May 15, 2025 • 28 mins
Jordan Klepper covers Trump's lavish welcome in Qatar and lifting of Syrian sanctions, while RFK Jr. lands himself in muddy waters over swimming in a contaminated creek. Plus, Grace Kuhlenschmidt and Troy Iwata fight over investigating Trump’s $400 million jet vs. the sewage-tainted Rock Creek.
The Trump administration is full of corruption, bigotry, and incompetence, but there's one thing about them that Leslie Jones hates the most: They're f**king GOOFY! She breaks down how Elon's dad jokes, RFK Jr.'s sewage-swimming, and everything about JD Vance are only Making America Goofy Asses.
Colum McCann, National Book Award-winning author, sits down with Jordan to discuss his latest novel, “Twist,” which follows the people who fix the underwater cables that carry the world’s digital information at the extreme depths of the ocean. He shares what fascinated him about the concept, especially the themes of disconnection and repair, and how his global nonprofit, Narrative 4, teaches young people how to find connection through the exchange of stories.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalist
at Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's America's only sorts for news.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
This is the Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clippers.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So I'm going Clipper. We got so much to talk
about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Junior
is up Shit's Creek without a shirt on, and Leslie
Jones is gonna make jd Vance wish he stayed in Greylands.
But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his
Middle East eras tour, So let's kick things off with
(00:51):
another installment of Trump meets.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
World international humiliation, one after another.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
In indeed, now today, Trump's visit to the Middle East
brought him to Cutter. It's also acceptable to say katar. However,
key tar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument,
you synth pop coward now. Yesterday Saudi Arabia greeted Trump
with horses, and today Cutter said, oh you think that's cool.
(01:27):
How about horses and camels and mother fucking sword dancers. Yeah,
that puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow
to the uae. I bet they're sweating right now. You know,
we're just gonna give hi an edible arrangement? What the
we're gonna do?
Speaker 5 (01:47):
Who?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show.
They also offered him a four hundred million dollar luxury
jumbo jets. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy.
It's a security risk, the optics are terrible, it's it's
clearly unconstitutional. So you gotta wonder why does Trump want
it so bad?
Speaker 4 (02:08):
And you know these planes, A plane that you're on
right now is almost forty years old. And when you
land and you see Saudi Arabia, and you see UAE,
and you see Qatar, and you see all these and
they have these brand new Bowing seven forty sevens mostly
and you see ours next to it. It's much smaller,
it's much less impressive. I believe that we should have
(02:28):
the most impressive planes.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Were still talking about planes. Look, we're on the tarmac
next to each other. You know, I know you're not
supposed to just look straight ahead, but so I took
a little peek over there, a little peak over there.
Cockpit was huge. Man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing
watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances
(02:57):
and free jets, and you see he's he going to
do any actual policy stuff.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
I will be ordering the cessation of sanctions against Syria
in order to give them a chance act create this.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well, you know what, I spoke too soon. This seems
like maybe, maybe actually a good idea. You know, Syria
has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks
the new government deserves a chance to find its feet
free of US sanctions. Maybe I was wrong, Maybe I
was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just
(03:29):
think about himself.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
A Siria's new present, I'm at al Shara reportedly offered
to build a Trump tower in Damascus.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Goddamn its, goddamnit, I spoke too soon about speaking too soon,
But hey, you know what, good on ya, Syria, whatever
it takes. You know what, PBS, maybe you could learn
a lesson from this instead of whining about Trump cutting
children's programming. Have you thought of offering him a Trump
(03:58):
tower on Sesame Street could be a win win. But
let's move on. Just because Trump's out of the country
doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home.
Today at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy, Junior, Health
Secretary and Human wet Markets face some tough questions about
whether he wants his own children to be alive something
(04:22):
that might be helpful. As you've previously said, you vaccinated
your children.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
If you had a child today, would you vaccinate that
child for measles?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
For measles? Probably for measles. I you know what I
would say is my opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I
don't think people should be taking advice medical advices me.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Then what is your job?
Speaker 8 (04:51):
You know?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know what? You know what?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Call me an deists, But it'd be nice if people
could take medical advice from the health secretary. Maybe it's
actually pretty good advice to not listen to rfk's advice,
because here's how he spent his weekend.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
Robert Kennedy Junior may be Secretary of Health and Human Services,
but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming
in a sewage contaminated creek, and for sure don't take
your grandkids in there.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That creek that RFK Junior is splashing around in isn't
exactly pristine. In fact, it's a sewer runoff and is
polluted with widespread fecal contamination. Swimming and waiting are banned,
but in this photo, RFK Junior is totally submerged.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Whoa hey, hey, RFK promised us he'd find the cause
of autism. Remember, at this point, it's like RFKA Junior
is going out of his way to be gross. Just
does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting
things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact
(06:12):
that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal
part of this story. And maybe maybe if he was
just taking a fecal dip himself and we just we
let it slide. But he brought his grandkids, and as
a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping.
Usually it's just like we asked you not to give
(06:33):
the kids candy, not we asked you not to take
them swimming and E Coli tainted so we'd run off.
Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like,
kids shouldn't be at drag shows, they should be bobbing
for apples and a porter body and listen, it's not
It's not lost on me that there is a whole
(06:56):
other story here about how America just has bodies of
out in the open filled with sewage and human shit. Yes,
that is definitely something we should look into and fix.
But until we do, don't go fucking swimming in them.
For more on RFK Junior's Fiegel Dip, we go live
to Rock Creek with Troy Iwana Troy Croud. Troy, what's
(07:26):
it like down there?
Speaker 9 (07:27):
What do you What do you mean, Jordan? It's a
little river with a lot of poop in it. Okay,
it smells bad, It looks bad.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Is that a fish?
Speaker 9 (07:34):
Nope, it's poop. Why am I here? And why did
you make me stand in it? Because you're a reporter, Troy, you.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Have to get into the story to understand it, just
like we had to get into the cuttery Katari jet
story with our very own Grace Coolid Schmike, Grace, Grace, Grace,
what's what's your report?
Speaker 8 (07:57):
Well, Jordan, now that I'm here on the jet, I
can confirm with my reporting that this jet is fucking awesome.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
This just in rich people are badass and so cool.
Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting.
Speaker 9 (08:12):
How is what Grace is doing reporting?
Speaker 8 (08:15):
It's called investigationary journalism, Troy, how would I know if
they're serving champagne or prosecco if I don't drink a
bottle of each.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Grace's that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing
things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure
that what you're standing in is poop water?
Speaker 9 (08:36):
Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can
see water.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Gray. See now you're reporting. I'm proud of your sport. Grace.
Back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar
gaining access to sensitive information?
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Oh, I'll tell you what they have access to movies
that haven't even come out yet.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I just saw Shrek twelve. I don't know how that
shrips keeps getting.
Speaker 7 (09:00):
Away with it.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just
pooping water. I'm on Troy journalism.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
Remember it's not easy for me either. I took a
bubble bath, so I didn't see the first thirty minutes
of Shrek thirteen. I missed Lord Farquad's coming out story.
This justin Dragon is kind of homophobic.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Wow, Grace, so brave of you, see, Troy. At least
you don't have to deal with something like that.
Speaker 9 (09:27):
No, no, Bobby, No, don't do a cannonball. I'm too close, Bobby. No, don't, Jordan,
some of that got in my mouth thanks to the.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Both of you. Thank you, Jordan, I hate you, Gray, Juli.
Start joy right, every.
Speaker 10 (09:53):
One, and we'll come back, Leslie Jones, So don't go away.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Welcome back for the Daily Show. We all know I've
got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies
show that other people also have opinions. So here with
another installment I'm in. My opinion is our good friend
Leslie Jones?
Speaker 11 (10:37):
What about y'all?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Did you miss me?
Speaker 11 (10:40):
Because I definitely have an opinion.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
I got a problem with these Trump folks.
Speaker 12 (10:46):
It's not that, y'all.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
It's not that they're corrupt, although they are.
Speaker 12 (10:50):
It's not that they're evil, although they are. It's not
that they're women hating, racist, unqualified.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Dickhead who couldn't run a dunkin Donuts without burning it down. No,
my problem is these people are though for ass mother.
I thought I thought Reagan was bad, but at least
he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad.
Speaker 12 (11:20):
But at least he has a hilarious name.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
But what do we have now?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
JD vance R.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
F K Jr.
Speaker 11 (11:29):
And Elon Musk.
Speaker 12 (11:31):
I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these
and loser and foul.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
That's That's not how I planned to go out.
Speaker 12 (11:45):
I was gonna go out nestled peacefully between the two
Michael B.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Jordans.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
But instead we get Elon Musk, who is doing this
dumb shit.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Get away with it? And they say I wear a
lot of hats. He might have a hat.
Speaker 11 (12:15):
Cut that goofer?
Speaker 5 (12:16):
Ship out.
Speaker 12 (12:18):
This is a cabinet meeting. Have some damned respect, this
is official ship. How is this guy firing people? If
this guy gave me a pink slip, I'd give.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
His ass a black eye. Why don't you fire one
of them hats?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Bitch?
Speaker 12 (12:41):
And by the way, how you gonna be mister jokes
when you don't even know when you're hearing a joke?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
What's more challenging going to Mars or taking on Washington
joining to Mars?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
He was kidding you, golfing mother? What is wrong with you?
And how you got so many kids? Because I wouldn't
you with my intimates? And I hate that bitch. I
would rather a Turkey based hell. I'd rather park there.
Speaker 11 (13:23):
We got rfk Jr.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
Another goof and mother, don't let them muscles fool you.
He's a piece of shit, No, literally a piece of shit.
This man swims in sewage like a ninja turtle. And
they're gonna try to teach us about.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
How teed oil is one of the components surprises foods
and all the science and it's that ultra prizes foods are.
What are the principal culprit?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
What a sound like that?
Speaker 11 (14:00):
What's wrong with your voice?
Speaker 5 (14:03):
You don't sound healthy. You talk like you're on a
bad phone line. Hey God, I don't understand what you
say it And I can't believe this man is from
(14:23):
the Kennedys.
