September 24, 2025 • 25 mins
Pulitzer Prize–winning humorist Dave Barry joins Karol to share his journey from small-town Pennsylvania to becoming one of Florida’s most beloved writers. He reflects on how humor has evolved, the art (and nerves) of public speaking, and why laughter matters now more than ever. With his signature wit, Barry offers timeless life lessons—don’t sweat the small stuff, cherish real connections, and never underestimate the power of humor in navigating everyday challenges. The Karol Markowicz Show is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network - new episodes debut every Wednesday & Friday.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, and welcome back to the Caryl Marcowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
My guest today is Dave Barry. Dave's a humor writer
who has written many books, including the novel Swamp Story,
which I read while giggling my face off on trains
and airplanes. His substack is called Dave Barry's Substack. You
should definitely check it out. So nice to have you on, Dave.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Thanks Carl, thanks for being for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I'm a really big fan of yours, and I've read
a lot of your books and just a lot of
your work over the years. I think you are hilarious,
and I have to say that the one book I
haven't read is best Date ever. A Florida man defends
his homeland only. I'm a relatively new Floridian. It'll be
four years in January. Why do you love Florida? What
(00:48):
is it about this great state?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well, first of all, I'm a humor writer, and I
moved here like forty almost forty or thirty nine years ago.
I've moved. My joke is, I moved to Miami from
the United States in nineteen eighty six, and originally I
was terrified about it when I first came to Miami.
(01:09):
I worked from the Miami Herald for many years.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Where did you move from?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
From Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, old Bucolic suburb of Philadelphia. And
it just couldn't have been more rural, and you know,
low key. And I got offered this job at the
Miami Herald and they flew me down and like this
was at the height of the cocaine cowboy era. There
(01:35):
were some literally bails of cocaine falling out of the sky.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You know, it's like, did you grab any or no.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I was never in the right place at the right time.
But actually that was one of the first columns I
wrote when I got here, which was that literally did happen.
There was a it was a Citizens Crime Watch meeting
in a place called Homestead, Florida.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh I know Homestead. Yeah, okay, shot guns in Homestead.
Well that's a.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Thing you can do there, right and and uh and
so this guy, Kurt Ivy was the chief of police
there and he was talking in this backyard of this
nice little development about how the Citizens Crime Watch is
supposed to work. And then there's this noise overhead. It
was like it was a plane coming over to the
Bahamas with smugglers in it, and a custom service jet
(02:21):
was trying to force them down. So these guys are
flinging these bales of cocaine out and one of them
lands almost and you know it almost Like I later said,
I wrote, come about this. If you were to write
a movie and you have a scene where a citizens
Crime Watch meeting is interrupted by falling cocaine all the
people exactly, that would never happen, but it did. It
(02:43):
happens anyway. So that was what was going on in
Miami when I first got down here. And my initial
feeling was I'm, you know, okay, I'll work for the
Miami Herald, but I'm never going to move here, and
they said okay. So for a little while they I
lived in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, and I was the humor
commist for the Miami Herald, but I would come down
(03:04):
every now and then to Miami, and at first I
got to know people, I got to see the city
a little different parts of the city where you could
actually live without getting shot, and it just came to
kind of like it. And so after a few years
I moved here to Florida, and at the time, everybody
(03:24):
said I was insane. Now people don't say that, but
they did then. And you know, I've been through here,
through hurricanes and everything. I love Florida now, and partly
for you know, the reasons everybody says. I like that
there's no income tax. I like that age lot. Everyone
likes that. I like the weather, except for now when
I hate it, but I'm used to it and I'd
(03:45):
rather have this than cold. But mostly I kind of
like that. It's it's entertaining and it's like anything can
happen here does happen here. It's a lot of really
different places. Key West is not anything like Miami, which
is not eating like Fort Lauderdale, which is not ayting
like Orlando, which is not anything like Naples, which is
not anything like Gainesil. It's all these different places. Yeah,
(04:07):
and it's kind of crazy, but I like it a lot.
And as I say, if you're a humor writer.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
There's a lot that's funny here.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
There's a lot of material. It just keeps cappening down here.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
It's funny that you refer to moving to Miami from
America because also people in Miami don't consider themselves like
part of Florida, like you'll say, oh, I'm from Miami
instead of I'm from Florida, because it's its own kind
of entity.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Do you find my joke for a long time. Yeah,
and that's kind of true of the whole state, though,
You're absolutely right, Miami feels people in Miami they're Miami
people or whatever. But like, one of the things I
love about Florida, one of the many is we have
no state pride. You know, like people from Texas are
all like, yeah, just so much with Texas. Florida is
(04:55):
like people say, well, that state is crazy. Yeah, yes
it is. It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I think we do have state pride. Now, I don't know.
Maybe again, I'm new, you willing to believe, you know, yes,
Converts are always the most you.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Have to you have to be proud of you.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Everybody around me. Like my neighbor who moved here after
I moved here, where's a little Florida chain around his neck,
you know, has the outline of the state. And so
many people wear the Florida flag hats and have the
sticker on their trucks.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
And yeah, and I mean to the extent that I
feel like it's like all the states that make fun
of us are the states where the people that are
moving to frost. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna. I'm not gonna be too upset if somebody
from Illinois says something bad about Florida or or on
(05:43):
New York or California. But but, but I guess my
point was, like we generally don't all we don't all
have there's nothing we all have in common, really, and
we really don't like income tax and we do like
whenever it's really horrible in elsewhere in Boston, we just
(06:05):
love to let those people know. Yeah, we're in a
short stand. So we all agree on that, and that's
good enough.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, that's about it for now. So how did you
become a humor writer? Did you just realize you were
really funny early on and that you had a writing skill,
because it is two different things, it's.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Two very different things. And I mean I always like
to write. I was a you know, an English major
in college. I was the kid who was the good
writer in high school and English class and everything. And
I always loved humor. I mean I was obsessed with
My idol when I was a kid was Robert Benchley.
