In this episode, Tudor sits down with author Tom Sturges to unpack the mysteries of the male mind. Drawing from his book “Men Explained Finally,” Sturges shares candid observations about how men think, communicate, and connect emotionally—often through a lens shaped since adolescence. Together, they explore why men crave praise, how emotional expression differs between genders, and the powerful role of physical attraction and self-image in modern relationships. This honest and often humorous discussion sheds light on the real differences between men and women—and how empathy and open communication can bring them closer together. The Tudor Dixon Podcast is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network. For more visit TudorDixonPodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Today is going to be a good episode because we
are going to learn about men. For men out there,
we're listening, we're learning about you. This is for men too,
I think, because men, you're going to hear that. I
guess what you're doing is good and it's okay because
we have an expert. We've got Tom Sturgis here with us,
(00:23):
and he just is releasing his new book, Men Explained. Finally, Tom,
thanks for joining me.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Thank you so so much for having me. I appreciate
the opportunity to discuss this one of my favorite topics.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I mean, you go into great detail, and it's all
awesome because you are explaining men in such a simple way.
But I think in a way that we as women
really need to hear because we expect so much different
behavior from you than you are giving us.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And now we know we can read this and understand.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I've tried to decode that like a Rosetta stone so
that you can go, oh, wait a second, he's a
fourteen year old boy and understand that that is our
basic operating system. To my view of this is that
it's we're fourteen year olds and we hop into the
(01:18):
seat and we're pulling levers and making our eyes blank
and telling jokes. But it's a fourteen year old is
running everything.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
My mom used to constantly say that men suffered from
peter Pan syndrome, so that that makes a lot of sense. Actually,
as I'm reading through this, it makes a lot of
sense to me. But I mentioned to you that I
have four girls. I have two twelve year olds, one
fourteen year old, one sixteen year old, So as I'm
watching them around, these boys, and I just yesterday when
(01:48):
I went to pick up my twelve year olds, I
said to my mom, it's so amazing to me how
much different they are from twelve to fourteen. Because when
I picked up my eighth grader last year, just at
the end of the year, you see these boys really
taking on traits of men. And then I read this
and I'm like, Okay, well, maybe that's like that's who
(02:08):
they become.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
They are the boy, the ninth and tenth grader, that's
them for the whole rest of the rest of the ride.
It's like the cookies came out of the oven and
they're being served that way every day. So yes, to me,
that's the case, And By the way, thank you for
four girls. How fantastic.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Well, thank you. I think they're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So this was really an interesting read for me because
I'm like, okay, come on, give it to me. I
don't get it. I want to know for myself, I
want to know for my daughters. But really a lot
of what I enjoyed the vulnerability that you had in
this book and the ability to say that men need this.
(02:52):
I guess praise was kind of an overall theme that
I mean, that's what.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I got from it as a mom.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
As a wife, I looked at this and I went,
you know, I guess I should be pointing out when
even you commented on even mowing.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
The lawn, like, oh, the yard looks incredible, like a
golf course.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh boy, I'm telling you, you say those words that
guy will basically do whatever you need the rest of
the day. And it's true. Women, I as and this
is just my perception. Of course, my kids call it
Tom science. I have three boys, by the way, but
women like women like to be complimented. Your hair looks great,
(03:34):
you you did a wonderful job on the radio today.
But men, we want to be we want agulation. We
really do so, yes, compare the front lawn to a
golf course. Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, from my perspective, I liked the part where you said, Okay, well,
women are comparing wrinkles, men are comparing money, and I
mean that's true, and I do think that we are
in a strange world right now. I was just reading
something today, an article that came out that said young
men are and right about that age of fourteen, are
(04:07):
being pushed by social media into like concerns about looks
and concerns about figure and muscles and all these things
that I don't know that they were when I was young.
I think it really was career and success, and so
the money versus wrinkles thing made sense to me, right
It's it is.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
A different world because we have the Internet, and that
internet world is about to get crazy because of AI.
And so as I know, if you were around and
paying attention in the early eighties when people started, when
the internet was this thing and you know, AOL dot
com and you actually dialed up and the revolutionary change
(04:46):
that that gave the world. AI is going to take
that and put it on steroids. So boys are going
to be confronted with you know, big strong men and
getting waxed and all that other nonsense. But still if
they're basic their kids, you know, and from my standpoint,
we are. We are such simple beings, right, and I
(05:10):
think the women in our lives add look for the complication,
like it can't be this simple. It can't It's not possible.
And I'm telling you we are. It's uh n. I
say in the book that we're a three piece jigsaw
puzzle and you go, oh those three Oh look there
that does fit together. Yeah, there it is. That's who
(05:31):
he is. And I think that that's that's who we are.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But you can kind of even see it in the
way art is formed for men and women. Men like
movies that are about war, about things that are very
cut and dry. There's not a lot of deeper meaning.
It's it's one side wins, the other side loses. That's
that is how men think. You look at movies that
are geared toward women and it's like all this emotion
(05:55):
and what and there's a lot of discussion.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
We were actually over the I guess it was last week.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
There was There's a university in Michigan called Cornerstone University,
and they have these things called wisdom conversations, and they
had a conversation about family and one of the people
on the panel was a lifelong feminist, and so she
was probably right at the height.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Of the feminist movement.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Came out as a professor and kind of a philosopher
in feminism, and she made the point that we have
gotten to this place where we've told men who you
have to be feminized, you have to be feminized. But
that's not a natural feeling for men to be feminized.
(06:40):
And she said, they did a study of years ago
where they had men and women in therapy and they
talked to women and they said, you know, tell us
about your feelings and how did it feel to talk
about your feelings and all this, and women went into
this great detail and they said to men, do you
want to talk about your feelings?
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And they were like, why would I do that?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Exactly exactly the way I look at it. We have
three feelings, happy, said, and angry, and everything can fit
into one of those categories. Our team wins the Super Bowl, Hey,
we're happy, and we'll run out and chest bump the
neighborho we haven't spoken to in three years. We approach it,
(07:16):
we approach it in such a different way as women,
and I would object to that feminist. I'm sure she
has all her ideas all worked out, but I think
we change very badly. I think this is one of
the things we do worst is if somebody comes and says,
you know what I need you to do differently, panic
(07:37):
sets in because we're barely who we are. You have
to understand we're this is constructed with with duct tape
and paper clips and spit and glue, this image that
we present to the world and to somebody to come
and go, you know, I need you to do this differently,
it's you know, panic sets in.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So you also made the point that men want to
do things. They want to be needed. It seemed like
there was a way to have that conversation if it
is saying you know, I need you in this way,
there's this desire to be needed and come in and
kind of saved the day, kind of that caveman feeling
of I've got to provide, I've got to provide these
(08:20):
certain things.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And in my understanding of it, and I think this
is universal, and every guy who listens to this, right
after I say what I'm about to say, will go
uh huh, yep, that's true, and that that is this
truth that if you ask us nicely, we will do
almost anything.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
That's interesting. I guess it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
So does it when we ask, does it feel like
we're nagging? I mean, honestly, I think it's.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
An order, or it's a command, or you haven't met
my expectations where that doesn't work. But if you you want,
let's say you want somebody to take the kids to
the park and run around. Sweetheart, could I ask you something? Please?
