat had been turned off, uh and and she had
no heat in her partner. So she called me and
she was like, oh man, I got no heat, you know.
And I was like, listen, here's the thing. You can't
sleep in apartment with no heat, Like that's crazy, Like
(13:53):
you're not gonna spend the night come here, And I said,
and I've got heat. I was like, I was like,
I have lots of heat and of heat. And I
said I she said, uh, this is not and then
(14:13):
you know, I was like, look, I know what you're thinking.
Like okay, I was like, I'll sleep on the sofa
and you can have the bet. We can sleep with
separate rooms. It's fine. I just I just don't think
you should sleeping on a partment with no heat. And
so she was like, I don't know. She called her friend.
She was like, I don't he invited me over to come,
but I think it's it's like a thing, you know,
Like she's like, I was like, I don't know. And
(14:34):
her friend was like, crazy, just go, just go, you know.
And so then she came over and then that was
then then the heat happened. Why you like, like, that's
so and I had heat. I had a little heat
that you know what, that's the thing. Everybody's got to
(14:56):
have some heat. But you know what's great about those
are this one. There was a book I read um
by this woman Plumb Sights. She writes, uh, these kind
of like romance novels. And she was like, every story
of a couple meeting has at least two different tellings. Right,
there's there's a telling that that you whichever person you are,
(15:17):
and that couple understand, then there's the other person's telling
of it. It's almost like that movie Crash, where you
wish you could see both people's stories and kind of
how they intersect and what was in her mind the
whole time. You wish you could do like the thought bubbles,
like was she nervous calling for the taxi? Was she
thinking he's not going to make a move, That's why
(15:37):
I'm gonna call for the taxi? Was she was she
thinking damn it, he's gonna make the move and I'm
gonna mess this up kind of thing. You just there's
so many versions of it. I think I think she was,
and you know, it's actually very true because in her mind,
you know, now of course we can talk about and
something like she was like I think she was like,
(15:59):
I don't want to get into something that I don't
know if I'm gonna be like it was that. I
think we both had a little bit of that I
don't get into something because because I think what we
both understood and whether this was it wasn't going to
be cash, you know, and I think we both had
that feeling of like, oh, this doesn't feel casual. This
(16:19):
doesn't feel like it's just like Okay, we'll have a
summer flame or winter flame or whatever. It'll be done
and I'll move on. And I think, uh so both
of us had a little bit of commitment phobia. You know.
I was joked that like with two commitment phobics, that
that that came together and had a relationship comment. You know,
so I think he was having a little bit of that,
(16:40):
and and just like I don't know, like this could
be something, but I don't know if I'm ready for it.
I don't know if he's the guy, you know, all
that all that stuff, you know. But but you know
what also was critical in this story. Every story like
this needs a friend. Every story needs a friend who says,
go over there, Yeah, if this right, in the rom
(17:04):
Com version of it, go with this guy. Yeah, there's
there is the rom Com version right where there's there's
always She's got the it's Harry met Sally. It's like,
you know, it's like you've got Bruno Kirby and whoever
I forget, but you know, like you've got the car
carry carry from Star Trek from yeah, yeah, car Carrie
(17:27):
Fisher carry Fisher. Yeah, that was that was the other
friend Kirby and right exactly carry Fisher and uh and
so we had we had versions of that as well. Yeah,
there were she had a multiple friends. She had like
three or four different girlfriends who were just like come on,
you know. Um yeah, so it was but it was yeah, anyway,
(17:53):
there were you. That's how it happens. And how many
years ago was this? When did you guys? Uh? We met?
We met in twenty fIF fifteen, yeah, yeah, and then
um and then we got married in seen and then
(18:15):
uh and then we had a little guy this year
last year. And she's not an actor. She's not an actor,
thank god. No. Actually it's funny because sometimes I she's
actually she's she's one of these people that like has
done a lot of different things, Like she's started her
(18:37):
own company, Like she worked for an NGO. She you know, um,
has done entrepreneurial stuff. She went to school to be
a lawyer, so she went to Princeton and Stanford, you
know what I mean. Like she's like the real deal, right,
So she's she's like super smart. I can't you know
(18:59):
I And she's made me a better debater, I'll tell
you that, like, because she's a phenomenal debater. Yeah what right,
you just surrender early that the Yeah, yeah, like I'm
(19:23):
hot time, like you know, but she's awesome. I love that.
