In this episode of The Karol Markowicz Show, motivational speaker and author Carla Ondrasik joins Karol to discuss her inspiring new book, Stop Trying. Carla explains how shifting your mindset from “trying” to “doing” can transform your life, career, and relationships. She opens up about her personal journey, the power of self-awareness, and why true motivation comes after action—not before it. The two also explore how fear of success can hold people back and why it’s never too late to start moving toward your goals. The Karol Markowicz Show is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network - new episodes debut every Tuesday & Thursday.
Purchase Carla's NEW Book HERE
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Marcoo Show on iHeartRadio.
My guest today is Carla Andrasik. Carla is a motivational speaker, author,
and a former music publishing executive whose new book Stop
Trying helps readers turn intention into action using proven tools
from psychology and neuroscience. Hi, Carla, So nice to have
(00:26):
you on, So excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you. So.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I think I've had some siblings on, and I've had
a parent and child on at different times, but you
are my first. I've had your husband on the show,
John Andrassic, big fan five for fighting, and now I'm
talking to you, which I'm so excited about.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome. It's so much fun.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I mean, just that our story keeps evolving and changing.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So love that. Ye happy.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
You know, he's so generous. He's so supportive of me,
which is great.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Is really fantastic. We've never met in person. I'm going
to have to meet you both at some point. But
tell me about your new book, Stop Trying. You were
in the music business and you are a speaker and
an author. What made you write a book about no
Longer Trying.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That's a very long question, but I'll edit it for you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Now you give us the whole story.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fast forwarding for a second.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You know, when I was in the music business for
twenty five years, it was like it's like selling ice.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
To esk the most. I mean, there's so much competition.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
My job was placing songs with recording artists. So you know,
there were ten songs on an album and there were
thousands of people, and you can't try, you know, you
have to have a very strong mindset. So of course
I've been practicing this for you know, all of my
different careers that I've had. But I think my dirty
(01:57):
began as a child. I was raised on Long Island, York.
My dad was a gambler, like the classic bad boy,
and I have to tell you it was sink or
swim sometimes like war a Long Island, save Ille, Long Island,
Stuffet County, and you know, I mean it was pretty crazy,
loving parents, but sometimes it.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Got a little weird and a.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Little crazy roller coaster ride, I'm sure absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And I was put into situations that were precarious and
pretty much left on my own to figure it out.
And that's where I began to realize, Look, I can't
half heart my way out of this I got to
do the best I can.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I have to choose the high road. I have to
you know, survive.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
So so that was pretty much, you know, cemented then and.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Then I've always chosen.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Things careers and jobs where you have to act. You
can't hide behind, you know, so you can't hide behind
something else and pretend you're doing and you know, so, yeah,
I was. It was a combination of two things, this
book and this gift that I've given everybody. It really
(03:16):
embodies who I am, the not trying person, who's all in,
the person who loves to motivate. So my thing that
gets me so excited is making somebody else's dream come
true and motivating people. And I do it all the time.
I discovered John I.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Heard his voice.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, I heard it all through a wall at Motown Records.
I heard that voice and said that needs to be
on the radio. And as a publisher, I would work
with songwriters whose dream was to get on Barbara Streisand's
record or Hugh or Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I need those I got them on the charts, so
I got their songs on the radio. So this really
embodies motivation, making dreams come true, and delivering a powerful
message of how to achieve.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Those things for yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So is there a step one in the stop Trying effort?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Step one is becoming aware that there is a difference.
So the book is basically, what does it mean to try?
So what does it mean? What do we think it means? Okay,
then why do we do it in the first place,
how that hurts us? And how to move forward? So
the first step we throw that word around, we think
(04:45):
we think we're doing when we're trying, it kind of makes.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Us feel good. I'm trying to try. Yeah, yeah, I'm
trying to build my business.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I'm trying to work on my marriage, trying to spend
more time with my kids, you know, trying to lose weight,
trying to quit vaping, trying to quit smoking. We're fooling ourselves, right,
And that actually makes me sad because there are people
that fool themselves for decades or their whole life. They
try really hard, and it's not their fault because we're
(05:16):
taught to try. We are taught that try harder, try again,
give it a try. That trying is such a brave
first step, but it's not I'm telling you it is anything.