He was an essays nobody listens reads anymore. But I
(06:46):
loved him. I love PG Woodhouse, I love Mad Magazine,
I love humor.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I love Mad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, So I was just a big fan of humor
and I love to write, but I never thought that
I could make a living doing it. That didn't occur
to me. There's like no eye at path to that.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
So when I got out of college, I went to
work for a newspaper because at least that was writing,
and I liked it, and I thought, I'll, you know,
be a newspaper person for the rest of my life.
And it's sort of like I crept in to my
professional life. I was able to occasionally write a humor piece.
They were reasonably well received, and then it just got
more and more and then like I was in my thirties,
(07:26):
really before I could possibly make a living doing it.
So it was something I always would have like if
you'd asked me when I'm sixteen, what would you want
to do? Make stuff up and make people laugh. That
would be what I want to do. But I saw,
I know career path.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
That way, and I didn't like, you you don't even
tell your parents.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I just didn't think it was even possible, so it
just kind of happened organically. I was very lucky that
it was a time when newspapers printed syndicated columns. They
don't really do that much anymore. Like Art Buckwald was huge,
IRMA Bomback was huge, So there was sort of that
market existed. But it just could have happened to me
more than I made it happen.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, you know, I used to, like, even twenty years ago,
a lot of writing was very funny, even if it
wasn't specifically humor writing, Like somebody would write a column about,
you know, something serious, but would include funny lines. I
definitely try to do that in my work because of
that's that's where you know, I first wanted to be
a writer reading stuff like that. But I feel like
it's gotten everybody's gotten less funnier. Is that? Do you
(08:30):
notice that? Or is that just me? I just think
nobody includes humor in kind of more serious pieces anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
In serious Yeah, I would say it is. It's not
true online, It's not true on Twitter or something.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
That we're all still hilarious on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I think you are right that
in terms of essays that people in serious publications. Yeah,
it's less likely that people will just go for it.
And I think there's a couple of reasons for that.
One is just the general bifurcation of our culture year
on one team or the other team, and god forbid,
you should make to make fun of the wrong team
(09:06):
or you know, or you know, offend anybody, So that
there's that, And then there's just this sort of I
think fear these days of not looking cool because if
you always say this, if you the scary part about
human writing is it's like the only kind of writing
where you tell the reader this is what I'm expecting
you to get from this. Like, am I right? If
I'm like, you know, serious columnist, I can write about
(09:29):
anything and it can be horribly wrong or boring or whatever,
but nobody's gonna think I didn't do what I was
supposed to do and I express my pinion. But if
I tell you I'm a humorist and then you're not funny,
anybody in the world can anybody has the right to
go that that's not funny. I didn't think that was funny.
You suck, you know, So you you're dealing with that,
like fear of not being cool? Now me, I don't
(09:50):
have that fear so because I'm too.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I also, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It's a good quality to have. If you're going to
do what you do and what I do, you kind
of have to have it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So what if humor writing hadn't worked out? Did you
have a plan.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
B underwear model? Yeah? Yeah, I mean you can't tell
the whole path. Yeah, no, you know, I would have
just continued to be like what I was actually doing
when I when my humor writing career really took off,
I was teaching effective writing seminars to business people. I
had left the news, the newspaper business altogether, and uh
(10:27):
for complicated reasons. Mainly I went to the Associated Press
and I just hated it so much that I had
to leave, just because it was such boring, right. Yeah. Yeah.
So this this friend of mine, his dad, had this
consulting company, little tiny consulting company. I go around to
companies all around the country, a bunch of engineers or
(10:48):
chemists or accounts or computer programmers, and I was I
would teach this week long seminar and how to write better,
you know. And That's what I was doing. And it
was the opposite of being a humor rare except.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
That I was standing up funny about that.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
No, well, except that I did learn I had to
keep their attention for a week, and they all hated it.
Nobody wanted to be there. Yeah, so I made a
lot of jokes, and so that was I had that
going forward.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Do you teach them to make jokes? That's another thing
I think like they could be. If you're even slightly
funny when you're giving a serious speech, everybody loves it.
It's like the best thing they've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I have. This has been my argument forever about public speaking.
I said, you don't have to do much at all.
Just just don't do what everybody else is doing. Do
not be the most boring human being on the face
of the earth, which seems to be the goal of
most people. Get up in space. Yeah, you're right. Anything
you give them, any bone you throw them, Yes, except
(11:46):
the one. And I'm just going to say this now,
and I'm on a lifelong crusade about this. There's a
joke that every speaker that I hate makes. If you
make this joke, I will hate you no matter what
else you do.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
David Hate, Let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
If you start by saying good morning, and everybody goes
morning and you, oh, we can do better than that.
If you do that, I hate you.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, don't make me talk.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We did our part. We say good morning back you
know you want. We don't owe you this yet anyway.
