September 17, 2021 • 25 mins
Scientists plan to resurrect woolly mammoths, Nicki Minaj sparks a controversy with a tweet about her cousin's friend getting swollen testicles due to vaccination, and Instagram harms teens.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. The Met Gala, It's Potty
City on LSD, and this year the looks were as
wild as ever. The MET Gala began with a bang
from the Brooklyn United Marching Band, and from there the
(00:22):
steps became a who's who of fashion, movies, and music.
The theme is celebrating American fashion, and these guests understood
the assignment. Hosts Billy Eilish and Naomi Osaka stunned in
their larger than life outfits, and Little nas X shut
down the steps with his costume changes. We asked what
did it mean to be two working class women showing
up to the Met, and so we decided that we're
(00:44):
gonna do it. Even Mayor de Blasio made his first appearance. Red, white,
and blue were the colors of the night, as was
anything sparkly, with the exception of Kim Kardashian, who came
in all black everything. Okay, I don't care what anybody says. Man,
you know you've killed the game when you can step
out covered head to toe and everyone still recognizes you. Ship.
(01:07):
I don't even recognize some of my friends when they
were wearing a mosque, but Kim Kardashian climbs up the
stairs looking like a video game character you haven't unlocked yet,
and we're all like, I know that shape. Anywhere it's Cam,
It's CAM. And there were so many amazing outfits last night.
You know, Erica Bardou came looking like an astronaut at
a funeral. Dan Levy came as an angry throw pillow.
(01:29):
Oh and this one was one of my favorites. Kevin
Hard he brought a life sized doll of Frank Ocean.
I mean, that was genius. I didn't even think that
that's not that's not the oh ship, my bad. And
this is what I love about the Medcala, right, is
that it brings America together, black, white, Republican democrat no
matter your sexual orientation. People switch on their TVs and
(01:51):
they all say what the fund are they wearing? And
don't get me wrong, I love the Metcala. I'm not
even trying to act like I hate I love the
Metcala because it's not about looking good, it's about looking different.
You know, It's the only party you can show up
to in a cardboard box with the word butthole written
on it and people will be like, oh my god, yes,
I need more of that in my life. Oh my god.
(02:12):
But if you show up in a beautiful tailor tuxedo,
everyone's like, get that corny ship out of here, bring
back that guy in the bothole box, and remember this
entire event. This entire event is a fundraiser. I saw
a lot of people talking trash, like, oh what is
this bullshit? Why are these people doing? It's a fundraiser
that makes it possible to keep admission into the Metropolitan
(02:33):
Museum of Art free for residents, and I for one
thing that's really important, you know, because you can't be
charging people money to look at arts. I mean, have
you seen arts? Arts is weird. It's like naked angel
babies and pieces of twisted metal and people looking at
that stuff going oh yes, I see, oh I see.
(02:56):
I'm not paying for that ship. But let's move on
to today's big pilit news out of California, America's left
sideburn votes in the States are being asked whether they
want to remove Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom from office after
he made some poor decisions early on in the COVID pandemic. Yeah,
because you see, apparently he shouldn't have gone on that
(03:17):
private doorknob looking tour of Napa Valley. It wasn't a
good look. But although Californians went to the polls today,
we probably won't have official results for some time, and
it turns out that the loser might not even accept
the results when we do. It is now up to
California voters whether Gavin K. Newsom remains their governor. Poll
show Newsome with a comfortable lead, but if the polls
(03:37):
are wrong, Republican Larry Elder is poised to take over.
Elder turn some heads yesterday by pushing baseless claims centering
around the recall election. As Elder was campaigning across l
a in Orange County, he urged his supporters to use
an online form to report any suspected fraud. At the
same time, the website hosting that form claimed it had
already detected fraud and the results of the election vote,
(04:00):
resulting in Gavin Newsom being reinstated as governor. The only
problem is the election isn't over yet. Donald farely changed
the game. He started calling elections rigged. That felt like
this outrageous statement, but already it's you know, it's feeling
like just the standard thing you can say these days,
you know that language has just become part of political life.
(04:23):
It's like how it used to be a huge deal
to hear people say ship or asshole, but now any asshole,
ship hit can say them all night long. And this
election feels like another tipping point because Larry Elder is
calling it rigged before it even finishes. I mean, I
don't know about you, but I think that's a risky strategy. Man.
What like, what if he wins? You know, it's gonna
(04:45):
put him in a little bit of a cul de sac,
your new governor. I would like to say that this
is some bullshit. I shouldn't be up here. Lock me up.
No matter what happens now, rule screwed man. Every single
election in America is just going to be accused of
being rigged right from the start. That's all that's gonna happen.
And it won't end there. I mean, you best believe
(05:07):
pretty soon this is going to happen with any competition.
Anyone in a race against you, Saine Bolt is going
to be like, before we start, can I just date
for the record that I would have won this if
the clock wasn't so corrupt? Okay, all right, let's go,
let's go, let's do this all And finally, news from
the world of science. There are a couple of things
that we all learned in school about prehistoric animals. Right,
the t rex skipped m day and extinct means forever.
(05:31):
But now one extinct animal might be getting a reboot,
a Jurassic Park like mission to resurrect the legendary Wooly mammoth.
The team of researchers has just been granted fifteen million
dollars to try and make that happen. They plan to
use DNA extracted from wooly mammoth remains to create a
living elephant mammoth hybrid, the beast with massive tusk vanished
(05:53):
from the planet four thousand years ago. The project, of course,
has some ethical questions. Harvard scientists say the goal is
to have the first only manmoth calves alive in four
to six years. Oh hell yeah, I'm gonna get a mammoth.