But it is an excuse. It is a half hearted effort.
It is hiding behind, it's pretending, and our mind even
messes with us. It even fools us by giving us
(05:40):
like little hits of dopamine.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Because we're trying.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, your brain's thinking, you know, it a little bit,
a little bit, but yeah, yeah, we're taught to praise
our kids for trying. Also, I'm thinking about this, you know,
I'm I was born in the Soviet Union.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Russian parenting.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's not very cozy and it doesn't really you know,
if you get a ninety, it's like, why didn't you
get a hundred? And it's funny because in all the
parenting stories you're told to say to your kids like, well,
at least you tried, and I'm like, you didn't. You
didn't actually do this, well, so do it? Do it
better next time?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, do it better.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
When you tell your kids, you know, just try your best,
you're giving them, you're giving.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Them permission not to do it really and an option.
It's actually an option, right, it's a maybe. But when
you say, when you tell your kids, do your best, now,
their brain is going to go into do mode.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So the tri mode and the.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Do mode are completely different, and your brain actually lights
up brighter.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
You get so much more energy.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
It is a physical thing than when you say you're
going to try and guess what if they do their
best and they fail. Just by saying do your best,
you don't expect the A. You're not expecting success time.
But when that kid does their best and they study
another hour, you know what, I'm not going to try
my best.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm doing this. They're sitting up straight, their voice gets louder,
they're feeling empowered. They're gonna study, you know, in the
morning on the bus, or they're gonna late at night
instead of playing games. I'm doing my best, right, and
they still don't get an A. They walk away going,
I have pride in myself. I worked.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, I did everything I could. And that is monumental, right.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Because try I tried. It could just been studying for
five minutes. You still tried. You still you know?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, and you don't say to your kids, right, so
we already know this. I want us to become aware.
So the first step that you asked me was to
become aware, consciously aware. You already know you already know
that trying is not a good option.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So how old are your children?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Fifteen, twelve, and nine?
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Okay, that fifteen year old is going to be driving
out your driveway in your car very soon.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Old Florida, it's Florida's pretty young. She already has her
learners permit.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
It's so scary. So when they do that, you're not
going to stand there and go try to stop with
this stops.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, right, that's a great point.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Right, Try to drive slowly, try not to be distracted.
No way, it's right. Stop. Do not turn the radio one.
There's no try.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
And when you go to lie pain medication, you don't
look for the thing that says we're going to we
try it relieves it faster better than anyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
We don't accept try. You're not allowed to try to
pay your mortgage or try to pay your rent.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Try not to have an affair. Try. Yeah, you're you're
absolutely right. You have to actually just do those things.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Try to get to the gate.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
The airline's like, we want to try to take off.
Businesses couldn't run on trying. So we all know and
bringing it to our conscious is the first step. And
let me tell you might hate me after this podcast
because you take a little earworm that you're like, oh gosh,
you know I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, I think I need that earworm. Actually, you know,
you go through phases in your life where you're you
feel more motivated than other times. I would say, I'm
I'm in a little bit of a dip with motivation,
and I like the idea of I'm not going to
try to write my substack, which I am bad at
getting it done. I'm going to go do it.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
So, you know that's so interesting. So you can be
super successful in many parts of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
The greatest mom.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
You have this incredible platform, right, you're a doer, You're intelligent,
and you're strong, and you're you do But then there's
another area in your life.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Where you choose to try.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
So you have to ask yourself, why am I Why
have I been trying to do the sub stack? Like, yeah,
that's the thing that's holding me back. Am I afraid
it's going to fail? No one's there's line up?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Am I afraid? And Carla, it's all of that. We'll
address those things.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
And boy, fear is if I could flip your mind,
if my next book could be about how great fear is.