Speaker 11 (14:24):
I thought the Kennedy's had swag.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
Why we got the t moves Kennedy. I wish we
could do it like we did back in the day.
Speaker 12 (14:35):
If you was that child, you got locked in the
room on holidays because you might hurt somebody.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Instead, they put this duf in mother in charge of
my health.
Speaker 12 (14:47):
Now, I want to make sure everyone feels included because
you trump women is some do.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Too.
Speaker 13 (14:56):
Looks to me like the Supreme Court is going to
say that the parents will have the right to opt
out but that could have big national implications, not just
for Maryland but all across the country. Madam Secretary, Oh,
I'm sure sorry, specific question.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Shut up, bitch, how you going questions and answers? That's
literally what education is. That's your whole job, because schools
got a big issue right now, like students using AI
but her goof as probably can't even spell AI.
Speaker 14 (15:42):
I wish I could remember the source, but that there
is a school system that's going to start making sure
that first graders or even pre ks have a one
teaching wasn't all that long ago? That is, we're going
to have internet in our schools. Now, Okay, let's do
see a one and how and how can that be?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Hell, it's a bitch, not a A one is a steak, sauce,
shoe golf mother, and it's delicious.
Speaker 11 (16:22):
But you're not in charge of sizzler, you bitch.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
You are in charge of education.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
How you lot us?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
But this brings me to the A one goofiest mother.
Speaker 11 (16:39):
JD bitch ass.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Vans the size of that trophy next.
Speaker 6 (16:42):
To JD Vance.
Speaker 8 (16:43):
I know those are some some big young gentleman and
a big trophy, as dude, and it looks like.
Speaker 10 (16:49):
The trophy fell.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
That's unfortunate.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
No, what's unfortunate is that this golf and mother is
all vice president.
Speaker 11 (17:00):
He is such a loser.
Speaker 12 (17:02):
The trophy decapitated itself instead of being put.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
In his arms. And look what this mom did to
the Pope.
Speaker 8 (17:10):
Jd.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Vance was one of the last people to see Pope
French is alive.
Speaker 14 (17:14):
And know you've not been feeling great, but it's good
to see.
Speaker 10 (17:17):
You having a meeting within the day before he died.
Speaker 5 (17:24):
His go ass killed the power, oh beating little bitch
on face, bitch, And now we got an American pope.
And I'm gonna tell you something.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You better stayed the away from.
Speaker 11 (17:40):
Him, you angel of goofy ass death. In fact, I
even got a pope.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
In fact, I even.
Speaker 12 (17:57):
Got the Pope a fake body double so we can
protect him.
Speaker 11 (18:01):
Lenny, come on out here.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That is my friend, Lady.
Speaker 5 (18:16):
Don't he look exactly like the new Power.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I don't see the resemblance, Leslie, you look.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
Just like you.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I'll prove it.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Put up the picture, okay, do dude, pop Bob.
Speaker 11 (18:44):
I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Now, blesshe me holiness, so I can be protected from
these golfer asthma.
Speaker 8 (18:54):
Bloss me.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Bless you, my child, get out.
Speaker 9 (19:06):
Ah.
Speaker 12 (19:09):
But seriously, this is to the people who voted this
shit in. This cannot be what you mean by making
America great again. This is a circus. Other countries are
laughing at us right now. We gotta get rid of
Mecca because they're not making America great again.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
They making America golfiass but that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Let the goes, everybody, we come back, call the Mechanic
and jubatas go go.
Speaker 8 (19:59):
Back.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Daily Show. My guest tonight is the National Book Award
winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome,
Colin mccairn. We welcome, I do welcome. I'm a big fan.
(20:23):
I'm a fan of many of your books. But you
also wrote a book two Writers, and in that book
you you ask writers to not write what they know
right towards what they want to know. And this book, Twist,
is about underwater sea cables. Yes, what the hell did
you want to know about underwater sea cables?
Speaker 15 (20:44):
You mean you haven't been swimming down underneath the cables
figuring out how to chop a Marinzin.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I'm staying up top most of the time, I'm honestly
worried about UV rays coming from the sun.
Speaker 15 (20:54):
Well, you know, it's really amazing. I mean, ninety five
percent of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater, and it's
going in places that we have never visited. I was
fascinated by this because you know, the underwater have all
those you know, dips and crags and underwater canyons and
all sorts of things. And the fact that our voices
and our emojis and all the city things that we
(21:17):
do are porn and all the porn the poor traveling
at the bottom of the sea.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yes, there it is. The tips that are at the
bottom of the sea. Doesn't get talked about enough.
Speaker 15 (21:26):
They are slinking along.
Speaker 8 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah. So this this book looks at I mean, it
really looks about there's so many big themes that deal
with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the
information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile,
it's hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like what
did you notice in doing research for this, Like where
were the weaknesses?
Speaker 15 (21:49):
Well, the weaknesses are are stock And first of all,
you know, we're connected, we're all connected, but we're also
disconnected in the most extraordinary way. So I was interested
in that. But where then are the weak points in
the in the cables. Well, you have landing stations all
over the world where the cables come in from the
sea into a little bungalow like structure, and you'll recognize
(22:13):
it because it has a chain link fence around it
and a generator at the side because they need electricity.
