May 5, 2025 • 11 mins
Time for the best holiday no one in America actually knows the meaning of! Grab a margarita, put on a culturally insensitive hat, and spend this Cinco de Mayo with Jon Stewart and The Daily Show.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy centralow.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Besides all of the problems that we were discussing in
the first act, country is also facing a tremendous amount
of immigration issues. How realistic are the proposed solutions? Jason
Jones filed this report.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Arizona's new immigration law requires police to question anyone they
reasonably suspect of being an illegal immigrant. But how exactly
do you spot illegals? I went out on May fifth
to find out. What would you think constitutes a reasonable.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Suspicion, reasonable supicion?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I would say it.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
They don't speak English.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Means a little bit of this, a little bit of Corona.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Perception, perception. So what would you perceive and the legal
immigrants to look like?
Speaker 5 (00:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Maybe they'd be wearing sombreros, or drinking, or eating spicy food,
or speaking broken English.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Drinking for a single day, drink.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Out, Oh my god. Suspicious behavior was everywhere. But how
do you go about determining who is illegal?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
So?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
What's your name? I'm Bright, Rich, sy Verse Rich, Yes,
sure it is it is. How'd you get here?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I walk?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
You walked?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You walked all the way here?
Speaker 6 (01:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
From my work?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
What picking strawberries?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
How did you get here?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Grab the cab from Pench station?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
So a foreigner smuggled you in the back of his
car all the way here.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
A foreigner. No, I took a cab from Pench station.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Of course, establishing reasonable suspicion is just the first step.
I'm gonna need to see your papers.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I don't have my wallet on me. I'm from the
United States.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh really, yes, prove it?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
How do I prove it?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Which amendment protects citizens from unreasonable searches and seizures?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Seventh?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Check this out, guys, guys, unreasonable search and seizures? What amendment?
That's a bunch of Johnny Americans in there. If our
politicians don't have the courage to do what they did
in Arizona, then our streets will be overrun by laziness
and loud ethnic music. However, we must tread carefully because
(02:26):
illegals are on a hair trigger. Anything can set them off.
You being illegal immigrants.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
From here now? At college? What are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Immigrants?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
Thank you man.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There you have it, the true face of illegal immigration.
Speaker 6 (02:44):
Rude.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It turns out there is a line you can't cross
as an illegal. Do you feel your rights are being
infringed upon. Sadly, eagles continue to enter the country at will,
the American values we hold so dear will be destroyed.
(03:09):
Eh My two new Mexican wives signed a Kiss the Brides.
But the most important lesson is never ask a Marianchi
band if they know any Beyonce.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
On Saturday, President Obama officially kicked off his reelection campaign
with a rally at Virginia Commonwealth University. With the youth
as excited for Obama twenty twelve as they were for
Obama eight. We sent Al Madrigal to investigate.
Speaker 8 (03:50):
The youth vote.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
It helped push Obama over the top in two thousand
and eight, so it's no surprise he officially kicked off
his twenty twelve campaign at Virginia Commonwealth University. But will
the youth vote be a problem this time around?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Is there a vulnerability for the president in firing up
young people in this economy?
Speaker 5 (04:10):
It's the beginning of the end for the relationship between
young people and the president.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
From what we saw at this pre speech campaign rally
just down the street from VCU. As of May fifth,
twenty twelve, young Obama supporters are fired up and ready
to go.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I'm fired up.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And passed ready to go?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
Are you really committed to this effort?
Speaker 8 (04:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I mean committed.
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Do you think you can keep this enthusiasm up until November?
Speaker 8 (04:39):
I think I can because I'm drink Corona like his
water drink, but like his water drink, Vaka like his water,
Tequila like its water.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Can you keep it up until November?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Honestly? Are kidding me? I com here all the time.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I'm fired up.
Speaker 9 (04:52):
Are you pumped up because you think Barack Obama will
finally be able to not worry about this combative Congress
and he can act be progressive in his theoretical second term.
Speaker 7 (05:05):
I spell we've surprisingly despite a dark and uncertain future,
these students have managed to stay hopeful with simple remedies.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Are you worried about tomorrow? No tailing on water? My
future starts Monday, My weekend starts on Friday.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
I got to get up.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I really don't have to worry about hangover because I
don't get drunk.
Speaker 7 (05:26):
Riding this wave of enthusiasm.
Speaker 8 (05:28):
Who wants to go hear the speech?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
I left the unofficial rally and arrived at the main event,
expecting to see the same passion and energy. Instead, I
found this and this and this party shirts, but no party.