But there's been many books written about it. It's the
greatest thing. If it doesn't work, now you know, and
now you don't, you won't regret.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Not finishing it because you're afraid to.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
And fear will teach you, you know, failure will teach
you so many lessons.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
We're going to take a quick break and be right
back on the Carol Markowitz Show. Were there any surprises
in writing stop trying?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh my gosh, so much. One other thing I want
to say when you just said, you know, I'm not
feeling very.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Motivated right now.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Anybody that's listening, if you're feeling that and it happens right, sure,
we think that we have to wait for.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
The motivation to be gad, yes, that is absolutely right.
Then come back on its own.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Actually it's the opposite. Though.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Motivation doesn't come first. Motivation doesn't prompt you to act.
You act first.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You know what do you think? I love going to
the gym every day? Now you act first, yeah, And
then when you start doing it, you're like, wow.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
This feels good. I want to do this again. Because
once you're finally doing something, then you realize this wasn't
so bad. I created this monster in my head.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Now that I'm at the gym, I'm loving seeing all
these people and I'm loving working out.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I love the way it feels. I love So don't.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Wait for the motivation right at first, and then see
how you feel and you're.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
No, that's the whole thing ole. Don't try, just do it.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It's the motive. Waiting for the motivation to return is
the equivalent of trying. I'm trying. I'm waiting around to
feel like wanting to do this and it never comes.
So I love that, I really do. I'm going to
implement it in my own life for sure. So tell
me about the surprises while writing this book.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I've been fascinated with this word, and I've been collecting information.
I've had you know, study groups with people. I've been
you know, nurturing people based on it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
But I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
That I was going to write a book about it.
I had an inkling of an idea, like how will
I get this message out? So the surprising thing was
how much the universe brought the opportunities to me, and
the fact that you know, somebody else was like, yeah,
this is a great idea.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
My agent, we can, we can do this.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And getting the publishing deal was so surprising, and then
everything about it has been a surprise and a learning
process for me. I've never written a book. I had
to learn how to write a book. I had to
learn how important social media is with Instagram and you know,
Twitter and all of it. It's just been overwhelming. But
(12:57):
I think most surprising is how much I feel like
I still have the capacity to learn and enjoy learning
something new. I'm sixty two.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I had the huge career not look you look my kids.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
My kids are launched, they're gone, and I'm like, I
have all this room to do this, you know, it's
amazing and.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Didn't try, you just did?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Yeah, And the insecurity about it, I'm I'm the no
try girl, Right, I'll just jump in and take care
of whatever it is. But oh my gosh, I didn't
realize how insecure I could be, you know, like, you know,
just kind of terrified, Wow, now what am I doing?
And even just you know, talking myself out. You know,
(13:42):
there's fear of all year and fear of success, like
what if this actually happens? What am I going to
have to be doing? So many surprises a fear.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Of success is something that people don't really talk about.
Its getting what you want is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It is it really is crazy. It's a crazy thought.
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, what are you most proud of in your life?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I'm most proud of you.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I had a little time to think about this question,
and that I choose because it's a choice.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I choose every single day to be the.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best wife,
the best friend.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I choose that I want.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
To be so great for everybody in my life, and
I go out of my way to put other people.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
You know, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Wouldn't say first, but you know, special and so special.
