August 13, 2025 • 35 mins
In this episode, Tudor talks with Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch about the pressing issues of self-focus in society, the role of faith, and the importance of values in family dynamics. They explore the impact of modern therapy, the challenges of parenting in a technology-driven world, and the cultural narratives perpetuated by media. The conversation also delves into the political climate on college campuses, the implications of crime and safety in communities, and the necessity of setting boundaries for children to foster healthy relationships. The Tudor Dixon Podcast is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network. For more visit TudorDixonPodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast. I'm really excited about
today because there's so much going on in the world.
But one of the things that we see all the
time is people constantly out there selling themselves and this
idea of, you know, make yourself happy and put yourself first.
And I think there's kind of this like almost faith
battle right going on right now, because a lot of
(00:22):
people will say faith is coming back, but faith is
not self focused. Faith is God focused, and society has
become very self focused. And so I today have Rabbi
Daniel Schoenbuck with me. He is a New York based
license marriage and family therapist, psychologist and the author of
five acclaimed books, including his latest, which is Victor Frankel
(00:44):
The Psychology of the Soul. We have a lot to
talk about, Rabbi, but I wanted to jump into this
because I do think that people are facing this even
in dating. I saw something today that said that because
of political differences, there could be like a a lack
of even romantic relationships in gen x. I mean, it's
crazy that my feelings are so important now I can't
(01:07):
even have a relationship. That's how society is going.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, there's two things facing America today in the world
in general, I would say it's emptiness or meaninglessness, and
then the phenomenon of narcissism. And people are very, very
self focused, and that's really destroying people's relationships. You can't
relate to another person if you're totally self focused. As
you all know, marriage doesn't work unless you're able to
go beyond yourself. And narcissism points in the opposite direction.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, and that's what I think. That's kind of the
battle between faith and culture. Is faith is very this
is you know, a relationship of three strands. It's going
to be the husband, the wife, and God and you
have to be all together and family is also a
part of that strand and take care of one another.
But culture is me, me me, and social media has
(01:54):
really boosted this. And as a mom of four girls,
I watch this and I go, gosh, how do I
protect them from becoming totally self absorbed? And that sounds crazy,
but they are pushed to be self absorbed constantly.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, you don't send them to therapist that practice Normative
psychology today, which talks more and more about the self,
self awareness, self esteem. I wrote a book about a
fellow named doctor Victor Frankel, who's a Holocaust survivor. He said,
you have to go beyond yourself to become a healthy individual. See,
we want to teach our kids things about values, things
(02:29):
about finding meaningful experiences. When you focus on values and
meaning in psychotherapy, as I do with my clients, people
get better much more quickly and for longer periods of time.
But it's not going in the direction of modern psychology
that's pointing more towards the self.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
So okay, I really want to get into this because
how do you know what therapist you're getting, Because this
has been a complaint of mind for years and it's
kind of one of those silent complaints you have to have.
I was a psychology major when I was in college.
I was able to work at our psych clinic, and
as a major, you could read all of the files
as long as they weren't students or professors. And I
(03:05):
read them and I was like, it's almost like they're staying.
You could read day one, you read day one thousand,
and they're staying in this. You know, it's all about you,
and you should feel sad and you should feel like
this because life has been unfair to you, and it wasn't.
It wasn't getting them out of that. But it's like
taboo to say that there are therapists out there that
(03:26):
are not helping.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
There's a lot of unhealthy therapists out there. And don't
think that the therapists have no bias. We all have bias.
I mean I teach my graduate students to notice your bias,
talk to yourself in therapy and don't respond to it.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
But so many.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Therapists are so bias based today. I would say years ago,
you can send your kid or yourself to any therapist
out there, as long as they're well trained. I don't
believe that anymore. Look at what's happening on college campuses today.
Look at the things people are learning, look at the
culture it's creating. Look at the violence that's creating on
campuses on the streets today. So you have to be
very careful you want to go to a faith based
or value based type of therapist today, because they will
(04:01):
influence you to go in the wrong direction.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So that is interesting because obviously we've seen this shift
on college campuses and it's not even I've been I've
had people who have studied it and you can correct
me if I'm wrong. Who have said there is such
a need for people to have something bigger than themselves
to be involved in that. That's easy to pull youth
into a movement that they may not necessarily agree with,
(04:25):
but you can manipulate them into believing you're so necessary
in this movement that then it becomes a part of
who they are, even though it may not have been
something they cared about.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, you got to.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Tell your kids, you got to talk to them about values.
Everything is about values. It's about courageousness, it's about honesty,
it's about citizenship, and they shouldn't be sold false laws.
We have a guy here in New York called Mamdani's
or Mamdani running for mayor. He's offering everything for free.
He's talking about free buses, free rent, stabilized stopping.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
You know, I believe he's living in one of them,
even though he's.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Not perfect example, per the example.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So we don't want to focus on those things, see
the means of production. We want to focus on values
with our families. We want to focus on God. We
want to focus on spirituality. I have the science for it.
People that are God focused, people that focus on values
are basically healthier and happier people, less depression, less anxiety,
(05:24):
and even less PTSD. I mean, if you have trauma
in your life, if you have relationship with God, you're
going to recover more quickly. You have those great internal resources.
We have to share these things with our kids. They
have to know the dangers of being totally self focused
and what's happening in society.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Today as well.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
You know, it's interesting because when we lost my dad,
that was kind of what we all said, if we
didn't have faith, where would we be? Because he was
the leader, he was the we turned to him, but
ultimately we put our faith in God. You know, even
though you rely on the patriarch of your family, you
know that there is something bigger and if you don't
(06:00):
have that, losing him could have been a total disaster
for us. And I think that's what we're seeing is
as a broken society. And even if you can't find,
if you can't find where your values are, it just
seems like you're just so susceptible to being pushed into something.
(06:21):
I mean, even I would say even with the trans movement,
these young kids who are struggling in school are very
vulnerable and I've seen I mean having a sixteen year
old daughter, we see this and I see this with
my nieces and nephews too. Is that you're at such
a vulnerable age. Let's be honest, high school and the
changing of hormones. It's not easy for anybody. But it
(06:43):
seems like if you don't have that, if you're not
there with your kids talking to them and asking them
to share everything with you, they could be manipulated by
someone outside saying the reason you're upset is because of this.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Very easily if you're not talking to your kids about
values or go ahead and just do more meaningful things
with your kids. Volunteer with your kids, take your kids
on hikes into nature, go look up at the stars
and the seas and the sun, and just basking the
glory of God what he created in the world. If
you're not doing that, the iPhone will do that for you.
And TikTok for sure is going to do that for you.
(07:19):
So it's not there's no middle ground anymore. It's kind
of either or. Either you're focused on the body and
the self, or you're focused on the soul and things
beyond the cell. There's no middle ground anymore, we have
to point our kids, and as sapist, point our clients
in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
So let me have like a moment of confession, because
I've obviously been in the political world for the last
couple of years and I ran for office, and running
for office is so you're gone all the time, and
we had put off some of those family times. You know,
it's like, Okay, we'll have a vacation next year. And
even when I went on spring break, I would have
(07:53):
to go out and we would go to Florida visit
my parents. But it's like, oh, you got to meet
with somebody for dinner here, You're in Florida. See I
to meet with somebody there. And I was taking time away.