And just ask us nicely, and we're like absolutely, because
(09:10):
we do want to be needed, but we don't want
to be told what to do.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I love the way you explain compartmentalizing things too, because
I this is it's interesting. I didn't really realize this
about men until I was in my twenties. I think
my sister got a she got an internship at my
dad's office.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So my mom was like she was the.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
She was the punisher, She was like the she was
the scary person at the house, and my dad was
the happy, go lucky like he was fun.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He would play with us seen year old.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yeah, exactly exactly. So the dad at home was like
this amazingly sweet and my mom.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
He just let my.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Mom rule the house right, and anything my mom said went,
and no matter whether he agreed with the situation or not,
it was always your mom's always right. And it was
the most frustrating thing as a kid. And then my
sister went to she got an internship at his office,
and she went in there and one of the ladies
was like, we feel so bad for your mom. And
(10:09):
she was like why, and oh, your daddy's like so serious,
and she was like.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Oh, well, I did not feel bad for my mom.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
She's rough, you know, like we had seen a totally
different side, but the compartmentalization, like he was a different person.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
At work, completely different and different with every relationship at work.
So yeah, I promise you he could have a day
long argument with one of his vice presidents about something
and then go out later that night and play poker
and have a great time and have a wonderful evening.
Because it's two separate boxes. There's the box of me
(10:45):
the boss. There's the box of me the dad. There's
the box of me the fan of the football team.
And I think that's key to our survival as men,
because if all our stuff started to mix together, which
I think I don't know, of course, but I think
women are much more one huge box with everything like
(11:08):
bumping into each other and rolling around. And that's not
the case for us. We are we are these little boxes.
And for every man there is there are things that
he has done. I know for me, for example, I
remember asking a woman when her baby was due. It
(11:28):
turns out she wasn't pregnant, and it's one of those
it's this like the cringiest it's I mean, I'm cringing
now remembering that and the look on her face and
what an idiot. I felt, like, that's in its own
little box. Stupid things I've said. That's in its own box.
And I pushed that all the way over here. But
my good deeds and the great things I've done, that
(11:50):
box is right here, and I'm ready to pull things
out and show people at a moment's notice.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But see, that's that is the difference.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Because for a woman that you you kind of kind
of relive that scenario and you think about how you
could have changed it, or conversations you come home from work,
and those things stay with you. And that was another
thing that this woman that the feminists said she was like,
you know, if a man is asked, well, when you
relived the conversation, they just kind of look at you like,
(12:18):
why would I have done that?
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Exactly, it's in the box. I'm already done with that.
I'm ready to I'm ready to go go see some basketball.
What do you need? You know? But that's that's the
idea of the simplicity. To me, if women were airplanes,
you guys would be F fourteen's with a couple of
sidewinders and your own refueling plane above you. We are
a couple of you know, a piece of paper folded
(12:41):
over with a paper clip at the front. Are we
are that vastly different in our approaches and the way
we travel through the world.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Hey, stick around, We've got more with Tom Sturgis. But
first I want to tell you all about rough Greens.
It's an amazing product. If you have a dog, you
need this product, trust me, especially if you have a
dog that has issues.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Like my dog.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
My dog is so sweet, but he itches all over,
he has ear infections. He's licking. It drives me mad.
And I met the owner of rough Greens. He said,
do you have a dog?
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I was literally embarrassed to tell him about my little dog, Whiskey.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
It was like, I have a dog. He's a mess.
He's itchy, he has ear infections, his skin, he rubs
his fur off of his face. And this guy was like, no,
I got you. Give me ninety days, I will fix
your dog. I thought it was impossible. We took the
rough Greens. We shake it on his food. It is incredible.
I don't just recommend rough Greens. I literally depend on
(13:35):
it to keep my little Whiskey happy and healthy. You
all should use it for your dogs too. It's a
natural antioxidant, there's anti inflammatory compounds, it reduces stress. You
don't even even have to change your dog's food. You
just add the rough Greens. Rough Greens right now is
offering a free Jumpstart trial bag. You just cover the
shipping costs. Use the discount code Whiskey. My little dog
(13:58):
will help you claim your free Jumpstart Trial bag at.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Rough Greens dot com.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
That's r Uffgreens dot com and that promo code is Whiskey.
Don't change your dog's food, just add this. It's going
to be amazing. Give it ninety days and watch the
health benefits come alive. Now stick around. We've got more
right after this. So how do you find one of
(14:23):
us that you suddenly connect to?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I mean, I think that's the worldwide question of all time,
is that men and women eventually come together and we're
meant to be together. But how do we find that
person that make sure that those characteristics fit the other characteristics?
And you say that men have three basic needs and
they're fun, appreciation, and reward. And I read that and
(14:46):
I say, as a woman, I think that that's what you.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Are looking for as well.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You're trying to find that person that when you connect
with them, the things you do together are fun and
you look up to them.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Yes, exactly, But you asked such a great point. How
do how does it ever fit together? Where you find
that person? And if I can keep my fourteen year
old mind to be able to answer this in two parts,
I will first of all, to me every man's great mystery,
the greatest mystery of his life, is this, how could
(15:21):
a woman fall in love with me? Does she not
see that I am a child? Does she not see
that I am immature? Does she not see that I
only have three emotions? How is it possible? And because
we have no idea, that's where the games begin, we
pretend that we're completely in charge of everything. When was
(15:43):
the last time you saw a guy who wasn't in
charge of everything around him? Even though he's not in
charge of anything that's around him, it's part of the
game that we play, right, is that that's how that's
how we have to proceed. So the mystery being you
fell in love with me? I mean, why how? But
so set that aside and then the great question, and
(16:06):
I think I answered this in my writing, is how
do we fall in love? How do we fall in love?
And the answer is that we fall in love with
the face first, and everything else proceeds after that. You
might think it's your hair, or it's that nice dress,
or it's the face. And we've been telling women this
(16:31):
for years and years and years. There's Marlowe talking about
the face that launched a thousand ships, and there's Shakespeare
wishing he was a hand on, he was a glove
on the hand that Juliet is resting her cheek on,
and songs like you're beautiful and Billy Joel just the
way you are, And we've been saying it over and
(16:54):
over and it really is the case that we fall
in love with the face first, and if we find
that face, we fall in love with it again every day,
over and over and over.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Well, then what do you think about the fact that
we so easily change our faces today?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Okay, so one of my thoughts, and it's so to me.
It's it's a truth, which is with a lot of
women marry a man they see as a project they try.
They marry a man they hope to change, and a
man hopes the woman he marries never changes. If you
wore that, if you wore your hair the same way
(17:29):
every where, every day, the same glasses, the same everything,
I promise you, the husband would He's never gonna say,
you know, I'm kind of bored with the uh with
that shirt and those earrings. He would be like, God,
I love that shirt in those earrings, Please wear that
every day.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
It's just so.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
For instance, I was telling I was telling your producer
when I met my wife. My wife we met in
the rainstorm and her car had run out of gas
and I stopped to help a strand of motorists and
we have been together since that day. We consider that
our wedding day. And part of the reason is because
I fell in love with her right. I fell in
(18:08):
love with her face, and I have begged her, please,
no false eyelashes, don't puff anything. Just be you every
day and I will be perfectly content, and I will
fall in love with you again and again every morning.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
This is a conversation that we have quite a bit
at our house with my mom and my sister and
I have this conversation.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Mom and my sister live.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
In Florida, and where they live, it just so happens
that this is a very popular thing to do, to
have the injections and you know, the big lips and
all of that, and my Mom's like, you know, none
of us have done that, but you know, there's a curiosity.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I think you're right. As women, there is a curiosity
around it. Certain there is.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
You see the lines around your lips, you see the
lines around your eyes.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
You start to get like, oh, he's not going to
think the same.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I think from our perspective, we know you fell in
love with the way we look, and we see ourselves
changing and we go, we've got to get back to that.
