May 12, 2025 • 35 mins
There's a new pope, and he's made in America. Celebrate the election of Chicago's Pope Leo XIV with a look back at The Daily Show's papal past.
Jon Stewart breaks down all the news following the death of Pope John Paul II with help from Ed Helms. Jon discovers the Pope has a Twitter handle. Ed Helms demos his conclave simulator. Jon covers the ascendance of Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis, and finally covers the papal views on economics, aka Popenomics.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
But as funeral preparations continue, the death of Pope John
Paul the Second has prompted tributes from around the world.
In Argentina, the nation's leaders attended church, while Mexican President
Vincente Fox paid a call to his country's Vatican embassy. Elsewhere,
the Pope, who was credited as a leading force of
anti communism in the eighties, was fondly remembered by Wah,
(00:32):
that's right, a Condolen's book, signed by none other than
Fidel Castro, who and I say this with all respect
is next. That's the pool I'm in. But perhaps the
most moving tribute took place in Brazil, specifically that Catholic
(00:54):
hot bed of Rio de Janeiro, where soccer fans remembered
the Holy Father like this, and these people are mourning.
(01:20):
You cannot bring the Brazilians down. You can't do it.
In Rome, millions of people filled the streets for a
chance to pay their respects to the pontiff in person,
while outside Saint Peter's Cathedral, Italian official struggle to provide
the crowds with blankets, portable toilet facilities, and of course
incomprehensible cinema probably would have been better off with just
(01:49):
more toilets. Now, what are you gonna do? One international
worshiper described his dedication. I'm from Poland, from Warsaw.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I came to Rome eight to nine o'clock.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
I walk.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
I've been walking for ten hours.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
He added, did you see the ball spot? Yeah? I
been working on that. We're gonna take you out to Rome,
Vatican City actually, where a Daily Show table correspondent at
Helmes is standing by. Ed, thank you so much for
joining us. I understand that. I understand that you have
(02:36):
joined the throngs, the millions in Rome.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
That's correct, John, Like countless others from around the globe,
I am waiting online here in Rome. I've just started
our sixteen I don't know if I'm gonna make it.
We're not all going to get.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
There, But Ed, can you give us a little bit
of a sense of what it's like to be there
in Rome during this historic moment.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
It's terrific, John, no problems at all. As you know,
the Italians are famous for their organizational skills. They're handling
this sudden influx of three million pilgrims like a Fiat
handles on the auto strata.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
So you would mean terribly.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
It's not good, John, But they have done some things well.
Officials are handing out bottled water, setting up porta potties
and perhaps even more important, porta confessionals. As it turns out,
ninety nine percent of all sins happen on pilgrimages.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Well, that's underesting. It's interesting statistics. It does sound like
there's been a spirit of coming together there.
Speaker 6 (03:42):
That h absolutely John. There's nothing like death to bring
people to get Oh hey, looks like I'm up.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Ari gotto.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
This stuff is awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You were online for gelato.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Dude, you can't get the stuff in the United States.
This is like triple delicious ice cream.
Speaker 7 (04:10):
It's better than sex.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
It reminds me I got to hit one of those confessionals.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
All right, Well, thank you very much. At Helm's everybody
from Rome now, of course, Uh, that looks absolutely realistic.
Of course, for many of us, the passing of Pope
John Paul's a time for reflection on how to use
the Pope's death to further your own agenda. It's a
(04:40):
difficult task, after all, it would be impossible to sum
up this Pope's personal political and religious beliefs with just
one simple talking point.
Speaker 8 (04:49):
Frankly, this pope book, as I view it, is a great,
great pillar of humanity because he liked freedom and he
was in love with the culture of life.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yes, as luck would have it, the Pope's death turned
out to be a wonderful time to point out how
his views coincided exactly with those of many conservatives. I'll
let White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan continue.
Speaker 9 (05:14):
The Holy Father was someone who stood for freedom, for
human dignity, and promoting a culture of life. He was
someone who believed very strongly in a culture of life.
Culture of life.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Okay, you've set it up on a tee. The Pope
is beloved. Pope believed in a culture of life, Bring
us home.
Speaker 9 (05:36):
The President has long believed in promoting a culture of life.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yes, you've got it. The Pope and the President won
and the same.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yes, But unfortunately for the administration, the Pope had also
expressed other beliefs. Yeah, I was gonna say, Senator Domnici,
on the issue of the death penalty, you disagree with
the Catholic Church.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
You know, that's a nice question. But I didn't really
come on here to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I came on here to spin the Pope's death positively
for me. Scott McClellan, same question.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
Knowing that the president.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Police supports the death.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Penalty, to use the death penalty, does he see it
as a contradiction to use that phrase culture of life?
Speaker 9 (06:21):
I think the President's future well known. I don't think
now is the time to talk about where they may
have differed on one or two areas for shame.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
For shame, reporter, out of respect for the Holy Father,
just once, could you not point out our book, please,
just once, out of respect for the guy. Another place
the Pope different from the administration was on the Warren
of Rock. The Pope called it quote a defeat for humanity,
(06:49):
while the Vatican referred to it as quote illegal, immoral,
and unjust. To Fox News is Neil Cavudo. That meant
there was some wiggle room in the Pope's position.
Speaker 8 (07:00):
I think he impressed a lot of people in the
Arab and Islamic world by taking a strong stance against
the war in Iraq.
Speaker 9 (07:06):
Something might his ues.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
We're not that black and white on the Warner Wreck,
but the same, thank.
Speaker 7 (07:10):
You very much, I think you're wrong about that.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Okay, well, we can argue, but I don't want to
argue with you today because I like you.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Pope says defeat for humanity, I say tomato. But as always,
the classiest respects were paid by our good friends at Crossfire.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
We decided.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
We decided the best way to honor the Pope was
through completely inappropriate show intro music. I you not. Here
is an actual clip with the actual sound from the
opening of Tuesday's Crossfire.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Today on Crossfire.
Speaker 10 (07:58):
Live from the George Washington University and Robert Novad.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
The cross Fire Rata Tata Tata Tata data.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Well, I'm starting to think I was too easy on
those tricks. I'm starting to think that show's cancelation orders
came from higher up than we thought. We know that
Rick Sentram administration would look to the Vatican for inspiration,
but how would Santorum get those messages of inspiration? Last
(08:38):
week it became.
