November 26, 2024 • 32 mins
From discussing the legality of medical marijuana to meeting with a nutritionist to get a handle on his health, we take it back to some of Steve Carell's best moments on The Daily Show. Then, revisit a couple of Samatha Bee's best moments as a correspondent: deciding if Long Island should secede from New York and listening to oppressed men with "too much opportunity.”
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Our next hell story should be of particular interest to
our teen viewers who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries,
marijuana has been used as a self prescribed remedy for
the terminal disease known as being alive. But last week,
(00:24):
the Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives
permitting the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law.
It's a case that figures to settle once and for
all the legality of medical marijuana and thereby affect the
lives of no fewer than point zero zero zero one
percent of American marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however,
(00:52):
that marijuana, or as it's known on the street, funny
pot cigarettes, is illegal, period, and has severely criticized prescribing
the drug to those free wheeling, long haired hippie aids
and cancer patients just trying to score a free high
off Uncle Sam. Those people are sick, now, seriously, they're
(01:13):
sick and they need help. Robert McGinnis of the Family
Research Council has come out strongly against medical marijuana.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I don't deny that you know sick people who have
been using it for a long time feel better after
using this because they get high, and when you get high,
you feel better.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Robert McGinnis speaking out strongly and poorly against miracle marijuana
medical marijuana, which is a miracle. Now, the upcoming Supreme
Court debate could even be a hotter button issue than
Americans not sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of
(01:54):
tonight's even Stephen, you've just made me vomit in my
own mouth. What's the weather like up your own acts?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Tonight's topic, should medical marijuana be legalized?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
No, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patients,
for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of
respite from her tortured existence. But I suppose there are
a few sick individuals out there who get off. Are
other people suffering?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Steven far out, Steve Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
Face it.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
You and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's
oxygen tent. The real reason you're pushing pro pot legislation
is so you can suck on a tie stick and
watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe. And now
that you've duped a few misguided state legislators, I'm sure
we can all look for or are you coming down
with the convenient case of glaucoma real soon?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
This marijuana is medicine, Steven. I'm pro people, not pro poto.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
of freedom and the heightened textual sensations it gives you.
Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, So let
me in on the dirty little secret, Steve.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Where do you get your pot?
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Stephen?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Just because I support medical marijuana, it's ludicrous to imply
that I'm a dope fiend. That's like saying because I
support the repeal of the marriage tax penalty that I'm
into wife swapping. Don't change the subject, Steve.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
You know exactly where I can get my hands on
some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor. Fine, let's
what you're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk
weed is just as ridiculous as if I said, Hey,
Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife come over
some night this week and we can exchange partners. Would
that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 6 (04:16):
I don't know, Steve.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Would we be high?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Steve? You're not listening to my argument. My argument is
that if for instance, I tried to buy pot, I
couldn't get any, but I think you could get me some.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You're not listening, Steven. You're in a fantasy world where
I smoke pot and could get my hands on some
very kind bud. But we would be wife swapping this Friday.
Have I made myself clear?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Claire is Crystal Steve, But let me see if I
can just recap You're really twisted argument. You're saying that
if we were to enter into some bizarre love quadrangle,
you'd be supplying the weed.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yes, okay, that sounds perfect great John. The last time
on slimming down with Steve, I chose a personal trainer,
but as you know, exercise alone just won't cut it. Today,
we're going to focus on nutrition. Join me as I
(05:37):
visit a top new York City nutritionist. My name is Steve.
Speaker 8 (05:45):
Dumpty, living dumpsy, campsy, Live the dampsy county, lim the
dampsy living.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Down with me before a nutrition is like Miriam Papo
can offer advice, she has to learn about the eating
habits of her patient.
Speaker 9 (06:07):
Just tell me if you've eaten these in the last week.
Speaker 10 (06:10):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (06:10):
Cheese yes, fried chicken yes, other fried foods yes, hot
dogs yes, salami yes, snack chips yes, bacon yes, sausage.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yes, sweet roll what's sweet roll?
Speaker 9 (06:27):
Like a Danish?
Speaker 7 (06:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
What type of.
Speaker 9 (06:31):
Milk do you drink?
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Buttermilk?
Speaker 11 (06:35):
What type of oil do you use?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Wd? Forty usually peanut oil.
Speaker 9 (06:45):
When you have chicken, is it with the skin or
without the skin?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Just the skin? What am I doing wrong? It didn't
take long for Miriam to observe that I needed more
vegetables in my diet, so she offered to make me
a healthy meal.
Speaker 12 (07:01):
Look how beautifully green these are.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Green things. The supermarket was gonna be a lot of fun.
This is beef tongue. If you were to eat this,
wouldn't your food essentially be tasting you? We did have fun,
(07:31):
but now it was off to the kitchen. To make
pasta prima vera, which in Italian means no meat. For Steve,
that lonks good. Yeah, what makes pasta prima vera such
a healthy dish.
Speaker 9 (07:47):
Because it's usually using all fresh vegetables?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Bam, right like that, chef. Finally it was time to indulge.
Speaker 9 (08:05):
Let's st again.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Let's say grace first.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh, good games all around, hors and.
Speaker 10 (08:16):
From heaven above.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Than cold Bard, thank cold Board.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
For all these Lord.
Speaker 9 (08:30):
I really want to thank you Lord.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I wanna thank you Lord, or thank you Lord o bod.
Speaker 13 (08:51):
Mm hmm all right, Steve Carral, ladies, gentlemen, bye. First
of all, thank you for allowing us to go on
this emotional journey with you. Now, how is the new
diet going for you?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Well, it's been tough, John, because I've had to find
ways to incorporate vegetables into my nutritional regime.
