In this episode of The Karol Markowicz Show, Karol is joined by Buck Sexton, co-host of The Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Show, for a candid advice segment tackling marriage, porn addiction, and how couples can communicate through difficult issues. Buck shares why he believes pornography harms men and relationships — and how the right approach can open up honest conversations between spouses.
Later, Karol welcomes national security expert Rebeccah Heinrichs of the Hudson Institute to discuss motherhood, foreign policy, and raising five kids while working to prevent major power wars. Rebeccah opens up about choosing family flexibility, setting a low-tech household, and modeling humility and stability for children. The Karol Markowicz Show is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network - new episodes debut every Wednesday & Friday.
Email Karol Your Thoughts and Questions
Follow Clay & Buck on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/clayandbuck
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
I'm doing another one of these advice segments. You all
seem to enjoy them, so please send in your questions
Carol Maarkowitz Show at gmail dot com, or you can
use the anonymous form I post on X. I'm joined
here by Buck Sexton, co host of The Clay Travis
and Buck Sexton Show.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Buck, so great to have you back.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Hello, great to be back.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
So some of our questions are very calm and staid,
and other questions get a little racier. So this is
going to be one of those. And I should also
note I've gotten a lot of questions, but I you know,
I only think some of them are worth engaging in.
That's why this is not a regular segment every week.
I only get so many questions that I think are
worth answering, and this is one of those. So here
(00:52):
we go. Hello, Carol, new listener. I like your matter
of fact way of answering questions. My husband and I
have a good relationship. I knew he watched porn occasionally,
but I never minded and it never affected our life.
In the last year, our state has made it so
you have to upload your ID to access porn sites.
(01:12):
When that happened, he got so worked up about this.
His behavior became erratic and moody, and that made me concerned.
He was addicted and I had not known that. He
figured out some work around and our life went back
to normal. But I can't forget how crazed he got
about it, and I don't know what to do. What
do you think, buck?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Oh boy?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, she was fine with it, and then they took
it away from him and he got crazy.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
So I've got to let me, let me try to
work through this, because this isn't one. Sometimes people ask
me a question and I feel like I've answered it
in different forms about three hundred times over the fifteen
years i've been doing media. Yeah, this is a first,
so I need to find this is the first time.
So I'm going to just say that upfron, I've addressed
this before. I feel like our generation, meaning of men,
(02:04):
we're the first generation now, guys in their forties, maybe
into their fifties a little bit, who had this thing
of this giant world of free and instantaneous pornography available
to us, all with an Internet connection. Yeah, and that
remember before it was always like you had to get
this magazine. You kind of knew that it was like
(02:25):
a little there was something a little brilliant. Maybe you
found like the construction Workers Playboy magazine somewhere, and you
were like hopeful that your mom never found out. You know,
You're like, your mom's always found out. You always found out,
that's always, you know, And then there was this little
coming of age moment where you're like, you know, I'm
eighteen and like if I want to look at this
magazine anyway. But that was also very tame stuff too,
(02:47):
and that was always there's always kind of a limit,
you know, at least Playba, and that's always there's always
a limitation on that. I I am opposed to not
just pornography on sort of moral and ethical terms, but
I actually think it's really bad for men. It's bad
for women because it's degrading and because of the you know,
(03:10):
this is a quote industry that I think is destroying
people's lives and in many ways really darkening their souls.
So I'm pretty I don't know, I mean, I don't
like puritanical, almost sounds like self refuting, but I'm generally
very opposed to porn across the board. And I would
even say for men, I think it's really damaging because
(03:32):
you're training training your mind to think about these things
in certain ways, and you're disassociating actual human contact and
connection from the sex act. And I think it's bad
for guys from a motivational perspective. I think actually the
desire to couple with somebody, partner with somebody, and to
like find somebody are in real life right is hugely
(03:57):
motivating for men in the best way civilization building, Like
I need to be. It's worth a woman's time for
her to make the very profound decision to have a
sexual relationship with me. And I think that that's and
I think that's not only a beautiful thing when it's
obviously done right, it's like the ware species you know exists.
But also I think it's really important for the male
(04:19):
psyche to keep it in that context of this is special,
this is meaningful, and it's something earned too as a guy.
So it's almost like in that.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
This is all very very nice. I love that you
think like this, this is.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
In the and I'll tell you I mean I made
I made a conscious decision in my twenties. I will
tell you, when I was at Amherst, there was porn
everywhere on our computer servers. I mean like on the
school server ycause they weren't you know, people would put
it drives. This is like the napster era. And like
I would walk into friends rooms and they were like,
(04:52):
look at this, and there was like I mean, there
was just like people, it was like a free for
all of you know, lots of uh you know these
And when this when porn stars kind of became famous
and this was just sort of stopping everywhere, and even
in my twenties, it was just like I was like,
why would you do something that, like would you be
(05:12):
embarrassed for someone to know about? But you still think
it's okay, like there's nothing else in.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
A mazing there, But it's true, why would you be
doing something that would embarrass you?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
And I want to be clear, I also like I
feel badly for a lot of men because on the again,
putting aside like the exploitation of women thing, which about
I'm gonna get to this person's question here in a second,
but putting aside the exploitation of women, which is a
given and I think is a really horrible part of pornography,
but just on the on the more on the male
side of it, because by the way it's we saw
this with like the Ashley Madison hack and everything. M hmm,
(05:45):
it's like ninety percent of porn ninety five percent of
porn watching or what it's male. Right, This is a
totally male dominated thing in terms of the viewership, and
and I just think that it's been It was so
normalized for our generation in so many ways for a
lot of men that you had to really spend time
thinking about this on your own to I think realize,
(06:08):
like what, like what are you doing and why are
you you know, why do you think that this has
been Why do you want this to be kind of
a part of for a lot of men day to day?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Right?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Like I think about comedians used to stand up commedy
there they would say like, oh, you know, I've I've
I don't know, I'm like whatever, whatever, you know what
I mean, there's a lot of ways to say it,
but you know, yeah, doing the things that guys doing, Yeah,
doing the thing you know, like three times a day,
ha ha, Like I do it every day and I'm
looking at more all this stuff and it's like that's weird,
actually weird, Like you're developing a problem and you're you're
(06:40):
playing with the neurons in your brain in a really
and really training them in a way that I think
is damaging. So back to the initial question about this,
that it bothers, I think what Cheese might be confusing
might be conflating. Confusing is the wrong word. Conflating is
a suppressed sense of shame with an addiction. That's saying
(07:00):
he's not addicted to it. I don't know. I don't
know this man, I don't know. I don't know. But
I think that part of what may be so off
putting to her in this is that he was outraged
at this. But I think that that may be more
driven by It's not oh, I won't be able to
get through my day without porn. It's how dare they
take away First Commendment right to like be able as
(07:23):
an adult to watch co Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like it turns into this self justifying thing because I
think that there's, you know, some some shame attached to it,
maybe at least subconsciously, And I think that that may
be a more workable thing for her to to deal with.