Speaker 11 (08:39):
Clear the Pontifical Council for Social Communications, or probably better
known as Pope Benedicts social media team, is using Twitter
in hopes of getting Catholics to focus more on Lent
the Pope, who you see here using an iPad, nonetheless,
will post spiritual guidance on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Pope has an iPad?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
What do you use that for? Why? Where is it?
Bird so angry? That whats the pigs done to angers?
The birds? The green boomel angie bird? Right? Why can
not this bird learn forgiveness? But if a two thousand
(09:24):
year old institution is doing, it's got to be cutting edge.
Where do I find this holy Twitter feed?
Speaker 12 (09:29):
Pope Benedict will tweet some of his themes for this
season at Pope to you, Vatican.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Pope to you, Vatican. The Pope can't get a straight
up Twitter handle? The Pope that is weak.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Twitter.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
That is tweak, although it is the inspiration from a
new off Broadway show. Pope Benedict the sixteenth chooses his
Twitter account. I had to go with a chef's hat
and a twenty year old iMac for some reason. As
(10:05):
a Jew, obviously I'm not licensed to go full miner. Okay,
this is Pope benedicta sixteen chooses his Twitter account. My
new one mens www dot twitter dot com. Click on
new account user name. The Pope already taken.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
What I'm the Pope? What about the real Pope?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Nine nine how can that be taken?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I am Zelle and Pope, that's the Holy Pope? Son
of a bitch? How is that pope with a zero
for the Oh? What is going on? How can the
the actual holy see Pope Benedict sixty? Mother call it?
Does this?
Speaker 13 (10:51):
Love?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Smile? I'll just go with Pope to you. That's taken,
Pope to you? Are you? Are you watching this? One
man and one.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Man shows what it's closed already.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Oh, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Now that the pope's online, though, well, what's the pope
gonna what's the Pope gonna put out there?
Speaker 12 (11:23):
The s Folkeson says, many of the key ideas of
the Gospel fit very nicely into one hundred and forty
character very convenient.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
It is very convenient, although not all of them, you
know what I mean. I don't know if you know
the fame passage from the twenty third Psalm, though I
walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I
will fear, oh boy, so ghost. Of course, there was
one message the Pope really does want to get across.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
That's good to see the Pope adapting to modern times.
For me to gay with young people, I think that's
a great.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Idea, A great idea. What better way for a celebraty
four year old to modernize his religion For a younger
generation of hormone adult kids eager to protect themselves from
an into and pregnancies and ScDs, they just start a
Twitter account. I can't think of anything else you could
do hashtag nothing comes to mind, But let's begin tonight
(12:16):
where the only independent country, Liechtenstein, can whip Vatican City.
Today mark the beginning of the twenty first centuries first
papal conclave. As we speak, one hundred and fifteen Roman
Catholic cardinals are gathered in the Sistine Chapel to choose
the next pope, while thousands of pilgrims gathered outside the
witness history and of course taunt the Swiss guards. Hey, hey, guardy,
(12:42):
nice hat the northern breasted cockatoo called.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Once in corners.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
You know, I'm sorry, is that too specific? This morning,
the cardinals entered the chapel and took an oath of secrecy,
promising the hell the rules of the conclave. First rule
of conclave, you do not polk about conclave.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Second rule of conclave. The one who denied its supplot.
The cardinals are now discussing the church's future under the
impressive backdrop of Michelangelo's painting The Last Judgment. Interestingly, in
a poem written three years ago, John Paul the Second
himself urged the cardinals to look to the masterpiece for
inspiration when choosing his successor of an English translation of
(13:32):
The Home Right here, let's see Kanto forty three. I
believe Okay, Here it is a painter from Florence named
Mikey through some pictures of Popeyes. You might like.
Speaker 14 (13:48):
Ee good ah.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Oh, I wish I'd been on Oprah last week. You'd
really have something to tune into. The Cardinals will not
emerge until a pope is chosen. Wait a minute, that
that's what you guys are gonna laugh at. I'm up
here busting my nuts, all show for nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
We throw up pope.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Secret. Oh I am very.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I can have Oprah disappear. You people, I'm friends with you.
The cardinals will not emerge until a pope is chosen.
For some this will mean days away from their wives,
although those are the bad cardinals. But for further privacy,
electronic jamming and anti bugging devices have been hidden under
a false floor in the chapel, making it impossible to
(14:49):
even get a cell phone signal, which is good because
when you're making your case to be the spiritual leader
of one point one billion people, nothing undercuts your argument like.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Ratzinger.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
During each round of voting, the cardinals write the names
of their chosen candidates on ballots marked illego insummum pontificum, which,
if my Latin serves me correctly, is just a bunch
of crazy gibberish. They keep voting until two thirds of
the cardinals agree on one man after three days. If
they don't, a simple majority will suffice. If that still
(15:26):
doesn't do the trick, each side gets one possession from
the twenty five yard line with a minute on the clock. Now,
as is well known, the cardinal's progress is monitored by
the color of the smoke emerging from the Vatican chimney. Today,
black smoke emerged, meaning a pope had not been chosen.
But when a pope is chosen, the chimney will look
like this. Dudley, Uh. For more on the conclave, We're
(16:02):
gonna go out to our senior religion correspondent, Ed Helms,
who was in Vatican City, tonight, Ed, thank you so
much for joining us talk to us.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Ed.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
How's it going out there in Vatican City?
Speaker 8 (16:11):
John?
Speaker 6 (16:12):
The security here is tight. The Sistine Chapel is locked down.
The place has been swept for bugs, surrounded by Swiss guards.
Frescoes are rigged with explosives, Cyborg armies patrol the roof,
and of course the slowman's shield.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
So there's really no sense. I guess a way for
you to get in there and get a sense of
what's happening.
Speaker 6 (16:37):
Not exactly, John, I do have a conclave simulation program,
the Simstein ACU Chapel six thousand. Now, this gives you
a pretty good idea of what's going on. As you
can see, the College of Cardinals files into the chapel.