Speaker 13 (09:20):
I think you mean regimen, not regime, John.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
You do what you need to lose weight. I'll do
what I need to do. Okay, Now take a look
at this. You'll notice it says all vegetable. Right, A
couple of scoops of this, I get all the vegetables
I need.
Speaker 13 (09:42):
I actually think it's shortening, vegetable shortening, so it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It serves up just like ice cream. M It's every
reporter's scream to spend a day on the campaign trail
(10:07):
with a front running candidate, and that's exactly the opportunity
we were afforded this day in New Hampshire on John
McCain's Straight Talk Express. However, Dan Rather and the sixty
minutes crew were already on board, so we had to
go on the overflow bus. Great, this is great. The
overflow bus repository for outcasts, misfits and journalistic bottom feeders.
(10:31):
But they've got an omelet bar or something up there.
You think, rather it's up there talking policy with them.
That's no, they're up there playing pinball, singing karaoke. Rather,
it doesn't have to be on the overflow busy. I
can see minute can be lucky if we even see
him today. Don't throw it back. You just ain't half
of it. Threw it back, you know. We were asked
to come like, oh yeah, well you're that bus. Shut
(10:52):
pick it up your ass. The situation was intolerable. Something
had to be done. Exactly what am I looking at here?
Speaker 11 (11:03):
Bus assignments for the fifty some members of the media.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well, let's cut to the chase.
Speaker 11 (11:07):
Where are we forty nine and fifty?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
What are the circles?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Mean circles?
Speaker 6 (11:12):
I mean you're on the bus so as you can see,
no circle, no bus.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Why are you jerking me around like this? All I
want to do is sit on the nice bus.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
I'm screw it. I thanks so.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Covering the story at arm's length was getting me nowhere.
And then it hit me the best way to get
to a presidential candidate's bus is through his wife. This
is your driver, who's drivers from the beginning. Now this
is a well appointed he's wonderful. I'd like you to
take a look at the driver. We have great Thanks
very much, Ron, you see what I mean. Okay, now
(12:10):
step aboard. Here we go into our secondary bus. Take
a whiff, yeah, take a whiff of that. One whiff
of the overflow bus. And missus McCain was on my side.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Really, come on, let's go.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Really, Not only was I finally on the bus, but
I was going to get the chance to talk to
Senator John McCain.
Speaker 11 (12:33):
You are welcome on our bus at any time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Let's do a lightning round. Okay, your favorite book for
whom the Valtolls favorite movie Vivas a Potter, Charlton Heston,
Marlon Branda.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Close enough.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
If I were a tree, I would be a.
Speaker 14 (12:51):
If I were a tree, I would be a route.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
What does that mean, Senator, how do you reconcile fact
that you were one of the most vocal critics of
pork barrel politics and yet while you were chairman of
the Commerce Committee, that committee set a record for unauthorized appropriations.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
I just no, I don't I don't even.
Speaker 7 (13:18):
Know what that means.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Oh they all laughed at my little question. But two
things were abundantly clear. Okay, all right, okay, for god,
it was the wrong question to ask, and I was
going to be walking.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Steve Carrell got corral.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Huh Steve?
Speaker 13 (13:45):
That was that was That was an interesting peace. Thank you,
mister sort It seemed like you had one shot to
really ask a good, solid political question and and you
froze up.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You backed off.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah. Well, I was trying to explore the sites, the sounds,
the smells of a political campaign.
Speaker 13 (14:07):
You were up there to get an interview with McCain,
and well.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Now, missus McCain was a great.
Speaker 13 (14:12):
Missus McCain is not the story.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Uh did you see her? Yeah? Yeah, she is intelligent, beautiful, Yes,
I wonderful.
Speaker 13 (14:20):
I understand. But it seems like you froze up with McCain. Yeah,
you had him right there, and and.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Well, I I was just.
Speaker 13 (14:33):
I was trying to Should we take you off the
political beat?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Is it?
Speaker 13 (14:37):
Is it too much for you to.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Steve Carrell?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Ladies and gentlemen coming up four minutes now, You're.
Speaker 13 (14:46):
Not You're not talking, You're not tossing a commercial. Look
at me, Look Steven, Look look sp.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
What do we say?
Speaker 10 (14:58):
Bad?
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Report and do better?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Trying to survive in this fast paced world is hard enough.
But on the eve of the Y two K computer meltdown,
people everywhere are near a mass hysteria. But one man,
Los Angeles see has the answer.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
They say that the computers will all lock up, that
the world as we know it will grind to a halt.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Jim Presnel has dedicated his life to solving the problems
presented by Y two K.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
They say that the money will no longer have its
value because you can't frankly get to your money.
Speaker 11 (15:45):
Then what does have values?
Speaker 7 (15:46):
Very arbitrary. It could be seashells could be solved.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Oh, don't even get me started on the seashell and
salt people.
Speaker 7 (15:53):
Well, I just don't think they work. It's my theory
that pezz is the perfect solution for that.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
That's right, heads in an uncerta in post y two
K world. Jim's convinced the dollars will be replaced by
Pez dispensers as the national currency.
Speaker 7 (16:06):
I can go into a gas station and say, here,
here's a Pez dispenser. He lets me get five gallons
of gas. This is the stuff that's really worth gold
when the going gets tough.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Jim's theory begs one obvious question. Do you think that
you're an idiot?
Speaker 9 (16:25):
You're no.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
We road tested Jim's prediction at this la pawn shock.
Could you give me a rough estimate what this would
go for on the open market.
Speaker 11 (16:35):
I would say about ten cents ten cents.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
The year two thousand, y two K, the world's economy
is in economic turmoil. Food and water are being rationed. Now,
how much would this be worth?
Speaker 10 (16:52):
Ten cents?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Undaunted by the naysayers, Jim's been feverishly hoarding Pez three
thousand Pez dispensers. You must be very proud.
