Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 2

In Trump's first 100 days back in the White House, he wreaked havoc on the economy with his tariff rollout, wiped out DEI, and ignored court orders after wrongfully deporting a resident--all while floating the possibility of a third term. Jon Stewart and The Best F**king News team recap it all in Part 2 of Donald Trump's second term (so far).

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yeah, let's get to the big story. Americans are still
trying to process the global realignment that has occurred following
the disastrous Oval Office meeting between the President JD.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Vance and Vladimir Zelensky. What happened? They say? Are we
still America? They say? Oh? Side a way on? They say,
it's complicated.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
The best way that I can explain what happened and
show Americans how to process this new reality was with
another shocking turn of events from this weekend.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
On Saturday Night at the Elimination Chamber, the WWE shock
the world is John Cena turn heeled, join the Rock
and attacked Cody rhoads.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Now.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
If that does not immediately explain to you our current
geopolitical climate, you must have grown out of watching wrestling
through the normal course of aging. I, on the other hand,
understand this in my booth.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
This explains it, folks.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
All of your shock, all of your disappointment, all of
your anger, it's in there.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
It's in the square circle. You see Saturday night. Oh,
we're doing this Saturday night.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
Johncina, the good guy of professional wrestling, mister Hustle, the Champ,
the man who stood for everything, truth, justice, the guy
who literally holds the record for the most Make a
Wish Foundation meetings of all time.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
People would get cancer just to meet John Fina. Last weekend,
seen A flipped the script and went from being a
face a good guy to a heel a bad guy. Now,
if you don't follow professional wrestling, and I'm guessing if

(02:15):
you watch this show, you do not sing from all right,
But let me continue to bore you with this metaphor.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
So here's what happened.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
The current WWE champion is won Cody Rhodes.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Seven people say around.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Cody Roads is the people's champ unquestioned bravery. He stands
in for Zelenski in this metaphor. A couple of weeks ago,
the Rock now evil owner of the WWE in our story,
made Cody Rhodes an offer.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
The one thing that I want more than anything in
this world is that I want your soul.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
He wants k but sir, But sir, I am smaller
and weaker than you. It will take incredible bravery for
me to protect my soul and the soul of my people.
But luckily I am not protecting my soul alone, for
I have the support of the great.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
JOHNSONA so Cody Rhodes.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Zelenski told Vladimir Putin rock no soul for you, mother,
For that's when they met in the Oval office. America
went to hugs Zelenski. But when America looked up, somehow
Putin had given John Cena the international time for its time,
and rather than repudiate Putin, America smelled what the rock

(04:18):
was cooking, and through that Borsdas America delivered the nutshot,
the nutshot to the hopes and dreams of Ukrainians everywhere.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
And then for no reason, America jumped on.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Zelensky and started punching in the face as many times
as he got.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
Too simplistic time.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
This is it, am I being too simplicic, assigning to
the delicate art of real politique, a scripted outcome.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Perhaps judge for yourself.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
Putin broke twenty five times his own signatship twenty five
times he broke and seys fire.

Speaker 6 (05:05):
Nor you're in no position to dictate what we're gonna feel.

Speaker 7 (05:09):
You're not in a good positions.

Speaker 6 (05:11):
You don't have the cards right now. See you're gambling
with World War three. You're gambling with World War three.

Speaker 8 (05:18):
Have you said thank you once that fire meetings.

Speaker 6 (05:21):
We gave you, through this stupid president, three hundred and
fifty billion dollars. You're either gonna make a deal or
we're out. This is gonna be great television.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
I will say that it sure wasn't.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
But isn't that what you want from the high stakes
diplomacy in real life urgency that.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
Ending war demands.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
And you know, even reporters got some nutshots in why.

Speaker 7 (05:45):
Don't you wear a suit?

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh shit, no you did.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Let's do that, doesn't Oh Zelenski, you're so poor and
war torn.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
You're down to one Brooks brother. Oh shit, you've so war.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Torn, you've given up the meaningless protocols of business attire.
If you think I'm pushing this metaphor, look at the
stunned faces in the crowd at WWE when John Cena
turned heel. I now present you the equally stunned faces

(06:28):
of those watching this Oval Office pay per view.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Scott, I've never seen anything like that. You've never seen
anything like that?

Speaker 9 (06:35):
Wow, just wow, that was something, Caitlin. I want to
start with.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
Look at her face.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
I mean, Christian, you broke Christiana amenploy the woman wanders
unprotected through Taliban control Afghanistan.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Doesn't give ten minutes of Trump diplomacy.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
She's like, is anyone else dizzy?

Speaker 1 (07:06):
My A one C is plenty Now.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Of course, there is one big difference between the WWE
and the world of politics. In the WWE, they seem
very clear on who the good guys and who the
bad guys are. Nobody walked out of the match pretending
that the guy who got nutshotted was the bad guy.

Speaker 10 (07:27):
There was this attitude of ungratefulness, seeing his smirk, seeing
him roll his eyes, seeing him refer to JD Vance
the Vice president as JD.

Speaker 11 (07:35):
He shows up in his equinox chic outfit to the
dog on oval office.

Speaker 12 (07:40):
President Zelenski was also antagonistic and frankly, he was rude.

Speaker 8 (07:43):
So impertinent, so disrespectful.

Speaker 13 (07:46):
Tone deaf, going in and fighting back, getting sassy with
the President and the He was sassy.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
He was sassy.

Speaker 14 (08:00):
Here was a real scallywag.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
You know what I would say if I was there
in the offal office with him, I'd say, you better
watch your tone, mister. I think it was Churchill, who,
during World War Two was roundly criticized for being a
bit lippy. Excuse me, mister, will decide where you're gonna
fight them, whether it's on the beaches or not, or
what him, poor guys Alenski, his nation was invaded. He's,

(08:27):
against all odds, held off a much bigger army for
three years. And we're like, would it kill you to
smile a little more dressed, a little nicer your beautiful country.

Speaker 14 (08:38):
Nobody would know.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
Show off what you got, you know what I'm talking about?
Maybe some of those rare metals.

Speaker 15 (08:45):
I've been here and some about it, But I guess
rising prices and a tanking stock market. That's just the
cost of starting a trade war with your neighbors. Now Mexico,
they expect it, right. Trump's headed out for that since
no one showed up to his keen Seniera. But but

(09:07):
why Canada. We've always been tight with Canada. We were
both British colonies. We play in the same sports leagues together,
we share joint custody of Ryan Gosling. If Trump is
going to launch a trade war with them, I hope
he has a good reason, and I'm sure he does, right, right, right.

Speaker 16 (09:29):
Trump says the tariffs are needed, and he claims Canada
and Mexico aren't doing enough to stop all legal immigration
and fentanyl shipments.

Speaker 6 (09:37):
The fentanyl coming through Canada is massive.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Of course, of course, fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense.

Speaker 15 (09:44):
We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive
amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.

Speaker 17 (09:51):
Data shows less than one percent of the fentanyl entering
in the US comes from Canada, and only one point
five percent of border patrol encounters with migrants take place
at the border with Canada.

Speaker 15 (10:02):
Huh okay, So it's not ventanyl or migrants, and it
can't be because Trump's an insecure, wanna be alpha male
thumbing his chest so the world pays attention to him.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
So I guess, I guess we'll never know. It's probably
Joe Biden.

Speaker 15 (10:16):
Whatever it is, Prime Minister Trudeau, he wasn't having it.

Speaker 13 (10:22):
Today the United States launched a trade war against Canada,
their closest partner and ally their closest friend. Now, I
want to speak directly to one specific American. Don't, even
though you're a very smart guy, this is a very

(10:42):
dumb thing to do.

Speaker 6 (10:44):
Wow wow, yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15 (10:53):
He's mad, and he's not even world leader mad. He's
dad mad. This is the same tone I use when
I tell my daughter not to throw her baby sister
into the crib. You are not that type of person
that does this, even though you just did this and
you'll probably keep doing it, but you're not this.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
Okay, Donald, my daughter's name is Donald.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
And.

Speaker 15 (11:21):
All of Canada is lining up behind Trudeau like Ontario's Premier.
Doug Ford came out to warn America about the consequences
of a trade work, although in a confusing way.

Speaker 18 (11:31):
The people of the US, which I absolutely love the
American people, they're gonna be paying more. The market is
going to go downhill faster than the American Bob sled team.

Speaker 15 (11:43):
Oh sick burn, I think.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
I mean it sounded like a slam.

Speaker 15 (11:54):
But if the market will go downhill really fast, that
means our Bob sled team is also fast.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
Is not like a compliment.

Speaker 15 (12:03):
Our Bob sled team is supposed to go fast, right
unless he's saying our Bob sled team is slow, which
is a slam.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
But then that means the market.

Speaker 15 (12:10):
Won't go downhill fast, which is good for our economy.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
This metaphor doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 15 (12:17):
The point is doug Ford is forcing me to learn
about Bob sledding, and I do not appreciate that. Is
there a Canadian who can make an analogy that's a
little less confusing? Donna reared in the mayor of Saint
John and New Brunswick. Maybe you have a good analogy.

Speaker 10 (12:33):
I mean, we've been in this comfortable relationship with our
American cousins.

Speaker 7 (12:37):
And now we're being attacked.

Speaker 9 (12:38):
So you know, we're breaking up with the US and
it's time to move on.

Speaker 15 (12:41):
Yeah, we're cousins, but we're so we're breaking up. This
analogy is even worse than the Bob sled.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
You can't break up with your cousin.

Speaker 15 (12:54):
Sure, you can both go off and get married and
start your own families.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Try to convince yourselves you've moved on.

Speaker 15 (13:02):
But she's she's still there at Thanksgiving every year, and yeah, she.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes.

Speaker 15 (13:09):
But deep down you can see in her pale blue
eyes that she's sad.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
And I'm sad too, Stephanie.

Speaker 15 (13:16):
I know she can see it in my eyes, which
are the same color as hers, because we're related, and that's.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
And that's why we can't beat together. Right, What was
I talking about.