I'm gonna get a mammoth. It's gonna ruin my apartment.
I regret the decision. Are their mammoth rescue shelters? What
(06:17):
have I done? Look, I know some people are upset
about this because it isn't natural. And if the planet
is warming, why would you bring back the one animal
that wears a giant sweater. I think it's a cool thing,
you know, although I will say I will say if
these scientists want to play god, I mean, there are
easier ways to do it, you know, like this, Hey,
(06:39):
look at me, our God are not don't go fifteen
million dollars. That's right. People. If you've been on Twitter
in the last twenty four hours, or if you for
some reason have a Google alert for Trinidadian testicles, you
probably saw the story and oh baby, is there a
lot to digest here. First of all, I'm gonna say this,
(07:03):
I'm not sure that this marriage was ever gonna work out,
because when you get married, you go into it knowing
you're gonna face some obstacles someday. I mean, it's right
there in the vows. But clearly this woman in Trinidad
was like, I was okay with rich all poor sickness
and health, but you never said anything about swollen testicles.
And also, can we just talk a moment about this
(07:23):
poor guy. Think about it. He's minding his own business
with the swollen testicles in Trinidad and then because his
best friend happens to be cousins with Nicki Minaj. Now
the whole world knows that he's impotent, he got dumped,
and he's got giant testicles. He must be so mad
at his friend. But I told you I was gonna
(07:46):
tell my cousin Nicki in America. Boy, you didn't tell
me your cousin was Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. You gotta
say Nicki Minaj, I mean that poor guy. Now he's
single and swollen, and everyone's asking him if he can
hook them up with Nicki Minaj's tickets. And here's the thing.
Here's the thing. Vaccines already a very contentious issue in America,
(08:06):
right everyone is fighting about them. But when you're a
world famous artist with twenty two million followers on Twitter,
everyone is going to be weighing in. Right wing commentators
have been rushing to Nikki's defense, Yes, my Anaconda queen.
And then on the other side, liberal pundits like MSNBC's
Joy Reid Well, they called Nikki out on TV, people
(08:27):
like Nicki Minaj, I have to say this. You have
a platform, sister, that is twenty two million followers. Okay,
I have two million follers. You have twenty two million
followers on Twitter. For you to use your platform to
encourage our community to not protect themselves and save their lives.
My god, sister, you could do better than that. You
(08:47):
got that platform. It's it's a blessing. It's a blessing
that you got that that people listen to you, and
they listen to you, mother, they listen to me. For
you to use your platform to put people in the
position of dying from a disease they don't have to
die from. Oh my god, as a fan, as a
hip hop fan, as somebody was your fan, I'm so
sad you did that. I think what Joy Reid is
(09:09):
trying to say is that she's also black and she's
very disappointed. Now after hearing this, Nicki Minaj actually contacted
Joy Reid and they had a really cordial conversation and
came to an understanding based on friendship and mutual respect.
Now I'm just messing with you, man. Nikki roasted her
asso it was rough. She tweeted Joy read and called
(09:33):
her a lying coon who's being used by white people
to take down a black woman, and she even dug
up an old tweet from last year where Joy Reid
was saying that she would never trust the vaccine because
it was developed under Donald Trump. And honestly, I think
Nicky has a point here. I mean, Joy Reid was
skeptical of the vaccine just a year ago, right, just
(09:55):
a year ago, she was like, I don't trust this
vaccine and I'll never trust the vaccine. In fact, a
lot of rules were in the same position. And people
like that should probably have a little more patience for
people who haven't gotten over that hesitancy as fast as
they have. You know, you're like, yeah, I'm over it now,
I'm with the vaccine, but you also had to get there.
Have a little patience. This happens with a lot of
(10:16):
things in society. I mean, look at crocs. Look at crocs.
For years, everyone agreed that crocs were the official footwear
or failure right, and then suddenly last year everyone decided
that they were cool. Justin Bieber's wearing them, Post Malone's
wearing them. And now people like, oh, where are your crocks,
travel Why aren't you wearing crocks Traveler? You don't like
fashion guys, give me a minute, Uh, let me check
(10:36):
with Dr Fauci and Nicki Minaj was on defense all day.
All day, Nicki was fighting, swinging at everyone, not only
Joy read. At one point, Megan McCain, former co host
of The View and inventor of the phrase do you
know who my father is? Criticized. Nikki and Nicky responded
with each ship you, which I know sounds harsh, but
(10:57):
please don't forget people. Nicki Mina's as a rapper a right.
She makes dis tracks for a living. Each ship you
is basically a rappers way of saying, let's agree to disagree.
It's actually quite courteous in the rap community. And here's
the thing. Here's the thing, Like, I get why Nicki
Minaj feels attacked just for saying that she wants to
(11:18):
do her own research. I get it. But at the
same time, Nikki, let's be real in fact, not just Nikki,
everyone can. Can we all stop saying I need to
do my own research. Nobody who's saying that is getting
in the lab and doing tests. At best, you're reading
other people's research, and more likely you're probably reading a
(11:38):
tweet about a headline about a blog post about someone
else's research. No one's doing the research. I need to
do my own research. What we say when we're saying
I need to do more read more research, is that
you just want to see enough information to convince you
that your decision is correct. That's always saying, all right,
that's what you mean. I want to do more research.
And I especially don't want Nicki Minaj doing her own research.
(12:00):
I don't want to wait ten years for her next
album while she finishes up medical school. Now here's the problem.