And you can actually walk up to a lot of
these landing stations, even in New Jersey and and and
Long Island, and you can see the manhole covers in
the ground and you can lift up if you carry
you carry a you know what, one of those things
to lift.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Every now and then those things just like a steel
levered open yeah, of course, yeah, hear those all the time, okay, yes, yes,
yeah constantly. If you see me on the street around
New York, you have like a bingin turtle just getting
in there, you know, you just you take it.
Speaker 15 (22:48):
Out like this, and then you lift out the manhole
cover and you can actually see the cables coming in
to carrying all that.
Speaker 7 (22:57):
I like this.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Wait a minute there, freeport under the streets. Just reach
down and scoop it up. I'd like to imagine you,
as a writer just climbing over these fences with these
giant steel rods, trying to get this information, and people
catching you and being like, oh no, no, I'm writing
a novel, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 15 (23:15):
But you can also go out and you can dive
underwater and you can see some of these cables. You know,
we are actually, you know, we're quite vulnerable even at
deep sea, because if you take out a cable at
deep sea I'm talking like four or five six kilometers down,
if that goes out through say an underwater landslide or
an earthquake or sabotage with a grappling hook, it will
(23:38):
take up to six weeks to get it fixed, right, Yeah,
Because a boat has to go out, they have to
find that. It's an extraordinary job. So if we had
somebody trying to take out the world's internet for six weeks.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
What would that be like? By the way, my god,
the shit we would get done? Yes, exactly. You imagine
the connections. We would have the ability to talk to
one and we.
Speaker 15 (23:59):
Would talk to one another one.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I would build a relationship with my son in a
way that I never did before. We actually work together
to try to pass like a reliable bill and medicating
a part of it as well. We would have friends again.
Speaker 15 (24:12):
Maybe we should organize some sort of sabotage, some sort
of national sabotage.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
This is I love because you have some you know
WHOA Just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism,
but you say it was such a jaunty manner. I
think you can really tell some people. This book also
takes place at See. I love a good What is
it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I
feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What is it?
Speaker 15 (24:39):
The c novels are always wonderful novels because you know,
when you go out to see, you sort of lose everything,
but you always want to go back home. So you
meet these people who do go out to see, and they,
you know, investigate these cables and repair them. They're on land,
they really want a break to happen. Well, the minute
they get out to see, all they want to do
(25:00):
is fix the breaks so they can go home again.
And so this whole notion of home belonging not belonging repair.
I think repair is one of the great themes of
our times.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Well, that's interesting you say that. I think that comes
through here and we zoom out a lot of the
stuff we talk about. I think America is a pretty
pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in
that is a sense of hope. Yes, you talk to
people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing.
They're more interested in burning things down, or at least
they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is
(25:32):
that such a Why is that such a potent theme?
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Now?
Speaker 15 (25:35):
Well, I mean you talk a lot about certainty, and
I agree with you entirely. We're sort of diseased with certainty.
Everybody has to be so certain they can only go
in one direction and the others can only go in
another direction. What I am interested in is the floodplains
between those canals of certainty, because that's where all the
interesting stuff happens. That's where actually all the interesting people meet,
(25:57):
because we're so much more interesting than we have for
others to think about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You have an amazing organization, yes, Narrative four. Yes, what
is narrative for?
Speaker 15 (26:07):
Narrative four is a global nonprofit that brings young people
together to exchange stories with one another. And one of
the things we would do, for instance, believe this or not,
we could bring kids from the South Bronx together with
kids from eastern Kentucky. And one might think, in today's
America exactly that they might not be able to get on,
but through the exchange of personal stories, they they create
(26:32):
this world where they realize they're not so different to
one another. So what would happen is we would get together.
I tell you a story, you tell me a story.
I go back in and I'd say, Hi, my name
is Jordan, and I have a lovely head of hair,
And I.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Say column, and I wish I had Jordan's hair exactly.
Speaker 15 (26:50):
But you know, they tell really powerful stories that that
that sort of negotiate the distance that we supposedly have
between us. Say, for example, to so young girl in
the Bronx who wears a he jab, she's talking with
the boy from Kentucky. Well, underneath her he jab, she
might have air pods. And in those air pods she's
listened to Beyonce, and the boy down in Kentucky has
(27:10):
been listening to Beyonce's most recent album, and you not
listen exactly, Yeah, exactly, and and and people come together.
People come together in music, people come together in stories,
people come together and laughter. And I do think you're
talking about hope.
Speaker 9 (27:25):
I do think.
Speaker 15 (27:25):
I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability
of hope.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
You believe in the availability of hope. I do, whether
you can find it literature, This is a lovely book.
Twist is available now. Colin mccav say right, Quick Right.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten cents on
Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalist
at Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's America's only sorts for news.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
This is the Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clippers.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So I'm going Clipper. We got so much to talk
about tonight. Syria is getting a fresh start. RFK Junior
is up Shit's Creek without a shirt on, and Leslie
Jones is gonna make jd Vance wish he stayed in Greylands.