Then they move past this guy here, kind of a
(16:57):
downer in the world's top Catholics take their seats and prepare.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
The voting begins.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
The cardinals write their choice on official ballots. The votes
are then tallied and burned in a furnace to produce smoke.
Then afterwards everyone takes part in a violent shooting spree.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Whoa and uh.
Speaker 15 (17:27):
That was?
Speaker 6 (17:27):
That was Grand Theft Autumn Grand Theft auto Vatican City, John,
and thank you.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
That's really very nice here, I miss thanks for joining us.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
To say, oh slow down, John. With this recreation, even
you can be part of the action.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Check this out.
Speaker 6 (17:43):
Okay, now watch this.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I'm totally conclavin.
Speaker 15 (17:46):
You got that, John.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
If I press the A button, I can vote for
my favorite cardinal.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And if I push the B button, this is awesome.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I can put him who que. All right, I'm sorry,
we have to go now.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I'm right.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm totally working on a combo.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Move A B B A puts Francis Cardinal Orenz in
a headline.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
All right, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Ed.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
We'll be right back after this. The whole pope thing,
I'll tell you here's how wrong I was about this
whole thing. As far as the new pope, I had
my money on Lieberman. I thought, for sure. I'll tell
you what conservative religious I thought.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
The only problem apparently he's got the what you caught
there the penis.
Speaker 10 (18:37):
With the US.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
The apparently you want to be the pope, you got
to wear something. But the important thing is I know
nothing about anything. Let's uh, what an incredibly historic time
(19:00):
in Rome yesterday and this morning. The crowds gathered in
Saint Peter's Square. They were disappointed as black smoke emanating
from the Vatican Chimney signaled that no pope had yet
been chosen, because only an idiot would indicate a pope
had been elected with black smoke.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What But at six.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
O'clock Rom time eleven o'clock Eastern time, more smoke began
to pour from the Vatican chimney. At first, many news
people were caught off guard.
Speaker 10 (19:27):
Vatican Radio so far as saying it's black and you
can hear no bells.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
However, once again there's a lot of confusion.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
About Jim black smoke.
Speaker 11 (19:33):
Yet again we're.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Not absolutely positive here, Betty.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
This is a tough call. It's looking white now, looking white,
all though.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
That looks darker now when you look at it.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
We all know what a tire fire looks like, and this,
this is not it.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
What is there I could do?
Speaker 8 (19:52):
Now?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What is their job? What is the news? What is
their job?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Are they reporters? Are they literally just sitting there in
their pajamas drunk, yelling at the TV that that's my job.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
It's like Ms.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Three three thousand for God said, They're just sitting there
narrating it looks like smoke there in there. Here's it.
Why did you flip over ABC?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
See what they have?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
But soon the news was confirmed, the bells began chumming.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
A new pondum had been selected. Kalu kala.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Fox News broke the story with the stunning words we
have off pope.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
We exclamation point.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
We have a pope.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
We have a pope.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Apparently Fox News is now officially a diocese. By the way,
the graphic on Al Jazeera TV was a little different.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Now who is the new Pope?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
The throngs gathered in front of the ential balcony cheered
wildly as the door swung open to reveal here he is.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Pope Walker Affair, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Can't actually no, It's Germany's Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, or the
joey rat says he likes to be called Pope. John Fall,
the second longtime Adviser, stood adorned with paper vestments and
crowned with the pope signature white skull cap. And as
he stood there before the adoring multitudes, it was then
that he realized this is how Bono must feel.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Whither with that gez Sunday Holy Sunday.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Ratzinger, now known as Benedict the sixteenth, addressed the crowd.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Let me hear you say.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Now now just the ladies.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So there you have it. The suspense is over.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Roman Catholicism has a new pontiff, and as usual, the
CNN news crawl was the first signal of the media's
return to idiocy as the pope's being announced. They announced
singer klay Ak and we'll talk about his own experiences
with bullying on the Doctor Phil Show today. How are
we supposed to watch that without getting brain damage?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Someday?
Speaker 2 (22:32):
There was the easter there, so you know that was
a good time. Let's check in with the new Pope,
Francis the first and see how he's holding up.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
The first pope from Latin America is setting a new
tone with the papacy, choosing to wear simple white vestments,
shake hands with the public and focus on the.
Speaker 7 (22:48):
Poor, presenting the priesthood as as a as a task.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Of service, choosing a simple apartment so for the grand
papal residents, accepting a soccer jersey from his favorite team.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Servant communion at a time for where.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Minus red slippers that pay less trading in the popemobile
for a pope moped, it's a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
What else is he doing paying his hotel bill after
becoming pope?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Where the popes didn't used to pay their hotel bills.
The other popes, what do they do when they go
to check out? They're just like, Hey, this thing's got
no pockets. What are you gonna do? I tell you this,
Pope Francis seems like a breath of fresh air. I
like this. He prefers the title of Bishop of Rome,
(23:43):
simpler and less majestic than Pope or his holiness. Please,
his Holiness lives in Florida. Basically, everything Pope Francis does
is a standing.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Reproach to the more.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Festoons style of his predecessor. I'm not saying Benedict over Dennet,
but every time that guy went to Mexico, kids hit
him with sticks. Open jewels would pour out, what is
the most unbenedict Like thing? What is the most you
like that? What is the most unbenedict Like thing Pope
Francis could do?
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Instead of washing the feet of twelfth priest on Holy Thursday,
the Pope disregarded church custom and washed the feet of
twelve prisoners, including a Muslim woman.
Speaker 13 (24:30):
I don't see anybody's religion. All I see is twenty
four really thirty feet? What one hundred and twenty very
thirty dollars.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Let's do this again. This little thing he went together,
this little thing he went to prison. You are not
even I love this guy.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
He's given prisoners many popies.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
We should call him Pope.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Raymond because everybody loves and it's only a second week
on the job.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
How do you top this?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
The new Pope is marking the weekend with many first
on Italian television. Today, the Pope did something Pope's.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Rarely do, hunt rare lions from a hot air balloon.