The problem is for a lot of Nicki Minaj's followers,
millions of followers that tweets about swollen balls, that will
be their research. It will be their research. But at
the same time, I'm not saying that we should label
Nicki Minaj as an anti vaxer, all right, Like give
(12:23):
her a little bit of the benefit of the doubt.
Nicki Minaj is saying she's unsure and she can be convinced.
That's what she said. She said, I just need to
understand a little bit more. So don't be like, oh,
she's an anti vaxer, screw herd Anti vax is believe
that all vaccines are evil. They think all vaccines take
your DNA and hide it behind your liver so your
body can't find it. But if you take Nikki at
(12:43):
her word, or anyone who wants more information for that matter,
instead of crucifying them just to prove how righteous we are,
let's show them the research. Let's take them at their word,
you know. So for Nikki or anyone else out there,
the good news is that lot of actual research has
already been done on these vaccines, and that research has
(13:06):
shown that they're overwhelmingly safe and effective, and their side
effects don't come close to the damage that COVID can
do to you. It's been done, They've done the research.
But still you might be asking Trevor, what happened to
that guy in Trinidad, Huh, the guy with the testicles,
what happened to him? Look, I don't know, Okay, I
(13:28):
don't know. I think there are many reasons people might
get swollen balls, like I don't know. Maybe he sprayed
miracle grow on them, you know, Maybe his scrotton developed
are not allergy. Maybe his balls didn't actually get bigger,
but his penis just got super super tiny. It's an
optical illusion. But even if you do want to blame
(13:48):
the vaccine, Trinidad doesn't even use the same vaccines as
America think about that. Yeah, they used the Chinese vaccine sinopharm,
And I know as soon as I say China and vaccine,
people are like, oh boy, here we go. Because look,
let's be honest, China's wildly and consistent. I mean, they
make some of the most precise electronics in the world
in China, you know, like iPhones and Tesla's. China can
(14:10):
make the best of anything. But then at the same time,
China will also make a fake pair of timberlands that
somehow give you a rash on your teeth. So I
don't know if this dude's balls had anything to do
with Sino Farm the Chinese vaccine. I don't know enough
about Sino Farm. I have to do my own research.
But the fact is that right now, for Nicki Minaj
(14:31):
or anyone else in America, getting vaccinated is still the
safest and most effective way for you to keep COVID
at bay, and hey, at the very least, it's also
a great way to find out if your fiance only
loves you for your regular sized testicles. Instagram the reason
(14:52):
every wedding has its own hashtag. Now, let's face it,
scrolling Instagram can be pretty depressing. Right, the whole thing
just seeing people you will never smash, or in clothes
you'll never own, in places you'll never go. So we've
all pretty much known that Instagram is not grateful your
mental health. And I think we've known this for a while,
but it turns out that Instagram also knew this. Instagram
(15:16):
can be damaging for many teenagers mental health, most notably
teenage girls. These are the internal findings from Instagram's own
parent company, The Wall Street Journal, citing three years of
the Tech giants internal studies, including one leaked power points
line from March two thousand twenty that reads of teen
girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies,
(15:38):
Instagram made them feel worse. Another from two thousand nineteen
reads teens blame Instagram for increases in the rate of
anxiety and depression. The Wall Street Journals Jeff Horrats writing
six percent of American Team users who reported suicidal thoughts
trace the desire to kill themselves to Instagram. The research
seems to contradict what CEE Mark Zuckerberg has said publicly.
(16:02):
The research that we've seen is that using social apps
to to connect with other people can have positive mental
health benefits. Oh that's weird. The research I've seen says
that I can keep making money and there's nothing wel
adjusted about about me, about me about me at all.
But that's right. Instagram had secret data that it is
(16:24):
in fact making us crazy. You know, sort of like
how the tobacco companies always knew that cigarettes caused cancer
and they didn't say a thing. Oil companies knew about
climate change, they didn't say a thing. I won't feel
like there should be a new law that every company's
internal research has to be made public. You know. That way,
we as the public, we know the same ship that
they know. At the same time, we don't have to
wait fifty years to know what's actually in Girl Scout cookies,
(16:48):
thin Men's cause Alzheimer's. Oh man, at least I know
n what thin Man's cause Alzheimer's. Well, at least no,
I know how many cooks have I eaten. And by
the way, you want to know how I first realized
something was up, It's when I started getting targeted ads
(17:09):
for apps to calm your mind and help you unplug.
I mean, that's basically the algorithm staging and intervention. And meanwhile,
my reaction is like, damn I wish my pictures of
raindrops look that good. And even if your social media
addiction isn't making you depressed, he has another story about
how it could actually be getting you into trouble in
a totally different way. The l a p D is
(17:32):
under fire tonight after it was revealed that officers were
instructed to collect social media accounts on every civilian they stop.
According to documents obtained by the nonprofit Brennan Center for Justice,
officers have been ordered to start collecting a person's social
media handle or use your name when they file reports
(17:54):
on an incident. The practice was started in the l
a p D issued a statement saying social media handles
can be critical pieces of contact information, along with phone
numbers and email addresses. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, this is
this is a bad idea, right, No one wants to
give their social media handles. Two cops or maybe except
(18:15):
for influences, will probably start rubbing banks just to get followers.
Oh no, obviously you caught me hashtag, follow and subscribe.
And also, what exactly do you cops think you can
find on social media? Like, you're never going to crack
the case because someone posted hashtag tvt to me murdering Jeremy.
