May 4, 2025 • 29 mins
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... The Daily Show started covering Star Wars movies, their overblown release hype and corporate merchandising synergy. Join us on the dark side as we take a look back. May the Fourth be with You.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central show.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
In America, our own young people are taking up a
similarly passionate cause. Yes, America's youth have rallied around the
noble flag of the New Star Wars Movie, Episode one,
The Fandom Menace. It is a period of nerdy anticipation.
Teens with rebellious acne striking from hidden poors have begun
their first battle against the evil Galactic Empire. Boys who
(00:30):
girls like Let's hear from someone who's taking up the cause.
You de man, Yoda Man.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I'll see this movie most likely six times in one day,
the very first showing me in the midnight show, and
after that the noon show, the four PM show, the
seven PM show, the ten PM show, and the midnight
show the next day.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
He reportedly added. After that, I'll go home, be treated
for scabies, and bury my dog in case you've been
frozen in carbonite for the last six months. The New
Star Wars Movie, Episode one, The Phantom Menace, opens next Wednesday.
We sent our own Vance to Generous Demand's Chinese Theater
in Hollywood, where fans have been waiting in line for
(01:13):
six weeks. Vance will be living with them until the
movie opens. So here it is our Star Wars the
obligatory coverage. That's actually the ending. Oops, Hey, Vance, degenerous?
(01:35):
Are you out there? Is there a lot of excitement
in the line?
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Well, John, it's Hollywood, and excitement is Hollywood's middle name,
especially when it comes to long lines.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
John, I went out and put.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Together a little piece today. Let's take a look at it.
Excuse me? How long have you been waiting this line?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Spot? Ten seconds? How about thirty seconds? About a minute?
How long are you prepared to wait? Not very long?
And yet another line moving?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Yet?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Certainly a line. Has it affected your family anyway?
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Has it affected your job at anyway?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
You're annoyed at having to wait?
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yes, but we're not really waiting for anything.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
So, as you can clearly see, John, here in Hollywood,
lines are a horse of a different color, Advance.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Not that those aren't really good lines, but we say
to Hollywood to cover the fans in line at the
Chinese theater for the opening of the new Star Wars movie.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
My mistake, John, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I thought you sent me out here to do a
story on lines in general.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
But that makes much more sense. Excellent idea, John.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
We'll go on over to the Chinese Theater and get
your sleeping bag and get in line. We'll see you Monday.
Dan's the Generous live somewhere in Hollywood at Man's Chinese Theater.
In Hollywood, fans have been in line for six weeks
for the opening of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. Our
own as the Generous, has been camping out for five
(03:02):
days and he's met some very interesting characters. So here
it is Star Wars, the obligatory coverage, Flashy Dance, Degenerous
is standing by Live Vance. We're all eager to know
what's it like out there living the Star Wars adventure.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
I have to tell you my sleeping bag has a
funny smell, and last night a hobo stepped on my finger.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Well, what's the atmosphere like there.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Vance, Well, John, During the day, it's pretty tame, but
after midnight it's sort of like being a kid at
a circus, only without the wild animals and tents or fun.
Add Instead of clowns, you have crack fueled gang members
piling out of cars. Fortunately, I'm protected by line dwelling
Star Wars fanatics wielding toy lightsabers, and the force.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, speaking of the Star Wars fans. How about introducing
us to some of the fans.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
You bet, John will meet some super fans who have
incredibly long, endless minusha field stories about which Rebel Alliance
military insignia is coolest.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Well, we're getting a little tight on time, Vance, So
why don't you talk to the experson the salves the fans.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Absolutely, John, that's an excellent idea, because who else would
be able to go on and on and on for
days on end acting out scenes from Star Wars and
scenes they made up, and songs about Star Wars they
made up, songs like Dolmo Arigato, mister R two D two.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
All right, Well that's great, Vance, Let's let's meet him.
Let's let's take a look at the fans and have it.
Speaker 7 (04:38):
All right?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
All right, say no more, Advance. Maybe we'll get that
song next time. Well, we'll have another live report from
Vance the Generous tomorrow. Good luck out there, Vance. Right
now at Man's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, diehard fans have
been in line for weeks for the opening of the
(04:59):
new Star Wars movie. Our own Vance Degenerous has been
camping out with the fans soaking up this once in
a lifetime opportunity. We now continue with Star Wars the
obligatory coverage. Yes, Vance, how's it going out there in Hollywood?
(05:20):
Are you getting the Star Wars fever? Vance? Dvance? Degenerous vance?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
What fans?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Are you all right? What happened to your clothes and
your hygiene?
Speaker 4 (05:34):
I ran out of food and water, so I sued
my suit for some fresca. I hope it's fresca. Did
you know you can cook a roach with a single
match fance?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I had no idea this was going on. What about
the other fans in line? How are they holding up?
Are they going to be able to hang on for
the opening of the movie?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Movies?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
We sent you out there to cover the opening of
Star Wars movie.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
I like movies, but not sad ones. Did you know
you can turn an ordinary egg carton into a handy
portable latrine and it takes over six minutes for three
seven hundred and fifty two ants to watch us six.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Feet concentrate dvance. Now we heard a rumor George Lucas
himself is going to be at the Chinese theater for
the first showing of the film. That's that's exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Isn't it maybe?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Well, Vance, can you tell us anything about Dvance? Can
you tell it Vance? A Well? Tomorrow, hopefully we'll have
an actual report on the movie from Vance, degenerous, Vance, degenerous,
Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Here it is day fifty two of our obligatory Star
Wars coverage. Nine bucks new Star Wars movie premieres, fans
(07:04):
say better than Spaceball's. Following a barrage of hype that
makes you wistful for the soft cell of Titanic, Fans
gathered for the midnight opening of Star Wars, allowing George
Lucas to finally pay off his student loans. Excited fans
stage these unbelievably realistic light saber battles, recreating a classic
(07:25):
scene where two Jedis fight over an eight dollars milk dud.