So I'm really proud that I choose to be that
person every single solitary day.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
It's amazing. I love that you started with daughter, Like
you know, I have to say, that's probably the one
I have to on the most. But is that one
just more challenging? Is that why it's at the forefront
of your mind?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Is it the mother daughter relationship? Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Yes, it's the most difficult relationship on the planet. And
you know, I think we all have difficult mothers, whether
they're an amazing mom or not. And yeah, there is
a reason I put that first, and it is the most.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Challenging probably in my entire life.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And I mean, you've just get some books about it
and read about why, because that will help you to
become better. And I have to say, regret is a
terrible thing. You don't want to have any regrets. And
time is finite. So if there's a relationship you're trying
(15:50):
to work on, work on it. Do that work now
because you don't know how much time you have and
you don't want to regret that. This is this is
the try message right here in everything that business, have
that relationship, spend more time, stop trying to do those
(16:11):
things and start doing them, or you will be filled
with regret. The negative self talk comes in a loser
a week. It's never going to happen for me. I
can't have.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
You really know, huh yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And that's just your brain. You can have those things.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
And by the way, I just want to say, what
you do has nothing to do with the outcome of
the other person. So just because you do all the
work and you make the efforts and you don't have
heart your way into your mother's heart, Okay, it doesn't
mean that she's going to reciprocate that.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
But I'm very close to my mom. I should I
shouldn't have phrased it that way. I just know this
is the most like when I when I when I
list the things that I feel, the relationships that I
think I'm good at, I start with I'm a great mom,
I'm a great wife, I'm a great friend, I'm a
great sister. Like down at the very bottom is that
I'm a great daughter. And the fact that you started
with that, yeah, was interesting to me. And you know,
(17:12):
maybe somebody listening, maybe it is a big thing for them.
But yeah, if you have to do those things so
that you're not filled with regret whatever that person is
for you, that's I think that's so important. And it
goes back to your stop trying message, right, It's like
you you can't try once the person's gone, So do
(17:33):
it now, and do it well, and you won't have
the regret.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
There's a part piece in the book I tell a
story and this really it happens to me all the time.
But I was sitting in a restaurant. You know the
tables are close together, and this is after COVID. Now
they're like close again.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And I heard these two women talking and she was saying,
I'm just just you know, I've been trying so hard
to get closer to my sister, and I just feel
like there's nothing that I can do, and I'm just
going to give up. And I wanted to just leap
across the table and tell her what have you been doing?
What is trying me right? What are you doing to do?
(18:09):
You know, this is the most incredible relationship. I'm so
close with my sisters, you know, three, So anyway, yeah,
it's all around us.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
But you didn't leap across the table.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I didn't just zip my mouth up.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
We're going to take a quick break and be right
back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. Give us a five
year out prediction, and it could be about anything at all.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
That's a hard one for me because I truly live
in this moment.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I do. I don't future trip and I don't think
about the past. I'm right here, right.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Now, amazing, And how do you manage it?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I I really have. I'm very peaceful. I fall asleep
in thirty seconds. Wow, It's just I'm right here. I
don't think about anything else.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
So for me to future I'd say the thing that
I see around me is that we're less connected.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Everybody's got their face and their phone.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Sure, when you're in the waiting room, when you're at
the airport, when you're at the car wash, when you're
at the spa, like wherever you are, everybody's like this.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And I want to talk to people, right.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I love talking to people.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Love it, Like I just want to like put your
phone down.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
And so I feel like the five year prediction is
going to be there'll be more what does not exist now,
there'll be more opportunities, more rooms where there's no phone, rooms,
more limited.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Access, still have more cachet I think, to be off
your phone, like it'll be cooler.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yeah, it'll be yeah, old school again, like let's talk
to each other.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
That's my five year prediction. I hope that comes true.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
That's actually I haven't heard that one yet. And that's
a really really interesting one. Carla, this has been amazing.
I love talking to you. I can't wait to read
Stop Trying. Leave us here with your best tip for
my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Get my book.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Oh yeah, step one yet Carlo's books Trying trying and
go buy it.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Go to the website, stop trying dot com, and go
to my Instagram, because every single day there are wonderful
You'll look at it and go, oh my gosh. I
never knew about eat the Frog. I never knew about
the Zygarnic effect.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I never knew.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
And these are all things like science back studies for
our brain with regard to trying. But my best advice
for everybody is be aware. We don't have forever we
think we do. Time is finite. Please, if there's a
dream you have and you've been trying to make it
come true.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
If there's anything in your life, go do that thing.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Fail and fall and win and lose, whatever it is,
experience it, experience it and jump in and do it.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
That's what my best advice is. I love it.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Thank you so much. She is Carla and Rassic. Check
out her books, stop trying, buy it anywhere.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Books are sold.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Thank you so much for coming on, Carla, Thank you Carol.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It's been awesome.