Harlem shak, tell the aristocrats joke.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
The Pope did something Pope's rarely do, participating in a
broadcast special on the Shroud of Turin. It's the first
televised showing in forty years of the Shroud, only the
second time in history.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
What a relief to Catholics everywhere to have their new
Pope go on television. This is the only dirty laundry
he's going to be airing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
But I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Mister Varney, your supply sider, you want to hear a
moral argument about that type of economics. Well, let's look
to a gentleman seen as a voice of moral authority
for millions of people today.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Pope Francis denounced trickled economics as unfair to the poor.
Speaker 11 (26:02):
He calls unfettered capitalism a new tyranny, and he urges
world leaders to fight poverty and inequality.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Money must serve, not rule.
Speaker 12 (26:11):
I exhort you to generous solidarity and to the return
of economics in finance to an ethical approach which favors
human beings.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Oh, somebody lights some incense. That's going to go over
like a fart in church.
Speaker 16 (26:22):
I disagree with the pope who doesn't like free market capitalism.
I think free market capitalism is a great liberator.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Ah, you're going up against the Pope.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You're going up against the Pope on how to help
the poor, helping the poors in this man's wheelhouse. This
pope helps the poor, but you're telling him how to
do his job. Pope doesn't come over to where you
work and slap Jamie Diamonds get.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Of your mouth. That's weird. That wasn't in the prompter.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Can anyone actually have a rebuttal?
Speaker 15 (27:25):
For the Pope with all due humility, and as a
church going Catholic convert, devotional convert, I adore the Holy Father.
I still must completely disagree. Need I remind his Holiness,
Pope Francis. Charity is a Gospel value that puts free
market capitalism on the right side of the Lord.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Exactly, free market capitalism on the right side of the
Lord who says.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
You can't serve both God and money. Who would say
such a thing?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Wo would.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Save such an.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
That's a fair look at the beard.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Guy's clearly a Marxist, all right, step right up? Who's
got next?
Speaker 16 (28:17):
And the Pope criticizes an entire economic system and he's
negative about it. He's indulging in politics, and I don't
think he should. I personally do not want my spiritual
life mixed up with my political life. I go to
church to save my soul.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Then why aren't you there right now?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I do think we've got some common ground here. I
think we both actually agree that some people are being
paid too much money to shovel unappetizing, unhealthy to the
American public. We just disagree about who those people are
and where they were speeding with Juwis let's go. Why
(29:05):
don't we start the show with the opposite of said
Richard Lewis.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
The Pope is the head of the Jewish Church.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Pope is the head of the Catholic Church, the Vicar
of Christ. Number one on Godspeed Dial one point two
billion worshipers hanging on the Pope's every word. And guess
what the word just came down.
Speaker 12 (29:27):
Ope Francis issued a nearly two hundred page document casting
climate change as a moral issue, not simply a political
or economic debate.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
A two hundred page, two hundred page and cyclical moral
treaties on climate change and just in.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Time for beach season.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
What a great read down at LBI. I hope it's
in the original Latin. So the Pope is weighing in
on the side of taking action against climate change. It
seems a lot for the Catholic Church to take an
environmental stance. But Buddhism was the religion obsessed with recycling.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh boom boom, oh snap, no you did it? Oh
where where my eightfold pathwalkers at?
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
That wine usually doesn't get a lot of enthusiasm. It's
not to say the Vatican as being a popey come
lately to this. They've recognized climate change for a long time.
Speaker 7 (30:43):
The Vatican claims it was among the first institutions to
believe that global warming is caused by human activities. The
Vatican's Potentifical Academy of Sciences was the first exclusive scientific
academy in the world. Among its first members was Galileo Galilei.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I don't know if you really want to list Galileo
as one of your references. The Catholic Church, yeah, I
remember working with them. They were lovely people. Convicted me
of heresy and sends me to house arrest for the
(31:25):
last nine years of my life. Otherwise, though, very forward thinking.
Tell me more about this magic hand I'm talking into
now here. In America, the Republican Party has traditionally been
pretty pop pope, pretty pro pope, sharing as they do,
a yearning for the simpler morality of fifteenth century. But
(31:47):
now that the pope has gone rogue, how they going
to handle it?
Speaker 14 (31:52):
Joe Barton, the senior Republican on the Energy and Commerce Committee,
says he doesn't consider the pope an expert on environmental issue.
Is state was his job?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I mean, let us state with artists, that is his job.
That's the biggest job of the pope is to tell
people when they're being bad. So he dresses like a
big white blanket. Just uh, but you know what Barton
and Enhoff, who cares about those guys? San Tormal back
to pope, Like sant Torm's so Catholic. He was an
altar boy until like six weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
So this guy's so Catholic.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
His crucifix, where's a crucifix?
Speaker 14 (32:30):
I think that, uh, we probably are better off leaving
science to the scientists and focusing on what we do,
what we're what we're really good at, which is uh,
which is the which is theology and morality?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Oh yeah, no, you should leave it.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Just leave the science to the scientists.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
By the way, what do the scientists who have an
overwhelming consensus about global warming say about global warming? Even
Republican front runner, Yeah, be Booth.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Is chafing at the pope.
Speaker 10 (33:03):
I don't get economic policy from my bishops or my
cardinals or from my pope. I think religion ought to
be about making us better as people and less about
things that end up getting into the political realm.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah, religion is about making us better people. Politics is
about bringing out our worst, and I think we need
to keep those things, you know. But this is weird
because Jeb seemed very in favor of church and state,
at least dating at last week's Faith and Freedom coalition.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Our faith and our moral traditions, it is really the
moral foundation of our country, the greatest country on the
face of the earth. This conscience should also be respected
when people of faith want to take a stand for
traditional marriage.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Oh so there, it's okay. Well, perhaps maybe people would
be more for preventing global warming if we referred to
it as taking a stand for preserving traditional sea levels.
It's out of an EU of work.
Speaker 11 (34:02):
I didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Ort As the Bible says, it is Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Cook. Look, Republicans reacting to the Pope's
honest call for environmental consciousness with hostility. It's not the
way to go. And the Pope lays down the doctrine
like this, there was only one force on earth powerful
enough to sway him.
Speaker 12 (34:24):
Exon has sent actually a senior lobbyist and another executive
over to Rome.