But we have this conversation all the time saying, I mean,
but you're not really going back to that.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Look.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
It's like a different look.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
No, that's a different there's a friend of mine he
calls that the sisterhood and not and it's the strange mouth.
That's not. It's listen. If whatever women want to do
to be happy, who am I to say they shouldn't
do it. But I'm just saying, if you want to
play the game with the man in your life and
keep him interested and intent and part of your life,
(19:39):
don't change anything. Be exactly that person every day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Hey, but we.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Get old and then we're afraid that you don't like
us anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Well, we're getting old too. I don't know if you notice.
I mean, I have a hair over here that it's
like a whisker. And I don't even turn the light
on when I go in the bathroom anymore because I
know what I'm going to say. I'm like, oh my god,
it's like somebody wearing a Tom Sturgis mask that doesn't
fit very well. I mean, what happened? And you know,
(20:08):
I've seen pictures of myself when I was a kid.
I was like, all right, I was a resentably good
looking guy. And then I'm like, do not show me
what I look like, because come on, this is we
are aging as well, and as if we can age
together sort of on the same path. I think that's
where that's where happiness is. Just don't change, be beautiful
(20:30):
you every day of your life, and I think the
man in your life will will go right along with
the program.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I think that this is something men are afraid to say, because,
like you said, you started this out by saying, you know,
whatever you want to do, you can do that. But
I think that meant too many men are afraid to say,
we'd rather you not do this, because I don't think
that this society accepts men saying women shouldn't do something.
But women have no idea what men think about it.
(20:58):
I mean, it's as honest a conversation I've had with
so many, so many women, like what do you think
men think about when when women do this?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Do they like it?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Do they what does it feel like to kiss someone's
lips that have are the lips the same?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I mean I really have, I really have like a
lot of questions about this, and men don't want to
talk about They're like, I'm not going to touch that.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Yeah, we're not going to. And so the essay that
you mentioned men count each other's money, and women count
each other's wrinkles. I think women are doing a lot
of that stuff for the other women.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, we feel, yeah, we want to look I don't
know why do we want to look all the same?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
And why who cares about impressing the other girls in
the elevator? And the way society has evolved, I mean,
we can't even compliment you now, right. I mean if
I were to say, right now, by the way, you
happen to be very you're you're doing great, whatever you're doing,
I can barely say that without worrying about you know,
have I insulted our because we don't get to say
(22:01):
that anymore. We count each other's money, right, we do. Oh,
look at that guy's got that new car, and look
at that rolex wow. Oh, and he's got new golf clubs.
Those are the things that we compare each other, right,
how much better is that guy doing than me? But
women they're like ooh, and I use an example, Megan Kelly.
Do you remember Megan Kelly attacking Jane Fonda, like right
(22:24):
on television, Like, yeah, it's Jane Fonda, one of those
beautiful women from her earliest days to the end of
her days and I don't care what she did. Her
doctor's better than everybody else if she does, if she's
done stuff. And I saw her. I went to a
friend of mine's house, Phil Rosenthal's house. Her dad and
my dad made a movie together and we both sat
(22:45):
there as the guests of honor. And she's gorgeous, she's
eighty three or whatever, it doesn't matter. Beautiful, just stunning.
But there was Megan Kelly, like in front of millions
of people, going, tell us about your plastic surgery. And
I was like, right, we are going inside book. This
(23:07):
is going in the book.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Women are also incredibly cruel.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
We were at an event, a college event a few
weeks ago, and women came out and they were like,
you know, I'm really interested in getting married and having kids.
It's kind of a hard thing to talk about on
a college campus these days. And I thought, how bizarre
that we've made this uncomfortable. But it goes along with
what you're saying about men not knowing how to talk
(23:34):
to women. I think that there's there is the next
generation is very concerned about the women are afraid to
say I actually want to get married and have kids.
The men are afraid to say you have a beautiful smile.
Where does that lead us?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Yes, there's there's a chasm, and somehow getting over that chasm.
I mean, I think that's why men invented alcohol. Frankly,
that's that's it's the bridge. Because a man give a
man a drink, it gives him a little I think
what do they call it a shot of courage? Right?
Yeah's described it just another shot of courage because we
(24:10):
need that. But when we are our most fourteen is
we see that face, the beautiful face, and we are
paralyzed and we don't know. Our tongue gets tied, our
mouth gets dry, suddenly we're hitching up our pants. We
don't Oh, we're so lost. And if you can, if
you women can make it just a little easier for us,
(24:33):
you know, just smile or wave, just the tiniest indication
that it's okay to approach, you.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Know, it's ok to I think it's also as parents
we should talk and say that this is okay. My
daughter came home from school the other day and there's
a boy that she's she thinks is really cute, and
he said to her, you have a really pretty smile,
and she said, he said, I have a really pretty smile.
And she was so happy about it, and I thought,
(24:59):
how do I make sure that she knows that that's
something that you should continue to be happy about, because
there is a point when young women get to college
and they're told that's off limits. They should not comment
on your looks.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I listen, which was that was that the twelve year
old or the fourteen year old?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
That's my sixteen year old?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Sixteen year old?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Kill me?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Now, no, no, she's well, she's you know, it's it's
one of the things I mentioned in the book is
if a girl wants to meet a man, a woman
wants to meet a man, all she has to do
is get her face in front of his face for
a couple of seconds, and that man's reaction will tell
you everything you want to know. Is there a future? There,
(25:40):
is there a possibility? Or is there nothing? And the
line I recommend is you if for an adult woman,
as you bump into the guy at the valet line
or at the bar, say excuse me, have you seen
my husband? The guy will have to look at you
to answer that question. And I've given this there and
I'll give you three examples of friends of mine, women
(26:01):
who they want to meet a man, but instead of
can you introduce me? And there's the first date and
then lay all the nonsense, just get your face in
front of his face. So woman sets in front of
this guy and says, if you see my husband. The
guy looks at her, he goes, I don't even know you, lady,
So I don't know your husband. Okay, everything she needs
to know, she just run out. He has no sense
(26:23):
of humor, he's not quick on his feet, and he
doesn't find her beautiful. End the story. You've dot ten seconds.
Another friend of mine said that to a guy, and
the guy took a look at her and he said,
he said, I don't know. I don't but who is
the lucky bastard? There you go, but the best answer.
(26:43):
And these two are still a couple. They haven't got
married yet, but I think it's going there. I tear
up at this story because I'm a soft hearted irishman.
So she says to this guy, excuse me, have you
seen my husband? And he looks at her and he says,
as a matter of fact, I saw him in my
bathroom mirror this morning, guzzing baby. That's perfect and so
(27:10):
she and he said, well, where is he? She goes,
I don't know. I haven't met him yet. Suddenly all
the possibilities are suddenly endless, right with just within just
twenty seconds. So I go back to this the face.