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Marcoo Show on iHeartRadio.
My guest today is Carla Andrasik. Carla is a motivational speaker, author,
and a former music publishing executive whose new book Stop
Trying helps readers turn intention into action using proven tools
from psychology and neuroscience. Hi, Carla, So nice to have
(00:26):
you on, So excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you. So.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I think I've had some siblings on, and I've had
a parent and child on at different times, but you
are my first. I've had your husband on the show,
John Andrassic, big fan five for fighting, and now I'm
talking to you, which I'm so excited about.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome. It's so much fun.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
I mean, just that our story keeps evolving and changing.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So love that. Ye happy.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
You know, he's so generous. He's so supportive of me,
which is great.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Is really fantastic. We've never met in person. I'm going
to have to meet you both at some point. But
tell me about your new book, Stop Trying. You were
in the music business and you are a speaker and
an author. What made you write a book about no
Longer Trying.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That's a very long question, but I'll edit it for you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Now you give us the whole story.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fast forwarding for a second.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
You know, when I was in the music business for
twenty five years, it was like it's like selling ice.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
To esk the most. I mean, there's so much competition.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
My job was placing songs with recording artists. So you know,
there were ten songs on an album and there were
thousands of people, and you can't try, you know, you
have to have a very strong mindset. So of course
I've been practicing this for you know, all of my
different careers that I've had. But I think my dirty
(01:57):
began as a child. I was raised on Long Island, York.
My dad was a gambler, like the classic bad boy,
and I have to tell you it was sink or
swim sometimes like war a Long Island, save Ille, Long Island,
Stuffet County, and you know, I mean it was pretty crazy,
loving parents, but sometimes it.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Got a little weird and a.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Little crazy roller coaster ride, I'm sure absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And I was put into situations that were precarious and
pretty much left on my own to figure it out.
And that's where I began to realize, Look, I can't
half heart my way out of this I got to
do the best I can.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I have to choose the high road. I have to
you know, survive.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
So so that was pretty much, you know, cemented then and.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Then I've always chosen.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Things careers and jobs where you have to act. You
can't hide behind, you know, so you can't hide behind
something else and pretend you're doing and you know, so, yeah,
I was. It was a combination of two things, this
book and this gift that I've given everybody. It really
(03:16):
embodies who I am, the not trying person, who's all in,
the person who loves to motivate. So my thing that
gets me so excited is making somebody else's dream come
true and motivating people. And I do it all the time.
I discovered John I.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Heard his voice.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, I heard it all through a wall at Motown Records.
I heard that voice and said that needs to be
on the radio. And as a publisher, I would work
with songwriters whose dream was to get on Barbara Streisand's
record or Hugh or Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I need those I got them on the charts, so
I got their songs on the radio. So this really
embodies motivation, making dreams come true, and delivering a powerful
message of how to achieve.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Those things for yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So is there a step one in the stop Trying effort?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Step one is becoming aware that there is a difference.
So the book is basically, what does it mean to try?
So what does it mean? What do we think it means? Okay,
then why do we do it in the first place,
how that hurts us? And how to move forward? So
the first step we throw that word around, we think
(04:45):
we think we're doing when we're trying, it kind of makes.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Us feel good. I'm trying to try. Yeah, yeah, I'm
trying to build my business.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I'm trying to work on my marriage, trying to spend
more time with my kids, you know, trying to lose weight,
trying to quit vaping, trying to quit smoking. We're fooling ourselves, right,
And that actually makes me sad because there are people
that fool themselves for decades or their whole life. They
try really hard, and it's not their fault because we're
(05:16):
taught to try. We are taught that try harder, try again,
give it a try. That trying is such a brave
first step, but it's not I'm telling you it is anything.