But I also think that it's completely fair for her
(07:45):
to the gentle approach here is so important, and this
is something that marriages. You know, I've been reading a
lot of marriage. I've only remembered a few years. You're
like an old pro at this, but reading reading books
on marriage, like the good books like doctor Gottman, and
I think is really I.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Haven't read any books on marriage. I feel like maybe
I should just answer these questions.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I don't know, we just kind of important stuff, really
such important stuff that the difference between success and failure,
and this is by like the data that's compumplible. The
differ between success and failure in so many difficult marital
conversations is not the subject matter and how fairly the
overall tone of the conversation. It's how the woman approaches
(08:28):
the man. About the conversation a wife who approaches.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It always that it's always the woman approaching the man
specifically interesting.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Yeah, because men tend to react like like men have
very much almost like a fight or flight response to
a subject, or like the way that it's being presented.
And if they get if you get a guy's hackles up,
the chance that you're going to be able to have
a productive conversation after that is very very low as
a woman, even if he would otherwise be reasonable. Whereas
(09:00):
if you have a soft approach on it, and that
means things like you know, you know, you're like in
this conment text, you'd be like, you know, you're such
a great husband. You're assuming that she would want to
say these kind of thing like your a great husband,
you're a great father. But you know, I just you know,
I want us to talk about our intimacy level and
and I want to understand you know, is there is
(09:20):
there a part of this where you know, we need
to make more of an effort day to day to
be affectionate physically with each other, because I don't want
you to feel I don't want you to feel like
you need this other outlet in addition whatever I'm giving
you as the wife, that may I just looks that
may go, well, hey, why do you have a porn addiction?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Guaranteed, going guaranteed, That's.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
But I just want to say, she seems to have
no problem with how much he watches porn. She doesn't
think it's too much. She thinks it was fine. I think,
and then well, but then her issue became when it
was take away from him and he got crazy. That
made her think, maybe I haven't realized what was going on.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I get that, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I know I agree with you, you know I agree
with you on a lot. I probably I don't want
to say I'm more pro porn than you, because I'm
not proporn at all, but I'm less anti porn than you.
I'm less anti porn than you. I'm not as like
you know, this is the just horrible, horrible. It is horrible,
but not quite where you are on it. I'm not
(10:32):
sure that her issue is I guess you know how
much he's watching it, or the intimacy that they have
or don't have. It's that she saw him react very
poorly to having it taken away, and that has made
her concerned for him. From a woman's perspective, that would
be how I would start a conversation.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah, you're stopping at why she concerned. She's concerned because
she thinks he's an addict, right, so she thinks she
has a compulsion for this now, whereas a compulsion versus
something that he's choosing to do makes her worry because
it's obviously a deeper role in his life than she
had previously anticipated. That's where the and and maybe is
(11:12):
making decisions. This is why dealing with addiction is very
and look, there's a whole we can do a whole
thing sometime about how you find out that somebody that
you're even like you know, involved with in a dating
relationship is an alcoholic. And when you find that out
because you think that, oh, this person isn't drinking like
scotch at eight o'clock in the morning, that doesn't mean
they're not an alcoholic, right right, you know what I mean? Like,
(11:35):
like you, people have ways of normalizing addiction for those
around them because they can become addiction as a.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Very very easily what it could be here that you
had it.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Normalized, very scary little monster that doesn't want to want
people to realize his addiction. And so I think she
has realized, like this is what I'm saying, She has
realized that, oh my gosh, he might actually have an
addiction to this, and that then makes the context of
what a role it's playing in his day to day
life in psychology more troubling for her. But what I'm
saying is, again, I'm not a psychotherapist or whatever said, Oh, you.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Know, I'm just a guy who understands people.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, I'm just a trained spy who understands like psychological
manipulation tactics.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And so it really is.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
My book Manufacturing Delusion, coming out in January, goes into
all this stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
The book's going to be going to be phenomenal. I
would tell I would tell her to pick your the
biggest mistake when would make And this is by the data.
This isn't just me saying this. This is doctor Gotman,
all of his books, Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage.
His books are amazing. I've read them more than once.
I highly recommend to anybody the biggest mistake that women
make in handling conflict within a marriage, meaning I should
(12:41):
say sorry, the most common and consistent mistake, not the biggest,
but most common and consistent is picking the wrong time
and the wrong way to talk about a tough subject
with the men. Because men are actually far more willing
to engage than a lot of the women realize. But
they have to feel respected and invited into the difficult conversation.
And so I think if she, if she approaches this
(13:03):
the right way to them says, hey, like this made
me feel you know, I want to just but if
can't be accusatory, it has to be how do I
meet you in this in a way where one I
can understand a little more what your needs are, and
two you can understand why this made me a little
bit uncomfortable. And I just wanted to have an open
line of communication about it because I think this is
a fix I think that's a fixable thing. I don't
think it's an unfixable thing. I think that porn is
(13:24):
by the way, it's not like a this this I
would give her. We've gone way over, but I don't care.
This is so fun. The the it's not a substance addiction.
Reason those are so difficult is then the monster action,
like the little monster, the little demon can actually take over.
That's where the person is not actually exercising free will anymore,
because their chemistry is I need to think, I need
(13:45):
to I'll say anything I need to think. Right. He
may have a.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Publsition conditioned predilection to this, but he can still be
reasoned with on it, can still scale it back because
the process, like the brain is still able to process
like I really shouldn't be watching porn every day and.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Like, maybe I should scale this back and maybe I
could talk to my wife a little bit about this,
and maybe I could start to think, like do I
really need porn in my life in this way? By
the way, it's a whole thing too. We'd even get
this like separately from like my wife and I this
is not my thing, but some people are like they
like to you know what I mean. They like to
get things flowing and going.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Get things going. Sure, right, that's not what seems to
be going on here.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah, yes, so that's my whole thing? Is what are
we thinking? We like this, Carol.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
So I think you did great. I think the approach
matters a lot, and I'm very interested in the idea
that you can get more out of your relationship by
approaching things in the right way at the right time.
I loved your answer book, and I think we have
two for two where we agree with Recently, I enjoyed
this can put out.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
A special call because if you're going to have to
do this again, although I feel like I've hijacked this
second segment because I'm excited talking about this, so hopefully
hopefully you'll have me back. Of course, you see if
they'll do I want I want to I want Bucks
specific advice.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Question suck specific advice. I love that. I'm gonna I'm
gonna put out your audience.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You got to do the question for Buck and I'll
come back on. We'll do the question for Buck on
the Carol Show and you get to moderate slash tell
me when I'm wrong. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I love it. Thank you Buck for coming on the
Carol Marcowitch Show. Stay tuned from my interview with Rebecca
Heinrix coming up next.