And just this past week, you're catching me at an
interesting moment because just this past week, we drove down
to Hiltonhead Island spend a week there. So we're in
the car for sixteen hours on the way there. On
(08:13):
the way back, and last night, when I was putting
my girls to bed, one of them said, man, Mom,
it was just so nice to be fully away with
you because I felt like I got to just sit
and talk to you for hours, and it was so
important to me, and I thought, this is something we
don't talk about. We do not say enough. Put you
(08:35):
have eighteen years with these kids, if you're lucky, once
they're sixteen, they've got their own lives. Put that time
aside to spend with them and pour into them.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, there's nothing as satisfying as a real human relationship
many of us as parents, and I also have a
lot of kids who raised kids on television, on their iPads,
on all their devices, but they really are craving is real,
authentic relationships with their parents. And it doesn't take a
lot of time to door. You could go ahead and
spend just five minutes a day, five minutes a day
(09:05):
talking to your kids. You know what, beter than talking
to your kids, just listen to your kids. They won't
want to speak to us.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
We just listen.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
We call this validating or active listening in psychotherapy. That's
the best advice I give for parents all the time.
Just spend more time listening to him. The more you
put into them, It's like investing in an emotional savings account.
We know when you save money. If you put money
away every day, you can take it out in a
rainy day. Well, on an emotional level, kids look at
an investment in the relationship when you talk to them,
(09:34):
when you connect them. You don't have to buy them things.
Just spend quality time listening to them.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
They'll love you.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And by the way, when you do that, the more
app to listen to your values as well.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's interesting because it's been something that we've really been
focused on with our kids lately, is learning what makes
them tick. You know what my one daughter is. She
loves books. She'll sit and read, She'll consume two or
three books a week, and she's not incredibly social, but
she wants to have somebody that will talk to her.
My other daughter is like a complete cuddle bug, wants
(10:05):
to constantly be in your face, like arms around your neck.
The other one is a social butterfly. And as I'm
watching them and they're telling me what they need, I've
been trying to kind of put that aside and then
sit them down and say, look, as a person, I
notice about you that you love to be snugly, you
love to be able to tell your stories, you love
(10:27):
to have words of affirmation, all these things. When you're
looking for a spouse, look for the person who's going
to fill those buckets and find out what they what
buckets they need filled. You know, I think it's a
it's a conversation that had I've talked to my friends
there hasn't been a discussion in their lives with their
parents about how do you find the right spouse. And
(10:48):
that's something that I think is also key. Watching who
your kids are and helping them discover what's important to them.
To find in that other person that they're going to
spend their life.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
With, whether it's talking to them about who they are
or getting involved in a relationship. It's all about values.
It's all about values. It's all about empathy, it's all
about connection. So those are the two potent things you
can do. You can spend more time with them, and
then you pivot to your value system. I'm not talking
about lecturing your kids about your values. They feel who
we are. When we're present with them, they pick up
(11:20):
on the great values. If you're running for the Republican Party,
they pick up on those wonderful values. So just keep
on doing what you're doing. Just make sure that you're
spending time connecting with them, that they're not forgotten. They
won't accept your values if they're forgotten. The more they're
in the picture, they want to connect with you because
they love you for listening to them and connecting with them.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
So you've also done speaking of that, you've also done
some work on Trump derangement syndrome, and that is something
as we were driving down we were looking at universities.
My daughter's going to be a junior, and we're looking
at bigger universities, and I was talking to them about,
you know, there's going to be a lot of different
values that you're going to see there. You are going
(11:58):
to have to stay strong who you are and your faith,
and you have to find a church community, and you'll
need to get involved to make sure that you have
like minded people around you. But how do you do
that when the message against the Republican Party and those
values is so strong on university campuses.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
There's a war on our campuses. We saw it explode
on October seventh when Lamas attacked in southern Israel, murdered
twelve hundred people, too captive, two hundred fifty people, wounded,
thousands of people. On October eighth, it exploded on our campuses.
Remember the campus administrations from a river to the sea,
seeing out globalizing defada, Tutor, it's all over our campuses today.
(12:39):
We're in trouble on the campus life. But it's not
just didn't just happen October seventh and eighth, It's been
going on for years. Probably eighty to ninety percent of
college campuses or liberals, they're socialists, many of them are communists. Inevitably,
if we send our kids into those campuses, our kids
are affected by them. If your programmed for years, like
Zormamdani for many years as father's father's a Marxist professor
(13:00):
at Columbia, and that's all you hear sees the means
of production, globalizing defada, It's hard to escape it. When
you go to a college campus, everybody's rallying against Israel.
People are bought into. You got to choose very wisely,
very carefully, where you send your kids to because it
will affect who they are.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
a Tutor Dixon podcast. How did the media get to
this point where, I mean, even when I see people
interviewing him and saying, but you have to condemn the Antifada,
you can't. You have to condemn that word globalize the Antifada.
It's not it's not a concept. It's happened. We have
(13:41):
images from the Intifada. This is not an idea. We
know what this is. This is this is genocide. And
yet he will not say he condemns it. He said,
in fact, recently he came out and he said, I
think there are different interpretations of it. Again, it's not
a concept, it has happened. How does the media let
(14:03):
him get away with that? And how is it that
we as a society have not said, wow, we really
have to educate people on what the Intefada is and
what he is accepting.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well, first of all, Tutor, the reason he doesn't condemn
the phrase globalizing defada is because he wants to globalize
the Intafada. He is connected with the Democratic Socialist of
America and the Communist Party on the one hand, and
the other side he espouses Islamic fundamentalism. This is the
Red Green alliance that's happening. It's happening in our canvases
right now. So he actually believes in it. So therefore,
(14:35):
how can you condemn it. The media is just complicit,
like they rail against the Republican Party, railed against you
per apps like they railed against Donald Trump. They're doing
it to Israel, they're doing it to the Jews. And
that's what we have to get together right now and
uncover the media. That's why podcasting like you're doing and
I'm trying to do, is just so incredibly important. It's
the last freedom space in America for free media is
(14:57):
to go into a podcast and talk.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
That's why it's so pop today.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
We just got to keep on talking as loudly as
we can, as many occasions as we can to fight
back all the laws from CNN, left wing media and
perpetuating what they've been saying for years. But now we
see the violence on our streets, we know how dangerous
it actually is.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, but let me ask you about You mentioned that
he espouses the Islamic fundamentalist values, but he also is
out there marching with the LGBTQ community, and so there
is contrast in that messaging. And so when you say
that about Islamic fundamentalism, what do you what exactly are
(15:37):
you referring.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
To Referring to that Red Green Alliance. The Red Green
Alliance is the far left Democratic Socials So America Communist
Party of America together with Islamic fundamentals. Why would they
be together. Why would somebody who's LGBTQ support Kamas, which
those people off buildings were homosexuals, right, they must be braining.
(15:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I think this is a question, and we've had for
a long time. Do you have the answer that?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Because the answer the answer because they have a greater enemy,
and that's the West.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
My enemy is my friend.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Exactly well said, they are going after Judeo Christian civilization.
Communism ultimately is based upon jealousy. Islam is based upon control.
They want to take America down. It's the most prosperous,
most wonderful, freest country and human history. They're jealous of it.
They want to take it down. This is the way
to do it. Destroy the families, destroy sexual identity.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
We don't know who we are anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Espouse the destruction of Israel. Take everything down, Defund the police,
that's a great one. Get rid of our security. Then
they can take full control of society. So we've talked
about this for years. Unfortunately, people think we were conspiracy theorists.
You know, it's not true. It's happening in real time.
If we don't stop Mamdani. Right now, if New York
goes away with mam Dami, we're looking at a domino
(16:58):
effect because New York is the icon of read them,
it's the icon of culture. It's finance on the democracy,
finance of finance of free speech, of everything, of capitalism.
If they take down with the democratic socialis in America meanings,
that's to leave, that's Ilhan Omar, that's Elizabeth Horn. If
(17:18):
they take New York, the whole country could collapse in
a domino effect.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
So as we've been watching this, I mean I want
to you talked about defund the police. I want to
bring that up because we're right now seeing Donald Trump
come out and say he is going to take over
the public safety in DC and the Capital City because
we've obviously seen all of these murders and just another
murder this week, which I think is devastating. He comes
out and says this, and a few hours later someone's murder.