Speaker 15 (13:25):
I'm sorry, but look that's right. Oh the trade war
that we've launched for no reason. The point is, look
what Donald Trump has done to Canada. They're the nicest
country on Earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we've
brought them out to do.

Speaker 13 (13:38):
Canadians are reasonable and we are polite, but we will
not back down from a fight.

Speaker 19 (13:43):
An Ontario Premier Doug Ford to threaten to shut off
his province's electricity, exports to the United States and block
shipments of Ontario's high grade nickel.

Speaker 20 (13:52):
With Canadian liquor stores took American whiskey off the shelves.

Speaker 21 (13:56):
There's also hashtags buy Canadian and boycott USA going viral.

Speaker 22 (14:00):
Canadian coffee shop The Morning Owl in Ottawa has renamed
its popular Americano coffee to a Canadiano WWE.

Speaker 21 (14:07):
Fans were drowning out the performance of The Star Spangled
Banner in Toronto.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Take a listen, damn.

Speaker 15 (14:21):
Canada's respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis
and Hubert Stevens, a gold medalist and the two man
Bob sled at the nineteen thirty two in Lake class
at Olympics.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Now that's how you do a Bob Sled metaphor done.

Speaker 15 (14:40):
The star of the night was Donald Trump, and you
have to admit he showed a lot of range last night. Okay,
Like when he talked about Doge finding social Security fraud,
he got to show off his lying skills.

Speaker 6 (14:54):
We're also identifying shocking levels of incompetence and probable fraud
in the Social Security program. Government databases list four point
seven million social Security members from people aged one hundred
to one hundred nine years old, three point six million

(15:14):
people from ages one hundred and ten to one hundred
and nineteen, three point five million people from ages one
hundred and forty to one hundred and forty one, and
one person is listed at three hundred and sixty years
of age.

Speaker 15 (15:36):
I can't believe we're paying that many people's social security
I can't believe it because it's not true.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
Okay, and I could it's been a bump.

Speaker 15 (15:48):
I could explain why it's false and why Trump's wasting
everybody's time over an Excel spreadsheet air or in the
time it would take to explain it, we could watch
this video of my Walter.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Fact check. He's perfect, but.

Speaker 15 (16:13):
Trump spent a lot of his performance on the waste
elon musk is finding while also showcasing his masterful ability
to troll.

Speaker 7 (16:22):
Just listen to some of the appalling waste.

Speaker 6 (16:25):
We have already identified twenty million dollars for the Arab
Sesame Street in the Middle East, Diversity equity and inclusion
scholarships in Burma, improving learning outcomes in Asia, LGBTQI plus
in the African nation of Lesuto. Eight million dollars for

(16:49):
making mice transgender.

Speaker 15 (16:51):
Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that children's book. I think
it's called If You Give a Mouse a Pussy right.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
Now.

Speaker 15 (17:02):
To be fair, eight million dollars to transition mice is
a waste of money, you know. Just look at Mickey Mouse,
right you put a six dollars bow on them and boom,
Mini Mouse. But hey, Trump, maybe you shouldn't criticize weird
science stuff when your new best friend is the one
putting microchips in monkey brains, and when those monkeys die,

(17:25):
your other new best friend is taking them home in
a doggie bag. Being president comes with a lot of
pretty cool powers. You can write executive orders, you get
one free checked bag on Air Force one, and even
you even get an uncensored feed of CEA spend which

(17:45):
But for Donald Trump, the power he enjoys the most
is the power to impose tariffs.

Speaker 6 (17:50):
Tariffs are easy, they're fast, they're efficient, and they bring fairness.
We're going to bring so many things back to our country,
and the thing that's going to get us there is tariffs.
We'll take in hundreds of billions of dollars in tariffs,
and we're going to make our country so strong and
so rich.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
It will never be so rich.

Speaker 7 (18:09):
Tariffs.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
It's a beautiful word, isn't it. Tariff. It's a beautiful word.

Speaker 15 (18:15):
That's why I name my daughter Tiffiny.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
This guy's so horny for tariffs, isn't he.

Speaker 15 (18:22):
I love any word with big natural double fs. According
to Donald Trump, tariffs are great, and I also want
our country to be rich without any negative consequences. So
let's see how he's imposed tariffs on Canada in Mexico,
and let's sit back and let's watch that economy roar baby.

Speaker 23 (18:41):
And that's to night the stock market dropping more than
six hundred points.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
US stock markets plunged for the second day in the row.

Speaker 9 (18:47):
We've seen consumer confidence tank.

Speaker 21 (18:49):
Layoff numbers across the US are the highest they've been
since twenty twenty.

Speaker 20 (18:53):
The R word is back, thanks in large part to tariffs.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
But the R word is back.

Speaker 15 (19:00):
Tariffs brought back the R word, So I guess I
can say it.

Speaker 12 (19:07):
Wall Street banks are starting to raise a red flag
that recession auds have become unsettlingly high, right right?

Speaker 1 (19:12):
That our word? Of course, that's what I was thinking.

Speaker 15 (19:15):
I can be such a recession sometimes, by the way,
is recession and our word? Now, who thinks the word
recession is offensive? Finance bros? Did they get woke? Before
we discuss the impending our word, we begin by acknowledging
that we are on the ancestral grounds of capital grill,
where Chad was unjustly removed by the bartender before he

(19:38):
could get a chance to cheat on his wife's sub Chad.
So basically, Trump said the tariffs are going to be
a quick and painless way to get rich. And now
that it turns out we're not all shitting gold, Republicans
have moved into their new talking point.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
Hey, nobody said this was going to be easy. Trust
the process.

Speaker 24 (19:56):
May there'll be a little disturbance.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
You're okay with that. There's going to be a little
bit of pain going into this. It is going to
be painful. And if I have to pay a little
bit more for something, I'm all for it. We're gonna
have to suffer through some bad news.

Speaker 25 (20:11):
There's going to be a short period of time where
there'll be some higher prices on certain products.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
It's not inflation. That's nonsense.

Speaker 8 (20:20):
Yeah, yeah, nonsense.

Speaker 15 (20:22):
It's not inflation people, It's just higher prices on food
and cars and gas and every other product we import
from our biggest trading partners. But do you know what
we might be in for some hard times? But tariffs
are Donald Trump's whole thing. And if there's one thing
I know about Donald Trump, he's a man who sticks
to his guns.

Speaker 26 (20:41):
Uh, breaking news And to see and end President Trump's
officially delayed tariffs on Mexico and Canada.

Speaker 15 (20:48):
Boo, after all that tariffs are now on hold. Trump
just backed away from those tariffs like it was a
long time friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. So so tariffs are on,
they're delayed, they're off.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
Who knows if they'll come back or when or for
how long.

Speaker 15 (21:07):
Look, I'm not a big business guy, but quick question,
does anyone know if businesses need to make decisions more
than four hours in advance. So it appears the only
silver lining in this pointless trade war is that at
least we're only fighting with Canada and Mexico.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
You know, if you're going to pick a fight, pick
a fight.

Speaker 15 (21:25):
With two sissy countries, you can beat right, right right.

Speaker 27 (21:34):
The Chinese embassy of the US, tweeting earlier this week, quote,
if war is what the US wants, be it a
tariff war, a trade war, or any other type of war,
We're ready to fight till the end.

Speaker 15 (21:45):
Oh shit, China, China, don't play.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
They're like, if you got beef, we got broccoli. Bitch,
let's go.

Speaker 15 (21:57):
Listen, Donald, Canada and Mexico are one thing. But please
don't piss off China. I know you wrote the art
of the deal, but they wrote the art of war.
And I think a trade war with China might lead
to at best a devastating economic depression or at worst
nuclear destruction of our most of American cities, or, as

(22:18):
Trump might.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
Say, will there be a little disturbance.

Speaker 8 (22:25):
Now.

Speaker 11 (22:26):
One of Trump's big promises for his second term was
deporting violent immigrants from America, and he often mentioned one
violent gang in particular.

Speaker 6 (22:35):
Trend day Aragua remove the Savage gang trendy Iraqua trend
day trendy Arguy.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Trend.

Speaker 11 (22:50):
You know the members of that gang are like is
that us she's talking about? Trump sounds like my grandfather
ordering Chipotle. I'll take the barber bacal Buenos nott Jos.
And over the weekend, Trump announced he was deporting hundreds
of these suspected Venezuelan gang members.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
All the way back to El Salvador.

Speaker 8 (23:15):
So close enough.

Speaker 11 (23:18):
And of course these suspected gang members would be afforded
a rigorous legal procedure, including a trial, the presentation of evidence,
and all the rights of due process.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
I'm just working with you.

Speaker 28 (23:29):
He did a Trump the administration invoking an obscure law,
the Aliens Enemies Act of seventeen ninety eight, which allows
the government to deport people with little to no due
process and was last used to round up Japanese Americans
during World War II.

Speaker 11 (23:45):
Last used to round up Japanese Americans.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
During World War Two?

Speaker 11 (23:49):
Why does Trump always have to pick the oldest, most
racist laws to do what he wants to do of
cutting taxes under the authority of the It's okay to
drown Italian's Law of eighteen sixty grade.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
It's not just that it's archaic.

Speaker 11 (24:04):
Invoking that law has some big problems. One is that
if you're deporting gang members but there's no due process,
then you don't really know if you're deporting gang members,
you're just deporting people who you think look like gang members.
And if you start deporting every shady looking guy with
questionable tattoos, I mean, who's gonna go to Jets games?

(24:27):
But you know what, you know what, I'm sure Donald
Trump has the cultural understanding to carefully discern who is
a member of what's that gang name again.

Speaker 7 (24:40):
Trendy Argy.

Speaker 11 (24:42):
Yeah, yeah, you guys are Uh. There's another problem with
invoking this law, which is it's supposed to be used
in wartime. So to make this work, Trump had to
pretend that we're at war with Venezuela, which we're not.
Not to mention, a pretend war is an extreme complicated concept.
To throw out the Secretary of Defense on Saint Patrick's day.

(25:05):
So man, okay, so bottom line bottom line here, Okay.
There's a lot of legal questions up in the air.
So on Saturday, a federal judge decided to pump the brakes.