So that boy who said that to your daughter, that's
all she needs to know. That boy is love with her.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
So now, oh, now it's on the record. I'll have
to have her watch this.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
You are in big trouble.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I know. I already know this. I have four girls,
so I know I'm in big trouble. But honestly, I
was reading this book and I was thinking, okay, so
who is your audience? Because as much as I think
that I loved it, I really did love it. I
was like, I can see so many different areas of
my life in this book and experiences that I've had,
(27:59):
and even the way you explained how men remember the
women in the past, and all of the different ways
you described how men feel and perceive and all of that.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
It was so important to me.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But I thought, at the time, you know, do I
is this a book for young people? Because I do
think that that's something that we're struggling to remind people
is Okay, the way, just the simple way you explain things.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
First of all, that you just followed one of my rules,
which is we don't want compliments, we want praise. And
I want to take what you just said and have
a tattooed on my chest. It's exactly how I would
want people to react to this book. Who is my audience?
My audience mainly I thought I wrote this for women
(28:46):
right as a way of saying, here's what men are,
here's what we are, and on the behalf of the men,
so that the women in their lives can have a
better relationship with them, right, with fewer expectations that will
never be met, and a better understanding of what gets
that man from point A to point B every day
in his life. So it's it's for anybody who wants
(29:08):
to read it, and I thank you for those wonderful words.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
a Tutor Dixon podcast.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
So I'll tell you from my perspective, I also saw
this being for men because I looked at this and went,
my gosh, it makes so much sense, like little things
that I can improve by saying, wow, the yard looks amazing,
or did you clean the car, Thank you, you know,
but I looked at that and I was like, I
(29:41):
also felt like from the perspective of my husband, it's
like to see that, to read that and go, oh,
that's what I really mean by this, because I think
that you did a great job of getting into the
depth that most men cannot get into.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Like that level of exploring self is not natural.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So to be able to look at that and go, oh,
this is what I'm this is what I'm expecting.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Right ooh yeah, yeah. So I think as you're talking about,
obviously you have a great relationship with your husband, so
you guys are probably well, you do some many of
the things that I describe here, probably naturally. But I
think the key to a great love affair, and again,
who am I. I don't have a lot of initials
(30:28):
after my name. The key to a great love affair
is when you get upset to whisper. And so here's
why this is so important. Go with me. Okay, he
saw your face, which is quite a face, fell and
completely in love with you, and he's got this beautiful
life going. And let's say you raise your voice and
there's this shrill, awful sound that comes out of this
(30:52):
beautiful face that he's loved for all these years. It
every every wire is crossed at that moment because suddenly
nothing makes sense because this is all he's heard all
these years is love and sweetness and kindness. But if
you lean in and say, what happened to the car?
For instance, right as supposed to? Did you cross the
(31:13):
car into the car? All right? And I don't know
if you've noticed, but when you whisper at somebody, they
lean in. It's just they can't help it. And so
I recommend this. This is in one of my books
about parenting, is when you I've never I've got three kids,
ones in his thirties, ones in his twenties, ones in
(31:34):
his teens. I have never raised my voice to any
of my boys. Ever. I have whispered and mandy that
they do not like that. And I remember I was
picking one of my sons up to go to a
baseball game, and I was in the house and was
super early and he wasn't getting up, and it's like Sam, Sam,
(31:55):
wake up, Sam, wake up, And he pulls this door
open and goes, what do you whisper? Four? Right? Because
it was? And I'll be like, no, I'm really whispering. Now,
I'm not mad, I'm whispering. So that's so that's the
critical thing if you want to get it, if you
want to keep the love affair perfect, just never never,
(32:16):
you know, just whisper you're so. Let's say you and
your husband are at a restaurant and you feel like
he's flirting with the waitress, right, and you could go, hey, jerk,
what are you doing? Or you go, hey, here, you're
you're hurting my feelings. You don't go. He'll whisper back,
what am I doing? You go, you're flirting with the waitress?
(32:38):
He goes, oh, sorry, I thought he was being charming.
My bad, and he'll and it's over instantly. Instead of
destroying an evening or destroying a weekend or a vacation,
just just the whispering is I think critical for the
little boy and us to never be reprimanded, especially by
the woman whose face we fell in love with.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
H that is so sweet and it is It is
a good reminder that every man is a child at heart.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
I think women are too.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I think we have a very there's something similar there,
but it's we react differently to things. But just that
relationship changes in your mind when you hear it that way.
So I thought it was a real blessing to get
to read your words. And I appreciate it and I
want other people so just it's just out tell them
where they can get it, men explain.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Finally, here it is.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
And I created the artwork too with a friend of mine.
So the safe is locked up type, but the side
of it has been blown open to share all these
beautiful secrets. You can get it on Amazon and if people,
if you like what you read, please leave a comment
or picking them some stars and put them next to it.
That would be great.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You will like it.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It was, I mean, honestly, it was so sweet and
just so real. I think there's not I can not
imagine a person that would read it that wouldn't go Okay,
yes it makes sense, and I've learned something and I
can I can change how I react to things, you
know what I.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
And especially and I hope you'll stay in touch with
me because you know, if you put this, just some
of these ideas in front of your four daughters, they
will be so far ahead of the rest of the
game because they will know this boy doesn't like me.
Why am I why do I keep bumping into his life?
He's not interested clearly, and go where the you know fish,
(34:33):
where the fish are right, go to the boy who's
this is.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I mean, honestly, this is what I'm when I hear what.
When I read this book, I was like, this needs
to be talked about on college campuses. This is what
because there is a real confusion among young people today
of how to come together, how to love each other,
how to understand, even within your own gender, how to communicate.
(34:58):
I mean, I think that there is that need for
someone to come in and say it's okay, Yeah, it's
okay to fall in love with someone's face, it's okay
to I mean all these things, like it's okay to
not understand what he's thinking when you're thinking something else.
(35:18):
But and I thought it was such a valuable thing
to say for a woman. It's important for you to
praise because I think that's something we're told we have
to be stingy with.
Speaker 4 (35:33):
No.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Who told you that that's terrible? No, you got gotta
lay it on thick, baby. Come on, that suit looks amazing.
Let me take a couple of pictures. Right, Okay, Hey,
you shaved really well today, that's that's very nice. I mean,
we love it. We're kids. What kid doesn't want to
get praised?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Of course, I'm walking into the room with the best
looking man here. I mean, those are the.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Thing, my god, you telling me mister Dixon is not
going to fall over when you like just you grab
his arm and say those words. Wow, I'm walking into
the room with the best looking man in here. Holy moly.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
These are the things, though, that we're not teaching the
next generation right now. We've taught them so opposite. Be
obsessed with self, be stingy with your compliments. You know,
people don't deserve your time, and how do we get back?
And your book is so critical to that. That's just
the whole time as I was reading it, I was like, this,
(36:35):
this is what we need to be reminded of. This
is what we need to bring back to young people
and say these are the things that are okay and
they're necessary.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
You know, it's okay because it's to in nate.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
This is how we I mean, this is the same
from Caveman times to today. These are the differences between us.