But it is an excuse. It is a half hearted effort.
It is hiding behind, it's pretending, and our mind even
messes with us. It even fools us by giving us
(05:40):
like little hits of dopamine.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Because we're trying.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, your brain's thinking, you know, it a little bit,
a little bit, but yeah, yeah, we're taught to praise
our kids for trying. Also, I'm thinking about this, you know,
I'm I was born in the Soviet Union.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Russian parenting.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's not very cozy and it doesn't really you know,
if you get a ninety, it's like, why didn't you
get a hundred? And it's funny because in all the
parenting stories you're told to say to your kids like, well,
at least you tried, and I'm like, you didn't. You
didn't actually do this, well, so do it? Do it
better next time?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, do it better.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
When you tell your kids, you know, just try your best,
you're giving them, you're giving.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Them permission not to do it really and an option.
It's actually an option, right, it's a maybe. But when
you say, when you tell your kids, do your best, now,
their brain is going to go into do mode.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So the tri mode and the.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Do mode are completely different, and your brain actually lights
up brighter.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
You get so much more energy.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
It is a physical thing than when you say you're
going to try and guess what if they do their
best and they fail. Just by saying do your best,
you don't expect the A. You're not expecting success time.
But when that kid does their best and they study
another hour, you know what, I'm not going to try
my best.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm doing this. They're sitting up straight, their voice gets louder,
they're feeling empowered. They're gonna study, you know, in the
morning on the bus, or they're gonna late at night
instead of playing games. I'm doing my best, right, and
they still don't get an A. They walk away going,
I have pride in myself. I worked.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, I did everything I could. And that is monumental, right.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Because try I tried. It could just been studying for
five minutes. You still tried. You still you know?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, and you don't say to your kids, right, so
we already know this. I want us to become aware.
So the first step that you asked me was to
become aware, consciously aware. You already know you already know
that trying is not a good option.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So how old are your children?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Fifteen, twelve, and nine?
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Okay, that fifteen year old is going to be driving
out your driveway in your car very soon.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Old Florida, it's Florida's pretty young. She already has her
learners permit.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
It's so scary. So when they do that, you're not
going to stand there and go try to stop with
this stops.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Right, right, that's a great point.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Right, Try to drive slowly, try not to be distracted.
No way, it's right. Stop. Do not turn the radio one.
There's no try.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
And when you go to lie pain medication, you don't
look for the thing that says we're going to we
try it relieves it faster better than anyone else.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
We don't accept try. You're not allowed to try to
pay your mortgage or try to pay your rent.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Try not to have an affair. Try. Yeah, you're you're
absolutely right. You have to actually just do those things.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Try to get to the gate.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
The airline's like, we want to try to take off.
Businesses couldn't run on trying. So we all know and
bringing it to our conscious is the first step. And
let me tell you might hate me after this podcast
because you take a little earworm that you're like, oh gosh,
you know I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, I think I need that earworm. Actually, you know,
you go through phases in your life where you're you
feel more motivated than other times. I would say, I'm
I'm in a little bit of a dip with motivation,
and I like the idea of I'm not going to
try to write my substack, which I am bad at
getting it done. I'm going to go do it.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
So, you know that's so interesting. So you can be
super successful in many parts of your life.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
The greatest mom.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
You have this incredible platform, right, you're a doer, You're intelligent,
and you're strong, and you're you do But then there's
another area in your life.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Where you choose to try.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
So you have to ask yourself, why am I Why
have I been trying to do the sub stack? Like, yeah,
that's the thing that's holding me back. Am I afraid
it's going to fail? No one's there's line up?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Am I afraid? And Carla, it's all of that. We'll
address those things.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
And boy, fear is if I could flip your mind,
if my next book could be about how great fear is.