So and that's not even a joke, But that's like.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
That's the that person is trying and failing to be
funny in like the worst way possible. I hear you.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Many people do. Many people fail. Yeah, so that's why
they don't try.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Okay, with people taking chances, that's just corny, Like take
your own chance, say something unexpected and funny, and if
it fails, it fails, and that's fine. But don't be
like everyone else. I think that's that's a real good
tip from you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Also, don't don't talk for more than five minutes. Yeah,
pretty much about anything. Yes, it's people always. Everybody talks
too long. Nobody ever, Nobody ever says at the end
of a speech, I wish that going on along, yea.
Almost almost nobody ever said that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I will say, like, you know, I guess speeches and
stuff people want to book you for. Like the people
will sometimes be like, can you give an hour and
a half speech and I literally cannot, so like not capable.
I do forty minutes, top, I do what you do.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
And yeah, And the other thing I have to deal
with is like they will always do a Q and
A and I always go, look, I'm not going to
say one useful thing. I'm not going to impart any information.
People will actually come out, people are going to write.
But that's because you have something to say. I always
say I have nothing to say. People are going to
come out of this stupider than they went in. Don't answer.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
They're not really going to ask you or anything. It's
going to be like this is more of a comment
than a question. And yeah, you know, it's just going
to fill the time. Yeah, coming up, we'll have more
from Dave Barry. But first, it was nearly two years
ago that terrorists murdered more than twelve hundred innocent Israelis
and took two hundred and fifty people hostage. Today, it
seems as if the cries of the dead and dying
(14:00):
have been drowned out by shouts of Antisemitic hatred, and
the most brutal attack on Jewish people since the Holocaust
has been forgotten. Yet, as the world looks away, a
light shines in the darkness. It's a movement of love
and support for the people of Israel called Flags of Fellowship,
and it's organized by the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews.
(14:21):
And on October fifth, just a few weeks away, millions
across America will prayer fully plant an Israeli flag and
honor and solidarity with the victims of October seventh, twenty
twenty three and their grieving families. And now you can
be a part of this movement too. To get more
information about how you can join the Flags of Fellowship movement,
(14:42):
visit the Fellowship online at IFCJ dot org. That's IFCJ
dot org. More from Dave Barry on The Carol Markowitz
Show is coming up. Switching gears is more serious. But
what do you worry about?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Is this one of the three quests? Ask everybody questions?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I snuck it in, you get in right, you know,
you don't see it coming. It just it just it's
just one of the things I ask.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay, Well, I I wrote a book, a memoir, my
most most recent book, probably my last book. But anyway,
I end the book, it's like it's it's meant to
be a funny book, but it's it has probably more
serious content than most books that I write because like
part of it, I had to tell the truth. I
(15:29):
don't like to do, but I have to. But anyway,
at the end of the book, I do talk about
actual things I have learned, things I let and the
I am answering your question.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I know it doesn't seem like take the long way around.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I'm getting there. I'm getting there.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
But the end of the book, the lesson that I say,
the most important lesson I think that I would impart
that I would say to people if I you know,
at risk of sounding like an old guy pretending to
be wise, is it's going to be okay that you know?
And when I talk about all the time, like I'm
seventy eight years old from my early childhood, when we.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Were gonna have to say you're seventy eight years old, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Say, no, you're not. Yeah, I am stop it, No,
I really am.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
No?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I mean you look super super young for seventy eight.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Well I'm not super young. I'm seventy eight.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So anyway, I started.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I'm going to need your skincare regime.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
After this, I thought you're gonna ask my driver's license.
I believe you.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's just crazy. Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
My entire life, starting with early childhood. You know, I
actually did literally go under the desk to you know,
because the nuclear war might come. You add us do that.
We did it, you know, And then from from then on,
there's always been something that was going to you know,
the communists, we're going to take over sure, Yeah, global heating,
(16:51):
global cooling, you know, the comic's gonna take with the government.
Nazis has taken over the government. Yeah, It's always always
been something, and it never happens, you know, Like, and
yet I know a lot of people who think it's
happening right now. They think it's happening, and they but
the same people thought it was happening before. It just
(17:12):
and it never. Actually the thing that you're worrying about
so much never happens, which is to say nothing bad
will happen to you. And it's nothing to say that
bad things on a major level, a macro level don't
sometimes happen. They do, but in the end, yeah, if
things work out pretty well for most people, and that's
a pretty good assumption you can make and you know why.
(17:34):
That's why you should have kids when you grow up,
you know, and not so I can't have.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Kids because the world's so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
The world so bad, you know. And I always want
to say, like, you were not around in the sixties
when there were snipers on the roofs uh, and the
cities were burning down and there was a war going
on it they weren't and the president was shot and
then the people running for president got shot. It was
pretty shitty, right, and.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
People still have kids.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, And we got through it, you know, and that
was worse than now, and then in our generation, that
was nothing compared to my parents generator. You know, all
of the sixties didn't even begin to add up to
one year in the forties when people are dealing with
depression and World War so things bad things do happen,
but things generally work out. So so I'm trying to
answer your question, what do I worry about? And I
(18:20):
really might My honest answer is I don't worry about
that much. If I have to pick one issue thing
to say that I do worry about now, it's the
fact that the federal government cannot seem to control it's spending.
Oh yeah, That's the thing. I think I'm not smart
enough to really understand all the reasons I should be
terrified about that. But people who seem right, people who
(18:41):
people who seem really smart, yeah, do worry about that.