I don't know. It seems like a small thing, but
how is this even any of the cops's business? Right?
Can we not have one place in our lives where
(18:37):
cops on on top of us all the time? People
don't go on Twitter to get arrested. We go to
Twitter to get canceled. Not going on in the world
right now, But there is one story that is more
important than all of them combined. I'm talking about the
ongoing saga of Nicki Minaja's cousins friends swollen testicles. As
(19:00):
everyone on the planet has heard by now, Nicki Minaj
tweets ab out that her cousin's friend in Trinidad took
the COVID vaccine and then his balls swoll and he
became impotent. Now, people say, well stuff about the vaccine
all the time, but most people don't have tens of
millions of followers. So this tweet has caused a giant uproar,
(19:21):
so big that even Dr Fauci had to weigh in.
I wouldn't normally even ask you about this, but is
there any evidence that the fighter, the Maderna, or the
J and J vaccines cause any reproductive issues in men
or women. The answer to that, Jake is a resounding no.
There's no evidence that it happens, nor is there any
(19:44):
mechanistic reason to imagine that it would happen. Can we
just appreciate for a moment how crazy Dr Faucci's life
has become. I mean, for the first seventy eight years
of his life, he was just minding his own business,
you know, decades working in a lab, trying to fight diseases.
And now in the space of two years, he's had
(20:06):
to stop Trump from drinking bleach, convinced Americans he's not
trying to microchip them, and now he's weighing in on
some Trinidadian guys balls. I can assure you, as the
nation's top scientists that you're Nutsacked is gonna be fine.
So the story has blown up bigger than a I
don't know, a pair of trinidadi and testicles. Because what
happened next was that Nicki Minaj said that the White
(20:27):
House read her tweets and invited her to the White
House to talk about it. But then the White House said, nah,
we just said we would do a phone call to
answer Nicki Minaj's questions, we never invited her over and
that response from the White House rarely piste Nicki off.
Nicki Minaj, defending her claims she was invited to the
(20:49):
White House to discuss her concerns about the COVID nineteen
vaccine manage, took to Instagram, saying she would never lie
about the invite. Do y'all think that I would go
on the internet and lie about being invited to the
fucking White House? Like, what do you guys? See what
is happening right now? Oh? My goodness, If they assassinate
(21:14):
me and assassinate my character and make me look crazy
or stupid, guess what, no one else will ever ask
questions again? Don't you see what's happening? I'm not lying, guys.
My cousin's friend told me I was invited to the
White House. Look, I'll be honest with you. I I
can see both sides of this thing. I mean, it
(21:36):
would be kind of weird for the White House to
invite Nicki Minaj for that tweet, because usually someone gets
an invite to the White House for like winning a
gold medal or saving their entire platoon, you know, not
for tweeting about their cousin's friends scroll to him. That's
not usual. On the other hand, Nikki's story makes sense too.
Why would you lie about going to a house that's
(21:57):
not even as nice as yours? So I don't think
Nikki is lying necessarily. It was probably just a big miscommunication,
which wouldn't surprise me. Nicki Minaj in the White House
are from two completely different worlds. I mean, put on monster,
put on that track and asked Joe Biden what he
hear is harder than a Middle Eastern climate, Violet dobe matter,
(22:19):
you know what? I give up? Can somebody call calm
Alata come help me with this? But as piste off
as Nicki Minaj is at the White House, it turns
out a lot of people back in Trinidad or even
more mad at her for making their country the butt
of jokes. I'm sorry, the ball of jokes. This is
almost like what you would hear about Apollo, where somebody
(22:42):
will tell you what your cousin friend neighb x y Z.
I mean, come on, Nikki, I have eight a million followers,
people listen to you. I mean it's irresponsible on all
all fronts. One irresponsible based on the miss information that
is going on there regarding this vaccine um. You know,
(23:04):
there was no verification of this story and for them
are to expose your cousin friends flat tire in the
public dom mean like that flat? Okay, he will work
on that. You know. There the herbs and and and
and punchion so the easy man can eat and bring
back our vibes. But don't come now and talk that
(23:25):
kind of talk. Alright, alright, wait, guys, guys, can we
just all agree that from now on, impotence should only
be referred to as a flat tire because the rectile dysfunction,
it's so clinical, you know, it comes with the stigma.
I have a rectile dysfunction, but a flat tire, I
mean that sounds like something that can happen to anyone. Yeah,
(23:47):
you can pay a guy in a truck twenty dollars
to fix it for you. You You know what was crazy
is when we heard this news clip at the show,
we all thought that this guy should be the official
voice of say Alis and then this next part of
the story or it's completely true, but you're not gonna
believe me, and that's fine. But this news anchor, his
name is Jason Williams, He is actually my Trinidadian's friends cousin. Yeah,
(24:10):
cousin friend, friend cousin. So we called him and we
actually got him to redo the c Ellis ads And honestly,
I think it's a pretty big improvement. Do you or
your cousin friend have a flat tire? Well, you don't
have to tell everybody, just this thing called c ellis.
Trust me get up all the herbs and branch to
(24:33):
bring back your vibes. So ask your doctor about s ellis.
Just make sure and don't tell Nkimnach cause she go
for John blast Andy all world or not. Before we go,
please consider a donation to s BPS Disaster Response to
Hurricane Either, which recently made landfall as one of the
(24:55):
most powerful storms in Louisiana history. SPPS disaster Response teams
are on the ground and helping the hardest hit communities
in Southeast Louisiana, so if you want to help them
provide the support that people need them, please follow the
link below. What's the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth
Central on Comedy Central. In stream full episodes anytime on
(25:17):
Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central. The Met Gala, It's Potty
City on LSD, and this year the looks were as
wild as ever. The MET Gala began with a bang
from the Brooklyn United Marching Band, and from there the
(00:22):
steps became a who's who of fashion, movies, and music.