Speaker 7 (17:05):
Well, I'm very proud of my collection. I love showing
it off.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Troy Newman is also preparing for Y two K.
Speaker 7 (17:11):
So I've gathered some basic food storage.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Although he has inexplicably decided to store food and water.
What would you make of a person who cracked open
the head of a small creature and ate food from
the gaping hole in its larynx. Ultimately, whether or not
you agree with Jim, you must give his accomplishments the
(17:38):
respect they deserve. Jim, you own over three thousand pez dispensers.
You've organized the pezanthon gathering pez heads from all over
the world. Which of the following best describes you? Dufus
or dor quad?
Speaker 7 (17:55):
I think that's probably a little insensitive.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I prefer eccentric, dewee wod, dorky, eccentric, dowe be nutcase
KOOKI dow be dowe be dorkhead.
Speaker 7 (18:19):
I think I had enough.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Men from time immemorial. They stood atop the world, building
our civilizations, commanding our armies. They were gods walking among us.
But now their time may be over.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
For the first time, women are expected to outnumber men
in the workforce.
Speaker 8 (18:55):
A new study finds increasing numbers of women outpacing their
husbands when it comes to income and education.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
And it's a crisis that troubles many. Like sociologist and
author of the Myth of Male Power, doctor Warren Ferrell.
Speaker 15 (19:08):
It's a difficult time to be a man in America.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
In what sense exactly?
Speaker 14 (19:12):
Men today are probably where women were in the late fifties.
We're about a half century behind women in terms of
being understood, in terms of having options.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
How did this happen, babycakes?
Speaker 14 (19:25):
We did a great job for women. We now just
need to do the same for men.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
He's right.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Men run just four one hundred and eighty five of
our fortune five hundred companies and only three branches of government,
and there are more doors closing on them all the time.
Speaker 14 (19:41):
Almost all your pharmaceutical salespeople are young women and attractive women,
because the pharmaceutical company knows that an attractive young female
will have much greater access to a medical doctor who's,
on average, still more likely to be a male.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Oh that sucks for men, except for the male doctor
who gets to.
Speaker 12 (20:03):
Earn all that money and bang that hot new sales rep.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Poor guy.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
It doesn't stop there. Even the nightly news long a
bastion of the stately white male is now sixty six
point seven percent female, and the last male anchor is
kind of effeminate. Fortunately, help is on the way thanks
to male support groups like the Better Man Organization founder
Wayne Levine.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
For us, it's about being available to each other and
giving the wisdom and the guidance and the support and
the ass kicking whatever it is we need to be
the best men we can be. You know, so many
of the problems that we face in our cultures because
men are not getting what they need.
Speaker 5 (20:44):
What are men not getting well?
Speaker 6 (20:50):
In our culture? There's no place for men to gather.
It's socially unacceptable for men to get together.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Yes, it's a constant struggle to find places where men
are allowed to themselves. Having never heard of Las Vegas,
these disenfranchised men seek solace in the woods where they
played games no one liked in pe class my wife
is in charge, and complain about their wives. Mostly what
they do is gather in circles, the sitting circle, the
(21:17):
cleansing circle, and of course the most important circle of all.
Speaker 6 (21:21):
So what we got here is a wisdom circle with
just a few men. And this is where a man
will bring an issue that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
When does everybody start master reading? They were coming here
with one purpose to reclaim their manhood.
Speaker 12 (21:47):
Hey, our dinners right over here, what are you waiting for?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
Do you have to dinners by myself? Sadly, the inequalities
holding men back begin as early as high school.
Speaker 15 (22:02):
Almost every high school has a football team.
Speaker 14 (22:04):
Almost every football team has cheerleaders, and it's very rare
that the cheerleader says something like, g you know, I
noticed you lost your position in the team, so I'd
like to continue cheering for you because you were very
sensitive and very loving and very caring and very listening.
Speaker 15 (22:20):
You don't ever see that happening.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
So we need to give our sons permission to be
puss wants.
Speaker 15 (22:26):
That's yes, some type of term like that.
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Something pus related. And of course, the key to uplifting
any oppressed group is to give them a voice.
Speaker 6 (22:36):
This is a time of day where we bring out
the talking stick. It's a time where you can speak
from the heart and listen from the heart and share
whatever's on your mind.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Finally, it was my opportunity to offer advice to my
fallen brothers. Actually, you know, I actually brought my own
tool attention, middle aged Vagina men, sack the up. Seriously,
(23:08):
you're turning me into a lesbian these days, when you
hear about secession, you think of Texas. But Texas isn't alone.
Secession is the big word for lawmakers in Long Island.
Speaker 11 (23:25):
Should Long Island become its own state?
Speaker 5 (23:28):
According to Long Island Legislator Edward Romayne, the time for
independence is now.
Speaker 10 (23:33):
Yes, the fifty first state Long Island. Long Island is
paying more than three billion dollars more than we're getting
back in assistance from the state.
Speaker 5 (23:42):
Located just ten miles from Manhattan or three and a
half hours by car, Long Island's three million people have
never felt connected to the rest of the state.
Speaker 10 (23:52):
Well, we're kind of an appendage to New York. We
jut out east of New York into the Atlantic Ocean.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
Much longer can New York State continue to jerk this
appended job before it just explodes.
Speaker 10 (24:06):
Not much longer. We're going to secede. If we can't,
we're going to stand up and say enough is enough.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
Unfortunately, some people, like Long Island State Senator Carl Marcellino,
insist on standing in the way of statehood.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No Long Island should not seceed from the state of
New York.
Speaker 5 (24:24):
You're a state Senator from Long Island. I mean, if
this secession happens, you could be a real senator, Senator
Marcelino from the great state of Long Island.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
It's just not practical to do it.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
But can they afford not to do it?