Speaker 15 (34:29):
Exon's been lobbing the Vatican over the Pope's climate change message.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
They've appealed to a higher authority than God, and so
in the in the words of our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Drill Baby Drill.
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount Blood
Speaker 14 (35:06):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
But as funeral preparations continue, the death of Pope John
Paul the Second has prompted tributes from around the world.
In Argentina, the nation's leaders attended church, while Mexican President
Vincente Fox paid a call to his country's Vatican embassy. Elsewhere,
the Pope, who was credited as a leading force of
anti communism in the eighties, was fondly remembered by Wah,
(00:32):
that's right, a Condolen's book, signed by none other than
Fidel Castro, who and I say this with all respect
is next. That's the pool I'm in. But perhaps the
most moving tribute took place in Brazil, specifically that Catholic
(00:54):
hot bed of Rio de Janeiro, where soccer fans remembered
the Holy Father like this, and these people are mourning.
(01:20):
You cannot bring the Brazilians down. You can't do it.
In Rome, millions of people filled the streets for a
chance to pay their respects to the pontiff in person,
while outside Saint Peter's Cathedral, Italian official struggle to provide
the crowds with blankets, portable toilet facilities, and of course
incomprehensible cinema probably would have been better off with just
(01:49):
more toilets. Now, what are you gonna do? One international
worshiper described his dedication. I'm from Poland, from Warsaw.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I came to Rome eight to nine o'clock.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
I walk.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
I've been walking for ten hours.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
He added, did you see the ball spot? Yeah? I
been working on that. We're gonna take you out to Rome,
Vatican City actually, where a Daily Show table correspondent at
Helmes is standing by. Ed, thank you so much for
joining us. I understand that. I understand that you have
(02:36):
joined the throngs, the millions in Rome.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
That's correct, John, Like countless others from around the globe,
I am waiting online here in Rome. I've just started
our sixteen I don't know if I'm gonna make it.
We're not all going to get.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
There, But Ed, can you give us a little bit
of a sense of what it's like to be there
in Rome during this historic moment.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
It's terrific, John, no problems at all. As you know,
the Italians are famous for their organizational skills. They're handling
this sudden influx of three million pilgrims like a Fiat
handles on the auto strata.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
So you would mean terribly.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
It's not good, John, But they have done some things well.
Officials are handing out bottled water, setting up porta potties
and perhaps even more important, porta confessionals. As it turns out,
ninety nine percent of all sins happen on pilgrimages.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Well, that's underesting. It's interesting statistics. It does sound like
there's been a spirit of coming together there.
Speaker 6 (03:42):
That h absolutely John. There's nothing like death to bring
people to get Oh hey, looks like I'm up.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Ari gotto.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
This stuff is awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You were online for gelato.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Dude, you can't get the stuff in the United States.
This is like triple delicious ice cream.
Speaker 7 (04:10):
It's better than sex.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
It reminds me I got to hit one of those confessionals.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
All right, Well, thank you very much. At Helm's everybody
from Rome now, of course, Uh, that looks absolutely realistic.
Of course, for many of us, the passing of Pope
John Paul's a time for reflection on how to use
the Pope's death to further your own agenda. It's a
(04:40):
difficult task, after all, it would be impossible to sum
up this Pope's personal political and religious beliefs with just
one simple talking point.
Speaker 8 (04:49):
Frankly, this pope book, as I view it, is a great,
great pillar of humanity because he liked freedom and he
was in love with the culture of life.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yes, as luck would have it, the Pope's death turned
out to be a wonderful time to point out how
his views coincided exactly with those of many conservatives. I'll
let White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan continue.
Speaker 9 (05:14):
The Holy Father was someone who stood for freedom, for
human dignity, and promoting a culture of life. He was
someone who believed very strongly in a culture of life.
Culture of life.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Okay, you've set it up on a tee. The Pope
is beloved. Pope believed in a culture of life, Bring
us home.
Speaker 9 (05:36):
The President has long believed in promoting a culture of life.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yes, you've got it. The Pope and the President won
and the same.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yes, But unfortunately for the administration, the Pope had also
expressed other beliefs. Yeah, I was gonna say, Senator Domnici,
on the issue of the death penalty, you disagree with
the Catholic Church.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
You know, that's a nice question. But I didn't really
come on here to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I came on here to spin the Pope's death positively
for me. Scott McClellan, same question.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
Knowing that the president.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Police supports the death.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Penalty, to use the death penalty, does he see it
as a contradiction to use that phrase culture of life?
Speaker 9 (06:21):
I think the President's future well known. I don't think
now is the time to talk about where they may
have differed on one or two areas for shame.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
For shame, reporter, out of respect for the Holy Father,
just once, could you not point out our book, please,
just once, out of respect for the guy. Another place
the Pope different from the administration was on the Warren
of Rock. The Pope called it quote a defeat for humanity,
(06:49):
while the Vatican referred to it as quote illegal, immoral,
and unjust. To Fox News is Neil Cavudo. That meant
there was some wiggle room in the Pope's position.
Speaker 8 (07:00):
I think he impressed a lot of people in the
Arab and Islamic world by taking a strong stance against
the war in Iraq.
Speaker 9 (07:06):
Something might his ues.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
We're not that black and white on the Warner Wreck,
but the same, thank.
Speaker 7 (07:10):
You very much, I think you're wrong about that.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Okay, well, we can argue, but I don't want to
argue with you today because I like you.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Pope says defeat for humanity, I say tomato. But as always,
the classiest respects were paid by our good friends at Crossfire.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
We decided.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
We decided the best way to honor the Pope was
through completely inappropriate show intro music. I you not. Here
is an actual clip with the actual sound from the
opening of Tuesday's Crossfire.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Today on Crossfire.
Speaker 10 (07:58):
Live from the George Washington University and Robert Novad.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
The cross Fire Rata Tata Tata Tata data.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Well, I'm starting to think I was too easy on
those tricks. I'm starting to think that show's cancelation orders
came from higher up than we thought. We know that
Rick Sentram administration would look to the Vatican for inspiration,
but how would Santorum get those messages of inspiration? Last
(08:38):
week it became.