The theme is celebrating American fashion, and these guests understood
the assignment. Hosts Billy Eilish and Naomi Osaka stunned in
their larger than life outfits, and Little nas X shut
down the steps with his costume changes. We asked what
did it mean to be two working class women showing
up to the Met, and so we decided that we're
(00:44):
gonna do it. Even Mayor de Blasio made his first appearance. Red, white,
and blue were the colors of the night, as was
anything sparkly, with the exception of Kim Kardashian, who came
in all black everything. Okay, I don't care what anybody says. Man,
you know you've killed the game when you can step
out covered head to toe and everyone still recognizes you. Ship.
(01:07):
I don't even recognize some of my friends when they
were wearing a mosque, but Kim Kardashian climbs up the
stairs looking like a video game character you haven't unlocked yet,
and we're all like, I know that shape. Anywhere it's Cam,
It's CAM. And there were so many amazing outfits last night.
You know, Erica Bardou came looking like an astronaut at
a funeral. Dan Levy came as an angry throw pillow.
(01:29):
Oh and this one was one of my favorites. Kevin
Hard he brought a life sized doll of Frank Ocean.
I mean, that was genius. I didn't even think that
that's not that's not the oh ship, my bad. And
this is what I love about the Medcala, right, is
that it brings America together, black, white, Republican democrat no
matter your sexual orientation. People switch on their TVs and
(01:51):
they all say what the fund are they wearing? And
don't get me wrong, I love the Metcala. I'm not
even trying to act like I hate I love the
Metcala because it's not about looking good, it's about looking different.
You know, It's the only party you can show up
to in a cardboard box with the word butthole written
on it and people will be like, oh my god, yes,
I need more of that in my life. Oh my god.
(02:12):
But if you show up in a beautiful tailor tuxedo,
everyone's like, get that corny ship out of here, bring
back that guy in the bothole box, and remember this
entire event. This entire event is a fundraiser. I saw
a lot of people talking trash, like, oh what is
this bullshit? Why are these people doing? It's a fundraiser
that makes it possible to keep admission into the Metropolitan
(02:33):
Museum of Art free for residents, and I for one
thing that's really important, you know, because you can't be
charging people money to look at arts. I mean, have
you seen arts? Arts is weird. It's like naked angel
babies and pieces of twisted metal and people looking at
that stuff going oh yes, I see, oh I see.
(02:56):
I'm not paying for that ship. But let's move on
to today's big pilit news out of California, America's left
sideburn votes in the States are being asked whether they
want to remove Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom from office after
he made some poor decisions early on in the COVID pandemic. Yeah,
because you see, apparently he shouldn't have gone on that
(03:17):
private doorknob looking tour of Napa Valley. It wasn't a
good look. But although Californians went to the polls today,
we probably won't have official results for some time, and
it turns out that the loser might not even accept
the results when we do. It is now up to
California voters whether Gavin K. Newsom remains their governor. Poll
show Newsome with a comfortable lead, but if the polls
(03:37):
are wrong, Republican Larry Elder is poised to take over.
Elder turn some heads yesterday by pushing baseless claims centering
around the recall election. As Elder was campaigning across l
a in Orange County, he urged his supporters to use
an online form to report any suspected fraud. At the
same time, the website hosting that form claimed it had
already detected fraud and the results of the election vote,
(04:00):
resulting in Gavin Newsom being reinstated as governor. The only
problem is the election isn't over yet. Donald farely changed
the game. He started calling elections rigged. That felt like
this outrageous statement, but already it's you know, it's feeling
like just the standard thing you can say these days,
you know that language has just become part of political life.
(04:23):
It's like how it used to be a huge deal
to hear people say ship or asshole, but now any asshole,
ship hit can say them all night long. And this
election feels like another tipping point because Larry Elder is
calling it rigged before it even finishes. I mean, I
don't know about you, but I think that's a risky strategy. Man.
What like, what if he wins? You know, it's gonna
(04:45):
put him in a little bit of a cul de sac,
your new governor. I would like to say that this
is some bullshit. I shouldn't be up here. Lock me up.
No matter what happens now, rule screwed man. Every single
election in America is just going to be accused of
being rigged right from the start. That's all that's gonna happen.
And it won't end there. I mean, you best believe
(05:07):
pretty soon this is going to happen with any competition.
Anyone in a race against you, Saine Bolt is going
to be like, before we start, can I just date
for the record that I would have won this if
the clock wasn't so corrupt? Okay, all right, let's go,
let's go, let's do this all And finally, news from
the world of science. There are a couple of things
that we all learned in school about prehistoric animals. Right,
the t rex skipped m day and extinct means forever.
(05:31):
But now one extinct animal might be getting a reboot,
a Jurassic Park like mission to resurrect the legendary Wooly mammoth.
The team of researchers has just been granted fifteen million
dollars to try and make that happen. They plan to
use DNA extracted from wooly mammoth remains to create a
living elephant mammoth hybrid, the beast with massive tusk vanished
(05:53):
from the planet four thousand years ago. The project, of course,
has some ethical questions. Harvard scientists say the goal is
to have the first only manmoth calves alive in four
to six years. Oh hell yeah, I'm gonna get a mammoth.