(17:45):
But these are this is not I think that Democrats
have turned their back on communities where they go, oh,
you know what, that's a high crime community. We're not
going to look at it anymore. And now it's seeping
out into communities where they can't hide it, and it
shouldn't be hidden in the other communities, but they allow
(18:06):
it to be hidden. Their media doesn't talk about these
crimes that happen when it comes out of a high
crime community. But now you see the two staffers of
a foreign diplomat murdered on the streets of our capital
and that blows my mind because the media didn't say anything.
There wasn't this major outrage. Oh my gosh, how could
this have happened in our capital city. You see an
(18:28):
intern for a congressman murdered on the streets of Washington,
d c. Because he was hit by a stray bullet
last night. You've got somebody murdered. You have this kid
that worked in the administration, this doge kid that gets
beaten up because he's trying to protect a woman that
he sees being beaten up. This is our capital city.
This is the first time I've heard defund the police
(18:49):
for years. But now I'm seeing Democrats come out and
openly say we are okay with this crime. Why are
you trying to stop it?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
What is that? The exact same problem in New York Now,
I mean, this is a dangerous city. Go out of
my home. There's hundreds of people walking round, are ill, violent, destructive.
The New York City subway system. By the way, Mamdanie
was in a New York assembly man. They control the
state in New York, controls the subways. It's his disaster.
He was already in charge of it. It's a disaster.
(19:18):
I've not been in the subway for years. It is
so dangerous. There are sick people. You remember the stories.
Look last year or somebody was set on fire. They
are dangerous, very ill people walking around. And the New
York City legislation as well, they wanted to defund the police.
They want cashless bail. Therefore they have very much. And
then when constructive people around.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
When Adams, when Mayor Adams put police officers into the subway,
then people went crazy about that. Oh we don't want
to be ruled by these police. But I feel the same.
I lived in New York in nineteen ninety nine and
two thousand and I rode the subway everywhere. I never
never even thought about it, never felt unsafe. Today I
go there, no way, I would never go there. I
(19:58):
would never go to the subway.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Happened there was a mass shooting here two weeks ago,
and people don't talk about it. Why are they coming here?
You can kill anybody anywhere. It's coming to New York City.
It represents it the icon of American exceptionalism, of capitalism,
of democracy. They want to take it down, the whole system,
the left system wants to take it all down because
they're jealous of it.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And one of the ways they do that is by
creating chaos.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Think about how bizarre that is, though, now that you
mention it. You had a guy walk through the streets
with what was it in ak forty seven?
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Forty seven? It looked like, yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
One says anything. How is that possible?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
No, it's really crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And if you thought it was bad when you were
here few years ago, you hadn't You hadn't seen nothing yet.
If Momdammie gets in power and actually carries out what
he said several times, he's a bit wishy watching now
for votes, but he said many times, defund the police
and take his word seriously.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
He means he.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Wants to put in social workers to go in homes
for his domestic violence. He's not going to protect women.
Women will be the first victims of zarmmmdani because he
doesn't want police to go and he wants social workers
to go in. Even Eric Adams was saying one of
the most dangerous calls he was a chief of police
years ago.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
One of the most.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Dangerous calls a policemen can get is a domestic violence
case where he's going into a house. Mam Donnie is saying,
let's send in social workers your MSW's what social will
go in with. A guy has a gun or a
machete is going to kill them. This is a very
dangerous situation. It's no joke. We saw it with BLM
years ago. We're seeing it again right now. Defund the
police is a way to take down the Western world,
(21:31):
and they actually want to do it to us.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
So would you say in that situation, I mean, you're
kind of looking at a crime of passion right when
you have a domestic violent situation, so anything can happen,
anything can escalate. Would that be one of the more
dangerous situations to walk into and hear they're saying no cops.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It is definitely one of the most dangerous situations you
could ever imagine walking to a domestic violent situation. She
could be killed he could be killed. It's extremely dangerous.
Walking into a person's home is dangerous. You want to
take them outside of the hume, so to speak. So
he's making women in danger. It's even worse than that,
he's endangering the lives of all the immigrants that live here,
all the minorities that live here. The people that will
(22:09):
be the greatest victims of Zaramamdani, or people maybe voting
for him, Hispanic Americans, African Americans. They're and tremendous danger.
If he pulls back the police. These communities, which are
at best calm, sometimes with a lot of violence, will
get much much worse if he gets in.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Everybody loses.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
So that is what I think is somewhat interesting. I
think Americans always see the country as a melting pot,
and what makes us America is that you have all
of these different communities, and especially in cities like New
York where you have Chinatown and Little Italy and all
these different communities that have a section of the city,
but they all function together. That has been the beauty
(22:50):
of Western civilization. And I think that that was what
Europe saw when they said, oh, yeah, we're going to
accept a mass immigration, because everybody wants to be German,
and everybody wants to be English, and everybody wants to
be Irish or Swedish. And then suddenly those values were
not the same and it was too late. I really
believe in some of those cities it was too late.
(23:11):
The culture changed and a lot of those folks. I
have friends in the Czech Republic they don't allow immigration,
and they say, you know, we've seen this surrounding countries
and they're no longer the same culture and that history
is completely gone. So can Western civilization survive if we
see that Western civilization in Europe is already kind of
(23:32):
falling apart and it's changing.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, I just go to the streets of London. We call
londonastan the streets of Paris. Today it's coming from immigration.
It's people that don't share today are Christian values, Western values.
The thing which keeps New York so beautiful, and you've
lived here for a bit in a town little Italy
Lower east Side. The other thing that's keeping it together
are people's values as countries as they came from it
built these beautiful communities. And the other thing which is
(23:55):
keeping it together for at least one hundred years is
the respect of law. We have to respect the police,
whether it's in the streets of New York or it's
on college campuses. People parading around campuses, setting up camp
and encampments, blocking Jewish students from getting to class. The
police should have been called in. They were not allowed
to go into Columbia University Initially. We don't respect the police,
(24:18):
we don't respect society. We take away people's security. And
unfortunately Democrats keep on pushing this narrative we have to
get rid of the police. But it's the most dangerous
thing which will actually break down our wonderful democracy.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
We don't have police well.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
And even when they stopped the whole message of defund
the police, like I said, I think this week has
been very telling because as the president even the entire administration.
Let me go back the entire administration, because when he
got in, he was saying, Okay, we're going to make
sure that we are closing the border. And then once
you have a closed border, you can really take a
look at who is inside of the country and who
(24:52):
should not be inside of the country, and then you
don't have the massive flow in. And the Democrats went
crazy about that. How could you close the border. Why
don't you want why don't you want to make sure
that you're only letting the people in that you want
to let in. But then you go to the next
level of seeing our capital city fall apart and say,
we're going to have more law enforcement out there, and
(25:13):
they're going to be able to enforce laws. And this
argument is very interesting to me because there've been people
that are like, these are fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen year
old kids and they cannot have law enforcement come down
on them.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Why well, you bring together some things. Let me go
back as a therapist to talk about this. Let's talk
about your family and your own home. Right, So would
you open your doors all the time, late at night
when you're sleeping. Can anybody walk into your house whenever
they want and do whatever they want? No one would
Elizabeth Warren who wants to happen, she wouldn't let that
happen in her home.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Zurmm.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Donnie just came back from Uganda where he came from,
and he had a parade of military enforcement and he's
walking around New York now with police all around him.
Everybody knows logically that you can't open your home to everybody.
That's number one. Umber two is when our teenagers. Teenagers
want things that are not good for us, good for them.
What do we tell them if we're smarming saying no,
(26:06):
I'm sorry you can't have that right now, it's the
whole breakdown of the family and the full breakdown of society.