Speaker 10 (24:38):
The high taxes are forcing some people to vote with
their feet. That is that the best in the prize
leaving Long Island.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
It's all relative though, I mean, you are talking about
the best and brightest of Long Island.
Speaker 10 (24:50):
The most important resource that we have are our people.
They're inventive, they're intelligent.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
Gigabyt and these intelligent and inventive people think it's time.
Speaker 11 (25:03):
But I most definitely like Sea Long Islands seated as
its own state.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
It's a totally different group of people.
Speaker 11 (25:08):
A Long Island. It's a melting pot.
Speaker 8 (25:09):
You got all these awesome Italian guys, beautiful Italian women,
nice Italian food.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
You're not making it seem like a melting pot unless
you're talking about a melting pot filled with bubbling We're
and arrow sauce. What do you have to say to
New Yorkers who say good riddance you guys.
Speaker 11 (25:28):
Still got the village to luck with that one.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Clearly, the first article of their state constitution is in place,
but have they really thought things through.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
It's complicated. We would need to pay for the roads
that are state roads.
Speaker 10 (25:40):
The first thing we do is pick a state capital.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
We would need to pay for the state parks that
are state parks.
Speaker 10 (25:45):
Picking a state food it might be the flounder.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Teacher certifications would all have to be doing differently.
Speaker 10 (25:53):
Picking a state bird it might be the shigull.
Speaker 11 (25:55):
State birds should just be flipping.
Speaker 10 (25:57):
The birds, all right, Welcome a long island.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Of course, secession could mean war, and that's something no
one would want to see.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
The Irish Gina with dangerously low enact body spray and
those suckers from Massa Peake with took all my free weights.
By the way, that picture you took of me and
my rim, it's sick. Give my love to your family
except your sister.
Speaker 10 (26:23):
She's a four.
Speaker 11 (26:26):
On island's packing some series of balls. We can beat
up any other state. You got, What state could.
Speaker 16 (26:31):
You beat up?
Speaker 5 (26:31):
And please don't say Rhode Island or Connecticut because everybody
knows those states are pussy states.
Speaker 11 (26:36):
You name what do you got Wyoming, Iowa? What do
you think?
Speaker 5 (26:42):
I don't think that counts.
Speaker 7 (26:43):
O States.
Speaker 12 (26:44):
I'm sorry, other states, other states, not in.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Europe, other states, Canada, Okay, we have Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 11 (26:57):
Jersey. Oh yeah, New Jersey's the first.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Isn't that like beating up your conjoined twin? Though so
genetically similar.
Speaker 8 (27:06):
The people of.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Long Island have been oppressed for too long, and after
spending time in their world and learning their customs, I
started to share in the revolutionary spirit.
Speaker 10 (27:19):
First of all, I think they should call it Strong
Island if they make it its own state.
Speaker 11 (27:22):
I mean, look at these guys. It's the gun show. Baby,
you got your tickets?
Speaker 10 (27:26):
Oh double guns?
Speaker 11 (27:29):
May feels so vulnerable.
Speaker 15 (27:32):
Not really sure.
Speaker 5 (27:32):
I'm capable of making good decisions right now. Probably all
that birth control I'm taking it's making my mind fuzzy.
I was drawn in by their noble cause and meticulous manscaping.
The second thought, you know what, No, I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
The whole thing has to be very confused.
Speaker 16 (27:58):
Rick Santorm says women can't be in combat because they'll
trigger men's chivalrous nature. Liz Trota says female soldiers can't
serve because they'll arouse men's baser instincts.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
What's your take, Well.
Speaker 12 (28:09):
John, I know you're expecting an apology, and believe me, you'll.
Speaker 16 (28:13):
Get it from you, an apology for what's John?
Speaker 6 (28:19):
For this?
Speaker 5 (28:27):
You guys can rape it or you can protect it,
but you can't ignore it. It's who you are.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
You know.
Speaker 16 (28:34):
You're talking about this and the sexual assaults and things
like that, like it's a bad habit that men have, Like, oh,
men always leave their socks on the floor. Men can't
put the toilet seat down.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
You know, get I know.
Speaker 12 (28:45):
Don't you hate it when guys do that?
Speaker 5 (28:47):
And when they rape ladies?
Speaker 10 (28:50):
Am I right?
Speaker 3 (28:51):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (28:53):
My gosh, So female soldiers should just expect to be
sexually assaulted?
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Is that?
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Well?
Speaker 12 (29:02):
Female soldiers, gal reporters, lady doctors, teachurettes, avi eight tricks?
Is that's just the way it is. When you're a
woman intruding in a man's world, we expect to be
paid slightly less and raped slightly more.
Speaker 16 (29:21):
You know what has you know as a man, I'm offended.
Speaker 10 (29:23):
Men are absolutely.
Speaker 16 (29:24):
Capable of working in close quarters with women in an appropriate,
respectful manner.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
John, I'm up.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Here.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
I'm looking up there, I'm talking to you.
Speaker 12 (29:37):
You're right, You're absolutely right. It's my fault.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
You don't bring the fruit if you don't want it
to get picked.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You know, here's the.
Speaker 16 (29:47):
Problem that not every man is in a constant battle
to suppress urges to pick fruit that does not want
to be picked by them.
Speaker 12 (29:54):
It's not ooooous someone hates women.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I don't hate women.
Speaker 10 (30:00):
I don't just.
Speaker 12 (30:02):
Like feminists hate men by assuming that they could be
something other than prehistoric rape machines, which coincidentally is the
name of my all girl punk band. We're gonna be
at the Roxy this weekend and fellas as always, ladies
drink free if you catch my drift.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
Two for one's come on down, protect us, rape us.