But first, Donald Trump is on day two of his
Middle East eras tour, So let's kick things off with
(00:51):
another installment of Trump meets.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
World international humiliation, one after another.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
In indeed, now today, Trump's visit to the Middle East
brought him to Cutter. It's also acceptable to say katar. However,
key tar is not acceptable under any circumstances. Pick an instrument,
you synth pop coward now. Yesterday Saudi Arabia greeted Trump
with horses, and today Cutter said, oh you think that's cool.
(01:27):
How about horses and camels and mother fucking sword dancers. Yeah,
that puts a lot of pressure on his trip tomorrow
to the uae. I bet they're sweating right now. You know,
we're just gonna give hi an edible arrangement? What the
we're gonna do?
Speaker 5 (01:47):
Who?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Of course, Cutter didn't just give him a sword dance show.
They also offered him a four hundred million dollar luxury
jumbo jets. Now, this plane has become a huge controversy.
It's a security risk, the optics are terrible, it's it's
clearly unconstitutional. So you gotta wonder why does Trump want
it so bad?
Speaker 4 (02:08):
And you know these planes, A plane that you're on
right now is almost forty years old. And when you
land and you see Saudi Arabia, and you see UAE,
and you see Qatar, and you see all these and
they have these brand new Bowing seven forty sevens mostly
and you see ours next to it. It's much smaller,
it's much less impressive. I believe that we should have
(02:28):
the most impressive planes.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Were still talking about planes. Look, we're on the tarmac
next to each other. You know, I know you're not
supposed to just look straight ahead, but so I took
a little peek over there, a little peak over there.
Cockpit was huge. Man. Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing
watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances
(02:57):
and free jets, and you see he's he going to
do any actual policy stuff.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
I will be ordering the cessation of sanctions against Syria
in order to give them a chance act create this.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well, you know what, I spoke too soon. This seems
like maybe, maybe actually a good idea. You know, Syria
has just thrown off decades of dictatorship, and Trump thinks
the new government deserves a chance to find its feet
free of US sanctions. Maybe I was wrong, Maybe I
was wrong about this guy. You know, he doesn't just
(03:29):
think about himself.
Speaker 6 (03:31):
A Siria's new present, I'm at al Shara reportedly offered
to build a Trump tower in Damascus.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Goddamn its, goddamnit, I spoke too soon about speaking too soon,
But hey, you know what, good on ya, Syria, whatever
it takes. You know what, PBS, maybe you could learn
a lesson from this instead of whining about Trump cutting
children's programming. Have you thought of offering him a Trump
(03:58):
tower on Sesame Street could be a win win. But
let's move on. Just because Trump's out of the country
doesn't mean his team isn't shaking things up at home.
Today at a congressional hearing, Robert F. Kennedy, Junior, Health
Secretary and Human wet Markets face some tough questions about
whether he wants his own children to be alive something
(04:22):
that might be helpful. As you've previously said, you vaccinated
your children.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
If you had a child today, would you vaccinate that
child for measles?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
For measles? Probably for measles. I you know what I
would say is my opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I
don't think people should be taking advice medical advices me.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Then what is your job?
Speaker 8 (04:51):
You know?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You know what? You know what?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Call me an deists, But it'd be nice if people
could take medical advice from the health secretary. Maybe it's
actually pretty good advice to not listen to rfk's advice,
because here's how he spent his weekend.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
Robert Kennedy Junior may be Secretary of Health and Human Services,
but if you want to stay healthy, don't go swimming
in a sewage contaminated creek, and for sure don't take
your grandkids in there.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That creek that RFK Junior is splashing around in isn't
exactly pristine. In fact, it's a sewer runoff and is
polluted with widespread fecal contamination. Swimming and waiting are banned,
but in this photo, RFK Junior is totally submerged.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Whoa hey, hey, RFK promised us he'd find the cause
of autism. Remember, at this point, it's like RFKA Junior
is going out of his way to be gross. Just
does he just go on Google Maps and search disgusting
things near me? These pictures are so wild. The fact
(06:12):
that he went swimming in jeans is the most normal
part of this story. And maybe maybe if he was
just taking a fecal dip himself and we just we
let it slide. But he brought his grandkids, and as
a parent, this is a whole new level of grandparent overstepping.
Usually it's just like we asked you not to give
(06:33):
the kids candy, not we asked you not to take
them swimming and E Coli tainted so we'd run off.
Conservatives are sending really mixed messages about protecting children. They're like,
kids shouldn't be at drag shows, they should be bobbing
for apples and a porter body and listen, it's not
It's not lost on me that there is a whole
(06:56):
other story here about how America just has bodies of
out in the open filled with sewage and human shit. Yes,
that is definitely something we should look into and fix.
But until we do, don't go fucking swimming in them.
For more on RFK Junior's Fiegel Dip, we go live
to Rock Creek with Troy Iwana Troy Croud. Troy, what's
(07:26):
it like down there?
Speaker 9 (07:27):
What do you What do you mean, Jordan? It's a
little river with a lot of poop in it. Okay,
it smells bad, It looks bad.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Is that a fish?