And I have kids and grandkids, and I do worry
about that. I mean, my joke is I've been Oh, well,
I'm going to be dead right, it's not my problem.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
No, I worry about that too. I just feel like
I've said this on previous shows, but I feel like
we've lost that argument. Like it's just like nobody you
can't get anybody to care about that anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So, No, we just had this giant I just I
may I write this year and review every year and
year my favorite thing.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I read it every single year.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Thank you. It's what a painting he asked to write
that is. But it's just it's I've made the same
joke you after hear, and I'm gonna make it again
this year. Like they have this huge budget battle, but
you know, between the Republicans and the Democrats budget battle,
it's huge, it's you know, and one side wants to
spend way more money than we have, and the other
side wants to spend way more money, and then they
(19:32):
finally reach a compromise and we're spending way more money,
and then we move on. You know, I think, what
that's doesn't seem right? Wouldn't there sitting there be one
side that doesn't want to.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
You would think, right. I thought that that was the
Republican side.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It used to be.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, and then Musk like went into the government. It
was like, oh, I'm sad they don't really care about this.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah. Yeah, So like I I do worry that nobody
worries about it except really really smart people. And they
seem to say, well, we're we're scrude, you know, but anyway,
we'll be dead whatever, we'll be dead. It's fine, Yeah,
I'll be I'll be way dead. I'm seventy eight already.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I'll be a little bit behind you, hopefully dead.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, something to shoot.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
For somebody else's problem. You know, not no reason why
I met death.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You could.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I'm Russian. You can't scare me with death.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I know.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
My kids are always like, can you not talk about
your death so much?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But I've been to Russia. I want to wow, Yeah
I had. I went there for our State department.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Really, yeah, take you over to make you better.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
To improve relations. What a mistake that was. But anyway,
they don't amazing. I think I think I was the
last one they said that.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Wouldn't be a bad idea though, sending funny people over
to Russia to improve relations.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
They got the jokes that the audiences did.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Anyway, Yeah, they're funny people.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
They are are They're pretty funny. I thought so too.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You have to you have to have humor. Yeah, yeah,
you know through that history. So looking back on your life,
what advice would you give your sixteen year old self,
Like what a sixteen year old dave need to know?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Well, I was going to say, you know, don't don't
be such a wise ass, because I really was. I
was insufferable. But in a way that would have I
would have had no career.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Kind of you know, maybe still say a wise I.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Think I would have said, like, you know, you can
continue to be a wise ass, but you should not.
You should be nicer. I don't think I was a
very nice Like I think back to like does does
everybody do this? And like in high school when it's
you're just feerial and and I was really good at
insulting people, putting people down, good at that. I was,
(21:46):
and and I kind of feel I want to go
back to some of some of the people and just
say I'm sorry even though you were an asshole.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Right, I'm sure too. That's the thing. You get very
good at insulting people because you were being insulted. Probably
I was, yeah, because I was a response.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It was a defensive defense. Was the only weapon I had.
I was a small, hairless young man, and I was like,
I wasn't good at sports. Girls didn't like me. I
was in you know, I was class clown. I was
literally elected class clown.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So so you had you had the words to make
them think twice about messing with you. I did.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
But well, you know, like I I've read a million
times in magazine articles when they used to have magazines,
and I still read it online that one of the
things women most prized in a man is a sense
of humor. Definitely, what a lie? You lie? So true?
Well I had you.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
It can't be funny if I can't laugh.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It's carol. Where were you when I was in high school? Well,
you were not born. You were not born yet, you know.
But they're like they say that, But when I was
in high school, I had a sense of humor. Didn't
do me.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
The girls didn't care about when you got older. Now
it worked out better when I yea, I think maybe
high school isn't the greatest example, but.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Now happily married grandfather. Though it doesn't do many, it
doesn't help anymore.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I don't know my husband. Definitely my funny guy attraction
to him was he's hilarious. He's really funny, makes me
like crack up, and that I think that's the most
important thing in a relationship. Okay, yeah, I mean mostly right.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, yeah, one of one of the things.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
One of the things. Definitely. Well, I've loved this conversation.
I'm not exaggerating when I say this is one of
my favorite interviews I've ever done.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh thank you.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, this has been great. I could talk to you.
I think we're already over the time, and I could
just keep going. But leave us here with your best
tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I have two okay, all right. The first one is,
and this is like old wisdom that you probably have
imparted yourself many times. It's just like, just don't confuse
anything you see on the internet ever with real life.
They much more attention to your real life, your family,
you know, definitely don't get out of that. And the
(24:07):
other is, you don't need to refrigerate ketchup or mustard.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
But of course you do.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
No, you don't welcome to any restaurant in America. Where
is the ketchup and where's the mustard? But shut up, Carol,
just listen. Listen to me.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I hope they put it in a fridge at the
end of the night.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No, they do not. It sits out on the table
day after day, day week after week. No it it's fine.
You don't need to You're putting cold condiments on your
hot dogs and Hamburger's for no reason.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Cold ketchup tastes so much better than warm ketchup.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
That must be a Russian thing, is it. I'm gonna
know they don't even have refrigeration. They don't even have refrigeration. Now,
if the listeners think about it, and I know they will,
they'll come to the right conclusion.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
You don't think so, I think we're okay. I'm gonna
we're gonna find out.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Those two pieces of advice, the first one is probably
more the more important.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
One, but the second one is more controversial.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah it is, but I'll go to the grave with that.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Thank you so much, Dave. He is Dave Barry. Check
out his substack. You are just fantastic. Read all of
his books. Every one of them is so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Or just buy them you don't need to read them.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
No, buy them and read them, okay, or.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Send me money in a box. Either one.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Thank you, Dave. Thanks my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Thank you.