The fans were out in mass. Let's hear from one
of the more well adjusted ones. Now, of course, with you,
I don't want to say anything, but I think that's
my accountant Across the nation, films started late due to
(07:48):
the extra time needed to create aisle space for all
the Lizard Terrarium's clarinet cases and unwieldy retainer.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Boxes and.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Welcome back to the program. This past Sunday was a
banner day for fans of the Star Wars series, as
Fox aired the first glimpse of the latest installment of
the Saga Attack of the Clones. Joining us now are
a resident expert in all things science fiction, Stephen Colbert. Stephen,
you worked with Bradbury, with Huxley, understudied many of them.
(08:26):
What did you think of this particular trailer, John.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I loved it. The special effects.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
Were mind blowing, the editing was crisp.
Speaker 9 (08:34):
Jimmy Smit's was in it. I don't want to tell
you the ending, but but what the heck, I'll just
show it to you.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Your first chance to see the trailers for Star Wars.
Look at this now.
Speaker 9 (08:44):
For those of you who don't know how to read,
they're telling you that this is the exact same trailer
you can see this Friday during previews before the showing
of the new Fox animated classic Ice Age.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I have got to see that Ice Age. No, the
new Star Wars trailer. But it's it's the same trailer
you just saw right right right, But it's going to
be on the big screen in a big theater.
Speaker 9 (09:07):
I can't impress upon you how the largeness of it
will increase its size. You see, at home, I'm bigger
than my TV. But in a movie theater, the screen
dwarfs me. That the TV trailer has only wet my appetite.
The feast is this Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So you're you're really looking forward to this movie?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Did you not like episode one? No?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
I love the trailer, but I heard the movie was terrible.
You know, it was like one hundred and thirty three minutes.
I could watch thirty or forty trailers during that same time.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You just like trailers?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
What's not the like John?
Speaker 9 (09:47):
I mean, you got the buttery voice narrator asking me
to imagine a world where something happens, or every so
often a film comes along that does something. You know,
I love the excitement when the trail tailer is fun
and upbeat and then you hear that needle scratch, like
and everything sort of stops, and then someone mugs for
the camera like whoa, whoa what? Or when someone's about
(10:09):
to say a dirty word. Then they cut to a
tanker truck exploding.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
Like suck my.
Speaker 9 (10:15):
You know that, that, my friend, is trail ertainment.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
It is it is it is you don't like movies
at all.
Speaker 9 (10:25):
I love movies, John, I just don't see why they
have to be so long. You know, nobody walks out
of trailers because they're perfect. And in fact, there is
nothing in this world that wouldn't be better in trailer form.
I mean, take this Star Wars commentary for instance, wouldn't
have been a lot better if we had just done
it like this.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
In a world where one man loved.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
It, John, I loved it. Jimmy Smith's was in it.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
He's about to get more than he bargained for.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I'm pregnant.
Speaker 9 (11:06):
Movies are just watered down trailers.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
The Stephen Colbert trailer commentary, winner of the coveted bomb
Doors Suck Mine coming to the Daily Show three minutes ago, John,
Thank you Stephen.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Stephen Colbert. Everybody, We'll be right back. A deafening screech,
pink eyes beaming from the darkness. A monstrous white form
streaks past you, leaving only a gelatinous trail of fetid stench.
A monster. No, it was your live at home son.
Going to get the new Star Wars toys might be
(11:51):
a good time to hose out his layer. Yes, has Bros.
Unleashed it's episode two Attack of the Clones toy line
a full three weeks before the much enter a pated
release of the Star Wars installment sure to be hot.
Items include Anakin Skywalker, Obi or Django, Martin Luther King,
what the hell we only had three, so we threw
(12:13):
in him try and soothe out the whole jar Jar Binks,
Debacle Toys. R US officials beamed at what lay ahead.
Speaker 9 (12:21):
The line is fabulous.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You know this movie is rich with.
Speaker 10 (12:25):
Characters, with content, with vehicles and scenes that are really
very exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You heard it here first xtree Xtree Star Wars Episode
two is going to feature content, vehicles, and scenes that
guy can sell anything. Also, in anticipation of the film's release,
a video of John Williams and the London sem of
the Orchestra performing a track and title Across the Stars
(12:54):
premiered on TRL earlier this week. Imagine that was shortly
after the premiere of MTVS Becoming Yo Yo Ma the
entire audience tonight all PBS tote bag owners. The video
(13:15):
also lets fans know that horror legend Christopher Lee has
joined the cast.
Speaker 11 (13:19):
Joined me everyone, and together we will destroy.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
In the film, Lee plays the role of Darth Tyrannus.
The name Darth is used for many villains in the
Star Wars movies, including Darth Vader and Darth Maul. It's
been reported George Lucas has already chosen as Darth for
Episode three. Characters so nefarious he could only be named
Darth Darth, I am your father, seriously, Finally a reason
(14:00):
to live. Star Wars Episode something, Attack of the Thingers
is lumbering into theaters. Upon exiting last night's first midnight showings,
many fans said the film was actually better than the
last installment. Episode won the Phantom Menace. Well, that's a
rare honor shared with such other films as snow Dogs.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
Believe it or not.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The film's marketing was considered low key by Hollywood blockbuster standards,
with only twenty five million spent in advertising, even though
Yoda was on the cover of Time magazine last month,
was only to discuss his crippling addiction to diet pills
and myself and like, oh you read it, there we go.