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Before making investment decisions, you should carefully consider and review
all risks involved. Rebecca Heinrix joins me next. Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
The Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My guest today is
Rebecca Heinrix. She is a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute. Hi, Rebecca,
so nice to have you on.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Good to be here, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
So I have to tell you we've only met, I believe,
one time right in DC, and you are You're just
this light you really are. You're very very smart, but
you're very personable, which is a very rare combination in Washington,
d C. And it really it comes off you. So
I'm really glad to have you on.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I appreciate that. That's very different from when I used
to work on Capitol Hill and I was like, there's
no light there.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And I was so serious about my work. And one
time one of my coworkers said that, he said, you know,
I've thought about hugging you before, but I think that
you spikes if i'd hug you because I was so serious.
So being going from growing spikes to being a light
is a great improvement. I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
That's excellent. How did you get your start in this world?
I mean in the political world, not in this world
in general.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, So I think I think sort of the formative experience
for me, for a lot of people. My age in
early forties is September eleventh. I was a freshman in
college when nine to eleven happened and al Qaeda attacked
the United States, and I was in at the time,
I was from a small town in Ohio and I
(18:19):
was going to This is the Ashbrook Scholar program at
Ashland University. It's kind of like Hillsdale So just for
a frame of reference, great books program really focused on
the West. How awesome it is the American founding. So
I'm loving it. And then nine to eleven happened, and
that was really formative for me, and that's when I
decided I wanted to do national security policy. And then
(18:42):
lots of details from there on, but that's really kind
of the short of it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
What kind of stuff do you work on ad Hudson.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, so my focus is on how to prevent major
power war. So when after nine to eleven happened, you know,
just like a lot of people, I thought that I
would go into global war on terrorism. I studied Arabic
for a little stint at the Ohio State University, and
(19:11):
it basically pretty quickly came to the conclusion, oh my goodness,
like we're all focused on low intensity conflict and terrorism,
but we could have another major war, right, you know,
And so I switched and started really studying and getting
interested in the Cold War and how to deter major
power war. So what I do at Hudson now is
(19:31):
was really is really that. So I focus on nuclear
deterrence and how to build alliances and deter axes basically
so that we We've got all kinds of other problems
in the world, but if we can really hold off
like the really bad ones, that would be great, and
that's what I focus on at Hudson.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Do you feel like optimistic about holding off the really
bad ones? Do you think we're in a good place
in terms of not getting into you know, serious hot wars.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
So the thing I would say it's I'm always optimistic
since I'm from the Midwest, and I always, I really
do think that we're always just you know, a political
moment or a great argument that catches on away from
fixing things. I really believe that, and we've already seen
(20:23):
how much things have changed from the Biden years to
the second Trump administrations. But I think currently where we
are now, I'm afraid. I think that the big sort
of assumption that leads us to not prepare for deterring
major power war is that trade can supplant military hard
power and you know, harder diplomacy, economic pain, etc. That
(20:46):
you can impose on people to try to steer them
in a better direction. And I really think just sort
of this idea that if we just have more trade,
that the ideological differences, for instance, with China or the
Russians won't go away. And I thought that the first
Trump administration clearly understood that. And I'm a little bit.
I think it's a little bit less clear for the
(21:08):
second Trump administration about how it's treating the China problem,
and I'm mostly worried about about the access led by China.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
What would you have done if you weren't doing this?
What would have been the plan be?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It's a great you know, I think that. So I
have five children, So I'm.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
You have five children, Adam, Sure, wow.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I have So I think that To answer that question,
I think, you know, my five children, I've really my
husband and I my husband's awesome, We've married seventeen years.
We've really prioritized my flexibility to be to be the
primary formative person around them. And so there's a lot
(21:52):
of things actually that I haven't done sort of in
this field that I that I think that I would
have really enjoyed and been at, you know, working working
more in government jobs that required you know, living abroad
and doing diplomacy. I would love that. And maybe that's
in the future as the kids get older, et cetera.
(22:16):
How old are kids? Oldest is so I have three
girls and two boys. My oldest is sixteen and my
youngest is almost seven, So there's nine years between the
oldest and youngest, So that's great.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I have fifteen, twelve, and almost ten. Yeah, I think
that as they get older, the possibilities of what you
could do professionally really expand I would say that probably
my regret is not being maybe a stay at home
mom for longer I was in the beginning for my daughter.
But maybe that's a path that you know that you
can't go back to. So the fact that you had
(22:51):
this time with your kids, that you you chose the
flexible time, I think probably the right call.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
You can't go back to that. Yeah, I think so.
I I was I we had my first we had
our first child, my daughter, and I thought I'll have her,
I'll kind of have like a nanny at home, and
I'll go back. And we tried that for like a month. Yeah,
and then I was like, oh, what am I doing.
She's just like for everything I love. I mean, I
(23:20):
love foreign policy and I love national security policy because
I love this country and I want to leave it
for my kids. So I you know, I love my kids.
It's all really for them. And so my husband looked
at me one time we were driving into work together,
and he was like, you should just stay home, Like
we'll figure it out, love that and yeah, so it
and my kids are I mean, you know, like as
(23:42):
they turn into teenagers and you're like, not only are
they all like they're interesting and funny and smart, and
he's like, I.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Made this, this is why I did this. Yeah. Yeah,
So I guess that that leads me pretty easily into
one of my three questions, which is what are you
most proud of your life?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah, I would say just our home, our kids. We
have just you know, even not just a kid because
you know, as a mom, Yeah, they come from you
and you pour into them and into your best to
help shape them. But then they're also formed by other
things and themselves and the way they are. But I think, like,
of what I think that I can point to and say, yeah,
(24:22):
I really did do that was just the home that
we created. It's just it's not a it's not a
stressful place to be or an anxious place to be.
It's an enriching place to be. And you can see
it sort of born out in our kids, and it's Yeah,
so we're not that we've done everything perfectly, but I
would say, looking back.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Nobody does everything perfectly, you know. Yeah, So how do
you set up that home that way. What is the like,
what advice would you give to others who are maybe
just starting to parent.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Yeah, so I would say consistency and like not not
allowing your own concerns and stress and anxiety bes to
be born by your children where you're like, okay, well
everybody would love that. Easier said than done, I think, right,
but I think being really intentional about that. So we
(25:18):
are very low tech in our home. Kids don't have iPads,
they don't have smartphones, even our teenagers don't have smartphones.