Speaker 20 (25:20):
That federal judge in an emergency hearing Saturday ordered any
plane containing these folks that is going to take off
ors in the air needs to be returned to the
United States, adding this is something that you need to
make sure is complied with immediately.

Speaker 11 (25:34):
Oh well, it was a good try, Donald, But the
judge has ruled, and that's the way the system works.
So Trump brought to the Venezuelans back, gave them due process,
did the whole constitution.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
I'm with you again. He ignored the judge.

Speaker 21 (25:51):
The administration made a calculated decision to ignore a federal
judges directive to turn the flights around.

Speaker 11 (25:57):
My god, I mean, if you had told me that
Donald Trump would trigger a constitutional crisis just seven weeks
into his term, I would have said, that is a
lot later than I thought. I mean, Donald showed a

(26:19):
lot of restraint. I mean, Trump's really becoming presidential. Of course,
the administration didn't just come out and say we don't
listen to judges from now on. They had the respect
for the judicial branch to come up with some bullshit.

Speaker 16 (26:34):
The White House argue that Bosberg's written order was issued
when the planes were already mid air, and that his
verbal order some forty minutes earlier did not count.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
It didn't count. Is that how rulings work?

Speaker 11 (26:49):
You have to put it in writing, you can't just
say it. Well, this is definitely not the first time
that Trump has defended himself by arguing that oral doesn't count.
Look it up, look it up. Like the judge wasn't
terribly impressed with that argument, so Trump's lawyers went with

(27:09):
another response, which was can't catch me force Field.

Speaker 28 (27:13):
The Trump administration arguing that the court no longer had
jurisdiction once the planes were over international waters.

Speaker 11 (27:20):
Yes, okay, apparently the Constitution is not in effect over
international waters. That explains Carnival Cruise Line's new ship, the
SS Cruel and Unusual punishment. And while the Trump administration
is saying that it has the right to ignore judicial orders,
President Trump himself is somehow going even further.

Speaker 23 (27:39):
President Donald Trump just took a true social and deemed
this judge responding to this decision here, calling him a
radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and agitator
who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama. He says
this judge should be impeached.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
So there you have it.

Speaker 11 (27:57):
Donald Trump went from oh, sorry, we have listened to
this judge if we had heard it in time, to actually,
this lunatic judge.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
Should be impeached.

Speaker 11 (28:06):
And if you would have told me that that all
happened in forty eight hours, I would have said wow.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Again longer than I expect.

Speaker 11 (28:16):
Donald Trump made lots of promises during the presidential campaign,
and he emphasized one thing in particular.

Speaker 6 (28:24):
Starting on day one, we will bring competence and common
sense back to the Oval office. Restore competence and effectiveness
to our federal government.

Speaker 29 (28:32):
Kamala says, vote for her and your voting for joy.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
What's the one more encounterpart.

Speaker 6 (28:41):
Competence competence, but real competence, real real competence, not just.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
He's he's sort of a competent. No real competence. Yes.

Speaker 11 (28:49):
Yes, the more you say that something is real, the
more people believe you. My real, real girlfriend lives in
real Canada. She's just not just sort of my girlfriend.
She's my real girlfriend. She's real and I touched her
real movies. By the way, what room is that? I
feel like the beast must have bell trapped in the room.

(29:12):
Next door right, But yes, Trump promised his presidency would
be marked by competence, and now that we're two months in,
let's see how that's going.

Speaker 21 (29:22):
Some serious security concerns over the newly released JFK files
and real anger after social security numbers and other private
information of more than two hundred people were made public
on Tuesday. The Washington Post reports that among them are
former congressional staffers and one of Donald Trump's most vocal defenders,

(29:42):
his former campaign lawyer, Joseph Degeneva. He is furious, telling
the Post it's absolutely outrageous, adding it's like a first grade,
elementary level rule of security to redact things like.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
That, whoa man looks like?

Speaker 17 (29:58):
Three?

Speaker 8 (29:58):
Or four?

Speaker 11 (29:58):
Five, five six? You too is really upset about that, league, man.
Social security numbers address is full names. The only thing
that wasn't in the JFK papers was who killed JFK.
And Trump's poor, poor lawyer. He's probably like, oh, man,
I never would have represented you in your twenty twenty

(30:20):
election fraud case if I knew you'd be untrustworthy.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Boy, can't be surprised.

Speaker 11 (30:26):
Everything Trump has done so far has been sloppy, whether
it's doge not knowing who they're firing, ice not knowing
who they're deporting. Turns out they can't even do a
classic DEI purge.

Speaker 30 (30:37):
Right tonight, the Pentagon's sparking outrage after removing from its
website a story celebrating the Army record of American icon
Jackie Robinson. A senior military official tells US tonight that
the Pentagon relies on computer software to scrub DEI content
from its websites, and that ultimately those stories about Jackie
Robinson were removed by mistake.

Speaker 11 (30:58):
Yeah, oh, don't blame us, blame our racist software.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
We should have never used chat KKK.

Speaker 11 (31:10):
Plastic mistake, classic mistake.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Be careful where did a shoot?

Speaker 11 (31:16):
So the Jackie Robinson mistake wasn't even the most embarrassing
anti DEI flub.

Speaker 31 (31:21):
In some cases, photos seemed to be flagged for removal
simply because their file included the word gay, including service
members with that last name, and an image of the
B twenty nine aircraft Enola Gay, which dropped the first
atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

Speaker 11 (31:37):
That's how lazy they were with this. They just control
f't for gay sounding keywords and deleted anything that showed up. Now, kids,
won't know about the Inola Gay, they won't know about
transport planes, and they'll never hear about the heroic service
of Captain Grinder.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
Mcsisary tragic.

Speaker 11 (31:58):
What's extra tragic is this have all been avoided if
they had just named the plane and Nola Gay Nohomo.

Speaker 8 (32:04):
You know.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
But luckily, our national free speech nightmare recently came to
an end when we entered the golden age of Donald
jehosiphef for Trump.

Speaker 6 (32:16):
We have saved free speech in America, and we've saved
it strongly, Free speech in America Inspact.

Speaker 32 (32:25):
Thank god, we have a president now who believes in
free speech.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yes, thank god, we have a president now who believes
in free Just go ahead, roll through twelve.

Speaker 6 (32:38):
I believe that CNN and MSDNC what they do is illegal.
I think CBS should lose its license, but I think
ABC should lose its license.

Speaker 24 (32:47):
Also because of what they've done.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
I watched what Happened live.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
I think Bravo should also lose their license. What they
did to Derinda on Traders. They should be sent to
a Salvagerianello.

Speaker 14 (33:11):
This is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Generally, you've got to search the archives for contradictions on
one stated principles, dig through policy papers to uncover private
actions that are undermined by someone's public stance. But this
is so this is so blatant, I can't wrap my
head around it.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
It's not even the hypocrisy, it's that they so.

Speaker 2 (33:30):
Fetishize free speech, this thing that they do not in
any way actually.

Speaker 6 (33:37):
Practice the freedom to speak our minds and express the
truth that is our heart. Really, that's really a big
chunk of our heart.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
Any cardiologists will tell you hearts coming chunks. Blood comes
into the aorda to the right ventricle, passes through your
speech chunk. But since coming into office, Trump and the
Republicans have instituted policies that are a dagger right through

(34:26):
many people's speech chunks.

Speaker 22 (34:28):
The White House has barred the Associated Press from presidential
events because the AP has refused to rename the Gulf
of Mexico the Gulf of America in its stylebook.

Speaker 33 (34:37):
And in a dramatic escalation against the American legal system,
Trump this weekend diructed his government.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
To target law firms battling his actions.

Speaker 34 (34:45):
Federal immigration officials arrested a Palaestudian activists to help lead
last year's student encampment protest at Columbia.

Speaker 6 (34:52):
I think we are to get them all out of
the country. They're troublemakers, they're agitators.

Speaker 7 (34:57):
They don't love our country.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Bunks, my precious chunks, my lovely lady chunks, not chunks,
not chunks, our lovely ladies.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
You're making my paraneum tingle.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Here's the thing, these attacks on free speech, especially the
one where they deported that activist. If there's one thing
that I know about the powerful principles at our higher
education institutions, they will not be bullied by a roll
to twelve.

Speaker 35 (35:41):
Columbia University is bowing to President Trump's demands, announcing it
will change a number of policies.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Among them placing the school's Middle Eastern, South Asian and
African Studies department under academic receivership for at least five years.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Some students protest to the warrant.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
Guys are suddenly a whole department is on double secret
probation with government oversight.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
And by the way, okay, Middle.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
East part African studies, what did they do.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
For the African studies?

Speaker 14 (36:14):
Professors like I teach intermediate Swahili.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
See These guys don't give a fuck about free speech.
They care about their speech. It's so blatant hypocrisy. It's
so old school Daily Show. Gotcha. I you know what,
I'm just gonna put on the wig I used to
wear during those.

Speaker 36 (36:33):
Years because the poverty is just so.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Here's Donald Trump on those who would criticize judges that
he has appointed a lot of.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
The judges that I had.

Speaker 6 (36:54):
If you look at them, they take tremendous abuse, and
it's truly interference my opinion, and it should be illegal,
and it probably is illegal in some form.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, criticizing judges, it is interference.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
It should be illegal, tremendous abuse. And four days later,
not four days later, not a full French work week later.

Speaker 23 (37:17):
Or President Donald Trump just took a true social and
deemed this judge. Responding to this decision here, calling him
a radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and
agitator who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, he
says this judge should be impeached.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
The bocerus.

Speaker 14 (37:37):
It is, and are we really still doing the Barack.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Hussein Obama thing?

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Oh free HARAMBEI come on baby, See what was the
whole thing that they hated about the left on free speech?

Speaker 1 (37:59):
No one has saved from the left's word police.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
No one what exactly would actual government run word police
organization look like.

Speaker 29 (38:08):
The Trump administration is actively trying to purge the federal
government of so called woke initiatives. Government agencies have flag
hundreds of words to limit or avoid words like DEI, bipoc,
anti racism, Latin X, Native American black women, seemingly random
words like expression at risk, political and even mental health,

(38:32):
and sex.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
What's left.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Bipocking LATINX. I get that you're not allowed to say sex.
You can't say words like women or sex or hashtag
meet too. How can a lot of your cabinet members
describe their weekends?