Talk is Talk has already begun of Star Wars episode three,
(14:49):
which is expected to follow Anakin and Padme's adventures as
they inherit a whipped cream factory on the planet Naboo,
which is run by a wacky scientists played by Nathan
All their lives are turned upside down when they adopt
a little black boy who teaches them the meaning of love.
And thanks for that exclusive episode three preview information. It
(15:12):
goes out to our daily show fact checker, doctor idiot.
He's really not very good at his job. Perhaps we
should fire him. So it's technically it is Attack of
the Clones worthy of the hype. Here's Frank Takara with
the answer, which of course is no.
Speaker 12 (15:45):
Oh, come on, Yoda, it wasn't that bad. Well, Star
Wars episode two, Attack of the Clones has landed, and
the good news is it's an improvement over Star Wars
episode one. The Phantom Menace, of course, just leaving the
theater after episode one was an improved on episode one.
Since nothing I say, we'll stop you from seeing this blockbuster.
Here's what happens. The pod racing little kid from Phantom
(16:08):
Menace has grown up to be a member of the
Thompson Twins.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
We all know.
Speaker 12 (16:12):
Big Anakin played by Hayden Christiansen is going to turn
into Darth Vader, but for now he's doing his heavy
breathing over Natalie Portman. She plays padme Ahmadala. She used
to be queen, but now she's just a senator, just
like Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 13 (16:26):
Must be difficult, having sworn your left to the Jedi,
not being able to do the things you like.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I want to be with the people that I love.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
Are you allowed to love?
Speaker 12 (16:34):
These two couldn't have less chemistry if they were in
separate movies and between uncomfortable kisses.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
There's a lot of mumbo jumbo about.
Speaker 12 (16:42):
Trade sanctions, senate deliberations, and separatist movements.
Speaker 11 (16:46):
The Senate must vote the chancellor emergency Palace. As my
first act, I will create a grand Army of the Republic.
Speaker 12 (16:54):
Fun It's like sea spam with lasers.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Do you have any idea who's behind this attack?
Speaker 12 (16:59):
Of course George Lucas. The real love story in episode
two is between old George and one hundred and forty
million dollars worth of computer generated special effects, most of
it for Natalie Portman's hair. There are some saving graces here,
including some fantastic production design, legitimately exciting action sequences, and
Jedi candy. Ewan McGregor is Obi wan Kenoby. Whenever he's
(17:23):
on screen, I feel like I'm gonna have an episode two. Then,
of course there's Yoda, and boy was I glad to
see him.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
In grave danger?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You are?
Speaker 12 (17:33):
You know you're in trouble when a computer generated lawn
ornament is the most natural actor in your movie. In
the end, Attack of the Clones is short on substance
and long on style and just playing long went to
bathroom twice, this reviewer did begun discorn war has whatever
back to you, John my Boba fetish.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Thank you break. This past weekend, you may have experienced
a strange sensation, something that can only be described as
a disturbance in the Force, specifically the salesforce. Toy and
retail stores nationwide celebrated the upcoming premiere the sixth and
final Star Wars movie, Revengeley Sith, with a midnight roll
(18:18):
out of a brand new line of merchandise. Among the
top offerings, this talking Yoda doll a cool new way
to teach kids bad grammar, hmmm, incorrect englishnesses. There's also
a Darth tat mister potato Head doll, though sadly he's
more machine than potato now Darth Tat. I wish that
(18:40):
was making this up perfect for those who crave evil,
but wish it were start here in New York's Times Square.
Some enthusiasts even celebrated by showing up in full Star
Wars regalia. There were legions of costumed characters, all your favorites,
from Princess Leah to Jedi Eminem. What what movie was
(19:03):
he in? Yes, the peanut is strong in this one.
Walmart was among the retailers taking part in the product launch.
And if you've ever wondered exactly how they keep their
prices so low, here's how they do it. Grandma Labor,
(19:24):
I find your attempts to unionize most disturbing. As for
the manufacturers of these toys, Hasbro official Brian Goldner explained,
there really a chance to teach children about morality.
Speaker 9 (19:39):
We give kids the opportunity to choose between the light
side and the dark side of the forest.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
By the way, did you know that the true identity
of the emperor? Hasbro official Brian Goldman so how to
rally the GOP troops for the upcoming fall election, a
rededication to the party platform or review of their recent
accomplishments or you could produce an eight minute parody of
(20:10):
Star Wars called Election Wars, in which Democratic Minority Leader
Nancy Pelosi is Darth Nancy, evil cohort of sinister figures
like Howard Dean and the dreaded Campaign Committee Chair Ram Emmanuel.
How could you take on a fearsome juggernaut like that?
Speaker 11 (20:27):
They had a plan to defeat Darth Nancy with a
strategy built from the ground up, and it was up
to their battle tested incumbents to carry it out. They
vound to band together once more to deny the majority
to Darth Nancy and the Evil Democrat Empire.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Evil Democrat Empire. I got news for you. If we're
going to do the Star Wars analogy, the Democrats are
at best ewoks.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
At that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Believe me, you'd be pumping up their egos to call
them jawas. Why care the Republicans just admit it. You're
in charge. You control the White House, both Houses of Congress,
the Supreme Court. You're not a bunch of ragtag rebels
fighting the Empire.
Speaker 10 (21:22):
You're Besides the Star Wars thing, the Star Wars thing
is laying anyway, It's an outdated nerdy reference.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It doesn't even begin to I know.
Speaker 13 (21:35):
You masturbated to me in the seventies.
Speaker 7 (21:39):
I know you masturbated to me in the seventies.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I always dreamed she saw that, but I never thought
she did.
Speaker 13 (22:01):
Disney released a new Star Wars show on their streaming platform,
Disney Plus, which I've heard is good but not as good.
That's Paramount Plus.