I can see now people marching back and forth free Brittany,
Like yeah, exactly, exactly. But she's great. And we've actually, um,
you know, worked, we're working together on a couple of
projects now and so she's done and you know, she's
(19:45):
started doing a little producing with me, and so yeah,
she's she's kind of one of those people who has
had multiple It's interesting she's had multiple like like so
like you would think, what the hell, Like she was
started her own comp Scientists Without Borders. She started this thing,
and she's a lawyer. She's also worked for the Nike Foundation.
(20:07):
You know, she's done a lot of things of girls
in Africa and you know all the Sime and I'm
and we both have a kind of weird multiplicity about us.
Like she's got all that and I've and in my career,
I feel like even though I always knew I wanted
to be an actor from very early on, um, I've
done a lot of different you know. I mean, like
I've I've been like in merchant Ivory and Broadway and
(20:30):
Daily Show, and you know, like I have a kind
of multiplicity in terms of the diversity of stuff that
I have done in my own career. So um, it
feels like we kind of we're both similar in that
way we get we sort of get bored doing one
thing and then do you know something else? And and
then and so yeah, you you also you admire her
(20:54):
and you find her interesting. I can tell by the
way you talk about her, which is is a is
a nice thing? Yeah that that that that probably also
adds some stickham to the relationship to that you find
her fundamentally interesting and compelling. She is the person that
I want to like bring everything to, you know together,
(21:17):
like like her sort of opinion about you know, like
I value very much how she sees things and what
her take on it is and what she thinks about it.
And you know, even if I don't always agree with her.
You know, it's funny because we are very much um
like we're like we're like Yin and yang, and yet
(21:38):
we're also like opposites like you know, like she remember, like, um,
when we were first um dating, I said to her,
you know, I don't know why I was. I was
not even gluten at the time, and I was just like,
I was like, I'm I'm you know, I don't eat
(21:59):
gluten and and so and she was just like and
she's a foodie and so she was like, what are
you you like one of these helps, not like you
want of these things E can like noting people who
doesn't eat And I was like, oh, I'm just gonna
eat good and then and then I remember she was
just like, listen, I gotta tell you right now, one
of my big dreams in life is to go to
Italy and eat pasta and sit on the piazza, you know,
(22:22):
and like and and if you don't, and she hasn't
melt out. She was like, if you don't eat pasta,
what we're gonna do? And I was like, what are
you talking about? Like even what we're fighting about, like
when we go to Italy like that one She's like,
I don't know how to do this. This is like crazy,
you know. Like I was like, I was like, and
(22:42):
I'm defending myself when and that I was like, wait
a minute, we don't have any plans to go to Italy.
We don't any plans, so what are we talking about,
like why don't we just like be in the moment
right now, like you know, and and so now we
have a thing in our relationship where anytime we start
talking about something that we're afraid of that isn't actually happening,
(23:04):
but it might happen, we call it pasta and it
it's like, oh, this is pasta and it this is like,
you know, it's not happening, there's no plans for it
to happen. It's somehow we're afraid it won't happen. Do
you know what there are there's a lot of posta
in Italy for all sorts of people, and uh, and
(23:27):
knowing that and being able to arrest it before it
takes on a life of its own and rieks havoc
in the relationship and in the conversation, there's probably value
in having that button. No, yeah, it's it's it's relationships.
I mean, it's it's like I, you know, I spent it.
I got married later in life, I had a kid
later on, A spent a great deal of my life
(23:50):
single without any kind of other person that I had
to like compromise for or adapt for. Are and and
and you know, and and Trifai was the longest relationship
is today the longest relationship ever had, you know, with
with with a partner, and it it you know, it
(24:14):
is a whole life of the the work that you
have to do. Even if you have like you really
love each other and like each other and really dig
each other all that, you know, at the end of
the day, it's like, oh, there's a lot of just
day to day work that you have to like figure
out how to do and how tonot trippy trip up
(24:39):
and how to like not fall into like patterns that
are destructive or unproductive or whatever it is. You know,
like it's it's it's an ongoing uh class. You know,
it's it's like we are still learning how to be
better at this whole relationship marriage thing, even though we've
(25:05):
already were doing it and we got a kid and
we're doing but we're still figuring it out in some
ways all the time. Maybe there's maybe there's a beauty
to that though, you know what I mean, Maybe there's
a beauty to the fact that it still has an
energy to it and it's not like in a settled place.