Speaker 8 (05:51):
This place has no enthusiasm.
Speaker 9 (05:53):
I mean I was at this other Obama rally that
had dancing, ela shots, karaoke.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Or did a sainta Tomayo party?
Speaker 6 (06:05):
No, it was a party.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
I was sick of the cynics. I went back down
the street where voters are energized and engaged with issues
that really matter.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
What issues are important to you?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Make marijuana legal.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
If marijuana was legal, I want to be going to
jail Tuesday.
Speaker 7 (06:29):
I hope is still in the air, mister President, you
have until Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Has brought Sunday may Fish.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
We celebrated that most American of holidays Sinkle to Mayo,
but not everyone in this country understands it's true meaning.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Jessica Williams reports.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Singo de Mayo the party of parties.
Speaker 5 (06:56):
I wanted to hit up an authentic fiesta this year,
so I went on the Dallas, Texas where thousands of
Latinos were taking the party to the streets.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
How's your party going, Oh.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
This is not exactly a party for us.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
You can look at all these moves. I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
What we looking for is immigration reform.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Here I am with my girls on Singo de Maya.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
We're here to march for immigration reform.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
So five thousand people chose to waste their single Domayo
by marching for more humane immigration laws.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Nah huh, not on my watch. I have a two
year work permit. But after that experience her, who's we
talking about party stuff?
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Like? What's the craziest place you ever point somebody? Mine's
out an Oscar mariwinomobile.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I don't have one link there.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
When I was thirteen, my father was deported and I
wasn't living with my mother. She was separated from my
family for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
All Right, you know what that means, parents away? You
gotta get wicked. Take the top shirt off. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
I was trying to get the part already started, but
the negativity was wearing me down.
Speaker 6 (08:03):
A lot of these people are getting separated from the families,
working long hours overtime without being paid, fighting for the
right to stay in America. It's hard for us to
get access to a medical character.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
These people were bumming me out.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
What's worse, what I thought was the beer line turned
out to be for something called votar. Clearly these people
had a lot to learn about the American holiday.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Of Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I took a few of these party poopers with me
to show them the true meaning of the day.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Singo to Mayo is a single best excuse to go
out and do unlimited tequila shots all day long.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yeah that I'm talking about singing to miles about party
and no politics. Want to get into political stuff, then
it's no fun reward.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
We don't want to get into political staff.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
No, there's life.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
They had much to learn about our traditions.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Traditionally on Singo de Mayo we taketos, which are small tacos.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
See it's a taquito at taquita.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I know what to feel.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Yeah, mustachees, some bris.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I hate Skoda Maya. I just we just get handled
a tequila. Just ty over. I just want to go home.
Speaker 5 (09:13):
I even figured out a way to combine our ritual
life drinking with their bizarre need to constantly crusade for
basic rights.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
My family being separated. There's no other way to describe
it but in humane.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
In across cultural success. One of the activists even offered
to be a designated driver.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
For I could take four in the bat Maybe we.
Speaker 5 (09:38):
Need each other, after all, they do the jobs we
don't want to do staying sober and being politically engaged.
Speaker 8 (09:52):
Now that Donald Trump is the presumptive presumptive Republican nominee.
Oh and by the way, if you've just come out
of a coma, go back to sleep if you don't
want to see this.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
A lot of people have.
Speaker 8 (10:02):
Identified that in order for Trump to win the election,
he needs to appeal to Latino voters, but it turns
out Trump had a plan all along.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Mister Trump, just a few minutes ago, tweeted from his
desk at Trump Tower Happy Cinco de Mayo, the best
taco bulls are made in Trump Tower.
Speaker 8 (10:20):
Grill.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
I love Hispanics, and there is a picture of him
eating a taco bowl.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It looks like.
Speaker 8 (10:27):
Well played, Donald, well played. I just loved the idea
that in Donald Trump's mind, he's just cleared up this
entire mess. They bring in, the drugs, their rapists.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
The wall, taco bowl.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Huh we good? Are we good?
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Now?
Speaker 8 (10:48):
But in old fanus though, I can see why Trump
likes taco bulls. I mean, they're just like him.
Speaker 5 (10:52):
You know.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
It's a pile of cheesy slop stuffed inside a thin
orange shelf, So I get it.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I Get It more shows from the Daily Show podcast
universe by searching.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Paramount podcasts.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Sinko, Tomoriow, drink Up.