It's your choice to choses, choices only.
Our next hell story should be of particular interest to
our teen viewers who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries,
marijuana has been used as a self prescribed remedy for
the terminal disease known as being alive. But last week,
(00:24):
the Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives
permitting the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law.
It's a case that figures to settle once and for
all the legality of medical marijuana and thereby affect the
lives of no fewer than point zero zero zero one
percent of American marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however,
(00:52):
that marijuana, or as it's known on the street, funny
pot cigarettes, is illegal, period, and has severely criticized prescribing
the drug to those free wheeling, long haired hippie aids
and cancer patients just trying to score a free high
off Uncle Sam. Those people are sick, now, seriously, they're
(01:13):
sick and they need help. Robert McGinnis of the Family
Research Council has come out strongly against medical marijuana.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I don't deny that you know sick people who have
been using it for a long time feel better after
using this because they get high, and when you get high,
you feel better.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Robert McGinnis speaking out strongly and poorly against miracle marijuana
medical marijuana, which is a miracle. Now, the upcoming Supreme
Court debate could even be a hotter button issue than
Americans not sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of
(01:54):
tonight's even Stephen, you've just made me vomit in my
own mouth. What's the weather like up your own acts?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Tonight's topic, should medical marijuana be legalized?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
No, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patients,
for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of
respite from her tortured existence. But I suppose there are
a few sick individuals out there who get off. Are
other people suffering?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Steven far out, Steve Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
Face it.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
You and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's
oxygen tent. The real reason you're pushing pro pot legislation
is so you can suck on a tie stick and
watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe. And now
that you've duped a few misguided state legislators, I'm sure
we can all look for or are you coming down
with the convenient case of glaucoma real soon?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
This marijuana is medicine, Steven. I'm pro people, not pro poto.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
of freedom and the heightened textual sensations it gives you.
Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, So let
me in on the dirty little secret, Steve.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Where do you get your pot?
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Stephen?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Just because I support medical marijuana, it's ludicrous to imply
that I'm a dope fiend. That's like saying because I
support the repeal of the marriage tax penalty that I'm
into wife swapping. Don't change the subject, Steve.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
You know exactly where I can get my hands on
some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor. Fine, let's
what you're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk
weed is just as ridiculous as if I said, Hey,
Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife come over
some night this week and we can exchange partners. Would
that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 6 (04:16):
I don't know, Steve.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Would we be high?
Speaker 5 (04:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Steve? You're not listening to my argument. My argument is
that if for instance, I tried to buy pot, I
couldn't get any, but I think you could get me some.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You're not listening, Steven. You're in a fantasy world where
I smoke pot and could get my hands on some
very kind bud. But we would be wife swapping this Friday.
Have I made myself clear?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Claire is Crystal Steve, But let me see if I
can just recap You're really twisted argument. You're saying that
if we were to enter into some bizarre love quadrangle,
you'd be supplying the weed.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yes, okay, that sounds perfect great John. The last time
on slimming down with Steve, I chose a personal trainer,
but as you know, exercise alone just won't cut it. Today,
we're going to focus on nutrition. Join me as I
(05:37):
visit a top new York City nutritionist. My name is Steve.
Speaker 8 (05:45):
Dumpty, living dumpsy, campsy, Live the dampsy county, lim the
dampsy living.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Down with me before a nutrition is like Miriam Papo
can offer advice, she has to learn about the eating
habits of her patient.
Speaker 9 (06:07):
Just tell me if you've eaten these in the last week.
Speaker 10 (06:10):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (06:10):
Cheese yes, fried chicken yes, other fried foods yes, hot
dogs yes, salami yes, snack chips yes, bacon yes, sausage.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yes, sweet roll what's sweet roll?
Speaker 9 (06:27):
Like a Danish?
Speaker 7 (06:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
What type of.
Speaker 9 (06:31):
Milk do you drink?
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Buttermilk?
Speaker 11 (06:35):
What type of oil do you use?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Wd? Forty usually peanut oil.
Speaker 9 (06:45):
When you have chicken, is it with the skin or
without the skin?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Just the skin? What am I doing wrong? It didn't
take long for Miriam to observe that I needed more
vegetables in my diet, so she offered to make me
a healthy meal.
Speaker 12 (07:01):
Look how beautifully green these are.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Green things. The supermarket was gonna be a lot of fun.
This is beef tongue. If you were to eat this,
wouldn't your food essentially be tasting you? We did have fun,
(07:31):
but now it was off to the kitchen. To make
pasta prima vera, which in Italian means no meat. For Steve,
that lonks good. Yeah, what makes pasta prima vera such
a healthy dish.
Speaker 9 (07:47):
Because it's usually using all fresh vegetables?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Bam, right like that, chef. Finally it was time to indulge.
Speaker 9 (08:05):
Let's st again.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Let's say grace first.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh, good games all around, hors and.
Speaker 10 (08:16):
From heaven above.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Than cold Bard, thank cold Board.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
For all these Lord.
Speaker 9 (08:30):
I really want to thank you Lord.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I wanna thank you Lord, or thank you Lord o bod.
Speaker 13 (08:51):
Mm hmm all right, Steve Carral, ladies, gentlemen, bye. First
of all, thank you for allowing us to go on
this emotional journey with you. Now, how is the new
diet going for you?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Well, it's been tough, John, because I've had to find
ways to incorporate vegetables into my nutritional regime.
Speaker 13 (09:20):
I think you mean regimen, not regime, John.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
You do what you need to lose weight. I'll do
what I need to do. Okay, Now take a look
at this. You'll notice it says all vegetable. Right, A
couple of scoops of this, I get all the vegetables
I need.