There's no limitations, there's no values, there's no one saying no.
Kids actually believe me. As a psychologist, I work with
families as well. Kids actually are okay when you say no,
They're going to push, they're going.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
To fight you. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted you.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Say I'm sorry with kindness, I'm sorry you can't have it.
And by the way, they feel more secure when they're
told no. We understand there's boundaries. Our society has taken
away the boundaries. We're seeing it in families breaking down,
and we're seeing it in places like New York where
they want to take away the police from us. We're
breaking around down all these boundaries, and our lives are
(26:46):
dysfunctional and extremely dangerous as well.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Well. And that's something that I think I noticed growing up,
that there were fewer boundaries on us than I think
our parents and then our generation was like, we were
the generation that was constant praised, constantly, given a trophy
for everything we did. And then I think that the
parents of my generation have been like, we just want
to make them happy. We want to make them happy.
(27:09):
We'll give give gift. And I've noticed with my kids.
You know, every kid is different, and I certainly have
one that is the one that will push as hard
as she can to get whatever she wants. And oftentimes
when I've said no, she'll come to me later, even
though we have a huge fit, how could you do this?
And I want this to bed, She'll come up to
me later and she'd be like, you were right, I'm
(27:31):
glad you said no. But she would never have experienced
that if I was like, you know what, we're always
going to give in.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Yeah, it's definitely okay to set boundaries. And as a
family therapist, I teach parents all the time about this concept.
You can't be strong all the time, and if you
want to be strong, you have to have it balanced
with a lot of love. So it's these two powerful forces,
a lot of love and setting boundaries. Parents have just
set boundaries without relationship time, without love, kids will rebel
(28:00):
so it's really coming to what you said before. If
we want healthy kids, we have to treat them with
respect and love, but also teach them value. Is that's
the potent combination between these two different polls, and that
really works me through that with your kids.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
the Tutor Dixon Podcast. I think parenting is hard though today,
and maybe it's just because I'm going through it and
my parents went through different things. But with all of
the outside influences of social media and this, it's like
a now culture. You order it on Amazon, it comes
(28:34):
to the house the next morning. We want everything, we
want it now, and our kids have they don't even
have commercials. I mean, I know that sounds silly, but
I'm like, man, I had to wait a week to
see what the next episode of Friends was going to
be like and then sit through the commercials. You know,
like those were things that that waiting process taught me.
You know, you can't get everything, but now you can
get everything you want right away, and so the only
(28:57):
barrier is your parents. And you do have these battles.
And I've actually had this conversation with my kids. What
you're talking about because we've had battles. And I think
that's hard too, because as a parent, I'm like, wow,
having a fight with my kids is that damaging to them?
And I try to always go back and say, look,
I love you so much. And my one daughter has
(29:19):
said to me, is there ever a time when I'm
so mean and I'm so angry that you would stop
loving me? And Mike never. Never.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, that's beautiful. I'll never stop loving you, honey. You're
the most important thing in my life to me. But
there's times we're going to say no to you because
we know what's best for you. That's a beautiful message. Again,
the love with the strength and the boundaries is what
creates very powerfully resilient children. I've been wondering about this
my wife and I. Look, we have seven kids and
grandchildren at this point. But we've been looking at families
(29:50):
for years. The families that allowed their kids to do
whatever they want didn't necessarily turn out very healthy. The
families are a bit stronger, who had values, that went
for religious services, that had culture, They had meaningful experiences together.
In the Jewish tradition, we have Friday and night dinner,
we have the Sabbath meals together, we go to synagogue,
(30:11):
people go to church on Sunday. The people that do
that consistently create these healthy boundaries, create this wonderful sense
of spirituality and continuity. And those are the powerful things
which keep society safe. Those are the powerful things which
keep people healthy as well. And unfortunately, if you go
to most therapists today and you say you believe in God,
they'll say you're crazy. God's a Figdi of your imagination.
(30:32):
That's the bias that we're getting from therapists. They've been
indoctrinated against God. In one of my earlier books, I
had a chapter and the question was should we keep
God in the waiting room? And when we were training
as therapist over the years, we were told to keep
the strict separation between church and state. Now, of course
I would never express my religious values to my clients,
(30:53):
but if they want to talk about these important things,
invite God into the session, Invite the discussion of values
and meaning the discussion. That's what Victor Frankel talked about
in Man's Arture. Meaning.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
We want to point.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
People towards values and towards meaningful experiences. Those are the
things that make them healthy, not Netflix, not instant purchasing
an Amazon. And the new thing is Uber eats, and
it's horrible because it's very expensive.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Oh my goodness, it's so true. So this is embarrassing.
But I actually had one day, so you know, you
could your kids. They want to download an app and
it comes for people who don't have kids today, it
comes to you, or at least on our phones. It
comes to us, and we can either approve or disapprove
as the parents. So I didn't know that my husband
had approved Uber eats for my daughter and I come
(31:41):
to pick her up from school and she comes out
with a giant Starbucks drink and I was like, how
do you have Starbucks? You've been at school all day.
Who bought that for you? And she's like, I had
pizza too, Like how did you have that? And she
said I ordered it on uber Eats and I was like,
oh no, no, you know, we are not doing that.
(32:01):
And that was the last time she did it. But
that's how it works. They will push, they will push.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, one hundred percent, and they're not happier for it.
Believe me, people are not happy when they're fully self
focused and they're only focusing on themselves, They're not going
to be happy. They need to go beyond themselves. You
know what's more satisfying Uber eats or taking a hike
in the mountains, going on a raft whitewater rafting with
your kids, laughing together, making a campfire during the summertime,
(32:30):
having a great time with them. That's going to be
emotionally and mentally invigorating for them. Those are the deep
experiences that we could have with our kids which given
them the energy to have more successful lives. But if
we allow Amazon and Netflix and Uber eats to feed
them and to educate them, we don't have a chance.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
And honestly, what leads them I know this will be
the last thing I'll say. Also, what leads them to
a life that is fulfilling with another person? Because I
think if you become in this world of I have
to post the picture of what I'm drinking, and I
have to post the picture of where I'm outside right
now on my vacation. Am I this? Your life becomes
(33:08):
more focused on what other people you don't even know
think about you. And I've seen so many relationships with
young people that have broken down because you can't get
away from your device to look at me, and that,
to me is a very crucial part of parenting today.
Put that down and focus on the people around you.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Yeah, the healthiest things we can do.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
And I'm sure you're very, very busy and I am
or always on our phones, answering messages, taking care of
bills and things. The most important thing we could do
for our children or for our marriages is put away
our phones. Just put them away. I suggest to family
members all the time, when you get home at night
and the kids are home, take your phone, lock it
in another room, put a limitation. For one hour, we
(33:50):
will spend time just talking in our family. Sometimes you
go into somebody's house, everybody's on their phone. I've walked
into my home. All five kids are all on their phones,
and we're also on our phones. No one's connecting. Get
family time. At that point, I'd say, guys, let's put
away our phones for half an hour. For one hour,
I guarantee you put away the phones. There's connection. People
calm down, less depressed, less anxious, feel good, feel loved,
(34:14):
and that all comes to deep connection. But we've got
to put away our cell phones. That's the real enemy.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Absolutely so Rabbi, you have such great advice. Where can
people find you? How do they follow you?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, it can go to my podcast. It's called Victor
Frankel Podcasts. I have wonderful guests on from around the
world talking.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
About the issues of the day.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Also, I have a coaching company it's called Taurus Psychology
dot Org, and I train people to do with their
own families what I teach other people to do as well.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Wonderful Rabbi Daniel Schollenbuck, thank you so much for being on.
Great to be with you, and thank you all for
listening to the Tutor Dixon podcast. For this episode and others.