Speaker 7 (22:09):
Now, this Star Wars show.
Speaker 13 (22:11):
Is not the one about the Mandalorian, and it's not
the one about Boba fet No. This one is about
Obi Wan Kenobi, the galaxy's most powerful hobo.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
And anyone can see where this is going.
Speaker 13 (22:20):
All right, it's just like show off the show on Disney.
You see what they're doing, now, you get it. They
plans to release a show about every character in Star Wars.
It's genius, like a ton of money. Personally, I can't
wait for the job of the hot sitcom. What I know,
she broke your hard, Joba, but you gotta start dating again.
Speaker 11 (22:44):
Oh oh oh do CoV god bar.
Speaker 13 (22:47):
Dude, channing her up and putting it in a gold
bikini doesn't count as a date.
Speaker 7 (22:52):
Silly.
Speaker 13 (23:06):
That show's also premier next week.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Anyway.
Speaker 13 (23:09):
The Obi Wan Kenobi show is introducing a lot of
new characters to the Star Wars franchise, but there is
one character in particular who isn't getting the warmest welcome
from the fans.
Speaker 14 (23:19):
This morning, Obi Wan Kenobi himself putting his force behind
costar Moses Ingram, where after social media users launched racist
attacks against her after her debut in the Jedi Knights
new series.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
She brings so much to the series. She brings so
much to the franchise, and it just sickened me to
my stomach to hear that this has been happening. We
stand with Moses, We love Moses, and if you're sending
her bullying messages, you're no Star Wars found in my mind.
Speaker 14 (23:47):
Moses, sharing she had received hundreds of racist messages following
the series premiere.
Speaker 15 (23:52):
There's nothing anybody can do to stop this hate. I
think the thing that bothers me is they're like sort
of this feeling that I've had inside of myself, which
no one has told me, but this feeling of like
I just gotta shut up and take it, and I'm
not deal like that.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Neither should you be.
Speaker 13 (24:12):
No one should have to just shut up and take racism.
I agree with that, especially in Star Wars, like what
is this? What is this?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You racist?
Speaker 13 (24:19):
Installed? Like from the very beginning, this has been a
series where no one thinks twice if Harrison Ford is
best friends with a giant dog bear, or if a
brother and sister want to smash, no one complains about
that they're not getting death threats. I am so tired
of fans attacking black people in Star Wars when there
(24:39):
are so many other racism species they could be backing
to bigoted against Think about it, you could hate everyone
going to rant about the creepy twilex, you know, or
the greedy jawas.
Speaker 16 (24:49):
There's so many more opportunities for racism than just black people.
Mix it up, broaden your horizons, you know. Or is
the ewok saying never? You know, I gotta think bigger.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
It really is.
Speaker 12 (25:04):
Get out there.
Speaker 13 (25:07):
And you know, it's really great that even McGregor made
a video supporting his co star. But I think Star
Wars needs to come back even harder at the racists.
Really make them suffer. You should give Princess Leah and
you black boyfriend.
Speaker 17 (25:21):
Yeah, that's right, it's gonna be a dope scene. It's
gonna come back in and be like, hey, yo, Leya,
I got the plans for the Death Star We going tonight.
Speaker 13 (25:38):
Star Wars, the sci fi movie that made incest cool.
For almost fifty years, James Earl Jones has been the
voice behind Darth Vader, the most famous villain in movie
history and most famous asthmatic. But on Friday, Disney announced
that the force is gonna be moving on.
Speaker 5 (25:59):
James Old Jones is reportedly retiring from voicing Darth Vader,
but Star Wars fans may not even notice. Vanity Fair
says the ninety one year old actor has signed off
on a plan to use artificial intelligence to craft new
dialogue from his old voice recordings.
Speaker 13 (26:15):
You say the little mum maid becomes black and they
take away gentle Jones.
Speaker 7 (26:20):
Hi, I told you that'd be backlash.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
I told you.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh no, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I'm joking. I'm joking.
Speaker 13 (26:25):
The legendary actor has retired from doing the voice. That's
all that happened. And what's interesting to me is that
you hear what they said. Instead of trying to find
someone else to voice the pod, Disney has said they're
gonna use artificial intelligence to replicate Darth Vada's voice.
Speaker 7 (26:39):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 13 (26:40):
People, this makes me a little nervous. Yeah, we think
AI is gonna take over the world, and now we're
gonna teach it to use the dark side of the force.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
No one thinks this.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Is a bad idea, But I get it. I get it.
Speaker 13 (26:52):
I mean that voice is iconic, you know, it belongs
in Darth Vader's body or announcing CNN promos.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
But that's it.
Speaker 13 (27:03):
That's the last thing we need. The last thing we
need is them opening the role up to like other
famous people, like they could. You know when they do
that with roles, and then it becomes weird, you know.
Can you imagine Darth Vada being voiced by someone else? Luke,
I am your father, but until your mama shows me
(27:26):
the paternity test, you can just call me uncle Doth.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I'm far our main story tonight. I am your father.
That's right, Luke, I am your daddy.
Speaker 7 (27:37):
And yes, that upsets me as much as it upsets you, Luke.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
A lot of.
Speaker 7 (27:45):
People are saying I'm your father, Luke.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
They're saying they've.
Speaker 13 (27:48):
Never seen a bed of father, and they're right.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I love all my children.
Speaker 13 (27:53):
It's you, It's Ivanka, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 12 (28:06):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount.
Speaker 7 (28:11):
Plus Paramount Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Here it is You're on you May the Fourth be
with you. It is Star Wars Day and.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
That means it is time Jen to get out those lightsabers.
Speaker 7 (28:35):
A console will be made listen.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
We ah, she even does this append you're not my mother?
Do we like light savor each other?
