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September 12, 2021 18 mins
In this collection, Trevor talks about the time he literally bumped into Barack Obama, his bafflement at "clean" versions of hip-hop songs, calling 911 in South Africa, and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. Bill Gates was hosting his
Goalkeepers UM event in New York, and so he invited
me to come and speak. And they're doing some amazing things,
not just the organization, who the people they're supporting, and um.
I get to the events and I speak for like
ten minutes and I get off stage and like waving

(00:22):
at the crowd, and I'm walking backwards off the stage,
moving to the backstage here and then I crashed into
like a person And as I crashed into them, I
see the eyes of people looking at me and everyone's like, oh, ship,
what have you done? You know what I mean? And
I'm like, calm down. Humans bump humans all the time.
And I turned and the person I bumped into was
Barack Obama, Right yeah, but like physically like when I

(00:44):
say bump, I mean like bump like you know. And
so I turned and then he's like he's like but
literally his hands up and then he's like, watch where
you go? And then uh he said he said, yeah,
he says what he said, watch where you walk? And
so side and then I was like, hey man, I'm
walking over here, and you should have seen everyone's face.
They were like, oh shit, because I think they thought

(01:07):
I didn't recognize him or I didn't know who he was.
You can see people like that's the President of the
United States of America, and I was like, yo, my
calm down. And so I was like, yeah, how are
you missed the President? I haven't seen you in a while.
And he's like doing good? How you been You're good good.
I'm like, yeah, I'm being good, and like I'm looking
at his face and I didn't intend this, but I'm
looking into his eyes and I'm speaking to him, and
in that moment, I really like he's looking really really good,

(01:29):
like he's skinned, is looking full at his do you
know what I mean? No, he's just he doesn't look
as stressed as he was, And so it slipped out.
I didn't plan it at all. So I'm speaking to him.
He's like, how you doing and then he says that,
and then I was like, I was like, you're looking cute,
Mr President, and he goes he goes, well, thank you,
thank you, and I was like, no, no, I mean

(01:51):
I meant like, you look good. Uh. What is my
favorite accent to do? It depends on the day. I'm
not gonna lie it depends on the day. Sometimes I'll
choose an X for the day if I'm on vacation, genuinely,
I'll just walk around and I'll like just be on vacation.
So some days like like I'll just be like, oh,
I'm Australian for the day, and I'll just walk around.
It'll just be Australia. You know. The great thing about
in Australian accent is that you always sound happy because

(02:13):
always what it doesn't matter what it is, but always
got is up and it's like really exciting. You know.
This is not that thing like even even Australian gave
you bad news, it always sounds good. It's like, Hi,
my your mom's dead. It's just so yeah. One of

(02:35):
my favorite things to do, though, is sometimes because I
don't really impersonally general accents impersonally people. So the Australian
that I do is a friend of mine from Australia,
and then like the like if I do like a
Nigerian accent is a friend of mine from Nigeria. And
because I can't because people all have different accents, do
you know what I mean? So I don't know what
an Indian accent is. I know what my Indian friends
sounds like, so I just impersonated his accents, and then

(02:55):
like Trinidad, I just know my friend from Trinidad, this
is his accent, so just I just do his accent.
And then I remember like one day did the Trinity
accent and then people from Trinidad they were like, They're like,
that's not how people in Trinity talk about and then
I was like, yo, you talk to him, that's how
he sounds. And then they shot on him because he's
on like Instagram and stuff and they're like, dude, what
happens to your accent while you're talking? Like there's like, guys,

(03:15):
I haven't lived in America. I've lived in America for
a long time, and like it's not my fault. I
didn't try to change my accent. They're like, you're leading
Trevor all wrong. You're not speaking aware with the fos.
So I'm just like I just do people, That's all
I'm doing. I am always intrigued by people who wants
like rappers to perform, but they want the clean versions
of the songs, mostly because I'm always fascinated by the

(03:40):
people who are listening to the clean version and like,
do they just not know what's going on there. Like
so like there's some people at these events where like
a rapper comes and performs and like he's got lude lyrics,
and then the rappers up there's like a stigma in
her and she knows that. It's like and I know that,

(04:00):
and then all there's some people in the audience, so like,
I wonder what he's sticking. I wonder, I wonder what,
like what do you think is happening in the song?
Like what clean versions of hip hop songs is such
a strange concept from me. Why would you want hip
hop just without like hip hop? I like it. I
like hip hop a lot. I just don't like some

(04:20):
of the things they say, which parts you know, the
cussing you know, yea, just like the ludes, sexual acts.
Other than that, I love hip hop. Are you sure
you don't like country? No? No, like hip hop. I
like hip hop a lot. And they should make clean
versions of other songs for other people, like other styles

(04:40):
of music, because maybe like cursing is not something that
affects you. Maybe maybe you don't like country because you
don't like heartbreak, So you can be like, can I
get a clean version of the country song, but without
the heartbreak in the song, and then when they sing it,
it just doesn't have the heartbreak at all. So it
should be like Mary Jane, she my heart. It's like, yeah,
I don't want to hear about heartbreak. It's the clean version.