And I know for some people the joy is that
(25:25):
it's settled and it's comfortable. But maybe there is something
about the fact that you guys are still creating and
still learning and still exploring. I think that we are too,
both of us. I don't think our personalities are are
settled people. I think we are, you know, we are
people who I think, by the very nature we are
(25:48):
are always going to be like trying to figure out
you know, I want to figure that out, you know,
and and and and so our relationship is very much,
um there's an intellectual and an emotional component, you know,
because there's a really strong intellectual component to it. And
so it's very much like, you know, things that that
(26:10):
made me feel like that, but I need to talk
about that. You know. It's a lot of there's a
lot of that going out, and sometimes you realize, like
as good as that is that we talk, you know,
it's also like sometimes it's just like just shut up,
just shut up. We just both shut up and not talk.
Just like watch a movie and let's do that. Because
(26:30):
you know, people be like, were you really good communicators?
I'm like it, we're really good communicated, but sometimes you
just need to not communicate, Like we need to shut
up and like put on Netflix, just like you know,
it actually feels like some TV show or like David
Dukovany is like, that's like some angel that comes into
the middle of relationships. That the type for everyone just
(26:52):
to shut up. Yah, really wanted just to shut up.
Just shut up, stop talking. And that's the biggest lesson
I have learned as a husband and is sometimes just
shut up, just be like uh huh okay, yeah, got it,
got it. That is like, honestly, it sounds like but
it's like the biggest thing I learned is just sometimes
(27:14):
just go like, got it, got it, got it, It's
in here, I got it. And the other one is
like it's done, it's taking care. I got it. I'm
taking care of it. I take care of it. Those
two things like just just I gotta take care and
don't worry about it. I got it, take care of that.
(27:36):
And just like I hear you, I hear you. Oh.
The other one, the other one is is, um, what
do you what do you need me to do it?
What do you need me to do it? Because a
powerful one. That's a powerful one for all kinds of
people in every kind of relationship. Yeah, that is a
powerful one. Mother to son, you know, neighbor to everybody
(27:58):
needs me to do right now? What do you need
me to do right now? Because often often I think
the impulse is to go, Okay, here's what, here's here's okay,
let me, here's what you gotta do. Here's the thing, Okay,
let me tell you what. And it's like she doesn't
want to hear that, she doesn't want me to go okay, well,
let's just let's just fix it. Let's just do this.
(28:18):
By the way, that here's the thing is a very
New York thing the New Yorkers loves say, here's the
thing right here. Let what I want to say? What
they wanted us, what I wanted us. No, it's just
like that's the thing. And so we're just changing that
to like, okay, what do you what do you? What
do you mean? For me? Like? What do you? How
do how do I? How can I help? What can
(28:39):
I do that? Suddenly it's just that it's like Queen,
it just blew, you know. And but things like that
we just kind of go all right, like it's an
ongoing process of learning and and just figuring it out
because because you know, um, as good as our parents were,
didn't really teach us how to do this, not really,
(29:01):
you know, they had instincts and even if they did
yesterday's rules, all of the mark necessarily gonna make magic today.
So yeah, so you gotta you have to be uh,
your favorite. They're gonna tell me in a minute. And
I hate this, but only because we're having a good time.
(29:21):
They're gonna make what's your favorite project of all you've done? Like, like,
as I'm hearing you talk, I'm seeing you. I'm envisioning
you on stage doing stand up, envisioning you at the
Daily Show, I'm visioning you doing plays. I'm seeing you
and feel like, of all the things you've done, where's
been your magic place or your magic moment or that
magic project. So I I mean, there's there's a couple
(29:45):
of different things, and they all lived. They have different
sort of elements to them. But you know, for me,
when I was a young actor in New York, I
just started I'm just starting out. I didn't know how,
you know, there were not a lot of brown people
in this business. And so I started writing my own
one man show and I just started writing characters and
(30:07):
doing that and I did this eventually ended up long story,
I studied with a wonderful acting teacher named Win Hamman
in New York City and developed my one man show,
Corsina's Restaurant, And I played seven six seven different characters
who owned an Indian family that owned a restaurant. It
(30:27):
was my It was like me telling stories of the
people that I wanted to tell stories about. You know.
I just felt like there were no representation of like
people that looked like me or had my story or anything,
you know, And so I was aping white people all
the time in every kind of you know, acting thing.
So um, it was I did that show in the
(30:51):
American Place theater. Um. But by the way, if you
don't mind me at at that that notion, even if
we didn't realize it was happening as strongly in the
moment that we were aping other people and we were
not as robustly telling our own stories. I think is
(31:11):
so true, and I think it will be interesting as
we get older and as this world changes more, when
we realize how much of our time and energy and
creativity we gave away to to UH effectively as you
this will sound too narrow, but but mimicking UH one
(31:32):
approach and not that that approach is bad. But that
was that approach, and that may not have been your approach,
and so I'm appreciating what you're saying there. Yeah, it's
it's it's it's about finding out, you know, like an
authentic truth in terms of you know, it's it's like
when you tell, when you get to tell your own story.