It's okay to say that there are different ways that
we need to feel love and affection, and that's I
was like, I want you to go out and talk
to everyone, like I want you to talk to my girls,
So I will be talking to them about this assumed.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Let's let's do a zoom your girls and me and
well and let them ask and go, Okay, what about
this and what about I love it. I would absolutely
love it.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
I am gonna make you go. I'm gonna make you
go out and do things. I mean public appearances. I'm serious,
go and make it okay to give people compliments again.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yes, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Let's open doors again. Let's say that's okay, I mean,
let's show.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
A let's do a sorority tour together.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
That's there, you go, I'm in. I'm in doing.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Thank you so, thank you so much for coming on
today and really get the book. Men explained Finally, it's
not it's it's like one of those things that it's
not impossible to understand when you when your mind is
and to it, you go, okay, yes, I get it,
and I'm so glad that you wrote it.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So thank you Tom for being on today.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I understand why you are so successful.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Oh you're so sweet. See now I feel like you're
now you got me. You already know us. We love com.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Thank you so much, I so appreciate you, and I
look forward to our next conversation.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Me too, And thank you all for listening today.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You know where to find the podcast and you can
watch it on Rumble or YouTube. Thanks for tuning in
and we'll see you next time.
Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Today is going to be a good episode because we
are going to learn about men. For men out there,
we're listening, we're learning about you. This is for men too,
I think, because men, you're going to hear that. I
guess what you're doing is good and it's okay because
we have an expert. We've got Tom Sturgis here with us,
(00:23):
and he just is releasing his new book, Men Explained. Finally, Tom,
thanks for joining me.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Thank you so so much for having me. I appreciate
the opportunity to discuss this one of my favorite topics.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I mean, you go into great detail, and it's all
awesome because you are explaining men in such a simple way.
But I think in a way that we as women
really need to hear because we expect so much different
behavior from you than you are giving us.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And now we know we can read this and understand.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I've tried to decode that like a Rosetta stone so
that you can go, oh, wait a second, he's a
fourteen year old boy and understand that that is our
basic operating system. To my view of this is that
it's we're fourteen year olds and we hop into the
(01:18):
seat and we're pulling levers and making our eyes blank
and telling jokes. But it's a fourteen year old is
running everything.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
My mom used to constantly say that men suffered from
peter Pan syndrome, so that that makes a lot of sense. Actually,
as I'm reading through this, it makes a lot of
sense to me. But I mentioned to you that I
have four girls. I have two twelve year olds, one
fourteen year old, one sixteen year old, So as I'm
watching them around, these boys, and I just yesterday when
(01:48):
I went to pick up my twelve year olds, I
said to my mom, it's so amazing to me how
much different they are from twelve to fourteen. Because when
I picked up my eighth grader last year, just at
the end of the year, you see these boys really
taking on traits of men. And then I read this
and I'm like, Okay, well, maybe that's like that's who
(02:08):
they become.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
They are the boy, the ninth and tenth grader, that's
them for the whole rest of the rest of the ride.
It's like the cookies came out of the oven and
they're being served that way every day. So yes, to me,
that's the case, And By the way, thank you for
four girls. How fantastic.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Well, thank you. I think they're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So this was really an interesting read for me because
I'm like, okay, come on, give it to me. I
don't get it. I want to know for myself, I
want to know for my daughters. But really a lot
of what I enjoyed the vulnerability that you had in
this book and the ability to say that men need this.
(02:52):
I guess praise was kind of an overall theme that
I mean, that's what.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I got from it as a mom.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
As a wife, I looked at this and I went,
you know, I guess I should be pointing out when
even you commented on even mowing.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
The lawn, like, oh, the yard looks incredible, like a
golf course.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh boy, I'm telling you, you say those words that
guy will basically do whatever you need the rest of
the day. And it's true. Women, I as and this
is just my perception. Of course, my kids call it
Tom science. I have three boys, by the way, but
women like women like to be complimented. Your hair looks great,
(03:34):
you you did a wonderful job on the radio today.
But men, we want to be we want agulation. We
really do so, yes, compare the front lawn to a
golf course. Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, from my perspective, I liked the part where you said, Okay, well,
women are comparing wrinkles, men are comparing money, and I
mean that's true, and I do think that we are
in a strange world right now. I was just reading
something today, an article that came out that said young
men are and right about that age of fourteen, are
(04:07):
being pushed by social media into like concerns about looks
and concerns about figure and muscles and all these things
that I don't know that they were when I was young.
I think it really was career and success, and so
the money versus wrinkles thing made sense to me, right
It's it is.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
A different world because we have the Internet, and that
internet world is about to get crazy because of AI.
And so as I know, if you were around and
paying attention in the early eighties when people started, when
the internet was this thing and you know, AOL dot
com and you actually dialed up and the revolutionary change
(04:46):
that that gave the world. AI is going to take
that and put it on steroids. So boys are going
to be confronted with you know, big strong men and
getting waxed and all that other nonsense. But still if
they're basic their kids, you know, and from my standpoint,
we are. We are such simple beings, right, and I
(05:10):
think the women in our lives add look for the complication,
like it can't be this simple. It can't It's not possible.
And I'm telling you we are. It's uh n. I
say in the book that we're a three piece jigsaw
puzzle and you go, oh those three Oh look there
that does fit together. Yeah, there it is. That's who
(05:31):
he is. And I think that that's that's who we are.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But you can kind of even see it in the
way art is formed for men and women. Men like
movies that are about war, about things that are very
cut and dry. There's not a lot of deeper meaning.
It's it's one side wins, the other side loses. That's
that is how men think. You look at movies that
are geared toward women and it's like all this emotion
(05:55):
and what and there's a lot of discussion.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
We were actually over the I guess it was last week.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
There was There's a university in Michigan called Cornerstone University,
and they have these things called wisdom conversations, and they
had a conversation about family and one of the people
on the panel was a lifelong feminist, and so she
was probably right at the height.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Of the feminist movement.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Came out as a professor and kind of a philosopher
in feminism, and she made the point that we have
gotten to this place where we've told men who you
have to be feminized, you have to be feminized. But
that's not a natural feeling for men to be feminized.
(06:40):
And she said, they did a study of years ago
where they had men and women in therapy and they
talked to women and they said, you know, tell us
about your feelings and how did it feel to talk
about your feelings and all this, and women went into
this great detail and they said to men, do you
want to talk about your feelings?
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And they were like, why would I do that?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Exactly exactly the way I look at it. We have
three feelings, happy, said, and angry, and everything can fit
into one of those categories. Our team wins the Super Bowl, Hey,
we're happy, and we'll run out and chest bump the
neighborho we haven't spoken to in three years. We approach it,
(07:16):
we approach it in such a different way as women,
and I would object to that feminist. I'm sure she
has all her ideas all worked out, but I think
we change very badly. I think this is one of
the things we do worst is if somebody comes and says,
you know what I need you to do differently, panic
(07:37):
sets in because we're barely who we are. You have
to understand we're this is constructed with with duct tape
and paper clips and spit and glue, this image that
we present to the world and to somebody to come
and go, you know, I need you to do this differently,
it's you know, panic sets in.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So you also made the point that men want to
do things. They want to be needed. It seemed like
there was a way to have that conversation if it
is saying you know, I need you in this way,
there's this desire to be needed and come in and
kind of saved the day, kind of that caveman feeling
of I've got to provide, I've got to provide these
(08:20):
certain things.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And in my understanding of it, and I think this
is universal, and every guy who listens to this, right
after I say what I'm about to say, will go
uh huh, yep, that's true, and that that is this
truth that if you ask us nicely, we will do
almost anything.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
That's interesting. I guess it.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
So does it when we ask, does it feel like
we're nagging? I mean, honestly, I think it's.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
An order, or it's a command, or you haven't met
my expectations where that doesn't work. But if you you want,
let's say you want somebody to take the kids to
the park and run around. Sweetheart, could I ask you something? Please?