Speaker 1 (38:58):
You know?

Speaker 2 (38:59):
You can't protest in a way that you can't protest
in a way that offends the right. You can't teach
things that the right doesn't want you to teach. You
can't read things that they don't want you to read.
You can't use words that they don't want you to use.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
But they love free speech. I guess fear not at
least will always have art.

Speaker 19 (39:20):
President Trump demanding a painting of him be removed because
he finds it unflattering.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
He's demanding they take it down because he believes this
picture is unflattering, Which really makes you think.

Speaker 14 (39:57):
Do you think other pictures of you are flattering?

Speaker 2 (40:02):
At least in the painting they blended the foundation into
your Hairin You're gonna check in with our good friend Democracy.
Gonna give him the old turn your head and cough.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
How's democracy doing.

Speaker 20 (40:17):
In some of his strongest comments yet, President Trump says
he's considering his options to serve a third term in office,
a breach of the Constitution's two term limit for presidents.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
I'm sorry considering the option. God, what are you trying
to order off menu from the Constitution? Oh? Yeah, you
gotta have what do you got two terms? Here?

Speaker 2 (40:41):
But can I get it animal style? What are you
gonna do with the third terminal? How does that work?

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Exactly?

Speaker 20 (40:50):
In a phone call with NBC, Trump saying, quote, there
are methods which you could do it, including possibly urging
his Vice president J. D. Vance to run and then
seed power back to Trump. The president saying that's one method,
but that there are others too.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Yes, there are other methods that you tried one a
few years ago. There are other methods for staying in
power beyond when you are legally allowed to be there. Historically,
some of them involve catapults, although maybe Trump has something

(41:28):
more creative in mind with the dvanced thing.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
Have you guys heard of the movie Face Off. Yeah,
so here's what's gonna work.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Trump will watch that movie as the military seeses his power.
I'm sure wit for Chuck Schumer will say I will
allow it because in the third term, we think is
popularity down to.

Speaker 15 (42:07):
The second Trump administration is off to a roaring start
if you don't count the economy, inflation, rampant corruption, cyber
bullying of ally nations, and we're all going to die
of measles. So it makes sense that on Sunday he
said he's considering running for a third term. But of
course the liberal media is freeking out new fallout after

(42:32):
President Trump did not rule out the possibility of a
third term.

Speaker 30 (42:36):
A move that would require breaching the two term limit
outlined in the constitution.

Speaker 33 (42:40):
Care like method with the resident used to potentially run for.

Speaker 14 (42:43):
A third time.

Speaker 30 (42:44):
Look, you guys continue to ask the president this question
about a third term, and then he answers honestly and
candidly with a smile, and then everybody here melts down
about his answer.

Speaker 15 (42:54):
Yeah right, oh right, Obviously this is the media's fault. Okay,
if they ask the president a question, of course he's
going to give you a deranged answer.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
He's the president. What do you expect him to say?

Speaker 15 (43:07):
No, I'm constitutionally barred from running again.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
Come on, the guy's just having a good time his
fellow Republicans.

Speaker 15 (43:18):
No, nobody gets comedy like the Republicans.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Don't you think he's probably controlling.

Speaker 37 (43:24):
I think he's probably having some fun with it, probably
messing with him.

Speaker 38 (43:28):
This is a president who loves to give a snake
in a can to a media just to watch them
open it, and he's doing that. This is another jump
scare that has just lit up the internet.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Yeah, guys, reless, the president of the most powerful nation
in the world is just he's.

Speaker 15 (43:47):
In his Dennis the Menace phase. The point is everybody
knows he's joking. Trump isn't serious about a potential third term.

Speaker 35 (43:56):
Trump insisted he was serious about a potential third term.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
Trump said, I'm not joking.

Speaker 9 (44:01):
I'm not joking.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
No, No, that can mean anything. That can mean anything.

Speaker 15 (44:07):
Look, the truth is Trump doesn't really joke so much
as he jokes, right the same way that guys joke
to their wives about having a threesome. You know, that
would be so wild. Obviously we never do that. I
mean definitely not with my coworker Cindy. That you said
was pretty ones And I'm sure she's open to stuff

(44:30):
because her nose is pierced. That would be so hilarious, right,
or or would it be sexy?

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Personally?

Speaker 15 (44:39):
I'm not freaking out that Trump is going to defy
the Constitution because he's already been doing it for weeks now.
ICE has been rounding up any immigrant who they suspect
is a member of the Venezuelan gang train, the Arragua,
or as Trump pronounces.

Speaker 7 (44:52):
It, trendy arguay.

Speaker 15 (44:57):
We been signor presidente. But this week we found out
that instead of sending these suspects to a trial or
hearing you know, all the due process shit in the Constitution,
the ICE agents just fill out a checklist on the suspect,
and if the suspects scores an eight or more, they
get deported to an l Salvadorian prison. Look, look, I'm

(45:20):
not a legal expert, but I'd rather not be sentenced
to life in a foreign prison with the same checklist
system that Cosmo uses to decide if I'm good girl hot.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
Or bad girl hot.

Speaker 8 (45:33):
By the way, I'm bad girl hot.

Speaker 15 (45:37):
Who and reading through the checklist doesn't make me feel
any better either. You get points just for having a
tattoo of a star, or a clock or the Michael
Jordan logo. It doesn't even have to be a tattoo.
You could just get points for wearing a bull's jersey.
So have fun in prison, Hannah Montana if that's even.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Your real name.

Speaker 15 (46:05):
But hey, I'm sure the famously detail oriented Trump administration
isn't going to deport people without making sure they're hardened criminals,
right right, right?

Speaker 39 (46:19):
The Trump administration now admitting that a Maryland father from
El Salvador was mistakenly deported to a super prison. Government
lawyers just confirmed that the man who was granted protected
status in twenty nineteen was deported due to quote an
administrative error.

Speaker 15 (46:35):
Oopsie, doopsie, I get a poopsie. Could it be that
the geniuses who added Jeffrey Goldberg to the strike team
group chat aren't great at identifying the correct people?

Speaker 1 (46:47):
If only there is a way that they could.

Speaker 15 (46:50):
Have presented this suspect before another person, someone who I
don't know, and I'm just spitballing, maybe could have judged
whether or not the person could have been deported. Maybe
that person I don't know could be behind a tall
desk and they hold a stick and with a robe,
and they're federally appointed, and they say things like another,
do ui, mister Costa, I'd put you in prison, but

(47:14):
you're too bad girl, hot Na, no no, no, let's
just let's just do another checklist.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Thank you for that. But hey, hey, hey, no harm,
no foul. We can just get that guy back on
the next flight, right right right. But here's the thing.

Speaker 39 (47:30):
The administration argues he can't be brought back because now
he's an L. Salvador's custody.

Speaker 15 (47:35):
Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about.
We can't get one person out of a prison that
we sent to that prison. Jd Vance is out there
calling dibbs on rare earth minerals underneath Greenland and Ukraine.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
But with El Salvador, suddenly they're like, hey, sorry, no
Ablo espanel Trump, don't you speak Spanish?

Speaker 7 (47:57):
Trendy arguys.

Speaker 15 (48:02):
Seeing all these constitutional crises pile up. It makes me
wonder what sort of evil machinations Donald Trump is plotting
inside the Oval office right now.

Speaker 40 (48:12):
A friend of mine, Kid Rock, sometimes referred to as Bob.
I know hims Bob, but he's been a good friend
for a long time, many years, and he's been after
something that is for the good of a lot of people.

Speaker 15 (48:28):
Oh, mister President, I don't mean to alarm you, but
the guy next to you, he's scoring a lot of
points on that checklist right now. Well, Democrats were congratulating
themselves for their bladder control. Donald Trump was shitting out
a new holiday, a big.

Speaker 9 (48:47):
Day for the country.

Speaker 41 (48:48):
President Trump calling it Liberation Day.

Speaker 15 (48:50):
Liberation Day, Liberation Day. The world is watching, right, Liberation Day.
That sounds like the fake holiday your friends make up
after you get dumped. You know, no man, no man
who needs that beautiful, smart, independently wealthy woman in your
life when you could die alone.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
This is your liberation day, bro, But actually, what is it?
Our breaking news?

Speaker 42 (49:12):
Just moments ago President Trump officially announcing widespread what he
calls reciprocal tariffs at least ten percent on practically all
goods coming into the United States.

Speaker 7 (49:22):
My fellow Americans.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
This is Liberation Day.

Speaker 6 (49:27):
April second, twenty twenty five, will forever be remembered as
today American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed.

Speaker 15 (49:38):
Okay, so Liberation Day is just the day that Trump
announced new tariffs. I kind of doubt this day we
remembered for all of history. But if you give me
a day off from work, you can call whatever you want.
To be honest with you, now you might be thinking,
what am I even being liberated from the ability to
afford goods and services? Yes, but what Trump is hoping

(49:59):
happened is that businesses moved back to America. But until then,
Republicans are preparing Americans for the inevitable rocky road ahead.

Speaker 39 (50:10):
I feel like in some ways in the economy, this
is kind of like a kitchen remodel or a bathroom model.

Speaker 23 (50:16):
There's a bit of a mess at the beginning, but
everybody has a long term look of where we're headed.

Speaker 32 (50:20):
I mean, if you're going to remodel your house to
make it better at the end, it's going to be
really annoying in the short term when your house is
getting remodeled and there's drywall desk everywhere, and there's workers
in your living room. The reality is that remodel has
got to happen in order to make things stronger and
more stable on the back end.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
Great, it's like a home remodel.

Speaker 15 (50:38):
I feel much better about tariffs now that you compare
it to something famous for costing people way more than
they ever expected. Nobody, nobody likes a remodel, and they
especially don't like the people in charge of the remodel.
Even the homeowners who hire Jesus to be their carpenter
hated him.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Persually going out for another walk on water. I'm gonna
kill that guy.

Speaker 15 (51:06):
Well, look, guys, whether you like it or not, Republicans
don't want to hear your bitching because we all knew
this was coming.