You know, if as much as I love you know, uh,
(31:57):
death of a salesman or comfort O Dats or any
of these great Western writers, you know, they weren't telling this.
They were telling a story often of white America and men,
you know mostly and and and there was very there
were no stories about people who had anything to do
with my experience. And so it was I was trying
(32:20):
to pretend to be Willie Loman or you know whatever.
It was like, you know, and and um. And it's
why I think I got cast in Shakespeare a lot
when I was starting out, because in Shakespeare you're sort
of going so far back that we're all far into it,
you know, like it was just all like because this
is what it was, you know, Like so I hadn't there,
(32:42):
you know, but but it was it was it was
Sakina's restaurant when I wrote it and I performed it,
and there was a magical experience for me. It was cathartic,
it was a and and again it sounds very woo woo,
but it was like there was something where I was.
I was calling upon some kind of energy that I
(33:05):
had not allowed myself to have ever had access to
before and in my work and in my you know,
and and and um and it was true and it
was it was pure and it was honest and um.
And then we did the revival again in uh at
the Manetta Lane Theater here in New York, and again
(33:26):
it was another magical experience, you know. So that was
probably the primary one. You know, I've had others like
I I got to um, I got to do a
play by I adapta who won the politics for this
play called Disgrace, and I did a Lincoln Center back
(33:46):
in And that was another sort of transformative moment for
me because it was about playing a kind of leading
brown man on stage in a story that was about
them complication of being a Muslim brown man in America
(34:10):
in post nine eleven America in a way that was
no no, nobody else was writing about. And so I
had when he wrote that play really tapped into something
very true and honest and and and it was the
first time I got to put on that person and
(34:31):
let and and and and access that person, you know.
So there was something So I think it's in those
moments when I've gotten to play a real truth about
you know, my experience and you know, in class, I
remember Win Hamman used to do this exercise with students
of his who spoke another language or came from a
(34:53):
different culture. And he would and you know, you were
doing a scene from the Glass Menagerie or whatever, and
wh playing Tom and the Glass Managerie. And then he
would say, okay, you know, um, maybe the actor was
German or Swedish or something or or you know, and
he would say, I want you to do it the
(35:13):
whole scene in your native tongue. I don't want you
to do it in English. Like let's let the other
actors will talk in English, you will talk in German.
And it was a phenomenal exercise because it would force
you would see a whole other sign of a person
come out, and they would suddenly make choices and inhabit
(35:36):
the work in the character in a way that they
could not inhabit when they were speaking English, and then
you would bring that back to the English and it
just gave it a whole other level of because now
they've experienced that, and so there was a kind of
authenticity and truth to it that you you could access
(35:56):
that way. And so to me, the whole experience of
doing Spina's Restaurant and Disgraced and and even the movie
that I wrote it was based on Sina's Restaurant and
then started. Those things were about me telling a story
that I felt was honest, It was true, and it
was truthful, truthful, truthful to me and my experience and
(36:18):
I got to so those were magical sort of projects
and moments for me. What a wonderful thing that that
you've experienced that in this life because you know that
that doesn't always happen for everyone, or if it does,
it may happen in smaller moments. And so the fact
that it did happen and that you felt all of
that and experienced all of that, including the feedback and
(36:40):
what have you, I think is uh is wonderful. Do
(37:01):
you mind if I try something with you? Can we
do something I call rapid fire. I'm gonna hit you
with a wild assortment of things. You mind if I
hit you with that? I go ahead. Yeah. Um, I say,
I say your favorite movie. You say, what the thing? Oh,
didn't expect that. I say, you could have dinner with
anyone dead or alive. You say what? Oh Jesus Christ,
(37:29):
Hey sus Cristo. Okay, I like that one. I say,
your new project Evil. You say what I say? It's uh,
it's it's just a chock full of a lot of stuff.
It's dense, and it's smart, and it's funny and it
(37:50):
is um it's really beautiful. And I love the people
that I get to work with on it, and they're
so out of the creators, the actors, everyone, and the
storytelling is really Uh, it's not what you expect. It's
it's it's unexpected. Maybe is that you know, you think
you're getting one thing, but you're getting a whole a
(38:14):
lot of other stuff that you will be delighted about.