And I think that was really something. It's not like
I had this sort of developed thinking about it. I
think it was just during you know, it's just they
were They're so good at play and we read and
(25:38):
talk so much here that we just my husband like
it was during COVID when everybody really started doing and
I was like, yeah, we're not We're not going to
do that impressive.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I mean, yeah, we're pretty low tech, but everybody still
has device. Like it's amazing to actually keep them off
the devices completely.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And I think it's it's harder once they have it
to go back and so just not doing it. Yeah,
and we're part of a community of other families who
are doing the same thing, which makes it easier. But
that's a big one. And then like if my when
my husband and I have arguments or disagreements to really
not you're still going to live life in front of
your kids, but to understand that you know, like you
(26:17):
and your husband have to deal with that and not
allow your children to feel that. And then the other
big practical thing I would say is like when my
husband and I have like resolved a argument or disagreement,
we do bring the kids in and like let them
see us right and reckon. That has just been like
I think that just gives kids so much stability.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It's just right that arguing is normal and making up
it should be the result, and it's everything and not
always agree. I feel like that's a big one that
should possibly be spread to other kids right now. It's
okay to not agree with other people. Don't do anything
about that.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, And then the other and with that too, like
apologize to our kids so just like they not. It's
like I'm not over here walking around like I've done
everything right. If I've done something, if I was too
short with you or something, I'm going to apologize to
you and ask for your forgiveness. We just make that
a regular part of our home life. And and I
think that there's that's so good too, because like otherwise,
(27:17):
there's bitterness and you start thinking your parents are hypocrites
and you know, so.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
We don't apologize that often, but yes.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Right, I do think it's so good though, for kids
to see their parents model that. Yeah, especially in our
public discourse. Now, a big problem is everybody is just
so right, just adamant in everything they think, and it's
it leaves just no room for some humility in disagreement
(27:48):
or public discourse. You know.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yeah, absolutely, We're going to take a quick break and
be right back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. So you
spend a lot of time, I'm at your job kind
of looking at the future and thinking about where things
are going to go and hopefully guiding them towards a
more positive future. Can you give us a five years
(28:10):
out prediction? And it could be about the country, about
the world, really anything.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So I think I'll take the question and look at
from the nation and then sort of the world. I
think that we are. I think that the country needs
to do some correcting from the excesses of the left,
the treating these far left wing groups that are really
anarchist and Marxist, some of them funded by foreign adversaries. Yeah,
(28:37):
we really haven't dealt with that, and we saw a
lot of these riots, you know, during COVID and the
BLM riots, and I think the Trump administration has to
is sort of in the beginning of dealing with that,
especially in the wake of the assassination of Charlie Kirk.
I don't know what that means or what that's going
to look like, but we have to get to a
common sort of consensus about what we are as a people,
(28:58):
regardless of our differences sort of on other other kinds
of things. And I think that there's still just people
who are living among us who really have an incompatible
view of the of the you know, what we're doing
here and what America is. And so I think it's
going to be bumpy. I think we're going to face
some pretty serious turbulence domestically for a couple of years
(29:21):
at least, and then in foreign policy. My hope is
that the United States is able to get back to
a place where we are working constructively with our allies,
you know, and it's it's been bumpy there too during
the Trump administration with these tariffs. But I think collectively,
(29:41):
with our economies and our militaries, we need to be
able to deter again sort of this developing axis that
I see with the Chinese, the Russians, North Koreans, and
the Iranians. And I worry that. I just worry that.
Look that there's these groups sort of Americans who just
they're so so overtaken with the problems here at home
that they don't want, you know, the age in foreign policy.
(30:04):
But my hope is we get that, we do get
that sorted out, because we need, you know, we got
to do harry.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Policy happens whether we engage in it or not, and
so it's probably best to have a direction and to
head towards that direction instead of just floating along and
letting whatever happen to us, which is, you know, I
think a scary outcome of not talking about foreign policy.
And I know exactly what you mean. I think that
(30:30):
there's a lot of pressure, you know, to be like
America first, for example, on the right, Well, if you're
America first, you have to think about America's standing in
the world. I you know, the show is generally not political,
but I think your perspective is very interesting, and I
think what you do is very interesting. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Well, and I also just think that, you know, I
spend a lot of time just the other thing I
was going to say for your show to thinking. Another
great thing that I do that I think makes my
work better too, is we host a lot. Just being
hospitable and just not even it has to be like
I grew up, was like if we were going to host,
you know, my mom spent like two days cleaning and
(31:09):
doing a deep clean, and but I just mean, like,
don't even do that, like basically just right, get very
used to having people in your home to say, stop over,
if you all went to a kid's game, come to
our house for pizza and so to afterwards, and talk
to people and like really just enjoy them, be amused
(31:30):
by them, enjoy them, and don't try to sort of
make everything about sort of which camp everybody is in,
sort of politically. And that has helped me so much,
and even just understanding what what everyday Americans are thinking
about and just what makes people tick.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
It's not hard for you doing what you do, and
you know, having that be.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Public so that is a good I sometimes so, like
you know, sometimes and I try to keep. I try
to keep. The reason you didn't even know that I
had five kids is because I don't talk a lot
about my personal life in public for my work, in
part because it's just so scary out there, and I
want to keep you know, a lot of you know,
(32:12):
I want my children to have a safe and secure
in private life. But but.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I do.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
And then some The other part that's kind of hard
about it is sometimes I do get these I'll get
briefings about what's going on in the world. I'm like, oh,
my goodness, it's like a miracle. I mean, I don't
even know how right. I don't know how people don't
believe in God if they knew how bad things work,
how it's not even as bad as it could be.
It's like it's amazing. It's like miraculous. So it can
(32:41):
be hard sometimes, Like I've had times where I've had
like a really serious threat briefing and my husband's picked
me up and I'm like, I just need a few
hours to just kind of decompress and comparisonalize, to kind
of get back, you know, And like I said, a
lot of people. A lot of my friendships. People don't
want to talk about foreign policy. People don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Talk Yeah, but just having a polittle job it doesn't
affect your friendships. It doesn't. You don't have the people
who are like, I can't be friends with you because
you're oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Oh, that's a good question. I had a little bit
of that. I had a little bit of that during COVID,
Like during when everybody was online, same girl, same that
I think was like, wow, I had people who were
really upset with me for things that I was posting online.
I don't know. I don't think. I'm sure it does.
(33:28):
There's things I don't know. There's probably relationships I could
have that would be stronger or better, but that are
sort of in him because people see. But then I
have lots of other friends, some very public friends who
we disagree on all kinds of things and we still,
you know, get along great. So yeah, I mean I
would think, yes, it does affect. I'm sure. I'm sure
(33:50):
that my relationships have been affected, but it's also been
really really good. I mean, it's funny. I'll get like
a text message from somebody who was like, oh my goodness.
My mom from Illinois just told me to turn on
Fox because she saw you on Fox, and it's like
I love that. Yeah, and it's somebody I don't normally
agree with on politics or something too, So it's a
(34:11):
mixed bag love that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I've loved this conversation. I've loved getting to know you
a little bit more. Got some newsflash that you have
five kids. Leave us here with your best tip for
my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
So I think I would just get back to just
open your home, like really just open your home and
don't worry so much about, you know, putting on a
show for hosting. I mean, really truly say yes to
those invitations when people ask you to come over, even
if it's not somebody that you think that you like
a whole lot. I'm not naturally actually extroverted, like I'm
(34:50):
not shy, but I think my natural inclination would be
to just I love to read, to sit on the
couch with my husband at night and read. But I
have just my whole lif it's just been so enriched
when I just sort of made the intentional sort of
mental switch over to say yes to getting together more
with people and opening my home to others, And of
course I think the corollary to that is, you know,
(35:12):
the more you can get off technology and have more
of your inner your relationships in person than online is
the way to go.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
I love that a lot of people write into the
show and ask how they can make friends. I think
opening your home is a really underrated one. Invite people over,
host them, take up people on their invitations. That's how
you do it. Thank you so much, Rebecca. She is
Rebecca Heinrix. Check her out at the Hudsonsitude. She also
has a really excellent X page. Check out her profile
(35:43):
on X. Rebecca Heinrix, thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Thanks you, it's really fun
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
I'm doing another one of these advice segments. You all
seem to enjoy them, so please send in your questions
Carol Maarkowitz Show at gmail dot com, or you can
use the anonymous form I post on X. I'm joined
here by Buck Sexton, co host of The Clay Travis
and Buck Sexton Show.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Buck, so great to have you back.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Hello, great to be back.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
So some of our questions are very calm and staid,
and other questions get a little racier. So this is
going to be one of those. And I should also
note I've gotten a lot of questions, but I you know,
I only think some of them are worth engaging in.