Speaker 9 (28:44):
I mean, I guess we could get the hair that's
a wok man's
You're listening to Comedy Central show.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
In America, our own young people are taking up a
similarly passionate cause. Yes, America's youth have rallied around the
noble flag of the New Star Wars Movie, Episode one,
The Fandom Menace. It is a period of nerdy anticipation.
Teens with rebellious acne striking from hidden poors have begun
their first battle against the evil Galactic Empire. Boys who
(00:30):
girls like Let's hear from someone who's taking up the cause.
You de man, Yoda Man.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I'll see this movie most likely six times in one day,
the very first showing me in the midnight show, and
after that the noon show, the four PM show, the
seven PM show, the ten PM show, and the midnight
show the next day.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
He reportedly added. After that, I'll go home, be treated
for scabies, and bury my dog in case you've been
frozen in carbonite for the last six months. The New
Star Wars Movie, Episode one, The Phantom Menace, opens next Wednesday.
We sent our own Vance to Generous Demand's Chinese Theater
in Hollywood, where fans have been waiting in line for
(01:13):
six weeks. Vance will be living with them until the
movie opens. So here it is our Star Wars the
obligatory coverage. That's actually the ending. Oops, Hey, Vance, degenerous?
(01:35):
Are you out there? Is there a lot of excitement
in the line?
Speaker 4 (01:38):
Well, John, it's Hollywood, and excitement is Hollywood's middle name,
especially when it comes to long lines.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
John, I went out and put.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Together a little piece today. Let's take a look at it.
Excuse me? How long have you been waiting this line?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Spot? Ten seconds? How about thirty seconds? About a minute?
How long are you prepared to wait? Not very long?
And yet another line moving?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Yet?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Certainly a line. Has it affected your family anyway?
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Has it affected your job at anyway?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
You're annoyed at having to wait?
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yes, but we're not really waiting for anything.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
So, as you can clearly see, John, here in Hollywood,
lines are a horse of a different color, Advance.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Not that those aren't really good lines, but we say
to Hollywood to cover the fans in line at the
Chinese theater for the opening of the new Star Wars movie.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
My mistake, John, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
I thought you sent me out here to do a
story on lines in general.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
But that makes much more sense. Excellent idea, John.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
We'll go on over to the Chinese Theater and get
your sleeping bag and get in line. We'll see you Monday.
Dan's the Generous live somewhere in Hollywood at Man's Chinese Theater.
In Hollywood, fans have been in line for six weeks
for the opening of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. Our
own as the Generous, has been camping out for five
(03:02):
days and he's met some very interesting characters. So here
it is Star Wars, the obligatory coverage, Flashy Dance, Degenerous
is standing by Live Vance. We're all eager to know
what's it like out there living the Star Wars adventure.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
I have to tell you my sleeping bag has a
funny smell, and last night a hobo stepped on my finger.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Well, what's the atmosphere like there.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Vance, Well, John, During the day, it's pretty tame, but
after midnight it's sort of like being a kid at
a circus, only without the wild animals and tents or fun.
Add Instead of clowns, you have crack fueled gang members
piling out of cars. Fortunately, I'm protected by line dwelling
Star Wars fanatics wielding toy lightsabers, and the force.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, speaking of the Star Wars fans. How about introducing
us to some of the fans.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
You bet, John will meet some super fans who have
incredibly long, endless minusha field stories about which Rebel Alliance
military insignia is coolest.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Well, we're getting a little tight on time, Vance, So
why don't you talk to the experson the salves the fans.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Absolutely, John, that's an excellent idea, because who else would
be able to go on and on and on for
days on end acting out scenes from Star Wars and
scenes they made up, and songs about Star Wars they
made up, songs like Dolmo Arigato, mister R two D two.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
All right, Well that's great, Vance, Let's let's meet him.
Let's let's take a look at the fans and have it.
Speaker 7 (04:38):
All right?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
All right, say no more, Advance. Maybe we'll get that
song next time. Well, we'll have another live report from
Vance the Generous tomorrow. Good luck out there, Vance. Right
now at Man's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, diehard fans have
been in line for weeks for the opening of the
(04:59):
new Star Wars movie. Our own Vance Degenerous has been
camping out with the fans soaking up this once in
a lifetime opportunity. We now continue with Star Wars the
obligatory coverage. Yes, Vance, how's it going out there in Hollywood?
(05:20):
Are you getting the Star Wars fever? Vance? Dvance? Degenerous vance?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
What fans?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Are you all right? What happened to your clothes and
your hygiene?
Speaker 4 (05:34):
I ran out of food and water, so I sued
my suit for some fresca. I hope it's fresca. Did
you know you can cook a roach with a single
match fance?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I had no idea this was going on. What about
the other fans in line? How are they holding up?
Are they going to be able to hang on for
the opening of the movie?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Movies?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
We sent you out there to cover the opening of
Star Wars movie.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
I like movies, but not sad ones. Did you know
you can turn an ordinary egg carton into a handy
portable latrine and it takes over six minutes for three
seven hundred and fifty two ants to watch us six.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Feet concentrate dvance. Now we heard a rumor George Lucas
himself is going to be at the Chinese theater for
the first showing of the film. That's that's exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Isn't it maybe?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Well, Vance, can you tell us anything about Dvance? Can
you tell it Vance? A Well? Tomorrow, hopefully we'll have
an actual report on the movie from Vance, degenerous, Vance, degenerous,
Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Here it is day fifty two of our obligatory Star
Wars coverage. Nine bucks new Star Wars movie premieres, fans
(07:04):
say better than Spaceball's. Following a barrage of hype that
makes you wistful for the soft cell of Titanic, Fans
gathered for the midnight opening of Star Wars, allowing George
Lucas to finally pay off his student loans. Excited fans
stage these unbelievably realistic light saber battles, recreating a classic
(07:25):
scene where two Jedis fight over an eight dollars milk dud.