Speaker 9 (07:34):
Nope, it's poop. Why am I here? And why did
you make me stand in it? Because you're a reporter, Troy, you.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Have to get into the story to understand it, just
like we had to get into the cuttery Katari jet
story with our very own Grace Coolid Schmike, Grace, Grace, Grace,
what's what's your report?
Speaker 8 (07:57):
Well, Jordan, now that I'm here on the jet, I
can confirm with my reporting that this jet is fucking awesome.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
This just in rich people are badass and so cool.
Thank you, Grace. Excellent reporting.
Speaker 9 (08:12):
How is what Grace is doing reporting?
Speaker 8 (08:15):
It's called investigationary journalism, Troy, how would I know if
they're serving champagne or prosecco if I don't drink a
bottle of each.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Grace's that is a great point, Grace. Journalism's about experiencing
things firsthand. For example, Troy, how can you be sure
that what you're standing in is poop water?
Speaker 9 (08:36):
Well, Jordan, because I can see poop and I can
see water.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Gray. See now you're reporting. I'm proud of your sport. Grace.
Back to you. What can you tell us about Qatar
gaining access to sensitive information?
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Oh, I'll tell you what they have access to movies
that haven't even come out yet.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I just saw Shrek twelve. I don't know how that
shrips keeps getting.
Speaker 7 (09:00):
Away with it.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
And Troy, you see anything interesting down there? Nope, just
pooping water. I'm on Troy journalism.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
Remember it's not easy for me either. I took a
bubble bath, so I didn't see the first thirty minutes
of Shrek thirteen. I missed Lord Farquad's coming out story.
This justin Dragon is kind of homophobic.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Wow, Grace, so brave of you, see, Troy. At least
you don't have to deal with something like that.
Speaker 9 (09:27):
No, no, Bobby, No, don't do a cannonball. I'm too close, Bobby. No, don't, Jordan,
some of that got in my mouth thanks to the.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Both of you. Thank you, Jordan, I hate you, Gray, Juli.
Start joy right, every.
Speaker 10 (09:53):
One, and we'll come back, Leslie Jones, So don't go away.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Welcome back for the Daily Show. We all know I've
got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies
show that other people also have opinions. So here with
another installment I'm in. My opinion is our good friend
Leslie Jones?
Speaker 11 (10:37):
What about y'all?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Did you miss me?
Speaker 11 (10:40):
Because I definitely have an opinion.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
I got a problem with these Trump folks.
Speaker 12 (10:46):
It's not that, y'all.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
It's not that they're corrupt, although they are.
Speaker 12 (10:50):
It's not that they're evil, although they are. It's not
that they're women hating, racist, unqualified.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Dickhead who couldn't run a dunkin Donuts without burning it down. No,
my problem is these people are though for ass mother.
I thought I thought Reagan was bad, but at least
he knew how to talk. I thought Bush was bad.
Speaker 12 (11:20):
But at least he has a hilarious name.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
But what do we have now?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
JD vance R.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
F K Jr.
Speaker 11 (11:29):
And Elon Musk.
Speaker 12 (11:31):
I cannot believe America is gonna be ended by these
and loser and foul.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
That's That's not how I planned to go out.
Speaker 12 (11:45):
I was gonna go out nestled peacefully between the two
Michael B.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Jordans.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
But instead we get Elon Musk, who is doing this
dumb shit.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Get away with it? And they say I wear a
lot of hats. He might have a hat.
Speaker 11 (12:15):
Cut that goofer?
Speaker 5 (12:16):
Ship out.
Speaker 12 (12:18):
This is a cabinet meeting. Have some damned respect, this
is official ship. How is this guy firing people? If
this guy gave me a pink slip, I'd give.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
His ass a black eye. Why don't you fire one
of them hats?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Bitch?
Speaker 12 (12:41):
And by the way, how you gonna be mister jokes
when you don't even know when you're hearing a joke?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
What's more challenging going to Mars or taking on Washington
joining to Mars?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
He was kidding you, golfing mother? What is wrong with you?
And how you got so many kids? Because I wouldn't
you with my intimates? And I hate that bitch. I
would rather a Turkey based hell. I'd rather park there.
Speaker 11 (13:23):
We got rfk Jr.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
Another goof and mother, don't let them muscles fool you.
He's a piece of shit, No, literally a piece of shit.
This man swims in sewage like a ninja turtle. And
they're gonna try to teach us about.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
How teed oil is one of the components surprises foods
and all the science and it's that ultra prizes foods are.
What are the principal culprit?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
What a sound like that?
Speaker 11 (14:00):
What's wrong with your voice?
Speaker 5 (14:03):
You don't sound healthy. You talk like you're on a
bad phone line. Hey God, I don't understand what you
say it And I can't believe this man is from
(14:23):
the Kennedys.
Speaker 11 (14:24):
I thought the Kennedy's had swag.
Speaker 5 (14:26):
Why we got the t moves Kennedy. I wish we
could do it like we did back in the day.