That's why this is not a regular segment every week.
I only get so many questions that I think are
worth answering, and this is one of those. So here
(00:52):
we go. Hello, Carol, new listener. I like your matter
of fact way of answering questions. My husband and I
have a good relationship. I knew he watched porn occasionally,
but I never minded and it never affected our life.
In the last year, our state has made it so
you have to upload your ID to access porn sites.
(01:12):
When that happened, he got so worked up about this.
His behavior became erratic and moody, and that made me concerned.
He was addicted and I had not known that. He
figured out some work around and our life went back
to normal. But I can't forget how crazed he got
about it, and I don't know what to do. What
do you think, buck?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Oh boy?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, she was fine with it, and then they took
it away from him and he got crazy.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
So I've got to let me, let me try to
work through this, because this isn't one. Sometimes people ask
me a question and I feel like I've answered it
in different forms about three hundred times over the fifteen
years i've been doing media. Yeah, this is a first,
so I need to find this is the first time.
So I'm going to just say that upfron, I've addressed
this before. I feel like our generation, meaning of men,
(02:04):
we're the first generation now, guys in their forties, maybe
into their fifties a little bit, who had this thing
of this giant world of free and instantaneous pornography available
to us, all with an Internet connection. Yeah, and that
remember before it was always like you had to get
this magazine. You kind of knew that it was like
(02:25):
a little there was something a little brilliant. Maybe you
found like the construction Workers Playboy magazine somewhere, and you
were like hopeful that your mom never found out. You know,
You're like, your mom's always found out. You always found out,
that's always, you know, And then there was this little
coming of age moment where you're like, you know, I'm
eighteen and like if I want to look at this
magazine anyway. But that was also very tame stuff too,
(02:47):
and that was always there's always kind of a limit,
you know, at least Playba, and that's always there's always
a limitation on that. I I am opposed to not
just pornography on sort of moral and ethical terms, but
I actually think it's really bad for men. It's bad
for women because it's degrading and because of the you know,
(03:10):
this is a quote industry that I think is destroying
people's lives and in many ways really darkening their souls.
So I'm pretty I don't know, I mean, I don't
like puritanical, almost sounds like self refuting, but I'm generally
very opposed to porn across the board. And I would
even say for men, I think it's really damaging because
(03:32):
you're training training your mind to think about these things
in certain ways, and you're disassociating actual human contact and
connection from the sex act. And I think it's bad
for guys from a motivational perspective. I think actually the
desire to couple with somebody, partner with somebody, and to
like find somebody are in real life right is hugely
(03:57):
motivating for men in the best way civilization building, Like
I need to be. It's worth a woman's time for
her to make the very profound decision to have a
sexual relationship with me. And I think that that's and
I think that's not only a beautiful thing when it's
obviously done right, it's like the ware species you know exists.
But also I think it's really important for the male
(04:19):
psyche to keep it in that context of this is special,
this is meaningful, and it's something earned too as a guy.
So it's almost like in that.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
This is all very very nice. I love that you
think like this, this is.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
In the and I'll tell you I mean I made
I made a conscious decision in my twenties. I will
tell you, when I was at Amherst, there was porn
everywhere on our computer servers. I mean like on the
school server ycause they weren't you know, people would put
it drives. This is like the napster era. And like
I would walk into friends rooms and they were like,
(04:52):
look at this, and there was like I mean, there
was just like people, it was like a free for
all of you know, lots of uh you know these
And when this when porn stars kind of became famous
and this was just sort of stopping everywhere, and even
in my twenties, it was just like I was like,
why would you do something that, like would you be
(05:12):
embarrassed for someone to know about? But you still think
it's okay, like there's nothing else in.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
A mazing there, But it's true, why would you be
doing something that would embarrass you?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
And I want to be clear, I also like I
feel badly for a lot of men because on the again,
putting aside like the exploitation of women thing, which about
I'm gonna get to this person's question here in a second,
but putting aside the exploitation of women, which is a
given and I think is a really horrible part of pornography,
but just on the on the more on the male
side of it, because by the way it's we saw
this with like the Ashley Madison hack and everything. M hmm,
(05:45):
it's like ninety percent of porn ninety five percent of
porn watching or what it's male. Right, This is a
totally male dominated thing in terms of the viewership, and
and I just think that it's been It was so
normalized for our generation in so many ways for a
lot of men that you had to really spend time
thinking about this on your own to I think realize,
(06:08):
like what, like what are you doing and why are
you you know, why do you think that this has
been Why do you want this to be kind of
a part of for a lot of men day to day?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Right?
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Like I think about comedians used to stand up commedy
there they would say like, oh, you know, I've I've
I don't know, I'm like whatever, whatever, you know what
I mean, there's a lot of ways to say it,
but you know, yeah, doing the things that guys doing, Yeah,
doing the thing you know, like three times a day,
ha ha, Like I do it every day and I'm
looking at more all this stuff and it's like that's weird,
actually weird, Like you're developing a problem and you're you're
(06:40):
playing with the neurons in your brain in a really
and really training them in a way that I think
is damaging. So back to the initial question about this,
that it bothers, I think what Cheese might be confusing
might be conflating. Confusing is the wrong word. Conflating is
a suppressed sense of shame with an addiction. That's saying
(07:00):
he's not addicted to it. I don't know. I don't
know this man, I don't know. I don't know. But
I think that part of what may be so off
putting to her in this is that he was outraged
at this. But I think that that may be more
driven by It's not oh, I won't be able to
get through my day without porn. It's how dare they
take away First Commendment right to like be able as
(07:23):
an adult to watch co Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like it turns into this self justifying thing because I
think that there's, you know, some some shame attached to it,
maybe at least subconsciously, And I think that that may
be a more workable thing for her to to deal with.