Hi, and welcome back to the Caryl Marcowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
My guest today is Dave Barry. Dave's a humor writer
who has written many books, including the novel Swamp Story,
which I read while giggling my face off on trains
and airplanes. His substack is called Dave Barry's Substack. You
should definitely check it out. So nice to have you on, Dave.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Thanks Carl, thanks for being for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I'm a really big fan of yours, and I've read
a lot of your books and just a lot of
your work over the years. I think you are hilarious,
and I have to say that the one book I
haven't read is best Date ever. A Florida man defends
his homeland only. I'm a relatively new Floridian. It'll be
four years in January. Why do you love Florida? What
(00:48):
is it about this great state?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well, first of all, I'm a humor writer, and I
moved here like forty almost forty or thirty nine years ago.
I've moved. My joke is, I moved to Miami from
the United States in nineteen eighty six, and originally I
was terrified about it when I first came to Miami.
(01:09):
I worked from the Miami Herald for many years.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Where did you move from?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
From Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, old Bucolic suburb of Philadelphia. And
it just couldn't have been more rural, and you know,
low key. And I got offered this job at the
Miami Herald and they flew me down and like this
was at the height of the cocaine cowboy era. There
(01:35):
were some literally bails of cocaine falling out of the sky.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
You know, it's like, did you grab any or no.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I was never in the right place at the right time.
But actually that was one of the first columns I
wrote when I got here, which was that literally did happen.
There was a it was a Citizens Crime Watch meeting
in a place called Homestead, Florida.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh I know Homestead. Yeah, okay, shot guns in Homestead.
Well that's a.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Thing you can do there, right and and uh and
so this guy, Kurt Ivy was the chief of police
there and he was talking in this backyard of this
nice little development about how the Citizens Crime Watch is
supposed to work. And then there's this noise overhead. It
was like it was a plane coming over to the
Bahamas with smugglers in it, and a custom service jet
(02:21):
was trying to force them down. So these guys are
flinging these bales of cocaine out and one of them
lands almost and you know it almost Like I later said,
I wrote, come about this. If you were to write
a movie and you have a scene where a citizens
Crime Watch meeting is interrupted by falling cocaine all the
people exactly, that would never happen, but it did. It
(02:43):
happens anyway. So that was what was going on in
Miami when I first got down here. And my initial
feeling was I'm, you know, okay, I'll work for the
Miami Herald, but I'm never going to move here, and
they said okay. So for a little while they I
lived in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, and I was the humor
commist for the Miami Herald, but I would come down
(03:04):
every now and then to Miami, and at first I
got to know people, I got to see the city
a little different parts of the city where you could
actually live without getting shot, and it just came to
kind of like it. And so after a few years
I moved here to Florida, and at the time, everybody
(03:24):
said I was insane. Now people don't say that, but
they did then. And you know, I've been through here,
through hurricanes and everything. I love Florida now, and partly
for you know, the reasons everybody says. I like that
there's no income tax. I like that age lot. Everyone
likes that. I like the weather, except for now when
I hate it, but I'm used to it and I'd
(03:45):
rather have this than cold. But mostly I kind of
like that. It's it's entertaining and it's like anything can
happen here does happen here. It's a lot of really
different places. Key West is not anything like Miami, which
is not eating like Fort Lauderdale, which is not ayting
like Orlando, which is not anything like Naples, which is
not anything like Gainesil. It's all these different places. Yeah,
(04:07):
and it's kind of crazy, but I like it a lot.
And as I say, if you're a humor writer.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
There's a lot that's funny here.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
There's a lot of material. It just keeps cappening down here.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
It's funny that you refer to moving to Miami from
America because also people in Miami don't consider themselves like
part of Florida, like you'll say, oh, I'm from Miami
instead of I'm from Florida, because it's its own kind
of entity.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Do you find my joke for a long time. Yeah,
and that's kind of true of the whole state, though,
You're absolutely right, Miami feels people in Miami they're Miami
people or whatever. But like, one of the things I
love about Florida, one of the many is we have
no state pride. You know, like people from Texas are
all like, yeah, just so much with Texas. Florida is
(04:55):
like people say, well, that state is crazy. Yeah, yes
it is. It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I think we do have state pride. Now, I don't know.
Maybe again, I'm new, you willing to believe, you know, yes,
Converts are always the most you.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Have to you have to be proud of you.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Everybody around me. Like my neighbor who moved here after
I moved here, where's a little Florida chain around his neck,
you know, has the outline of the state. And so
many people wear the Florida flag hats and have the
sticker on their trucks.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
And yeah, and I mean to the extent that I
feel like it's like all the states that make fun
of us are the states where the people that are
moving to frost. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna. I'm not gonna be too upset if somebody
from Illinois says something bad about Florida or or on
(05:43):
New York or California. But but, but I guess my
point was, like we generally don't all we don't all
have there's nothing we all have in common, really, and
we really don't like income tax and we do like
whenever it's really horrible in elsewhere in Boston, we just
(06:05):
love to let those people know. Yeah, we're in a
short stand. So we all agree on that, and that's
good enough.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, that's about it for now. So how did you
become a humor writer? Did you just realize you were
really funny early on and that you had a writing skill,
because it is two different things, it's.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Two very different things. And I mean I always like
to write. I was a you know, an English major
in college. I was the kid who was the good
writer in high school and English class and everything. And
I always loved humor. I mean I was obsessed with
My idol when I was a kid was Robert Benchley.