Go to Tutor dixonpodcast dot com, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts, and you can watch
the full video on YouTube or rumble at Tutor Dixon
and join us next time. Have a blessed ing.
Welcome to the Tutor Dixon Podcast. I'm really excited about
today because there's so much going on in the world.
But one of the things that we see all the
time is people constantly out there selling themselves and this
idea of, you know, make yourself happy and put yourself first.
And I think there's kind of this like almost faith
battle right going on right now, because a lot of
(00:22):
people will say faith is coming back, but faith is
not self focused. Faith is God focused, and society has
become very self focused. And so I today have Rabbi
Daniel Schoenbuck with me. He is a New York based
license marriage and family therapist, psychologist and the author of
five acclaimed books, including his latest, which is Victor Frankel
(00:44):
The Psychology of the Soul. We have a lot to
talk about, Rabbi, but I wanted to jump into this
because I do think that people are facing this even
in dating. I saw something today that said that because
of political differences, there could be like a a lack
of even romantic relationships in gen x. I mean, it's
crazy that my feelings are so important now I can't
(01:07):
even have a relationship. That's how society is going.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, there's two things facing America today in the world
in general, I would say it's emptiness or meaninglessness, and
then the phenomenon of narcissism. And people are very, very
self focused, and that's really destroying people's relationships. You can't
relate to another person if you're totally self focused. As
you all know, marriage doesn't work unless you're able to
go beyond yourself. And narcissism points in the opposite direction.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, and that's what I think. That's kind of the
battle between faith and culture. Is faith is very this
is you know, a relationship of three strands. It's going
to be the husband, the wife, and God and you
have to be all together and family is also a
part of that strand and take care of one another.
But culture is me, me me, and social media has
(01:54):
really boosted this. And as a mom of four girls,
I watch this and I go, gosh, how do I
protect them from becoming totally self absorbed? And that sounds crazy,
but they are pushed to be self absorbed constantly.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, you don't send them to therapist that practice Normative
psychology today, which talks more and more about the self,
self awareness, self esteem. I wrote a book about a
fellow named doctor Victor Frankel, who's a Holocaust survivor. He said,
you have to go beyond yourself to become a healthy individual. See,
we want to teach our kids things about values, things
(02:29):
about finding meaningful experiences. When you focus on values and
meaning in psychotherapy, as I do with my clients, people
get better much more quickly and for longer periods of time.
But it's not going in the direction of modern psychology
that's pointing more towards the self.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
So okay, I really want to get into this because
how do you know what therapist you're getting, Because this
has been a complaint of mind for years and it's
kind of one of those silent complaints you have to have.
I was a psychology major when I was in college.
I was able to work at our psych clinic, and
as a major, you could read all of the files
as long as they weren't students or professors. And I
(03:05):
read them and I was like, it's almost like they're staying.
You could read day one, you read day one thousand,
and they're staying in this. You know, it's all about you,
and you should feel sad and you should feel like
this because life has been unfair to you, and it wasn't.
It wasn't getting them out of that. But it's like
taboo to say that there are therapists out there that
(03:26):
are not helping.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
There's a lot of unhealthy therapists out there. And don't
think that the therapists have no bias. We all have bias.
I mean I teach my graduate students to notice your bias,
talk to yourself in therapy and don't respond to it.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
But so many.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Therapists are so bias based today. I would say years ago,
you can send your kid or yourself to any therapist
out there, as long as they're well trained. I don't
believe that anymore. Look at what's happening on college campuses today.
Look at the things people are learning, look at the
culture it's creating. Look at the violence that's creating on
campuses on the streets today. So you have to be
very careful you want to go to a faith based
or value based type of therapist today, because they will
(04:01):
influence you to go in the wrong direction.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So that is interesting because obviously we've seen this shift
on college campuses and it's not even I've been I've
had people who have studied it and you can correct
me if I'm wrong. Who have said there is such
a need for people to have something bigger than themselves
to be involved in that. That's easy to pull youth
into a movement that they may not necessarily agree with,
(04:25):
but you can manipulate them into believing you're so necessary
in this movement that then it becomes a part of
who they are, even though it may not have been
something they cared about.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, you got to.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Tell your kids, you got to talk to them about values.
Everything is about values. It's about courageousness, it's about honesty,
it's about citizenship, and they shouldn't be sold false laws.
We have a guy here in New York called Mamdani's
or Mamdani running for mayor. He's offering everything for free.
He's talking about free buses, free rent, stabilized stopping.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
You know, I believe he's living in one of them,
even though he's.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Not perfect example, per the example.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So we don't want to focus on those things, see
the means of production. We want to focus on values
with our families. We want to focus on God. We
want to focus on spirituality. I have the science for it.
People that are God focused, people that focus on values
are basically healthier and happier people, less depression, less anxiety,
(05:24):
and even less PTSD. I mean, if you have trauma
in your life, if you have relationship with God, you're
going to recover more quickly. You have those great internal resources.
We have to share these things with our kids. They
have to know the dangers of being totally self focused
and what's happening in society.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Today as well.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
You know, it's interesting because when we lost my dad,
that was kind of what we all said, if we
didn't have faith, where would we be? Because he was
the leader, he was the we turned to him, but
ultimately we put our faith in God. You know, even
though you rely on the patriarch of your family, you
know that there is something bigger and if you don't
(06:00):
have that, losing him could have been a total disaster
for us. And I think that's what we're seeing is
as a broken society. And even if you can't find,
if you can't find where your values are, it just
seems like you're just so susceptible to being pushed into something.
(06:21):
I mean, even I would say even with the trans movement,
these young kids who are struggling in school are very
vulnerable and I've seen I mean having a sixteen year
old daughter, we see this and I see this with
my nieces and nephews too. Is that you're at such
a vulnerable age. Let's be honest, high school and the
changing of hormones. It's not easy for anybody. But it
(06:43):
seems like if you don't have that, if you're not
there with your kids talking to them and asking them
to share everything with you, they could be manipulated by
someone outside saying the reason you're upset is because of this.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Very easily if you're not talking to your kids about
values or go ahead and just do more meaningful things
with your kids. Volunteer with your kids, take your kids
on hikes into nature, go look up at the stars
and the seas and the sun, and just basking the
glory of God what he created in the world. If
you're not doing that, the iPhone will do that for you.
And TikTok for sure is going to do that for you.
(07:19):
So it's not there's no middle ground anymore. It's kind
of either or. Either you're focused on the body and
the self, or you're focused on the soul and things
beyond the cell. There's no middle ground anymore, we have
to point our kids, and as sapist, point our clients
in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
So let me have like a moment of confession, because
I've obviously been in the political world for the last
couple of years and I ran for office, and running
for office is so you're gone all the time, and
we had put off some of those family times. You know,
it's like, Okay, we'll have a vacation next year. And
even when I went on spring break, I would have
(07:53):
to go out and we would go to Florida visit
my parents. But it's like, oh, you got to meet
with somebody for dinner here, You're in Florida. See I
to meet with somebody there. And I was taking time away.
And just this past week, you're catching me at an
interesting moment because just this past week, we drove down
to Hiltonhead Island spend a week there. So we're in
the car for sixteen hours on the way there. On
(08:13):
the way back, and last night, when I was putting
my girls to bed, one of them said, man, Mom,
it was just so nice to be fully away with
you because I felt like I got to just sit
and talk to you for hours, and it was so
important to me, and I thought, this is something we
don't talk about. We do not say enough. Put you
(08:35):
have eighteen years with these kids, if you're lucky, once
they're sixteen, they've got their own lives. Put that time
aside to spend with them and pour into them.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, there's nothing as satisfying as a real human relationship
many of us as parents, and I also have a
lot of kids who raised kids on television, on their iPads,
on all their devices, but they really are craving is real,
authentic relationships with their parents. And it doesn't take a
lot of time to door. You could go ahead and
spend just five minutes a day, five minutes a day
(09:05):
talking to your kids. You know what, beter than talking
to your kids, just listen to your kids. They won't
want to speak to us.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
We just listen.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
We call this validating or active listening in psychotherapy. That's
the best advice I give for parents all the time.