Speaker 12 (14:35):
If you was that child, you got locked in the
room on holidays because you might hurt somebody.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Instead, they put this duf in mother in charge of
my health.
Speaker 12 (14:47):
Now, I want to make sure everyone feels included because
you trump women is some do.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Too.
Speaker 13 (14:56):
Looks to me like the Supreme Court is going to
say that the parents will have the right to opt
out but that could have big national implications, not just
for Maryland but all across the country. Madam Secretary, Oh,
I'm sure sorry, specific question.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Shut up, bitch, how you going questions and answers? That's
literally what education is. That's your whole job, because schools
got a big issue right now, like students using AI
but her goof as probably can't even spell AI.
Speaker 14 (15:42):
I wish I could remember the source, but that there
is a school system that's going to start making sure
that first graders or even pre ks have a one
teaching wasn't all that long ago? That is, we're going
to have internet in our schools. Now, Okay, let's do
see a one and how and how can that be?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Hell, it's a bitch, not a A one is a steak, sauce,
shoe golf mother, and it's delicious.
Speaker 11 (16:22):
But you're not in charge of sizzler, you bitch.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
You are in charge of education.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
How you lot us?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
But this brings me to the A one goofiest mother.
Speaker 11 (16:39):
JD bitch ass.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Vans the size of that trophy next.
Speaker 6 (16:42):
To JD Vance.
Speaker 8 (16:43):
I know those are some some big young gentleman and
a big trophy, as dude, and it looks like.
Speaker 10 (16:49):
The trophy fell.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
That's unfortunate.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
No, what's unfortunate is that this golf and mother is
all vice president.
Speaker 11 (17:00):
He is such a loser.
Speaker 12 (17:02):
The trophy decapitated itself instead of being put.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
In his arms. And look what this mom did to
the Pope.
Speaker 8 (17:10):
Jd.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Vance was one of the last people to see Pope
French is alive.
Speaker 14 (17:14):
And know you've not been feeling great, but it's good
to see.
Speaker 10 (17:17):
You having a meeting within the day before he died.
Speaker 5 (17:24):
His go ass killed the power, oh beating little bitch
on face, bitch, And now we got an American pope.
And I'm gonna tell you something.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
You better stayed the away from.
Speaker 11 (17:40):
Him, you angel of goofy ass death. In fact, I
even got a pope.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
In fact, I even.
Speaker 12 (17:57):
Got the Pope a fake body double so we can
protect him.
Speaker 11 (18:01):
Lenny, come on out here.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That is my friend, Lady.
Speaker 5 (18:16):
Don't he look exactly like the new Power.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I don't see the resemblance, Leslie, you look.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
Just like you.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I'll prove it.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Put up the picture, okay, do dude, pop Bob.
Speaker 11 (18:44):
I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Now, blesshe me holiness, so I can be protected from
these golfer asthma.
Speaker 8 (18:54):
Bloss me.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Bless you, my child, get out.
Speaker 9 (19:06):
Ah.
Speaker 12 (19:09):
But seriously, this is to the people who voted this
shit in. This cannot be what you mean by making
America great again. This is a circus. Other countries are
laughing at us right now. We gotta get rid of
Mecca because they're not making America great again.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
They making America golfiass but that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Let the goes, everybody, we come back, call the Mechanic
and jubatas go go.
Speaker 8 (19:59):
Back.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Daily Show. My guest tonight is the National Book Award
winning author whose latest novel is called Twist. Please welcome,
Colin mccairn. We welcome, I do welcome. I'm a big fan.
(20:23):
I'm a fan of many of your books. But you
also wrote a book two Writers, and in that book
you you ask writers to not write what they know
right towards what they want to know. And this book, Twist,
is about underwater sea cables. Yes, what the hell did
you want to know about underwater sea cables?
Speaker 15 (20:44):
You mean you haven't been swimming down underneath the cables
figuring out how to chop a Marinzin.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
I'm staying up top most of the time, I'm honestly
worried about UV rays coming from the sun.
Speaker 15 (20:54):
Well, you know, it's really amazing. I mean, ninety five
percent of the world's intercontinental information travels underwater, and it's
going in places that we have never visited. I was
fascinated by this because you know, the underwater have all
those you know, dips and crags and underwater canyons and
all sorts of things. And the fact that our voices
and our emojis and all the city things that we
(21:17):
do are porn and all the porn the poor traveling
at the bottom of the sea.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yes, there it is. The tips that are at the
bottom of the sea. Doesn't get talked about enough.
Speaker 15 (21:26):
They are slinking along.
Speaker 8 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah. So this this book looks at I mean, it
really looks about there's so many big themes that deal
with what's happening today, but sort of looks at the
information and the connectedness that we have that is so fragile,
it's hidden at the bottom of the sea. Like what
did you notice in doing research for this, Like where
were the weaknesses?
Speaker 15 (21:49):
Well, the weaknesses are are stock And first of all,
you know, we're connected, we're all connected, but we're also
disconnected in the most extraordinary way. So I was interested
in that. But where then are the weak points in
the in the cables. Well, you have landing stations all
over the world where the cables come in from the
sea into a little bungalow like structure, and you'll recognize
(22:13):
it because it has a chain link fence around it
and a generator at the side because they need electricity.