If you hadn't become an actor, you would have done
what I would probably become a therapist or or or psychology.
Probably done in psychology. Interesting like your girl Maggie Siff
from Billions who who was thinking about that too? And uh,
(38:35):
I had someone else with me the other day, who's
an actor, who also said that they would have you know,
because it's it's it's it's the study of the human condition,
which is what actors do anyway. So I think in
the weird way, like we are simple, there's a certain
amount of psychological knowledge that we have to possess, and
we have to understand human behavior and why human beings
(38:56):
do things in order to be an actor, which is
what psychologists do, except you know, psychologists can prescribe meds.
But I love it. By the way, that was your girl,
Scarlett Johansson who said that she would have been a
therapist that you you and you and you and her
and Maggie stiff or therapist therapist by another name. The
most interesting thing you've learned in this life about dreaming fearlessly? Well,
(39:21):
I think that it's the fearless part that is the
most important. I think that the most important thing I've
learned is that it is we can tell ourselves, well
I I want is to allow yourself. I think that's
what it is is, to literally allow yourself to feel
worthy of the dreams that you want to have, that
(39:43):
you have. Sometimes what stops us is that we may
be like I have this dream, but there's a voice
in us that says you're not worthy of that, or
you you you can't have you know, you're not We don't.
We don't let ourselves actually inhabit. It's easy people say, like,
you know, just manifest like think about wanted to think about,
(40:04):
you know, like you hear the story of Jim Jim
Carrey with the with the ten million dollar check in
his pocket that he walked around with, which is amazing.
And but I think so many of us I don't
believe that we're worthy of of of that. We don't
believe that we actually, um, we can do it, but
(40:26):
we don't really believe that it were worthy of it.
And that's the difference. I think, you know, and and
and that's where that's that hump, that that that thing
that you gotta you gotta, you gotta do away with,
you gotta you gotta tell that you gotta shut down
that voice that says, um, who do you think you are?
(40:47):
You know? Or or turn it up and play that
song from the sixties, who do you think you are? Mr?
Big stuff? Right there? You go? Really and I mean
it's it's everyone needs a hype woman or man. You know,
you know, uh, every everybody could benefit, right. You translate
that into a different voice, right, not the voice that
(41:10):
maybe the voice that goes like you could do this that,
but that that's it's actually ourselves that we're doing battle
with more than the outside world and all that. You know.
It's just I'm gonna I'm gonna leave you with this
because I love what you said. And Michael Strahan, former
football player g M a host, said something beautiful. He
(41:30):
said his dad was that for him. But the way
his dad did it, he said, was very subtle. He said,
his dad would always talk about what we're gonna do
when you get the college scholarship, not if what we're
gonna do when you make it to the NFL, not
if what we're gonna do when you become a starter,
And he said, in such a wonderful way, his dad
would move him forward gently, positively, but definitively, and you know,
(41:56):
be that hype man for him of a certain kind.
He say, he always even when he wasn't at the
fanciest college, even when he wasn't the first pick in
the draft, even when there were so many other Hall
of Fame players there. He always had the warmth of that.
So I say that as your baby boy gets ready
to turn. Now it's true, you know what I mean. Yeah,
(42:16):
it's never it's not if. When I first moved to
New York, I had a poster put on my wall
and I said, I will start in a movie in
and I put the date, and I think six months
before that date. It's my old merchant him and saw
me in looking his restaurant at the American Place theater
and asked me to start in his next movie. And
(42:36):
that poster had been on my wall and it wasn't
you might or you know when it was, it was
like you will, Oh, awesome, awesome, as if we have
to do that for the entire world. Everybody deserves a
movie poster and whatever the movie, your version of the
movie is. I love that. I'm gonna give you credit,
(42:57):
but I'm gonna start I'm gonna start sharing that with people.
That's that's that's too beautiful a manifestation just to keep here.
We have to we have to share that. That's beautiful, awesome.
Eight man. I had too much fun. This was this
is more fun than it's legal. Thank you for this.
I appreciate you. I appreciate you having me back on.
Thank you. Yeah yeah yeah. And are you in New
(43:18):
York right now? Where are you? I'm in New York. Yeah.
I'm gonna come find you. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm
gonna make people put us together. I'm gonna come find you.
Brett say hello, Yeah, let's do it. We'll have dinner.
Good good, all right. Be safe, Be good to your wife,
be good to a little fellow. Okay, see soon, bye bye.
(43:50):
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Carlos
Batson Show podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave
us a review where I really listen to your podcast
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.