Speaker 43 (51:12):
It's gonna be a rocky road, and Trump has admitted that.

Speaker 12 (51:15):
Trump has acknowledge that there will be some minor inflationary
aspect of.

Speaker 35 (51:19):
That as he begins to realign the economy to put
America first. Everybody knows, and when they voted in November
of twenty twenty four, they knew that's what they were
voting for.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Yeah, that's right, voters.

Speaker 15 (51:31):
You can belly ache all you want, but we all
knew what we were voting for. Trump was very honest
during the campaign that tariffs would drive prices higher, right, right, right.

Speaker 42 (51:47):
You want to impose a ten percent tariff on all
goods coming into the US. How will you ensure that
that doesn't drive prices even higher?

Speaker 24 (51:54):
Not going to drive them higher?

Speaker 32 (51:55):
Do you believe Americans can afford higher prices because of tariffs?

Speaker 1 (51:58):
They're not going to have higher prices?

Speaker 15 (52:00):
Okay, okay, technically he said prices wouldn't go up, but
in his defense, he was lying, and you should have
known that.

Speaker 1 (52:08):
So that's on you. But you know what, yeah, perfect.

Speaker 15 (52:15):
Some people at Fox News would like to know why
you're so obsessed with your money in the first place.

Speaker 16 (52:20):
Huh.

Speaker 26 (52:20):
There are some things more important than money, and the
president's trying to tell Americans, you know, there may be
a little suffering going on here.

Speaker 25 (52:27):
It's a little volatile right now, but people have been
very happy and very enthusiastic since the administration was inaugurated.

Speaker 26 (52:35):
Look, I wouldn't watch the stock market every hour every day.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
I really hope that somehow the average person out there
can separate themselves in their mindset from Wall Street.

Speaker 15 (52:43):
You know, don't let don't get fooled by what's happening
in the stock market. Yeah, yeah, making money isn't everything.
Take it from the guy hosting the show called Making
Money yesterday, Donald Trump are now sweeping tariffs across the

(53:04):
entire globe, Asia, South America, Narnia, Arndale, Wakanda, Bachelor Nation,
if you can imagine it, Trump slapped a terrif on it.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
And today the reviews came in.

Speaker 9 (53:17):
Carnage on Wall Street. Market's falling, tumbling.

Speaker 8 (53:21):
Stocks plunging down, down downs.

Speaker 29 (53:23):
The nasac's getting crushed, small caps are getting crushed.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
This is a shock to the system.

Speaker 9 (53:28):
It is ugly out there and worse than worst case scenario.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Stocks are getting slashed and burned.

Speaker 21 (53:33):
Two and a half trillion dollars vaporized, two.

Speaker 15 (53:37):
Point five trillion dollars vaporized, your kid's college fund, disintegrated,
your four oh one k, given the death penalty, your
pension waterboard in Guantanamo. Those stocks your nana gave you
twenty years ago, accidentally stepped in a landmine while vacationing
in Vietnam. Economists say we could be on the verge

(53:58):
of a recession, so things are looking scary right now,
But don't worry. The only thing the President is better
at than negotiating is speaking soothing words of comfort in
times of need.

Speaker 23 (54:11):
We have heard from President Trump. He took the truth
social wrote this. The operation is over, the patient lived
and is healing. The prognosis is that the patient will
be far stronger, bigger, better, and more resilient than ever before.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Boy, I feel so much better now, you know.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
I mean you.

Speaker 15 (54:27):
Always reassuring when the surgeon comes out screaming at the
top of as lung as.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
The patient is fine, Everything is going great. Does anybody
have a mob? The thing is, the patient didn't need
major surgery. We just needed a teeth cleaning. Keep it
clean and shiny.

Speaker 15 (54:46):
No one wants to wake up from heart surgery to
their dental hygiena shouting.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
I think he's gonna live.

Speaker 15 (54:53):
Also, the patient is gonna be bigger. Was the surgery
a penis and hand?

Speaker 1 (55:02):
If so, what kind was it?

Speaker 15 (55:04):
Latex injections, scrotoplasty, ligament extension, ventral fallow plasty, a fat
transfer to enhanced skirt.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
I mean, I think those are the options. I don't
know now.

Speaker 15 (55:19):
Look, you could argue that it's bad that my retired
seventy eight year old mom is polishing up her resume now.
But to Donald Trump, it's all worth it because we're
correcting a grave injustice.

Speaker 30 (55:31):
President Trump says, the higher penalties come and respond to
tariff's those countries impose on American products they import reciprocal.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
That means they do it to us and we do
it to them. Very simple. Yeah, it's very simple, and
that it is simply not true, all right.

Speaker 15 (55:48):
The reality, the reality is that the numbers on his
board are not the tariffs other countries are charging us.
They're actually they actually represent the trade deficit between the
US and those countries, meaning we buy more stuff from
them than they buy from us.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
I'm just gonna repeat this. Those numbers don't represent the tariffs.

Speaker 15 (56:08):
They represent that we buy more stuff from them than
they buy from us. That means we're basically punishing other
countries for selling us stuff that we want. This is
like me going to John Varvados and beating the shit
out of him because I like his socks. Why don't
you ever buy my socks? John Barbados, I don't make
any socks, but that's no excuse. But that's really what's

(56:32):
going on. It's not actually about tariffs. It's about other
countries not buying enough of our stuff. Although Howard Lutnik,
Commerce Secretary and Cologne Sponge had another way to put it.

Speaker 25 (56:43):
I mean European Union won't take chicken from America.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
They won't take lobsters from America.

Speaker 25 (56:51):
They hate our beef because our beef is beautiful and
theirs is weak.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
It's unbelievable they won't. We can't sell quod warned to India.
We can't sell rice to Asia.

Speaker 15 (57:03):
Yeah, yeah, although I'm not sure tariffs for the reason
we can't sell rice to Asia. I think they figured
rice out about ten thousand years ago.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
Now if they want to add a rony, well then
let us know.

Speaker 14 (57:22):
You got that figured out.

Speaker 15 (57:25):
By the way, Europe's beef is week, I'm sure that's
not true. They famously have a running from the beef
event where the beef tramples people. You know what, I'm
not too concerned about Donald Trump not understanding how his
tariffs works, because he's Donald Trump.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
He doesn't understand how to make money running a casino.

Speaker 15 (57:46):
The important thing is that there are adults in the room,
like Scott Besson Treasury Secretary in college Dan who understands
that boys will be boys.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
That guy's going to have the answers we need.

Speaker 9 (57:59):
What do you expect this star market to look like
when it opens tomorrow? In reaction to this, I don't
know should we view these as permanent.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
Again? I think we're going to wait and see how
this plays out. Do you plan on having negotiations before
that date? I just don't know if they're going to
be negotiations. Canada and Mexico notably missing on that chart.

Speaker 17 (58:19):
Why is that?

Speaker 1 (58:20):
I'm not sure you know. I have a question.

Speaker 8 (58:24):
Do you know anything?

Speaker 1 (58:26):
Why are you out here doing interviews? It's not very.

Speaker 15 (58:29):
Reassuring to have the Treasury Secretary of the United States going, oh,
you know what, maybe they can't give us clarification because
there isn't clarification. We just assume they have a good
reason for imploding the economy, because why else would you
implode the economy. But then you uncover something like this

(58:50):
and you realize, I'm not sure they even know what
they're doing.

Speaker 10 (58:54):
Every country on the list faces at least ten percent tariffs,
Even small remote place like the Herd and McDonald Islands.
They are near Antarctica and covered in glaciers, home to
many penguins but no people.

Speaker 15 (59:08):
Yeah, yeah, we put a ten percent tariff. We put
a ten percent tariff on an island that only has penguins.
Trump would have been better off tariffing that island Tom
Hanks got stranded on. At least it had one guy
in that little volleyball he was faking.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Is this a mistake? Look?

Speaker 15 (59:29):
I know old people butt dial strangers all the time,
but this is the first time I've heard of someone
butt tariffying an entire country.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
I remember when Donald Trump was re elected. Wall Street
still excited about deregulation, tax cuts, and the fact.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
That you could once again call people sugar tits.

Speaker 44 (59:54):
One top banker told the paper that he feels liberated
because now he can use offensive slow like the R
word and a P word without fear of getting canceled
at work.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Hmmm, the hard word and the pee what.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
Well, I can tell you today that that top banker
is definitely using both of those words, perhaps even adding motherfucker.

Speaker 35 (01:00:24):
Right now, the market meltdown for the third straight day.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
The global markets are sinking.

Speaker 34 (01:00:30):
Markets across Asia, Europe and Australia plunging.

Speaker 29 (01:00:33):
At one point this morning, the now sinking almost sixteen
hundred points.

Speaker 12 (01:00:38):
The market's lost more than six and a half trillion
dollars in value.

Speaker 7 (01:00:41):
This is an economic army.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
Geddon, where's a Hawaiian shirt to an economic arm I
don't know what are we doing here, but they pull

(01:01:07):
you in from the pool. Either financial Channel's Rodney danger
failed or I told my wife about the stock plunge.
She said, Oh, I thought you guys.

Speaker 14 (01:01:18):
Would never go down there.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
No, no, I don't mean I haven't done that one
in a while.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
This turmoil could have lasting effects on the global economy,
on everyday Americans, and most worryingly, the stock portfolios of
members of Congress.

Speaker 14 (01:01:41):
Mister President, now is the time to soothe a worried nation.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Donald Trump put this out on social media.

Speaker 31 (01:01:48):
Don't be weak, don't be stupid, don't be a pannikin
which he has termed a new party based on weak
and stupid people.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Panican, the genius who gave us classics like Sleepy Joe
and Crooked Hillary, just shit out. You're a Panican? How
about hysterocrats? Repusicans? How about Crianologists? Did the overseas factory

(01:02:35):
you had been sourcing your nicknames from get shut down
during the tireport. So we're going to try this again,
mister president, can you ease the fears of this nation
like a true leader?