He was an essays nobody listens reads anymore. But I
(06:46):
loved him. I love PG Woodhouse, I love Mad Magazine,
I love humor.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I love Mad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, So I was just a big fan of humor
and I love to write, but I never thought that
I could make a living doing it. That didn't occur
to me. There's like no eye at path to that.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
So when I got out of college, I went to
work for a newspaper because at least that was writing,
and I liked it, and I thought, I'll, you know,
be a newspaper person for the rest of my life.
And it's sort of like I crept in to my
professional life. I was able to occasionally write a humor piece.
They were reasonably well received, and then it just got
more and more and then like I was in my thirties,
(07:26):
really before I could possibly make a living doing it.
So it was something I always would have like if
you'd asked me when I'm sixteen, what would you want
to do? Make stuff up and make people laugh. That
would be what I want to do. But I saw,
I know career path.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
That way, and I didn't like, you you don't even
tell your parents.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I just didn't think it was even possible, so it
just kind of happened organically. I was very lucky that
it was a time when newspapers printed syndicated columns. They
don't really do that much anymore. Like Art Buckwald was huge,
IRMA Bomback was huge, So there was sort of that
market existed. But it just could have happened to me
more than I made it happen.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, you know, I used to, like, even twenty years ago,
a lot of writing was very funny, even if it
wasn't specifically humor writing, Like somebody would write a column about,
you know, something serious, but would include funny lines. I
definitely try to do that in my work because of
that's that's where you know, I first wanted to be
a writer reading stuff like that. But I feel like
it's gotten everybody's gotten less funnier. Is that? Do you
(08:30):
notice that? Or is that just me? I just think
nobody includes humor in kind of more serious pieces anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
In serious Yeah, I would say it is. It's not
true online, It's not true on Twitter or something.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
That we're all still hilarious on Twitter.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I think you are right that
in terms of essays that people in serious publications. Yeah,
it's less likely that people will just go for it.
And I think there's a couple of reasons for that.
One is just the general bifurcation of our culture year
on one team or the other team, and god forbid,
you should make to make fun of the wrong team
(09:06):
or you know, or you know, offend anybody, So that
there's that, And then there's just this sort of I
think fear these days of not looking cool because if
you always say this, if you the scary part about
human writing is it's like the only kind of writing
where you tell the reader this is what I'm expecting
you to get from this. Like, am I right? If
I'm like, you know, serious columnist, I can write about
(09:29):
anything and it can be horribly wrong or boring or whatever,
but nobody's gonna think I didn't do what I was
supposed to do and I express my pinion. But if
I tell you I'm a humorist and then you're not funny,
anybody in the world can anybody has the right to
go that that's not funny. I didn't think that was funny.
You suck, you know, So you you're dealing with that,
like fear of not being cool? Now me, I don't
(09:50):
have that fear so because I'm too.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I also, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It's a good quality to have. If you're going to
do what you do and what I do, you kind
of have to have it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So what if humor writing hadn't worked out? Did you
have a plan.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
B underwear model? Yeah? Yeah, I mean you can't tell
the whole path. Yeah, no, you know, I would have
just continued to be like what I was actually doing
when I when my humor writing career really took off,
I was teaching effective writing seminars to business people. I
had left the news, the newspaper business altogether, and uh
(10:27):
for complicated reasons. Mainly I went to the Associated Press
and I just hated it so much that I had
to leave, just because it was such boring, right. Yeah. Yeah.
So this this friend of mine, his dad, had this
consulting company, little tiny consulting company. I go around to
companies all around the country, a bunch of engineers or
(10:48):
chemists or accounts or computer programmers, and I was I
would teach this week long seminar and how to write better,
you know. And That's what I was doing. And it
was the opposite of being a humor rare except.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
That I was standing up funny about that.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
No, well, except that I did learn I had to
keep their attention for a week, and they all hated it.
Nobody wanted to be there. Yeah, so I made a
lot of jokes, and so that was I had that
going forward.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Do you teach them to make jokes? That's another thing
I think like they could be. If you're even slightly
funny when you're giving a serious speech, everybody loves it.
It's like the best thing they've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I have. This has been my argument forever about public speaking.
I said, you don't have to do much at all.
Just just don't do what everybody else is doing. Do
not be the most boring human being on the face
of the earth, which seems to be the goal of
most people. Get up in space. Yeah, you're right. Anything
you give them, any bone you throw them, Yes, except
(11:46):
the one. And I'm just going to say this now,
and I'm on a lifelong crusade about this. There's a
joke that every speaker that I hate makes. If you
make this joke, I will hate you no matter what
else you do.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
David Hate, Let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
If you start by saying good morning, and everybody goes
morning and you, oh, we can do better than that.
If you do that, I hate you.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, don't make me talk.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We did our part. We say good morning back you
know you want. We don't owe you this yet anyway.
So and that's not even a joke, But that's like.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
That's the that person is trying and failing to be
funny in like the worst way possible. I hear you.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Many people do. Many people fail. Yeah, so that's why
they don't try.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Okay, with people taking chances, that's just corny, Like take
your own chance, say something unexpected and funny, and if
it fails, it fails, and that's fine. But don't be
like everyone else. I think that's that's a real good
tip from you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Also, don't don't talk for more than five minutes. Yeah,
pretty much about anything. Yes, it's people always. Everybody talks
too long. Nobody ever, Nobody ever says at the end
of a speech, I wish that going on along, yea.