(05:03):
That's what this is. So the blackout happened, David? What
day was the blackout? Saturday? So? Um, so Dave and
I we we we we live in the in the
same building and he came from South Africa with me,
uh to come work on the Daily Show, right, and
so which it's blackout. Our building has gone, everything is

(05:24):
shut down, someone's trapped in the elevator. Um, and we're
we're all chilling together in in Dave's apartment. He's the
only person who had candles. I've never thought of candles.
I've never I've genuinely never thought of candles. He just
like lit candles, like I didn't even think of these things.
And so our other friend who staying in the building visiting,
comes down. So now you've got these three black people

(05:47):
from South Africa hanging out together and we're just chilling.
We're having a good time. And what happens is because
we're doing nothing now in the blackout, and so we
needed to move a TV from one apartment to an
other apartments, right, which I know is a weird thing,
but like long story short, like one person needed a
TV to watch something in four K and they didn't

(06:08):
have a four KTV. So we're like, we'll move the
four KTV to your pharmacy commerce something. So anyway, so
we're like, okay, cool, let's get the TV. Let's move
the thing. And so there we are, like in the hallway.
This is like it's a pretty big TV, is like
a sixty TV, you know, like carrying the thing and
then like walking in the hallway and as we walk
into the hallway, the lights come on. And then and

(06:33):
then like like all the neighbors come out because everyone's
to see the lights are on every so everyone like
opens their doors in the hallway and then it's like
we're there with a TV. And you you know what's
funny because I love my neighbors and we know each other,
and you you like the neighbors hey, and they're like Hi, Hi, Trevor,
Hi David, and and we're like, um, it's our TV.

(06:59):
We're just we're moving into another And you could just say,
it was like an awkward moon was like, oh, man.
So in my family, my two younger brothers are um
so from my mother's second marriage, and so I'm still
the only person in my family looks like this. So
my my mom is African woman, black pass a woman.
My my father Swiss from Switzerland, so he was a

(07:20):
white man, and so I looked like this. And then
my mom remarried a black man, and so my brothers
don't look like me either, right, And I remember what
was really beautiful was my brothers. We always spoke about
this stuff. So my parents they were like, yeah, different dads,
we get how this works. So my brother one day
I picked him up from school, right, he's like he's
really young at the time, was maybe like so, I
think it's the ninety maybe ten years old. And he

(07:40):
gets in the car and he's like just deflated. He
gets in the passenger's seat and he fastens his seat belts,
and I'm like, what's going on, Isaac, And he's like, hey, Trevor,
he's like, kids, man, I can't do this. Kids. So
I go with kids, tell me more. And then he's like,
I just I just don't know what to do with kids, Trevor.
You know, like today one of my friends said, are

(08:02):
we walking home? Then I said, no, my brother is
picking me up. Then he said, ah, who's your brother?
Then I said, Trevor. Then now when we're walking, he
sees you in the cart. Then he says, who's that.
Then I said to my brother. Then he says, but
how can your brother? How can your brother be white?
Then I said, he's not white. He's not white. He's mixed.
Then he said, but you're not mixed. You don't look
the same. How can your brother not look the same. Then,

(08:23):
so now I'm like, oh, man, I'm gonna have to
like go through this. So then I'm like, so, so
what did you say to And he's like, Trevor, like,
I have to explain it the way kids understand, he said.
I just said to him, I said, Swellie, you gotta understand,
like people are like chocolates, okay, Like like you can
have like a white chocolate, and you can have a
duck chocolate, and you can have a milk chocolate. But

(08:44):
it's all nestly, Okay. I was thinking, like, I think
part of the problem in America is that people think
of is being instant response, and because like when I
was growing up in South Africa, one of my favorite
TV shows used to watch a my mom was a
show called Rescue nine one one right with William Shatner,
and it was like a show where they go like