The fans were out in mass. Let's hear from one
of the more well adjusted ones. Now, of course, with you,
I don't want to say anything, but I think that's
my accountant Across the nation, films started late due to
(07:48):
the extra time needed to create aisle space for all
the Lizard Terrarium's clarinet cases and unwieldy retainer.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Boxes and.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Welcome back to the program. This past Sunday was a
banner day for fans of the Star Wars series, as
Fox aired the first glimpse of the latest installment of
the Saga Attack of the Clones. Joining us now are
a resident expert in all things science fiction, Stephen Colbert. Stephen,
you worked with Bradbury, with Huxley, understudied many of them.
(08:26):
What did you think of this particular trailer, John.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I loved it. The special effects.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
Were mind blowing, the editing was crisp.
Speaker 9 (08:34):
Jimmy Smit's was in it. I don't want to tell
you the ending, but but what the heck, I'll just
show it to you.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Your first chance to see the trailers for Star Wars.
Look at this now.
Speaker 9 (08:44):
For those of you who don't know how to read,
they're telling you that this is the exact same trailer
you can see this Friday during previews before the showing
of the new Fox animated classic Ice Age.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I have got to see that Ice Age. No, the
new Star Wars trailer. But it's it's the same trailer
you just saw right right right, But it's going to
be on the big screen in a big theater.
Speaker 9 (09:07):
I can't impress upon you how the largeness of it
will increase its size. You see, at home, I'm bigger
than my TV. But in a movie theater, the screen
dwarfs me. That the TV trailer has only wet my appetite.
The feast is this Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
So you're you're really looking forward to this movie?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Did you not like episode one? No?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
I love the trailer, but I heard the movie was terrible.
You know, it was like one hundred and thirty three minutes.
I could watch thirty or forty trailers during that same time.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You just like trailers?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
What's not the like John?
Speaker 9 (09:47):
I mean, you got the buttery voice narrator asking me
to imagine a world where something happens, or every so
often a film comes along that does something. You know,
I love the excitement when the trail tailer is fun
and upbeat and then you hear that needle scratch, like
and everything sort of stops, and then someone mugs for
the camera like whoa, whoa what? Or when someone's about
(10:09):
to say a dirty word. Then they cut to a
tanker truck exploding.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
Like suck my.
Speaker 9 (10:15):
You know that, that, my friend, is trail ertainment.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
It is it is it is you don't like movies
at all.
Speaker 9 (10:25):
I love movies, John, I just don't see why they
have to be so long. You know, nobody walks out
of trailers because they're perfect. And in fact, there is
nothing in this world that wouldn't be better in trailer form.
I mean, take this Star Wars commentary for instance, wouldn't
have been a lot better if we had just done
it like this.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
In a world where one man loved.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
It, John, I loved it. Jimmy Smith's was in it.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
He's about to get more than he bargained for.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I'm pregnant.
Speaker 9 (11:06):
Movies are just watered down trailers.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
The Stephen Colbert trailer commentary, winner of the coveted bomb
Doors Suck Mine coming to the Daily Show three minutes ago, John,
Thank you Stephen.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Stephen Colbert. Everybody, We'll be right back. A deafening screech,
pink eyes beaming from the darkness. A monstrous white form
streaks past you, leaving only a gelatinous trail of fetid stench.
A monster. No, it was your live at home son.
Going to get the new Star Wars toys might be
(11:51):
a good time to hose out his layer. Yes, has Bros.
Unleashed it's episode two Attack of the Clones toy line
a full three weeks before the much enter a pated
release of the Star Wars installment sure to be hot.
Items include Anakin Skywalker, Obi or Django, Martin Luther King,
what the hell we only had three, so we threw
(12:13):
in him try and soothe out the whole jar Jar Binks,
Debacle Toys. R US officials beamed at what lay ahead.
Speaker 9 (12:21):
The line is fabulous.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You know this movie is rich with.
Speaker 10 (12:25):
Characters, with content, with vehicles and scenes that are really
very exciting.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You heard it here first xtree Xtree Star Wars Episode
two is going to feature content, vehicles, and scenes that
guy can sell anything. Also, in anticipation of the film's release,
a video of John Williams and the London sem of
the Orchestra performing a track and title Across the Stars
(12:54):
premiered on TRL earlier this week. Imagine that was shortly
after the premiere of MTVS Becoming Yo Yo Ma the
entire audience tonight all PBS tote bag owners. The video
(13:15):
also lets fans know that horror legend Christopher Lee has
joined the cast.
Speaker 11 (13:19):
Joined me everyone, and together we will destroy.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
In the film, Lee plays the role of Darth Tyrannus.
The name Darth is used for many villains in the
Star Wars movies, including Darth Vader and Darth Maul. It's
been reported George Lucas has already chosen as Darth for
Episode three. Characters so nefarious he could only be named
Darth Darth, I am your father, seriously, Finally a reason
(14:00):
to live. Star Wars Episode something, Attack of the Thingers
is lumbering into theaters. Upon exiting last night's first midnight showings,
many fans said the film was actually better than the
last installment. Episode won the Phantom Menace. Well, that's a
rare honor shared with such other films as snow Dogs.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
Believe it or not.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The film's marketing was considered low key by Hollywood blockbuster standards,
with only twenty five million spent in advertising, even though
Yoda was on the cover of Time magazine last month,
was only to discuss his crippling addiction to diet pills
and myself and like, oh you read it, there we go.
Talk is Talk has already begun of Star Wars episode three,
(14:49):
which is expected to follow Anakin and Padme's adventures as
they inherit a whipped cream factory on the planet Naboo,
which is run by a wacky scientists played by Nathan
All their lives are turned upside down when they adopt
a little black boy who teaches them the meaning of love.