Speaker 41 (01:02:48):
President trumpolding firm posting on true social only the week
will fail.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Your economic policy has the same tagline as season three
of squid Game. It's supposed to make us feel better,
Only the whipshaw died in my economy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
By the way.

Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
In case you didn't get the point that he didn't give,
he spent the weekend showing, not telling.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
He played not a round of golf this weekend.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
A tournament of golf, a three day tournament, eight one
hundred and twelve holes of golf with his live golf
Saudi benefactors. And in case you're wondering about the venerated
journalists who are now allowed to be in the press pool,
this was literally the first question he was asked on
Air Force one in the middle of a financial meltdown.

Speaker 14 (01:03:52):
Very good because it won.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
It's good to win. You heard I won?

Speaker 5 (01:03:58):
Right?

Speaker 8 (01:03:58):
Did you hear it here?

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
Because I won? You heard I won? You heard I won?
I won? You heard I won?

Speaker 8 (01:04:09):
I won?

Speaker 1 (01:04:11):
Mom?

Speaker 12 (01:04:11):
Mom?

Speaker 11 (01:04:12):
I won?

Speaker 37 (01:04:14):
Mom?

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
I won the tournament. Mom, I'm a good boy, good boy,
good golf.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
I know the stock market is not the totality of
the economy, but if I remember correctly, in the run
up to the election, Trump seems very concerned about the
stock market.

Speaker 6 (01:04:36):
If Harris wins this election, the result will be a
Kamala economic crash, a nineteen twenty nine style depression.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
And anything she can do, I can do better.

Speaker 14 (01:04:50):
I can do it on my own.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
I won.

Speaker 45 (01:04:52):
Mom, Hey mom, Hey mom, Look, hey mom, look, no economy,
please love me.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
And it didn't have to happen like this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
Trump had so many options to shape the world economy
into the one he thought was fairer. He could have
proposed some incentives to bring back manufacturing. He could have
gone sector to sector, nation to nation negotiate better trade
reciprocal agreements.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
But he had to go to full TERISA.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
Not to be fair, to be fair, to be fair
to the Trump administration, they did give it almost two
months and no effort before they asked chat GPT what
it thought they should do. But for those of us
who've been tricked into believing that an economic crisis is

(01:05:55):
a crisis, Trump's people have an answer.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Don't panic, Calm down, Everything is going to be okay.
I would not worry at all.

Speaker 11 (01:06:03):
The DAW is actually in the same place it was
in August.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
Do me a favor. Don't look at your stock portfolio.
You know what, I don't really care about my four
oh one k.

Speaker 7 (01:06:21):
Lame blave love.

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
That's what I was saying. You know what I say,
don't you? It's four oh one k somewhere.

Speaker 41 (01:06:35):
It's been one week since Donald Trump announced his bold
vision for destroying the economy, and guess what his plan
is working.

Speaker 16 (01:06:43):
After another chaotic day on Wall Street, America's CEOs are
sounding the alarm.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
Most CEOs I talked to I would say, we are
probably in a recession right now.

Speaker 16 (01:06:54):
A new CNBC survey showing those concerns are widespread, with
sixty nine of CEOs expecting a recession and eighty two
percent expecting resurgent inflation.

Speaker 5 (01:07:05):
This is a snapshot of the Dow since President Trump's inauguration,
after dropping more than fifteen percent since it's record high,
putting it into correction territory.

Speaker 41 (01:07:15):
I'm not an economist, but it's probably a bad sign
when the chart itself looks like it jumped off the roof.

Speaker 9 (01:07:23):
Look at that drop.

Speaker 41 (01:07:24):
Six flags is going to make a rollercoaster of that. Mom,
I want to ride the Dow Jones. We can't afford it.
So the economy is incredibly unstable right now. The only
upside is that this crash is much easier to understand
than the two thousand and eight one. Remember the big
short where they had to have Margot Robbie explain it

(01:07:45):
in a bathtub.

Speaker 9 (01:07:47):
Here's how that would go today.

Speaker 7 (01:07:49):
Trump did it.

Speaker 9 (01:07:52):
Thanks Margo, thank you.

Speaker 41 (01:07:55):
So the Resident may have single handedly tipped us into
a global recession, and with so much uncertainty, the world
is glued to the financial news networks, who are surely
focusing on this story. Twenty four to seven, right Fox Business.

Speaker 19 (01:08:09):
The President welcomes the World Series Champions, the Los Angeles
Dodgist of the White House.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
He was funny, he was entertaining.

Speaker 41 (01:08:18):
Yes, that's definitely the big story. The President made new
friends today. So yes, economists are afraid that we're headed
into a recession, but don't worry. Things could still improve
quickly as long as Trump de escalates.

Speaker 21 (01:08:32):
Soon, President Trump escalates his trade war with more threats
against China.

Speaker 19 (01:08:36):
President Trump is now promising a new fifty percent tariff
on China on top of the other new tariffs which
are on top of existing tariffs. Combine, this would make
US tariffs on imports from China a whopping one hundred
and four percent.

Speaker 41 (01:08:50):
One hundred and four percent tariffs. Okay, this is getting
really serious. We'll know exactly how serious once we asked
China to do the.

Speaker 9 (01:08:59):
Math for us. But point is, Trump is out of
control right now.

Speaker 41 (01:09:05):
I'd say he's like a bull in a China shop,
but at one hundred and four percent, I can't afford
to say that. It's really starting to feel like the
entire world is teetering on the brink of chaos. It's
honestly impossible to report on literally anything else right now.
Right Fox News a woman's pool championship in the UK
with no women in the final round after two transgender

(01:09:26):
players defeated their female opponents to face off for the title. No,
not the British women's pool tournament. That's America's favorite pastime.
Last Wednesday, Donald Trump announced that in one week he
was going to impose the biggest increase in tariffs in

(01:09:48):
one hundred years, and after a week of panic, buying
a year's supply of toilet paper and air fryers.

Speaker 9 (01:09:54):
The day has finally arrived.

Speaker 44 (01:09:56):
It is eleven fifty nine and forty eight seconds, which
means we are moments away from the President's new tariffs.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
It's President Trump's long awaited tariff day.

Speaker 1 (01:10:05):
It's reciprocal tariff day.

Speaker 7 (01:10:07):
While the tariffs are.

Speaker 8 (01:10:08):
Here all right. It is tariff Day.

Speaker 9 (01:10:11):
Happy tariff day. Everyone whoa oho. It's what Trump is
replacing June teeth with.

Speaker 8 (01:10:22):
Now.

Speaker 41 (01:10:22):
Trump is celebrated by putting tariffs on every country in
the world, including one hundred and four percent on products
made in China, which.

Speaker 9 (01:10:30):
Is probably fine. I mean, how many products are made
in China.

Speaker 41 (01:10:37):
The tariff Day wasn't just celebrated here in America. Other
countries got in on the fun too, swift retaliation.

Speaker 34 (01:10:44):
Both China and the European Union are responding to President
Trump's tariffs.

Speaker 22 (01:10:48):
China has announced its own retaliatory tariffs eighty four percent
on all US goods.

Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
It isn't wort's, according to the European Union.

Speaker 43 (01:10:55):
Almonds, orange juice, poultry, soybeans, steel and alumin them, products, tobacco,
and yachts imported from the United States. Now we'll have
a twenty five percent levy on them, percent on yachts.

Speaker 41 (01:11:12):
Why don't these trade wars always have to screw over
the little guy. I'll be honest, I didn't even know
America made yachts. I thought the only thing we made
here was NEPO babies. But this really feels like it's
spiraling out of control. It seems like the smart move
is to back off this whole thing. But Trump's team
has been adamant that they will stay the course.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
This is not a negotiation.

Speaker 26 (01:11:35):
It's not the kind of thing you can negotiate away.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
I don't think there's any chance going to that President
Trump's gonna back off his tariffs.

Speaker 9 (01:11:43):
I President made it clear yesterday this is not a negotiation.
Trump posted this morning, my policies will never change. Well
that's it.

Speaker 41 (01:11:51):
Then they're in it to win it, full speed ahead,
from the window to the walls.

Speaker 9 (01:11:56):
Skate steet steet mothers. Trump's will never ever change.

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
This is CNN breaking news.

Speaker 26 (01:12:06):
The President announced in just minutes ago that he's now
quote authorized a ninety day pause.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
On some of his new teriffs.

Speaker 41 (01:12:15):
What the trade war's over, But it's tariff day, I.

Speaker 9 (01:12:21):
Shaved my legs for this. Now I have to grow
it all back.

Speaker 41 (01:12:26):
But hey, at least we can buy things from China again, right,
I mean Amazon Prime.

Speaker 9 (01:12:31):
Here I come.

Speaker 26 (01:12:33):
Notably, though, the President is raising the tariff applied to
China from the United States to one hundred and twenty
five percent effective immediately, So this pause applies to other countries.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
Not China.

Speaker 41 (01:12:47):
Hey, Siri, cancel one thousand air fryers. Trump, I don't
understand what happened here. You tanked global stock markets, You
put us on the verge of a recession. You told
every want to build factories in America because the tariffs
wouldn't go away, and then you took them away.

Speaker 9 (01:13:05):
What happened? Did you just get spooked by the markets.

Speaker 40 (01:13:08):
The ninety eight polls when there was a tariffs.

Speaker 11 (01:13:10):
Is that because of the mclaps that we were seeing
across the financial market.

Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
No, this was his strategy all absolutely brilliant.

Speaker 5 (01:13:19):
Move, brilliant not only economically, politically, and it was good
for the American worker.

Speaker 37 (01:13:24):
He's a negotiator in chief, he's landing the plane.

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
It's the Master of the deal.

Speaker 8 (01:13:29):
I mean, you're watching the art of the deal in
real time here.

Speaker 9 (01:13:32):
Many of you in the media clearly missed the art
of the deal. Uh yes, the art of the deal.

Speaker 41 (01:13:41):
Create a global crisis and then dig yourself halfway out.

Speaker 9 (01:13:45):
It's truly masterful. Donald.

Speaker 41 (01:13:48):
I'm starting to think that the art of the deal
is art in the way that Jackson Pollock is art.
Like it looks like someone just threw a bunch of
shit at the wall. But now I have to pretend
like it's.