And just ask us nicely, and we're like absolutely, because
(09:10):
we do want to be needed, but we don't want
to be told what to do.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I love the way you explain compartmentalizing things too, because
I this is it's interesting. I didn't really realize this
about men until I was in my twenties. I think
my sister got a she got an internship at my
dad's office.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So my mom was like she was the.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
She was the punisher, She was like the she was
the scary person at the house, and my dad was
the happy, go lucky like he was fun.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He would play with us seen year old.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yeah, exactly exactly. So the dad at home was like
this amazingly sweet and my mom.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
He just let my.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Mom rule the house right, and anything my mom said went,
and no matter whether he agreed with the situation or not,
it was always your mom's always right. And it was
the most frustrating thing as a kid. And then my
sister went to she got an internship at his office,
and she went in there and one of the ladies
was like, we feel so bad for your mom. And
(10:09):
she was like why, and oh, your daddy's like so serious,
and she was like.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Oh, well, I did not feel bad for my mom.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
She's rough, you know, like we had seen a totally
different side, but the compartmentalization, like he was a different person.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
At work, completely different and different with every relationship at work.
So yeah, I promise you he could have a day
long argument with one of his vice presidents about something
and then go out later that night and play poker
and have a great time and have a wonderful evening.
Because it's two separate boxes. There's the box of me
(10:45):
the boss. There's the box of me the dad. There's
the box of me the fan of the football team.
And I think that's key to our survival as men,
because if all our stuff started to mix together, which
I think I don't know, of course, but I think
women are much more one huge box with everything like
(11:08):
bumping into each other and rolling around. And that's not
the case for us. We are we are these little boxes.
And for every man there is there are things that
he has done. I know for me, for example, I
remember asking a woman when her baby was due. It
(11:28):
turns out she wasn't pregnant, and it's one of those
it's this like the cringiest it's I mean, I'm cringing
now remembering that and the look on her face and
what an idiot. I felt, like, that's in its own
little box. Stupid things I've said. That's in its own box.
And I pushed that all the way over here. But
my good deeds and the great things I've done, that
(11:50):
box is right here, and I'm ready to pull things
out and show people at a moment's notice.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
But see, that's that is the difference.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Because for a woman that you you kind of kind
of relive that scenario and you think about how you
could have changed it, or conversations you come home from work,
and those things stay with you. And that was another
thing that this woman that the feminists said she was like,
you know, if a man is asked, well, when you
relived the conversation, they just kind of look at you like,
(12:18):
why would I have done that?
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Exactly, it's in the box. I'm already done with that.
I'm ready to I'm ready to go go see some basketball.
What do you need? You know? But that's that's the
idea of the simplicity. To me, if women were airplanes,
you guys would be F fourteen's with a couple of
sidewinders and your own refueling plane above you. We are
a couple of you know, a piece of paper folded
(12:41):
over with a paper clip at the front. Are we
are that vastly different in our approaches and the way
we travel through the world.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Hey, stick around, We've got more with Tom Sturgis. But
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And I met the owner of rough Greens. He said,
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Speaker 4 (13:13):
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(13:35):
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(13:58):
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Speaker 1 (14:01):
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Speaker 4 (14:03):
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to be amazing. Give it ninety days and watch the
health benefits come alive. Now stick around. We've got more
right after this. So how do you find one of
(14:23):
us that you suddenly connect to?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I mean, I think that's the worldwide question of all time,
is that men and women eventually come together and we're
meant to be together. But how do we find that
person that make sure that those characteristics fit the other characteristics?
And you say that men have three basic needs and
they're fun, appreciation, and reward. And I read that and
(14:46):
I say, as a woman, I think that that's what you.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Are looking for as well.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You're trying to find that person that when you connect
with them, the things you do together are fun and
you look up to them.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Yes, exactly, But you asked such a great point. How
do how does it ever fit together? Where you find
that person? And if I can keep my fourteen year
old mind to be able to answer this in two parts,
I will first of all, to me every man's great mystery,
the greatest mystery of his life, is this, how could
(15:21):
a woman fall in love with me? Does she not
see that I am a child? Does she not see
that I am immature? Does she not see that I
only have three emotions? How is it possible? And because
we have no idea, that's where the games begin, we
pretend that we're completely in charge of everything. When was
(15:43):
the last time you saw a guy who wasn't in
charge of everything around him? Even though he's not in
charge of anything that's around him, it's part of the
game that we play, right, is that that's how that's
how we have to proceed. So the mystery being you
fell in love with me? I mean, why how? But
so set that aside and then the great question, and
(16:06):
I think I answered this in my writing, is how
do we fall in love? How do we fall in love?
And the answer is that we fall in love with
the face first, and everything else proceeds after that. You
might think it's your hair, or it's that nice dress,
or it's the face. And we've been telling women this
(16:31):
for years and years and years. There's Marlowe talking about
the face that launched a thousand ships, and there's Shakespeare
wishing he was a hand on, he was a glove
on the hand that Juliet is resting her cheek on,
and songs like you're beautiful and Billy Joel just the
way you are, And we've been saying it over and
(16:54):
over and it really is the case that we fall
in love with the face first, and if we find
that face, we fall in love with it again every day,
over and over and over.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Well, then what do you think about the fact that
we so easily change our faces today?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Okay, so one of my thoughts, and it's so to me.
It's it's a truth, which is with a lot of
women marry a man they see as a project they try.
They marry a man they hope to change, and a
man hopes the woman he marries never changes. If you
wore that, if you wore your hair the same way
(17:29):
every where, every day, the same glasses, the same everything,
I promise you, the husband would He's never gonna say,
you know, I'm kind of bored with the uh with
that shirt and those earrings. He would be like, God,
I love that shirt in those earrings, Please wear that
every day.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
It's just so.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
For instance, I was telling I was telling your producer
when I met my wife. My wife we met in
the rainstorm and her car had run out of gas
and I stopped to help a strand of motorists and
we have been together since that day. We consider that
our wedding day. And part of the reason is because
I fell in love with her right. I fell in
(18:08):
love with her face, and I have begged her, please,
no false eyelashes, don't puff anything. Just be you every
day and I will be perfectly content, and I will
fall in love with you again and again every morning.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
This is a conversation that we have quite a bit
at our house with my mom and my sister and
I have this conversation.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Mom and my sister live.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
In Florida, and where they live, it just so happens
that this is a very popular thing to do, to
have the injections and you know, the big lips and
all of that, and my Mom's like, you know, none
of us have done that, but you know, there's a curiosity.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I think you're right. As women, there is a curiosity
around it. Certain there is.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
You see the lines around your lips, you see the
lines around your eyes.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
You start to get like, oh, he's not going to
think the same.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I think from our perspective, we know you fell in
love with the way we look, and we see ourselves
changing and we go, we've got to get back to that.
But we have this conversation all the time saying, I mean,
but you're not really going back to that.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Look.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
It's like a different look.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
No, that's a different there's a friend of mine he
calls that the sisterhood and not and it's the strange mouth.
That's not. It's listen. If whatever women want to do
to be happy, who am I to say they shouldn't
do it. But I'm just saying, if you want to
play the game with the man in your life and
keep him interested and intent and part of your life,
(19:39):
don't change anything. Be exactly that person every day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Hey, but we.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Get old and then we're afraid that you don't like
us anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Well, we're getting old too. I don't know if you notice.