But there's been many books written about it. It's the
greatest thing. If it doesn't work, now you know, and
now you don't, you won't regret.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Not finishing it because you're afraid to.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
And fear will teach you, you know, failure will teach
you so many lessons.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
We're going to take a quick break and be right
back on the Carol Markowitz Show. Were there any surprises
in writing stop trying?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh my gosh, so much. One other thing I want
to say when you just said, you know, I'm not
feeling very.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Motivated right now.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Anybody that's listening, if you're feeling that and it happens right, sure,
we think that we have to wait for.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
The motivation to be gad, yes, that is absolutely right.
Then come back on its own.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Actually it's the opposite. Though.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Motivation doesn't come first. Motivation doesn't prompt you to act.
You act first.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You know what do you think? I love going to
the gym every day? Now you act first, yeah, And
then when you start doing it, you're like, wow.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
This feels good. I want to do this again. Because
once you're finally doing something, then you realize this wasn't
so bad. I created this monster in my head.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Now that I'm at the gym, I'm loving seeing all
these people and I'm loving working out.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I love the way it feels. I love So don't.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Wait for the motivation right at first, and then see
how you feel and you're.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
No, that's the whole thing ole. Don't try, just do it.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It's the motive. Waiting for the motivation to return is
the equivalent of trying. I'm trying. I'm waiting around to
feel like wanting to do this and it never comes.
So I love that, I really do. I'm going to
implement it in my own life for sure. So tell
me about the surprises while writing this book.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I've been fascinated with this word, and I've been collecting information.
I've had you know, study groups with people. I've been
you know, nurturing people based on it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
But I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
That I was going to write a book about it.
I had an inkling of an idea, like how will
I get this message out? So the surprising thing was
how much the universe brought the opportunities to me, and
the fact that you know, somebody else was like, yeah,
this is a great idea.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
My agent, we can, we can do this.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And getting the publishing deal was so surprising, and then
everything about it has been a surprise and a learning
process for me. I've never written a book. I had
to learn how to write a book. I had to
learn how important social media is with Instagram and you know,
Twitter and all of it. It's just been overwhelming. But
(12:57):
I think most surprising is how much I feel like
I still have the capacity to learn and enjoy learning
something new. I'm sixty two.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I had the huge career not look you look my kids.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
My kids are launched, they're gone, and I'm like, I
have all this room to do this, you know, it's
amazing and.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Didn't try, you just did?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Yeah, And the insecurity about it, I'm I'm the no
try girl, Right, I'll just jump in and take care
of whatever it is. But oh my gosh, I didn't
realize how insecure I could be, you know, like, you know,
just kind of terrified, Wow, now what am I doing?
And even just you know, talking myself out. You know,
(13:42):
there's fear of all year and fear of success, like
what if this actually happens? What am I going to
have to be doing? So many surprises a fear.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Of success is something that people don't really talk about.
Its getting what you want is terrifying.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It is it really is crazy. It's a crazy thought.
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, what are you most proud of in your life?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I'm most proud of you.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I had a little time to think about this question,
and that I choose because it's a choice.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I choose every single day to be the.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best wife,
the best friend.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I choose that I want.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
To be so great for everybody in my life, and
I go out of my way to put other people.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
You know, yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Wouldn't say first, but you know, special and so special.
So I'm really proud that I choose to be that
person every single solitary day.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
It's amazing. I love that you started with daughter, Like
you know, I have to say, that's probably the one
I have to on the most. But is that one
just more challenging? Is that why it's at the forefront
of your mind?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Is it the mother daughter relationship? Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Yes, it's the most difficult relationship on the planet. And
you know, I think we all have difficult mothers, whether
they're an amazing mom or not. And yeah, there is
a reason I put that first, and it is the most.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Challenging probably in my entire life.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
And I mean, you've just get some books about it
and read about why, because that will help you to
become better. And I have to say, regret is a
terrible thing. You don't want to have any regrets. And
time is finite. So if there's a relationship you're trying
(15:50):
to work on, work on it. Do that work now
because you don't know how much time you have and
you don't want to regret that. This is this is
the try message right here in everything that business, have
that relationship, spend more time, stop trying to do those
(16:11):
things and start doing them, or you will be filled
with regret. The negative self talk comes in a loser
a week. It's never going to happen for me. I
can't have.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
You really know, huh yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And that's just your brain. You can have those things.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
And by the way, I just want to say, what
you do has nothing to do with the outcome of
the other person. So just because you do all the
work and you make the efforts and you don't have
heart your way into your mother's heart, Okay, it doesn't
mean that she's going to reciprocate that.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
But I'm very close to my mom. I should I
shouldn't have phrased it that way. I just know this
is the most like when I when I when I
list the things that I feel, the relationships that I
think I'm good at, I start with I'm a great mom,
I'm a great wife, I'm a great friend, I'm a
great sister. Like down at the very bottom is that
I'm a great daughter. And the fact that you started
with that, yeah, was interesting to me. And you know,
(17:12):
maybe somebody listening, maybe it is a big thing for them.