And you can actually walk up to a lot of
these landing stations, even in New Jersey and and and
Long Island, and you can see the manhole covers in
the ground and you can lift up if you carry
you carry a you know what, one of those things
to lift.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Every now and then those things just like a steel
levered open yeah, of course, yeah, hear those all the time, okay, yes, yes,
yeah constantly. If you see me on the street around
New York, you have like a bingin turtle just getting
in there, you know, you just you take it.
Speaker 15 (22:48):
Out like this, and then you lift out the manhole
cover and you can actually see the cables coming in
to carrying all that.
Speaker 7 (22:57):
I like this.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Wait a minute there, freeport under the streets. Just reach
down and scoop it up. I'd like to imagine you,
as a writer just climbing over these fences with these
giant steel rods, trying to get this information, and people
catching you and being like, oh no, no, I'm writing
a novel, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 15 (23:15):
But you can also go out and you can dive
underwater and you can see some of these cables. You know,
we are actually, you know, we're quite vulnerable even at
deep sea, because if you take out a cable at
deep sea I'm talking like four or five six kilometers down,
if that goes out through say an underwater landslide or
an earthquake or sabotage with a grappling hook, it will
(23:38):
take up to six weeks to get it fixed, right, Yeah,
Because a boat has to go out, they have to
find that. It's an extraordinary job. So if we had
somebody trying to take out the world's internet for six weeks.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
What would that be like? By the way, my god,
the shit we would get done? Yes, exactly. You imagine
the connections. We would have the ability to talk to
one and we.
Speaker 15 (23:59):
Would talk to one another one.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I would build a relationship with my son in a
way that I never did before. We actually work together
to try to pass like a reliable bill and medicating
a part of it as well. We would have friends again.
Speaker 15 (24:12):
Maybe we should organize some sort of sabotage, some sort
of national sabotage.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
This is I love because you have some you know
WHOA Just to be clear, you might be talking about terrorism,
but you say it was such a jaunty manner. I
think you can really tell some people. This book also
takes place at See. I love a good What is
it about the sea that writers are drawn to? I
feel like this has allusions to Conrad and Melville in it.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What is it?
Speaker 15 (24:39):
The c novels are always wonderful novels because you know,
when you go out to see, you sort of lose everything,
but you always want to go back home. So you
meet these people who do go out to see, and they,
you know, investigate these cables and repair them. They're on land,
they really want a break to happen. Well, the minute
they get out to see, all they want to do
(25:00):
is fix the breaks so they can go home again.
And so this whole notion of home belonging not belonging repair.
I think repair is one of the great themes of
our times.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Well, that's interesting you say that. I think that comes
through here and we zoom out a lot of the
stuff we talk about. I think America is a pretty
pessimistic place right now. The idea of repair embedded in
that is a sense of hope. Yes, you talk to
people nowadays, it feels like they're not interested in repairing.
They're more interested in burning things down, or at least
they've lost the hope that repair can happen. Why is
(25:32):
that such a Why is that such a potent theme?
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Now?
Speaker 15 (25:35):
Well, I mean you talk a lot about certainty, and
I agree with you entirely. We're sort of diseased with certainty.
Everybody has to be so certain they can only go
in one direction and the others can only go in
another direction. What I am interested in is the floodplains
between those canals of certainty, because that's where all the
interesting stuff happens. That's where actually all the interesting people meet,
(25:57):
because we're so much more interesting than we have for
others to think about ourselves.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You have an amazing organization, yes, Narrative four. Yes, what
is narrative for?
Speaker 15 (26:07):
Narrative four is a global nonprofit that brings young people
together to exchange stories with one another. And one of
the things we would do, for instance, believe this or not,
we could bring kids from the South Bronx together with
kids from eastern Kentucky. And one might think, in today's
America exactly that they might not be able to get on,
but through the exchange of personal stories, they they create
(26:32):
this world where they realize they're not so different to
one another. So what would happen is we would get together.
I tell you a story, you tell me a story.
I go back in and I'd say, Hi, my name
is Jordan, and I have a lovely head of hair,
And I.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Say column, and I wish I had Jordan's hair exactly.
Speaker 15 (26:50):
But you know, they tell really powerful stories that that
that sort of negotiate the distance that we supposedly have
between us. Say, for example, to so young girl in
the Bronx who wears a he jab, she's talking with
the boy from Kentucky. Well, underneath her he jab, she
might have air pods. And in those air pods she's
listened to Beyonce, and the boy down in Kentucky has
(27:10):
been listening to Beyonce's most recent album, and you not
listen exactly, Yeah, exactly, and and and people come together.
People come together in music, people come together in stories,
people come together and laughter. And I do think you're
talking about hope.
Speaker 9 (27:25):
I do think.
Speaker 15 (27:25):
I do believe, sort of maybe naively, in the availability
of hope.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
You believe in the availability of hope. I do, whether
you can find it literature, This is a lovely book.
Twist is available now. Colin mccav say right, Quick Right.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten cents on
Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Paramount Podcasts
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