I Wasn't Listening

Not well enough at least. For "Shop Talk," Coach Bill Courtney gets vulnerable. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Everybody's Bill Courtney with shop Talk number twelve. Today, we're
going to talk about something that I've known for a
long time, but actually this podcast has re taught me,
and I'm going to say I haven't fully learned my
lesson yet, but I'm working on it. And it's about

(00:23):
controlling a conversation and who does that? A lesson I
learned it early on in sales, and a lesson I
learned early on in doing this podcast. Unlesson I try
to remind myself every day of and I think it'll
be interesting who controls the conversation shop Talk number twelve.

(00:44):
Now a few messages from our general sponsors, but first
for our premium members, I'm about to have my yearly
call with the group on June eighteenth, So if you're
interested in joining in, make sure to sign up to
be a premium member today at normalfolks dot us and
join in on the June eighteenth group talk, where really

(01:07):
I'm just going to chat with the listeners who are
Premium members, answer questions, laugh, maybe tell a joker too,
and I might even let Alex talk. So June eighteen
is the group talk with all Premium members. If you're
interested join up and become a premium member today at

(01:30):
normal Folks dot us. In just a second, after a
few messages from our sponsors, we'll be right back to
talk about who controls the conversation. Hey, everybody but Courtney

(01:57):
back with you on shop Talk number twelve. So I'm
an inquisitive guy. I like people, I like stories, and
I love to understand or try to understand where people
are coming from, what their perspective is, what makes them tick.
It's just a natural kind of curiosity. I mean, I

(02:21):
am a real life curious George. When I first started, well,
go back when Alex came to me and said, hey,
I want you to host that this show called an
Army of Normal Folks, and we're going to try to
grow this group of people into a literal army of

(02:43):
people celebrating one another doing pretty cool stuff across the country.
We're going to promote it well, we're going to produce
it well. It'll be something makes you laugh, makes you cry,
makes you think, and hopefully also be inspirational. You know,
I said, okay, great. You know, I own a lumber
business and I'm a football coach. Never taking a journalism class,

(03:05):
never taken a debate class, never interviewed anybody. Been interviewed
a bunch, but never interviewed anybody. And I said, sure,
what's a big deal. Have some conversations, and oh my gosh,
Alex lined up our first three, four five interviews, some
amazing guests. We went to Vegas and talked to John Ponder,

(03:26):
and I'm still just absolutely blown away by that guy.
In anyway. You know, I approached the deal with having
a conversation, and in doing so, I might have interrupted
our guests one hundred and fifty times in the two
hours I was with them, stepped all over them, interrupted

(03:46):
their thoughts, didn't let him get their points across until
I was listening to something and chasing a squirrel up
a tree wanting to know the next thing. And good grief,
it was all I did such a bad job of listening.
I did a bad job of listening. And what frustrates

(04:08):
me most about that is, I'm a sales guy, and
you have to listen to sell. I'm a father, you
have to listen to properly father your children. I'm a husband.
You best listen to your spouse. I'm a business owner.
You best listen to your customers, your employees. I'm a

(04:28):
football coach, you better listen to what your players are
telling them are telling you. And so listening has been
a paramount think of my life. But then I started
when these things went public and they went on air,
and I started listening to myself. What I started listening

(04:48):
to was me being a bad listener. So I did
my best to correct, and I continue to have to
push myself to correct because my typical curious and quiz
of nature, I can't wait to ask the next question
because I'm so interested, but I end up stepping on
people in that. And I never really knew how poor

(05:09):
of a job I did until I listened to myself
on a recording and found out how much work I
had to do. So why is this important? Because the
person asking the questions and doing the listening is the
one actually controlling a conversation. Why does that matter? Well,

(05:33):
because if you want to be successful in business, and
you want to be successful in sales, and you want
to be successful as a spouse, and you want to
be successful as a parent, you want to be successful
engaging in community, you want to be successful as a coach,
or whatever it is you do, you got to get information.
You got to get information that helps you craft or

(05:54):
form the best approach toward any situation that you want
to make better or be good at. And the only
way you get information is by asking questions. But the
only way you're going to assimilate that information is by
once you ask a question, shut up and listen. So
the other thing about controlling the conversation is by asking

(06:15):
questions the person you're talking to, you are actually directing
where that conversation is going to go. When I ask
a question, you're going to respond to me about that information,
and then if I ask another question, you respond to
me about that information. So the one who actually ask
questions and listens is the one controlling the conversation. Many

(06:38):
people would say the one talking is the one because
they're dominating the number of words being used, the one
talking is actually controlling conversations, But it's not. It's the
one asking the questions and listening, because they're directing where
the conversation goes by virtue of the questions they ask.
And I was doing a poor job of it. And
I've known this pencil on my whole life, and yet

(07:02):
I did a poor job of it. And so then
I went to my wife and my kids and I said,
you know, I'm hearing myself on this dad gum podcast.
I'm stepping over my guests. I'm doing a terrible job listening.
I'm really working on it. And they're like, yeah, like
what do you mean. Yeah, they said, of course you are.
That's how you do us. I'm like, oh, shut up.
So then I go to the office and I'm like, dude,

(07:24):
can you believe that I'm listening to this thing and
I'm stepping on my guests and I'm not really fully
listening to answer the questions for asking other questions. And
then I went to leasing the kids and they said, well, no, no, kid,
and dad, duh, that's how you do. And I'm like,
you know, I may need y'all to straighten out these kids.
And they're like, what are you talking about, Bill, That's

(07:45):
exactly how you interact with us. And I was like,
oh my gosh. The whole time, I have adhere to
this paramount fundamental that the person asking the questions and
listening is controlling conversations. And I know it in my brain,
but I wasn't putting into good use in and around

(08:08):
my family and my business and on this podcast, so
I'm working on it, trying to get better, trying to
let people complete their thoughts before going to the next question.
I'm trying to suppress my natural curiosity and inquisitiveness long

(08:28):
enough to actually listen to the answer that I asked
for in the first place. I got a lot of
work to do, but I got to remember listening is
how you control the conversation. It's where you've garner information from,
and it's how you get the information to craft the
best action response to anything you're working in. And I

(08:52):
wanted to share that with you. Guys. Are you listening
to your spouse? Are you listening to your kids? Are
you listening to your eployees? Are you listening to people
you're trying to serve or coach? Are you listening to
your best friends? Are you asking open ended questions and
then giving people enough time to breathe and give you
the answer to that conversation so that you can get

(09:14):
all the information you need and in fact control conversations.
So shop Talk number twelve is a little bit about
my own personal growth and I need to be a
better listener so that I can form better actionable items
in order to garner the information to be the most

(09:36):
effective version of myself. The one asking the questions and
shutting up listening, ultimately is always the one in control.
I hope you'll think about it. I'm Bill Courtney. I'll
see you next week.