But I also think that it's completely fair for her
(07:45):
to the gentle approach here is so important, and this
is something that marriages. You know, I've been reading a
lot of marriage. I've only remembered a few years. You're
like an old pro at this, but reading reading books
on marriage, like the good books like doctor Gottman, and
I think is really I.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Haven't read any books on marriage. I feel like maybe
I should just answer these questions.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I don't know, we just kind of important stuff, really
such important stuff that the difference between success and failure,
and this is by like the data that's compumplible. The
differ between success and failure in so many difficult marital
conversations is not the subject matter and how fairly the
overall tone of the conversation. It's how the woman approaches
(08:28):
the man. About the conversation a wife who approaches.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It always that it's always the woman approaching the man
specifically interesting.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Yeah, because men tend to react like like men have
very much almost like a fight or flight response to
a subject, or like the way that it's being presented.
And if they get if you get a guy's hackles up,
the chance that you're going to be able to have
a productive conversation after that is very very low as
a woman, even if he would otherwise be reasonable. Whereas
(09:00):
if you have a soft approach on it, and that
means things like you know, you know, you're like in
this conment text, you'd be like, you know, you're such
a great husband. You're assuming that she would want to
say these kind of thing like your a great husband,
you're a great father. But you know, I just you know,
I want us to talk about our intimacy level and
and I want to understand you know, is there is
(09:20):
there a part of this where you know, we need
to make more of an effort day to day to
be affectionate physically with each other, because I don't want
you to feel I don't want you to feel like
you need this other outlet in addition whatever I'm giving
you as the wife, that may I just looks that
may go, well, hey, why do you have a porn addiction?
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Guaranteed, going guaranteed, That's.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
But I just want to say, she seems to have
no problem with how much he watches porn. She doesn't
think it's too much. She thinks it was fine. I think,
and then well, but then her issue became when it
was take away from him and he got crazy. That
made her think, maybe I haven't realized what was going on.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I get that, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I know I agree with you, you know I agree
with you on a lot. I probably I don't want
to say I'm more pro porn than you, because I'm
not proporn at all, but I'm less anti porn than you.
I'm less anti porn than you. I'm not as like
you know, this is the just horrible, horrible. It is horrible,
but not quite where you are on it. I'm not
(10:32):
sure that her issue is I guess you know how
much he's watching it, or the intimacy that they have
or don't have. It's that she saw him react very
poorly to having it taken away, and that has made
her concerned for him. From a woman's perspective, that would
be how I would start a conversation.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah, you're stopping at why she concerned. She's concerned because
she thinks he's an addict, right, so she thinks she
has a compulsion for this now, whereas a compulsion versus
something that he's choosing to do makes her worry because
it's obviously a deeper role in his life than she
had previously anticipated. That's where the and and maybe is
(11:12):
making decisions. This is why dealing with addiction is very
and look, there's a whole we can do a whole
thing sometime about how you find out that somebody that
you're even like you know, involved with in a dating
relationship is an alcoholic. And when you find that out
because you think that, oh, this person isn't drinking like
scotch at eight o'clock in the morning, that doesn't mean
they're not an alcoholic, right right, you know what I mean? Like,
(11:35):
like you, people have ways of normalizing addiction for those
around them because they can become addiction as a.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Very very easily what it could be here that you
had it.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Normalized, very scary little monster that doesn't want to want
people to realize his addiction. And so I think she
has realized, like this is what I'm saying, She has
realized that, oh my gosh, he might actually have an
addiction to this, and that then makes the context of
what a role it's playing in his day to day
life in psychology more troubling for her. But what I'm
saying is, again, I'm not a psychotherapist or whatever said, Oh, you.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Know, I'm just a guy who understands people.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, I'm just a trained spy who understands like psychological
manipulation tactics.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And so it really is.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
My book Manufacturing Delusion, coming out in January, goes into
all this stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
The book's going to be going to be phenomenal. I
would tell I would tell her to pick your the
biggest mistake when would make And this is by the data.
This isn't just me saying this. This is doctor Gotman,
all of his books, Seven Principles for a Successful Marriage.
His books are amazing. I've read them more than once.
I highly recommend to anybody the biggest mistake that women
make in handling conflict within a marriage, meaning I should
(12:41):
say sorry, the most common and consistent mistake, not the biggest,
but most common and consistent is picking the wrong time
and the wrong way to talk about a tough subject
with the men. Because men are actually far more willing
to engage than a lot of the women realize. But
they have to feel respected and invited into the difficult conversation.
And so I think if she, if she approaches this
(13:03):
the right way to them says, hey, like this made
me feel you know, I want to just but if
can't be accusatory, it has to be how do I
meet you in this in a way where one I
can understand a little more what your needs are, and
two you can understand why this made me a little
bit uncomfortable. And I just wanted to have an open
line of communication about it because I think this is
a fix I think that's a fixable thing. I don't
think it's an unfixable thing. I think that porn is
(13:24):
by the way, it's not like a this this I
would give her. We've gone way over, but I don't care.
This is so fun. The the it's not a substance addiction.
Reason those are so difficult is then the monster action,
like the little monster, the little demon can actually take over.
That's where the person is not actually exercising free will anymore,
because their chemistry is I need to think, I need
(13:45):
to I'll say anything I need to think. Right. He
may have a.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Publsition conditioned predilection to this, but he can still be
reasoned with on it, can still scale it back because
the process, like the brain is still able to process
like I really shouldn't be watching porn every day and.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Like, maybe I should scale this back and maybe I
could talk to my wife a little bit about this,
and maybe I could start to think, like do I
really need porn in my life in this way? By
the way, it's a whole thing too. We'd even get
this like separately from like my wife and I this
is not my thing, but some people are like they
like to you know what I mean. They like to
get things flowing and going.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Get things going. Sure, right, that's not what seems to
be going on here.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah, yes, so that's my whole thing? Is what are
we thinking? We like this, Carol.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
So I think you did great. I think the approach
matters a lot, and I'm very interested in the idea
that you can get more out of your relationship by
approaching things in the right way at the right time.
I loved your answer book, and I think we have
two for two where we agree with Recently, I enjoyed
this can put out.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
A special call because if you're going to have to
do this again, although I feel like I've hijacked this
second segment because I'm excited talking about this, so hopefully
hopefully you'll have me back. Of course, you see if
they'll do I want I want to I want Bucks
specific advice.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Question suck specific advice. I love that. I'm gonna I'm
gonna put out your audience.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You got to do the question for Buck and I'll
come back on. We'll do the question for Buck on
the Carol Show and you get to moderate slash tell
me when I'm wrong. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I love it. Thank you Buck for coming on the
Carol Marcowitch Show. Stay tuned from my interview with Rebecca
Heinrix coming up next.
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(16:40):
Before making investment decisions, you should carefully consider and review
all risks involved. Rebecca Heinrix joins me next. Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
The Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My guest today is
Rebecca Heinrix. She is a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute. Hi, Rebecca,
so nice to have you on.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Good to be here, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
So I have to tell you we've only met, I believe,
one time right in DC, and you are You're just
this light you really are. You're very very smart, but
you're very personable, which is a very rare combination in Washington,
d C. And it really it comes off you. So
I'm really glad to have you on.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I appreciate that. That's very different from when I used
to work on Capitol Hill and I was like, there's
no light there.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And I was so serious about my work. And one
time one of my coworkers said that, he said, you know,
I've thought about hugging you before, but I think that
you spikes if i'd hug you because I was so serious.