Speaker 9 (11:26):
Let me just take a shot here to get the
things started.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Single tomorrow Monday,
You're listening to Comedy centralow.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Besides all of the problems that we were discussing in
the first act, country is also facing a tremendous amount
of immigration issues. How realistic are the proposed solutions? Jason
Jones filed this report.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Arizona's new immigration law requires police to question anyone they
reasonably suspect of being an illegal immigrant. But how exactly
do you spot illegals? I went out on May fifth
to find out. What would you think constitutes a reasonable.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Suspicion, reasonable supicion?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I would say it.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
They don't speak English.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Means a little bit of this, a little bit of Corona.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Perception, perception. So what would you perceive and the legal
immigrants to look like?
Speaker 5 (00:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Maybe they'd be wearing sombreros, or drinking, or eating spicy food,
or speaking broken English.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Drinking for a single day, drink.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Out, Oh my god. Suspicious behavior was everywhere. But how
do you go about determining who is illegal?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
So?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
What's your name? I'm Bright, Rich, sy Verse Rich, Yes,
sure it is it is. How'd you get here?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I walk?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
You walked?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You walked all the way here?
Speaker 6 (01:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
From my work?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
What picking strawberries?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
How did you get here?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Grab the cab from Pench station?
Speaker 3 (01:29):
So a foreigner smuggled you in the back of his
car all the way here.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
A foreigner. No, I took a cab from Pench station.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Of course, establishing reasonable suspicion is just the first step.
I'm gonna need to see your papers.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I don't have my wallet on me. I'm from the
United States.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh really, yes, prove it?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
How do I prove it?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Which amendment protects citizens from unreasonable searches and seizures?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Seventh?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Check this out, guys, guys, unreasonable search and seizures? What amendment?
That's a bunch of Johnny Americans in there. If our
politicians don't have the courage to do what they did
in Arizona, then our streets will be overrun by laziness
and loud ethnic music. However, we must tread carefully because
(02:26):
illegals are on a hair trigger. Anything can set them off.
You being illegal immigrants.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
From here now? At college? What are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Immigrants?
Speaker 7 (02:40):
Thank you man.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
There you have it, the true face of illegal immigration.
Speaker 6 (02:44):
Rude.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It turns out there is a line you can't cross
as an illegal. Do you feel your rights are being
infringed upon. Sadly, eagles continue to enter the country at will,
the American values we hold so dear will be destroyed.
(03:09):
Eh My two new Mexican wives signed a Kiss the Brides.
But the most important lesson is never ask a Marianchi
band if they know any Beyonce.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
On Saturday, President Obama officially kicked off his reelection campaign
with a rally at Virginia Commonwealth University. With the youth
as excited for Obama twenty twelve as they were for
Obama eight. We sent Al Madrigal to investigate.
Speaker 8 (03:50):
The youth vote.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
It helped push Obama over the top in two thousand
and eight, so it's no surprise he officially kicked off
his twenty twelve campaign at Virginia Commonwealth University. But will
the youth vote be a problem this time around?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Is there a vulnerability for the president in firing up
young people in this economy?
Speaker 5 (04:10):
It's the beginning of the end for the relationship between
young people and the president.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
From what we saw at this pre speech campaign rally
just down the street from VCU. As of May fifth,
twenty twelve, young Obama supporters are fired up and ready
to go.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I'm fired up.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And passed ready to go?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
Are you really committed to this effort?
Speaker 8 (04:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I mean committed.
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Do you think you can keep this enthusiasm up until November?
Speaker 8 (04:39):
I think I can because I'm drink Corona like his
water drink, but like his water drink, Vaka like his water,
Tequila like its water.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Can you keep it up until November?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Honestly? Are kidding me? I com here all the time.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I'm fired up.
Speaker 9 (04:52):
Are you pumped up because you think Barack Obama will
finally be able to not worry about this combative Congress
and he can act be progressive in his theoretical second term.
Speaker 7 (05:05):
I spell we've surprisingly despite a dark and uncertain future,
these students have managed to stay hopeful with simple remedies.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Are you worried about tomorrow? No tailing on water? My
future starts Monday, My weekend starts on Friday.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
I got to get up.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I really don't have to worry about hangover because I
don't get drunk.
Speaker 7 (05:26):
Riding this wave of enthusiasm.
Speaker 8 (05:28):
Who wants to go hear the speech?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
I left the unofficial rally and arrived at the main event,
expecting to see the same passion and energy. Instead, I
found this and this and this party shirts, but no party.
Speaker 8 (05:51):
This place has no enthusiasm.