Speaker 11 (08:39):
Clear the Pontifical Council for Social Communications, or probably better
known as Pope Benedicts social media team, is using Twitter
in hopes of getting Catholics to focus more on Lent
the Pope, who you see here using an iPad, nonetheless,
will post spiritual guidance on Twitter.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Pope has an iPad?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
What do you use that for? Why? Where is it?
Bird so angry? That whats the pigs done to angers?
The birds? The green boomel angie bird? Right? Why can
not this bird learn forgiveness? But if a two thousand
(09:24):
year old institution is doing, it's got to be cutting edge.
Where do I find this holy Twitter feed?
Speaker 12 (09:29):
Pope Benedict will tweet some of his themes for this
season at Pope to you, Vatican.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Pope to you, Vatican. The Pope can't get a straight
up Twitter handle? The Pope that is weak.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Twitter.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
That is tweak, although it is the inspiration from a
new off Broadway show. Pope Benedict the sixteenth chooses his
Twitter account. I had to go with a chef's hat
and a twenty year old iMac for some reason. As
(10:05):
a Jew, obviously I'm not licensed to go full miner. Okay,
this is Pope benedicta sixteen chooses his Twitter account. My
new one mens www dot twitter dot com. Click on
new account user name. The Pope already taken.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
What I'm the Pope? What about the real Pope?
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Nine nine how can that be taken?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I am Zelle and Pope, that's the Holy Pope? Son
of a bitch? How is that pope with a zero
for the Oh? What is going on? How can the
the actual holy see Pope Benedict sixty? Mother call it?
Does this?
Speaker 13 (10:51):
Love?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Smile? I'll just go with Pope to you. That's taken,
Pope to you? Are you? Are you watching this? One
man and one.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Man shows what it's closed already.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Oh, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Now that the pope's online, though, well, what's the pope
gonna what's the Pope gonna put out there?
Speaker 12 (11:23):
The s Folkeson says, many of the key ideas of
the Gospel fit very nicely into one hundred and forty
character very convenient.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
It is very convenient, although not all of them, you
know what I mean. I don't know if you know
the fame passage from the twenty third Psalm, though I
walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I
will fear, oh boy, so ghost. Of course, there was
one message the Pope really does want to get across.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
That's good to see the Pope adapting to modern times.
For me to gay with young people, I think that's
a great.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Idea, A great idea. What better way for a celebraty
four year old to modernize his religion For a younger
generation of hormone adult kids eager to protect themselves from
an into and pregnancies and ScDs, they just start a
Twitter account. I can't think of anything else you could
do hashtag nothing comes to mind, But let's begin tonight
(12:16):
where the only independent country, Liechtenstein, can whip Vatican City.
Today mark the beginning of the twenty first centuries first
papal conclave. As we speak, one hundred and fifteen Roman
Catholic cardinals are gathered in the Sistine Chapel to choose
the next pope, while thousands of pilgrims gathered outside the
witness history and of course taunt the Swiss guards. Hey, hey, guardy,
(12:42):
nice hat the northern breasted cockatoo called.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Once in corners.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
You know, I'm sorry, is that too specific? This morning,
the cardinals entered the chapel and took an oath of secrecy,
promising the hell the rules of the conclave. First rule
of conclave, you do not polk about conclave.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Second rule of conclave. The one who denied its supplot.
The cardinals are now discussing the church's future under the
impressive backdrop of Michelangelo's painting The Last Judgment. Interestingly, in
a poem written three years ago, John Paul the Second
himself urged the cardinals to look to the masterpiece for
inspiration when choosing his successor of an English translation of
(13:32):
The Home Right here, let's see Kanto forty three. I
believe Okay, Here it is a painter from Florence named
Mikey through some pictures of Popeyes. You might like.
Speaker 14 (13:48):
Ee good ah.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Oh, I wish I'd been on Oprah last week. You'd
really have something to tune into. The Cardinals will not
emerge until a pope is chosen. Wait a minute, that
that's what you guys are gonna laugh at. I'm up
here busting my nuts, all show for nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
We throw up pope.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Secret. Oh I am very.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I can have Oprah disappear. You people, I'm friends with you.
The cardinals will not emerge until a pope is chosen.
For some this will mean days away from their wives,
although those are the bad cardinals. But for further privacy,
electronic jamming and anti bugging devices have been hidden under
a false floor in the chapel, making it impossible to
(14:49):
even get a cell phone signal, which is good because
when you're making your case to be the spiritual leader
of one point one billion people, nothing undercuts your argument like.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Ratzinger.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
During each round of voting, the cardinals write the names
of their chosen candidates on ballots marked illego insummum pontificum, which,
if my Latin serves me correctly, is just a bunch
of crazy gibberish. They keep voting until two thirds of
the cardinals agree on one man after three days. If
they don't, a simple majority will suffice. If that still
(15:26):
doesn't do the trick, each side gets one possession from
the twenty five yard line with a minute on the clock. Now,
as is well known, the cardinal's progress is monitored by
the color of the smoke emerging from the Vatican chimney. Today,
black smoke emerged, meaning a pope had not been chosen.
But when a pope is chosen, the chimney will look
like this. Dudley, Uh. For more on the conclave, We're
(16:02):
gonna go out to our senior religion correspondent, Ed Helms,
who was in Vatican City, tonight, Ed, thank you so
much for joining us talk to us.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Ed.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
How's it going out there in Vatican City?
Speaker 8 (16:11):
John?
Speaker 6 (16:12):
The security here is tight. The Sistine Chapel is locked down.
The place has been swept for bugs, surrounded by Swiss guards.
Frescoes are rigged with explosives, Cyborg armies patrol the roof,
and of course the slowman's shield.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
So there's really no sense. I guess a way for
you to get in there and get a sense of
what's happening.
Speaker 6 (16:37):
Not exactly, John, I do have a conclave simulation program,
the Simstein ACU Chapel six thousand. Now, this gives you
a pretty good idea of what's going on. As you
can see, the College of Cardinals files into the chapel.
Then they move past this guy here, kind of a
(16:57):
downer in the world's top Catholics take their seats and prepare.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
The voting begins.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
The cardinals write their choice on official ballots. The votes
are then tallied and burned in a furnace to produce smoke.