So being going from growing spikes to being a light
is a great improvement. I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
That's excellent. How did you get your start in this world?
I mean in the political world, not in this world
in general.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, So I think I think sort of the formative experience
for me, for a lot of people. My age in
early forties is September eleventh. I was a freshman in
college when nine to eleven happened and al Qaeda attacked
the United States, and I was in at the time,
I was from a small town in Ohio and I
(18:19):
was going to This is the Ashbrook Scholar program at
Ashland University. It's kind of like Hillsdale So just for
a frame of reference, great books program really focused on
the West. How awesome it is the American founding. So
I'm loving it. And then nine to eleven happened, and
that was really formative for me, and that's when I
decided I wanted to do national security policy. And then
(18:42):
lots of details from there on, but that's really kind
of the short of it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
What kind of stuff do you work on ad Hudson.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, so my focus is on how to prevent major
power war. So when after nine to eleven happened, you know,
just like a lot of people, I thought that I
would go into global war on terrorism. I studied Arabic
for a little stint at the Ohio State University, and
(19:11):
it basically pretty quickly came to the conclusion, oh my goodness,
like we're all focused on low intensity conflict and terrorism,
but we could have another major war, right, you know,
And so I switched and started really studying and getting
interested in the Cold War and how to deter major
power war. So what I do at Hudson now is
(19:31):
was really is really that. So I focus on nuclear
deterrence and how to build alliances and deter axes basically
so that we We've got all kinds of other problems
in the world, but if we can really hold off
like the really bad ones, that would be great, and
that's what I focus on at Hudson.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Do you feel like optimistic about holding off the really
bad ones? Do you think we're in a good place
in terms of not getting into you know, serious hot wars.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
So the thing I would say it's I'm always optimistic
since I'm from the Midwest, and I always, I really
do think that we're always just you know, a political
moment or a great argument that catches on away from
fixing things. I really believe that, and we've already seen
(20:23):
how much things have changed from the Biden years to
the second Trump administrations. But I think currently where we
are now, I'm afraid. I think that the big sort
of assumption that leads us to not prepare for deterring
major power war is that trade can supplant military hard
power and you know, harder diplomacy, economic pain, etc. That
(20:46):
you can impose on people to try to steer them
in a better direction. And I really think just sort
of this idea that if we just have more trade,
that the ideological differences, for instance, with China or the
Russians won't go away. And I thought that the first
Trump administration clearly understood that. And I'm a little bit.
I think it's a little bit less clear for the
(21:08):
second Trump administration about how it's treating the China problem,
and I'm mostly worried about about the access led by China.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
What would you have done if you weren't doing this?
What would have been the plan be?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It's a great you know, I think that. So I
have five children, So I'm.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
You have five children, Adam, Sure, wow.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I have So I think that To answer that question,
I think, you know, my five children, I've really my
husband and I my husband's awesome, We've married seventeen years.
We've really prioritized my flexibility to be to be the
primary formative person around them. And so there's a lot
(21:52):
of things actually that I haven't done sort of in
this field that I that I think that I would
have really enjoyed and been at, you know, working working
more in government jobs that required you know, living abroad
and doing diplomacy. I would love that. And maybe that's
in the future as the kids get older, et cetera.
(22:16):
How old are kids? Oldest is so I have three
girls and two boys. My oldest is sixteen and my
youngest is almost seven, So there's nine years between the
oldest and youngest, So that's great.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I have fifteen, twelve, and almost ten. Yeah, I think
that as they get older, the possibilities of what you
could do professionally really expand I would say that probably
my regret is not being maybe a stay at home
mom for longer I was in the beginning for my daughter.
But maybe that's a path that you know that you
can't go back to. So the fact that you had
(22:51):
this time with your kids, that you you chose the
flexible time, I think probably the right call.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
You can't go back to that. Yeah, I think so.
I I was I we had my first we had
our first child, my daughter, and I thought I'll have her,
I'll kind of have like a nanny at home, and
I'll go back. And we tried that for like a month. Yeah,
and then I was like, oh, what am I doing.
She's just like for everything I love. I mean, I
(23:20):
love foreign policy and I love national security policy because
I love this country and I want to leave it
for my kids. So I you know, I love my kids.
It's all really for them. And so my husband looked
at me one time we were driving into work together,
and he was like, you should just stay home, Like
we'll figure it out, love that and yeah, so it
and my kids are I mean, you know, like as
(23:42):
they turn into teenagers and you're like, not only are
they all like they're interesting and funny and smart, and
he's like, I.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Made this, this is why I did this. Yeah. Yeah,
So I guess that that leads me pretty easily into
one of my three questions, which is what are you
most proud of your life?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah, I would say just our home, our kids. We
have just you know, even not just a kid because
you know, as a mom, Yeah, they come from you
and you pour into them and into your best to
help shape them. But then they're also formed by other
things and themselves and the way they are. But I think, like,
of what I think that I can point to and say, yeah,
(24:22):
I really did do that was just the home that
we created. It's just it's not a it's not a
stressful place to be or an anxious place to be.
It's an enriching place to be. And you can see
it sort of born out in our kids, and it's Yeah,
so we're not that we've done everything perfectly, but I
would say, looking back.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Nobody does everything perfectly, you know. Yeah, So how do
you set up that home that way. What is the like,
what advice would you give to others who are maybe
just starting to parent.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Yeah, so I would say consistency and like not not
allowing your own concerns and stress and anxiety bes to
be born by your children where you're like, okay, well
everybody would love that. Easier said than done, I think, right,
but I think being really intentional about that. So we
(25:18):
are very low tech in our home. Kids don't have iPads,
they don't have smartphones, even our teenagers don't have smartphones.