(09:05):
nine one one, do you have an emergency and be
like hi, I'm in my house and something well, and
then like nine one one would get there. And I
remember even when we were watching Instante, we'll be like, wow,
nine one one, nine one one, and this is in Africa,
I mean like nine on one, and we never thought
of our numbers because they started they tried to think
in South Africa called ten triple one because they try
to be like, yeah, we've also got a thing. People
like ten driple one and it was like no, and
because they try to go with that feeling. But we

(09:26):
never thought of it as instant response because if you
would call our like call senses, it wouldn't be as efficient.
And so like in America, I think people are used
to the fact that something will get done now. So
I was thinking what you should do is just to
like dull it for a bit. You should bring the
South African operators here so so that people stopped thinking
nine on one is like an instant solution because like

(09:46):
South African, like they'll ask you questions, like in America
they just go someone's getting rubbed, like we on our way,
like I heard with nine on one. Even if you
call them and then hang up, they'll come to check
what happened, which is I mean, I get it, but
I also like that's crazy. Whereas in South afric like
if you like if they called, if he's African operators
doing one, like you'd call he'd be like, hello, there's
a man at the park. And they'd be like hello,

(10:07):
can I help you. They'd be like, yeah, there's a
man at the park, and I'll be like aunt, like yeah,
he looks really suspicious, but like okay, God, talk to him,
ask him what he's doing, ask him his name, what
he's doing there, Like I'm scared of talking to him,
Be like okay, walk away, then go away. Like they

(10:29):
would just be like you go like it's just people here,
just like the cops are go No, the cops are
not coming for everything, Like hey, you can call nine
No one because your cat is in a tree. That
is some craziest ship in Africa that you'd just be
like yeah, you'd be like, you know my cats in
the tree. They'll be like okay, yeah, I'd be like
I need what would my cats stuck in the tree.
They'll be like yeah, so what must we do? And

(10:50):
you help it? They'd be like, then how will your
cat len let the cats suffer? It? Will never do
it again. Thank you for calling. Please stay on so
you can read this car. Thank you very much. I
tried to start learning German because my dad is swissed German, right,
and so I was like, I want to learn his
language because I never learned a growing up. And then

(11:11):
someone level like, why don't you learn Swiss? And then
I heard Swiss and I was like no, um, I
want rather learned German. And so I learned German because
I thought it would bring us closer together, right, because
I lost contact with my dad like ten years, and
so then when I met him again, I was like,
I want to learn German and impress him or whatever.
I met him and then like I started speaking to
him in German and he was like, well, what are

(11:33):
you doing. I was like, I'm speaking German. He's like, no,
it's better if you speak English. No, no, this is
no this is this is He's like, it's better if
you don't speak German at all, It's fine. Um. But
then now I could speak a bit of German. So
I was excited to go to Germany and stuff and practice,
and you know, I had a lot of fun until
I found out that my the way I spoke German
sounded a little bit like Hitler. Yeah, which no one

(11:56):
told me on this side of the world because we
don't know how he really spoke or anything. But I
would be in Germany and apparently the way I would
hit certain inflections would freak people out. And it's like,
think of it like Barack Obama's voice. Like if someone
learned English in America and they got here and they
were like, I just wanna have You'd be like, yeah,
you're doing the Barack Obama thing and they'd be like,
what are you talking about? You know what I mean?

(12:18):
So I would do that, like I'm going places and
I like order food, and like someone would be there
and be like, couldn't talk. Vassility happen And then I'll
be like if she climbing having your sad with the
sinking and the people like people would look at me.
And then when we left. My friend was like, I
was like, why would they look? Did I say it?
We're like wrong, the wrong words. She's like, no, you

(12:40):
sound a little bit like like Hitler. And she was
like and the people are really fighting about that, and
you know. And I was like, so I spoiled their
day and she was like, yeah, you did, you know?
And I was like, well that brings me a lot
of shadon foider We else to who else we are from? Where? Yes?
Egypt very nice, that's cool, cool and exotic. Yes, how

(13:03):
things going over there? Just blink if it's good, and
blink twice if it's bad. I won't say your name.
I won't put you on camera. You can go back.
Your president doesn't have to know you were here. Things
are good in Egypt. When you when you watch Donald Trump,

(13:33):
does he remind you a little bit of Egyptian leaders? Yeah,
a lot. Yeah, it's just like just without the Arabic
just like second they're also what all they are friends? Yeah?
Yeah he is. You can see that be cool if
because like I feel like Trump would be exactly the
same even if he spoke Arabic. It would be like
the same thing. We're like hello, yell, clock alaa Yalla yala.

(14:16):
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to
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Comedy Central podcast
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