I'm gonna get a mammoth. It's gonna ruin my apartment.
I regret the decision. Are their mammoth rescue shelters? What
(06:17):
have I done? Look, I know some people are upset
about this because it isn't natural. And if the planet
is warming, why would you bring back the one animal
that wears a giant sweater. I think it's a cool thing,
you know, although I will say I will say if
these scientists want to play god, I mean, there are
easier ways to do it, you know, like this, Hey,
(06:39):
look at me, our God are not don't go fifteen
million dollars. That's right. People. If you've been on Twitter
in the last twenty four hours, or if you for
some reason have a Google alert for Trinidadian testicles, you
probably saw the story and oh baby, is there a
lot to digest here. First of all, I'm gonna say this,
(07:03):
I'm not sure that this marriage was ever gonna work out,
because when you get married, you go into it knowing
you're gonna face some obstacles someday. I mean, it's right
there in the vows. But clearly this woman in Trinidad
was like, I was okay with rich all poor sickness
and health, but you never said anything about swollen testicles.
And also, can we just talk a moment about this
(07:23):
poor guy. Think about it. He's minding his own business
with the swollen testicles in Trinidad and then because his
best friend happens to be cousins with Nicki Minaj. Now
the whole world knows that he's impotent, he got dumped,
and he's got giant testicles. He must be so mad
at his friend. But I told you I was gonna
(07:46):
tell my cousin Nicki in America. Boy, you didn't tell
me your cousin was Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. You gotta
say Nicki Minaj, I mean that poor guy. Now he's
single and swollen, and everyone's asking him if he can
hook them up with Nicki Minaj's tickets. And here's the thing.
Here's the thing. Vaccines already a very contentious issue in America,
(08:06):
right everyone is fighting about them. But when you're a
world famous artist with twenty two million followers on Twitter,
everyone is going to be weighing in. Right wing commentators
have been rushing to Nikki's defense, Yes, my Anaconda queen.
And then on the other side, liberal pundits like MSNBC's
Joy Reid Well, they called Nikki out on TV, people
(08:27):
like Nicki Minaj, I have to say this. You have
a platform, sister, that is twenty two million followers. Okay,
I have two million follers. You have twenty two million
followers on Twitter. For you to use your platform to
encourage our community to not protect themselves and save their lives.
My god, sister, you could do better than that. You
(08:47):
got that platform. It's it's a blessing. It's a blessing
that you got that that people listen to you, and
they listen to you, mother, they listen to me. For
you to use your platform to put people in the
position of dying from a disease they don't have to
die from. Oh my god, as a fan, as a
hip hop fan, as somebody was your fan, I'm so
sad you did that. I think what Joy Reid is
(09:09):
trying to say is that she's also black and she's
very disappointed. Now after hearing this, Nicki Minaj actually contacted
Joy Reid and they had a really cordial conversation and
came to an understanding based on friendship and mutual respect.
Now I'm just messing with you, man. Nikki roasted her
asso it was rough. She tweeted Joy read and called
(09:33):
her a lying coon who's being used by white people
to take down a black woman, and she even dug
up an old tweet from last year where Joy Reid
was saying that she would never trust the vaccine because
it was developed under Donald Trump. And honestly, I think
Nicky has a point here. I mean, Joy Reid was
skeptical of the vaccine just a year ago, right, just
(09:55):
a year ago, she was like, I don't trust this
vaccine and I'll never trust the vaccine. In fact, a
lot of rules were in the same position. And people
like that should probably have a little more patience for
people who haven't gotten over that hesitancy as fast as
they have. You know, you're like, yeah, I'm over it now,
I'm with the vaccine, but you also had to get there.
Have a little patience. This happens with a lot of
(10:16):
things in society. I mean, look at crocs. Look at crocs.
For years, everyone agreed that crocs were the official footwear
or failure right, and then suddenly last year everyone decided
that they were cool. Justin Bieber's wearing them, Post Malone's
wearing them. And now people like, oh, where are your crocks,
travel Why aren't you wearing crocks Traveler? You don't like
fashion guys, give me a minute, Uh, let me check
(10:36):
with Dr Fauci and Nicki Minaj was on defense all day.
All day, Nicki was fighting, swinging at everyone, not only
Joy read. At one point, Megan McCain, former co host
of The View and inventor of the phrase do you
know who my father is? Criticized. Nikki and Nicky responded
with each ship you, which I know sounds harsh, but
(10:57):
please don't forget people. Nicki Mina's as a rapper a right.
She makes dis tracks for a living. Each ship you
is basically a rappers way of saying, let's agree to disagree.
It's actually quite courteous in the rap community. And here's
the thing. Here's the thing, Like, I get why Nicki
Minaj feels attacked just for saying that she wants to
(11:18):
do her own research. I get it. But at the
same time, Nikki, let's be real in fact, not just Nikki,
everyone can. Can we all stop saying I need to
do my own research. Nobody who's saying that is getting
in the lab and doing tests. At best, you're reading
other people's research, and more likely you're probably reading a
(11:38):
tweet about a headline about a blog post about someone
else's research. No one's doing the research. I need to
do my own research. What we say when we're saying
I need to do more read more research, is that
you just want to see enough information to convince you
that your decision is correct. That's always saying, all right,
that's what you mean. I want to do more research.
And I especially don't want Nicki Minaj doing her own research.
(12:00):
I don't want to wait ten years for her next
album while she finishes up medical school. Now here's the problem.