Speaker 9 (05:53):
I mean I was at this other Obama rally that
had dancing, ela shots, karaoke.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Or did a sainta Tomayo party?
Speaker 6 (06:05):
No, it was a party.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
I was sick of the cynics. I went back down
the street where voters are energized and engaged with issues
that really matter.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
What issues are important to you?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Make marijuana legal.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
If marijuana was legal, I want to be going to
jail Tuesday.
Speaker 7 (06:29):
I hope is still in the air, mister President, you
have until Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Has brought Sunday may Fish.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
We celebrated that most American of holidays Sinkle to Mayo,
but not everyone in this country understands it's true meaning.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Jessica Williams reports.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Singo de Mayo the party of parties.
Speaker 5 (06:56):
I wanted to hit up an authentic fiesta this year,
so I went on the Dallas, Texas where thousands of
Latinos were taking the party to the streets.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
How's your party going, Oh.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
This is not exactly a party for us.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
You can look at all these moves. I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
What we looking for is immigration reform.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Here I am with my girls on Singo de Maya.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
We're here to march for immigration reform.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
So five thousand people chose to waste their single Domayo
by marching for more humane immigration laws.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Nah huh, not on my watch. I have a two
year work permit. But after that experience her, who's we
talking about party stuff?
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Like? What's the craziest place you ever point somebody? Mine's
out an Oscar mariwinomobile.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I don't have one link there.
Speaker 6 (07:44):
When I was thirteen, my father was deported and I
wasn't living with my mother. She was separated from my
family for twenty years.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
All Right, you know what that means, parents away? You
gotta get wicked. Take the top shirt off. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
I was trying to get the part already started, but
the negativity was wearing me down.
Speaker 6 (08:03):
A lot of these people are getting separated from the families,
working long hours overtime without being paid, fighting for the
right to stay in America. It's hard for us to
get access to a medical character.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
These people were bumming me out.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
What's worse, what I thought was the beer line turned
out to be for something called votar. Clearly these people
had a lot to learn about the American holiday.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Of Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I took a few of these party poopers with me
to show them the true meaning of the day.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Singo to Mayo is a single best excuse to go
out and do unlimited tequila shots all day long.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yeah that I'm talking about singing to miles about party
and no politics. Want to get into political stuff, then
it's no fun reward.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
We don't want to get into political staff.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
No, there's life.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
They had much to learn about our traditions.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Traditionally on Singo de Mayo we taketos, which are small tacos.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
See it's a taquito at taquita.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I know what to feel.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Yeah, mustachees, some bris.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I hate Skoda Maya. I just we just get handled
a tequila. Just ty over. I just want to go home.
Speaker 5 (09:13):
I even figured out a way to combine our ritual
life drinking with their bizarre need to constantly crusade for
basic rights.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
My family being separated. There's no other way to describe
it but in humane.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
In across cultural success. One of the activists even offered
to be a designated driver.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
For I could take four in the bat Maybe we.
Speaker 5 (09:38):
Need each other, after all, they do the jobs we
don't want to do staying sober and being politically engaged.
Speaker 8 (09:52):
Now that Donald Trump is the presumptive presumptive Republican nominee.
Oh and by the way, if you've just come out
of a coma, go back to sleep if you don't
want to see this.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
A lot of people have.
Speaker 8 (10:02):
Identified that in order for Trump to win the election,
he needs to appeal to Latino voters, but it turns
out Trump had a plan all along.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Mister Trump, just a few minutes ago, tweeted from his
desk at Trump Tower Happy Cinco de Mayo, the best
taco bulls are made in Trump Tower.
Speaker 8 (10:20):
Grill.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
I love Hispanics, and there is a picture of him
eating a taco bowl.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It looks like.
Speaker 8 (10:27):
Well played, Donald, well played. I just loved the idea
that in Donald Trump's mind, he's just cleared up this
entire mess. They bring in, the drugs, their rapists.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
The wall, taco bowl.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Huh we good? Are we good?
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Now?
Speaker 8 (10:48):
But in old fanus though, I can see why Trump
likes taco bulls. I mean, they're just like him.
Speaker 5 (10:52):
You know.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
It's a pile of cheesy slop stuffed inside a thin
orange shelf, So I get it.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I Get It more shows from the Daily Show podcast
universe by searching.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Paramount podcasts.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Sinko, Tomoriow, drink Up.
Speaker 9 (11:26):
Let me just take a shot here to get the
things started.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Single tomorrow Monday,
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