Speaker 9 (01:13:58):
Genius and it's going to cost millions of dollars.

Speaker 41 (01:14:02):
Come at me, abstract expressionism, hive, you know I'm right.
Come on, Trump, just admit that you started a game
of chicken and you got too scared to finish it.

Speaker 6 (01:14:16):
Well, I thought that people were jumping a little bit
out of line.

Speaker 7 (01:14:20):
They were getting yippie.

Speaker 6 (01:14:22):
You know, they're getting a little bit yippy, a little
bit afraid.

Speaker 9 (01:14:26):
Oh okay, it's our fault. We got too scared. Sorry.

Speaker 41 (01:14:31):
I tend to get a little yippy when my retirement
plan starts to look like the elevator from the shining.

Speaker 9 (01:14:46):
Straight down and heavy flow. I'm sorry. I don't mean
to be dramatic.

Speaker 41 (01:14:56):
But this is the worst tariff day ever. This whole
trade war was launched on incoherent arguments. You stuck to
your guns for incoherent reasons, and now you're pulling back
for incoherent reasons.

Speaker 9 (01:15:07):
Is there anything you can say that actually makes sense?

Speaker 1 (01:15:10):
Noah the president would have done to what I did?

Speaker 7 (01:15:12):
Noah the President, Well you got me there.

Speaker 37 (01:15:20):
Five administration launched what you've called a war on showers.

Speaker 8 (01:15:26):
Ah.

Speaker 41 (01:15:27):
Yes, yes, the War on showers, the fight Steve Bannon
has been on the front lines of his whole life. Now,
most people probably didn't even realize we were in a
war on showers because no one in the Biden administration
ever accidentally added a reporter to the War on Showers
group chat. But in all seriousness, I know the war

(01:15:48):
on showers very well. Okay, my uncle actually lost his
leg from stepping on a bath bomb. It's never been
the same.

Speaker 9 (01:15:57):
But luckily that war is now come to an end.

Speaker 37 (01:16:01):
Certain regulations that basically killed the water pressure of showers
and other other water appliances. With this executive order, we're
effectively going to be reversing that set of regulations.

Speaker 40 (01:16:13):
In my case, i'd like to take a nice shower
to take care of my beautiful hair, I have to
stand in the shower a fifteen minutes tail.

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
It gets wet, it comes out, drip, drip.

Speaker 7 (01:16:24):
It's ridiculous.

Speaker 41 (01:16:29):
It takes fifteen minutes for your hair to get wet.
Are you sure you're not standing in the pantry. The
water pressure is terrible in here, and we're out of cheese.
It's but if you're as big of a trump head
as I am, you know that water pressure is not
a new issue for him. He's been passionate about this

(01:16:50):
crisis for a while.

Speaker 6 (01:16:51):
Take a shower and water comes dripping out, is cripping out,
very quietly, dripping out seats. Right, you take a shower,
the water doesn't come out. It's the shower, it's the sink.
And you know the third element in the bathroom. People
have to flush their toilet fifteen times.

Speaker 1 (01:17:09):
Ten times, right, ten times. Turn on the shower, ding, ding,
It does.

Speaker 7 (01:17:15):
Drip, drip, drip, drip.

Speaker 6 (01:17:19):
Please come out the water, Come on, water, come out, baby, Oh, come.

Speaker 41 (01:17:25):
Out, baby, Please come out, come out for daddy.

Speaker 9 (01:17:31):
Has he ever said anything more embarrassing?

Speaker 1 (01:17:34):
I'm gonna come stop doing that. Stop it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
Chilmar Abrago Garcia, undocumented migrant from El Salvador married an
American woman, has a kid living the American dream until
the Trump administration sent him to an El Salvador in
mega prison. Buy and I'm quoting the Justice Department here,
if I may, is an administrative error. If only there

(01:18:04):
was a convenient and timely way that the prisoner could
be brought back to the United States, that wouldn't really
inconvenience either nation.

Speaker 11 (01:18:11):
President Bukelly at the moment, flying from El Salvador to Washington,
d C.

Speaker 2 (01:18:16):
What Saints be praised? Bo Kelly can just give Garcia
a ride. You don't even have to give Garcia the

(01:18:38):
middle seat. I'm sure Garcia would just grab the wing
and Tom cruise it over here if he had to.
But sadly, Kelly arrived at the White House with just
the Miami Club promoter clothes on his back.

Speaker 1 (01:18:52):
And a pocket full of excuses. You can, President bo Kelly,
weigh in on this.

Speaker 9 (01:18:56):
Do you plan to return him?

Speaker 46 (01:18:57):
Oh?

Speaker 7 (01:18:57):
Can I some mardel of terrorist at the United States?
I don't have the power to return him to the
United States?

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
Yep.

Speaker 14 (01:19:08):
Can I honestly tell you, like this isn't even the
thing that's.

Speaker 2 (01:19:13):
Like they're enjoying this, Like the two of them, our president,
their President, We'll just have to let him rotten in
a person, even though we didn't deserve to be there.
I don't you guys don't care about this guy. I'm
talking about these two. But somebody else cares about this person.
And you just randomly, with no evidence that you'll show anybody,
called him a terrorist. And one of the weirder parts

(01:19:35):
about this is the thing, the only thing that seems
to upset Trump about the entire situation is having to
answer a perfectly reasonable question from Caitlin Collins about it.

Speaker 41 (01:19:45):
You said that if the Supreme Court said someone needed
to be returned, that you would abide by that.

Speaker 1 (01:19:49):
You said that on Air Force one just a few
days ago, and they said.

Speaker 40 (01:19:52):
That, why didn't you just say, isn't it wonderful that
we're keeping criminals out of our country?

Speaker 1 (01:19:59):
Why can you to say that?

Speaker 7 (01:20:01):
Why are you going over and over? And that's why
nobody watches you anymore?

Speaker 14 (01:20:07):
Magnagnag.

Speaker 1 (01:20:08):
You sound just like the Supreme Court. Nag.

Speaker 14 (01:20:12):
But fear not America.

Speaker 2 (01:20:14):
For every time a lame stream media journalist gets shunned
and ask kissing one gets its wings, do you have
a question?

Speaker 37 (01:20:21):
Thank you so much, you swort anoder major investing winds
morning in India less to build its AI supercomputer the
first time ever right here in the United States.

Speaker 7 (01:20:32):
That's a question. I like, that's true.

Speaker 14 (01:20:35):
Yeah, that's not a question. I guess it's your favorite
kind of question, a compliment.

Speaker 2 (01:20:45):
But rest of these, the Americans, if there's one thing
we all know, it's that first they come for the
undocumented migrants, and as long as nobody speaks out, they stop.

Speaker 47 (01:20:53):
You mentioned that you're open to supporting uh individuals that
aren't foreign aliens by criminals to Al Salvador. Does that
include potentially US citizens fully naturalizing ingredient If it's a
home grown criminal, I have no problem. I'm talking about
really bad people, really bad people.

Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
He's going to do that to US citizens. I think
the hosts of the view were about to get administratively errord.
I got to tell you, I did not think he
would get this authoritarian this fast.

Speaker 1 (01:21:26):
I really didn't.

Speaker 14 (01:21:27):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:21:28):
Who could have known.

Speaker 2 (01:21:29):
Maybe if somebody out there had yelled at me on
blue Sky about this, I would have known. But no
one did, except every day.

Speaker 1 (01:21:39):
In all caps.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
So I guess the question is how authoritarian is we
Trump's done a lot of the standard fare. He's attacked
the free press, pulled random people off the streets, made
law firms and universities bend the knee, announced Department of
Justice investigations into an individual whose sole crime was suggesting
that the twenty twenty election had been safe and well administered.

Speaker 1 (01:22:02):
You know, the bad, bad people.

Speaker 14 (01:22:05):
But authoritarianism isn't just policies.

Speaker 1 (01:22:08):
It's an aesthetic.

Speaker 2 (01:22:10):
The opulence of medieval kings, the excesses of Middle Eastern autocrats.

Speaker 14 (01:22:15):
It's a pinterest vibe.

Speaker 2 (01:22:16):
That speaks to the power of one's position, the riches
that are the privilege of the office.

Speaker 1 (01:22:22):
Does Trump measure up? Does he have the lack of
available wall space? Do you have the mantle and you
have the cherubs from Is that from Malo? Yeah?

Speaker 33 (01:22:32):
That's actually their gold or gold look, and you know
the it's angels.

Speaker 1 (01:22:39):
Their angels.

Speaker 2 (01:22:40):
See, they visited me in the night and asked me
to change my ways. So I held them down and
dip them in gold. I drowned them in gold, liquid gold.

Speaker 1 (01:23:02):
Have you ever heard an angel scream?

Speaker 8 (01:23:04):
It is just.

Speaker 1 (01:23:06):
It is erotic.

Speaker 2 (01:23:12):
By the way, if any of you are wondering if
the cherubs that are now in the Ovalholgus are real gold.
And I know many of you are wondering that it
is real gold, and there's a very good reason for that.

Speaker 6 (01:23:24):
Throughout the years, people have tried to come up with
a gold paint that would look like gold, and they've
never been able to do it.

Speaker 33 (01:23:32):
You've never been able to look at that look. You've
never been able to match gold with gold paint. That's
why it's gold. That dude is so blue collar, always
down at the factory with the boys. Why can't they

(01:23:52):
make a gold paint that looks like gold.

Speaker 1 (01:23:54):
That's not a ladist.

Speaker 2 (01:23:57):
I don't mind them canceling pediatric cancer research, but I
hope the end of the time we can come up
with a good gold paint substitute, because but you know,
rooms filled with real gold cherubs or nothing if those
rooms aren't also filled with the echoes of the most
embarrassingly sycophantic hosannas one clip everybody knows it wants.

Speaker 1 (01:24:17):
Thank you for your leadership and thank you for everything
you're doing.

Speaker 28 (01:24:19):
I want to thank you for standing up to the
Chinese Communist Party.

Speaker 1 (01:24:23):
I want to figure as well for the ship building.

Speaker 7 (01:24:25):
Your vision is a.