Just spend more time listening to him. The more you
put into them, It's like investing in an emotional savings account.
We know when you save money. If you put money
away every day, you can take it out in a
rainy day. Well, on an emotional level, kids look at
an investment in the relationship when you talk to them,
(09:34):
when you connect them. You don't have to buy them things.
Just spend quality time listening to them.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
They'll love you.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And by the way, when you do that, the more
app to listen to your values as well.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's interesting because it's been something that we've really been
focused on with our kids lately, is learning what makes
them tick. You know what my one daughter is. She
loves books. She'll sit and read, She'll consume two or
three books a week, and she's not incredibly social, but
she wants to have somebody that will talk to her.
My other daughter is like a complete cuddle bug, wants
(10:05):
to constantly be in your face, like arms around your neck.
The other one is a social butterfly. And as I'm
watching them and they're telling me what they need, I've
been trying to kind of put that aside and then
sit them down and say, look, as a person, I
notice about you that you love to be snugly, you
love to be able to tell your stories, you love
(10:27):
to have words of affirmation, all these things. When you're
looking for a spouse, look for the person who's going
to fill those buckets and find out what they what
buckets they need filled. You know, I think it's a
it's a conversation that had I've talked to my friends
there hasn't been a discussion in their lives with their
parents about how do you find the right spouse. And
(10:48):
that's something that I think is also key. Watching who
your kids are and helping them discover what's important to them.
To find in that other person that they're going to
spend their life.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
With, whether it's talking to them about who they are
or getting involved in a relationship. It's all about values.
It's all about values. It's all about empathy, it's all
about connection. So those are the two potent things you
can do. You can spend more time with them, and
then you pivot to your value system. I'm not talking
about lecturing your kids about your values. They feel who
we are. When we're present with them, they pick up
(11:20):
on the great values. If you're running for the Republican Party,
they pick up on those wonderful values. So just keep
on doing what you're doing. Just make sure that you're
spending time connecting with them, that they're not forgotten. They
won't accept your values if they're forgotten. The more they're
in the picture, they want to connect with you because
they love you for listening to them and connecting with them.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
So you've also done speaking of that, you've also done
some work on Trump derangement syndrome, and that is something
as we were driving down we were looking at universities.
My daughter's going to be a junior, and we're looking
at bigger universities, and I was talking to them about,
you know, there's going to be a lot of different
values that you're going to see there. You are going
(11:58):
to have to stay strong who you are and your faith,
and you have to find a church community, and you'll
need to get involved to make sure that you have
like minded people around you. But how do you do
that when the message against the Republican Party and those
values is so strong on university campuses.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
There's a war on our campuses. We saw it explode
on October seventh when Lamas attacked in southern Israel, murdered
twelve hundred people, too captive, two hundred fifty people, wounded,
thousands of people. On October eighth, it exploded on our campuses.
Remember the campus administrations from a river to the sea,
seeing out globalizing defada, Tutor, it's all over our campuses today.
(12:39):
We're in trouble on the campus life. But it's not
just didn't just happen October seventh and eighth, It's been
going on for years. Probably eighty to ninety percent of
college campuses or liberals, they're socialists, many of them are communists. Inevitably,
if we send our kids into those campuses, our kids
are affected by them. If your programmed for years, like
Zormamdani for many years as father's father's a Marxist professor
(13:00):
at Columbia, and that's all you hear sees the means
of production, globalizing defada, It's hard to escape it. When
you go to a college campus, everybody's rallying against Israel.
People are bought into. You got to choose very wisely,
very carefully, where you send your kids to because it
will affect who they are.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
a Tutor Dixon podcast. How did the media get to
this point where, I mean, even when I see people
interviewing him and saying, but you have to condemn the Antifada,
you can't. You have to condemn that word globalize the Antifada.
It's not it's not a concept. It's happened. We have
(13:41):
images from the Intifada. This is not an idea. We
know what this is. This is this is genocide. And
yet he will not say he condemns it. He said,
in fact, recently he came out and he said, I
think there are different interpretations of it. Again, it's not
a concept, it has happened. How does the media let
(14:03):
him get away with that? And how is it that
we as a society have not said, wow, we really
have to educate people on what the Intefada is and
what he is accepting.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Well, first of all, Tutor, the reason he doesn't condemn
the phrase globalizing defada is because he wants to globalize
the Intafada. He is connected with the Democratic Socialist of
America and the Communist Party on the one hand, and
the other side he espouses Islamic fundamentalism. This is the
Red Green alliance that's happening. It's happening in our canvases
right now. So he actually believes in it. So therefore,
(14:35):
how can you condemn it. The media is just complicit,
like they rail against the Republican Party, railed against you
per apps like they railed against Donald Trump. They're doing
it to Israel, they're doing it to the Jews. And
that's what we have to get together right now and
uncover the media. That's why podcasting like you're doing and
I'm trying to do, is just so incredibly important. It's
the last freedom space in America for free media is
(14:57):
to go into a podcast and talk.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
That's why it's so pop today.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
We just got to keep on talking as loudly as
we can, as many occasions as we can to fight
back all the laws from CNN, left wing media and
perpetuating what they've been saying for years. But now we
see the violence on our streets, we know how dangerous
it actually is.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, but let me ask you about You mentioned that
he espouses the Islamic fundamentalist values, but he also is
out there marching with the LGBTQ community, and so there
is contrast in that messaging. And so when you say
that about Islamic fundamentalism, what do you what exactly are
(15:37):
you referring.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
To Referring to that Red Green Alliance. The Red Green
Alliance is the far left Democratic Socials So America Communist
Party of America together with Islamic fundamentals. Why would they
be together. Why would somebody who's LGBTQ support Kamas, which
those people off buildings were homosexuals, right, they must be braining.
(15:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I think this is a question, and we've had for
a long time. Do you have the answer that?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Because the answer the answer because they have a greater enemy,
and that's the West.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
My enemy is my friend.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Exactly well said, they are going after Judeo Christian civilization.
Communism ultimately is based upon jealousy. Islam is based upon control.
They want to take America down. It's the most prosperous,
most wonderful, freest country and human history. They're jealous of it.
They want to take it down. This is the way
to do it. Destroy the families, destroy sexual identity.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
We don't know who we are anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Espouse the destruction of Israel. Take everything down, Defund the police,
that's a great one. Get rid of our security. Then
they can take full control of society. So we've talked
about this for years. Unfortunately, people think we were conspiracy theorists.
You know, it's not true. It's happening in real time.
If we don't stop Mamdani. Right now, if New York
goes away with mam Dami, we're looking at a domino
(16:58):
effect because New York is the icon of read them,
it's the icon of culture. It's finance on the democracy,
finance of finance of free speech, of everything, of capitalism.
If they take down with the democratic socialis in America meanings,
that's to leave, that's Ilhan Omar, that's Elizabeth Horn. If
(17:18):
they take New York, the whole country could collapse in
a domino effect.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
So as we've been watching this, I mean I want
to you talked about defund the police. I want to
bring that up because we're right now seeing Donald Trump
come out and say he is going to take over
the public safety in DC and the Capital City because
we've obviously seen all of these murders and just another
murder this week, which I think is devastating. He comes
out and says this, and a few hours later someone's murder.