The problem is for a lot of Nicki Minaj's followers,
millions of followers that tweets about swollen balls, that will
be their research. It will be their research. But at
the same time, I'm not saying that we should label
Nicki Minaj as an anti vaxer, all right, Like give
(12:23):
her a little bit of the benefit of the doubt.
Nicki Minaj is saying she's unsure and she can be convinced.
That's what she said. She said, I just need to
understand a little bit more. So don't be like, oh,
she's an anti vaxer, screw herd Anti vax is believe
that all vaccines are evil. They think all vaccines take
your DNA and hide it behind your liver so your
body can't find it. But if you take Nikki at
(12:43):
her word, or anyone who wants more information for that matter,
instead of crucifying them just to prove how righteous we are,
let's show them the research. Let's take them at their word,
you know. So for Nikki or anyone else out there,
the good news is that lot of actual research has
already been done on these vaccines, and that research has
(13:06):
shown that they're overwhelmingly safe and effective, and their side
effects don't come close to the damage that COVID can
do to you. It's been done, They've done the research.
But still you might be asking Trevor, what happened to
that guy in Trinidad, Huh, the guy with the testicles,
what happened to him? Look, I don't know, Okay, I
(13:28):
don't know. I think there are many reasons people might
get swollen balls, like I don't know. Maybe he sprayed
miracle grow on them, you know, Maybe his scrotton developed
are not allergy. Maybe his balls didn't actually get bigger,
but his penis just got super super tiny. It's an
optical illusion. But even if you do want to blame
(13:48):
the vaccine, Trinidad doesn't even use the same vaccines as
America think about that. Yeah, they used the Chinese vaccine sinopharm,
And I know as soon as I say China and vaccine,
people are like, oh boy, here we go. Because look,
let's be honest, China's wildly and consistent. I mean, they
make some of the most precise electronics in the world
in China, you know, like iPhones and Tesla's. China can
(14:10):
make the best of anything. But then at the same time,
China will also make a fake pair of timberlands that
somehow give you a rash on your teeth. So I
don't know if this dude's balls had anything to do
with Sino Farm the Chinese vaccine. I don't know enough
about Sino Farm. I have to do my own research.
But the fact is that right now, for Nicki Minaj
(14:31):
or anyone else in America, getting vaccinated is still the
safest and most effective way for you to keep COVID
at bay, and hey, at the very least, it's also
a great way to find out if your fiance only
loves you for your regular sized testicles. Instagram the reason
(14:52):
every wedding has its own hashtag. Now, let's face it,
scrolling Instagram can be pretty depressing. Right, the whole thing
just seeing people you will never smash, or in clothes
you'll never own, in places you'll never go. So we've
all pretty much known that Instagram is not grateful your
mental health. And I think we've known this for a while,
but it turns out that Instagram also knew this. Instagram
(15:16):
can be damaging for many teenagers mental health, most notably
teenage girls. These are the internal findings from Instagram's own
parent company, The Wall Street Journal, citing three years of
the Tech giants internal studies, including one leaked power points
line from March two thousand twenty that reads of teen
girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies,
(15:38):
Instagram made them feel worse. Another from two thousand nineteen
reads teens blame Instagram for increases in the rate of
anxiety and depression. The Wall Street Journals Jeff Horrats writing
six percent of American Team users who reported suicidal thoughts
trace the desire to kill themselves to Instagram. The research
seems to contradict what CEE Mark Zuckerberg has said publicly.
(16:02):
The research that we've seen is that using social apps
to to connect with other people can have positive mental
health benefits. Oh that's weird. The research I've seen says
that I can keep making money and there's nothing wel
adjusted about about me, about me about me at all.
But that's right. Instagram had secret data that it is
(16:24):
in fact making us crazy. You know, sort of like
how the tobacco companies always knew that cigarettes caused cancer
and they didn't say a thing. Oil companies knew about
climate change, they didn't say a thing. I won't feel
like there should be a new law that every company's
internal research has to be made public. You know. That way,
we as the public, we know the same ship that
they know. At the same time, we don't have to
wait fifty years to know what's actually in Girl Scout cookies,
(16:48):
thin Men's cause Alzheimer's. Oh man, at least I know
n what thin Man's cause Alzheimer's. Well, at least no,
I know how many cooks have I eaten. And by
the way, you want to know how I first realized
something was up, It's when I started getting targeted ads
(17:09):
for apps to calm your mind and help you unplug.
I mean, that's basically the algorithm staging and intervention. And meanwhile,
my reaction is like, damn I wish my pictures of
raindrops look that good. And even if your social media
addiction isn't making you depressed, he has another story about
how it could actually be getting you into trouble in
a totally different way. The l a p D is
(17:32):
under fire tonight after it was revealed that officers were
instructed to collect social media accounts on every civilian they stop.
According to documents obtained by the nonprofit Brennan Center for Justice,
officers have been ordered to start collecting a person's social
media handle or use your name when they file reports
(17:54):
on an incident. The practice was started in the l
a p D issued a statement saying social media handles
can be critical pieces of contact information, along with phone
numbers and email addresses. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, this is
this is a bad idea, right, No one wants to
give their social media handles. Two cops or maybe except
(18:15):
for influences, will probably start rubbing banks just to get followers.
Oh no, obviously you caught me hashtag, follow and subscribe.
And also, what exactly do you cops think you can
find on social media? Like, you're never going to crack
the case because someone posted hashtag tvt to me murdering Jeremy.
I don't know. It seems like a small thing, but
how is this even any of the cops's business? Right?