Speaker 13 (09:42):
I actually think it's shortening, vegetable shortening, so it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It serves up just like ice cream. M It's every
reporter's scream to spend a day on the campaign trail
(10:07):
with a front running candidate, and that's exactly the opportunity
we were afforded this day in New Hampshire on John
McCain's Straight Talk Express. However, Dan Rather and the sixty
minutes crew were already on board, so we had to
go on the overflow bus. Great, this is great. The
overflow bus repository for outcasts, misfits and journalistic bottom feeders.
(10:31):
But they've got an omelet bar or something up there.
You think, rather it's up there talking policy with them.
That's no, they're up there playing pinball, singing karaoke. Rather,
it doesn't have to be on the overflow busy. I
can see minute can be lucky if we even see
him today. Don't throw it back. You just ain't half
of it. Threw it back, you know. We were asked
to come like, oh yeah, well you're that bus. Shut
(10:52):
pick it up your ass. The situation was intolerable. Something
had to be done. Exactly what am I looking at here?
Speaker 11 (11:03):
Bus assignments for the fifty some members of the media.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well, let's cut to the chase.
Speaker 11 (11:07):
Where are we forty nine and fifty?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
What are the circles?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Mean circles?
Speaker 6 (11:12):
I mean you're on the bus so as you can see,
no circle, no bus.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Why are you jerking me around like this? All I
want to do is sit on the nice bus.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
I'm screw it. I thanks so.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Covering the story at arm's length was getting me nowhere.
And then it hit me the best way to get
to a presidential candidate's bus is through his wife. This
is your driver, who's drivers from the beginning. Now this
is a well appointed he's wonderful. I'd like you to
take a look at the driver. We have great Thanks
very much, Ron, you see what I mean. Okay, now
(12:10):
step aboard. Here we go into our secondary bus. Take
a whiff, yeah, take a whiff of that. One whiff
of the overflow bus. And missus McCain was on my side.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
Really, come on, let's go.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Really, Not only was I finally on the bus, but
I was going to get the chance to talk to
Senator John McCain.
Speaker 11 (12:33):
You are welcome on our bus at any time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Let's do a lightning round. Okay, your favorite book for
whom the Valtolls favorite movie Vivas a Potter, Charlton Heston,
Marlon Branda.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Close enough.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
If I were a tree, I would be a.
Speaker 14 (12:51):
If I were a tree, I would be a route.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
What does that mean, Senator, how do you reconcile fact
that you were one of the most vocal critics of
pork barrel politics and yet while you were chairman of
the Commerce Committee, that committee set a record for unauthorized appropriations.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
I just no, I don't I don't even.
Speaker 7 (13:18):
Know what that means.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Oh they all laughed at my little question. But two
things were abundantly clear. Okay, all right, okay, for god,
it was the wrong question to ask, and I was
going to be walking.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Steve Carrell got corral.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Huh Steve?
Speaker 13 (13:45):
That was that was That was an interesting peace. Thank you,
mister sort It seemed like you had one shot to
really ask a good, solid political question and and you
froze up.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You backed off.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah. Well, I was trying to explore the sites, the sounds,
the smells of a political campaign.
Speaker 13 (14:07):
You were up there to get an interview with McCain,
and well.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Now, missus McCain was a great.
Speaker 13 (14:12):
Missus McCain is not the story.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Uh did you see her? Yeah? Yeah, she is intelligent, beautiful, Yes,
I wonderful.
Speaker 13 (14:20):
I understand. But it seems like you froze up with McCain. Yeah,
you had him right there, and and.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Well, I I was just.
Speaker 13 (14:33):
I was trying to Should we take you off the
political beat?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Is it?
Speaker 13 (14:37):
Is it too much for you to.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Steve Carrell?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Ladies and gentlemen coming up four minutes now, You're.
Speaker 13 (14:46):
Not You're not talking, You're not tossing a commercial. Look
at me, Look Steven, Look look sp.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
What do we say?
Speaker 10 (14:58):
Bad?
Speaker 4 (14:58):
Report and do better?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Trying to survive in this fast paced world is hard enough.
But on the eve of the Y two K computer meltdown,
people everywhere are near a mass hysteria. But one man,
Los Angeles see has the answer.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
They say that the computers will all lock up, that
the world as we know it will grind to a halt.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Jim Presnel has dedicated his life to solving the problems
presented by Y two K.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
They say that the money will no longer have its
value because you can't frankly get to your money.
Speaker 11 (15:45):
Then what does have values?
Speaker 7 (15:46):
Very arbitrary. It could be seashells could be solved.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Oh, don't even get me started on the seashell and
salt people.
Speaker 7 (15:53):
Well, I just don't think they work. It's my theory
that pezz is the perfect solution for that.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
That's right, heads in an uncerta in post y two
K world. Jim's convinced the dollars will be replaced by
Pez dispensers as the national currency.
Speaker 7 (16:06):
I can go into a gas station and say, here,
here's a Pez dispenser. He lets me get five gallons
of gas. This is the stuff that's really worth gold
when the going gets tough.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Jim's theory begs one obvious question. Do you think that
you're an idiot?
Speaker 9 (16:25):
You're no.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
We road tested Jim's prediction at this la pawn shock.
Could you give me a rough estimate what this would
go for on the open market.
Speaker 11 (16:35):
I would say about ten cents ten cents.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
The year two thousand, y two K, the world's economy
is in economic turmoil. Food and water are being rationed. Now,
how much would this be worth?
Speaker 10 (16:52):
Ten cents?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Undaunted by the naysayers, Jim's been feverishly hoarding Pez three
thousand Pez dispensers. You must be very proud.
Speaker 7 (17:05):
Well, I'm very proud of my collection. I love showing
it off.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Troy Newman is also preparing for Y two K.