I mean, I have a hair over here that it's
like a whisker. And I don't even turn the light
on when I go in the bathroom anymore because I
know what I'm going to say. I'm like, oh my god,
it's like somebody wearing a Tom Sturgis mask that doesn't
fit very well. I mean, what happened? And you know,
(20:08):
I've seen pictures of myself when I was a kid.
I was like, all right, I was a resentably good
looking guy. And then I'm like, do not show me
what I look like, because come on, this is we
are aging as well, and as if we can age
together sort of on the same path. I think that's
where that's where happiness is. Just don't change, be beautiful
(20:30):
you every day of your life, and I think the
man in your life will will go right along with
the program.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I think that this is something men are afraid to say, because,
like you said, you started this out by saying, you know,
whatever you want to do, you can do that. But
I think that meant too many men are afraid to say,
we'd rather you not do this, because I don't think
that this society accepts men saying women shouldn't do something.
But women have no idea what men think about it.
(20:58):
I mean, it's as honest a conversation I've had with
so many, so many women, like what do you think
men think about when when women do this?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Do they like it?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Do they what does it feel like to kiss someone's
lips that have are the lips the same?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I mean I really have, I really have like a
lot of questions about this, and men don't want to
talk about They're like, I'm not going to touch that.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Yeah, we're not going to. And so the essay that
you mentioned men count each other's money, and women count
each other's wrinkles. I think women are doing a lot
of that stuff for the other women.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, we feel, yeah, we want to look I don't
know why do we want to look all the same?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
And why who cares about impressing the other girls in
the elevator? And the way society has evolved, I mean,
we can't even compliment you now, right. I mean if
I were to say, right now, by the way, you
happen to be very you're you're doing great, whatever you're doing,
I can barely say that without worrying about you know,
have I insulted our because we don't get to say
(22:01):
that anymore. We count each other's money, right, we do. Oh,
look at that guy's got that new car, and look
at that rolex wow. Oh, and he's got new golf clubs.
Those are the things that we compare each other, right,
how much better is that guy doing than me? But
women they're like ooh, and I use an example, Megan Kelly.
Do you remember Megan Kelly attacking Jane Fonda, like right
(22:24):
on television, Like, yeah, it's Jane Fonda, one of those
beautiful women from her earliest days to the end of
her days and I don't care what she did. Her
doctor's better than everybody else if she does, if she's
done stuff. And I saw her. I went to a
friend of mine's house, Phil Rosenthal's house. Her dad and
my dad made a movie together and we both sat
(22:45):
there as the guests of honor. And she's gorgeous, she's
eighty three or whatever, it doesn't matter. Beautiful, just stunning.
But there was Megan Kelly, like in front of millions
of people, going, tell us about your plastic surgery. And
I was like, right, we are going inside book. This
(23:07):
is going in the book.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Women are also incredibly cruel.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
We were at an event, a college event a few
weeks ago, and women came out and they were like,
you know, I'm really interested in getting married and having kids.
It's kind of a hard thing to talk about on
a college campus these days. And I thought, how bizarre
that we've made this uncomfortable. But it goes along with
what you're saying about men not knowing how to talk
(23:34):
to women. I think that there's there is the next
generation is very concerned about the women are afraid to
say I actually want to get married and have kids.
The men are afraid to say you have a beautiful smile.
Where does that lead us?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Yes, there's there's a chasm, and somehow getting over that chasm.
I mean, I think that's why men invented alcohol. Frankly,
that's that's it's the bridge. Because a man give a
man a drink, it gives him a little I think
what do they call it a shot of courage? Right?
Yeah's described it just another shot of courage because we
(24:10):
need that. But when we are our most fourteen is
we see that face, the beautiful face, and we are
paralyzed and we don't know. Our tongue gets tied, our
mouth gets dry, suddenly we're hitching up our pants. We
don't Oh, we're so lost. And if you can, if
you women can make it just a little easier for us,
(24:33):
you know, just smile or wave, just the tiniest indication
that it's okay to approach, you.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Know, it's ok to I think it's also as parents
we should talk and say that this is okay. My
daughter came home from school the other day and there's
a boy that she's she thinks is really cute, and
he said to her, you have a really pretty smile,
and she said, he said, I have a really pretty smile.
And she was so happy about it, and I thought,
(24:59):
how do I make sure that she knows that that's
something that you should continue to be happy about, because
there is a point when young women get to college
and they're told that's off limits. They should not comment
on your looks.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I listen, which was that was that the twelve year
old or the fourteen year old?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
That's my sixteen year old?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Sixteen year old?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Kill me?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Now, no, no, she's well, she's you know, it's it's
one of the things I mentioned in the book is
if a girl wants to meet a man, a woman
wants to meet a man, all she has to do
is get her face in front of his face for
a couple of seconds, and that man's reaction will tell
you everything you want to know. Is there a future? There,
(25:40):
is there a possibility? Or is there nothing? And the
line I recommend is you if for an adult woman,
as you bump into the guy at the valet line
or at the bar, say excuse me, have you seen
my husband? The guy will have to look at you
to answer that question. And I've given this there and
I'll give you three examples of friends of mine, women
(26:01):
who they want to meet a man, but instead of
can you introduce me? And there's the first date and
then lay all the nonsense, just get your face in
front of his face. So woman sets in front of
this guy and says, if you see my husband. The
guy looks at her, he goes, I don't even know you, lady,
So I don't know your husband. Okay, everything she needs
to know, she just run out. He has no sense
(26:23):
of humor, he's not quick on his feet, and he
doesn't find her beautiful. End the story. You've dot ten seconds.
Another friend of mine said that to a guy, and
the guy took a look at her and he said,
he said, I don't know. I don't but who is
the lucky bastard? There you go, but the best answer.
(26:43):
And these two are still a couple. They haven't got
married yet, but I think it's going there. I tear
up at this story because I'm a soft hearted irishman.
So she says to this guy, excuse me, have you
seen my husband? And he looks at her and he says,
as a matter of fact, I saw him in my
bathroom mirror this morning, guzzing baby. That's perfect and so
(27:10):
she and he said, well, where is he? She goes,
I don't know. I haven't met him yet. Suddenly all
the possibilities are suddenly endless, right with just within just
twenty seconds. So I go back to this the face.
So that boy who said that to your daughter, that's
all she needs to know. That boy is love with her.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
So now, oh, now it's on the record. I'll have
to have her watch this.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
You are in big trouble.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I know. I already know this. I have four girls,
so I know I'm in big trouble. But honestly, I
was reading this book and I was thinking, okay, so
who is your audience? Because as much as I think
that I loved it, I really did love it. I
was like, I can see so many different areas of
my life in this book and experiences that I've had,
(27:59):
and even the way you explained how men remember the
women in the past, and all of the different ways
you described how men feel and perceive and all of that.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
It was so important to me.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But I thought, at the time, you know, do I
is this a book for young people? Because I do
think that that's something that we're struggling to remind people
is Okay, the way, just the simple way you explain things.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
First of all, that you just followed one of my rules,
which is we don't want compliments, we want praise. And
I want to take what you just said and have
a tattooed on my chest. It's exactly how I would
want people to react to this book. Who is my audience?