Then afterwards everyone takes part in a violent shooting spree.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Whoa and uh.
Speaker 15 (17:27):
That was?
Speaker 6 (17:27):
That was Grand Theft Autumn Grand Theft auto Vatican City, John,
and thank you.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
That's really very nice here, I miss thanks for joining us.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
To say, oh slow down, John. With this recreation, even
you can be part of the action.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Check this out.
Speaker 6 (17:43):
Okay, now watch this.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I'm totally conclavin.
Speaker 15 (17:46):
You got that, John.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
If I press the A button, I can vote for
my favorite cardinal.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And if I push the B button, this is awesome.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I can put him who que. All right, I'm sorry,
we have to go now.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I'm right.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm totally working on a combo.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Move A B B A puts Francis Cardinal Orenz in
a headline.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
All right, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Ed.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
We'll be right back after this. The whole pope thing,
I'll tell you here's how wrong I was about this
whole thing. As far as the new pope, I had
my money on Lieberman. I thought, for sure. I'll tell
you what conservative religious I thought.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
The only problem apparently he's got the what you caught
there the penis.
Speaker 10 (18:37):
With the US.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
The apparently you want to be the pope, you got
to wear something. But the important thing is I know
nothing about anything. Let's uh, what an incredibly historic time
(19:00):
in Rome yesterday and this morning. The crowds gathered in
Saint Peter's Square. They were disappointed as black smoke emanating
from the Vatican Chimney signaled that no pope had yet
been chosen, because only an idiot would indicate a pope
had been elected with black smoke.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What But at six.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
O'clock Rom time eleven o'clock Eastern time, more smoke began
to pour from the Vatican chimney. At first, many news
people were caught off guard.
Speaker 10 (19:27):
Vatican Radio so far as saying it's black and you
can hear no bells.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
However, once again there's a lot of confusion.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
About Jim black smoke.
Speaker 11 (19:33):
Yet again we're.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Not absolutely positive here, Betty.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
This is a tough call. It's looking white now, looking white,
all though.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
That looks darker now when you look at it.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
We all know what a tire fire looks like, and this,
this is not it.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
What is there I could do?
Speaker 8 (19:52):
Now?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What is their job? What is the news? What is
their job?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Are they reporters? Are they literally just sitting there in
their pajamas drunk, yelling at the TV that that's my job.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
It's like Ms.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Three three thousand for God said, They're just sitting there
narrating it looks like smoke there in there. Here's it.
Why did you flip over ABC?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
See what they have?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
But soon the news was confirmed, the bells began chumming.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
A new pondum had been selected. Kalu kala.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Fox News broke the story with the stunning words we
have off pope.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
We exclamation point.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
We have a pope.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
We have a pope.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Apparently Fox News is now officially a diocese. By the way,
the graphic on Al Jazeera TV was a little different.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Now who is the new Pope?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
The throngs gathered in front of the ential balcony cheered
wildly as the door swung open to reveal here he is.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Pope Walker Affair, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Can't actually no, It's Germany's Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, or the
joey rat says he likes to be called Pope. John Fall,
the second longtime Adviser, stood adorned with paper vestments and
crowned with the pope signature white skull cap. And as
he stood there before the adoring multitudes, it was then
that he realized this is how Bono must feel.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Whither with that gez Sunday Holy Sunday.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Ratzinger, now known as Benedict the sixteenth, addressed the crowd.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Let me hear you say.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Now now just the ladies.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So there you have it. The suspense is over.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Roman Catholicism has a new pontiff, and as usual, the
CNN news crawl was the first signal of the media's
return to idiocy as the pope's being announced. They announced
singer klay Ak and we'll talk about his own experiences
with bullying on the Doctor Phil Show today. How are
we supposed to watch that without getting brain damage?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Someday?
Speaker 2 (22:32):
There was the easter there, so you know that was
a good time. Let's check in with the new Pope,
Francis the first and see how he's holding up.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
The first pope from Latin America is setting a new
tone with the papacy, choosing to wear simple white vestments,
shake hands with the public and focus on the.
Speaker 7 (22:48):
Poor, presenting the priesthood as as a as a task.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Of service, choosing a simple apartment so for the grand
papal residents, accepting a soccer jersey from his favorite team.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Servant communion at a time for where.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Minus red slippers that pay less trading in the popemobile
for a pope moped, it's a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
What else is he doing paying his hotel bill after
becoming pope?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Where the popes didn't used to pay their hotel bills.
The other popes, what do they do when they go
to check out? They're just like, Hey, this thing's got
no pockets. What are you gonna do? I tell you this,
Pope Francis seems like a breath of fresh air. I
like this. He prefers the title of Bishop of Rome,
(23:43):
simpler and less majestic than Pope or his holiness. Please,
his Holiness lives in Florida. Basically, everything Pope Francis does
is a standing.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Reproach to the more.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Festoons style of his predecessor. I'm not saying Benedict over Dennet,
but every time that guy went to Mexico, kids hit
him with sticks. Open jewels would pour out, what is
the most unbenedict Like thing? What is the most you
like that? What is the most unbenedict Like thing Pope
Francis could do?
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Instead of washing the feet of twelfth priest on Holy Thursday,
the Pope disregarded church custom and washed the feet of
twelve prisoners, including a Muslim woman.
Speaker 13 (24:30):
I don't see anybody's religion. All I see is twenty
four really thirty feet? What one hundred and twenty very
thirty dollars.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Let's do this again. This little thing he went together,
this little thing he went to prison. You are not
even I love this guy.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
He's given prisoners many popies.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
We should call him Pope.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Raymond because everybody loves and it's only a second week
on the job.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
How do you top this?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
The new Pope is marking the weekend with many first
on Italian television. Today, the Pope did something Pope's.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Rarely do, hunt rare lions from a hot air balloon.
Harlem shak, tell the aristocrats joke.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
The Pope did something Pope's rarely do, participating in a
broadcast special on the Shroud of Turin. It's the first
televised showing in forty years of the Shroud, only the
second time in history.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
What a relief to Catholics everywhere to have their new
Pope go on television. This is the only dirty laundry
he's going to be airing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
But I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Mister Varney, your supply sider, you want to hear a
moral argument about that type of economics. Well, let's look
to a gentleman seen as a voice of moral authority
for millions of people today.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Pope Francis denounced trickled economics as unfair to the poor.