Speaker 7 (17:11):
So I've gathered some basic food storage.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Although he has inexplicably decided to store food and water.
What would you make of a person who cracked open
the head of a small creature and ate food from
the gaping hole in its larynx. Ultimately, whether or not
you agree with Jim, you must give his accomplishments the
(17:38):
respect they deserve. Jim, you own over three thousand pez dispensers.
You've organized the pezanthon gathering pez heads from all over
the world. Which of the following best describes you? Dufus
or dor quad?
Speaker 7 (17:55):
I think that's probably a little insensitive.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I prefer eccentric, dewee wod, dorky, eccentric, dowe be nutcase
KOOKI dow be dowe be dorkhead.
Speaker 7 (18:19):
I think I had enough.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Men from time immemorial. They stood atop the world, building
our civilizations, commanding our armies. They were gods walking among us.
But now their time may be over.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
For the first time, women are expected to outnumber men
in the workforce.
Speaker 8 (18:55):
A new study finds increasing numbers of women outpacing their
husbands when it comes to income and education.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
And it's a crisis that troubles many. Like sociologist and
author of the Myth of Male Power, doctor Warren Ferrell.
Speaker 15 (19:08):
It's a difficult time to be a man in America.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
In what sense exactly?
Speaker 14 (19:12):
Men today are probably where women were in the late fifties.
We're about a half century behind women in terms of
being understood, in terms of having options.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
How did this happen, babycakes?
Speaker 14 (19:25):
We did a great job for women. We now just
need to do the same for men.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
He's right.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Men run just four one hundred and eighty five of
our fortune five hundred companies and only three branches of government,
and there are more doors closing on them all the time.
Speaker 14 (19:41):
Almost all your pharmaceutical salespeople are young women and attractive women,
because the pharmaceutical company knows that an attractive young female
will have much greater access to a medical doctor who's,
on average, still more likely to be a male.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Oh that sucks for men, except for the male doctor
who gets to.
Speaker 12 (20:03):
Earn all that money and bang that hot new sales rep.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Poor guy.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
It doesn't stop there. Even the nightly news long a
bastion of the stately white male is now sixty six
point seven percent female, and the last male anchor is
kind of effeminate. Fortunately, help is on the way thanks
to male support groups like the Better Man Organization founder
Wayne Levine.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
For us, it's about being available to each other and
giving the wisdom and the guidance and the support and
the ass kicking whatever it is we need to be
the best men we can be. You know, so many
of the problems that we face in our cultures because
men are not getting what they need.
Speaker 5 (20:44):
What are men not getting well?
Speaker 6 (20:50):
In our culture? There's no place for men to gather.
It's socially unacceptable for men to get together.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Yes, it's a constant struggle to find places where men
are allowed to themselves. Having never heard of Las Vegas,
these disenfranchised men seek solace in the woods where they
played games no one liked in pe class my wife
is in charge, and complain about their wives. Mostly what
they do is gather in circles, the sitting circle, the
(21:17):
cleansing circle, and of course the most important circle of all.
Speaker 6 (21:21):
So what we got here is a wisdom circle with
just a few men. And this is where a man
will bring an issue that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
When does everybody start master reading? They were coming here
with one purpose to reclaim their manhood.
Speaker 12 (21:47):
Hey, our dinners right over here, what are you waiting for?
Speaker 5 (21:53):
Do you have to dinners by myself? Sadly, the inequalities
holding men back begin as early as high school.
Speaker 15 (22:02):
Almost every high school has a football team.
Speaker 14 (22:04):
Almost every football team has cheerleaders, and it's very rare
that the cheerleader says something like, g you know, I
noticed you lost your position in the team, so I'd
like to continue cheering for you because you were very
sensitive and very loving and very caring and very listening.
Speaker 15 (22:20):
You don't ever see that happening.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
So we need to give our sons permission to be
puss wants.
Speaker 15 (22:26):
That's yes, some type of term like that.
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Something pus related. And of course, the key to uplifting
any oppressed group is to give them a voice.
Speaker 6 (22:36):
This is a time of day where we bring out
the talking stick. It's a time where you can speak
from the heart and listen from the heart and share
whatever's on your mind.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Finally, it was my opportunity to offer advice to my
fallen brothers. Actually, you know, I actually brought my own
tool attention, middle aged Vagina men, sack the up. Seriously,
(23:08):
you're turning me into a lesbian these days, when you
hear about secession, you think of Texas. But Texas isn't alone.
Secession is the big word for lawmakers in Long Island.
Speaker 11 (23:25):
Should Long Island become its own state?
Speaker 5 (23:28):
According to Long Island Legislator Edward Romayne, the time for
independence is now.
Speaker 10 (23:33):
Yes, the fifty first state Long Island. Long Island is
paying more than three billion dollars more than we're getting
back in assistance from the state.
Speaker 5 (23:42):
Located just ten miles from Manhattan or three and a
half hours by car, Long Island's three million people have
never felt connected to the rest of the state.
Speaker 10 (23:52):
Well, we're kind of an appendage to New York. We
jut out east of New York into the Atlantic Ocean.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
Much longer can New York State continue to jerk this
appended job before it just explodes.
Speaker 10 (24:06):
Not much longer. We're going to secede. If we can't,
we're going to stand up and say enough is enough.
Speaker 5 (24:13):
Unfortunately, some people, like Long Island State Senator Carl Marcellino,
insist on standing in the way of statehood.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No Long Island should not seceed from the state of
New York.
Speaker 5 (24:24):
You're a state Senator from Long Island. I mean, if
this secession happens, you could be a real senator, Senator
Marcelino from the great state of Long Island.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
It's just not practical to do it.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
But can they afford not to do it?