My audience mainly I thought I wrote this for women
(28:46):
right as a way of saying, here's what men are,
here's what we are, and on the behalf of the men,
so that the women in their lives can have a
better relationship with them, right, with fewer expectations that will
never be met, and a better understanding of what gets
that man from point A to point B every day
in his life. So it's it's for anybody who wants
(29:08):
to read it, and I thank you for those wonderful words.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
a Tutor Dixon podcast.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
So I'll tell you from my perspective, I also saw
this being for men because I looked at this and went,
my gosh, it makes so much sense, like little things
that I can improve by saying, wow, the yard looks amazing,
or did you clean the car, Thank you, you know,
but I looked at that and I was like, I
(29:41):
also felt like from the perspective of my husband, it's
like to see that, to read that and go, oh,
that's what I really mean by this, because I think
that you did a great job of getting into the
depth that most men cannot get into.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Like that level of exploring self is not natural.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
So to be able to look at that and go, oh,
this is what I'm this is what I'm expecting.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Right ooh yeah, yeah. So I think as you're talking about,
obviously you have a great relationship with your husband, so
you guys are probably well, you do some many of
the things that I describe here, probably naturally. But I
think the key to a great love affair, and again,
who am I. I don't have a lot of initials
(30:28):
after my name. The key to a great love affair
is when you get upset to whisper. And so here's
why this is so important. Go with me. Okay, he
saw your face, which is quite a face, fell and
completely in love with you, and he's got this beautiful
life going. And let's say you raise your voice and
there's this shrill, awful sound that comes out of this
(30:52):
beautiful face that he's loved for all these years. It
every every wire is crossed at that moment because suddenly
nothing makes sense because this is all he's heard all
these years is love and sweetness and kindness. But if
you lean in and say, what happened to the car?
For instance, right as supposed to? Did you cross the
(31:13):
car into the car? All right? And I don't know
if you've noticed, but when you whisper at somebody, they
lean in. It's just they can't help it. And so
I recommend this. This is in one of my books
about parenting, is when you I've never I've got three kids,
ones in his thirties, ones in his twenties, ones in
(31:34):
his teens. I have never raised my voice to any
of my boys. Ever. I have whispered and mandy that
they do not like that. And I remember I was
picking one of my sons up to go to a
baseball game, and I was in the house and was
super early and he wasn't getting up, and it's like Sam, Sam,
(31:55):
wake up, Sam, wake up, And he pulls this door
open and goes, what do you whisper? Four? Right? Because
it was? And I'll be like, no, I'm really whispering. Now,
I'm not mad, I'm whispering. So that's so that's the
critical thing if you want to get it, if you
want to keep the love affair perfect, just never never,
(32:16):
you know, just whisper you're so. Let's say you and
your husband are at a restaurant and you feel like
he's flirting with the waitress, right, and you could go, hey, jerk,
what are you doing? Or you go, hey, here, you're
you're hurting my feelings. You don't go. He'll whisper back,
what am I doing? You go, you're flirting with the waitress?
(32:38):
He goes, oh, sorry, I thought he was being charming.
My bad, and he'll and it's over instantly. Instead of
destroying an evening or destroying a weekend or a vacation,
just just the whispering is I think critical for the
little boy and us to never be reprimanded, especially by
the woman whose face we fell in love with.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
H that is so sweet and it is It is
a good reminder that every man is a child at heart.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
I think women are too.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I think we have a very there's something similar there,
but it's we react differently to things. But just that
relationship changes in your mind when you hear it that way.
So I thought it was a real blessing to get
to read your words. And I appreciate it and I
want other people so just it's just out tell them
where they can get it, men explain.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Finally, here it is.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
And I created the artwork too with a friend of mine.
So the safe is locked up type, but the side
of it has been blown open to share all these
beautiful secrets. You can get it on Amazon and if people,
if you like what you read, please leave a comment
or picking them some stars and put them next to it.
That would be great.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You will like it.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It was, I mean, honestly, it was so sweet and
just so real. I think there's not I can not
imagine a person that would read it that wouldn't go Okay,
yes it makes sense, and I've learned something and I
can I can change how I react to things, you
know what I.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
And especially and I hope you'll stay in touch with
me because you know, if you put this, just some
of these ideas in front of your four daughters, they
will be so far ahead of the rest of the
game because they will know this boy doesn't like me.
Why am I why do I keep bumping into his life?
He's not interested clearly, and go where the you know fish,
(34:33):
where the fish are right, go to the boy who's
this is.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I mean, honestly, this is what I'm when I hear what.
When I read this book, I was like, this needs
to be talked about on college campuses. This is what
because there is a real confusion among young people today
of how to come together, how to love each other,
how to understand, even within your own gender, how to communicate.
(34:58):
I mean, I think that there is that need for
someone to come in and say it's okay, Yeah, it's
okay to fall in love with someone's face, it's okay
to I mean all these things, like it's okay to
not understand what he's thinking when you're thinking something else.
(35:18):
But and I thought it was such a valuable thing
to say for a woman. It's important for you to
praise because I think that's something we're told we have
to be stingy with.
Speaker 4 (35:33):
No.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
Who told you that that's terrible? No, you got gotta
lay it on thick, baby. Come on, that suit looks amazing.
Let me take a couple of pictures. Right, Okay, Hey,
you shaved really well today, that's that's very nice. I mean,
we love it. We're kids. What kid doesn't want to
get praised?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Of course, I'm walking into the room with the best
looking man here. I mean, those are the.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Thing, my god, you telling me mister Dixon is not
going to fall over when you like just you grab
his arm and say those words. Wow, I'm walking into
the room with the best looking man in here. Holy moly.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
These are the things, though, that we're not teaching the
next generation right now. We've taught them so opposite. Be
obsessed with self, be stingy with your compliments. You know,
people don't deserve your time, and how do we get back?
And your book is so critical to that. That's just
the whole time as I was reading it, I was like, this,
(36:35):
this is what we need to be reminded of. This
is what we need to bring back to young people
and say these are the things that are okay and
they're necessary.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
You know, it's okay because it's to in nate.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
This is how we I mean, this is the same
from Caveman times to today. These are the differences between us.
It's okay to say that there are different ways that
we need to feel love and affection, and that's I
was like, I want you to go out and talk
to everyone, like I want you to talk to my girls,
So I will be talking to them about this assumed.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Let's let's do a zoom your girls and me and
well and let them ask and go, Okay, what about
this and what about I love it. I would absolutely
love it.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
I am gonna make you go. I'm gonna make you
go out and do things. I mean public appearances. I'm serious,
go and make it okay to give people compliments again.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yes, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Let's open doors again. Let's say that's okay, I mean,
let's show.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
A let's do a sorority tour together.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
That's there, you go, I'm in. I'm in doing.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Thank you so, thank you so much for coming on
today and really get the book. Men explained Finally, it's
not it's it's like one of those things that it's
not impossible to understand when you when your mind is
and to it, you go, okay, yes, I get it,
and I'm so glad that you wrote it.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So thank you Tom for being on today.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I understand why you are so successful.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Oh you're so sweet. See now I feel like you're
now you got me. You already know us. We love com.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Thank you so much, I so appreciate you, and I
look forward to our next conversation.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Me too, And thank you all for listening today.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You know where to find the podcast and you can
watch it on Rumble or YouTube. Thanks for tuning in
and we'll see you next time.
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Buck Sexton
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