(17:45):
But these are this is not I think that Democrats
have turned their back on communities where they go, oh,
you know what, that's a high crime community. We're not
going to look at it anymore. And now it's seeping
out into communities where they can't hide it, and it
shouldn't be hidden in the other communities, but they allow
(18:06):
it to be hidden. Their media doesn't talk about these
crimes that happen when it comes out of a high
crime community. But now you see the two staffers of
a foreign diplomat murdered on the streets of our capital
and that blows my mind because the media didn't say anything.
There wasn't this major outrage. Oh my gosh, how could
this have happened in our capital city. You see an
(18:28):
intern for a congressman murdered on the streets of Washington,
d c. Because he was hit by a stray bullet
last night. You've got somebody murdered. You have this kid
that worked in the administration, this doge kid that gets
beaten up because he's trying to protect a woman that
he sees being beaten up. This is our capital city.
This is the first time I've heard defund the police
(18:49):
for years. But now I'm seeing Democrats come out and
openly say we are okay with this crime. Why are
you trying to stop it?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
What is that? The exact same problem in New York Now,
I mean, this is a dangerous city. Go out of
my home. There's hundreds of people walking round, are ill, violent, destructive.
The New York City subway system. By the way, Mamdanie
was in a New York assembly man. They control the
state in New York, controls the subways. It's his disaster.
He was already in charge of it. It's a disaster.
(19:18):
I've not been in the subway for years. It is
so dangerous. There are sick people. You remember the stories.
Look last year or somebody was set on fire. They
are dangerous, very ill people walking around. And the New
York City legislation as well, they wanted to defund the police.
They want cashless bail. Therefore they have very much. And
then when constructive people around.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
When Adams, when Mayor Adams put police officers into the subway,
then people went crazy about that. Oh we don't want
to be ruled by these police. But I feel the same.
I lived in New York in nineteen ninety nine and
two thousand and I rode the subway everywhere. I never
never even thought about it, never felt unsafe. Today I
go there, no way, I would never go there. I
(19:58):
would never go to the subway.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Happened there was a mass shooting here two weeks ago,
and people don't talk about it. Why are they coming here?
You can kill anybody anywhere. It's coming to New York City.
It represents it the icon of American exceptionalism, of capitalism,
of democracy. They want to take it down, the whole system,
the left system wants to take it all down because
they're jealous of it.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And one of the ways they do that is by
creating chaos.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Think about how bizarre that is, though, now that you
mention it. You had a guy walk through the streets
with what was it in ak forty seven?
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Forty seven? It looked like, yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
One says anything. How is that possible?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
No, it's really crazy.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And if you thought it was bad when you were
here few years ago, you hadn't You hadn't seen nothing yet.
If Momdammie gets in power and actually carries out what
he said several times, he's a bit wishy watching now
for votes, but he said many times, defund the police
and take his word seriously.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
He means he.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Wants to put in social workers to go in homes
for his domestic violence. He's not going to protect women.
Women will be the first victims of zarmmmdani because he
doesn't want police to go and he wants social workers
to go in. Even Eric Adams was saying one of
the most dangerous calls he was a chief of police
years ago.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
One of the most.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Dangerous calls a policemen can get is a domestic violence
case where he's going into a house. Mam Donnie is saying,
let's send in social workers your MSW's what social will
go in with. A guy has a gun or a
machete is going to kill them. This is a very
dangerous situation. It's no joke. We saw it with BLM
years ago. We're seeing it again right now. Defund the
police is a way to take down the Western world,
(21:31):
and they actually want to do it to us.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
So would you say in that situation, I mean, you're
kind of looking at a crime of passion right when
you have a domestic violent situation, so anything can happen,
anything can escalate. Would that be one of the more
dangerous situations to walk into and hear they're saying no cops.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It is definitely one of the most dangerous situations you
could ever imagine walking to a domestic violent situation. She
could be killed he could be killed. It's extremely dangerous.
Walking into a person's home is dangerous. You want to
take them outside of the hume, so to speak. So
he's making women in danger. It's even worse than that,
he's endangering the lives of all the immigrants that live here,
all the minorities that live here. The people that will
(22:09):
be the greatest victims of Zaramamdani, or people maybe voting
for him, Hispanic Americans, African Americans. They're and tremendous danger.
If he pulls back the police. These communities, which are
at best calm, sometimes with a lot of violence, will
get much much worse if he gets in.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Everybody loses.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
So that is what I think is somewhat interesting. I
think Americans always see the country as a melting pot,
and what makes us America is that you have all
of these different communities, and especially in cities like New
York where you have Chinatown and Little Italy and all
these different communities that have a section of the city,
but they all function together. That has been the beauty
(22:50):
of Western civilization. And I think that that was what
Europe saw when they said, oh, yeah, we're going to
accept a mass immigration, because everybody wants to be German,
and everybody wants to be English, and everybody wants to
be Irish or Swedish. And then suddenly those values were
not the same and it was too late. I really
believe in some of those cities it was too late.
(23:11):
The culture changed and a lot of those folks. I
have friends in the Czech Republic they don't allow immigration,
and they say, you know, we've seen this surrounding countries
and they're no longer the same culture and that history
is completely gone. So can Western civilization survive if we
see that Western civilization in Europe is already kind of
(23:32):
falling apart and it's changing.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Yeah, I just go to the streets of London. We call
londonastan the streets of Paris. Today it's coming from immigration.
It's people that don't share today are Christian values, Western values.
The thing which keeps New York so beautiful, and you've
lived here for a bit in a town little Italy
Lower east Side. The other thing that's keeping it together
are people's values as countries as they came from it
built these beautiful communities. And the other thing which is
(23:55):
keeping it together for at least one hundred years is
the respect of law. We have to respect the police,
whether it's in the streets of New York or it's
on college campuses. People parading around campuses, setting up camp
and encampments, blocking Jewish students from getting to class. The
police should have been called in. They were not allowed
to go into Columbia University Initially. We don't respect the police,
(24:18):
we don't respect society. We take away people's security. And
unfortunately Democrats keep on pushing this narrative we have to
get rid of the police. But it's the most dangerous
thing which will actually break down our wonderful democracy.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
We don't have police well.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
And even when they stopped the whole message of defund
the police, like I said, I think this week has
been very telling because as the president even the entire administration.
Let me go back the entire administration, because when he
got in, he was saying, Okay, we're going to make
sure that we are closing the border. And then once
you have a closed border, you can really take a
look at who is inside of the country and who
(24:52):
should not be inside of the country, and then you
don't have the massive flow in. And the Democrats went
crazy about that. How could you close the border. Why
don't you want why don't you want to make sure
that you're only letting the people in that you want
to let in. But then you go to the next
level of seeing our capital city fall apart and say,
we're going to have more law enforcement out there, and
(25:13):
they're going to be able to enforce laws. And this
argument is very interesting to me because there've been people
that are like, these are fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen year
old kids and they cannot have law enforcement come down
on them.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Why well, you bring together some things. Let me go
back as a therapist to talk about this. Let's talk
about your family and your own home. Right, So would
you open your doors all the time, late at night
when you're sleeping. Can anybody walk into your house whenever
they want and do whatever they want? No one would
Elizabeth Warren who wants to happen, she wouldn't let that
happen in her home.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Zurmm.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Donnie just came back from Uganda where he came from,
and he had a parade of military enforcement and he's
walking around New York now with police all around him.
Everybody knows logically that you can't open your home to everybody.
That's number one. Umber two is when our teenagers. Teenagers
want things that are not good for us, good for them.
What do we tell them if we're smarming saying no,
(26:06):
I'm sorry you can't have that right now, it's the
whole breakdown of the family and the full breakdown of society.
There's no limitations, there's no values, there's no one saying no.
Kids actually believe me. As a psychologist, I work with
families as well. Kids actually are okay when you say no,
They're going to push, they're going.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
To fight you. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted you.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Say I'm sorry with kindness, I'm sorry you can't have it.