Speaker 10 (24:38):
The high taxes are forcing some people to vote with
their feet. That is that the best in the prize
leaving Long Island.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
It's all relative though, I mean, you are talking about
the best and brightest of Long Island.
Speaker 10 (24:50):
The most important resource that we have are our people.
They're inventive, they're intelligent.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
Gigabyt and these intelligent and inventive people think it's time.
Speaker 11 (25:03):
But I most definitely like Sea Long Islands seated as
its own state.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
It's a totally different group of people.
Speaker 11 (25:08):
A Long Island. It's a melting pot.
Speaker 8 (25:09):
You got all these awesome Italian guys, beautiful Italian women,
nice Italian food.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
You're not making it seem like a melting pot unless
you're talking about a melting pot filled with bubbling We're
and arrow sauce. What do you have to say to
New Yorkers who say good riddance you guys.
Speaker 11 (25:28):
Still got the village to luck with that one.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Clearly, the first article of their state constitution is in place,
but have they really thought things through.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
It's complicated. We would need to pay for the roads
that are state roads.
Speaker 10 (25:40):
The first thing we do is pick a state capital.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
We would need to pay for the state parks that
are state parks.
Speaker 10 (25:45):
Picking a state food it might be the flounder.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Teacher certifications would all have to be doing differently.
Speaker 10 (25:53):
Picking a state bird it might be the shigull.
Speaker 11 (25:55):
State birds should just be flipping.
Speaker 10 (25:57):
The birds, all right, Welcome a long island.
Speaker 5 (26:02):
Of course, secession could mean war, and that's something no
one would want to see.
Speaker 8 (26:08):
The Irish Gina with dangerously low enact body spray and
those suckers from Massa Peake with took all my free weights.
By the way, that picture you took of me and
my rim, it's sick. Give my love to your family
except your sister.
Speaker 10 (26:23):
She's a four.
Speaker 11 (26:26):
On island's packing some series of balls. We can beat
up any other state. You got, What state could.
Speaker 16 (26:31):
You beat up?
Speaker 5 (26:31):
And please don't say Rhode Island or Connecticut because everybody
knows those states are pussy states.
Speaker 11 (26:36):
You name what do you got Wyoming, Iowa? What do
you think?
Speaker 5 (26:42):
I don't think that counts.
Speaker 7 (26:43):
O States.
Speaker 12 (26:44):
I'm sorry, other states, other states, not in.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Europe, other states, Canada, Okay, we have Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 11 (26:57):
Jersey. Oh yeah, New Jersey's the first.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Isn't that like beating up your conjoined twin? Though so
genetically similar.
Speaker 8 (27:06):
The people of.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Long Island have been oppressed for too long, and after
spending time in their world and learning their customs, I
started to share in the revolutionary spirit.
Speaker 10 (27:19):
First of all, I think they should call it Strong
Island if they make it its own state.
Speaker 11 (27:22):
I mean, look at these guys. It's the gun show. Baby,
you got your tickets?
Speaker 10 (27:26):
Oh double guns?
Speaker 11 (27:29):
May feels so vulnerable.
Speaker 15 (27:32):
Not really sure.
Speaker 5 (27:32):
I'm capable of making good decisions right now. Probably all
that birth control I'm taking it's making my mind fuzzy.
I was drawn in by their noble cause and meticulous manscaping.
The second thought, you know what, No, I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
The whole thing has to be very confused.
Speaker 16 (27:58):
Rick Santorm says women can't be in combat because they'll
trigger men's chivalrous nature. Liz Trota says female soldiers can't
serve because they'll arouse men's baser instincts.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
What's your take, Well.
Speaker 12 (28:09):
John, I know you're expecting an apology, and believe me, you'll.
Speaker 16 (28:13):
Get it from you, an apology for what's John?
Speaker 6 (28:19):
For this?
Speaker 5 (28:27):
You guys can rape it or you can protect it,
but you can't ignore it. It's who you are.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
You know.
Speaker 16 (28:34):
You're talking about this and the sexual assaults and things
like that, like it's a bad habit that men have, Like, oh,
men always leave their socks on the floor. Men can't
put the toilet seat down.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
You know, get I know.
Speaker 12 (28:45):
Don't you hate it when guys do that?
Speaker 5 (28:47):
And when they rape ladies?
Speaker 10 (28:50):
Am I right?
Speaker 3 (28:51):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (28:53):
My gosh, So female soldiers should just expect to be
sexually assaulted?
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Is that?
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Well?
Speaker 12 (29:02):
Female soldiers, gal reporters, lady doctors, teachurettes, avi eight tricks?
Is that's just the way it is. When you're a
woman intruding in a man's world, we expect to be
paid slightly less and raped slightly more.
Speaker 16 (29:21):
You know what has you know as a man, I'm offended.
Speaker 10 (29:23):
Men are absolutely.
Speaker 16 (29:24):
Capable of working in close quarters with women in an appropriate,
respectful manner.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
John, I'm up.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Here.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
I'm looking up there, I'm talking to you.
Speaker 12 (29:37):
You're right, You're absolutely right. It's my fault.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
You don't bring the fruit if you don't want it
to get picked.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You know, here's the.
Speaker 16 (29:47):
Problem that not every man is in a constant battle
to suppress urges to pick fruit that does not want
to be picked by them.
Speaker 12 (29:54):
It's not ooooous someone hates women.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I don't hate women.
Speaker 10 (30:00):
I don't just.
Speaker 12 (30:02):
Like feminists hate men by assuming that they could be
something other than prehistoric rape machines, which coincidentally is the
name of my all girl punk band. We're gonna be
at the Roxy this weekend and fellas as always, ladies
drink free if you catch my drift.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
Two for one's come on down, protect us, rape us.
It's your choice to choses, choices only.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.