Almost almost nobody ever said that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I will say, like, you know, I guess speeches and
stuff people want to book you for. Like the people
will sometimes be like, can you give an hour and
a half speech and I literally cannot, so like not capable.
I do forty minutes, top, I do what you do.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
And yeah, And the other thing I have to deal
with is like they will always do a Q and
A and I always go, look, I'm not going to
say one useful thing. I'm not going to impart any information.
People will actually come out, people are going to write.
But that's because you have something to say. I always
say I have nothing to say. People are going to
come out of this stupider than they went in. Don't answer.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
They're not really going to ask you or anything. It's
going to be like this is more of a comment
than a question. And yeah, you know, it's just going
to fill the time. Yeah, coming up, we'll have more
from Dave Barry. But first, it was nearly two years
ago that terrorists murdered more than twelve hundred innocent Israelis
and took two hundred and fifty people hostage. Today, it
seems as if the cries of the dead and dying
(14:00):
have been drowned out by shouts of Antisemitic hatred, and
the most brutal attack on Jewish people since the Holocaust
has been forgotten. Yet, as the world looks away, a
light shines in the darkness. It's a movement of love
and support for the people of Israel called Flags of Fellowship,
and it's organized by the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews.
(14:21):
And on October fifth, just a few weeks away, millions
across America will prayer fully plant an Israeli flag and
honor and solidarity with the victims of October seventh, twenty
twenty three and their grieving families. And now you can
be a part of this movement too. To get more
information about how you can join the Flags of Fellowship movement,
(14:42):
visit the Fellowship online at IFCJ dot org. That's IFCJ
dot org. More from Dave Barry on The Carol Markowitz
Show is coming up. Switching gears is more serious. But
what do you worry about?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Is this one of the three quests? Ask everybody questions?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I snuck it in, you get in right, you know,
you don't see it coming. It just it just it's
just one of the things I ask.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay, Well, I I wrote a book, a memoir, my
most most recent book, probably my last book. But anyway,
I end the book, it's like it's it's meant to
be a funny book, but it's it has probably more
serious content than most books that I write because like
part of it, I had to tell the truth. I
(15:29):
don't like to do, but I have to. But anyway,
at the end of the book, I do talk about
actual things I have learned, things I let and the
I am answering your question.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I know it doesn't seem like take the long way around.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I'm getting there. I'm getting there.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
But the end of the book, the lesson that I say,
the most important lesson I think that I would impart
that I would say to people if I you know,
at risk of sounding like an old guy pretending to
be wise, is it's going to be okay that you know?
And when I talk about all the time, like I'm
seventy eight years old from my early childhood, when we.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Were gonna have to say you're seventy eight years old, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Say, no, you're not. Yeah, I am stop it, No,
I really am.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
No?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
I mean you look super super young for seventy eight.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Well I'm not super young. I'm seventy eight.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So anyway, I started.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I'm going to need your skincare regime.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
After this, I thought you're gonna ask my driver's license.
I believe you.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's just crazy. Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
My entire life, starting with early childhood. You know, I
actually did literally go under the desk to you know,
because the nuclear war might come. You add us do that.
We did it, you know, And then from from then on,
there's always been something that was going to you know,
the communists, we're going to take over sure, Yeah, global heating,
(16:51):
global cooling, you know, the comic's gonna take with the government.
Nazis has taken over the government. Yeah, It's always always
been something, and it never happens, you know, Like, and
yet I know a lot of people who think it's
happening right now. They think it's happening, and they but
the same people thought it was happening before. It just
(17:12):
and it never. Actually the thing that you're worrying about
so much never happens, which is to say nothing bad
will happen to you. And it's nothing to say that
bad things on a major level, a macro level don't
sometimes happen. They do, but in the end, yeah, if
things work out pretty well for most people, and that's
a pretty good assumption you can make and you know why.
(17:34):
That's why you should have kids when you grow up,
you know, and not so I can't have.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Kids because the world's so bad.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
The world so bad, you know. And I always want
to say, like, you were not around in the sixties
when there were snipers on the roofs uh, and the
cities were burning down and there was a war going
on it they weren't and the president was shot and
then the people running for president got shot. It was
pretty shitty, right, and.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
People still have kids.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, And we got through it, you know, and that
was worse than now, and then in our generation, that
was nothing compared to my parents generator. You know, all
of the sixties didn't even begin to add up to
one year in the forties when people are dealing with
depression and World War so things bad things do happen,
but things generally work out. So so I'm trying to
answer your question, what do I worry about? And I
(18:20):
really might My honest answer is I don't worry about
that much. If I have to pick one issue thing
to say that I do worry about now, it's the
fact that the federal government cannot seem to control it's spending.
Oh yeah, That's the thing. I think I'm not smart
enough to really understand all the reasons I should be
terrified about that. But people who seem right, people who
(18:41):
people who seem really smart, yeah, do worry about that.