And thanks for that exclusive episode three preview information. It
(15:12):
goes out to our daily show fact checker, doctor idiot.
He's really not very good at his job. Perhaps we
should fire him. So it's technically it is Attack of
the Clones worthy of the hype. Here's Frank Takara with
the answer, which of course is no.
Speaker 12 (15:45):
Oh, come on, Yoda, it wasn't that bad. Well, Star
Wars episode two, Attack of the Clones has landed, and
the good news is it's an improvement over Star Wars
episode one. The Phantom Menace, of course, just leaving the
theater after episode one was an improved on episode one.
Since nothing I say, we'll stop you from seeing this blockbuster.
Here's what happens. The pod racing little kid from Phantom
(16:08):
Menace has grown up to be a member of the
Thompson Twins.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
We all know.
Speaker 12 (16:12):
Big Anakin played by Hayden Christiansen is going to turn
into Darth Vader, but for now he's doing his heavy
breathing over Natalie Portman. She plays padme Ahmadala. She used
to be queen, but now she's just a senator, just
like Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 13 (16:26):
Must be difficult, having sworn your left to the Jedi,
not being able to do the things you like.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I want to be with the people that I love.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
Are you allowed to love?
Speaker 12 (16:34):
These two couldn't have less chemistry if they were in
separate movies and between uncomfortable kisses.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
There's a lot of mumbo jumbo about.
Speaker 12 (16:42):
Trade sanctions, senate deliberations, and separatist movements.
Speaker 11 (16:46):
The Senate must vote the chancellor emergency Palace. As my
first act, I will create a grand Army of the Republic.
Speaker 12 (16:54):
Fun It's like sea spam with lasers.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Do you have any idea who's behind this attack?
Speaker 12 (16:59):
Of course George Lucas. The real love story in episode
two is between old George and one hundred and forty
million dollars worth of computer generated special effects, most of
it for Natalie Portman's hair. There are some saving graces here,
including some fantastic production design, legitimately exciting action sequences, and
Jedi candy. Ewan McGregor is Obi wan Kenoby. Whenever he's
(17:23):
on screen, I feel like I'm gonna have an episode two. Then,
of course there's Yoda, and boy was I glad to
see him.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
In grave danger?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
You are?
Speaker 12 (17:33):
You know you're in trouble when a computer generated lawn
ornament is the most natural actor in your movie. In
the end, Attack of the Clones is short on substance
and long on style and just playing long went to
bathroom twice, this reviewer did begun discorn war has whatever
back to you, John my Boba fetish.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Thank you break. This past weekend, you may have experienced
a strange sensation, something that can only be described as
a disturbance in the Force, specifically the salesforce. Toy and
retail stores nationwide celebrated the upcoming premiere the sixth and
final Star Wars movie, Revengeley Sith, with a midnight roll
(18:18):
out of a brand new line of merchandise. Among the
top offerings, this talking Yoda doll a cool new way
to teach kids bad grammar, hmmm, incorrect englishnesses. There's also
a Darth tat mister potato Head doll, though sadly he's
more machine than potato now Darth Tat. I wish that
(18:40):
was making this up perfect for those who crave evil,
but wish it were start here in New York's Times Square.
Some enthusiasts even celebrated by showing up in full Star
Wars regalia. There were legions of costumed characters, all your favorites,
from Princess Leah to Jedi Eminem. What what movie was
(19:03):
he in? Yes, the peanut is strong in this one.
Walmart was among the retailers taking part in the product launch.
And if you've ever wondered exactly how they keep their
prices so low, here's how they do it. Grandma Labor,
(19:24):
I find your attempts to unionize most disturbing. As for
the manufacturers of these toys, Hasbro official Brian Goldner explained,
there really a chance to teach children about morality.
Speaker 9 (19:39):
We give kids the opportunity to choose between the light
side and the dark side of the forest.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
By the way, did you know that the true identity
of the emperor? Hasbro official Brian Goldman so how to
rally the GOP troops for the upcoming fall election, a
rededication to the party platform or review of their recent
accomplishments or you could produce an eight minute parody of
(20:10):
Star Wars called Election Wars, in which Democratic Minority Leader
Nancy Pelosi is Darth Nancy, evil cohort of sinister figures
like Howard Dean and the dreaded Campaign Committee Chair Ram Emmanuel.
How could you take on a fearsome juggernaut like that?
Speaker 11 (20:27):
They had a plan to defeat Darth Nancy with a
strategy built from the ground up, and it was up
to their battle tested incumbents to carry it out. They
vound to band together once more to deny the majority
to Darth Nancy and the Evil Democrat Empire.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Evil Democrat Empire. I got news for you. If we're
going to do the Star Wars analogy, the Democrats are
at best ewoks.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
At that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Believe me, you'd be pumping up their egos to call
them jawas. Why care the Republicans just admit it. You're
in charge. You control the White House, both Houses of Congress,
the Supreme Court. You're not a bunch of ragtag rebels
fighting the Empire.
Speaker 10 (21:22):
You're Besides the Star Wars thing, the Star Wars thing
is laying anyway, It's an outdated nerdy reference.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It doesn't even begin to I know.
Speaker 13 (21:35):
You masturbated to me in the seventies.
Speaker 7 (21:39):
I know you masturbated to me in the seventies.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I always dreamed she saw that, but I never thought
she did.
Speaker 13 (22:01):
Disney released a new Star Wars show on their streaming platform,
Disney Plus, which I've heard is good but not as good.
That's Paramount Plus.
Speaker 7 (22:09):
Now, this Star Wars show.