Can we not have one place in our lives where
(18:37):
cops on on top of us all the time? People
don't go on Twitter to get arrested. We go to
Twitter to get canceled. Not going on in the world
right now, But there is one story that is more
important than all of them combined. I'm talking about the
ongoing saga of Nicki Minaja's cousins friends swollen testicles. As
(19:00):
everyone on the planet has heard by now, Nicki Minaj
tweets ab out that her cousin's friend in Trinidad took
the COVID vaccine and then his balls swoll and he
became impotent. Now, people say, well stuff about the vaccine
all the time, but most people don't have tens of
millions of followers. So this tweet has caused a giant uproar,
(19:21):
so big that even Dr Fauci had to weigh in.
I wouldn't normally even ask you about this, but is
there any evidence that the fighter, the Maderna, or the
J and J vaccines cause any reproductive issues in men
or women. The answer to that, Jake is a resounding no.
There's no evidence that it happens, nor is there any
(19:44):
mechanistic reason to imagine that it would happen. Can we
just appreciate for a moment how crazy Dr Faucci's life
has become. I mean, for the first seventy eight years
of his life, he was just minding his own business,
you know, decades working in a lab, trying to fight diseases.
And now in the space of two years, he's had
(20:06):
to stop Trump from drinking bleach, convinced Americans he's not
trying to microchip them, and now he's weighing in on
some Trinidadian guys balls. I can assure you, as the
nation's top scientists that you're Nutsacked is gonna be fine.
So the story has blown up bigger than a I
don't know, a pair of trinidadi and testicles. Because what
happened next was that Nicki Minaj said that the White
(20:27):
House read her tweets and invited her to the White
House to talk about it. But then the White House said, nah,
we just said we would do a phone call to
answer Nicki Minaj's questions, we never invited her over and
that response from the White House rarely piste Nicki off.
Nicki Minaj, defending her claims she was invited to the
(20:49):
White House to discuss her concerns about the COVID nineteen
vaccine manage, took to Instagram, saying she would never lie
about the invite. Do y'all think that I would go
on the internet and lie about being invited to the
fucking White House? Like, what do you guys? See what
is happening right now? Oh? My goodness, If they assassinate
(21:14):
me and assassinate my character and make me look crazy
or stupid, guess what, no one else will ever ask
questions again? Don't you see what's happening? I'm not lying, guys.
My cousin's friend told me I was invited to the
White House. Look, I'll be honest with you. I I
can see both sides of this thing. I mean, it
(21:36):
would be kind of weird for the White House to
invite Nicki Minaj for that tweet, because usually someone gets
an invite to the White House for like winning a
gold medal or saving their entire platoon, you know, not
for tweeting about their cousin's friends scroll to him. That's
not usual. On the other hand, Nikki's story makes sense too.
Why would you lie about going to a house that's
(21:57):
not even as nice as yours? So I don't think
Nikki is lying necessarily. It was probably just a big miscommunication,
which wouldn't surprise me. Nicki Minaj in the White House
are from two completely different worlds. I mean, put on monster,
put on that track and asked Joe Biden what he
hear is harder than a Middle Eastern climate, Violet dobe matter,
(22:19):
you know what? I give up? Can somebody call calm
Alata come help me with this? But as piste off
as Nicki Minaj is at the White House, it turns
out a lot of people back in Trinidad or even
more mad at her for making their country the butt
of jokes. I'm sorry, the ball of jokes. This is
almost like what you would hear about Apollo, where somebody
(22:42):
will tell you what your cousin friend neighb x y Z.
I mean, come on, Nikki, I have eight a million followers,
people listen to you. I mean it's irresponsible on all
all fronts. One irresponsible based on the miss information that
is going on there regarding this vaccine um. You know,
(23:04):
there was no verification of this story and for them
are to expose your cousin friends flat tire in the
public dom mean like that flat? Okay, he will work
on that. You know. There the herbs and and and
and punchion so the easy man can eat and bring
back our vibes. But don't come now and talk that
(23:25):
kind of talk. Alright, alright, wait, guys, guys, can we
just all agree that from now on, impotence should only
be referred to as a flat tire because the rectile dysfunction,
it's so clinical, you know, it comes with the stigma.
I have a rectile dysfunction, but a flat tire, I
mean that sounds like something that can happen to anyone. Yeah,
(23:47):
you can pay a guy in a truck twenty dollars
to fix it for you. You You know what was crazy
is when we heard this news clip at the show,
we all thought that this guy should be the official
voice of say Alis and then this next part of
the story or it's completely true, but you're not gonna
believe me, and that's fine. But this news anchor, his
name is Jason Williams, He is actually my Trinidadian's friends cousin. Yeah,
(24:10):
cousin friend, friend cousin. So we called him and we
actually got him to redo the c Ellis ads And honestly,
I think it's a pretty big improvement. Do you or
your cousin friend have a flat tire? Well, you don't
have to tell everybody, just this thing called c ellis.
Trust me get up all the herbs and branch to
(24:33):
bring back your vibes. So ask your doctor about s ellis.
Just make sure and don't tell Nkimnach cause she go
for John blast Andy all world or not. Before we go,
please consider a donation to s BPS Disaster Response to
Hurricane Either, which recently made landfall as one of the
(24:55):
most powerful storms in Louisiana history. SPPS disaster Response teams
are on the ground and helping the hardest hit communities
in Southeast Louisiana, so if you want to help them
provide the support that people need them, please follow the
link below. What's the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth
Central on Comedy Central. In stream full episodes anytime on
(25:17):
Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast
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