But yeah, if you have to do those things so
that you're not filled with regret whatever that person is
for you, that's I think that's so important. And it
goes back to your stop trying message, right, It's like
you you can't try once the person's gone, So do
(17:33):
it now, and do it well, and you won't have
the regret.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
There's a part piece in the book I tell a
story and this really it happens to me all the time.
But I was sitting in a restaurant. You know the
tables are close together, and this is after COVID. Now
they're like close again.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And I heard these two women talking and she was saying,
I'm just just you know, I've been trying so hard
to get closer to my sister, and I just feel
like there's nothing that I can do, and I'm just
going to give up. And I wanted to just leap
across the table and tell her what have you been doing?
What is trying me right? What are you doing to do?
(18:09):
You know, this is the most incredible relationship. I'm so
close with my sisters, you know, three, So anyway, yeah,
it's all around us.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
But you didn't leap across the table.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I didn't just zip my mouth up.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
We're going to take a quick break and be right
back on the Carol Marcowitch Show. Give us a five
year out prediction, and it could be about anything at all.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
That's a hard one for me because I truly live
in this moment.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I do. I don't future trip and I don't think
about the past. I'm right here, right.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Now, amazing, And how do you manage it?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I I really have. I'm very peaceful. I fall asleep
in thirty seconds. Wow, It's just I'm right here. I
don't think about anything else.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
So for me to future I'd say the thing that
I see around me is that we're less connected.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Everybody's got their face and their phone.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Sure, when you're in the waiting room, when you're at
the airport, when you're at the car wash, when you're
at the spa, like wherever you are, everybody's like this.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And I want to talk to people, right.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I love talking to people.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Love it, Like I just want to like put your
phone down.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
And so I feel like the five year prediction is
going to be there'll be more what does not exist now,
there'll be more opportunities, more rooms where there's no phone, rooms,
more limited.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Access, still have more cachet I think, to be off
your phone, like it'll be cooler.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yeah, it'll be yeah, old school again, like let's talk
to each other.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
That's my five year prediction. I hope that comes true.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
That's actually I haven't heard that one yet. And that's
a really really interesting one. Carla, this has been amazing.
I love talking to you. I can't wait to read
Stop Trying. Leave us here with your best tip for
my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Get my book.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Oh yeah, step one yet Carlo's books Trying trying and
go buy it.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Go to the website, stop trying dot com, and go
to my Instagram, because every single day there are wonderful
You'll look at it and go, oh my gosh. I
never knew about eat the Frog. I never knew about
the Zygarnic effect.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
I never knew.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
And these are all things like science back studies for
our brain with regard to trying. But my best advice
for everybody is be aware. We don't have forever we
think we do. Time is finite. Please, if there's a
dream you have and you've been trying to make it
come true.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
If there's anything in your life, go do that thing.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Fail and fall and win and lose, whatever it is,
experience it, experience it and jump in and do it.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
That's what my best advice is. I love it.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Thank you so much. She is Carla and Rassic. Check
out her books, stop trying, buy it anywhere.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Books are sold.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Thank you so much for coming on, Carla, Thank you Carol.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
It's been awesome.
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