Speaker 13 (22:11):
Is not the one about the Mandalorian, and it's not
the one about Boba fet No. This one is about
Obi Wan Kenobi, the galaxy's most powerful hobo.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
And anyone can see where this is going.
Speaker 13 (22:20):
All right, it's just like show off the show on Disney.
You see what they're doing, now, you get it. They
plans to release a show about every character in Star Wars.
It's genius, like a ton of money. Personally, I can't
wait for the job of the hot sitcom. What I know,
she broke your hard, Joba, but you gotta start dating again.
Speaker 11 (22:44):
Oh oh oh do CoV god bar.
Speaker 13 (22:47):
Dude, channing her up and putting it in a gold
bikini doesn't count as a date.
Speaker 7 (22:52):
Silly.
Speaker 13 (23:06):
That show's also premier next week.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Anyway.
Speaker 13 (23:09):
The Obi Wan Kenobi show is introducing a lot of
new characters to the Star Wars franchise, but there is
one character in particular who isn't getting the warmest welcome
from the fans.
Speaker 14 (23:19):
This morning, Obi Wan Kenobi himself putting his force behind
costar Moses Ingram, where after social media users launched racist
attacks against her after her debut in the Jedi Knights
new series.
Speaker 6 (23:31):
She brings so much to the series. She brings so
much to the franchise, and it just sickened me to
my stomach to hear that this has been happening. We
stand with Moses, We love Moses, and if you're sending
her bullying messages, you're no Star Wars found in my mind.
Speaker 14 (23:47):
Moses, sharing she had received hundreds of racist messages following
the series premiere.
Speaker 15 (23:52):
There's nothing anybody can do to stop this hate. I
think the thing that bothers me is they're like sort
of this feeling that I've had inside of myself, which
no one has told me, but this feeling of like
I just gotta shut up and take it, and I'm
not deal like that.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Neither should you be.
Speaker 13 (24:12):
No one should have to just shut up and take racism.
I agree with that, especially in Star Wars, like what
is this? What is this?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You racist?
Speaker 13 (24:19):
Installed? Like from the very beginning, this has been a
series where no one thinks twice if Harrison Ford is
best friends with a giant dog bear, or if a
brother and sister want to smash, no one complains about
that they're not getting death threats. I am so tired
of fans attacking black people in Star Wars when there
(24:39):
are so many other racism species they could be backing
to bigoted against Think about it, you could hate everyone
going to rant about the creepy twilex, you know, or
the greedy jawas.
Speaker 16 (24:49):
There's so many more opportunities for racism than just black people.
Mix it up, broaden your horizons, you know. Or is
the ewok saying never? You know, I gotta think bigger.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
It really is.
Speaker 12 (25:04):
Get out there.
Speaker 13 (25:07):
And you know, it's really great that even McGregor made
a video supporting his co star. But I think Star
Wars needs to come back even harder at the racists.
Really make them suffer. You should give Princess Leah and
you black boyfriend.
Speaker 17 (25:21):
Yeah, that's right, it's gonna be a dope scene. It's
gonna come back in and be like, hey, yo, Leya,
I got the plans for the Death Star We going tonight.
Speaker 13 (25:38):
Star Wars, the sci fi movie that made incest cool.
For almost fifty years, James Earl Jones has been the
voice behind Darth Vader, the most famous villain in movie
history and most famous asthmatic. But on Friday, Disney announced
that the force is gonna be moving on.
Speaker 5 (25:59):
James Old Jones is reportedly retiring from voicing Darth Vader,
but Star Wars fans may not even notice. Vanity Fair
says the ninety one year old actor has signed off
on a plan to use artificial intelligence to craft new
dialogue from his old voice recordings.
Speaker 13 (26:15):
You say the little mum maid becomes black and they
take away gentle Jones.
Speaker 7 (26:20):
Hi, I told you that'd be backlash.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
I told you.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh no, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I'm joking. I'm joking.
Speaker 13 (26:25):
The legendary actor has retired from doing the voice. That's
all that happened. And what's interesting to me is that
you hear what they said. Instead of trying to find
someone else to voice the pod, Disney has said they're
gonna use artificial intelligence to replicate Darth Vada's voice.
Speaker 7 (26:39):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 13 (26:40):
People, this makes me a little nervous. Yeah, we think
AI is gonna take over the world, and now we're
gonna teach it to use the dark side of the force.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
No one thinks this.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Is a bad idea, But I get it. I get it.
Speaker 13 (26:52):
I mean that voice is iconic, you know, it belongs
in Darth Vader's body or announcing CNN promos.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
But that's it.
Speaker 13 (27:03):
That's the last thing we need. The last thing we
need is them opening the role up to like other
famous people, like they could. You know when they do
that with roles, and then it becomes weird, you know.
Can you imagine Darth Vada being voiced by someone else? Luke,
I am your father, but until your mama shows me
(27:26):
the paternity test, you can just call me uncle Doth.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I'm far our main story tonight. I am your father.
That's right, Luke, I am your daddy.
Speaker 7 (27:37):
And yes, that upsets me as much as it upsets you, Luke.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
A lot of.
Speaker 7 (27:45):
People are saying I'm your father, Luke.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
They're saying they've.
Speaker 13 (27:48):
Never seen a bed of father, and they're right.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I love all my children.
Speaker 13 (27:53):
It's you, It's Ivanka, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 12 (28:06):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount.
Speaker 7 (28:11):
Plus Paramount Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Here it is You're on you May the Fourth be
with you. It is Star Wars Day and.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
That means it is time Jen to get out those lightsabers.
Speaker 7 (28:35):
A console will be made listen.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
We ah, she even does this append you're not my mother?
Do we like light savor each other?
Speaker 9 (28:44):
I mean, I guess we could get the hair that's
a wok man's
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