And I think that was really something. It's not like
I had this sort of developed thinking about it. I
think it was just during you know, it's just they
were They're so good at play and we read and
(25:38):
talk so much here that we just my husband like
it was during COVID when everybody really started doing and
I was like, yeah, we're not We're not going to
do that impressive.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I mean, yeah, we're pretty low tech, but everybody still
has device. Like it's amazing to actually keep them off
the devices completely.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And I think it's it's harder once they have it
to go back and so just not doing it. Yeah,
and we're part of a community of other families who
are doing the same thing, which makes it easier. But
that's a big one. And then like if my when
my husband and I have arguments or disagreements to really
not you're still going to live life in front of
your kids, but to understand that you know, like you
(26:17):
and your husband have to deal with that and not
allow your children to feel that. And then the other
big practical thing I would say is like when my
husband and I have like resolved a argument or disagreement,
we do bring the kids in and like let them
see us right and reckon. That has just been like
I think that just gives kids so much stability.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It's just right that arguing is normal and making up
it should be the result, and it's everything and not
always agree. I feel like that's a big one that
should possibly be spread to other kids right now. It's
okay to not agree with other people. Don't do anything
about that.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, And then the other and with that too, like
apologize to our kids so just like they not. It's
like I'm not over here walking around like I've done
everything right. If I've done something, if I was too
short with you or something, I'm going to apologize to
you and ask for your forgiveness. We just make that
a regular part of our home life. And and I
think that there's that's so good too, because like otherwise,
(27:17):
there's bitterness and you start thinking your parents are hypocrites
and you know, so.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
We don't apologize that often, but yes.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Right, I do think it's so good though, for kids
to see their parents model that. Yeah, especially in our
public discourse. Now, a big problem is everybody is just
so right, just adamant in everything they think, and it's
it leaves just no room for some humility in disagreement
(27:48):
or public discourse. You know.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yeah, absolutely, We're going to take a quick break and
be right back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. So you
spend a lot of time, I'm at your job kind
of looking at the future and thinking about where things
are going to go and hopefully guiding them towards a
more positive future. Can you give us a five years
(28:10):
out prediction? And it could be about the country, about
the world, really anything.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So I think I'll take the question and look at
from the nation and then sort of the world. I
think that we are. I think that the country needs
to do some correcting from the excesses of the left,
the treating these far left wing groups that are really
anarchist and Marxist, some of them funded by foreign adversaries. Yeah,
(28:37):
we really haven't dealt with that, and we saw a
lot of these riots, you know, during COVID and the
BLM riots, and I think the Trump administration has to
is sort of in the beginning of dealing with that,
especially in the wake of the assassination of Charlie Kirk.
I don't know what that means or what that's going
to look like, but we have to get to a
common sort of consensus about what we are as a people,
(28:58):
regardless of our differences sort of on other other kinds
of things. And I think that there's still just people
who are living among us who really have an incompatible
view of the of the you know, what we're doing
here and what America is. And so I think it's
going to be bumpy. I think we're going to face
some pretty serious turbulence domestically for a couple of years
(29:21):
at least, and then in foreign policy. My hope is
that the United States is able to get back to
a place where we are working constructively with our allies,
you know, and it's it's been bumpy there too during
the Trump administration with these tariffs. But I think collectively,
(29:41):
with our economies and our militaries, we need to be
able to deter again sort of this developing axis that
I see with the Chinese, the Russians, North Koreans, and
the Iranians. And I worry that. I just worry that.
Look that there's these groups sort of Americans who just
they're so so overtaken with the problems here at home
that they don't want, you know, the age in foreign policy.
(30:04):
But my hope is we get that, we do get
that sorted out, because we need, you know, we got
to do harry.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Policy happens whether we engage in it or not, and
so it's probably best to have a direction and to
head towards that direction instead of just floating along and
letting whatever happen to us, which is, you know, I
think a scary outcome of not talking about foreign policy.
And I know exactly what you mean. I think that
(30:30):
there's a lot of pressure, you know, to be like
America first, for example, on the right, Well, if you're
America first, you have to think about America's standing in
the world. I you know, the show is generally not political,
but I think your perspective is very interesting, and I
think what you do is very interesting. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Well, and I also just think that, you know, I
spend a lot of time just the other thing I
was going to say for your show to thinking. Another
great thing that I do that I think makes my
work better too, is we host a lot. Just being
hospitable and just not even it has to be like
I grew up, was like if we were going to host,
you know, my mom spent like two days cleaning and
(31:09):
doing a deep clean, and but I just mean, like,
don't even do that, like basically just right, get very
used to having people in your home to say, stop over,
if you all went to a kid's game, come to
our house for pizza and so to afterwards, and talk
to people and like really just enjoy them, be amused
(31:30):
by them, enjoy them, and don't try to sort of
make everything about sort of which camp everybody is in,
sort of politically. And that has helped me so much,
and even just understanding what what everyday Americans are thinking
about and just what makes people tick.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
It's not hard for you doing what you do, and
you know, having that be.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Public so that is a good I sometimes so, like
you know, sometimes and I try to keep. I try
to keep. The reason you didn't even know that I
had five kids is because I don't talk a lot
about my personal life in public for my work, in
part because it's just so scary out there, and I
want to keep you know, a lot of you know,
(32:12):
I want my children to have a safe and secure
in private life. But but.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I do.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
And then some The other part that's kind of hard
about it is sometimes I do get these I'll get
briefings about what's going on in the world. I'm like, oh,
my goodness, it's like a miracle. I mean, I don't
even know how right. I don't know how people don't
believe in God if they knew how bad things work,
how it's not even as bad as it could be.
It's like it's amazing. It's like miraculous. So it can
(32:41):
be hard sometimes, Like I've had times where I've had
like a really serious threat briefing and my husband's picked
me up and I'm like, I just need a few
hours to just kind of decompress and comparisonalize, to kind
of get back, you know, And like I said, a
lot of people. A lot of my friendships. People don't
want to talk about foreign policy. People don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Talk Yeah, but just having a polittle job it doesn't
affect your friendships. It doesn't. You don't have the people
who are like, I can't be friends with you because
you're oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Oh, that's a good question. I had a little bit
of that. I had a little bit of that during COVID,
Like during when everybody was online, same girl, same that
I think was like, wow, I had people who were
really upset with me for things that I was posting online.
I don't know. I don't think. I'm sure it does.
(33:28):
There's things I don't know. There's probably relationships I could
have that would be stronger or better, but that are
sort of in him because people see. But then I
have lots of other friends, some very public friends who
we disagree on all kinds of things and we still,
you know, get along great. So yeah, I mean I
would think, yes, it does affect. I'm sure. I'm sure
(33:50):
that my relationships have been affected, but it's also been
really really good. I mean, it's funny. I'll get like
a text message from somebody who was like, oh my goodness.
My mom from Illinois just told me to turn on
Fox because she saw you on Fox, and it's like
I love that. Yeah, and it's somebody I don't normally
agree with on politics or something too, So it's a
(34:11):
mixed bag love that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I've loved this conversation. I've loved getting to know you
a little bit more. Got some newsflash that you have
five kids. Leave us here with your best tip for
my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
So I think I would just get back to just
open your home, like really just open your home and
don't worry so much about, you know, putting on a
show for hosting. I mean, really truly say yes to
those invitations when people ask you to come over, even
if it's not somebody that you think that you like
a whole lot. I'm not naturally actually extroverted, like I'm
(34:50):
not shy, but I think my natural inclination would be
to just I love to read, to sit on the
couch with my husband at night and read. But I
have just my whole lif it's just been so enriched
when I just sort of made the intentional sort of
mental switch over to say yes to getting together more
with people and opening my home to others, And of
course I think the corollary to that is, you know,
(35:12):
the more you can get off technology and have more
of your inner your relationships in person than online is
the way to go.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
I love that a lot of people write into the
show and ask how they can make friends. I think
opening your home is a really underrated one. Invite people over,
host them, take up people on their invitations. That's how
you do it. Thank you so much, Rebecca. She is
Rebecca Heinrix. Check her out at the Hudsonsitude. She also
has a really excellent X page. Check out her profile
(35:43):
on X. Rebecca Heinrix, thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Thanks you, it's really fun
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