Speaker 1 (01:24:26):
Turning point and an inflection point in American history.

Speaker 41 (01:24:28):
Your leadership at the border absolutely remarkable.

Speaker 15 (01:24:31):
What you're doing now I think is a great service
to our country but ultimately to the world.

Speaker 16 (01:24:35):
You are overwhelmingly elected by the biggest majority.

Speaker 1 (01:24:42):
You know what, I swear to God. Guys, what does
she know? She's the attorney general. She doesn't have the fun.

Speaker 2 (01:24:49):
When I watched those cabinet meets, I actually think, are
they making fun of him?

Speaker 1 (01:24:54):
It's so over the top, mister President, Oh, thank you
so much. So, You're dick is sopic. We can barely
lift it because.

Speaker 2 (01:25:03):
It's it's it's it's covered in real gold, not the pain,
real gold.

Speaker 14 (01:25:10):
But you know, any.

Speaker 2 (01:25:17):
Any run of the mill authoritarian can get the praises
from those that fear him. The ogs, the real autocrats
extract something much much weirder and humiliating.

Speaker 14 (01:25:28):
The forced, uncomfortable laughter.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
You're telling you all I got?

Speaker 8 (01:25:35):
Would she couldn't question.

Speaker 1 (01:25:42):
He had a hat on, and it puts another had
on the same hat.

Speaker 41 (01:25:46):
But still.

Speaker 2 (01:25:50):
That's on the North Korean website funny or You Die.
And as America's dear leader, Donald Trump also has a
tight five.

Speaker 42 (01:26:01):
We're pulling all that out and putting the money toward
the infrastructure, not the social movement.

Speaker 1 (01:26:07):
From the last administraction, the.

Speaker 7 (01:26:08):
Good seal as supposed to green paper mache.

Speaker 24 (01:26:16):
Thanks great job, that made nonsense right right?

Speaker 25 (01:26:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 8 (01:26:30):
Not good right?

Speaker 1 (01:26:31):
They send to you? Are you even ala right? Put?
It's just so fucking weird.

Speaker 2 (01:26:40):
But the key to the authoritarian regime is the suspension
of the normal processes by which you understand the world,
the matter by which data and your experiences paint a cohesive,
grounded picture of reality.

Speaker 14 (01:26:52):
The calling card of an authoritarian regime.

Speaker 2 (01:26:54):
Is that you must suspend that reality, that rationality, and
then you test people by pushing the limits of that absurdity.

Speaker 5 (01:27:05):
The White House release the results of President Trump's physical exam.

Speaker 29 (01:27:08):
His doctor says President Trump exhibits excellent physical health.

Speaker 35 (01:27:12):
The report says he's six', three two hundred and twenty four.

Speaker 1 (01:27:16):
Pounds, No i'm gonna say no to either of those.
NUMBERS i don't want to be that, guide.

Speaker 2 (01:27:34):
Bud he has a front. BUTTON i, mean we all get.
There it's, fine you can have. It but what's what
he is forged? By he festus. No and by the,
way that medical exam did not only confirm That trump
is physically. Perfect his brain is also totally.

Speaker 7 (01:27:55):
Jacked AND i took it a cognitive, test AND i don't.

Speaker 1 (01:27:59):
KNOW i wanted to tell you THEN i got every, answer.
Right we're gonna tell us about the talkative? Test is
that An emian person who came OUR. Tv i'd, SAY
i think it's a pretty well known.

Speaker 24 (01:28:10):
Test whatever it, IS i got, EVERYONE i got it all.

Speaker 2 (01:28:14):
RIGHT i think we all know what cognitive tests we're talking.

Speaker 1 (01:28:20):
About BUT i would like to.

Speaker 2 (01:28:23):
Know do you know what's? BULGING i took a cognitive
test about my?

Speaker 14 (01:28:28):
Memory what was it he's.

Speaker 5 (01:28:30):
Testing it's been five days since they Told Donald trump
to help bring Back Kilmar garcia after, they you, know
accidentally deported him to the mega prison In El, salvador
and it doesn't seem like anyone's in a rush to
bring him.

Speaker 35 (01:28:45):
Back The german administration says it cannot return a Marilynd
man mistakenly deported To El. Salvador trump official to argue
that Since Abrigo garcia is locked inside a prison In El,
salvador it's essentially not their problem anymore and they can't
do anything about.

Speaker 31 (01:28:59):
It but yesterday at The White, house Bou kelly said
he didn't have the authority to Release garcia.

Speaker 1 (01:29:05):
EITHER i don't have the power to return him to
The United.

Speaker 5 (01:29:07):
States this is like every customer service Call i've ever been. On,
Oh i'm, sorry this is. Billing you're looking for technical.
Support let me transfer. You, hello this is technical. Support oh,
sorry you need? Billing can someone just help me cancel
my cable accept For Company, central which is a vital
service For american. Society but The trump administration isn't just

(01:29:29):
enjoying the fun new constitutional.

Speaker 8 (01:29:31):
Loophole they're also going on.

Speaker 5 (01:29:32):
Offense that's Why Stephen, miller trump advisor And multiversu's most
whiney Lex, luthor was also on the, driveway asking questions
he did not want the answer. To can anyone here
tell me what would happen to the Illegal alien form
Mel sabor if he came back from that?

Speaker 1 (01:29:48):
Stance does anyone here? Now do anyone want to? Guess
any of you you could be with his? Family what
did do any of you know the answer to the?

Speaker 17 (01:29:56):
Question?

Speaker 1 (01:29:57):
Legally what would happen if he came back?

Speaker 40 (01:29:58):
Here so any of you know?

Speaker 37 (01:30:00):
Anything do you really do believe Court i'm talking you
really believe? That Before i'm talking, though doesn't think?

Speaker 7 (01:30:06):
Guitarian why was?

Speaker 1 (01:30:07):
It Unaw you're.

Speaker 8 (01:30:07):
Done you asked the, question, man you can't be mad
they're trying to answer.

Speaker 5 (01:30:14):
You it's like if a teacher, said, okay, class who
can tell me the capital Of?

Speaker 1 (01:30:19):
Norway?

Speaker 8 (01:30:20):
Anyone? Anyone shut the fuck?

Speaker 7 (01:30:22):
Up now answer a. QUESTION i, said shut.

Speaker 8 (01:30:24):
Up but it's not Just Steven.

Speaker 5 (01:30:26):
Miller the Entire trump administration is getting frustrated with how
these dumb libs are winding.

Speaker 8 (01:30:31):
Out this one guy From. Maryland, oh it's so.

Speaker 5 (01:30:33):
Awful we accidentally sent a guy to the Wolves wall's
prison without trial or due. Process shut the fuck, up,
okay because according.

Speaker 8 (01:30:41):
To Whole land, security he wasn't that.

Speaker 46 (01:30:44):
Great the media would love for you to believe that
this is a media, darling that he's just A maryland. Father,
Well osama Bin laden was also a, father and yet
he wasn't a good, guy and they actually are both.

Speaker 8 (01:30:55):
Terrorists this tween influencer is.

Speaker 5 (01:30:57):
Right it's the position of this administration that all fathers
are Basically osama Bin. LAUDEN i, mean, seriously this guy
has no criminal record at. All if he's a, terrorist
he might be the worst terrorist. EVER i, mean he's
been In america for fourteen years and hasn't done any,
Terrorism so Maybe trump is, Right maybe immigrants really are.

Speaker 8 (01:31:17):
Lazy what, like what is happening? Here, okay this Is.

Speaker 5 (01:31:22):
America we don't just send someone to prison without. Evidence
we plan the evidence on. Them it's called due. Process
other people are starting to fight, back wicked.

Speaker 12 (01:31:36):
HAD a showdown is now taking shape between The trump
administration And america's oldest, university the federal government announcing it
will freeze more than two billion dollars in grants For
harvard and sixty million dollars in contracts after the school
refused to comply with demands to limit activism on, campus
eliminate ITS dei, programs and make other.

Speaker 5 (01:31:55):
Changes holy, shit we finally found a force more powerful
Than trump's, Hatred hovard's love of sending rejection. Letters but,
LOOK i don't usually root For harvard because The Harvard
they've got. Everything it's like rooting For Jeff bezos to
win the. Lottery but in this CASE i have to
give them credit standing up for their principles and for

(01:32:17):
everyone's right to free, speech even if it means possible financial.

Speaker 8 (01:32:21):
Ruin one of the big questions going.

Speaker 15 (01:32:23):
Forward Is harvard going to get into that fifty billion
dollar plus endowment to make up for that federal?

Speaker 8 (01:32:30):
Shortfall, OKAY i hate them.

Speaker 5 (01:32:32):
Again but the best part About havard's resistance To Don
trump is that it gives people the chance to go
ON tv and let you know where they went to.

Speaker 1 (01:32:41):
SCHOOL i myself in a first generation college. GRADUATE i
graduated From, harvard AND.

Speaker 22 (01:32:46):
I should DISCLOSE i went To, harvard So i'm very
familiar with the president and with how the community feels right.

Speaker 1 (01:32:51):
Now but As.

Speaker 9 (01:32:53):
Harvard, alum and you KNOW i am as.

Speaker 6 (01:32:55):
WELL i know many, alums including PEOPLE i know very
closely in members like.

Speaker 48 (01:33:00):
ME i, know you look really surprised Because i'm wearing
a tie you've never seen. Before it has it has
a Little latin word inside each one of those symbols
there the word, veritas meaning truth of. Course and this
is the one night it's a one night only appearance
of this.

Speaker 2 (01:33:21):
TIME i know that that is not something that you
usually build board in the world about.

Speaker 5 (01:33:25):
Yourself Oh, god the only thing was that people bragging
you about going To howard is people pretending to be
embarrassed about going To.

Speaker 8 (01:33:33):
Harvard so, oh my doctors. Secret please don't make me tell. Anyone. Please,
NO i went To Harvard harvard Ha.

Speaker 5 (01:33:41):
Havard havard explore more shows from The Daily show podcast
universe by Searching The Daily show wherever you get your.
Podcasts Watch The Daily show week nights at eleven Ten
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Speaker 16 (01:34:04):
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