And I have kids and grandkids, and I do worry
about that. I mean, my joke is I've been Oh, well,
I'm going to be dead right, it's not my problem.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
No, I worry about that too. I just feel like
I've said this on previous shows, but I feel like
we've lost that argument. Like it's just like nobody you
can't get anybody to care about that anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So, No, we just had this giant I just I
may I write this year and review every year and
year my favorite thing.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I read it every single year.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Thank you. It's what a painting he asked to write
that is. But it's just it's I've made the same
joke you after hear, and I'm gonna make it again
this year. Like they have this huge budget battle, but
you know, between the Republicans and the Democrats budget battle,
it's huge, it's you know, and one side wants to
spend way more money than we have, and the other
side wants to spend way more money, and then they
(19:32):
finally reach a compromise and we're spending way more money,
and then we move on. You know, I think, what
that's doesn't seem right? Wouldn't there sitting there be one
side that doesn't want to.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
You would think, right. I thought that that was the
Republican side.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It used to be.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, and then Musk like went into the government. It
was like, oh, I'm sad they don't really care about this.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yeah. Yeah, So like I I do worry that nobody
worries about it except really really smart people. And they
seem to say, well, we're we're scrude, you know, but anyway,
we'll be dead whatever, we'll be dead. It's fine, Yeah,
I'll be I'll be way dead. I'm seventy eight already.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I'll be a little bit behind you, hopefully dead.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, something to shoot.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
For somebody else's problem. You know, not no reason why
I met death.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You could.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I'm Russian. You can't scare me with death.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I know.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
My kids are always like, can you not talk about
your death so much?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But I've been to Russia. I want to wow, Yeah
I had. I went there for our State department.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Really, yeah, take you over to make you better.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
To improve relations. What a mistake that was. But anyway,
they don't amazing. I think I think I was the
last one they said that.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Wouldn't be a bad idea though, sending funny people over
to Russia to improve relations.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
They got the jokes that the audiences did.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Anyway, Yeah, they're funny people.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
They are are They're pretty funny. I thought so too.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
You have to you have to have humor. Yeah, yeah,
you know through that history. So looking back on your life,
what advice would you give your sixteen year old self,
Like what a sixteen year old dave need to know?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Well, I was going to say, you know, don't don't
be such a wise ass, because I really was. I
was insufferable. But in a way that would have I
would have had no career.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Kind of you know, maybe still say a wise I.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Think I would have said, like, you know, you can
continue to be a wise ass, but you should not.
You should be nicer. I don't think I was a
very nice Like I think back to like does does
everybody do this? And like in high school when it's
you're just feerial and and I was really good at
insulting people, putting people down, good at that. I was,
(21:46):
and and I kind of feel I want to go
back to some of some of the people and just
say I'm sorry even though you were an asshole.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Right, I'm sure too. That's the thing. You get very
good at insulting people because you were being insulted. Probably
I was, yeah, because I was a response.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It was a defensive defense. Was the only weapon I had.
I was a small, hairless young man, and I was like,
I wasn't good at sports. Girls didn't like me. I
was in you know, I was class clown. I was
literally elected class clown.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So so you had you had the words to make
them think twice about messing with you. I did.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
But well, you know, like I I've read a million
times in magazine articles when they used to have magazines,
and I still read it online that one of the
things women most prized in a man is a sense
of humor. Definitely, what a lie? You lie? So true?
Well I had you.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
It can't be funny if I can't laugh.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It's carol. Where were you when I was in high school? Well,
you were not born. You were not born yet, you know.
But they're like they say that, But when I was
in high school, I had a sense of humor. Didn't
do me.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
The girls didn't care about when you got older. Now
it worked out better when I yea, I think maybe
high school isn't the greatest example, but.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Now happily married grandfather. Though it doesn't do many, it
doesn't help anymore.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I don't know my husband. Definitely my funny guy attraction
to him was he's hilarious. He's really funny, makes me
like crack up, and that I think that's the most
important thing in a relationship. Okay, yeah, I mean mostly right.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, yeah, one of one of the things.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
One of the things. Definitely. Well, I've loved this conversation.
I'm not exaggerating when I say this is one of
my favorite interviews I've ever done.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh thank you.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, this has been great. I could talk to you.
I think we're already over the time, and I could
just keep going. But leave us here with your best
tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I have two okay, all right. The first one is,
and this is like old wisdom that you probably have
imparted yourself many times. It's just like, just don't confuse
anything you see on the internet ever with real life.
They much more attention to your real life, your family,
you know, definitely don't get out of that. And the
(24:07):
other is, you don't need to refrigerate ketchup or mustard.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
But of course you do.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
No, you don't welcome to any restaurant in America. Where
is the ketchup and where's the mustard? But shut up, Carol,
just listen. Listen to me.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I hope they put it in a fridge at the
end of the night.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No, they do not. It sits out on the table
day after day, day week after week. No it it's fine.
You don't need to You're putting cold condiments on your
hot dogs and Hamburger's for no reason.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Cold ketchup tastes so much better than warm ketchup.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
That must be a Russian thing, is it. I'm gonna
know they don't even have refrigeration. They don't even have refrigeration. Now,
if the listeners think about it, and I know they will,
they'll come to the right conclusion.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
You don't think so, I think we're okay. I'm gonna
we're gonna find out.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Those two pieces of advice, the first one is probably
more the more important.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
One, but the second one is more controversial.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah it is, but I'll go to the grave with that.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Thank you so much, Dave. He is Dave Barry. Check
out his substack. You are just fantastic. Read all of
his books. Every one of them is so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Or just buy them you don't need to read them.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
No, buy them and read them, okay, or.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Send me money in a box. Either one.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Thank you, Dave. Thanks my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Thank you.
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