And by the way, they feel more secure when they're
told no. We understand there's boundaries. Our society has taken
away the boundaries. We're seeing it in families breaking down,
and we're seeing it in places like New York where
they want to take away the police from us. We're
breaking around down all these boundaries, and our lives are
(26:46):
dysfunctional and extremely dangerous as well.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Well. And that's something that I think I noticed growing up,
that there were fewer boundaries on us than I think
our parents and then our generation was like, we were
the generation that was constant praised, constantly, given a trophy
for everything we did. And then I think that the
parents of my generation have been like, we just want
to make them happy. We want to make them happy.
(27:09):
We'll give give gift. And I've noticed with my kids.
You know, every kid is different, and I certainly have
one that is the one that will push as hard
as she can to get whatever she wants. And oftentimes
when I've said no, she'll come to me later, even
though we have a huge fit, how could you do this?
And I want this to bed, She'll come up to
me later and she'd be like, you were right, I'm
(27:31):
glad you said no. But she would never have experienced
that if I was like, you know what, we're always
going to give in.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Yeah, it's definitely okay to set boundaries. And as a
family therapist, I teach parents all the time about this concept.
You can't be strong all the time, and if you
want to be strong, you have to have it balanced
with a lot of love. So it's these two powerful forces,
a lot of love and setting boundaries. Parents have just
set boundaries without relationship time, without love, kids will rebel
(28:00):
so it's really coming to what you said before. If
we want healthy kids, we have to treat them with
respect and love, but also teach them value. Is that's
the potent combination between these two different polls, and that
really works me through that with your kids.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Let's take a quick commercial break. We'll continue next on
the Tutor Dixon Podcast. I think parenting is hard though today,
and maybe it's just because I'm going through it and
my parents went through different things. But with all of
the outside influences of social media and this, it's like
a now culture. You order it on Amazon, it comes
(28:34):
to the house the next morning. We want everything, we
want it now, and our kids have they don't even
have commercials. I mean, I know that sounds silly, but
I'm like, man, I had to wait a week to
see what the next episode of Friends was going to
be like and then sit through the commercials. You know,
like those were things that that waiting process taught me.
You know, you can't get everything, but now you can
get everything you want right away, and so the only
(28:57):
barrier is your parents. And you do have these battles.
And I've actually had this conversation with my kids. What
you're talking about because we've had battles. And I think
that's hard too, because as a parent, I'm like, wow,
having a fight with my kids is that damaging to them?
And I try to always go back and say, look,
I love you so much. And my one daughter has
(29:19):
said to me, is there ever a time when I'm
so mean and I'm so angry that you would stop
loving me? And Mike never. Never.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, that's beautiful. I'll never stop loving you, honey. You're
the most important thing in my life to me. But
there's times we're going to say no to you because
we know what's best for you. That's a beautiful message. Again,
the love with the strength and the boundaries is what
creates very powerfully resilient children. I've been wondering about this
my wife and I. Look, we have seven kids and
grandchildren at this point. But we've been looking at families
(29:50):
for years. The families that allowed their kids to do
whatever they want didn't necessarily turn out very healthy. The
families are a bit stronger, who had values, that went
for religious services, that had culture, They had meaningful experiences together.
In the Jewish tradition, we have Friday and night dinner,
we have the Sabbath meals together, we go to synagogue,
(30:11):
people go to church on Sunday. The people that do
that consistently create these healthy boundaries, create this wonderful sense
of spirituality and continuity. And those are the powerful things
which keep society safe. Those are the powerful things which
keep people healthy as well. And unfortunately, if you go
to most therapists today and you say you believe in God,
they'll say you're crazy. God's a Figdi of your imagination.
(30:32):
That's the bias that we're getting from therapists. They've been
indoctrinated against God. In one of my earlier books, I
had a chapter and the question was should we keep
God in the waiting room? And when we were training
as therapist over the years, we were told to keep
the strict separation between church and state. Now, of course
I would never express my religious values to my clients,
(30:53):
but if they want to talk about these important things,
invite God into the session, Invite the discussion of values
and meaning the discussion. That's what Victor Frankel talked about
in Man's Arture. Meaning.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
We want to point.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
People towards values and towards meaningful experiences. Those are the
things that make them healthy, not Netflix, not instant purchasing
an Amazon. And the new thing is Uber eats, and
it's horrible because it's very expensive.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Oh my goodness, it's so true. So this is embarrassing.
But I actually had one day, so you know, you
could your kids. They want to download an app and
it comes for people who don't have kids today, it
comes to you, or at least on our phones. It
comes to us, and we can either approve or disapprove
as the parents. So I didn't know that my husband
had approved Uber eats for my daughter and I come
(31:41):
to pick her up from school and she comes out
with a giant Starbucks drink and I was like, how
do you have Starbucks? You've been at school all day.
Who bought that for you? And she's like, I had
pizza too, Like how did you have that? And she
said I ordered it on uber Eats and I was like,
oh no, no, you know, we are not doing that.
(32:01):
And that was the last time she did it. But
that's how it works. They will push, they will push.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, one hundred percent, and they're not happier for it.
Believe me, people are not happy when they're fully self
focused and they're only focusing on themselves, They're not going
to be happy. They need to go beyond themselves. You
know what's more satisfying Uber eats or taking a hike
in the mountains, going on a raft whitewater rafting with
your kids, laughing together, making a campfire during the summertime,
(32:30):
having a great time with them. That's going to be
emotionally and mentally invigorating for them. Those are the deep
experiences that we could have with our kids which given
them the energy to have more successful lives. But if
we allow Amazon and Netflix and Uber eats to feed
them and to educate them, we don't have a chance.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
And honestly, what leads them I know this will be
the last thing I'll say. Also, what leads them to
a life that is fulfilling with another person? Because I
think if you become in this world of I have
to post the picture of what I'm drinking, and I
have to post the picture of where I'm outside right
now on my vacation. Am I this? Your life becomes
(33:08):
more focused on what other people you don't even know
think about you. And I've seen so many relationships with
young people that have broken down because you can't get
away from your device to look at me, and that,
to me is a very crucial part of parenting today.
Put that down and focus on the people around you.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Yeah, the healthiest things we can do.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
And I'm sure you're very, very busy and I am
or always on our phones, answering messages, taking care of
bills and things. The most important thing we could do
for our children or for our marriages is put away
our phones. Just put them away. I suggest to family
members all the time, when you get home at night
and the kids are home, take your phone, lock it
in another room, put a limitation. For one hour, we
(33:50):
will spend time just talking in our family. Sometimes you
go into somebody's house, everybody's on their phone. I've walked
into my home. All five kids are all on their phones,
and we're also on our phones. No one's connecting. Get
family time. At that point, I'd say, guys, let's put
away our phones for half an hour. For one hour,
I guarantee you put away the phones. There's connection. People
calm down, less depressed, less anxious, feel good, feel loved,
(34:14):
and that all comes to deep connection. But we've got
to put away our cell phones. That's the real enemy.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Absolutely so Rabbi, you have such great advice. Where can
people find you? How do they follow you?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Well, it can go to my podcast. It's called Victor
Frankel Podcasts. I have wonderful guests on from around the
world talking.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
About the issues of the day.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Also, I have a coaching company it's called Taurus Psychology
dot Org, and I train people to do with their
own families what I teach other people to do as well.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Wonderful Rabbi Daniel Schollenbuck, thank you so much for being on.
Great to be with you, and thank you all for
listening to the Tutor Dixon podcast. For this episode and others.
Go to Tutor dixonpodcast dot com, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts, and you can watch
the full video on YouTube or rumble at Tutor Dixon
and join us next time. Have a blessed ing.
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