Speaker 11 (26:02):
He calls unfettered capitalism a new tyranny, and he urges
world leaders to fight poverty and inequality.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Money must serve, not rule.
Speaker 12 (26:11):
I exhort you to generous solidarity and to the return
of economics in finance to an ethical approach which favors
human beings.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Oh, somebody lights some incense. That's going to go over
like a fart in church.
Speaker 16 (26:22):
I disagree with the pope who doesn't like free market capitalism.
I think free market capitalism is a great liberator.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Ah, you're going up against the Pope.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You're going up against the Pope on how to help
the poor, helping the poors in this man's wheelhouse. This
pope helps the poor, but you're telling him how to
do his job. Pope doesn't come over to where you
work and slap Jamie Diamonds get.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Of your mouth. That's weird. That wasn't in the prompter.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Can anyone actually have a rebuttal?
Speaker 15 (27:25):
For the Pope with all due humility, and as a
church going Catholic convert, devotional convert, I adore the Holy Father.
I still must completely disagree. Need I remind his Holiness,
Pope Francis. Charity is a Gospel value that puts free
market capitalism on the right side of the Lord.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Exactly, free market capitalism on the right side of the
Lord who says.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
You can't serve both God and money. Who would say
such a thing?
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Wo would.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Save such an.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
That's a fair look at the beard.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Guy's clearly a Marxist, all right, step right up? Who's
got next?
Speaker 16 (28:17):
And the Pope criticizes an entire economic system and he's
negative about it. He's indulging in politics, and I don't
think he should. I personally do not want my spiritual
life mixed up with my political life. I go to
church to save my soul.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Then why aren't you there right now?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I do think we've got some common ground here. I
think we both actually agree that some people are being
paid too much money to shovel unappetizing, unhealthy to the
American public. We just disagree about who those people are
and where they were speeding with Juwis let's go. Why
(29:05):
don't we start the show with the opposite of said
Richard Lewis.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
The Pope is the head of the Jewish Church.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Pope is the head of the Catholic Church, the Vicar
of Christ. Number one on Godspeed Dial one point two
billion worshipers hanging on the Pope's every word. And guess
what the word just came down.
Speaker 12 (29:27):
Ope Francis issued a nearly two hundred page document casting
climate change as a moral issue, not simply a political
or economic debate.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
A two hundred page, two hundred page and cyclical moral
treaties on climate change and just in.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Time for beach season.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
What a great read down at LBI. I hope it's
in the original Latin. So the Pope is weighing in
on the side of taking action against climate change. It
seems a lot for the Catholic Church to take an
environmental stance. But Buddhism was the religion obsessed with recycling.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh boom boom, oh snap, no you did it? Oh
where where my eightfold pathwalkers at?
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
That wine usually doesn't get a lot of enthusiasm. It's
not to say the Vatican as being a popey come
lately to this. They've recognized climate change for a long time.
Speaker 7 (30:43):
The Vatican claims it was among the first institutions to
believe that global warming is caused by human activities. The
Vatican's Potentifical Academy of Sciences was the first exclusive scientific
academy in the world. Among its first members was Galileo Galilei.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I don't know if you really want to list Galileo
as one of your references. The Catholic Church, yeah, I
remember working with them. They were lovely people. Convicted me
of heresy and sends me to house arrest for the
(31:25):
last nine years of my life. Otherwise, though, very forward thinking.
Tell me more about this magic hand I'm talking into
now here. In America, the Republican Party has traditionally been
pretty pop pope, pretty pro pope, sharing as they do,
a yearning for the simpler morality of fifteenth century. But
(31:47):
now that the pope has gone rogue, how they going
to handle it?
Speaker 14 (31:52):
Joe Barton, the senior Republican on the Energy and Commerce Committee,
says he doesn't consider the pope an expert on environmental issue.
Is state was his job?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I mean, let us state with artists, that is his job.
That's the biggest job of the pope is to tell
people when they're being bad. So he dresses like a
big white blanket. Just uh, but you know what Barton
and Enhoff, who cares about those guys? San Tormal back
to pope, Like sant Torm's so Catholic. He was an
altar boy until like six weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
So this guy's so Catholic.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
His crucifix, where's a crucifix?
Speaker 14 (32:30):
I think that, uh, we probably are better off leaving
science to the scientists and focusing on what we do,
what we're what we're really good at, which is uh,
which is the which is theology and morality?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Oh yeah, no, you should leave it.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Just leave the science to the scientists.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
By the way, what do the scientists who have an
overwhelming consensus about global warming say about global warming? Even
Republican front runner, Yeah, be Booth.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Is chafing at the pope.
Speaker 10 (33:03):
I don't get economic policy from my bishops or my
cardinals or from my pope. I think religion ought to
be about making us better as people and less about
things that end up getting into the political realm.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah, religion is about making us better people. Politics is
about bringing out our worst, and I think we need
to keep those things, you know. But this is weird
because Jeb seemed very in favor of church and state,
at least dating at last week's Faith and Freedom coalition.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Our faith and our moral traditions, it is really the
moral foundation of our country, the greatest country on the
face of the earth. This conscience should also be respected
when people of faith want to take a stand for
traditional marriage.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Oh so there, it's okay. Well, perhaps maybe people would
be more for preventing global warming if we referred to
it as taking a stand for preserving traditional sea levels.
It's out of an EU of work.
Speaker 11 (34:02):
I didn't know it.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Ort As the Bible says, it is Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Cook. Look, Republicans reacting to the Pope's
honest call for environmental consciousness with hostility. It's not the
way to go. And the Pope lays down the doctrine
like this, there was only one force on earth powerful
enough to sway him.
Speaker 12 (34:24):
Exon has sent actually a senior lobbyist and another executive
over to Rome.
Speaker 15 (34:29):
Exon's been lobbing the Vatican over the Pope's climate change message.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
They've appealed to a higher authority than God, and so
in the in the words of our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Drill Baby Drill.
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime
on Paramount Blood
Speaker 14 (35:06):
Paramount Podcasts
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